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00:00:02,065 --> 00:00:03,499
(upbeat march plays)
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00:00:03,533 --> 00:00:06,202
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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00:00:06,236 --> 00:00:10,139
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:00:10,173 --> 00:00:13,109
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:17,546
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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00:00:19,416 --> 00:00:22,818
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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00:00:22,853 --> 00:00:24,820
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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00:00:24,855 --> 00:00:26,355
Aah!
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00:00:26,475 --> 00:00:33,092
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry
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00:00:33,597 --> 00:00:35,331
(creaking)
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00:00:35,365 --> 00:00:36,832
I got to tell you.
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00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:38,601
I love the "boys night in" concept.
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Two dudes just letting it all hang out.
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(grunting)
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What are you doing?
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00:00:45,442 --> 00:00:48,344
Stan, just get the prostate
surgery, you cheapskate.
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00:00:48,378 --> 00:00:50,179
No, I'm trying to wear out this chair.
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00:00:50,213 --> 00:00:53,015
Francine won't let me buy a
La-Z-Boy until this one breaks.
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00:00:53,049 --> 00:00:54,950
You can buy a La-Z-Boy?
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00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:57,019
I thought you could only
win them on game shows.
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I would love one of those.
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Scoot over, I'll help.
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(both grunting)
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00:01:04,661 --> 00:01:07,830
Finally tonight, Terry and I
have some wonderful news:
25
00:01:07,864 --> 00:01:10,399
We're adopting
a ten-year-old Russian boy.
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00:01:10,434 --> 00:01:12,735
That's right, Greg, and
we invite you to join us
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00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:14,503
as we turn the camera on ourselves
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in a four-part series
we're calling...
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NARRATOR (reading):
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People often ask us, "How happy are you
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00:01:21,545 --> 00:01:23,879
that you were able to adopt
your gorgeous daughter?"
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And the answer is, happy...
33
00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:27,416
ish?
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00:01:27,451 --> 00:01:28,884
Plus we realized
we still needed something
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00:01:28,919 --> 00:01:31,353
to fill our empty third bedroom.
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00:01:31,388 --> 00:01:33,956
NARRATOR:
And that thing was a son.
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Follow Greg and Terry's journey
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as they open their hearts to...
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Oh, Greg, look!
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That's the public toilet
where we fell in love!
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00:01:42,599 --> 00:01:43,599
(door shuts)
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00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,800
Look at this.
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00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:48,170
Greg and Terry are adopting
a little boy from Russia.
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00:01:48,205 --> 00:01:49,972
And they invited us to the shower!
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Pass.
Pass.
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00:01:51,007 --> 00:01:52,241
Well, too bad.
47
00:01:52,275 --> 00:01:53,795
They're our neighbors and our friends.
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00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:55,244
And we're all going.
49
00:01:55,278 --> 00:01:57,113
(sighs) Fine, I'll go.
50
00:01:57,147 --> 00:01:58,347
But only because I like playing
51
00:01:58,381 --> 00:01:59,615
with that awesome baton collection
52
00:01:59,649 --> 00:02:00,816
they keep under their bed.
53
00:02:00,851 --> 00:02:02,318
Stan...
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00:02:02,352 --> 00:02:05,321
just wash your hands after.
55
00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:08,691
Yes! We wore out the chair!
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00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:10,092
Bring on the La-Z-Boy!
57
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:13,095
Looks like it's time for
a little spring cleaning.
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00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:15,131
(laughing)
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00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:20,069
Okay, Stan, it wasn't that funny.
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00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:21,470
Stop it, Stan.
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00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:23,072
Stan, stop it!
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00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:24,173
You're scaring me!
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00:02:24,207 --> 00:02:25,474
Francine, get in here!
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00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:27,476
It's happening again!
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00:02:27,511 --> 00:02:28,844
(laughing)
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00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:31,347
(indistinct chatter)
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00:02:32,482 --> 00:02:34,283
Thanks for picking up
the shower gift, Roger.
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00:02:34,317 --> 00:02:35,351
No problem.
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00:02:35,385 --> 00:02:37,520
I just Googled
"Russian Boy Toys."
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00:02:37,554 --> 00:02:39,155
Then I grabbed a nap,
hopped in the shower,
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00:02:39,189 --> 00:02:40,389
and went to Toys "R" Us.
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00:02:40,424 --> 00:02:41,690
(doorbell rings)
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00:02:41,725 --> 00:02:44,493
It's so cool that Greg and Terry
are adopting another child.
