1
00:00:00,788 --> 00:00:01,892
Previously on "boston legal"...

2
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:03,836
All set for your testimony, renee?

3
00:00:04,244 --> 00:00:06,540
I'm nervous. I'm
not as funny when I'm nervous.

4
00:00:06,892 --> 00:00:09,900
- She's very odd, jerry.
- I lost my cherry.

5
00:00:10,716 --> 00:00:11,197
It was with dana?

6
00:00:11,555 --> 00:00:12,715
Of course it was with dana.
She's my girlfriend.

7
00:00:12,916 --> 00:00:14,516
- Jerry's girlfriend.
- What about her?

8
00:00:14,795 --> 00:00:16,276
I didn't entirely give up
the brothel business.

9
00:00:16,556 --> 00:00:17,620
I'm not gonna date a call girl.

10
00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:21,204
When I tell you I love you,
that isn't a lie.

11
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:22,507
Please leave.

12
00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:25,519
Denny, if you were president, seriously,
you would nuke iraq and iran?

13
00:00:25,831 --> 00:00:26,679
Before breakfast.

14
00:00:27,032 --> 00:00:28,175
- Then what, north korea?
- Okay.

15
00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:29,327
- Pakistan?
- Why not?

16
00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:30,885
- Afghanistan?
- If there's time.

17
00:00:37,893 --> 00:00:38,677
Tap dancing?

18
00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:40,892
I used it before
to battle stage fright

19
00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:42,285
when I first went into litigation.

20
00:00:42,925 --> 00:00:44,596
But it's also effective
for stress therapy.

21
00:00:45,724 --> 00:00:47,805
A trained therapist
actually suggested this?

22
00:00:49,148 --> 00:00:49,772
Is it too weird?

23
00:00:50,235 --> 00:00:51,796
Well, yes, jerry.

24
00:00:52,276 --> 00:00:54,419
The hopping,
the wooden cigarette, the ticks,

25
00:00:54,747 --> 00:00:57,278
all of this I understand
and even appreciate, but...

26
00:01:00,675 --> 00:01:02,827
Dana. Hello. Welcome. Not.

27
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:05,451
Hello, jerry, katie.

28
00:01:05,924 --> 00:01:06,812
Dana.

29
00:01:07,572 --> 00:01:08,548
Listen, uh...

30
00:01:10,859 --> 00:01:11,732
How do I say this?

31
00:01:12,027 --> 00:01:13,148
There's nothing to say, dana.

32
00:01:13,483 --> 00:01:14,451
I made my position clear.

33
00:01:14,795 --> 00:01:15,571
I am finished.

34
00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:17,220
Read my... Lips!

35
00:01:18,603 --> 00:01:19,491
Hello, lorraine.

36
00:01:19,867 --> 00:01:20,772
You were my next stop.

37
00:01:21,843 --> 00:01:23,331
I'm not here to ask you
to take me back, jerry,

38
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:24,691
as much as I'd like that.

39
00:01:25,612 --> 00:01:26,996
I was arrested last night.

40
00:01:28,732 --> 00:01:29,524
One of my clients...

41
00:01:30,564 --> 00:01:31,795
One of your clients...

42
00:01:32,331 --> 00:01:34,483
Is an undercover agent working for
the boston police department.

43
00:01:36,619 --> 00:01:37,707
I'm in a little bit of trouble.

44
00:01:39,459 --> 00:01:40,724
I'm here in need of a lawyer.

45
00:01:41,676 --> 00:01:42,868
She's a call girl?

46
00:01:43,260 --> 00:01:43,980
Can you believe it?

47
00:01:44,356 --> 00:01:45,492
First lorraine than this girl...

48
00:01:46,028 --> 00:01:47,004
Hookers wherever you look.

49
00:01:47,332 --> 00:01:48,902
And have you seen this girl dana?

50
00:01:49,211 --> 00:01:50,531
My god. She's so beautiful.

51
00:01:50,915 --> 00:01:52,555
And to think, she's only
a credit card away.

52
00:01:53,659 --> 00:01:54,451
Denny.

53
00:01:55,523 --> 00:01:57,395
Well, well, well.

54
00:01:58,171 --> 00:01:59,204
Finally come to pay your bet.

55
00:01:59,723 --> 00:02:00,548
How are you, denny?

56
00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:02,420
$10,000 richer, I hope.

57
00:02:02,796 --> 00:02:04,080
Alan shore, paul cruickshank.

58
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,560
I beat his ass in golf for 5 grand,
then kicked what was left of it

59
00:02:07,975 --> 00:02:09,335
in the courtroom for another 5,000.

60
00:02:09,783 --> 00:02:11,951
The bet was, you were supposed
to come crawling in with your money.

61
00:02:12,479 --> 00:02:14,434
I'm not here about the bet, denny.

62
00:02:15,128 --> 00:02:15,816
What is it then?

63
00:02:17,112 --> 00:02:19,128
It's extremely confidential.

64
00:02:20,456 --> 00:02:21,063
We're married.

65
00:02:22,199 --> 00:02:25,343
May I speak to you
in private, please?

66
00:02:33,648 --> 00:02:35,511
I'm assuming your office isn't bugged.

67
00:02:35,815 --> 00:02:36,743
It might be. Why do you care?

68
00:02:37,943 --> 00:02:42,784
Once I tell you why I'm here,
you'll realize this visit pains me

69
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,775
far more than it does you.

70
00:02:45,111 --> 00:02:46,055
Let's get to that part then.

71
00:02:47,247 --> 00:02:50,648
You know I'm on the republican
national committee.

72
00:02:51,912 --> 00:02:55,464
What do you think,
honestly, of john McCain?

73
00:02:56,528 --> 00:02:59,392
Yes, that perception
appears to be shared.

74
00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:04,039
Next question... do you know
how w. Got to be president?

75
00:03:04,399 --> 00:03:05,295
His s.a.t. Scores?

76
00:03:05,615 --> 00:03:08,143
We picked him, not because of
his intelligence...

77
00:03:08,575 --> 00:03:09,080
gee.

78
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:10,503
Or that he was a great speaker...

79
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no?

80
00:03:11,856 --> 00:03:12,703
But because he tracks.

81
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:14,032
He was a cowboy.

82
00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:16,968
He was somebody we could sell
to the american public.

83
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:18,792
John mccain...

84
00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:19,583
Isn't.

85
00:03:19,872 --> 00:03:20,623
Get to the punch line, paul.

86
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:21,903
I'm not feeling your pain.

87
00:03:22,879 --> 00:03:28,719
Because I have a relationship with you,
I've been asked to ask you...

88
00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:32,992
How would you feel
about running for president?

89
00:03:34,104 --> 00:03:35,495
There. I've done my duty.

90
00:03:35,852 --> 00:03:37,711
Just say no. I'll be gone.

91
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:40,015
President?

92
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:41,968
Of the united states?

93
00:03:42,415 --> 00:03:44,639
I can tell them you passed then?

94
00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:45,904
Denny crane...

95
00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:49,664
Commander in chief.

96
00:03:54,391 --> 00:03:55,256
I like it.

97
00:03:58,149 --> 00:04:04,286
Boston Legal 419

98
00:04:05,149 --> 00:04:17,286
Synchro : Speedo
Transcript : swsub.com

99
00:04:27,149 --> 00:04:30,238
- Don't be ridiculous.
- They're considering me and ten others.

100
00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:32,294
Evidently, my appearance
on the larry king show

101
00:04:32,629 --> 00:04:34,364
went through the roof.
The public loves me, as expected.

102
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:35,084
Denny...

103
00:04:35,388 --> 00:04:37,572
I'm not supposed to be telling
you anything, by the way.

104
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:38,605
You know nothing.

105
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,261
Do they know you have mad cow?

106
00:04:40,637 --> 00:04:41,972
They're looking for
the next ronald reagan,

107
00:04:42,228 --> 00:04:43,710
and he had it at the very end.

108
00:04:44,012 --> 00:04:45,572
Ronald reagan didn't have
a hooker fetish.

109
00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:47,564
Please. I'm an emperor.

110
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,617
Denny, no offense, but this is
beyond preposterous, beyond.

