1 00:00:00,687 --> 00:00:03,160 I can't. I can't do it. 2 00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:05,906 Oh, of course you can and you will. 3 00:00:05,926 --> 00:00:09,846 Okay, Schmidt, we've been to 11 weddings in a row. 4 00:00:09,866 --> 00:00:11,412 That's too many weddings. 5 00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:14,023 I can't even get into the fridge anymore. 6 00:00:19,055 --> 00:00:19,919 Aah! 7 00:00:19,939 --> 00:00:21,787 I'm so hungry. 8 00:00:21,807 --> 00:00:23,441 Why does everybody get to have a party 9 00:00:23,475 --> 00:00:24,981 for everything in their life? 10 00:00:25,001 --> 00:00:26,811 Why can't I have a party 11 00:00:26,845 --> 00:00:28,319 for really dedicating myself to knitting this summer? 12 00:00:28,339 --> 00:00:30,413 God, I hate that you knit. I hate everything about it. 13 00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:31,029 Why? 14 00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:33,351 It makes me angry and scared all at the same time. 15 00:00:33,385 --> 00:00:34,685 Just like when I hear the phrase, 16 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,054 "Academy Award winner Anna Paquin." 17 00:00:37,089 --> 00:00:39,190 - Jessica, you are going to this wedding. - Well... well... 18 00:00:39,224 --> 00:00:41,192 And I'm gonna tell you why: Sexual intercourse. 19 00:00:41,226 --> 00:00:42,293 Do you remember that? 20 00:00:42,327 --> 00:00:44,195 You got to get back out there, Jess. 21 00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:46,030 The last mouth that you kissed 22 00:00:46,064 --> 00:00:47,031 was Nick's mouth. 23 00:00:47,065 --> 00:00:48,366 That was four months ago. 24 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,835 Think about that. That's horrible. 25 00:00:50,869 --> 00:00:52,470 Hey. Is Schmidt making fun of me? 26 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,304 - Yes. - Hi, Nick. 27 00:00:53,338 --> 00:00:54,305 Okay, cool. Just checking. 28 00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:55,673 Are you wearing tap shoes? 29 00:00:55,708 --> 00:00:56,741 I got 'em at the goodwill. I thought they were 30 00:00:56,775 --> 00:00:57,842 just really shiny dress shoes. 31 00:00:57,876 --> 00:00:58,710 (Clicking) 32 00:00:58,744 --> 00:01:00,411 They're cool. 33 00:01:00,446 --> 00:01:01,679 Coach: Hey, what do you guys think 34 00:01:01,714 --> 00:01:03,848 about this belt? Like for a wedding gift? 35 00:01:03,882 --> 00:01:05,183 Nick, Coach, get in here. 36 00:01:05,217 --> 00:01:06,807 Everybody in here. 37 00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:08,319 Are we a man down? 38 00:01:08,353 --> 00:01:10,021 I feel like there's one more of us. 39 00:01:10,055 --> 00:01:11,489 Something's going on in Jess' room?! 40 00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:12,690 I'm coming! 41 00:01:12,725 --> 00:01:15,026 (Moans) 42 00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:16,928 Just wait for me. 43 00:01:16,962 --> 00:01:19,030 - He's sore from police academy. - I'm sore from police academy! 44 00:01:19,064 --> 00:01:22,500 Okay, we have gone to wedding after wedding this summer, 45 00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,936 and, with the exception of Coach and myself, 46 00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:27,071 none of us have truly taken advantage 47 00:01:27,106 --> 00:01:29,420 of the sexual opportunities that a wedding provides. 48 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:30,424 Jess: Not true. 49 00:01:30,444 --> 00:01:33,578 Wedding number seven, an unneutered dog ran after me, so... 50 00:01:33,612 --> 00:01:34,245 (Scoffs) 51 00:01:34,279 --> 00:01:35,246 I made out with a bridesmaid. 52 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,447 - Jess: You did? - Yes. 53 00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:37,582 She was wearing a hospital bracelet 54 00:01:37,616 --> 00:01:39,517 and carrying a dead goldfish in a bag. 55 00:01:39,551 --> 00:01:41,219 (Snorts) She was still a bridesmaid. 56 00:01:41,253 --> 00:01:42,086 Coach: She looked like the snowman from Frozen. 57 00:01:42,121 --> 00:01:43,621 Hey, aim for the middle. 58 00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:46,224 The ride's rough at first, but the body adjusts. 59 00:01:46,258 --> 00:01:47,091 (Thud, clattering) 60 00:01:47,126 --> 00:01:49,093 I'm all right! I just rolled off the couch. 61 00:01:49,128 --> 00:01:51,228 Winston, please! 62 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,364 I can't close my ass! 63 00:01:53,399 --> 00:01:55,900 We are hooking up tonight, all five of us, 64 00:01:55,934 --> 00:01:58,002 including the gimp. 65 00:01:58,037 --> 00:01:59,137 This is the last wedding of summer, 66 00:01:59,171 --> 00:02:00,938 which means it is our last chance. 67 00:02:00,973 --> 00:02:03,127 - Nobody meets anybody in fall... - No. 68 00:02:03,147 --> 00:02:04,876 Or winter. What, are you gonna gamble 69 00:02:04,910 --> 00:02:07,967 on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater? 70 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:11,282 - Not me. - Do you realize how important this is? 71 00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:12,283 I do. 72 00:02:12,318 --> 00:02:15,453 Winter... is coming. 73 00:02:17,056 --> 00:02:19,257 No one comes home alone. 74 00:02:19,291 --> 00:02:20,925 You know what, yeah. 75 00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:22,727 Yeah, I'm in. 76 00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:24,028 She's in. We're all in. 77 00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:24,929 - Yeah. - Yes. 78 00:02:24,963 --> 00:02:25,930 I'm in. 79 00:02:25,964 --> 00:02:26,931 I can't hear what's going on, 80 00:02:26,965 --> 00:02:28,032 but I'm in. 81 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:30,401 All five of us out there together, 82 00:02:30,436 --> 00:02:31,569 in the wild, 83 00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:34,472 getting some strange, like a sex fist. 84 00:02:34,506 --> 00:02:35,673 - I'm sorry, what? - Mm, that's not what you mean. 85 00:02:35,708 --> 00:02:37,775 - What's a sex fist, now? - One, two, three, four, 86 00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:40,845 five of us, together, make a fist. 87 00:02:40,879 --> 00:02:42,113 - You're making a mistake right now. - Schmidt, Nick, 88 00:02:42,147 --> 00:02:44,515 Coach, Winston, Jess... sex fist. 89 00:02:44,550 --> 00:02:46,584 - When you put them all together, - Nick: No, that's not right. 