If you get a time machine...
Surfboard time machine. Dig it.
You can use it to be with any woman in all of recorded history.
It's a no-brainer. Elizabeth I. The ultimate RILF.
- Nice, dude. Virgin queen. - Not for long.
- What about you? - Marisa Tomei.
Answer to every question cannot be Marisa Tomei.
She's in the present, too. That doesn't count.
But I'd go with Marisa from like a year ago.
How did we start talking about this?
- Molly Taylor. - Right.
You're not nervous about seeing her again?
Dude, honestly, I didn't even know she was on the calendar.
You didn't know?
You pined for this girl all throughout high school.
She calls out of the blue, and you forgot?
First of all, I wouldn't say "pined."
Admired, maybe. I'll give you that.
Did you or did you not make
multiple power-ballad mix tapes for this girl?
- One mix tape. - Excuse me?
Three mix tapes. And the "Night Ranger" album.
- Wow. - Yeah, I know. Lame.
[Discordant cello plays]
Did two mating whales just beach in our offices?
That's our new subtenant. She's a cello teacher.
She's very hot.
I mean, if you're into women who straddle massive instruments. [Chuckles]
You two drive a clown car of immaturity.
- Aww. - Thank you.
This one came in through Infeld.
It's his parkour instructor's sister.
By the way, totally adding parkour sex to our list.
- We don't have a list. - We have a list.
- You two are adorable. - I don't know what we are, but it works.
Ah, you know... [Elevator bell dings]
What's wrong?
Oh.
- Okay, don't be nervous. - I'm not.
- You shouldn't be. - Good, 'cause I'm not.
Outstanding Legal Achievement 2009.
Ah, it's not that big of a deal.
Peter was the smartest kid in our class.
That must have been some class.
You were voted most likely to succeed, right?
Uh, you know, did I? 'Cause it was so long ago, I...
Don't you remember? Right here.
- Where'd you get that? - It was in your desk drawer.
- Remember you brought it in today - No. No, that's...
'cause you knew Molly was coming and you...
That was... I've had it in my desk for like 20 years.
- No, no, like 20 minutes. - I told you... no.
- I forgot I had it in my desk. - You brought it in today.
- I can give it right to her. - Molly doesn't really want to see...
I can cut out the middle man. I'll give it right to her.
- Give me the plaque. - Look at it. It shines. Look in his eyes.
Molly, you want to see it or should I put it in his hand?
- Put the plaque in my hand, dude. - But... oh.
- You succeeded. See? - [Sighs]
Getting all this down, Jimmy Olsen?
Sorry. Force of habit.
Josh is the editor of his school newspaper.
He's going to Columbia Journalism School in the fall on scholarship.
But, uh, his last article kind of...
got him into some trouble.
Yeah, I published this article and next thing I knew,
everyone in school was talking about it.
"Scandal... Prom queen election was rigged."
Uh, no disrespect, but why would anyone care enough
about prom queen to rig the vote?
Prom king and queen are immortalized.
I mean, the better question is, who wouldn't rig the vote?
The girl who won is claiming that Josh's article is a lie.
Her father is some big trial attorney.
He's already filed a complaint with the school.
Why do you need a lawyer?
Well, if we don't get ahead of this,
Josh could get kicked off the paper and lose his scholarship.
I know you guys are busy.
I was just hoping for some quick legal advice.
Sold! This one's on the house.
Oh, well, that's not necessary.
Oh, nonsense. We insist. Your money is no good here.
Well, a-actually, hang on. Your money is pretty good here.
- Not this time. - Maybe this time.
- Tell you what. - No. Hold on. Let me check.
Why don't you leave some of your money here
and we'll let you know whether it's good or not?
Now is not the time.
- Maybe now is the time. - Why do you do this?
Okay. He doesn't have to take any of your money.
- I am happy to. - Look at you.
[Rock music plays]
Synced by emmasan www.addic7ed.com
♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪
♪ Such a vivid picture ♪
♪ Ooh, what a mixture ♪
♪ If I must say so myself ♪
Uh, would you say $9,000 is a fair price
for a set of Jackson 5 bobble heads?
Total or per Jackson?
There.
Yes, um, it's come to my attention
that you've been continuing your liaison with Ellen Swatello
even after she joined our firm.
What? [Chuckles]
Sir, you know me better than to think I would possibly, um...
[Chuckles] Yeah.
I'm sorry about that.
Anyway, if you want to continue this whatever-it-is,
then you'll have to sign papers with human resources.
