1
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,939
Oh! Let me get that, husband.
2
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:12,689
After a storybook wedding
and a magical honeymoon,
3
00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:15,090
Mitchell and I are finally newlyweds.
4
00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:17,212
Are you sure you wouldn't be more
comfortable in your own chair?
5
00:00:17,337 --> 00:00:20,162
There's no more
"my chair" or "your chair."
6
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:20,816
So...
7
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,399
We got back from our honeymoon
several weeks ago,
8
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,583
- and it feels like it never...
- Never ended? Oh, my Gosh.
9
00:00:25,708 --> 00:00:28,015
It's like we have
one mind and one heart.
10
00:00:28,140 --> 00:00:29,877
And one chair.
11
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,542
Happy three-month anniversary.
12
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,511
Oh, is that today?
13
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:38,414
So, listen, I have this boring
cocktail thing at the office,
14
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,872
But I should be home by 6:00,
and then we can head to the party.
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,522
For you, dad.
From dad. Again.
16
00:00:44,647 --> 00:00:47,075
Flowers? But you just
got me flowers yesterday.
17
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,721
- Well, you also had cereal yesterday.
- And I wouldn't mind having some today.
18
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:55,436
Sure was nice
when this house wasn't full of bees.
19
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,945
More syrup for milady?
20
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,072
Why, thank you, kind sir.
21
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:14,599
Claire, do we still have any of
those cookies that you and luke baked?
22
00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:18,040
Are we the kind of family
hat has cookies for breakfast?
23
00:01:18,471 --> 00:01:20,459
Yes, we are!
24
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,514
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
25
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,299
- A butterfly!
- Oh, my God!
26
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:28,380
We are having...
27
00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,466
...the most perfect summer...
28
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:31,467
...ever.
29
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,220
Don't get me wrong,
the Dunphys have had some great days.
30
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:36,156
We just have a little trouble
stringing them together.
31
00:01:36,281 --> 00:01:40,644
Our record was eight consecutive
blissful days, December 2007.
32
00:01:40,769 --> 00:01:41,975
It was our Hanukkah.
33
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,556
This summer,
all the Dunphys are just clicking.
34
00:01:44,681 --> 00:01:46,881
Yeah, Haley and Luke
are getting along,
35
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,962
Alex is off building houses
for the poor.
36
00:01:49,087 --> 00:01:52,199
Which I know sounds awful,
but she loves it.
37
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,131
My fashion blog is blowing up.
38
00:01:54,256 --> 00:01:58,825
I started doing these live video chats,
and now I have over 50,000 subscribers!
39
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:02,098
Oh, plus, my hair
has never looked better.
40
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,454
I'm not a religious person...
But I just woke up.
41
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:09,824
Phil has been gardening. I've had time
to catch up and read the classics.
42
00:02:09,949 --> 00:02:13,091
When she isn't busy helping me
with my magic-mirror disappearing trick.
43
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,884
I'm just gonna say it.
Suddenly, I love magic.
44
00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:17,353
I don't care
if it's the middle of the day.
45
00:02:17,478 --> 00:02:20,477
I just want to put you in a box
and stick swords in you.
46
00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:24,982
If this summer wasn't magical enough,
I haven't had a single bad plum!
47
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,609
Oh, my God!
48
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,484
- So, the zipper...
- Oh, my God!
49
00:02:31,095 --> 00:02:33,623
Oh, my God!
50
00:02:47,853 --> 00:02:49,131
Manny!
51
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,969
Manny!
52
00:02:51,094 --> 00:02:53,533
Come! Talk to your cousins!
53
00:02:53,658 --> 00:02:55,552
- Hola!
- ¿Cómo estás, Manny?
54
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,514
Manny, why you freeze the colombians?
55
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,055
If I talk to one of them,
I have to talk to 50 of them.
56
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,974
Just do it as a birthday gift.
57
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,934
You always do this.
Your birthday's not till next week.
58
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,757
Not mine. It's aunt Rosario's
82nd birthday today.
59
00:03:07,882 --> 00:03:10,213
That's why all the goats
are wearing the party hats.
