1
00:00:02,521 --> 00:00:05,356
Hey, everyone, I have good news.
2
00:00:05,356 --> 00:00:07,860
Oh, the guy from One Direction
finally wrote you back?
3
00:00:08,516 --> 00:00:11,017
Not yet, no.
4
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:13,641
Hey, is Harry Styles even legal?
5
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,155
Yeah, he's 19.
6
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:18,225
Good, 'cause I would ride
that kid like a jet ski.
7
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:19,960
[Imitates motor whirring]
8
00:00:21,066 --> 00:00:24,268
Come on, what does Harry
Styles have that I ain't got?
9
00:00:24,388 --> 00:00:27,167
He's, uh, talented, charismatic,
10
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:30,536
and, um, moving into my
own personal fantasy land,
11
00:00:30,571 --> 00:00:34,065
he is bi-curious for husky
guys from his homeland.
12
00:00:35,163 --> 00:00:37,403
Justin: Anyway, last night,
13
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:40,513
I was kind of missing Nicki
so bad that I called her,
14
00:00:40,547 --> 00:00:42,284
and we started talking about
how there's no, you know,
15
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,397
TV at the bar,
16
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,650
but her parents have one in the garage,
17
00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:48,888
so the next time I go to visit,
I can take it and bring it here.
18
00:00:48,922 --> 00:00:50,857
Very cool, very cool. Worst phone sex ever.
19
00:00:50,891 --> 00:00:52,625
So, um, listen...
20
00:00:53,786 --> 00:00:55,293
Why don't you just buy a TV?
21
00:00:55,344 --> 00:00:57,115
There's a lot of stuff I'd
like to get for this bar,
22
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,505
but I'm barely breaking even.
23
00:00:58,513 --> 00:01:00,327
You know what they call that in Detroit?
24
00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:02,150
Rich.
25
00:01:05,062 --> 00:01:06,138
Don't tell Justin,
26
00:01:06,152 --> 00:01:08,007
but I actually kind of dig One Direction.
27
00:01:08,942 --> 00:01:10,798
I heard you from inside
the office. I'm pumped.
28
00:01:10,918 --> 00:01:14,679
♪ Baby, you light up my
world like nobody else ♪
29
00:01:14,714 --> 00:01:15,613
♪ the way that you... ♪
30
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,771
Okay, okay, get to the hair part, get
to the hair part. Do the hair part.
31
00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:21,123
♪ The way that you flip your
hair gets me overwhelmed ♪
32
00:01:21,445 --> 00:01:23,391
♪ oh, oh, oh ♪
33
00:01:23,423 --> 00:01:25,490
♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪
34
00:01:25,525 --> 00:01:27,191
Yeah, yeah. Sing that last part again.
35
00:01:27,226 --> 00:01:29,160
- Do that last part again.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
36
00:01:29,194 --> 00:01:31,195
Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
37
00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:32,580
Justin: Okay. We are going.
38
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:37,201
- ♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh ♪
- "Undateable," starring me.
39
00:01:37,236 --> 00:01:38,284
Well, we're both the stars.
40
00:01:38,325 --> 00:01:38,954
Oh, is that...
41
00:01:38,983 --> 00:01:40,747
is that you in the center
with the leather jacket on?
42
00:01:40,776 --> 00:01:41,816
Oh, no. That's me.
43
00:01:44,664 --> 00:01:46,998
Hey, Baby Bird, we got to talk to you.
44
00:01:47,027 --> 00:01:48,871
Um, if you could have one
wish in the entire universe,
45
00:01:48,922 --> 00:01:49,801
what would it be?
46
00:01:49,815 --> 00:01:51,272
And before you answer, no, you can't wish
47
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:53,233
to be an understudy in
"The Book of Mormon."
48
00:01:55,662 --> 00:01:57,850
I'd wish for one night with Kate Upton.
49
00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:00,433
Just one night, Shell?
50
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,169
After that, I wouldn't
need your damn magic.
51
00:02:04,911 --> 00:02:06,784
I got a wand of my own.
52
00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:11,035
Okay, well,
53
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,516
I guess if I had one wish,
54
00:02:13,545 --> 00:02:15,916
I'd like for Nicki's boobs
to be a little smaller.
55
00:02:15,946 --> 00:02:16,999
I mean, it's not a sexual thing.
56
00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:19,085
It's just, you know, I mean,
her back hurts sometimes.
57
00:02:19,141 --> 00:02:20,607
I just want her to be comfortable.
58
00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:22,999
Obviously, my one wish would be
59
00:02:23,028 --> 00:02:25,633
that I never asked you what
your one wish would be, so...
