﻿1
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

2
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Ah, what a beautiful day!

3
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(Screeching)

4
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:13,879
I don't remember the weather report
saying there's an 80% chance of cage!

5
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:14,775
Help!

6
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:18,380
Child trapped in a
fruitsicle stick prison here!

7
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:20,252
Nobody?

8
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,554
New yorkers.

9
00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,424
So that was my nightmare.

10
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,728
What do you think being trapped
in a fruitsicle stick cage means?

11
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,197
We're studying dreams in psychology class.

12
00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:34,666
Obviously, you're afraid of Nicolas cage.

13
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:38,670
Yeah, well, who isn't?
Two words, crazy eyes.

14
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,087
But I think I have a better theory.

15
00:00:41,118 --> 00:00:43,609
That any frozen treat that
leaves you with a purple tongue

16
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,577
for two days may not be good for you?

17
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:48,947
What do you expect? There's no
such fruit as a "graple-Berry."

18
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,493
No, I think Zuri's just
stressing because her

19
00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:53,519
empire state building
stick model is due Monday,

20
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,921
and she hasn't even started it yet.

21
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:56,955
Wait a minute, back up!

22
00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:00,893
You're telling me that there's no
such fruit as a "graple-Berry"?

23
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,028
No, there isn't.

24
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:06,732
Then what grows on a graple-Berry tree?

25
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,901
(Chuckles) You got me there.

26
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:13,405
<i>♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh</i>

27
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,875
<i>♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie</i>

28
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:20,579
<i>♪ it feels like a party every day</i>

29
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,916
<i>♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie</i>

30
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:27,753
<i>♪ but they keep on
pulling me every which way</i>

31
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,823
<i>♪ hey Jessie, hey Jessie</i>

32
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:34,626
<i>♪ my whole world is
changing turning around</i>

33
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:38,397
<i>♪ they got me going crazy
yeah, they're shaking the ground</i>

34
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:42,000
<i>♪ but they took a chance
on the new girl in town</i>

35
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<i>♪ and I don't want to
let them down, down, down</i>

36
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,907
<i>♪ hey Jessie</i>

37
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:52,578
<i>♪ hey Jessie</i>

38
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:56,315
<i>♪ it feels like a party every day</i>

39
00:01:56,317 --> 00:02:00,052
<i>♪ hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪</i>

40
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,926
You know, I had a nightmare last night too.

41
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(In a mock child voice) Gee, Bertram.
Why don't you tell us all about it.

42
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:12,998
(Normal voice) Okay.

43
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,869
I was back in high school,
and my pants fell down.

44
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,639
Everyone saw my
famous-butlers-in-history boxers!

45
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Including little jeeves!

46
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:25,978
You in your boxers?

47
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,547
Sounds like a nightmare for everybody else.

48
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,817
Oh! I know what that dream means.

49
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,853
You have a deep-seated fear of belts.

50
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,590
I'm pretty sure it means
he's anxious about something,

51
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,926
and that there is no way
you're passing psychology.

52
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:46,064
I am nervous about going to my thirtieth
high school reunion tomorrow night.

53
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,666
All: Oh!

54
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,335
Whoa!

55
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,771
Is there a lifeguard on duty in there?

56
00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:56,475
Why are you afraid of getting
together with your old classmates?

57
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,910
And antiperspirant?

58
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:02,047
Because my old Nemesis, Eric
Booth, is going be there.

59
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:06,552
He always teased me. Meanwhile,
now he's a wall street millionaire,

60
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,387
and I'm going to feel like a loser.

61
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,556
Oh, Bertram, you are not a loser!

62
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,592
No. You are a very... No?

63
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:16,662
And you've got a lot of... Lot of...

64
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,133
And don't forget about your fantastic...

65
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:23,001
Fantastic, what? Eh...

66
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,670
A little help here?

67
00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,773
We got nothin'.

