1
00:00:01,182 --> 00:00:03,016
[ Insects chirping ]
2
00:00:08,757 --> 00:00:10,723
Stan: You know,
I respect their king
3
00:00:10,759 --> 00:00:11,991
for putting his face
on everything,
4
00:00:12,027 --> 00:00:13,126
but what is he holding?
5
00:00:13,161 --> 00:00:14,861
A diamond-encrusted
inhaler.
6
00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:17,997
He's crazy-afraid of having
asthma attacks and looking poor.
7
00:00:18,033 --> 00:00:19,999
10 klicks
to the terrorist compound!
8
00:00:20,035 --> 00:00:21,167
It's "Go" time!
9
00:00:21,202 --> 00:00:22,869
Now, remember, we get in range,
10
00:00:22,904 --> 00:00:24,871
destroy the weapons cache,
and get out.
11
00:00:24,906 --> 00:00:27,607
The local government
should never know we were here.
12
00:00:27,642 --> 00:00:29,609
But we'll always know,
right, Stan?
13
00:00:29,644 --> 00:00:30,977
We'll always have the memory?
14
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That's right, Hooper.
That's right. We sure will.
15
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Prepare to die, building.
16
00:00:40,188 --> 00:00:42,622
Hope you don't have
any building kids.
17
00:00:42,657 --> 00:00:43,856
[ Drone approaches ]
18
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:49,228
Stan, we got company!
It's a giant metal bird!
19
00:00:49,264 --> 00:00:51,831
Move your arms
so it doesn't think we're worms!
20
00:00:51,866 --> 00:00:54,233
It's a drone, Dick --
one of ours.
21
00:00:54,269 --> 00:00:57,103
Probably here to film us
for some C.I.A. highlight reel.
22
00:00:57,138 --> 00:01:00,940
Everybody look badass!
[ Guns cock ]
23
00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:05,278
[ Debris clatters ]
24
00:01:05,313 --> 00:01:08,648
Oh, no! The bird's angry
you called it a drone!
25
00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:11,050
Aah!
26
00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:16,222
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
27
00:01:16,257 --> 00:01:20,093
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
28
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♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
29
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♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
30
00:01:29,604 --> 00:01:32,939
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
31
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♪ Good -- ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
32
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:40,811
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:40,931 --> 00:01:43,082
Sir, we were about
to destroy our target
34
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:45,084
when a drone flew over us
and took it out.
35
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I know. I sent it.
36
00:01:46,921 --> 00:01:49,956
What?!
I wanted to eliminate all human error.
37
00:01:49,991 --> 00:01:51,824
I was afraid
you'd make a mistake.
38
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And, well,
machines don't make mistakes.
39
00:01:53,895 --> 00:01:55,995
Sir, if you think
machines don't make mistakes,
40
00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:57,864
you haven't seen
"Herbie Goes Bananas"!
41
00:01:57,899 --> 00:01:59,966
Herbie's plan worked perfectly,
Smith.
42
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He won the race,
the town was saved,
43
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:05,037
and everyone learned
to love again.
44
00:02:05,073 --> 00:02:08,708
But if you knew you were sending
a drone, why also send us?
45
00:02:08,743 --> 00:02:11,978
Because I, too,
am a human that makes mistakes.
46
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But don't worry.
I'm working on that.
47
00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:16,282
[ Whirring ]
48
00:02:16,317 --> 00:02:18,718
Ah, soon,
I will be a real robot.
49
00:02:18,753 --> 00:02:21,587
Then will you be happy,
Pappa Geppetto?
50
00:02:21,623 --> 00:02:24,257
[ Robotic Italian accent ]
Nothin' will a-make me a-happier
51
00:02:24,292 --> 00:02:28,681
than to see my human boy
become a soulless a-robot boy.
52
00:02:31,966 --> 00:02:34,356
Kids, your father's in Thailand.
53
00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:36,846
We have the house to ourselves
for the weekend.
54
00:02:36,881 --> 00:02:38,581
Well, I know
what I'm gonna do --
55
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,116
a whole lot of nothing.
56
00:02:40,151 --> 00:02:43,519
I'm with Hayley. I'm gonna do
even more nothing than her.
57
00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:46,122
You couldn't slow down
to my speed if you tried.
58
00:02:46,157 --> 00:02:47,857
Only one way to settle it.