60
00:03:10,338 --> 00:03:11,361
Look!
61
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,823
- Manny!
- Hi, everyone.
62
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,080
- Ay!
- Pretty snazzy new cheaters, huh?
63
00:03:19,205 --> 00:03:20,331
- Five bucks.
- Wow.
64
00:03:20,456 --> 00:03:21,580
I know, right?!
65
00:03:22,283 --> 00:03:25,672
My husband is an older man,
but he's not an old man.
66
00:03:25,797 --> 00:03:29,264
But with the track suit
and now the glasses,
67
00:03:29,389 --> 00:03:31,488
It's like he just stopped trying lately.
68
00:03:31,613 --> 00:03:33,646
Comfort is not everything.
69
00:03:34,787 --> 00:03:37,846
My toes have been numb
since my quinceanera.
70
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,426
We don't have to be at drinks till 5:00,
71
00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:41,850
so I'm gonna run a few errands,
take these bad boys for a spin.
72
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:45,142
Ay, Jay. Why don't you wear
that new outfit that I just got you?
73
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:49,477
Uh, a little flashy, that extra zipper.
It's like a staircase to nowhere.
74
00:03:49,602 --> 00:03:53,389
- Yeah, but it makes you look very...
- Honey, I'm so sorry. Right on your toes.
75
00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:55,608
It's fine. You can drop
a pay phone on my foot.
76
00:03:55,733 --> 00:03:58,420
I don't feel a thing anymore.
77
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,827
And now,
as my lovely assistant joins me,
78
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:05,871
It's time to chant
the incantation that will send
79
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:10,042
this fair maiden
into the sixth dimension.
80
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,259
By the hat of Merlin,
by the witches of Gramanthia,
81
00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:16,325
we do make this offering
to you... be gone!
82
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,470
Did I do it? Did I disappear?
83
00:04:19,463 --> 00:04:21,139
Almost. Just a little bit of forehead.
84
00:04:21,264 --> 00:04:23,225
- Oh, I can scrunch down.
- There's love.
85
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,320
Hey, guys.
86
00:04:24,445 --> 00:04:26,183
Sweet!
You brought the sifter.
87
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,772
- Aw!
- Now I can start my rhubarb pie.
88
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,437
Oh, can I help pick the rhubarb?
89
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:31,730
Lead the way, kitten.
90
00:04:32,223 --> 00:04:34,111
- Anybody want a plum?
- I'm good.
91
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,693
I'll grab you a roadie.
92
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:39,238
There is no easy way to ask this,
but are you all high?
93
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,614
No, Mitchell. We're happy.
94
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,366
Oh, I'm trying to get away from "happy."
95
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,661
All right, in the briefest possible way,
why don't you let me know what's going on?
96
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,621
Cam refuses to let the honeymoon end.
97
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,465
I have a house full of flowers,
endless romantic texts.
98
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,546
I know, I know,
I sound like an ungrateful jerk.
99
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,484
- You do.
- It's exhausting.
100
00:04:54,609 --> 00:04:57,092
Not to mention
impossible to reciprocate.
101
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,064
Oh, my God!
102
00:04:58,189 --> 00:05:00,718
Anyway, do you think that
maybe I should talk to him gently
103
00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:02,722
about taking it down a notch?
104
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,430
No, absolutely not.
That never ends well.
105
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,437
Clearly you thought this said "be mean."
106
00:05:06,562 --> 00:05:08,190
- Phil, honey, no.
- No.
107
00:05:08,315 --> 00:05:10,272
It's okay, don't worry, I...
108
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,564
- And it wasn't even Valentine's Day.
- So your advice is to do nothing.
109
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,153
Yes, Mitchell,
as horrible as this sounds,
110
00:05:16,278 --> 00:05:19,362
you need to suck it up
and let yourself be loved,
111
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:22,532
and Cam will end up
dialing back the romance.
112
00:05:22,657 --> 00:05:24,953
You might just miss it.
I know I do.
113
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,910
Here we are.
A plum for my peach.
