1
00:00:05,359 --> 00:00:06,288
Where have you been?
2
00:00:06,413 --> 00:00:08,546
I sent Steve and Hayley
to go find you.
3
00:00:08,548 --> 00:00:10,381
If they were smart,
they'd start in Sears,
4
00:00:10,383 --> 00:00:11,649
'cause that's
where I used to be.
5
00:00:11,651 --> 00:00:13,518
Did you get your shopping done?
6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,821
Yes, Francine.
Daddy delivered again.
7
00:00:16,823 --> 00:00:18,590
But I don't want to
have to do this every year.
8
00:00:18,592 --> 00:00:21,392
I don't want Christmas shopping
to become a tradition.
9
00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:24,295
Is that for Steve?
10
00:00:24,297 --> 00:00:26,197
It's for Steve and Hayley,
but I'll be the one using it.
11
00:00:26,199 --> 00:00:28,867
You know, if you get people
the presents they want,
12
00:00:28,869 --> 00:00:30,869
it shows you thought about them.
13
00:00:30,871 --> 00:00:34,506
Now, do I hear the clink
of Riedel wine glasses
14
00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:36,274
I've been dropping hints about?
15
00:00:36,276 --> 00:00:38,343
I doubt it, 'cause I don't know
what that is.
16
00:00:38,345 --> 00:00:40,612
And this is more
of a sweater-shaped bag.
17
00:00:40,614 --> 00:00:42,914
Maybe a sweater with a snowman.
18
00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:44,883
Like the one I'm wearing?
19
00:00:44,885 --> 00:00:46,417
I got to go return something.
20
00:00:46,419 --> 00:00:47,886
We're almost
at the front of the line,
21
00:00:47,888 --> 00:00:50,755
and we need this photo
for our Christmas-party invite,
22
00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:52,190
so hurry!
23
00:00:52,192 --> 00:00:53,691
Francine, how much
do you want from me?
24
00:00:53,693 --> 00:00:55,426
I'm buying gifts.
I'm returning gifts.
25
00:00:55,428 --> 00:00:57,395
I'm trying on tons of jeans
at Lucky's.
26
00:00:57,397 --> 00:01:00,265
I've got a million balls
in the air.
27
00:01:02,701 --> 00:01:05,537
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
28
00:01:05,539 --> 00:01:09,307
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
29
00:01:09,309 --> 00:01:12,510
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
30
00:01:12,512 --> 00:01:16,714
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
31
00:01:18,651 --> 00:01:22,153
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
32
00:01:22,155 --> 00:01:24,422
♪ Good --
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
33
00:01:24,424 --> 00:01:30,295
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:32,499 --> 00:01:34,566
Yo, Smith!
What's up, my man?
35
00:01:34,568 --> 00:01:36,167
Oh, hey, Principal Lewis.
36
00:01:36,169 --> 00:01:38,169
Just dealing
with dumb family crap.
37
00:01:38,171 --> 00:01:40,505
But, geez, you look cool
as a cucumber.
38
00:01:40,507 --> 00:01:41,773
Hell, yeah!
39
00:01:41,775 --> 00:01:44,309
Just down here
for a little "P" and "P."
40
00:01:44,311 --> 00:01:46,210
A little what?
"P" and "P."
41
00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:48,846
Peppermint latte
and peacockin', see?
42
00:01:48,848 --> 00:01:52,584
I add a little flair to let
the ladies know I mean business.
43
00:01:52,586 --> 00:01:54,619
Hey, Soul Santa!
44
00:01:54,621 --> 00:01:56,020
Whoa!
45
00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:57,188
You're single. No wonder
you're not stressed-out.
46
00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:58,790
But me?
47
00:01:58,792 --> 00:02:01,693
I have to plan this whole
Christmas bash for my family.
48
00:02:01,695 --> 00:02:02,794
Oh?
When's the party?
49
00:02:02,796 --> 00:02:04,529
No clue.
Not that involved.
50
00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:06,931
But you should come.
I'd like to finally get loose.
51
00:02:06,933 --> 00:02:08,199
Maybe I will.
52
00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:09,467
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
53
00:02:09,469 --> 00:02:11,269
Are there gonna be
any chicks there?
54
00:02:11,271 --> 00:02:13,404
My wife and daughter.
Mm...
55
00:02:13,406 --> 00:02:14,973
Oh, you got to come!