59
00:02:47,892 --> 00:02:51,461
I propose a slow-motion race
across the living room.
60
00:02:51,496 --> 00:02:53,463
Last one to touch the wall,
wins.
61
00:02:53,498 --> 00:02:55,732
That sounds stupid. I'm in.
You're on.
62
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:57,600
But if at any point
you stop moving,
63
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:58,968
you're out of the race.
64
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,870
Oh, I'm all up in this jam.
65
00:03:00,905 --> 00:03:02,605
I've always been good
at moving in...
66
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:06,976
[ Slowly ]
...slow-motion.
67
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,779
Okay, everybody lined up?
68
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,180
I'm playing, too.
69
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:13,716
I'll move in slow-motion
across my bowl.
70
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:15,852
On your mark...
get set...
71
00:03:15,887 --> 00:03:16,886
go!
72
00:03:20,759 --> 00:03:22,592
[ Swish ]
73
00:03:22,627 --> 00:03:23,826
[ Clink ]
74
00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:26,896
[ Sighs ]
It was an honor just to compete.
75
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,001
I used to love
post-mission happy hour,
76
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,537
back before machines
took our jobs.
77
00:03:34,572 --> 00:03:36,806
If they're only gonna send
machines into the field,
78
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,508
what's left for us to do?
79
00:03:38,543 --> 00:03:40,810
I'm sure they'll need people
to maintain the machines.
80
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:42,679
You're right --
they'll need people
81
00:03:42,714 --> 00:03:45,915
to water them, feed them,
pick them up from the airport.
82
00:03:45,950 --> 00:03:48,518
I'm not doing squat
for any machine!
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00:03:48,553 --> 00:03:49,786
Unless it's a squat machine,
84
00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:51,921
in which case
I'm doing 3 sets of 12.
85
00:03:51,956 --> 00:03:54,057
There has to be a way
to prove to Bullock
86
00:03:54,092 --> 00:03:56,793
that we're better than machines.
87
00:03:58,596 --> 00:04:00,563
That's it!
We'll steal the king's inhaler.
88
00:04:00,598 --> 00:04:01,964
Steal his inhaler?
89
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,200
Sure! It's something
a drone could never do!
90
00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:05,935
That's a great idea, Stan!
91
00:04:05,970 --> 00:04:08,705
But how are we gonna
get into that painting?
92
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:12,141
You're lucky
you're beautiful, Jackson.
93
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,266
We sure had to
knock out a lot of guards
94
00:04:22,302 --> 00:04:23,541
to find uniforms that fit.
95
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,062
Yeah, I kind of feel like
96
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,098
there's a chance
we knocked out so many guards
97
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:30,067
that we don't really
need to be in disguise anymore.
98
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,772
[ Groans, smacks lips ]
99
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,308
Now, all we have to do
is take a photo to prove
100
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,645
that this is the king's
diamond-encrusted inhaler.
101
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,313
Dick, you take the picture.
102
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:44,148
That way we'll have proof
and you won't be in the photo.
103
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:47,151
Great idea!
I think my phone takes pictures.
104
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,320
That's crazy, right?
105
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:53,057
I just have to make it go on.
106
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,852
Just swipe the screen
with your finger, Dick.
107
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,229
No, swipe it.
With your finger.
108
00:04:58,264 --> 00:04:59,797
No, just --
Across it.
109
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,332
Swipe it?
Like this.
110
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:03,201
Like this. Like this.
111
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,069
Like -- Dick.
Dick, like this.
112
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,338
Like this.
Like this.
113
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,207
Like this.
Like this.
114
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:10,675
[ Click ]
Got it!
115
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:13,077
Okay, smile.
116
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,680
Wait. No.
I'm in video mode.
117
00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:17,348
Now it's showing me my own face.
118
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,383
Does this mean I'm on the YouTube?
Dick!
119
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:21,219
I know! I know!
"Swipe"!
120
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,354
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Gasps ] Who are you?
121
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:25,089
What are you doing
in my chamber?
122
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:27,358
Why don't I wake up
speaking my native tongue?
123
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,227
Guards!
124
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,864
You're busted!
Tell it to the guy who fixes your windows.
125
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,498
Huh?
126
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,971
[ Screams ]
127
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,205
[ Thud ]
128
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,241
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
[ Siren wailing ]
129
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:46,844
[ Tires squeal ]
130
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,248
We got to lose 'em, Jackson.
