1 00:00:02,987 --> 00:00:05,723 ♪ Good morning, USA! ♪ 2 00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:09,526 ♪ I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 3 00:00:09,561 --> 00:00:12,563 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 4 00:00:12,597 --> 00:00:17,000 ♪ And he's shining a salute to the American race ♪ 5 00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:22,272 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 6 00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:24,274 ♪ Good... ♪ ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 7 00:00:24,309 --> 00:00:25,809 Aah! 8 00:00:27,112 --> 00:00:30,514 ♪ Good morning, USA! ♪ 9 00:00:39,009 --> 00:00:50,277 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 10 00:00:59,911 --> 00:01:03,047 Hey, Mick! You damn drunk, wake up. 11 00:01:03,081 --> 00:01:04,381 Wha...? 12 00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:06,383 Morning. It's 6:00 a.m., 13 00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:09,686 and I can legally sell you alcohol again. 14 00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,855 You'll always have a place to drink here, 15 00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:14,258 you degenerate scumbag. 16 00:01:16,795 --> 00:01:18,862 I'm with Beezus on this one, guys. 17 00:01:18,897 --> 00:01:21,498 Ramona went into her room. No permission! 18 00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:24,101 The sign said, "Do Not Enter." 19 00:01:24,135 --> 00:01:25,569 Do not enter... 20 00:01:25,603 --> 00:01:27,571 the kingdom of heaven! 21 00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:30,307 Beezus is a Christ figure! Her name rhymes with Jesus. 22 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,542 It's right there! 23 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,680 Oh, hi. 24 00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:39,083 Girl shoulders! 25 00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:40,617 I'm Charlotte. 26 00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:42,252 I-I just moved here. 27 00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:44,388 This is a bit embarrassing... 28 00:01:44,422 --> 00:01:46,757 but I'm required to go door-to-door 29 00:01:46,791 --> 00:01:49,827 to notify all my new neighbors that I'm a registered... 30 00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:52,062 sex offender. 31 00:01:52,097 --> 00:01:53,464 Where are you registered, 32 00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:55,566 and what have you still not received? 33 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,335 Wait. A-Are you saying you did stuff... 34 00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,903 with boys? 35 00:01:59,938 --> 00:02:01,038 Yeah. 36 00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:03,707 Like, an insane amount of stuff. 37 00:02:11,249 --> 00:02:13,917 I just want to say I won't be any trouble. 38 00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:16,687 I mostly just stay home and watch the Spice Channel 39 00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:18,455 and Cartoon Network, 40 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,457 so if you guys ever want to come... 41 00:02:20,492 --> 00:02:21,658 No. No, Charlotte! 42 00:02:21,693 --> 00:02:23,394 Bad Charlotte! 43 00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:24,628 I'm sorry. 44 00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,663 I-I should go. 45 00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:30,367 Oh, my God, do you know what this means? 46 00:02:30,402 --> 00:02:32,403 We're gonna get laid! 47 00:02:32,437 --> 00:02:35,506 And the Spice Channel is still profitable! 48 00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:45,449 We got a... we got a big problem here, Roger. 49 00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:48,152 Well, your problem keeps my lights on, Mick. 50 00:02:48,186 --> 00:02:50,721 Oh, crap. Betsy! Keg change! 51 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,556 Where is that damn girl? 52 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,657 Bets! 53 00:02:53,691 --> 00:02:55,659 Hey, uh, can I use your bathroom? 54 00:02:55,693 --> 00:02:57,428 It's for customers only. Well, no, right, 55 00:02:57,462 --> 00:02:58,829 I'm totally gonna get some food. 56 00:02:58,863 --> 00:03:01,231 I just got to think about my order in the bathroom. 57 00:03:01,266 --> 00:03:02,900 I said it's for customers only! 58 00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:05,135 Now what? 59 00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:07,604 Just a sec on that refill. 