Romantic attachment can cloud judgment.
Well, sir, I can guarantee you there's nothing romantic.
Th-that is the last word I would use.
Well, you know I said the same thing about my fling with Liz.
And then the next thing I know,
she went and married Dick Burton again.
I spent the following decade alone.
[Computer beeps]
Oh [Groans] damn! I lost!
I was outbid by bong-rip-69.
After you and Swatello fill out those forms,
at least you'll know where you stand with her.
Well, I like her,
but I don't think she wants anything more serious,
which is fine by me 'cause the sex is good
and we have a lot of laughs. [Chuckles]
Well, the sex is good.
I just don't want to mess it up.
So, what are you gonna write on the forms?
I haven't decided.
A little advice... Don't come off as needy.
Will you not worry about me
and focus on rekindling your high-school flame?
Rekindl... You can't rekindle something that was never kindled in the first place.
It's all about that homecoming dance, isn't it?
[Groans] Yes.
And considering how it went, I'm raising the white flag.
Oh, what's the big deal? It happens to every kid.
What song was playing, again?
- "I'd do anything for love." - Well, there you go.
You got meat loaf, a slow jam, you're holding her close.
It was almost 20 years ago,
and I'm getting excited just thinking about it.
[Clears throat] So, everyone assumed Madison Coleman would win going in.
Student body treasurer, she's field hockey captain, she's super popular.
Well, she's hitting all the key demos.
Jocks, scenesters, wannabes, mean girls.
Yeah. Floaters, nosers, tweeners.
But it turns out, there was serious Madison fatigue,
which left room for a referendum candidate.
[Sighs]
Elvira, goddess of love.
Her real name is Beth Goldfarb.
All my models had her consolidating the anti-Madison vote.
- But Madison won. - So I kept digging.
Exit polling didn't match. Turn-out was off.
I had enough to print 15 inches on election tampering.
You think Madison did it herself?
I don't know.
Good journalists keep digging.
This is my Watergate, and I'm only at the DNC break-in.
[Chuckles]
Josh, with all this writing,
when do you have time to do fun teenager stuff?
Some kids do sports.
Some do theater.
All I've ever wanted to do was be a reporter.
Okay. We're late.
That was a great field hockey win yesterday.
Peter: Ah, Principal Edgar.
- Peter Bash, Jared Franklin. We're... - I know who you are.
Jared: Pleasure's all ours.
I need you to stop writing these articles.
Maybe that vote was tampered with, maybe it wasn't.
Let me take it from here.
I owe it to my readers to continue the investigation.
Student journalists are legally entitled
to all the same protections as professionals.
Not if his articles are defamatory.
The supreme court has routinely endorsed the balancing test.
Whatever.
Everyone is gossiping about me
and not in a good, jealous way.
They're saying that I'm not really prom queen,
but won the vote fairly.
Once students' rights come at the cost of others,
it is my job to intervene.
There's a mountain of precedent
preventing a gag order like this. [Chuckles]
Really? [Clears throat]
I'd expect my sophomores
to be able to not laugh at the mention of a gag order.
[Laughs] [Laughing] Then stop saying it.
- Josh. - I'm sorry, principal.
I'm asking you one last time... Stop writing.
And print a retraction.
With all due respect, sir, I can't honor that request.
Then I have no choice but to expel you.
Okay, wait a second.
I need to call my mom.
♪
[Cello playing Bach's "Cello Suite No. 1"]
Julie: It's beautiful, Stanton.
I should be the one paying you for a lesson.
Stanton: Thank you.
So, tell me.
Don't you miss the law?
I only practiced for six months.
Big-firm life was too cutthroat.
Well, it's not for everyone.
Oh, a cello.
Julie, uh, meet our building manager, Nate Rudin.
Is this a sublet?
If so, that violates your lease.
I don't hesitate to evict you.
Oh, nonsense.
Julie is, uh, one of the best trial lawyers in L.A.
- She just joined the firm. - Really?
- Yes. Nice to meet you. - Okay.
If she's an attorney,
I would like to retain her legal services.
My dry cleaner lost a pair of custom-tailored vicuña wool pants.
- Oh. Vicuña. - Mm-hmm.
I need help getting them to pay up.
Any advice?
Binding arbitration.
Sure. Why not?
I'll schedule us for tomorrow.
Unless, of course, Stanton has a problem with that.
Absolutely no problem.
In fact, I'm know as being a critic
of the nation's dry-cleaning scam artists.