131
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I'm trying!
Trying?
132
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,119
Your job was to memorize all the
best escape routes out of town!
133
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I got it! Just one more
right turn, and we are --
134
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,725
Jackson, you idiot,
135
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,127
you've led us straight
into the Red-Light District!
136
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:04,729
Quick!
Ditch the car!
137
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:07,398
You boys want to slide
into my tunnel?
138
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,499
Back off, harlot!
139
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:12,403
I was talking about
my secret tunnel
140
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,405
that leads outside of the city!
141
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,308
You seemed like
you were in danger!
142
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,177
Hooper, you were on safe houses.
Get us to one.
143
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,079
On it! Follow me!
144
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,483
[ Music stops ]
145
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,919
[ Up-tempo music resumes ]
146
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:33,157
The safe house is right here!
147
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:36,294
Whew! We're good!
148
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,429
Hooper, this isn't a safe house.
149
00:06:38,464 --> 00:06:39,764
It's a Burger King!
150
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,265
It's a U.S. corporation,
Stan,
151
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,167
which makes it
technically U.S. soil.
152
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:44,769
They can offer us asylum.
153
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,370
And best of all,
with B.K.'s new,
154
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,807
handy B.K. store locator app,
it was just a click away!
155
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:53,044
Announcer:
That plug's on us, B.K.!
156
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:56,247
Welcome to Burger King.
May I take your order?
157
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,516
We're C.I.A. agents,
and we require asylum --
158
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,451
you know,
'cause this is American soil?
159
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,320
I grew up in a pile of straw.
160
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,521
The only education I have
161
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,089
is one week
of Burger King training,
162
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,791
and even I know
163
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:08,960
that's not how the international
justice system works.
164
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,197
But would you like to try
our new berry good milkshake?
165
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,231
[ Sirens wailing ]
166
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:19,236
[ All slurping ]
167
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,506
[ Indistinct conversations ]
168
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,542
Well, we had some close calls,
169
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,877
but we got the king's inhaler.
170
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,512
And we got what --
I'll say it.
171
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,047
We got what is hands-down
172
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,116
the best milkshake
in the fast-food game.
173
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,117
[ Slurps ]
174
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,819
Hey, B.K.,
175
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,355
how about a little love
coming the other way?
176
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,458
Bullock will have no choice
but to use us for every mission
177
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:41,993
after he sees what we did.
178
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,461
Hey, check it out!
179
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,097
There's some sort of event
going on at our hotel.
180
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,965
Dick:
Maybe it's a wedding.
181
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:51,268
Those are cop cars.
Must be a police wedding.
182
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,038
Good thing we've got these
uniforms. We'll blend right in.
183
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:57,575
Guys, take your guns out
so we're not conspicuous.
184
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,910
[ Guns cocking ]
185
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,412
You guys are doing great.
186
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,481
I think maybe
we should cock our guns, too.
187
00:08:03,721 --> 00:08:04,820
[ All grunting ]
188
00:08:04,855 --> 00:08:06,355
Stan:
Hooper, you here?
189
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:08,290
Hooper: Yeah, I'm here.
What about Jackson?
190
00:08:08,325 --> 00:08:10,292
Jackson: I'm here.
Thank God. We're all safe.
191
00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:11,827
Dick:
Um, I'm here, too.
192
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:13,829
Oh, right. Dick.
We were with Dick.
193
00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:15,864
Guys, don't say anything bad
about Dick. He's here.
194
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:16,932
8-bit: Quiet!
195
00:08:19,837 --> 00:08:22,271
Hello, losers.
196
00:08:22,306 --> 00:08:24,339
Sorry for calling you losers.
197
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:26,475
Psych! I'm not sorry!
198
00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:29,344
The torture begins!
199
00:08:29,380 --> 00:08:31,246
Now, you are clearly in Thailand
200
00:08:31,282 --> 00:08:33,549
for something more
than our king's inhaler.
201
00:08:33,584 --> 00:08:35,818
Nobody would be that stupid.
202
00:08:35,853 --> 00:08:38,420
So, tell me --
who are you and what's...
203
00:08:38,455 --> 00:08:40,322
you know, your deal?
204
00:08:40,357 --> 00:08:42,591
We're, uh...
we're filmmakers!