60 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,207 Hey, Roger, I'm going to yoga. You want to come? 61 00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:12,509 They might play your favorite song. 62 00:03:12,544 --> 00:03:16,380 Om... om... om... 63 00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:18,449 Sorry, Francine, I'm working. 64 00:03:18,483 --> 00:03:20,451 But I thought you had today off. 65 00:03:20,485 --> 00:03:23,287 There are no days off when you're running a dive bar. 66 00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:25,622 Roger, you can't keep going at this pace. 67 00:03:25,657 --> 00:03:27,624 You're on your feet all day. 68 00:03:27,659 --> 00:03:29,626 You've probably got varicose veins. 69 00:03:29,661 --> 00:03:30,994 My veins are fine. 70 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,364 I hope you don't mind me interrupting, 71 00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:37,167 but there is an alternative to all this hard work. 72 00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,636 If this a pyramid scheme, don't say another word, 73 00:03:39,671 --> 00:03:41,238 because I am in. 74 00:03:41,272 --> 00:03:43,841 No. It's just that for a third-floor bar 75 00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:46,410 only accessible after passing through a residential home, 76 00:03:46,444 --> 00:03:48,345 you do a pretty brisk business. 77 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,247 And if you're willing to sell, 78 00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,316 my company would be very interested. 79 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:53,584 Sell? 80 00:03:53,618 --> 00:03:55,519 Sorry, what'd you say your name was? 81 00:03:55,553 --> 00:03:57,154 Toby. Of course it is. 82 00:03:57,188 --> 00:04:00,190 Look, Toby, there's only two things for sale here: 83 00:04:00,225 --> 00:04:01,725 a sense of community 84 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,029 and the credit card information of people who pass out. 85 00:04:06,698 --> 00:04:08,198 Hey, I see you with that TP! 86 00:04:12,804 --> 00:04:15,205 I'll cut off your hands, you thief! 87 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,208 Roger, try to take it easy. 88 00:04:18,243 --> 00:04:20,144 I'd love to chat, Franny, but I'm swamped 89 00:04:20,178 --> 00:04:21,612 and I got to find Betsy. 90 00:04:21,646 --> 00:04:23,313 I think she's dipping in the till. 91 00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:25,916 I ain't till-dippin'! It was Clarence the Goat. 92 00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:30,921 He says he paid for that salad. 93 00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:33,924 So, once again, it's my word against his! 94 00:04:39,731 --> 00:04:42,800 Okay, fellas, this is Charlotte's place. 95 00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,468 Barry, toss this Frisbee into her backyard, 96 00:04:44,502 --> 00:04:46,870 so we'll have an excuse to knock on her door. 97 00:04:46,905 --> 00:04:48,539 Sports! 98 00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:53,210 Okay. 99 00:04:55,246 --> 00:04:56,814 Oh. Hello. 100 00:04:56,848 --> 00:04:58,515 Oh, Charlotte! What a surprise. 101 00:04:58,550 --> 00:05:00,851 We were just playing catch, and my friend here 102 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:02,753 accidentally threw your neighbor's New York Times 103 00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:04,254 into your yard. 104 00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,989 I'm sorry for the mess. 105 00:05:06,024 --> 00:05:07,891 I still haven't found a gardener. 106 00:05:07,926 --> 00:05:10,627 Do you boys know anyone willing to pick up a hoe 107 00:05:10,662 --> 00:05:12,496 and just go to town? 108 00:05:12,530 --> 00:05:15,099 Charlotte, careful. 109 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,568 Well, maybe we can be of service. 110 00:05:17,602 --> 00:05:21,171 Okay. But it's just work, nothing else. 111 00:05:21,206 --> 00:05:24,808 Just you and your smooth, hungry hands 112 00:05:24,843 --> 00:05:27,945 rooting around in my backyard! 113 00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:35,019 I see you. I'm coming with those pretzels. 114 00:05:35,053 --> 00:05:37,588 Hole's jammed again. 115 00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:39,556 Tuna Can Jerry? 116 00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:41,558 Yeah, Tuna Can Jerry. 