1
00:00:06,359 --> 00:00:07,359
Where have you been?
2
00:00:07,413 --> 00:00:09,546
I sent Steve and Hayley to go find you.
3
00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:11,381
If they were smart,
they'd start in Sears,
4
00:00:11,383 --> 00:00:12,649
'cause that's where I used to be.
5
00:00:12,651 --> 00:00:14,518
Did you get your shopping done?
6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,821
[ Sighs ] Yes, Francine.
Daddy delivered again.
7
00:00:17,823 --> 00:00:19,590
But I don't want to
have to do this every year.
8
00:00:19,592 --> 00:00:22,392
I don't want Christmas shopping
to become a tradition.
9
00:00:22,394 --> 00:00:23,394
[ Click ]
10
00:00:23,395 --> 00:00:25,295
Is that for Steve?
11
00:00:25,297 --> 00:00:27,197
It's for Steve and Hayley,
but I'll be the one using it.
12
00:00:27,199 --> 00:00:29,867
You know, if you get people
the presents they want,
13
00:00:29,869 --> 00:00:31,869
it shows you thought about them.
14
00:00:31,871 --> 00:00:35,506
Now, do I hear the clink
of Riedel wine glasses
15
00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:37,274
I've been dropping hints about?
16
00:00:37,276 --> 00:00:39,343
I doubt it, 'cause I don't know
what that is.
17
00:00:39,345 --> 00:00:41,612
And this is more
of a sweater-shaped bag.
18
00:00:41,614 --> 00:00:43,914
Maybe a sweater with a snowman.
19
00:00:43,916 --> 00:00:45,883
Like the one I'm wearing?
20
00:00:45,885 --> 00:00:47,417
I got to go return something.
21
00:00:47,419 --> 00:00:48,886
We're almost at the front of the line,
22
00:00:48,888 --> 00:00:51,755
and we need this photo
for our Christmas-party invite,
23
00:00:51,757 --> 00:00:53,190
so hurry!
24
00:00:53,192 --> 00:00:54,691
Francine, how much do you want from me?
25
00:00:54,693 --> 00:00:56,426
I'm buying gifts.
I'm returning gifts.
26
00:00:56,428 --> 00:00:58,395
I'm trying on tons of jeans at Lucky's.
27
00:00:58,397 --> 00:01:01,265
I've got a million balls in the air.
28
00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:06,537
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
29
00:01:06,539 --> 00:01:10,307
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
30
00:01:10,309 --> 00:01:13,510
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
31
00:01:13,512 --> 00:01:17,714
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
32
00:01:19,651 --> 00:01:23,153
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
33
00:01:23,155 --> 00:01:25,422
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
34
00:01:25,424 --> 00:01:31,295
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry
35
00:01:31,297 --> 00:01:33,497
[ Slurping ]
36
00:01:33,499 --> 00:01:35,566
Yo, Smith!
What's up, my man?
37
00:01:35,568 --> 00:01:37,167
Oh, hey, Principal Lewis.
38
00:01:37,169 --> 00:01:39,169
Just dealing with dumb family crap.
39
00:01:39,171 --> 00:01:41,505
But, geez, you look cool as a cucumber.
40
00:01:41,507 --> 00:01:42,773
Hell, yeah!
41
00:01:42,775 --> 00:01:45,309
Just down here
for a little "P" and "P."
42
00:01:45,311 --> 00:01:47,210
A little what?
"P" and "P."
43
00:01:47,212 --> 00:01:49,846
Peppermint latte and peacockin', see?
44
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:53,584
I add a little flair to let
the ladies know I mean business.
45
00:01:53,586 --> 00:01:55,619
Woman:
Hey, Soul Santa!
46
00:01:55,621 --> 00:01:57,020
Whoa!
47
00:01:57,022 --> 00:01:58,188
You're single. No wonder
you're not stressed-out.
48
00:01:58,190 --> 00:01:59,790
But me?
49
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:02,693
I have to plan this whole
Christmas bash for my family.
50
00:02:02,695 --> 00:02:03,794
Oh?
When's the party?
51
00:02:03,796 --> 00:02:05,529
No clue.
Not that involved.
52
00:02:05,531 --> 00:02:07,931
But you should come.
I'd like to finally get loose.
53
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,199
Maybe I will.
54
00:02:09,201 --> 00:02:10,467
Oh, really?
Oh, really?
55
00:02:10,469 --> 00:02:12,269
Are there gonna be any chicks there?
56
00:02:12,271 --> 00:02:14,404
My wife and daughter.
Mm...
57
00:02:14,406 --> 00:02:15,973
Oh, you got to come!
Do it!
58
00:02:15,975 --> 00:02:17,908
Do it, Lewis.