68
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<i>Look, Jessie! Mummy massacre!</i>

69
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,583
This is the new video game
all the cool kids are playing.

70
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,952
How do you know what
the cool kids are doing?

71
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:42,921
Did one of them finally talk to you?

72
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,625
No, but if I play this game,

73
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,961
it will give me something
to say to them besides,

74
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"just because I can fit in my
locker, does not mean I enjoy it."

75
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:55,949
Well, I suppose you can get it. I
mean, you ask for so little and...

76
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:58,900
Holy aorta, what is that mummy
doing to that guy's heart?

77
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,039
I admit it is a little violent.

78
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:01,948
A little?

79
00:04:01,979 --> 00:04:05,607
No. I'm sorry, Ravi, I can't
let you have such a gory game.

80
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:12,951
Ravi, the trick is to buy the
game without asking permission.

81
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,920
We call that, "pulling a Zuri."

82
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,837
And by the way, I'm going
to tell the owner not to

83
00:04:16,868 --> 00:04:19,858
sell you that game. Just in case
you're thinking of pulling a Zuri.

84
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,662
Fiddlesticks!

85
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,530
Ravi, language!

86
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,801
You are right. I will wash
my own mouth out with soap.

87
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:33,171
But now, thanks to Jessie,
I will never be cool!

88
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:35,907
You can't blame that all on Jessie.

89
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:50,188
I will not do this. I cannot do this.

90
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,892
I have done it! I am a thief!

91
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,862
But not a very good one, because
I am narrating my crime.

92
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,670
Oh, Bertram, I've been thinking
a lot about your pathetic life.

93
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,105
Oh, I actually prefer that
to you talking about yours.

94
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,542
I think we can all agree that

95
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,211
you both have very little to
wake up for in the morning.

96
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,882
Okay. What I was trying to say,
before the ugliness started,

97
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,851
was I know how you can enjoy your reunion.

98
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:23,822
Kidnap Eric Booth, ship him to the north
pole, slather him in seal grease,

99
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,557
and feed him to polar bears?

100
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,860
No, and you've clearly thought
way too hard about this.

101
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:33,031
No, you should just go and tell
them all you're a big success.

102
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:36,068
Ooh, lying, I like it!

103
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:39,037
If you need any help, I'm your girl.

104
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,206
I'm actually writing a book on lying.

105
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,875
You are? No. See? Lie!

106
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,946
Okay, Zuri, I am not suggesting he lie.

107
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,281
In the acting profession, we call it

108
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:51,750
"creating a backstory."
I do it for all my parts.

109
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Considering you haven't gotten any parts,

110
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I'm going to keep the
polar bears as plan b.

111
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Luke, I have something to show you.

112
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:05,931
I'm trying to read here.

113
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:08,900
Check this out!

114
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,036
Whoa!

115
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,305
<i>Is that mummy massacre?</i>

116
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,575
Jessie told me I couldn't buy
violent video games anymore!

117
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:17,909
I did not buy it.

118
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,246
I stole it!

119
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:24,049
You stole it?

120
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,418
Whoa.

121
00:06:25,449 --> 00:06:28,250
You went from goody
goody to naughty naughty!

122
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:31,123
I thought I would be overcome by guilt,

123
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:34,159
but instead I feel strangely exhilarated.

124
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:38,563
As if I just solved a difficult algebraic
equation, or completed a push-up.

125
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,699
The latter is, of course, a hypothetical.

126
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,802
Yeah, yeah. Less chatter, more splatter.

127
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,842
I just ripped out that mummy's spleen!

128
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,911
Shame on his embalmers for leaving that in.

129
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:53,945
(Door opening)

130
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,815
What is going on in here?

131
00:06:56,817 --> 00:07:01,052
I haven't heard this much screaming
since Bertram passed that kidney stone.

132
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,388
<i>We are playing mummy massacre.</i>

133
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:04,669
Wait a minute.

134
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,289
I thought Jessie said
you couldn't buy that?

135
00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:09,027
He didn't.

