1
00:00:04,870 --> 00:00:07,105
Gwen! Where are you?!
2
00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,139
Gwen?
3
00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:18,216
Has anyone seen my sister, Gwen?
4
00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:33,197
Gwen!
Got a light?
5
00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:38,870
Aah!
6
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:41,906
This girl is on fire!
7
00:00:45,778 --> 00:00:47,211
Psst. Up here.
8
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:48,946
Scott Baio!
9
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:51,549
Are you here to save me?
Sort of.
10
00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:53,885
I'm here to tell you
you're pulling on push doors.
11
00:00:53,919 --> 00:00:56,487
Oh.
12
00:00:56,522 --> 00:00:58,256
Bad dream?
13
00:00:59,491 --> 00:01:00,758
I-I-I guess I'm nervous
14
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:03,194
about my sister coming to visit today.
15
00:01:03,228 --> 00:01:05,329
Also, I really need to get over
16
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:07,365
my obsession with Scott Baio.
17
00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:09,500
Good luck.
18
00:01:14,306 --> 00:01:16,674
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
19
00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:20,678
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
20
00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:23,781
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
21
00:01:23,816 --> 00:01:27,919
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
22
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:33,424
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
23
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:35,560
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
24
00:01:35,594 --> 00:01:41,532
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry
25
00:01:44,113 --> 00:01:45,981
Come on, let's finish breakfast
26
00:01:46,015 --> 00:01:48,050
so we can clean up
before Gwen gets here.
27
00:01:48,084 --> 00:01:50,018
God, you always turn
into a nervous wreck
28
00:01:50,053 --> 00:01:51,520
when it comes to aunt Gwen.
29
00:01:51,554 --> 00:01:52,754
Nonsense.
30
00:01:52,789 --> 00:01:55,357
Now, who wants coffee?
31
00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:58,427
Woof! Klaus,
you take decaf, right?
32
00:01:58,461 --> 00:02:02,831
In the evenings, yes, but in
the morning, I drink whatever.
33
00:02:02,865 --> 00:02:05,567
Hey, let's dance.
Where are you going?
34
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:07,803
Oh, you should have seen
your mom last night.
35
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,504
Nightmare after nightmare.
36
00:02:09,539 --> 00:02:12,641
She was a-tossin' and a-turnin',
like a T.Rex on its back.
37
00:02:15,745 --> 00:02:18,113
Boy, oh, boy, did she look stupid.
38
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:20,382
Just dumb.
Here, see for yourself.
39
00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:24,553
Boy, oh, boy, do you look stupid.
40
00:02:24,587 --> 00:02:25,988
Just dumb.
41
00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:28,957
It seems like forever
since Gwen's been here.
42
00:02:28,992 --> 00:02:31,893
Mom, why is your relationship
with aunt Gwen so weird?
43
00:02:31,928 --> 00:02:34,129
Is... is it because you're adopted?
No.
44
00:02:34,163 --> 00:02:36,832
Is it because I'm so vocal about
how attracted I am to her?
45
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:40,135
No, although it isn't
my all-time favorite thing.
46
00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:42,104
She's a fox.
47
00:02:42,138 --> 00:02:44,106
Can't wait to see my sexy aunt.
48
00:02:45,975 --> 00:02:49,611
Who I'm not related to by blood.
49
00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:52,147
The problem is... aunt Gwen
is a convicted criminal,
50
00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,982
and all she ever does is use mom.
51
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:56,752
She's my sister.
Sometimes she leans on me.
52
00:02:56,786 --> 00:02:58,420
"Leans" on you?
53
00:02:58,454 --> 00:03:00,922
The last time she visited,
she rented a car in your name
54
00:03:00,957 --> 00:03:03,025
and drove it through
her bookie's apartment.
55
00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:04,526
When we toured universities,
56
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,028
we had to take the bus everywhere.
57
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,195
What you do you care?
58
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,897
You ended up at community college.
59
00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:10,766
'Cause that's where the bus went!
