﻿1
00:00:01,219 --> 00:00:03,161
<i>Previously on</i> Mike & Molly...

2
00:00:03,162 --> 00:00:04,762
Oh, I got in.

3
00:00:04,764 --> 00:00:06,798
Well, what is going
on with you?

4
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,100
The Iowa Writers Workshop.

5
00:00:08,101 --> 00:00:10,068
I've been accepted into
their summer writing program.

6
00:00:10,069 --> 00:00:11,202
Wait a minute.

7
00:00:11,204 --> 00:00:14,071
Are you actually good
at this writing thing?

8
00:00:14,073 --> 00:00:16,375
I'll be living my dream
in Iowa for eight weeks.

9
00:00:16,376 --> 00:00:18,710
How are you gonna ruin that,
Peggy?

10
00:00:18,711 --> 00:00:19,911
Eight weeks?

11
00:00:19,913 --> 00:00:21,280
Does Mike know
about all this?

12
00:00:21,281 --> 00:00:23,681
Damn it, you always find a way.

13
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,684
I have some exciting news.

14
00:00:26,686 --> 00:00:28,053
More for her than you.

15
00:00:28,054 --> 00:00:29,520
Shh!

16
00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:31,255
What is going on?

17
00:00:31,257 --> 00:00:33,759
I've been accepted into one
of the most prestigious

18
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,593
writing programs in the country.

19
00:00:35,595 --> 00:00:37,062
Honey, that's great!

20
00:00:37,063 --> 00:00:39,230
In Iowa.

21
00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:43,568
It's an opportunity
of a lifetime.

22
00:00:43,569 --> 00:00:44,703
Well, I'm sure it is.

23
00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,605
I can't believe
you did this whole deal

24
00:00:46,606 --> 00:00:48,206
without even talking
to me about it.

25
00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:49,741
Well, we're talking
about it now.

26
00:00:49,742 --> 00:00:50,909
No, you're telling me.

27
00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,010
Talking about it would be,

28
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,244
"Honey, I'm thinking
about applying

29
00:00:53,245 --> 00:00:54,813
"for an out-of-state workshop
for a couple months.

30
00:00:54,814 --> 00:00:55,980
You okay with that?"

31
00:00:55,982 --> 00:00:58,215
Are you okay with that?

32
00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:01,452
Why didn't you tell me?

33
00:01:02,721 --> 00:01:05,657
Just figured
I was never gonna get in.

34
00:01:05,658 --> 00:01:08,859
I was too embarrassed
to even talk about it.

35
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,464
Lady, you have no idea

36
00:01:12,465 --> 00:01:14,465
how great you are.

37
00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:17,869
Smart and talented.

38
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:23,508
Huh? And you can do anything
that you set that mind to.

39
00:01:23,509 --> 00:01:25,676
Thank you.

40
00:01:26,844 --> 00:01:29,681
I'm sorry I'm leaving you here
with the lunatics.

41
00:01:29,682 --> 00:01:31,482
The Taser's working, right?

42
00:01:31,483 --> 00:01:33,383
Yeah.

43
00:01:44,462 --> 00:01:47,931
How long has Fido been waiting
for his master?

44
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,033
About an hour.

45
00:01:49,034 --> 00:01:50,301
Ever since Molly called
from Naperville

46
00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:51,601
when she
stopped for gas.

47
00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:54,237
He got so excited,
I'm surprised he hasn't piddled.

48
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,139
What's that, boy?

49
00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:57,808
You hear something?

50
00:01:57,809 --> 00:01:58,976
Leave him alone.

51
00:01:58,977 --> 00:02:00,911
This is the first
time I've seen him

52
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,680
on his hind legs
since she left.

53
00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:03,781
Poor thing.

54
00:02:03,782 --> 00:02:06,182
He's been real sad without Molly.
Mm.

55
00:02:06,184 --> 00:02:07,651
Celibacy will do that
to a man.

56
00:02:07,652 --> 00:02:09,320
That's why monks
are so quiet.

57
00:02:09,321 --> 00:02:11,955
If you're not getting any,
what's there to talk about?

