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00:00:02,147 --> 00:00:03,280
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,315 --> 00:00:06,750
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry
8
00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:28,482
(tires screeching)
9
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Ow! Watch it!
Roger!
10
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You know the rules:
11
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If you want to leave the house,
you have to wear a disguise.
12
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I know, but you left so quickly
13
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and my cape was still
in the dryer... I panicked.
14
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Roger, there's a whole floor
in that CIA building back there
15
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dedicated to looking for you!
16
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Well, then,
they should check J-Date.
17
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I'm listed as Mike Saperstein.
18
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And let me tell ya, Saps
pulls in a ton of J-V.
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Stay down!
Someone might see you!
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(squeaking)
21
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What are you doing down there?!
22
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Pretending I'm a boa constrictor.
23
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What's going on with you?
24
00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,526
Why you being so clingy?
25
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Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's something in the air.
26
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(squeaking)
27
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Your calf is so soft.
28
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(sighs)
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This isn't how I imagined middle age.
30
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(soothing music playing)
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(sighs deeply)
32
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(water splashes gently)
33
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(splashing)
34
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(gasps)
35
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Baths are so great,
36
00:01:20,048 --> 00:01:21,882
cause the toilet's right there,
you know?
37
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No stress.
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Speaking of...
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(humming happily)
40
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(screams)
41
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So, where are we going?
42
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I'm going to school.
43
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Ooh! Sounds fun!
44
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Hey, I bet I can guess
what's in your lunch
45
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just by sitting on it.
46
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(rustling in backpack)
47
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A carrot?
48
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(Roger sobbing)
49
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WOMAN:
♪ Travel down the road ♪
50
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♪ And back again ♪
51
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They're such good friends.
♪ Your heart is true ♪
52
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Such a close bond.
♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪
53
00:01:50,645 --> 00:01:52,346
Just like you and me, right, Klaus?
54
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,714
You're smooshing me, bro!
55
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You're smooshing me!
♪ And if you threw a party... ♪
56
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All right, family meeting.
57
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I'm worried about Roger.
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Thank you for saying something.
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00:02:04,626 --> 00:02:06,593
It's like he can't be
by himself anymore.
60
00:02:06,628 --> 00:02:09,763
I know! He even followed me
to school one day.
61
00:02:09,798 --> 00:02:11,064
It was against the rules!
62
00:02:11,099 --> 00:02:13,534
I mean, sure, it made
the children laugh and play.
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00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,370
Yeah, I've been having
an issue with him, too.
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Hugs, not drugs.
65
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That's what I say.
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I'm also on drugs.
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00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:22,443
Well, get off!
68
00:02:22,477 --> 00:02:23,710
I need to go to the mall.
69
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:24,912
Oh! I want to
go to the mall!
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00:02:24,946 --> 00:02:26,186
Oh, please, let me go with you!
71
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Please, please...!
72
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(sighs) Fine.
73
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,718
Great! Let's play that game
where we see what stores
74
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let us use their employee bathroom.
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The one spot in the store all
their own and we take it.
76
00:02:39,494 --> 00:02:42,496
Roger, I'm glad you're not
straddling me anymore,
77
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,331
but you're ruining
your Build-A-Bear.
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00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,400
Hey! If he doesn't like it,
he can say something.
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That's why I gave him three mouths.
80
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:50,871
Well, that's
not why... (laughs)
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(sniffs) Do you smell that?
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(scoffs)
83
00:02:53,875 --> 00:02:56,410
It's probably all that
young tail in Forever 21.
84
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,244
No...
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(sniffing) This way.
86
00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:01,949
We have to go this way.
87
00:03:07,822 --> 00:03:09,957
Roger, what's going on?!
88
00:03:09,991 --> 00:03:11,258
I'm not sure.
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I just...
sense something.
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(sniffing) This way.
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(horns honking)
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00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:18,465
I got to see where that guy's going.
93
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:19,500
(tires screeching)
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00:03:21,336 --> 00:03:23,003
(brakes squeak, engine shuts off)
95
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:24,037
(brakes squeak)
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00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,873
This is just a park!
97
00:03:25,907 --> 00:03:28,409
Thanks for wasting my day, buttholes!
98
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(engine revving, tires screeching)
99
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MAN: Hey, where's
that squirrel going?
100
00:03:32,914 --> 00:03:35,582
We're in the middle of nowhere!
101
00:03:35,617 --> 00:03:37,117
What are you looking for?