I would be delighted to be second chair.
Oh.
Hmm.
Stanton, I never really practiced law.
I failed the bar three times before I passed.
I can't even remember ever taking it.
- You'll be fine. - Uh...
Oh, and listen. If you get stuck,
you can always say that it was a contested area of jurisprudence.
That's what I told Robert Blake.
So, I combed the school code of conduct.
The language on harassment and intimidation of other students is pretty broad.
Jared: I wish harassment and intimidation was illegal
when I was in high school.
Stupid band kids.
You know, you can still get even.
Madison's dad has friends on the school board.
Maybe we could dig into him.
Outlook contacts coming at you.
Seriously, I just need their last names,
maybe a lock of hair.
Okay. Okay, Dan, I want to be explicit here.
You are not to exact revenge on my high-school enemies. Okay?
Loud and clear.
We can get the expulsion overturned if you print a retraction.
A retraction?
We could be looking at a massive, systemic conspiracy.
Jared: Just to be clear,
we are still talking about a high-school dance, right?
Look...
If I give in at the first sign of trouble,
then I may as well just turn in my notebook.
Columbia called.
They're revoking his scholarship.
I take it you haven't told Josh.
Without that scholarship, I can't afford college.
Is there any way to appeal?
Yeah. We can try, I mean,
but the board usually sides with the school.
I-I think our best bet is to try to take this into civil court.
[Groans] Molly, I'm gonna do this for you.
I mean for Josh.
Thanks.
Will you hurry up?
You worried someone's gonna walk in?
Need I remind you about the conference room last week.
Um, that was 2:00 in the morning.
The elevator wasn't.
[Snorts] Just hurry up.
I think you know, Ellen.
I'm a man who likes to take his time.
Debatable. [Chuckles]
That was fun.
What did you come in here, again, for?
Oh, you know the H.R. forms they gave us
about relationships in the workplace?
Have you filled those out yet?
Yes. What about it?
[Sighs] Your tie is a mess.
Thank you.
D-d-don't. Don't.
You tackled me 10 minutes ago. It's my turn.
Oh, that's because I was reading an article about Anthony Bourdain.
So, I thought maybe we could compare answers
on the H.R. form and get on the same page.
Anthony bBourdain? Really? The cooking guy?
- So, you want to cheat. - It's not cheating.
It's getting on the same page.
That's not how this works.
You have to decide how you feel
and then just answer the questions honestly.
Look. I already know how I feel.
And that would be...
No, unh. Eyes on your own paper, Franklin.
What if I ask like this?
[Chuckles]
Judge: You're filing a lawsuit
for interference with prospective business advantage?
Peter: That's it, Your Honor.
Josh was a promising reporter.
This expulsion will cause a butterfly effect
that will completely derail his life path.
To the tune of $5.6 million in damages?
Your Honor, he's gonna lose his scholarship at journalism school,
future employment at a reputable paper.
- Oh, th-that's worth millions in salary. - Millions.
A book deal, an ill-fated turn as a Hollywood screenwriter.
There's no precedent to quantify the effect of one incident
in the life of a 17-year-old boy.
I stole petty cash from the forensic team's bake sale.
Look at me.
- I'm not even gonna go there. - And no precedent?
"Back to the Future," "Mr. Destiny,"
"back to the Future II"?
Does counsel have any legal standing
that doesn't derive from fiction?
Uh, "Back to the Future" was based on a true story.
True story.
The school's expulsion order claims that
Josh damaged the other students' reputations.
By that logic, we can evaluate the impact on Josh's future.
It seems the school has been hoisted on its own petard.
Motion to dismiss denied.
Opening arguments tomorrow at 9:00.
He called you a petard.
Isn't this a bit much?
I mean, we just want Josh back in school.
Oh, the dollar figure? That's just a scare tactic.
They'll fold and readmit.
That butterfly effect, that happened to me.
I mean, one day I'm studying to be a dancer,
the next I'm a 20-year-old single mother tending bar.
I can't let Josh lose the most important thing in his life.
He's a good kid. We'll win this.
Thank you.
Ah, ah, ah. Not too close.
- What'd he say? - Nothing.
He just has an annoying tick.
My name's Samantha.
I'm here to go over some discrepancies
in your workplace-relationship forms.
- Discrepancies? - Really?
Huh.
Let's start with question three. [Chuckles]
"Would you describe your feelings for each other as serious,
somewhat serious, or casual?"
Jared, you checked "casual."
Yes, I did.
Well, that's... illuminating.