Do it up, Lewis.
59
00:02:21,546 --> 00:02:23,547
[ "Deck the Halls" plays ]
60
00:02:23,549 --> 00:02:27,451
H-hey, Santa, I-I'll bet
if you checked your "nice" list,
61
00:02:27,453 --> 00:02:30,821
you'd find a boy on there
who'd love a stargazing cape.
62
00:02:30,823 --> 00:02:32,289
Son, you're 14.
63
00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:33,790
You can't really be nervous I'm Santa.
64
00:02:33,792 --> 00:02:35,425
I'm not even wearing the beard.
65
00:02:35,427 --> 00:02:36,960
[ Chuckles ]
W-who's nervous, sir?
66
00:02:36,962 --> 00:02:39,229
So, it...
it's a reversible cape
67
00:02:39,231 --> 00:02:41,498
with the northern hemisphere
stars on one side
68
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,233
and the southern on the other...
69
00:02:43,235 --> 00:02:45,902
you know, for cozy stargazing.
70
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:48,372
Hey, Stan. Francine wants you
in the kitchen.
71
00:02:48,374 --> 00:02:49,506
[ Groans ]
72
00:02:49,508 --> 00:02:50,941
Hey, dad.
Did mom find you?
73
00:02:50,943 --> 00:02:52,376
I'm wearing a Santa costume.
74
00:02:52,378 --> 00:02:53,677
How hard can she be looking?
75
00:02:53,679 --> 00:02:55,779
Ugh, honey.
The tree isn't done.
76
00:02:55,781 --> 00:02:58,515
Go get the angel from Roger's attic.
77
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,921
This isn't our tree angel.
78
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,623
What are you doing up there?
79
00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,492
You better not be goofing around!
80
00:03:08,494 --> 00:03:10,060
[ Vehicle approaching ]
81
00:03:11,529 --> 00:03:14,398
[ Tires screech ]
82
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,966
Ha ha ha ha!
83
00:03:16,801 --> 00:03:18,935
Lewis, finally!
84
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:20,671
I should have asked
when you were getting here.
85
00:03:20,673 --> 00:03:21,938
I got here way too early.
86
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:24,041
Just making an appearance, my man,
87
00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:26,410
so you can say your party went off!
88
00:03:26,412 --> 00:03:27,678
[ Chuckles ]
89
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,746
I'm headed to a bash at the sororities.
90
00:03:29,748 --> 00:03:30,981
Don't they go home at Christmas?
91
00:03:30,983 --> 00:03:32,649
Not the poor girls,
92
00:03:32,651 --> 00:03:35,018
and they're the ones who dig
my Porsche the most.
93
00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:36,020
Hi, Brian!
94
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:37,654
Merry Christmas, girl.
95
00:03:37,656 --> 00:03:39,756
You want to get out of here?
I'll go!
96
00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:43,627
Stan, angel, tree!
97
00:03:43,629 --> 00:03:45,696
[ Imitates whipcrack ]
Short leash.
98
00:03:45,698 --> 00:03:48,098
Anyhoots, it's time for me to do
what I do best.
99
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,767
And that's whatever I want
all the time!
100
00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:52,069
[ Smooches ]
101
00:03:53,638 --> 00:03:56,306
Wow. He just takes
what he wants, doesn't he?
102
00:03:56,308 --> 00:03:57,874
Must be nice.
103
00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:04,915
Need a hand?
104
00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,416
No, Roger, I don't need help.
105
00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:07,751
I wasn't talking to you.
106
00:04:07,753 --> 00:04:10,454
I was talking to these
two little Christmas miracles.
107
00:04:10,456 --> 00:04:12,022
[ Lewis laughs ]
108
00:04:12,024 --> 00:04:13,890
[ Tires squeal ]
109
00:04:13,892 --> 00:04:16,359
Francine: Stan, will you do
something about the trash cans?
110
00:04:16,361 --> 00:04:20,597
[ Sighs ] Sometimes
I just wish I had Lewis' life.
111
00:04:21,466 --> 00:04:23,533
[ Twinkle! ]
112
00:04:23,535 --> 00:04:25,535
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh.
113
00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:29,439
Francine: Stan!
Go check the fuse box!
114
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:34,478
Klaus, just be glad
you're alone with no family.
115
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:35,846
But I have grown to feel
116
00:04:35,848 --> 00:04:37,614
that I am part of your family, Stan.
117
00:04:37,616 --> 00:04:40,117
[ Laughs ]
118
00:04:40,119 --> 00:04:44,087
Don't you dare cry, not this Christmas.
119
00:04:44,089 --> 00:04:46,690
Just this time, no.
120
00:04:46,692 --> 00:04:48,992
[ Sobbing ]
121
00:04:57,712 --> 00:05:01,415
[ Groans ]
Merry Christmas, Francine.