102
00:03:37,152 --> 00:03:38,886
I don't know!
(sniffs)
103
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,421
But it's through that drainage pipe.
104
00:03:40,455 --> 00:03:41,922
I'm not going in there.
105
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:43,924
But it's my destiny.
106
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,293
Would you deny me
my destiny, Francine?!
107
00:03:49,364 --> 00:03:52,599
Or, I suppose we could just
walk over this tiny hill.
108
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(Francine gasps, coughs)
109
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Welp...
110
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I found that missing runner.
111
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(gasps)
112
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ROGER:
An alien ship!
113
00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:06,780
Of course!
114
00:04:06,815 --> 00:04:08,482
This is why I've been all worked up!
115
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Hello!
116
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I-Is anyone in there?
117
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Help! I crashed and
I don't have a boyfriend!
118
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(gasps) Do you know her?
119
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Oh, right, cause all aliens
know each other.
120
00:04:26,101 --> 00:04:27,735
Yeah, racist.
121
00:04:34,265 --> 00:04:35,807
Oh...
122
00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:37,453
(door opens)
123
00:04:37,487 --> 00:04:38,620
Stan...
124
00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:40,923
We have something to show you.
125
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This is...
(hocks a loogie sound)
126
00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:44,760
and...
(hocks a loogie sound)
127
00:04:44,794 --> 00:04:45,995
This is my husband, Stan.
128
00:04:46,029 --> 00:04:47,029
FURRY ALIEN:
Oh, my God.
129
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:48,297
You have such a beautiful home.
130
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,631
What the hell is that?!
131
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:51,367
Stan, be nice.
132
00:04:51,401 --> 00:04:52,868
It's an alien.
133
00:04:52,902 --> 00:04:56,572
She's why I've been acting
so weird and needy lately.
134
00:04:56,606 --> 00:04:58,307
She crashed near here a few days back
135
00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,609
and I've been vibing
on her lady pheromones.
136
00:05:00,644 --> 00:05:01,910
I smelled him, too.
137
00:05:01,945 --> 00:05:03,746
I think that's why I crashed here.
138
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:05,581
Oh, my God.
I'm so into you.
139
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(both moaning passionately)
140
00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:10,953
Aw, look, Stan...
141
00:05:10,987 --> 00:05:12,187
new love.
142
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Well, good.
Then you'll die happy.
143
00:05:13,723 --> 00:05:14,657
(cocks gun) (gasps)
144
00:05:14,691 --> 00:05:16,625
No, Stan!
What are you doing?!
145
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,794
It's hard enough having
one alien around, Francine.
146
00:05:18,828 --> 00:05:20,629
I'm sorry, but she's got to go.
147
00:05:20,664 --> 00:05:22,731
Stan, you just got to let
(hocks a loogie sound) stay.
148
00:05:22,766 --> 00:05:25,234
Please, have I ever
asked you for anything?
149
00:05:25,268 --> 00:05:27,036
All you do is ask me for things.
150
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,504
Just the other day,
you told me if I didn't
151
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:30,406
bring home tomato juice,
you'd kill yourself.
152
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,508
I was down to 24 cans!
153
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,709
Look...
(hocks a loogie sound)
154
00:05:33,743 --> 00:05:36,612
and Roger have a unique bond, Stan.
155
00:05:36,646 --> 00:05:38,280
Like you and me.
156
00:05:38,315 --> 00:05:39,615
Can't you see that?
157
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:42,251
Yeah, that's really stupid,
Francine, but...
158
00:05:42,285 --> 00:05:44,453
maybe I am overreacting a bit.
159
00:05:44,487 --> 00:05:46,288
I mean, if the CIA had any intel
160
00:05:46,323 --> 00:05:48,557
about an alien on the
loose, I-I'd know about it.
161
00:05:48,592 --> 00:05:51,060
(dramatic music stinger plays)
162
00:05:51,094 --> 00:05:52,595
Anything yet?
163
00:05:52,629 --> 00:05:55,464
It's definitely an
extraterrestrial spacecraft, sir.
164
00:05:55,498 --> 00:05:58,167
Or, maybe it's a refrigerator
that fell off an airplane.
165
00:05:58,201 --> 00:05:59,902
You think everything's a refrigerator
166
00:05:59,936 --> 00:06:01,036
that fell off an airplane.
167
00:06:01,071 --> 00:06:02,705
(screaming):
It happens!
