1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:03,695
Okay. I'll talk to you later, babe.

2
00:00:04,762 --> 00:00:06,030
All right. Hey. Here's a pooch smooch.

3
00:00:06,063 --> 00:00:07,631
[Barks playfully] Mwah.

4
00:00:07,665 --> 00:00:09,133
[Chuckles]

5
00:00:09,166 --> 00:00:10,134
Danny: [Groans] Hang on.

6
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:11,702
It's just a pooch smooch.

7
00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:14,805
Yeah. Well, my doggy style
is a little bit different.

8
00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:17,308
No, I got to go.

9
00:00:17,341 --> 00:00:18,409
All right. I love you.

10
00:00:18,442 --> 00:00:19,643
No. I love you more.

11
00:00:19,677 --> 00:00:21,078
No. I love you more.

12
00:00:21,111 --> 00:00:22,313
No. I love you... okay,
all right. You know what?

13
00:00:22,346 --> 00:00:23,547
Let's just call it a tie, huh, buddy?

14
00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:25,416
Okay. Look, I'm just excited

15
00:00:25,449 --> 00:00:27,518
that Nicki's finally
moving back this weekend.

16
00:00:27,551 --> 00:00:28,819
You know how hard it is

17
00:00:28,853 --> 00:00:30,521
to keep a long-distance
relationship going?

18
00:00:30,554 --> 00:00:31,722
Uh, no. I actually don't.

19
00:00:31,755 --> 00:00:33,290
Much like Chinese food,

20
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:35,926
Danny Burton has a
2-square-mile delivery zone.

21
00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,928
I anticipate Nicki

22
00:00:37,962 --> 00:00:39,330
will be moving back here for a while,

23
00:00:39,363 --> 00:00:42,333
so, uh, I wrote up some new house rules.

24
00:00:42,366 --> 00:00:43,701
All right? Here we go.

25
00:00:43,734 --> 00:00:44,935
No cute nicknames.

26
00:00:44,969 --> 00:00:47,004
No singing together.

27
00:00:47,037 --> 00:00:48,806
No sexy lingerie in the living room.

28
00:00:48,839 --> 00:00:50,241
And that doesn't apply to Nicki so much

29
00:00:50,274 --> 00:00:52,042
as it's for you and that
outfit that you love.

30
00:00:52,076 --> 00:00:53,410
It's not lingerie, all right?

31
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:56,247
It's just white silk boxers
with little red buttons

32
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,582
and some nice lace trimming.

33
00:00:58,616 --> 00:00:59,750
All right. That's lingerie.

34
00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:01,919
So, um, the most important rule is,

35
00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:03,487
if you guys watch a movie together,

36
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,856
there will be no "secret
cuddling" under a blanket.

37
00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:09,890
I should never mistakenly
see your "O" face ever again.

38
00:01:10,027 --> 00:01:13,364
By the way, it's totally like this.

39
00:01:13,397 --> 00:01:15,065
Whatever.

40
00:01:15,099 --> 00:01:17,368
- Every guy makes that face.
- Not me.

41
00:01:17,401 --> 00:01:18,469
It took me years of training,

42
00:01:18,502 --> 00:01:19,770
but I was able to make myself do this.

43
00:01:19,803 --> 00:01:21,005
[Gasps]

44
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:22,432
[Exhales deeply]

45
00:01:23,438 --> 00:01:23,858
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

46
00:01:24,019 --> 00:01:25,787
Okay. Look. Forget about your stupid list.

47
00:01:25,821 --> 00:01:28,390
I'm just excited she's
gonna be here, you know?

48
00:01:28,423 --> 00:01:29,724
We haven't had sex in a month.

49
00:01:29,758 --> 00:01:30,952
You visited her two weeks ago.

50
00:01:30,956 --> 00:01:32,491
Yeah, but, you know, Nicki was bummed

51
00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:34,593
'cause her mom isn't
doing great health-wise,

52
00:01:34,626 --> 00:01:36,261
and she feels guilty about moving here,

53
00:01:36,295 --> 00:01:38,664
so I just held her all weekend.

54
00:01:39,397 --> 00:01:41,599
You see, Danny, when you
really care about someone,

55
00:01:41,632 --> 00:01:42,867
and you can't fix something,

56
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,536
sometimes all you can do
is just be there for them.

57
00:01:44,869 --> 00:01:46,804
Oh.

58
00:01:46,838 --> 00:01:47,892
I want to ask you a serious question.

59
00:01:47,972 --> 00:01:50,575
Do your jeans fit differently
'cause you don't have testicles?

60
00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:55,847
Danny, there are more important
things in life than sex.

61
00:02:01,019 --> 00:02:04,783
What the hell was that for?!