60
00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:28,816
Look, the point is is that I
got all these guys together,
61
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:31,142
and we decided to chip in
to help pay your bar loan.
62
00:02:31,149 --> 00:02:32,887
So meet your new investors.
63
00:02:33,468 --> 00:02:34,932
What?
64
00:02:35,724 --> 00:02:38,157
Guys, this is a lot of money. Are you sure?
65
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:39,758
Well, you've done so much for us,
66
00:02:39,776 --> 00:02:42,529
and we all had some
money lying around, so...
67
00:02:42,564 --> 00:02:44,624
You know, I set aside 40 bucks a week
68
00:02:44,624 --> 00:02:46,014
to take out potential lady friends,
69
00:02:46,015 --> 00:02:47,825
so I had about 8 grand just sitting there.
70
00:02:48,503 --> 00:02:50,386
And I still had some money left over
71
00:02:50,414 --> 00:02:52,636
from my water-park settlement, so...
72
00:02:53,332 --> 00:02:55,243
turns out that, uh, drowning
73
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,505
and being pronounced clinically dead
74
00:02:56,505 --> 00:02:59,479
for 2 1/2 minutes in a wave
pool can be very lucrative.
75
00:03:02,584 --> 00:03:04,150
Uh, you know, I just...
76
00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,495
I always kind of felt
like this was our bar,
77
00:03:06,615 --> 00:03:08,822
so, you know, it's nice to...
78
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,739
[high-pitched voice] To have...
79
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,125
[clears throat]
80
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,460
Okay. Breathe... breathe in, Justin.
81
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,529
Come on! [Breathing heavily]
82
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,823
You're either gonna start crying
or pushing out a baby soon.
83
00:03:18,851 --> 00:03:20,836
Either way, I don't want to
be here, so I'm gonna get home.
84
00:03:20,956 --> 00:03:22,702
Danny Burton, freeze.
85
00:03:22,737 --> 00:03:23,903
[Sighs]
86
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,326
So, the way I see it, you have two options.
87
00:03:25,354 --> 00:03:29,021
One, I give you a very long,
passionate, intense hug.
88
00:03:29,936 --> 00:03:31,372
Or, two,
89
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:34,939
you have to listen to me
while I tell you how I feel.
90
00:03:35,707 --> 00:03:37,464
All right, pour your heart out, Baby Bird.
91
00:03:37,482 --> 00:03:39,600
But I got to tell you, if
it get too touchy-feely,
92
00:03:39,604 --> 00:03:40,976
I'm gonna cut you off right there.
93
00:03:42,202 --> 00:03:44,361
- You see, friendship...
- Okay, that's enough.
94
00:03:45,431 --> 00:03:47,814
- [Voice breaking] You brought this on yourself.
- Oh.
95
00:03:48,042 --> 00:03:50,859
I'm sorry, but this feels
more like a threesome.
96
00:04:00,569 --> 00:04:01,938
It feels good to help Justin.
97
00:04:01,973 --> 00:04:03,038
We should celebrate, Les.
98
00:04:03,047 --> 00:04:03,953
Maybe dinner and a movie?
99
00:04:04,073 --> 00:04:04,941
You can make me dinner.
100
00:04:04,959 --> 00:04:06,624
Then we get naked and make a movie.
101
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,871
Let's do this.
102
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:14,453
You, me in the handicapped stall right now.
103
00:04:17,463 --> 00:04:19,128
R... really?
104
00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:20,957
No.
105
00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:23,317
But I bet you can't
follow me when I walk away.
106
00:04:27,451 --> 00:04:30,268
Hey, guys, can I ask you
two a hypothetical question?
107
00:04:30,388 --> 00:04:33,268
Say Shelly and I get invited to a party
108
00:04:33,303 --> 00:04:35,600
and, uh, we have this other friend...
109
00:04:35,627 --> 00:04:37,667
Let's call him "Lursky."
110
00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:41,543
... who tends to scare
away other single people.
111
00:04:41,577 --> 00:04:43,678
Can we just not invite him to the party?
112
00:04:44,435 --> 00:04:45,981
That's like lying.
113
00:04:46,016 --> 00:04:47,500
You can't lie to Burski. He's your friend.
114
00:04:47,527 --> 00:04:48,783
You lie to him all the time.
115
00:04:48,818 --> 00:04:49,951
Yeah, but in my defense,
116
00:04:49,986 --> 00:04:51,653
I don't really consider him a friend.
117
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,609
You know he means well.
118
00:04:53,618 --> 00:04:54,770
Yeah, but "means well"
119
00:04:54,771 --> 00:04:57,149
is getting in the way of me crushing ass.
