1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:06,929
Also, with the laparoscopic
common bile duct exploration,
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,408
post-op bile leaks and strictures
are significantly minimized.
3
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:15,338
It was called, at the time,
an audacious technique.
4
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:17,776
And it was.
5
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:20,718
Some context for you.
6
00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:24,518
I was the only woman
in my surgical residency program.
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:29,119
They called me "girl" and "Mrs. Grey."
8
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:34,633
Along with the one black male resident,
I was clearly excluded.
9
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,329
They didn't want me to be
a part of their boys' club.
10
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,599
So I did the only audacious thing
you can do
11
00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:41,003
with an audacious technique.
12
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:44,532
I got myself published
in The Journal of American Medicine.
13
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,602
That caused an uproar.
14
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:51,249
A resident was not first author
of a published paper.
15
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,780
But the truly audacious part
came when they saw
16
00:00:54,854 --> 00:00:59,518
what I named my technique.
"The Grey Method."
17
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,458
I put my own name on it.
18
00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:05,625
You should have heard the boys
roar about that.
19
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:11,563
The first time I won the Harper Avery,
20
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:15,904
I dedicated it to the men
who had been so supportive.
21
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,838
This is how my mother
wanted to be remembered.
22
00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:27,842
My memory of her is a little bit different.
23
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,151
Where is the chief?
You're all amateurs!
24
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,247
Complaining of intermittent...
25
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,155
What the hell are you doing here?
Haven't I told you?
26
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,854
How many times have I told you
not to bother me when I'm at work?
27
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,892
I'm sure everyone
remembers their own version of her.
28
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,531
Versions I wouldn't even recognize.
29
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:50,501
It's all that's really left
of someone when they're gone.
30
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,677
No.
31
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,014
But that's the tricky thing.
32
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,072
Meredith.
33
00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:01,678
Nobody's memory
is perfect or complete.
34
00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:02,948
Mommy.
35
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,715
Meredith, get up.
36
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,554
We jumble things up.
37
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,059
We lose track of time.
38
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,758
We are in one place, then another.
39
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:18,032
And it all feels like
one long, inescapable moment.
40
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,869
It's just like my mother used to say.
41
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,143
"The carousel never stops turning."
42
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,603
I spent the day with Alex.
43
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,649
I needed a day, Derek, so I took it.
44
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,652
- That's fine. I just need to know why.
- No, you don't.
45
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,051
You want to hear that I cured cancer
46
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,521
or that I found a vaccine
for ALS before breakfast.
47
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:39,057
That'd be great.
Anything would be great.
48
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,456
- There it is again.
- What?
49
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,188
You're waiting for me to pay up
50
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:45,095
for this grand sacrifice
that you made for our family.
51
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,292
How am I supposed to do anything
with you pressuring me
52
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,858
and hovering over me
for a decision that you made?
53
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:52,734
- And you're waiting for me to fail.
- I'm waiting for you to shine.
54
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,466
Remember?
That's why you're staying here.
55
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:58,300
And I told you, you should go to DC
and shine there.
56
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:01,142
It was you who decided
to stay here and martyr yourself
57
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,580
and now make me feel guilty
because of a decision you made.
58
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:04,639
Well, I am done.
59
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,048
I'm done feeling guilty,
60
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,781
and I am done measuring
my accomplishments against yours.
61
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,379
I won't do it anymore.
62
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:11,855
Just stay out of my way.
63
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:12,914
Wow.
64
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,288
You sound just like your mother.
65
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,263
What happened to you?
Listen to me, Meredith.
66
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:22,733
Anyone can fall in love
and be blindly happy,
67
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:25,737
but not everyone can pick up a scalpel
and save a life.
68
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:28,774
I raised you to be
an extraordinary human being.
69
00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:31,435
So imagine my disappointment
when I wake up after five years
70
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,911
and discover that
you're no more than ordinary.
71
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,275
What happened to you?
72
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,715
This is crazy.
73
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,852
It has to stop.
74
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,449
I didn't hear you complaining
a few minutes ago.
75
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:50,121
I heard something.
I wouldn't call it complaining.
76
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,857
We're gonna get caught.
77
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,127
We've had so many close calls already.
78
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,836
Is what we're doing so wrong?
79
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,396
Don't be naive.
80
00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:04,932
Seattle's a small city
with a small-town mentality.
81
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,979
So let's leave Seattle.
82
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:09,310
Richard, you deserve to be happy.
83
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:20,000
Ripped By mstoll
84
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,358
- What?
- Nothing.
85
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,524
Just surprised to see you here.
86
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,366
I'm working here.
87
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:30,725
Oh.
88
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:35,465
- What?
- Nothing. That's great. Just, um...
89
00:04:35,541 --> 00:04:37,736
Well, I thought
Bailey won the board seat.
90
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:38,902
She did.
91
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,969
They hired me back
as a peds surgery attending.
92
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,072
Oh. That's great.
93
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:45,583
That's really good.
That's awesome for you.
94
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,244
- Congratulations, man.
- Okay, you know what?
95
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,151
Shut it. I am a great surgeon.
96
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,156
It's not like they're doing me a favor.
I'm doing them a favor.
97
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,022
Besides, Robbins told me
that board vote was very close.
98
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,724
Okay. Of course.
99
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,631
- What?
- Nothing. Just...
100
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,828
I will assign you
to impacted bowels for a month.
101
00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:07,770
They'll call you Pooper Scooper.
102
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,208
Robbins told Bailey it was unanimous.
103
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,781
- Robbins.
- Ah! There you are. Hey, welcome back.
104
00:05:16,849 --> 00:05:19,283
- Can I talk to you?
- Yeah. Marty Secord in 2313.
105
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,478
His liver enzymes are looking good,
106
00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:22,487
but I'm worried he might have
to go back in for an ERCP,
107
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,386
so you make sure you keep an eye on it.