Do it!
56
00:02:14,975 --> 00:02:16,908
Do it, Lewis.
Do it up, Lewis.
57
00:02:22,549 --> 00:02:26,451
H-hey, Santa, I-I'll bet
if you checked your "nice" list,
58
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:29,821
you'd find a boy on there
who'd love a stargazing cape.
59
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:31,289
Son, you're 14.
60
00:02:31,291 --> 00:02:32,790
You can't really
be nervous I'm Santa.
61
00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:34,425
I'm not even wearing the beard.
62
00:02:34,427 --> 00:02:35,960
W-who's nervous, sir?
63
00:02:35,962 --> 00:02:38,229
So, it--
it's a reversible cape
64
00:02:38,231 --> 00:02:40,498
with the northern hemisphere
stars on one side
65
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,233
and the southern
on the other --
66
00:02:42,235 --> 00:02:44,902
you know, for cozy stargazing.
67
00:02:44,904 --> 00:02:47,372
Hey, Stan. Francine wants you
in the kitchen.
68
00:02:48,508 --> 00:02:49,941
Hey, dad.
Did mom find you?
69
00:02:49,943 --> 00:02:51,376
I'm wearing a Santa costume.
70
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:52,677
How hard can she be looking?
71
00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:54,779
Ugh, honey.
The tree isn't done.
72
00:02:54,781 --> 00:02:57,515
Go get the angel
from Roger's attic.
73
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,921
This isn't our tree angel.
74
00:03:03,923 --> 00:03:05,623
What are you doing up there?
75
00:03:05,625 --> 00:03:07,492
You better not be
goofing around!
76
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,966
Ha ha ha ha!
77
00:03:15,801 --> 00:03:17,935
Lewis, finally!
78
00:03:17,937 --> 00:03:19,671
I should have asked
when you were getting here.
79
00:03:19,673 --> 00:03:20,938
I got here way too early.
80
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:23,041
Just making an appearance,
my man,
81
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:25,410
so you can say your party
went off!
82
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,746
I'm headed to a bash
at the sororities.
83
00:03:28,748 --> 00:03:29,981
Don't they go home at Christmas?
84
00:03:29,983 --> 00:03:31,649
Not the poor girls,
85
00:03:31,651 --> 00:03:34,018
and they're the ones who dig
my Porsche the most.
86
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:35,019
Hi, Brian!
87
00:03:35,021 --> 00:03:36,654
Merry Christmas, girl.
88
00:03:36,656 --> 00:03:38,756
You want to get out of here?
I'll go!
89
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:42,627
Stan, angel, tree!
90
00:03:42,629 --> 00:03:44,696
Short leash.
91
00:03:44,698 --> 00:03:47,098
Anyhoots, it's time for me to do
what I do best.
92
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,767
And that's whatever I want
all the time!
93
00:03:52,638 --> 00:03:55,306
Wow. He just takes
what he wants, doesn't he?
94
00:03:55,308 --> 00:03:56,874
Must be nice.
95
00:04:02,614 --> 00:04:03,915
Need a hand?
96
00:04:03,917 --> 00:04:05,416
No, Roger, I don't need help.
97
00:04:05,418 --> 00:04:06,751
I wasn't talking to you.
98
00:04:06,753 --> 00:04:09,454
I was talking to these
two little Christmas miracles.
99
00:04:12,892 --> 00:04:15,359
Stan, will you do
something about the trash cans?
100
00:04:15,361 --> 00:04:19,597
Sometimes
I just wish I had Lewis' life.
101
00:04:22,535 --> 00:04:24,535
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh.
102
00:04:24,537 --> 00:04:28,439
Stan!
Go check the fuse box!
103
00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:33,478
Klaus, just be glad
you're alone with no family.
104
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,846
But I have grown to feel
105
00:04:34,848 --> 00:04:36,614
that I am part
of your family, Stan.
106
00:04:39,119 --> 00:04:43,087
Don't you dare cry,
not this Christmas.
107
00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:45,690
Just this time, no.
108
00:04:54,712 --> 00:04:58,415
Merry Christmas, Francine.
109
00:04:59,710 --> 00:05:02,546
Honey,
where's my morning B.J.?
110
00:05:02,548 --> 00:05:04,815
I have to get
my own breakfast juice?
111
00:05:04,817 --> 00:05:06,216
Some Christmas.
112
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,786
Hello?
Where is everybody?
113
00:05:09,788 --> 00:05:11,154
Hello?
114
00:05:11,156 --> 00:05:13,657
Stan, you're shouting louder
than the driver
115
00:05:13,659 --> 00:05:16,026
whose taxi I threw up in
last night.
116
00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:17,727
And if you're not quiet,
you'll wake him up.
117
00:05:17,729 --> 00:05:19,596
Roger, something weird's
going on.
118
00:05:19,598 --> 00:05:21,231
Look at
this Kathy Ireland poster.
119
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:23,733
Francine would never go for this.
That is weird.
120
00:05:23,735 --> 00:05:25,635
Never seen
a Kathy Ireland poster
121
00:05:25,637 --> 00:05:27,037
that wasn't just put up
with tape.
122
00:05:27,039 --> 00:05:28,572
What's going on around here?
123
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:33,043
A pool table?
Foosball?
124
00:05:33,045 --> 00:05:35,912
I sat by a girl in a bar in 1977
125
00:05:35,914 --> 00:05:37,914
who said her dad
invented foosball.
126
00:05:37,916 --> 00:05:39,783
Never looked into it,
but it seemed like a lie.
127
00:05:39,785 --> 00:05:41,918
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
128
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,820
People will lie to you
in a bar, Stan.
129
00:05:43,822 --> 00:05:46,623
It's just a sad fact.
No! The tree!
130
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:50,660
Last night, when I was putting
the angel on the tree,
131
00:05:50,662 --> 00:05:53,296
I wished I had Lewis' life.
132
00:05:53,298 --> 00:05:57,334
Oh, Jesus. This is the tree
of a single man.
133
00:05:57,336 --> 00:06:00,604
Francine!
Hayley! Steve!
134
00:06:00,606 --> 00:06:03,173
I did this.
I wished for this.
135
00:06:03,175 --> 00:06:05,275
Well, it couldn't have
come true, right?
136
00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,010
Do wishes come true?
137
00:06:08,813 --> 00:06:10,780
That's Lewis' pimp ride.
138
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:12,349
Whoa.
139
00:06:12,351 --> 00:06:14,317
My family's all gone.
140
00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:16,319
What am I gonna do?!
141
00:06:16,321 --> 00:06:19,222
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
142
00:06:19,224 --> 00:06:23,894
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
143
00:06:23,896 --> 00:06:25,295
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh
144
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,730
Wait, wait.
145
00:06:26,732 --> 00:06:27,898
This is all wrong.
It is?
146
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,866
I should be peacockin', baby!
147
00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:31,768
We both should, bitch!
148
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:33,737
Let's go to work.
149
00:06:33,739 --> 00:06:36,907
Wait. If I wished for this,
then why are you here?
150
00:06:36,909 --> 00:06:39,743
Maybe 'cause I was touching
your butt when you wished.
151
00:06:39,745 --> 00:06:41,878
Butt wish?
Sounds like a thing.
152
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,115
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
153
00:06:45,117 --> 00:06:49,286
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
154
00:06:49,288 --> 00:06:53,123
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
155
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:54,424
♪ we don't even have to try
156
00:06:54,426 --> 00:06:56,626
Unseasonably warm Christmas
we're having.
157
00:06:56,628 --> 00:06:58,762
Race you to the beach!
158
00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:05,835
♪ Good time
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
159
00:07:05,837 --> 00:07:09,773
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
160
00:07:09,775 --> 00:07:13,243
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
161
00:07:13,245 --> 00:07:17,047
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
162
00:07:17,049 --> 00:07:20,317
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
163
00:07:20,319 --> 00:07:22,352
Best wish ever!
164
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:23,887
♪ It's always a good time
165
00:07:26,463 --> 00:07:28,992
I tell you, Roger,
being single for a day...
166
00:07:28,994 --> 00:07:30,961
it's been such a vacation.
167
00:07:30,963 --> 00:07:33,230
No doubt.
168
00:07:33,232 --> 00:07:35,232
Paradise, baby.
169
00:07:35,234 --> 00:07:36,700
Well, we got to make sure
170
00:07:36,702 --> 00:07:38,168
we milk this cow till it's dead.
171
00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,003
You know what?
Let's go talk to Lewis,
172
00:07:40,005 --> 00:07:41,771
make sure we're doing
all the single stuff.