90 00:02:46,618 --> 00:02:48,086 tearing our way through the reception. 91 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:49,592 - Slow down. - Are you listening to what you're saying? 92 00:02:49,612 --> 00:02:51,956 Isn't that sweet? It's a metaphor for togetherness. 93 00:02:51,991 --> 00:02:53,424 - It could just be a fist. - All five of us 94 00:02:53,459 --> 00:02:54,891 sex-fisting our way... 95 00:02:54,911 --> 00:02:57,037 S04E01 The Last Wedding 96 00:02:57,057 --> 00:02:59,631 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com 97 00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:06,704 Hi, everybody. Uh, I'm Ted. I'm, uh... 98 00:03:06,739 --> 00:03:08,973 I'm Mark's best friend and his best man. 99 00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:11,909 I-I've known mark since he was in diapers, you know? 100 00:03:11,944 --> 00:03:15,346 Uh, and, by that, I mean junior year of college. 101 00:03:15,381 --> 00:03:17,315 (Laughter) 102 00:03:17,349 --> 00:03:19,883 Ah, what about him, Jess? 103 00:03:19,903 --> 00:03:21,925 - What? The best man? - Best man. 104 00:03:21,945 --> 00:03:23,855 Get real, you clown. 105 00:03:23,889 --> 00:03:25,590 I've been out of the game too long. 106 00:03:25,624 --> 00:03:27,612 - He's a wedding celebrity. - Everybody say hi to Nana. 107 00:03:27,632 --> 00:03:29,060 How great does Nana look, everybody? 108 00:03:29,095 --> 00:03:30,988 Give it up for Nana. 109 00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:32,597 Six months sober. 110 00:03:32,631 --> 00:03:33,698 (Laughter) 111 00:03:33,733 --> 00:03:35,500 I'm kidding. Three months. 112 00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:37,118 (Laughter) 113 00:03:37,536 --> 00:03:38,937 Jess, come on. Get in there. 114 00:03:38,971 --> 00:03:40,005 - What? - You got this. 115 00:03:40,039 --> 00:03:41,539 - Think so? - Yes, you got the bangs parted. 116 00:03:41,574 --> 00:03:42,340 You're looking good. 117 00:03:42,375 --> 00:03:43,675 - Really? - Yes. 118 00:03:43,709 --> 00:03:46,077 - Okay. - Wait a minute. Hold on. 119 00:03:46,547 --> 00:03:48,346 Stick your boobs out. Gotta turn the headlights on. 120 00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:50,081 Ew! Schmidt. 121 00:03:50,116 --> 00:03:51,250 But you got it. 122 00:03:51,270 --> 00:03:52,640 Sex fist. 123 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:54,117 All right. 124 00:03:54,137 --> 00:03:55,291 Hi. 125 00:03:56,088 --> 00:03:57,355 Hi to you. 126 00:03:57,390 --> 00:03:58,523 (Chuckles) 127 00:03:58,557 --> 00:04:00,109 I'm Coach. 128 00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:01,946 Oh, my God. 129 00:04:02,566 --> 00:04:04,135 You don't remember me? 130 00:04:04,155 --> 00:04:05,096 Yeah... 131 00:04:05,131 --> 00:04:06,364 Yeah, I remember... (Yells) 132 00:04:06,399 --> 00:04:08,266 Ooh... Ooh... 133 00:04:08,301 --> 00:04:10,599 - I'm good. - It's the end of the wedding season. 134 00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:11,988 We've got some repeats. 135 00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:13,905 Oh, God. What is she doing here? 136 00:04:13,939 --> 00:04:15,640 I thought she was in Australia. 137 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:16,641 How do I look? 138 00:04:16,676 --> 00:04:17,776 How-how Jewish? 139 00:04:17,810 --> 00:04:19,210 I mean, like, good Jewish or bad Jewish? 140 00:04:19,245 --> 00:04:20,779 Oh, I won't say... it feels like a trap. 141 00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:23,014 Come on. Come with me. 142 00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:24,816 I haven't told the guys 143 00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:27,052 that you broke up with Buster yet, 'cause, um... 144 00:04:27,086 --> 00:04:28,687 I feel like I might have to tell Schmidt 145 00:04:28,721 --> 00:04:30,388 outside a hospital, 146 00:04:30,423 --> 00:04:32,057 like, you know, when you give a baby 147 00:04:32,091 --> 00:04:33,525 peanut butter for the first time? 148 00:04:33,559 --> 00:04:34,993 Yeah. 149 00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:36,728 You're not doing this tonight. 150 00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:37,982 - What? - You're not doing this tonight. 151 00:04:38,002 --> 00:04:39,397 - I'm not listening to you. - You're not doing this tonight. 152 00:04:39,432 --> 00:04:40,398 I'm picturing CeCe naked. 153 00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:41,566 Stop doing this! 154 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,803 CeCe has a boyfriend, and your obsession with her 155 00:04:44,837 --> 00:04:46,738 is not good for you, man. 156 00:04:46,772 --> 00:04:48,306 She's been away all summer, 157 00:04:48,341 --> 00:04:50,308 and you have been killing it! 158 00:04:50,343 --> 00:04:51,943 Mostly hand stuff. 159 00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:53,244 Who had sex with a bridesmaid 160 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,413 on a 45-minute flight to San Jose? 161 00:04:55,774 --> 00:04:57,916 - Me. - You were boarding group "d." 162 00:04:57,950 --> 00:05:00,118 She was "b." How's that even possible? 163 00:05:00,152 --> 00:05:01,753 - Gotta think outside of the box, my man. - Now get your little 164 00:05:01,773 --> 00:05:03,688 white butt back out there 165 00:05:03,723 --> 00:05:06,591 and finish the summer of sex that you started. 166 00:05:06,626 --> 00:05:07,592 That's what I'm talking about. 167 00:05:07,627 --> 00:05:08,593 CeCe gone. 168 00:05:08,628 --> 00:05:09,594 See that bridesmaid right there? 169 00:05:09,629 --> 00:05:10,546 - The pretty one? - Schmidt: Sure do. 170 00:05:10,566 --> 00:05:11,796 - The foxy lady? - Mm-hmm. 171 00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:13,031 Well, you're going home with her tonight. 