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00:02:44,528 --> 00:02:47,396
Although it is a shame they
couldn't conceive naturally.
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00:02:47,431 --> 00:02:49,765
Lord knows how much I hear them trying.
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00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,167
(music playing, people conversing)
Welcome, Smiths.
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00:02:51,201 --> 00:02:52,535
Come in.
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00:02:53,837 --> 00:02:55,204
(Roger gasps)
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00:02:55,238 --> 00:02:57,707
Where am I?
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00:02:57,741 --> 00:02:59,108
This music.
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00:02:59,142 --> 00:03:01,377
The mind-blowing furniture.
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00:03:01,411 --> 00:03:03,212
The spectacular people who look like
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they all must have passports.
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Bonsoir, mes amis.
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00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:07,883
Champagne?
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00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:09,985
Check it out...
two chicks dancing.
87
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:13,522
ROGER:
They're making a statement.
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00:03:13,557 --> 00:03:16,325
I don't understand it,
but I want to so bad!
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00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,427
O-M-triple-G!
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00:03:18,462 --> 00:03:20,596
Is that Liev Schreiber?!
91
00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:24,233
Yeah, the Tesla's completely
reversed my carbon footprint.
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00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:27,636
Every time I start the car,
I'm giving back to the Earth.
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00:03:27,671 --> 00:03:29,472
That's both environmentally friendly
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00:03:29,506 --> 00:03:31,240
and you're Liev Schreiber!
95
00:03:31,274 --> 00:03:32,341
It's incredible!
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00:03:32,376 --> 00:03:34,410
As is that scarf.
97
00:03:34,444 --> 00:03:36,078
But tell me, Liev Schreiber,
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00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:38,014
why are you still wearing it inside?
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It's just part of my outfit.
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00:03:41,084 --> 00:03:43,419
This is good.
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00:03:43,453 --> 00:03:45,921
(insects chirring)
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(tapping glass)
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00:03:47,324 --> 00:03:49,191
We want thank you all
so much for coming.
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00:03:49,226 --> 00:03:51,761
And even though Michael doesn't
arrive until tomorrow,
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00:03:51,795 --> 00:03:53,562
we know he'd want us to experience
106
00:03:53,597 --> 00:03:56,032
the joy of opening his gifts for him.
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00:03:57,768 --> 00:03:59,635
A Waterford Crystal teddy bear!
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00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:00,703
ALL: Aw!
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00:04:04,441 --> 00:04:08,311
You guys, an authentic
17th century chaise longue?
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00:04:08,345 --> 00:04:10,646
Ah, our new son will go
perfectly with this.
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00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:11,747
Fabulous, fabulous.
Wonderful.
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00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:14,283
(indistinct chatter)
113
00:04:15,652 --> 00:04:17,687
Okay, what fabulous gift
should we open next?
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00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:19,455
Stan's Uncle Roger!
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00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:20,589
You're going the wrong way.
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00:04:20,624 --> 00:04:22,425
Get over here with that gift!
117
00:04:23,961 --> 00:04:26,896
A-Actually, I might've
mis-shopped, heh.
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00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:28,564
Clown wrapping paper?
119
00:04:28,599 --> 00:04:29,632
How kitsch!
120
00:04:29,666 --> 00:04:30,766
Oh, oh, you love the paper?
121
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,034
That-that's the gift!
122
00:04:32,069 --> 00:04:35,137
Response achieved!
123
00:04:35,172 --> 00:04:38,674
It's some sort of tote bag
with what appears to be a...
124
00:04:38,709 --> 00:04:40,443
man-spider?
125
00:04:40,477 --> 00:04:41,844
You don't know
Spider-Man?
126
00:04:41,878 --> 00:04:43,980
He sticks to walls like this.
127
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:49,252
This cheese is too hot.
128
00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:50,486
It's not sticking.
129
00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:55,524
I've never been so humiliated!
130
00:04:55,559 --> 00:04:58,461
Roger, the Spider-Man
backpack was a fine gift.
131
00:04:58,495 --> 00:04:59,495
No, it wasn't!
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00:04:59,496 --> 00:05:01,197
Greg and Terry have culture.
133
00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:04,133
Something which is severely
lacking in this household.
134
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,301
That's not true.
135
00:05:05,335 --> 00:05:07,970
Ugh, Francine, the food
at that party was gross.