62
00:02:04,786 --> 00:02:06,254
You couldn't hear it, but your penis

63
00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:07,889
begged me to slap you, okay?

64
00:02:07,923 --> 00:02:09,991
[High-pitched voice] Thanks a lot, Danny.

65
00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:12,794
[Normal voice] Hey. No
problem, little fella.

66
00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:15,317
[High-pitched voice]
Sometimes it's so cold

67
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,152
'cause we're never going inside of things.

68
00:02:17,365 --> 00:02:18,567
Hey, guys.

69
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,302
Stop talking to my penis!

70
00:02:20,335 --> 00:02:22,905
And I'll see you later.

71
00:02:23,278 --> 00:02:25,314
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.

72
00:02:25,347 --> 00:02:27,449
Justin: Okay. We are going.

73
00:02:29,218 --> 00:02:30,719
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh ♪

74
00:02:30,752 --> 00:02:32,821
"Undateable"... a show about friendship.

75
00:02:32,855 --> 00:02:34,022
Oh, yeah. That reminds me...

76
00:02:34,056 --> 00:02:36,258
- I used your toothbrush.
- No!

77
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,727
Hey, man.

78
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,095
You working on that girl over there?

79
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,765
Yeah, yeah. Don't look at her. All right?

80
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:46,717
She's not even looking this way.

81
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:48,219
Oh, now she is.

82
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:49,820
Hi, pretty lady.

83
00:02:52,890 --> 00:02:54,492
She's leaving. You
didn't even say anything.

84
00:02:54,525 --> 00:02:56,961
I'm in the middle of my
three-day "look progression."

85
00:02:56,994 --> 00:02:58,429
Day one was the
over-the-shoulder glance,

86
00:02:58,462 --> 00:02:59,430
like this.

87
00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:02,066
[Gasps] Ohh.

88
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,001
And then tomorrow, I'm
gonna break out my closers.

89
00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:05,369
This one asks, "want to hang out?"

90
00:03:05,403 --> 00:03:07,138
And this one's all like, "yeah, you do."

91
00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:09,674
And then this one's all like, "you sure?"

92
00:03:09,707 --> 00:03:12,210
And then this one's like, "yeah, I'm
sure." And, "you positive?" And, "yeah."

93
00:03:12,243 --> 00:03:13,878
And, "you want to do it?" "Yeah."
"I don't know." "Yeah." "No."

94
00:03:13,911 --> 00:03:15,646
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No."
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah."

95
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,815
"No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No."
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah."

96
00:03:19,537 --> 00:03:20,738
What, are you talking about Sophie?

97
00:03:20,772 --> 00:03:22,573
She has a little crush on me. It's nice.

98
00:03:22,607 --> 00:03:24,008
Oh, is it a little crush,

99
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:25,280
'cause you're a little man?

100
00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:26,251
[Chuckles]

101
00:03:26,284 --> 00:03:27,752
She's clearly into me, all right?

102
00:03:27,786 --> 00:03:29,420
You know what I've been doing all week.

103
00:03:29,454 --> 00:03:32,690
Staring at her like a brooding
guy who lost his contacts?

104
00:03:35,056 --> 00:03:36,157
In your imaginary world

105
00:03:36,191 --> 00:03:37,759
where women prefer you sexually over me,

106
00:03:37,792 --> 00:03:41,730
do you also have big muscles
and a low manly voice?

107
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,765
[Voice cracking] Well,
you know what, Danny?

108
00:03:43,798 --> 00:03:45,400
Ahem! [Normal voice] You know what, Danny?

109
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,769
There's no way to tell who women prefer.

110
00:03:47,802 --> 00:03:49,571
Actually, there might be.

111
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,139
There's this app called Studscore

112
00:03:51,172 --> 00:03:52,707
where women can rate the sexual performance

113
00:03:52,741 --> 00:03:54,776
of the men they've slept with.

114
00:03:55,509 --> 00:03:56,944
My man Danny got an 8.

115
00:03:56,977 --> 00:03:58,913
Are you sure it wasn't an 8 on its side,

116
00:03:58,946 --> 00:04:00,147
which is the symbol for infinity?

117
00:04:00,181 --> 00:04:02,783
Maybe I got an infinity.

118
00:04:02,817 --> 00:04:04,618
"You know what you're getting,

119
00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:06,337
and it's available 24 hours."

120
00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:08,242
Oh. You're like a Denny's.

121
00:04:08,276 --> 00:04:11,345
Oh. Justin also got an 8...

122
00:04:11,379 --> 00:04:13,714
In a review clearly written by Nicki.

123
00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:15,750
"He's sweet, kind,

124
00:04:15,783 --> 00:04:18,253
and finally seems to know what he's doing."

125
00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,389
Huh?

126
00:04:21,422 --> 00:04:22,857
The Internet never lies...