58
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:16,292
He must have been a mute
before he met Molly.

59
00:02:16,294 --> 00:02:17,661
Oh, there were girls.

60
00:02:17,662 --> 00:02:20,064
I mean, he'd lose a few pounds,
get his heart broken,

61
00:02:20,065 --> 00:02:24,701
then come crawling back into
the arms of his best gal.

62
00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:26,637
The fact that his fridge
isn't full

63
00:02:26,638 --> 00:02:28,572
of women's heads is a miracle.

64
00:02:28,573 --> 00:02:31,140
She's here! She's here!

65
00:02:34,178 --> 00:02:37,047
There she is!

66
00:02:37,048 --> 00:02:40,216
Oh, my God,
I missed you all so much!

67
00:02:40,218 --> 00:02:41,652
Oh, not as much
as I missed you,

68
00:02:41,653 --> 00:02:42,952
because I have been here
with them.

69
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,321
All right,

70
00:02:44,322 --> 00:02:45,888
leave some for
the rest of us.

71
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:47,590
I missed this face.

72
00:02:47,592 --> 00:02:48,658
Oh.

73
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,693
It felt like
you were gone for months.

74
00:02:50,695 --> 00:02:52,496
Yeah, I... I actually was.

75
00:02:52,497 --> 00:02:54,164
Oh, come here.
Come here.

76
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:55,264
Clear the way.

77
00:02:55,266 --> 00:02:56,567
Step-papa coming through. Oh!

78
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:59,101
All right, all right.

79
00:02:59,103 --> 00:03:01,271
How great does this feel?
I ain't never letting go.

80
00:03:01,272 --> 00:03:02,439
All right, let go.

81
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,774
Okay.

82
00:03:03,775 --> 00:03:05,141
Peggy.

83
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:07,376
You look tired.

84
00:03:07,378 --> 00:03:10,513
It's weird, but
I actually missed that.

85
00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:11,715
Come on, sit down,

86
00:03:11,716 --> 00:03:13,583
we want to hear all about
the writing program.

87
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:15,217
All right, well,
it was a doozy.

88
00:03:21,358 --> 00:03:23,860
Well, for eight intense weeks,
I was surrounded

89
00:03:23,861 --> 00:03:27,096
by brilliant novelists
and poets and playwrights.

90
00:03:27,098 --> 00:03:29,098
It sounds wonderful.

91
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,500
No, it was awful.

92
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They hated my writing.

93
00:03:32,336 --> 00:03:34,738
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
No, don't be.

94
00:03:34,739 --> 00:03:36,940
The more they hated it,
the more it drove me.

95
00:03:36,941 --> 00:03:38,807
I dug deep,
I found my voice.

96
00:03:38,809 --> 00:03:40,642
I bet you have
a beautiful voice.

97
00:03:40,644 --> 00:03:44,280
No. Turns out my voice
has the mouth of a sailor.

98
00:03:44,281 --> 00:03:45,547
Dirty?

99
00:03:45,549 --> 00:03:47,050
Filthy.

100
00:03:47,051 --> 00:03:49,919
I know I've written some racy
short stories in the past,

101
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,587
but this new stuff
takes the cake.

102
00:03:51,589 --> 00:03:54,290
Actually, in the second chapter,
I wrote this thing with cake.

103
00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:56,091
It's disgusting.

104
00:03:56,093 --> 00:03:57,494
She gets it from me.

105
00:03:57,495 --> 00:03:59,129
You know, you never think
they're listening,

106
00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:01,230
but they're little sponges.

107
00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:05,134
You know, I mean, it started out
so innocently enough.

108
00:04:05,135 --> 00:04:07,303
You know, just kind of
a romantic little story

109
00:04:07,304 --> 00:04:09,505
about two lonely people
who meet in Chicago, and...

110
00:04:09,506 --> 00:04:10,872
Aw, that's us.

111
00:04:10,874 --> 00:04:11,773
Oh, God, no.

112
00:04:11,775 --> 00:04:13,076
No?
No!

113
00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:15,144
No, we are nothing
like these animals.