172 00:05:13,065 --> 00:05:14,247 - And I got your back. - Look at that. 173 00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:17,184 She looks like the girl from the commercial playing tennis with a tampon in. 174 00:05:17,204 --> 00:05:18,524 Let's do it. 175 00:05:20,373 --> 00:05:21,439 Hi. I'm Jess. 176 00:05:21,474 --> 00:05:22,173 Hi. I'm Ted. 177 00:05:22,208 --> 00:05:23,935 - Cheers. - Cheers. 178 00:05:24,431 --> 00:05:25,777 So you're from Wisconsin... (Voice squeaks) 179 00:05:25,811 --> 00:05:26,811 (Clears throat) 180 00:05:27,546 --> 00:05:28,513 (Coughs) 181 00:05:28,547 --> 00:05:30,033 I'm sorry. Is this thing on? 182 00:05:30,343 --> 00:05:31,816 You're making your throat like a microphone. 183 00:05:31,851 --> 00:05:32,984 Yeah. (Goofy, raspy cough) 184 00:05:33,019 --> 00:05:33,718 That's funny! 185 00:05:33,753 --> 00:05:34,853 - Thank you. - Yeah. 186 00:05:34,873 --> 00:05:37,055 - Woman: I loved your speech. - Oh. 187 00:05:37,089 --> 00:05:38,823 - Hi. I'm Kat. - Hi. 188 00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:40,447 - I'm Ted. - Kat: Really nice to meet you. 189 00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,527 Yeah. Oh. 190 00:05:42,562 --> 00:05:43,795 Excuse me. 191 00:05:43,829 --> 00:05:45,830 My girlfriend's getting jealous. 192 00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:48,300 Kat: Perfect specimen. 193 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:54,442 Ted is the only eligible guy here, 194 00:05:54,474 --> 00:05:57,296 and we are his two best options for procreation. 195 00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:59,540 - Oh. - I'm not trying to intimidate you, 196 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,446 I just want you to know who you're dealing with 197 00:06:01,481 --> 00:06:03,697 if we're both gonna compete for this man tonight. 198 00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:05,083 - What? - Here are the facts: 199 00:06:05,118 --> 00:06:06,618 I am technically a genius, 200 00:06:06,652 --> 00:06:07,819 I have a photographic memory 201 00:06:07,854 --> 00:06:10,046 and I lost my virginity to Malcolm Gladwell. 202 00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:11,189 Okay... 203 00:06:11,224 --> 00:06:13,458 Have you ever heard of plutoxic syndrome? 204 00:06:13,493 --> 00:06:14,993 That's because I cured it. 205 00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:16,361 You're welcome, vaginas everywhere. 206 00:06:16,396 --> 00:06:19,279 (Goofy voice): Oh, thank you very much. 207 00:06:20,692 --> 00:06:22,200 I'm sorry, that was... 208 00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:23,969 Vagina voice, and a... 209 00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:25,270 It was a huge mistake. 210 00:06:25,304 --> 00:06:26,905 I stay current on sporting events. 211 00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:28,807 I watch 30 minutes of porn every night 212 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:30,642 just to stay up to date on the latest sex trends. 213 00:06:30,677 --> 00:06:32,144 In the coming months, I'm predicting 214 00:06:32,178 --> 00:06:33,478 a throwback to missionary. 215 00:06:33,513 --> 00:06:35,547 It all depends on what happens in Syria. 216 00:06:35,581 --> 00:06:36,882 Well, have you ever had sex 217 00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:38,483 when you were really, really, really, really, 218 00:06:38,518 --> 00:06:40,652 - really, really tired? - I'm never tired. 219 00:06:41,186 --> 00:06:42,554 I'm the better choice of mate. 220 00:06:42,588 --> 00:06:44,623 From a purely biological standpoint, 221 00:06:44,657 --> 00:06:45,757 you're shorter, weaker, and dumber. 222 00:06:45,792 --> 00:06:48,011 No offense. I love those shoes. 223 00:06:49,687 --> 00:06:51,930 I love your shoes. 224 00:06:52,408 --> 00:06:54,032 But I love your shoes. 225 00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:55,362 Your shoes. 226 00:06:55,895 --> 00:06:57,327 - No, I love your shoes. - Your shoes. 227 00:06:57,347 --> 00:06:59,052 - Your shoes. - (Very quiet): Your shoes. 228 00:06:59,072 --> 00:07:00,898 (Whispering): Your shoes. 229 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,342 (No voice) 230 00:07:02,362 --> 00:07:04,956 - What? - I was just moving my mouth. 231 00:07:06,936 --> 00:07:09,366 - So you're competing with her? - Jess: I can take her down, 232 00:07:09,386 --> 00:07:11,844 because I have something she doesn't have: 233 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:12,638 You guys. 234 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:14,109 Now, strategies. 235 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,143 What about you, Coach? 236 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,578 You hook up at weddings all the time. 237 00:07:16,612 --> 00:07:17,746 What's your strategy? 238 00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:19,280 It's called being a gorgeous black man 239 00:07:19,315 --> 00:07:21,238 with the body of an action figure. 240 00:07:21,258 --> 00:07:22,918 I could give that a try. 241 00:07:22,938 --> 00:07:24,719 (Laughing) Nick: You want to know what your ex-boyfriend 242 00:07:24,754 --> 00:07:25,787 thinks you should do to get the guy? 243 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,055 No, I don't. That's super weird. 244 00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:28,590 Yeah, it's too weird, so... Somebody else. 245 00:07:28,624 --> 00:07:31,163 Okay, look, babe, just get out on the dance floor, okay? 246 00:07:31,183 --> 00:07:33,801 Guys think that they way you dance is the way you have sex. 247 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:34,297 Okay. 248 00:07:34,317 --> 00:07:35,597 So just give them a little something, okay? 249 00:07:35,631 --> 00:07:37,759 You just need to, like, roll your body a little bit. 250 00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:39,601 Something a little sexy. 251 00:07:39,635 --> 00:07:41,217 Pop your hip out a little bit. 252 00:07:41,589 --> 00:07:42,773 Hey, man, I'm not gonna lie to you right now. 253 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:44,262 - I've got a halfie. - Okay, we got to go! 254 00:07:44,282 --> 00:07:46,022 - Excuse me, everybody! - I need a minute. 