You didn't write serious. [Chuckles]
Did you?
I chose "somewhat serious."
Please [Clicks tongue] go on.
Question six. [Clears throat]
"Would you ever consider cohabitation?"
Ellen, yes; Jared, no.
Um, a-are you sure I didn't write "yes"?
Because sometimes my N's look like Y's. [Chuckles]
Like, maybe I meant, "yo, of course."
- No, no, no, no. You know what? It's fine. - "No-brainer, n."
This is all about being open,
just getting everybody on the same page.
- Right, Sam? - Yeah.
Okay. Samantha, why don't we not waste any more of your valuable time
and just move this little train along. Huh?
- [Laughs] Uh, question nine. - Mm-hmm.
"Is there a possibility your relationship could be headed
towards a more formal arrangement?"
Uh, you know what? Could I actually have my form back?
'Cause the thing is, I was in a rush
so I didn't actually get to compete filling it out.
Oh, you wrote a three-paragraph essay
arguing that the institution of marriage is dead.
[Chuckles]
This is Peter's fault.
You don't know Peter, but it's his fault.
How is it my fault?
You told me not to be needy, and I over-corrected.
So, wait. Swatello thinks you were in a relationship?
No, but I think she was open to one.
Now there's nothing. She cut me off.
She won't even talk to me 'cause of your advice.
I stand by my advice.
I'm gonna get even.
Don't.
You're lucky she's with the kid.
I still say Hoffman and Redford
are the best buddy duo in movie history.
With apologies to Farley and Spade.
"All the president's men." It's a classic.
Yeah, I watch it every year on my birthday.
Josh, could you take us through your research for this article?
I ran a dozen regression analyses,
interviewed every kid who went to prom,
and thoroughly inspected all 120 ballots for evidence of tampering.
Paul: No one's disputing Josh's work ethic.
The question is whether he has the proof to back up his claims.
Proof? He wants proof.
Whip out the proof.
Josh, you gave us this envelope this morning.
Could you explain the contents?
Working on an anonymous tip,
I went dumpster diving behind the school.
Paul: Objection.
This exhibit was not on the plaintiff's evidence list.
Your Honor, our client found this evidence 12 hours ago.
I'll allow it.
Five shredded PR queen ballots
originally cast for Elvira, not included in the final tally.
Could you explain what that means?
Well, someone got into the ballot box and threw these away.
It's the smoking gun,
definitive proof that the election was rigged.
Isn't it a huge coincidence
that you just happened to find
the evidence you needed for your lawsuit?
Objection. Argumentative.
Sustained.
- Josh, you ever heard of Stephen Glass? - Yeah.
He's the New Republic reporter who fabricated scandals.
Objection.
Defense counsel's playing "guilt by implication."
We believe that the only reason
Josh has these discarded ballots
is because he shredded them himself
in order to manufacture the scandal.
Judge: Objection overruled.
Josh, in your article you wrote that
"most likely, election tampering occurred
between 9:15 P.M. and 9:20 P.M."
This is a cellphone video of your prom night.
The clock reads 9:15.
[Dance music playing]
Oh, there's you walking out the back door of the gym.
And here you are again,
coming back,
2 minutes and 37 seconds later.
N-now, Josh, do you think
that a reporter has an obligation to be objective?
Yes.
So, given an objective look at this video,
wouldn't you agree that one of the prime suspects
for the election tampering has to be Josh Taylor?
Objectively...
Yes.
- Everyone thinks I'm a fraud. - No, that is not true.
But, Josh, why'd you leave the prom?
I went outside to psych myself up
'cause I wanted to ask a girl to dance.
Who?
Madison.
Madison Coleman?
Queen bee girl? Really?
Yeah. I know she's mean, but she's smart and... [Sighs]
I don't know. Never mind. You wouldn't understand.
Don't be so sure.
If you have a crush on Madison, why expose the scandal?
There's an old newsroom rule.
If you want to cover the circus, you can't screw the elephants.
Aren't metaphors supposed to make sense?
It means I have to be objective.
You're a man of principle.
Someone raised you well.
We'll get them tomorrow.
Randy: The Kims offered a $200 credit.
The pants cost $75 new.
Why are we here?
Our client said they cost significantly more than that.
- And? - Our client is angry?
How much is your client asking for, Miss Serrano?
Five hundred, um, thousand.
$500,000.
What?!
That's not what we talked about.
500,000 bucks for a pair of pants?
They're designer.
This is the finest trial attorney in L.A?