114
00:04:15,145 --> 00:04:16,579
No morals, no boundaries.

115
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:19,148
Just two people who are
willing to stop at nothing

116
00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:21,316
until they satisfy
their carnal desires.

117
00:04:21,318 --> 00:04:23,051
Ooh, that's a spicy blurb.

118
00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:25,388
Well, you know what?
That's what the publisher said

119
00:04:25,389 --> 00:04:27,589
when he bought my book!

120
00:04:32,129 --> 00:04:34,564
The school... the school
sent out samples,

121
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,766
and out of the piles
of pretentious fire,

122
00:04:36,767 --> 00:04:39,201
my hot, throbbing
phoenix rose!

123
00:04:39,202 --> 00:04:42,538
You sold a book!
I sold a book!

124
00:04:42,539 --> 00:04:44,105
Son of a bitch!

125
00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:51,147
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪

126
00:04:51,148 --> 00:04:54,050
♪ La,
la-ba-dee-da ♪

127
00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:57,486
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

128
00:04:57,487 --> 00:04:58,721
♪ I see love ♪

129
00:04:58,722 --> 00:05:01,190
♪<i> I see love</i> ♪

130
00:05:01,191 --> 00:05:03,959
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

131
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,524
♪ I see love ♪

132
00:05:05,525 --> 00:05:09,607
Sync & corrections by <font color="#00ff00">Rafael UPD</font>
<font color="#ffff00">www.addic7ed.com/</font>

133
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:20,069
Ooh!

134
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:24,374
That was worth the wait.

135
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:27,710
So, uh...

136
00:05:27,711 --> 00:05:29,678
can I see it again?

137
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,881
I already
showed it to you.

138
00:05:31,882 --> 00:05:35,117
Come on. I like looking at it.

139
00:05:35,119 --> 00:05:36,653
God, you're insatiable.

140
00:05:38,355 --> 00:05:40,356
Oh!

141
00:05:40,357 --> 00:05:42,090
Wow. Unreal.

142
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:43,493
Oh, it's real.

143
00:05:43,494 --> 00:05:46,129
Now I just have to actually
finish writing the book.

144
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,130
They paid you
before you finished?

145
00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:50,199
Tried that with a plumber once.
Never again.

146
00:05:52,036 --> 00:05:53,336
Unbelievable.

147
00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:55,438
I know.

148
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:58,641
You know, when you quit teaching
to become a writer,

149
00:05:58,642 --> 00:06:00,643
I-I got to admit...

150
00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:02,278
I'm not gonna admit.

151
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,280
No, tell me, tell me.

152
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,882
Well, it's just I've always
known that you were talented,

153
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:09,252
but, like, you know,
pay-for-groceries talented.

154
00:06:09,253 --> 00:06:11,319
Not kiss-my-ass-Citibank
talented.

155
00:06:12,556 --> 00:06:14,924
I know. I didn't think
I could do it, either.

156
00:06:14,925 --> 00:06:16,158
Really?
Oh, yeah.

157
00:06:16,159 --> 00:06:18,060
I felt like a total
fraud since day one.

158
00:06:18,061 --> 00:06:20,162
Thank God we never talked
about this honestly.

159
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:24,400
Yeah, or else we
wouldn't have this, huh?

160
00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:28,471
Well, here's to us both
pretending we believed in me.

161
00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:32,740
To love, honor and deceive.

162
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:35,578
You know I couldn't have
done this without you.

163
00:06:35,579 --> 00:06:36,879
What are you talking about?

164
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,582
I mean, I mean,
sure, I was your sexual muse.

165
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:43,285
No. I'm talking about
you supporting me,

166
00:06:43,286 --> 00:06:45,454
even when this
whole writing thing

167
00:06:45,455 --> 00:06:47,590
just seemed like
a stupid pipe dream.

168
00:06:47,591 --> 00:06:50,925
Yeah, I do come out of this
smelling pretty good, don't I?

169
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,528
Like a big,
handsome daisy.

170
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,231
You think you
could look at me

171
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:59,133
the way you're looking
at that check?

172
00:06:59,135 --> 00:07:01,203
Gladly.

