1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,550
Oh dear!
Who did this then, chief?

2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,710
It was like it when I got it.

3
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,070
Oh, my days!
Look at the state of that axle.

4
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,390
~ What a bodge! Oh dear.
~ Oh dear.

5
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,710
My mum could have done a better job
with those wheel arches,

6
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,230
and she's been dead 20 years!

7
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,270
~ That's bad then, isn't it?
~ They're all warped. Look.

8
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,590
I'm just looking for
a bit more speed is all.

9
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:22,150
~ You race then, chief?
~ Planning to, planning to.

10
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,470
~ Underground or in the arena?
~ Well, hopefully arena one day.

11
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,390
~ What's underground?
~ Wannabe circuit.

12
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,310
~ Every Saturday outside
the city wall. ~ Oh sweet.

13
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:34,510
Bunch of dickheads! Think they know
the first thing about racing.

14
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,230
I hate dickheads.

15
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,910
It could be several things
slowing her down, boss.

16
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,510
The wheels, the axle, or the arches.
I'd start again with all of them.

17
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,550
OK, how much do you reckon
this is gonna...?

18
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,510
~ 495 denarii.
~ Oh.

19
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,110
Or, could it just be the horse?

20
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,990
Yeah.

21
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,280
To be fair, it could be that.

22
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,870
♪ When in Rome

23
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,360
♪ Do as the Romans do

24
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,030
♪ Far from home

25
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,310
♪ All I got is you ♪

26
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:12,150
"Owing to the failure of your
legal representative in court."

27
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,390
Sorry about that.

28
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,230
"You will hereby be deported
in five days time

29
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,150
"unless you are able to pay
a 3,000 denarii fine

30
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,270
"or obtain a work permit
from a reputable company.

31
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,830
"We hope you've enjoyed your stay
in Rome and please do not come back."

32
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,190
I am so sorry. If there's anything
I can do, please just say.

33
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,910
~ Can you pay 3,000 denarii?
~ No, to be fair, I can't do that.

34
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,790
What about Grandma's inheritance?
That's a few thousand?

35
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,390
~ It was. It's now about 50.
~ Right.

36
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,510
Is there a grandpa
that could maybe help out?

37
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,990
By help out you mean die.

38
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,070
~ Grandpa will outlive us all.
~ Mm, great.

39
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,840
Well, look we'll find a way
out of this, I promise.

40
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,790
The way I see it,
things couldn't be any better.

41
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:57,670
Right, how exactly? The girl
I may well love is being deported.

42
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,710
Because I'm racing this Saturday.

43
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,190
She bets her money on me,
I romp home,

44
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,390
she pays off her fine, job done.

45
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,790
~ Racing as in...
~ Chariots, baby.

46
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,870
~ On the underground circuit.
~ Ah, and underground as in...

47
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,750
Tunnels, probably.

48
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,710
No, Grumio, underground
as in not that legal.

49
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,430
~ Oh, perfect!
~ She should bet on me.

50
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,750
~ My odds will be good cos I'm new.
~ You're shit.

51
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,150
A bit of both.

52
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,550
~ Sorry, what is this?
~ Carbs, for the race.

53
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,710
~ I've got to carb up.
~ Do you? The horse is doing the work.

54
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,790
~ I egg her on, don't I?
~ Not very well, clearly.

55
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,710
~ I've never seen Peggy go quicker
than a trot. ~ That's not true!

56
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,030
Do not suggest gambling
to the girls, OK?

57
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,280
~ I'm taking care of it.
~ All right, fine.

58
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,870
G-man, is this carbs or sand?

59
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,150
It's a sandy carbs.

60
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,590
~ Keep going, champ.
~ All right.

61
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,670
~ No pain, no gain.
~ Yeah.

62
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,710
Go on, champ. Huh.

63
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,390
She's dedicated, conscientious,

64
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,350
she works well on her own
and as part of a team.

65
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,470
And needs a work permit
to avoid deportation.

66
00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,910
Pretty much.

67
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:02,750
Her CV seems to be a list of accents.

68
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,230
Yes, I'm an actor mainly.
That's my acting CV.

69
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,390
Proficient in folk dancing I see.

70
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,390
I'm a bit rusty, but I'm happy to do
a refresher course if it helps.

71
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:13,590
It doesn't,
because this is an office.

72
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,550
~ Ever worked in one of these?
~ No, but I'm keen to learn.