117 00:05:41,593 --> 00:05:43,727 All right, let me get my tools. 118 00:05:43,762 --> 00:05:46,697 And I just need you to sign here. 119 00:05:46,731 --> 00:05:49,700 Whoa. Ted, these prices are double what they were last week. 120 00:05:49,734 --> 00:05:51,201 I see you back there! 121 00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,304 Wait, this isn't even what I ordered. 122 00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,674 Yeah, well, all I got is this artisanal microbrew 123 00:05:56,708 --> 00:05:58,242 from the Finger Lakes. 124 00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,777 Apricot wheat?! 125 00:05:59,811 --> 00:06:02,012 Tuna Can Jerry's late for his rehearsal dinner! 126 00:06:02,047 --> 00:06:03,714 Hey! How about them pretzels! 127 00:06:03,748 --> 00:06:05,316 Never gonna catch me! 128 00:06:06,484 --> 00:06:08,185 Apricot wheat?! 129 00:06:08,219 --> 00:06:09,687 My heart! 130 00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:11,322 Oh, my God! Roger, are you okay? 131 00:06:11,356 --> 00:06:13,023 Keep an eye on Betsy. 132 00:06:13,058 --> 00:06:15,059 She's definitely stealing from the till. 133 00:06:15,093 --> 00:06:16,327 No, I ain't. 134 00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:18,595 I'm tired of you accusing my wife of stealing! 135 00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:20,831 Meet me in the parking lot in five minutes! 136 00:06:20,865 --> 00:06:22,466 Stop watching me switch characters, 137 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:24,635 and call an ambulance! 138 00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:31,275 Roger, you're awake. 139 00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:33,410 Mr. Smith, please, stay in bed. 140 00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:35,512 But I need to get back to the bar! 141 00:06:35,547 --> 00:06:36,914 You need to rest. 142 00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:38,716 That bar gave you a heart attack. 143 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,517 And if you keep up this pace, 144 00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:43,020 the next one'll be your last. 145 00:06:44,389 --> 00:06:45,856 Don't leave us, Nana. 146 00:06:45,890 --> 00:06:47,858 Do you mind keeping it down? 147 00:06:47,892 --> 00:06:49,393 Ugh! Francine, just close the curtain. 148 00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:52,563 I can tell by looking at them that they're the type to nod 149 00:06:52,597 --> 00:06:54,665 like they understand, and then go right... 150 00:06:54,699 --> 00:06:56,367 back... to talking. 151 00:06:56,401 --> 00:06:58,869 Roger, I brought someone to see you. 152 00:06:58,903 --> 00:07:00,170 Toby? 153 00:07:00,205 --> 00:07:02,373 I'm not selling the bar! You better... 154 00:07:05,644 --> 00:07:07,811 Aah! This is oxygen, not nitrous! 155 00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:10,514 You see that oxygen spit take? First one to do it. 156 00:07:10,548 --> 00:07:12,616 At death's door, still a trailblazer. 157 00:07:12,651 --> 00:07:14,451 Roger, it's time. 158 00:07:14,486 --> 00:07:16,120 Sell the bar. 159 00:07:16,154 --> 00:07:19,089 You have so much more life to look forward to. 160 00:07:19,124 --> 00:07:21,058 You'll carry on my vision, right? 161 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,893 The seatless toilet bowls? 162 00:07:22,927 --> 00:07:24,762 The condom machine that eats quarters? 163 00:07:24,796 --> 00:07:26,597 The homemade liquor license? 164 00:07:26,631 --> 00:07:28,098 That dripping sound? 165 00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:31,302 Roger, your vision is what I'm buying. 166 00:07:42,414 --> 00:07:45,316 I guess this is it. 167 00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:09,773 If you don't get that dead lady out of my room, 168 00:08:09,808 --> 00:08:13,244 you are gonna have what I would refer to as a "Yelp Disaster." 169 00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:28,615 Whoa, Roger, you made breakfast? 170 00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,484 Sit, sit. I made eggs, 171 00:08:30,518 --> 00:08:33,353 coffee and breakfast pork chops for you, Stan. 172 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,755 He did. I saw it. 173 00:08:34,789 --> 00:08:36,390 I see everything. 174 00:08:36,424 --> 00:08:39,293 Everything. 175 00:08:41,296 --> 00:08:44,698 Roger, your heart. You should be taking it slow. 176 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,201 Nonsense. Just because I no longer own my bar 177 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,969 doesn't mean I can't serve. 