173
00:07:01,204 --> 00:07:02,770
You ready for the sequel?

174
00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:04,072
You got another
one in you?

175
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:05,641
We'll let the critics decide.

176
00:07:11,613 --> 00:07:13,615
Oh, writer in session.

177
00:07:13,616 --> 00:07:15,150
I was gonna get a snack.

178
00:07:15,151 --> 00:07:16,351
Should I come back later?

179
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,552
No, it's fine.

180
00:07:19,354 --> 00:07:21,423
Can I make you a snack?

181
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,291
Nope.
Tea?

182
00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:25,494
I'm good.

183
00:07:25,495 --> 00:07:26,928
Is the lighting okay in here?

184
00:07:26,929 --> 00:07:29,396
You want a floor lamp?
Vince?! Mom!

185
00:07:29,398 --> 00:07:31,165
I'm fine. I'm fine.

186
00:07:31,167 --> 00:07:33,602
Okay. Okay. I just
want to make sure

187
00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:37,338
my little golden goose has
a nice nest to write in.

188
00:07:37,340 --> 00:07:40,342
I'm still the exact same person
I was before.

189
00:07:40,343 --> 00:07:42,243
I just have
a little bit more money.

190
00:07:42,245 --> 00:07:43,812
A<i> lot</i> more money.

191
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:46,948
Which, in America, makes you
better than everybody else.

192
00:07:46,949 --> 00:07:48,750
Oh, my Lord!

193
00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:50,485
Mol, this book...

194
00:07:50,486 --> 00:07:51,719
The stuff at the farm?

195
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,254
Guess when you introduce
a milking machine

196
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,222
in chapter one,
you got to use it.

197
00:07:56,324 --> 00:07:58,326
I still can't
believe you went off

198
00:07:58,327 --> 00:08:02,263
to this fancy writing program
and came out with porno gold.

199
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:04,298
It's not porno.

200
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:07,168
It's an exploration of sexuality
for the everyday woman

201
00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,604
who doesn't get
to see herself reflected

202
00:08:09,605 --> 00:08:11,305
in an adult romance novel.

203
00:08:11,307 --> 00:08:13,274
Molly.
It's not porno. It's empowering.

204
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:15,376
It's saying
that all women deserve

205
00:08:15,377 --> 00:08:17,078
to experience physical intimacy

206
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:19,379
and explore their deepest,
darkest fantasies.

207
00:08:19,381 --> 00:08:21,249
Molly...
All right,

208
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,251
it's a little porno, but...

209
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:24,719
I mean, it's written well,

210
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,854
and-and there's some good
life lessons in there,

211
00:08:26,855 --> 00:08:29,089
you know, between the orgies.

212
00:08:30,324 --> 00:08:32,527
Hey, you want to make this
a best-seller?

213
00:08:32,528 --> 00:08:36,263
Laminate it, so a lady can
read it in the tub.

214
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,732
You know what?

215
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:39,866
That's actually not a bad idea.

216
00:08:40,902 --> 00:08:45,673
Hey, what do you say
we go out and celebrate,

217
00:08:45,674 --> 00:08:47,575
and spend some
of this dirty money?

218
00:08:47,576 --> 00:08:48,843
Mmm, that's sounds good.

219
00:08:48,844 --> 00:08:51,478
I'll Saran Wrap this
and finish it in the bath later.

220
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,047
Oh, did you decide who's gonna
play you in the movie?

221
00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:55,950
Once again,
the character is not me.

222
00:08:55,951 --> 00:08:58,218
I don't know.
Probably Renée Zellweger.

223
00:09:02,857 --> 00:09:04,725
I'm telling you, Carl,

224
00:09:04,726 --> 00:09:07,427
you can't imagine the relief
I felt last night.

225
00:09:07,429 --> 00:09:09,296
Well, sure. Your wife was gone
for eight weeks.

226
00:09:09,297 --> 00:09:12,565
And you had quite a full sack
there, Santa.

227
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,542
Not that.
Oh.

228
00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,544
I'm talking about the money.