122
00:05:02,710 --> 00:05:05,546
Honey,
where's my morning B.J.?
123
00:05:05,548 --> 00:05:07,815
I have to get my own breakfast juice?
124
00:05:07,817 --> 00:05:09,216
Some Christmas.
125
00:05:09,218 --> 00:05:12,786
Hello?
Where is everybody?
126
00:05:12,788 --> 00:05:14,154
Hello?
127
00:05:14,156 --> 00:05:16,657
Stan, you're shouting louder
than the driver
128
00:05:16,659 --> 00:05:19,026
whose taxi I threw up in last night.
129
00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:20,727
And if you're not quiet,
you'll wake him up.
130
00:05:20,729 --> 00:05:22,596
Roger, something weird's going on.
131
00:05:22,598 --> 00:05:24,231
Look at this Kathy Ireland poster.
132
00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:26,733
Francine would never go for this.
That is weird.
133
00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:28,635
Never seen a Kathy Ireland poster
134
00:05:28,637 --> 00:05:30,037
that wasn't just put up with tape.
135
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,572
What's going on around here?
136
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:36,043
A pool table?
Foosball?
137
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:38,912
I sat by a girl in a bar in 1977
138
00:05:38,914 --> 00:05:40,914
who said her dad invented foosball.
139
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,783
Never looked into it,
but it seemed like a lie.
140
00:05:42,785 --> 00:05:44,918
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
141
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,820
People will lie to you in a bar, Stan.
142
00:05:46,822 --> 00:05:49,623
It's just a sad fact.
No! The tree!
143
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:53,660
Last night, when I was putting
the angel on the tree,
144
00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:56,296
I wished I had Lewis' life.
145
00:05:56,298 --> 00:06:00,334
Oh, Jesus. This is the tree
of a single man.
146
00:06:00,336 --> 00:06:03,604
Francine!
Hayley! Steve!
147
00:06:03,606 --> 00:06:06,173
I did this.
I wished for this.
148
00:06:06,175 --> 00:06:08,275
Well, it couldn't have
come true, right?
149
00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:10,010
Do wishes come true?
150
00:06:11,813 --> 00:06:13,780
That's Lewis' pimp ride.
151
00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:15,349
Whoa.
152
00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:17,317
My family's all gone.
153
00:06:17,319 --> 00:06:19,319
What am I gonna do?!
154
00:06:19,321 --> 00:06:22,222
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
[ Tires squeal ]
155
00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:26,894
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
156
00:06:26,896 --> 00:06:28,295
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh
157
00:06:28,297 --> 00:06:29,730
[ music stops ] Wait, wait.
158
00:06:29,732 --> 00:06:30,898
This is all wrong.
It is?
159
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,866
I should be peacockin', baby!
160
00:06:32,868 --> 00:06:34,768
We both should, bitch!
161
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,737
Let's go to work.
162
00:06:36,739 --> 00:06:39,907
Wait. If I wished for this,
then why are you here?
163
00:06:39,909 --> 00:06:42,743
Maybe 'cause I was touching
your butt when you wished.
164
00:06:42,745 --> 00:06:44,878
Butt wish?
Sounds like a thing.
165
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,115
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
166
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:52,286
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
167
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:56,123
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
168
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:57,424
♪ we don't even have to try
169
00:06:57,426 --> 00:06:59,626
Unseasonably warm Christmas
we're having.
170
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,762
Race you to the beach!
171
00:07:01,764 --> 00:07:04,765
[ Engine revs, tires screech ]
172
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:08,835
♪ Good time
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
173
00:07:08,837 --> 00:07:12,773
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
174
00:07:12,775 --> 00:07:16,243
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
175
00:07:16,245 --> 00:07:20,047
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
it's always a good time ♪
176
00:07:20,049 --> 00:07:23,317
♪ whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
177
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,352
[ crash! ]
Best wish ever!
178
00:07:25,354 --> 00:07:26,887
♪ It's always a good time
179
00:07:29,463 --> 00:07:31,992
I tell you, Roger,
being single for a day...
180
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,961
it's been such a vacation.
181
00:07:33,963 --> 00:07:36,230
No doubt.
182
00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:38,232
Paradise, baby.
183
00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:41,168
Well, we got to make sure we
milk this cow till it's dead.
184
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,003
You know what?
Let's go talk to Lewis,
185
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,771
make sure we're doing
all the single stuff.
186
00:07:44,773 --> 00:07:47,207
Diggin' it. He'll show us
how to blow it out.
187
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:49,243
[ Car doors close ]
188
00:07:49,245 --> 00:07:51,778
[ Engine turns over ]
Sir, sir! The nozzle's still in the tank!