168
00:06:02,739 --> 00:06:06,709
No, it's a spacecraft and
it was piloted by...
169
00:06:06,743 --> 00:06:08,010
something...
170
00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:09,845
and we will not rest
171
00:06:09,879 --> 00:06:11,880
until we find that something.
172
00:06:11,915 --> 00:06:13,382
But what if we get tired?
173
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,416
Tired?
174
00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:18,120
Did you know that P. Diddy only
sleeps four hours a night?
175
00:06:18,154 --> 00:06:21,991
Like I've always said, let's
run the CIA Diddy style:
176
00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:24,493
He's up all night designing sweatpants,
177
00:06:24,527 --> 00:06:27,863
picking colors, textures,
various velours.
178
00:06:27,897 --> 00:06:32,501
Piping here, double pockets
there, his mind is a volcano.
179
00:06:32,535 --> 00:06:35,638
I swear to you, sir, we
will capture this P. Diddy
180
00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:37,139
and bring him to your feet!
181
00:06:37,173 --> 00:06:39,074
I can't wait!
182
00:06:39,109 --> 00:06:41,577
(crickets chirping)
183
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,447
So...
(hocks a loogie sound)
184
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,449
tell us a little about yourself.
185
00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:50,319
I like long walks
in the blistering suns.
186
00:06:50,353 --> 00:06:52,521
And playing in the sulfuric rain.
187
00:06:52,556 --> 00:06:54,890
But my favorite thing to do is...
188
00:06:54,925 --> 00:06:57,293
(whispering)
189
00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:01,864
Um... if you'll excuse me,
190
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,132
I'm gonna take (hocks a loogie sound)
191
00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:05,568
upstairs and (spitting) all over her.
192
00:07:05,602 --> 00:07:07,236
(aliens giggling)
193
00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:08,737
(running upstairs)
194
00:07:08,772 --> 00:07:10,039
(door slams shut)
195
00:07:10,073 --> 00:07:11,006
(pounding, both grunting)
196
00:07:11,041 --> 00:07:12,508
(both giggling, grunting)
197
00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:13,976
(alien panting, glass breaks)
198
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,844
(toy squking, both grunting)
199
00:07:15,879 --> 00:07:18,447
(alien screams, whoops)
200
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:20,683
(primitive animal noises)
201
00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:22,384
(toy squeaking)
202
00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:24,486
(alien screaming, Roger grunting)
203
00:07:24,521 --> 00:07:26,055
(alien whooping)
204
00:07:26,089 --> 00:07:27,289
(alien grunting, Roger grunting)
205
00:07:27,324 --> 00:07:29,091
You know what?
Let's go out to eat.
206
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:31,060
(Roger grunting, alien yelping)
207
00:07:31,062 --> 00:07:33,462
I feel like I can still hear it.
208
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,830
We are still hearing it, Stan.
209
00:07:34,865 --> 00:07:35,931
(alien yelps)
210
00:07:38,468 --> 00:07:40,636
(yawns)
211
00:07:41,605 --> 00:07:42,605
Oh...
212
00:07:42,639 --> 00:07:44,607
geez, so...
213
00:07:44,641 --> 00:07:46,008
you were in here last night?
214
00:07:46,042 --> 00:07:48,777
I tried to look away, but I couldn't.
215
00:07:48,812 --> 00:07:50,880
It was so horrible.
216
00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:53,449
Like looking at the ass of God.
217
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:54,950
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the show,
218
00:07:54,985 --> 00:07:56,719
because it won't be happening again.
219
00:07:56,753 --> 00:07:57,820
I am over her.
220
00:07:57,854 --> 00:07:59,021
You're over her?!
221
00:07:59,055 --> 00:08:00,923
But you seemed perfect for one another.
222
00:08:00,957 --> 00:08:02,625
Eh, not really.
When we're doing it,
223
00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:04,139
she makes this little clicking noise...
224
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,261
click, click, click...
225
00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:06,295
barely hear myself groaning.
226
00:08:06,329 --> 00:08:07,730
I can't be with someone like that.
227
00:08:07,764 --> 00:08:10,633
Oh, I see what's happening, bro.
228
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:12,801
It's the old hit it and quit it, bro.
229
00:08:12,836 --> 00:08:15,037
She is gonna be devastated, bro.
230
00:08:15,071 --> 00:08:16,705
Oh, please.
She knew the dealio
231
00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,174
when she hooked up
with the R-Dog.