136
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,328
He stole it.

137
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,631
No, seriously, how'd you get it?

138
00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,000
It is true, I stole it.

139
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,736
Please do not tell Jessie!

140
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:21,239
Okay, but it's gonna cost you.

141
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,610
You have to finish my
fruitsicle-stick project.

142
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:26,598
Very well.

143
00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:29,110
And I assume by "finish," you mean "start."

144
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,683
You know me so well.

145
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(Howling)

146
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,990
Thanks for taking us to the
park to play basketball, Jessie.

147
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,293
Sure. Guys, maybe instead
of playing basketball,

148
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,961
we should run in fear. (Groaning)

149
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,623
Why?

150
00:07:43,654 --> 00:07:46,264
Oh, just the undead walking
towards us, looking to play

151
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,799
jump rope with our intestines.

152
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,934
(Screaming)

153
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:50,936
Oh. Oh!

154
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:55,707
Sorry. I would say you should put a
bandage on that, but well, you know.

155
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,909
(Groaning) (Screaming)

156
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,781
Jessie! No! Luke! Can I have your room?

157
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,016
This is why I hate sports!

158
00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:08,820
Hello, I can name all the
pharaohs in chronological-order!

159
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,756
Give me a "what-what"
if you are on team tut!

160
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,291
(Screaming)

161
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:17,896
(Screaming)

162
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:18,750
Emma: Ravi?

163
00:08:18,781 --> 00:08:21,796
Aw, were you dreaming about sports again?

164
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:25,337
Yes, and mummies.

165
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,838
They were ripping me apart!

166
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,007
Like human string cheese!

167
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,602
Fascinating!

168
00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:34,009
A dream about mummies
can only mean one thing.

169
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,082
You're afraid of running
out of toilet paper.

170
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:38,984
Who is not?

171
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:45,257
But I think my nightmare is because I
pilfered a mummy-themed video game.

172
00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,859
The guilt has penetrated my subconscious,

173
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,229
manifesting itself into a
terrifying nocturnal reverie.

174
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:54,833
Me steal video game.

175
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,167
Feel bad.

176
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,443
Okay, now remember, your
backstory for the reunion

177
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:08,413
is that you made millions of
dollars as a cat-toy mogul.

178
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:12,918
Ooh, ooh, can I say it was my idea to
put the bell inside the toy mouse?

179
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,119
Sure. Go nuts.

180
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,222
Okay, do you have your new
and improved life memorized?

181
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,225
I'm trying, but you've given
me so much stuff to remember!

182
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,328
When I need to remember
something, I write it on my hand.

183
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,964
"Lie to Jessie about party Saturday night."

184
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,065
Oops.

185
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,235
She makes my job so easy.

186
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,439
- Okay, you went to college at?
- Harvard!

187
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,941
And you have vacation homes in?

188
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,943
Southampton, lake como and bimini!

189
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:38,801
On the weekends you?

190
00:09:38,832 --> 00:09:40,512
Work as a secret government agent,

191
00:09:40,514 --> 00:09:43,148
traveling the world, capturing enemy spies!

192
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:44,016
What?

193
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:45,981
Slow your roll, lame bond.

194
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,955
It's supposed to be, on the
weekends you help needy children.

195
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,990
I like the spy thing better.

196
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,193
Spy? I can hear you coming
from five rooms away!

197
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,196
<i>My water glass starts doing
the Jurassic park shaky-thingy.</i>

198
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,834
Fine. I help needy children.

199
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:07,939
Okay, I think you're ready to respond
"will attend" to your reunion.

200
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:09,808
Oh, no. Look at this.

201
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,209
Bertram, I've already seen your screensaver

202
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,045
with you as the sixth member
of 'n sync. It's weird.

203
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:19,951
No. It's a picture of Eric Booth and
his girlfriend on the reunion page.

204
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,020
She's stunning! Wow!

205
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:23,922
Uh, I mean she's...