189
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,815
It's okay!
We're single!
190
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:03,090
You guys are awesome!
191
00:08:03,092 --> 00:08:05,692
[ Tires screech ]
192
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,694
[ Doorbell rings ]
193
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,696
Uh, Stan.
I-is that you?
194
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:10,998
Check out this guy.
195
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,233
He's all, "Uh, Stan.
Is that you?"
196
00:08:13,235 --> 00:08:16,036
I-it was just
your pirate costume threw me.
197
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,304
I'm peacockin', dawg!
198
00:08:17,306 --> 00:08:19,172
So, me and my good friend, uh...
199
00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:20,440
Lazlo Morphine.
200
00:08:20,442 --> 00:08:22,309
Me and Lazlo were buzzing around,
201
00:08:22,311 --> 00:08:24,778
having single-guy fun,
and we need some pointers
202
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:27,114
from the king of single players
in this town.
203
00:08:27,116 --> 00:08:28,749
[ Chuckles ] Oh, Stan.
204
00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:29,850
What are you talking about?
I'm not single.
205
00:08:29,852 --> 00:08:31,852
Oh!
Oh, right. I get it.
206
00:08:31,854 --> 00:08:33,387
You got a girl in there.
207
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:35,856
Don't want to let on you're a player.
[ Chuckles ]
208
00:08:35,858 --> 00:08:39,393
Okay, um... maybe we can talk
after the holidays.
209
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,395
[ Chuckles ]
210
00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:42,996
We got to get a peep at his babe.
211
00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:44,765
Lewis is always killing it.
212
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:48,035
Francine?
213
00:08:48,037 --> 00:08:50,337
What the hell is going on?!
214
00:08:50,339 --> 00:08:52,739
Oh, I think it's pretty clear, Stan.
215
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,776
Principal Lewis and Francine
have been doing it.
216
00:08:55,778 --> 00:08:59,012
Are you picturing it?
I'm picturing it.
217
00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:02,149
Whoa.
You should picture it.
218
00:09:02,151 --> 00:09:03,383
Whoa.
219
00:09:08,888 --> 00:09:10,875
Lewis has my family.
220
00:09:10,988 --> 00:09:14,156
Well, you did wish for his life.
Maybe he got yours.
221
00:09:14,158 --> 00:09:15,524
Well, I didn't wish for that.
222
00:09:15,526 --> 00:09:18,260
I wanted my family to be,
like, suspended in a void
223
00:09:18,262 --> 00:09:19,861
or... or like
a static nothingness
224
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,164
or whatever happens
when I leave the room.
225
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:24,132
All right.
I'll just wish for them back.
226
00:09:24,134 --> 00:09:26,001
I wish my family back.
227
00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:28,270
And... wish activate.
228
00:09:28,272 --> 00:09:31,006
You know, it might not be that easy.
229
00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:32,407
This might be one of those dealios
230
00:09:32,409 --> 00:09:33,875
where you got to learn a lesson
231
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,410
before things go back to normal.
232
00:09:35,412 --> 00:09:37,479
What the hell does that mean?
Like in the movies.
233
00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:39,881
You've seen "It's A Wonderful Life," right?
Nope.
234
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:41,283
How about "Big"?
Unh-unh.
235
00:09:41,285 --> 00:09:42,417
You saw, "Ted."
236
00:09:42,419 --> 00:09:44,019
No.
Really?
237
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:45,887
Look, sometimes in a movie,
238
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,023
a person thinks
they want something, but then...
239
00:09:48,025 --> 00:09:50,292
Ooh! Like in the
"Care Bears: Big Wish Movie."
240
00:09:50,294 --> 00:09:52,027
Okay.
I learned my damn lesson.
241
00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:53,895
Lewis has my shit, and I want it back.
242
00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,163
Not sure you have.
243
00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:57,032
You're calling your family
"shit."
244
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:58,133
[ Door slams ]
245
00:09:58,135 --> 00:09:59,601
Guys, I know this may sound crazy.
246
00:09:59,603 --> 00:10:02,070
But right now,
we're in a Care Bear movie.
247
00:10:02,072 --> 00:10:04,372
Is that why you're dressed
as a pirate, Principal Smith?
248
00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,908
He's your principal.
This is your fault, Lewis.
249
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,578
You made being single look so lovely!
250
00:10:11,214 --> 00:10:12,914
I swear I'm your dad.
251
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,449
Remember last year at Christmas
252
00:10:14,451 --> 00:10:16,351
I got you both
three-hole punches
253
00:10:16,353 --> 00:10:18,019
s-so you wouldn't
have to fight over one?
254
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:19,921
No, last year on Christmas,
we pretended we didn't see
255
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,990
you walk into the sizzler by yourself.
