1 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:26,510 Hello and welcome to the eleventh Top Gear Special, which for once 2 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:31,790 is actually being transmitted quite close to the birthday of baby Jesus. 3 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,670 Unless you're watching a repeat. 4 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,590 ~ Yes, James. Unless you're watching a repeat. ~ Well, it's quite confusing... ~ Anyway. 5 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:41,190 2014 marked the 60th anniversary of the cheap-to-make, 6 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,350 maximum-bangs-for-your-bucks small block V8. 7 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,070 And the producers thought it would be a good idea for us 8 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,630 to celebrate the moment. 9 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,190 Yes, especially since, as a lot of people are saying, 10 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:54,670 owing to environmentalism, the need for greater fuel economy, 11 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,110 the V8 could soon be a thing of the past. 12 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,830 Quite, so the producers told us to buy three old V8-powered cars and 13 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:07,990 report with them to a hotel near the town of Bariloche here 14 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,400 in Argentina. 15 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,150 This was the meeting point, 16 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,680 in the middle of what's billed at Argentina's Lake District. 17 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:32,080 And I was the first to arrive in a magnificent Porsche 928 GT. 18 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:42,120 That is quite a view and this is quite a car. 19 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:50,630 I have always loved 928s, cos they were just so futuristic. 20 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,470 I mean this car is 23 years old 21 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,910 and it looks like it was designed yesterday. 22 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,990 And it was the last good-looking car that Porsche ever made. 23 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:05,510 And, although it's a V8, it's quiet and dignified and elegant. 24 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,910 If this were a person, it would go to embassy cocktail parties 25 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,070 and know many things. 26 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,430 Traditional V8s would push you in the swimming pool 27 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,870 and then fart and think it was funny. 28 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:20,190 Traditional V8s - well, like this, for example - 29 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,350 they're brash and they're loud and they're childish. 30 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,190 ~ What have you done, Hammond? ~ Oh, yeah! There it is - 31 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:37,510 not just A V8 - the definitive V8. 32 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,280 ~ Is it? ~ Ford Mustang, the Mach One. 33 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,910 Look at it. 34 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,190 ~ It's a bit... ~ It's brilliant. ~ .. unnecessary. 35 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:49,630 No, it's not... That's the whole point of it. 36 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:52,510 It's stripped down. Everything on it is functional, purpose... 37 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,070 ~ Is it? ~ Yes. ~ This rear spoiler - what does it do? ~ Nothing. 38 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,990 Does the front splitter do anything? 39 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:00,390 ~ No. ~ Racing fuel filler cap? 40 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,430 No, it's just a cover. 41 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,790 Is the engine 19 feet long? 42 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,950 No, no, it's not. 43 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,310 Why then has it got a 19-foot bonnet? 44 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,030 Well, because they decided they wanted to make the Mustang 45 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:16,160 bigger in '71, so they did and they did that by... just making it bigger. 46 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,710 This is all just pointless? 47 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:19,870 No, it's bigger. 48 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,870 And that is the ram air, and that's a Edelbrock carb underneath it, 49 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,710 the plenum there, it all go... It works. 50 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:30,070 I mean, if I were nine, it would be tremendous, but I'm not. 51 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,870 I mean, it's all just preposterous. 52 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,030 It's brilliant is what it is! It's the essence of V8ness. 53 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,710 Shall we just turn our attention now to the elephant that 54 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,950 ~ ISN'T in the room. ~ Uh, yeah. 55 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,390 Captain Lost. What do you think the...? 56 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,470 I don't know, I've been thinking, I don't know. 57 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,310 Had to be a V8, so I thought it'll be a Mercedes. 58 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,710 He'll have gone, like he did in Botswana, solid. 59 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,590 Er, I thought, I reckon he's gone for Range Rover. 60 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,080 In fact we couldn't have been more wrong. 61 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,000 No way! That is not him! 62 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,440 Not serious! 63 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,280 He's gone completely mad! 64 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,590 I bet he thinks he's Bond. 65 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,030 ~ He does think he's Bond. Don't say anything about his suit. ~ No. 66 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,670 Hi. 67 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,790 Gentlemen. The Lotus Esprit. 68 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,710 Isn't it? 69 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,430 Twin turbo V8. 70 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,630 Have you been on a Top Gear Special before? 71 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:31,630 ~ I've seen you on them. ~ Yes. ~ You have, I've seen you there. ~ Yes, I have, I have. 72 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,630 ~ James, they're tough. ~ Yeah. 73 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,030 Some viewers don't know this 74 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,750 but Lotus does not have a good reputation for quality. 75 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:43,360 Some say that this stands for Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. 76 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,750 It has a hand-built V8 engine with two turbo chargers 77 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,870 designed by a specialist small British car-making company. 78 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,870 And that is a byword for reliability and motoring pleasure. 79 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,150 ~ We know that. ~ It's just not, and you know that. 80 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,750 ~ Can we just run through some of the detailing on it? ~ Carry on. 81 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,350 The door handles on this model are from a Vauxhall Cavalier. 82 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,390 ~ Correct. ~ Door mirrors are from a Citroen. 83 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,710 Don't touch it. 84 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,150 ~ Uh, the gearbox in this is from a Renault 25. ~ Correct. 85 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,670 Because that was the best gearbox they could find? 86 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,510 ~ Or the only one that would fit? ~ It was the only one that would fit. 87 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,310 And of course the body is made from exactly the same 88 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,470 ~ material as a lavatory seat. ~ Or a bucket. 89 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,750 Anyway, have you finished being envious of my car? 90 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,230 If I can move on, the Porsche 928. 91 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,990 ~ Yes. ~ Fascinating. Hammond! 92 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,310 Wowzers! I do like that, 93 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,310 in a slightly Richard Hammondy sort of way. Is that a Mach One? 94 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,550 ~ It certainly is. ~ Ho-ho-ho-ho! ~ Yeah, yeah. 95 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,590 ~ Look at that. Tell me that isn't magnificent... ~ .. ly boring. 96 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,950 ~ It isn't. ~ I'm glad it's grey, though. ~ Why? 97 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,910 Well, because it's very businesslike. 98 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,030 You can advise me on my mortgage later on. 99 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:53,190 I am, as always, the voice of reason and wisdom on this programme. 100 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,480 We could have bickered forever but at this point our challenge arrived. 101 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:04,830 "You will now drive 130 miles to the house where Butch Cassidy lived 102 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,630 "when he was on the run from the law." 103 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,190 ~ 130 miles? ~ Hang on - that's it? 104 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,670 That's somewhere interesting. 