255 00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,043 What do you think of this? 256 00:07:52,447 --> 00:07:53,515 Mm... hmm... 257 00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:55,250 Mm-mm. 258 00:07:56,862 --> 00:07:58,438 - I'm good to go now. - Let's go! 259 00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,609 All right. 260 00:07:59,629 --> 00:08:01,106 Ugh! 261 00:08:01,354 --> 00:08:05,029 I just want to get back out there, but I feel like I forgot everything I knew. 262 00:08:05,264 --> 00:08:07,762 Do you guys still like an Oakland face with an L.A. booty? 263 00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:09,564 Would you like to know my strategy, Jess? 264 00:08:09,598 --> 00:08:12,549 Is the art of seduction really where you shine? 265 00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:13,976 Be there. 266 00:08:14,199 --> 00:08:17,205 - (Laughs): That's it? - Yeah. Just be there. 267 00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:19,534 No matter where he goes, be there. 268 00:08:19,554 --> 00:08:22,661 He gets a drink, be there. He talks to his friends, be there. 269 00:08:22,681 --> 00:08:24,982 At the end of the night, be there. 270 00:08:25,002 --> 00:08:26,261 It's called "the Joe Biden." 271 00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:27,682 That's creepy, man. 272 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:28,850 The basic concept of what he's saying, though, 273 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,918 - could actually work. - Yeah. 274 00:08:30,953 --> 00:08:32,220 (Quiet laugh) 275 00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:34,455 I'm gonna biden his ass. 276 00:08:35,211 --> 00:08:36,157 Mm-hmm. 277 00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:38,826 Oh, yeah. Yup. That'll do it. 278 00:08:38,861 --> 00:08:40,561 I know. 279 00:08:40,596 --> 00:08:42,563 Oh, hey! Uh, you know, 280 00:08:42,598 --> 00:08:45,299 Kat was just telling me about her hairlessness. 281 00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:46,801 Hmm. She's like a seal. 282 00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,870 (Laughs) Hmm. That's okay. 283 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:50,805 You guys talk. 284 00:08:50,839 --> 00:08:53,163 I'm just gonna be here. 285 00:08:53,982 --> 00:08:55,243 I'm sorry I didn't call you. 286 00:08:55,277 --> 00:08:57,345 Why are you so scared of intimacy? 287 00:08:57,379 --> 00:09:00,014 Who broke your heart and why haven't you forgiven her? 288 00:09:00,049 --> 00:09:02,283 Uh... well... Yeah, the thi... 289 00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:03,518 Huh? 290 00:09:03,552 --> 00:09:05,253 You're arrogant, you're sexist... 291 00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:06,888 You stole my phone charger. 292 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,723 You're conceited. You're a liar. 293 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:09,857 Aah! 294 00:09:09,892 --> 00:09:11,435 I rented best man holiday. 295 00:09:11,455 --> 00:09:13,168 You're not in it. 296 00:09:15,103 --> 00:09:17,131 So, you know Tom... 297 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:21,102 Uh, Tom, of course, he wanted to sell shoes for a profit. 298 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,478 And I said, "no." 299 00:09:22,498 --> 00:09:23,905 I said, "you... 300 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:26,437 You do something better." 301 00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:30,616 You got a... pretty good face. 302 00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:33,281 So, you guys want to come home with us, right? 303 00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:35,683 We want to do a four-way. 304 00:09:35,718 --> 00:09:37,652 Me, her, you and him. 305 00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:40,822 Of course. We'll, uh... Nick? 306 00:09:40,856 --> 00:09:41,889 (Knocks) 307 00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:43,424 Nick?! 308 00:09:46,362 --> 00:09:48,332 - Hi. How are you? - Hi. Good. How are you? 309 00:09:48,352 --> 00:09:51,399 - Are you enjoying the wedding? - Yeah. 310 00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:53,401 You be... yeah. 311 00:09:57,106 --> 00:09:58,384 Mm! 312 00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:00,759 Hey. 313 00:10:00,779 --> 00:10:02,143 - Hey, Nick. - Hey, Schmidt. 314 00:10:02,177 --> 00:10:05,246 Hey, do you know how they sell ice cream at the drugstore...? 315 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,448 I'm not having a four-way with you... end of discussion. 316 00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:08,816 Come on, Nick. We don't have any other choice. 317 00:10:08,851 --> 00:10:10,885 I've found 15 other girls since I've been here. 318 00:10:10,919 --> 00:10:13,788 They're all either married or taken or mad at Coach. 319 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:14,989 I'm not doing a four-way with you... 320 00:10:15,024 --> 00:10:16,733 It's the last helicopter out of Saigon, my man. 321 00:10:16,753 --> 00:10:17,925 Charlie won. 322 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,661 - No, Schmidt. - You won't even know it's me, Nick. 323 00:10:19,695 --> 00:10:22,330 Look, at this point, it's all skin and shapes... 324 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,531 That's-that's what I'm afraid of. 325 00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:24,565 It-it's the fog of war, man. 326 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,234 There's so much stuff going on. 327 00:10:26,268 --> 00:10:27,880 - You're just, you're just here. - Yeah... 328 00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:28,836 You don't even know what's happening. 