256
00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:23,425
That's all I remember.
257
00:10:23,427 --> 00:10:25,994
Look, Stan, you, uh,
seem to be a little agitated,
258
00:10:25,996 --> 00:10:27,395
but I don't want this
to get out of control
259
00:10:27,397 --> 00:10:30,065
because, as you know,
I'm a C.I.A. agent.
260
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:33,368
You're in the C.I.A.?!
That's my life! Wait!
261
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:34,970
Then you should have a gun right here.
262
00:10:34,972 --> 00:10:37,138
Oh, God!
There it is.
263
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,640
Everybody just chill out.
[ Gun cocks ]
264
00:10:38,642 --> 00:10:41,610
You're my family... mine!...
and you're coming with me.
265
00:10:41,612 --> 00:10:44,079
Some people say Porsche.
266
00:10:44,081 --> 00:10:45,647
Some people
say Porsh-uh.
267
00:10:45,649 --> 00:10:49,017
I don't choose sides.
I let the car do the talking.
268
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,219
I say Porsh-uh.
It's longer.
269
00:10:51,221 --> 00:10:54,222
Better chance someone will
overhear me talking about it.
270
00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:56,558
Porsh-uhhhh.
271
00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,561
♪ Seven swans a-swimming
272
00:10:59,563 --> 00:11:01,029
♪ six geese a-laying
[ Gun cocks ]
273
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:05,600
♪ Five golden rings
274
00:11:05,602 --> 00:11:08,370
I can't do this!
But you sound beautiful!
275
00:11:08,372 --> 00:11:10,705
They sound terrified.
[ Sirens wailing ]
276
00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:13,642
Oh, the C.I.A.'s here.
This should be interesting.
277
00:11:15,478 --> 00:11:18,346
Principal Smith, you cuckoo bird,
278
00:11:18,348 --> 00:11:20,782
I know Christmas is a time for family,
279
00:11:20,784 --> 00:11:23,084
but it's supposed to be
your own family!
280
00:11:23,086 --> 00:11:24,553
Of which you have none.
281
00:11:24,555 --> 00:11:26,288
You are alone in this world
282
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:28,690
and, undoubtedly,
will be alone in the next.
283
00:11:28,692 --> 00:11:30,725
So let that family go!
284
00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:34,029
But I'm not alone... because
I have you, Francine.
285
00:11:34,031 --> 00:11:35,697
Please remember.
286
00:11:35,699 --> 00:11:37,699
Okay, this should mean something.
287
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,734
I know what you wanted for Christmas,
288
00:11:39,736 --> 00:11:42,170
so on three, let's say it together.
289
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:44,573
One, two, three.
290
00:11:44,575 --> 00:11:47,042
Wine glasses.
Snowman... sweater?
291
00:11:47,044 --> 00:11:48,476
Damn it.
Bullock: All right, Smith.
292
00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,111
We're coming in firing,
293
00:11:50,113 --> 00:11:53,315
but this Christmas massacre
is on your head!
294
00:11:53,317 --> 00:11:56,084
Wait.
A snowman sweater?
295
00:11:56,086 --> 00:11:59,187
I don't know why,
but that does sound familiar.
296
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:00,722
It... it does?
297
00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:03,325
Francine, thank you.
Thank you so much.
298
00:12:03,327 --> 00:12:06,061
But honey, the C.I.A.
will never believe you.
299
00:12:06,063 --> 00:12:08,330
Our only hope is
if I can convince them.
300
00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:10,065
Yes. Go, go.
301
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:13,335
I'll be right back.
Kids, come help me explain.
302
00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:14,869
Yes, yes. Good idea.
303
00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:16,712
That way it's not just her word
against Lewis'.
304
00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:22,410
[ Gasps ]
It was terrible.
305
00:12:22,412 --> 00:12:24,346
He's completely lost it.
306
00:12:24,348 --> 00:12:26,748
That poor, poor man.
307
00:12:26,750 --> 00:12:29,117
What are you waiting for?
Take him down!
308
00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,620
I don't want to armchair Q.B.
this whole thing,
309
00:12:31,622 --> 00:12:34,623
but, um, never release
all your hostages,
310
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:37,525
'cause now what's stopping them from...
311
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:41,062
There it is. Yeah.
I'm gonna go hide in the attic.
312
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:42,464
[ Glass breaks ]
313
00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:45,266
Let me know how you do!
314
00:12:45,268 --> 00:12:48,370
[ Chuckles ] He should be
unconscious by now.
315
00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:52,641
[ Sniffles ]
316
00:12:56,212 --> 00:12:58,313
[ Tires squeal ]
317
00:12:58,315 --> 00:13:00,815
I can't live like this!