105 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,550 I thought there was going to be another, you know... there's usually the other paragraph. 106 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,790 To where Butch Cassidy lived? I'd love to go there. 107 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:20,310 I love Butch Cassidy and my favourite film in the entire world is Butch Cassidy. 108 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,870 And all I've got to do is drive a Porsche 928 109 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,670 130 miles to get there on roads. 110 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,350 Try saying it this way - all he's got to do is drive a Lotus Esprit 130 miles. 111 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,590 I can see now where they're going with this. 112 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,030 Oh, yeah, yeah. They've tailored it for you. 113 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,270 Amazed at the apparent easiness of our challenge, 114 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,160 we fired up the V8s.. 115 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,080 .. and plunged into the magnificence of Argentina's heartland. 116 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,670 The roads are lovely. Proper roads, paved, very pretty. 117 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,720 I think the producers have lost it. 118 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,430 I'd turn over if I were you. I wouldn't watch this. 119 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,790 Three comfortable middle-aged men driving lovely cars. 120 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,240 That's not... that's not really very good television. 121 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,310 So the situation report, I have 128 miles to go 122 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,160 but everything's working. Er, the road is very nice. 123 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,560 Uh... phew! We're going to have to spin this out a bit. 124 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,360 To do just that, we decided to talk about our cars. 125 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,990 This particular Mustang came along at a really critical 126 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,950 time for the V8, because this was 1971. 127 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:49,110 In 1972, America started introducing all sorts of restrictions 128 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:53,270 because of emissions and fuel, and they strangled them. 129 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:59,150 So many people regard '71 as the last proper year of the full-on, 130 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,190 full-bore, full-raw V8. 131 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:11,110 Hammond and Clarkson are absolutely right, the Lotus is a risk. 132 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,750 Of course the Porsche will work - it was made by Porsche. 133 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,670 They're more German than normal Germans 134 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,710 when it comes to doing things properly. They're brilliant at it. 135 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,590 But it's a bit safe, it's a bit grey, it's a bit businesslike. 136 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,190 The Mustang will work, because it's just a piece of American clog iron. 137 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:29,390 It's low stress, designed to run all day. 138 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:34,990 This? Yes, this came from Norfolk and this was built by blokes. 139 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,630 Of course it's fragile but that's what makes it interesting 140 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,960 AND it's the best-looking and it's the fastest and it's the reddest. 141 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,990 I know Hammond and May think my 928 Porsche is a bit dull 142 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,880 but for one very good reason, it isn't dull to me. 143 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,630 You see, back in 1994, I was living in London, 144 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,990 I got a call one evening from my mum 145 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,030 to say that my dad was desperately ill in a hospital in Sheffield 146 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,150 and I needed to get there as quickly as possible. 147 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,870 And I'd just taken a chicken out of the oven and I thought, 148 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,830 "Well, I'll take that for my mum, cos she won't have eaten", 149 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,600 ran outside and I had a 928 on test that week. 150 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,670 And when I arrived in Sheffield, the chicken was still warm 151 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,550 and my dad was still alive. 152 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,440 In fact he died half an hour later. 153 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:35,110 And the truth is, if I hadn't been driving a car which 154 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:39,310 could sit quite happily at 170 miles an hour, 155 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,800 I wouldn't have had the opportunity to say goodbye to my dad. 156 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:49,640 So as far as I'm concerned the 928... is all right. 157 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,160 Soon we arrived at a rather Germanic-looking town. 158 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,510 This town that we're in now is called Bariloche 159 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:14,870 and there really is no nice way of putting this - 160 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:18,160 it became a haven for Nazi war criminals. 161 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:25,070 Between 1946 - a critical date - and 1952, 162 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:29,510 12,000 Germans came to live in this neck of the woods. 163 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,550 The man who founded the Hitler Youth, 164 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,510 he started the ski club in the town. 165 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:37,630 Adolf Eichmann lived here. Josef Mengele took his driving test here. 166 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,750 Failed, apparently. 167 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,870 Yes, it's a sombre topic 168 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,840 but fortunately Hammond's enlivened it with his La Cucaracha horn. 169 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,430 Once out of Berlineloche, the roads opened up 170 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:59,000 and Hammond could discover the joys of his muscle car at full chat. 171 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,950 Big speed now and I'll be honest, it is quite alarming, 172 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,950 this steering is... 173 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,000 There's a lot of play and er, it's kind of vague - yeah. 174 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,120 Meanwhile, James and I have become entangled in a bit of a dogfight. 175 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,720 Target locked. 176 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,350 I've got him. 177 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,320 No! Ha-ha! 178 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,190 ~ Sod it! ~ I've caught him napping. 179 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,350 You have sown the wind and you shall reap the whirlwind. 180 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,030 Here we go, here we go, here we go. 181 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,750 No, no, no, no, no, no! 182 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,960 Yes. Take that. 183 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,280 Urgh! 184 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,470 Look, he's just roaring off! 185 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,350 I've got a five-litre engine here. James only has three and a half. 186 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,840 Mind you, with two turbos. 187 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,360 No sign of Hammond, strangely, with his massive 5.8-litre V8. 188 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,990 Oh-ho! Oh! 189 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,030 Those two are clearly enjoying a bit of a joust. 190 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,190 Jeremy's Porsche's got passive rear-wheel steering. 191 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,830 They've both got proper suspension. 192 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:24,510 I haven't got any of those things on my Mustang so I'm going to stay 193 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,280 out of it and do a lot of steering, just to go in a straight line. 194 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:36,150 There was another problem with the Mustang - it was extremely thirsty. 195 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,110 And soon Hammond needed to stop for fuel. 196 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,910 As May and I waited in the coffee shop... 197 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,350 I enjoy the things that made Lotus famous, like steering feel, performance... 198 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,070 Hammond filled up but from where we were sitting, it didn't 199 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,430 ~ look like he was doing that at all. ~ .. not metal. 200 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,920 Sorry to interrupt but I think Hammond really loves that Mustang. 201 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,440 What is he doing? 202 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,110 With the muscle car fed, it looked like we were going to 203 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,560 complete our simple 130-mile challenge. 