205
00:08:42,626 --> 00:08:44,226
Yeah, yeah, we're a film crew
206
00:08:44,261 --> 00:08:46,428
scouting locations
for a major Hollywood movie!
207
00:08:46,463 --> 00:08:48,163
He's pulling an "Argo."
208
00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:50,299
Shh, I haven't seen it yet!
209
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:53,302
Well, if you are really
making a movie,
210
00:08:53,337 --> 00:08:55,571
then I know
from the movie "Argo"
211
00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:58,574
that there will be
a production office.
212
00:08:58,609 --> 00:09:00,709
So...
213
00:09:00,744 --> 00:09:02,778
what's the number?
214
00:09:02,813 --> 00:09:04,479
Thank you
for calling Burger King.
215
00:09:04,515 --> 00:09:06,582
Would you like to try
our berry good milkshake?
216
00:09:06,617 --> 00:09:07,850
Liars!
217
00:09:07,885 --> 00:09:09,585
Really? Burger King?
218
00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:12,454
That was your one chance
to tell the truth the easy way.
219
00:09:12,489 --> 00:09:14,489
Prepare the interrogation rooms!
220
00:09:14,525 --> 00:09:16,925
What do you mean?
Like, prepare how?
221
00:09:16,961 --> 00:09:18,927
Turn off
the "One Direction" movie
222
00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:20,529
and clear everyone out!
223
00:09:20,564 --> 00:09:22,531
Turn it off or pause it?
224
00:09:22,566 --> 00:09:25,767
It isn't paused?
You guys kept going?!
225
00:09:25,803 --> 00:09:29,238
Great. Trapped in
a super-futuristic Thai prison.
226
00:09:29,273 --> 00:09:30,806
This is all your guys' fault.
227
00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:33,275
What did we do?
Well, why don't we start with Dick,
228
00:09:33,310 --> 00:09:34,676
who's so bad at technology,
229
00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:36,311
he can't even take a photo
with a phone.
230
00:09:36,347 --> 00:09:38,814
And, Jackson, instead of
getting us out of town,
231
00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:41,650
you led us straight into
the most congested part of it.
232
00:09:41,685 --> 00:09:44,786
And you -- taking us to Burger
King for political asylum?
233
00:09:44,822 --> 00:09:47,256
You say that
like I took us to Del Taco.
234
00:09:47,291 --> 00:09:51,226
Okay, dumb idiots.
Interrogation time.
235
00:09:51,262 --> 00:09:53,495
Now, one of you
has to stay behind
236
00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:55,964
because I only have
three torture cells.
237
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,699
Technically, we have four,
238
00:09:57,735 --> 00:09:59,835
but we converted one into a --
a hang-out room.
239
00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:01,750
Sort of a chill zone
for the guards to unwind --
240
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:03,272
you know what?
It's not important.
241
00:10:03,307 --> 00:10:05,674
You three, come with me.
242
00:10:05,709 --> 00:10:06,842
Nobody talk!
243
00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:08,677
If they start
zapping your testicles,
244
00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:10,679
just try to fall asleep!
245
00:10:10,714 --> 00:10:12,414
This is incredible.
246
00:10:12,449 --> 00:10:15,250
Hours of action,
and still too close to call!
247
00:10:15,286 --> 00:10:18,787
If you're a slow-mo racing fan,
this is as good as it gets!
248
00:10:18,822 --> 00:10:21,890
Sorry, everyone, but
it's time for me to pull behind.
249
00:10:24,328 --> 00:10:25,961
Hey, w-whoa,
what are you doing?
250
00:10:25,996 --> 00:10:27,963
Tripping you
so you fall forward!
251
00:10:27,998 --> 00:10:29,831
Wait for it.
It's gonna take a while.
252
00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:36,838
N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...
253
00:10:40,844 --> 00:10:42,678
[ Groans ] Are you guys okay?
254
00:10:42,713 --> 00:10:45,280
You were gone
for 20 hash marks of time!
255
00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:48,684
Stan, you have
such a good head of hair.
256
00:10:48,719 --> 00:10:50,719
What?
What's wrong with you guys?
257
00:10:50,754 --> 00:10:54,323
They drugged us, bro,
with truth serum.
258
00:10:54,358 --> 00:10:56,325
Oh, no. Tell me
you guys didn't break!
259
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,759
You talked, didn't you?
260
00:10:57,795 --> 00:11:01,363
I did, Stan! I talked, I sang,
I acted some of it out!
261
00:11:01,398 --> 00:11:05,367
The missile...the inhaler...
and the C.I.A.
262
00:11:05,402 --> 00:11:08,370
That one was hard to act out,
but the little guy, he got it!
263
00:11:08,405 --> 00:11:11,873
Man, he got it. He's --
he's amazing at charades.
264
00:11:11,909 --> 00:11:13,342
I talked, too!
265
00:11:13,377 --> 00:11:15,610
We all did!
I hope you're happy.
266
00:11:15,646 --> 00:11:17,612
They're gonna kill us,
and it's all your fault!
267
00:11:17,648 --> 00:11:19,014
It is my fault,
268
00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:21,016
because I didn't
figure out an escape route
269
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:22,751
like I was supposed to.
270
00:11:22,786 --> 00:11:26,755
I was too busy...
cruisin' the Red-Light District.
271
00:11:26,790 --> 00:11:28,890
No, it's my fault.
272
00:11:28,926 --> 00:11:30,892
Instead of looking
for actual safe houses,
273
00:11:30,928 --> 00:11:32,728
I spent the day
bird-watching.
274
00:11:32,763 --> 00:11:36,999
No, it was me!
I can't even make my phone work.
275
00:11:37,034 --> 00:11:39,601
Remember when
my wife and kid left me?
276
00:11:39,636 --> 00:11:42,337
They told me it was
because I was horrible to them,
277
00:11:42,373 --> 00:11:45,007
but I know it was because
I'm bad at computers.
278
00:11:45,042 --> 00:11:47,342
You know how
I was estranged from my father?
279
00:11:47,378 --> 00:11:49,611
Well, after he died,
I found his journal.
280
00:11:49,646 --> 00:11:51,480
Apparently,
he was a big bird watcher,
281
00:11:51,515 --> 00:11:53,482
and the only bird
he never spotted
282
00:11:53,517 --> 00:11:56,351
was Thailand's
purple-breasted Phuket Finch.
283
00:11:56,387 --> 00:11:58,020
So instead of safe houses,
284
00:11:58,055 --> 00:12:00,622
I looked
for my dad's missing bird.
285
00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:04,359
And, in a bigger way,
I guess I went looking...
286
00:12:04,395 --> 00:12:05,861
for him.
287
00:12:05,896 --> 00:12:08,363
I think the reason
I was in the Red-Light District
288
00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:10,632
was because, deep down...
289
00:12:10,667 --> 00:12:13,635
I just really like
giving it to transsexuals.
290
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,638
No wonder Bullock
sent a drone to do our jobs.
291
00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:18,373
He knew you'd screw it up!
292
00:12:18,409 --> 00:12:20,909
He's right.
Machines are better than us.
293
00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:22,044
[ Door opens ]
294
00:12:22,079 --> 00:12:23,512
[ Singsong voice ] Stan...
295
00:12:23,547 --> 00:12:27,115
it's your sexy wife,
come to save you!
296
00:12:27,151 --> 00:12:30,085
Only kidding!
Torture time!
297
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:35,424
...o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
298
00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:36,958
[ Both gasp ]
299
00:12:36,994 --> 00:12:39,061
Kiss the wall, ladies.
You're out of the game.
300
00:12:39,096 --> 00:12:40,529
[ Swish ]
301
00:12:40,564 --> 00:12:42,064
Oh, man!
302
00:12:42,099 --> 00:12:43,799
You look away
for just 10 minutes,
303
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,401
and you miss
the most exciting moment.
304
00:12:46,437 --> 00:12:49,071
Well, that's slow-motion racing
for you.
305
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:58,814
[ Whirring ]
306
00:12:58,849 --> 00:13:01,183
Do whatever you want to me.
I'll never talk.
307
00:13:01,218 --> 00:13:02,751
I don't need you to talk.
308
00:13:02,786 --> 00:13:05,087
Your friends already gave me
everything I need
309
00:13:05,122 --> 00:13:06,555
to execute you all.
310
00:13:06,590 --> 00:13:08,110
Then just kill us
and get it over with!
311
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:11,827
And end our fun so soon?
But why would I do that...