178 00:08:49,003 --> 00:08:51,472 So, Roger, any plans now that you're retired? 179 00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:53,907 Well, I've got a list of everything I'd like to do 180 00:08:53,942 --> 00:08:56,643 from now until I die neatly filed in a bucket. 181 00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:59,246 Still working on a name for this bucket index. 182 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,348 "Basket index" is the working title. 183 00:09:01,382 --> 00:09:04,518 Mmm! Oh, whoa, everything's delicious! 184 00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:05,853 Thanks. 185 00:09:05,887 --> 00:09:07,588 Okay, off to work. 186 00:09:07,622 --> 00:09:08,922 Oh. Okay. 187 00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,491 Yeah, thanks for breakfast, Roger. 188 00:09:10,525 --> 00:09:12,726 I got to get the kids to school. 189 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,328 Klaus, why don't you come along? 190 00:09:14,362 --> 00:09:17,197 I'm in the mood for one of your classic anecdotes. 191 00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:19,199 Oh, did I ever tell you about the time 192 00:09:19,234 --> 00:09:21,468 I bounced a check for my girlfriend's abortion? 193 00:09:21,503 --> 00:09:23,771 They had to put the baby back in. 194 00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:25,372 And that baby... 195 00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:27,408 was Shia LaBeouf. 196 00:09:28,576 --> 00:09:32,079 I said I wanted to hear it in the car. 197 00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:37,317 New life, here we go. 198 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,288 Okay, first thing: meditation. 199 00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:44,024 Just got to close my eyes, clear my head, 200 00:09:44,059 --> 00:09:46,393 and find my quiet place. 201 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,398 I'll come back to that one. 202 00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:55,936 Great call on these Speedos, Snot. 203 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:59,139 The mere sight of us must be driving Charlotte crazy. 204 00:10:01,843 --> 00:10:03,043 What do we do?! 205 00:10:03,078 --> 00:10:05,479 What pool boys do best. 206 00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,737 Wow! The pool looks great! 207 00:10:29,771 --> 00:10:31,805 I really owe you guys. 208 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,442 I'm gonna owe you so hard. 209 00:10:35,477 --> 00:10:39,680 Well, when you boys are done out here, why don't you, um... 210 00:10:39,714 --> 00:10:42,683 meet me upstairs. 211 00:10:42,717 --> 00:10:44,885 Gentlemen, we are in. 212 00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:46,887 All right! The Speedos worked! 213 00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:49,790 But you got to give them back so I can return them 214 00:10:49,824 --> 00:10:51,358 to my bisexual uncle's loft 215 00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:55,329 before he gets home from his vacation in Croatia. 216 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:59,133 Yup, he's pretty worldly. 217 00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:06,306 Sounds like they're having fun. 218 00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:09,777 I guess there's no reason why I can't go up there. 219 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:15,015 What the hell did they do?! 220 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,851 Hi. We've got a bit of a wait, but feel free 221 00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,754 to look at some of the crazy stuff on our walls. 222 00:11:20,789 --> 00:11:22,923 Ski poles from around the world? 223 00:11:22,957 --> 00:11:24,858 Even I'm getting hungry! 224 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:29,930 Hey, look who it is! 225 00:11:29,964 --> 00:11:32,199 What have you done to my bar?! 226 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,801 Everything's different. 227 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:36,770 Well, not everything. 228 00:11:36,805 --> 00:11:38,672 We kept the spirit of a dive bar, 229 00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:41,008 but got rid of the smell and the hopelessness 230 00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:43,210 and the guy showing his joint to all the waitresses. 231 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,612 But that was Mick, my most loyal barfly! 