329 00:10:28,871 --> 00:10:30,038 Okay, but I want to know what's happening 330 00:10:30,072 --> 00:10:31,950 if it's with sex... I don't want some 331 00:10:31,970 --> 00:10:34,676 fog of war on top of me, if it looks like you. 332 00:10:34,696 --> 00:10:35,321 That's the point. 333 00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:36,811 The fog of war is something you can't see through. 334 00:10:36,845 --> 00:10:38,146 Like, the whole thing with the Charlie thing 335 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,814 and Vietnam, I don't know who I'm fighting! 336 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,116 I'm soft like a lady. You won't even know. 337 00:10:42,151 --> 00:10:43,979 - But what if I get a surprise? - "A surprise"? 338 00:10:43,999 --> 00:10:46,510 - What if there's a surprise on me? - There's not gonna be a surprise on you. 339 00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:48,607 What if I'm fighting the war and boom... there's a surprise! 340 00:10:48,627 --> 00:10:50,250 You go north, I go south. 341 00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:52,616 Do you know what I'm saying? 342 00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:54,295 I'll be in steerage and I'm rowing. 343 00:10:54,330 --> 00:10:56,431 And I'm rowing and I'm rowing and the... 344 00:10:56,465 --> 00:10:57,832 You're up in the crow's nest. 345 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,267 Fre-fresh air up there, man. 346 00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:00,802 And I'm in the trenches, you know? 347 00:11:00,836 --> 00:11:02,003 I'm digging for coal. 348 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,471 I'm breathing in those fumes. 349 00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:04,872 And you're up here. You're just taking 350 00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:07,041 in the sights. You're spotting dolphins, huh? 351 00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:09,491 You're just the handsome prince covered in salty sea spray... 352 00:11:09,511 --> 00:11:12,313 I don't want you calling me handsome before a potential four-way! 353 00:11:12,348 --> 00:11:13,581 This... 354 00:11:13,616 --> 00:11:14,882 Nick, please! 355 00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:15,850 I'm begging you for this. 356 00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:16,851 CeCe is here. 357 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,186 And I can't get her out of my head. 358 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,575 Don't, don't, don't play the CeCe card right now, don't do... 359 00:11:20,595 --> 00:11:22,590 I'm gonna play the CeCe card, okay? 360 00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:25,026 Look, she's here and I don't want to go home alone. 361 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,195 (Groans) I need your help, please. 362 00:11:27,229 --> 00:11:29,895 (Grunts loudly) 363 00:11:31,037 --> 00:11:32,166 What's up, guys? 364 00:11:32,201 --> 00:11:33,701 Tell you what. I am so sore 365 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,703 I can't have sex with nobody tonight. 366 00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:39,007 Only thing I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. I.B. Profen. 367 00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:40,642 (Laughs) Minus the mister. 368 00:11:40,676 --> 00:11:42,410 My man... Winston, I got a question for you. 369 00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:44,512 Do you think that, that two men 370 00:11:44,546 --> 00:11:47,348 can engage in group sex without... 371 00:11:47,383 --> 00:11:49,417 without compromising their friendship. 372 00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:50,485 Good question, good question. 373 00:11:50,519 --> 00:11:52,153 Um... okay. 374 00:11:52,187 --> 00:11:54,389 Uh, let's just say 375 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,590 Nick is the salt. 376 00:11:55,624 --> 00:11:57,325 And, Schmidt, you are the pepper. 377 00:11:57,359 --> 00:11:59,193 I'm assuming we're talking about you two. 378 00:11:59,228 --> 00:12:00,461 - Hypothetically, I suppose. - Whatever. Yes. 379 00:12:00,496 --> 00:12:02,196 Hypothetically, all right. Not necessarily. 380 00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:04,098 Actually I'm gonna need some... 381 00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:06,167 Ooh, boy. 382 00:12:06,201 --> 00:12:07,702 Seems as if I've made a mess. 383 00:12:07,736 --> 00:12:09,137 Got to clean that up. 384 00:12:09,171 --> 00:12:10,772 Yes, look at that. 385 00:12:10,806 --> 00:12:12,540 Salt all in the pepper. 386 00:12:12,575 --> 00:12:13,741 Pepper all in the salt. 387 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,810 Just mixed up like that. 388 00:12:15,844 --> 00:12:18,828 Is there salt shoved in the pepper hole? 389 00:12:18,848 --> 00:12:21,849 How'd it get in there? How did salt get shoved into this 390 00:12:21,884 --> 00:12:24,652 tiny, tiny pepper hole? 391 00:12:24,687 --> 00:12:26,567 Nick? 392 00:12:27,489 --> 00:12:30,225 You're terrible at demonstrations! 393 00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,231 Oh, uh... 394 00:12:36,265 --> 00:12:37,365 You know, I-I'm just gonna, uh... 395 00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:38,666 Yeah, Ted. Get crazy. 396 00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:40,301 Leave it all out there on the field. 397 00:12:40,336 --> 00:12:41,803 Okay. (Claps hands) 398 00:12:41,837 --> 00:12:43,972 I'll come back with stories. (Chuckles) 399 00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:45,373 (Both laugh) 400 00:12:45,817 --> 00:12:48,443 - Are you bidening? - What? No. 401 00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:50,678 (Whispers): How did you know about that? 402 00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:53,881 Because I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. 403 00:12:53,916 --> 00:12:55,486 Extreme biden! 