312
00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:13,562
when I've got this?!
313
00:13:13,597 --> 00:13:16,465
Oh, God.
How did you get that?
314
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,700
You dropped it
in the king's chamber!
315
00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,569
[ Footsteps ]
316
00:13:20,604 --> 00:13:22,571
[ Squish ]
Ow! What's that?
317
00:13:22,606 --> 00:13:24,906
That's truth serum.
318
00:13:24,942 --> 00:13:26,475
But you already know everything!
319
00:13:26,510 --> 00:13:27,642
Your friends don't!
320
00:13:27,678 --> 00:13:29,478
The truth serum will force you
321
00:13:29,513 --> 00:13:31,746
to tell them
it's your fault they got caught,
322
00:13:31,782 --> 00:13:33,115
and it's your fault
323
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:36,585
their bodies are going to be
ripped apart by yaks!
324
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,019
I won't!
I won't tell them!
325
00:13:38,055 --> 00:13:41,623
Do you want to know
the names of the yaks?
326
00:13:41,658 --> 00:13:44,759
Yak Cousteau, Yackie O.,
Yackie Chan,
327
00:13:44,795 --> 00:13:46,895
and yackity yak don't talk yak.
328
00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:49,731
Do you like the names
I came up with for my yaks?
329
00:13:49,766 --> 00:13:52,000
You've been trained
for this, Stan.
330
00:13:52,035 --> 00:13:53,735
Fight the serum.
331
00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:55,137
[ Whoosh! ]
332
00:13:55,172 --> 00:13:56,638
Oh, God.
333
00:13:56,673 --> 00:13:58,740
They're the best yak names
I've ever heard!
334
00:13:58,775 --> 00:14:00,775
He's ready.
335
00:14:05,487 --> 00:14:08,121
Your friend here has something
he wants to share with you.
336
00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:09,455
You maniac!
337
00:14:09,491 --> 00:14:10,990
"Mani-yak"...
[Maniac]
338
00:14:11,026 --> 00:14:13,459
That's a good name for a yak.
339
00:14:13,495 --> 00:14:17,463
We must buy another yak.
To the yak dealership!
340
00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:20,700
Stan, what was that precious
half-man talking about?
341
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,568
It's...
342
00:14:22,604 --> 00:14:24,470
it's my fault we got caught.
343
00:14:24,506 --> 00:14:25,538
What is that?
344
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,806
You know how I've always said
345
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:28,608
Bullock determines
the rooming list?
346
00:14:28,643 --> 00:14:30,109
He doesn't. I do.
347
00:14:30,145 --> 00:14:31,945
I have a point system
where I reward you
348
00:14:31,980 --> 00:14:34,447
whenever you're nice to me or
say something thought-provoking.
349
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:35,815
And the winner
gets to room with me,
350
00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:37,451
and I make sure
Dick never rooms with me.
351
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,118
And I wrote it on this sheet
of paper,
352
00:14:39,154 --> 00:14:40,720
along with our hotel info,
353
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,855
which fell out of my pocket
in the king's room.
354
00:14:42,891 --> 00:14:45,591
And that's why they were
waiting for us at the hotel.
355
00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:46,859
You bastard!
356
00:14:46,895 --> 00:14:48,161
There's more.
357
00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:50,096
Dick, you should know
that there is no
358
00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:52,732
C.I.A. nightbear
that takes human poops.
359
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,501
That's been us taking dumps
in your desk all the time.
360
00:14:55,537 --> 00:14:57,170
I know.
361
00:14:57,205 --> 00:14:58,638
I just didn't say anything,
362
00:14:58,673 --> 00:14:59,906
'cause I liked
that you cared enough
363
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,874
to keep doing it
for that many years.
364
00:15:01,910 --> 00:15:03,876
But the real truth is,
365
00:15:03,912 --> 00:15:06,612
we shouldn't even have been
in a position to get caught.
366
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:10,616
Seeing that drone fly past us,
it was like seeing the future --
367
00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:13,019
a future we're not part of.
368
00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:15,154
[ Voice breaking ]
We're old and obsolete,
369
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:18,157
and we're gonna die here.
370
00:15:18,193 --> 00:15:19,258
[ Bird chirping ]
371
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,196
Oh, my God.
372
00:15:23,231 --> 00:15:25,631
That's the purple-breasted
Phuket Finch!