111
00:04:50,937 --> 00:04:55,296
Why? Bigger nut jobs
have been floated in the past...

112
00:04:55,632 --> 00:04:59,632
Lee iacocca, donald trump,
jesse ventura. Why not me?

113
00:04:59,945 --> 00:05:02,425
Denny, you don't think
before you speak.

114
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:04,152
You barely speak
the english language.

115
00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:06,025
You always have to get your way.

116
00:05:06,313 --> 00:05:07,704
You'd never get along
with other countries.

117
00:05:08,081 --> 00:05:11,168
For god sake, what would possess
the republican party...

118
00:05:11,488 --> 00:05:12,144
Heir apparent.

119
00:05:14,632 --> 00:05:15,280
This must be a joke.

120
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,160
I'm being vetted by six committee
members this afternoon.

121
00:05:18,521 --> 00:05:19,649
I pass that test...

122
00:05:23,226 --> 00:05:23,866
Top secret.

123
00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:43,090
Hello.

124
00:05:44,755 --> 00:05:45,643
Hel-hello.

125
00:05:47,538 --> 00:05:50,026
Um... M-may I help you?

126
00:05:50,411 --> 00:05:51,180
You may.

127
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:52,598
My name is renee winger.

128
00:05:52,926 --> 00:05:54,294
I was denied employment
by a company

129
00:05:54,582 --> 00:05:57,118
guilty of pervasive
and systemic gender bias.

130
00:05:57,542 --> 00:05:59,454
Might I count on you
to be my attorney?

131
00:05:59,886 --> 00:06:03,399
May I ask, what company
are you looking to sue?

132
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:04,799
The archdiocese.

133
00:06:07,559 --> 00:06:09,142
The archdiocese of boston?

134
00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:10,607
yes.

135
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:11,638
I seek to be a priest.

136
00:06:12,198 --> 00:06:13,254
Don't we all.

137
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:17,230
You are a woman.

138
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:21,647
Okay, thank you.

139
00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:23,383
Now will be fine.

140
00:06:26,422 --> 00:06:27,086
No arraignment yet.

141
00:06:27,486 --> 00:06:28,262
The d.a. Wants to meet.

142
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:29,862
Which means they're willing
to make a deal.

143
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,814
Dana, I don't think
we can represent you.

144
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,095
They'll most likely ask you
to flip your employer,

145
00:06:34,406 --> 00:06:35,447
and that would be lorraine.

146
00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:36,556
I don't plan to flip anybody.

147
00:06:36,877 --> 00:06:39,476
I told lorraine I'd preserve
her confidence. I keep my word.

148
00:06:39,796 --> 00:06:41,597
Spare us
the self-righteousness, dana.

149
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,469
You kept from me
you were a call girl.

150
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:45,733
Look, folks, come on.

151
00:06:46,036 --> 00:06:49,308
They got us here dead to rights,
flat as a pancake, done, finis,

152
00:06:49,692 --> 00:06:50,940
sacre bleu, kaputski.

153
00:06:51,372 --> 00:06:53,540
Jerry, we agreed we'd leave out
the foreign languages.

154
00:06:55,644 --> 00:06:57,493
May I have a word
with jerry, please?

155
00:07:06,773 --> 00:07:08,380
I don't expect you
to be able to reconcile

156
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,237
how a woman can have
sexual relations with one man

157
00:07:12,948 --> 00:07:15,593
while being committed to
and completely in love

158
00:07:16,032 --> 00:07:16,976
with another, but...

159
00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:18,024
I really don't want to go there.

160
00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:19,712
I thank you in advance
for your cooperation.

161
00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:24,113
Could we maybe go to dinner
and just talk?

162
00:07:24,905 --> 00:07:25,689
I'm seeing somebody.

163
00:07:27,344 --> 00:07:27,721
who?

164
00:07:28,976 --> 00:07:30,432
An inflatable doll, if you must know.

165
00:07:31,152 --> 00:07:31,536
Patty?

166
00:07:31,944 --> 00:07:33,144
Patty wasn't inflatable.

167
00:07:33,672 --> 00:07:35,794
This is just a cheap,
transitional thing,

168
00:07:36,224 --> 00:07:37,360
not that you weren't.

169
00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:39,073
Give me a break, would ya?

170
00:07:54,904 --> 00:07:58,161
Let me acknowledge from the outset,
this is a long shot.

171
00:07:58,721 --> 00:07:59,209
Okay.

172
00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:01,393
For whatever reason,
your public appearances,

173
00:08:01,697 --> 00:08:04,680
most recently on larry king,
have been very winning

174
00:08:05,025 --> 00:08:05,728
with our base.

175
00:08:06,104 --> 00:08:07,984
You also have a bit of
a wild west profile

176
00:08:08,344 --> 00:08:09,192
that john mccain...

177
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,513
Doesn't, but there are issues.

178
00:08:11,937 --> 00:08:13,585
You recently appeared
before the supreme court

179
00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:15,562
opposing the death penalty.

180
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:16,515
Hired gun, just in case.

181
00:08:16,987 --> 00:08:18,874
I am for the death penalty.

182
00:08:19,187 --> 00:08:20,114
Always have been, always will be.

183
00:08:21,314 --> 00:08:23,054
I'd like to play
a political rorschach test,

184
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,103
a, uh, word association game.

185
00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:25,926
Shoot.

186
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:26,934
I'll throw out a word.

187
00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,443
You say the first word
that pops into your head.

188
00:08:28,819 --> 00:08:29,403
- Shoot.
- Homosexual.

189
00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:30,470
- Shoot.
- Abortion.

190
00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:31,651
- Murder.
- The war.

191
00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:33,207
- Economy.
- Democrats.

192
00:08:33,606 --> 00:08:35,031
- John mccain.
- Immigration.

193
00:08:35,462 --> 00:08:36,279
- No mas.
- Hillary.

194
00:08:36,743 --> 00:08:37,903
Pull my finger.

195
00:08:38,647 --> 00:08:42,163
That was very interesting. Can
we turn to your personal life?

196
00:08:42,531 --> 00:08:43,019
Please.

197
00:08:43,443 --> 00:08:45,859
Our background check reveals
you enjoy spending time

198
00:08:46,228 --> 00:08:46,883
with prostitutes.

199
00:08:47,307 --> 00:08:47,939
Who doesn't?

200
00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:49,731
I like sex. I like women.

201
00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:50,980
I'll hump anything in a dress.

202
00:08:51,459 --> 00:08:53,075
I'll even get down on the floor
with you right now

203
00:08:53,428 --> 00:08:54,299
if they'll turn off the lights.

204
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:57,563
But know this, the american public
will find it refreshing

205
00:08:57,899 --> 00:08:59,179
to finally get
a republican candidate

206
00:08:59,579 --> 00:09:03,475
who's not a moralistic, sexually
repressed, crusading hypocrite

207
00:09:03,845 --> 00:09:05,923
who cruises airport mens' rooms
late at night.

208
00:09:06,435 --> 00:09:09,067
Denny crane rides high
in the saddle.

209
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:10,292
I'll go into office
with my boots on,

210
00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:12,227
i'll die with my boots on.

211
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,051
Next?

212
00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:14,351
Alan shore.

213
00:09:14,703 --> 00:09:15,119
What about him?

214
00:09:15,432 --> 00:09:17,663
He expresses many
anti-american views.

215
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,641
Which I disagree with
most of the time,

216
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,649
but I won't throw him
under the bus to be president.

217
00:09:23,081 --> 00:09:23,953
What else you got?

218
00:09:24,281 --> 00:09:25,658
We're prepared to
go forward this year

219
00:09:25,985 --> 00:09:27,369
without the blessing
of the christian right,

220
00:09:27,905 --> 00:09:30,553
but we cannot and will not
abandon the values

221
00:09:30,858 --> 00:09:33,536
of our most valuable
and precious republican base.

222
00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:36,297
I speak, of course,
of the n.r.a.

223
00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:50,117
Bring it on.

224
00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:03,765
We have taken many ridiculous cases,
but suing a church...