She's slow to warm up,
but when she gets going, she's a real dynamo.
Um, half a million dollars?
I'm sorry. I panicked.
Oh.
[Sighs] What?
- Nothing. - What?
It's nothing.
I just thought I would have heard from Molly.
Oh, my God. You want to drive by her house?
Better yet, you want to toilet paper it?
She might think that was funny.
I'm kidding.
Come on. That dance was almost 20 years ago.
Let it go.
That's the problem. I did.
Wait. W-what do you mean?
You mean the... the... the gun went off in the holster?
Yeah. But could you... We're in school. [Beeping]
- Whoa. Was it dark? - Sort of.
The problem was, I was wearing white-linen pants.
- Ew. - Yeah.
How'd you go through the rest of the night?
Spilled clam chowder on myself.
Impressive crisis management.
Okay. Well, she probably doesn't even remember that.
More importantly,
how the hell have you not told me the rest of that story?
'Cause she may not remember, but you'll never let me forget.
Oh, you're damn right.
[Whistle blows]
- Connie? - Yeah?
- Hi. - Hi.
You're the tutor, right?
We heard you're the best,
and we just had to interview you.
- Yeah, this is tutoring for our son. - Yeah.
I don't think he needs a tutor,
but Peter's a bit of a helicopter dad.
[Chuckles]
What's your son's name?
- Paxton. - Declan.
Paxton-Declan.
It's... he's named after his grandfather.
I know you're Josh Taylor's lawyers.
It's not that big of a school.
Uh, okay.
We heard that you were in charge
of counting the ballots, right?
So you must know something about who rigged the election.
Unless she rigged the election.
Okay. I counted the ballots.
Actually, miscounted.
I had a narrow win for Elvira,
but Principal Edgar got Madison in his recount.
What? A recount?
Uh... I didn't know there was a recount.
Why didn't you tell Josh about that?
Edgar told me not to say anything.
I think he wanted to spare me the embarrassment
of a "math tutor can't count" headline.
You two make a cute couple.
We would make good co-dads.
Eh, you're too smothering.
I'm gonna name our next kid.
- Paxton-Declan? - It's a good name.
- It's a terrible name. - We could call him the PacMan.
- Is that normal procedure? - Pardon?
To do a recount on a prom-court election.
It was a close vote.
I wanted to make sure we got it right.
Connie's the president of the math club.
- Mm. - You didn't trust her to count to 100?
[Sighs] Peter: And when you got a different total by five votes,
you didn't think something was suspicious then?
What are you implying?
We think you shredded the ballots yourself.
And now you're throwing Josh under the bus.
We should go.
Well, you've got your version of, uh, the story,
and I've got mine.
We'll see who a jury believes...
A teenage kid with delusions of grandeur
or an esteemed educator with three decades of experience.
Edgar: You can let yourselves out.
It's a good theory.
The only problem is, we don't have a shred of proof.
Theory... The principal rigged the vote.
The problem... We need evidence.
Didn't Josh say that Madison's father was connected?
So maybe he upped his contribution to the school's endowment.
[Sighs]
I'll cross-check both bank accounts.
It's simple data mining.
I would prefer "legal" to "simple."
"Connolly, Briggs, Lamond"...
These are the names and addresses
of all the guys in my high-school band. [Cellphone chimes]
- Oh, my God. - And their social security numbers.
- [Cellphone chimes] - You said not to seek vengeance.
That's totally different than revenge.
Is it, though?
Is your goal to put me in prison?
It's not about my goals. It's about your goals.
Isn't... unless that's what you want.
Molly invited me over for dinner tonight.
Hey, make sure you don't arrive too early.
Or finish your meal too quickly. [Clicks tongue]
You're gonna be having dinner. Am I right?
- Whoa. - Dan, come on.
- What? - Keep it classy.
- Dude. Come on, it's a client. - I didn't say anything.
[Cello playing off-key]
Oh, uh, sorry. I-I'll come back.
Any news on the case?
Good news. They've offered a settlement...
$2,000...
And Nate never sets fo their establishment again.
If they're willing to offer 2 grand, they're panicked.
They'll probably go higher.
Look, this claim,
it could bankrupt the Kims and send them back to Korea.
- Oh. - We can't really withdraw our claim
because Nate will be on to us.
You know, it took a poor lawyer...
No offense, of course...
To make this claim worth a fortune.
It's going to take a great lawyer to make it worth nothing.
So, some may call it re-gifting.
I call it paying it forward.