114
00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:29,288
Do you?
115
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,448
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
116
00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:36,549
- Is he okay?
- He's Mitchell.
117
00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:40,366
Look, I didn't even want to talk about it.
We've had such a great thing going on here.
118
00:05:40,491 --> 00:05:43,345
I don't want to let that kind
of negativity in the house.
119
00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:44,973
- Alex!
- Hey!
120
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:47,347
We didn't think you were
coming back until next week.
121
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:48,473
I got a ride home early.
122
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,692
This has been the worst summer ever!
123
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,563
- Careful, you idiot!
- You're an idiot!
124
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:00,704
And last night, my tent ripped,
125
00:06:00,829 --> 00:06:03,403
so I had to sleep under a plywood
boardleaning up against a van.
126
00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:04,326
Pass me a napkin.
127
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,326
- Is milady's arm broken?
- Yours is about to be.
128
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:08,646
Aww, precious flowers.
129
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:09,873
Not that I could sleep
with all the rats.
130
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,877
And, by the way, if any of you
start coughing up blood, my bad.
131
00:06:13,002 --> 00:06:14,336
I think I brought back the plague.
132
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,878
What am I doing? I think I left
my backpack in the driveway.
133
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,123
- Stop kicking me!
- You're kicking me!
134
00:06:21,789 --> 00:06:24,178
I'm sorry. I'm just fidgety today.
135
00:06:24,303 --> 00:06:26,348
It's okay. A cookie might help.
136
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,972
- Here's that napkin you wanted.
- I got the mail!
137
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,570
Would it have killed you
to give me one without ketchup on it?
138
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,647
- Move!
- You have room!
139
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,312
No, move out! You're 40!
140
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,690
Okay. That's enough.
141
00:06:36,815 --> 00:06:40,153
Luke, why don't you go water our garden.
Haley, just disappear for a minute.
142
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,361
Well, it's not like
you could help with that.
143
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,750
Abracad-ouch.
144
00:06:44,492 --> 00:06:47,494
- It's great having Alex home, huh?
- So great.
145
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:51,321
- You don't think that she's the reason...
- No. No, I do not.
146
00:06:51,446 --> 00:06:54,213
We both knew that this charmed summer
Had to have a bump in it somewhere.
147
00:06:54,338 --> 00:06:55,898
Yes. Yeah.
148
00:06:56,023 --> 00:06:57,252
And it's not like Alex coming home
149
00:06:57,377 --> 00:07:01,148
could suddenly throw off
our whole happy mojo.
150
00:07:01,273 --> 00:07:04,302
- How's that plum?
- Great. Oh, my God.
151
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,210
- There she is!
- There she is!
152
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:08,723
Oh, so happy to have you home, honey.
153
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,639
- Oh, my God! It's a bat!
- Aah!
154
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,193
What's happening?!
155
00:07:12,318 --> 00:07:15,223
- Get it out of the house!
- Get it away!
156
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,315
This is unbelievable.
157
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,234
The dry cleaner lost
another one of my shirts.
158
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,403
You know that nice,
red-white-and-blue Hawaiian one?
159
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,238
Yes, that was a very nice one.
160
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,075
That's the fourth
Hawaiian shirt he's lost.
161
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,559
I'm telling you, this is
a "dateline" story waiting to happen.
162
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:34,037
Great talking with you all.
Hey, but someone wants to say hi.
163
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,014
No, no!
164
00:07:35,139 --> 00:07:36,876
- Jay!
- Hi, guys.
165
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,875
- ¿Cómo estás?
- Nope, still don't speak spanish.
166
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,575
Always so much fun
seeing you guys, though.
167
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:43,079
Listen, I...
168
00:07:43,204 --> 00:07:44,506
- Gloria?
- Hmm?
169
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,304
Your cousin's wearing my black,
yellow, and peach Hawaiian shirt.
170
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,529
Ay, please, Jay!
171
00:07:49,654 --> 00:07:52,559
Like you're the only man in this whole
wide world that owns that shirt.
172
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,060
These designer specs
don't just make my eyes pop.