108
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,147
I hear you, Dr. Herman.
Give me two minutes.
109
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,419
God, you have no idea
how lucky you were
110
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,892
to have me as a teacher
during your fellowship.
111
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,258
We have to talk. One minute.
112
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,065
My God, I am coming.
113
00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:36,396
Oh, no. No. Bummer.
114
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,435
- Wait. Maggie Pierce is quitting?
- I know. I'm into it.
115
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,269
Avery, tell me I'm not losing
another cardio chief.
116
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,742
I am into it, all right?
My mother's already called me twice.
117
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:45,971
It's a PR nightmare.
118
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:49,173
She's damn right it is.
First Russell, then Yang, now Pierce?
119
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:51,273
Yang and I busted our asses
interviewing people,
120
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,080
and now I have to start
this whole process over?
121
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,586
Evidently, because it looks like
we hire from week to week.
122
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:58,180
We're a revolving door.
Hey, you heard about Pierce?
123
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,191
- Yeah, I just read the e-mail.
- Well, what should we do?
124
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,324
I don't see anything we can do.
125
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,097
- I mean, we should talk to her.
- Not me.
126
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,166
Okay, I didn't mean you!
I meant all of us!
127
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:12,329
We should get
the whole board together,
128
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,872
do a full-court press.
129
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,408
- Uh, yeah, yeah. You spearhead that.
- Well, I will.
130
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:20,435
Lucky for you, the board just
got a transfusion of new blood.
131
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:23,482
Maybe I could keep this place
from looking like a clown car.
132
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:25,116
Maggie Pierce cannot quit.
133
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,215
You cannot quit.
134
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:31,256
Uh-huh. Word's out.
How you feeling, Roy?
135
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,791
I like this mattress.
136
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,757
I got to get me one of these.
137
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,863
Mine is all foofy.
138
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,660
We will see what we can do.
139
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,892
What is this about you resigning?
140
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,367
Graft's deployed.
Let's inject the dye.
141
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,734
Will you at least tell me
why you're leaving?
142
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:48,204
That is between me
and my employer, Dr. Shepherd.
143
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,471
I'm seeing diminished perfusion
to the spine.
144
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:56,980
Roy, wiggle your toes for me,
would you, please?
145
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,417
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
146
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,888
Like that?
147
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,685
- Wiggle a little harder.
- Let me check his Babinski reflex.
148
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,655
When the toes fan out
reflexively, what's that indicate?
149
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,923
Just what you're afraid of.
High spinal injury.
150
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,024
- Is he paralyzed?
- Try it again.
151
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,966
Something's wrong?
152
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,470
I can't feel my legs. What's happening?
153
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,699
Roy, it's possible
that the blood to your spine
154
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:22,900
has been cut off by the graft,
155
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,739
but I'm gonna do
everything I can to fix it, okay?
156
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,407
Okay. Please do. Please.
157
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,949
I'm gonna give you something
to let you sleep.
158
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,911
Start with trying
to induce hypertension.
159
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:35,419
See if we can enhance spinal perfusion.
160
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:39,024
Did you get
Maggie Pierce's e-mail?
161
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,888
I did, yes.
162
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:42,889
Are you going to talk to her again?
163
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:47,464
She won't listen. She doesn't trust me.
164
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,832
She's angry I didn't tell her sooner.
So am I.
165
00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:53,667
I just still can't even remember
my mother being pregnant.
166
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:56,606
I just... I need that journal
from the spring of '83.
167
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:57,870
Do you have that one?
168
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,844
Yeah, I have them here.
169
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,912
I mean, we both looked
at them a hundred times.
170
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,847
It's mostly surgical stuff.
171
00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:07,886
- Can you just dig it out for me, please?
- Okay.
172
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,279
Help! Can you help, please?
173
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:12,448
- Come with me.
- What happened?
174
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:14,423
I was just dropping my friend off
when I saw her here.
175
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,621
She was lying. She was all alone.
176
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:19,062
Run inside and tell someone
I need a gurney!
177
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,460
Honey, I'm a doctor.
178
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,866
- What's your name?
- Nadia.
179
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,164
Nadia, tell me where it hurts.
180
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,230
Everywhere.
181
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:29,698
Oh, God.
182
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,689
- This is insane.
- Is she laboring?
183
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,167
Her pressure's really low, 78 over 45.
184
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,704
Let's get her a 600cc fluid bolus.
185
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,502
Nadia, Nadia, how far along are you?
186
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,372
- Ten.
- Ten months?
187
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:05,569
She's saying she's 10 years old.
188
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,078
She doesn't know
what you're talking about.
189
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:09,239
Rigid abdomen
with generalized tenderness.
190
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,714
Edwards, let's get the ultrasound.
191
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:12,681
Nadia, where are your parents?
192
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,242
If she has a mother,
where the hell's her mother?
193
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,685
Oh, she should be
in prison.
194
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:18,255
Nadia, I need you to sit still.
195
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,361
I know. I know. I just need to see if...
196
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,895
Just needed to see...
197
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,160
Okay. Okay.
198
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:32,834
- What?
- She's not pregnant. It's not a baby.
199
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,473
Looks like a mass,
and there's free fluid.
200
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,736
Oh, thank God.
That was getting dark.
201
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,440
A mass the size of a soccer ball
is still pretty dark.
202
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,041
Okay, forget the CT.
203
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,277
She's hypotensive with peritonitis.
204
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:47,614
This mass may have ruptured.
205
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,814
- We really should get her up to the OR.
- I'll call up.
206
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,621
And then let's call the police
and Child Protective Services.
207
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,717
Letting your kid get this sick
and then abandoning her
208
00:09:54,794 --> 00:09:55,852
- is still child abuse.
- Okay.
209
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,725
- Amy, what do you need?
- On three. One, two, three.