73
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,710
And she does have useful
officey skills, don't you?

74
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,870
Yes, I can do adding and taking away
and the other one.

75
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,550
Can you fuck people's husbands?

76
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,910
Erm... is that an officey skill?

77
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,310
Not really. How's that relevant?

78
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,590
My bastard husband has just
shacked up with one of her lot.

79
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,270
~ My lot?
~ Yes, you know?

80
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,870
Young, blonde, perky.

81
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,790
~ OK, that's not really her fault.
~ No, no, I know.

82
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,670
I don't want to take it out on you
but if you stay much longer

83
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,870
I may very well stab this pen
into your milky white neck.

84
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,590
Right, let's maybe leave it.

85
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,080
Thank you for the opportunity.

86
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,150
Come on, Peggy. Yeah! Yeah.

87
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,150
~ What you doing?
~ Just trying out a new noise. Yeah.

88
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,270
~ Hah.
~ Go on, you bugger.

89
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,350
~ Go on, get, get.
~ Stop. We're confusing her.

90
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,950
Try the carrot.

91
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,510
~ No, I meant on Peggy, Grumio.
~ Oh. Right, yeah.

92
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,870
Hah. Hah.

93
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,750
Salve, Grumio. Horsing about again.

94
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,270
All right, Davus.
How do you get something to run?

95
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:17,590
Maybe chase it with an axe.

96
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,750
~ Usually works for me.
~ Sounds a bit full on.

97
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:23,390
So listen, how do you fancy
a rotisserie chicken?

98
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,360
Keep talking.

99
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:32,550
So, Landlord's now living in
this exclusive gated community,

100
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,110
slash maximum security prison.

101
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,030
Right. I wondered where he'd been.

102
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,670
~ And he wants to see you.
~ Why me?

103
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,070
~ He values your specific talent.
~ What's that then?

104
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,550
Being able to
fit through a tiny pipe.

105
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,390
I'd do it myself but pff,
I could barely get my dick in there.

106
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,350
Well, I want the chicken
upfront then,

107
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,950
so I can eat it in the pipe.

108
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,590
~ You know it's a sewage pipe.
~ Mm, OK, I'll have it after.

109
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,360
Good stuff. Right, up and at 'em.

110
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,080
Come on, my son.

111
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,200
Uhh. Ergh.

112
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,720
~ Yeah, push me.
~ That's it.

113
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,590
Oh, it's dead brown.

114
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,750
Close your mouth maybe.

115
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,350
Oi.

116
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,110
Landlord.

117
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,870
~ Salve, Grumio.
~ All right, Landlord.

118
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,150
Am I glad to see you.

119
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,990
I don't know. Are you?

120
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,710
~ Yes, I am.
~ So how's prison going then?

121
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,310
Quite secure unfortunately.

122
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,630
I feel a bit erm, stuck.

123
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,310
~ You know what I mean?
~ I do actually, yeah.

124
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:46,550
I'd give you a tour but...

125
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,310
I should be getting back.
It's a bit whiffy in here.

126
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:54,510
Sure. Well, do me a favour
and give this to Davus, will you?

127
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,350
It's just a little shopping list.

128
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,350
~ Got ya.
~ Ta-ra then. Come and see me anytime.

129
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,800
You know where I am.

130
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,270
It's doing my head in. I just can't
get Peggy going no matter what I do.

131
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,590
Have you tried whipping her?

132
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,710
~ What, whip Peggy?
~ Whip her on the bum.

133
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,920
Dig your heels in.
She'll go like the clappers.

134
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,390
~ I mean, Peggy is a horse, right?
~ No, she's his new girlfriend.

135
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,310
~ You want me to whip her on her bum.
~ I got confused.

136
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,590
~ Dig his heels in.
~ I thought she was a horse.

137
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,350
~ That's what you're into.
~ That's how you make women go?

138
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,910
~ I'm not into that.
~ Pervert!

139
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,190
~ No.
~ What are you into?

140
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,750
~ If you're not into that...
~ I'm into big booties.

141
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,950
Really, water boy.

142
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,110
Remind me to have
the salad for lunch.

143
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,310
Yes, don't worry.
You're perfectly safe. Water man.

144
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,990
Good to hear.
Don't look at my tuchus again.

145
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,790
Copier, I've decided to give
your perky little pal a job

146
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,670
and therefore a work permit.