204 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,630 Yeah. 205 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,110 But then... 206 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,150 What's... Ooh! 207 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,030 That is smoking. He's smoking. 208 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,470 Hammond, you're smoking, you're smoking badly. 209 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,110 Oh, sh.... 210 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,960 I'm stopping. I'm stopping. I've lost steering. Oh! 211 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,150 ~ One and a half miles from Butch... ~ One and a half miles. 212 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,750 .. Butch Cassidy's house. Just talk me through it. 213 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,550 Power steering, thrown all its oil out, fluid. 214 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:56,030 ~ That's what was making the smoke, it was burning off on the manifold... ~ I'm not interested. 215 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,950 One and a half miles! 216 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,950 Yeah, that's the dipstick for the fluid. 217 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,520 And it's completely empty. It's all come out. 218 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,120 There it is! 219 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,920 Oh, my God! I'm going to stay here, where Butch lived. 220 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,670 I know that film off by heart. I know all the lines. 221 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,590 Would you like to hear some? 222 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,550 No. 223 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,670 The film said it was Bolivia and he did actually die in Bolivia 224 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:49,310 but they found him here and he ran and got away with it again. 225 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,510 Right. 226 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:52,590 I don't care that it's not luxurious. 227 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:58,240 I've got my own pillow and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. 228 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,040 He probably built that door. 229 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,830 Over an early evening drink, 230 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,910 Jeremy was STILL going on about his favourite topic. 231 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,670 ~ Don't you watch it every week? ~ No. ~ I do. 232 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,950 Battle of Britain's top five but Butch Cassidy's number one, 233 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,510 Local Hero number two. 234 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,190 What about Where Eagles Dare, though? 235 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,590 ~ No, not top five. ~ No? ~ Not as good as Battle of Britain. 236 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,270 It's not as good as, but nothing's as good as Battle of Britain. 237 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,830 And neither of them are as good as Butch Cassidy and the Sun... Oh, look who's here. 238 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:35,070 ~ That's better. ~ He's pushing it. ~ No, no, no, no, no. 239 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,750 Don't, er... 240 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:40,110 Norman Wisdom, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived. 241 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,910 Now he's stuck, you know. 242 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,440 Oh, it's run over him, everybody, I'm sorry. 243 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:47,870 Oh, sh.... 244 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,990 Yeah, all r... the producers say they'll count that as if you've made it. 245 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,030 Yeah, you're in the same field. 246 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,230 ~ Well done, mate. ~ Yeah. 247 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,870 Look where you are - Butch Cassidy's actual house. 248 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,550 That is it, genuinely for real? 249 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,470 ~ Yeah - do you live in something like that in Wales? ~ Pretty much, yeah. 250 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,750 ~ Oh, wait a minute. ~ What? What? 251 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,990 What? We've done it. We're here. Come on. I'm nearly here, look. 252 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,390 Wait a minute. 253 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,830 Well... 254 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,190 They've crossed out the one they gave us this morning 255 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,270 and written another one in felt tip. 256 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:22,310 "You haven't finished yet. More news in the morning." 257 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,070 We haven't finished? 258 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,070 More news? 259 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,520 They've obviously realised that they haven't filled two hours. 260 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,000 Your soft... 261 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,510 .. white... 262 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,390 .. flesh. 263 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,600 Mine, all mine! 264 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:07,950 Basically, I AM Paul Newman - same colour eyes, middle aged. 265 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,800 I like being this. 266 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,990 ~ What are you doing? ~ It's a scene from Butch Cassidy. 267 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,510 Yeah, I know that bit but that's not a bicycle, 268 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,870 he's really not Katharine Ross and I'm a rubbish shot. 269 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,990 I don't... I'm just having... we're at Butch Cassidy's house. 270 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:30,470 Oh, this is it. Thank you, this is the challenge. 271 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,390 Go on. 272 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,950 "You will now drive to Ushuaia in Tierra del Fuego. 273 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,430 "It's the southernmost city in the world, the gateway to Antarctica 274 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:46,350 "and the last outpost of civilisation in the southern hemisphere. 275 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,310 "It was also the port from with the Belgrano, the battleship, 276 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:55,710 "sailed on its fateful voyage and the start of the Falklands War. 277 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,990 "As a result, anti-British feelings run high there. 278 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:04,190 "So you will use your diplomatic skills to build bridges." 279 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,710 We don't have any diplomatic skills. 280 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,310 No, but we're good at building bridges. We can do that. 281 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,910 No, it's a figure of speech. 282 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,550 It doesn't literally mean build a bridge. 283 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,870 Absolutely not. It says, 284 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,510 "When you arrive in Ushuaia, you must build a football stadium 285 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:22,790 "and host a game of car football against a team from Argentina." 286 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,630 ~ Really? ~ So we're using our cars in car football? 287 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,630 Mine's a bit big. 288 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:31,440 Against a team, right... In Tierra del Fuego? 289 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,350 How far is it? 290 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,550 How far is it? 291 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,030 1,600 miles. 292 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,960 One thousand six hundred miles? 293 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,840 In a Lotus? 294 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,270 On the way to the tip of South America, 295 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:54,150 our brittle, ageing, complicated cars would face deserts, 296 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,190 blizzards, 297 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,190 snowdrifts, mud, 298 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,070 swamps, 299 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,360 gruelling mountain tracks and jagged coastlines. 300 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,400 It would be an epic journey. 301 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,310 But before it could begin, 302 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:13,950 Hammond had to mend his Mustang's power steering, 303 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,190 which meant I had time to kill. 304 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,400 MUSIC: "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" by BJ Thomas 305 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,990 ♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head 306 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:30,870 ♪ And just like a guy whose feet are too big for his bed 307 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,710 ♪ Nothing seems to fit those raindrops... ♪ 308 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,950 ~ Is he still doing it? ~ Mhm. 309 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,000 OK. It won't have it. 310 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,150 Actually, I do remember this bit in the film, 311 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,070 ~ because Paul Newman rides around on the bicycle, doesn't he? ~ Yeah. 312 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,190 And then Katharine Ross does a little playful "ha-ha-ha!" giggle 313 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,270 ~ and throws some straw in his face. ~ Yeah. ~ Is that right? Yeah. ~ Yeah. 314 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:58,950 ♪ Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling 315 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,550 ♪ Because I'm free... ♪ 316 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,550 Ow! 317 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,910 After we'd dealt with Jeremy and bodged the power steering, 318 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,880 we headed south. 