1
00:00:01,521 --> 00:00:04,356
Hey, everyone, I have good news.

2
00:00:04,356 --> 00:00:06,860
Oh, the guy from One Direction
finally wrote you back?

3
00:00:07,516 --> 00:00:10,017
Not yet, no.

4
00:00:10,701 --> 00:00:12,641
Hey, is Harry Styles even legal?

5
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,155
Yeah, he's 19.

6
00:00:14,189 --> 00:00:17,225
Good, 'cause I would ride
that kid like a jet ski.

7
00:00:20,066 --> 00:00:23,268
Come on, what does Harry
Styles have that I ain't got?

8
00:00:23,388 --> 00:00:26,167
He's, uh, talented, charismatic,

9
00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:29,536
and, um, moving into my
own personal fantasy land,

10
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:33,065
he is bi-curious for husky
guys from his homeland.

11
00:00:34,163 --> 00:00:36,403
Anyway, last night,

12
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:39,513
I was kind of missing Nicki
so bad that I called her,

13
00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:41,284
and we started talking about
how there's no, you know,

14
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:42,397
TV at the bar,

15
00:00:42,411 --> 00:00:44,650
but her parents have one in the garage,

16
00:00:44,672 --> 00:00:47,888
so the next time I go to visit,
I can take it and bring it here.

17
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:49,857
Very cool, very cool. Worst phone sex ever.

18
00:00:49,891 --> 00:00:51,625
So, um, listen...

19
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,293
Why don't you just buy a TV?

20
00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:56,115
There's a lot of stuff I'd
like to get for this bar,

21
00:00:56,144 --> 00:00:57,505
but I'm barely breaking even.

22
00:00:57,513 --> 00:00:59,327
You know what they call that in Detroit?

23
00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:01,150
Rich.

24
00:01:04,062 --> 00:01:05,138
Don't tell Justin,

25
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,007
but I actually kind of dig One Direction.

26
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:09,798
I heard you from inside
the office. I'm pumped.

27
00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:13,679
♪ Baby, you light up my
world like nobody else ♪

28
00:01:13,714 --> 00:01:14,613
♪ the way that you... ♪

29
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,771
Okay, okay, get to the hair part, get
to the hair part. Do the hair part.

30
00:01:16,822 --> 00:01:20,123
♪ The way that you flip your
hair gets me overwhelmed ♪

31
00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:22,391
♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

32
00:01:22,423 --> 00:01:24,490
♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪

33
00:01:24,525 --> 00:01:26,191
Yeah, yeah. Sing that last part again.

34
00:01:26,226 --> 00:01:28,160
- Do that last part again.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

35
00:01:28,194 --> 00:01:30,195
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.

36
00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:31,580
Okay. We are going.

37
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:36,201
"Undateable," starring me.

38
00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:37,284
Well, we're both the stars.

39
00:01:37,325 --> 00:01:37,954
Oh, is that...

40
00:01:37,983 --> 00:01:39,747
is that you in the center
with the leather jacket on?

41
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:40,816
Oh, no. That's me.

42
00:01:41,964 --> 00:01:44,298
Hey, Baby Bird, we got to talk to you.

43
00:01:44,327 --> 00:01:46,171
Um, if you could have one
wish in the entire universe,

44
00:01:46,222 --> 00:01:47,101
what would it be?

45
00:01:47,115 --> 00:01:48,572
And before you answer, no, you can't wish

46
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:50,533
to be an understudy in
"The Book of Mormon."

47
00:01:52,962 --> 00:01:55,150
I'd wish for one night with Kate Upton.

48
00:01:56,255 --> 00:01:57,733
Just one night, Shell?

49
00:01:57,853 --> 00:02:00,469
After that, I wouldn't
need your damn magic.

50
00:02:02,211 --> 00:02:04,084
I got a wand of my own.

51
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:08,335
Okay, well,

52
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,816
I guess if I had one wish,

53
00:02:10,845 --> 00:02:13,216
I'd like for Nicki's boobs
to be a little smaller.

54
00:02:13,246 --> 00:02:14,299
I mean, it's not a sexual thing.

55
00:02:14,358 --> 00:02:16,385
It's just, you know, I mean,
her back hurts sometimes.

56
00:02:16,441 --> 00:02:17,907
I just want her to be comfortable.

57
00:02:18,163 --> 00:02:20,299
Obviously, my one wish would be

58
00:02:20,328 --> 00:02:22,933
that I never asked you what
your one wish would be, so...