232 00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,147 What are you doing here anyway? 233 00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,650 If I were you, I'd be out there living life, 234 00:11:49,684 --> 00:11:51,452 crossing everything off my bucket list. 235 00:11:51,486 --> 00:11:52,720 My what? 236 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,188 Ha! You're on fire today! 237 00:11:54,222 --> 00:11:56,490 Here, let me show you the new game room. 238 00:11:56,524 --> 00:11:58,425 You have a game room?! 239 00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:01,028 What the hell? 240 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,865 My mom's new boyfriend said I was too annoying 241 00:12:04,899 --> 00:12:06,533 to take to the lake. 242 00:12:06,568 --> 00:12:08,769 To take anywhere, I would say. 243 00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,838 Being pushed out of my own bar is worse 244 00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:12,639 than a thousand heart attacks. 245 00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:14,875 It's also worse than 10,000 Maniacs. 246 00:12:14,909 --> 00:12:16,377 But just barely. 247 00:12:16,411 --> 00:12:17,978 I think that's an old reference. 248 00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:20,948 Roger, if selling your bar is bothering you this much, 249 00:12:20,982 --> 00:12:22,983 maybe you should try to buy it back. 250 00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:24,585 Oh, my God, I totally should. 251 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:28,522 I'll buy the bar and put it back the way it's supposed to be! 252 00:12:28,556 --> 00:12:30,724 It's the third house on the left. 253 00:12:30,759 --> 00:12:33,627 This is your house? 254 00:12:33,662 --> 00:12:36,096 Roger, I don't think we should leave him here. 255 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,865 He'll be fine. There's police everywhere. 256 00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,566 Plus, he's got a snorkel. 257 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,237 Drive. Drive! The door will shut on its own. 258 00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:45,873 It's not closing. 259 00:12:45,907 --> 00:12:48,342 I don't know. Maybe you got to turn or something. 260 00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:49,510 Well, don't slow down. 261 00:12:49,544 --> 00:12:50,824 Forget it, forget it, just drive. 262 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,546 It's not hurting anybody. 263 00:12:54,082 --> 00:12:56,884 Mick, what are you doing out here? 264 00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:59,053 They won't let me in the bar, Rog! 265 00:12:59,087 --> 00:13:00,821 Well, this changes now. 266 00:13:00,855 --> 00:13:02,289 You will be served again. 267 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:03,657 Thank you, Roger. You're welcome. 268 00:13:03,692 --> 00:13:04,825 Thank you. Of course. 269 00:13:04,859 --> 00:13:06,727 Thank you so much. I said, you're welcome. 270 00:13:06,761 --> 00:13:08,495 Seriously, thank you. Okay, Mick, I'm gonna go take care of this. 271 00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:09,930 I can't thank you enough. Can't fix it until you let go, Mick. 272 00:13:09,965 --> 00:13:11,365 For real, muchas gracias. I mean it. Look at me. 273 00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,733 While I'm still here, I'm not inside fixing it. 274 00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:14,687 From the bottom of my heart. Please let go, Mick. 275 00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:20,774 Toby! You've destroyed my vision! 276 00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:22,109 I'm here to buy you out 277 00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:23,944 and put everything back to the way it was! 278 00:13:23,979 --> 00:13:26,146 Oh. Shoot, that's too bad, 279 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:29,750 because we're expanding Roger's Spot nationwide, 280 00:13:29,784 --> 00:13:32,486 and we wanted your beautiful mug to be the face of the company. 281 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,788 Right, that's what we're doing. Why? What did I say? 282 00:13:34,823 --> 00:13:36,023 Thank you, Toby. Yeah, you're welcome. 283 00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,191 Thank you. Of course. 284 00:13:37,225 --> 00:13:38,392 Thank you so much. Said, you're welcome. 285 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,860 Seriously, thank you. Okay, Roger, no problem. 