127
00:04:22,891 --> 00:04:24,759
Except for that review that said this bar

128
00:04:24,793 --> 00:04:26,661
was a "charmless void."

129
00:04:26,694 --> 00:04:28,296
I stand by what I wrote.

130
00:04:29,898 --> 00:04:31,366
I mean, green-and-orange everything.

131
00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:34,035
Is this place a pumpkin?

132
00:04:39,874 --> 00:04:42,110
Whatever. This app is B.S.

133
00:04:42,143 --> 00:04:43,378
Your score would have been a lot lower

134
00:04:43,411 --> 00:04:45,380
if it included the girl
you lost your virginity to.

135
00:04:45,413 --> 00:04:47,982
Luckily, Carol was never
a big fan of computers.

136
00:04:48,016 --> 00:04:50,051
That's 'cause when you banged
her, she was a senior citizen.

137
00:04:51,719 --> 00:04:53,955
I mean, she's got to be like 70.

138
00:04:53,988 --> 00:04:56,357
Nope. No, she's not, Bursk.

139
00:04:56,391 --> 00:04:59,294
I mean, she would be,
but she recently passed.

140
00:05:00,829 --> 00:05:03,264
[Smooches]

141
00:05:09,336 --> 00:05:10,771
Guys, I think Sophie's coming.

142
00:05:10,804 --> 00:05:12,906
Sophie's coming. Sophie's coming.

143
00:05:15,809 --> 00:05:17,444
[All groan]

144
00:05:17,477 --> 00:05:18,645
Come on! Huh?!

145
00:05:18,679 --> 00:05:22,115
- I hate this bar.
- Sorry, Les.

146
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:24,184
We were just waiting to see
which guy Sophie prefers.

147
00:05:24,218 --> 00:05:25,319
Hey, you look great.

148
00:05:25,352 --> 00:05:27,288
Thank you. It's my lucky blazer.

149
00:05:28,022 --> 00:05:30,224
Hey, uh, was that the jacket you wore

150
00:05:30,257 --> 00:05:32,726
when you were accepted to Hogwarts?

151
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:39,900
Hey, Justin.

152
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,001
Hey, Sophie.

153
00:05:41,035 --> 00:05:42,369
First-name basis no big deal.

154
00:05:42,403 --> 00:05:43,504
She wants to talk to me.

155
00:05:43,537 --> 00:05:45,539
Actually, I wanted to talk to him.

156
00:05:45,573 --> 00:05:46,907
Danny: Oh.

157
00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:47,975
Uh, you know what?

158
00:05:48,008 --> 00:05:49,410
Justin, excuse us?

159
00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:50,411
No problem. Yeah.

160
00:05:50,444 --> 00:05:51,845
No, I'm just gonna go to my office

161
00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,514
and see if my shredder can fit a blazer.

162
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,215
I just wanted to ask.

163
00:05:58,249 --> 00:06:00,084
Oh, God. I'm so nervous.

164
00:06:00,117 --> 00:06:03,688
It's just, he's so cute.

165
00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:08,092
Excuse me?

166
00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,760
You're his friend.

167
00:06:09,794 --> 00:06:12,296
Is he really serious about his girlfriend?

168
00:06:14,231 --> 00:06:16,634
What... what's happening right now?

169
00:06:18,936 --> 00:06:21,072
Did you see these?

170
00:06:23,140 --> 00:06:24,875
I love this moment so much,

171
00:06:24,909 --> 00:06:26,977
I just want to make babies with it.

172
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,979
Okay.

173
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:32,083
Yeah. Justin and Nicki
are... are pretty serious.

174
00:06:32,116 --> 00:06:33,951
Oh. What a bummer.

175
00:06:33,984 --> 00:06:35,986
But, uh, you know, daddy's single.

176
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,791
Keep walking if you don't give a crap.

177
00:06:45,162 --> 00:06:47,398
Please tell me that Justin's pointy elf ear

178
00:06:47,431 --> 00:06:48,532
wasn't pressed against the door

179
00:06:48,566 --> 00:06:49,834
so he could listen to the whole thing.

180
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,103
Oh, I heard every word!

181
00:06:51,636 --> 00:06:53,137
[Chuckles]

182
00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:54,772
Just don't make a big deal of it, okay?

183
00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:56,841
Never make a big deal out of this.

184
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,676
Katy Perry might. [Chuckles]

185
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:02,180
♪ 'Cause I got the eye of the tiger ♪

186
00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,681
♪ a fighter ♪

187
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,216
Guys, slow-motion celebration.

