Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
Garrett, I came as soon as I heard.
You're under arrest, punk.
He's under arrest?
No, officer, this whole thing is my fault.
I'm totally responsible.
All right then, you're under arrest, punk.
Well, techinically, he's the punk who stole the bike.
What-the-what?
Logan, why are all these books in our locker?
And try to tell me they're yours,
'cause they look like they've actually been used.
Here's the thing. Chemistry books are the heaviest books of all.
I'm told. Our locker is in the same hall as the chemsitry classroom.
I'm told.
Will you be getting to your point soon,
or will I have time to download a movie?
I am providing a public service by letting the study-ohs...
study-ohs? You know, those kids who...
I get it.
Anyway, I'm letting them store their books in our locker.
That doesn't sound like you. For a fee.
That sounds like you.
Logan, it's my locker too.
I want all of this stuff out of here by lunch today.
Or what?
Or I post that picture of you
in your big boy diaper... From when you were seven
mom said she destroyed that.
That's the one from when you were eight.
Look at this crowd. It's ridiculous.
Rumble juice isn't even that good.
They all want the latest dumb food craze.
First the cronut, then fling cheese.
That was everywhere.
Still is, honey.
My point is, give people a cutesy name and they'll buy anything.
Hey, how 'bout a Snot Dog?
That's not so cute.
Besides, I think it takes more than a cute name to start a food craze.
Really? Would you eat a hollowed out cucumber stuffed with meat, rice, and beans?
Ew. No way.
What about the cucumburrito?
Oh, sounds de-lish. Okay, maybe you have a point.
Allow me to demonstate.
Do you like the muff-in?
Well, how about the muff-out? And, post.
Mark my words, within a week,
all these sheep will be talking about the muffout.
Hey, have you guys heard of the muffout? It's trending.
How'd that happen?
What?
Hey look!
Rumble juice is raffling off
one of those cool wildrider bikes.
I already have a wildrider Mountain crusher.
You own something with the words "wild," "Mountain," and "crusher" in it?
Hey, I can be rugged. I once went a whole day without socks.
Well, hey, we should go bike-riding some time.
Impossible. I never ride my bike.
What? Then why did you get it?
Because it's got 28 gears, hydraulic brakes,
and the strength and agility to shred the steepest, rockiest terrain on the planet.
I keep it on a small bed in my garage.
Garrett, I'm a little worried about you.
And when I say a little, I mean a lot-tle.
I'm your friend, and I want to see you on that bike, the wind in your face...
gravel in my eye. The sun in your hair.
Excessive radiation.
Legs churning... butt chaffing.
Garrett!
Tomorrow, you, me, bikes, the open road.
Oh, and you might want to get some padded bike shorts.
Yeah, already wearing them.
Rumble juice's seats are notoriously unforgiving.
Wow, when did you become a study-oh?
I'm not. I'm a making-money-oh.
I've got 50 paying customers, and thanks to Lindy, no locker to store these in.
Do you want me to be encouraging, or do you want me to remind you
that none of your businesses ever work out?
I'm good either way.
Well, I'd say the ship has sailed on encouragement.
And you're wrong. This business will work out.
I know exactly what I'm doing, and I don't need your help.
Okay, I need your help.
You have your own locker, right?
I do. Wanna share?
I don't.
But the marching band gets their own lockers,
and they're twice as big as ours.
Wait. Shh.
An idea just popped into my head. Let me listen to it.
Oh, that's good. I'll join the marching band.
What instrument will you play? The I-didn't-think-this-througha-phone?
All I have to do is find an instrument
that requires no musical ability.
The piccolo?
The clarinet?
No, it's gotta be something really easy.
Hey, would you knock it off?
I'm trying to figure out what instrument to play.
Hey rock star Dave.
I think you got the wrong guy.
My bad. I heard all the girls talking about a guy named Dave who plays the triangle
and who is totally irresistible.
There's another Dave who plays the triangle?
It's you, dude.
Unfortunately, they also said band guys are totally un-dateable.