206
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:28,059
She's not that beautiful. She's
way out of your league, but...

207
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,929
I can't show up without a gorgeous date.

208
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,531
Jessie, would you do me one more big favor?

209
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:35,567
You need a beautiful girl to go with you

210
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,303
to the reunion? No problem, I'll do it.

211
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,338
Oh... eh...

212
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,042
I meant I wanted you to call
one of your friends. But, eh...

213
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,277
Okay, you'll do.

214
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:51,916
Oh, Ravi, you're supposed
to run from the mummies!

215
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:54,019
Not walk like an Egyptian towards them!

216
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,921
I deserve to be disemboweled by the undead!

217
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,224
I disobeyed Jessie, and I stole...

218
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,060
And you're keeping me from
beating this game! So pick it up!

219
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,896
Jessie: Ravi? Where are you?

220
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,832
Oh, dear! We cannot
let Jessie see the game!

221
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:08,967
Ow!

222
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:12,037
I got it! I'll eject
the game, eat the disk,

223
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,607
and we'll just wait to get it back,
probably by tomorrow morning.

224
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:20,979
Or we can change the channel
and hide the game box.

225
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:30,155
Hey, guys. What'cha watching?

226
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,123
Uh, just guy stuff.

227
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,025
<i>The view?</i>

228
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:38,296
Yes, that sherri Shepherd is a hoot!

229
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,099
Okay.

230
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:46,004
Look, Ravi, I've been feeling bad about
not letting you get that video game.

231
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:49,174
So, I got you this.

232
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,042
"Healthy snackland?"

233
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:54,012
Yeah, like the box says, "you'll
have a kale of a good time!"

234
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:59,084
Thank you, Jessie. But
I do not deserve this.

235
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,452
(Heart beating)

236
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:05,557
Of course you do. After all,
you've always been so good.

237
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,159
Yes... good... (Heart beating continues)

238
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:13,131
Can somebody please turn that
horrible, incessant noise off?

239
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,366
Sure. (Switches off TV)

240
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,969
I see someone's itching
to play healthy snackland.

241
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,637
If you draw three antioxidant cards,

242
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,440
you get to ride a celery
toboggan down mount parsnip!

243
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,945
(Door closing)

244
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,380
That is it! I cannot tell a lie.

245
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:30,740
Yes, you can!

246
00:12:30,771 --> 00:12:33,351
Jessie thinks I put on
clean underwear every day.

247
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,286
No one thinks you do that.

248
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,191
I must sneak this game back onto the shelf.

249
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,027
Then run as fast as a boy
in orthopedic sandals can go!

250
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,600
(Door closing) So the goal is to get to

251
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,236
the carrot castle and
save queen cabbage? Oh.

252
00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:54,172
Just looking at this game gives me gas.

253
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:03,782
Oh, no.

254
00:13:03,813 --> 00:13:06,481
There's my arch Nemesis, Eric Booth.

255
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:09,521
Don't worry. Just stick to your
backstory, and you'll be fine.

256
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:12,123
Bertram?

257
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,125
Bertram stinkle?

258
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,161
Hello, Eric.

259
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:18,363
And it's winkle.

260
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,632
Not if you were downwind
from your locker, pal.

261
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,133
(Laughing)

262
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,470
Wow, you have not changed a bit.

263
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,704
Sadly.

264
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:30,275
This is my girlfriend, alexia.

265
00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:33,344
It's short for Alex.

266
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:37,015
Nice to meet you.

267
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:41,019
This is my girlfriend... Dr. Jessie
Prescott, head of veterinary medicine

268
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,120
at city animal hospital.

269
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,122
What? When did that happen?

270
00:13:44,256 --> 00:13:46,591
Oh. You mean becoming
head of the department?

271
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,059
Just last week, sweetie.

272
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,661
After I saved the mayor's cockapoo.

273
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,030
You would not believe where
I found the key to the city.

274
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:55,500
I'm in the finance game.
Mergers and acquisitions.