136
00:05:08,005 --> 00:05:09,505
Please tell me we got pizza poppers.
137
00:05:09,539 --> 00:05:11,541
Pizza poppers?!
138
00:05:11,575 --> 00:05:13,409
♪ Puh-puh-puh-pizza popper ♪
139
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,177
♪ Pizza popper ♪
140
00:05:15,212 --> 00:05:17,280
♪ Pizza popper dance! ♪
141
00:05:17,314 --> 00:05:19,115
Make mine puh-puh-pepperoni!
142
00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:21,217
Make mine puh-puh-puh-pineapple!
143
00:05:21,251 --> 00:05:24,053
Greg and Terry's daughter
speaks French and only French!
144
00:05:24,087 --> 00:05:25,821
Roger, you're overreacting.
145
00:05:25,856 --> 00:05:27,256
Okay, we're plenty sophisticated here.
146
00:05:27,291 --> 00:05:28,457
(doorbell rings)
147
00:05:31,128 --> 00:05:33,396
Someone order a La-Z-Boy?
148
00:05:33,430 --> 00:05:35,131
A La-Z-Boy... perfect!
149
00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:36,899
That only proves my point!
150
00:05:36,934 --> 00:05:39,569
Hey, yesterday, you were as
excited about it as I was!
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00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:41,270
That was when I thought a recliner
152
00:05:41,305 --> 00:05:42,838
was the height of aspiration.
153
00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:44,273
It's all so clear to me now.
154
00:05:44,308 --> 00:05:46,553
I'm Frasier and you're Frasier's dad.
155
00:05:47,158 --> 00:05:48,858
That's not true.
156
00:05:48,893 --> 00:05:50,927
(barks)
157
00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:53,029
That was weird, but well timed.
158
00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:55,465
Anyway, this is not
my fault, it's yours!
159
00:05:55,499 --> 00:05:57,400
If I hadn't wasted all these years
160
00:05:57,434 --> 00:05:58,868
with you ill-mannered
monsters,
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00:05:58,903 --> 00:06:00,303
I would've known better than to give
162
00:06:00,337 --> 00:06:02,338
a Spider-Man
backpack as a gift!
163
00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:05,108
You guys have dragged
me down to your level!
164
00:06:05,142 --> 00:06:06,142
(door slams)
165
00:06:06,177 --> 00:06:07,477
(door slams twice)
166
00:06:07,511 --> 00:06:08,678
I broke the door!
167
00:06:08,712 --> 00:06:10,113
(door slams) Fixed it!
168
00:06:10,147 --> 00:06:12,015
Wow, he's really upset.
169
00:06:12,049 --> 00:06:13,349
Francine, I'm sure he...
170
00:06:13,384 --> 00:06:15,819
Ah!
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00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,854
Stan, are you all right?
172
00:06:17,888 --> 00:06:19,055
Stan?
173
00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:20,957
Stan, can you hear me?!
174
00:06:20,991 --> 00:06:22,192
Daddy?!
175
00:06:22,226 --> 00:06:24,227
The chair has him now.
176
00:06:28,566 --> 00:06:30,366
Stan, wake up.
177
00:06:30,401 --> 00:06:32,869
You've been down here all night.
178
00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:34,804
Oh, Fran-Fran.
179
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,606
Hi, baby.
180
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,575
How are you?
181
00:06:38,609 --> 00:06:40,377
Oh, you're so pretty.
182
00:06:40,411 --> 00:06:42,645
Look how relaxed my muscles are.
183
00:06:45,082 --> 00:06:47,584
GREG (on TV): Well, the big
moment is finally here.
184
00:06:47,618 --> 00:06:50,687
We're about to meet our new son.
It's really happening.
185
00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:53,656
Michael. Michael, it's us.
Your new parents.
186
00:06:55,259 --> 00:06:57,360
Oh, my God, he's perfect!
187
00:06:57,395 --> 00:06:58,862
Paposhkas.
188
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:01,664
Roger is their adopted baby?
189
00:07:01,699 --> 00:07:03,033
But that can't be.
190
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:05,135
I just saw Roger sleeping in the attic.
191
00:07:05,169 --> 00:07:07,670
He was two pillows and a soccer ball.
192
00:07:07,705 --> 00:07:10,673
Oh, wait a minute.
193
00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:18,644
Welcome to your new room, Michael.
194
00:07:18,869 --> 00:07:20,937
(Russian accent): So,
what is system in America?