147
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,510
Oh, brilliant. That's fantastic.

148
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,510
I've overcome my anger
towards my husband

149
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,750
due to some Celtic
breathing techniques.

150
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,030
~ Those guys can really breathe.
~ They can indeed.

151
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,070
In with peace. Out with pain. Whoo.

152
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,030
~ The job comes with two conditions.
~ Go ahead.

153
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,310
~ One, she must dress dowdily.
~ I'll cut a hole in a sack.

154
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,750
And two, you must visit
my house tonight,

155
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,670
gain entry and beat the living shit
out of my husband.

156
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,790
~ Sorry, I don't really understand.
~ It's very simple.

157
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,670
You beaty hubby, she getty jobby.

158
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,110
Yeah, I'm not gonna beaty hubby.

159
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,510
Then no getty jobby,

160
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:26,070
because that love rat bastard
needs to bleed hard...

161
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,150
And in with peace.

162
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,040
And out with pain.

163
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,190
Of course you could beaty hubby.

164
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,870
~ You're nails.
~ Am I, though?

165
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:43,190
~ I'm really scared of violence.
~ And wasps. And crowds.

166
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,550
We have already blackmailed
Flavia's husband.

167
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,350
We'd be adding injury to insult.

168
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,120
We're only gonna shit him up a bit,
not kill the guy.

169
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,190
Not sure it's worth it.

170
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,310
All this faff for a girl
who doesn't like me.

171
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,670
Of course she likes you.

172
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,630
I've been hounding her since
she moved in and I've got nowhere.

173
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,870
At least if she leaves,
Metella will go with her.

174
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,950
Don't give up now,
hey, if she's leaving

175
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,390
she might have sex with you because
she never has to see you again.

176
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,270
Oh perfect. How romantic!

177
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,870
Fuck romantic! You need to end
your sex drought, dude.

178
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,160
End the drought!

179
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,560
Douche me.

180
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,040
Ooh.

181
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,190
~ Hi, is Cynthia in?
~ No.

182
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,990
She's gone to the gardens
before we return to Britain

183
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,030
where we're being deported
because of you.

184
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,110
~ I have said sorry.
~ Can I take a message?

185
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,110
Tell Cynthia I've tried my best
but I'm not getting anywhere.

186
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,670
I could have told you that.

187
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,310
With the work permits.
To keep you guys in Rome.

188
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,270
Ah-ha. So I guess that's that then.

189
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,510
That's the last time I hear
you lamely knocking at our door.

190
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,390
And the last time I'm disappointed
when it's you that answers.

191
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,990
Well, it's been an absolute blast.

192
00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,470
Are you ready for this to be slammed
in your hideous face one last time?

193
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,790
Actually... no. Not yet.

194
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,590
You have always tried to
get between me and Cynthia.

195
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,710
Right from the start for no reason.

196
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,950
You are totally wrong for each other.
Surely you get that by now?

197
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,870
Tell you what I get, mate,

198
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:18,310
I get that you are a cold knob,
who's always hated me.

199
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:22,440
Given we're never gonna see each
other ever again, I wanna know why.

200
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,070
Because you're such a crap kisser.

201
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:35,520
~ And you're a grumpy cow.
~ Shut up, you whiny prick.

202
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:48,510
~ I don't know. It just happened.
~ And with that, the sex drought ends!

203
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:49,790
I'm so proud.

204
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,470
~ Thought you liked the other one.
~ Yeah, well so did I.

205
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,750
~ I thought you hated this one.
~ Again, so did I.

206
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,190
~ She's always so shitty with me.
~ Exactly, because she wants you bad.

207
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,070
This is what I've been
saying all along.

208
00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:01,870
You've never said that before.

209
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,230
~ Have I not?
~ No. You've not.

210
00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,830
I've definitely thought it.

211
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,790
We've agreed to keep it secret.
Carry on like we hate each other.

212
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,270
~ You've had plenty of practice.
~ Yeah.

213
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:15,390
But the weird thing is,
I think I really like Metella.

214
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,910
Of course you do.
You two are well suited.

215
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,630
You're both brainy and... frowny.
I mean, it's perfect.

216
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:25,070
~ Isn't she being deported?
~ I'm sure that bit's not ideal.

217
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,830
Still, you've got a couple of days
of rampant humping.

218
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,230
Then you can wipe her down
and wave her off.