173
00:07:55,185 --> 00:07:57,772
I can see the cigar burn
I put on the left pocket.
174
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,925
- It's a coincidence.
- There's a lot of those.
175
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:02,675
Like according
to your Uncle's hoodie here,
176
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,708
he was on my track team
at Buchanan High.
177
00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:06,114
Hey, guys. Tell you what.
178
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,864
Why don't we sample some
American food for a change?
179
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,825
So, you're sending
my clothes to Colombia?
180
00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:15,957
Just the old ones,
and they send most of them back.
181
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,280
And there it is.
182
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,169
Do you have a problem
with the way I dress?
183
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,626
Jay, I love you very, very much.
184
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,669
And I love you very much,
but that wasn't the question.
185
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,960
It's just that sometimes I feel like
186
00:08:25,085 --> 00:08:27,927
you could make a bigger effort
on your appearance.
187
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:28,884
And there it is.
188
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,019
Please stop saying that.
189
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:35,218
It's just that I feel that lately
you don't make an effort to look good for me,
190
00:08:35,343 --> 00:08:38,063
and I'm always making an effort
to look my best for you.
191
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,354
- For me? Sure.
- What?
192
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,065
Let's face it, you don't really
doll up for me. You do it for you.
193
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,816
You get your hair done,
you get your nails done.
194
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,903
Oh, so you wouldn't mind
if I stopped fixing myself up?
195
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,072
No, because I love you for you.
196
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:53,325
And since we're being honest,
I actually think sometimes...
197
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:54,534
You overdo it.
198
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,036
And there it is.
199
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,021
- You're using it wrong.
- No, this is good.
200
00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,848
It's good to know that you don't care.
201
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,709
This is gonna save me
so much time in the future.
202
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,139
- Good.
- Good!
203
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,835
Manny!
204
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,049
Why?
205
00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:11,609
I don't care if it's cliché.
206
00:09:11,734 --> 00:09:13,679
I love the convenience
of a nice mini quiche.
207
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:14,971
You got a little, um...
208
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:16,864
Oh, no. Okay.
209
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,016
Perfect. Can the new guy
embarrass himself any more?
210
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:23,064
Hey, counselor. What do I have to do
to get you to drop that suit?
211
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:26,108
- Cam, what are you doing here?
- Surprising my "hugsband"!
212
00:09:27,161 --> 00:09:30,076
- I'm hearing that term for the first time.
- Yeah.
213
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,116
So when will you guys be back?
214
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,493
Looks like somebody's
entertaining a lady friend.
215
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:40,205
Maybe you'll pour her a nice,
tall glass of Manischewitz?
216
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,789
You know what?
Sometimes just a straight answer.
217
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:46,331
Gloria, can I get an E.T.A.?
These are important clients.
218
00:09:46,456 --> 00:09:48,494
I'd like them to still be alive
when we get there.
219
00:09:48,619 --> 00:09:50,156
Okay! I'm ready.
220
00:09:51,136 --> 00:09:52,801
- Seriously?
- What?
221
00:09:54,175 --> 00:09:56,012
Ay, no! I'm so sorry!
222
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:59,099
I forgot this was drinks
with your clients.
223
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,264
Hold on. Okay.
224
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,437
I'm ready now. Let's go.
225
00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:07,808
Hey, there, superstar.
226
00:10:07,933 --> 00:10:09,414
- Moron!
- Derp!
227
00:10:09,539 --> 00:10:11,681
It really hasn't been
the same here without you.
228
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,655
So what do you got there?
229
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,365
Oh, college brochure!
230
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:19,161
You're gonna have your pick of schools.
You're our little genius.
231
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,791
- I just hope...
- What, Claire? What do you hope?
232
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:26,481
Well, you have such a perfect record,
I hope they don't hold it against you
233
00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:28,892
- that this week you kinda...
- Well...
234
00:10:29,017 --> 00:10:31,417
- Don't want to say "quit."
- You just did.
235
00:10:31,542 --> 00:10:33,300
Are you trying to send me back
to that hellhole?