195
00:07:20,971 --> 00:07:23,873
Do I put sock on door
handle if I am being raped?
196
00:07:23,907 --> 00:07:25,008
(clears throat)
197
00:07:25,042 --> 00:07:27,644
Guys, can you give us a second?
198
00:07:27,678 --> 00:07:29,279
Michael, we're happy you're here,
199
00:07:29,313 --> 00:07:31,281
but you're gonna
have to lose the nasty accent.
200
00:07:31,315 --> 00:07:32,548
It's nasty, nasty.
201
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:34,150
(speaks normally): Sure,
no problem, how's this?
202
00:07:34,184 --> 00:07:35,919
I told you he'd be a genius.
203
00:07:35,953 --> 00:07:37,987
The trick to parenting is patience.
204
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:40,657
Now, what sophisticated
stuff are we gonna do first?
205
00:07:40,691 --> 00:07:42,959
Michael, this is your Life Binder.
206
00:07:42,993 --> 00:07:44,661
Your new daddies
have already planned out
207
00:07:44,695 --> 00:07:47,163
your entire future
with color-coded tabs.
208
00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:51,568
I'll treasure this for the rest
of my color-coded life.
209
00:07:51,602 --> 00:07:53,503
Okay, now, to bed with you.
210
00:07:53,537 --> 00:07:56,339
This antique chaise longue is my bed?
211
00:07:56,373 --> 00:07:58,908
Yes, and this is
400-year-old wood,
212
00:07:58,943 --> 00:08:01,311
so you have to sleep very carefully.
213
00:08:01,345 --> 00:08:03,446
Yeah, try not to put
all your weight on it.
214
00:08:07,551 --> 00:08:09,018
(wood creaks)
215
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,020
Snuggly.
216
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,689
Sweet dreams, angel.
217
00:08:15,192 --> 00:08:17,193
(light knocking on glass)
218
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:25,001
Roger, you have to come home right now.
219
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:26,436
Get lost, this is my home now.
220
00:08:26,470 --> 00:08:27,904
Yeah? Well, what
are you gonna do
221
00:08:27,938 --> 00:08:29,505
when the actual Russian kid shows up?
222
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,040
Oh, I took care of that.
223
00:08:35,913 --> 00:08:38,147
(speaking Russian)
224
00:08:38,182 --> 00:08:39,582
Right here, honey.
225
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:41,184
(screams)
226
00:08:41,218 --> 00:08:42,952
They have big plans for me.
227
00:08:42,987 --> 00:08:46,189
By February, I'll have mastered
conversational Japanese.
228
00:08:46,223 --> 00:08:48,892
And I think I saw something
in here about Dartmouth.
229
00:08:48,926 --> 00:08:50,860
Yup, I'm going to Dartmouth.
230
00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:52,562
♪ Dartmouth fight song ♪
231
00:08:52,596 --> 00:08:54,230
♪ Dartmouth fight song. ♪
232
00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:55,586
Those words probably aren't right,
233
00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:57,767
but I got a fifty-fifty shot
the tune's dead-on.
234
00:08:57,801 --> 00:08:59,903
Ugh, quit pretending
you're something you're not.
235
00:08:59,937 --> 00:09:01,838
I know exactly who I am.
236
00:09:01,872 --> 00:09:04,007
I wasted years
in that double-wide trailer
237
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,508
you call a house.
238
00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:07,710
You've given me nothing
and I deserve everything.
239
00:09:07,745 --> 00:09:09,712
I've given you nothing?
240
00:09:09,747 --> 00:09:11,714
You... betrayer.
241
00:09:11,749 --> 00:09:13,183
Roger, you are coming home with me
242
00:09:13,217 --> 00:09:14,651
if I have to drag you out.
243
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:16,386
Oh, really? 'Cause from here,
244
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:18,822
you're a grown man standing
in a ten-year-old's bedroom
245
00:09:18,856 --> 00:09:21,257
after bedtime. Paposhkas!
246
00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:23,092
Stan?
247
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:25,028
Oh, hi, I'm, uh...
248
00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:27,730
selling magazine subscriptions
and we're offering
249
00:09:27,765 --> 00:09:29,432
a two-year deal
on House Beautiful.
250
00:09:29,466 --> 00:09:31,668
(gasps) This is a Dwell household.
251
00:09:31,702 --> 00:09:32,802
Get out of here.
252
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:35,638
Fine, I'm leaving.
