1
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,480
# Theme music

2
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:11,960
(Laughter)

3
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,360
Nice one, Pig.
Hey! Up next, Jason Mraz.

4
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,880
We are out.

5
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:21,400
Um, Jason Mraz is a no-show.
Ah, shit. Thanks, Karen.

6
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,680
Mraz is snowboarding. James Reyne
can be here in seven minutes.

7
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,200
We could finally do Sneaky Farts!
Yes!

8
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,000
One of us farts into the microphone,

9
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,960
listeners call in
and guess who it was.

10
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,080
Pig, got a relationship story?

11
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,840
My situation has gotten
a little bit... legal.

12
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,400
I've started dating someone.
Cynth!

13
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,440
Have you got a bloke on the go?
No, I don't.

14
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,280
Perfectamundo. Let's do that.

15
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:45,200
Do what?
We're back in ten.

16
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,400
Let's get a photo of her
on the website, Karen.

17
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,040
Smile!
In three.

18
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,920
Sit down.
Sorry.

19
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,080
You are listening to Thunder FM.

20
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,800
It is 7:46 in the AM, and Pig,
it's gotten a bit steamy in the sty.

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00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,720
(Squeals and laughs)

22
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,720
The first five single dudes
to get into the studio

23
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,920
get to grab a hot date
with single Cynth,

24
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,080
because we are playing
Perfect Snatch.

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00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,800
JINGLE: # Perfect Snatch

26
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,640
Is it too much?

27
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,800
Oh, Jen, it's perfect.
It's beautiful.

28
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,600
Do I look tired? Because I've been
pretending to be a lion all day,

29
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,080
which is exhausting.

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00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,480
You need to take a break
from being a mum

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00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,080
and try and enjoy being...

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00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:33,880
Don't you dare say 'cougar'.
..a single, sexy, hot chick.

33
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,280
The great thing about going out
with Greg's brother

34
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:39,280
is that if it all goes well,
then we're going to be family.

35
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,000
Ha! Oh, settle down, sister.

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00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,240
Bubbly! That's a good sign...
(Chuckles)

37
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,840
..for you. (Laughs)

38
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,800
Wow. Jen, you look great.

39
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,280
Oh. Good. Thank you.

40
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,400
Thanks for being so cool
about the change of plans.

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00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,120
Change of plans?
Yeah, the...

42
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,520
Where is Brad, by the way?

43
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,160
Did you check your messages today?
No.

44
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,000
It would have been really handy
if you'd checked your messages.

45
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,040
Chloe threw my phone into the dryer.
Just call the landline.

46
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,840
I did not know we had a landline.

47
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,800
(Doorbell rings, cheering)

48
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,280
You stay here, I'll get the door.

49
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,560
I should get it, shouldn't I?
Keep drinking, keep drinking.

50
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,680
Keep drinking, keep drinking.
No, I'll get it.

51
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:23,040
Get back. Get out of it!
It's my house, my phone, my door.

52
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,160
There has been a change of plans.
Oh...

53
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:30,080
You must be Jen.
You are a good sort, aren't you?

54
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,960
Sorry, you're..?

55
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,480
G'day, Dad.
Graham.

56
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,720
So is... is Brad here?

57
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,880
Are they for Twattsie and The Pig?

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00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,520
Yes.
Oh.

59
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,920
Could I still take one?
Yes.

60
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,440
Or three?
Yeah. Yes.

61
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,560
You know what? I'm just going to
grab these. Thanks.

62
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,040
Yes.

63
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:02,920
Oh! Oh, these are some pastries
for Twattsie and The Pig.

64
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,840
Are you single?
Yes.

65
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,320
(Toy squeaks)

66
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,480
What's the issue? Dad is a man,
he's staying with us,

67
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:13,960
he's down from the Gold Coast.

68
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,720
You said Jen was desperate
and needed a date.

69
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,520
You are just unbelievable!
No, I didn't mean it like that.

70
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:25,400
I am so, so, so sorry.
You really don't have to do this.

71
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,440
I am just... I'm going to tell him.

72
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,600
What would you say?

73
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,280
Period pain. Hm.

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(Toy squeaks)

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00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,000
He's here, and I've got
a babysitter. I'll be fine.

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I'm... I'm determined
to get back into the dating world,

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and if the first cab off the rank
happens to be someone's dad...

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00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,520
Grandad too. He's a grandad.

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00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,960
Sorry to interrupt
the mothers' group,

80
00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:58,560
but we should probably
get a wriggle on.

81
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,640
Graham, Jen's got
a really heavy period.

82
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,240
(Laughs) Not really.

83
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,200
Single Cynth, it's time to choose.

84
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:13,720
Now, this is an independent woman.
She carries a taser in her handbag.

85
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,320
No, I've just got a pepper spray.

86
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:20,120
We've got John, never married,
who's carrying a bag of cat food.

87
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,560
Beth, who by all reports is a
lesbian!

88
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,560
I'm sorry, I'm not a lesbian.

89
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,280
Um, you sound pretty lez to me.

90
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,760
My lezometer -
pretty moist right now.

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00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:36,720
Ho-ho! And finally,
the flan man himself, George.

92
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,920
The choice is yours, Cynth.

93
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,680
Ah, I guess I choose John.

94
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John!

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00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:46,160
(Canned cheering)

96
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,040
W...w...well...
Sorry, this is amazing.

97
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:53,000
Sorry. I've had a really tough year.
I lost my mother, and...

98
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,960
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Thank you...

99
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,920
I'm really sorry.
I meant, ah... What's your name?

100
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,040
George.
I meant George, not...

101
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,200
John.

102
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,920
Can I get some free CDs?

103
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:14,280
Bum-bowm! But for George and Cynth,
it's a date!

104
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,040
Just so you know, Jen, I know
you've had a tough time of late,

105
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,840
so order whatever you fancy.
Tonight's on me.

106
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,320
That's very sweet.

107
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I've got vouchers.
Vouchers?

108
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:33,480
See... last time I was down,
I came here for dinner,

109
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and I got shocking food poisoning.

110
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,480
I won't go into details
in front of a lady,

111
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,160
but I reckon it was
a dodgy chicken tikka.

112
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,880
You brought me to a restaurant
that gave you food poisoning?

113
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,960
I didn't really have food poisoning,
but they can't prove that.

114
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,680
(Laughs)

115
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:56,440
So Greg tells me your ex-husband
up and left you, did the bolt.

116
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,760
Did he even say goodbye?

117
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,640
Food vouchers,
straight to my personal history!

118
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:05,440
Um... (Chuckles nervously)
Ah, yes, that did happen,

119
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,920
and, no, of course,
he said goodbye. Yeah.

120
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,560
And he left you with a couple
of tin lids, as they say?

121
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,720
Yet again, your information
is correct. Two boys.

122
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,640
I've got a cricket ball
signed by Doug Bollinger.

123
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,600
Your boys can have it. It's theirs.
Oh, no. You don't need to.

124
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:25,520
No, no, no. It's fine. I won it.

125
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,200
You know those competitions

126
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,880
where you have to give the answer
in 25 words or less?

127
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:32,760
I'm all over them.
People actually enter those things?

128
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,240
That's just small fry.

129
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,920
I'm working on this one
at the moment -

130
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,960
'Tell us why you deserve
a trip to Hawaii.'

131
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,760
You wouldn't believe the prize
for this one.

132
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,200
It's a trip to Hawaii?
(Chuckles)

133
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:58,320
Ah, so do you like working
at Thunder FM? Yeah.

134
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:03,440
Eventually, I'd like to produce news
radio in New York or London,

135
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,760
but right now I'm here
at Thunder FM.

136
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,520
OK, guys, let's get this party
started

137
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:17,240
with some bubbles - here you go -
from Ruby Angel Winery.

138
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,040
Get that on the Twattcam.
You can't call it that.

139
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,680
And to break the ice,
we've got some Ice Breakers

140
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,600
from Moo Moo's Iced Coffee.

141
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,720
Now available in supermarkets.

142
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:32,160
OK. Thanks, Twattsie.
Twattcam out.

143
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,040
Twattcam out.

144
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,520
What do you do?

145
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,360
Do? Um... (Chuckles)

146
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:44,160
Well, I'm a single mum, so when
I get a few moments to myself,

147
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,360
I like to pour myself a cup of tea,
then forget to drink it.

148
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,920
But seriously...

149
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,720
Both the boys will be in school
next year,

150
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,600
so I'll be able to concentrate on...
a career.

151
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,840
And what's that?

152
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,440
Oh, it's... it's complicated,
as they say.

153
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,640
Who says that?
'It's complicated?'

154
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,440
Um, it's an expression.

155
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,080
Is it, why?

156
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,040
It's something people say.

157
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,280
But... everything is
something that people say.

158
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,320
Well, people write it in Facebook
as a status update, so...

159
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,800
Life is only as complicated
as you want it to be, I say.

160
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,480
That's very wise.

161
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,400
There you are, two lychee martinis.

162
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,480
And just to let you know, sir,

163
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,120
the vouchers don't cover drinks.

164
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,520
Bugger!

165
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,840
Why did you want to go
on a set-up date for the radio?

166
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,320
I didn't!

167
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,920
But this is my job.
Everyone has to take a few bullets.

168
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,800
OK, so why'd you pick me?

169
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,560
Are you kidding? One guy had
cat food. You had pastries.

170
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,760
One woman had a moist lezometer.

171
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,000
You didn't have a lezometer at all,
which was a plus.

172
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,240
You were just in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

173
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,080
But that's the thing, because we
don't normally do deliveries,

174
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,600
and I wasn't supposed to work
this morning.

175
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,200
I never listen to your show.
Why would you?

176
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,960
I just have this new philosophy

177
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,520
ever since I had
a near-death experience.

178
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,400
You had a near-death experience?
Yeah.

179
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,960
I was playing a lot of Grand Theft
Auto. I was in way deep.

180
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,680
I'd barely moved for two weeks.
Anyways...

181
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:32,520
..my cousin gave me a phone call,
and he said something which...

182
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,360
..saved my life.

183
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,200
He said, 'Do you want to go
to the boat show?'

184
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:44,680
I don't care about boats, but for
some reason, I just said, 'Yeah.'

185
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,600
So your near-death experience was,

186
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,960
you almost died of boredom
at a boat show?

187
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,440
Wow, that is life-changing.

188
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,640
On the way home,
I got a call from the police.

189
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:57,160
They told me that a car had crashed
into the front room of my house,

190
00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:01,360
where I would normally have been
sitting, playing Grand Theft Auto.

191
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:08,800
You see? I almost got hit
by a stolen car

192
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,560
where I would have been sitting in
my house, playing Grand Theft Auto.

193
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,680
The point is...
now I say yes to everything.

194
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,720
So if I asked you
to set fire to your pubes...

195
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,120
Can you not see there's microphones?

196
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:31,120
Great. That'll be on the promo -
me saying 'pubes.'

197
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:39,840
I'm sorry - who comes to a restaurant
and reads the newspaper all night?

198
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,200
Poor woman.
I'm having a lovely time tonight.

199
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,360
Oh, I'm glad.
When you opened the door tonight,

200
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,160
my heart skipped a few beats.

201
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,920
Oh, God. Graham, I'm flattered,
but I'm not...

202
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,000
I have a girlfriend.
What?

203
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,000
You... you have a girlfriend?

204
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,320
Unbelievable!

205
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:05,880
Does she know that you're
using your vouchers on another woman?

206
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,040
It's all above-board.
We're on a break.

207
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,720
Claire, that's her,

208
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,520
she's off finding herself
somewhere in a caravan.

209
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,320
That's what the young ones
do these days.

210
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,600
How young is she?
Early 50s.

211
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,520
I just wish you'd told me
before I fell in love with you.

212
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,840
It's important that we're both
on the same page.

213
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,320
No, we're both on the same page.

214
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,960
I'm the page where
I get set up with a 65-year-old man

215
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:31,080
and he doesn't want a relationship
with me because he has a girlfriend.

216
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,560
What... what are you doing?

217
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,320
I love everything about you...

218
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:38,880
..your eyes...
Huh?

219
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,840
..your hair, your dress,
the way you say, 'It's complicated.'

220
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,080
Oh, dear God.
Will you do me the honour

221
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,720
of becoming my bride?

222
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,160
What?!

223
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,040
This... this will cover the drinks
for us.

224
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,760
Will you marry me?

225
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,360
Hurry up, my back's giving out.

226
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,880
Yes. Oh, yes.

227
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,960
Yes, I will. Wow.

228
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,960
(Applause)

229
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,760
Wow. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

230
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,600
Oh.
(Chuckles and sighs)

231
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:28,280
I'll get the ring back later.
Cheers.

232
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,920
(Cheering and laughter)

233
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:39,400
Hi, George. I'm Gwen, Cynth's mum.

234
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,000
(Someone whistles)

235
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,640
They asked me to show you
her first bra.

236
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,720
(Cheering, clapping)

237
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,040
Wardrobe change!

238
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,320
Of course I'll forgive you.
We're family now.

239
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,560
Um, Graham just proposed to me,
so now I'm Greg's mum.

240
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,960
OK, Jen, do you need me to come
there now and get you?

241
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,880
Relax.
He was just doing it for free drinks.

242
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,320
Oh, and he has a girlfriend.

243
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,520
Girlfriend?
I know!

244
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,520
No, Graham doesn't have
a girlfriend.

245
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,600
He was going out
with this woman called Claire.

246
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,360
He was about to ask her
to marry him.

247
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,840
He had the ring and everything.

248
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,080
Then about three years ago,

249
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,560
she fucked off
with his best mate, Ken Duffy.

250
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,200
Really?
Yeah.

251
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,360
In a caravan that Graham won
in a magazine competition.

252
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:47,600
OK, Jen, should I come there now
and pick you up?

253
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,920
# ROMANTIC SOFT ROCK

254
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,560
They told me to give you this.

255
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,040
I know.

256
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,960
This isn't real, George.
You do know that, right?

257
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,280
None of this is real.
Of course it's real.

258
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,680
Like, look, it's all happening
right now.

259
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:36,000
They're recording us. They're
filming. It's all being documented.

260
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,400
If we had kids and got married,

261
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,200
they'd be able to actually
see our first date take place.

262
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,040
Hey, I didn't mean anything
by the marriage thing, honestly.

263
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,840
No.
No, it's...

264
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,880
I'd prefer to get divorced
than get married.

265
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,640
Hey! Ciao, everybody!

266
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:58,880
It's a-me, Mario The Motor Mechanic.
(Speaks indistinctly)

267
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,040
I think you've tightened these knots

268
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,200
just by wearing that dress, Cynthia,
eh?

269
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,280
What do you say, ah?
Oh, God.

270
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,400
Hey! Pasta fazool.

271
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:22,400
This is practically a return trip
to Hawaii. Safe as houses.

272
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,520
Claire's always been trying
to get me to take her there.

273
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,200
Graham...

274
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,480
I don't know what I want to do.

275
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,920
I married Dean when I was in my 20s,

276
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,720
and I hadn't figured
any of that stuff out.

277
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,920
It was all gap years
and working in hospitality.

278
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,480
He swept me off my feet,
then he took care of everything.

279
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,880
I took care of all the things
he couldn't take care of,

280
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,920
like the house and the kids.

281
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,440
Sounds like the perfect set-up.

282
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,000
Yeah, he did say goodbye.

283
00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:00,960
He... he sent me a text message
from the airport,

284
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,600
telling me that he was leaving us.
What a prick!

285
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,600
I think I knew that he wasn't happy.
I don't think I was.

286
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,880
We weren't really talking anymore

287
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,360
or having dinner together
or caring about each other's days.

288
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,400
I thought that was a rough patch,

289
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:21,840
that that's what marriage is,
that you work...

290
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,320
Anyway, so now I'm a single mum,

291
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,800
and I still haven't worked
any of that stuff out.

292
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,880
I don't want to go back
to waiting tables,

293
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:38,040
'cause now I'm not in my 20s anymore.

294
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,520
The way I see it,

295
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,400
mistakes only become regrets
if you don't learn from them.

296
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:46,400
The smart goat only pisses
on the electric fence once.

297
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,440
Oh, one other thing -

298
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,440
they're not going to cover
the drinks.

299
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,800
But don't fret, I've got a Plan B.

300
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,600
What, pretending to be pregnant?

301
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,680
Have you ever done a runner?

302
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:10,040
OK, I have a special surprise
a-guest for you.

303
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,280
As Mario puts another meatball
in your calzone,

304
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:18,520
it's your ex-boyfriend, Darren!
Hey, hey!

305
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,920
Oh, mama mia!

306
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:26,280
And thank you to our friends
at Love All By Rafa.

307
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,360
Eh! So, tell us why,
like my back hair,

308
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,800
things went down the plughole
for you and a-Cynthia?

309
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,600
DARREN: You know,
we wanted different things.

310
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,120
Oh, yeah! You wanted
the rumpy-pumpy,

311
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,920
she want to buy the shoes, yeah?

312
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,880
Ah, no.
I really wanted to have kids.

313
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,400
Oh, Cynthia,
she's an independent woman.

314
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,040
No bambino, just a solero, eh?

315
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,640
No. Cynthia couldn't...
She can't...

316
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,760
..medically speaking, have kids.

317
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,960
Hokay!

318
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,400
Mama mia!

319
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,800
Let's pack it up.
Let's pack it up.

320
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,080
Look, sorry, guys,

321
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,960
but Imogen will kill me if we
don't get a shot for the website.

322
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,200
Alright, let's get a safety.
Twattsie, get in here.

323
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,520
Hey!

324
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:32,360
Alright, everyone in now. Come on,
the whole crew. Quick, guys.

325
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,880
And one with Darren.
Darren, just jump in there.

326
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,360
No.
It'll only take a second.

327
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,200
No! I said no.

328
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,240
OK. Let's... let's wrap it up.

329
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,760
There is absolutely no reason
for us to do this.

330
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:57,400
I'm going to go now.
Pretend I'm having a smoke.

331
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,880
You have prop cigarettes on you.
I'm going to leave my jacket here.

332
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,920
so it looks like I'm coming back.

333
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,120
I'll meet you at the phone box
up the road.

334
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,880
Don't rush. Don't looked panicked.
Bring my jacket.

335
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,520
We could get arrested!

336
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:18,120
Just going out for a smoke.
(Chuckles) Filthy habit, eh?

337
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,720
Gives you cancer, you know.

338
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:31,280
Excuse me? I would like to
fix up the drinks bill.

339
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,400
Oh, sure. I'll just...
No.

340
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,440
When I go,
could you please pretend to chase me?

341
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,680
The gentleman
thinks he's done a runner?

342
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,320
Yeah.

343
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,080
Thanks.

344
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,440
So, we could go get some ice-cream.

345
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,960
With you? No. No, thanks.

346
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,920
You are obligation-free.

347
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,600
The date doesn't necessarily
have to end now.

348
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,200
This is not a date, George,
it's a joke.

349
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,800
On us, you see?

350
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,200
This is never going to work out,
because they own us now.

351
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,880
They'll want to know what happens

352
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,560
on the second, third
and fourth date.

353
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,960
On the fifth date, they'll make you
propose to me on air,

354
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,600
then we'll get married
in a Pizza Hut,

355
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,320
and I'll be forced to have
Delta Goodrem as a bridesmaid.

356
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,400
Delta Goodrem. (Sniffles)

357
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,920
Um, I'm going to go.

358
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,200
You're a very attractive
and nice man. Goodbye.

359
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:42,240
Excuse me,
in case no-one else has said this,

360
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,800
you look really beautiful tonight.

361
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,720
Oh, thank you!

362
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,680
You deserve to know that,
and you deserve to be spoken to

363
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,040
and acknowledged
and not completely ignored.

364
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,680
Oh, it's OK.
No, it's not OK,

365
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,360
to sit in a restaurant
reading a newspaper

366
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,880
when the woman sitting opposite you
has clearly made an effort,

367
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,360
probably runs the household
and probably raised all the kids.

368
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,880
But that doesn't matter, does it,
because some man in golf slacks

369
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,680
has apparently won a golf tournament
against somebody.

370
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,840
I'd be happy to chase you
out of the restaurant now, madam.

371
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,760
Um...

372
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,160
Come on, Jen! (Laughs)

373
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:33,720
(Laughs)
Come back, scoundrels!

374
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,480
You've not paid and have run away.

375
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,760
How'd you find me?

376
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,600
We were just a few doors down,
and you're wearing a ball gown.

377
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,680
And there's still some of Twattsie's
Ice Breakers things

378
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,680
to Moo Moo's iced coffee
that we have yet to get through.

379
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,200
I'm a boat show, aren't I?

380
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:07,200
Am I a boat show,
just one of your yes experiences?

381
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,640
I came here to cheer you up.

382
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,720
Pepper-spray me.
Yeah.

383
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,640
I'm serious -
pepper-spray me in the face.

384
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,880
That is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard,

385
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,920
and I work on a show called Twattsie
And The Pig. It will blind you.

386
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,080
(Snorts) It's not going to blind me.

387
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,000
We should Google it, eh?

388
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,080
(Toy squeaks, woman groans)

389
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,160
Hello? I have a gun.

390
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,600
It's a big... gun.

391
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,800
Hello?

392
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,720
Oh!
(Laughs)

393
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,400
Jen!

394
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:54,880
Hi, Jen.
Hi.

395
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,920
I was... I was just looking for...

396
00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:58,440
my shoes.
Shoes.

397
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,360
Yeah.
Hello, son.

398
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,800
Bullshit!

399
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,240
What the fuck?!

400
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:13,960
H-hi. Graham's just been...
Oh, thank you.

401
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:17,000
..helping me call a cab.

402
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,720
(Toy squeaks)
Yep, Chloe's rubber ducky.

403
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,120
How about I spray it over there,
and you run into it?

404
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,960
Come on, the quicker we do it, the
sooner the burning sensation will...

405
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,240
Is this an SandM thing?

406
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,800
Hey, just come on,
pretend I'm The Pig.

407
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,040
That's not going to work.
(Squeals)

408
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,600
(Screams)
Oh, my God!

409
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,600
Oh, fuck! Fucking fuck!
I didn't mean to do it!

410
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,160
That was really bad.
You asked me to do it!

411
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,000
Everyone here... I'm sorry!
No, no, no. It really hurts.

412
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,720
It really hurts.
Does it?

413
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,120
I better get free
concert tickets now.

414
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,400
My God, I'm really sorry.
It looks bad. Is it bad?

415
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,960
What do you need, beer? You can have
as much beer as you like.

416
00:23:56,160 --> 00:24:01,360
You were very brave just there.
Did you know? I'm super impressed.

417
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,640
Ready for some more?
No, no, no. That's not even funny.

418
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,240
You're going to be fine, Jen.

419
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,520
You're stronger than you think
and smarter than you look.

420
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,880
You're a good man, Graham.

421
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,720
You certainly know your way
around the back of a couch.

422
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,520
(Chuckles) Yes.

423
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:35,280
It was a good evening.
Nice meal, good conversation.

424
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:36,960
Bit of a treat at the end.

425
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,160
That thing that you did! Ooh!

426
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,240
(Chuckles)

427
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,400
(Car horn)
Oh, right...

428
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,640
Night.

429
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:56,840
And Graham, if...

430
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,440
..if Claire doesn't come back
to you, that's her loss.

431
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,480
Oh. I nearly forgot.

432
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,640
Oh, thanks. Cheers, Jen.

433
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,120
OK.

434
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,880
Weddings.
What?

435
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,760
Maybe I could become
a wedding planner.

436
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,680
I'll give you a call
next time I get married.

437
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,200
Night, Graham.

438
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,960
(Car engine starts)

439
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,880
# RADIO JINGLE

440
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:44,360
RADIO: The time is 7:45.

441
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,720
You're listening to Twattsie
and The Pig on Thunder FM,

442
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,920
and look who's back
from her first date.

443
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,120
We can't wait
to follow this romance,

444
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,840
but first, let's find out how George
and Cynthia's first date went.

445
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,520
Firstly, I'd like to say thank you
to Love All By Rafa

446
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,240
and Ruby Angel Wines,

447
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,120
Jeannine's Formal Wear,
Moo Moo's Iced Coffee.

448
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,280
George is a really great guy,

449
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,120
but as I said to him
at the end of the night,

450
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,240
I don't think
it's going to work out.

451
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,280
Ouch!
How do you feel about that, Georgie?

452
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,160
Um, you know, she's got her reasons.

453
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:21,000
His eyes are red
and he's been crying all night.

454
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,320
Aw!
Adorable.

455
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,040
Thanks, Cynthia. I hope it goes well
with the career and everything.

456
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,520
Thanks, yeah. You too.

457
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,880
Well, there he goes, Cynth,
the one that got away.

458
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,320
Have you got that?
Yeah.

459
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,520
OK, who's up
for the first Sneaky Fart?

460
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,800
Twattsie, you up for it?
Lower the mike!

461
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,400
Ha-ha! Yes!

462
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:54,880
Sorry, I was just going this way.
It's a bit awkward.

463
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,120
I'm sure we can be adults about it.
Yeah.

464
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,000
See you tonight.

465
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:14,080
Actually, just one more thing
that's work-related.

466
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,960
GRAHAM:
When people get caught in a storm

467
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,760
and find the strength to weather it,

468
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:25,640
they deserve to arrive on a beach
to a lychee martini.

469
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,640
(Kids chatter)

470
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,680
Good?

471
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,120
Today would have been
Kane and I's one-year anniversary.

472
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,000
Chris and I had
a wondrous sexual life together.

473
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,920
It was passionate and intense
and borderline disgusting.

474
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,400
OK, come on.

475
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,040
Maybe we could catch a movie?

476
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,880
Maybe. Do you think Tim would mind?

477
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,240
He had an erection. Denim sausage,
right during the sex scene.

478
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,320
The House of Dracul
requires a son and heir.

479
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,600
Oh, for Christ's sake!

480
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,720
Please could everybody stop...
(Yelling)

481
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,680
Captions by CSI Australia