404 00:13:02,024 --> 00:13:03,057 (Whispering): Kat. 405 00:13:03,092 --> 00:13:04,058 (Grunts with effort) 406 00:13:04,093 --> 00:13:06,094 Kat, Kat... let me out. 407 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:07,996 This was a huge mistake. 408 00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,564 I'm sorry. I'm not proud of this. 409 00:13:09,598 --> 00:13:11,315 It smells so bad in here. 410 00:13:13,202 --> 00:13:14,235 (Quiet groan) 411 00:13:15,804 --> 00:13:16,771 Ted: Jess? 412 00:13:16,805 --> 00:13:18,081 Hi. 413 00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:20,575 Jess, th-this is the men's room. 414 00:13:24,878 --> 00:13:27,062 This is where it all happens. 415 00:13:29,879 --> 00:13:33,254 Don't wait for me, Ted, 'cause I might be awhile. 416 00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:37,727 See you out on the dance floor. 417 00:13:43,485 --> 00:13:45,166 And at wedding 12, 418 00:13:45,186 --> 00:13:47,779 I sat on a men's toilet. 419 00:13:51,766 --> 00:13:54,716 When did one-on-one sex become old-fashioned? 420 00:13:55,163 --> 00:13:57,770 You know, America's got to take a hard look in the mirror at ourself. 421 00:13:57,790 --> 00:13:59,936 We used to make things. 422 00:14:01,016 --> 00:14:02,547 Just be glad you're not single. 423 00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:03,548 Oh. 424 00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:06,136 Actually Buster and I broke up. 425 00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:10,283 - So, anyway... - (Groaning): Oh... no! 426 00:14:10,479 --> 00:14:12,613 No! 427 00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:15,155 That is so terrible! 428 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:16,830 - Didn't know you cared this much. - No, no, no, no... 429 00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,362 - If you're single... - Mm-hmm. 430 00:14:18,382 --> 00:14:20,943 that means that I have to do something. 431 00:14:20,963 --> 00:14:22,629 Something awful. 432 00:14:22,663 --> 00:14:24,697 You have no idea what you just did to me. 433 00:14:24,732 --> 00:14:26,944 You have no idea, young lady! 434 00:14:30,748 --> 00:14:32,005 I'll do the four-way with you. 435 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,840 Yes! Okay, I'm gonna go book the room. 436 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,287 You go to housekeeping, have them give you as many shower caps 437 00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:37,343 - as they'll give you... - Okay, stop. 438 00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:39,112 They're gonna get one hand and I'm not gonna move it. 439 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,480 I'm just gonna dangle it into the mix 440 00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:41,848 while I look at something else on my phone. 441 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:42,882 And that's the deal. 442 00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:44,184 Aw, man, this is gonna be big for us. 443 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,919 - This is for you, buddy. - Thanks. 444 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,192 (Laughs): Yeah! 445 00:14:48,656 --> 00:14:49,823 What the hell is that? 446 00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:51,090 What are you talking about? 447 00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,625 Yeah, what's-what's that on your hand, man? 448 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:54,060 Why is it so rough? It's like hoof. 449 00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:55,728 There's nothing on my hand. This is a regular old hand... 450 00:14:55,763 --> 00:14:57,163 I'm out, I'm out. You're out of what? 451 00:14:57,198 --> 00:14:58,331 Four-way. Done. No way. 452 00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,732 - Not with that thing. - You're a buffoon. 453 00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,601 - That is ridiculous. - I was only doing it for you, Schmidt, 454 00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,837 so you don't freak out when you find out that CeCe's single. 455 00:15:03,871 --> 00:15:06,406 And now I'm the weirdo with the hoof hand. 456 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,674 What... take it back from the hoof hand. 457 00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:09,275 What'd you say before? About CeCe being single? 458 00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:10,410 How do you know that? 459 00:15:10,444 --> 00:15:12,178 She's single? 460 00:15:12,213 --> 00:15:14,380 I have my, uh... 461 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,249 - assumptions. - So CeCe's single now. 462 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,250 You don't know that for sure. 463 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,251 That's interesting. 464 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,719 Why are you so calm? 465 00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:23,022 Interesting. 466 00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,958 Don't just say "interesting." 467 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:27,594 That's interesting. 468 00:15:27,628 --> 00:15:29,462 If you're gonna say "interesting" say why it's interesting. 469 00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:30,697 It is interesting. 470 00:15:33,172 --> 00:15:33,967 (Screams) 471 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,101 Aah! 472 00:15:35,136 --> 00:15:36,569 Nick! 473 00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:37,737 What are you doing here? 474 00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:38,872 What are you doing here? 475 00:15:38,906 --> 00:15:39,906 It's the men's room! 476 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,207 Mmm... 477 00:15:41,242 --> 00:15:43,243 Jess, scooch over. All right. 478 00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:46,758 (Groans) 479 00:15:47,648 --> 00:15:50,150 What are you doing? Just hiding in the bathroom? 