253
00:09:35,673 --> 00:09:38,041
(Russian accent): Bad man
remind me of caretaker
254
00:09:38,075 --> 00:09:40,243
at orphanage who touch us with rake.
255
00:09:40,277 --> 00:09:42,245
Oh, Michael...
256
00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:44,347
accent.
257
00:09:46,884 --> 00:09:49,118
Okay, children.
Quick, organic breakfast,
258
00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:51,754
and then you, mademoiselle,
are going downtown
259
00:09:51,789 --> 00:09:54,924
to get your very own
Lena Dunham upper arm tattoo.
260
00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:57,026
I like Lena Dunham.
It's nice to see
261
00:09:57,061 --> 00:09:59,028
someone with my exact
body type succeed.
262
00:09:59,063 --> 00:10:01,030
Terry, hon, you want to
make us something easy?
263
00:10:01,065 --> 00:10:02,532
Say, frittatas?
264
00:10:02,566 --> 00:10:04,167
Coming right up.
265
00:10:05,402 --> 00:10:06,603
Violent.
266
00:10:06,637 --> 00:10:08,571
Those eggs are
not cage-free.
267
00:10:08,606 --> 00:10:10,707
The store was out,
I-I didn't think it mattered.
268
00:10:10,741 --> 00:10:11,975
Of course it matters.
269
00:10:12,009 --> 00:10:14,310
I'm very particular
about what I put in my body.
270
00:10:14,345 --> 00:10:16,779
Yeah, unless you're on
a booze cruise in Mazatlán.
271
00:10:16,814 --> 00:10:19,549
Might I remind you
that you selected him.
272
00:10:19,583 --> 00:10:21,050
I'm going out to get more eggs.
273
00:10:21,085 --> 00:10:23,186
The kind of eggs
I thought we'd agreed to eat
274
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,921
for the rest of our lives.
275
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,456
(door slams shut)
276
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:31,027
Secret junk food time.
277
00:10:31,061 --> 00:10:32,829
Quick, eat up.
278
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:34,330
He'll be back in 15 minutes.
279
00:10:34,365 --> 00:10:35,765
Wha... What
are you doing?
280
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:36,966
Taking a little break
281
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:39,002
from Greg's impossibly
high expectations.
282
00:10:39,036 --> 00:10:41,137
Wait a minute, I thought you were Greg.
283
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:42,405
No, I'm Terry.
284
00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:44,541
Anyway, everything has
to be so perfect with him.
285
00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:46,810
But, you know,
sometimes you just want a Ho Ho.
286
00:10:46,844 --> 00:10:47,844
Eat up!
287
00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:49,712
Oh, my God!
288
00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:51,714
Papa, you're not sophisticated!
289
00:10:51,749 --> 00:10:54,184
You're a brute!
I mean, Ho Hos are...
290
00:10:57,788 --> 00:10:59,756
Our little secret?
291
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,524
You're really bad at eating.
292
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:04,594
(bird chirping)
293
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:06,329
Dad, why are we putting all this stuff
294
00:11:06,363 --> 00:11:08,031
from the garage out on the lawn?
295
00:11:08,065 --> 00:11:09,699
Roger said we have no class?
296
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:11,100
Well, the crappier our house,
297
00:11:11,135 --> 00:11:13,269
the more Roger
and his new highbrow family
298
00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:15,305
will hate living across from us.
299
00:11:16,807 --> 00:11:19,042
Uh, how much for this old fridge?
300
00:11:19,076 --> 00:11:21,077
Oh, this isn't a yard sale,
it's yard clutter.
301
00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:22,745
But feel free to stick around,
302
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:25,849
smoke, maybe defecate by a bush.
303
00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:28,451
Ah, I should go to work.
304
00:11:28,486 --> 00:11:29,519
(door opens)
305
00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:33,256
Hey, neighbors!
306
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:35,358
Oh, my God, what is he doing?!
307
00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:37,127
I'll take care of this.
308
00:11:38,963 --> 00:11:41,598
Your chair's in the sightline
of my fabulous life.
309
00:11:41,632 --> 00:11:42,899
Get it inside.
310
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:45,869
Oh, am I an eyesore
to your perfect little world?
311
00:11:45,903 --> 00:11:47,237
At least I'm not an ear-sore.
312
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,471
Or maybe I am.
313
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:54,844
(plays "Life Is a Highway")
314
00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:56,146
You're a classless lout!