I'm glad you're here.
Josh could use a cheering up.
Oh, right. Exactly.
So, she kept trying to be lab partners,
and finally I had to tell her,
"Katie, you... you realize I suck at bio, right?"
That's 'cause she doesn't care about the stupid lab.
She's into you.
- No. - Oh, Josh.
- Wait. Really? - [Laughs] Yes.
The sitting next to you in class,
the... the texting all day...
- 'Cause she thinks you're hot. - Mm-hmm.
- Is she cute? - Katie is very pretty.
She's no Madison.
Oh, Madison. Madison, Madison.
Did you make your move?
She's way out of my league.
Josh, you're a really smart kid, but that is really stupid.
[Chuckles] Oh, what?
So I'm just supposed to walk up to her and say,
"Madison, will you go out with me?"
Your pick-up line is a "C,"
your delivery was an "F,"
but, yes, that is somewhat in the ballpark.
From experience, I can tell you,
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
The great one said that.
Arianna Huffington?
Yes, Arianna Huff... Wayne Gretzky.
We have a lot of work to do. [Chuckles]
[Knock on door]
Ellen: Hmm.
It's 9:00 at night. What are you doing?
Sniffing around for some casual sex?
You've been avoiding me.
We don't have to talk every day.
It's not like we're serious.
If you wanted more of a committed relationship,
why didn't you just tell me?
Who said I wanted a more committed relationship?
Come on. That's what I mean. See?
You just run, you run hot, you run cold.
Just tell me what this is.
If you haven't figured it out by now,
I am not gonna tell you.
[Sighs]
Here's what happened.
I thought you wanted a casual relationship,
even though I would have been open for something more.
And you wanted that, too.
So you went on record and put yourself out there
and said we were "somewhat serious."
You showed your cards and I didn't,
and it's freaking you out.
Oh, is that right?
That's what you think?
This is a card game?
Yep.
Then I fold.
Wait. Wh-what does that mean?
Where does that leave us?
I think it's pretty obvious where it leaves us.
Make-up sex?
I have to go.
Break-up sex?
Get out of my office.
[Beep] Oh, great.
My article posted.
Uh, come check this out.
Since I can't write for the paper anymore,
I had to put this on my blog.
I've tracked down a source.
Your very own Deep Throat.
My guy saw Edgar sneak into the copy room and shred the ballots.
Oh, Josh. This...
You're making some really big accusations
that can get you in some really big trouble.
You should have run this by us first.
Uh... yeah, I guess, uh, maybe I should have.
Our job is to protect you.
It's my job to tell the truth.
Since when is that a crime?
Okay. Okay. Well, let's...
Let's get your guy on the witness list for tomorrow.
No. I promised him he'd stay anonymous.
Josh, this guy, whoever he is, can win your case for you.
What good is that?
It means exposing my source
and giving up everything I believe in.
Paul: I'm sensing a pattern here.
First he happens to find a miracle in a trash can.
Now he finds an anonymous source to exonerate him.
Counselors, how do we know your client
hasn't veered into fiction writing?
How do you verify any reporter's source?
Your Honor, anonymous sources are a foundation for free press.
This article accuses a government employee of criminal misconduct.
The jury should be allowed to evaluate the reliability of his source.
Josh, this isn't about a newspaper article anymore.
This is a trial with millions of dollars at stake.
I'm ordering you to tell the court the identity of your source.
I invoke my journalistic privilege to protect my source.
You realize I can hold you in contempt.
Uh, Your Honor, if we could have a moment...
I know the consequences.
I'll give you the night to sleep on this.
If you don't reveal your source by 9:00 A.M. tomorrow,
I will remand you to a county juvenile facility
- until you change your mind. - Yes, sir.
So, our client doesn't want to reveal his source.
And what do we always say is our first job as lawyers?
Settle quickly and commission 30%.
Obey our client's wishes. All right?
We need a witness who can corroborate what Josh's claim is.
Mundy, you got the floor. Go.
These are profiles of all students and faculty that attended the prom.
Search histories, texts, IMs, iTunes playlists.
Is this a photocopy of the teacher's journal?
Side job.
[Sighs]
- Go for the knockout. - Mm.
- My feelings entirely. - Yes.
Randy: It is my understanding
the, uh, two sides are close to an agreement?
Yes.
You know, this case is...
more than about just lost property.
This... this case is about lost memories...
Memories while wearing those beautiful vicuña pants.
Pain and suffering, emotional distress.