219
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,950
She can't go. Not now.

220
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,230
I've been chasing the wrong one
this whole time.

221
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,230
~ I need to keep them here.
~ What you gonna do?

222
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,800
I think we've got a hubby to beaty.

223
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,470
~ OK, this one's Flavia's house.
~ Right, here's the plan.

224
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,150
~ You pin him down.
~ Right, pin him with my hands?

225
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,510
Not with pins, clearly.

226
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,310
~ I was thinking I could do
a berserker. ~ What's that?

227
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,910
You just kind of hulk out
and cause mayhem.

228
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,430
~ Yeah, don't do that.
~ OK, I have it really as a backup.

229
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,150
~ You're gonna create a diversion.
~ What's that then?

230
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,750
Just make him look the other way
so I can smack him about.

231
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,910
~ Nice one.
~ And let me do the talking.

232
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,310
Good luck, everyone.

233
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:17,110
Hello there. We work with Flavia.
We've come to pick up a folder.

234
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,830
~ What, all three of you?
~ It's a really big folder.

235
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,520
OK, then, come on.

236
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:27,790
Hey, I know you.

237
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,430
You're the guy who blackmailed me
for my chariot.

238
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,390
Oh yeah. That was me.
Sorry about that.

239
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,990
No worries.
Actually did me a bit of a favour.

240
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,950
~ Went and bought a bigger one.
~ Oh, amazing.

241
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,230
Yeah, that stepped it up
a bit of a gear.

242
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,390
Leather trim, metallic paintwork,

243
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,350
those really nasty spiky things
on the wheels for racing.

244
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,390
~ Ooh nasty.
~ I just entered a race.

245
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,190
Have ya? Oh rock on, man.
Bit of a speed demon, hey?

246
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,350
Er, guys.

247
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,830
Hardly, he can't even get
Peggy to run.

248
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,390
~ She's not responding to the command?
~ What command?

249
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,190
Guys, Pegasus is a highly-trained
racing animal.

250
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,990
She's not gonna run unless you
give her the proper vocal command.

251
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,110
~ And what is that?
~ Moooo.

252
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,030
~ A moo?
~ Yeah.

253
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,870
I guess she must have been a bit
freaked by cows when she was...

254
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,230
Hey, sorry.
Can I offer you some food?

255
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,710
Yes, please.

256
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:23,870
Got this amazing Ligurian ham.
It is the business.

257
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,150
I've got a very
feisty cheese over there.

258
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,870
That's very kind of you, but we do
need to get that folder now.

259
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,350
Go and get it then.
We'll have some feisty cheese.

260
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,920
Grumio, I mean...

261
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,910
~ Fucking hell! What was that?
~ That's for being a dirty love rat.

262
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,590
~ You've just slapped me.
~ Yeah.

263
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,430
I can't believe you just slapped me,
you dirty, filthy bitch.

264
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,150
~ Well, believe it.
~ Get off me.

265
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,830
~ Ooh, ahh.
~ Get off me.

266
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:48,480
Hey, look over here. Moony.

267
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,430
~ Ooh.
~ Get out my house.

268
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,630
Right. Ahhh!

269
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,150
Shitting hell. My sword.

270
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,990
My sword.

271
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,950
~ We're going.
~ Come on!

272
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,960
We're leaving now.

273
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,120
Twats.

274
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,070
So, all in all,
I think it was a success.

275
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,270
Really?

276
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,230
My husband's totally unscathed
face and body suggests otherwise.

277
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,230
But we shat him up though I bet.

278
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,750
Not so much actually
according to Cornelius.

279
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,910
~ You ate various cold meats.
~ That was Grumio.

280
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,550
~ Then one of your bore their bottom.
~ Also Grumio.

281
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,110
Whilst you took your top off.

282
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,230
I was hulking out, doing a berserker.

283
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,630
And then broke one of my vases.

284
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,510
I did slap him.
Did he mention the slap?

285
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:41,950
~ He did not.
~ I did slap him.

286
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,430
He did. He slapped him good.

287
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,670
So, can Cynthia have the job then?

288
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,190
What do you think?

289
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:52,430
We just go back to plan A,
they bet on me, I win the race,

290
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,790
they pay the three grand, you and
Metella live snarkily ever after.

291
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,230
That is not plan A.

292
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,870
There's not enough letters
to give that plan a name.