225
00:10:04,165 --> 00:10:05,701
That's guilty of gender bias.

226
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,636
What, are you saying
we should have a woman pope?

227
00:10:07,932 --> 00:10:09,845
There's evidence of
a female pope called joan

228
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:11,020
around the 9th century.

229
00:10:11,356 --> 00:10:13,382
Records of her were destroyed
by subsequent popes.

230
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:16,220
Carl, it's not
a ridiculous case.

231
00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:18,925
And since it could be perceived
as runaway feminism,

232
00:10:20,541 --> 00:10:23,579
I really, really think it's important
that we have a man at the table.

233
00:10:23,922 --> 00:10:24,570
No! No, no, no.

234
00:10:24,906 --> 00:10:26,338
It's the right thing to do.

235
00:10:26,706 --> 00:10:27,514
And you know what?

236
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,611
I'll bet a reasonable judge
will agree.

237
00:10:29,955 --> 00:10:34,147
Of all the ridiculous,
sacrilegious, blasphemous acts

238
00:10:34,491 --> 00:10:35,955
of heresy I've ever heard.

239
00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:37,392
As for the unreasonable ones...

240
00:10:37,688 --> 00:10:40,592
You want me to order the archdiocese
to ordain a woman?

241
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,473
We are simply asking you to deny
their tax-exempt status

242
00:10:43,753 --> 00:10:45,553
if they continue to discriminate.

243
00:10:45,905 --> 00:10:48,889
Ms. Schmidt, the first amendment
to our constitution

244
00:10:49,337 --> 00:10:51,146
has something in it called
the establishment clause.

245
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:51,858
Yes, I've read it.

246
00:10:52,187 --> 00:10:53,771
Your honor, I would
refer you to the case

247
00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:56,874
against bob jones university,
where a religious institution

248
00:10:57,154 --> 00:10:59,291
does not allow
interracial dating or marriage,

249
00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:01,882
and so they were denied
their tax-exempt status.

250
00:11:02,243 --> 00:11:04,746
Bob jones was sued
as a school, not a church.

251
00:11:05,090 --> 00:11:08,331
They were sued as a religious
educational institution.

252
00:11:08,715 --> 00:11:10,515
There are many religions
that restrict

253
00:11:10,858 --> 00:11:13,979
the priesthood, counsel...
Orthodox judaism, islam,

254
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:16,035
mormonism, orthodox christianity.

255
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:18,163
And if they do so solely on gender,

256
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:19,747
they're committing
a civil rights violation.

257
00:11:20,178 --> 00:11:21,266
Well, have you got a witness?

258
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:23,044
Yes, I d
i'm so glad you asked.

259
00:11:23,386 --> 00:11:23,994
Renee.

260
00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:25,410
You're going to like her.

261
00:11:27,835 --> 00:11:28,451
God beckoned me.

262
00:11:37,411 --> 00:11:38,490
Hello.

263
00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:41,053
My name's katie lloyd.
This is jerry espenson.

264
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:42,284
- hi.
- Hello. Welcome.

265
00:11:43,253 --> 00:11:44,484
Well, thank you for coming in.

266
00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,220
I'm sure you can guess
what's on my mind.

267
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:47,204
We can.

268
00:11:48,412 --> 00:11:49,212
Good.

269
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:50,428
Here's the offer...

270
00:11:50,941 --> 00:11:53,471
She tells us who runs the ring,
agrees to give testimony against

271
00:11:53,805 --> 00:11:54,669
this individual or individuals,

272
00:11:55,037 --> 00:11:57,748
we'll dismiss the charges
and give her transactional immunity.

273
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,796
I'd first need to see a copy
of the incident report

274
00:12:02,148 --> 00:12:03,780
together with a proffer
of your agent's testimony

275
00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,772
so we can know
what we're dealing with

276
00:12:06,084 --> 00:12:06,629
in the way of evidence.

277
00:12:06,932 --> 00:12:08,237
No problem. We'll get that
to you right away.

278
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:09,149
Thank you.

279
00:12:12,693 --> 00:12:14,613
It doesn't strike me as airtight.

280
00:12:14,948 --> 00:12:15,660
The language is ambiguous.

281
00:12:16,045 --> 00:12:16,900
No sex actually transpired.

282
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:17,853
Lorraine.

283
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:20,588
I don't see how
I can recommend anything other

284
00:12:20,972 --> 00:12:22,220
than she accept this offer.

285
00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:23,773
Otherwise, she's looking at jail.

286
00:12:24,389 --> 00:12:25,772
And if she does take the deal...

287
00:12:26,949 --> 00:12:30,175
Well, it's not like I never
thought this day could come.

288
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:32,548
May I ask why?

289
00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:36,036
You've established yourself
as a first-rate attorney.

290
00:12:37,076 --> 00:12:38,260
Why continue
with this brothel business?

291
00:12:39,932 --> 00:12:41,037
I did get out for a while.

292
00:12:41,837 --> 00:12:42,556
and?

293
00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:45,453
I missed it.

294
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,910
What do you mean, "it's on"?

295
00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:50,525
I got past round one.

296
00:12:50,901 --> 00:12:51,996
And what's round two?

297
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:54,724
We meet with a bunch of donors,
test the waters

298
00:12:55,021 --> 00:12:56,260
to see if we can raise money.

299
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:57,325
Can you imagine?

300
00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:00,325
No. Denny, would you even
want to be president?

301
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,717
Think of it, you and I
on the oval office balcony,

302
00:13:04,277 --> 00:13:07,397
scotch, cigars,
maybe even an intern.

303
00:13:07,701 --> 00:13:10,140
Denny, your balcony days
would be over.

304
00:13:10,564 --> 00:13:13,341
There'd be sniper assassins
to worry about.

305
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:16,935
Oh, please. Look, I know
it's not really gonna happen.

306
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:18,229
I'm not kidding myself.

307
00:13:21,557 --> 00:13:22,053
but?

308
00:13:22,573 --> 00:13:25,165
But just to be considered,
to be on the short list,

309
00:13:25,509 --> 00:13:27,813
even for a day, that's something
to tell your grandchildren.

310
00:13:28,164 --> 00:13:29,708
I may have a few, by the way.

311
00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:30,700
You should check on that.

312
00:13:31,028 --> 00:13:31,788
We are.

313
00:13:32,149 --> 00:13:33,452
We'd need to do a background
check on you as well.

314
00:13:33,932 --> 00:13:34,651
me?

315
00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:35,593
You're his best friend.

316
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:36,232
We'd need to vet all of his...

317
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,352
If you've gotten this far,
you've already vetted me.

318
00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:40,992
Will you get serious?

319
00:13:41,505 --> 00:13:44,608
To think I could have
my finger on the button...

320
00:13:46,977 --> 00:13:47,794
My own nuclear bomb.

321
00:13:53,627 --> 00:13:56,075
You want to withdraw because
your advice would be to take the deal,

322
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,426
and you don't want to act
against lorraine's interests.

323
00:13:58,946 --> 00:13:59,602
Basically, yes.

324
00:13:59,954 --> 00:14:00,906
Well, I don't want the deal.

325
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:02,443
You don't have to do this for me.

326
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:03,610
I'm not doing it for you.

327
00:14:04,154 --> 00:14:05,938
When I made my choice
to go into this profession,

328
00:14:06,298 --> 00:14:07,419
I did so without shame.

329
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,179
I reject the notion
that it's immoral,

330
00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:12,028
and I won't be judged for it,
especially by you.

331
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:14,732
You'll be judged by the law, dana,
which criminalizes...

332
00:14:15,058 --> 00:14:17,714
A law which is as unreasonable
as it is archaic,

333
00:14:18,146 --> 00:14:19,955
and I'd like to challenge it.

334
00:14:21,226 --> 00:14:22,354
You can't mean that.

335
00:14:22,722 --> 00:14:23,386
I do mean that.

336
00:14:24,235 --> 00:14:27,115
Is there a mechanism for challenging
the validity of the law itself?

337
00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:31,563
Well, our best bet would be
to get the matter

338
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,602
certified to the massachusetts
supreme judicial court and...

339
00:14:35,202 --> 00:14:35,875
That's what I want to do.