188
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,052
♪ 'Cause I am the champion ♪

189
00:07:08,086 --> 00:07:11,856
♪ and you're gonna
hear me roa-a-a-a-r ♪

190
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,758
♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh ♪

191
00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:16,160
♪ roar, oh-oh-oh-oh,oh-oh-oh ♪

192
00:07:16,194 --> 00:07:18,496
♪ roar, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

193
00:07:18,529 --> 00:07:21,332
♪ and you're gonna
hear me roa-a-a-a-r ♪

194
00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:22,734
♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh ♪

195
00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:27,809
You see, Nicki taught me
how to be a better lover.

196
00:07:28,272 --> 00:07:30,408
She taught me with the clapping system.

197
00:07:32,544 --> 00:07:36,814
Any time I did anything wrong,
she would clap, you know?

198
00:07:36,848 --> 00:07:40,385
Now... it's dead silence.

199
00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:43,688
All right, man. You know what?

200
00:07:43,722 --> 00:07:45,824
It's not the fact that a
girl picked Justin over me

201
00:07:45,857 --> 00:07:46,891
that's freaking me out.

202
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,526
It's obviously the end of the world,

203
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,228
and there's so many things in
my life that I haven't done yet.

204
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,230
For instance, I've never had
sex with a girl from Belgium,

205
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,365
and that's the only country on my map

206
00:07:53,398 --> 00:07:54,566
that doesn't have a pushpin in it.

207
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:55,600
So, like, Russia?

208
00:07:55,633 --> 00:07:57,068
Uh, yeah. Don't you remember Natasha?

209
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,471
- Mexico.
- Uh, Rosario.

210
00:08:01,339 --> 00:08:03,975
Yeah, I just finally want
to have sex with a gay man...

211
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,477
or a straight guy who's down on his luck.

212
00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:07,820
I mean [Scoffs] beggars can't
be choosers at this point.

213
00:08:11,014 --> 00:08:12,516
Danny, how does it feel

214
00:08:12,549 --> 00:08:14,951
to be living in Justin Kearney's world now?

215
00:08:14,985 --> 00:08:15,993
No, no, no. All right, look. Okay.

216
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,164
The only guys that are allowed

217
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,932
to talk about themselves
in the third person

218
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,901
and get away with it are
Danny Burton and Drake.

219
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,537
[As Drake] ♪ lord, Drake's
got so many women and houses ♪

220
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,306
♪ but Drake's still so emotional ♪

221
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,009
Danny, relax, okay?

222
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,244
I have a girlfriend.

223
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,745
You can have any girl in this bar

224
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,715
that I allow you to have.

225
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,450
Surprise.

226
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,951
You have an eyelash.

227
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,020
Go ahead. Make a wish. Blow.

228
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,619
[Normal voice] Okay. You know what?

229
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,290
I'm gonna actually grab that from you,

230
00:08:43,324 --> 00:08:44,625
and I'm gonna give it back to you

231
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,093
'cause I'm afraid you're
gonna waste your wish

232
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,328
on a guy that looks like a mannequin

233
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:48,495
from the "it's a small world" ride.

234
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,763
Come here, dude.

235
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:50,998
Come here. Hey.

236
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,399
What is going on right now?

237
00:08:52,433 --> 00:08:53,935
- Is there something different about him?
- Yes.

238
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:55,069
He's head over heels in love.

239
00:08:55,103 --> 00:08:56,671
Don't you know how sexy that is?

240
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:59,207
Listen, Danny, I wish I
could turn this charm off,

241
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,776
but daddy don't know how.

242
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,880
Please make something bad happen to Justin.

243
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:07,914
[Blows]

244
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,488
That is amazing. I need
to get more eyelashes.

245
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:17,824
What are you doing, les?

246
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,760
Reviewing the last guy I hooked up with.

247
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,095
What's it called when a
guy does the walk of shame?

248
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,965
I call it skipping to breakfast.

249
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,655
Hey, read Brett's reviews

250
00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:31,358
back from when he was in the closet.

251
00:09:31,391 --> 00:09:32,793
"Pretty sure he was gay."

252
00:09:32,826 --> 00:09:34,761
"Seemed a little gay."

253
00:09:34,795 --> 00:09:36,430
"Very, very gay."

254
00:09:36,463 --> 00:09:41,101
Hey, Shelly, you got an 8 and then a 2

255
00:09:41,135 --> 00:09:43,170
from the same girl on the same night.

256
00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:45,172
What happened in between these two scores?

257
00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:47,608
Oh, the pizza showed up.

258
00:09:52,847 --> 00:09:54,381
Oh, my gosh. We have to look up Burski.

259
00:09:54,415 --> 00:09:55,482
Come on, guys. This isn't cool.

260
00:09:55,516 --> 00:09:57,051
You make fun of me enough.

261
00:09:57,084 --> 00:09:58,886
A 9.9 out of 10?

262
00:09:58,919 --> 00:10:02,156
"A hairy surprise under the sheets."