275
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,070
So, tell them how well you're
doing, stinkle... I mean, honey.

276
00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:01,773
I am a cat toy model.

277
00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:02,939
Mogul. Mogul.

278
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:03,631
Really?

279
00:14:03,662 --> 00:14:06,277
Yes, I am a multi-millionaire,

280
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,647
with homes in southampton,
lake como, and jimini.

281
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,049
Bimini.

282
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:14,152
Bertram was the one who
put the bell in the mouse.

283
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,287
(Gasps) I love those.

284
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,323
They're so much fun.

285
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,191
Oh, how many cats do you have?

286
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,392
None.

287
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:31,469
Emma: Ravi, I'm really proud
of you for returning this game.

288
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,104
It's the right thing to do.

289
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:35,373
And we support you in that.

290
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,342
But you're being selfish.

291
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,210
How am I being selfish?

292
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:43,081
Because if you return the game,
I'll have to do my own homework.

293
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:45,316
Shame on you!

294
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,219
And I haven't beaten the game yet.

295
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,122
You know I can't quit
something before I finish it.

296
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,092
Didn't you leave in the middle
of a geography test last week

297
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,294
because it gave you "think pains"?

298
00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,732
I am going to return this game I stole,

299
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,134
and there is nothing you can do to stop me!

300
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,669
(Gasps) Uh-oh.

301
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:06,838
He heard me!

302
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,741
Run! I hate running!

303
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,744
(All laughing)

304
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:17,849
And then I invented the cat toilet
with a little, attached magazine rack,

305
00:15:17,851 --> 00:15:20,852
that bought me my second
yacht, <i>the frisky kitty.</i>

306
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,654
(All chuckling)

307
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,423
Which is also my pet name for
the old ball and chain here.

308
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,158
(Chuckling)

309
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:31,863
Might I remind you that I
am Matt Damon's veterinarian?

310
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,632
I neutered Jason bourne's labradoodle.

311
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:40,104
This reunion is supposed to be about me.

312
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:43,141
Having high profile clients is
good for my imaginary business.

313
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:47,145
Hey, stinkle, I was just reminding
everyone how you went to

314
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,713
the prom with your mom. (Chuckling)

315
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,482
I did not! It was my aunt.

316
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,318
My mom was busy.

317
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,721
Well, if you'll excuse me, I have
to announce the reunion awards.

318
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,791
A former class president's
work is never done.

319
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:07,165
Ladies and gentlemen, if I can have
your attention please, class of '84.

320
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:10,768
So, alexia, how long have you known Eric?

321
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,638
I don't know. Counting's hard.

322
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:19,711
Our first award is for
"best retention of hair."

323
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:23,181
I think we all know who it
won't be going to, right stinkle?

324
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,517
And the winner is...

325
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:30,755
Well, hey, what do you
know, it's me, Eric Booth!

326
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,924
(Laughing) (All applauding)

327
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:37,161
If it was an award for best ear hair,

328
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,731
Bertram would have won it.
It's like a forest in there.

329
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,866
Thank you. Mmm-hmm.

330
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,742
Oh, dear, I am going to the slammer!

331
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:53,544
I will not survive one
day in the prison yard!

332
00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,246
I cannot lift weights!

333
00:16:56,436 --> 00:16:58,916
On the bright side, you're a
shoo-in for the prison chess team.

334
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,485
(All laughing)

335
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,887
This is no laughing matter!

336
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,557
I am carrying stolen goods,
and you are all accessories!

337
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,826
(Gasps) Yay! I'll be a cute clutch purse!

338
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:13,664
Ravi, if you don't want to get
caught, just destroy the evidence.

339
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,786
And if you're going to eat
it, take it out of the box.

340
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,635
I learned that the hard way.

341
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,439
(Grunting)

342
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,543
Curse my gerbil-like strength!

343
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,378
Give me that!

344
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,816
Now we are littering?

345
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,751
Will this crime spree never end?

346
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,554
Come on, let's sneak back home before

347
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,222
Jessie sees us and wonders
what we're doing here.

348
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,357
Okay.

349
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:44,395
Jessie: Kids, what are you doing here?
And why should I be mad about it?

350
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,664
I am a criminal!

351
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:49,734
After you forbade me from
playing that video game,

352
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,303
I gave in to a momentary lapse in judgment.

353
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:55,973
The pressure to be cool and
fit in overwhelmed me and...

354
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:57,809
And I stole it.

355
00:17:57,811 --> 00:17:59,844
Luke, I am so disappointed in you!

356
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:01,946
It was Ravi!

357
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,414
Very sorry, force of habit.

358
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,016
Ravi, I am so disappointed in you.

359
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:09,620
You are going to take that game back
right now and admit what you've done.

360
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,856
I cannot. Luke broke it.

361
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:12,890
There it is.

362
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:18,362
Jessie, I assure you the pain of
having to look at myself in the mirror

363
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:21,766
is more punishment than
you could possibly dole out!

364
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,001
Oh, yeah? Challenge accepted, pal!

365
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:27,905
And now the moment we
have all been waiting for,

366
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:31,442
colfax high's most successful alumnus is...

367
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,677
(Chuckles)

368
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:33,911
Bertram winkle?

369
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,747
I won? (All applauding and cheering)

370
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,583
I won! (Chuckling)

371
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,418
Wow!

372
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,553
Thank you.

373
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:44,355
I am so honored.

374
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:48,960
I was just a man with a
bored cat, and a dream,

375
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,896
and now... (Quacking)

376
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:54,465
Quit your squawking, Eric.
I won this fair and square!

377
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,767
(Quacking with difficulty)

378
00:18:56,769 --> 00:19:00,638
Oh, no! Something's
wrong with that penguin!

379
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,040
Where's Dr. Prescott?

380
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:06,477
Ravi, stealing is not the way to fit in.

381
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:09,780
For once, I just wanted
to be one of the cool kids.

382
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:13,985
Being cool means never, ever
trying to be someone you're not.

383
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,921
Eric: Dr. Prescott, we
need your medical expertise!

384
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,891
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have
to go pretend to be a veterinarian.

385
00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:22,760
Please, Dr. Prescott, we need
your help. Please come with me.

386
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,097
(Quacking with difficulty)
There's a duck in distress!

387
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,666
Silly, I'm wearing this dress.

388
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,468
The duck is naked.

389
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,336
Wow...

390
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,872
(Quacking continues)

391
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,042
Darn! I really wish I could help, but... I

392
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,712
was absent during duck week at vet school.

393
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:46,117
Can't you just apply what
you learned during goose week?

394
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:49,554
Okie-doke. I'll
give her a look-see.

395
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:53,891
I'll need a scalpel and some orange
sauce in case this doesn't work out.

396
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:58,896
Okay.

397
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,998
(Exclaiming)

398
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,701
(Gasping) (All applauding)

399
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,636
(Quacking)

400
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,106
Jessie, you saved the day!

401
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,942
What was the poor duck choking on?

402
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:16,414
No doubt a bit of refuse some inconsiderate
eco-criminal simply tossed away.

403
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,916
Actually, it looks like a
piece from your video game!

404
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,619
(All gasping)

405
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:23,988
How about a round of
applause for my girlfriend?

406
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,990
She's as smart as she is pretty.

407
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,525
Do I get a trophy for that?

408
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,460
Girlfriend?

409
00:20:29,761 --> 00:20:33,731
You could have had all
this, and a trust fund,

410
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,900
but you decided to date the Butler?

411
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,436
Butler?

412
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,939
(Laughing) So you lied?

413
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,474
No! I just...

414
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:44,742
All: Oh!

415
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,577
Okay, okay, it's true!

416
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,447
I'm not a cat toy tycoon. I'm...