319 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:21,550 Is the Lotus Esprit V8 a good choice for a 1,600-mile drive 320 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,270 through Patagonia? 321 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,520 In all honesty, no. 322 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,150 But - and the question I'm asking myself, viewers is - 323 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,390 will Hammond's Mustang make it? 324 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,150 And I can't really explain this but when I stand near an old car, 325 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,590 I get a feeling when I know it's a good one, 326 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,790 and I'm not getting that feeling with Hammond's Mustang. 327 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,590 It feels like it's hanging on. 328 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,960 Oh, no! My seat belt's fallen apart again. 329 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,670 To reach our destination, we decided to head into Chile 330 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:58,070 and pick up the important-sounding Road To The South. 331 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,710 This meant crossing the Andes, 332 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:04,270 and as that sounded complicated, I put myself in charge. 333 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,390 Well, it strikes me that if we've got to cross the Andes, 334 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,470 we should do that here rather than further south, 335 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,470 cos there'll be less snow here. 336 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,630 Right, that's a better idea, is it? 337 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,800 It's a brilliant idea so we shall... We'll cross them up here. 338 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,920 At first, my plan went well. 339 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:38,160 This road is simply mesmerizing. 340 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:49,400 We even found a way to amuse ourselves during the Mustang's endless fuel stops. 341 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,480 SONG PLAYS: Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye 342 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:02,190 Look at this face. 343 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,870 ♪ Let's get it on 344 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,960 ♪ Let's love, baby 345 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:13,310 ♪ Let's get it on Sugar 346 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:18,400 ♪ Let's get it on. ♪ 347 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:24,790 After we set off we discovered why we kept having to stop. 348 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,270 ~ Hammond! ~ What? 349 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,110 Just put your foot down hard. 350 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,080 Yeah, I think I know why your fuel consumption's quite poor. 351 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,560 Map of the Falkland Islands with "Argentina's forever." 352 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:49,630 That is a straight face I'm pulling right now, straight. 353 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,790 I will not spark fury on this trip. 354 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,480 This is the new me, the smart me, the clever me. 355 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,030 Soon, the road I'd chosen got a bit worse. 356 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,120 Oh, oh, oh. 357 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:14,710 Ah, God! 358 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,390 Oi, Clarkson, are you telling me that if you drive from Argentina to Chile 359 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,630 this is the main road? Cos I don't believe it. 360 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,150 'Yes, it is.' 361 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,990 Just goes to show, doesn't it, really, 362 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,390 about how brilliant cars are, because... 363 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,720 And then the road disappeared altogether. 364 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,440 Oh, Lord. 365 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,120 Which wasn't ideal in cars like these. 366 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,870 James, we're the idiots, 367 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,630 we listened to him with a suggestion for a route. 368 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,760 Relax, we're nearly there now. 369 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,350 Ow. Ow. 370 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,080 Oh! Bad noises! 371 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,990 I don't know what's best - keep going on Clarkson's stupid route, 372 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,920 turn round and go back and find another one. 373 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,630 Oh! Oh! 374 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,400 Oh, dear. 375 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,920 Oh, bloody hell. Cocking Nora! 376 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,830 How can you not like this road? 377 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,840 ~ Go away. ~ It's brilliant. 378 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,710 And then, inevitably... 379 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,720 Oh! Oh, I've lost steering. 380 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,280 Having rescued James... 381 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,670 Ya-hey! 382 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,830 ..we decided to leave Hammond, 383 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:12,040 and though we were soon out the woods, we weren't out of the woods. 384 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,480 Oh, my... 385 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,430 Come on, don't let me down now, little Porsche. 386 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,840 Here, the Lotus was way out of its comfort zone. 387 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,040 Ah! 388 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,720 But, amazingly, it made it. 389 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:44,430 I am absolutely staggered that Lotus is still working. 390 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,240 Absolutely, properly staggered. 391 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:53,960 Well, yeah, I'd love to be able to say that was great fun... 392 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,270 Shortly afterwards, James and I arrived at the Chilean border. 393 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,600 I knew my route across the Andes would be good, and it is. 394 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:11,310 And having bodged the bodge on his steering, Hammond, too, was on the move. 395 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:15,350 But other gremlins were starting to appear. 396 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,480 Oh, my God. I've lost third gear. 397 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,590 So, as he caught 40 winks at the border post, 398 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,310 May and I decided to cheer him up. 399 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,550 Don't pull any more backing off yet. 400 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:44,280 What? Why...? Why have you put that on my car? 401 00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,000 In Chile, Hammond was not impressed with our efforts. 402 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,590 How's your Peugeot, Hammond? 403 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,350 Shut up. 404 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,310 I've basically put Peugeot stickers on it to try and make it more reliable. 405 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,600 Sadly, though, that didn't work. 406 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:04,870 Oh, no. Oh, no. 407 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,310 I hate to say this - I've lost power steering again. 408 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,310 Leaving Hammond once more, James and I decided to enjoy a road 409 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:23,280 that could have been purpose built for our finely-turned European thoroughbreds. 410 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,400 Oh, wow! The feel through the steering, here. 411 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:38,760 Into the corner, feel the front, shoving its shoulder into the job. 412 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,190 We forget these days how good cars used to be. 413 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,310 Not at safety, not at fuel economy, not at emissions, 414 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,920 just joy, just handling. 415 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,230 I'm absolutely confident I am now having a better time 416 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:58,190 because I'm in the car designed for this sort of thing. It's mid-engined. 417 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:01,520 And, of course, if you have a mid-engined car, it looks cool. 418 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,720 Oh, 419 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:11,710 Jesus wept! 420 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,830 Yes. 421 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,870 What I was just demonstrating there was the other side of the mid-engined argument, 422 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,150 which is, when it does go it, it goes a bit more quickly. 