340
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:38,378
We'll take our shot there
and then decide...

341
00:14:40,426 --> 00:14:43,035
Please stop looking at me
like I'm a sexual deviant.

342
00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:44,099
Could you do that, jerry?

343
00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:45,651
But you are a sexual deviant, dana.

344
00:14:45,987 --> 00:14:48,187
You engage in sexual conduct
for a fee.

345
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,938
That's as deviant
as it is immoral.

346
00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:52,723
I do judge you, and I'll ask you
to stop looking at me

347
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:54,648
for either approval or sympathy.

348
00:15:10,498 --> 00:15:13,401
You stay paying a motion before the s.j.c.

349
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:16,286
Should we lose, you can expect
to be formally charged tomorrow.

350
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:21,126
I'd like you to argue it, jerry.

351
00:15:21,695 --> 00:15:22,591
Me? Why?

352
00:15:22,887 --> 00:15:23,679
Please.

353
00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:25,087
Hello.

354
00:15:25,423 --> 00:15:25,863
Denny.

355
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:26,687
Hello.

356
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,559
Pick a card, any card.

357
00:15:29,071 --> 00:15:31,759
We could meet after work,
have a winespitzer.

358
00:15:36,495 --> 00:15:37,006
Had six wives.

359
00:15:38,239 --> 00:15:39,214
None of them understood me.

360
00:15:44,839 --> 00:15:45,951
Many of the church's doctrines

361
00:15:46,391 --> 00:15:47,927
have nothing to do
with divine law.

362
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,575
For example?

363
00:15:50,135 --> 00:15:51,438
Well, celibacy for one.

364
00:15:51,902 --> 00:15:54,223
Priests were not required
to be celibate until 1139,

365
00:15:54,574 --> 00:15:56,111
before which they were allowed
to have families,

366
00:15:56,399 --> 00:15:57,159
usually quite large.

367
00:15:57,631 --> 00:16:01,866
Celibacy was a function of economic
pragmatism, not divine law.

368
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:03,807
I would probably not be celibate.

369
00:16:04,191 --> 00:16:05,512
I am sexually rambunctious.

370
00:16:08,127 --> 00:16:11,607
And may I ask, is this something
that's important to you?

371
00:16:12,031 --> 00:16:15,481
Yes. When I was young,
people considered me off.

372
00:16:16,015 --> 00:16:17,711
I was shunned, ostracized.

373
00:16:18,303 --> 00:16:19,663
As you can see,
it's still very difficult

374
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:20,887
for me to talk about it now.

375
00:16:21,407 --> 00:16:23,239
The catholic church
reached out to me.

376
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,119
They were a source
of great comfort.

377
00:16:25,535 --> 00:16:27,759
I would like to extend
the tolerance and compassion

378
00:16:28,086 --> 00:16:29,583
to others that was
so greatly afforded to me

379
00:16:29,830 --> 00:16:30,902
in my time of...

380
00:16:33,895 --> 00:16:36,687
I apologize. I didn't mean
to get emotional.

381
00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:47,447
What are you doing?

382
00:16:47,751 --> 00:16:48,495
Here, take a look at this.

383
00:16:51,415 --> 00:16:52,663
If I did run, I couldn't lose.

384
00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:55,343
Look at her eyes.

385
00:16:55,871 --> 00:16:57,055
Mad cow, man.

386
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,095
Oh, come on.

387
00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,319
What else could it be?

388
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:02,582
Makes sense.

389
00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:04,183
I'm pretty sure bill's got it.

390
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:05,327
Could be post-traumatic stress.

391
00:17:05,895 --> 00:17:08,119
Remember the whiwater
rafting trip with kenneth starr?

392
00:17:08,455 --> 00:17:10,343
And she took a lot
of sniper fire in bosnia,

393
00:17:10,703 --> 00:17:12,575
bullets sailing over her head
as she ran for cover.

394
00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:14,471
Surprising bill
in the oval office...

395
00:17:14,775 --> 00:17:16,009
That had to be
some shock and awe.

396
00:17:16,312 --> 00:17:17,880
Her problem with bill is
she isn't pretty enough.

397
00:17:18,194 --> 00:17:19,769
She needs to be prettier, like him.

398
00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:22,417
You think he's pretty?

399
00:17:22,768 --> 00:17:24,289
What? What are you talking about?

400
00:17:24,641 --> 00:17:25,897
He used to be whitney houston.

401
00:17:26,354 --> 00:17:28,680
What about mccain? You'd first
have to get by him.

402
00:17:29,017 --> 00:17:32,176
Please. Mccain is
patient zero, mad cow.

403
00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:34,576
He can't remember anybody
he's met before,

404
00:17:34,906 --> 00:17:35,888
so he calls everybody his friend.

405
00:17:36,368 --> 00:17:37,521
You know, my friends...

406
00:17:37,897 --> 00:17:38,609
Thank you all, my friends.

407
00:17:38,961 --> 00:17:39,497
My friends... my friends...

408
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:40,553
My friends...

409
00:17:40,889 --> 00:17:41,257
That tonight, my friends...

410
00:17:41,577 --> 00:17:41,897
Well, my friends...

411
00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:43,001
So, my friends...

412
00:17:43,409 --> 00:17:44,402
So, my friends...

413
00:17:46,081 --> 00:17:47,901
They want me to take a physical
before I meet with the donors.

414
00:17:49,029 --> 00:17:49,389
I'm sorry?

415
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:50,503
The, uh, search committee.

416
00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:52,799
They want me to take a physical
to make sure I'm healthy.

417
00:17:53,151 --> 00:17:58,353
Oh, please. I can kick Mccain ass, obama too,
hillary I'm not sure of.

418
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,281
So what, you have to go
to one of their doctors?

419
00:18:01,322 --> 00:18:02,338
On the q.t. At the avalon.

420
00:18:02,825 --> 00:18:04,008
And that's where the meeting
with the donors is.

421
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,665
How could they possibly
take it this far?

422
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,513
I'm a wanted man, alan.

423
00:18:10,025 --> 00:18:10,689
Wanted.

424
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:18,121
You expect me to over turn

425
00:18:18,417 --> 00:18:20,193
the law against prostitution
in the common wealth?

426
00:18:20,689 --> 00:18:21,384
Yes, your honor.

427
00:18:21,776 --> 00:18:24,011
Or in the alternative,
schedule a hearing

428
00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:25,386
before the full
supreme judicial court

429
00:18:25,739 --> 00:18:28,123
to determine whether the statute
is arbitrary, unreasonable,

430
00:18:28,435 --> 00:18:30,163
and therefore unconstitutional
on its ass.

431
00:18:30,555 --> 00:18:31,579
Face.

432
00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:34,259
Okay, why don't you start
by telling me

433
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:35,587
why it's unreasonable?

434
00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:36,834
Gladly.

435
00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:48,363
It's estimated
that legalizing prostitution

436
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:52,578
would decrease the rape rate
in this country by 25%.

437
00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:55,043
That alone should merit
the court's consideration.

438
00:18:55,723 --> 00:18:59,299
Moreover, criminalizing prostitution
doesn't make it go away.

439
00:18:59,691 --> 00:19:01,371
It just renders it
more dangerous.

440
00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:04,027
Why not regulate the profession?

441
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:07,995
Employ and ensure safety measures
that would reduce the risk

442
00:19:08,307 --> 00:19:11,074
of a.i.d.s., s.t.d.s.
We could also ensure that

443
00:19:11,403 --> 00:19:13,962
the women are less exploited,
be it with insurance benefits...

444
00:19:14,259 --> 00:19:16,508
I am offended by the idea that
this doesn't victimize women.

445
00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:18,556
- It's legal in nevada...
- What isn't in nevada?

446
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:20,715
- And rhode island, canada...
- This is an issue for the legislature...

447
00:19:21,019 --> 00:19:22,379
- Many, many countries...
- Not the court.

448
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:24,355
- Argentina, australia, england, brazil...
- I don't care what other countries do.

449
00:19:24,827 --> 00:19:25,636
- New zealand, norway, peru, ireland, italy, germany...
- We do not follow, we lead...