60
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:11,967
She's family!
61
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:13,635
I can't turn her away.
62
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,470
That's exactly what you should do.
63
00:03:15,505 --> 00:03:18,073
Drama!
64
00:03:18,107 --> 00:03:20,475
What is that?
It's a thunder sheet.
65
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,644
It's useful for highlighting
dramatic moments.
66
00:03:22,679 --> 00:03:25,013
I ordered it when Stan's mom was
gonna sleep with the gardener.
67
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:27,015
She didn't do that.
Yeah. She did.
68
00:03:27,050 --> 00:03:30,052
But nobody knew it because it
wasn't highlighted.
69
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:32,654
He might not have mowed the lawn
for two weeks,
70
00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:34,790
but he took real good care
of that bush.
71
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:38,126
I'll be using
this as a rim shot, as well.
72
00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:42,178
There's a cab pulling up!
73
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,393
Now there's a plane in the sky.
74
00:03:44,428 --> 00:03:46,729
Well, well, well,
if there isn't a little dog
75
00:03:46,763 --> 00:03:49,232
across the street.
Sober up, Klaus.
76
00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:51,634
Stan, Steve, Gwen's here!
77
00:03:51,668 --> 00:03:53,035
- Hup!
- Hup!
78
00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:54,237
Hup!
Hup!
79
00:03:54,271 --> 00:03:55,438
Hup!
Hup!
80
00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:57,507
I thought you said Gwen was here.
81
00:04:02,379 --> 00:04:04,113
Hello, Francine.
82
00:04:04,148 --> 00:04:06,182
Gwen, you look great.
83
00:04:06,216 --> 00:04:08,251
Wow, Gwen's so beautiful.
84
00:04:08,285 --> 00:04:11,020
I-it's making me have feelings
I don't understand.
85
00:04:11,054 --> 00:04:12,522
Ah, that's the tingle of desire
86
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:15,057
for a woman you have no chance
of hooking up with.
87
00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:16,425
It's so frustrating.
88
00:04:16,460 --> 00:04:18,861
That's why I've developed
a sad technique
89
00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:20,830
that allows me to get
physically inappropriate
90
00:04:20,864 --> 00:04:22,265
with a person without them knowing.
91
00:04:22,299 --> 00:04:24,233
I call it "the hug."
92
00:04:24,268 --> 00:04:25,968
I know what a hug is, dad.
93
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:27,336
Oh. Okay.
94
00:04:27,371 --> 00:04:29,138
Well, then, good luck to you.
95
00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:30,773
Oh, no, dad,
I-I'm sorry.
96
00:04:30,807 --> 00:04:31,974
I-I spoke too soon.
97
00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:33,776
You did.
You did speak too soon.
98
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:35,344
Now watch this.
99
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:37,777
Gwen, it's been too long.
100
00:04:38,458 --> 00:04:39,592
Face to neck.
101
00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,026
Hand to lower back.
102
00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:42,428
Pec to boob.
103
00:04:42,462 --> 00:04:44,430
I don't know shit about hugging.
104
00:04:44,464 --> 00:04:47,066
Aaaaand...
five Mississippi.
105
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,101
What?
I'm afraid our time's up.
106
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:51,704
Teach me that.
107
00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:53,439
Hi, Steve.
108
00:04:53,473 --> 00:04:55,674
Nooo-oo-oo!
109
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,444
So, what brings you to town?
110
00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:01,914
I hope you're not
on the lam or anything.
111
00:05:01,948 --> 00:05:05,017
Can't a sister visit a sister
without needing an alibi?
112
00:05:05,051 --> 00:05:06,752
I need an alibi.
113
00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:08,020
That's my probation officer.
114
00:05:08,054 --> 00:05:09,622
I've lived here for 18 months.
115
00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:11,791
Oh, and none of us have been
selling fake cellphones.
116
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,392
What?!
117
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:14,994
Drama.
118
00:05:15,028 --> 00:05:16,996
Who is that? Get him out of here.
Roger.
