1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,636 [ Snoring ] 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,905 Gwen! Where are you?! 3 00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,174 [ Thunder crashes ] 4 00:00:08,208 --> 00:00:10,042 [ Suspenseful music plays ] 5 00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:12,739 Gwen? 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,816 Has anyone seen my sister, Gwen? 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,818 [ Thunder crashes ] 8 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,692 [ Fire crackling ] 9 00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,797 Gwen! Got a light? 10 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,232 [ Foosh! ] 11 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,668 [ Snarls ] 12 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,470 Aah! 13 00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:40,506 [ Deep voice ] This girl is on fire! 14 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,343 [ Snarls ] 15 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,811 Scott: Psst. Up here. 16 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,546 Francine: [ Gasps ] Scott Baio! 17 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:50,149 Are you here to save me? Sort of. 18 00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,485 I'm here to tell you you're pulling on push doors. 19 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:55,087 Oh. [ Gwen snarls ] 20 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,856 [ Light switch clicks ] Bad dream? 21 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,057 [ Sighs ] 22 00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,358 I-I-I guess I'm nervous 23 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,794 about my sister coming to visit today. 24 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,929 Also, I really need to get over 25 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,965 my obsession with Scott Baio. 26 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,100 Good luck. 27 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,069 [ Snores ] 28 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,274 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 29 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:19,278 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 30 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:22,381 ♪ the sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 31 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:26,519 ♪ and he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 32 00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:32,024 ♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 33 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,160 ♪ Good -- ♪ ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 34 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:40,132 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 35 00:01:43,113 --> 00:01:44,981 Come on, let's finish breakfast 36 00:01:45,015 --> 00:01:47,050 so we can clean up before Gwen gets here. 37 00:01:47,084 --> 00:01:49,018 God, you always turn into a nervous wreck 38 00:01:49,053 --> 00:01:50,520 when it comes to aunt Gwen. 39 00:01:50,554 --> 00:01:51,754 Nonsense. 40 00:01:51,789 --> 00:01:54,357 Now, who wants coffee? 41 00:01:54,391 --> 00:01:57,427 Woof! Klaus, you take decaf, right? 42 00:01:57,461 --> 00:01:59,662 In the evenings, yes, but in the morning, 43 00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:01,831 I drink [slurring] whatever. 44 00:02:01,865 --> 00:02:04,567 Hey, let's dance. Where are you going? 45 00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,803 Oh, you should have seen your mom last night. 46 00:02:06,837 --> 00:02:08,504 Nightmare after nightmare. 47 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:11,641 She was a-tossin' and a-turnin', like a T.Rex on its back. 48 00:02:11,675 --> 00:02:14,711 [ Growling ] 49 00:02:14,745 --> 00:02:17,113 Boy, oh, boy, did she look stupid. 50 00:02:17,147 --> 00:02:19,382 Just dumb. Here, see for yourself. 51 00:02:19,416 --> 00:02:20,984 [ Stan laughing ] 52 00:02:21,018 --> 00:02:23,553 Boy, oh, boy, do you look stupid. 53 00:02:23,587 --> 00:02:24,988 Just dumb. 54 00:02:25,022 --> 00:02:27,957 It seems like forever since Gwen's been here. 55 00:02:27,992 --> 00:02:30,893 Mom, why is your relationship with aunt Gwen so weird? 56 00:02:30,928 --> 00:02:33,129 Is -- is it because you're adopted? No. 57 00:02:33,163 --> 00:02:35,832 Is it because I'm so vocal about how attracted I am to her? 58 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:39,135 No, although it isn't my all-time favorite thing. 59 00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:41,104 She's a [high-pitched] fox. 60 00:02:41,138 --> 00:02:43,106 Can't wait to see my sexy aunt. 61 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,941 [ Vocalizing ] 62 00:02:44,975 --> 00:02:48,611 Who I'm not related to by blood. [ Clears throat ] 63 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,147 The problem is -- aunt Gwen is a convicted criminal, 64 00:02:51,181 --> 00:02:52,982 and all she ever does is use mom. 65 00:02:53,017 --> 00:02:55,752 She's my sister. Sometimes she leans on me. 66 00:02:55,786 --> 00:02:57,420 "Leans" on you? 67 00:02:57,454 --> 00:02:59,922 The last time she visited, she rented a car in your name 68 00:02:59,957 --> 00:03:02,025 and drove it through her bookie's apartment. 69 00:03:02,059 --> 00:03:03,526 When we toured universities, 70 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,028 we had to take the bus everywhere. 71 00:03:05,062 --> 00:03:06,195 What you do you care? 72 00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:07,897 You ended up at community college. 73 00:03:07,931 --> 00:03:09,766 'Cause that's where the bus went! 74 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:10,967 She's family! 75 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,635 I can't turn her away. 76 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,470 That's exactly what you should do. 77 00:03:14,505 --> 00:03:17,073 [ Light switch clicking, thunder rumbling ] Drama! 78 00:03:17,107 --> 00:03:19,475 What is that? It's a thunder sheet. 79 00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,644 It's useful for highlighting dramatic moments. 80 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:24,013 I ordered it when Stan's mom was gonna sleep with the gardener. 81 00:03:24,048 --> 00:03:26,015 She didn't do that. Yeah. She did. 82 00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:29,052 But nobody knew it because it wasn't highlighted. [ Rumbling ] 83 00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:31,654 He might not have mowed the lawn for two weeks, 84 00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,790 but he took real good care of that bush. 85 00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:37,126 [ Rumbling ] I'll be using this as a rim shot, as well. 86 00:03:37,246 --> 00:03:39,078 Klaus: [ Slurring ] There's a cab pulling up! 87 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,293 Now there's a plane in the sky. 88 00:03:41,328 --> 00:03:43,629 Well, well, well, if there isn't a little dog 89 00:03:43,663 --> 00:03:46,132 across the street. Sober up, Klaus. 90 00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:48,534 Stan, Steve, Gwen's here! 91 00:03:48,568 --> 00:03:49,935 Stan: Hup! Steve: Hup! 92 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,137 Hup! Hup! 93 00:03:51,171 --> 00:03:52,338 Hup! Hup! 94 00:03:52,372 --> 00:03:54,407 I thought you said Gwen was here. 95 00:03:54,441 --> 00:03:56,442 [ Doorbell rings ] 96 00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:01,013 Hello, Francine. 97 00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:03,082 Gwen, you look great. 98 00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:05,151 Wow, Gwen's so beautiful. 99 00:04:05,185 --> 00:04:07,920 I-it's making me have feelings I don't understand. 100 00:04:07,954 --> 00:04:09,422 Ah, that's the tingle of desire 101 00:04:09,456 --> 00:04:11,957 for a woman you have no chance of hooking up with. 102 00:04:11,992 --> 00:04:13,325 It's so frustrating. 103 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,761 That's why I've developed a sad technique 104 00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:17,730 that allows me to get physically inappropriate 105 00:04:17,764 --> 00:04:19,165 with a person without them knowing. 106 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:21,133 I call it "the hug." 107 00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:22,868 I know what a hug is, dad. 108 00:04:22,903 --> 00:04:24,236 Oh. Okay. 109 00:04:24,271 --> 00:04:26,038 Well, then, good luck to you. 110 00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:27,673 Oh, no, dad, I-I'm sorry. 111 00:04:27,707 --> 00:04:28,874 I-I spoke too soon. 112 00:04:28,909 --> 00:04:30,676 You did. You did speak too soon. 113 00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:32,244 Now watch this. 114 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:34,677 Gwen, it's been too long. 115 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,492 Face to neck. 116 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,926 Hand to lower back. 117 00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,328 Pec to boob. 118 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,330 I don't know shit about hugging. 119 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,966 Aaaaand... five Mississippi. 120 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,001 What? I'm afraid our time's up. 121 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,604 Teach me that. 122 00:04:48,638 --> 00:04:50,339 Hi, Steve. 123 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,574 Nooo-oo-oo! 124 00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:55,344 So, what brings you to town? 125 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,712 [ Chuckles nervously ] 126 00:04:56,746 --> 00:04:58,814 I hope you're not on the lam or anything. 127 00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:01,917 Can't a sister visit a sister without needing an alibi? 128 00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:03,652 [ Doorbell rings ] I need an alibi. 129 00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:04,920 That's my probation officer. 130 00:05:04,954 --> 00:05:06,522 I've lived here for 18 months. 131 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,691 Oh, and none of us have been selling fake cellphones. 132 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,292 Together: What?! 133 00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:11,894 [ Light switch clicking, rumbling ] Drama. 134 00:05:11,928 --> 00:05:13,896 Who is that? Get him out of here. Roger. 135 00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,330 Fine, fine. I'm going. 136 00:05:15,365 --> 00:05:17,066 Just let me pack my thunder sheet. 137 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,534 Oh, what is the code? 138 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,602 Okay, three-digit number, obviously. 139 00:05:20,637 --> 00:05:23,072 I think it was Brigitte Nielsen's weight. 140 00:05:23,106 --> 00:05:24,907 So the first number is 2. 141 00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:26,709 Hmm. 142 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,610 Hmm. 143 00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:37,753 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. 144 00:05:37,787 --> 00:05:40,422 [ Scoffs ] Seriously, who is this guy?! 145 00:05:40,457 --> 00:05:42,324 [ Sighs ] 146 00:05:42,358 --> 00:05:44,760 [ Soft rumbling ] 147 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,502 [ Loud crash ] 148 00:05:53,536 --> 00:05:56,004 He lives in the attic. 149 00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:57,940 He's human. 150 00:05:57,974 --> 00:06:00,542 [ Birds chirping ] 151 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:03,679 So, you claim you've lived here for... 152 00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:05,080 18 months. 153 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:07,549 Right, Francine? You bet. 154 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,985 I've been teaching my sister how to walk again 155 00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:11,854 after her trolley-car accident. 156 00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:13,856 Show her what I taught you, Francine. 157 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,058 O-okay. 158 00:06:17,761 --> 00:06:19,995 This is crazy. I know. 159 00:06:20,029 --> 00:06:21,830 Your aunt is a miracle worker, 160 00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:25,434 but your mom, obviously, has a long way to go. 161 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,403 So, I guess there's no way you could have been 162 00:06:28,438 --> 00:06:32,040 in Houston last month selling fake cellphones to the elderly. 163 00:06:32,075 --> 00:06:34,476 That's awful! It sure is. 164 00:06:34,511 --> 00:06:35,811 One last thing -- 165 00:06:35,845 --> 00:06:38,147 I need to check your purse for narcotics. 166 00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,717 Oh, Gwen, thank you 167 00:06:41,751 --> 00:06:44,019 for bringing the sweet'n low I asked for. 168 00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:45,721 [ Slurps ] 169 00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:48,657 We're so goddamn rich, this is how we drink our coffee! 170 00:06:48,691 --> 00:06:49,858 [ Slurps ] 171 00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:51,460 Roger, Roger, 172 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,829 you're missing all kinds of drama downstairs. 173 00:06:53,863 --> 00:06:55,731 I know, but my fellow cartographer 174 00:06:55,765 --> 00:06:58,534 Michael Edward Upton is dying, and I must go to him. 175 00:06:58,568 --> 00:07:00,569 Oh, no. Is he a dear friend? 176 00:07:00,603 --> 00:07:02,504 He was, but we had a falling-out. 177 00:07:02,539 --> 00:07:03,839 He fell out of an airplane 178 00:07:03,873 --> 00:07:05,808 with a pirate chest of treasure we'd stolen. 179 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,543 Only he knows where he buried it, 180 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:08,977 but only I have the key. 181 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,746 A standoff of sorts. 182 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:15,450 For 20 years, but now it's time to unbury the hatchet. 183 00:07:15,485 --> 00:07:17,753 Oh, part of the treasure was a priceless hatchet. 184 00:07:17,787 --> 00:07:20,455 Of course. The timing couldn't be worse, though. 185 00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:22,691 I'm needed here, flicking lights on and off, 186 00:07:22,725 --> 00:07:26,161 making thunder sounds, and announcing drama. I could do those things. 187 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,864 Hang on, let me see what my understudy is up to. 188 00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:30,766 [ Telephone rings ] 189 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,768 [ Insects buzzing ] 190 00:07:32,802 --> 00:07:34,503 Okay, you got the job. 191 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,705 But you report to him. 192 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,908 Well, Gwen, I'm happy to say that it's clear 193 00:07:39,943 --> 00:07:43,011 you are not involved in any criminal activity. 194 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,580 Be good. 195 00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:46,481 [ Engine turns over ] 196 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,252 Bye! Drive safe. 197 00:07:54,157 --> 00:07:55,724 Put the fake phones in her room. 198 00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:57,025 She'll show you where it is. 199 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,862 Are you -- are you planning to stay? 200 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,496 Yeah, I'm gonna be doing business 201 00:08:01,531 --> 00:08:02,865 around here for a little while. 202 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,133 Mom, she's lying to her probation officer. 203 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:07,236 She's got a truck full of fake phones. 204 00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:08,971 Yeah, Gwen. 205 00:08:09,005 --> 00:08:11,206 What is going on? The less you know, the better. 206 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,941 Okay. 207 00:08:12,976 --> 00:08:15,978 ♪ [ Upbeat music plays ] ♪ 208 00:08:20,971 --> 00:08:23,903 Mom, you need to see what Gwen put in the garage. 209 00:08:24,143 --> 00:08:26,578 Show me new car! 210 00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:29,114 Gwen's running a sweatshop. 211 00:08:29,148 --> 00:08:31,049 You can't let her do this here. 212 00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:32,384 I'm surprised at you. 213 00:08:32,418 --> 00:08:34,586 This seems like a wonderful opportunity 214 00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:36,388 to learn about Indian culture. 215 00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:37,623 [ Foreign accent ] We're not Indian. 216 00:08:37,657 --> 00:08:39,057 We're Sri Lankan. 217 00:08:39,092 --> 00:08:41,460 Oh. 218 00:08:41,494 --> 00:08:44,196 We have rich and storied heritage. 219 00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:46,398 I'm just not into it. 220 00:08:46,432 --> 00:08:49,668 Mom, I've dropped Psychology 101 six times, 221 00:08:49,702 --> 00:08:51,603 so I know exactly what you're doing. 222 00:08:51,638 --> 00:08:53,238 You're enabling her. 223 00:08:53,273 --> 00:08:56,575 Look, Gwen's had a tough road. I know, I know. 224 00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:58,410 She burned down your high school, 225 00:08:58,444 --> 00:08:59,645 and it destroyed her life. 226 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:01,213 But she is an adult now, 227 00:09:01,247 --> 00:09:03,415 and you don't have to keep cleaning up her messes. 228 00:09:03,449 --> 00:09:06,018 [ Scraping ] 229 00:09:06,052 --> 00:09:07,719 [ Grunting ] 230 00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:09,388 Is the drama over? 231 00:09:09,422 --> 00:09:10,722 Oh, damn it. 232 00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:12,624 Stupid thing is so heavy. 233 00:09:12,659 --> 00:09:14,726 No. This is your fault, Klaus. 234 00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:17,396 You wanted this job. Now do it right! 235 00:09:20,066 --> 00:09:23,702 Michael Edward Upton, my old friend. 236 00:09:23,736 --> 00:09:26,104 I came as soon as I heard. 237 00:09:26,139 --> 00:09:29,241 Where'd you bury the treasure, Michael? 238 00:09:29,275 --> 00:09:32,044 I almost forgot about it, too, just like you said I would. 239 00:09:32,078 --> 00:09:34,980 But then your name popped up on a Google coma alert. 240 00:09:35,014 --> 00:09:36,515 Led me right to you. 241 00:09:36,549 --> 00:09:39,318 So, I ask you once again -- where did you bury it, Michael? 242 00:09:39,352 --> 00:09:40,752 I see. 243 00:09:40,787 --> 00:09:43,455 Think you're gonna hide behind the coma? 244 00:09:43,489 --> 00:09:45,057 [ Chuckles ] 245 00:09:45,091 --> 00:09:47,259 You always did go for the big moves, didn't you? 246 00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:48,727 But I got some moves of my own! 247 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:51,029 [ Fabric tears ] 248 00:09:52,031 --> 00:09:53,465 Why did I hide this coffee? 249 00:09:53,499 --> 00:09:55,767 They probably would have let me carry this in here. 250 00:09:58,771 --> 00:10:01,340 Wakey-wakey. 251 00:10:01,374 --> 00:10:03,408 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 252 00:10:03,443 --> 00:10:05,477 Oh, another coma alert. 253 00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:07,713 Val Kilmer?! 254 00:10:07,747 --> 00:10:10,282 Oh, waking up after 20 years. 255 00:10:12,752 --> 00:10:15,253 Now, the key thing to a successful hug 256 00:10:15,288 --> 00:10:17,489 is to remember "kiss." 257 00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:20,459 That means keep it simple, stupid, not kiss, 258 00:10:20,493 --> 00:10:22,227 which you should never try to do during a hug. 259 00:10:22,261 --> 00:10:23,462 In fact, forget kiss. 260 00:10:23,496 --> 00:10:25,497 Get kiss right out of your brain 261 00:10:25,531 --> 00:10:27,799 'cause we are here to learn about hugs, 262 00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:31,670 which are easy to get if you remember to "kiss," 263 00:10:31,704 --> 00:10:33,138 but not kiss. 264 00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:34,339 Never kiss. 265 00:10:34,374 --> 00:10:36,441 Now, then, "hugs" -- 266 00:10:36,476 --> 00:10:42,047 how you get satisfaction... 267 00:10:42,081 --> 00:10:44,116 Stupid. 268 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,084 [ Sighs ] You're looking confused. 269 00:10:46,119 --> 00:10:47,285 This is so easy. 270 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,588 Satisfaction breaks down into "S," 271 00:10:49,622 --> 00:10:51,323 which stands for satisfaction. 272 00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:53,225 Uh, doi! "A" is for apple. 273 00:10:53,259 --> 00:10:54,626 "A" always stands for apple. 274 00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:56,561 There's nothing we can do about that. 275 00:10:56,596 --> 00:10:58,664 "T" -- torso, which is where the hug lives. 276 00:10:58,698 --> 00:11:02,067 "I" -- ay-yi-yi, what a hug! 277 00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,102 "S" -- satisfaction, again. 278 00:11:04,137 --> 00:11:05,804 This one will break down slightly differently 279 00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:08,273 than the one we're doing now, but we'll get to that later. 280 00:11:08,307 --> 00:11:10,275 "F" -- Francine. 281 00:11:10,309 --> 00:11:12,210 I love Francine. 282 00:11:12,245 --> 00:11:13,412 I just do. 283 00:11:13,446 --> 00:11:15,514 Back to "A" -- stands for alphabet. 284 00:11:15,548 --> 00:11:17,182 It always does. 285 00:11:21,721 --> 00:11:25,157 Sri Lankans make such delicious kind of bread! 286 00:11:25,191 --> 00:11:26,591 Eh. Who doesn't? 287 00:11:26,626 --> 00:11:29,294 [ Door opens ] What are you doing in here? 288 00:11:29,328 --> 00:11:31,430 Where are you supposed to be?! Garage! 289 00:11:32,465 --> 00:11:33,632 Don't let them in here. 290 00:11:33,666 --> 00:11:35,434 They're just looking for their passports. 291 00:11:35,468 --> 00:11:37,636 Now, I need you to put this human liver in the fridge. 292 00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:39,705 Why do you have a human liver? 293 00:11:39,739 --> 00:11:41,106 I don't. 294 00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:42,507 You have a human liver. 295 00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:44,309 I have nothing to do with it. 296 00:11:44,343 --> 00:11:46,378 So, I'm gonna wash up, and then you're driving me 297 00:11:46,412 --> 00:11:47,746 to Chimdale to sell that thing. 298 00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:50,549 Is this my cooler? My sandwich was in here. 299 00:11:50,583 --> 00:11:52,184 My sandwich. 300 00:11:54,821 --> 00:11:56,655 Dad, this is -- this is getting serious. 301 00:11:56,689 --> 00:11:58,523 A-are you gonna do something about Gwen? 302 00:11:58,558 --> 00:11:59,758 I should say so. 303 00:11:59,792 --> 00:12:01,827 Steve's about to perv on her big-time. 304 00:12:01,861 --> 00:12:04,262 I just hope I do it right. [ Chuckles ] You will. 305 00:12:04,297 --> 00:12:06,832 The only thing you have to know is the meaning of every letter 306 00:12:06,866 --> 00:12:08,800 and the order in which I told them to you. 307 00:12:08,835 --> 00:12:10,802 Remember everything! Go, go, go! 308 00:12:14,207 --> 00:12:16,575 Oh, my God, there's so much to remember. 309 00:12:16,609 --> 00:12:18,410 "S" is for satisfaction. 310 00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:20,579 Aunt Gwen! Yes, Steve? 311 00:12:20,613 --> 00:12:23,615 Uh, apple. 312 00:12:23,649 --> 00:12:25,584 Aaah! [ Groans ] 313 00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:30,889 Daddy, I-I bit my tongue, and I got stuck. 314 00:12:30,923 --> 00:12:34,493 So, Steve is, uh, a little special? 315 00:12:34,527 --> 00:12:37,195 That could work, yes. 316 00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:40,732 Dad, you told her I'm a slow kid! 317 00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:44,569 Steve, who among us gets to hug longer or harder 318 00:12:44,604 --> 00:12:46,171 than our special friends? 319 00:12:46,205 --> 00:12:48,540 Mr. Metheeny, the creepy music teacher at school. 320 00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:50,776 What you do at school is your business, Steve. 321 00:12:50,810 --> 00:12:53,478 [ Brakes squeak ] 322 00:12:53,513 --> 00:12:54,679 I'll be right back. 323 00:12:54,714 --> 00:12:56,414 But this is a bad neighborhood! 324 00:12:56,449 --> 00:12:57,682 Relax. 325 00:12:57,717 --> 00:12:59,651 Just think of it as a farmers market 326 00:12:59,685 --> 00:13:01,353 for pills and illegal guns. 327 00:13:05,691 --> 00:13:07,626 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. [ Door lock clicks ] 328 00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:12,931 Oh, thank God. 329 00:13:12,965 --> 00:13:14,699 He's friendly. 330 00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:16,368 [ Door lock clicks ] 331 00:13:18,237 --> 00:13:19,905 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. [ Door lock clicks ] 332 00:13:19,939 --> 00:13:21,873 Open up, open up, open up, open up! 333 00:13:21,908 --> 00:13:24,409 Stop pulling the handle! Stop! Open up, open up, open up, open up! 334 00:13:24,443 --> 00:13:26,211 Wait! Open up, open up, open up, open up! 335 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:28,280 Stop pulling the handle! 336 00:13:28,314 --> 00:13:29,748 [ Door lock clicks ] 337 00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:31,783 Christ, you're worse than the kids. 338 00:13:31,818 --> 00:13:33,718 Why do you still have the liver? 339 00:13:33,753 --> 00:13:35,387 [ Gasps ] I don't know what happened. 340 00:13:35,421 --> 00:13:36,755 I saw the money, I saw the liver, 341 00:13:36,789 --> 00:13:38,590 and I thought, "Maybe I could have it all." 342 00:13:38,624 --> 00:13:40,959 [ Gunshot ] Drive, drive, drive! 343 00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:43,795 [ Engine revs, tires squeal ] [ Gunshots ] 344 00:13:52,672 --> 00:13:54,606 Oh, my God, mom, what happened?! 345 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,608 [ Weakly ] Great news, Hayley -- 346 00:13:56,642 --> 00:13:58,577 we got the money and the liver. 347 00:13:58,611 --> 00:14:01,980 Gwen, I am sick of this, and so is my mom. 348 00:14:02,014 --> 00:14:04,316 She has spent her whole life helping you, 349 00:14:04,350 --> 00:14:06,751 and you have never once done anything for her. 350 00:14:06,786 --> 00:14:08,320 Huh. She told you that? 351 00:14:08,354 --> 00:14:10,522 Yeah, she's just too nice to tell you. 352 00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:13,325 So it's time for you to go. Fine, I'm gone. 353 00:14:13,359 --> 00:14:16,461 But you tell your mom that someday she'll understand 354 00:14:16,495 --> 00:14:18,363 how I felt all these years. 355 00:14:18,397 --> 00:14:20,031 Someday soon. 356 00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:23,602 Someday...today. 357 00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:25,871 Uncle Gwen! 358 00:14:25,905 --> 00:14:28,840 I was under the ice for six minutes. 359 00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,542 Oh, Stevie. 360 00:14:30,576 --> 00:14:31,943 But you made it. 361 00:14:31,978 --> 00:14:35,480 Black doctor says I was almost a angel. 362 00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:37,582 Oh, hand to lower back. 363 00:14:37,617 --> 00:14:40,352 Crotch to thigh. Face in the cleavage. 364 00:14:40,386 --> 00:14:42,520 He got all three points of contact. 365 00:14:42,555 --> 00:14:44,489 Oh, my God, what's he doing? 366 00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:45,991 He's going for a fourth point. 367 00:14:46,025 --> 00:14:47,859 Stan: He's cupping a bun. 368 00:14:47,894 --> 00:14:50,295 That's insane. Touchdown, son! 369 00:14:50,329 --> 00:14:52,464 Betty Crocker bakes cakes. 370 00:14:52,498 --> 00:14:53,865 Yes, she does. 371 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,801 Bye, Stan. 372 00:14:56,836 --> 00:14:58,770 [ Chanting ] Apple! Apple! Apple! 373 00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,839 [ Head thuds ] [ Steve groans ] 374 00:15:00,873 --> 00:15:02,574 Apple! Apple! Where's Gwen? 375 00:15:02,608 --> 00:15:05,810 Gone. I knew you couldn't do it, so I kicked her out. 376 00:15:05,845 --> 00:15:07,579 How did she react to that? 377 00:15:07,613 --> 00:15:10,015 It was hard to know what she was reacting to 378 00:15:10,049 --> 00:15:12,517 'cause I was opening up both barrels on her. 379 00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,386 You know, I was like, "Never come back, 380 00:15:14,420 --> 00:15:16,454 or you're gonna get a face full of knuckles," 381 00:15:16,489 --> 00:15:18,590 and then she whined like a little bitch. 382 00:15:18,624 --> 00:15:20,825 [ High-pitched ] "Maybe one day your mom will see how I feel. 383 00:15:20,860 --> 00:15:22,427 Maybe today." 384 00:15:22,461 --> 00:15:24,329 [ Normal voice ] Uh, she wasn't making any sense. 385 00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:26,364 Probably because she was so scared. [ Door opens ] 386 00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:30,001 Ms. Francine, I know we have to stay in garage -- 387 00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:32,604 and don't get me wrong, we love garage -- 388 00:15:32,638 --> 00:15:34,706 but Ms. Gwen, she spill much gasoline 389 00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,508 when she take your fuel cans. 390 00:15:36,542 --> 00:15:38,076 Many ladies sleeping now. 391 00:15:38,110 --> 00:15:39,978 Oh, God! 392 00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:42,113 She's gonna go burn down the school 393 00:15:42,148 --> 00:15:44,416 and make everyone think I did it! 394 00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:46,451 Why on earth would she do that? 395 00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:50,422 'Cause that's what I did to her 25 years ago. What?! 396 00:15:50,456 --> 00:15:53,591 [ Rumbling ] Klaus: Drama! 397 00:15:53,626 --> 00:15:56,861 [ Grunting ] 398 00:16:00,917 --> 00:16:02,184 [ Tires squeal ] 399 00:16:02,218 --> 00:16:04,286 I am blown away that you have been lying 400 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,121 about aunt Gwen all these years. 401 00:16:06,156 --> 00:16:08,157 Okay, let's get to the bottom of this. 402 00:16:08,191 --> 00:16:11,927 You say "ahnt" when everyone else in the family says "ant." 403 00:16:11,961 --> 00:16:13,262 What's the deal with that? 404 00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:15,248 I can't believe you're changing the subject! 405 00:16:15,368 --> 00:16:16,935 [ Snootily ] Oh, "cahn't" you? 406 00:16:16,969 --> 00:16:18,870 Mom, why did you frame her? 407 00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:20,939 [ Normal voice ] I didn't. 408 00:16:21,007 --> 00:16:23,775 When I was a freshman, Gwen was a senior. 409 00:16:23,809 --> 00:16:26,411 She was the coolest girl in school, 410 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,613 probably because she was lab monitor. 411 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,516 One day after school, I was waiting for Gwen 412 00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,618 to finish her cool lab inventory 413 00:16:33,653 --> 00:16:34,853 when a boy came in. 414 00:16:34,887 --> 00:16:37,322 He made a particularly clever joke 415 00:16:37,356 --> 00:16:39,958 about experiments and sexual chemistry. 416 00:16:42,595 --> 00:16:45,330 But where was my prince charming? 417 00:16:45,364 --> 00:16:50,001 I thought if I acted like Gwen, I could have everything she had. 418 00:16:50,036 --> 00:16:52,737 So I pulled out her pack of wagon burners. 419 00:16:52,772 --> 00:16:55,540 She only smoked the most provocative brand. 420 00:16:55,574 --> 00:16:57,442 And I tried one. 421 00:16:57,476 --> 00:17:00,478 Wait, you smoked in the science lab?! 422 00:17:00,513 --> 00:17:02,947 You think I give a shit? 423 00:17:02,982 --> 00:17:04,616 [ Coughs ] 424 00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:07,052 I don't know what firemen use to put out fires, 425 00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:10,422 but it's definitely not denatured alcohol. 426 00:17:10,456 --> 00:17:11,823 [ Door slams ] 427 00:17:11,857 --> 00:17:14,659 [ Fire roars ] 428 00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:18,463 Unfortunately, the lab was right next to the room 429 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:21,599 where we stored our school's mascot, the oily rag. 430 00:17:21,634 --> 00:17:23,735 Go, rags! 431 00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:27,005 Anyways, everything went up super fast, 432 00:17:27,039 --> 00:17:30,875 and when the firemen put it out, they found what started it. 433 00:17:37,016 --> 00:17:38,750 Shh. 434 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:47,625 Since then, I've done everything I can to cover for her. 435 00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:50,962 Oh, that's why we're always mailing bags of pee. 436 00:17:55,434 --> 00:17:57,936 [ Monitor beeping ] 437 00:17:57,970 --> 00:18:00,038 This ought to do it. 438 00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:04,909 [ Engine revving ] 439 00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:16,054 [ Electricity zapping ] 440 00:18:16,088 --> 00:18:18,123 It worked. 441 00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:20,558 [ People screaming, revving stops ] 442 00:18:20,593 --> 00:18:22,093 It worked! 443 00:18:22,128 --> 00:18:23,928 Idios mío! 444 00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:25,697 ¿Dónde estoy? What?! 445 00:18:25,731 --> 00:18:29,100 Wait, Michael Edward Upton does not speak Spanish. 446 00:18:29,135 --> 00:18:31,536 Edward James Olmos speaks Spanish. 447 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:33,471 Nurse! Who the hell is this? 448 00:18:33,506 --> 00:18:35,507 I thought Michael Edward Upton was in this room. 449 00:18:35,541 --> 00:18:38,476 The eccentric cartographer? No, he checked out two days ago. 450 00:18:38,511 --> 00:18:40,512 I remember him because he paid his bill 451 00:18:40,546 --> 00:18:42,547 in what appeared to be pirate treasure. 452 00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:45,150 Wait, that means he has the chestandthe key. 453 00:18:45,184 --> 00:18:47,519 But then what's this? 454 00:18:47,553 --> 00:18:49,821 Oh, I guess it's just my house key. 455 00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:54,025 [ Liquid splashing ] 456 00:18:54,059 --> 00:18:55,760 Oh, good. You're here. 457 00:18:55,795 --> 00:18:57,862 It'll make it a lot easier to frame you. 458 00:18:57,897 --> 00:18:59,564 Don't do this, Gwen. 459 00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:01,633 Please, aunt Gwen. [ Snootily ] "Ahnt"? 460 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,868 Get a load of her majesty. 461 00:19:03,903 --> 00:19:06,871 My mom explained everything. I understand now. 462 00:19:06,906 --> 00:19:08,106 So you know the truth. 463 00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:09,874 Itook the blame for the fire. 464 00:19:09,909 --> 00:19:11,543 Yes, but you chose to. 465 00:19:11,577 --> 00:19:12,877 You didn't have to. 466 00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:14,446 Of course I had to. 467 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,781 She's my little sister, and I was protecting her. 468 00:19:16,816 --> 00:19:19,484 And you've chosen to keep bailing her out 469 00:19:19,518 --> 00:19:21,152 every time she gets in trouble. 470 00:19:21,187 --> 00:19:23,154 Why do you think you do that? 471 00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:27,158 Because... I...love her? 472 00:19:27,193 --> 00:19:28,760 Yes. 473 00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:31,863 And, aunt Gwen, you did what you did because...? 474 00:19:31,897 --> 00:19:34,032 I wanted the money? 475 00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:36,167 No, no, when you protected my mom. 476 00:19:36,202 --> 00:19:39,504 Oh, right, yeah. I guess it was love. 477 00:19:39,538 --> 00:19:43,074 Aww, sis, I'm so sorry. 478 00:19:43,108 --> 00:19:44,776 I love you. 479 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:47,712 I love you, too. 480 00:19:47,746 --> 00:19:49,814 Smoke 'em peace pipe? 481 00:19:49,849 --> 00:19:52,183 Spark it up. No! 482 00:19:52,218 --> 00:19:55,053 Francine: Why does this keep happening to us?! 483 00:19:55,087 --> 00:19:57,722 You guys, get out of here. 484 00:19:57,756 --> 00:19:59,023 But what about you?! 485 00:19:59,058 --> 00:20:01,059 Someone's got to take the blame for it. 486 00:20:01,093 --> 00:20:03,695 This time, it'll be me. 487 00:20:07,533 --> 00:20:10,602 [ Helicopter blades whirring ] 488 00:20:10,636 --> 00:20:12,604 Man: Please surrender farther away 489 00:20:12,638 --> 00:20:14,572 from the still-exploding building. 490 00:20:14,607 --> 00:20:17,509 Stand up! Run! 491 00:20:17,543 --> 00:20:20,178 Behave like a person who wants to live! 492 00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:25,216 I can't believe you get a suspended sentence 493 00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:26,885 and I get jail time. 494 00:20:26,919 --> 00:20:30,955 Let's not get bogged down in who violated their parole 495 00:20:30,990 --> 00:20:34,692 and whose husband called in a favor with a local judge. 496 00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:38,796 The important thing is, we've let go of the past. 497 00:20:38,831 --> 00:20:41,733 We're totally free. I'mnot! 498 00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:44,569 And when I get out of here, I'm coming for you, sis. 499 00:20:44,603 --> 00:20:46,971 I will have my revenge! 500 00:20:47,006 --> 00:20:49,107 [ Light switch clicking, rumbling ] Klaus: Drama! 501 00:20:49,141 --> 00:20:52,176 Look at me! I'm doing it. I'm doing it! 502 00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:55,446 No touching the lights! 503 00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:59,828 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com