450
00:19:26,052 --> 00:19:26,856
- Greece, iceland, mexico switzerland.
- And we certainly do not conform

451
00:19:27,324 --> 00:19:28,728
- our moral code to coincide...
- Let me finish!

452
00:19:30,664 --> 00:19:31,496
Who are you looking to protect?

453
00:19:32,344 --> 00:19:34,824
My investigators have seen you
with ms. Strickland.

454
00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:38,776
Hey, you want to go after me,
sweetheart? Take your shot.

455
00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:41,065
I will go after you
if you have broken the law.

456
00:19:41,409 --> 00:19:43,729
Your honor, this law
is about imposing a morality.

457
00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:45,272
What's more, it doesn't work.

458
00:19:45,625 --> 00:19:46,592
Prostitution exists.

459
00:19:47,056 --> 00:19:48,016
It always will.

460
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:50,352
Driving it underground
makes it more dangerous.

461
00:19:50,696 --> 00:19:52,633
It establishes a base camp,
if you will,

462
00:19:52,952 --> 00:19:55,193
for organized crime,
for other criminal enterprises,

463
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:57,209
including the child sex trade,
slave trafficking...

464
00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:58,472
He is talking in circles.

465
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,536
How about we take this money
earmarked for prosecutions

466
00:20:02,657 --> 00:20:06,691
and dedicate it
to a.i.d.s. Awareness, sex education?

467
00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:10,027
25% of american female teenagers
between 14 and 19

468
00:20:10,347 --> 00:20:11,867
now have some formf s.t.d.

469
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:15,906
Meanwhile, we see more and more
abstinence programs popping up,

470
00:20:16,211 --> 00:20:17,795
schools forbidden
to talk about condoms.

471
00:20:18,186 --> 00:20:19,178
That's what's criminal.

472
00:20:19,524 --> 00:20:20,546
And legalizing prostitution...

473
00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:23,267
Will end up with fewer
prostitutes in the morgue.

474
00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:28,491
And given that it's a multi-
Billion-dollar industry anyway,

475
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,067
why not tax it?

476
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,650
Why not use it to help build
the hospitals and schools

477
00:20:35,002 --> 00:20:37,242
that politicians promise to deliver,
but never get around to

478
00:20:37,578 --> 00:20:39,490
'cause many of them are too busy
hanging out with hookers?

479
00:20:39,874 --> 00:20:41,058
We could use that money, judge.

480
00:20:41,386 --> 00:20:42,138
We're in a war.

481
00:20:42,436 --> 00:20:43,283
We have a deficit.

482
00:20:43,594 --> 00:20:44,219
Billions of dollars...

483
00:20:46,019 --> 00:20:48,427
when we can use it
to support our troops?

484
00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:49,923
Trump card! I said it.

485
00:20:50,243 --> 00:20:52,258
Support our troops. I win!

486
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:12,994
Thank you.

487
00:21:13,789 --> 00:21:16,402
May I ask what you're doing here?

488
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:17,922
Denny invited me.

489
00:21:18,522 --> 00:21:20,075
Don't worry. I won't tell.

490
00:21:20,426 --> 00:21:22,371
I'm very loyal to the party.

491
00:21:23,122 --> 00:21:25,361
Of course, one might question
your loyalty...

492
00:21:25,753 --> 00:21:28,890
Offering denny crane
as a presidential candidate.

493
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:31,154
You think it's my idea?

494
00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:33,962
My only hope is that these people
come to their senses.

495
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:37,242
On the other hand,
john mcsnore doesn't win

496
00:21:37,490 --> 00:21:38,650
the logic prize either.

497
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:40,098
Where is denny?

498
00:21:41,442 --> 00:21:43,242
I believe he's getting his physical.

499
00:21:44,505 --> 00:21:45,922
So you weren't told
to bring your records?

500
00:21:46,354 --> 00:21:48,434
Why don't you just take
my blood pressure,

501
00:21:48,714 --> 00:21:49,362
and let's get on with this?

502
00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,058
I took your blood pressure,
mr. Crane.

503
00:21:51,402 --> 00:21:52,402
That was not a polygraph.

504
00:21:53,082 --> 00:21:54,098
Now you'll need an e.k.g.

505
00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:55,108
What for?

506
00:21:55,364 --> 00:21:56,099
To check your heart.

507
00:21:56,444 --> 00:21:58,140
It's to make sure that you
don't keel over and die.

508
00:21:58,419 --> 00:22:00,463
Oh, judas priest.

509
00:22:01,084 --> 00:22:03,286
We certainly teach that
men and women are equal.

510
00:22:03,694 --> 00:22:04,260
But...

511
00:22:04,556 --> 00:22:07,068
But they have different roles
that are divinely bestowed.

512
00:22:07,404 --> 00:22:10,148
This is an authoritarian teaching
called complementarity.

513
00:22:10,556 --> 00:22:11,412
Complementarity?

514
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:13,340
Yes. It's not sexism.

515
00:22:13,756 --> 00:22:15,796
We believe in the plan of god.

516
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:18,156
Men and women complement each other,

517
00:22:18,516 --> 00:22:20,228
and there by occupy
different positions.

518
00:22:21,435 --> 00:22:22,452
Separate but equal?

519
00:22:22,916 --> 00:22:23,956
Spend a day with the nuns.

520
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:26,100
You might conclude
they're a little more equal.

521
00:22:26,484 --> 00:22:27,900
That would be funny...

522
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:29,260
If it wasn't sexist.

523
00:22:29,868 --> 00:22:32,859
Women can head state
and national and international

524
00:22:33,188 --> 00:22:34,108
catholic institutions.

525
00:22:34,531 --> 00:22:35,828
But when it comes
to being a priest...

526
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:37,924
That role is reserved for men.

527
00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:39,660
You realize, your holiness,
that a majority of catholics

528
00:22:39,996 --> 00:22:43,036
in this country now favor women
in the priesthood?

529
00:22:43,484 --> 00:22:46,581
We don't modify doctrine
to comply with opinion polls.

530
00:22:46,971 --> 00:22:48,315
Oh, come on. Sure you do.

531
00:22:49,404 --> 00:22:52,317
The church once defended slavery
as willed by god

532
00:22:52,668 --> 00:22:54,220
you modified that doctrine.

533
00:22:54,636 --> 00:22:56,524
Then there was the persecution
of witches,

534
00:22:56,868 --> 00:22:57,996
you know, with the big rocks...

535
00:22:58,404 --> 00:22:59,148
Torture.

536
00:22:59,564 --> 00:23:01,788
And let's not forget the crimes
of the inquisition.

537
00:23:02,117 --> 00:23:03,844
All of those were
catholic church doctrines

538
00:23:04,244 --> 00:23:06,172
adjusted according to
popular opinion.

539
00:23:06,659 --> 00:23:09,196
And let's not forget that you
once condemned homosexuality

540
00:23:09,564 --> 00:23:13,172
as an intrinsic and moral evil,
but... oh, wait.

541
00:23:13,523 --> 00:23:14,508
That one still stands.

542
00:23:16,932 --> 00:23:19,668
Your holiness, I have great respect
and well, appreciation

543
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:21,788
for the catholic church.

544
00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:23,004
How could I not?

545
00:23:23,292 --> 00:23:24,075
After all, I'm a jew.

546
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,380
You made one of ours almighty.

547
00:23:28,764 --> 00:23:30,588
But this woman thing...

548
00:23:31,044 --> 00:23:33,471
The truth is, in many cities,
women are being

549
00:23:33,780 --> 00:23:35,364
secretly ordained by roman catholic,

550
00:23:35,669 --> 00:23:38,380
male bishops who believe it is
the right thing to do.

551
00:23:38,804 --> 00:23:40,989
Those bishops do so
at the risk of excommunication.

552
00:23:42,028 --> 00:23:43,388
Even the mere mention of...

553
00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:44,363
Wait a second.

554
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,356
So one could have
a glorious catholic career,

555
00:23:46,644 --> 00:23:50,228
rise to the position of bishop,
yet, if you are to so much as whisper,

556
00:23:50,636 --> 00:23:54,860
"hey, maybe women should be ordained,"
you'd be excommunicated?