173
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:44,207
Diggin' it. He'll show us
how to blow it out.
174
00:07:46,245 --> 00:07:48,778
Sir, sir! The nozzle's still in the tank!
175
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:51,815
It's okay!
We're single!
176
00:07:55,820 --> 00:08:00,090
You guys are awesome!
177
00:08:04,696 --> 00:08:06,696
Uh, Stan.
I-is that you?
178
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:07,998
Check out this guy.
179
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,233
He's all, "Uh, Stan.
Is that you?"
180
00:08:10,235 --> 00:08:13,036
I-it was just
your pirate costume threw me.
181
00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:14,304
I'm peacockin', dawg!
182
00:08:14,306 --> 00:08:16,172
So, me and my good friend, uh...
183
00:08:16,174 --> 00:08:17,440
Lazlo Morphine.
184
00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,309
Me and Lazlo were
buzzing around,
185
00:08:19,311 --> 00:08:21,778
having single-guy fun,
and we need some pointers
186
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:24,114
from the king of single players
in this town.
187
00:08:24,116 --> 00:08:25,749
Oh, Stan.
188
00:08:25,751 --> 00:08:26,850
What are you talking about?
I'm not single.
189
00:08:26,852 --> 00:08:28,852
Oh!
Oh, right. I get it.
190
00:08:28,854 --> 00:08:30,387
You got a girl in there.
191
00:08:30,389 --> 00:08:32,856
Don't want to let on you're a player.
192
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:36,393
Okay, um...maybe we can talk
after the holidays.
193
00:08:38,397 --> 00:08:39,996
We got to get a peep
at his babe.
194
00:08:39,998 --> 00:08:41,765
Lewis is always killing it.
195
00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:45,035
Francine?
196
00:08:45,037 --> 00:08:47,337
What the hell is going on?!
197
00:08:47,339 --> 00:08:49,739
Oh, I think
it's pretty clear, Stan.
198
00:08:49,741 --> 00:08:52,776
Principal Lewis and Francine
have been doing it.
199
00:08:52,778 --> 00:08:56,012
Are you picturing it?
I'm picturing it.
200
00:08:56,014 --> 00:08:59,149
Whoa.
You should picture it.
201
00:08:59,151 --> 00:09:00,383
Whoa.
202
00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:05,875
Lewis has my family.
203
00:09:05,988 --> 00:09:09,156
Well, you did wish for his life.
Maybe he got yours.
204
00:09:09,158 --> 00:09:10,524
Well, I didn't wish for that.
205
00:09:10,526 --> 00:09:13,260
I wanted my family to be,
like, suspended in a void
206
00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:14,861
or -- or like
a static nothingness
207
00:09:14,863 --> 00:09:17,164
or whatever happens
when I leave the room.
208
00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,132
All right.
I'll just wish for them back.
209
00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:21,001
I wish my family back.
210
00:09:21,003 --> 00:09:23,270
And...wish activate.
211
00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:26,006
You know,
it might not be that easy.
212
00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:27,407
This might be
one of those dealios
213
00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:28,875
where you got to learn a lesson
214
00:09:28,877 --> 00:09:30,410
before things go back to normal.
215
00:09:30,412 --> 00:09:32,479
What the hell does that mean?
Like in the movies.
216
00:09:32,481 --> 00:09:34,881
You've seen "It's A Wonderful Life," right?
Nope.
217
00:09:34,883 --> 00:09:36,283
How about "Big"?
Unh-unh.
218
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:37,417
You saw, "Ted."
219
00:09:37,419 --> 00:09:39,019
No.
Really?
220
00:09:39,021 --> 00:09:40,887
Look, sometimes in a movie,
221
00:09:40,889 --> 00:09:43,023
a person thinks
they want something, but then --
222
00:09:43,025 --> 00:09:45,292
Ooh! Like in the
"Care Bears: Big Wish Movie."
223
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,027
Okay.
I learned my damn lesson.
224
00:09:47,029 --> 00:09:48,895
Lewis has my shit,
and I want it back.
225
00:09:48,897 --> 00:09:50,163
Not sure you have.
226
00:09:50,165 --> 00:09:52,032
You're calling your family
"shit."
227
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,601
Guys,
I know this may sound crazy.
228
00:09:54,603 --> 00:09:57,070
But right now,
we're in a Care Bear movie.