417
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,683
I'm just a Butler, and these
are the kids I work for.

418
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,452
I'm sorry.

419
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,487
I just wanted to look like a big shot.

420
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,656
It's my fault.

421
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,959
I told him to do it, and I'm the one
who made up all the fake backstories.

422
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,929
I'm an actress, not a veterinarian.

423
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,932
Then why were you hugging that naked duck?

424
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:09,934
Improv? I...

425
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:15,706
So, stinkle, once a
loser, always a loser!

426
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:19,010
Hey, Bertram is not a loser!

427
00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:20,077
Kids: Yeah!

428
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:23,781
Do losers get to spend two
months a year on a private island?

429
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:28,119
And get free meals, and
all the naps they can take?

430
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:33,024
Or live for free in a fabulous,
multi-million dollar penthouse?

431
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:35,593
Plus, the place comes with a Butler!

432
00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:39,930
Oh, wait, just forget that last part.

433
00:21:41,099 --> 00:21:42,800
Thanks, guys.

434
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,935
Having you as friends makes me feel like

435
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:47,471
the most successful man
here. (Kids chuckling)

436
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,675
Well, I'm glad you feel like
it, 'cause clearly you're not.

437
00:21:50,790 --> 00:21:53,110
I should've known you were a
fraud the minute you walked in

438
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:54,303
with that sweet arm candy.

439
00:21:54,334 --> 00:21:56,814
She's even prettier than my
girlfriend. (Alexia gasps)

440
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:58,916
What? Okay, that's it!

441
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:03,554
Eric is not a wall street millionaire.

442
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:04,622
Alexia. (All gasping)

443
00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:08,859
He's an unemployed bookkeeper, who
just got fired by his only client...

444
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,661
His mother. (All gasping and laughing)

445
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:13,864
Mom did not fire me.

446
00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:16,167
She laid me off. There's a big difference!

447
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,769
I'm not even his
girlfriend. (Exhales heavily)

448
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,671
I'm his cousin.

449
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:22,873
He paid me to come here.

450
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:26,177
By the way, your check bounced.

451
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:30,181
So, Eric, looks like the only
thing you have that I want

452
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:31,649
is a full head of hair.

453
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:33,551
(Chuckles) You can have that.

454
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:35,553
(Screaming) (All gasping)

455
00:22:35,555 --> 00:22:37,621
That was my comb-over!

456
00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:41,726
I haven't seen anything move that fast

457
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:44,562
since I did my internship at
the African cheetah sanctuary.

458
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:47,164
Oh, we're not... Oh, we're
not doing that anymore? My bad.

459
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:53,838
Ew!

460
00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:57,108
Hey, Ravi, enjoying your punishment?

461
00:22:57,110 --> 00:22:58,242
Not really.

462
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:02,613
The last piece of gum I
scrapped off had a tooth in it.

463
00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:03,727
Hope you kept it.

464
00:23:03,758 --> 00:23:06,046
The tooth fairy money will
help pay for that video game.

465
00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:08,986
My feet are killing me!

466
00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,187
Mine too!

467
00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:13,891
I promise I'll never
blackmail my brother again.

468
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,926
Don't you mean, you'll
never blackmail anyone again?

469
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:18,028
Let's crawl before we walk.

470
00:23:19,765 --> 00:23:22,733
And I'm sorry for aiding
and abetting a fugitive,

471
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:26,637
destroying evidence, and changing your
facepage status to "dating Luke Ross."

472
00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:27,965
Wait! What was that last one?

473
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,240
Nothing!

474
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:31,041
Get your video games here!

475
00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:35,246
I don't understand why you're
forcing me to work here.

476
00:23:35,248 --> 00:23:38,317
I told Ravi the right thing to do,
and I even tried to help him!

477
00:23:38,348 --> 00:23:41,285
Yeah, sorry about that, but with
all four of you being punished,

478
00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:42,953
it means I get the afternoon off.

479
00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:44,622
Peace!