480 00:15:50,184 --> 00:15:51,217 Kind of. 481 00:15:51,252 --> 00:15:52,452 (Laughs) 482 00:15:52,486 --> 00:15:54,888 (Laughs) Me, too. 483 00:15:54,922 --> 00:15:56,589 I know I'm supposed to, like, 484 00:15:56,624 --> 00:15:58,158 "get back out there," 485 00:15:58,192 --> 00:16:00,060 you know? But... 486 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,328 Maybe I'm just not built for it. 487 00:16:02,363 --> 00:16:03,463 Man, I hear you. 488 00:16:03,497 --> 00:16:04,798 Sidebar: What do my hands feel like? 489 00:16:04,832 --> 00:16:06,833 - Hooves. - Aw, son of a... 490 00:16:08,876 --> 00:16:10,270 Maybe there's a reason 491 00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:11,946 I'm not up on a fridge, you know? 492 00:16:11,966 --> 00:16:13,406 Maybe some people are fridge people, 493 00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:15,303 and other people are... 494 00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:16,650 toilet people. 495 00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:18,912 You think you're a toilet person? 496 00:16:18,946 --> 00:16:21,014 (Laughing) You're not a toilet person. 497 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,215 You want to get on the fridge, 498 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,349 you'll get on the fridge, Jess. 499 00:16:23,384 --> 00:16:24,918 Just be yourself, 500 00:16:24,952 --> 00:16:26,820 and if he's not into Jessica Day, 501 00:16:26,854 --> 00:16:28,888 then there's something wrong with him. 502 00:16:32,239 --> 00:16:34,260 Be myself. 503 00:16:34,295 --> 00:16:35,962 Like do my Tina Turner impression? 504 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,197 How did your brain jump there? 505 00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:39,199 ♪ What's love got to do ♪ 506 00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,633 ♪ got to do with it? ♪ 507 00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:41,901 (Laughs) 508 00:16:41,936 --> 00:16:42,902 (Laughs) All right. 509 00:16:42,937 --> 00:16:44,170 I hear your logic. 510 00:16:44,205 --> 00:16:47,905 - Come on. - No man wants that, but... 511 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,374 you can't quit, either. 512 00:16:51,169 --> 00:16:52,712 You're our last hope. 513 00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:55,448 You're the only one out of the group 514 00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:57,450 who might not go home alone tonight, Jess. 515 00:16:57,485 --> 00:16:58,908 - Really? - Yes. 516 00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:00,387 It's all on your shoulders. 517 00:17:00,421 --> 00:17:02,856 So the sex fist... 518 00:17:03,053 --> 00:17:04,559 has... 519 00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:06,860 turned into a sex finger. 520 00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:08,989 - Uh, don't... yeah. - Sex finger. 521 00:17:12,659 --> 00:17:14,909 Hey. Ted. Um... 522 00:17:15,194 --> 00:17:17,396 (Clears throat) I'm out of moves, so... 523 00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:19,298 I'm just gonna try being myself. 524 00:17:19,332 --> 00:17:20,832 Here's some stuff about me: 525 00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,301 I've never cured anything. 526 00:17:22,335 --> 00:17:24,336 I'm a middle school vice principal 527 00:17:24,370 --> 00:17:25,671 and I love my job. 528 00:17:25,705 --> 00:17:27,339 Um, I'm just getting out of a relationship 529 00:17:27,373 --> 00:17:28,974 with a guy that I still live with, 530 00:17:29,008 --> 00:17:30,475 which is kind of complicated. 531 00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:31,310 He's over there. 532 00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:32,177 What's up, Nick? 533 00:17:32,212 --> 00:17:33,512 Hi, I'm Nick! 534 00:17:36,616 --> 00:17:39,218 Sometimes I cry when newscasters 535 00:17:39,252 --> 00:17:40,786 wish each other "Happy Birthday" on air. 536 00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:43,722 My first crush was on a Batman cake, 537 00:17:43,756 --> 00:17:46,592 but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba. 538 00:17:47,126 --> 00:17:49,461 'Cause he was super hot, 539 00:17:49,496 --> 00:17:51,830 and I still, actually, find him hot. 540 00:17:51,865 --> 00:17:53,465 Uh, truth time. Um... 541 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,100 So that's me. 542 00:17:55,134 --> 00:17:57,337 And if you want to take me home, Ted, 543 00:17:57,697 --> 00:18:00,228 we can definitely do some no-bra stuff. 544 00:18:01,508 --> 00:18:02,963 Uh... 545 00:18:02,983 --> 00:18:04,622 That's me naked. 546 00:18:04,759 --> 00:18:05,377 Well... 547 00:18:05,411 --> 00:18:06,678 ...and this is me with 548 00:18:06,713 --> 00:18:09,648 a guy who I thought was Larry king. 549 00:18:11,084 --> 00:18:12,184 So it's decision time. 550 00:18:12,218 --> 00:18:13,886 Yeah, Ted, who's it gonna be? 551 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:14,987 Me or Jess? 552 00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:17,022 (Sighs) 553 00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:26,732 Hmm? 554 00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:28,901 Ted: Ooh... 555 00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:30,736 Ted: Wow. Hah. 556 00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:32,337 Ooh... 557 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,741 This is tough. 558 00:18:35,775 --> 00:18:37,709 I mean, okay, 'cause I mean, over here 559 00:18:37,744 --> 00:18:40,379 we've got, you know, the whole... you know. 560 00:18:40,413 --> 00:18:42,181 And then, but of course over here we got the... bing, 561 00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:43,182 and the... you know. 562 00:18:43,216 --> 00:18:44,750 Mmm... 563 00:18:44,784 --> 00:18:46,585 (Groaning): Oh, God, what do I do? 564 00:18:46,619 --> 00:18:47,753 What do I do? 565 00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:49,588 - It's over. - Moment's passed, Ted. 566 00:18:49,622 --> 00:18:50,823 Okay. 567 00:18:50,857 --> 00:18:53,380 I'll take him out. 568 00:18:54,026 --> 00:18:55,994 So you and Buster broke up. 569 00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:57,396 Whew. I'm sorry. 