Hey, we got a wobbly table here, Steve.
I'm gonna need two sugar packs.
You might need a matchbook.
I've been doing this job a little longer than you,
and if I say it's a two-sugar-pack job,
it's a two-sugar-pack job.
Perfect.
I think you might need a matchbook, dad.
When I say it's perfect, it's perfect.
Must be the floor.
I'll run outside and put a matchbook under the building.
Hey, Steve! Guess what this is.
You know we have a bathroom, right?
It's beer. I made it myself.
So, do you have a name for your beer?
Check it out.
"Owen's handcrafted yeast-based beverage."
O-H-Y-B, so for short, I'm calling it OHYB.
Catchy. Might be tough to market.
What are you talking about?
It rolls right off the tongue.
"Hey, make mine an OHBY."
"I'll take an OHYB."
OHYB.
Sounds a little jewy.
Honey, how about "OwenBrau"?
Now, that's catchy.
And it has a nice ring to it.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey, I love Dos Equis.
How about "Dos Owens"?
Could work.
It does come from the least interesting man in the world.
Synced and corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com
♪ Da da da da, da da da, da da da, da da da, hey! ♪
Hey, what's with the suits, guys?
Is there a funeral? Did chef Boyardee die?
No, I'm the brewmeister.
The three of us are going into business together.
- We're gonna sell my beer. - Really?
Do you have a business plan?
Well, we borrowed suits and picked our titles.
And due to my vast knowledge of sales in electronics
and extended warranties,
I am the president of sales.
And since I have a truck,
I am the executive president of transportation.
And I'm the super-ultimate president of creative affairs.
All aboard the bullet train to government assistance.
You ready to try an ice-cold glass of OwenBrau?
I'm not trying it.
The last time I drank something you made,
it had windex in it.
But you did have the whitest teeth in fourth grade.
And that's not easy when you have Roy in your class.
I'll try your beer, Owen.
Yes!
Holy crap. It's really good.
Come on, it's Melanie. What does she know about beer?
Are you saying that I don't know beer
just because I'm a woman?
Melanie, my dear, I'm saying there's a lot of things
you don't know because you're a woman.
Beer just tops the list, followed by driving,
reading a map, and calm, rational thought.
Cut it out, all right?
Melanie knows just as much about beer as you clowns.
But if you want an expert opinion,
I would consult the oracle with the beer belly.
I am in session.
Hmm, nice Amber color.
Fragrant hops bouquet.
It would pair nicely with a chili dog
or... dare I say it... a charcuterie plate.
You, sir, have invented one hell of a brew.
Of saying what I already said.
You just reminded me of something I left off my list...
"doesn't know how to keep quiet when the menfolk are talking."
Hank, you know what this reminds me of?
Old Selaney Beer.
Finest brew ever made.
Discontinued April 10, 1973.
- That was a dark day. - Sure was.
That was a beer for real men who lived in a tough world.
After a long day, you'd come home to the little lady
waiting with a Swanson's hungry-man dinner
and a frosty Selaney.
Yeah, those were simpler times.
Are you all right, Melanie?
You seem upset.
I'm just tired of the boys' club around here.
Me too.
Every time I try to offer my opinion, they ignore me.
You have an opinion about something?
Don't let them get to you.
As far I'm concerned,
a group of guys is good for just one thing.
Oh, you don't need to finish that thought, Carol.
We all know where it's going.
I was going to say, "to move heavy things."
Sex isn't always on my mind.
You got to give me a little credit.
Sorry. Although I don't mind
if a mover happens to peek into my box.
You know, we should all hang out more,
get out of here, have a little girl time.
Count me out.
Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
Who here is into scrapbooking?
Ugh.
Me neither.
Hate that crap.
I know. How about a spa day?
I love that idea!
Hey, I have a coupon for that!
This is really good. I got to hand it you, Owen.
You know, Steve, since you like the beer so much,
why don't you start selling it at Sullivan & Son?
That's why I'm the head of sales. Boom!
Yeah, you could have OwenBrau on tap.
That would be awesome.
Hey, this could be really big for us.