293
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,510
~ I know the special noise now.
~ Sure, you can moo at a horse.

294
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,710
That really fills me
with confidence.

295
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,670
What are you doing?

296
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,830
Trust me and I will win.

297
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,750
~ I don't think it works like that.
~ Well, at least admit I can win.

298
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,550
OK, I admit it's mathematically
possible for you to win.

299
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,400
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

300
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,910
Thanks, babe.

301
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,230
~ You all right, lads?
~ Hey.

302
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,990
Hi, Cynthia. Metella.

303
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,750
Get anyone deported today,
you ugly bastard?

304
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,030
Not yet, you ginger prick.

305
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,910
We're selling the things we can't
take back to Britain with us.

306
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,110
Everything must go, including us.

307
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,430
You never know.
You might be staying.

308
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:43,270
~ Right, Marcus?
~ Er, yeah. There's one last option.

309
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,710
~ You could always bet on him.
~ Yeah, do that.

310
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,830
~ Bet on him to do what?
~ I'm in a chariot race.

311
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,870
That's your plan? Betting on him.

312
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,790
~ He CAN do it.
~ And will.

313
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,750
I know it's not what we'd want,
but it's all we've got.

314
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,710
How about we throw caution to
the wind and just give it a go?

315
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,550
Britain's a long way away.

316
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,720
So, I'd much prefer
to have you next door.

317
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:10,070
Delivering the shopping,
delivering the shopping,

318
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,360
delivering the shopping to Landlord.

319
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,350
Oh, lovely.
That will work a treat.

320
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,030
What's all this stuff for then?

321
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,630
Erm, I'm thinking of joining
the woodwork club.

322
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,350
Yeah, escape the drudgery.

323
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,510
~ Won't they have tools there?
~ No, no tools in prison. Only screws.

324
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,630
~ That's for whittling.
~ Oh. So what you gonna make then?

325
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,510
I don't know.
I guess maybe a swing.

326
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,510
Oh, yeah, wicked.

327
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,630
The years will fly by
if you're on a swing.

328
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,640
That is the idea.

329
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,030
Oh. Hi, Cynth.

330
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,070
~ Hey, so when's this race then?
~ A couple of hours or so.

331
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,270
Stylax is already there.
Geeing himself up.

332
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,670
Right. Shouldn't he be
geeing the horse up?

333
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,110
Yeah, he won't be told.

334
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,830
Whatever works, because
I'm going to do the betting.

335
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,190
You are. Wow, that's fantastic.

336
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,830
I'd do anything to stay in Rome.

337
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,270
I can see how much it means to you
to have us next door.

338
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:11,870
It really does. God knows what
freaks might move in instead.

339
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,310
Yeah, but it's more
than that though, isn't it?

340
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,430
~ Is it? ~ You've pursued me
since the moment I got here.

341
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:23,030
Sometimes I've felt flattered and
other times I've felt mm, harassed.

342
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,150
I guess I'm starting to see
what might have been.

343
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,950
Only now when it's almost too late.

344
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,720
So how about we do what you said
and throw caution to the wind?

345
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,430
Oh. Now.

346
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,630
This is what you want, isn't it?

347
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,000
Yeah.

348
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,750
Davus!

349
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,390
Davus! I'm finished.

350
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,550
Davus!

351
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,760
Make way!
Ooh!

352
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:13,550
Hi. Out there.
I'm late for a race.

353
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,550
~ Salve, Grumio.
~ All right, Landlord, pull us out.

354
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,190
Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush.

355
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,200
Ooh. Help!

356
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,230
Oh, by jove,
he's done the double.

357
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,830
Sex drought all year
and then boom, sex flood.

358
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,230
~ I'm a dirty love rat.
~ Yeah, I know you are.

359
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,070
~ I'm so incredibly proud.
~ What the hell do I do though?

360
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,390
~ Will they definitely tell each other?
~ Pretty sure they will.

361
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,550
Cynthia's also keeping it secret
but that won't last long.

362
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,670
Is it out of the question that they
might be willing to share you?

363
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,310
Share me?
They're more likely to stab me!

364
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:56,750
Look, I think it's best
for all of us, but mainly me,

365
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,790
if the girls just got
deported after all.

366
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,110
~ Good thinking. ~ Which of course
they will if you lose the race.

367
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,230
Oh, no, no, no, no. Bad thinking.
Don't make me throw the race, dude.