We would like to amend our claim
to include punitive damages of $5 million.
[Gasps] Woman: What?
No.
Randy: Are you sure you want to do this, Mr. Infeld?
Any such demand will erase a discussed settlement offer.
- We are sure. - What are you doing?
Ending this bout in the second round.
Here's a girl who tweeted at 9:12.
"Edgar is totes a nauze. F-M-L."
I don't know what any of those words even mean.
I'll run it through the NSA's language translators.
Someone called claiming to be Josh's Deep Throat,
blocked number, wants to meet.
You want me to run a call trap?
Reverse number scrub?
Satellite triangulation?
Or we could just go meet the guy.
If you'd like to cut corners.
No, you can't go.
Okay.
[Scoffs]
He said "meet in the north corner."
North is this way. No, north is up.
No. Not if you're facing south.
No, north is always up.
That's why they call it north.
Is that...?
- What? - North.
Right. That's what I said.
It's always... well, now, w-we're heading up now.
- Shh! We're in a library. - Sorry.
Josh and I are always the last ones to leave at night.
He's a good kid.
When he started getting into trouble for those articles,
I told him what I saw.
You really are the eyes and ears of this institution, my friend.
That's from...
Yeah, "Breakfast Club." I know.
I-it's our "Citizen Kane."
Oh. Could we get you to testify in court?
Mr. Loza wasn't supposed to be there that night.
He uses school computers to work on his G.E.D.
Which means he's violating school policy.
If he comes forward, he'll be fired.
And we'll fire a wrongful termination case pro bono.
Well, and then what?
He gets a small settlement if he's lucky?
I mean, how many other schools
are looking to hire litigious janitors?
I won't do it. I can't.
Even if that means you might go to jail?
Even if that means I might go to jail.
So, Josh, the copy room is on the first floor, right?
And the gym is on the third?
Yeah.
Why?
Judge: Well, this is a first.
Re-creating a high-school prom in my courtroom.
Yes. Mr. Levy accused Josh of tampering with the vote
in a very specific time window.
We want to test that theory with the jury.
It's a stall tactic.
You gave Josh until 9:00 A.M. to reveal his source
or to be taken into custody.
Your Honor, that time has come and gone.
Your Honor, who doesn't love prom night?
The pageantry, the romance...
Breaking into Mr. Henderson's car,
putting corn in his gas tank.
That may have just been my high school.
I'll allow the demonstration,
but it better work
or your client will be writing for a newsletter at juvenile lockup.
Someone didn't go to his prom.
Oy, hey, ooh.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
You sure you want to do this without testing it first?
You have a tendency of going off half-cocked.
Oh, come on. How much am I gonna regret having told you this?
This much.
So, to rig that vote,
Josh would have had to sprint into the office,
steal the ballots,
race down four flights of stairs,
shred the evidence,
and return upstairs all within 2 minutes and 37 seconds.
That would be one fast kid.
So we're gonna test that theory today
by having that exact route
re-created here in the courthouse.
Paul: Objection.
How do we know that their client
won't deliberately run slowly to throw the test?
Look who passed the bar.
That's why we brought in Clark Smith.
He's the track captain from Fairview High.
He's gonna run in Josh's place.
And we have monitors stationed throughout the courthouse
to make sure he completes the course.
Now, to finish the picture, we're gonna need dancers.
Your Honor, do you mind if I borrow the gallery?
We're already down that rabbit hole, Mr. Franklin. Go ahead.
Thank you very much.
Uh, you two. You, you, great.
- You'll make beautiful kids together. - Come on in. How about you guys?
Joanie, you love chachi, come on up.
I'm gonna make a love connection right there.
- Come on in. - Perfect.
Two gentlemen in the back. Join us.
You want to make se baes? Come on down.
- Two in the back, come on in. - Don't be shy.
Grab your partner 'round and 'round. Find a pretty spot.
- I'm going in. - Okay.
I'm gonna dance with Swatello. Oh, wait. You broke us up.
You were never together.
I keep telling myself that.
All right, look. You got a chance for a do-over.
You go in there and you do your best.
Hold nothing back.
- Yeah, yeah. Finish. - Don't finish.
Jared: All righty.
And away we go.
♪ I would do anything for love ♪
- Runner, on your mark. - ♪ run right into hell and back ♪
Get set.
Go!
♪ I would do anything for love ♪
♪ But I'll never do it better than I'll do it with you ♪
You know, this is not the first time
that we've been on the dance floor together.
Oh, I recall.