120
00:04:58,182 --> 00:04:59,895
Hey, look, I get it, you know?
121
00:04:59,929 --> 00:05:01,396
It's like he's the exact opposite of me.
122
00:05:01,430 --> 00:05:04,091
He went to college and doesn't
move his mouth when he reads?
123
00:05:04,548 --> 00:05:06,817
[Laughs] She told me she
was gonna start doing this.
124
00:05:06,817 --> 00:05:08,636
It's called the "Danny drive-by."
125
00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:10,338
She was pissed when you broke her heart,
126
00:05:10,372 --> 00:05:12,740
so now she gets to slam you,
and you never get the last word.
127
00:05:12,774 --> 00:05:14,098
All right, well, that's not
gonna accomplish anything.
128
00:05:14,107 --> 00:05:16,256
Uh, exactly what Danny's
parents said about him.
129
00:05:16,302 --> 00:05:18,346
- Oh, come on!
- [Laughter]
130
00:05:23,488 --> 00:05:24,577
Thanks again, guys.
131
00:05:24,604 --> 00:05:26,334
Not only did I pay off my loan,
132
00:05:26,454 --> 00:05:28,884
but the new TV I ordered
for you is going right there.
133
00:05:29,004 --> 00:05:30,490
Well, that's great, Baby Bird,
134
00:05:30,525 --> 00:05:32,396
'cause we are all
focused on making this bar
135
00:05:32,427 --> 00:05:33,804
as awesome as it can possibly be.
136
00:05:33,924 --> 00:05:36,530
Now, we, meaning me and the investors,
137
00:05:36,564 --> 00:05:37,508
just had a meeting, and
138
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,866
we all decided that we should
change the name of the bar.
139
00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:42,082
Before you get mad, don't do the thing
140
00:05:42,127 --> 00:05:45,038
where you put your hands on your
hips like some disappointed mom.
141
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,136
Yeah, "Black Eyes" is a bit
of a confusing name, mate.
142
00:05:51,178 --> 00:05:53,624
It sounds like "Black Guys."
143
00:05:54,347 --> 00:05:55,261
You know, there is a name
144
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,081
that I've kind of been thinking about.
145
00:05:57,109 --> 00:05:58,517
What about "Underdogs"?
146
00:05:58,554 --> 00:06:01,289
You know, it kind of fits
us and Detroit, you know?
147
00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:02,724
Hmm.
148
00:06:07,212 --> 00:06:09,919
Well, uh, we had a
meeting just with our eyes,
149
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,937
and we all decided that
"Underdogs" is a terrible name.
150
00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:16,902
Look, all right, I'm open
to suggestions, all right?
151
00:06:16,936 --> 00:06:18,809
Let's just all keep brainstorming.
152
00:06:18,929 --> 00:06:20,772
Okay. All right.
153
00:06:20,807 --> 00:06:21,773
All right.
154
00:06:22,879 --> 00:06:24,826
Leslie: Careful, Justin.
155
00:06:24,835 --> 00:06:26,564
Mixing business and friends can be tricky,
156
00:06:26,601 --> 00:06:27,835
especially with Danny.
157
00:06:27,844 --> 00:06:29,247
He takes over everything.
158
00:06:29,281 --> 00:06:31,149
No, he's not that bad.
159
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:33,653
He called my wedding "Danny's big day."
160
00:06:34,820 --> 00:06:36,332
Yeah, I did see the, uh...
161
00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:38,747
the picture with him in
a white tux, which was...
162
00:06:39,558 --> 00:06:41,885
But anyway, that's not
what's happening here.
163
00:06:42,005 --> 00:06:43,412
Beep, beep! Here we go.
164
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,866
Beep, beep! Watch out, everybody!
165
00:06:44,894 --> 00:06:46,348
Move in. Hi.
166
00:06:46,468 --> 00:06:47,665
Whoa, w... what the hell are you doing?
167
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,476
It's a... a new desk for our office.
168
00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:50,583
"Our" office?
169
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,849
Yep. It's my wedding all over again.
170
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:55,339
Stay out of this.
171
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,775
I still haven't forgiven
you for ruining my big day.
172
00:07:07,684 --> 00:07:08,638
Danny: Do you love it?
173
00:07:08,681 --> 00:07:10,131
If you love it, make your face all red
174
00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:12,300
and try to get the veins
popping out of your forehead.
175
00:07:13,835 --> 00:07:15,514
He loves it, bro.
176
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:19,465
Just trying to stay calm, you know,
177
00:07:19,585 --> 00:07:22,175
'cause this bar is, uh this bar is my baby.