423 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,560 He'll now be sitting up to here in his own excrement. 424 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,750 Despite this, though, we pressed on, 425 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:34,950 savouring the whole point of our being here - our engines. 426 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,760 Listen to that, the grumble of an offbeat V8. 427 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,030 I'll knock it down to second so you can hear the proper roar. 428 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,800 Listen to that. 429 00:28:54,160 --> 00:29:00,310 In the next town, we pulled over for a nerdy chat about what makes a V8 so special. 430 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:05,190 It is a charismatic engine, that's why we like V8s, is cos they are imperfect. 431 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:06,230 Yes, very. 432 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:10,150 Unlike a straight six engine, where you've got six cylinders in line, 433 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,950 in one of those, when one piston's going down another one's coming up, 434 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,110 ~ so it sort of balances itself and makes it smooth. ~ Yes. 435 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,550 A V8 is inherently unbalanced, because when one piston's going down, 436 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,350 there isn't necessarily another one going up to balance it. 437 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,670 Exactly, and they're not going in the same direction, are they, cos... 438 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,790 Yeah, exactly, so they're sort of doing that. So that's what makes a V8 wobbly. 439 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,630 ~ It is, it's inherently wobbly. ~ And charismatic. ~ Yes. 440 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,310 But the V8 in your car isn't the same, is it? 441 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,990 Because, and I never thought I would use these words on Top Gear, 442 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,710 it has a flat plane crank. 443 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,510 ~ Very good. ~ Exactly. 444 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,190 In yours, the engine cylinders they go... 445 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:54,150 .. so you get two firing on the same side. Mine just goes... 446 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:59,550 So, yours is like Charlie Watts, and the other V8, mine, 447 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,550 is more Keith Moon. There's a bit more going on. 448 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,510 Yes, and that's what makes the difference. 449 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:07,430 That's why traditional V8s - i.e., the American style V8, 450 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,430 which is sort of what yours is, they burble, but mine snarls. 451 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,720 Our colleague then turned up having bodged the bodge of his bodge. 452 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,470 ~ Fixed? ~ Yeah. ~ Right, let's go! 453 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:27,760 ~ Coffee good? ~ Yeah, it was lovely. ~ It was delicious. ~ Good(!) 454 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,270 Jeremy Clarkson, James May. 455 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,910 Yes, what's wrong? 456 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,430 Uh, I was just thinking of remortgaging my house and wondering 457 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,230 if I should go for a fixed rate or a flexible policy, what do you think? 458 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:47,670 As you well know, businessmen do not drive cars of this nature, 459 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,590 how was the turnip harvest last year? 460 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,430 It's all very well being rude about the people of Norfolk, 461 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,710 but so far they seem to have built the best car. 462 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,960 It hasn't gone wrong, it goes off road and it saved me when I made a cock-up. 463 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:07,550 We continued on Jeremy's idiotic route until we reached this. 464 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,760 Oh, my God! 465 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:12,950 Is this for cars? 466 00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:16,350 Well, get out and have a jump on it, James, and go to see if it is. 467 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,800 OK, that will tell us everything we need to know, hang on. 468 00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:23,630 ~ Oh, my God! No, James that is... ~ Oh, hang on a minute! 469 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,630 ~ Oh, it's wobbly! ~ I mean, look! 470 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,190 It's rubbish. 471 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,030 That is not... 472 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:32,430 It's a footbridge. 473 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,710 We either admit defeat and end the programme here. 474 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,430 Well, I'm for ending. Goodbye. 475 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,160 And on that bombshell...! 476 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,360 Come on! 477 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,320 Since James was on point, he went first. 478 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,040 Here we go. 479 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,910 ~ Oh, God it's sagging! ~ It moves! ~ Oh! 480 00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:57,190 Not looking, not looking, not looking, not looking. 481 00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,880 God, that's really disconcerting! 482 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,710 How am I doing, how am I doing? 483 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:11,800 Right, here we go. Speed! 484 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,280 Yeah! Speed has solved the problem. 485 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,800 What the hell? 486 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,470 ~ It's a dead end. ~ I know. 487 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:29,870 Well, why didn't you tell me? 488 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,880 Cos I wanted to see you come across the bridge. 489 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,830 ~ I know what you're thinking. ~ Shall we? 490 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,280 Right, come on Hammond! 491 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,560 My car's the heaviest. Enough said. 492 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,120 No seatbelt, don't want to be stuck in it, if it falls off. 493 00:32:58,400 --> 00:32:59,680 Oh! 494 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,000 Oh! 495 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,790 I don't like it, I don't like it. 496 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,520 it feels like I'm running away from a disaster. 497 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,350 ~ I did it, I did it, I did it. ~ Got some bad news. 498 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,600 ~ What? ~ It's a dead end. 499 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,760 We... We tried to tell you, but we just couldn't get the message across. 500 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,000 We drove back across the knit-one-purl-one bridge... 501 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,430 .. and found ourselves in the rainy season 502 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,400 on what appeared to be the set of Jurassic Park. 503 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,910 Petrified forests, mysterious lakes, 504 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,600 this is all very odd. 505 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,470 If I go round the next corner and there's a brontosaurus, 506 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,720 I will not be surprised. 507 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,840 I'm not sure this is the road to the south. 508 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,750 When do we just accept this is not working, 509 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,550 this is not right, this is not the way. 510 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:16,560 Soon the track led us into a primordial swamp. 511 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,070 Oh, for crying out loud! 512 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,280 It's a 928 Porsche, for heaven's sake! 513 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,040 Oh, that felt bad. 514 00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:35,880 If you're Chilean, perhaps you'd like to write in and say, "No, you went the wrong way." 515 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,350 No, that's it, I'm stuck, and I'm going to die here, 516 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,400 a lonely, hideous death. 517 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:46,640 Oh, no! 518 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,920 Jeremy and I were now completely beached. 519 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:53,960 However... 520 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,830 This car is incredible. It is truly incredible. 521 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,670 If I showed you a picture of this and said, "what's that good for?" 522 00:35:02,720 --> 00:35:06,880 You'd say, "Oh, I wouldn't want to take that into a supermarket car park, they've got speed humps." 523 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:12,840 Here comes Norfolk to the rescue. 524 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,470 Come on, Jeremy. Yes! 525 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,280 Come on, Porsche. Yes, you good, good car. 526 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,230 Desperate for the astonishing Lotus not to hog all the glory, 527 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:32,830 I decided the Porsche would get the Mustang moving. 