232
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:19,341
Wa-Wa-Wait.
233
00:08:19,376 --> 00:08:22,044
She also slept with
Ricky from Walgreens?
234
00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:23,512
No, I'm the R-Dog.
235
00:08:23,547 --> 00:08:24,780
I don't know.
236
00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:26,415
He has a tattoo
that says, "R-Dog"...
237
00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:27,550
I'm the R-Dog!
238
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:29,685
All right! All right!
You're the R-Dog!
239
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:31,887
(quietly):
When Ricky's not around.
240
00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:33,522
Anyway, I'm not worried about
(hocks a loogie sound).
241
00:08:33,557 --> 00:08:36,158
She knows things between us
are totally "caj."
242
00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:37,660
Roger's the one.
243
00:08:37,694 --> 00:08:38,928
I finally found the creature
244
00:08:38,962 --> 00:08:40,796
I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
245
00:08:40,831 --> 00:08:42,832
So romantic!
246
00:08:42,866 --> 00:08:43,866
Mmm.
(smacks lips)
247
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,534
These pancakes are terrific.
248
00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:47,770
Well, breakfast is
the most important meal
249
00:08:47,804 --> 00:08:49,038
of the "fatubeadoop."
250
00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:52,875
I see you started breakfast without me.
251
00:08:52,909 --> 00:08:55,911
Didn't know this was motel lobby rules.
252
00:08:55,946 --> 00:08:57,313
Good morning, sexy.
253
00:08:57,347 --> 00:09:00,249
Somebody was a little hair-puller
last night, wasn't he?
254
00:09:00,283 --> 00:09:01,650
I wasn't so much hair pulling,
255
00:09:01,685 --> 00:09:03,752
as I was just trying to find...
256
00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:04,920
something...
257
00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:07,857
Like, what are the
hairs growing out of?
258
00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:09,492
Like a base.
You know, I don't know,
259
00:09:09,526 --> 00:09:12,128
I just knew I'd know
what it was when I found it.
260
00:09:12,162 --> 00:09:15,431
Oh, Roger, we just love
(hocks a loogie sound)!
261
00:09:15,465 --> 00:09:17,266
Uh, yeah, she's terrific.
262
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:18,901
Plus, she hasn't seen The Wire
263
00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:21,637
and I love to turn people on to
The Wire.
264
00:09:21,671 --> 00:09:24,507
Speaking of turn-ons...
265
00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:26,342
Okay, before this concrete hardens...
266
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:28,777
Um, can we have a talk?
267
00:09:28,812 --> 00:09:32,148
So... the thing is...
268
00:09:32,182 --> 00:09:34,183
uh, I've kind of lived in this attic
269
00:09:34,217 --> 00:09:35,518
for a long time...
270
00:09:35,552 --> 00:09:36,652
by myself...
271
00:09:36,686 --> 00:09:37,486
Stop.
272
00:09:37,521 --> 00:09:38,521
I totally get it.
273
00:09:38,555 --> 00:09:40,156
You don't want me to move in here
274
00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:41,590
and make your bachelor pad all girly.
275
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:42,892
Wait, what?!
276
00:09:42,926 --> 00:09:46,095
But don't worry, the idea is
to make it reflect us.
277
00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:47,396
I mean, as a couple.
278
00:09:47,431 --> 00:09:49,298
I was thinking, pink plaid.
279
00:09:49,332 --> 00:09:51,467
Oh, that's actually perfect, but
about the "couple" thing...
280
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:52,568
I know!
281
00:09:52,602 --> 00:09:54,103
I don't want to spend another minute
282
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:55,971
on this big blue marble without you.
283
00:09:56,006 --> 00:09:58,941
I feel exactly the same
way, but the opposite.
284
00:09:58,975 --> 00:09:59,975
We're breaking up.
285
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,444
What?! Why?
286
00:10:01,478 --> 00:10:02,878
'Cause... I'm...
287
00:10:02,913 --> 00:10:04,547
seeing someone else.
288
00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:05,741
(scoffs) I don't believe you.
289
00:10:05,749 --> 00:10:07,683
(groans):
Uh... wait here.
290
00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:09,452
MAN:
♪ El perro, el perro ♪
291
00:10:09,486 --> 00:10:11,253
No, you're the piñata!
292
00:10:11,288 --> 00:10:13,155
I'm gonna poke you with a stick!