373
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,667
It's a sign
we shouldn't give up!
374
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,939
Guys, this might sound crazy,
375
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,708
but I think this bird
might actually be my dead dad.
376
00:15:35,744 --> 00:15:37,710
I see that.
For sure.
377
00:15:37,746 --> 00:15:39,045
I really wish
I could lie to you,
378
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,948
but I definitely don't think
that's your dad.
379
00:15:44,619 --> 00:15:47,587
All right, guys, let's get out
of here old-school style --
380
00:15:47,622 --> 00:15:50,790
create a distraction, and
get the guards to open the door.
381
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:52,091
I suggest a fake fight.
382
00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:53,960
Is anyone willing
to get punched in the --
383
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,862
[ all grunting ]
384
00:15:55,897 --> 00:15:59,265
Whoa, guys,
I-I didn't volunteer!
385
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:02,068
I thought it was gonna be Dick!
Why are you hitting me?
386
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:03,703
Because you put us in here!
387
00:16:03,738 --> 00:16:05,138
Because you blamed us!
388
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:08,107
Because
I can't punch loneliness!
389
00:16:08,143 --> 00:16:11,244
[ All grunting ]
390
00:16:11,279 --> 00:16:12,845
It worked!
Grab 'em!
391
00:16:12,881 --> 00:16:14,881
[ Grunting continues ]
392
00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:23,823
Ha! Suckers.
The joke's on you.
393
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,858
[ Coughs ]
394
00:16:25,894 --> 00:16:27,260
What do we do with the guards?
395
00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:28,861
I'll strip them and tie them up!
396
00:16:28,897 --> 00:16:30,263
Wait, why strip them?
397
00:16:30,298 --> 00:16:32,865
Why do anything, Stan?
398
00:16:34,803 --> 00:16:37,036
All right, let's use our heads.
Which way?
399
00:16:37,072 --> 00:16:39,639
[ Bird chirping ]
Look! My dad is showing us the way!
400
00:16:39,674 --> 00:16:40,706
Left it is.
401
00:16:42,644 --> 00:16:43,876
Nope. Nope.
Other way.
402
00:16:43,912 --> 00:16:45,278
Daddy!
403
00:16:45,313 --> 00:16:48,381
[ "Old Time Rock and Roll"
plays ]
404
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:57,723
♪ Just take those old records
off the shelf ♪
405
00:16:57,759 --> 00:17:01,594
♪ I'll sit and listen to 'em
by myself ♪
406
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:04,130
♪ today's music
ain't got the same -- ♪
407
00:17:04,165 --> 00:17:05,631
[ Click, music shuts off ]
408
00:17:05,667 --> 00:17:07,934
I may have underestimated
these dum-dums.
409
00:17:07,969 --> 00:17:10,336
But their escape will end now.
410
00:17:10,371 --> 00:17:12,338
[ Gasps ] The new yak is here!
411
00:17:12,373 --> 00:17:14,774
I probably need to sign for him!
412
00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:19,145
This prison is a maze!
413
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,613
Look. A map.
414
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:22,648
This map is too confusing!
415
00:17:22,684 --> 00:17:24,650
It's just too confusing!
416
00:17:24,686 --> 00:17:28,054
No.
It's beautiful.
417
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,056
Huh?
This prison...
418
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:33,192
it's laid out
just like a transvestite!
419
00:17:36,131 --> 00:17:39,699
We just need to follow
the taint to freedom!
420
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:42,135
Man, ain't that the truth.
421
00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:46,639
What an amazing race!
422
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,307
Is there anywhere
you'd rather be
423
00:17:48,343 --> 00:17:51,944
than right here, right now
for the last 36 hours?!
424
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:54,080
Look at us, Steve --
neck and neck.
425
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,815
May the best man win.
426
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,183
Well, that's gonna be me,
427
00:17:57,218 --> 00:17:59,819
because your weird gut's
about to hit the wall.
428
00:17:59,854 --> 00:18:01,821
Not if your boner hits it first.
429
00:18:01,856 --> 00:18:03,356
What?
I don't have a boner.
430
00:18:03,391 --> 00:18:04,824
You're about to.
431
00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:06,826
How?
What are you gonna do?
432
00:18:06,861 --> 00:18:08,828
I don't have to do anything.