528 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,760 International Rescue is coming to Hammond's aid. 529 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,710 ~ Right, are you ready? ~ Yes, I am. 530 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:44,710 I'm going to start pushing in three, two, one, go. 531 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,560 We're both stuck, now. 532 00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,960 Look at it! It's just driving around. 533 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,400 Having a spot of bother? 534 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,990 Its proud American ass is stuck on a rock. 535 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,830 Its lardy arse. 536 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:12,950 Yes. It's a bit heavy for this sort of work. 537 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:16,750 Well, you're right, it is... Oh. 538 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,550 What? 539 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,150 ~ What the hell is that? ~ What is it, a 2CV pick-up? 540 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:25,430 Well, it's a 2CV at the front, then what is it? 541 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,390 ~ I saw that car in Bariloche. ~ You can't have done. 542 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,200 ~ One like it. ~ It can't possibly be the same one. 543 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,430 Finally, Hammond and I managed to get free. 544 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,550 Yes! 545 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,230 And then... 546 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,630 There it is, there's the road to the south. 547 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:53,320 look - that is what we have been looking for, and we've found it. 548 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:59,880 There was a river between us and it, but there was also a bridge. 549 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:15,240 We're now just 50 metres from the road to the south. 550 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:19,040 Cocking Nora! 551 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,830 What's the matter, you idiot? 552 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,760 ~ It's not finished. ~ Ah. 553 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,230 ~ Why would you build part of a bridge? ~ Why have they built...? 554 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,520 It's... It's nine tenths. Look at that. 555 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,150 Ready, steady, heave. 556 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,710 No, it's really heavy. 557 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,190 ~ Right. ~ Yeah. ~ Why don't we just get the film crew to help? 558 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:50,910 There's hundreds of them. 559 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,480 Guys, can we have...? 560 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,720 A short while later, the three of us had got the bridge finished. 561 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:06,710 That is a proud moment, Hammond, but... 562 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,350 is it straight? 563 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,640 Yes. Yes. 564 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:17,790 Gentlemen, I'm about to go over the edge, is there anything you want to say to me? 565 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,400 Can I have your Ferrari? 566 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:23,280 Oh, here he goes. 567 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,880 Come on. 568 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:35,790 He's done it. He's faced the peril and won. 569 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,830 In fact, we all did. 570 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:43,400 Oh! There it is! 571 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,470 And at last, we were on the Road To The South. 572 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:51,000 Ha ha ha! 573 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:01,200 The next morning, we set off in good spirits... 574 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,280 .. overjoyed that the going was smooth. 575 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:11,000 Tarmac. Oh, the relief. 576 00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:15,430 Sadly, though, after just half a mile... 577 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,960 Oh, God Almighty! Bad news, Hammond. 578 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:25,030 Ow! 579 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:29,430 Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Ah! Ah! 580 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:34,240 This immediately caused the ever-troublesome Mustang to have a puncture. 581 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,350 James, do you want to wait for him or...? 582 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,470 Well, do you know, under the circumstances, I think it would be fair to... 583 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,790 No, I don't. 584 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,440 See you, mate. 585 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:59,750 May and I drove on with the now familiar Chilean weather our constant companion. 586 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,110 We are in the Manchester of South America, 587 00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:05,430 but without the annoying accent. 588 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,630 I'll go for a walk. Oh, no, it's raining. 589 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,710 Let's go and play tennis. Oh, it's raining. 590 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:11,950 Round of golf? Oh, no, it's raining. 591 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,040 I'm going to do some gardening. Oh, no, it's raining. 592 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,270 And then in the next town, which was on the coast, 593 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:22,560 I discovered the water doesn't always come from the sky. 594 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:28,310 This sign here - the tsunami hazard zone. 595 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:32,600 ~ So they know this to be an area susceptible to tsunamis. ~ Right. 596 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,440 Playground. 597 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,710 ~ Why would you do that? ~ You could have put it over that side, it's... 598 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,070 It's a couple of feet higher but that makes a difference, doesn't it? 599 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,390 ~ Extraordinary. ~ Madness. ~ It is madness. 600 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,670 Eventually our colleague arrived. 601 00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:53,870 How are you two? Everything all right? 602 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,750 Yeah, we were just enjoying the location of this school playground on your right. 603 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,230 Yeah, I'm intrigued by the fire station to our left. 604 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,790 That's... Imagine being a fireman here. 605 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,190 Quick get to the fire! Oh, don't worry, the rain's put it out. 606 00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:08,270 Maybe it's literally a fire station, they come and start a fire for you. 607 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,480 Yeah! 608 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:16,990 The town also had Wi-Fi, which meant I could download some 609 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,240 official advice about driving on the local roads. 610 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,710 "If your vehicle has rear wheel drive..." 611 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,430 Now, this is important this applies to us, OK? 612 00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,590 ".. recover lost control while doing speed recesses." 613 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,110 Oh, I have been. 614 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,350 "Avoid bite the shoulder, 615 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:38,440 "and if so, do not leaflet to quickly return to the asphalt." 616 00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,830 "This manoeuvre usually ends up in dumps." 617 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:50,910 I decided to try some of this leafleting, and it was good fun. 618 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,030 Woo-hoo-hoo! 619 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,670 I've got a loose backend on my 928. 620 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,390 And even though it was loose, there were no dumps. 621 00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,830 Ho, ho, ho! 622 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,630 In the Mustang, however... 623 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:08,390 Oh, no! Ah! 624 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:13,910 The noise was so bad, Hammond couldn't hear a word of what we were saying on the radio. 625 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,750 Hammond! You whiten your teeth and your hair's stupid. 626 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,630 What? 627 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,430 Hammond, I've heard you're hung like a church mouse. 628 00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:24,310 What? 629 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:33,040 Sadly, our amusing game was halted when we spotted something that wasn't funny at all. 630 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:41,790 It is that 2CV again, following our tracks. 631 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,150 I couldn't do that, could you do that? 632 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,910 How can they do that? Who are those guys? 633 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,270 Stop doing Butch Cassidy things, please. Not now. 634 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,550 I know who it is. 635 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,150 Who is it? 636 00:42:55,200 --> 00:43:01,070 It's the producers. That's their idea of a comedy backup car. 637 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:05,430 I hate the 2CV, I absolutely loathe it. 638 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:09,910 I got a job on original Top Gear as a result of a screen-test I did on the 2CV, 639 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:14,470 when all I did was rant and rave for 20 minutes about how awful it was, 640 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,590 and I could have gone on for a fortnight. 