But who needs girls, right?
I do.
Then it sounds like you've reached a spork in the road.
Are you willing to spend your high school years
without that magical, mystical, wonderful feeling?
Dude, the triangle's fun, but it ain't all that.
I meant a girlfriend!
To get one, you're definitely going to have to quit the band.
No two ways about it.
Then I am quitting the band
totally your call.
What's with all the envelopes in my locker?
It's like Valentine's day... At your locker.
Wait a minute... There's money in here.
"I heard you could hook me up with muffouts, here's money,
I'll take a dozen, keep the change."
People want the muffout and it doesn't even exist.
Trendy food craze, school full of sheep, cute name,
I'm surprised I don't have any orders for the Snot Dog.
There's actually one order for a Snot Dog.
You know deals, there may be a way we could take advantage of all this.
If you're suggesting I keep the cash, switch schools and change my name,
the thought did cross my mind.
From now on, call me kikki Jane tingley.
No, we can actually bake them and sell them.
If we play our cards right, we could be muffout millionaire moguls.
Great. I'll come up with the logo,
and the boxes, and a marketing plan.
And I'll make the muffout. Just one question.
What the heck is a muffout?
I meant to audition, but I chickened out.
You band guys intimidated me with your coolness.
Yeah, we get that a lot. And frankly, it's true.
I guess you could say we march to the beat of our own drummer.
Petie.
Oh gosh, if there was any way I could join.
But band is so cool, I bet nobody ever quits.
What a weird coincidence. One of our guys just quit.
What? No way. I had no idea.
Oh darn, the only instrument I can play is the triangle.
The guy who quit played the triangle!
What? No way! I had no idea for the second time in a row.
What a ride. That was great.
I mean, it was thrilling just seeing the wheels turn.
So how do you have to thank for that?
My mom for getting me the bike.
Sure, but who do you owe the experience to?
Giuseppe marcovicchi, the designer of the bike.
I mean on a more local level?
Say a friend who encouraged you?
Oh thank you. Oh, stop it.
You don't need to thank me! I did this for you.
The important thing is you got out there.
You grabbed life by the handlebars, pedaled hard,
and took it for a spin.
I'm so glad I pushed you,
or your bike would be home right now, in your garage,
safely tucked in its little bed.
Instead it's out there waiting for your next adventure.
My bike!
Somebody stole my bike!
And it's totally because of you.
Sure, that you give me credit for.
My bike, my bike my bike, my bike.
Is your friend always this freaked out?
No...
Yes.
It's going to be okay.
Let the police do their job and find the bike.
Go ahead officer, tell him it's going to be okay.
Stolen bikes are never recovered.
You mean stolen bikes are recovered once in a while?
I mean, never say never, right?
Your friend, he's never going to see his bike again.
Hey, where's the good cop, bad cap?
Oh, sorry. We'll find your bike, buddy.
The bike's toast, gone, goodbye.
Listen to the bad cop.
But you have to do something.
Call every cop in the city and get them on the case.
I mean helicopters, police dogs, all points bulletin.
Come on, don't just sit there, do something!
Dispatch, we've got a 241.
Is that police code for stolen bicycle?
No, that's a made up number I use to get away from annoying teenagers.
Sorry, kid. But come on, the wildrider Mountain crusher?
You should really keep that locked up in your garage.
So one chemistry book, one art project,
and one plushy stuffed penguin.
Hey, I don't judge. But if I did...
Okay people, band practice is starting,
it's time for the magic.
Magic? I thought this was band practice?
Oh well, abra-ka-bye-bye!
Logan, Logan, all band members must attend all practices.
Fine, this isn't going to take much time is it?
Three hours.
A week? A day.
You seriously expect me to practice
three hours every day after school?
Of course not.
Oh good.
Three hours a day before school.
Some of us have lives, dude.
This is epic! The muffout is a hit.
I'm not surprised. My recipe is genius.
Business on the inside, part on the outside.
It's the mullet of food.
No such thing as a muffout, huh? I'll take one.
Sorryk, we just sold out.