293
00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,657
(both guffawing)
294
00:10:14,691 --> 00:10:17,893
(woman laughs)
295
00:10:17,928 --> 00:10:19,161
(tires screeching)
296
00:10:20,564 --> 00:10:22,031
You wanted proof:
297
00:10:22,065 --> 00:10:24,834
I got 280 pounds of proof right here.
298
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:26,268
And that's not a dig on her.
299
00:10:26,303 --> 00:10:27,636
In her culture, being heavy
300
00:10:27,671 --> 00:10:29,505
is a sign of being rich or whatever.
301
00:10:29,539 --> 00:10:31,440
Don't tell me, you'd pick her...
302
00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:33,242
over this.
303
00:10:33,276 --> 00:10:34,877
This is too weird, I'm out of here.
304
00:10:34,911 --> 00:10:35,911
Catalina, wait!
305
00:10:35,946 --> 00:10:37,046
She's leaving, I swear!
306
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,080
(door shuts)
307
00:10:38,081 --> 00:10:39,215
Great. You happy?
308
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,283
She's gone.
My girlfriend is gone.
309
00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:42,718
Roger, we're supposed to be together.
310
00:10:42,753 --> 00:10:43,753
I just know it.
311
00:10:43,754 --> 00:10:46,155
And if you just give us a
chance, you'll know it, too.
312
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,491
Yeah.
313
00:10:48,525 --> 00:10:49,325
You know what?
314
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:50,726
Let's give it another shot.
315
00:10:50,761 --> 00:10:54,230
How about I take you to a
romantic B&B for the weekend?
316
00:10:54,264 --> 00:10:56,699
Oh, Roger, you really mean it?
317
00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:59,435
BARRY MANILOW:
♪ And I'm... ♪
318
00:10:59,469 --> 00:11:05,174
♪ Ready to take a chance again ♪
319
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:07,710
♪ Ready to put my love ♪
320
00:11:07,744 --> 00:11:09,378
♪ On the line ♪
321
00:11:09,413 --> 00:11:12,615
♪ With you ♪
322
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:17,019
♪ Been living with
nothing to show for it ♪
323
00:11:17,054 --> 00:11:21,557
♪ You get what you give
when you go for it ♪
324
00:11:21,591 --> 00:11:26,195
♪ And I'm ready to take
a chance again with you... ♪
325
00:11:26,229 --> 00:11:27,363
(song fades out)
326
00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:29,398
(dramatic instrumental music plays)
327
00:11:44,181 --> 00:11:45,981
I'm sorry, son.
328
00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:52,955
(hissing)
329
00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:57,460
Cop killer!
330
00:11:57,494 --> 00:12:00,463
(hissing)
331
00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:02,798
(heart beating)
332
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,869
(heartbeat slows)
333
00:12:10,107 --> 00:12:13,976
(footsteps synchronize with heartbeat)
334
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:18,114
(sighs)
335
00:12:18,148 --> 00:12:20,416
(door squeaks open)
336
00:12:28,492 --> 00:12:31,127
(sobbing)
337
00:12:33,330 --> 00:12:34,930
(sniffs)
338
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,399
I don't understand.
339
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,367
I thought you guys...
340
00:12:38,402 --> 00:12:39,769
were good.
341
00:12:39,803 --> 00:12:43,039
(phone ringing)
342
00:12:43,073 --> 00:12:45,007
(sighs)
343
00:12:45,042 --> 00:12:46,108
What is it, Charles?
344
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:47,576
Sir, I'm sorry for calling.
345
00:12:47,611 --> 00:12:49,011
It's fine, what is it?
346
00:12:49,046 --> 00:12:51,414
The council meeting
has been pushed to Thursday.
347
00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:53,716
And the governor called
to send his condolences
348
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:55,584
and to say how happy he was
349
00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:57,053
with how you handled the Marietta case.
350
00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:58,988
Charles, why are you calling?
351
00:12:59,022 --> 00:13:00,222
Um...
352
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:01,724
well, Wyatt Borden called.
353
00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:04,660
What?! You know I want nothing
to do with that scumbag.
354
00:13:04,695 --> 00:13:06,896
Sir! The election
is in two months
355
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:09,565
and your campaign needs some big money.
356
00:13:09,599 --> 00:13:11,534
I don't care!
Wyatt Borden's company
357
00:13:11,568 --> 00:13:13,502
is the worst chemical dumper
in the state!