119
00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:18,430
Fine, fine. I'm going.
120
00:05:18,465 --> 00:05:20,166
Just let me pack my thunder sheet.
121
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,634
Oh, what is the code?
122
00:05:21,668 --> 00:05:23,702
Okay, three-digit number,
obviously.
123
00:05:23,737 --> 00:05:26,172
I think it was
Brigitte Nielsen's weight.
124
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:28,007
So the first number is 2.
125
00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,809
Hmm.
126
00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:31,710
Hmm.
127
00:05:31,745 --> 00:05:40,853
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
128
00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:43,522
Seriously, who is this guy?!
129
00:05:56,636 --> 00:05:59,104
He lives in the attic.
130
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:01,040
He's human.
131
00:06:03,677 --> 00:06:06,779
So, you claim you've lived here for...
132
00:06:06,813 --> 00:06:08,180
18 months.
133
00:06:08,215 --> 00:06:10,649
Right, Francine?
You bet.
134
00:06:10,684 --> 00:06:13,085
I've been teaching my sister
how to walk again
135
00:06:13,119 --> 00:06:14,954
after her
trolley-car accident.
136
00:06:14,988 --> 00:06:16,956
Show her what I taught you, Francine.
137
00:06:16,990 --> 00:06:19,158
O-okay.
138
00:06:20,861 --> 00:06:23,095
This is crazy.
I know.
139
00:06:23,129 --> 00:06:24,930
Your aunt is a miracle worker,
140
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:28,534
but your mom, obviously,
has a long way to go.
141
00:06:28,568 --> 00:06:31,503
So, I guess there's no way
you could have been
142
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:35,140
in Houston last month selling
fake cellphones to the elderly.
143
00:06:35,175 --> 00:06:37,576
That's awful!
It sure is.
144
00:06:37,611 --> 00:06:38,911
One last thing...
145
00:06:38,945 --> 00:06:41,247
I need to check your purse
for narcotics.
146
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,817
Oh, Gwen, thank you
147
00:06:44,851 --> 00:06:47,119
for bringing
the sweet'n low I asked for.
148
00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:51,757
We're so goddamn rich,
this is how we drink our coffee!
149
00:06:52,993 --> 00:06:56,929
Roger, Roger, you're missing
all kinds of drama downstairs.
150
00:06:56,963 --> 00:06:58,831
I know, but my fellow cartographer
151
00:06:58,865 --> 00:07:01,634
Michael Edward Upton is dying,
and I must go to him.
152
00:07:01,668 --> 00:07:03,669
Oh, no.
Is he a dear friend?
153
00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:05,604
He was, but we had
a falling-out.
154
00:07:05,639 --> 00:07:06,939
He fell out of an airplane
155
00:07:06,973 --> 00:07:08,908
with a pirate chest
of treasure we'd stolen.
156
00:07:08,942 --> 00:07:10,643
Only he knows where he buried it,
157
00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:12,077
but only I have the key.
158
00:07:12,112 --> 00:07:13,846
A standoff of sorts.
159
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,550
For 20 years, but now it's time
to unbury the hatchet.
160
00:07:18,585 --> 00:07:20,853
Oh, part of the treasure
was a priceless hatchet.
161
00:07:20,887 --> 00:07:23,555
Of course.
The timing couldn't be worse, though.
162
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:25,791
I'm needed here,
flicking lights on and off,
163
00:07:25,825 --> 00:07:29,261
making thunder sounds, and announcing drama.
I could do those things.
164
00:07:29,296 --> 00:07:31,964
Hang on, let me see
what my understudy is up to.
165
00:07:35,902 --> 00:07:37,603
Okay, you got the job.
166
00:07:37,637 --> 00:07:39,805
But you report to him.
167
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,008
Well, Gwen, I'm happy to say
that it's clear
168
00:07:43,043 --> 00:07:46,111
you are not involved
in any criminal activity.
169
00:07:46,146 --> 00:07:47,680
Be good.