557
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:02,996
It sounds like...

558
00:24:03,363 --> 00:24:06,678
Somebody somewhere
has got something against women.

559
00:24:12,308 --> 00:24:13,516
I find you attractive.

560
00:24:20,908 --> 00:24:23,508
Why couldn't we do this
at a regular doctor's office?

561
00:24:23,933 --> 00:24:25,246
You're asking the wrong person.

562
00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:27,388
All I was told is, it's security,

563
00:24:27,796 --> 00:24:30,005
and we need to set up
separate facilities in here.

564
00:24:30,316 --> 00:24:32,653
Why you people have to be
so damn secretive is beyond me.

565
00:24:33,020 --> 00:24:33,668
In here.

566
00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:39,068
Surprise!

567
00:24:53,483 --> 00:24:55,156
Gotcha, denny. Gotcha.

568
00:24:55,804 --> 00:24:57,196
Ladies and gentlemen...

569
00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:00,551
I give to you the next
president of the united states...

570
00:25:00,948 --> 00:25:02,548
Denny crane!

571
00:25:12,396 --> 00:25:14,518
So... This is a joke?

572
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:20,989
Mike brady came up with the idea,
it just took on a life,

573
00:25:21,444 --> 00:25:24,972
and... and we figured,
why not make a party out of it?

574
00:25:27,140 --> 00:25:29,091
So I... I'm... I'm not really
running for president?

575
00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:35,452
May I have your attention,
please?

576
00:25:38,733 --> 00:25:41,844
I'm special agent john sharpe of
the fedal bureau of investigation.

577
00:25:42,356 --> 00:25:44,115
I need you all
to get down on your knees

578
00:25:44,427 --> 00:25:46,628
and put your hands
on top of your heads, now.

579
00:25:47,116 --> 00:25:47,804
What's going on?

580
00:25:48,284 --> 00:25:48,996
Do it now, sir.

581
00:25:49,476 --> 00:25:51,468
This is a roomful of lawyers,
you know...

582
00:25:51,852 --> 00:25:52,748
Sir, I'm running this party now.

583
00:25:53,516 --> 00:25:56,148
You're all under arrest
for theft by false pretenses.

584
00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:56,972
What?

585
00:25:57,285 --> 00:25:59,157
We have been informed
of a fund-raising scheme

586
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:03,667
fraudulently posing
as a presidential candidate.

587
00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:04,372
no.

588
00:26:04,732 --> 00:26:06,258
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Sir, down on your knees, please.

589
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:11,193
Look, we're not really
asking for money.

590
00:26:11,537 --> 00:26:12,738
It's a practical joke.

591
00:26:13,194 --> 00:26:14,426
We're all in on it.

592
00:26:14,802 --> 00:26:15,874
I'm... I'm not in on it.

593
00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:16,810
A practical joke?

594
00:26:17,098 --> 00:26:18,218
Yes, on this man...

595
00:26:18,602 --> 00:26:19,450
Denny crane.

596
00:26:19,906 --> 00:26:21,714
He was the one deceived.

597
00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:23,658
Nobody's actually
being solicited for money.

598
00:26:23,946 --> 00:26:25,019
No transaction...

599
00:26:25,332 --> 00:26:26,534
Is this true, sir?
Are they all in on it?

600
00:26:26,892 --> 00:26:30,562
I don't know. I can't believe
that harry beckett is in on it.

601
00:26:31,354 --> 00:26:33,850
And sandra cook? She hasn't got
a mean bone in her body.

602
00:26:34,824 --> 00:26:37,930
Mitch. You were
at all six of my weddings.

603
00:26:38,938 --> 00:26:39,450
All these people...

604
00:26:39,906 --> 00:26:41,283
They know me, we go way back...

605
00:26:41,962 --> 00:26:44,243
And they of all people
should know...

606
00:26:47,738 --> 00:26:49,226
That you can't get the master.

607
00:26:49,850 --> 00:26:51,098
You all have the right
to remain silent.

608
00:26:51,530 --> 00:26:53,672
You have all been had
by Mr. Denny crane.

609
00:26:54,005 --> 00:26:54,640
- What?
- What?

610
00:26:55,167 --> 00:26:55,720
Maestro.

611
00:26:59,479 --> 00:27:01,179
Amateurs, all of ya.

612
00:27:04,419 --> 00:27:04,947
You don't look so good.

613
00:27:07,067 --> 00:27:08,051
Start the party.

614
00:27:28,099 --> 00:27:28,468
hey.

615
00:27:30,884 --> 00:27:31,484
What's up?

616
00:27:33,706 --> 00:27:34,387
We lost.

617
00:27:35,243 --> 00:27:36,739
Evidently, the judge
didn't go for the idea

618
00:27:36,995 --> 00:27:38,637
of using prostitution
to found the war.

619
00:27:39,653 --> 00:27:40,261
So we go to trial.

620
00:27:40,861 --> 00:27:42,941
Your arraignment is scheduled
for tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.

621
00:27:43,389 --> 00:27:45,422
And my chances of winning?

622
00:27:47,377 --> 00:27:47,853
Not great.

623
00:27:48,965 --> 00:27:51,587
Dana, you do have to consider
this deal they're offering.

624
00:27:55,002 --> 00:27:56,450
Can I talk to jerry
for a minute?

625
00:27:57,057 --> 00:27:57,473
Certainly.

626
00:28:05,418 --> 00:28:05,817
I'm sorry.

627
00:28:06,369 --> 00:28:09,082
I spun a little out of control
in my argument.

628
00:28:09,882 --> 00:28:11,282
I didn't really expect
to win, jerry.

629
00:28:14,241 --> 00:28:16,201
The reason, uh,
I even wanted to try,

630
00:28:16,977 --> 00:28:18,657
the reason I specifically
wanted you to argue...

631
00:28:20,802 --> 00:28:23,193
I read of the, uh,
the phenomenon

632
00:28:23,545 --> 00:28:25,746
where lawyers invariably
come to believe

633
00:28:26,089 --> 00:28:27,281
in the merits of their arguments.

634
00:28:29,273 --> 00:28:30,497
I wanted you to believe...

635
00:28:31,961 --> 00:28:32,753
That I'm not a criminal.

636
00:28:34,161 --> 00:28:37,377
I wanted you to be convinced
that I'm not amoral.

637
00:28:41,201 --> 00:28:43,697
Because I want desperately
to get back with you.

638
00:28:49,809 --> 00:28:50,705
Is that a possibility?

639
00:28:56,385 --> 00:28:56,930
no.

640
00:29:00,290 --> 00:29:00,682
Okay.

641
00:29:03,010 --> 00:29:04,873
Well, uh... I...

642
00:29:05,872 --> 00:29:08,928
I guess I'll, uh,
i'll see you in court then.

643
00:29:40,224 --> 00:29:42,048
Your honor, the plaintiff
is asking you

644
00:29:42,455 --> 00:29:46,320
to invalidate church law on the
grounds that it's unreasonable.

645
00:29:47,336 --> 00:29:48,760
This is religion, for god sake.

646
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,783
We don't hold religion
and faith up to standards

647
00:29:53,087 --> 00:29:54,359
of reasonableness.

648
00:29:54,687 --> 00:29:55,447
Why shouldn't we?

649
00:29:55,975 --> 00:29:59,311
Does it really make sense that
god got mad at the human race

650
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,328
and drowned them all,
including children

651
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,704
and all the animals
except two of each,

652
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,464
which survived on a big boat?

653
00:30:06,008 --> 00:30:10,847
Do christians literally believe
the earth was made in seven days?

654
00:30:11,671 --> 00:30:13,703
Religion... Some of it is out there.

655
00:30:14,255 --> 00:30:19,080
But we a have the right
to believe in what we choose.

656
00:30:19,504 --> 00:30:21,624
That's the point
of the establishment clause.

657
00:30:22,239 --> 00:30:25,616
One of the many reasons
america came into being

658
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,608
was so that we as a people
could be free to practice

659
00:30:30,943 --> 00:30:32,303
the religion of our choice.