286 00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:41,695 I can't thank you enough. You got to let go of my hand. 287 00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:42,930 I got a business to run. For real, muchas gracias. 288 00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:44,298 Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 289 00:13:44,332 --> 00:13:46,533 Roger, Roger, Roger, I can't expand it until you let go! 290 00:13:47,265 --> 00:13:49,586 What do you guys want for dinner tonight? Pizza? 291 00:13:49,706 --> 00:13:50,840 Boring. 292 00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,042 I want to go somewhere cool but sad. 293 00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:54,510 Yeah, like a dive bar. 294 00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:55,978 Oh, Mommy, can we? 295 00:13:56,013 --> 00:13:57,346 Well, it sounds like 296 00:13:57,381 --> 00:14:00,549 this family could use a little walk on the wild side. 297 00:14:00,584 --> 00:14:02,585 Then come on down to Roger's Spot! 298 00:14:02,619 --> 00:14:06,222 America's only family-friendly dive bar experience! 299 00:14:06,256 --> 00:14:09,025 Pretend you're a barfly by resting your weary rump 300 00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:11,560 on Old Mick's stool. 301 00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,029 That's apple juice. 302 00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,297 Or is it? 303 00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,365 It is. I have to say that. 304 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,100 And there's never a dull moment 305 00:14:18,135 --> 00:14:21,070 with bar fights every hour on the hour. 306 00:14:21,104 --> 00:14:23,239 You showered with my wife! 307 00:14:24,775 --> 00:14:26,175 Roger's Spot. 308 00:14:26,209 --> 00:14:28,444 I'm Roger, and I'm famous for saying, 309 00:14:28,478 --> 00:14:30,279 "Dive on in!" 310 00:14:31,648 --> 00:14:32,982 Hey, look at you 311 00:14:33,016 --> 00:14:35,117 sitting there on the couch, looking all fetching. 312 00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:37,119 Makes me want to dive on in! 313 00:14:37,154 --> 00:14:38,521 Roger, you're home now. 314 00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:40,623 You don't have to say, "Dive on in." 315 00:14:40,657 --> 00:14:42,825 Sorry. After 300 ribbon cuttings, 316 00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:45,027 it's a little hard to turn off. Dive on in. 317 00:14:45,062 --> 00:14:46,495 Roger, it was one thing 318 00:14:46,530 --> 00:14:49,832 when you were working yourself to death for the bar you loved. 319 00:14:49,866 --> 00:14:51,934 But now you're just wearing yourself out 320 00:14:51,969 --> 00:14:54,303 promoting something that you don't even believe in. 321 00:14:54,338 --> 00:14:56,439 Francine, relax, have a drink. 322 00:14:56,473 --> 00:14:57,773 Dive on in. 323 00:14:57,808 --> 00:14:59,342 Roger... 324 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,210 Francine, if I was doing the wrong thing, 325 00:15:01,245 --> 00:15:03,546 would they have invited me to be the keynote speaker 326 00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,448 at this year's Emerging Titans of Industry 327 00:15:05,482 --> 00:15:07,450 Corporate SynergyFest? 328 00:15:07,484 --> 00:15:09,118 I-I don't know what that is. 329 00:15:09,152 --> 00:15:11,120 And why would you? 330 00:15:11,154 --> 00:15:12,922 That's my limo now. 331 00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:15,024 Different from the one that dropped me off. 332 00:15:15,058 --> 00:15:17,293 Nicer, more promiscuous driver. 333 00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:19,328 Oh, and Francine? Don't say it. 334 00:15:25,302 --> 00:15:26,569 Dive on in. 335 00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:31,107 I've applied a bed of thin-set, 336 00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:34,644 so I'm gonna go ahead and lay quarter-inch backer boards. 337 00:15:34,678 --> 00:15:37,180 Great. I'll get going on the grout work. 338 00:15:37,214 --> 00:15:39,215 Nice, Barry. 339 00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,484 Charlotte's gonna love that clean cutting. 340 00:15:41,518 --> 00:15:42,852 Thanks, boss. 341 00:15:42,886 --> 00:15:45,421 Hey, Tosh, county still dragging their feet on the permits? 342 00:15:48,659 --> 00:15:51,427 Offering to remodel Charlotte's bedroom 343 00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:53,296 is a real stroke of genius. 