178
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:23,510
[Laughs]
179
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,245
And we know how protective
people are of their babies.
180
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,346
Not my aunt Sophie.
181
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,148
Of course, she has had nine kids now.
182
00:07:28,355 --> 00:07:29,581
Man, they shoot out of her
183
00:07:29,608 --> 00:07:31,719
like they're being fired
out of a T-shirt cannon.
184
00:07:31,753 --> 00:07:32,686
Boom!
185
00:07:32,721 --> 00:07:35,088
[Imitates object plummeting]
186
00:07:35,727 --> 00:07:38,057
Is it a boy or a girl?
187
00:07:38,092 --> 00:07:40,059
[Voice breaking] I don't know
why I'm getting emotional.
188
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,407
You're a very strange white woman.
189
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,201
I need to go rethink my life.
190
00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:50,870
[Door closes]
191
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,734
Look, man, we're just trying
to make this bar better, okay?
192
00:07:53,854 --> 00:07:55,170
[Telephone rings]
193
00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,451
Hello? Danny's office.
194
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,178
Oh, you do not answer my phone in my bar!
195
00:07:59,298 --> 00:08:03,116
Um, in his defense, you did say
you thought of it as "our" bar.
196
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,244
Oh, please, Brett!
197
00:08:04,253 --> 00:08:05,432
You're not even from this country.
198
00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:06,719
Stay the hell out of it.
199
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:08,787
[Telephone rings]
200
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:09,821
Hey!
201
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,690
Why are you even fighting me on this?!
202
00:08:12,373 --> 00:08:14,285
Why would you want to answer the phone?!
203
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,342
Why can't I do it?
204
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,796
Just let me answer the phone. Relax.
205
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,465
Hi. Justin's office.
206
00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,666
Hi. Is Danny there?
207
00:08:27,766 --> 00:08:30,108
Sabrina, can I get a bar towel please?
208
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,800
You're sweet. Thank you.
209
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,214
[Muffled screaming]
210
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:37,455
Come on, why are you so upset?
211
00:08:38,196 --> 00:08:39,684
It's just I thought you guys
212
00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:41,018
would be more like silent partners.
213
00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:42,186
"Silent partners"?
214
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:45,001
What is that, the name of
yours and Nicki's sex tape?
215
00:08:49,343 --> 00:08:52,796
Oh, no, that's "Gone in sixty seconds."
216
00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:57,276
Look, we should do some cool stuff
217
00:08:57,276 --> 00:08:58,334
to get more people to the bar.
218
00:08:58,368 --> 00:09:01,370
Oh, my G... wow!
219
00:09:01,405 --> 00:09:02,538
I never thought of that!
220
00:09:02,573 --> 00:09:04,273
I never thought that we should get people
221
00:09:04,308 --> 00:09:05,575
into a bar that I own!
222
00:09:05,609 --> 00:09:06,577
Oh, my God!
223
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,745
I mean, you are such a genius!
224
00:09:08,865 --> 00:09:10,784
You look like an idiot, but oh, my God,
225
00:09:10,904 --> 00:09:13,516
you are the smartest guy I've ever seen!
226
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:15,251
Hey, how should we solve world hunger?
227
00:09:15,285 --> 00:09:16,586
Should we give people food?
228
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,241
Okay.
229
00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:21,938
Look, just calm down, okay?
230
00:09:21,966 --> 00:09:23,639
And will you go to your happy place?
231
00:09:23,759 --> 00:09:25,331
Which, for you, I can assume
232
00:09:25,361 --> 00:09:27,329
is a giant warehouse full of free khakis.
233
00:09:31,392 --> 00:09:33,240
Why are you getting so weirded out
234
00:09:33,258 --> 00:09:34,836
that I want to help run this place?
235
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:36,604
All right, you know what, Danny?
236
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,172
You're right. [Sighs]
237
00:09:38,206 --> 00:09:39,774
I could use a breather.
238
00:09:40,191 --> 00:09:43,328
So what do you say tonight,
you run the bar, okay?
239
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,746
You can do all the "cool stuff"
240
00:09:44,764 --> 00:09:46,247
you think that can get people here.
241
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:47,728
Okay, well, for what it's worth,
242
00:09:47,774 --> 00:09:49,374
I think that that's one
of the coolest decisions
243
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:50,351
you've ever made.
244
00:09:51,596 --> 00:09:53,151
Right, and it's highly unlike you
245
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:56,190
because you happen to be
a control freak, and...
246
00:09:56,224 --> 00:09:58,401
Oh, you think I can't do it.
247
00:09:59,227 --> 00:10:01,228
I know you can't do it.