263
00:10:06,694 --> 00:10:09,263
Oh, yeah!

264
00:10:09,296 --> 00:10:11,899
Somebody call Al Gore.

265
00:10:11,932 --> 00:10:13,734
The Internet's broken.

266
00:10:17,991 --> 00:10:19,525
I just really miss my girlfriend

267
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:21,527
that I'm super-monogamous
and really in love with.

268
00:10:21,561 --> 00:10:24,964
Oh.

269
00:10:24,998 --> 00:10:26,633
Talking about your girlfriend, Danny?

270
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:29,068
Yeah. It's really hard being without her.

271
00:10:29,102 --> 00:10:29,670
I, uh...

272
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:32,239
I feel like [Voice breaking] part of me

273
00:10:32,272 --> 00:10:34,007
is missing, you know?

274
00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:36,110
Oh, my... you got to
tell us about her, okay?

275
00:10:36,143 --> 00:10:37,478
How'd you two kids meet? [Chuckles]

276
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:41,081
Well, uh, I was just kind of hanging out

277
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:42,349
on the beach one day,

278
00:10:42,382 --> 00:10:45,119
and this really beautiful
lady wandered out of the ocean,

279
00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:47,454
and...

280
00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:48,822
I wanted to talk to her,

281
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:51,558
but an evil queen stole her voice.

282
00:10:53,127 --> 00:10:54,862
Who introduced you?

283
00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:58,132
A tiny Jamaican crab?

284
00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:00,934
[Chuckles]

285
00:11:01,038 --> 00:11:04,408
I should get going.

286
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:09,379
Look, that was never gonna work.

287
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:11,782
Women don't love me
because I have a girlfriend.

288
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,818
They love me 'cause they know I
would do anything to make her happy.

289
00:11:13,951 --> 00:11:15,586
Like, for instance,

290
00:11:15,619 --> 00:11:17,721
Nicki just got this great
full-time job in Lansing,

291
00:11:17,755 --> 00:11:18,822
and I'm trying to find her

292
00:11:18,856 --> 00:11:20,591
something equally as good down here.

293
00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:22,393
Whatever it takes.

294
00:11:22,426 --> 00:11:24,728
That's how I get the glow.

295
00:11:26,630 --> 00:11:27,932
Uh-oh.

296
00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:29,300
Well, that's not good.

297
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:30,401
What?

298
00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:32,703
Well, the other day,

299
00:11:32,736 --> 00:11:33,971
Justin said that Nicki's mom

300
00:11:34,004 --> 00:11:35,306
made her feel guilty about leaving,

301
00:11:35,339 --> 00:11:36,407
and now he's saying

302
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,777
that she got a full-time job back home.

303
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:41,845
I don't think she's coming back.

304
00:11:41,879 --> 00:11:43,948
You're probably just overreacting.

305
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:45,683
Okay, baby. I'll talk to you later.

306
00:11:45,716 --> 00:11:48,118
Have fun at dinner with, uh, Gary.

307
00:11:48,152 --> 00:11:49,086
Who's Gary?

308
00:11:49,119 --> 00:11:50,354
Oh. Just somebody Nicki works with

309
00:11:50,387 --> 00:11:52,189
who used to be a J.Crew model,

310
00:11:52,222 --> 00:11:54,158
so fingers crossed on discounts.

311
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,993
♪ ch-ch-chinos ♪

312
00:11:57,895 --> 00:11:59,563
Somebody call Kerry Washington.

313
00:11:59,596 --> 00:12:01,398
We got ourselves a scandal.

314
00:12:10,641 --> 00:12:12,143
Look, okay?

315
00:12:12,143 --> 00:12:13,344
With everything going on with Nicki

316
00:12:13,377 --> 00:12:15,479
and her job and Gary,

317
00:12:15,513 --> 00:12:19,250
I don't think that she's coming back.

318
00:12:19,283 --> 00:12:21,218
You are so predictable.

319
00:12:21,252 --> 00:12:23,287
I mean, for once... for once,

320
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,523
girls actually want me more than you,

321
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:27,558
and you have to take shots
at my relationship with Nicki.

322
00:12:27,591 --> 00:12:30,194
This is why you'll never have what I have.

323
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:34,465
A trophy for the guy who
looks most like Bill Paxton?

324
00:12:34,498 --> 00:12:36,734
I'm talking about a real,
loving relationship, Danny,

325
00:12:36,767 --> 00:12:38,202
and that kills you because you always have

326
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,270
to be better than everybody else.

327
00:12:39,273 --> 00:12:40,508
You always have to be up here,

328
00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:42,343
and everybody else has to be down here.

329
00:12:42,377 --> 00:12:43,778
That's why you're a bad friend.

330
00:12:43,811 --> 00:12:45,813
No. When it comes to
friendship, we're like this.