I also recall you bolting after our first dance
and barely speaking to me the rest of senior year.
Are you sure you remember it that way? It's been a long time.
I was waiting the whole rest of the year for you to ask me out.
You were waiting for me to ask you out?
Yeah. You were my one that got away.
Two minutes. Two minutes have elapsed.
I mean, I assumed you were into me
since you, you know,
enjoyed yourself during the dance.
Oh, my God. I was so hoping you forgot about that part.
I was flattered.
Just like I'm flattered right now.
♪ I can do that ♪
♪ Oh, whoa ♪
♪ Now, now I can do that ♪
And time!
3 minutes and 50 seconds.
Thank you very much, James. Good time.
Everybody, thank you for dancing.
Enjoy. Off you go.
Let's clear the dance floor, people.
You don't got to go home, but you can't stay here.
I knew this was gonna work out with you guys.
Hope you got her number.
Hope you invite me to the wedding.
3 minutes and 50 seconds.
That's one minute over the time that Josh was out of the gym.
And that's the track captain's time.
Imagine how fast our client would have done it,
a kid so slow
he was dropped from the J.V. Cross country team twice.
So, if Josh didn't take the ballots, who could have?
I said, who could have?
Hey, Swayze.
Wood.
I'm sorry, what?
I can't do the closing.
Why, wh...
- Again? What's wrong with you? - I know.
Do you need me to order you some clam chowder?
No. I just need to sit here for a minute
and think about Wilford Brimley.
Uh, Your Honor, if I can tag in for my partner?
He's not feeling well.
Word to the wise...
Stay away from the chicken shawarma in the cafeteria.
Ladies and gentlemen,
if Josh didn't steal the ballots, then who did?
Maybe someone with access to a shortcut, hmm?
Say, the faculty elevator.
Your Honor, at this time,
we move to subpoena the key-fob records to the faculty elevator.
They talking it over?
I bet they are. [Clears throat]
Uh, a-actually, Your Honor, uh,
the defense would like to request a... short recess.
You jacked up that claim so we couldn't possibly win.
Oh, and go against the interests
of a valuable client like Nate Rudin?
Never.
I liked the kill too much, Stanton.
Not upholding the law.
So, it was you who was the cutthroat,
not your old firm.
That's why I got out.
And I should stay out.
You are a genius.
Ah, on that... I will never disagree.
Go easy on this root beer. You got school in the morning.
Edgar copped a plea.
Two-year suspension without pay
and he admitted to taking a bribe from Madison's dad.
- He's looking at disbarment. - Yep.
We got to take them both off the Christmas-card list.
By the way, Peter,
I took your advice and asked out Madison.
- Yeah? And? - Flat-out rejection.
Okay, you got to stop with the advice.
You're killing the kid.
Ah, but then I asked out Elvira, and she said yes.
Or am I?
Ah, it's a nice check down.
Let's go over the game plan, Josh.
Game plan?
Game plan for the date, buddy.
Oh. I need a game plan?
Yeah. Come here.
So, Josh is back in school.
He got his scholarship back.
And I didn't pay you a cent.
You got a raw deal.
Well, how about you repay me
by letting me take you out tonight?
[Chuckles] Your pick-up line is a "C."
I promise it will be less awkward than homecoming.
But your delivery is an "A."
And I can think of one part of that night
that I might like to re-create.
Hmm.
[Bottles clink]
Give me that time machine again.
I'm going back to tell teenage Peter
he ends up taking Molly Taylor on a date to Mozza.
I'm gonna tell the teenage Jared not to save
six months' allowance for a mini disc player.
Hey, all this talk about Deep Throat,
best adult film of all time.
I'm a fan of the classics.
"Debbie Does Dallas," "Star Whores," you know,
when the directors cared about characters and plot.
- Bygone age, dude. - Yep.
I wonder if Woodward and Bernstein
ever actually saw the movie "Deep Throat."
Heh.
What do Woodward and Bernstein have to do with porn?
Have you even actually seen "All the President's Men"?
Of course.
It's about the president and his men.
All of them.
I've never seen it.
Why did you think we were talking about Deep Throat this whole time?
I just thought you had a weird porn thing.
- You're an idiot. - You're an idiot.
- This is mine. - No, this is mine.
- It's mine. - No, first!
- I got it. Wait. I got it. - No, it's mine.
Back up. It's mine.
- I do it every time. It's mine. - I'm right. Stop it.
- Just watch me and learn. - I'm better!
Yeah.
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