660
00:30:33,031 --> 00:30:35,935
Now one doesn't have to love
the tenants of catholicism.

661
00:30:36,535 --> 00:30:40,279
Ms. Winger is certainly free
to choose another faith.

662
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:46,495
But paramount to the catholic
religion is a male priesthood.

663
00:30:47,448 --> 00:30:48,719
It's not just the catholics.

664
00:30:49,463 --> 00:30:52,208
Orthodox judaism segregates
men and women in the synagogue.

665
00:30:52,567 --> 00:30:55,120
Girls have to sit in the back
or the balcony.

666
00:30:55,456 --> 00:30:57,296
They also don't allow women
to be rabbis.

667
00:30:57,704 --> 00:30:58,712
Islam... forget about it.

668
00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:00,984
They don't even let women
show their faces.

669
00:31:01,352 --> 00:31:05,119
The ugly fact is that we're okay
with bigotry in this country

670
00:31:05,479 --> 00:31:07,274
as long as it's cloaked
in faith.

671
00:31:07,719 --> 00:31:09,688
And the prejudice
isn't limited to women.

672
00:31:10,112 --> 00:31:11,816
You think we'll ever eliminate
gay bashing

673
00:31:12,176 --> 00:31:13,528
while giving tax breaks
to institutions

674
00:31:13,856 --> 00:31:17,080
who declare that homosexuality
is a moral sin, an evil?

675
00:31:17,448 --> 00:31:19,688
Whether it's persecution of
the christians in ancient rome

676
00:31:20,008 --> 00:31:21,751
or the holocaust
during world war II

677
00:31:22,031 --> 00:31:25,535
or bosnia today, where we have
an ethnic genocide in progress,

678
00:31:26,023 --> 00:31:28,240
religion has a mean legacy.

679
00:31:28,639 --> 00:31:29,688
This isn't about bosnia.

680
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,784
Why would you have to travel
the globe to make a point,

681
00:31:33,136 --> 00:31:36,096
mr. Sack, if your argument
held water here at home?

682
00:31:36,456 --> 00:31:38,134
You want me to keep it local?
Fine with me.

683
00:31:38,622 --> 00:31:39,358
Pat robertson.

684
00:31:39,878 --> 00:31:40,638
He's a popular guy.

685
00:31:41,342 --> 00:31:42,999
He referred to presbyterians
and episcopalians

686
00:31:43,646 --> 00:31:47,061
and methodists
as the spirit of antichrist.

687
00:31:47,597 --> 00:31:50,269
He's also rumored to have
blamed katrina on the fact

688
00:31:50,566 --> 00:31:53,122
that ellen degeneres... A lesbian...
Lived in new orleans.

689
00:31:53,650 --> 00:31:56,673
Jerry falwell said
that 9/11 happened

690
00:31:57,033 --> 00:31:59,530
because of god's wrath
against homosexuals.

691
00:32:03,161 --> 00:32:04,314
I'm a spiritual man.

692
00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:06,441
I go to temple. I pray.

693
00:32:07,186 --> 00:32:07,786
I believe in god.

694
00:32:09,370 --> 00:32:11,810
But we cannot deny that religion
is one place

695
00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:16,529
where we allow hate and oppression
and discrimination to fester

696
00:32:16,873 --> 00:32:19,889
as it seeks safe haven
in the constitution.

697
00:32:20,737 --> 00:32:23,418
The catholic church, bdenying
the priesthood to women,

698
00:32:23,754 --> 00:32:26,290
is guilty of gender bias.

699
00:32:26,730 --> 00:32:27,442
Simple as that.

700
00:32:29,474 --> 00:32:30,218
It should stop.

701
00:32:33,210 --> 00:32:34,729
And there goes
my humanitas award.

702
00:32:46,466 --> 00:32:48,478
Jerry. She didn't show.

703
00:32:48,926 --> 00:32:49,462
Excuse me?

704
00:32:49,805 --> 00:32:52,621
Dana. She skipped arraignment.
There's a warrant out for her arrest.

705
00:32:52,909 --> 00:32:53,637
Did she say anything
about this to you?

706
00:32:54,061 --> 00:32:55,765
No. She just said good-bye.

707
00:32:56,125 --> 00:32:57,134
Well, she's...

708
00:33:02,325 --> 00:33:05,734
Dana strickland seems to have
disappeared, lorraine.

709
00:33:06,109 --> 00:33:06,550
Would you know anything that?

710
00:33:07,845 --> 00:33:08,173
no.

711
00:33:09,469 --> 00:33:12,341
Wouldn't have facilitated her
fleeing the jurisdiction, by chance?

712
00:33:12,717 --> 00:33:14,781
That would make me
an accomplice to a crime.

713
00:33:29,797 --> 00:33:30,797
I simply have to know.

714
00:33:31,125 --> 00:33:32,637
Did you know
right from the beginning?

715
00:33:34,133 --> 00:33:35,653
You had me for about an hour.

716
00:33:36,662 --> 00:33:38,814
Your problem is,
I know chris andrews, insider.

717
00:33:39,270 --> 00:33:41,365
He and dick cheney
shoot lawyers together.

718
00:33:41,782 --> 00:33:44,269
One phone call,
I knew what you were up to.

719
00:33:44,805 --> 00:33:46,293
When are you gonna learn, paul?

720
00:33:46,797 --> 00:33:47,581
You can't fool...

721
00:33:52,046 --> 00:33:52,741
Denny crane.

722
00:33:53,862 --> 00:33:54,933
Did you bring my money?

723
00:33:58,054 --> 00:33:58,574
Thank you, paul.

724
00:33:59,230 --> 00:34:01,163
And thank you for going to
the great lengths you did,

725
00:34:01,577 --> 00:34:04,273
along with all those other people,
to try and humiliate me.

726
00:34:05,569 --> 00:34:07,137
Really made me feel good.

727
00:34:10,074 --> 00:34:12,410
You know, denny,
I didn't really intend

728
00:34:12,761 --> 00:34:15,137
for it to come off
as mean-spirited.

729
00:34:16,313 --> 00:34:16,977
As it did.

730
00:34:21,233 --> 00:34:21,897
See you, paul.

731
00:34:29,682 --> 00:34:31,145
I'm a lucky man, huh?

732
00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:34,521
Denny...

733
00:34:36,179 --> 00:34:38,777
Practical jokes
are very complicated.

734
00:34:39,169 --> 00:34:43,562
Some of them are mean-spirited,
but typically, there is

735
00:34:43,873 --> 00:34:45,218
affection involved, too.

736
00:34:46,714 --> 00:34:48,025
They're not played on enemies.

737
00:34:48,361 --> 00:34:49,161
They're played on friends.

738
00:34:49,849 --> 00:34:51,034
With friends like that...

739
00:34:51,537 --> 00:34:55,945
You're a successful,
powerful man of who many people

740
00:34:56,448 --> 00:34:57,583
are probably jealous.

741
00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:02,976
As strong as friendship is,
maybe it's no match for envy.

742
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:07,272
I gotta keep reminding myself
at's important here.

743
00:35:08,488 --> 00:35:09,176
Which is?

744
00:35:10,312 --> 00:35:11,040
They didn't get me.

745
00:35:12,688 --> 00:35:13,640
I got them.

746
00:35:16,887 --> 00:35:18,712
Yes, you did.

747
00:35:21,311 --> 00:35:22,088
Ah, all right.

748
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,880
I must confess, every time
I hear some feminist

749
00:35:26,264 --> 00:35:28,808
complaing about women's rights,
I mutter to myself,

750
00:35:29,136 --> 00:35:30,120
"oh, go to hell."

751
00:35:31,032 --> 00:35:32,193
Last night, I had a dream...

752
00:35:32,642 --> 00:35:34,074
that I've had before, mind you.

753
00:35:34,690 --> 00:35:35,746
I arrive at the pearly gates,

754
00:35:36,250 --> 00:35:37,090
i'm introduced to god.

755
00:35:38,538 --> 00:35:39,178
She's a woman.