318
00:13:00,817 --> 00:13:03,885
[ Siren wails ]
319
00:13:03,887 --> 00:13:06,721
Smith, stop or we'll shoot!
320
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:10,692
If I can't be with my family,
I don't want to live!
321
00:13:13,529 --> 00:13:16,665
[ Groaning ]
322
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:17,732
[ Screams ]
323
00:13:20,836 --> 00:13:23,171
Sometimes I wonder
324
00:13:23,173 --> 00:13:26,574
if what we do makes
any difference at all.
325
00:13:29,645 --> 00:13:31,246
[ Wind blowing ]
326
00:13:31,248 --> 00:13:35,283
[ All whistling "Joy To the World" ]
327
00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:41,289
Angel: [ Chuckles ]
That was brutal.
328
00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:43,591
But you learned your lesson.
329
00:13:43,593 --> 00:13:44,893
You mean...
330
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:48,396
Yes. You learned
the importance of family.
331
00:13:48,398 --> 00:13:51,166
So, I-I get
my family back?
332
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:53,702
[ Chuckles ]
Yes, dear Stan.
333
00:13:53,704 --> 00:13:54,803
[ Blows ]
334
00:13:54,805 --> 00:13:56,471
[ Twinkle! ]
335
00:13:56,473 --> 00:13:59,641
Here you are, Stan.
336
00:13:59,643 --> 00:14:01,743
And... my family's
in there?
337
00:14:01,745 --> 00:14:06,881
No one is more in there
than your family, Stan.
338
00:14:06,883 --> 00:14:09,484
Hey, pops!
Hi, daddy!
339
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:11,453
Just in time for dinner.
340
00:14:11,455 --> 00:14:14,189
This isn't my family.
Oh, but it is.
341
00:14:14,191 --> 00:14:18,293
It's your real family.
342
00:14:18,295 --> 00:14:20,428
Hey, merry Christmas, pops.
343
00:14:20,430 --> 00:14:22,297
Merry Christmas, daddy.
[ Smooches ]
344
00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:25,166
Merry Christmas, schmoopsie.
345
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,635
Merry Christmas.
346
00:14:32,912 --> 00:14:35,054
What do you say, pop?
Let's open presents!
347
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,207
Oh, daddy!
Can we, please?!
348
00:14:38,599 --> 00:14:42,568
Yes, son and sister of son.
349
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:45,237
It's not weird that I'm your father.
350
00:14:45,239 --> 00:14:47,873
With that in mind,
I'm gonna go in the kitchen.
351
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:51,343
Angel? Angel!
352
00:14:51,345 --> 00:14:52,778
Klaus?
353
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:54,513
What's going on?
Everything's so different.
354
00:14:54,515 --> 00:14:57,316
[ Bubbles ]
My God. The fish doesn't talk.
355
00:14:57,318 --> 00:14:59,318
What kind of twilight zone
am I living in?
356
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,453
[ Bubbles ]
This is crazy!
357
00:15:01,455 --> 00:15:02,621
[ Bubbles ]
[ Twinkle! ]
358
00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:04,857
[ Sighs ]
What do you need, Stan?
359
00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:07,626
And bear in mind,
this is my Christmas, too.
360
00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:08,861
Where's my real family?!
361
00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,929
This is your real family.
362
00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:14,600
But you didn't appreciate
them, so we took them away
363
00:15:14,602 --> 00:15:18,370
and gave you a terrible family
to teach you a lesson.
364
00:15:18,372 --> 00:15:21,306
Wait. Francine, Steve,
and Hayley...
365
00:15:21,308 --> 00:15:22,841
aren't my real family?
366
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:25,944
No. They're
your cautionary family.
367
00:15:25,946 --> 00:15:27,813
It was supposed to be temporary,
368
00:15:27,815 --> 00:15:30,816
but... well, ah,
you fell through the cracks
369
00:15:30,818 --> 00:15:33,485
when the angel handling your case died.
370
00:15:33,487 --> 00:15:35,788
Angels can die?
Where do they go?
371
00:15:35,790 --> 00:15:37,790
They go to super heaven.
372
00:15:37,792 --> 00:15:39,792
Well, I mean, if you believe
that sort of stuff.
373
00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:41,293
Not everybody does.
374
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:43,295
But I love my terrible family.
375
00:15:43,297 --> 00:15:45,664
Then why did you wish to be single?
376
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:48,934
But...
but I want to go back.
377
00:15:48,936 --> 00:15:50,669
I wish to go back.
378
00:15:50,671 --> 00:15:52,838
No, you only get one Christmas wish.
379
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,873
Now go join your family, Stan.
380
00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,509
It's the only one that's real.
381
00:15:57,511 --> 00:15:59,645
[ Blows ]
[ Bubbles ]
382
00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:03,816
Mary: Honey, the kids
are opening your gifts.
383
00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:06,251
Uh... what's this?
384
00:16:06,253 --> 00:16:07,920
Caveman shoes?
385
00:16:07,922 --> 00:16:11,423
I bought this family
the wrong gifts, too?
386
00:16:11,425 --> 00:16:13,859
I'm a crummy father in every reality.
387
00:16:13,861 --> 00:16:16,328
The Chinese grocery was open.
388
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,897
We can still make peanut brittle!
389
00:16:18,899 --> 00:16:20,766
Roger, thank God you're here.
390
00:16:20,768 --> 00:16:22,568
I can't believe this is happening.
391
00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:24,703
Everything's so different,
but not you, Roger.
392
00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,772
You're the same.
I'm Gerald, your tenant.
393
00:16:26,774 --> 00:16:28,083
Why are you calling me Roger?
394
00:16:28,203 --> 00:16:30,809
'Cause you're...
oh, my God.
395
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:32,978
You didn't come with me this time.
396
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,546
No, I've been at the mall
397
00:16:34,548 --> 00:16:36,882
giving eye exams,
like I do six days a week.
398
00:16:36,884 --> 00:16:39,318
Thank God the mall's closed
on Tuesdays.
399
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,853
Tuesday is my Sunday.
400
00:16:40,855 --> 00:16:43,422
You weren't grabbing my ass
when I went off the bridge.
401
00:16:43,424 --> 00:16:45,157
[ Chuckles ]
Why would I grab it?
402
00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:48,560
I-I wouldn't even brush up
against that... perfect a-apple.
403
00:16:48,562 --> 00:16:50,729
Yeah, you would.
I know what you like.
404
00:16:50,731 --> 00:16:52,431
I also know you're an alien.
405
00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,066
How do you know all this stuff?
406
00:16:54,068 --> 00:16:56,969
Because I'm from an alternate
reality where we're friends.
407
00:16:56,971 --> 00:16:59,638
Am I boring mall optometrist
there, too?
408
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,307
No. You're thousands of things.
You're whatever you want to be.
409
00:17:02,309 --> 00:17:04,376
In this alternate reality,
410
00:17:04,378 --> 00:17:07,479
do I ever...
dress as a woman?
411
00:17:07,481 --> 00:17:08,814
Uh, yeah!
412
00:17:08,816 --> 00:17:10,716
That is, when you're not
walking around naked.
413
00:17:10,718 --> 00:17:12,851
Oh, my God!
That sounds amazing!
414
00:17:12,853 --> 00:17:14,453
We have to go there.
Yes!
415
00:17:14,455 --> 00:17:15,988
Just this morning
we were zooming around
416
00:17:15,990 --> 00:17:18,323
in a white Porsche, and you were
wearing a purple jumpsuit.
417
00:17:18,325 --> 00:17:19,791
Stop digging!
You struck oil!
418
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:21,393
Why aren't we going already?
419
00:17:21,395 --> 00:17:23,662
Because I used my only Christmas wish.
420
00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:25,330
Well, do I get one?
421
00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:26,999
[ "Jingle Bell Rock" plays ]
422
00:17:27,001 --> 00:17:30,602
♪ Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock ♪
423
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:32,604
Put this back on the tree
and make your wish.
424
00:17:32,606 --> 00:17:34,006
♪ Jingle bells swing
and jingle bells ring ♪
425
00:17:34,008 --> 00:17:35,474
Wait, wait.
426
00:17:35,476 --> 00:17:36,842
All right.
Make your wish.
427
00:17:36,844 --> 00:17:39,611
What's the point?
It already came true.
428
00:17:39,613 --> 00:17:41,947
Just do it.
♪ Now the jingle hop has begun ♪
429
00:17:41,949 --> 00:17:43,348
[ Twinkle! ]
430
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:45,651
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh.
431
00:17:45,653 --> 00:17:48,887
It didn't work.
432
00:17:48,889 --> 00:17:51,056
Yeah, it did!
I got my Porsche!
433
00:17:51,058 --> 00:17:54,526
♪ Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
434
00:17:54,528 --> 00:17:56,728
You fool!
What? [ Music stops ]
435
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,030
Oh, we're out of wishes.
436
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:02,935
Mary, you're my only hope!
437
00:18:02,937 --> 00:18:05,070
Don't you sometimes wish
that we were never married?
438
00:18:05,072 --> 00:18:07,072
Honey, what's come over you?
439
00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:09,374
I-I-I think you're fat
440
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:11,109
and..ugly...
and you have bad hair.
441
00:18:11,111 --> 00:18:12,678
But those things aren't true.
442
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,080
[ Sobbing ] I know!
You're perfect!
443
00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:17,549
You got to think of something.
444
00:18:17,551 --> 00:18:19,718
These people suck balls.
445
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,924
[ Car door opens, closes ]
446
00:18:25,926 --> 00:18:27,926
[ Engine turns over ]
447
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:30,662
[ Tires screech ]
448
00:18:30,664 --> 00:18:33,432
I ruined the house.
449
00:18:33,434 --> 00:18:35,534
Now don't you wish
we were never married?
450
00:18:35,536 --> 00:18:36,702
No!
451
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:38,737
I'm just glad you're okay.
452
00:18:38,739 --> 00:18:40,973
You monster!
453
00:18:40,975 --> 00:18:42,908
Is this for me?
454
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,843
Silly, that's for Ruth.
455
00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:47,446
No one understands me here!
456
00:18:47,448 --> 00:18:49,881
[ Crow caws ]
457
00:18:51,618 --> 00:18:53,051
Oh, Francine,
458
00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:56,154
these are like the wine glasses
you never got.
459
00:18:56,156 --> 00:18:57,556
What's that, Stan?
Oh, nothing.
460
00:18:57,558 --> 00:19:00,092
Just... this wine glass
has a spot.
461
00:19:00,094 --> 00:19:01,827
[ Chuckles ]
462
00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:04,730
Uh, there's... there's no spot
on that wine glass.
463
00:19:04,732 --> 00:19:05,998
What?
464
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,065
Don't criticize her housekeeping.
465
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:09,635
It's her one thing.
It is?
466
00:19:09,637 --> 00:19:12,170
Yeah. Mary,
this glass is filthy.
467
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,672
[ Glass clinks ]
468
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,440
Dude, I just told you...
Shut up, dickhead.
469
00:19:15,442 --> 00:19:17,442
I worked too hard for you to say...
470
00:19:17,444 --> 00:19:20,479
This whole table setting
looks kind of shabby.
471
00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:22,114
And these aren't even
Christmas napkins.
472
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:23,882
[ Gasps ]
473
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:27,853
Mary:
How dare you, Stanley?!
474
00:19:27,855 --> 00:19:29,454
Honestly, with your taste,
475
00:19:29,456 --> 00:19:31,523
the hole I put in the wall
is an improvement.
476
00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:33,525
And you call this a tree angel?
477
00:19:33,527 --> 00:19:35,193
It looks like the creepy girl
from "The Ring."
478
00:19:35,195 --> 00:19:36,828
[ Shivers ]
479
00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:39,865
My great-grandma Lindqvist died
with this in her arms.
480
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:42,834
Well,
it looks... like... crap.
481
00:19:42,836 --> 00:19:44,803
Maybe you're right, Stan.
482
00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:47,873
Sometimes I do wish
we were never married.
483
00:19:47,875 --> 00:19:51,176
Great.
Now put it on the tree.
484
00:19:53,146 --> 00:19:54,913
[ Twinkle! ]
485
00:19:54,915 --> 00:19:57,749
Please work.
Please, please.
486
00:19:57,751 --> 00:20:00,018
[ Gasps ]
487
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,620
Francine: Oh, honey.
488
00:20:01,622 --> 00:20:03,488
I thought you were sleeping in.
489
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,624
No. I never
want to sleep in.
490
00:20:05,626 --> 00:20:09,528
I want to be part of everything!
491
00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:11,797
[ Gasps ] Cozy!
492
00:20:11,799 --> 00:20:13,098
Thanks, dad.
493
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,232
These are for you.
494
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,101
[ Gasps ]
I needed new birks!
495
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:17,703
I know.
I can smell.
496
00:20:18,648 --> 00:20:20,839
You got the wine glasses.
497
00:20:20,841 --> 00:20:23,775
Just the one.
[ Chuckles ] What? Why?
498
00:20:23,777 --> 00:20:27,112
'Cause you're my one and only, baby.
499
00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:32,184
Oh! Group hug!
Aah!
500
00:20:33,586 --> 00:20:35,854
What's all the racket?
501
00:20:35,856 --> 00:20:38,724
Oh. Family hug.
502
00:20:38,726 --> 00:20:40,125
Stan: Get in here, fish.
503
00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:42,961
Mwah!
504
00:20:44,831 --> 00:20:47,566
Mom, dad!
I learned my lesson.
505
00:20:47,568 --> 00:20:49,868
I'll never take you for granted again!
506
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:52,137
Snot, for the last time,
you're not our son.
507
00:20:52,139 --> 00:20:54,706
[ Sighs ]
It was worth a shot.
508
00:20:54,708 --> 00:21:02,481
♪ Oh, there's no place like home
for the holidays ♪
509
00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:08,396
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com web dl sync snarry