344 00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:55,798 She's gonna want us so bad. 345 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:59,635 Wow, this room looks really great! 346 00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:04,674 Oh. When you're done, come find me so I can... 347 00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:07,376 show you my appreciation. 348 00:16:09,246 --> 00:16:10,913 Told you this would work. 349 00:16:10,948 --> 00:16:12,648 Now, let's talk batting order. 350 00:16:12,683 --> 00:16:14,684 I call last! 351 00:16:22,826 --> 00:16:24,427 Hey, Roger! 352 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:25,928 Nobody touches Mr. Smith. 353 00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:27,363 Oh, no, no. No, it's okay. 354 00:16:27,397 --> 00:16:29,298 Mick is a friend from before the money. 355 00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,533 How you doing, Mick? 356 00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,968 You come to see me speak? 357 00:16:32,002 --> 00:16:35,037 No, I... I'm here for my AA meeting. 358 00:16:35,072 --> 00:16:36,939 Sober? That can't be. 359 00:16:36,974 --> 00:16:39,075 Mick, that's not who you are. You're a barfly! 360 00:16:39,109 --> 00:16:40,276 Well, the good news is, 361 00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,245 the state's gonna let me see my daughter 362 00:16:42,279 --> 00:16:43,913 for the first time in seven years. 363 00:16:43,947 --> 00:16:45,548 How is that good news? 364 00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,483 It's go time, Roger. 365 00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:51,187 And now, let's welcome to the stage the founder 366 00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:55,725 and a partial profit participant of Roger's Spot, Roger Smith! 367 00:16:59,463 --> 00:17:01,030 Thanks, Linda. I'm Jeff. 368 00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:02,398 And I said thanks. 369 00:17:02,432 --> 00:17:04,066 Okay, people, are you ready to... 370 00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:06,202 dive... on... in? 371 00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:09,705 I love your sliders! 372 00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:11,107 I can tell. 373 00:17:12,543 --> 00:17:16,012 Betty Crocker, Famous Amos, John DeLorean. 374 00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:17,847 What do they have in common? 375 00:17:17,881 --> 00:17:19,582 They're all entrepreneurs 376 00:17:19,616 --> 00:17:22,118 whose stories I haven't fully researched. 377 00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:24,854 You know, Roger's Spot wasn't always one of America's 378 00:17:24,888 --> 00:17:28,458 highest revenue-generating, casual-dining experiences. 379 00:17:28,492 --> 00:17:30,526 It actually started out as the kind of place 380 00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:34,197 where you could trade your child-support check for booze. 381 00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:37,900 Hey, Mick's here! Mick, stand up. 382 00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:41,904 Mick was there at the beginning of the dream. 383 00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:44,607 You may know him from the stool at all of our locations. 384 00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:48,311 But you probably don't, 385 00:17:48,345 --> 00:17:51,981 because in all 480 locations, it's just a stool. 386 00:17:52,015 --> 00:17:53,883 Corporate banned Mick. 387 00:17:57,121 --> 00:17:59,222 That's right. You lost your home 388 00:17:59,256 --> 00:18:01,591 when we became Roger's Spot, didn't you, Mick? 389 00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:03,626 Yeah, but it's all for the best. 390 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:05,661 Shut up, Mick. That's just the clarity talking. 391 00:18:05,696 --> 00:18:07,630 You were passionate about drinking, 392 00:18:07,664 --> 00:18:09,832 just like I was passionate about running my bar. 393 00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,601 Do "Dive on in"! 394 00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:14,070 No. No, I won't do, "Dive on in"! 395 00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:15,605 Dive on in. 396 00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:17,406 Because that was never my catchphrase. 397 00:18:17,441 --> 00:18:19,709 My actual catchphrase at the time was, 398 00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:21,878 "Let's get rowdy rowdy!" 