229
00:09:57,072 --> 00:09:59,372
Is that why you're dressed
as a pirate, Principal Smith?
230
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:01,908
He's your principal.
This is your fault, Lewis.
231
00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:04,578
You made being single
look so lovely!
232
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,914
I swear I'm your dad.
233
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,449
Remember last year at Christmas
234
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,351
I got you both
three-hole punches
235
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,019
s-so you wouldn't
have to fight over one?
236
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:14,921
No, last year on Christmas,
we pretended we didn't see
237
00:10:14,923 --> 00:10:16,990
you walk into the sizzler
by yourself.
238
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:18,425
That's all I remember.
239
00:10:18,427 --> 00:10:20,994
Look, Stan, you, uh,
seem to be a little agitated,
240
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,395
but I don't want this
to get out of control
241
00:10:22,397 --> 00:10:25,065
because, as you know,
I'm a C.I.A. agent.
242
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:28,368
You're in the C.I.A.?!
That's my life! Wait!
243
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:29,970
Then you should have a gun
right here.
244
00:10:29,972 --> 00:10:32,138
Oh, God!
There it is.
245
00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:33,640
Everybody just chill out.
246
00:10:33,642 --> 00:10:36,610
You're my family -- mine! --
and you're coming with me.
247
00:10:36,612 --> 00:10:39,079
Some people say Porsche.
248
00:10:39,081 --> 00:10:40,647
Some people
say Porsh-uh.
249
00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:44,017
I don't choose sides.
I let the car do the talking.
250
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,219
I say Porsh-uh.
It's longer.
251
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:49,222
Better chance someone will
overhear me talking about it.
252
00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:51,558
Porsh-uhhhh.
253
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,561
♪ Seven swans a-swimming
254
00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:56,029
♪ six geese a-laying
255
00:10:56,031 --> 00:11:00,600
♪ Five golden rings
256
00:11:00,602 --> 00:11:03,370
I can't do this!
But you sound beautiful!
257
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,705
They sound terrified.
258
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,642
Oh, the C.I.A.'s here.
This should be interesting.
259
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:13,346
Principal Smith,
you cuckoo bird,
260
00:11:13,348 --> 00:11:15,782
I know Christmas is a time
for family,
261
00:11:15,784 --> 00:11:18,084
but it's supposed to be
your own family!
262
00:11:18,086 --> 00:11:19,553
Of which you have none.
263
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,288
You are alone in this world
264
00:11:21,290 --> 00:11:23,690
and, undoubtedly,
will be alone in the next.
265
00:11:23,692 --> 00:11:25,725
So let that family go!
266
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:29,029
But I'm not alone...because
I have you, Francine.
267
00:11:29,031 --> 00:11:30,697
Please remember.
268
00:11:30,699 --> 00:11:32,699
Okay, this should mean
something.
269
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:34,734
I know what you wanted
for Christmas,
270
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,170
so on three,
let's say it together.
271
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:39,573
One, two, three.
272
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:42,042
Wine glasses.
Snowman...sweater?
273
00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:43,476
- Damn it.
- All right, Smith.
274
00:11:43,478 --> 00:11:45,111
We're coming in firing,
275
00:11:45,113 --> 00:11:48,315
but this Christmas massacre
is on your head!
276
00:11:48,317 --> 00:11:51,084
Wait.
A snowman sweater?
277
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:54,187
I don't know why,
but that does sound familiar.
278
00:11:54,189 --> 00:11:55,722
It -- it does?
279
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:58,325
Francine, thank you.
Thank you so much.
280
00:11:58,327 --> 00:12:01,061
But honey, the C.I.A.
will never believe you.
281
00:12:01,063 --> 00:12:03,330
Our only hope is
if I can convince them.
282
00:12:03,332 --> 00:12:05,065
Yes. Go, go.
283
00:12:05,067 --> 00:12:08,335
I'll be right back.
Kids, come help me explain.
284
00:12:08,337 --> 00:12:09,869
Yes, yes. Good idea.
285
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:11,712
That way it's not just her word
against Lewis'.
286
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:17,410
It was terrible.
287
00:12:17,412 --> 00:12:19,346
He's completely lost it.
288
00:12:19,348 --> 00:12:21,748
That poor, poor man.
289
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:24,117
What are you waiting for?
Take him down!