331
00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:47,482
Freeze. Look at your hands.

332
00:12:48,215 --> 00:12:50,317
Okay. I feel like you think

333
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,885
that this proves your
point, but you know what?

334
00:12:51,919 --> 00:12:53,287
It doesn't necessarily prove your point

335
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,390
- because this could be the Justin hand.
- Is it?

336
00:12:56,423 --> 00:12:57,925
Of course not, because it
has so much personality.

337
00:12:57,958 --> 00:12:59,359
It's the Danny hand, okay?

338
00:12:59,393 --> 00:13:00,743
Baby Bird, you're wrong, all right?

339
00:13:00,828 --> 00:13:03,297
- I love seeing my friends do well at things.
- Really?

340
00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,599
So yesterday, Brett and
I went into my office,

341
00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:08,669
and he admitted that I'm a
slightly better dancer than you.

342
00:13:08,702 --> 00:13:10,237
Does that bother you?

343
00:13:10,271 --> 00:13:11,405
That's ridiculous, okay?

344
00:13:11,438 --> 00:13:12,773
Because... uh-oh there's that.

345
00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:13,908
And you know what?

346
00:13:13,941 --> 00:13:15,810
I'm not trying to call Brett a liar,

347
00:13:15,843 --> 00:13:18,679
but what about this
that's going on right here?

348
00:13:18,712 --> 00:13:19,747
And you know what?

349
00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:24,652
There's not even an Usher
song playing. So whatever.

350
00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:27,221
You do not want to have
a dance-off with me, son.

351
00:13:27,254 --> 00:13:28,689
Go, Danny.

352
00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:29,790
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.

353
00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:30,825
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.

354
00:13:30,858 --> 00:13:32,660
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Danny.

355
00:13:32,693 --> 00:13:34,862
- Go, Danny.- Go, Danny.

356
00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:35,830
- Go, Justin.
- Go, Danny.

357
00:13:35,863 --> 00:13:36,564
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.

358
00:13:36,597 --> 00:13:37,998
Go, Danny.

359
00:13:40,434 --> 00:13:41,702
All right. I'm out.

360
00:13:41,735 --> 00:13:43,671
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

361
00:13:48,074 --> 00:13:49,443
[Chuckles]

362
00:13:49,476 --> 00:13:50,744
What?

363
00:13:50,777 --> 00:13:52,646
Oh.

364
00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:53,880
Nothing.

365
00:13:53,914 --> 00:13:55,015
It's just...

366
00:13:55,048 --> 00:13:58,418
All those great reviews you got.

367
00:13:58,452 --> 00:14:00,287
[Chuckles]

368
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,988
What's your secret?

369
00:14:02,022 --> 00:14:04,391
I guess it's that I
rarely get the opportunity

370
00:14:04,424 --> 00:14:06,393
to have sex with anyone.

371
00:14:06,426 --> 00:14:07,561
[Chuckles]

372
00:14:07,594 --> 00:14:09,362
Um, so when I do,

373
00:14:09,396 --> 00:14:12,299
I like to make it about her...

374
00:14:12,332 --> 00:14:13,500
or him.

375
00:14:13,533 --> 00:14:15,335
Uh...

376
00:14:15,368 --> 00:14:16,670
I'm kidding.

377
00:14:16,703 --> 00:14:18,104
[Chuckles]

378
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,662
Wow. I...

379
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,865
I've never been out with a
guy who made it all about me.

380
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,099
I've been out with a guy

381
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,834
who made it all about me and his wife.

382
00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:30,013
Oh.

383
00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:32,449
That's why I don't drink Tequila anymore.

384
00:14:34,118 --> 00:14:38,255
Do you maybe want to go
get a drink somewhere else?

385
00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:41,492
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...

386
00:14:41,525 --> 00:14:42,559
Yeah.

387
00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:43,660
I think I do.

388
00:14:43,694 --> 00:14:44,929
[Chuckles]

389
00:14:45,002 --> 00:14:46,904
Okay. Oh.

390
00:14:46,937 --> 00:14:47,872
Les, wait.

391
00:14:47,905 --> 00:14:49,607
Um...

392
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,109
Those reviews are fake.

393
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:55,546
I... I wrote them to get you to like me.

394
00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:57,315
Yeah, I know.

395
00:14:57,398 --> 00:14:59,033
[Chuckles]

396
00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:01,002
That's why none of the guys are here.

397
00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:02,270
They're waiting at my apartment,

398
00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:03,971
ready to jump out when we got back.

399
00:15:04,005 --> 00:15:05,573
[Chuckles]

400
00:15:05,617 --> 00:15:07,519
But if you thought that something

401
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:11,623
was finally gonna happen
between us, why'd you stop?