170
00:07:50,817 --> 00:07:53,352
Bye! Drive safe.
171
00:07:57,257 --> 00:07:58,824
Put the fake phones in her room.
172
00:07:58,858 --> 00:08:00,125
She'll show you where it is.
173
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,962
Are you...
are you planning to stay?
174
00:08:02,996 --> 00:08:04,596
Yeah, I'm gonna be doing business
175
00:08:04,631 --> 00:08:05,965
around here for a little while.
176
00:08:05,999 --> 00:08:08,233
Mom, she's lying
to her probation officer.
177
00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:10,336
She's got a truck full of fake phones.
178
00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:12,071
Yeah, Gwen.
179
00:08:12,105 --> 00:08:14,306
What is going on?
The less you know, the better.
180
00:08:14,341 --> 00:08:16,041
Okay.
181
00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:28,803
Mom, you need to see
what Gwen put in the garage.
182
00:08:29,043 --> 00:08:31,478
Show me new car!
183
00:08:31,513 --> 00:08:34,014
Gwen's running a sweatshop.
184
00:08:34,048 --> 00:08:35,949
You can't let her do this here.
185
00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:37,284
I'm surprised at you.
186
00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,486
This seems like a wonderful opportunity
187
00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:41,288
to learn about Indian culture.
188
00:08:41,322 --> 00:08:42,523
We're not Indian.
189
00:08:42,557 --> 00:08:43,957
We're Sri Lankan.
190
00:08:43,992 --> 00:08:46,360
Oh.
191
00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:49,096
We have rich and storied heritage.
192
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:51,298
I'm just not into it.
193
00:08:51,332 --> 00:08:54,568
Mom, I've dropped
Psychology 101 six times,
194
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,503
so I know exactly what you're doing.
195
00:08:56,538 --> 00:08:58,138
You're enabling her.
196
00:08:58,173 --> 00:09:01,475
Look, Gwen's had a tough road.
I know, I know.
197
00:09:01,509 --> 00:09:04,545
She burned down your high school,
and it destroyed her life.
198
00:09:04,579 --> 00:09:06,113
But she is an adult now,
199
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,315
and you don't have to keep
cleaning up her messes.
200
00:09:12,654 --> 00:09:14,288
Is the drama over?
201
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:15,622
Oh, damn it.
202
00:09:15,657 --> 00:09:17,524
Stupid thing is so heavy.
203
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,626
No. This is
your fault, Klaus.
204
00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:22,296
You wanted this job.
Now do it right!
205
00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:28,602
Michael Edward Upton, my old friend.
206
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,004
I came as soon as I heard.
207
00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,141
Where'd you bury the treasure, Michael?
208
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:36,944
I almost forgot about it, too,
just like you said I would.
209
00:09:36,978 --> 00:09:39,880
But then your name popped up
on a Google coma alert.
210
00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:41,415
Led me right to you.
211
00:09:41,449 --> 00:09:44,218
So, I ask you once again...
where did you bury it, Michael?
212
00:09:44,252 --> 00:09:45,652
I see.
213
00:09:45,687 --> 00:09:48,355
Think you're gonna hide
behind the coma?
214
00:09:49,991 --> 00:09:52,159
You always did go
for the big moves, didn't you?
215
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:53,627
But I got some moves of my own!
216
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,365
Why did I hide this coffee?
217
00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:00,667
They probably would have let me
carry this in here.
218
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:06,240
Wakey-wakey.
219
00:10:08,343 --> 00:10:10,377
Oh, another coma alert.
220
00:10:10,411 --> 00:10:12,613
Val Kilmer?!
221
00:10:12,647 --> 00:10:15,182
Oh, waking up after 20 years.
222
00:10:17,652 --> 00:10:20,153
Now, the key thing to a successful hug
223
00:10:20,188 --> 00:10:22,389
is to remember "kiss."
224
00:10:22,423 --> 00:10:25,359
That means keep it simple,
stupid, not kiss,
225
00:10:25,393 --> 00:10:27,127
which you should
never try to do during a hug.