59
00:02:23,247 --> 00:02:26,116
Look, the point is is that I
got all these guys together,

60
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:28,442
and we decided to chip in
to help pay your bar loan.

61
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,187
So meet your new investors.

62
00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:32,232
What?

63
00:02:33,024 --> 00:02:35,457
Guys, this is a lot of money. Are you sure?

64
00:02:35,457 --> 00:02:37,058
Well, you've done so much for us,

65
00:02:37,076 --> 00:02:39,829
and we all had some
money lying around, so...

66
00:02:39,864 --> 00:02:41,924
You know, I set aside 40 bucks a week

67
00:02:41,924 --> 00:02:43,314
to take out potential lady friends,

68
00:02:43,315 --> 00:02:45,125
so I had about 8 grand just sitting there.

69
00:02:45,803 --> 00:02:47,686
And I still had some money left over

70
00:02:47,714 --> 00:02:49,936
from my water-park settlement, so...

71
00:02:50,632 --> 00:02:52,543
turns out that, uh, drowning

72
00:02:52,576 --> 00:02:53,805
and being pronounced clinically dead

73
00:02:53,805 --> 00:02:56,779
for 2 1/2 minutes in a wave
pool can be very lucrative.

74
00:02:59,884 --> 00:03:01,450
Uh, you know, I just...

75
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,795
I always kind of felt
like this was our bar,

76
00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:06,122
so, you know, it's nice to...

77
00:03:06,156 --> 00:03:08,039
To have...

78
00:03:09,459 --> 00:03:11,760
Okay. Breathe... breathe in, Justin.

79
00:03:11,794 --> 00:03:13,829
Come on!

80
00:03:13,863 --> 00:03:16,123
You're either gonna start crying
or pushing out a baby soon.

81
00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,136
Either way, I don't want to
be here, so I'm gonna get home.

82
00:03:18,256 --> 00:03:20,002
Danny Burton, freeze.

83
00:03:21,238 --> 00:03:22,626
So, the way I see it, you have two options.

84
00:03:22,654 --> 00:03:26,321
One, I give you a very long,
passionate, intense hug.

85
00:03:27,236 --> 00:03:28,672
Or, two,

86
00:03:29,221 --> 00:03:32,239
you have to listen to me
while I tell you how I feel.

87
00:03:33,007 --> 00:03:34,764
All right, pour your heart out, Baby Bird.

88
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,900
But I got to tell you, if
it get too touchy-feely,

89
00:03:36,904 --> 00:03:38,276
I'm gonna cut you off right there.

90
00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:41,661
- You see, friendship...
- Okay, that's enough.

91
00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:45,114
You brought this on yourself.

92
00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:48,159
I'm sorry, but this feels
more like a threesome.

93
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,538
It feels good to help Justin.

94
00:03:57,573 --> 00:03:58,638
We should celebrate, Les.

95
00:03:58,647 --> 00:03:59,553
Maybe dinner and a movie?

96
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:00,541
You can make me dinner.

97
00:04:00,559 --> 00:04:02,224
Then we get naked and make a movie.

98
00:04:04,099 --> 00:04:05,471
Let's do this.

99
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,053
You, me in the handicapped stall right now.

100
00:04:13,063 --> 00:04:14,728
R... really?

101
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,557
No.

102
00:04:16,591 --> 00:04:18,917
But I bet you can't
follow me when I walk away.

103
00:04:23,051 --> 00:04:25,868
Hey, guys, can I ask you
two a hypothetical question?

104
00:04:25,988 --> 00:04:28,868
Say Shelly and I get invited to a party

105
00:04:28,903 --> 00:04:31,200
and, uh, we have this other friend...

106
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,267
Let's call him "Lursky."

107
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:37,143
... who tends to scare
away other single people.

108
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,278
Can we just not invite him to the party?

109
00:04:40,035 --> 00:04:41,581
That's like lying.

110
00:04:41,616 --> 00:04:43,100
You can't lie to Burski. He's your friend.

111
00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:44,383
You lie to him all the time.

112
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:45,551
Yeah, but in my defense,

113
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,253
I don't really consider him a friend.

114
00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:49,209
You know he means well.

115
00:04:49,218 --> 00:04:50,370
Yeah, but "means well"

116
00:04:50,371 --> 00:04:52,749
is getting in the way of me crushing ass.

117
00:04:53,782 --> 00:04:55,495
Hey, look, I get it, you know?

118
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,996
It's like he's the exact opposite of me.

119
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,691
He went to college and doesn't
move his mouth when he reads?

120
00:05:00,148 --> 00:05:02,417
She told me she was gonna start doing this.

121
00:05:02,417 --> 00:05:04,236
It's called the "Danny drive-by."

122
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,938
She was pissed when you broke her heart,

123
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:08,340
so now she gets to slam you,
and you never get the last word.

124
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:09,698
All right, well, that's not
gonna accomplish anything.

125
00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:11,856
Uh, exactly what Danny's
parents said about him.

126
00:05:11,902 --> 00:05:13,946
Oh, come on!

127
00:05:18,588 --> 00:05:19,677
Thanks again, guys.

128
00:05:19,704 --> 00:05:21,434
Not only did I pay off my loan,

129
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,984
but the new TV I ordered
for you is going right there.

130
00:05:24,104 --> 00:05:25,590
Well, that's great, Baby Bird,

131
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,496
'cause we are all
focused on making this bar

132
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:28,904
as awesome as it can possibly be.

133
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,630
Now, we, meaning me and the investors,

134
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,608
just had a meeting, and

135
00:05:32,645 --> 00:05:34,966
we all decided that we should
change the name of the bar.

136
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,182
Before you get mad, don't do the thing

137
00:05:37,227 --> 00:05:40,138
where you put your hands on your
hips like some disappointed mom.

138
00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:46,236
Yeah, "Black Eyes" is a bit
of a confusing name, mate.

139
00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:48,724
It sounds like "Black Guys."

140
00:05:49,447 --> 00:05:50,361
You know, there is a name

141
00:05:50,379 --> 00:05:52,181
that I've kind of been thinking about.

142
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:53,617
What about "Underdogs"?

143
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:56,389
You know, it kind of fits
us and Detroit, you know?

144
00:05:56,509 --> 00:05:57,824
Hmm.

145
00:06:02,312 --> 00:06:05,019
Well, uh, we had a
meeting just with our eyes,

146
00:06:05,037 --> 00:06:08,037
and we all decided that
"Underdogs" is a terrible name.

147
00:06:08,733 --> 00:06:12,002
Look, all right, I'm open
to suggestions, all right?

148
00:06:12,036 --> 00:06:13,909
Let's just all keep brainstorming.

149
00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:15,872
Okay. All right.

150
00:06:15,907 --> 00:06:16,873
All right.

151
00:06:17,979 --> 00:06:19,926
Careful, Justin.

152
00:06:19,935 --> 00:06:21,664
Mixing business and friends can be tricky,

153
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:22,935
especially with Danny.

154
00:06:22,944 --> 00:06:24,347
He takes over everything.

155
00:06:24,381 --> 00:06:26,249
No, he's not that bad.

156
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:28,753
He called my wedding "Danny's big day."

157
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,432
Yeah, I did see the, uh...

158
00:06:31,469 --> 00:06:33,847
the picture with him in
a white tux, which was...

159
00:06:34,658 --> 00:06:36,985
But anyway, that's not
what's happening here.

160
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,512
Beep, beep! Here we go.

161
00:06:38,540 --> 00:06:39,966
Beep, beep! Watch out, everybody!

162
00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:41,448
Move in. Hi.

163
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,765
Whoa, w... what the hell are you doing?

164
00:06:42,799 --> 00:06:44,576
It's a... a new desk for our office.

165
00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:45,683
"Our" office?

166
00:06:45,711 --> 00:06:48,949
Yep. It's my wedding all over again.

167
00:06:49,272 --> 00:06:50,439
Stay out of this.

168
00:06:50,473 --> 00:06:52,875
I still haven't forgiven
you for ruining my big day.

169
00:07:01,084 --> 00:07:02,038
Do you love it?

170
00:07:02,081 --> 00:07:03,531
If you love it, make your face all red

171
00:07:03,565 --> 00:07:05,700
and try to get the veins
popping out of your forehead.

172
00:07:07,235 --> 00:07:08,914
He loves it, bro.

173
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,865
Just trying to stay calm, you know,

174
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:15,575
'cause this bar is, uh this bar is my baby.

175
00:07:16,944 --> 00:07:18,645
And we know how protective
people are of their babies.

176
00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:19,746
Not my aunt Sophie.

177
00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:21,548
Of course, she has had nine kids now.

178
00:07:21,755 --> 00:07:22,981
Man, they shoot out of her

179
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:25,119
like they're being fired
out of a T-shirt cannon.

180
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,086
Boom!

181
00:07:29,127 --> 00:07:31,457
Is it a boy or a girl?

182
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,459
I don't know why I'm getting emotional.

183
00:07:35,195 --> 00:07:37,807
You're a very strange white woman.

184
00:07:39,366 --> 00:07:41,601
I need to go rethink my life.

185
00:07:44,304 --> 00:07:47,134
Look, man, we're just trying
to make this bar better, okay?

186
00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:49,851
Hello? Danny's office.

187
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,578
Oh, you do not answer my phone in my bar!

188
00:07:52,698 --> 00:07:56,516
Um, in his defense, you did say
you thought of it as "our" bar.

189
00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:57,644
Oh, please, Brett!

190
00:07:57,653 --> 00:07:58,832
You're not even from this country.

191
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:00,119
Stay the hell out of it.

192
00:08:02,221 --> 00:08:03,221
Hey!

193
00:08:03,256 --> 00:08:05,090
Why are you even fighting me on this?!

194
00:08:05,773 --> 00:08:07,685
Why would you want to answer the phone?!

195
00:08:07,694 --> 00:08:08,742
Why can't I do it?

196
00:08:08,862 --> 00:08:11,196
Just let me answer the phone. Relax.

197
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:12,865
Hi. Justin's office.

198
00:08:13,484 --> 00:08:15,066
Hi. Is Danny there?

199
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:23,508
Sabrina, can I get a bar towel please?

200
00:08:23,543 --> 00:08:25,200
You're sweet. Thank you.

201
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,855
Come on, why are you so upset?

202
00:08:30,596 --> 00:08:32,084
It's just I thought you guys

203
00:08:32,118 --> 00:08:33,418
would be more like silent partners.

204
00:08:33,453 --> 00:08:34,586
"Silent partners"?

205
00:08:34,620 --> 00:08:37,401
What is that, the name of
yours and Nicki's sex tape?

206
00:08:41,743 --> 00:08:45,196
Oh, no, that's "Gone in sixty seconds."

207
00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:49,676
Look, we should do some cool stuff

208
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:50,734
to get more people to the bar.

209
00:08:50,768 --> 00:08:53,770
Oh, my G... wow!

210
00:08:53,805 --> 00:08:54,938
I never thought of that!

211
00:08:54,973 --> 00:08:56,673
I never thought that we should get people

212
00:08:56,708 --> 00:08:57,975
into a bar that I own!

213
00:08:58,009 --> 00:08:58,977
Oh, my God!

214
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,145
I mean, you are such a genius!

215
00:09:01,265 --> 00:09:03,184
You look like an idiot, but oh, my God,

216
00:09:03,304 --> 00:09:05,916
you are the smartest guy I've ever seen!

217
00:09:05,950 --> 00:09:07,651
Hey, how should we solve world hunger?

218
00:09:07,685 --> 00:09:08,986
Should we give people food?

219
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,941
Okay.

220
00:09:11,623 --> 00:09:13,638
Look, just calm down, okay?

221
00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:15,339
And will you go to your happy place?

222
00:09:15,459 --> 00:09:17,031
Which, for you, I can assume

223
00:09:17,061 --> 00:09:19,029
is a giant warehouse full of free khakis.

224
00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:24,940
Why are you getting so weirded out

225
00:09:24,958 --> 00:09:26,536
that I want to help run this place?

226
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:28,304
All right, you know what, Danny?

227
00:09:28,339 --> 00:09:29,872
You're right.

228
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:31,474
I could use a breather.

229
00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:35,028
So what do you say tonight,
you run the bar, okay?

230
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,446
You can do all the "cool stuff"

231
00:09:36,464 --> 00:09:37,947
you think that can get people here.

232
00:09:37,981 --> 00:09:39,428
Okay, well, for what it's worth,

233
00:09:39,474 --> 00:09:41,074
I think that that's one
of the coolest decisions

234
00:09:41,118 --> 00:09:42,051
you've ever made.

235
00:09:43,296 --> 00:09:44,851
Right, and it's highly unlike you

236
00:09:44,870 --> 00:09:47,890
because you happen to be
a control freak, and...

237
00:09:47,924 --> 00:09:50,101
Oh, you think I can't do it.

238
00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:52,928
I know you can't do it.

239
00:09:53,503 --> 00:09:54,830
You want to know why?

240
00:09:54,865 --> 00:09:56,970
Because you hate hard work. Aww!

241
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:59,368
And you're terrible with numbers.

242
00:09:59,402 --> 00:10:00,601
Oh, I'm terrible with numbers.

243
00:10:00,637 --> 00:10:01,077
Really?

244
00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:05,274
14, 65, 2, 7, Pi... the
most delicious number.

245
00:10:07,599 --> 00:10:10,901
Okay, Danny, a girl orders two
cosmos, one with premium vodka.

246
00:10:10,913 --> 00:10:12,080
What's the sales tax?

247
00:10:12,114 --> 00:10:14,263
Uh, that depends. How hot is the girl?

248
00:10:15,947 --> 00:10:17,704
Enjoy your night.

249
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:21,926
Just can't help yourself, can you?

250
00:10:21,935 --> 00:10:23,992
You got to take over everything.

251
00:10:24,026 --> 00:10:26,895
Can you just give it up
about your wedding day, okay?

252
00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:29,134
I made it better, all right?

253
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,301
Remember how awesome your first dance was?

254
00:10:31,421 --> 00:10:34,430
I don't because you danced it!

255
00:10:35,847 --> 00:10:37,605
And F.Y.I., there is no such thing

256
00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:39,927
as a "traditional brother-solo dance."

257
00:10:40,375 --> 00:10:42,910
Oh, really? Then what's this?

258
00:10:42,944 --> 00:10:45,707
♪ Here comes the wife's brother ♪

259
00:10:45,735 --> 00:10:47,610
♪ here comes the wife's brother ♪

260
00:10:47,637 --> 00:10:49,347
♪ weddings are super boring ♪

261
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:51,506
♪ but here comes the wife's brother ♪

262
00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:57,247
Hey, you guys have fun

263
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:58,985
at that party last night without me?

264
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:00,924
What are you talking about?

265
00:11:00,933 --> 00:11:02,229
We didn't go to any party.

266
00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:04,281
Saturday's my volleyball night.

267
00:11:04,684 --> 00:11:07,556
It's when I stay home and
watch women play volleyball.

268
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,287
I saw the pictures you posted
on Instagram last night.

269
00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:14,113
#noburskiallowed.

270
00:11:15,165 --> 00:11:18,345
I think deep down, I wanted to get caught.

271
00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:21,981
Bursk, I swear it wasn't even that fun.

272
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,249
Stop lying, Brett.

273
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,570
Okay. It was the best night of my life.

274
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:28,687
You guys could have just told
me you didn't want me to come.

275
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,206
You bust my balls all the time,

276
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:31,575
but I'm the lovable one in this group.

277
00:11:31,577 --> 00:11:32,424
I'm like a puppy.

278
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,093
I'm a lovable puppy, and you kick me.

279
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,488
You're puppy kickers.

280
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,832
Leslie, we're leaving.

281
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:42,829
No?

282
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,737
Okay.

283
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,040
Wow.

284
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,619
You actually made me feel sorry for Burski.

285
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,645
Was it worth it?

286
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:57,373
I will answer that question by
showing you an Instagram picture

287
00:11:57,583 --> 00:12:01,386
of me getting a piggyback ride
from a very attractive gay man.

288
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:06,327
Brett, it's not a piggyback
ride if you're facing each other.

289
00:12:09,928 --> 00:12:12,397
#worthit!

290
00:12:18,236 --> 00:12:21,330
Hey, Baby Bird, look,
I'm gonna say something

291
00:12:21,348 --> 00:12:23,617
that's gonna make myself feel very bad,

292
00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:26,726
so I want you to try and
not be happy about it, okay?

293
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:30,580
I can't run the bar.

294
00:12:39,757 --> 00:12:42,459
Whoo!

295
00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:43,776
Okay, all right, okay.

296
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:45,057
The "whoo" is a little much.

297
00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:46,008
Look, I just I don't know

298
00:12:46,030 --> 00:12:47,531
how to get people in the bar, all right?

299
00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:48,578
There's only two people in there,

300
00:12:48,605 --> 00:12:50,618
and even that's too many for me to handle.

301
00:12:51,478 --> 00:12:52,869
Will you... please come back.

302
00:12:52,903 --> 00:12:55,238
Of course, okay?

303
00:12:55,272 --> 00:12:57,708
Justin to the rescue.

304
00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:01,544
Oh! Did I say two people?

305
00:13:01,578 --> 00:13:03,515
I meant a hundred.

306
00:13:04,448 --> 00:13:08,818
But as you know, I'm not
very good with numbers!

307
00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:15,353
It's been like three hours.

308
00:13:15,388 --> 00:13:16,921
How did you get so many people here?

309
00:13:16,955 --> 00:13:18,890
Uh, look, I don't want to overstate this,

310
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:21,326
but in many ways, I'm like
the center of the universe.

311
00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:23,762
Are those two guys kissing?

312
00:13:23,796 --> 00:13:25,764
Oh, so I turned it into a gay bar.

313
00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:31,404
Sundays only... well, Sun-gays only.

314
00:13:32,337 --> 00:13:34,038
He was actually smart.

315
00:13:34,072 --> 00:13:36,874
Diana Ross was signing
autographs at the Motown Museum.

316
00:13:36,909 --> 00:13:39,591
He went down and passed
out two-for-one drink fliers

317
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,412
to anyone wearing a tight V-neck.

318
00:13:43,121 --> 00:13:46,616
Well, we must've just missed each other.

319
00:13:48,719 --> 00:13:49,423
You know what?

320
00:13:49,543 --> 00:13:51,836
The only problem now is trying
to keep Brett focused on work.

321
00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:55,125
Free shot to any Puerto
Rican with amazing abs!

322
00:13:57,555 --> 00:13:59,577
God bless you, Danny Burton.

323
00:14:00,555 --> 00:14:02,385
How come wherever gay guys go,

324
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:04,100
attractive, single women seem to follow?

325
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,632
Well, they think they're
gonna get a night out

326
00:14:05,669 --> 00:14:06,803
without getting hit on.

327
00:14:06,838 --> 00:14:08,797
Oh, they are sorely mistaken.

328
00:14:10,864 --> 00:14:13,043
I'm just glad to see
everybody's having fun.

329
00:14:13,077 --> 00:14:14,211
Well, I'm glad you're glad,

330
00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:16,078
because the only reason
that you wouldn't be glad

331
00:14:16,112 --> 00:14:17,680
to see your bar full of paying customers

332
00:14:17,687 --> 00:14:18,848
would be if it bothered you

333
00:14:18,882 --> 00:14:20,783
that the guy who got your
friends to give you money

334
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,552
found another way to
make you even more money,

335
00:14:22,586 --> 00:14:25,988
and that's only something a very
petty person would ever feel!

336
00:14:28,525 --> 00:14:30,960
That's why I'm glad. I'm glad.

337
00:14:32,295 --> 00:14:35,340
Okay, I'm gonna go to my office.

338
00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:37,666
Our office.

339
00:14:38,302 --> 00:14:40,059
Okay.

340
00:14:41,972 --> 00:14:44,732
Thank you, Sabrina.

341
00:14:58,070 --> 00:15:00,589
What's up with all the dongs, dude?

342
00:15:01,765 --> 00:15:04,033
Actually, Danny made
Sunday nights into Sun...

343
00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,226
Oh, I'm not talking to you, Brett.

344
00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:07,128
Hey, Shelly, Psyche.

345
00:15:07,162 --> 00:15:09,137
Not talking to you either, dude.

346
00:15:09,698 --> 00:15:11,039
Leslie, nice cans.

347
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:12,595
What's going on?

348
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:15,942
I just told a hot gay guy
that I used to be a dude.

349
00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:19,774
Look, you guys, ditching
Burski last night was not cool.

350
00:15:19,808 --> 00:15:22,033
They just don't get it,
Danny. Guys like you and me...

351
00:15:22,069 --> 00:15:23,103
All right, look, I'm
gonna stop you right there

352
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:25,045
because no sentence
should ever start that way.

353
00:15:25,079 --> 00:15:26,935
Hey, you know that when you speak,

354
00:15:26,954 --> 00:15:28,326
you drive single people away, right?

355
00:15:28,353 --> 00:15:29,884
Of course.

356
00:15:29,918 --> 00:15:31,555
Okay, well, what if I told you that

357
00:15:31,586 --> 00:15:33,654
that's what makes Burski
the ultimate wingman?

358
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:36,690
I would say you're mad... simply insane!

359
00:15:38,259 --> 00:15:40,760
Hey, Bursk, you see that
bachelorette party over there?

360
00:15:40,795 --> 00:15:42,162
All right, go over there and be yourself.

361
00:15:43,398 --> 00:15:45,399
All right, look, every group has a Burski.

362
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,001
You just have to find out
how to use your Burski, okay?

363
00:15:48,036 --> 00:15:48,969
Now, see? Look.

364
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:50,103
He's in, all right?

365
00:15:50,138 --> 00:15:52,372
Now, that girl has a large chest,

366
00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:56,743
so I'm assuming that Burski will
bring up motorboating in 3, 2...

367
00:15:58,612 --> 00:15:59,712
And they explode, all right?

368
00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:01,414
But girls are like pack animals.

369
00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:03,817
After they scatter, they're
desperate to regroup,

370
00:16:03,851 --> 00:16:06,185
and they'll do that at the
furthest point from Burski,

371
00:16:06,219 --> 00:16:09,055
which happens to be now right here.

372
00:16:09,089 --> 00:16:11,457
Hey, girls. This is Shelly.

373
00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:12,758
He's like a human couch.

374
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:14,093
Make yourselves comfortable.

375
00:16:14,127 --> 00:16:16,528
Ooh! Follow me.

376
00:16:18,498 --> 00:16:20,532
Does this work for guys, too?

377
00:16:24,237 --> 00:16:26,339
You guys like butts?

378
00:16:35,548 --> 00:16:38,584
Hey, to Danny! Yay!

379
00:16:38,618 --> 00:16:39,685
Whoo-hoo!

380
00:16:39,719 --> 00:16:41,753
Look, if we're gonna keep having gay night,

381
00:16:41,788 --> 00:16:42,888
then we have to make a rule...

382
00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:44,589
no hooking up with
customers in the men's room.

383
00:16:44,623 --> 00:16:46,057
Brett...

384
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,726
He was talking to me,
and I'll do what I want.

385
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,063
You know, if we keep on
making this kind of cash,

386
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:55,400
you could give us a
healthcare plan with dental!

387
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,135
Ha ha! It's one good night.

388
00:16:57,169 --> 00:16:59,104
I'd keep flossing.

389
00:16:59,138 --> 00:17:01,238
Good night? That was
like the best night ever.

390
00:17:01,272 --> 00:17:04,375
But you have to think about
the consequences, all right?

391
00:17:04,409 --> 00:17:07,311
Mo money, mo problems.

392
00:17:07,345 --> 00:17:09,413
I can't believe that
you're seriously bummed out

393
00:17:09,447 --> 00:17:10,748
because I pulled this off.

394
00:17:10,782 --> 00:17:13,050
I'm not. I'm happy!

395
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:14,451
Y... you don't look happy.

396
00:17:14,486 --> 00:17:17,154
A lot of people look
angry when they're happy.

397
00:17:17,188 --> 00:17:19,256
Haven't you ever been to Germany?

398
00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:20,891
All right, so what?

399
00:17:20,925 --> 00:17:22,692
I "took over" the bar.

400
00:17:22,727 --> 00:17:24,161
It's still your bar.

401
00:17:24,195 --> 00:17:25,195
Great bar, Danny.

402
00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:26,397
Hey.

403
00:17:26,431 --> 00:17:29,166
No problem, Todd.

404
00:17:30,935 --> 00:17:32,436
Look, I... we made money.

405
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,404
You like making money, don't you?

406
00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:36,305
Okay, what do you want me to do?

407
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,474
You really want me to admit that for years,

408
00:17:38,509 --> 00:17:40,043
I've put my heart and soul into this place,

409
00:17:40,077 --> 00:17:41,711
and I've never had a
night even close to this?

410
00:17:41,746 --> 00:17:43,212
I suck at this!

411
00:17:43,247 --> 00:17:44,380
I'm a failure.

412
00:17:44,415 --> 00:17:47,383
I mean, do you know what that feels like?

413
00:17:47,418 --> 00:17:50,753
Have you ever failed at
anything in your life?

414
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,657
No.

415
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:05,830
Oh, good. You guys are all here.

416
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:07,298
I went to the bar looking for you.

417
00:18:07,332 --> 00:18:08,633
Side note... maybe lock the door

418
00:18:08,668 --> 00:18:10,101
next time you leave for the night.

419
00:18:10,135 --> 00:18:11,736
I found a neighborhood dog up on the bar,

420
00:18:11,771 --> 00:18:12,971
drinking from the soda gun.

421
00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:18,237
Anyway, uh, I just wanted to
apologize for freaking out.