402
00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:15,693
We're gonna have our love story someday,

403
00:15:15,726 --> 00:15:18,529
and, uh, it's not gonna start like this.

404
00:15:18,562 --> 00:15:22,099
I have some work to do as a person.

405
00:15:22,132 --> 00:15:24,101
Uh...

406
00:15:24,134 --> 00:15:27,404
But one day, I'll be ready for you.

407
00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:31,042
[Breathes deeply]

408
00:15:31,095 --> 00:15:33,431
Oh, God.

409
00:15:33,464 --> 00:15:36,634
Are you all flushed because of Burski?

410
00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:39,737
Do you need a glass of wine?

411
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:41,205
A bottle.

412
00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:42,873
Okay.

413
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:51,161
Who here seriously thinks
that Nicki's not coming back?

414
00:15:53,096 --> 00:15:54,698
Look, sweetie... [Sighs]

415
00:15:54,731 --> 00:15:57,334
it's just, there's a couple red flags.

416
00:15:57,367 --> 00:16:00,604
Yeah, and one incredibly handsome red flag.

417
00:16:01,805 --> 00:16:03,307
Brett, show him that bathing-suit pic

418
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:05,075
we found of Gary online.

419
00:16:07,611 --> 00:16:09,346
Why don't I just call her right now? Okay?

420
00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:11,315
I'll call her so I can prove you all wrong.

421
00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:12,516
[Dialing]

422
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:17,655
[Ringing]

423
00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:18,876
Gary: Go for Gary.

424
00:16:18,909 --> 00:16:20,678
[Clears throat] What?

425
00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:23,180
Uh, is this Nicki's phone?

426
00:16:23,213 --> 00:16:24,214
Is this...

427
00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:25,783
Yeah. She's, uh, getting dressed.

428
00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:27,451
- Is this Justin?
- Dressed?

429
00:16:28,819 --> 00:16:30,321
Okay. All right.

430
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:32,523
Uh, let me take you off speakerphone, Gary.

431
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:35,159
Uh, yeah. This is Justin.

432
00:16:35,192 --> 00:16:38,295
Still sounds like I'm on speaker.

433
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:40,331
Hi, Gary.

434
00:16:41,452 --> 00:16:42,620
All right. Look, look, man.

435
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,822
You got to go Liam Neeson
on this guy, all right?

436
00:16:44,855 --> 00:16:46,090
[As Liam Neeson] You got to tell him

437
00:16:46,123 --> 00:16:47,858
you have a particular set of skills.

438
00:16:47,892 --> 00:16:50,161
All right.

439
00:16:50,194 --> 00:16:51,495
All right. You listen to me, okay?

440
00:16:51,529 --> 00:16:53,564
Nicki and I are in love,
and I will drive over there,

441
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:54,765
and I will take you down!

442
00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:57,068
Okay, Gary?!

443
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:58,736
Justin, I think you've
got me on mute, buddy.

444
00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,838
I haven't heard a word you said.

445
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:03,374
Nicki: Justin? Is everything okay?

446
00:17:03,407 --> 00:17:05,676
What are you doing with J.Crew Gary?

447
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,778
Gary's gay.

448
00:17:07,812 --> 00:17:09,847
[Sighs] Thank God.

449
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,982
[Chuckling] Yes. Thank God.

450
00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:16,854
Give me a minute here. All right?

451
00:17:16,887 --> 00:17:19,323
Look. Okay.

452
00:17:19,356 --> 00:17:20,057
[Sighs]

453
00:17:20,091 --> 00:17:21,459
Hey. Hey. Sorry.

454
00:17:21,492 --> 00:17:23,060
Uh, Danny convinced me

455
00:17:23,094 --> 00:17:24,462
that you weren't going to move home

456
00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:27,064
and that you were just
scared to tell me, so...

457
00:17:27,098 --> 00:17:30,601
[Breathes deeply]

458
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:33,070
Uh... uh... uh, what do you mean?

459
00:17:36,716 --> 00:17:39,486
Um, she doesn't want to leave her mom,

460
00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:42,088
and it's not like I could just
drop this bar and go there,

461
00:17:42,122 --> 00:17:43,423
so...

462
00:17:43,456 --> 00:17:46,693
She said she wants to take a break.

463
00:17:46,726 --> 00:17:49,396
I never liked that bitch.

464
00:17:50,764 --> 00:17:52,499
Shell, I still love her.

465
00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:54,835
Yeah. She's one of the good ones.

466
00:17:57,471 --> 00:18:00,006
I mean, I really wish I
wasn't right about this.

467
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,608
But you were right.

468
00:18:01,641 --> 00:18:03,543
'Cause you're right
about everything, right?

469
00:18:03,577 --> 00:18:06,580
You know what?