236
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,494
No! It's... Honey,
237
00:10:35,619 --> 00:10:38,683
you're part of a team,
and there are people relying on you.
238
00:10:38,808 --> 00:10:41,099
So when you just
up and vanish like that,
239
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,143
It sort of... it...
240
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,169
Phil?
241
00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:45,850
Phil?!
242
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:50,233
Your mom just feels like it's unlike you
to walk away from something.
243
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:51,827
At least I could walk away.
244
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,922
My tent-mate nail-gunned
her foot to the floor.
245
00:10:54,047 --> 00:10:57,655
She was just walking around in a circle
screaming until someone found her!
246
00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:59,367
Why do you guys want
to get rid of me so badly?
247
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,819
- No one wants to get rid of you.
- It's just seven more days.
248
00:11:01,944 --> 00:11:03,698
You'll feel good about
finishing something you started,
249
00:11:03,823 --> 00:11:06,416
and then you join us for the perfect
little summer we're having here.
250
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,252
- Were having until an hour ago.
- Haley!
251
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,062
Oh, my God.
Okay, I see what this is.
252
00:11:11,187 --> 00:11:12,547
You all are happier when I'm not here.
253
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,924
- No, that's not true.
- Save it!
254
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,136
I'll get a ride back up there and you all
can continue to enjoy your perfect summer!
255
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,412
- Alex, honey!
- Leave me alone!
256
00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:23,809
We just got free cinemax!
257
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,607
Here's Mitchell kissing a dolphin.
258
00:11:31,132 --> 00:11:33,080
Oh, that's him kissing a tiger.
259
00:11:33,205 --> 00:11:34,927
I'm the tiger. Rawr!
260
00:11:36,269 --> 00:11:37,890
We have fun,
you know?
261
00:11:38,015 --> 00:11:40,422
Were we supposed to bring our spouses?
262
00:11:40,547 --> 00:11:41,922
Hey, Cam? Cam, hey, look.
263
00:11:42,047 --> 00:11:44,371
Um, this is kind of work-only.
264
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,275
Oh, please.
They don't even know I'm here.
265
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,624
I like this song. Let's dance.
266
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,443
- No, no. Nobody's dancing.
- Shh. Say it with your hips.
267
00:11:51,088 --> 00:11:52,212
Okay.
268
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,495
- Hey, uh, no, Cam. Um...
- Hmm?
269
00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:58,696
- You know I love you, right?
- First man that ever did love me right!
270
00:11:58,821 --> 00:12:00,948
- We have fun.
- We do, we do, we do.
271
00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:03,390
- So, look, I was thinking that maybe...
- Mmm.
272
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:06,685
We could turn the romance down
just a little bit, you know?
273
00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:09,186
Because it's been getting
a little bit...
274
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,932
I don't want to say over the top,
but it...
275
00:12:12,057 --> 00:12:14,568
Cam, I'm gonna need your help
if we're gonna keep dancing here.
276
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,433
I feel like you're mad.
277
00:12:19,581 --> 00:12:22,339
- So, we had an informal vote over there...
- We're not dancing anymore.
278
00:12:22,464 --> 00:12:23,888
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
279
00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:28,497
You know Herb might stop by, right?
280
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,842
He takes the pictures
for the company newsletter.
281
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,753
Yes, I love "Herb's blurbs."
282
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:35,046
Well...
283
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,340
Here come the doors!
284
00:12:38,013 --> 00:12:40,510
Usually all the good places have them!
285
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:42,345
I'm going to open them!
286
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,972
You're such a gentleman, Jay.
287
00:12:46,138 --> 00:12:47,392
I think I forgot my wallet.
288
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,943
Oh, don't worry.
289
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,897
I have some money
here in my fanny pack, huh?
290
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,439
For God's sake, fine. You win.
291
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:56,610
I like it when you make yourself pretty.
292
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,945
- I win!
- I just said you won.
293
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,758
Ay, Jay, what you're feeling right now
294
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:03,298
is what I feel when you stop
trying to look good for me.