210
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,427
Looks like paralysis caused
by SCI during a TEVAR procedure.
211
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:06,300
I've induced hypertension
and adjusted the stent to alleviate,
212
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:07,464
but nothing has worked.
213
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,905
He needs immediate
spinal cord drainage.
214
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,465
You're here. Why do you need me?
215
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,909
I have stuff to do.
I thought you could take it.
216
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,879
Perks of being chief of neuro.
217
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,313
And this might be
your last chance to work together.
218
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,509
I was just telling Dr. Pierce
219
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,552
why I thought her departure
was such a bad idea.
220
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,746
I know, right?
221
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:25,086
I thought you've been here
longer than I have, you and Meredith.
222
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:28,183
Thought maybe you could talk about it.
Derek's easy to talk to.
223
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,718
You can tell him anything. Anything.
224
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,324
Gown and glove, please.
225
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,495
Don't you have stuff to do?
226
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,835
Yes. Good luck. Good talk.
227
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,710
The Journal
of American Medicine! Unbelievable.
228
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,709
- What's not to believe?
- The method.
229
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,977
You're calling... You actually
named it the Grey Method?
230
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:54,281
Well, what else am I gonna call it?
It's my name.
231
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,412
It's a little audacious.
232
00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,056
Is that it?
233
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,656
Yeah. Spring of '83.
234
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:06,291
- Is there anything in there?
- There's some surgical notes, ideas.
235
00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:08,958
Maybe you'll see something.
I didn't.
236
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,798
I have a surgery. Thanks for this.
237
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,965
We need to talk
about Maggie Pierce.
238
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,064
Bailey...
239
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:18,406
The e-mail said, "For professional
and personal reasons."
240
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:19,876
Now, you know what that could be?
241
00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,742
- Why would I?
- Well, you talk to her.
242
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:24,510
Bailey, she resigned.
We can't hold her against her will.
243
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:26,016
I'm not saying that.
244
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:29,077
I'm saying we change her will.
245
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:31,589
I'm trying to get the board together,
246
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:34,125
but I think you need to talk to her,
247
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:37,219
like you used to talk to me,
you know, when I was first here
248
00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:39,389
and I didn't know
my ass from my elbow.
249
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:42,491
- I probably would have quit...
- Damn it, Bailey, she's leaving!
250
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,503
I can't do anything about it.
Just let it go.
251
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,332
Almost done draining, Dr. Shepherd.
252
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,876
You know, I'm just curious.
253
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:55,243
Speaking as someone
who just had a pretty great job
254
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:56,338
and then turned it down,
255
00:11:56,415 --> 00:12:00,442
I know a rash decision
can be pretty disastrous.
256
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,612
Could we just call it a bad fit?
257
00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:05,418
We could if you'd been here
long enough to know that.
258
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,618
- It's not the job.
- Then what is it?
259
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,684
I'm sure your wife has told you.
260
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:10,786
How we doing?
261
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,491
My wife? Told me what?
262
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:14,791
Oh.
263
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,025
Look, I know you two
have butted heads
264
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,900
and she hasn't been welcoming.
265
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:20,802
- To say the least.
- She's just one surgeon.
266
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,771
Why don't you just, you know,
stay away from her
267
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,639
- until you figure out...
- It's not as simple as...
268
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,440
Oh, God.
269
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,876
You don't know anything.
270
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,112
I'm sorry. What's going on?
271
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:35,784
You should talk to your wife.
272
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,447
Yeah, okay. Let's get him on his back.
273
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:42,358
On three. One, two, three.
274
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,362
Derek, Babinski reflex?
275
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:51,326
Damn it.
276
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,435
I'm sorry, Dr. Pierce.
277
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:56,339
You did everything you could,
but this man is paralyzed.
278
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:06,543
No.
279
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:10,347
Nope. Prep for a sternotomy.
I need a bypass machine in here, stat.
280
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:12,890
Wilson, go get his wife's consent
for an open-heart surgery.
281
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:13,947
What are you planning
on doing?
282
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,015
I am going to fix it.
283
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,652
You can help if you want,
but if you're not gonna help,
284
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,094
I need you out of the way.
285
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:31,101
Mom?
286
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,636
Mommy?
287
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:36,942
Meredith.
288
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:41,314
- You grew up.
- I did.
289
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,048
It's a shame.
290
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,416
It's awful being a grown-up.
291
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,255
But the carousel never stops turning.
292
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,725
You can't get off.
293
00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,293
You page me? What do you got?
294
00:13:58,838 --> 00:13:59,964
Yeah.
295
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:03,337
Do you remember the day
you met my mom at the carousel?
296
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,209
What? That's what you...
297
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,574
I remember this day.
298
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:11,377
I was on the carousel
at the park and you came,
299
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:14,715
and then you were arguing
and she said something to you.
300
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,447
Do you remember what she said?
301
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:21,222
Meredith, that was a long time ago.
302
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,560
I don't remember.
303
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,160
Is that all you wanted?
304
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,692
Yeah, I just thought...
305
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,101
Forget it.
306
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,172
I was thinking about what you said,
307
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:47,376
and it might be better for them,
Thatcher and Adele, ultimately.
308
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,579
Of course it would.
309
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:50,986
Let them find people
who will make them happy.
310
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,216
I never wanted to...
311
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,594
I never wanted to cheat.
312
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,057
I never imagined myself a cheater.
313
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,569
You have the power
to change that, Richard.
314
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,469
It's in your hands.
315
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:10,633
I've been ready to do this
for a long time.
316
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:12,768
The question is, are you?
317
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:18,742
The wife gave consent.
318
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:21,479
That's lucky.
I've been in his chest for a while now.
319
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:24,021
- That was a bold bet.
- Wait. Is that an aneurysm sac?
320
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,147
Did you just fix that?
321
00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:28,682
Yeah, but now I'm gonna use it
to bring blood back to the spinal cord.
322
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,753
- Wait. I'm lost.
- Yeah. I was, too, for a while.
323
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,856
He is paralyzed because his
aorta isn't sending blood to his spine.
324
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,925
So I replaced the aorta
with a Dacron graft,
325
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:40,233
and now I'm rebuilding
the aneurysm into a second aorta
326
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:43,764
that will just send blood to the spine,
kind of like a side road.
327
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,571
Is that... You can do that?
328
00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:47,271
Not many could, but she is.
329
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,109
I can see why
you want to keep her around.
330
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:52,617
Well, yeah, and... Never mind.
331
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,915
- And it'll work?
- God knows.
332
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,888
It's a last-ditch effort.
333
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,720
Take me with you when you go.
334
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,818
Suction.
And get another 6-0 Prolene ready.
335
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,659
Don't just stand there, Wilson. Scrub in.
336
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:11,531
Okay, the tumor has
taken over the abdominal cavity.
337
00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:13,332
It's pushed the viscera
over to one side.
338
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:16,670
Let's debulk as much
of this mass as we can, en bloc,
339
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,676
and when we get closer to the organs,
340
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,735
we can resect it piece by piece.
341
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:21,837
Fine.
342
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:24,237
What?
343
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,346
Edwards told me.
344
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,579
You guys were unanimous for Bailey.
345
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,951
Who told you that?
346
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,785
- Dr. Bailey.
- Why would she do that?
347
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:34,155
- I kind of had her back.
- And you should have had mine.
348
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:35,783
You listened to my speech.
You said it was good.
349
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,419
- It was good.
- Then what the hell, then?
350
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,327
- Bailey's was better.
- Oh, that's great.
351
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,866
Alex, you would make
a fine board member,
352
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,630
but Bailey will make an exceptional one.
353
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:48,571
Is that what you want me to do?
Vote for you to be good, to be fine?
354
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,637
You want my pity vote? I wouldn't.
355
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,280
Have you lightened sedation?
356
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,020
- Okay.
- He is coming around.
357
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,289
Want to do the honors?
358
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:09,520
Roy. Roy, are you with us?
359
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,926
Roy, you're okay.
The surgery is all done.
360
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,558
I just need you
to wiggle your toes for me.
361
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,033
Can you do that?
362
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,801
Roy, wiggle your toes, okay?
363
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,209
Roy, wiggle your toes.
364
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,877
Unbelievable.
365
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:34,678
All right, get him sedated
and get him up to recovery.
366
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:37,813
And good work, everybody.
Thank you, all.
367
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,415
She keeps saying talk to my wife.
Do you know what she means?
368
00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,687
- I might.
- Well?
369
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:45,389
But I'm not talking about anything
370
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:48,956
I might have learned in AA
about someone.
371
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:51,960
Because I made a pledge there.
372
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:55,803
But someone else might know
what I can't talk about.
373
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,308
- Is Pierce in AA?
- No. No!
374
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,538
So you should definitely talk to her.
375
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:02,876
- She'll just say talk to my wife.
- Then you should talk to your wife.
376
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,412
- Edwards, you ready?
- Uh-huh.
377
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,178
It's invading everything.
I'm literally peeling it off the spleen.
378
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,919
And 7.8 pounds. Wow.
379
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:17,788
7.8 pounds of lousy parenting.
380
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,524
But she does have a Dutch braid.
381
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,793
It's like a French one
but only harder to do.
382
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,858
I used to do it for my sister
when my mom was strung out.
383
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,528
It took me an hour, and it still fell apart.
384
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,469
Only a saint or her mother
385
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,734
would take the time to do
something like this.
386
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:33,143
You need an extra set of hands?
387
00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,442
No, we're good. Thanks. Metz?
388
00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:38,141
She takes the time
to do her daughter's hair.
389
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,276
How the hell does she let her
develop an 8-pound tumor?
390
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:43,082
You and I know something
about crazy mothers.
391
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,419
Be careful.
It's impinging on the left hepatic vein.
392
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:46,549
I see it.
393
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,549
Damn it.
394
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,899
Where are you?
Where are you? Got it!
395
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,403
She's bleeding out
from her liver.
396
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:00,631
I'm packing, but I can't control it.
397
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:01,968
More laps.
Hang another unit of blood?
398
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,098
Right away.
399
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,574
Edwards, more suction.
400
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,803
I said clamp, now!
401
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,835
- Another.
- Another.
402
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,279
One bullet went through the right
lower quadrant and perfed the colon.
403
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,613
A penetrating injury to the liver here.
I need more laps!
404
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,743
She's crashing.
We got to stop this bleed. Suction.
405
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:15,876
Come on. Come on!
406
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:17,387
Bokhee,
4-0 silk for ligation.
407
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,817
It's not working.
We're gonna lose her.
408
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:24,789
What about a balloon tamponade?
409
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,353
- What?
- A balloon tamponade.
410
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,294
That could control
a penetrating liver injury. It should.
411
00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,468
Yes. Get me a Foley catheter.
412
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,028
- You might need more...
- More than one. I know.
413
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:36,131
Foley, now. Let's go.
414
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,006
You think that'll hold the bleed?
415
00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:41,545
It's the best chance
we've got.
416
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:43,046
Bokhee, clamp.
417
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,352
Inflating the balloon.
418
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,072
I'll be damned. Nice work, Dr. Grey.
419
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,502
BP's climbing.
420
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:18,343
That's amazing.
How the hell did you think of that?
421
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,580
I don't know.
422
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:24,880
You okay?
423
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,390
She's fine. You saved her. She's fine.
424
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:28,983
Yeah, I'm okay.
425
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,194
There's never gonna be
a good time.
426
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:41,330
We just have to do it quickly,
rip off the bandage.
427
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,605
I'll tell Adele. Tonight.
428
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:50,880
I'll tell Thatcher.
429
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:54,550
My heart's racing. We're really gonna...
430
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,951
Dr. Grey?
431
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,488
- Excuse me. Dr. Grey?
- One minute!
432
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,488
- Yes, Chief?
- Sorry, Dr. Grey.
433
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,051
I just received
a very interesting phone call.
434
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,859
Your lap method,
the one you just published.
435
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,696
- The Grey Method.
- The Grey Method, yes.
436
00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:12,697
It's just been placed
on the short list of nominations
437
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,569
for the Harper Avery award.
438
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:18,803
Are you... It is? Are you kidding?
439
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:22,904
No surgical resident
has ever made that list before.
440
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,673
I only hope we can
convince you to stay in Seattle.
441
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,310
- Well, that's very...
- No, I know.
442
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,617
You'll have your veritable pick after this.
443
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:34,048
Very well done, Grey.
444
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,594
Oh, the board would like to see you to...
445
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:37,924
Of course.
446
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:49,906
- Meredith.
- Derek, not now.
447
00:21:50,008 --> 00:21:51,908
Five minutes. Just five minutes.
448
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,240
Derek, I swear to God,
I can't do this right now.
449
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,440
I am sorry about the thing
I said about your mother.
450
00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:59,211
- Why? You meant it.
- It was in the heat of the moment.
451
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,979
You know, you wanted to hurt me,
and you did that,
452
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,078
so at least have the guts to stand by it.
453
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,385
- Will you just hear me out?
- You could do worse than compare me
454
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,515
to a brilliant surgeon,
455
00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:09,116
but you meant it in the sense
that I am cold and ambitious
456
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:12,322
and selfish, a horrible wife and mother.
I got that.
457
00:22:12,397 --> 00:22:14,957
I love how you just switch it around
so you can make it fit.
458
00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:17,866
You think I sound like my mother?
You do.
459
00:22:17,936 --> 00:22:21,702
And now I get to live under the weight
of your disappointment, too?
460
00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:25,004
- Because of something you gave up.
- If you recall, I gave it up for you.
461
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:27,578
Oh, you gave it up for me,
but I don't want it.
462
00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:30,410
Go. You should get
on the next flight out.
463
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:33,781
Call the President and get the job back.
Just go.
464
00:23:23,368 --> 00:23:25,893
Blood. It's just blood.
465
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:32,935
Meredith, don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.
466
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,417
911. What's your emergency?
467
00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:48,220
My mother tried to kill herself.
468
00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:46,148
You're a very resourceful little girl.
You know that?
469
00:24:47,185 --> 00:24:48,618
You might have saved
your mother's life.
470
00:25:03,935 --> 00:25:05,926
Someone from Child Protective
Services come here yet?
471
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:07,403
He's right there.
472
00:25:10,141 --> 00:25:11,438
You're still here.
473
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:14,445
Yes. I was just worried
about the little girl.
474
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,378
- Is she okay?
- She's gonna be fine.
475
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:17,837
Thank God.
476
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,714
Child Protective Services
is here for her so...
477
00:25:23,622 --> 00:25:24,987
Is that a Dutch braid?
478
00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:32,390
When did she get sick, your daughter?
When did this start?
479
00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:36,159
- I just want to see her. Please...
- No, you can't see her.
480
00:25:36,234 --> 00:25:37,963
But you can come talk
to Child Protective Services with me.
481
00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:41,005
- No, I want to make sure she's okay.
- And they are going to call the police.
482
00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:42,403
No. No, you can't do that.
483
00:25:42,474 --> 00:25:45,602
You don't understand.
We have no papers, undocumented.
484
00:25:45,677 --> 00:25:48,441
That's no excuse to abandon your kid.
485
00:25:48,513 --> 00:25:51,038
They will take her from me.
I've seen it to people I know.
486
00:25:51,116 --> 00:25:52,515
They go to sleep in the surgical room,
487
00:25:52,584 --> 00:25:54,381
they wake up on a plane
or in a different country.
488
00:25:54,452 --> 00:25:58,047
It's called medical repatriation,
and it's not something that we do here.
489
00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:00,387
I was afraid to even bring her here.
490
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,756
You think I didn't want to help her?
491
00:26:02,827 --> 00:26:04,488
What are my choices?
492
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,326
They do the surgery.
493
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:08,366
Then they send us back
to a country where we starve
494
00:26:08,433 --> 00:26:11,596
or I will work as a prostitute,
or even worse,
495
00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:15,071
they'll make her a prostitute,
and no one says anything about it.
496
00:26:15,974 --> 00:26:17,373
That is one choice.
497
00:26:18,176 --> 00:26:21,407
The other choice is I ignore it and I pray
498
00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:24,172
and I hope that she's okay
499
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:27,980
and I hope that
whatever my little girl has goes away.
500
00:26:28,853 --> 00:26:32,016
And after a while, these choices,
they make you crazy.
501
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:37,052
And after a while,
I say to myself that she's fine.
502
00:26:37,128 --> 00:26:42,657
Then after a while, I don't see the tumor
when I look at her.
503
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:47,097
Because what is the alternative?
504
00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,910
- Yep?
- So, uh, you're leaving.
505
00:27:00,685 --> 00:27:02,050
For sure?
506
00:27:03,021 --> 00:27:04,045
You should talk to your wife.
507
00:27:04,489 --> 00:27:08,516
Oh, no, that's not an option.
So, I'm asking you.
508
00:27:09,394 --> 00:27:12,261
You know, it's not really
my place to say.
509
00:27:13,431 --> 00:27:15,763
And, honestly, I'm tired of saying it
510
00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:18,268
'cause every time I do,
it just gets worse.
511
00:27:18,336 --> 00:27:20,998
What? What gets worse?
What are you talking about?
512
00:27:23,575 --> 00:27:24,769
She's my sister.
513
00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:29,870
My parents, my birth parents,
514
00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:33,746
are Ellis Grey and Richard Webber.
515
00:27:34,953 --> 00:27:37,888
Your wife's my sister.
So you should talk to your wife.
516
00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:41,255
- That's... So, Richard's your father.
- Yes.
517
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:45,092
- And Meredith is your sister.
- Half-sister.
518
00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:48,394
- I thought she would have told you.
- Oh, no, no, we're not, um...
519
00:27:48,466 --> 00:27:51,902
Meredith is terrible with sisters,
just so you know, and I'm not.
520
00:27:51,970 --> 00:27:54,200
I love sisters.
I have a bunch of them and, um...
521
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:59,303
I'm glad you told me.
It's nice to meet you.
522
00:28:01,546 --> 00:28:04,140
- It's nice to meet you.
- Oh.
523
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:14,786
- This is very strange.
- Yeah, I got to go.
524
00:28:15,427 --> 00:28:17,895
Okay, don't leave, okay?
Until we talk again.
525
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:20,831
Just don't leave.
526
00:28:30,075 --> 00:28:32,543
Okay, what is the deal
with you and Pierce?
527
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:33,668
Bailey, please.
528
00:28:33,745 --> 00:28:35,406
See, every time I bring
her name up to you,
529
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,380
you look like I just stabbed you
in the chest.
530
00:28:37,449 --> 00:28:39,815
Now, I think she's leaving
because of you.
531
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,513
All right, you don't want
to tell me what happened,
532
00:28:46,591 --> 00:28:48,058
you don't have to, but...
533
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,723
Did something happen?
534
00:28:57,469 --> 00:28:59,164
She's my daughter,
535
00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:01,602
mine and Ellis Grey's.
536
00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:08,870
Oh, thank you, God.
537
00:29:09,447 --> 00:29:11,074
- What?
- No, no!
538
00:29:11,149 --> 00:29:13,208
I thought you had sex with that girl.
539
00:29:13,284 --> 00:29:14,273
Bailey!
540
00:29:14,919 --> 00:29:17,444
Wait. But that's why she's leaving?
541
00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:18,887
She doesn't want anything
to do with me.
542
00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:22,851
Well, then, she doesn't know you,
or she would stay.
543
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:25,262
Now, you have to go talk to her.
544
00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:27,296
I think I'm too late.
545
00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:30,024
No such thing.
546
00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:34,233
I wish I could go back.
547
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:37,172
I'd do everything so differently.
548
00:29:38,777 --> 00:29:41,371
We would've had a wonderful life
together, Ellis.
549
00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:43,938
- You think so?
- I do.
550
00:29:44,716 --> 00:29:47,241
We would've done our fellowship here,
551
00:29:47,418 --> 00:29:49,682
and then you would've
fought me for Chief and probably won.
552
00:29:51,156 --> 00:29:53,750
And I wouldn't have minded
553
00:29:55,026 --> 00:29:56,857
because we'd have the kids at home.
554
00:29:57,762 --> 00:29:58,786
We have kids?
555
00:29:59,798 --> 00:30:02,130
Meredith would've needed
a brother and sister.
556
00:30:04,536 --> 00:30:05,594
Kids need family.
557
00:30:06,938 --> 00:30:09,634
I would be fine,
and we could grow old together.
558
00:30:11,476 --> 00:30:13,376
My life is so unfinished.
559
00:30:13,444 --> 00:30:16,675
It's unfinished, and I'm not finished.
560
00:30:16,781 --> 00:30:19,249
No. No, Ellis.
561
00:30:21,586 --> 00:30:22,575
Don't think that.
562
00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:25,154
Just close your eyes
563
00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:27,922
and think of the family,
564
00:30:29,294 --> 00:30:30,591
of the house.
565
00:30:31,563 --> 00:30:33,963
And you there every night
to come home to.
566
00:30:37,068 --> 00:30:38,535
And me there.
567
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:48,770
I lied to you before
568
00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:52,776
about what happened that day
at the carousel.
569
00:30:54,953 --> 00:30:56,614
I remember what she said.
570
00:30:57,589 --> 00:30:59,420
I remember what I said.
571
00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:02,921
I remember everything.
572
00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:16,801
It was a Thursday afternoon.
573
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,843
We had made a pact.
574
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:23,143
She would leave Thatcher,
and I would leave Adele.
575
00:31:24,782 --> 00:31:28,946
Your mother had just received
her first Harper Avery nomination.
576
00:31:29,020 --> 00:31:30,578
She was so excited.
577
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:35,917
And I was jealous.
578
00:31:36,794 --> 00:31:38,557
Not like healthy competition.
579
00:31:39,797 --> 00:31:43,130
A hateful, hopeless jealousy.
580
00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:49,200
As if she was already
too far ahead to catch up to.
581
00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:53,802
Her success illuminated everything
I hadn't yet accomplished.
582
00:31:55,346 --> 00:32:00,613
The night before, as I worked up
the nerve to tell Adele,
583
00:32:02,620 --> 00:32:04,144
I thought of your mother.
584
00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:09,091
I thought of what she could do
at such a young age.
585
00:32:10,662 --> 00:32:12,755
I thought of what she would do.
586
00:32:15,733 --> 00:32:17,200
And I thought,
587
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:21,906
"I will spend my life feeling like this,
588
00:32:24,809 --> 00:32:26,674
"my entire life."
589
00:32:30,748 --> 00:32:31,874
So I ruined it.
590
00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:41,023
- You have a child.
- Don't say that. I won't listen. Richard.
591
00:32:41,092 --> 00:32:42,559
I'm sorry. I can't.
592
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:44,492
No, please, please,
please, please!
593
00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:46,860
- Ellis, no.
- Richard.
594
00:32:46,931 --> 00:32:48,865
Richard,
you can't leave me.
595
00:32:48,933 --> 00:32:50,366
Richard! Richard!
596
00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:54,402
Richard!
597
00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:12,117
Are you okay?
598
00:33:16,461 --> 00:33:18,895
We have to go home.
We have to go home.
599
00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:21,530
We have to go home.
600
00:33:23,234 --> 00:33:26,601
- And then she took me home.
- Yes.
601
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,037
And then she attempted suicide.
602
00:33:34,445 --> 00:33:36,970
We would have had a whole other life.
603
00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:43,352
Everything after that was my fault.
604
00:33:44,489 --> 00:33:48,516
I made the wrong choice
for the wrong reason.
605
00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:53,330
And there's hardly a day goes by
that I don't...
606
00:34:01,639 --> 00:34:03,129
I'm so sorry.
607
00:34:05,576 --> 00:34:07,134
I bet you are.
608
00:34:10,848 --> 00:34:11,974
He's gone back to Adele.
609
00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,116
- Yes.
- Of course he has.
610
00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,319
Mom...
611
00:34:19,023 --> 00:34:20,388
He's afraid.
612
00:34:21,426 --> 00:34:22,984
Afraid to be happy.
613
00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,151
And I'm all alone.
614
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:29,491
Now I have to raise my daughter alone.
615
00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:33,667
How am I expected
to do that?
616
00:34:48,653 --> 00:34:51,417
- She's pretty skittish.
- Ana, we need to talk to you.
617
00:34:51,489 --> 00:34:54,117
No. No, you said we will be all right.
618
00:34:54,192 --> 00:34:56,183
- It's okay. You're safe. Calm down.
- You can't take her from me.
619
00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:57,249
- I'm going. I'm go...
- Nadia is safe.
620
00:34:57,328 --> 00:34:58,522
I spoke to CPS.
621
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,826
I told them the whole thing
was a huge misunderstanding
622
00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:02,365
and that I made a mistake.
623
00:35:02,433 --> 00:35:04,401
These people are lawyers
from the hospital,
624
00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:06,562
and they are going to help you.
625
00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:08,798
Ana, they're gonna work with you,
explain your rights,
626
00:35:08,873 --> 00:35:10,033
help with the payment plan.
627
00:35:10,108 --> 00:35:11,905
No one's gonna deny Nadia
medical treatment,
628
00:35:11,976 --> 00:35:13,375
and no one's gonna take her away,
629
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:15,002
but you have to bring her here
to me for her treatments.
630
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:16,068
Do you understand?
631
00:35:17,315 --> 00:35:19,613
Okay, I'm going to bring
them in now.
632
00:35:25,756 --> 00:35:26,745
Hi.
633
00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,653
No, no, no, I didn't vote for you.
634
00:35:28,726 --> 00:35:30,455
Like a month ago, you were all,
"Tell me if you need help.
635
00:35:30,528 --> 00:35:31,790
"I will help you." So full of crap.
636
00:35:31,863 --> 00:35:34,331
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- If you didn't want to vote for me, fine.
637
00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:35,558
But then why lie to my face about it?
638
00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:37,897
Because I didn't think that you'd take
the attending job if you knew.
639
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:40,631
Look, if you're trying to be a mentor
or whatever, right now you're sucking.
640
00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:41,763
No, I'm not your mentor!
641
00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:45,002
I mean, I am if you need me to be,
but I need you to not need me to be.
642
00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:46,373
That's why I didn't vote for you.
643
00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:49,007
Listen, I spent the day
observing a fetal shunt placement,
644
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,810
trying to suck up to a woman
who I'm 100% positive hates me.
645
00:35:51,883 --> 00:35:53,942
The only reason
that I could even try to do that
646
00:35:54,018 --> 00:35:57,454
is because you handled
that little girl's case so beautifully.
647
00:35:57,522 --> 00:35:59,820
I need to take a step back
from peds surgery
648
00:35:59,891 --> 00:36:01,324
if I'm gonna make this fellowship work.
649
00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:04,589
And if I'm gonna keep
my marriage from falling apart.
650
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:07,228
And the only way that I can even
try to do that
651
00:36:07,298 --> 00:36:10,961
is if you're here,
doing everything that I can't do.
652
00:36:12,036 --> 00:36:13,833
I don't need you to be
my fellow anymore, Alex.
653
00:36:13,905 --> 00:36:15,668
I need you to be me.
654
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:19,034
You're the only one I can trust
to do that.
655
00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:24,109
I should be making a lot more money.
656
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:27,015
A lot. A lot.
657
00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:33,083
Uh, no, stop. Stop.
We're not fighting. The fighting is over.
658
00:36:33,157 --> 00:36:34,488
I am calling a halt to it.
659
00:36:34,559 --> 00:36:36,459
God, Derek,
you don't just get to do that,
660
00:36:36,527 --> 00:36:39,496
decide when we're moving,
decide when a fight is over.
661
00:36:39,564 --> 00:36:40,895
What if I'm not done fighting?
662
00:36:40,965 --> 00:36:42,796
Oh, it's not over.
I can guarantee you that.
663
00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,357
We'll probably fight tomorrow
and the next day,
664
00:36:44,435 --> 00:36:45,663
and this is gonna last for a while,
665
00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:48,967
but right now we're gonna have a truce.
666
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,031
- A truce?
- Yes.
667
00:36:51,108 --> 00:36:53,599
- Why?
- You have a sister.
668
00:36:56,814 --> 00:36:59,305
You're losing her, Meredith,
and you shouldn't.
669
00:37:00,284 --> 00:37:02,582
You have a sister and you don't tell me?
This can't happen.
670
00:37:02,653 --> 00:37:05,486
When stuff like this comes up,
you have to let me know. I...
671
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:08,923
We put all our other stuff aside,
and it's like I...
672
00:37:09,093 --> 00:37:10,856
I need to know that you're okay.