315
00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:58,581
What's that?
You want it loud?
316
00:11:58,616 --> 00:11:59,749
(volume increases)
317
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:01,651
Yeah!
318
00:12:01,685 --> 00:12:04,020
♪ Life is a highway ♪
319
00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:06,289
♪ I wanna ride it ♪
320
00:12:06,323 --> 00:12:09,292
♪ All night long, oh! ♪
321
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:10,593
Uh!
322
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:14,931
I have permission!
323
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:20,904
(sighs)
324
00:12:20,938 --> 00:12:22,072
What's wrong?
325
00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:23,773
Has the fish turned?
326
00:12:23,808 --> 00:12:26,476
No, the food is resplendent,
but I can't eat.
327
00:12:26,510 --> 00:12:29,012
I just keep seeing Stan
in that terrible chair.
328
00:12:29,046 --> 00:12:31,748
Uh! I know, that
La-Z-Boy. Yuck.
329
00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:34,417
You know what we should do,
just to teach him a lesson?
330
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:36,519
We should get one of those chairs.
331
00:12:36,554 --> 00:12:37,954
What?!
You're kidding, right?
332
00:12:37,988 --> 00:12:40,156
Well, we'd buy it
ironically, of course.
333
00:12:40,191 --> 00:12:43,359
And since it's my idea, I'd
sit in it most of the time.
334
00:12:43,394 --> 00:12:44,928
You know, mockingly.
335
00:12:44,962 --> 00:12:47,030
No, no, bad idea!
Greg, tell him!
336
00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:49,032
Hmm...
So it's...
337
00:12:49,066 --> 00:12:51,734
satirical home decor performance art.
338
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:53,169
I'm starting to see this.
339
00:12:53,204 --> 00:12:54,571
What's happening right now?!
340
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:56,840
Ooh, and you know what'd
make Stan really mad?
341
00:12:56,874 --> 00:12:58,475
If I fell asleep
in the La-Z-Boy
342
00:12:58,509 --> 00:13:00,744
a few nights a week
watching reruns of Martin.
343
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:02,612
Oh, he would hate that!
344
00:13:02,646 --> 00:13:05,548
Excuse me a moment.
345
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,183
A La-Z-Boy?
346
00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:09,252
And he convinced Greg
to go along with it?
347
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:11,454
I didn't throw an orphan
out of an airplane
348
00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:13,022
just to have Terry drag me back
349
00:13:13,057 --> 00:13:14,824
to a life of unsophistication!
350
00:13:14,859 --> 00:13:17,060
I clearly have no choice.
351
00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:18,928
I have to kill Terry.
352
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,363
MAN:
You're gonna kill who?
353
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,332
You heard me?
354
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,234
Now you have to die, too.
355
00:13:24,268 --> 00:13:25,435
What about me?
356
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,303
Okay, how many people
are in this bathroom?
357
00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:28,538
If you're in the bathroom,
358
00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:30,373
please step out where I can see you.
359
00:13:32,643 --> 00:13:34,544
The Washington Wizards pep team?
360
00:13:34,578 --> 00:13:36,112
You guys all fit in there?
361
00:13:36,147 --> 00:13:37,347
We do everything together.
362
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:38,548
T-shirt time!
363
00:13:38,582 --> 00:13:39,816
Go, Wizards!
Go, Wizards!
364
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:41,184
Over here!
Over here!
365
00:13:41,218 --> 00:13:43,753
I'm the loudest! I got the most pep!
Free T-shirt.
366
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:45,755
Give me your shirt
and I'll let everyone live.
367
00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:47,991
No way, man.
I want this to sleep in.
368
00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:49,592
Well, then everybody's getting it!
369
00:13:49,627 --> 00:13:51,261
Oh, I only have six bullets.
370
00:13:51,295 --> 00:13:52,629
All right, everybody stay here.
371
00:13:52,663 --> 00:13:54,998
I gotta, I gotta go
get more of something.
372
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,007
(snarling)
373
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,414
(barking)
374
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,952
Stan, work's calling.
375
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,587
Just explain to them what I'm doing.
376
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:18,958
Uh... uh...
377
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,759
okay.
378
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:22,228
(barking continues)
379
00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:23,996
There he is.
380
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:27,199
Okay, Manslaughter, it's showtime!
381
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,201
(barking viciously)
382
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,237
(barking continues)
383
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,278
What the hell is he up to?