295
00:13:03,423 --> 00:13:04,653
No, I get it.
296
00:13:04,778 --> 00:13:07,412
- Then why did you stop trying?
- Because...
297
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,875
Oh, forget it. It's too stupid.
298
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,043
Tell me.
299
00:13:14,071 --> 00:13:17,390
A couple of months ago,
I was shopping at Barneys...
300
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:19,044
You know I like to stay current.
301
00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:21,427
Anyhow, I'm coming
out of the dressing room,
302
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:24,512
and I see these two young guys
laughing at me,
303
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,032
You know, like
"there's the old guy trying too hard."
304
00:13:27,157 --> 00:13:28,350
You know, of course I get mad.
305
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:32,228
But I start thinking, "they're right,
Jay. You're old. Just be old."
306
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,102
- Ow!
- Listen to me, Jay Pritchett!
307
00:13:35,227 --> 00:13:37,671
A lot of people assume that I married you
because of your money,
308
00:13:37,796 --> 00:13:39,486
and that's only a very,
very small part of it.
309
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:40,862
I'd like to go back to that.
310
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,138
I married you
because you were sexy.
311
00:13:43,263 --> 00:13:44,408
You still are.
312
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:48,161
Who knows for how long
that's gonna last, for either of us.
313
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,573
So we have to keep making
an effort for each other.
314
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,907
Next time you go to Barneys,
I go with you.
315
00:13:54,032 --> 00:13:56,294
Maybe you're just making
the wrong choices.
316
00:13:57,318 --> 00:13:58,546
Not always.
317
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,551
You want to have a drink?
I can change.
318
00:14:04,946 --> 00:14:07,155
No, I think I'll text them,
tell them I was sick.
319
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,099
Let's go home.
You said I was sexy.
320
00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:13,395
Okay, bye, Rosa. Thank you.
321
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,270
Cam!
322
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,730
What's up, dude?
323
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:16,898
Seriously?
324
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:18,704
What, is that too romantic for you?
325
00:14:18,829 --> 00:14:19,983
He loves me not...
326
00:14:20,108 --> 00:14:21,217
He loves me not...
327
00:14:21,342 --> 00:14:22,612
He loves me not.
328
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:26,039
- Okay, can we talk?
- Actually, no. I'm kind of busy.
329
00:14:26,164 --> 00:14:28,748
I'm assuming you forgot
it's our three month-iversary.
330
00:14:28,873 --> 00:14:33,102
Well, I foolishly set up a celebration
that I will kindly get rid of.
331
00:14:33,227 --> 00:14:34,249
Cam!
332
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:38,336
No, I didn't forget, but that's
what I want to talk to you about.
333
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:39,832
You've been a little bit...
334
00:14:39,957 --> 00:14:41,589
See, look.
This is what I'm talking about.
335
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,341
- You got me another present.
- Don't touch that.
336
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,636
Oh, my... my heart!
337
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:47,821
What heart?
338
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,224
Cam! Come on!
339
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:54,216
Okay, listen.
I know how lucky I am to have you,
340
00:14:54,341 --> 00:14:57,607
but I can't possibly keep up
with this level of affection...
341
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,890
- Oh, boy.
- I apologize! I'm a monster!
342
00:15:02,015 --> 00:15:04,237
No, obviously, I'm the monster.
343
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,421
Obviously.
344
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,880
You know, can I just point out
that when we were in Cabo,
345
00:15:09,005 --> 00:15:11,745
you didn't seem to mind
all the flowers...
346
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,776
- Yeah, but...
- ...or the back rubs.
347
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:15,479
...or the attention.
348
00:15:15,604 --> 00:15:16,875
Well, that was our honeymoon,
349
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,817
and, yes, I loved it,
but it was weeks ago.
350
00:15:19,942 --> 00:15:23,715
Well, maybe some of us
don't want it to... end!
351
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,424
Well, it has to eventually end.
352
00:15:26,935 --> 00:15:28,338
All right, Cam...
353
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,222
Did you have this lipstick or...
354
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:35,009
You know, personally, I feel sorry
for you that you're so shut off
355
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:39,322
- that a few simple romantic gestures...