433
00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:11,831
You're a teenage boy
who just heard the word boner.
434
00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:13,366
It's already happening.
435
00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:16,235
No! Not now!
Not like this!
436
00:18:16,271 --> 00:18:19,105
Oh, God!
Not like this!
437
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,840
[ Straining ]
438
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,842
[ Thud ]
Ah! Damn it!
439
00:18:22,877 --> 00:18:24,377
Yes! I won!
440
00:18:24,412 --> 00:18:27,113
You did, Roger, but, in a way...
441
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,115
I feel like we all won.
442
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,117
What? Wait, what?
443
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,719
Because it brought us
all closer together.
444
00:18:33,755 --> 00:18:35,321
You're right.
445
00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:39,325
I thought I was in a race,
but really I was in a family.
446
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,328
[ Chuckling ] Okay,
I see what's happening here.
447
00:18:42,363 --> 00:18:45,064
Yeah, you're trying to screw me
out of my victory!
448
00:18:45,099 --> 00:18:47,733
We all heard
his dick hit the wall!
449
00:18:47,769 --> 00:18:51,237
Jackson: This is it.
This room is the taint.
450
00:18:51,272 --> 00:18:53,706
Or "nacho," depending on
where you grew up.
451
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,841
The exit should be
at the other side of that door.
452
00:18:55,877 --> 00:18:57,243
But the door can only be opened
453
00:18:57,278 --> 00:18:58,978
using a password-protected
computer.
454
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:00,880
There's no way
for us to get through.
455
00:19:00,915 --> 00:19:03,249
Yes, there is.
You're up, Dick.
456
00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:04,717
It's a computer, Stan.
457
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,118
Dick doesn't know
how to use those.
458
00:19:06,154 --> 00:19:09,255
Yeah, what is that thing,
a commodore 64 million?
459
00:19:09,290 --> 00:19:13,893
Just sit down at that computer
and follow your heart.
460
00:19:16,431 --> 00:19:17,997
Okay. Let's see.
461
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,733
"Safari."
That sounds exciting.
462
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:22,268
Ooh, I could use
some adult friends!
463
00:19:22,303 --> 00:19:23,869
Oh, no, Dick, wait!
464
00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:25,004
No, let him go.
465
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,405
[ Pop-ups beeping ]
466
00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:27,873
Punch the monkey?
467
00:19:27,909 --> 00:19:30,276
[ Beeping continues ]
Whoa, first try!
468
00:19:30,311 --> 00:19:35,781
Guys, a diplomat just sent me
an investment opportunity!
469
00:19:36,818 --> 00:19:38,384
Hurry up, Dick.
Hurry!
470
00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:41,754
Why is this lady in a bathtub
contacting me on Facebook?
471
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,290
[ Loud beeping, powering down ]
472
00:19:44,325 --> 00:19:47,026
Sorry, guys.
I crashed the computer.
473
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,761
[ Doors whirring ]
474
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,896
I knew you could do it, buddy!
475
00:19:53,268 --> 00:19:55,968
So, this is where I work.
476
00:19:56,004 --> 00:19:59,772
Oh, no!
My dum-dums go bye-bye!
477
00:19:59,807 --> 00:20:02,208
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
478
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,982
Boys, never forget what
got us out of that prison --
479
00:20:10,018 --> 00:20:13,853
human error
triumphing over machines.
480
00:20:13,888 --> 00:20:15,988
You know,
it would be a damn shame
481
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:18,958
to go home without that inhaler.
482
00:20:18,993 --> 00:20:20,293
[ All grunt ]
483
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,194
[ Knuckles crack ]
484
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:24,497
Welcome back, dum-dums!
485
00:20:24,532 --> 00:20:26,265
[ Ominous music plays ]
486
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,571
You're never gonna break through
that wall with a spoon, Dick.
487
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:38,277
Ha!
488
00:20:38,313 --> 00:20:41,213
Did anyone order
an awesome rescue?
489
00:20:41,249 --> 00:20:43,282
Bullock, what happened to you?
490
00:20:43,318 --> 00:20:46,218
Something that should have
happened a long time ago.
491
00:20:46,254 --> 00:20:50,322
Now climb aboard.
Let's get the hell out of here!
492
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,226
Anyone know the way
to the Red-Light District?
493
00:20:53,826 --> 00:20:58,901
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com