229
00:09:23,545 --> 00:09:26,714
Molly's advance almost gets us
completely out of debt.

230
00:09:26,715 --> 00:09:28,282
Almost? That was a hell
of a check.

231
00:09:28,283 --> 00:09:30,117
What kind of hole
did you dig yourself into?

232
00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:31,385
Not my hole. Hers.

233
00:09:31,386 --> 00:09:34,220
We walked down the aisle,
and I fell right into it.

234
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:36,523
Hey, did you hear?
Molly sold her book.

235
00:09:36,524 --> 00:09:38,592
No.
Yup.

236
00:09:38,593 --> 00:09:40,160
Big advance and everything.

237
00:09:40,161 --> 00:09:43,529
You know what this means?
Yeah, I can eat in a better restaurant.

238
00:09:44,832 --> 00:09:47,433
It means the American Dream
is still alive.

239
00:09:47,435 --> 00:09:49,736
If a humble schoolteacher
like Molly can achieve success,

240
00:09:49,737 --> 00:09:52,672
there's hope
for a struggling artist like me.

241
00:09:52,674 --> 00:09:54,641
Yeah, top me off, Picasso.

242
00:09:54,642 --> 00:09:56,276
I'm serious.

243
00:09:56,277 --> 00:09:58,745
This inspires me
to keep pursuing my dream

244
00:09:58,746 --> 00:10:01,782
of becoming a famous stand-up
comedian with my own TV show.

245
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:03,150
On cable, of course.

246
00:10:03,151 --> 00:10:05,518
That's where all
the good stuff is done.

247
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,355
Hopefully you'll be able
to fill a comedy club

248
00:10:08,356 --> 00:10:10,489
better than you can
a coffee mug.

249
00:10:10,491 --> 00:10:13,794
You really think I left Senegal
in the wheel well

250
00:10:13,795 --> 00:10:17,563
of a cargo jet to serve you
losers crappy food?

251
00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:23,370
He changes the story
about how he got to America

252
00:10:23,371 --> 00:10:25,104
every time he tells it.

253
00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:27,374
Yeah, I like the one where he
was on the boat with the tiger.

254
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:28,374
Mm-hmm.

255
00:10:32,113 --> 00:10:33,979
What is going on out there?
I don't know.

256
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:37,082
Is it the Puerto Rican Day
Parade already?

257
00:10:40,521 --> 00:10:43,327
Surprise!

258
00:10:45,091 --> 00:10:47,693
God bless America.

259
00:10:59,908 --> 00:11:01,184
What did you do?

260
00:11:01,186 --> 00:11:05,022
I bought us
a brand-new car!

261
00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:07,023
This Dodge Challenger

262
00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:09,259
comes fully-equipped
with a heated steering wheel

263
00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:10,961
and illuminated cup holders.

264
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,295
What?

265
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:15,399
You bought a car?

266
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,867
Cash money, honey.

267
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:18,134
The ladies and I
were out to lunch...

268
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,470
Had a few cocktails.

269
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,971
"Obvi."

270
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,672
I was just trying to think
of a way to say thank you

271
00:11:22,674 --> 00:11:25,308
for being so amazing
this last year.

272
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,510
And I looked out
the restaurant window,

273
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,412
and I see this little orange
dream sitting here

274
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:30,047
and I started picturing my baby

275
00:11:30,048 --> 00:11:33,716
getting into this baby,
and I thought, "Oh, baby."

276
00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:36,086
You bought a car.

277
00:11:36,087 --> 00:11:37,353
I bought a car.

278
00:11:39,791 --> 00:11:41,858
Knock it off.

279
00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:44,161
We don't need a car.
I've got the Mitsubishi.

280
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,662
Well, just put it out
on the lawn,

281
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,830
like you did the couch.

282
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,130
Somebody's going to take it.

283
00:11:48,132 --> 00:11:51,067
Why didn't you talk to me
about this?

284
00:11:51,069 --> 00:11:52,569
Because you would've said
we should use the money

285
00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:53,704
to pay down our debt.

286
00:11:53,705 --> 00:11:56,439
We<i> should</i> use the money
to pay down our debt.