422
00:18:18,243 --> 00:18:19,577
Well, you know what, Baby Bird?

423
00:18:19,611 --> 00:18:20,878
I'm actually glad you're here

424
00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:23,247
because I feel like I'm the
one that owes you an apology.

425
00:18:23,282 --> 00:18:26,617
Look, man, the reason why
I've never failed at anything

426
00:18:26,651 --> 00:18:28,419
is because I've never
even really tried anything.

427
00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:31,822
I mean, the only job I've ever
had was suing that water park,

428
00:18:31,856 --> 00:18:34,992
and I don't even know how
to make that a full-time gig.

429
00:18:36,828 --> 00:18:38,261
But, you know, you took your money,

430
00:18:38,296 --> 00:18:39,964
and you went all-in, and you bought a bar.

431
00:18:39,998 --> 00:18:42,543
I mean, how... how ballsy is that?

432
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,104
I just did what I always do, and I... I...

433
00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:47,905
I take someone else's
thing, and I make it my own.

434
00:18:47,939 --> 00:18:51,174
I'm gonna take that as an
apology for my wedding, as well.

435
00:18:51,209 --> 00:18:53,084
Well, you know what?
That's a different story,

436
00:18:53,112 --> 00:18:55,316
and everybody kind of
knows that, all right?

437
00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:59,149
I put the whole thing up online,
and I had people vote on it,

438
00:18:59,183 --> 00:19:00,883
and they all voted in favor of me.

439
00:19:05,605 --> 00:19:07,800
Look, I'm sorry, Baby Bird.

440
00:19:07,827 --> 00:19:09,626
How could I have been such an idiot?

441
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:12,298
You opened your mouth and words came out?

442
00:19:13,263 --> 00:19:15,297
What is she, magic?

443
00:19:17,801 --> 00:19:19,662
This whole thing started because

444
00:19:20,009 --> 00:19:21,960
we wanted to change the name of the bar.

445
00:19:22,138 --> 00:19:25,203
And it's your bar, so
you can do what you want,

446
00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:27,276
but we thought that

447
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,909
we had a suggestion, if you would take it,

448
00:19:28,954 --> 00:19:30,460
maybe name the bar after you.

449
00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,848
You want to name the bar Justin's?

450
00:19:32,882 --> 00:19:34,250
Well, no. Of course not.

451
00:19:34,284 --> 00:19:36,051
That's a terrible name for a bar.

452
00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:38,020
It sounds like an airport steakhouse.

453
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,389
Okay, what's... what's the name, then?

454
00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:54,602
Baby Bird's?

455
00:19:54,637 --> 00:19:57,372
I remember the, uh... the
first time you called me that.

456
00:20:02,678 --> 00:20:04,111
What the hell was that?

457
00:20:06,215 --> 00:20:08,115
Better put on a raincoat.

458
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:09,784
There's a cry a-brewing.

459
00:20:09,818 --> 00:20:10,951
All right, no, no, no.

460
00:20:10,986 --> 00:20:12,653
Look, look, I'm not good
with this kind of emotion.

461
00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:13,721
You can stop this, right?

462
00:20:16,158 --> 00:20:17,238
What if I hug you?

463
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,994
Will that make it better,
maybe make it go away?

464
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,728
Okay.

465
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,135
I lied!

466
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,644
Hey, girls, I'd really like
to have sex with one of you...

467
00:20:38,679 --> 00:20:40,013
Or both.

468
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,481
Why, hello, earth angels.

469
00:20:48,755 --> 00:20:50,189
You really don't mind doing that?

470
00:20:50,224 --> 00:20:51,190
Of course not.

471
00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:53,058
They're my friends. I love them.

472
00:20:53,093 --> 00:20:54,059
Aww.

473
00:20:54,094 --> 00:20:55,561
That makes you a really good friend.

474
00:20:56,146 --> 00:20:58,364
You know, one day, I'm
gonna go to a group of girls,

475
00:20:58,398 --> 00:20:59,699
say something offensive,

476
00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:02,067
and I think one special lady's gonna stay.

477
00:21:03,604 --> 00:21:05,437
I think that girl might be you.

478
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,753
You see, you and I have something

479
00:21:07,771 --> 00:21:09,407
that a lot of people... L... Leslie?

480
00:21:11,301 --> 00:21:12,745
Leslie?

481
00:21:12,746 --> 00:21:13,772
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