570 00:18:59,532 --> 00:19:00,666 Yeah, I'm just waiting 571 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:01,967 for you to do something weird now. 572 00:19:02,001 --> 00:19:03,969 Yeah, I feel that coming on, so, um... 573 00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:05,270 I'm gonna go. 574 00:19:05,305 --> 00:19:07,372 (Sighs heavily) 575 00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,908 You know what doesn't whine and cry 576 00:19:09,943 --> 00:19:11,677 is the sperm in my freezer. 577 00:19:11,711 --> 00:19:13,345 I am counting down the days 578 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:15,881 until we don't need men to procreate. 579 00:19:15,915 --> 00:19:17,816 If I really put my mind to it... 580 00:19:17,851 --> 00:19:19,718 Autumn 2018. 581 00:19:22,048 --> 00:19:23,589 Are you ready? 582 00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:25,557 Oh, it's my plan "b." 583 00:19:25,592 --> 00:19:27,626 Yeah. Beats going home alone. 584 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,361 Just giving her a ride. 585 00:19:29,395 --> 00:19:30,917 Nothing weird. 586 00:19:31,765 --> 00:19:33,565 (Whispering): We do this every time. 587 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,435 So, Katherine, uh... Where do you live? 588 00:19:36,469 --> 00:19:38,504 About two inches north of your mouth, Padre. 589 00:19:38,538 --> 00:19:39,772 Bye. 590 00:19:39,806 --> 00:19:40,906 Bye. 591 00:19:43,309 --> 00:19:44,910 Schmidt: It's okay, Jess. 592 00:19:44,944 --> 00:19:46,779 Sex fist is obviously over. 593 00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:48,580 We're all going home alone. 594 00:19:48,615 --> 00:19:50,649 Well, that's where you're wrong, Schmidt. 595 00:19:50,683 --> 00:19:52,785 We're not going home alone. 596 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:55,471 - That's great. - All right. 597 00:19:55,491 --> 00:19:56,956 It's like that. 598 00:19:59,759 --> 00:20:02,161 "Regan, Kevin and Rebecca..." 599 00:20:02,195 --> 00:20:03,796 (Laughing) 600 00:20:03,830 --> 00:20:05,030 "...request the honor of your presence." 601 00:20:05,064 --> 00:20:07,466 How about the honor of my garbage can? 602 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,467 Coach: Hey! 603 00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:11,967 Jess: Those fridge people with their stupid houses... 604 00:20:12,226 --> 00:20:13,439 Oh, look at this one, guys. 605 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,140 Uh, it looks like Jeffrey and Lauren 606 00:20:15,175 --> 00:20:17,176 want us to share in their joy. 607 00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:19,262 How about they share in my chocolate pocket? 608 00:20:19,979 --> 00:20:21,246 (Laughing): What does that mean? 609 00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:22,247 In my butt. 610 00:20:22,282 --> 00:20:23,515 - Mm-mm. - Jess: That's gross. 611 00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:25,317 Yeah, I... 612 00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:26,754 (Laughing) 613 00:20:26,774 --> 00:20:28,887 Oh, man... how about this one, you guys? 614 00:20:28,922 --> 00:20:30,089 Scott and Derek. 615 00:20:30,123 --> 00:20:31,256 Yeah, real tasteful wedding... 616 00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:32,591 - for a Thursday! - Nick: Yeah. 617 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:34,993 Oh, look at that... Laurie and Mitchell. 618 00:20:35,028 --> 00:20:36,328 They had a cash bar. 619 00:20:36,362 --> 00:20:38,030 I hope they can't have kids! 620 00:20:38,064 --> 00:20:39,865 That's super dark, bro. 621 00:20:39,899 --> 00:20:41,200 - That was too far. I hope they can... - Yeah! 622 00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:42,534 ...I hope they can, I hope they can. 623 00:20:42,569 --> 00:20:43,635 CeCe and Shivrang... You bastards, 624 00:20:43,670 --> 00:20:44,636 take that one down. 625 00:20:44,671 --> 00:20:46,004 You know what? It's gone. 626 00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,506 (Whoops) No... 627 00:20:47,540 --> 00:20:49,017 - Nick: Take that one down! - Oh, yeah. 628 00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:49,942 Jess: Wait a minute. 629 00:20:49,976 --> 00:20:50,943 Who are Gabe and Stephanie, 630 00:20:50,977 --> 00:20:52,511 with the profile, these things? 631 00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:54,079 Oh, Gabe's the heavy guy with the perm and the wheelchaiair... 632 00:20:54,114 --> 00:20:55,214 No, Gabe was the guy on the motorcycle... 633 00:20:55,248 --> 00:20:56,648 No, no, no, no. The guy with the perm. 634 00:20:56,683 --> 00:20:57,716 The guy who kept showing his stomach the whole time. 635 00:20:57,751 --> 00:20:58,784 Oh. Schmidt: That's the woman who was 636 00:20:58,818 --> 00:20:59,885 eight and a half months pregnant. 637 00:20:59,919 --> 00:21:01,620 The groom was dressed as the bride... 638 00:21:01,654 --> 00:21:02,688 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, uh... 639 00:21:02,722 --> 00:21:03,689 This wedding's next week. 640 00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:04,957 - What? - What? 641 00:21:04,991 --> 00:21:06,482 (All muttering) 642 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,629 Not anymore. 643 00:21:09,362 --> 00:21:10,462 (Whooping, cheering) 644 00:21:10,497 --> 00:21:11,730 Whoa! 645 00:21:11,765 --> 00:21:13,298 (All laughing) 646 00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,767 That's right! Come on, now! 647 00:21:14,801 --> 00:21:16,168 Ripping it up! 648 00:21:16,202 --> 00:21:17,970 (Everyone talking at once) 649 00:21:18,004 --> 00:21:19,671 Oh! Oh! Look at that one. 650 00:21:19,706 --> 00:21:21,140 Rippin' 'em up. 651 00:21:21,174 --> 00:21:22,808 (Whoops) 652 00:21:22,842 --> 00:21:24,376 Rip. Oh, right there. 653 00:21:24,411 --> 00:21:25,677 Yes. 654 00:21:25,712 --> 00:21:27,012 Mmm... 655 00:21:27,047 --> 00:21:29,107 (Laughing) More to rip. 656 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:32,234 sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com