We could have a big OwenBrau banner, t-shirts.
Hey, that's a great idea.
Can't stop the boom!
- Steve, a word? - Sure, dad.
Not a good idea, kid.
Never mix business with friendship.
But these are my best friends we're talking about.
I want to support them.
Funny you mention support.
I once started a ladies' underwear store
with a war buddy...
you know, brassieres, girdles,
all the unmentionables, you know.
Everything was hunky-dory
until I found Charlie in the storage room
wearing a peek-a-boo nightie.
Turns out, the guy was a cross-dresser.
He was running around the store like a maniac,
trying out all the merchandise.
Hard to sell a bra that smells like Aqua Velva.
And that's what happens
when you go into business with friends.
You know, you could have just led off the story
with that, but, uh, point taken.
So, when can we start selling OwenBrau?
All right, here's the thing, guys.
We've been friends forever,
and if we got into business together,
it could ruin that, so I hope you understand.
I completely understand.
So, when are we gonna start selling OwenBrau?
Owen, he's saying
that he doesn't want to be in business with us.
Well, that kind of sucks.
I'm sorry, as great as OwenBrau is,
I'm gonna have to pass, all right?
Can I get you guys a beer?
No thanks, bartender. We make own.
But we're taking these, 'cause we don't make pretzels.
Uh...
Ah, this is so relaxing.
Yeah, and you know what the best part is?
No men.
Ooh. I feel like I'm on a cloud.
Did you just get a massage?
No.
I told them I saw a cockroach,
and they gave me an extra 10% off.
This is girl time. What do we talk about?
How much we value silence?
I was thinking something
a little more, I don't know, sisterhood-y.
Well, at camp, we played this game to break the ice.
Each person tells the group
a secret no one knows about them.
That's a great idea. Let's tell each other secrets.
You white people
always want to put your shit on the street.
Come on, it'll be fun.
We're at a bar together all the time,
but I'm sure that there's stuff we don't know about each other.
Like what?
Fine, okay, I'll go.
In college, I had a roommate, Daphne.
We had just gotten back from lilith fair,
where we had a few zimas,
and Daphne still had some grass in her hair.
I went to pull it out,
and the next thing you know, we're kissing.
Wow!
Good for you, honey.
Pretty wild, huh?
Snoozapalooza. Next.
This is just like "the view"... with humidity.
Hey, guys, how you doing?
What do you care, dream crusher?
Dad, I hate this. They're so bummed.
I feel like a bad friend.
I know it's tough, kid, but they'll get over this.
You know what you don't get over?
Your war body Charlie O'Connell's man boobs
bursting out of a bustier.
Stevie! It's your favorite beer rep.
Got some posters of a new beer we're pushing.
Would you mind hanging them up?
For you, anytime.
Got my order right here for you. All right.
Paul, can I ask you a question?
You distribute local beers, right?
Yeah, if they're good.
Well, I got this friend.
Let me guess.
He made a beer, and it's really good.
Yeah. You know what?
I hear that 10 times a day every day
from every jobless, overgrown, man-child
with two brain cells who lives with his mom.
Paul, I'd like you to meet Owen.
Hey, guys, guys, come meet Paul.
If he's a friend of yours, forget it.
He's a local beer distributor
that might be interested in OwenBrau.
Hello, handsome Paul.
So, I hear you guys made a beer.
You got one minute.
Are you ready to taste the best beer of your life?
Are you ready to make millions?
And since you answered yes to both questions,
I'm gonna put you down for 5,000 cases.
Yes! Nailed it!
I'll see you later, Steve.
Paul, wait, wait. Look.
I know that they're new at this,
but I'm telling you, they got a great beer.
Now, if you walk out that door
without even tasting OwenBrau,
you're making a big mistake.
Okay, because it's Steve, I'll give you one sip.
- Wow. - You like it?
Yeah, that's what "wow" means.
See, it's a great product.
They just need some help getting it off the ground.
Okay. I'll order 20 cases.
I'll give you 10 thou in seed money.
Wha?
Expect a check in the morning, Steve.
Actually, send the check to the boys.
