1 00:00:02,512 --> 00:00:05,114 I know it's weird to sit in Santa's lap at our age, 2 00:00:05,116 --> 00:00:06,715 but we got to do what it takes. 3 00:00:06,717 --> 00:00:08,450 Why are you walking so fast? 4 00:00:08,452 --> 00:00:10,252 I'm trying to keep up with the new kid. 5 00:00:11,655 --> 00:00:13,722 That dork? Oh, great idea. 6 00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:16,291 Let's hang around him and lower our status even more. 7 00:00:16,293 --> 00:00:18,260 Right at the height of bullying season. 8 00:00:19,829 --> 00:00:22,731 Don't you get it, Steve? This kid's such a loser, 9 00:00:22,733 --> 00:00:25,067 if we stay within 20 feet of him, 10 00:00:25,069 --> 00:00:27,136 bullies will never even see us. 11 00:00:27,138 --> 00:00:29,204 A cloaking device for dorks? 12 00:00:29,206 --> 00:00:31,306 That's so crazy, it might work. 13 00:00:31,308 --> 00:00:32,808 Smith and Snot! 14 00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:34,576 The two biggest losers in the whole -- 15 00:00:34,578 --> 00:00:36,612 who is that? 16 00:00:36,614 --> 00:00:38,681 [ Choir vocalizes ] He's beautiful. 17 00:00:38,683 --> 00:00:41,383 Glasses, weak chin, bad posture. 18 00:00:41,385 --> 00:00:43,752 Oh, sweet scoliosis. 19 00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:45,387 He's mine. 20 00:00:45,389 --> 00:00:47,556 Oh, my God, Snot! It worked! 21 00:00:47,558 --> 00:00:49,191 Hey, new kid! 22 00:00:49,193 --> 00:00:52,227 I don't know your name, but I don't need to. 23 00:00:52,229 --> 00:00:54,329 It's Martin. I told you not to tell me! 24 00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:56,699 Your new name is Fist Catch. 25 00:00:56,701 --> 00:01:00,436 No! You're supposed to catch it with your face! 26 00:01:00,438 --> 00:01:02,404 Sorry. My face is busy 27 00:01:02,406 --> 00:01:04,640 watching your face gets its ass kicked! 28 00:01:04,642 --> 00:01:06,141 [ Grunting ] 29 00:01:06,143 --> 00:01:07,342 Wah! 30 00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,811 Both: Whoa. 31 00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,646 [ Mortal Kombat voice ] Finish him. 32 00:01:10,648 --> 00:01:12,314 Both: Whoa. 33 00:01:12,316 --> 00:01:13,315 What? 34 00:01:13,317 --> 00:01:15,350 [ Grunting ] 35 00:01:18,321 --> 00:01:20,222 Brutality. 36 00:01:20,224 --> 00:01:22,091 You should go into radio. 37 00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:24,526 Naw, man. I want to be a do-cent. 38 00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:27,162 At a museum. A fancy museum. 39 00:01:27,164 --> 00:01:29,832 Get real into art. 40 00:01:32,402 --> 00:01:35,738 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 41 00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:39,374 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 42 00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:42,411 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 43 00:01:42,413 --> 00:01:45,914 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 44 00:01:48,451 --> 00:01:51,754 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 45 00:01:51,756 --> 00:01:54,256 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 46 00:01:54,258 --> 00:01:59,895 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 47 00:01:59,897 --> 00:02:02,498 [ Birds chirping ] 48 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:03,699 Whoa. 49 00:02:03,701 --> 00:02:05,234 Mertz is the toughest kid in school. 50 00:02:05,236 --> 00:02:06,502 H-how did you do that? 51 00:02:06,504 --> 00:02:08,804 Easy. I take karate. 52 00:02:08,806 --> 00:02:10,339 Karate is the coolest. 53 00:02:10,341 --> 00:02:11,673 I'm always saying that. 54 00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:13,342 No, Steve. 55 00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,477 I believe you said glitter pens were the coolest. 56 00:02:15,479 --> 00:02:18,313 Not anymore, Snot! Karate is the coolest now. 57 00:02:18,315 --> 00:02:19,748 Yeah, it is cool. 58 00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:22,151 You guys should come take class at my dojo. 59 00:02:22,153 --> 00:02:24,386 The only drawback is beating kids up 60 00:02:24,388 --> 00:02:26,922 keeps getting me kicked out of school. 61 00:02:26,924 --> 00:02:30,325 I'm 17 and I can't read a alphabet. 62 00:02:30,327 --> 00:02:33,362 But I know which one the moon is. 63 00:02:33,364 --> 00:02:35,197 You thinking what I'm thinking, Snot? 64 00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:37,833 We visit him in juvenile hall every month until he gets out 65 00:02:37,835 --> 00:02:39,601 and then we all move in together? 66 00:02:39,603 --> 00:02:41,837 No! We take karate at his dojo! 67 00:02:41,839 --> 00:02:44,940 Which we can use to break Martin out of juvie! 68 00:02:44,942 --> 00:02:46,608 Brilliant! No, Snot. 69 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:49,545 I kind of just thought we'd do this new thing. 70 00:02:49,547 --> 00:02:51,647 Forget Martin. [ Gasps loudly ] 71 00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:54,349 Did I like Martin more than you did?! 72 00:02:54,351 --> 00:02:56,752 [ Gong sounds ] 73 00:02:56,754 --> 00:02:59,421 Punch! Punch! Ai-ya! 74 00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:00,422 All: Ai-ya! 75 00:03:00,424 --> 00:03:01,490 Harder! Ai-ya! 76 00:03:01,492 --> 00:03:02,624 Angrier! Ai-ya! 77 00:03:02,626 --> 00:03:04,393 Destroy your opponent! Ai-ya! 78 00:03:04,395 --> 00:03:06,495 [ Bell jingles ] 79 00:03:06,497 --> 00:03:09,498 I'm Sensei Tom. Welcome to Dojo Biden. 80 00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:10,966 You must be Snot and Steve. 81 00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:12,467 Oh, my God. He's telepathic! 82 00:03:12,469 --> 00:03:14,403 No. Martin used his one call from juvie 83 00:03:14,405 --> 00:03:15,838 to let me know you'd be coming. 84 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,439 He has a weird family situation. 85 00:03:17,441 --> 00:03:18,974 I'd adopt him, but the state won't let me 86 00:03:18,976 --> 00:03:20,509 because I've never looked into it 87 00:03:20,511 --> 00:03:21,844 and I can't be bothered. 88 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:25,665 Listen, students. 89 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,088 At Dojo Biden, we care about two things -- 90 00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:31,424 the centuries-old art of karate... 91 00:03:31,426 --> 00:03:34,361 and current two-term vice president Joe Biden. 92 00:03:34,363 --> 00:03:36,463 [ Train horn blares ] 93 00:03:36,465 --> 00:03:38,799 Let's see what you two are capable of. 94 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,734 You! Glasses! Throw a punch. 95 00:03:40,736 --> 00:03:42,102 Ai-ya-a-a... 96 00:03:42,104 --> 00:03:44,204 So, capable of nothing. 97 00:03:44,206 --> 00:03:45,305 Okay, you. 98 00:03:46,274 --> 00:03:47,541 That was pathetic! 99 00:03:47,543 --> 00:03:48,775 You're never gonna learn to fight 100 00:03:48,777 --> 00:03:50,777 unless you tap into the anger inside you. 101 00:03:50,779 --> 00:03:53,146 What makes you angry? 102 00:03:53,148 --> 00:03:54,848 I don't know. Everyone has anger. 103 00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:56,616 Erik over there has rich parents 104 00:03:56,618 --> 00:03:58,585 and feels guilty about being white. 105 00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,554 Marcia over there gets her anger 106 00:04:00,556 --> 00:04:01,888 from her varicose veins. 107 00:04:01,890 --> 00:04:04,324 She's only 14, and those never go away! 108 00:04:04,326 --> 00:04:07,394 So, I'll ask you again. What makes you angry, son? 109 00:04:07,396 --> 00:04:09,229 Don't call me "son"! 110 00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:10,897 There it is. 111 00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:12,833 You don't like when I call you "son." 112 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,501 Dead dad, huh? 113 00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:15,502 Yes! 114 00:04:15,504 --> 00:04:17,704 Then use that and punch. 115 00:04:17,706 --> 00:04:19,406 Unh! Better! 116 00:04:19,408 --> 00:04:21,541 And you must hate that weak excuse for a mustache. 117 00:04:21,543 --> 00:04:22,909 Ai-ya! 118 00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:24,578 And I bet you're poor. 119 00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:26,346 Lucky. 120 00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:27,380 Show me how angry you are. 121 00:04:27,382 --> 00:04:28,515 Punch this board! 122 00:04:28,517 --> 00:04:30,784 Aiiii-ya! 123 00:04:30,786 --> 00:04:32,352 I can definitely work with you. 124 00:04:32,354 --> 00:04:33,887 But you're gonna have to replace this board. 125 00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:35,522 It's my seasoning shelf. 126 00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:38,225 Now, my spices are on my nunchuk rack. 127 00:04:38,227 --> 00:04:40,493 I don't even know where my nunchuks are. 128 00:04:40,495 --> 00:04:43,430 Let's just say I'm not ready to have guests. 129 00:04:43,432 --> 00:04:45,799 [ Birds chirping ] 130 00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:49,436 Ooh! Yahtzee! On my first turn! 131 00:04:49,438 --> 00:04:50,637 Here, you go. 132 00:04:52,406 --> 00:04:54,307 And now we wait. 133 00:04:54,309 --> 00:04:55,909 [ Door opens ] 134 00:04:55,911 --> 00:04:59,179 See, Francine, this is why I can't go piñata shopping. 135 00:04:59,181 --> 00:05:01,248 I just want to rescue them all. 136 00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:02,315 Wait. What's that smell? 137 00:05:02,317 --> 00:05:03,683 It smells terrible. 138 00:05:03,685 --> 00:05:06,519 Oh, Hayley, are you back to homeopathic deodorant? 139 00:05:06,521 --> 00:05:07,654 It's not me. 140 00:05:07,656 --> 00:05:09,289 I haven't broken a sweat in a year. 141 00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:10,357 [ All sniffing ] 142 00:05:10,359 --> 00:05:11,758 What do you think it is? 143 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,427 Oh, I can't wait to find out what it is. 144 00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:16,596 It's a mystery. Did you find it? 145 00:05:16,598 --> 00:05:19,299 Oh, it's me, isn't it? 146 00:05:19,301 --> 00:05:21,835 Klaus, you're an outside fish now. 147 00:05:21,837 --> 00:05:24,471 Not cool, bro! I'm a fish! 148 00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:26,873 Sometimes I smell fishy! 149 00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:28,375 Ooh! Yahtzee! 150 00:05:28,377 --> 00:05:30,844 Uhp, nope. Read it wrong. 151 00:05:30,846 --> 00:05:32,545 This is nothing. 152 00:05:32,547 --> 00:05:34,547 [ Gong sounds ] 153 00:05:34,549 --> 00:05:36,816 I feel badass. 154 00:05:36,818 --> 00:05:38,485 Yeah, this feels more serious now 155 00:05:38,487 --> 00:05:39,920 that we're wearing these bathrobes. 156 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,755 Enough chitchat. 157 00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:43,456 Now make like a woman whose neighbor has a pet chimpanzee 158 00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:44,624 and face off! 159 00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:46,760 Ai-ya! 160 00:05:46,762 --> 00:05:48,828 Um, Mr. Sensei Tom, are you sure 161 00:05:48,830 --> 00:05:50,897 you want us fighting this soon? 162 00:05:50,899 --> 00:05:52,532 We haven't been taught any moves yet. 163 00:05:52,534 --> 00:05:54,868 Punch! Aah! 164 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:56,870 My shoulder! What did you do that?! 165 00:05:56,872 --> 00:05:58,538 Steve, I'm so sorry. 166 00:05:58,540 --> 00:05:59,940 Don't apologize. 167 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,841 Your dad didn't apologize for dying. 168 00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:05,245 Your jacket didn't apologize for not having sleeves. 169 00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:06,346 Use your anger! 170 00:06:06,348 --> 00:06:08,381 Attack! Attack! Ai-ya! 171 00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:10,850 Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! 172 00:06:10,852 --> 00:06:11,918 [ Pants ] 173 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,353 Ai-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya! 174 00:06:13,355 --> 00:06:14,587 Aah! Aah! Aaaaaaah! 175 00:06:14,589 --> 00:06:15,922 [ Bell jingles ] 176 00:06:15,924 --> 00:06:19,492 [ Breathing heavily ] 177 00:06:19,494 --> 00:06:21,928 Aaaaaaaaaah! 178 00:06:21,930 --> 00:06:23,630 Whoa. 179 00:06:23,632 --> 00:06:24,798 Congratulations. 180 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,599 You've unlocked your anger. 181 00:06:26,601 --> 00:06:27,767 You're one of us now. 182 00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:30,337 In the words of Vice President Joe Biden, 183 00:06:30,339 --> 00:06:33,573 "You do not have permission to use my name on your dojo." 184 00:06:33,865 --> 00:06:35,608 [ Gong sounds ] 185 00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:37,510 All: [ Chanting ] Sleeveless! Sleeveless! 186 00:06:37,512 --> 00:06:39,746 Sleeveless! Sleeveless! 187 00:06:39,748 --> 00:06:42,282 Aaaaaaaaaah! 188 00:06:42,284 --> 00:06:44,985 [ Breathing heavily ] 189 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:47,721 Aaaaaaaaaah! 190 00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,366 Things got pretty crazy yesterday, huh? 191 00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:54,503 I just had to jog home 192 00:06:54,505 --> 00:06:56,471 'cause I was so pumped up from all the karate. 193 00:06:56,473 --> 00:06:58,073 Sure. 194 00:06:58,075 --> 00:07:01,143 Also, I'm kind of thinking karate's not for us. 195 00:07:01,145 --> 00:07:02,411 Let's just go back 196 00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:04,446 to the Steve and Snot we know and love -- 197 00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:05,947 cowering from bullies, 198 00:07:05,949 --> 00:07:08,383 wearing shoes in places where they serve food. 199 00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:10,118 Snot, w-where you going? 200 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,688 Oh, I'm gonna go sit with my karate friends. 201 00:07:12,690 --> 00:07:14,122 They get me. 202 00:07:14,124 --> 00:07:16,191 And they don't put up with bullies. 203 00:07:16,193 --> 00:07:17,592 Plus they like it 204 00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:19,761 when I lose control of my bottled-up anger. 205 00:07:19,763 --> 00:07:22,097 I thought we agreed karate's not for us! 206 00:07:22,099 --> 00:07:23,932 You agreed with you, Steve. 207 00:07:23,934 --> 00:07:26,168 You agreed. 208 00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:28,537 Yo, Sleeveless, what's up? 209 00:07:28,539 --> 00:07:31,106 Whoa. That guy accidentally bumped you. 210 00:07:31,108 --> 00:07:32,307 You gonna let him 211 00:07:32,309 --> 00:07:33,375 accidentally get away with that? 212 00:07:33,377 --> 00:07:35,177 Unleash your anger. 213 00:07:35,179 --> 00:07:36,511 [ Laughter ] 214 00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:38,313 Let him go, Steve. 215 00:07:38,315 --> 00:07:41,216 Snot's in an action movie now. 216 00:07:41,218 --> 00:07:43,351 Hour 36. 217 00:07:43,353 --> 00:07:46,388 The sun seems like it comes every day now. 218 00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:47,522 [ Cat meows ] 219 00:07:47,524 --> 00:07:49,324 [ Gasps ] The cat's back! 220 00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:55,230 What's the matter? Kitty can't swim? 221 00:07:55,232 --> 00:07:57,666 Welcome to the water jungle, baby. 222 00:07:57,668 --> 00:08:01,603 You can never get to me. No one can get to me! 223 00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:02,738 [ Bird cawing ] 224 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:06,074 No, no! It never ends! 225 00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:09,010 Okay. I'm starting to get the hang of this. 226 00:08:09,012 --> 00:08:11,980 I just have to stay one step ahead of them. 227 00:08:11,982 --> 00:08:13,215 [ Gasps ] Oh, no! 228 00:08:16,753 --> 00:08:18,587 They're teaming up. 229 00:08:18,589 --> 00:08:21,022 [ Gasps ] A lizard! 230 00:08:21,024 --> 00:08:23,091 Wait. Do lizards eat fish? 231 00:08:24,193 --> 00:08:27,662 He just wants to try it! See if he likes it! 232 00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:33,802 This bathroom pass is fake. 233 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:37,038 Yeah. I'm still gonna go to the bathroom. 234 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,308 Well, go to class after that. 235 00:08:42,779 --> 00:08:44,813 Snot, what are you doing here? 236 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,315 This seat's for bad boys. We're good boys. 237 00:08:47,317 --> 00:08:49,384 I got caught fighting twice today. 238 00:08:49,386 --> 00:08:51,319 Snot, w-where is this coming from? 239 00:08:51,321 --> 00:08:53,421 I feel like Sensei Tom is turning you 240 00:08:53,423 --> 00:08:55,690 into something you're not -- an angry person. 241 00:08:55,692 --> 00:08:57,759 You walk around looking like Tommy Lee Jones 242 00:08:57,761 --> 00:08:59,127 all the time now. 243 00:08:59,129 --> 00:09:00,328 I've always been angry. 244 00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:02,197 Sensei Tom understands that, 245 00:09:02,199 --> 00:09:04,065 and he's teaching me to use it. 246 00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:06,468 Lonstein, you can't come in the office 247 00:09:06,470 --> 00:09:08,770 because Marissa Stevens' mom is here. 248 00:09:08,772 --> 00:09:10,505 So listen, we have a three-strike policy 249 00:09:10,507 --> 00:09:12,140 on fighting. 250 00:09:12,142 --> 00:09:14,810 You've got two. One more and you're expelled. 251 00:09:14,812 --> 00:09:17,212 Feel me? Now, if you'll excuse me, 252 00:09:17,214 --> 00:09:20,448 I have to go ensure that Marissa Stevens gets an "A" 253 00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:22,117 by giving her mom a "D." 254 00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:26,421 [ Gong sounds ] 255 00:09:26,423 --> 00:09:27,622 Ai-ya! 256 00:09:29,325 --> 00:09:31,827 Uh, is it a bad time to talk about Snot? 257 00:09:31,829 --> 00:09:34,162 His warrior name is Sleeveless. 258 00:09:34,164 --> 00:09:35,463 Okay, well, Sleeveless 259 00:09:35,465 --> 00:09:37,165 is getting in a lot of trouble at school, 260 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,234 and for some reason, he listens to you. 261 00:09:39,236 --> 00:09:40,569 So, uh, maybe you could tell him 262 00:09:40,571 --> 00:09:42,237 that everything you're teaching him 263 00:09:42,239 --> 00:09:43,872 is wrong and horrible before he gets kicked out. 264 00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,574 School's not for everyone. 265 00:09:45,576 --> 00:09:48,109 You know who said that? Joe Biden. 266 00:09:48,111 --> 00:09:49,578 I don't think he said that. 267 00:09:49,580 --> 00:09:51,079 He has said those words. 268 00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:53,582 Maybe not in that order, but he has said them. 269 00:09:53,584 --> 00:09:55,684 Now, let me tell you a story about a young kid 270 00:09:55,686 --> 00:09:58,320 who was angry at the world and got kicked out of school. 271 00:09:58,322 --> 00:10:00,322 It was me. 272 00:10:00,324 --> 00:10:01,756 And now look where I am. 273 00:10:01,758 --> 00:10:05,560 I lease a dojo. I sleep in a dojo. 274 00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:07,662 I do my cooking and laundry in a dojo. 275 00:10:07,664 --> 00:10:10,198 And none of that would have been possible -- 276 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,700 Wonderful. All right. 277 00:10:11,702 --> 00:10:13,602 I'm gonna speak a language everyone understands. 278 00:10:13,604 --> 00:10:17,405 This is $12, which I have a feeling you could use. 279 00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:20,408 The money is yours if you let Snot go. 280 00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:24,346 Look, I'm not gonna lie. I could use this $12. 281 00:10:24,348 --> 00:10:27,249 Settle down with a nice ham sandwich. 282 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:28,917 But you can't put a price on anger. 283 00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:30,552 And that's what Sleeveless has. 284 00:10:30,554 --> 00:10:32,354 If you want your friend back, 285 00:10:32,356 --> 00:10:34,723 beat him in the upcoming karate tournament. 286 00:10:34,725 --> 00:10:36,691 If I beat him, he's free? 287 00:10:36,693 --> 00:10:39,494 Is that some sort of ancient karate code? 288 00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:42,163 No. If you beat him, he'll be a loser, 289 00:10:42,165 --> 00:10:43,498 and I don't work with losers. 290 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,402 Now, what else can I do to earn that $12? 291 00:10:47,404 --> 00:10:49,804 [ Birds chirping ] 292 00:10:49,806 --> 00:10:51,473 Hey, dad. 293 00:10:51,475 --> 00:10:53,708 I know you took martial arts in your C.I.A. training, 294 00:10:53,710 --> 00:10:55,777 and I was wondering if you could teach me some. 295 00:10:55,779 --> 00:10:57,345 I have to beat Snot in a karate tournament 296 00:10:57,347 --> 00:10:58,880 so I can save our friendship. 297 00:10:58,882 --> 00:11:02,884 There is only one thing you need to know about karate. 298 00:11:02,886 --> 00:11:05,420 Guns beat karate every time. 299 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,424 Good rap sesh, son. 300 00:11:09,426 --> 00:11:10,959 [ Garage door whirs ] 301 00:11:14,196 --> 00:11:17,198 I hear you're seeking martial arts instruction. 302 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,367 Perhaps I can show you the way. 303 00:11:19,369 --> 00:11:20,769 Shouldn't you have an accent? 304 00:11:20,771 --> 00:11:22,938 Uh, I moved here when I was 2. 305 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:25,273 Lesson one -- open your mind. 306 00:11:25,275 --> 00:11:26,308 [ Doorbell rings ] 307 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,609 Heads up, Francine. 308 00:11:27,611 --> 00:11:29,878 I ignored our talk and gave Steve a gun. 309 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,249 Delivery for...the Smiths? 310 00:11:34,251 --> 00:11:35,617 Well, I didn't order anything. 311 00:11:35,619 --> 00:11:37,385 Maybe it's something Francine ordered. 312 00:11:37,387 --> 00:11:39,421 Or Hayley. Or Steve or Roger. 313 00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:40,655 There are a lot of people with that last name 314 00:11:40,657 --> 00:11:41,756 in this house. 315 00:11:41,758 --> 00:11:43,658 Also could be a gift from someone. 316 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,927 Maybe bullock or one of Francine's friends. 317 00:11:45,929 --> 00:11:47,429 Or a friend of Hayley's. 318 00:11:47,431 --> 00:11:49,631 Yep, the Smiths have a lot of friends. 319 00:11:49,633 --> 00:11:50,966 Fun tidbit -- did you know 320 00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:52,834 that Dupont is like the French Smith? 321 00:11:52,836 --> 00:11:54,436 Hey, French Smith! Remember him? 322 00:11:54,438 --> 00:11:55,704 Do you mean French Stewart? 323 00:11:55,706 --> 00:11:56,871 Sure, whatever. I'll sign. 324 00:12:00,409 --> 00:12:02,010 It's working. 325 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,678 Well, I'll just leave this here. 326 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,580 You've done it, Klaus. 327 00:12:05,582 --> 00:12:08,583 You're once again an inside fish. 328 00:12:08,585 --> 00:12:09,651 Ha ha! 329 00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:11,319 Outside fish, Klaus. 330 00:12:11,321 --> 00:12:14,389 No! No, please! The cats and the birds! 331 00:12:14,391 --> 00:12:15,557 [ Birds chirping, cat meows ] 332 00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:19,060 [ Bird chirping, bottles clinking ] 333 00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:22,137 _ 334 00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:29,637 Sensei Tom is teaching Snot to fight with anger, 335 00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:31,473 so I need help harnessing mine. 336 00:12:31,475 --> 00:12:33,341 [ Chuckles ] Sensei Tom. 337 00:12:33,343 --> 00:12:35,643 Did you know he lives in his dojo? 338 00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:38,013 Well, you technically live in yours. 339 00:12:38,015 --> 00:12:40,715 Lesson two -- don't worry about where I live. 340 00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:42,684 You're not an angry boy, Steve, 341 00:12:42,686 --> 00:12:43,918 so there's nothing to harness. 342 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:45,653 But that's okay, 343 00:12:45,655 --> 00:12:47,689 because people who fight with anger are sloppy. 344 00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:51,426 You're gonna fight with cold, calculating technique. 345 00:12:51,428 --> 00:12:52,894 [ Rock music playing ] 346 00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:55,897 ♪ Living with my eyes closed 347 00:12:55,899 --> 00:12:58,933 ♪ going day to day 348 00:12:58,935 --> 00:13:01,936 ♪ I never knew the difference 349 00:13:01,938 --> 00:13:05,874 ♪ I never cared either way 350 00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:07,909 ♪ all fired up 351 00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:10,779 ♪ all fired up 352 00:13:11,914 --> 00:13:13,948 ♪ all fired up 353 00:13:15,484 --> 00:13:19,587 ♪ all fired up, fired up, fired up, hey! 354 00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:21,469 You're ready. Now make me four more. 355 00:13:21,589 --> 00:13:23,231 But the tournament is in 20 minutes. 356 00:13:23,488 --> 00:13:25,889 Don't worry about time. Let me worry about time. 357 00:13:25,891 --> 00:13:28,224 Shit! Shit! Damn it! We're so [bleep] late! 358 00:13:28,226 --> 00:13:30,002 [ Indistinct conversations ] 359 00:13:31,886 --> 00:13:32,829 Roger, I'm nervous. 360 00:13:32,831 --> 00:13:34,831 Don't worry. You've trained. You've prepared. 361 00:13:34,833 --> 00:13:36,399 Nothing can stop you, unless... 362 00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:39,235 Oh, no. Oh, God, no! What?! 363 00:13:39,237 --> 00:13:40,804 That guy has a better goatee than me! 364 00:13:40,806 --> 00:13:42,138 Excuse me. 365 00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:43,495 Steve, what are you doing here? 366 00:13:43,497 --> 00:13:45,330 I thought you quit karate. 367 00:13:45,332 --> 00:13:48,067 No. I'm gonna kick your ass so we can be friends again. 368 00:13:48,069 --> 00:13:50,703 It doesn't sound like a good plan when I say it out loud, 369 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,037 but trust me, I thought it through. 370 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,540 Okay, goatee disaster averted. 371 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:56,341 See you in the finals. 372 00:13:56,343 --> 00:13:58,711 No. I'll see you in the finals. 373 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:02,081 Man: Now announcing the first round draw, 374 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:05,084 Steve Smith versus Snot Lonstein. 375 00:14:05,086 --> 00:14:09,021 So, I guess I'll see you in the first round. 376 00:14:09,023 --> 00:14:12,024 The all-important first round it is. 377 00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:14,259 Sleeveless! It's time. 378 00:14:14,261 --> 00:14:17,663 Well, well. Sensei Tom. 379 00:14:17,665 --> 00:14:20,199 Sensei Ryan? I thought you were dead. 380 00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:21,767 You wish I was dead! 381 00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:23,669 'Cause then you wouldn't owe me $15 382 00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:25,170 from our last cable bill! 383 00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:27,239 I told you that I wouldn't pay for HBO! 384 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,340 I don't watch it! 385 00:14:28,342 --> 00:14:30,109 I said that the day we moved in! 386 00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:31,610 You do watch it, and I know 387 00:14:31,612 --> 00:14:33,612 you're still using my HBO Go password. 388 00:14:33,614 --> 00:14:35,814 "Water for Elephants" was on my "Recently Watched," 389 00:14:35,816 --> 00:14:37,483 and I didn't watch it. 390 00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:39,985 I saw it in the theater like it's supposed to be seen! 391 00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,827 Man: Now, welcome to the fifth annual 392 00:14:45,947 --> 00:14:49,399 Langley Falls Karate Tournament. 393 00:14:49,401 --> 00:14:51,000 And guess what? 394 00:14:51,002 --> 00:14:54,003 We're only starting 20 minutes behind schedule! 395 00:14:54,005 --> 00:14:56,639 Steve, if you get in trouble out there, kiss him. 396 00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:58,141 It'll throw him off his game. 397 00:14:58,143 --> 00:15:00,076 And if things get really hairy, 398 00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:02,612 just give him a tap on the ol' starfish. 399 00:15:02,614 --> 00:15:04,113 I don't know what that means. 400 00:15:04,115 --> 00:15:05,882 He'll like it. Now get out there! 401 00:15:05,884 --> 00:15:09,986 Prepare to go down. 402 00:15:09,988 --> 00:15:11,554 Wow. I really feel your anger. 403 00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:13,456 [ Knuckles cracking ] It'll be easy to counter 404 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:14,924 with my cold, calculating precision. 405 00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:16,693 My sensei made me a master 406 00:15:16,695 --> 00:15:19,162 using a variety of unorthodox methods. 407 00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:22,165 I warn you, Snot. I've been brushing wigs. 408 00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:23,566 Fight! 409 00:15:23,568 --> 00:15:25,034 Brush, brush. 410 00:15:25,036 --> 00:15:26,569 Ai-ya! Aah! 411 00:15:26,571 --> 00:15:27,570 Destroy him! 412 00:15:27,572 --> 00:15:29,672 Ai-ya! 413 00:15:29,674 --> 00:15:30,707 Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya- ya-ya-ya-ya! 414 00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:32,041 Ow! Ow! 415 00:15:32,043 --> 00:15:34,143 Aah! Oh! Oh! 416 00:15:34,145 --> 00:15:36,112 Sensei, what do I do?! 417 00:15:36,114 --> 00:15:38,214 Roger: Starfish! Oh! 418 00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:41,551 This kid's obviously better. 419 00:15:43,754 --> 00:15:47,457 Hey, Sensei Ryan, nice disciple. 420 00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:48,958 Shut up! He came to me. 421 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,460 I didn't choose him. 422 00:15:50,462 --> 00:15:52,662 But you chose to see "Water for Elephants" 423 00:15:52,664 --> 00:15:53,796 on a small screen. 424 00:15:53,798 --> 00:15:55,164 You're still the tool here. 425 00:15:55,166 --> 00:15:59,168 I'm sorry, sensei. I failed you. 426 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:00,703 No, Steve. It's my fault. 427 00:16:00,705 --> 00:16:02,538 Instead of teaching you karate, 428 00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:05,008 I had you make me a Martini and give me a massage. 429 00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:07,043 Roger, I thought those were all skills 430 00:16:07,045 --> 00:16:08,511 that translate to karate. 431 00:16:08,513 --> 00:16:10,113 Really?! You did?! 432 00:16:10,115 --> 00:16:13,516 Steve, you make these wild leaps. 433 00:16:13,518 --> 00:16:15,785 Now, leaps -- now, that would have been great for karate. 434 00:16:15,787 --> 00:16:18,221 [ Birds chirping ] 435 00:16:18,223 --> 00:16:20,223 You know what's weird? 436 00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:23,593 Even though Klaus has been gone for a while, I still smell him. 437 00:16:23,595 --> 00:16:24,727 I smell it, too. 438 00:16:24,729 --> 00:16:26,930 [ All sniffing ] 439 00:16:26,932 --> 00:16:29,265 Yes. Yes. 440 00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:33,069 Smell it. Smell all of me. 441 00:16:33,071 --> 00:16:34,170 It's getting stronger! 442 00:16:34,172 --> 00:16:35,638 [ Gags ] 443 00:16:37,174 --> 00:16:39,208 [ All breathing heavily ] 444 00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:41,177 Klaus: Congratulations. 445 00:16:41,179 --> 00:16:44,781 You're outside people now. 446 00:16:44,783 --> 00:16:46,549 [ Laughs ] 447 00:16:46,551 --> 00:16:48,718 [ Cats meowing ] 448 00:16:52,156 --> 00:16:54,891 There are an awful lot of cats back here. 449 00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:56,059 [ Clears throat ] 450 00:16:56,061 --> 00:16:57,193 And -- and birds. 451 00:16:57,195 --> 00:16:58,828 I-I was getting to you. 452 00:17:01,098 --> 00:17:05,568 Don't worry, guys. I'll be fine. 453 00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:06,636 Meow. 454 00:17:06,638 --> 00:17:09,038 [ School bell rings ] 455 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,007 I saved a seat for Snot. 456 00:17:11,009 --> 00:17:14,777 You can release it to the general population. 457 00:17:14,779 --> 00:17:16,045 We've lost him. 458 00:17:16,047 --> 00:17:17,647 I've lost him. Whoa! 459 00:17:17,649 --> 00:17:19,682 Snot's about to beat somebody up in the quad! 460 00:17:19,684 --> 00:17:21,918 By the bike racks! In the northwest corner! 461 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,620 Right by the bike that belonged to that kid who died 462 00:17:24,622 --> 00:17:26,823 and now serves as a grim reminder of his passing! 463 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,224 Some say if you feel a cool breeze, 464 00:17:28,226 --> 00:17:29,726 it's him whistling, but it's not true! 465 00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:31,627 When your body dies, your soul dies with it! 466 00:17:31,629 --> 00:17:33,963 Anyway, if you hit the library, you've gone too far! 467 00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,634 Oh, no. If he gets in one more fight, 468 00:17:38,636 --> 00:17:40,336 he's gonna get kicked out of school! 469 00:17:40,338 --> 00:17:43,706 Which means it's our last chance to see him in action! 470 00:17:43,708 --> 00:17:46,342 No, it means we have to stop him! Let's go! 471 00:17:47,144 --> 00:17:48,644 [ Mortal Kombat voice ] Finish it. 472 00:17:48,646 --> 00:17:49,679 What? 473 00:17:49,681 --> 00:17:51,280 Finish it! 474 00:17:53,017 --> 00:17:56,686 It's weird that you care about this. 475 00:17:58,956 --> 00:18:00,390 [ Indistinct conversations ] 476 00:18:00,392 --> 00:18:02,325 Snot, wait! You can't do this! 477 00:18:02,327 --> 00:18:04,794 You're gonna get kicked out of school! 478 00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:06,929 Sensei Tom says I don't need school. 479 00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:08,197 Sensei Tom's a loser. 480 00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:09,932 He lives above his dojo 481 00:18:09,934 --> 00:18:12,935 and steals his wi-fi from the H&R block next door. 482 00:18:12,937 --> 00:18:15,705 Look, I tried to save you by fighting you, 483 00:18:15,707 --> 00:18:17,106 but I'm not a fighter. 484 00:18:17,108 --> 00:18:20,009 So I'm gonna save you with love, not anger. 485 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,177 Eh! 486 00:18:21,179 --> 00:18:22,812 Steve, what are you doing?! 487 00:18:22,814 --> 00:18:24,981 I'm showing you I love you, Snot! 488 00:18:24,983 --> 00:18:26,816 And you have two strikes! 489 00:18:26,818 --> 00:18:29,052 I'm taking this strike for you! 490 00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:30,386 Ah! Ow! 491 00:18:30,388 --> 00:18:33,189 But you're not a bad boy, Steve! 492 00:18:33,191 --> 00:18:35,491 Neither are you! 493 00:18:35,493 --> 00:18:38,728 This all started 'cause you didn't want to be bullied, 494 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,096 and now you're doing it! 495 00:18:40,098 --> 00:18:42,265 Sure, you've got a lot to be angry about, 496 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:44,767 b-but you've also got a lot to be happy about. 497 00:18:44,769 --> 00:18:46,302 Ooh! 498 00:18:46,304 --> 00:18:47,837 [ Straining ] Like your friends that care about you. 499 00:18:47,839 --> 00:18:50,106 [ Punches landing ] Aah! Ow! 500 00:18:50,108 --> 00:18:53,876 Remember when you and I had lunch together that one time? 501 00:18:56,780 --> 00:19:00,316 Please let me know as soon as I've gotten through to you. 502 00:19:00,318 --> 00:19:01,984 Because I've reached a point 503 00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:03,886 where even the NFL wouldn't clear me to play. 504 00:19:03,888 --> 00:19:05,721 "American Dad!" stands with 505 00:19:05,723 --> 00:19:08,958 the National Football League Players Association. 506 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,860 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 507 00:19:10,862 --> 00:19:12,929 I mean, break it up, kids. 508 00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:16,666 Steve, that's strike one, and you don't get a second. 509 00:19:16,668 --> 00:19:18,067 No, wait. You get three. 510 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,837 You hear that, everybody? You get two free fights! 511 00:19:20,839 --> 00:19:22,171 I expect you to use them! 512 00:19:22,173 --> 00:19:24,173 Thanks, Steve. 513 00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:28,244 Your love made me realize that anger isn't all I am. 514 00:19:28,246 --> 00:19:30,713 And instead of using my anger to fight, 515 00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:33,049 I should bottle it up and only let it out 516 00:19:33,051 --> 00:19:35,017 when I can no longer control it. 517 00:19:35,019 --> 00:19:40,223 Maybe in, like, 20 years, quietly, victim by victim. 518 00:19:41,992 --> 00:19:45,761 You're gonna be in therapy for a long time, buddy. 519 00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,969 Klaus: Stan, you're never getting back in! 520 00:19:52,971 --> 00:19:56,038 I've got a delivery for Klaus Heissler. 521 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,141 Ooh. Hello. 522 00:19:58,143 --> 00:20:00,376 I wonder what it is. 523 00:20:00,378 --> 00:20:01,911 Oh, it's big. 524 00:20:01,913 --> 00:20:03,312 It's so big! 525 00:20:03,314 --> 00:20:04,914 And it's all for me! 526 00:20:04,916 --> 00:20:08,184 Uh, what could it be? Maybe a giant aquarium? 527 00:20:08,186 --> 00:20:11,220 Maybe it's a lifetime supply of fish food. 528 00:20:11,222 --> 00:20:14,190 Or maybe it's Stan, Francine, and Hayley. 529 00:20:14,192 --> 00:20:15,958 [ Chuckles ] All right, guys. 530 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,194 Truce. Welcome home. 531 00:20:20,397 --> 00:20:22,265 [ Box thuds ] 532 00:20:29,506 --> 00:20:31,340 He's opening it. It's working! 533 00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:35,211 Klaus: Oh, no! Not the kitties and the birdies! 534 00:20:35,213 --> 00:20:36,779 Aaah! No! No, no, no! 535 00:20:36,781 --> 00:20:38,814 [ Birds chirping, cats yowling ] Oh! Aah! Ouch! 536 00:20:38,816 --> 00:20:40,216 Once they've taken care of Klaus, 537 00:20:40,218 --> 00:20:42,118 the house will be ours again. 538 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,519 No! Aah! 539 00:20:43,521 --> 00:20:45,154 [ Silence ] 540 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:49,192 I killed them. I killed them all! 541 00:20:49,194 --> 00:20:51,194 Do you hear that, Stan?! 542 00:20:51,196 --> 00:20:54,597 Ha! Nice try! 543 00:20:54,717 --> 00:20:59,669 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com