226
00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:28,362
In fact, forget kiss.
227
00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:30,397
Get kiss right out of your brain
228
00:10:30,431 --> 00:10:32,699
'cause we are here to learn about hugs,
229
00:10:32,734 --> 00:10:36,570
which are easy to get
if you remember to "kiss,"
230
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:38,038
but not kiss.
231
00:10:38,072 --> 00:10:39,239
Never kiss.
232
00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:41,341
Now, then, "hugs"...
233
00:10:41,376 --> 00:10:46,947
how you get satisfaction...
234
00:10:46,981 --> 00:10:49,016
Stupid.
235
00:10:49,050 --> 00:10:50,984
You're looking confused.
236
00:10:51,019 --> 00:10:52,185
This is so easy.
237
00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:54,488
Satisfaction breaks down into "S,"
238
00:10:54,522 --> 00:10:56,223
which stands for satisfaction.
239
00:10:56,257 --> 00:10:58,125
Uh, doi!
"A" is for apple.
240
00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,526
"A" always stands for apple.
241
00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:01,461
There's nothing we can do about that.
242
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:03,564
"T"... torso,
which is where the hug lives.
243
00:11:03,598 --> 00:11:06,967
"I"...
ay-yi-yi, what a hug!
244
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:09,002
"S"...
satisfaction, again.
245
00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:10,704
This one will break down
slightly differently
246
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,173
than the one we're doing now,
but we'll get to that later.
247
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,175
"F"... Francine.
248
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:17,110
I love Francine.
249
00:11:17,145 --> 00:11:18,312
I just do.
250
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,414
Back to "A"...
stands for alphabet.
251
00:11:20,448 --> 00:11:22,082
It always does.
252
00:11:26,621 --> 00:11:30,057
Sri Lankans make
such delicious kind of bread!
253
00:11:30,091 --> 00:11:31,491
Eh. Who doesn't?
254
00:11:31,526 --> 00:11:34,194
What are you doing in here?
255
00:11:34,228 --> 00:11:36,330
Where are you supposed to be?!
Garage!
256
00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:38,532
Don't let them in here.
257
00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:40,334
They're just looking
for their passports.
258
00:11:40,368 --> 00:11:42,536
Now, I need you to put this
human liver in the fridge.
259
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:44,605
Why do you have a human liver?
260
00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:46,006
I don't.
261
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,407
You have a human liver.
262
00:11:47,442 --> 00:11:49,209
I have nothing to do with it.
263
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,278
So, I'm gonna wash up,
and then you're driving me
264
00:11:51,312 --> 00:11:52,646
to Chimdale to sell that thing.
265
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:55,449
Is this my cooler?
My sandwich was in here.
266
00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:57,084
My sandwich.
267
00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:01,555
Dad, this is...
this is getting serious.
268
00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:03,423
A-are you gonna do
something about Gwen?
269
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:04,658
I should say so.
270
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:06,727
Steve's about
to perv on her big-time.
271
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:09,162
I just hope I do it right.
You will.
272
00:12:09,197 --> 00:12:11,732
The only thing you have to know
is the meaning of every letter
273
00:12:11,766 --> 00:12:13,700
and the order in which
I told them to you.
274
00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:15,702
Remember everything!
Go, go, go!
275
00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:21,475
Oh, my God,
there's so much to remember.
276
00:12:21,509 --> 00:12:23,310
"S" is for satisfaction.
277
00:12:23,344 --> 00:12:25,479
Aunt Gwen!
Yes, Steve?
278
00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:28,515
Uh, apple.
279
00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:30,484
Aaah!
280
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:35,789
Daddy, I-I bit my tongue,
and I got stuck.
281
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:39,393
So, Steve is, uh, a little special?
282
00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:42,095
That could work, yes.
283
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:45,632
Dad, you told her I'm a slow kid!
284
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:49,469
Steve, who among us gets
to hug longer or harder
285
00:12:49,504 --> 00:12:51,071
than our special friends?