287
00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:59,341
- See? Mike, I was trying...
- Oh.

288
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:00,577
To do something
nice for you

289
00:12:00,578 --> 00:12:02,011
that you wouldn't
do for yourself.

290
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:03,380
Come on, sit in it.
No.

291
00:12:03,381 --> 00:12:05,215
Come on, sit in it.
No.

292
00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:07,217
I'll sit in it.
No!

293
00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:08,885
Nobody is sitting in this car
except Molly

294
00:12:08,886 --> 00:12:09,920
to take it back.

295
00:12:09,921 --> 00:12:11,087
I'm not taking it back.

296
00:12:11,088 --> 00:12:12,288
You're taking
this back.

297
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,557
Mike, don't be a jerk.

298
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:15,492
I love you.
Take the damn car.

299
00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:16,626
Molly, I love you, too.

300
00:12:16,627 --> 00:12:17,827
Don't be stupid.
Take it back.

301
00:12:17,828 --> 00:12:19,396
Hey, we don't use
the "S" word.

302
00:12:19,397 --> 00:12:20,697
You called me a "J."

303
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,099
Well, you're lucky
I didn't call you an "A-H""

304
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,267
Guys, guys, stop

305
00:12:24,268 --> 00:12:26,403
before you spell something
you're gonna regret.

306
00:12:26,404 --> 00:12:27,937
I got news for you, pal.

307
00:12:27,938 --> 00:12:29,205
I'm gonna keep succeeding

308
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,074
and I'm going to keep buying
stupid stuff.

309
00:12:31,075 --> 00:12:33,175
So you either get on this train
or get out of the way.

310
00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:34,577
All aboard, ladies.

311
00:12:34,578 --> 00:12:36,011
And yeah, I know
I'm getting into a car

312
00:12:36,013 --> 00:12:37,313
while using a train metaphor,

313
00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:39,549
but frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.

314
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,251
Yeah, I'm quoting
<i>Gone with the Wind.</i>

315
00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:43,285
And if you don't like it,
you can kiss my grits.

316
00:12:53,496 --> 00:12:55,565
Don't you think you're going
a little fast, sweetie?

317
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,200
Who the hell doesn't
jump up and down

318
00:12:57,201 --> 00:12:58,801
when they get a new car?

319
00:12:58,802 --> 00:13:00,670
In Mike's defense,
I've never seen him jump.

320
00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:03,973
Oh, I walked in on him naked
in the bathroom once.

321
00:13:03,974 --> 00:13:05,942
He caught some air.

322
00:13:05,943 --> 00:13:08,644
You know, I worked too hard
to take this car back.

323
00:13:08,645 --> 00:13:12,080
I deserve satellite radio
and a heated steering wheel.

324
00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:13,449
Actually, my fingers
are frying.

325
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:16,252
Just turn-turn it off.
Turn it off.

326
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:17,987
You know, now that
I'm losing my buzz,

327
00:13:17,988 --> 00:13:21,157
this does seem like
a pretty big purchase.

328
00:13:21,158 --> 00:13:23,025
Are you saying
I should take this back?

329
00:13:23,026 --> 00:13:24,894
Or go get another drink.

330
00:13:24,895 --> 00:13:26,896
I... I got a book deal.

331
00:13:26,897 --> 00:13:28,264
How am I supposed to rub

332
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:31,132
a zero-balance credit card
statement in people's faces?

333
00:13:31,134 --> 00:13:32,601
You don't need to rub
anything in anybody's face.

334
00:13:32,602 --> 00:13:34,036
She did in chapter three.

335
00:13:34,037 --> 00:13:36,271
Speed bump!

336
00:13:40,342 --> 00:13:42,144
Hey.

337
00:13:42,145 --> 00:13:43,845
Hello, dummy.

338
00:13:43,847 --> 00:13:46,147
What's your problem?

339
00:13:46,149 --> 00:13:47,583
On behalf of every man
in this country,

340
00:13:47,584 --> 00:13:50,218
I should kick you
in the potatoes.

341
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:54,155
Good luck. They've already been
peeled and mashed.