358
00:13:13,537 --> 00:13:15,905
I'm not gonna protect him
after I become attorney general.
359
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,808
I'd rather lose the election
than get in bed with that devil!
360
00:13:18,842 --> 00:13:21,744
(tires screech, thud, boy screams)
361
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:22,878
(car races away, tires squealing)
362
00:13:22,913 --> 00:13:25,047
BOY: Tommy, help! Somebody help!
Oh, God.
363
00:13:25,082 --> 00:13:26,615
I'll be right down.
364
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:27,950
(floorboard squeaks)
365
00:13:34,658 --> 00:13:37,693
(boy crying in distance)
366
00:13:37,728 --> 00:13:40,496
BOY (crying):
Somebody help me!
367
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:42,465
(boy continues crying)
368
00:13:46,903 --> 00:13:48,137
(phone line ringing)
369
00:13:50,474 --> 00:13:51,641
MAN (eerily):
Yes?
370
00:13:51,675 --> 00:13:53,442
Wyatt.
371
00:13:53,477 --> 00:13:54,877
This is Vincent Edmunds.
372
00:13:54,911 --> 00:13:56,279
Mmm...
373
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,281
what a pleasant surprise.
374
00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:01,350
We see big things for you,
young Vincent.
375
00:14:01,385 --> 00:14:03,019
Is that right?
376
00:14:03,053 --> 00:14:04,453
Indeed!
377
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:07,790
In fact, someday, I'd rather
not call you Vincent at all,
378
00:14:07,824 --> 00:14:09,358
but rather...
379
00:14:09,393 --> 00:14:11,927
Mr. President.
380
00:14:20,237 --> 00:14:23,139
I know I need a disguise,
but won't it look strange,
381
00:14:23,173 --> 00:14:25,675
you checking into a
romantic B&B with your dog?
382
00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:26,842
Well, if anyone asks,
383
00:14:26,877 --> 00:14:28,744
I'll just explain
that I'm banging my dog.
384
00:14:28,779 --> 00:14:30,513
That should stop the questions.
385
00:14:30,547 --> 00:14:33,416
(laughs): Oh, Roger, you
have a plan for everything.
386
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:35,284
Yes, I do.
387
00:14:38,822 --> 00:14:41,057
We'll be arriving
at the bed and breakfast soon.
388
00:14:41,091 --> 00:14:43,626
I'm just gonna pull over,
so we can stock up on snacks.
389
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:45,027
I love that idea.
390
00:14:45,062 --> 00:14:47,964
We won't need to leave our room
the entire weekend.
391
00:14:47,998 --> 00:14:50,733
Actually, it's one of those
Euorpean-style places,
392
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:53,970
so we'll be pooin' down the hall.
393
00:14:58,075 --> 00:14:59,709
(brakes squeak, engine shuts off)
394
00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:06,849
(phone beeps, line rings)
395
00:15:06,883 --> 00:15:08,451
(phone rings)
396
00:15:08,485 --> 00:15:10,820
This is Raven Talon Cougar Panther.
397
00:15:10,854 --> 00:15:11,988
Are we a go?
398
00:15:12,022 --> 00:15:13,022
(hillbilly accent):
Sure thing.
399
00:15:13,056 --> 00:15:14,724
I got that alien you folks
been looking for.
400
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:15,925
Just like I said I would.
401
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:18,527
I'll drop her at the bed and
breakfast in ten minutes.
402
00:15:18,528 --> 00:15:19,629
(phone beeps off)
403
00:15:19,663 --> 00:15:22,365
"For a good time, call..."
404
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,399
Well, okay!
405
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,634
(keypad beeping)
406
00:15:24,668 --> 00:15:25,801
(line ringing)
407
00:15:25,836 --> 00:15:27,069
(over phone): Hi, it's Roger,
leave me a message.
408
00:15:27,104 --> 00:15:28,204
(voicemail beeps)
409
00:15:28,238 --> 00:15:31,707
Hi. Um, I don't usually
call these things and like,
410
00:15:31,742 --> 00:15:33,609
there's no way
you could know this about me,
411
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:35,578
but I like always
do the responsible thing.
412
00:15:35,612 --> 00:15:37,680
I'm Mr. Play-It-Safe.
413
00:15:37,714 --> 00:15:40,683
But I just told myself,
"Out of your box, Roger!"
414
00:15:40,717 --> 00:15:42,351
You know, if not now, when?!