286
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:53,440
Mr. Metheeny, the creepy
music teacher at school.
287
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:55,676
What you do at school
is your business, Steve.
288
00:12:58,413 --> 00:12:59,579
I'll be right back.
289
00:12:59,614 --> 00:13:01,314
But this is a bad neighborhood!
290
00:13:01,349 --> 00:13:02,582
Relax.
291
00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:04,551
Just think of it as a farmers market
292
00:13:04,585 --> 00:13:06,253
for pills and illegal guns.
293
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:12,526
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
294
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:17,831
Oh, thank God.
295
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,599
He's friendly.
296
00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,805
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
297
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:26,773
Open up, open up, open up, open up!
298
00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:29,309
Stop pulling the handle! Stop!
Open up, open up, open up, open up!
299
00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,111
Wait!
Open up, open up, open up, open up!
300
00:13:31,145 --> 00:13:33,180
Stop pulling the handle!
301
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:36,683
Christ, you're worse than the kids.
302
00:13:36,718 --> 00:13:38,618
Why do you still have the liver?
303
00:13:38,653 --> 00:13:40,287
I don't know what happened.
304
00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:41,655
I saw the money, I saw the liver,
305
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,490
and I thought,
"Maybe I could have it all."
306
00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:45,859
Drive, drive, drive!
307
00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:59,506
Oh, my God, mom, what happened?!
308
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:01,508
Great news, Hayley...
309
00:14:01,542 --> 00:14:03,477
we got the money and the liver.
310
00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:06,880
Gwen, I am sick of this,
and so is my mom.
311
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:09,216
She has spent
her whole life helping you,
312
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:11,651
and you have never once
done anything for her.
313
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:13,220
Huh.
She told you that?
314
00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:15,422
Yeah, she's just too nice to tell you.
315
00:14:15,456 --> 00:14:18,225
So it's time for you to go.
Fine, I'm gone.
316
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:21,361
But you tell your mom
that someday she'll understand
317
00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:23,263
how I felt all these years.
318
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:24,931
Someday soon.
319
00:14:24,966 --> 00:14:28,502
Someday... today.
320
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,771
Uncle Gwen!
321
00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:33,740
I was under the ice for six minutes.
322
00:14:33,775 --> 00:14:35,442
Oh, Stevie.
323
00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:36,843
But you made it.
324
00:14:36,878 --> 00:14:40,380
Black doctor says I was almost a angel.
325
00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:42,482
Oh, hand to lower back.
326
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:45,252
Crotch to thigh.
Face in the cleavage.
327
00:14:45,286 --> 00:14:47,420
He got all three points of contact.
328
00:14:47,455 --> 00:14:49,389
Oh, my God, what's he doing?
329
00:14:49,423 --> 00:14:50,891
He's going for a fourth point.
330
00:14:50,925 --> 00:14:52,759
He's cupping a bun.
331
00:14:52,794 --> 00:14:55,195
That's insane.
Touchdown, son!
332
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,364
Betty Crocker bakes cakes.
333
00:14:57,398 --> 00:14:58,765
Yes, she does.
334
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,701
Bye, Stan.
335
00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:03,670
Apple! Apple! Apple!
336
00:15:05,773 --> 00:15:07,474
Apple! Apple!
Where's Gwen?
337
00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:10,710
Gone. I knew you couldn't do it,
so I kicked her out.
338
00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:12,479
How did she react to that?
339
00:15:12,513 --> 00:15:14,915
It was hard to know
what she was reacting to
340
00:15:14,949 --> 00:15:17,417
'cause I was opening up
both barrels on her.
341
00:15:17,451 --> 00:15:19,286
You know, I was like, "Never come back,
342
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,354
or you're gonna get
a face full of knuckles,"
343
00:15:21,389 --> 00:15:23,490
and then she whined
like a little bitch.
344
00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:25,725
"Maybe one day
your mom will see how I feel.
345
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,327
Maybe today."
346
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,229
Uh, she wasn't making any sense.
347
00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:31,264
Probably because she was so scared.
348
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:34,901
Ms. Francine, I know
we have to stay in garage...
349
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:37,504
and don't get me wrong,
we love garage...
350
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:39,606
but Ms. Gwen,
she spill much gasoline
351
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,408
when she take your fuel cans.
352
00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:42,976
Many ladies sleeping now.
353
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,878
Oh, God!
354
00:15:44,912 --> 00:15:47,013
She's gonna go burn down the school
355
00:15:47,048 --> 00:15:49,316
and make everyone think I did it!
356
00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:51,351
Why on earth would she do that?
357
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:55,322
'Cause that's what I did to her 25 years ago.
What?!
358
00:15:55,356 --> 00:15:58,491
Drama!
359
00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:11,186
I am blown away
that you have been lying
360
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,021
about aunt Gwen all these years.
361
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,057
Okay, let's get to the bottom of this.
362
00:16:15,091 --> 00:16:18,827
You say "ahnt" when everyone
else in the family says "ant."
363
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:20,162
What's the deal with that?
364
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,148
I can't believe
you're changing the subject!
365
00:16:22,268 --> 00:16:23,835
Oh, "cahn't" you?
366
00:16:23,869 --> 00:16:25,770
Mom, why did you frame her?
367
00:16:25,804 --> 00:16:27,839
I didn't.
368
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,675
When I was a freshman,
Gwen was a senior.
369
00:16:30,709 --> 00:16:33,311
She was the coolest girl in school,
370
00:16:33,345 --> 00:16:35,513
probably because she was lab monitor.
371
00:16:35,548 --> 00:16:38,416
One day after school,
I was waiting for Gwen
372
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:41,753
to finish her cool lab
inventory when a boy came in.
373
00:16:41,787 --> 00:16:44,222
He made a particularly clever joke
374
00:16:44,256 --> 00:16:46,858
about experiments and sexual chemistry.
375
00:16:49,495 --> 00:16:52,230
But where was my prince charming?
376
00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:56,901
I thought if I acted like Gwen,
I could have everything she had.
377
00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:59,637
So I pulled out her pack
of wagon burners.
378
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:02,440
She only smoked
the most provocative brand.
379
00:17:02,474 --> 00:17:04,342
And I tried one.
380
00:17:04,376 --> 00:17:07,378
Wait, you smoked in the science lab?!
381
00:17:07,413 --> 00:17:09,847
You think I give a shit?
382
00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:13,952
I don't know what firemen
use to put out fires,
383
00:17:13,986 --> 00:17:17,322
but it's definitely
not denatured alcohol.
384
00:17:21,594 --> 00:17:25,363
Unfortunately, the lab
was right next to the room
385
00:17:25,397 --> 00:17:28,499
where we stored our
school's mascot, the oily rag.
386
00:17:28,534 --> 00:17:30,635
Go, rags!
387
00:17:30,669 --> 00:17:33,905
Anyways, everything went up super fast,
388
00:17:33,939 --> 00:17:37,775
and when the firemen put it out,
they found what started it.
389
00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:45,650
Shh.
390
00:17:50,589 --> 00:17:54,525
Since then, I've done everything
I can to cover for her.
391
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:57,862
Oh, that's why we're always
mailing bags of pee.
392
00:18:04,870 --> 00:18:06,938
This ought to do it.
393
00:18:22,988 --> 00:18:25,023
It worked.
394
00:18:27,493 --> 00:18:28,993
It worked!
395
00:18:29,028 --> 00:18:30,828
Idios mío!
396
00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:32,597
¿Dónde estoy?
What?!
397
00:18:32,631 --> 00:18:36,000
Wait, Michael Edward Upton
does not speak Spanish.
398
00:18:36,035 --> 00:18:38,436
Edward James Olmos speaks Spanish.
399
00:18:38,470 --> 00:18:40,371
Nurse!
Who the hell is this?
400
00:18:40,406 --> 00:18:42,407
I thought Michael Edward Upton
was in this room.
401
00:18:42,441 --> 00:18:45,376
The eccentric cartographer?
No, he checked out two days ago.
402
00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:47,412
I remember him because he paid his bill
403
00:18:47,446 --> 00:18:49,447
in what appeared to be pirate treasure.
404
00:18:49,481 --> 00:18:52,050
Wait, that means
he has the chest and the key.
405
00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,419
But then what's this?
406
00:18:54,453 --> 00:18:56,721
Oh, I guess it's just my house key.
407
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:02,660
Oh, good. You're here.
408
00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:04,762
It'll make it a lot easier
to frame you.
409
00:19:04,797 --> 00:19:06,464
Don't do this, Gwen.
410
00:19:06,498 --> 00:19:08,533
- Please, aunt Gwen.
- "Ahnt"?
411
00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:10,768
Get a load of her majesty.
412
00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:13,771
My mom explained everything.
I understand now.
413
00:19:13,806 --> 00:19:15,006
So you know the truth.
414
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,774
I took the blame for the fire.
415
00:19:16,809 --> 00:19:18,443
Yes, but you chose to.
416
00:19:18,477 --> 00:19:19,777
You didn't have to.
417
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:21,346
Of course I had to.
418
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:23,681
She's my little sister,
and I was protecting her.
419
00:19:23,716 --> 00:19:26,384
And you've chosen
to keep bailing her out
420
00:19:26,418 --> 00:19:28,052
every time she gets in trouble.
421
00:19:28,087 --> 00:19:30,054
Why do you think you do that?
422
00:19:30,089 --> 00:19:34,058
Because...
I... love her?
423
00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:35,660
Yes.
424
00:19:35,694 --> 00:19:38,763
And, aunt Gwen, you did
what you did because...?
425
00:19:38,797 --> 00:19:40,932
I wanted the money?
426
00:19:40,966 --> 00:19:43,067
No, no, when you protected my mom.
427
00:19:43,102 --> 00:19:46,404
Oh, right, yeah.
I guess it was love.
428
00:19:46,438 --> 00:19:49,974
Aww, sis, I'm so sorry.
429
00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:51,676
I love you.
430
00:19:51,710 --> 00:19:54,612
I love you, too.
431
00:19:54,646 --> 00:19:56,714
Smoke 'em peace pipe?
432
00:19:56,749 --> 00:19:59,083
Spark it up.
No!
433
00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:01,953
Why does this keep happening to us?!
434
00:20:01,987 --> 00:20:04,622
You guys, get out of here.
435
00:20:04,656 --> 00:20:05,923
But what about you?!
436
00:20:05,958 --> 00:20:07,959
Someone's got to take the blame for it.
437
00:20:07,993 --> 00:20:10,595
This time, it'll be me.
438
00:20:17,536 --> 00:20:19,504
Please surrender farther away
439
00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:21,472
from the
still-exploding building.
440
00:20:21,507 --> 00:20:24,409
Stand up! Run!
441
00:20:24,443 --> 00:20:27,078
Behave like a person who wants to live!
442
00:20:29,748 --> 00:20:32,116
I can't believe you get
a suspended sentence
443
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:33,785
and I get jail time.
444
00:20:33,819 --> 00:20:37,855
Let's not get bogged down
in who violated their parole
445
00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:41,592
and whose husband called
in a favor with a local judge.
446
00:20:41,627 --> 00:20:45,696
The important thing is,
we've let go of the past.
447
00:20:45,731 --> 00:20:48,633
We're totally free.
I'm not!
448
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:51,469
And when I get out of here,
I'm coming for you, sis.
449
00:20:51,503 --> 00:20:53,871
I will have my revenge!
450
00:20:53,906 --> 00:20:56,007
Drama!
451
00:20:56,041 --> 00:20:59,076
Look at me! I'm doing it.
I'm doing it!
452
00:20:59,111 --> 00:21:02,346
No touching the lights!
453
00:21:02,587 --> 00:21:06,728
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