342
00:13:54,157 --> 00:13:55,691
She wanted to give you a car.

343
00:13:55,692 --> 00:13:58,760
Why couldn't you just take it
like a good little husband?

344
00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,696
Because I can buy my own car.

345
00:14:00,697 --> 00:14:02,965
Number one... no, you can't.

346
00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:04,933
Number two...

347
00:14:04,934 --> 00:14:07,168
no, you can't.

348
00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:08,737
Look, it's not right, okay?

349
00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:10,606
I'm supposed to shower<i> her</i>
with gifts,

350
00:14:10,607 --> 00:14:11,840
not vice versa.

351
00:14:11,841 --> 00:14:14,109
It's like that Ferris wheel
sex scene in her book...

352
00:14:14,110 --> 00:14:17,145
everything's backwards
and upside down.

353
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:18,714
What the hell's
wrong with you?

354
00:14:18,715 --> 00:14:21,049
Women want to be
the man? Let 'em.

355
00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:23,285
They can pull out my chair,
open my door.

356
00:14:23,286 --> 00:14:27,656
Put their coat on my bare
shoulders when it's cold.

357
00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:30,453
Your shoulders don't need
a coat... they need a comb.

358
00:14:31,493 --> 00:14:34,830
As far as I'm concerned,
broads can have the power,

359
00:14:34,831 --> 00:14:36,765
and all the crap
that goes with it...

360
00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:40,768
hair loss, hypertension,
prostate problems.

361
00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:42,236
Women don't have prostates.

362
00:14:42,238 --> 00:14:43,738
Give 'em time.

363
00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:46,708
Then sit back and relax.

364
00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:48,176
They'll die ten years before us,

365
00:14:48,177 --> 00:14:51,046
and we'll be the ones who are
able to walk around the mall

366
00:14:51,047 --> 00:14:54,683
in big red hats, spending their
life insurance policies.

367
00:14:54,684 --> 00:14:58,186
That's the world
I want to live in.

368
00:14:58,187 --> 00:15:00,889
Well, if it includes you in
a red hat with bare shoulders,

369
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:03,757
I'm going to stay here
with my swollen prostate.

370
00:15:08,296 --> 00:15:11,032
So what if you're a little rusty
around the edges.

371
00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:14,469
You still got a couple of good
years left, don't you, girl?

372
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:18,139
Kill me.

373
00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:21,008
Kill me.

374
00:15:21,010 --> 00:15:23,076
That's very funny.

375
00:15:23,912 --> 00:15:28,049
So, how's the old bucket
of bolts doing?

376
00:15:28,050 --> 00:15:29,950
If you remember correctly,
this bucket of bolts

377
00:15:29,952 --> 00:15:32,186
was good enough for you
when we first started dating.

378
00:15:32,188 --> 00:15:33,821
No, I hated it
from the beginning.

379
00:15:33,822 --> 00:15:35,189
I was just being polite.

380
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:38,191
I was trying to get
in your pants.

381
00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:39,761
You kidding?

382
00:15:39,762 --> 00:15:41,629
You could have said you hated
the Bulls, Bears, Cubs

383
00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:44,866
and cops, these pants
were gettin' got into.

384
00:15:44,867 --> 00:15:47,468
I got you something.

385
00:15:47,469 --> 00:15:48,569
What's this?

386
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,238
It's a little less
flashy tribute

387
00:15:50,239 --> 00:15:53,373
to my supportive husband.

388
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:55,008
Tube socks!

389
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:57,210
Gold toe. Gold toe.

390
00:15:57,212 --> 00:16:00,614
Nice.

391
00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:03,850
You forgive me?

392
00:16:03,852 --> 00:16:07,021
Molly, you bought a car
without even talking to me.

393
00:16:07,022 --> 00:16:09,623
Honey, it was a bad-ass car.

394
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:13,060
But...

395
00:16:13,061 --> 00:16:14,428
it was the wrong
thing to do,

396
00:16:14,429 --> 00:16:16,597
and I'm sorry.

397
00:16:16,598 --> 00:16:18,398
Thank you.

398
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,334
I know you're
this big fancy writer now,

399
00:16:20,335 --> 00:16:21,869
making all this money but...

400
00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:25,106
you buying that car without me
made me feel superfluous.

401
00:16:25,107 --> 00:16:26,973
"Superfluous"?

402
00:16:26,975 --> 00:16:30,143
I read it in your book.
I had to look it up.

403
00:16:30,145 --> 00:16:32,913
Mike, you could never be
superfluous.

404
00:16:32,914 --> 00:16:36,149
I... I will always need you.

405
00:16:36,151 --> 00:16:37,384
Good.

406
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:39,719
I used it right.

407
00:16:40,554 --> 00:16:43,991
So, you read my book?

408
00:16:43,992 --> 00:16:46,093
Of course I did.

409
00:16:46,094 --> 00:16:48,696
Well... what'd you think?

410
00:16:48,697 --> 00:16:52,199
I think that in between
all the orgies,

411
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,734
you got some really
good stuff in there.

412
00:16:57,771 --> 00:16:59,907
You get me.

413
00:16:59,908 --> 00:17:02,108
You really get me.

414
00:17:06,481 --> 00:17:07,681
You want to follow me
back to the dealer,

415
00:17:07,682 --> 00:17:09,216
'cause I'm going to
take that car back.

416
00:17:09,217 --> 00:17:10,550
Yes.

417
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,419
I know it doesn't feel good,

418
00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:14,788
but deep down, you know
it's the smart choice.

419
00:17:14,789 --> 00:17:16,089
Well, smart sucks.

420
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:17,957
I love you, too.

421
00:17:21,863 --> 00:17:24,430
Come on.

422
00:17:25,198 --> 00:17:27,167
Come on!

423
00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:31,304
Hey!

424
00:17:31,305 --> 00:17:32,305
There you go!

425
00:17:32,306 --> 00:17:34,441
See?

426
00:17:34,442 --> 00:17:36,909
We don't need a new car.

427
00:17:48,364 --> 00:17:49,832
Call Mike.

428
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,234
Your number is being dialed.

429
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:56,772
Oh, God, we could've been
such good friends.

430
00:17:56,773 --> 00:17:58,341
- Hello?
- Where are you?

431
00:17:58,342 --> 00:17:59,774
I'm a couple blocks
from the house.

432
00:17:59,776 --> 00:18:01,343
Where are you?

433
00:18:01,345 --> 00:18:02,678
I'm almost to the expressway.

434
00:18:02,679 --> 00:18:04,679
For God sakes,
how fast are you going?

435
00:18:04,681 --> 00:18:05,915
I don't know. Not very...

436
00:18:05,916 --> 00:18:07,316
Ooh, almost 80.

437
00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,251
Whoa!
God, it's so smooth.

438
00:18:09,252 --> 00:18:10,885
I'll slow down.

439
00:18:10,887 --> 00:18:12,688
Okay, hang on.
Okay, I-I see you.

440
00:18:12,689 --> 00:18:14,422
I'll be there in a minute.

441
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,124
All right, first one
to the dealership wins.

442
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,493
No, I don't want to race.

443
00:18:17,494 --> 00:18:19,294
Come on, I'll keep it in first.

444
00:18:19,296 --> 00:18:22,130
Molly...
Here we go.

445
00:18:22,132 --> 00:18:23,899
All right, damn it.

446
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:27,268
Okay, old girl,
let's show her what we can do.

447
00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:34,942
Oh, boy.

448
00:18:34,944 --> 00:18:36,478
Ooh, careful.

449
00:18:36,479 --> 00:18:39,114
Looks like a car's caught fire
back there.

450
00:18:39,115 --> 00:18:42,117
Yeah, that jackass
is blocking traffic.

451
00:18:42,118 --> 00:18:44,219
I'll meet you at the dealership.

452
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:47,321
Yeah, yeah! Go around!

453
00:18:49,514 --> 00:18:53,716
Sync & corrections by <font color="#00ff00">Rafael UPD</font>
<font color="#ffff00">www.addic7ed.com/</font>