I'm not involved.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't really know those guys.
I know Steve. No Steve, no money.
Well, I don't know.
Come on, man. We need this.
All right, I'm in.
Great.
I'll see you guys later.
I'm going to get business cards.
And I'm getting smart phones for us to bark orders into!
Guys, guys, guys, slow down, all right?
This just got real. Now, if we're gonna take Paul's money,
we got to come up with a budget.
We have to cost our materials.
We have to come up with a business plan.
We're gonna be responsible. No screwing around.
I don't like the new guy.
Okay, Susan. Your turn.
What's your secret?
Uh I don't think I really have one.
Oh, yes, you do.
You know how you're upset about turning 30 next month?
Yeah. I'm really dreading it.
Well, don't. You're already 30.
What?!
I altered your birth certificate
to make you younger
to give you an advantage at school.
I guess you got the last laugh.
My whole life is a lie?
Did you change anything else on my birth certificate?
That's for another sauna visit.
Okay, that was some nice sharing.
I think it's Carol's turn, isn't it?
Oh, I don't keep any secrets.
My philosophy is, don't be ashamed of anything.
Come on, Carol. There's got to be something.
Well, there is something I've kept secret from many years,
but it can't leave this spa.
When I had Owen,
he was born with a vestigial tail.
What?!
Yeah, it happens every now and then.
It's a genetic anomaly.
I was gonna have it removed, but I was a single mom,
and times were tough, so that summer,
I took him down to the Jersey Shore,
and I let people touch it for a dollar.
Oh, my God. D-does he still have it?
No. We used some of the money to have it removed.
And I bought a Scirocco. I loved that car.
There's only one person left.
Uh, don't look at me.
I can't follow a boy with a tail.
Come on. Everybody shared something.
I already shared a secret.
You did not. That was my secret.
Come on.
All right. Here's my secret.
I have a tattoo.
What?!
You don't seem like a tattoo kind of gal.
I know. I'm so innocent, right?
Come on, show it to us.
Nah, nah, nah.
Show it! Show it!
Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Oh. It's beautiful.
And look at that tattoo.
Is that Korean? What does it say?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, don't you dare tell them.
I wouldn't have when I was 29, but now that I'm 30...
Shut up, old lady.
It says, "I'm a material girl."
Okay, okay, okay, that's enough time in the sauna.
The lady's sweating her balls off
you know, Steve, there are those moments in life
you remember as a father,
like when your son is scared of the baseball.
So you take him out to the park,
and every time you throw him some chin music,
he hits the dirt.
But you work with him day after day after day,
and finally, he hits that inside pitch
over the left-field wall and wins the game,
and as a dad, you're bursting with pride!
And then there's this. Dad, I
if I said no, Paul wouldn't have given them the money.
And who knows? The beer's good.
It might take off.
Steve!
Owen, where have you been?
We were supposed to start brewing an hour ago.
I've been working on something much more important.
Candy and Mandy!
The OwenBrau girls.
Ladies.
We're gonna put them on the bottle.
Well, as nice as the OwenBrau girls are,
you can't put them on the bottle
if there's nothing in the bottle.
But, Steve, you need the bottle to put the beer in.
But without the beer... Owen,
we're not gonna have the "chicken and the egg" debate.
Steve, let's just concentrate on the beer business
before we spin off a poultry division.
How are you paying candy and Mandy?
Don't worry, Steve. It's not what you think.
I took it from the seed money.
Unbelievable.
All right, let's just get in there and make some beer.
Hey, Steve.
Who are the ladies?
Uh, Owen decided to hire the OwenBrau girls.
Really? You spent our money on that
way to go!
Hi, I'm Ahmed
how would you two like to fly on my private jet?
W-what's he talking about?
Ahmed took some of the seed money
and leased one one-thousandth of a private jet.
Is that even possible?
Well, it does have restrictions.
He can only fly from Pittsburgh to Philly,
and the whole year's blacked out except for march 18th,
as long as it doesn't fall on a Saturday.
Also, no carry-ons.
What the hell are you guys doing?
We got to pay this money back. I tried to stop him.