- Oh, my God! What am I looking at here?
356
00:15:39,447 --> 00:15:42,870
Well, I guess I'm crazy because
I've taken pictures of you sleeping
357
00:15:42,995 --> 00:15:46,237
every night since we got married
because you're the man of my dreams.
358
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:49,824
If I was the man of your dreams,
wouldn't you have to be the one sleeping?
359
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:50,950
Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.
360
00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:54,037
- Speaking of which, what is this?
- Don't pull that thread, Mitchell.
361
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:56,159
Oh, Cam, come on!
362
00:15:56,284 --> 00:15:58,041
Even you have to admit
this is excessive.
363
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,501
Excessive? Really?
364
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,422
[ pop ]
oh!
365
00:16:00,547 --> 00:16:03,569
- Struck by Cupid's magic arrow.
- It's off, Lily.
366
00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:06,508
Seriously? Two hours
rehearsing with rosa?
367
00:16:06,974 --> 00:16:09,052
Cam, what is going on with you?
368
00:16:09,745 --> 00:16:12,309
We just had the most romantic year ever,
369
00:16:12,434 --> 00:16:15,517
planning our ceremony,
the wedding, the honeymoon,
370
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,978
And I'm just worried if we let this go,
we'll never get it back.
371
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,168
- That doesn't all just end.
- It did once.
372
00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:24,224
You know, the first two years
we were together,
373
00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:26,321
we were insanely romantic.
374
00:16:26,446 --> 00:16:29,454
Then it became
about parenting and working.
375
00:16:29,579 --> 00:16:32,160
And this last year, we got that back,
376
00:16:32,285 --> 00:16:34,953
and I just realized
I've dropped the ball.
377
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:35,823
Oh, no.
378
00:16:35,948 --> 00:16:39,410
Well, maybe you shouldn't be
the only one carrying the ball.
379
00:16:39,535 --> 00:16:42,085
- What if you did a give-off to me?
- A hand-off.
380
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,963
Okay, what... yeah.
Look, what if I...
381
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,757
Tried to become
a little bit more romantic?
382
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,676
What would that even look like?
383
00:16:52,627 --> 00:16:56,474
This song was playing the night
I asked you to move in.
384
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,309
At that applebee's.
385
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,166
- I believe you owe me a dance.
- Yes.
386
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,739
Are we almost done
with fairy time?
387
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,199
- Lily, of all...
-Lily, that's offensive.
388
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,784
I just want to get out of this costume.
389
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,085
- Oh.
- Oh, of course.
390
00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:17,245
Now, that does
look uncomfortable.
391
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,539
- They snap off.
- They snap off. Oh, that's easy.
392
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,219
My ride's on its way.
393
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,876
Don't worry,
I'll wait outside on the curb.
394
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,154
Honey, nobody wants you to go.
395
00:17:24,279 --> 00:17:26,671
Yeah, even if you are bad luck,
you're our bad luck.
396
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,923
You realize that is
in no way an apology, right?
397
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,534
- The thing is that we are really...
- Please stop talking.
398
00:17:30,659 --> 00:17:32,650
I spent this entire summer
as an outsider.
399
00:17:32,775 --> 00:17:35,471
They literally made me build
the outside of the house.
400
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,646
And then I come back here and I...
401
00:17:38,311 --> 00:17:40,980
Why is your webcam on?
Are you trying to humiliate me?
402
00:17:41,105 --> 00:17:42,520
That light means it's on?
403
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:45,148
It doesn't automatically turn off
when you go to a different web page?
404
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,651
No, and considering
you keep your laptop on your bed,
405
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,984
Right by where you change,
and when you come out of the shower,
406
00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:52,113
And who knows
what else...
407
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,658
Everyone knows what else!
408
00:17:53,783 --> 00:17:55,732
It's probably why
you have 50,000 subscribers.
409
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:58,578
Hey! You should be ashamed
of yourselves!
410
00:18:00,486 --> 00:18:01,623
Yeah, yeah. Still not off.