415
00:15:42,386 --> 00:15:45,321
It's time to start living,
'cause-'cause this just in:
416
00:15:45,355 --> 00:15:46,989
Nobody ever said on their deathbed,
417
00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:49,659
"I wish I hadn't called
that truck stop phone number."
418
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:51,394
Oh, my God, I feel like I'm rambling.
419
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:52,662
I-I-I'm rambling,
listen to me!
420
00:15:52,696 --> 00:15:54,997
But anyways,
I'm here at the wall, right now.
421
00:15:55,032 --> 00:15:56,933
Are you within
striking distance or what?
422
00:15:56,967 --> 00:15:59,402
So... I guess, yeah,
give me a call, it'll be fun.
423
00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:00,369
(phone beeps) What did I do?!
424
00:16:00,404 --> 00:16:01,804
What did I do?!
What did I do?!
425
00:16:01,838 --> 00:16:02,572
No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine!
426
00:16:02,606 --> 00:16:04,907
(gasps) Oh, voicemail!
427
00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:07,743
Oh...!
428
00:16:07,778 --> 00:16:10,467
Oh, I am gonna give it to this guy.
429
00:16:14,581 --> 00:16:16,215
(door bell jingles)
430
00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:18,284
Walk faster, I miss you.
431
00:16:18,318 --> 00:16:21,854
Well, I'm coming as fast as I can!
432
00:16:21,888 --> 00:16:23,155
(phone ringtone plays)
433
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:24,323
Mm-yello?
434
00:16:24,357 --> 00:16:26,625
Roger, Bullock got a tip
about your girlfriend.
435
00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:28,661
He's assembling a strike force
to capture her.
436
00:16:28,695 --> 00:16:30,362
Whatever you do, don't leave the house.
437
00:16:30,397 --> 00:16:32,898
Yeah. How important
is that last part?
438
00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:34,867
Because not only are we
out of the house...
439
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:36,368
(gasps)
...and headed to that
440
00:16:36,403 --> 00:16:37,803
bed and breakfast...
(gasps)
441
00:16:37,837 --> 00:16:39,605
...but it was me who
called in the tip to Bullock.
442
00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:40,539
(dramatically gasps)
443
00:16:40,574 --> 00:16:42,208
BULLOCK:
Who's gasping out there?!
444
00:16:42,242 --> 00:16:43,108
Stop it!
445
00:16:43,143 --> 00:16:44,510
You called in the tip?!
446
00:16:44,544 --> 00:16:46,011
Yeah. I tried
to break up with her,
447
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,446
but she wasn't getting the message.
448
00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:50,149
But Roger, if the CIA gets her,
she'll be dissected!
449
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:53,352
Only after they finish interrogating
her and her stories...
450
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:54,887
never... end.
451
00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:56,789
Yeah. Yeah. And did you
think for a minute
452
00:16:56,823 --> 00:16:58,591
about what's gonna happen
when she blabs about us?!
453
00:16:58,625 --> 00:17:00,960
I did, Stan,
I thought about it for a minute
454
00:17:00,994 --> 00:17:02,895
and then a horn honked, distracting me.
455
00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:04,530
But that doesn't change the fact...
456
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:05,631
(horn honks twice)
457
00:17:05,665 --> 00:17:07,099
To whom am I speaking?!
458
00:17:07,133 --> 00:17:09,435
And to what have I been saying?!
459
00:17:09,469 --> 00:17:11,437
Roger, whatever you do,
don't give her to them.
460
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:13,372
Right. Right. Got it.
(phone beeps off)
461
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:17,443
Roger, where are you going?
462
00:17:17,477 --> 00:17:19,111
The bed and breakfast is the other way.
463
00:17:19,145 --> 00:17:20,846
Yeah, there's been a change of plans.
464
00:17:20,881 --> 00:17:22,181
What? Why?
465
00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:23,315
Are they overbooked?
466
00:17:23,350 --> 00:17:25,484
No, I'm under-interested.
Listen...
467
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,053
(brakes squeak)
468
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,121
...I'm sorry...
469
00:17:29,156 --> 00:17:30,422
but this trip was a mistake.
470
00:17:30,457 --> 00:17:32,324
It's time we go our separate ways.
471
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:33,292
What?!
472
00:17:33,326 --> 00:17:34,593
I thought you were giving us a chance.
473
00:17:34,628 --> 00:17:35,895
Nope!