673
00:37:11,462 --> 00:37:13,953
Are you? Are you okay?
674
00:37:15,099 --> 00:37:16,191
- We have to go home.
675
00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:19,259
- Would you like to hold her?
- No. Absolutely not. No.
676
00:37:19,337 --> 00:37:20,702
Don't be afraid.
677
00:37:22,340 --> 00:37:25,275
Richard and Ellis had a kid.
678
00:37:30,848 --> 00:37:33,214
I remember moving to Boston.
679
00:37:33,851 --> 00:37:37,343
I remember the two of us
basically hiding out in an apartment.
680
00:37:38,155 --> 00:37:41,420
And I remember she cried a lot.
681
00:37:42,426 --> 00:37:44,394
And I remember her belly getting big.
682
00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:47,897
And I knew I wasn't supposed to
make any noise.
683
00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:53,964
And then her water broke
on the kitchen floor,
684
00:37:54,038 --> 00:37:56,768
and that scared me
because it reminded me
685
00:37:56,841 --> 00:38:00,140
of the blood in the kitchen
when she cut her wrists.
686
00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:01,644
And I went to the hospital.
687
00:38:01,712 --> 00:38:04,909
I was there. Both times.
688
00:38:05,082 --> 00:38:08,779
And I heard a baby cry,
and I heard my mother cry.
689
00:38:08,853 --> 00:38:10,878
And then we went home.
690
00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:13,589
And her belly wasn't big anymore.
691
00:38:14,692 --> 00:38:17,593
And then we moved across town
to a house, a really nice house.
692
00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:21,329
And then she started
her fellowship at Mass Gen,
693
00:38:21,399 --> 00:38:24,334
and I just started first grade.
694
00:38:25,636 --> 00:38:28,969
And then she was just Dr. Ellis Grey,
695
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,405
and I was just a kid in school,
696
00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,203
and everything went back to normal.
697
00:38:32,677 --> 00:38:34,201
I mean, I was five years old.
698
00:38:34,278 --> 00:38:36,746
What was the alternative?
699
00:38:41,452 --> 00:38:43,079
And I have a sister.
700
00:38:45,356 --> 00:38:47,415
She's nice. Good doctor.
701
00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:03,037
You remind me of my daughter.
702
00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:13,377
Pierce.
703
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:17,787
Do you have a second?
704
00:39:18,589 --> 00:39:19,886
- Yeah.
- Listen...
705
00:39:19,990 --> 00:39:23,926
You didn't ask for a sister,
and you probably don't need one.
706
00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:26,087
Your parents send you singing fish.
707
00:39:26,464 --> 00:39:29,831
You're very accomplished for your age,
and you seem very happy.
708
00:39:30,167 --> 00:39:32,192
So, you can go if you want.
709
00:39:32,269 --> 00:39:34,601
I can understand
why you would want to.
710
00:39:34,672 --> 00:39:37,835
But I would like to show you
something if you have a minute.
711
00:39:39,910 --> 00:39:43,311
They say we can repress
our memories.
712
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:46,407
I wonder if we're just keeping
them safe somewhere.
713
00:39:49,019 --> 00:39:52,682
She wrote in these journals,
obsessively.
714
00:39:53,991 --> 00:39:56,516
Mostly surgical notes, ideas,
715
00:39:56,594 --> 00:40:00,758
but this one is from
around the time you were born.
716
00:40:05,136 --> 00:40:07,866
"A surgery can fail
for any number of reasons,
717
00:40:07,938 --> 00:40:10,168
"whether from a patient's morbidity
718
00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:13,001
"or surgeon's ineptitude." Jeez.
719
00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:15,739
They're not so warm.
720
00:40:16,447 --> 00:40:18,210
She wasn't, either.
721
00:40:18,282 --> 00:40:20,182
But there is more to her than...
722
00:40:22,219 --> 00:40:26,121
I'm still finding out things
about her myself.
723
00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:28,021
Because no matter
how painful they are,
724
00:40:28,859 --> 00:40:31,851
they are our most valuable
possessions.
725
00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:40,396
Our lives are built on our
mistakes as much as our successes.
726
00:40:41,172 --> 00:40:42,366
She wrote mostly at night,
727
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,809
with a glass of wine,
as you can see by the ring stains and...
728
00:40:47,178 --> 00:40:51,877
But I think here is when she found out
729
00:40:51,949 --> 00:40:55,282
she was pregnant
because the wine stains stop
730
00:40:55,352 --> 00:40:58,287
and she starts writing down
everything she ate.
731
00:40:59,757 --> 00:41:01,816
- So...
- This was when she...
732
00:41:01,892 --> 00:41:04,053
Realized she was pregnant with you.
733
00:41:06,096 --> 00:41:07,723
So she wanted you to be okay.
734
00:41:08,999 --> 00:41:10,694
She wanted to be healthy.
735
00:41:12,570 --> 00:41:14,697
She tried, at least.
736
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:20,808
They made us who we are.
737
00:41:28,619 --> 00:41:30,849
The first time I won
the Harper Avery,
738
00:41:30,955 --> 00:41:34,152
I dedicated it to the men
who'd been so supportive.
739
00:41:36,427 --> 00:41:38,895
No, I wish. Just kidding.
740
00:41:39,763 --> 00:41:41,993
The first time I won the Harper Avery,
741
00:41:42,066 --> 00:41:45,126
I thought, "Screw all those boys."
742
00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:48,894
I stood there, holding that trophy,
743
00:41:48,973 --> 00:41:53,171
and I thought about
everything I'd sacrificed,
744
00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:55,178
what I had overcome.
745
00:41:56,814 --> 00:41:59,977
And I dedicated that award
746
00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:03,918
to all the women surgeons
who would come after me.
747
00:42:15,065 --> 00:42:16,532
Where were we?
748
00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:27,500
Ripped By mstoll