411
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,124
How do you do that?
412
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:04,918
Wait, what is that smell?
413
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,480
Your father and Luke
are making a rhubarb pie
414
00:18:07,605 --> 00:18:09,564
from rhubarb we grew
in our own garden.
415
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,548
You're not leaving until you try it.
416
00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:11,966
No, no, no, no, no.
I smell smoke.
417
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,468
Well, I didn't turn
the oven on yet, did you?
418
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:15,261
No.
419
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,098
Oh, no, no!
420
00:18:16,223 --> 00:18:18,514
I tried to start that stupid
"war and peace" again last night
421
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,244
in the bathtub,
but then I fell asleep.
422
00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,268
It dropped in the water
and I thought I would just dry it out.
423
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,346
Take cover!
424
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:25,713
- Okay! Okay!
- Take cover!
425
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:26,898
Oh, God!
426
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,125
Damn this thing!
427
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:31,236
Did nobody notice the oven light?!
Lights mean things, people!
428
00:18:31,921 --> 00:18:32,862
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
429
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:33,957
Great job!
430
00:18:34,082 --> 00:18:35,711
Oh, god! Oh, no!
No! No!
431
00:18:35,836 --> 00:18:36,908
Good job, honey!
432
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,599
This has been awesome,
but my ride's here.
433
00:18:40,724 --> 00:18:42,597
- Have a magical day.
- No, no, no, no.
434
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,176
- No, sweetie.
- Claire, I got this.
435
00:18:44,301 --> 00:18:45,494
- Spoon time, people.
- Yes!
436
00:18:45,619 --> 00:18:47,585
- Family tradition.
- Yes.
437
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,261
You can leave if you want to,
sweetheart,
438
00:18:49,386 --> 00:18:52,249
but we're not letting you go
without a smile on your face.
439
00:18:52,374 --> 00:18:54,482
Luke and I poured
a lot of love into this pie,
440
00:18:54,607 --> 00:18:55,619
So, here...
441
00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:57,303
Taste this.
442
00:18:58,004 --> 00:18:59,097
Taste our love.
443
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,438
You took the leaves
off the rhubarb, right?
444
00:19:01,869 --> 00:19:03,873
They're incredibly poisonous.
You all could die.
445
00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:05,882
No! Alex says
they're poison!
446
00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,231
Oh! Okay.
447
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,125
We're right here! We heard her!
448
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,192
You can't leave us.
449
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,069
We're a danger
to ourselves.
450
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,501
We're a family of fire starters,
poison eaters, and online prostitutes.
451
00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:19,659
It wasn't a perfect summer.
It was a stupid summer.
452
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:23,742
Without you here to shame me,
I watched every "Real Housewives" episode
453
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:26,833
and I only got to page two
in "War and Peace."
454
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,443
- Please stay.
- We nee one adult in this household.
455
00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:32,015
Okay, fine.
456
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,547
You know the attic window
is open, right?
457
00:19:35,672 --> 00:19:37,218
We really didn't.
458
00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:40,853
I race you up the stairs.
459
00:19:40,978 --> 00:19:42,901
Why don't you slip into
something less comfortable?
460
00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,121
Okay!
461
00:19:44,246 --> 00:19:45,727
Surprise!
462
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,520
Ahhhhhh!
463
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,106
Just a thought...
Maybe we should stop doing these.
464
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,331
- What's going on?
- It seems pretty obvious.
465
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:54,862
I had to throw the party a week early
to really surprise her.
466
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:58,156
Should we be concerned about her?
That's similar to the way mom left.
467
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,108
Gloria and I got in this whole thing
about how we dress.
468
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:04,289
Long story, I think she might
need a little more time bef...
469
00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:06,122
Hola!
470
00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:10,335
I had this outfit underneath.
471
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,398
Did you really think that I was gonna
walk into a bar looking like that?
472
00:20:13,991 --> 00:20:15,173
Gracias!
473
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:19,510
All these years, you're telling me
you can get ready that fast?
474
00:20:56,341 --> 00:20:58,107
Oh, my God!