290
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,620
I don't want to armchair Q.B.
this whole thing,
291
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:29,623
but, um, never release
all your hostages,
292
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:32,525
'cause now
what's stopping them from --
293
00:12:32,527 --> 00:12:36,062
There it is. Yeah.
I'm gonna go hide in the attic.
294
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,266
Let me know how you do!
295
00:12:40,268 --> 00:12:43,370
He should be
unconscious by now.
296
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:55,815
I can't live like this!
297
00:12:58,887 --> 00:13:01,721
Smith, stop or we'll shoot!
298
00:13:01,723 --> 00:13:05,692
If I can't be with my family,
I don't want to live!
299
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,171
Sometimes I wonder
300
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:21,574
if what we do makes
any difference at all.
301
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:36,289
That was brutal.
302
00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:38,591
But you learned your lesson.
303
00:13:38,593 --> 00:13:39,893
You mean...
304
00:13:39,895 --> 00:13:43,396
Yes. You learned
the importance of family.
305
00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:46,166
So, I-I get
my family back?
306
00:13:46,168 --> 00:13:48,702
Yes, dear Stan.
307
00:13:51,473 --> 00:13:54,641
Here you are, Stan.
308
00:13:54,643 --> 00:13:56,743
And...my family's
in there?
309
00:13:56,745 --> 00:14:01,881
No one is more in there
than your family, Stan.
310
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,484
Hey, pops!
Hi, daddy!
311
00:14:04,486 --> 00:14:06,453
Just in time for dinner.
312
00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:09,189
This isn't my family.
Oh, but it is.
313
00:14:09,191 --> 00:14:13,293
It's your real family.
314
00:14:13,295 --> 00:14:15,428
Hey, merry Christmas, pops.
315
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:17,297
Merry Christmas, daddy.
316
00:14:17,299 --> 00:14:20,166
Merry Christmas, schmoopsie.
317
00:14:20,168 --> 00:14:22,635
Merry Christmas.
318
00:14:25,912 --> 00:14:28,054
What do you say, pop?
Let's open presents!
319
00:14:28,174 --> 00:14:30,207
Oh, daddy!
Can we, please?!
320
00:14:31,599 --> 00:14:35,568
Yes, son and sister of son.
321
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,237
It's not weird
that I'm your father.
322
00:14:38,239 --> 00:14:40,873
With that in mind,
I'm gonna go in the kitchen.
323
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:44,343
Angel? Angel!
324
00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:45,778
Klaus?
325
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,513
What's going on?
Everything's so different.
326
00:14:47,515 --> 00:14:50,316
My God. The fish doesn't talk.
327
00:14:50,318 --> 00:14:52,318
What kind of twilight zone
am I living in?
328
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,453
This is crazy!
329
00:14:55,623 --> 00:14:57,857
What do you need, Stan?
330
00:14:57,859 --> 00:15:00,626
And bear in mind,
this is my Christmas, too.
331
00:15:00,628 --> 00:15:01,861
Where's my real family?!
332
00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,929
This is your real family.
333
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:05,865
But you didn't appreciate them,
334
00:15:05,867 --> 00:15:07,600
so we took them away
335
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:11,370
and gave you a terrible family
to teach you a lesson.
336
00:15:11,372 --> 00:15:14,306
Wait. Francine, Steve,
and Hayley...
337
00:15:14,308 --> 00:15:15,841
aren't my real family?
338
00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:18,944
No. They're
your cautionary family.
339
00:15:18,946 --> 00:15:20,813
It was supposed to be temporary,
340
00:15:20,815 --> 00:15:23,816
but...well, ah,
you fell through the cracks
341
00:15:23,818 --> 00:15:26,485
when the angel
handling your case died.
342
00:15:26,487 --> 00:15:28,788
Angels can die?
Where do they go?
343
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,790
They go to super heaven.
344
00:15:30,792 --> 00:15:32,792
Well, I mean, if you believe
that sort of stuff.
345
00:15:32,794 --> 00:15:34,293
Not everybody does.
346
00:15:34,295 --> 00:15:36,295
But I love my terrible family.
347
00:15:36,297 --> 00:15:38,664
Then why did you wish
to be single?
348
00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:41,934
But --
but I want to go back.
349
00:15:41,936 --> 00:15:43,669
I wish to go back.
350
00:15:43,671 --> 00:15:45,838
No, you only get
one Christmas wish.
351
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,873
Now go join your family, Stan.
352
00:15:47,875 --> 00:15:50,509
It's the only one that's real.
353
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:56,816
Honey, the kids
are opening your gifts.
354
00:15:56,818 --> 00:15:59,251
Uh...what's this?
355
00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:00,920
Caveman shoes?
356
00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:04,423
I bought this family
the wrong gifts, too?
357
00:16:04,425 --> 00:16:06,859
I'm a crummy father
in every reality.
358
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:09,328
The Chinese grocery was open.
359
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,897
We can still make
peanut brittle!
360
00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:13,766
Roger, thank God you're here.
361
00:16:13,768 --> 00:16:15,568
I can't believe
this is happening.
362
00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,703
Everything's so different,
but not you, Roger.
363
00:16:17,705 --> 00:16:19,772
You're the same.
I'm Gerald, your tenant.
364
00:16:19,774 --> 00:16:21,083
Why are you calling me Roger?
365
00:16:21,203 --> 00:16:23,809
'Cause you're --
oh, my God.
366
00:16:23,811 --> 00:16:25,978
You didn't come with me
this time.
367
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,546
No, I've been at the mall
368
00:16:27,548 --> 00:16:29,882
giving eye exams,
like I do six days a week.
369
00:16:29,884 --> 00:16:32,318
Thank God the mall's closed
on Tuesdays.
370
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:33,853
Tuesday is my Sunday.
371
00:16:33,855 --> 00:16:36,422
You weren't grabbing my ass
when I went off the bridge.
372
00:16:36,424 --> 00:16:38,157
Why would I grab it?
373
00:16:38,159 --> 00:16:41,560
I-I wouldn't even brush up
against that...perfect a-apple.
374
00:16:41,562 --> 00:16:43,729
Yeah, you would.
I know what you like.
375
00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:45,431
I also know you're an alien.
376
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:47,066
How do you know all this stuff?
377
00:16:47,068 --> 00:16:49,969
Because I'm from an alternate
reality where we're friends.
378
00:16:49,971 --> 00:16:52,638
Am I boring mall optometrist
there, too?
379
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,307
No. You're thousands of things.
You're whatever you want to be.
380
00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:57,376
In this alternate reality,
381
00:16:57,378 --> 00:17:00,479
do I ever...
dress as a woman?
382
00:17:00,481 --> 00:17:01,814
Uh, yeah!
383
00:17:01,816 --> 00:17:03,716
That is, when you're not
walking around naked.
384
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,851
Oh, my God!
That sounds amazing!
385
00:17:05,853 --> 00:17:07,453
We have to go there.
Yes!
386
00:17:07,455 --> 00:17:08,988
Just this morning
we were zooming around
387
00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:11,323
in a white Porsche, and you were
wearing a purple jumpsuit.
388
00:17:11,325 --> 00:17:12,791
Stop digging!
You struck oil!
389
00:17:12,793 --> 00:17:14,393
Why aren't we going already?
390
00:17:14,395 --> 00:17:16,662
Because I used
my only Christmas wish.
391
00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,330
Well, do I get one?
392
00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:23,602
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock ♪
393
00:17:23,604 --> 00:17:25,604
Put this back on the tree
and make your wish.
394
00:17:25,606 --> 00:17:27,006
♪ Jingle bells swing
and jingle bells ring ♪
395
00:17:27,008 --> 00:17:28,474
Wait, wait.
396
00:17:28,476 --> 00:17:29,842
All right.
Make your wish.
397
00:17:29,844 --> 00:17:32,611
What's the point?
It already came true.
398
00:17:32,613 --> 00:17:34,947
Just do it.
♪ Now the jingle hop has begun ♪
399
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:38,651
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
400
00:17:38,653 --> 00:17:41,887
It didn't work.
401
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:44,056
Yeah, it did!
I got my Porsche!
402
00:17:44,058 --> 00:17:47,526
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
403
00:17:47,528 --> 00:17:49,728
- You fool!
- What?
404
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:51,030
Oh, we're out of wishes.
405
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:55,935
Mary, you're my only hope!
406
00:17:55,937 --> 00:17:58,070
Don't you sometimes wish
that we were never married?
407
00:17:58,072 --> 00:18:00,072
Honey, what's come over you?
408
00:18:00,074 --> 00:18:02,374
I-I-I think you're fat
409
00:18:02,376 --> 00:18:04,109
and..ugly...
and you have bad hair.
410
00:18:04,111 --> 00:18:05,678
But those things aren't true.
411
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,080
I know!
You're perfect!
412
00:18:08,082 --> 00:18:10,549
You got to think of something.
413
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,718
These people suck balls.
414
00:18:23,664 --> 00:18:26,432
I ruined the house.
415
00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:28,534
Now don't you wish
we were never married?
416
00:18:28,536 --> 00:18:29,702
No!
417
00:18:29,704 --> 00:18:31,737
I'm just glad you're okay.
418
00:18:31,739 --> 00:18:33,973
You monster!
419
00:18:33,975 --> 00:18:35,908
Is this for me?
420
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:37,843
Silly, that's for Ruth.
421
00:18:37,845 --> 00:18:40,446
No one understands me here!
422
00:18:44,618 --> 00:18:46,051
Oh, Francine,
423
00:18:46,053 --> 00:18:49,154
these are like the wine glasses
you never got.
424
00:18:49,156 --> 00:18:50,556
What's that, Stan?
Oh, nothing.
425
00:18:50,558 --> 00:18:53,092
Just -- this wine glass
has a spot.
426
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:57,730
Uh, there's -- there's no spot
on that wine glass.
427
00:18:57,732 --> 00:18:58,998
What?
428
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,065
Don't criticize
her housekeeping.
429
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:02,635
It's her one thing.
It is?
430
00:19:02,637 --> 00:19:05,170
Yeah. Mary,
this glass is filthy.
431
00:19:06,674 --> 00:19:08,440
Dude, I just told you --
Shut up, dickhead.
432
00:19:08,442 --> 00:19:10,442
I worked too hard
for you to say --
433
00:19:10,444 --> 00:19:13,479
This whole table setting
looks kind of shabby.
434
00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:15,114
And these aren't even
Christmas napkins.
435
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:20,853
How dare you, Stanley?!
436
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,454
Honestly, with your taste,
437
00:19:22,456 --> 00:19:24,523
the hole I put in the wall
is an improvement.
438
00:19:24,525 --> 00:19:26,525
And you call this a tree angel?
439
00:19:26,527 --> 00:19:28,193
It looks like the creepy girl
from "The Ring."
440
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:32,865
My great-grandma Lindqvist died
with this in her arms.
441
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:35,834
Well,
it looks...like...crap.
442
00:19:35,836 --> 00:19:37,803
Maybe you're right, Stan.
443
00:19:37,805 --> 00:19:40,873
Sometimes I do wish
we were never married.
444
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:44,176
Great.
Now put it on the tree.
445
00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:50,749
Please work.
Please, please.
446
00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:54,620
Oh, honey.
447
00:19:54,622 --> 00:19:56,488
I thought you were sleeping in.
448
00:19:56,490 --> 00:19:58,624
No. I never
want to sleep in.
449
00:19:58,626 --> 00:20:02,528
I want to be part of everything!
450
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,797
Cozy!
451
00:20:04,799 --> 00:20:06,098
Thanks, dad.
452
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,232
These are for you.
453
00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:09,101
I needed new birks!
454
00:20:09,103 --> 00:20:10,703
I know.
I can smell.
455
00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:13,839
You got the wine glasses.
456
00:20:13,841 --> 00:20:16,775
Just the one.
What? Why?
457
00:20:16,777 --> 00:20:20,112
'Cause you're
my one and only, baby.
458
00:20:22,115 --> 00:20:25,184
Oh! Group hug!
Aah!
459
00:20:26,586 --> 00:20:28,854
What's all the racket?
460
00:20:28,856 --> 00:20:31,724
Oh. Family hug.
461
00:20:31,726 --> 00:20:33,125
Get in here, fish.
462
00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:35,961
Mwah!
463
00:20:37,831 --> 00:20:40,566
Mom, dad!
I learned my lesson.
464
00:20:40,568 --> 00:20:42,868
I'll never take you
for granted again!
465
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:45,137
Snot, for the last time,
you're not our son.
466
00:20:45,139 --> 00:20:47,706
It was worth a shot.
467
00:20:47,708 --> 00:20:55,481
♪ Oh, there's no place like home
for the holidays ♪
468
00:20:55,483 --> 00:21:01,396
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com