248
00:10:01,803 --> 00:10:03,130
You want to know why?
249
00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:05,270
Because you hate hard work. Aww!
250
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:07,668
And you're terrible with numbers.
251
00:10:07,702 --> 00:10:08,901
Oh, I'm terrible with numbers.
252
00:10:08,937 --> 00:10:09,377
Really?
253
00:10:09,414 --> 00:10:13,574
14, 65, 2, 7, Pi... the
most delicious number.
254
00:10:15,899 --> 00:10:19,201
Okay, Danny, a girl orders two
cosmos, one with premium vodka.
255
00:10:19,213 --> 00:10:20,380
What's the sales tax?
256
00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:22,563
Uh, that depends. How hot is the girl?
257
00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:26,004
Enjoy your night.
258
00:10:28,055 --> 00:10:30,226
Just can't help yourself, can you?
259
00:10:30,235 --> 00:10:32,292
You got to take over everything.
260
00:10:32,326 --> 00:10:35,195
Can you just give it up
about your wedding day, okay?
261
00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:37,434
I made it better, all right?
262
00:10:37,662 --> 00:10:39,601
Remember how awesome your first dance was?
263
00:10:39,721 --> 00:10:42,730
I don't because you danced it!
264
00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:45,905
And F.Y.I., there is no such thing
265
00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:48,227
as a "traditional brother-solo dance."
266
00:10:48,675 --> 00:10:51,210
Oh, really? Then what's this?
267
00:10:51,244 --> 00:10:54,007
♪ Here comes the wife's brother ♪
268
00:10:54,035 --> 00:10:55,910
♪ here comes the wife's brother ♪
269
00:10:55,937 --> 00:10:57,647
♪ weddings are super boring ♪
270
00:10:57,683 --> 00:10:59,806
♪ but here comes the wife's brother ♪
271
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,247
Hey, you guys have fun
272
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,985
at that party last night without me?
273
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,924
What are you talking about?
274
00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:12,229
We didn't go to any party.
275
00:11:12,263 --> 00:11:14,281
Saturday's my volleyball night.
276
00:11:14,684 --> 00:11:17,556
It's when I stay home and
watch women play volleyball.
277
00:11:18,502 --> 00:11:21,287
I saw the pictures you posted
on Instagram last night.
278
00:11:22,373 --> 00:11:24,113
#noburskiallowed.
279
00:11:25,165 --> 00:11:28,345
I think deep down, I wanted to get caught.
280
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:31,981
Bursk, I swear it wasn't even that fun.
281
00:11:32,015 --> 00:11:33,249
Stop lying, Brett.
282
00:11:33,283 --> 00:11:35,570
Okay. It was the best night of my life.
283
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,687
You guys could have just told
me you didn't want me to come.
284
00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:40,206
You bust my balls all the time,
285
00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:41,575
but I'm the lovable one in this group.
286
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:42,424
I'm like a puppy.
287
00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:44,093
I'm a lovable puppy, and you kick me.
288
00:11:46,028 --> 00:11:47,488
You're puppy kickers.
289
00:11:49,432 --> 00:11:50,832
Leslie, we're leaving.
290
00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:52,829
No?
291
00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:54,737
Okay.
292
00:11:57,607 --> 00:11:59,040
Leslie: Wow.
293
00:11:59,075 --> 00:12:01,619
You actually made me feel sorry for Burski.
294
00:12:02,278 --> 00:12:03,645
Was it worth it?
295
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,373
I will answer that question by
showing you an Instagram picture
296
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:11,386
of me getting a piggyback ride
from a very attractive gay man.
297
00:12:13,422 --> 00:12:16,327
Brett, it's not a piggyback
ride if you're facing each other.
298
00:12:19,928 --> 00:12:22,397
#worthit!
299
00:12:29,236 --> 00:12:32,330
Hey, Baby Bird, look,
I'm gonna say something
300
00:12:32,348 --> 00:12:34,617
that's gonna make myself feel very bad,
301
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:37,726
so I want you to try and
not be happy about it, okay?
302
00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:41,580
I can't run the bar.
303
00:12:45,652 --> 00:12:49,307
[Laughing]
304
00:12:50,757 --> 00:12:53,459
Whoo! [Laughs]
305
00:12:53,493 --> 00:12:54,776
Okay, all right, okay.
306
00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:56,057
The "whoo" is a little much.
307
00:12:56,057 --> 00:12:57,008
Look, I just I don't know
308
00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:58,531
how to get people in the bar, all right?
309
00:12:58,565 --> 00:12:59,578
There's only two people in there,
310
00:12:59,605 --> 00:13:01,618
and even that's too many for me to handle.