399 00:18:21,912 --> 00:18:24,247 It was incredibly unpopular, but I said it anyway, 400 00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:26,249 because a bunch of drunks aren't gonna tell me 401 00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:27,984 what I can say in my own place! 402 00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:33,289 Yeah, the people in the Jasmine Ballroom get it. 403 00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,791 I guess what I'm saying is, 404 00:18:34,825 --> 00:18:37,026 we all need to stop going to Roger's Spot. 405 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:38,494 Who's with me?! 406 00:18:40,297 --> 00:18:43,199 Also, all the meat is kangaroo. 407 00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,501 That's actually a pretty lean protein! 408 00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,236 Fine, you want the real dirt? 409 00:18:47,271 --> 00:18:50,039 Our mozzarella sticks are just fried string cheese! 410 00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:51,808 That's what they are everywhere. 411 00:18:51,842 --> 00:18:53,562 Yeah, but isn't that a little disappointing? 412 00:18:53,577 --> 00:18:54,677 He's right! 413 00:18:54,711 --> 00:18:56,312 Boycott Roger's Spot! 414 00:18:56,346 --> 00:18:58,014 Boycott Roger's Spot! 415 00:18:58,048 --> 00:19:00,049 Boycott Roger's Spot! 416 00:19:00,084 --> 00:19:01,851 Boycott Roger's Spot! 417 00:19:03,087 --> 00:19:05,188 I am ruined. 418 00:19:05,222 --> 00:19:08,391 And I in a barrel of salsa. 419 00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:10,827 No one knows which one-- could be any location. 420 00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:18,367 Okay, boys, our sweet reward is on the other side of that door. 421 00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:26,642 Hi. Can I help you? 422 00:19:26,677 --> 00:19:29,645 Um... w-we're looking for Charlotte? 423 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,949 Oh, the woman who sold us this beautifully-remodeled house? 424 00:19:32,983 --> 00:19:35,151 What? If you hurry, you can still catch her. 425 00:19:38,689 --> 00:19:40,623 Oh, hey, boys. 426 00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,692 Thanks to all your hard work, 427 00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:45,461 I just flipped this house for a tasty profit. 428 00:19:45,496 --> 00:19:47,497 You flip houses? 429 00:19:47,531 --> 00:19:50,433 Uh-huh. And I've found that horn-dog teenagers 430 00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:53,436 tend to work the, uh... hardest. 431 00:19:53,470 --> 00:19:54,771 Stop doing that! 432 00:19:54,805 --> 00:19:57,373 We thought you were gonna turn us into men. 433 00:19:57,407 --> 00:20:00,076 I did. Now you know how to install drywall, 434 00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,544 wire an addition, 435 00:20:01,578 --> 00:20:03,880 and you've established lasting relationships 436 00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:06,482 with the County Permit Board. 437 00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:09,218 Take care... men. 438 00:20:14,458 --> 00:20:16,592 We learned a lot from Charlotte that summer 439 00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:18,694 about what it meant to be a man. 440 00:20:18,729 --> 00:20:22,198 And we carried that with us the rest of our lives. 441 00:20:22,232 --> 00:20:23,533 Snot joined the Army, 442 00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:25,601 ended up marrying his commanding officer, 443 00:20:25,636 --> 00:20:28,104 Lieutenant Randall Santana. 444 00:20:28,138 --> 00:20:30,773 Barry became the poet in residence at Ithaca College 445 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:33,276 and started dating his male students. 446 00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:35,978 Toshi settled in the garden city of Kyoto 447 00:20:36,013 --> 00:20:38,781 where he works as a male prostitute. 448 00:20:38,816 --> 00:20:40,049 As for me? 449 00:20:40,083 --> 00:20:42,084 Super gay, also. 450 00:20:47,849 --> 00:20:50,249 It's good to see you back behind the bar, Roger. 451 00:20:50,387 --> 00:20:53,322 Thanks, Franny, but you were right about one thing. 452 00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:55,257 It wouldn't hurt to slow down a bit 453 00:20:55,292 --> 00:20:57,559 and enjoy the little moments in my life. 454 00:20:59,729 --> 00:21:01,430 Ow! Damn it! 455 00:21:01,464 --> 00:21:03,465 Really enjoyed that. 456 00:21:07,170 --> 00:21:09,471 Good night, Rog. 457 00:21:09,506 --> 00:21:19,997 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com