470
00:18:06,613 --> 00:18:07,981
Nicki dumped me,

471
00:18:08,014 --> 00:18:09,649
so now I'm right back down here,

472
00:18:09,683 --> 00:18:11,418
and you get to be up here again, okay?

473
00:18:11,451 --> 00:18:13,887
And that's what you like. What
kind of friendship is that?

474
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,389
I mean, don't say something

475
00:18:15,422 --> 00:18:16,823
that you're not gonna be
able to take back, all right?

476
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:17,891
[Scoffs] Okay.

477
00:18:17,924 --> 00:18:20,594
Well, honestly, sometimes, I wish...

478
00:18:20,627 --> 00:18:23,196
I wish you never came into my life.

479
00:18:26,266 --> 00:18:28,268
Don't take that too hard.

480
00:18:28,301 --> 00:18:32,239
I said the same thing last
night to a bag of doritos.

481
00:18:34,674 --> 00:18:38,111
And we made up just fine.

482
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:52,536
I just want to say I'm sorry, man.

483
00:18:52,843 --> 00:18:54,645
I...  didn't mean the things that I said,

484
00:18:54,678 --> 00:18:56,780
and I was just upset, so...

485
00:18:56,814 --> 00:18:58,415
Anyway, I mean, you can go.

486
00:18:58,449 --> 00:18:59,917
That's all I wanted to say.

487
00:18:59,950 --> 00:19:01,151
[Breathes deeply]

488
00:19:01,185 --> 00:19:03,387
I'm just gonna sit here,
watch my favorite movie,

489
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:04,922
and be sad, so...

490
00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:07,491
I'm not going anywhere, Baby Bird.

491
00:19:07,524 --> 00:19:08,726
All right?

492
00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:10,160
My best friend once told me

493
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:12,296
that when you can't fix something,

494
00:19:12,329 --> 00:19:15,733
sometimes you just got to be there.

495
00:19:15,766 --> 00:19:18,068
Thanks, man.

496
00:19:18,102 --> 00:19:19,303
Well, if you aren't leaving,

497
00:19:19,336 --> 00:19:20,904
why are you wearing your jacket?

498
00:19:22,773 --> 00:19:24,074
You know, it gets cold sometimes

499
00:19:24,108 --> 00:19:25,442
when we watch a movie in here,

500
00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:26,877
and, uh...

501
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:29,179
I'm definitely not getting
under a blanket with you.

502
00:19:37,855 --> 00:19:41,855
I just... I... I just can't
stop thinking about her.

503
00:19:42,526 --> 00:19:44,395
I know.

504
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,568
Uh, all right, man. Come here.

505
00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:53,203
Get in here. Come on.

506
00:19:53,237 --> 00:19:54,838
Come on.

507
00:19:54,872 --> 00:19:57,074
Just don't...

508
00:19:57,107 --> 00:19:59,376
Don't make it weird.
Don't make it a big deal.

509
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:01,445
This isn't gonna happen often.

510
00:20:21,331 --> 00:20:22,699
This is nice, actually.

511
00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:25,335
- You know what? Get out of here.
- Yeah.

512
00:20:28,605 --> 00:20:30,340
So, what's this movie about, anyway?

513
00:20:30,374 --> 00:20:31,408
Huh? Oh.

514
00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:35,412
Inner-city gangs, teenage lust, murder.

515
00:20:35,446 --> 00:20:37,915
Awesome.

516
00:20:37,948 --> 00:20:39,950
Why is there so much dancing?

517
00:20:39,983 --> 00:20:43,387
There's a lot of dancing.
It's "West Side Story."

518
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:44,755
Come here.

519
00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:48,358
Why do you make comforting you so hard?

520
00:20:48,392 --> 00:20:50,461
Just give me that.

521
00:20:50,494 --> 00:20:51,462
Give it to me.

522
00:20:51,495 --> 00:20:52,696
What?

523
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:53,764
- It's very tri...
- Really?

524
00:20:53,797 --> 00:20:55,632
It's tricky. I... okay.

525
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,095
It's amazing that a stupid computer app

526
00:21:05,162 --> 00:21:06,931
could bring two people together.

527
00:21:06,964 --> 00:21:08,399
The first time you walked into that bar,

528
00:21:08,432 --> 00:21:10,067
I knew this was gonna happen.

529
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:15,506
First of all, I don't know
what you're talking about.

530
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:18,909
Second of all, your
reviews were a load of crap.

531
00:21:18,943 --> 00:21:20,077
Yeah. Whatever.

532
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:21,645
Listen, if you come by the bar again,

533
00:21:21,679 --> 00:21:23,213
don't say anything to my friend Leslie.

534
00:21:23,247 --> 00:21:25,282
I like her way more than you.

535
00:21:29,283 --> 00:21:34,823
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