368
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,270
You don't have to. You're not gonna
win it as we both know.

369
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,830
All I'm saying is,
if by some freak occurrence

370
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,990
you look like you might win it,
just don't.

371
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,470
OK, for me?

372
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,430
~ Huh, fine.
~ Ah cool, man.

373
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,030
May as well stop lunging then.

374
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:24,640
Cheers, man.

375
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,640
Right. Here goes.

376
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,760
Uhhh!

377
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,750
Ha, ha.

378
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,080
Bloody hell.

379
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,150
In the next race
we've got Castro at nine to four,

380
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,830
Attibius at three to one,
and Aidanus at seven to one,

381
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,560
and Stylax at one hundred to one.

382
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,160
Hey.

383
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,310
~ I did the betting.
~ Cool.

384
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:10,950
On Stylax, right? To win.

385
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,270
Yep. We'll make over 5,000 denarii
if he wins.

386
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,470
The odds on him are brilliant,
as in terrible.

387
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,350
Great. Well then, come on, Stylax.

388
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,040
All right.

389
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:23,750
Yeah.

390
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,790
~ Nut?
~ Thanks.

391
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,470
Not for me.

392
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,670
Three, two, one!

393
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,760
Come on, Stylax!

394
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,400
Move it, Stylax!

395
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,600
Oh. Ooh.

396
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,520
Uh-oh!

397
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,550
~ Mooo!
~ No. No. Grumio.

398
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,960
~ No, Grumio.
~ Moooo!

399
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,520
Go on, Stylax.

400
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:09,550
Yes.

401
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,560
Whoa, Peggy. Whoa, Peggy.

402
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,080
Yeah, I can't...

403
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,030
Whoa. Whoa!

404
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,040
~ Moo!
~ Stop mooing!

405
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,480
Ah, jove.

406
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,270
Final lap.

407
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,630
Come on!
Come on, Stylax!

408
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,760
Whoa!

409
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,070
Jove!

410
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,270
I don't like it.
I don't like it. Ooh.

411
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,390
~ Keep on going.
~ Go on, Stylax!

412
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,190
~ He's going to do it.
~ Oh. Great.

413
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,750
He's doing it.

414
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,960
Did it first.

415
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,360
Uhh!

416
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,110
Erm...

417
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,950
The winner is Stylax!

418
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,350
Uhh! Uhh!

419
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,350
Don't like it. Uhh.

420
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,270
You were right about the girls.
They're not gonna share you.

421
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,270
~ Uh-huh.
~ You were right about the race.

422
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,310
~ It is the horse, not the driver.
~ Uh-huh.

423
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:27,150
Which makes it a stupid bloody sport.
I mean, it's way too fast.

424
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,270
Especially when someone
starts mooing.

425
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,590
How were I supposed to know
you needed him to lose

426
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,550
cos you wanted the girls kicked out
cos you'd done the other one

427
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,150
as well as the other one,
I can't keep up these days.

428
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,870
Yeah, neither can I.

429
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,750
Hey, how come you leaving?
I thought you'd won enough to stay.

430
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:46,710
We're staying in Rome, we're just
getting out of this shit pit.

431
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:50,670
We don't want to live next door to a
big-nosed, lying, cheating, bastard

432
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,430
who makes this face
when this orgasms.

433
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,790
~ I don't do that face.
~ You do actually.

434
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,430
That's it then.
There goes the love of my life.

435
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,870
Which one?

436
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:06,430
Mm, yeah, not sure.
I've really fucked it up this time.

437
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,710
Oh bullshit, man. You're my hero.

438
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,430
You've had sex with
two girls in one week.

439
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,230
You live in the best
city in the world

440
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,750
and you get to hang out
with me and G-man.

441
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,390
Things couldn't be any better. Hey.

442
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:24,030
Yeah, before we hug, can we maybe
wash off the blood, shit and vom?

443
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,550
Oh. Yeah, sure.

444
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,520
Come on then, douche me.

445
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,680
This way, lads.

446
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,950
♪ Today I got the news...

447
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,590
♪ So darling don't let this
Happen to us

448
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,710
♪ Oh I love you too much
To let it happen to us

449
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,510
♪ Oh don't let this happen to us

450
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,640
♪ Oh I love you too much
Can't let it happen to us

451
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,430
♪ I will surely be filled with misery

452
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,840
♪ If you should take
Your love from me... ♪