People love these.
What should we do with all the money we made?
We invest it back in the company.
We have to bake more right away.
Stick with me, and they'll be muffout stores on every corner in Chicago.
Forget Chicago, the country!
Forget the country, the world!
In France, they'll be "muff-oo."
In Italy, it'll be called "muffoo-saroni."
In Japan, we'll make it huge, and we'll call it "muff-zilla."
Nothing is going to stop us!
Except the a.V. Club. They need their table back.
Let's go for a bike ride, she said.
Grab life by the handlebars, she said.
Thanks to you, I don't have any handlebars, he said.
I'm so sorry... she said?
I feel horrible. I was up all night making fliers.
Really? These took you all night?
Each one is handmade with love, concern, and three coats of guilt.
Aww. The little cartoon bike is sad.
And the wheels are heart-shaped.
These must have taken you a long time.
Garrett, I know you're mad, but you could at least recycle.
Don't you dare say "cycle."
Logan?
Oh, right.
Nailed it!
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I feel like you're kind of phoning it in.
Is that an option? 'Cause I would totally do that.
Call you tomorrow.
Seriously Logan, I'm going to have to replace you.
What? No, you can't. I need the money.
What money?
Uh, the money I'll make
when I'm a professional triangle-ist.
I just don't believe that you're really committed to the band.
And what would it take to convince you that I was committed?
Did you just put money in my oboe?
Ross, please, I've got to stay in the band.
I wish I was covered in blueberries
while Jasmine was pushing me on that cart.
Wait, you're in to my friend Jasmine?
What part of being pushed around by her
while I was covered in blueberries didn't you understand?
I would do anything to get a date with her.
So, I can really store the muffouts
in your band locker overnight?
Hey, when something's important to you,
it's important to me.
I can't believe you're being this generous
without something in it for you.
Well this is a little hard for me to say,
but, uh, there is something in it for me.
I mean, if you're open to the idea of dating.
Go on. I think I know where this is going.
Good. That makes this a lot easier.
I need you to go out with Ross.
Excuse me?
Ross the oboe player?
Who stares at me just long enough for it to be creepy?
No, no, no. Ross, the oboe player
you're going out with tomorrow night.
We may be talking about the same guy.
How could you possibly suggest something so selfish and offensive?
Uh, because I need something?
So you scam your way into a giant locker that I told you about.
Yep. And when I need to use it,
you make me go on a date with Ross?
Uh-huh.
The same Ross who took up oboe
'cause it's the only thing he's ever going to kiss?
We are talking about the same guy.
So, 7:00 sound good?
Hi, Lindy. Good. You're here. Check this out.
I've been tracking down every bike theft in the city.
There is a pattern.
They use a criminal underground chop shop
to break bikes down into parts.
Unless I'm mistaken, your bike is on a banana boat halfway to caracas, Venezuela.
I just found it outside rumble juice.
Okay, I was mistaken.
It was just sitting at the bike rack, so I took it back.
Oh my gosh!
And it looks as good as new.
Score one for the good guys.
Uh, did you noticed what's engraved on the seat?
Yeah. My name.
Did you recently change your name to "congratulations contest winner?"
What?
Garrett, this is the bike they raffed at rumble juice.
The one that was hanging from the ceiling.
Lindy, is there any chance I won that raffle and don't remember?
No.
Oh no.
But that would mean that I'm not one of the good guys.
I'm just a dirty, filthy bike thief!
Well there's good news.
According to the police, they'll never catch you.
Garrett, I am so sorry.
Well you should be.
You not only made me a victim,
you've made me a criminal.
I'm afraid to walk the street at night
because of people like me.
You're overreacting.
There's gotta be a simple solution.
What is it?
I just said there was one.
I was going to let you take it from there.
Oh, who are we kidding? I'm doomed.
I can't go to jail! You've heard the horror stories.
The lack of private bathrooms alone would do me in.
Garrett, you're overreacting again.
You're not going to go to jail.
You're going to rumble juice and returning that bike before somebody knows it's gone.
You're right.
And there's not a second to lose.
Every second counts.
No time to spare.
The clock is ticking.
Garrett!
This thing is filthy.
I'm a criminal, not an animal.
11 right,
16 left,
15 right.
Hey, do you know why my locker combo won't work?
Yeah, it's a little awkward, but we're going in a different direction.
Oh, so now I spin the dial left, right, left?
No, we found another triangle player.
What? Who could possibly ding as good as me?
One second, Jasmine. I'm trying to figure out
who jacked my spot in the...
How could you play me?!
I didn't play you. I just told Ross
how you played him and then tried to play me,
and then we played you.
And now she's playing the triangle.
Hey, the locker's full of muffouts.
If we were in France, your locker would be full of muffoo.
I don't care about muffoo.
I care about m'stuff. Where is it?
I guess the janitor thought it was trash.
Why would he think that?
Because I told him it was trash.
It's in the dumpster behind the school.
Ross, I've got to go sell muffouts. Is it okay if I skip practice today?
Would you mind if I watch you go?
Not more than three seconds.
As long as we know what the rules are.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi... Yes.
Check it out. They're already lined up for the muffout.
Who's ready for some mouth watering, blueberry goo-ness?
No thanks. If I wanted a muffout,
I'd take a time machine to yesterday when they were still cool.
Then what's everybody in line for?
The quesadonut.
The quesa-Doe-what?
It's a donut filled with melted cheese and chiles.
The quesadonut? That sounds even dumber that the muffout.
Gotta say, this thing is legit.
I had just won it.
I didn't even have a chance to ride it.
And then that... That dirty, filthy bike thief.
It's him! And he's got my bike!
Look everybody, it's Oprah winfrey!
Get him!
Hold it right there!
You can't just dump stuff in a dumpster.
Well, maybe they should come up with another name for it then.
We're just getting rid of some leftover muffouts.
Don't throw them away.
I mean, they're no quesadonuts, those things are legit.
But the guys down at the precinct will love 'em. Especially for stakeouts.
Hmm. Steak-outs. Meat on the outside, bread on the inside... stop.
On second thought, maybe these things do belong in the dumpster.
Hey!
Logan? I'm just getting the stuff from my locker.
And a weird red rash.
Attention all units, I'm in pursuit of an alleged bicycle thief.
Wow, we never catch those guys.
Suspect is a teenage male who, despite evading an officer, is still obeying traffic rules
and stopping occasionally to sanitize the handlebars.
Garrett!
Suspect was last spooted heading west on Davis street.
Davis street? That's where we are right now.
Unit 5, he's headed straight for you.
Whoa! Ahh!
Nothing I like better than getting the dirty, filthy garbage off the streets.
Normally I'd agree with you, but not when I'm the garbage.
Garrett, I came as soon as I heard.
You're under arrest, punk.
He's under arrest?
No, officer, this whole thing is my fault.
I'm totally responsible.
All right, then you're under arrest, punk.
Well, techinically, he's the one who stole the bike.
Garrett, I never should have told you to stop fearing life.
Fear everything. Forever.
It's who you are.
No. You were right.
That was the most thrilling ride ever.
The rush of a high speed chase.
A fugitive from the law. Blueburry stains I don't even care about.
I've never felt so alive.
Now I've been cuffed and I'll get to ride in the back of a squad car.
They'll turn on sirens and hit the lights.
I'll even get a mugshot!
He does know he has the right to remain silent, doesn't he?
Ooh, ooh, maybe I'll get a cool prison nickname.
I hope I like my cellmate.
Who's this kid?
I'm the kid whose bike you stole.
I'm really sorry.
Not as sorry as you're going to be.
Hey. Oh, hey.
How's the rash? It's fine. I found a cream in the dumpster too.
Listen, since you got kicked out of band, I felt bad.
So, I cleared some space in our locker if you want to move back in.
Nah, I'm good.
That's Garrett's locker.
At least until Garrett gets out of the slammer.
I heard a fourth Mississippi!