384
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,549
What are you doing?
385
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,984
That's Terry's brake line!
386
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:47,286
Wait... are you trying
to kill Terry?!
387
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,189
Daddies!
388
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,724
He's scaring me again.
389
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:54,126
With his gruff voice and farmer hands.
390
00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:55,594
Guys, there's something
you should know!
391
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:57,596
Michael isn't who you think he is!
392
00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:01,133
Stan, your insane fixation
on Michael is unsettling.
393
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:04,103
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave our family alone.
394
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,305
But you're in danger!
You've gotta believe me!
395
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,941
(sighs)
396
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,943
Hey, how are the magazine sales going?
397
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:12,945
I've only sold three subscriptions.
398
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,447
You gotta stay upbeat, Stan.
399
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,016
Marcus is two sales away
from the skateboard.
400
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,951
Marcus's dad is a dentist!
401
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,320
He's just restocking his waiting room!
402
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,822
Okay, we're not gonna let weird,
403
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:24,623
ol' Stan Smith spoil our surprise,
404
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,559
are we,
Corbin-Bates family?
405
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,828
Skinny jeans for Michael!
406
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:31,430
I can't wait to see them on you.
407
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,036
(grunting)
408
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,106
(chuckles)
409
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,874
You don't...
you don't happen to have
410
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,509
any Spanx lying around, do you?
411
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,345
(grunting)
412
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,514
Stop it, Greg!
He's not gonna fit!
413
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,028
They're past my ankles, keep pulling.
414
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,250
I'll do better!
415
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,818
(grunts) Great.
416
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:54,386
We were all gonna wear skinny jeans
417
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,222
and no shirts for our Christmas photo.
418
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,557
But now it's ruined, it's all ruined!
419
00:15:58,592 --> 00:16:00,559
It's okay.
420
00:16:00,594 --> 00:16:02,228
Look, we're all way too stressed out.
421
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:05,231
Why don't we just take a
relaxing trip to the lake house?
422
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,167
You have a lake house?
423
00:16:11,872 --> 00:16:13,906
It's gonna be nice to get out of town
424
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,542
and away from that ape across the street.
I hear ya.
425
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,611
Actually, now that we
have a minute to breathe,
426
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,713
there's something I need
to talk to you about.
427
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,983
I found these used Ho Ho
wrappers in the outside garbage.
428
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,317
Oh.
That's right.
429
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,086
It seems as though Michael has brought
430
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,054
a rather trashy element into our home.
431
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,157
Oh, y-yeah, Michael.
432
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,831
Those Ho Hos definitely
belong to Michael.
433
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,860
The moment we get to the lake house,
434
00:16:34,895 --> 00:16:37,096
you and I have
to confront him about this.
435
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,698
I will not tolerate the
deterioration of our way of life.
436
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,167
That's a great idea.
437
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,170
Yeah, let's confront Michael
when we get there.
438
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,706
TERRY: If Greg talks to
him, Michael will out me!
439
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,174
I'll lose everything!
440
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,509
I have no choice.
441
00:16:50,544 --> 00:16:54,013
Before they can talk,
I have to kill Michael.
442
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:57,083
(brakes squeak)
443
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,287
Hey. We still up for this?
444
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,755
Still gonna kill this guy?
445
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,957
Yes! Shut up!
You're gonna blow it!
446
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,860
Oh, it's beautiful here.
447
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,195
Hey, I got an idea.
448
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,531
Maybe Terry and I could go out
on the lake... alone.
449
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:13,966
Actually, Michael, there's something
450
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,968
Terry and I wanted to discuss with you.
451
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,369
No, no, no, that can wait.
452
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,637
A canoe trip, you say?
453
00:17:18,672 --> 00:17:20,339
Just the two of us?
Nobody around?
454
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,174
Sounds perfect.
455
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,279
So what do you say, Little Miss?
456
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:33,319
Hmm. I'm gonna have to talk
to your French teacher.
457
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,321
(bird twittering)
458
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:39,191
It's so peaceful out here on the lake.
459
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,193
I imagine the only place more peaceful
460
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,995
would be the bottom of it.
461
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:45,931
You may be more right than you know.
462
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:49,402
Oh, I know exactly how right I am.
463
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,170
Or do you?
464
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,472
This is nice.
465
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:54,640
It is.
466
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,142
Mind handing me the bug spray?
467
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,610
It's behind you.
Of course.
468
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:01,747
Thanks.