311
00:13:02,478 --> 00:13:03,869
Will you... please come back.
312
00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:06,238
Of course, okay?
313
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:08,708
Justin to the rescue.
314
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,544
Oh! Did I say two people?
315
00:13:12,578 --> 00:13:14,515
I meant a hundred.
316
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:19,818
But as you know, I'm not
very good with numbers!
317
00:13:25,143 --> 00:13:26,853
It's been like three hours.
318
00:13:26,888 --> 00:13:28,421
How did you get so many people here?
319
00:13:28,455 --> 00:13:30,390
Uh, look, I don't want to overstate this,
320
00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:32,826
but in many ways, I'm like
the center of the universe.
321
00:13:34,128 --> 00:13:35,262
Are those two guys kissing?
322
00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:37,264
Oh, so I turned it into a gay bar.
323
00:13:39,366 --> 00:13:42,904
Sundays only... well, Sun-gays only.
324
00:13:43,837 --> 00:13:45,538
He was actually smart.
325
00:13:45,572 --> 00:13:48,374
Diana Ross was signing
autographs at the Motown Museum.
326
00:13:48,409 --> 00:13:51,091
He went down and passed
out two-for-one drink fliers
327
00:13:51,111 --> 00:13:52,912
to anyone wearing a tight V-neck.
328
00:13:54,621 --> 00:13:58,116
Well, we must've just missed each other.
329
00:14:00,219 --> 00:14:00,923
You know what?
330
00:14:01,043 --> 00:14:03,336
The only problem now is trying
to keep Brett focused on work.
331
00:14:03,339 --> 00:14:06,625
Free shot to any Puerto
Rican with amazing abs!
332
00:14:09,055 --> 00:14:11,077
God bless you, Danny Burton.
333
00:14:13,055 --> 00:14:14,885
How come wherever gay guys go,
334
00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:16,600
attractive, single women seem to follow?
335
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:18,132
Well, they think they're
gonna get a night out
336
00:14:18,169 --> 00:14:19,303
without getting hit on.
337
00:14:19,338 --> 00:14:21,297
Oh, they are sorely mistaken.
338
00:14:23,364 --> 00:14:25,543
I'm just glad to see
everybody's having fun.
339
00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:26,711
Well, I'm glad you're glad,
340
00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:28,578
because the only reason
that you wouldn't be glad
341
00:14:28,612 --> 00:14:30,180
to see your bar full of paying customers
342
00:14:30,187 --> 00:14:31,348
would be if it bothered you
343
00:14:31,382 --> 00:14:33,283
that the guy who got your
friends to give you money
344
00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:35,052
found another way to
make you even more money,
345
00:14:35,086 --> 00:14:38,488
and that's only something a very
petty person would ever feel!
346
00:14:41,025 --> 00:14:43,460
That's why I'm glad. I'm glad.
347
00:14:43,494 --> 00:14:44,761
[Laughs]
348
00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:47,840
Okay, I'm gonna go to my office.
349
00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:50,166
Our office.
350
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,559
Okay.
351
00:14:54,472 --> 00:14:57,232
Thank you, Sabrina.
352
00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:02,178
[Muffled scream]
353
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:14,089
What's up with all the dongs, dude?
354
00:15:15,265 --> 00:15:17,533
Actually, Danny made
Sunday nights into Sun...
355
00:15:17,552 --> 00:15:18,726
Oh, I'm not talking to you, Brett.
356
00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,628
Hey, Shelly, Psyche.
357
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:22,637
Not talking to you either, dude.
358
00:15:23,198 --> 00:15:24,539
Leslie, nice cans.
359
00:15:24,659 --> 00:15:26,095
What's going on?
360
00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:29,442
I just told a hot gay guy
that I used to be a dude.
361
00:15:30,823 --> 00:15:33,274
Look, you guys, ditching
Burski last night was not cool.
362
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:35,533
They just don't get it,
Danny. Guys like you and me...
363
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:36,603
All right, look, I'm
gonna stop you right there
364
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,545
because no sentence
should ever start that way.
365
00:15:38,579 --> 00:15:40,435
Hey, you know that when you speak,
366
00:15:40,454 --> 00:15:41,826
you drive single people away, right?
367
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,384
Of course.
368
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,055
Okay, well, what if I told you that
369
00:15:45,086 --> 00:15:47,154
that's what makes Burski
the ultimate wingman?
370
00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:50,190
I would say you're mad... simply insane!
371
00:15:51,759 --> 00:15:54,260
Hey, Bursk, you see that
bachelorette party over there?
372
00:15:54,295 --> 00:15:55,662
All right, go over there and be yourself.
373
00:15:56,898 --> 00:15:58,899
All right, look, every group has a Burski.
374
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:01,501
You just have to find out
how to use your Burski, okay?
375
00:16:01,536 --> 00:16:02,469
Now, see? Look.
376
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,603
He's in, all right?
377
00:16:03,638 --> 00:16:05,872
Now, that girl has a large chest,
378
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:10,243
so I'm assuming that Burski will
bring up motorboating in 3, 2...
379
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:12,078
[Warbling]
380
00:16:12,112 --> 00:16:13,212
And they explode, all right?
381
00:16:13,247 --> 00:16:14,914
But girls are like pack animals.
382
00:16:14,949 --> 00:16:17,317
After they scatter, they're
desperate to regroup,
383
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,685
and they'll do that at the
furthest point from Burski,
384
00:16:19,719 --> 00:16:22,555
which happens to be now right here.
385
00:16:22,589 --> 00:16:24,957
Hey, girls. This is Shelly.
386
00:16:24,991 --> 00:16:26,258
He's like a human couch.
387
00:16:26,292 --> 00:16:27,593
Make yourselves comfortable.
388
00:16:27,627 --> 00:16:30,028
Ooh! Follow me.
389
00:16:31,998 --> 00:16:34,032
Does this work for guys, too?
390
00:16:37,737 --> 00:16:39,839
You guys like butts?
391
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,784
Hey, to Danny! Yay!
392
00:16:53,818 --> 00:16:54,885
Whoo-hoo!
393
00:16:54,919 --> 00:16:56,953
Look, if we're gonna keep having gay night,
394
00:16:56,988 --> 00:16:58,088
then we have to make a rule...
395
00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,789
no hooking up with
customers in the men's room.
396
00:16:59,823 --> 00:17:01,257
Brett...
397
00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:03,926
He was talking to me,
and I'll do what I want.
398
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,263
You know, if we keep on
making this kind of cash,
399
00:17:07,298 --> 00:17:10,600
you could give us a
healthcare plan with dental!
400
00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:12,335
Ha ha! It's one good night.
401
00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,304
I'd keep flossing.
402
00:17:14,338 --> 00:17:16,438
Good night? That was
like the best night ever.
403
00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:19,575
But you have to think about
the consequences, all right?
404
00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:22,511
Mo money, mo problems.
405
00:17:22,545 --> 00:17:24,613
I can't believe that
you're seriously bummed out
406
00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:25,948
because I pulled this off.
407
00:17:25,982 --> 00:17:28,250
I'm not. I'm happy!
408
00:17:28,284 --> 00:17:29,651
Y... you don't look happy.
409
00:17:29,686 --> 00:17:32,354
A lot of people look
angry when they're happy.
410
00:17:32,388 --> 00:17:34,456
Haven't you ever been to Germany?
411
00:17:34,490 --> 00:17:36,091
All right, so what?
412
00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:37,892
I "took over" the bar.
413
00:17:37,927 --> 00:17:39,361
It's still your bar.
414
00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:40,395
Great bar, Danny.
415
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:41,597
Hey.
416
00:17:41,631 --> 00:17:44,366
No problem, Todd.
417
00:17:46,135 --> 00:17:47,636
Look, I... we made money.
418
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:49,604
You like making money, don't you?
419
00:17:49,638 --> 00:17:51,505
Okay, what do you want me to do?
420
00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:53,674
You really want me to admit that for years,
421
00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:55,243
I've put my heart and soul into this place,
422
00:17:55,277 --> 00:17:56,911
and I've never had a
night even close to this?
423
00:17:56,946 --> 00:17:58,412
I suck at this!
424
00:17:58,447 --> 00:17:59,580
I'm a failure.
425
00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:02,583
I mean, do you know what that feels like?
426
00:18:02,618 --> 00:18:05,953
Have you ever failed at
anything in your life?
427
00:18:07,522 --> 00:18:09,857
No.
428
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,030
Oh, good. You guys are all here.
429
00:18:22,065 --> 00:18:23,498
I went to the bar looking for you.
430
00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:24,833
Side note... maybe lock the door
431
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:26,301
next time you leave for the night.
432
00:18:26,335 --> 00:18:27,936
I found a neighborhood dog up on the bar,
433
00:18:27,971 --> 00:18:29,171
drinking from the soda gun.
434
00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:34,437
Anyway, uh, I just wanted to
apologize for freaking out.
435
00:18:34,443 --> 00:18:35,777
Well, you know what, Baby Bird?
436
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:37,078
I'm actually glad you're here
437
00:18:37,112 --> 00:18:39,447
because I feel like I'm the
one that owes you an apology.
438
00:18:39,482 --> 00:18:42,817
Look, man, the reason why
I've never failed at anything
439
00:18:42,851 --> 00:18:44,619
is because I've never
even really tried anything.
440
00:18:44,654 --> 00:18:48,022
I mean, the only job I've ever
had was suing that water park,
441
00:18:48,056 --> 00:18:51,192
and I don't even know how
to make that a full-time gig.
442
00:18:53,028 --> 00:18:54,461
But, you know, you took your money,
443
00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:56,164
and you went all-in, and you bought a bar.
444
00:18:56,198 --> 00:18:58,743
I mean, how... how ballsy is that?
445
00:18:59,154 --> 00:19:01,304
I just did what I always do, and I... I...
446
00:19:01,424 --> 00:19:04,105
I take someone else's
thing, and I make it my own.
447
00:19:04,139 --> 00:19:07,374
I'm gonna take that as an
apology for my wedding, as well.
448
00:19:07,409 --> 00:19:09,284
Well, you know what?
That's a different story,
449
00:19:09,312 --> 00:19:11,516
and everybody kind of
knows that, all right?
450
00:19:12,681 --> 00:19:15,349
I put the whole thing up online,
and I had people vote on it,
451
00:19:15,383 --> 00:19:17,083
and they all voted in favor of me.
452
00:19:21,805 --> 00:19:24,000
Look, I'm sorry, Baby Bird. [Groans]
453
00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,826
How could I have been such an idiot?
454
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,498
You opened your mouth and words came out?
455
00:19:29,463 --> 00:19:31,497
What is she, magic?
456
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:35,862
This whole thing started because
457
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,160
we wanted to change the name of the bar.
458
00:19:38,338 --> 00:19:41,403
And it's your bar, so
you can do what you want,
459
00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:43,476
but we thought that
460
00:19:43,510 --> 00:19:45,109
we had a suggestion, if you would take it,
461
00:19:45,154 --> 00:19:46,660
maybe name the bar after you.
462
00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:49,048
You want to name the bar Justin's?
463
00:19:49,082 --> 00:19:50,450
Well, no. Of course not.
464
00:19:50,484 --> 00:19:52,251
That's a terrible name for a bar.
465
00:19:52,285 --> 00:19:54,220
It sounds like an airport steakhouse.
466
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:57,589
Okay, what's... what's the name, then?
467
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,467
[Laughs]
468
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:10,802
Baby Bird's?
469
00:20:10,837 --> 00:20:13,572
I remember the, uh... the
first time you called me that.
470
00:20:13,606 --> 00:20:15,306
[Laughs, sobs]
471
00:20:16,442 --> 00:20:18,844
[Chuckles]
472
00:20:18,878 --> 00:20:20,311
What the hell was that?
473
00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:24,315
Better put on a raincoat.
474
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:25,984
There's a cry a-brewing.
475
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:27,151
All right, no, no, no.
476
00:20:27,186 --> 00:20:28,853
Look, look, I'm not good
with this kind of emotion.
477
00:20:28,888 --> 00:20:29,921
You can stop this, right?
478
00:20:29,955 --> 00:20:31,535
[Sobs]
479
00:20:33,058 --> 00:20:34,138
What if I hug you?
480
00:20:34,158 --> 00:20:35,894
Will that make it better,
maybe make it go away?
481
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,628
Okay.
482
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,035
[Sobbing] I lied!
483
00:20:52,509 --> 00:20:55,544
Hey, girls, I'd really like
to have sex with one of you...
484
00:20:55,579 --> 00:20:56,913
Or both.
485
00:21:00,341 --> 00:21:02,381
Why, hello, earth angels.
486
00:21:05,655 --> 00:21:07,089
You really don't mind doing that?
487
00:21:07,124 --> 00:21:08,090
Of course not.
488
00:21:08,125 --> 00:21:09,958
They're my friends. I love them.
489
00:21:09,993 --> 00:21:10,959
Aww.
490
00:21:10,994 --> 00:21:12,461
That makes you a really good friend.
491
00:21:13,046 --> 00:21:15,264
You know, one day, I'm
gonna go to a group of girls,
492
00:21:15,298 --> 00:21:16,599
say something offensive,
493
00:21:16,633 --> 00:21:18,967
and I think one special lady's gonna stay.
494
00:21:20,504 --> 00:21:22,337
I think that girl might be you.
495
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,653
You see, you and I have something
496
00:21:24,671 --> 00:21:26,307
that a lot of people... L... Leslie?
497
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:29,645
Leslie?
498
00:21:29,646 --> 00:21:30,672
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