756
00:35:39,970 --> 00:35:41,531
She stands there
with her arms folded,

757
00:35:42,202 --> 00:35:44,722
and she asks,
"and where did you stand

758
00:35:45,053 --> 00:35:46,329
on women's rights, your honor?"

759
00:35:47,361 --> 00:35:49,370
and then she says,
"go to hell."

760
00:35:50,145 --> 00:35:53,525
Catholic people are tolerant
and intelligent,

761
00:35:53,850 --> 00:35:55,298
and I believe
they would be open to this.

762
00:35:55,946 --> 00:35:58,414
And I also agree that if the church
is going to discriminate,

763
00:35:58,838 --> 00:36:02,078
the government should at least
not incentivize their bigotry

764
00:36:02,438 --> 00:36:03,438
with tax breaks.

765
00:36:04,173 --> 00:36:07,446
If we the people are sincere
about eliminating discrimination

766
00:36:07,774 --> 00:36:10,990
in this country,
we can't tolerate it anywhere,

767
00:36:12,070 --> 00:36:14,414
even if it comes
in religious form.

768
00:36:15,350 --> 00:36:17,918
Judgment in favor
of the plaintiff.

769
00:36:18,534 --> 00:36:19,661
Adjourned.

770
00:36:23,021 --> 00:36:24,380
Well, congratulations.
Expect an appeal.

771
00:36:25,892 --> 00:36:27,235
I am simply wrought.

772
00:36:27,580 --> 00:36:28,436
Never did I...

773
00:36:30,564 --> 00:36:33,044
I'm sorry. I need a moment
to collect myself.

774
00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:34,964
Take your time.

775
00:36:43,603 --> 00:36:44,467
Can you imagine, denny...

776
00:36:45,107 --> 00:36:46,716
If you were to lead
this country?

777
00:36:49,028 --> 00:36:51,068
We'd have air force one
at our disposal...

778
00:36:51,708 --> 00:36:53,420
My own personal
mile high club...

779
00:36:53,860 --> 00:36:55,884
Hit vegas for the night,
copenhagen, bangkok.

780
00:36:56,220 --> 00:36:57,980
Gotta love a place
that calls itself "bangkok."

781
00:36:58,476 --> 00:36:59,515
Make you ambassador.

782
00:37:02,779 --> 00:37:04,179
Denny, you make me laugh.

783
00:37:04,788 --> 00:37:07,371
Yeah, I know this sounds crazy,
but I think I'd make

784
00:37:07,668 --> 00:37:08,260
a fine president.

785
00:37:08,732 --> 00:37:11,209
What would you actually do
if you were commander in chief?

786
00:37:11,561 --> 00:37:14,241
I'd, uh, stop out sourcing
to the chinese,

787
00:37:14,602 --> 00:37:17,210
drop a few bags of grain
on africa.

788
00:37:17,786 --> 00:37:18,642
Is that
where they're starving?

789
00:37:19,787 --> 00:37:21,226
There and too many other places.

790
00:37:22,330 --> 00:37:25,327
I'd add france to the axis of evil.
Have they done that?

791
00:37:25,919 --> 00:37:26,575
Matter of time.

792
00:37:27,168 --> 00:37:31,359
Then... I'd invite hillary
into the oval office...

793
00:37:32,928 --> 00:37:34,369
Give her a little taste of honey.

794
00:37:35,938 --> 00:37:36,608
That's vulgar.

795
00:37:37,064 --> 00:37:38,441
Well, what do you want
in a president?

796
00:37:38,937 --> 00:37:40,026
Oh, I don't mean politically.

797
00:37:40,329 --> 00:37:41,450
I know where you stand
on the issues.

798
00:37:41,937 --> 00:37:43,138
But what do you want
in the person?

799
00:37:44,306 --> 00:37:46,770
Well, one who could reestablish

800
00:37:47,130 --> 00:37:49,158
some of the dignity to the office.
That would be a good start.

801
00:37:49,928 --> 00:37:51,606
Dropping trou for hillary
wouldn't do the trick.

802
00:37:52,341 --> 00:37:53,213
Ah, I was just kidding.

803
00:37:54,669 --> 00:37:55,166
Sort of.

804
00:37:56,942 --> 00:37:59,246
You know what I really think
of america right now, denny?

805
00:37:59,574 --> 00:38:00,558
Oh, here we go.

806
00:38:00,974 --> 00:38:03,126
I don't mean simply its politics,
but our culture.

807
00:38:04,342 --> 00:38:08,653
We've become such a dumb,
fat, bubblegum nation,

808
00:38:09,141 --> 00:38:10,581
schlocky and superficial...

809
00:38:11,333 --> 00:38:13,190
Our music, books, television.

810
00:38:13,741 --> 00:38:15,182
One of the heads of nbc
recently said

811
00:38:15,566 --> 00:38:18,444
that the plan was
to get people to tune in

812
00:38:18,773 --> 00:38:20,291
and mentally tune out.

813
00:38:20,589 --> 00:38:22,443
And this wasn't an admission,
by the way, but a boast.

814
00:38:23,628 --> 00:38:24,691
You're starting to bore me.

815
00:38:25,155 --> 00:38:26,899
Is it any wonder that we have
a television show

816
00:38:27,212 --> 00:38:28,926
called "are you smarter
than a second grader?"

817
00:38:29,260 --> 00:38:30,308
and a president that isn't?

818
00:38:30,924 --> 00:38:35,222
I so miss a little... Dignity
in america.

819
00:38:38,270 --> 00:38:40,446
I suppose I most worry
that if you ran for president,

820
00:38:40,710 --> 00:38:42,005
you might actually win.

821
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,437
Ooh! That hurts.

822
00:38:44,965 --> 00:38:45,510
Coming from you?

823
00:38:47,757 --> 00:38:50,050
If you stopped all your nonsense,
perhaps you'd be a great leader,

824
00:38:50,378 --> 00:38:51,898
but, denny, I don't want you
to stop your nonsense.

825
00:38:54,170 --> 00:38:57,257
Who would I have to sit on
this balcony with every night?

826
00:38:57,770 --> 00:38:59,578
So you wouldn't be
voting for me.

827
00:39:01,029 --> 00:39:01,489
Probably not.

828
00:39:02,394 --> 00:39:03,106
I'm too selfish.

829
00:39:04,875 --> 00:39:05,498
Plus you...

830
00:39:06,522 --> 00:39:07,466
Well, no offense,

831
00:39:07,858 --> 00:39:08,683
but it...

832
00:39:08,994 --> 00:39:11,533
I think your generation
made america into what it is today.

833
00:39:12,066 --> 00:39:14,058
It's time for it to be
inherited by your children.

834
00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:18,353
I think you need to hand over
the keys to the car to their leader.

835
00:39:18,730 --> 00:39:19,492
It's time.

836
00:39:21,813 --> 00:39:23,618
Well, maybe I could be
president for the day.

837
00:39:24,561 --> 00:39:27,635
Knock over cuba, grab the cigars,
bomb iran, then resign.

838
00:39:28,059 --> 00:39:28,763
There you go.

839
00:39:29,259 --> 00:39:30,300
That'd be a day, wouldn't it?

840
00:39:31,403 --> 00:39:34,947
Cuba in the morning,
iran before lunch...

841
00:39:35,355 --> 00:39:38,932
After a matinee with hillary,
maybe a-a threesome with ginsburg.

842
00:39:39,251 --> 00:39:40,287
They both want me.

843
00:39:41,991 --> 00:39:42,719
Step down at 4:00.

844
00:39:44,079 --> 00:39:46,695
On the balcony here at 5:00
for a nightcap with you.

845
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:50,671
That'd be a hell of a day.

846
00:39:51,301 --> 00:39:52,087
Then go fishing.

847
00:39:53,527 --> 00:39:54,055
I'll drink to that.

848
00:39:55,583 --> 00:39:56,135
You'll drink to anything.

849
00:39:57,871 --> 00:39:58,527
You and me, right here.

850
00:39:59,023 --> 00:39:59,647
I drink to that.

851
00:40:04,632 --> 00:40:05,296
Ahh. Denny crane...

852
00:40:07,192 --> 00:40:07,895
King for a day.

853
00:40:08,192 --> 00:40:09,895
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