469
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:03,249
Aren't you gonna use it?
470
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,417
False alarm.
471
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,018
Oh, you've got a bite on your line.
472
00:18:06,053 --> 00:18:07,253
Catch anything?
473
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:10,690
No. Turns out there was no
pole, and I wasn't fishing.
474
00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:11,857
My mistake.
475
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:15,094
Look behind you, it's
Cloris Leachman on a Jet Ski!
476
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,664
What-what the hell's
going on?
477
00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:20,099
I'm trying to kill you.
478
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,034
Kill me?!
I'm trying to kill you!
479
00:18:22,069 --> 00:18:24,003
(both grunt)
480
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,971
Ho Hos? A La-Z-Boy?!
481
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:29,575
I thought I was joining a classy
family, Terry, but you're...
482
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,811
nothing better than
unsophisticated trash!
483
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:34,847
That may be, but you're gonna
take my secret to the grave!
484
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,382
Not if I kill you first.
485
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,717
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa,
we're tipping, we're tipping.
486
00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:38,918
Stop-stop-stop-stop-stop.
487
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,152
Okay, you've got to counterbalance.
488
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,587
Just take your right foot
and let me ease by you.
489
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,989
Okay, I'm gonna step and step, step...
490
00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:44,156
Okay, there you go.
491
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:46,525
Okay, enough circling.
It's die time!
492
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,228
(grunts)
493
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:53,399
I hope they got the grill started.
494
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,734
(line ringing)
GREG: Hey, babe!
495
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,769
Oh, Greg, it's awful!
He fell overboard!
496
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,071
Michael's dead! He's dead!
497
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:01,340
Terry, just get a hold
of yourself! It's okay!
498
00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:03,476
He was never gonna
to fit in at Dartmouth.
499
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,011
He didn't fit in to the skinny jeans.
500
00:19:05,045 --> 00:19:07,513
He didn't... fit in.
501
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:12,318
(voice breaks): I guess I wasn't
meant to have this kind of life.
502
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,554
♪ ♪
503
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,273
Roger! Roger,
can you hear me?
504
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:36,742
(blows air)
505
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:37,610
(squeaks)
506
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,278
Damn it, Roger!
507
00:19:39,313 --> 00:19:41,180
Oh, Stan, you saved me!
508
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:42,214
Don't flatter yourself.
509
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,749
I came here to save Terry.
510
00:19:43,784 --> 00:19:46,686
Oh, Stan, I'm so sorry
for the way I treated you.
511
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,721
Please...
let me come home.
512
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,789
I don't know.
513
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,624
I thought our family was beneath you.
514
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:53,960
Of course you are.
But don't you see?
515
00:19:53,994 --> 00:19:56,329
You guys are my La-Z-Boy.
516
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,164
Ugly but comfortable.
517
00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,299
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
518
00:20:00,334 --> 00:20:02,301
Well, neither would I.
519
00:20:02,336 --> 00:20:04,537
Come on, Roger.
Let's head home.
520
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,571
Sounds good.
521
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:08,808
But first we gotta make a quick stop...
522
00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:10,309
for pizza poppers.
523
00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:12,144
Make mine puh-puh-pepperoni!
524
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:14,780
Make mine puh-puh-puh-Vicodin!
525
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,118
It is with heavy hearts
that we inform our viewers
526
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,320
that our adopted Russian son, Michael,
527
00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:23,022
tragically drowned in a mountain lake.
528
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,690
We ask that in lieu of flowers,
529
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:26,292
you send us Crate & Barrel gift cards.
530
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,493
(indistinct whispering)
531
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,729
Restoration Hardware gift cards.
532
00:20:29,763 --> 00:20:32,198
Weird. So Terry thinks
he killed you
533
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:33,833
and it doesn't faze him at all?
534
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,101
That's just the end of it?
535
00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,302
I wouldn't say that.
536
00:20:41,008 --> 00:20:42,742
(screams)
537
00:20:44,158 --> 00:20:45,243
Well done.
538
00:20:45,363 --> 00:20:47,476
Being wet and bloated was a nice touch.
539
00:20:47,596 --> 00:20:49,215
Bloated?
540
00:20:50,367 --> 00:20:53,289
Come on! Don't be that way!
Come back!
541
00:20:54,021 --> 00:20:56,470
(gasping)
Wh-what are you doing?!
542
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,155
Tying up loose ends.
543
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:08,728
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www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry