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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 13x04 ♪
Brian the Closer
Original Air Date on November 9, 2014
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00:00:29,925 --> 00:00:35,525
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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Today's feature presentation of Glory
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will not be seen.
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What? Aw, I love that movie.
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Aw, man, that's gonna leave
a big hole in their lineup.
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What's gonna fill the Glory hole?
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In place of Glory,
we will be showing Shaft,
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starring Richard Roundtree.
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What? You can't just shove
Shaft in the Glory hole.
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Yeah, I know. It'd
be better to put in
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that movie about the two
girls who meet Nixon.
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00:00:55,086 --> 00:00:56,519
What's that movie
called? Dick?
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00:00:56,554 --> 00:00:58,154
Dick would slide right
into that Glory hole.
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No, no, Dick's too short
for that Glory hole.
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00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:02,858
But if you also put in
Edward Furlong's movie, Pecker,
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00:01:02,894 --> 00:01:04,827
you got Pecker and Dick
in the Glory hole,
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and you got a tight squeeze,
but it-it ought to fit.
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The hell am I sitting on?
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Oh, hey, that's my old rope toy.
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00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:13,569
I was wondering where that was.
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00:01:13,604 --> 00:01:15,604
Ew, what would you want
that for? It's gross.
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00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:16,772
No, it's not.
It's awesome.
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00:01:16,808 --> 00:01:18,341
I can suck on it for the flavor.
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00:01:18,376 --> 00:01:20,643
I can thrash it around,
pretend it's a snake.
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Sometimes I just bite it like this.
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Rope!
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That's stupid.
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I want it.
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Well, you can't
have it; it's mine.
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Oh, yeah?
Not for long it ain't.
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Come on, Brian, I need this rope
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in case I open
a nautical-themed restaurant.
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We got boat parts on the wall,
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so you know the crab
comes from the ocean.
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Eating next to a porthole!
What?!
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00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:05,301
No, no, no, no, I don't
want to make that trade.
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00:02:05,323 --> 00:02:06,756
I thought I wanted to make that trade,
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00:02:06,791 --> 00:02:11,761
but I don't want to make that trade.
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00:02:11,796 --> 00:02:14,196
Hey, Chris.
Where's your father?
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00:02:14,232 --> 00:02:16,932
He's still trying to get
that rope away from Brian.
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He's got to give up that obsession.
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I don't like what it's doing to him.
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Precious.
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Wants precious rope.
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Peter, enough with the rope.
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Also wants ice cream.
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No, Peter, it's too close
to dinnertime.
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Get ice cream anyway.
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Don't you dare.
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All right, but I'll be back in a moment
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as another movie thing.
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I am Johnny Five.
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Need input.
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Input is ice cream.
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I need ice cream.
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Did I say I'm Johnny Five yet?
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You didn't go to work today, did you?
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So, still got that rope, I see.
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00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:02,745
Well, I got a better rope.
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That's not a chewing rope.
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I know. It's a tying rope!
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Come on, Brian, you'd better let go.
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I told you this is mine!
You're never gonna get it!
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Just give me the rope.
Nobody has to get hurt, Brian.
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Only one person has to get hurt, Brian.
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My teeth!
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Oh! Oh, man!
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I'm real sorry about your mouth, Brian.
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00:04:06,878 --> 00:04:08,844
Damn it, Peter.
What were you thinking?
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00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,347
This has to be the stupidest
thing you've ever done.
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00:04:11,382 --> 00:04:13,282
No, Brian. The stupidest
thing I ever did
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00:04:13,317 --> 00:04:15,718
was turn the bubbles off in a hot tub.
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Yeah! Party!
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Ew, bath with friends.
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Now, remember, Brian's probably
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very self-conscious
about how he looks,
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so let's try to be supportive.
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Brian! Dinner!
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So, everybody, how was your day?
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00:04:39,443 --> 00:04:41,577
What's for dinner?
I'm starving.
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00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:45,381
My God, you look like
one of those animals.
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00:04:45,416 --> 00:04:46,815
You know, the one that...
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00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:49,318
Which one does the sound?
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00:04:49,353 --> 00:04:51,654
That... Aw, crap, you
know which one I mean.
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Oh, who am I kidding?
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00:04:53,591 --> 00:04:56,258
You got to take me to the
dentist to get my mouth fixed.
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00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:59,161
Brian, we can try to make you
feel a little less repulsive,
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but we're not spending human
money on a deformed animal.
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00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:05,601
What? Then what am I
supposed to do?
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00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:08,270
I don't know. But here,
you can have this back.
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00:05:08,306 --> 00:05:10,606
It's boring.
It doesn't do anything.
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00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,208
You know what?
Go to hell, Peter!
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00:05:14,378 --> 00:05:16,745
Wow, this is the craziest meal I've had
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00:05:16,781 --> 00:05:19,582
since I had lunch
at Tommy Sullivan's house.
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Very good macaroni and
cheese, Mrs. Sullivan.
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00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:24,420
Thank you, Chris.
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00:05:24,455 --> 00:05:26,288
That was just awful, Chris.
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Terrible.
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He is not ready for flashbacks.
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No, he is not.
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Hey, listen,
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thanks for not laying into
me like everybody else.
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I don't care enough about you
to lay into you.
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But now that you mention it,
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your face looks like a used condom.
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Yeah, I know.
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Oh, come on, Brian.
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Don't do that.
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Don't cry. Be a man.
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I'm not crying!
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Look, listen, just...
here, just take this.
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What is this?
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That's my dentist.
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He'll bill me.
I've got an account.
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00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:03,492
You've got an account with a dentist?
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00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:06,161
He sells me nitrous
at wholesale, I bang his wife.
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00:06:06,197 --> 00:06:08,564
Those both sound like things for you.
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00:06:08,599 --> 00:06:11,200
Look, you want his number or not?
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00:06:11,235 --> 00:06:14,370
I won't forget this, Glenn Quagmire.
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Don't ever say my name like that, okay?
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And don't tell anybody about this.
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00:06:18,175 --> 00:06:21,377
Now get the hell out of the bar,
you pathetic son of a bitch.
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Hey, language.
My big fat black mom is here.
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I know I didn't just hear
what that man said.
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Jerome, you got to go to extra church!
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Aw, Mom.
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00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:40,062
We now return to
My Dinner with Andre the Giant.
138
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I could never give up
my electric blanket;
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00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,799
it's cold in New York City.
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00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:46,168
You may argue that this is
a waste of energy,
141
00:06:46,203 --> 00:06:49,238
but to me, it's worth the
comfort because, let's face it,
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the world is an abrasive place.
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00:06:51,809 --> 00:06:55,744
I have maybe hours to live,
and you're wasting them.
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Hey, I'm, uh...
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I'm back from getting my new teeth.
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Well, come on in, Brian.
Let's see them.
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00:07:01,952 --> 00:07:03,952
All right, here it goes.
148
00:07:07,491 --> 00:07:10,092
Oh, my God!
Look at your teeth!
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00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,661
Hey, maybe you could
help us build the dam.
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00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:14,930
If you think you got the chops for it.
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00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:16,331
Well, think about it.
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It's something to chew on.
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We use him just the right amount.
154
00:07:27,423 --> 00:07:29,857
So be honest, huh?
You guys hate them.
155
00:07:29,892 --> 00:07:31,725
No, Brian, are you kidding?
156
00:07:31,761 --> 00:07:34,328
They're spectacular!
You look like a movie star.
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Really?
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00:07:35,665 --> 00:07:38,699
Yeah, you're like an even
more handsome Adam Carolla.
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God, I can't believe
you guys really like them.
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Yeah, Brian, you are gonna
get so much sweet tail!
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Oo-cha, oo-cha,
oo-cha, oo-cha!
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Brian, you have found your look.
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That is the best cosmetic
surgery in this family
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since Lois got her boob job.
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I don't know what happened.
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00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:55,649
I told the
doctor C-cups.
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I told him something else.
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I think he did a dam good job.
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Okay, now we've used him too much.
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♪ When you're smiling ♪
171
00:08:09,498 --> 00:08:13,167
♪ When you're smiling ♪
172
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:18,305
♪ The whole world smiles with you ♪
173
00:08:18,341 --> 00:08:20,641
♪ When you're laughing ♪
174
00:08:21,677 --> 00:08:24,845
♪ When you're laughing ♪
175
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:29,750
♪ The sun comes shining through ♪
176
00:08:29,785 --> 00:08:32,920
♪ But when you're crying ♪
177
00:08:32,955 --> 00:08:35,322
♪ You bring on the rain ♪
178
00:08:35,358 --> 00:08:37,925
♪ So stop your sighing ♪
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00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,594
♪ Be happy again ♪
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00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:43,497
♪ Keep on smiling ♪
181
00:08:43,532 --> 00:08:46,767
♪ 'Cause when you're smiling ♪
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00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:53,474
♪ The whole world
smiles with you. ♪
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00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:57,878
Oh, good, you're already here.
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00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:58,913
I'm sorry?
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00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,748
Can we ask you a few questions?
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00:09:00,783 --> 00:09:02,416
Uh... yeah, sure.
187
00:09:02,451 --> 00:09:03,917
Is this a good neighborhood?
188
00:09:03,953 --> 00:09:05,452
Uh, yeah, it's a great neighborhood.
189
00:09:05,488 --> 00:09:07,621
Lot of families, good parks.
190
00:09:07,656 --> 00:09:10,324
Uh, six fire hydrants,
but they are unavailable.
191
00:09:10,359 --> 00:09:12,025
They are previously claimed.
192
00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:13,660
They belong to some badass.
193
00:09:13,696 --> 00:09:16,330
Okay, but do you think
this house will hold its value?
194
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:17,631
I don't see why not.
195
00:09:17,666 --> 00:09:18,999
It's got a nice porch.
196
00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:21,135
And the yard's got
plenty of room for little ones.
197
00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:24,037
Although that's really
up to the two of you.
198
00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:27,908
Hey, so sorry I'm late.
Let me show you the house.
199
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:31,378
No need to. Your partner
already sold us on it.
200
00:09:31,414 --> 00:09:32,913
Sorry, I-I
didn't realize
201
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,715
they thought I was a real estate agent.
202
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,551
You are a real estate agent;
you just don't know it yet.
203
00:09:37,586 --> 00:09:38,485
What do you mean?
204
00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:39,521
Look at that smile.
205
00:09:39,522 --> 00:09:41,355
You're a born salesman.
206
00:09:42,725 --> 00:09:44,391
You should come work for me.
207
00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:46,794
Huh. Never thought
I'd be in real estate.
208
00:09:46,829 --> 00:09:48,328
You think I can handle it?
209
00:09:48,364 --> 00:09:51,165
Every other divorced mom
at my kid's school is a realtor.
210
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,367
I think you can handle it.
211
00:09:59,475 --> 00:10:02,176
Bonnie, I still don't get why
you want to see this house.
212
00:10:02,211 --> 00:10:03,771
The foundation is totally out of whack.
213
00:10:03,779 --> 00:10:05,512
I mean, the-the whole
house is slanting down
214
00:10:05,548 --> 00:10:06,780
to that cliff over there.
215
00:10:06,816 --> 00:10:10,584
Uh-huh. Can you open
the sliding door?
216
00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:20,093
I'll take it.
217
00:10:22,131 --> 00:10:23,564
So tell me again, where's the lake?
218
00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:24,599
Right there.
219
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,899
And where's the summer camp?
220
00:10:25,935 --> 00:10:26,935
Right over there.
221
00:10:26,936 --> 00:10:27,936
I'll take it.
222
00:10:27,937 --> 00:10:29,770
Now, I am obligated to disclose
223
00:10:29,805 --> 00:10:31,972
that the previous owners
were murdered in this house.
224
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,073
Whoa, buddy!
225
00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:35,375
Quit drilling; you
already struck oil.
226
00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:40,080
I just don't know if this
is the right time to buy.
227
00:10:40,115 --> 00:10:41,381
Yeah, you're probably right.
228
00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:43,383
Maybe we should wait
till you graduate college.
229
00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:46,253
Thank you, but I'm
actually 42 years old.
230
00:10:46,288 --> 00:10:48,622
Uh, that's not credible.
231
00:10:50,292 --> 00:10:52,626
Hello, Doctor?
I need a new pair of eyes
232
00:10:52,661 --> 00:10:54,795
because clearly
mine aren't seeing straight.
233
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:59,233
You know what?
Maybe I am ready to buy.
234
00:10:59,268 --> 00:11:00,701
Great! I'll get the paperwork.
235
00:11:00,736 --> 00:11:02,402
Hello? Hello?
236
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:03,837
What's going on with your eyes?
237
00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:05,072
Oh, uh, nothing.
Everything's fine.
238
00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:07,040
Is this the guy
who wanted his pulse checked
239
00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:08,609
because he died and went to heaven?
240
00:11:08,644 --> 00:11:09,743
Uh, yes.
241
00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:10,944
Please stop calling.
242
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:13,580
This is a very busy doctor's office.
243
00:11:13,616 --> 00:11:15,949
♪ Where you from ♪
244
00:11:15,985 --> 00:11:17,451
♪ You sexy thing ♪
245
00:11:17,486 --> 00:11:19,219
♪ Sexy thing, you. ♪
246
00:11:23,025 --> 00:11:26,260
Brian, five sales this week.
You're killing it.
247
00:11:26,295 --> 00:11:28,862
Yeah. And last night,
I closed another big deal.
248
00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:30,030
Kim in marketing.
249
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,832
What are the specs?
250
00:11:31,867 --> 00:11:33,967
She's a two breast,
one ass fixer-upper.
251
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:36,203
The entire property was
covered in a thick brush.
252
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:40,874
Everyone in the office
besides us is garbage.
253
00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:42,409
Wow, Brian, you're doing great here.
254
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:43,710
You're really on fire.
255
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,380
Thanks. I guess I should
stop, drop, and roll.
256
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:47,415
Whoa.
257
00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:48,916
That's enough.
258
00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:51,585
The only thing is, anyone
can sell a nice house,
259
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:54,588
but a real star is someone
who can sell a dump.
260
00:11:54,623 --> 00:11:56,089
I can sell anything.
261
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,592
Well, we got this crap
condo down by the marina.
262
00:11:58,627 --> 00:12:00,761
We haven't been able to
unload it in two years.
263
00:12:00,796 --> 00:12:03,931
You find some sucker to buy
it, and I'll make you partner.
264
00:12:03,966 --> 00:12:05,332
All right, sounds good.
265
00:12:05,367 --> 00:12:06,466
It's a plan.
266
00:12:06,502 --> 00:12:08,268
Hey, did I tell you about
Kim in marketing?
267
00:12:08,304 --> 00:12:09,436
You mean my wife Kim?
268
00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:11,538
I'm gonna go sell that condo.
269
00:12:15,911 --> 00:12:18,512
God, there's got to be a sucker
to buy this condo.
270
00:12:18,547 --> 00:12:20,147
Guys, this is on me.
271
00:12:20,182 --> 00:12:22,716
I just hit 20 years in the air,
and I got a big bonus.
272
00:12:22,751 --> 00:12:25,419
It's sad when planes 'splode.
273
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:26,454
What?
274
00:12:26,488 --> 00:12:27,488
Yeah, I guess.
275
00:12:27,489 --> 00:12:28,889
Anyway, I am flush.
276
00:12:28,924 --> 00:12:31,458
For the first time in my life,
I got money to burn.
277
00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:37,197
Looks like I found my sucker.
278
00:12:58,299 --> 00:12:59,832
Whoa. What?
279
00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:02,001
I didn't know you worked out
at this gym, too.
280
00:13:02,036 --> 00:13:04,170
Hey, Brian. Hang on,
I'm just finishing a set.
281
00:13:04,205 --> 00:13:05,237
Come on, come on, two more.
282
00:13:05,273 --> 00:13:07,273
Come on, come on, you got to want it.
283
00:13:12,847 --> 00:13:13,847
Nice job.
284
00:13:13,848 --> 00:13:15,581
Let's get you a rubdown.
285
00:13:15,616 --> 00:13:17,216
I'm glad I bumped into you
because I've been meaning
286
00:13:17,251 --> 00:13:18,584
to give you something.
287
00:13:18,619 --> 00:13:19,619
What's this?
288
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,353
That is the money you loaned me.
289
00:13:21,389 --> 00:13:23,756
Oh. That's pretty cool. Thanks.
290
00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:24,957
You're welcome.
291
00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:27,126
I just wish I could do
something more for you.
292
00:13:27,161 --> 00:13:29,495
Hmm, I could make you rich.
293
00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:30,863
No, no, no, that's just money.
294
00:13:30,898 --> 00:13:32,097
I'll think of something else.
295
00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:33,165
What're you talking about, Brian?
296
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:34,633
No, no, no, I've said too much.
297
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:36,749
The one thing they're pretty
firm about at the office
298
00:13:36,771 --> 00:13:38,571
is you don't take the inside deals
299
00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:40,339
and give them to your friends.
300
00:13:40,374 --> 00:13:42,942
What... What kind of inside
deal are you talking about?
301
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:45,311
All I can say is...
302
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,513
underpriced waterfront property
303
00:13:47,548 --> 00:13:50,149
that's guaranteed
to appreciate in value.
304
00:13:50,184 --> 00:13:51,417
That's all I can say.
305
00:13:51,452 --> 00:13:53,886
Oh, wait, a-are you bothered
by sorority noise, though?
306
00:13:53,921 --> 00:13:55,287
I-I don't know, Brian.
307
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,056
I don't know if I'm a
real estate investor.
308
00:13:57,091 --> 00:13:58,657
Well, you might surprise yourself.
309
00:13:58,693 --> 00:14:01,460
I mean, I didn't think I'd ever
be friends with Ice-T.
310
00:14:03,331 --> 00:14:04,563
What are you thinkin' about?
311
00:14:04,599 --> 00:14:07,333
Thinking about putting
black guy hair in a ponytail.
312
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:10,369
'Cause the times change, but I don't.
313
00:14:13,708 --> 00:14:15,241
All right, guys, here it is.
314
00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:16,809
Prescott Towers.
315
00:14:16,844 --> 00:14:20,346
Quahog's premier luxury
living experience.
316
00:14:23,417 --> 00:14:27,553
Nestled somewhere between the
ocean and your imagination:
317
00:14:27,588 --> 00:14:29,121
Prescott Towers.
318
00:14:29,156 --> 00:14:31,423
Quahog's only luxury residence
319
00:14:31,459 --> 00:14:34,493
catering exclusively to the affluent.
320
00:14:34,529 --> 00:14:36,362
Affluent means rich.
321
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,264
Come live in the kind of place
322
00:14:38,299 --> 00:14:41,433
a Persian guy would say
is a little much.
323
00:14:44,071 --> 00:14:45,938
The ceiling is a pool.
The ceiling is a pool.
324
00:14:45,973 --> 00:14:47,439
Quagmire, you got to get this.
325
00:14:47,475 --> 00:14:49,775
I don't know about buying
a place without seeing it first.
326
00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:51,610
Of course not. I
wouldn't expect you to.
327
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:53,879
But as your friend, I wanted
to let you know early
328
00:14:53,915 --> 00:14:56,181
because there's another buyer
who's about to snap it up.
329
00:14:56,217 --> 00:14:57,917
I think he's a pilot for Delta.
330
00:14:57,952 --> 00:14:59,051
Delta?
331
00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:00,519
It's not Lew Sheridan, is it?
332
00:15:00,555 --> 00:15:02,454
Well, I'm not really permitted to say.
333
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:03,656
Do you like Lew Sheridan?
334
00:15:03,691 --> 00:15:04,857
I hate Lew Sheridan.
335
00:15:04,892 --> 00:15:06,926
It's Lew Sheridan.
That son of a bitch!
336
00:15:06,961 --> 00:15:09,094
Say what you want, but he's got
an eye for real estate. Let me
337
00:15:09,130 --> 00:15:11,230
just give him a call and let him
know he's gonna get the place.
338
00:15:11,265 --> 00:15:13,232
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
339
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:14,600
Okay. I'll take it.
340
00:15:14,635 --> 00:15:16,535
All right. You
won't be sorry.
341
00:15:16,571 --> 00:15:18,370
Yeah, that condo looks awesome.
342
00:15:18,406 --> 00:15:20,306
You're makin' a smart move, Quagmire.
343
00:15:20,341 --> 00:15:23,108
Like I did when I wanted to
get out of that boring meeting.
344
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:25,210
Third quarter projections
indicate our sales
345
00:15:25,246 --> 00:15:27,112
will be down 40%.
346
00:15:27,148 --> 00:15:29,081
Why don't we go through
the profit-loss statement
347
00:15:29,116 --> 00:15:31,250
line by line from
the past six quarters,
348
00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:33,786
which will offer us a good
cost analysis comparison
349
00:15:33,821 --> 00:15:35,721
that I think we'll be able to utilize
350
00:15:35,756 --> 00:15:38,223
- as we move forward into the next fiscal year.
- Aah!
351
00:15:38,259 --> 00:15:39,725
Hey, guys, I got to leave.
352
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,294
I got a nosebleed,
and, uh, I don't work here.
353
00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:49,001
All right, Quagmire,
now when you introduce us
354
00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:50,336
to the ladies by the pool,
355
00:15:50,371 --> 00:15:52,304
I'm a millionaire, Joe's a war hero,
356
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:54,173
and Cleveland is Magic Johnson.
357
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,908
I own a lot of theaters.
358
00:15:55,943 --> 00:15:58,844
I hope you don't know
much else about me.
359
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:04,850
Is this the right address?
360
00:16:04,885 --> 00:16:06,085
This doesn't look like the building
361
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,286
from Brian's presentation.
362
00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:08,487
Come on, Quagmire.
363
00:16:08,522 --> 00:16:10,356
Never judge a book by its cover.
364
00:16:10,391 --> 00:16:11,757
Or a movie.
365
00:16:13,227 --> 00:16:14,994
No.
366
00:16:22,737 --> 00:16:25,337
It's probably nothing,
but there's a stain on the rug
367
00:16:25,373 --> 00:16:26,772
in the shape of a little kid.
368
00:16:26,807 --> 00:16:28,407
I don't know if you want this now,
369
00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:30,943
but I bought you a mini cactus.
370
00:16:30,978 --> 00:16:33,245
What the hell?
This is a dump.
371
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,914
Well, maybe it's still
got a nice ocean view.
372
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:38,784
The harbor is poisoned.
373
00:16:38,819 --> 00:16:40,586
Damn it.
Brian screwed me.
374
00:16:40,621 --> 00:16:43,222
That's why I've never made any
major investments with my dog.
375
00:16:43,257 --> 00:16:44,490
What am I gonna do?
376
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,859
I sank my entire bonus into this place.
377
00:16:46,894 --> 00:16:48,694
Let me see your contract, Quagmire.
378
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:50,696
There's got to be a way out of this.
379
00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,831
I'm gonna kill him,
that's what I'm gonna do.
380
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,433
ClubAmigos.
381
00:16:54,468 --> 00:16:56,168
That's what we're gonna
call this place.
382
00:16:56,203 --> 00:16:59,438
Here it is. You've got
72 hours after closing
383
00:16:59,473 --> 00:17:02,074
to rescind the
purchase. State law.
384
00:17:02,109 --> 00:17:05,010
Thank God. I got to go
tell Brian the deal's off.
385
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:07,312
Oh, there's a head in the freezer.
386
00:17:07,348 --> 00:17:09,481
Ooh, and sherbert.
387
00:17:12,586 --> 00:17:14,153
We're looking for Brian Griffin.
388
00:17:14,188 --> 00:17:15,821
I'm still within 72 hours, and I want
389
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,122
to get out of my contract.
390
00:17:17,158 --> 00:17:19,425
You'd have to speak to
Mr. Griffin about that.
391
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:21,427
But I'm sorry, he's not in the office.
392
00:17:21,462 --> 00:17:22,628
Where the hell is he?
393
00:17:22,663 --> 00:17:23,829
Slow down, Quagmire.
394
00:17:23,864 --> 00:17:25,464
This sounds like a discussion to have
395
00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:27,499
over a cone-shaped cup of water.
396
00:17:30,471 --> 00:17:31,737
Ah.
397
00:17:31,772 --> 00:17:34,239
You can drink from these
and then put 'em on your head
398
00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:36,942
to be a clown from an Italian opera.
399
00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:40,012
♪ Laughing outside, crying down below ♪
400
00:17:40,047 --> 00:17:42,681
♪ Pasta, meatballs, Joe DiMaggio ♪
401
00:17:42,717 --> 00:17:46,685
♪ Fellatio, Pinocchio,
a pizza pie from Domino's ♪
402
00:17:46,721 --> 00:17:50,022
♪ All of this because
I'm singing in a pointy hat. ♪
403
00:17:50,057 --> 00:17:53,025
Look, Mr. Griffin's not here,
but if you leave your name,
404
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:55,127
I'll let him know you stopped by.
405
00:17:55,162 --> 00:17:57,196
Fine. Glenn Quagmire.
406
00:17:57,231 --> 00:17:59,098
Have him call me the minute he gets in.
407
00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:03,769
They're gone.
408
00:18:04,772 --> 00:18:06,605
Well, for the next 72 hours,
409
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,742
I'm gonna be harder to find
than a nice cat.
410
00:18:09,777 --> 00:18:12,277
You need me to clean out
your litter box?
411
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:18,317
Mittens.
412
00:18:21,589 --> 00:18:23,756
Okay, Rupert, we're
going to play a game.
413
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,390
I'm gonna be Buffalo Bill,
414
00:18:25,426 --> 00:18:27,693
and you're gonna be
a great big fat person.
415
00:18:28,963 --> 00:18:30,129
Close the lid.
416
00:18:30,164 --> 00:18:31,363
Brian? What are you doing?
417
00:18:31,398 --> 00:18:33,465
I'm hiding from Quagmire
for a few more hours.
418
00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,334
After that, he won't be able
to pull out of that deal.
419
00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:38,003
Well, if anybody knows how
to pull out, it's Quagmire.
420
00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:43,609
I have a lot of fun up here in my room.
421
00:18:58,025 --> 00:19:00,459
Welcome home.
422
00:19:00,494 --> 00:19:02,461
Aah! Hey-Hey,
there, buddy.
423
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:05,130
There you are. I've been
looking all over for you.
424
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:07,299
That's why you've been
hiding from me in this motel?
425
00:19:07,334 --> 00:19:09,468
Now let me out of this deal
and give me my money back.
426
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:11,837
Look, i-if you're not happy
with your current property,
427
00:19:11,872 --> 00:19:13,372
we could roll your money over
428
00:19:13,407 --> 00:19:15,440
into something in Sinkhole Estates.
429
00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,242
Those places are going
very fast, though.
430
00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:18,644
Who's a pilot you hate?
431
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,245
You are such a scumbag.
432
00:19:20,281 --> 00:19:22,548
You know, when you were poor,
you were always a douche,
433
00:19:22,583 --> 00:19:24,216
but at least you came by it honestly.
434
00:19:24,251 --> 00:19:26,819
But now, screwing over
the people who helped you?
435
00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:29,321
I don't know how you sleep at night.
436
00:19:31,225 --> 00:19:32,624
My God.
437
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:34,126
You're right.
438
00:19:34,161 --> 00:19:35,627
I'm a jerk.
439
00:19:35,663 --> 00:19:38,831
I'm a selfish and pretentious jerk.
440
00:19:38,866 --> 00:19:40,299
And you're the only guy in town
441
00:19:40,334 --> 00:19:43,068
who's ever called me out on my crap.
442
00:19:43,103 --> 00:19:45,170
You know, I used to hate you
for it, but...
443
00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:46,638
now I think you're the only person
444
00:19:46,674 --> 00:19:48,707
who was trying to be my friend.
445
00:19:48,742 --> 00:19:50,375
No, I think you're misunderstanding me.
446
00:19:50,411 --> 00:19:51,577
No, I'm serious.
447
00:19:51,612 --> 00:19:53,345
Even though I know you never liked me,
448
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:55,681
you still helped me
when I really needed it.
449
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:58,283
That says a lot about your character.
450
00:19:58,319 --> 00:20:00,219
I'm ashamed of myself.
451
00:20:00,254 --> 00:20:02,588
Because I am none
of the things you are.
452
00:20:02,623 --> 00:20:07,192
You're honest, and direct,
and compassionate, and...
453
00:20:07,228 --> 00:20:08,560
that is 72 hours.
454
00:20:08,596 --> 00:20:10,829
Enjoy your craphole, dumbass.
455
00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:12,831
You son of a bitch!
456
00:20:18,472 --> 00:20:20,138
Wow, so I guess that's it for you
457
00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:21,740
and real estate, huh, Brian?
458
00:20:21,775 --> 00:20:24,309
Yeah, it was a lot
tougher than I thought.
459
00:20:24,345 --> 00:20:26,912
Oh, yeah, it's real hard
being a real estate agent.
460
00:20:26,947 --> 00:20:29,248
I mean, you got to be
able to count bathrooms.
461
00:20:29,283 --> 00:20:31,783
I once beat a real estate agent
in a game of chess.
462
00:20:31,819 --> 00:20:32,985
Me. A well-known buffoon.
463
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:36,455
Face it, you failed at
people's safety net job.
464
00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:38,323
Oh, come on, guys.
Give me a break, huh?
465
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:39,658
I've had a rough day.
466
00:20:39,693 --> 00:20:40,993
You've had a rough day?
467
00:20:41,028 --> 00:20:43,136
You guys wouldn't
believe the day I've had.
468
00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:45,982
First of all, I didn't have any
clean underwear this morning,
469
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:47,946
so I had to wear a bathing suit.
470
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,745
Then I missed the bus,
of course. Then it looked like
471
00:20:50,746 --> 00:20:52,586
it was gonna start to rain.
Luckily, it didn't.
472
00:20:53,298 --> 00:20:56,474
And like that wasn't enough,
then we had a pop quiz in history.
473
00:20:56,950 --> 00:20:59,475
Oh, European history. American
history was last year. Then...
474
00:20:59,476 --> 00:21:02,602
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man