641 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,350 I don't want to get in that. 642 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,880 ~ Well, it's funny you should say that, Hammond. ~ Shut up. 643 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:29,110 As we headed further south, the weather got even worse 644 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,360 and the road became a nightmare. 645 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,040 Very sobering, that 2CV. 646 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,270 Oh, my God. 647 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,720 20mph. 648 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:50,520 Predictably, though, my car was soaking up the punishment. 649 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,080 And amazingly, so was HMS Norfolk. 650 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,110 Look at that Lotus - it's been through a swamp, 651 00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,400 it's been through a wood, and it's still working. 652 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:06,270 Quite a lot of me is rooting for that little red super car. 653 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:10,910 It's just incredible. I mean, who knew it was the world's best off-road car? 654 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:15,670 Who knew that it's built to a higher standard than a Lexus? 655 00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:19,200 In the Mustang, though, it was business as usual. 656 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,670 Now my clutch is starting to slip. 657 00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:26,880 I've lost another gear. 658 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,240 This is insane, it's stupid. 659 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:35,670 Jeremy, on this route of yours, 660 00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:38,480 how much further is it, how much more of this? 661 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,750 Uh, stand by, caller. 662 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,840 1,170 miles. 663 00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:50,720 1,100? 664 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:53,430 And 70, yeah. 665 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,670 That's not possible, for crying out loud! 666 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,310 I'm not hearing a lot of what you're saying, Hammond. 667 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,110 The cars absolutely can't take the punishment. 668 00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,350 Mine certainly can't. Therefore... 669 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,710 Unlike Hammond, I was loving Chile. 670 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,350 It had stopped raining for a moment, 671 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,720 the scenery was wonderful, and best of all... 672 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,630 Oh, my God! Look at the size of that thing, 673 00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:42,040 seriously, look at it. 674 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:48,240 I swear to God, I've wanted to see a condor since I was about three. 675 00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:54,030 That is the biggest flying bird in the world, isn't it, I think I'm right in saying? 676 00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:55,760 And there's another one. 677 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,750 Well, there we are - the sun's out, I've seen a condor, 678 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,720 all is well in my world. 679 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,510 Sadly, I had to leave the big, beautiful bird, 680 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:18,270 because at the hotel, Hammond was waiting to shout at me. 681 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,550 ~ Half the interior trim dropped off. ~ Has it? 682 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,710 The carburettor's all clogged up, it doesn't fuel properly anymore. 683 00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,550 And the fuel, the gear linkage is completely clogged up with bits of gravel and stone 684 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,070 and mud and rain, and you can't get half the gears. 685 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,470 ~ And the reason for all of these things? ~ What? 686 00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:34,070 Made in America in 1970? 687 00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:38,470 It's your route, it's your route, this road is killing the car! 688 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,710 Hammond then broke out a map and boldly claimed he'd found 689 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:46,470 a radical new way of getting to our destination. 690 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:48,630 ~ We go back to Argentina. ~ Why? 691 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,030 Think about it, when we were... 692 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:53,110 We've been to Argentina, the roads were fine. We made good progress. 693 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,990 Then we can all three get there. Great, that's an achievement. 694 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,470 We've got to at least try to do it. In fact, no - we've got to do that. 695 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,350 Back to Arg... Here's... I don't do this very often, 696 00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:04,990 but I'm going to take charge. 697 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,910 Let's go back to Argentina, pick up the good road. 698 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,190 We've been to Argentina, the roads were good. 699 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:12,590 We'll find a way across the Andes that we can survive, 700 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,710 and then we can head south, all of us together. 701 00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,350 We stand a chance of arriving as a team. 702 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,880 Well, don't come crying to me if it goes wrong. 703 00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:28,040 The next day we were up at the crack of dawn. 704 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,760 And boy was it worth it. 705 00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,150 This is truly special this morning. 706 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:44,350 This is one of the greatest advantages of getting old - 707 00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:49,240 you get up early, and when you get up early, you see the world like this. 708 00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:58,470 Commander Hammond, however, was too busy to notice Chile's misty-eyed goodbye. 709 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,000 Er... 710 00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,000 Right. That's Chile. 711 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:12,270 I decided that to get to the better roads of Argentina 712 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:15,550 we should head back over the Andes immediately, 713 00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:19,830 which didn't go down very well with my colleagues. 714 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,630 Hammond, you utter, utter... 715 00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,790 Aargh! 716 00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:29,390 Whoa! Christ! Hammond! It's sheet ice here. 717 00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:34,630 If you possessed even an ounce of finesse you wouldn't be slithering about like an idiot. 718 00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,710 I might be doing it slightly on purpose. 719 00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,110 Business car, eh? Ha ha! 720 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:43,710 "Oh, it's just a crazy car, it goes mental. Yeah, it's just really silly. 721 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,400 "Sliding about on the snow. Oh, look at me, full of character." 722 00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,910 Hammond assured us that once we were over the mountains 723 00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:55,190 and back in Argentina, all would be well. 724 00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:56,600 But he was wrong. 725 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,200 Oh, God. 726 00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:07,390 Oh, yeah, Hammond the roads in Argentina are much better(!) 727 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,910 Bloody hell. 728 00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,440 This, frankly, is unacceptable. 729 00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,920 Soon it became even less acceptable. 730 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,750 Hammond, I need a brief exchange of words with you. 731 00:49:22,800 --> 00:49:26,200 There're only two of them, only seven letters. Three of them are Fs. 732 00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,190 Oh, dear. 733 00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:34,430 James, if you say, "Jeremy, your car is not boring," 734 00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,070 I will give you a tow. 735 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:40,630 Jeremy, your car isn't boring, please would you give me a tow? 736 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:44,120 The noble German helped the plucky Brit out of the trenches. 737 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,320 Thank you very much, Jeremy Clarkson, and your interesting Porsche. 738 00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,750 And then we continued down Hammond Highway, 739 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,360 which was appalling. 