474
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,930
Now look, you invested
a little time in this, too,
475
00:17:37,964 --> 00:17:39,799
so, how about...
476
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:42,001
20... $24?
477
00:17:42,035 --> 00:17:43,269
That-that
sound fair to you?
478
00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:44,737
That sounds fair to me.
479
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:46,305
(crying):
Unbelievable.
480
00:17:46,339 --> 00:17:47,740
(door opens, slams shut)
481
00:17:49,376 --> 00:17:51,143
I think you're a super lady!
482
00:17:51,178 --> 00:17:53,245
Blow it out your ass!
483
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,480
(sighs) I have a feeling
484
00:17:54,514 --> 00:17:56,348
I'm gonna regret letting that get away;
485
00:17:56,383 --> 00:17:58,951
My favorite fake dog nose.
486
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,421
Weapons armed, men!
487
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,589
(guns clicking)
488
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:06,826
We should arrive
at the B&B in T-minus...
489
00:18:08,862 --> 00:18:12,798
Wait a tic, look at that beautiful dog.
490
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,201
Oh... I want a dog!
491
00:18:15,235 --> 00:18:16,702
(wind whooshes)
492
00:18:18,171 --> 00:18:19,171
(gasps)
493
00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:20,339
It's the alien!
494
00:18:20,373 --> 00:18:21,874
Intercept!
495
00:18:28,248 --> 00:18:29,849
Oh, no!
496
00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:36,455
Attagirl, lose 'em in the
woods, you'll be safe there.
497
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,658
(explosions)
498
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:41,293
(alien screams)
499
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:43,162
(shrieking)
500
00:18:43,196 --> 00:18:44,830
(sighs) Ah, crap.
501
00:18:54,207 --> 00:18:56,809
BULLOCK (over P.A.):
Attention, alien creature!
502
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:59,645
Do you speak English?
503
00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:00,813
Yes!
504
00:19:00,847 --> 00:19:02,948
Really? Wow!
505
00:19:02,983 --> 00:19:04,483
That's weird.
506
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:07,019
Anyway, prepare to be captured!
507
00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:08,988
Yep, captured.
508
00:19:10,090 --> 00:19:11,857
In a net.
509
00:19:11,892 --> 00:19:13,793
Which we'll launch at you.
510
00:19:14,961 --> 00:19:16,429
With a net gun.
511
00:19:17,931 --> 00:19:20,199
Just takes a minute to warm up.
512
00:19:20,233 --> 00:19:23,602
How the hell am I supposed to
take down a CIA helicopter?
513
00:19:23,637 --> 00:19:25,771
Wait! If I take these twigs,
514
00:19:25,806 --> 00:19:28,040
this small rock and my bubble gum...
515
00:19:36,983 --> 00:19:38,951
Okay, this'll be simple.
516
00:19:38,985 --> 00:19:41,220
I just have to pretend I'm Dick Cheney
517
00:19:41,254 --> 00:19:43,255
and that helicopter
is my friend's face.
518
00:19:43,290 --> 00:19:45,124
Not the most timely reference,
519
00:19:45,158 --> 00:19:46,792
but it's not my fault
more current people
520
00:19:46,827 --> 00:19:48,467
aren't shooting their friends
in the face.
521
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:55,801
BULLOCK:
Don't take...
522
00:19:55,836 --> 00:19:57,336
another step.
523
00:19:57,371 --> 00:20:00,106
(Roger screaming)
524
00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,140
No!
525
00:20:01,174 --> 00:20:03,008
Alien stealer!
526
00:20:03,043 --> 00:20:05,378
(motor revving)
527
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,113
You came back for me.
528
00:20:07,147 --> 00:20:08,647
(chuckles) I knew you loved me.
529
00:20:08,682 --> 00:20:11,751
You know, people are gonna ask
us why we're back together.
530
00:20:11,785 --> 00:20:14,153
But I just feel like
that's our business, you know?
531
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:16,555
We don't have to explain
our love to anyone.
532
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,324
They're all just jealous, anyway...
533
00:20:18,358 --> 00:20:19,959
jealous that we have the kind of love
534
00:20:19,993 --> 00:20:22,294
that's greater than anything
in the entire galaxy.
535
00:20:44,885 --> 00:20:48,821
And that's how I became Kim Kardashian.
536
00:20:48,855 --> 00:20:51,991
"And that's how she became
Kim Kardashian."
537
00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:54,126
The end.
538
00:20:54,161 --> 00:21:05,055
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