Tell me you haven't done anything crazy with the money.
No. I'm not stupid, Steve.
I have a wife and a mortgage.
Good. At least one of you is sane.
Hey, shouldn't you be at work?
I quit my job.
You guys are killing me, all right?
Let's just get to work.
Give the brewmeister some space.
The first step is always the hardest.
What's the first step?
Remembering the recipe.
Jesus Christ!
We owe this guy $10,000.
Don't worry. It's all up here.
Yeah, that makes me feel better.
Come on, Owen, focus, all right?
What... what ingredients did you use?
Okay, hops.
I remember that
because it's one of my favorite things to do.
Owen!
A little malt extract.
Great. And then?
I'm pretty sure a handful of I can't remember.
Why didn't you just write it down?
You don't even remember what you had for breakfast.
Yes, I do.
Candy...
And Mandy.
Hey, ladies.
I have a secret of my own to share.
One summer, I...
unh-unh. Save it for girl time.
Are we gonna make this a regular thing?
You bet your sweet ass.
As long as I have coupons to burn.
Ooh.
Cool. Where are we going next?
Let's see.
I have 20% off carpet cleaning, free tree-trimming estimate.
Oh! Paintball!
Well, that doesn't sound like a sisterhood thing.
Well, it does if we all gang up on Susan.
Wait a minute. How is that female bonding?
Why don't we gang up on some guy?
Wait, you want us to go to a paintball course,
pick out an innocent man, separate him from his friends,
and blast him with paint-balls?
- Yeah. - Can we call him Larry?
A Larry dumped me in high school.
Ooh, put a face to the pain.
Still feel guilty about having Owen's tail removed.
When he had one,
I could always tell when he was happy.
Let's go kill Larry.
Kill Larry!
Kill Larry! Kill Larry! Kill Larry! Kill Larry!
Where the hell are they going?
To kill Larry.
Kind of nice, though.
Like the old days, when bars were for men.
You know the only thing that's missing?
Old Selaney Beer.
That was good stuff.
Sure was.
And the cans had that pull top,
with the razor-sharp edge.
I'd cut myself every time.
But after the third or fourth can,
you wouldn't even notice.
You'd just bleed until you're sleepy.
Simpler times.
Here it is... the second batch of OwenBrau.
Great. Have you tasted it?
I can't. I'm too close to it.
Do think you got the recipe right?
I'm too close to it!
It looks all right.
It smells all right.
What, do you want to feel it, too?
- Somebody just taste it already. - I tasted.
Uh, we weren't expecting you.
Eh, I thought I'd come by, check up on my beer.
Is this it?
Well, it was brewed by Owen, so it's OwenBrau.
My new favorite beer.
Ahh.
I've got to be honest.
When I tasted this beer the first time, it was good.
- But this time... - Uh-oh.
It's even better.
That's great, Paul.
Congratulations, gentlemen.
OwenBrau is gonna be a huge success.
Now, it usually takes a little while
for these ventures to turn a profit,
but we are gonna be in the black in no time.
See you guys later, all right?
Bye, Paul.
Oh, shit. Shit!
I got to get my job back.
I got a wife and a mortgage!
Here's your order, Steve.
And here's a bill for my teeth whitening.
Well, I see they've gotten it to a nice light gray.
Yeah. The dentist says
I'm only six treatments away from tan.
Whoa, whoa, what is this charge
for 50 extra cases of beer?
Yeah, I had a little extra beer laying around the warehouse
I had to get rid of.
Why would I buy that?
Well, I can give you 10,000 reasons why.
Sold.
See you around, Steve.
What did I say about mixing business with friendship?
Now you're stuck with a butt load of old beer.
Maybe next time you'll listen to your old man.
I hear you, dad.
Now I'm stuck with 50 cases of Old Selaney Beer.
Old Selaney beer?
I'm sorry. I should have listened you.
I'll find a way to get over it.
Here's to simpler times,
when sons listened to their fathers
and only sailors had tattoos.
And women had hair where they should.
Old Selaney.
Simpler times.
Synced and corrected by Nsiko www.Addic7ed.com