740 00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:04,550 That? That's washboard - a whole series of ridges very close together 741 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:05,960 and going on forever. 742 00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:10,910 Oh, no! I've lost second gear. 743 00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,560 Still - could be worse. 744 00:50:16,510 --> 00:50:17,710 What's up? 745 00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:21,270 Driving along, the washers have suddenly gone on, wipers, 746 00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,230 and the engine has stopped. 747 00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:25,400 I didn't ask them to do that. 748 00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,870 I've never, ever seen anything like that. 749 00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:33,960 ~ Oh, the engine's now back. ~ That's really weird. 750 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,630 Well, come on, let's just keep going. 751 00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,920 It'll run out of fluid eventually. 752 00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:47,030 This is what happens when Hammond puts himself in charge. 753 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,990 It was amazing, it was like it was possessed. 754 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,440 Jeremy Clarkson and his haunted Porsche. 755 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,710 No, the dashboard is a Christmas tree and the car has stopped. 756 00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:00,830 Power steer... Yeah, it's dead. Porche's dead. 757 00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:05,510 Hammond! 758 00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:07,790 This road you chose has killed my Porsche. 759 00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,390 I'm going to beat you to death with a bat. 760 00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,430 ~ Why? What? ~ If we'd have stayed in Chile... 761 00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:16,390 Stop questioning my leadership. That is not what is required in an emergency situation. 762 00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,230 I'm driving along... 763 00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,710 I will deal with the responsibility. 764 00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,190 'And I dealt with it straight away.' 765 00:51:23,240 --> 00:51:24,550 Uh... 766 00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:25,920 'By leaving.' 767 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,880 Right, then. Follow me. 768 00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:35,830 As leader, I had no choice, and believe me, it's a responsibility that... 769 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:39,510 It unsettles that I've got to leave a man in the field. 770 00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:43,150 Now, that is a bit of a worry, to be honest, because the Porsche 928 771 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,470 was notorious for having very complicated electrics 772 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,910 and for having a lot of electrical gremlins 773 00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,840 once it got beyond a certain age. 774 00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:56,350 Yeah, Jeremy's chances of fixing that car? Um... 775 00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:59,030 He did once wire his own speakers, 776 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,430 in the sense that he plugged them in at the back of stereo, 777 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:06,480 at home, you know, when you get the little plugs, left and right. 778 00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,990 Mysteriously, without me doing anything at all 779 00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,150 the Porsche had come back to life, 780 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,070 sort of. 781 00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:21,230 OK, the wipers won't turn off, the dials aren't working, 782 00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,350 the heater isn't working, the lights aren't working - 783 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,400 but the mighty V8 is back in business! 784 00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,830 However, a mile later... 785 00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:45,310 Now the engine's... Oh, Christ. What's happened? 786 00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,350 What is that? 787 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,760 I have the key! It's off! 788 00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:57,750 The engine and the starter motor were both jammed on, 789 00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,360 and they could only be shut down by disconnecting the battery. 790 00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:07,270 The situation is a lot worse than I thought. 791 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:10,630 This is what the top of the shock absorber should look like. 792 00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,150 And if you look on this side you can see it's been punched 793 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:17,230 out of its mountings and has hit the wiring loom, 794 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:21,590 which is what has made the entire electrical system go haywire. 795 00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:24,350 Now, I can fix the wiring loom, probably fix the shock absorber, 796 00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,710 but what damage has been caused to all the electrical components? 797 00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:29,080 I mean, do the lights work? 798 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:37,720 It's half past two now. Five hours of daylight. 799 00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:47,080 Meanwhile, further up the road, May was getting some bad news about that night's accommodation. 800 00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,470 Hang on, you're not saying it's a bloody campsite. 801 00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:54,150 You've brought me on a crap road, worse than the one we were on. 802 00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,150 We've got a car down, you've ruined the Lotus 803 00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,110 and at the end of this you want me to stay in a tent! 804 00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,510 You might find one of your tent poles is missing, 805 00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:03,430 but don't worry, I know where it is. 806 00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:05,030 I'll have shoved it up your a... 807 00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,590 Signal's a bit dodgy this end at the moment, James, 808 00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,120 but I guess you got the message back there. 809 00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:16,390 This is what Hammond's road has done to the inside of my wiring loom, 810 00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:18,590 look at this, just look at that. 811 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,240 It just looks like the inside of Steve Austin's arm. 812 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,870 And they call me an orang-utan, 813 00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,880 they simply don't know what they're talking about. 814 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,190 At the end of a miserable drive 815 00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:36,040 I was now faced with an evening's tenting. 816 00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:40,230 A whole day driving on a terrible road, wrecking my car, 817 00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:44,270 possibly losing the Porsche, breaking my spine, 818 00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:47,830 then Hammond says I have to put the tent up while he goes off to get the food. 819 00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,470 And I don't know how his tent goes together, and he knows 820 00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:55,070 ~ absolutely the square root of jack ~ about food and cooking. 821 00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:58,910 I wonder if anybody else... I wonder if the viewers find Hammond's 822 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:04,560 chirpy, upbeat, Ross-on-Wye mannerisms as aggravating as I do? 823 00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:10,680 Right, everything is now taped up, so let's see if it starts. 824 00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:20,960 (There you go.) 825 00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:26,760 At the campsite, I was returning with our evening meal. 826 00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:29,600 I hope he's hungry. 827 00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:35,710 Hello! Hello! 828 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,790 Dinner is here. 829 00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:39,510 Yeah! 830 00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:41,190 ~ Meat. ~ Yeah, very funny ~ A lot of it. 831 00:55:41,240 --> 00:55:44,830 ~ Yeah, but we've done that joke, cos Jeremy did it in the top part of America. ~ Yeah. 832 00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,590 About seven or eight years ago, you've probably forgotten. 833 00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,950 This time it's different, this time it's better. 834 00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:52,750 What you're going to have... No, listen. 835 00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,910 .. is a traditional, authentic gaucho barbecue. 836 00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,310 That's a whole cow. 837 00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:59,390 Hey, they eat a lot of meat round here. 838 00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:04,150 Finish the tent. I'll have it on in a moment. Seriously. Crack on. 839 00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:05,400 Right. 840 00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:10,840 It's a problem, essentially, of getting the wrapper off. 841 00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:19,630 Several hours of peeling later, Hammond's dinner was underway. 842 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:23,990 And while we ate, we discussed the fate of our colleague. 843 00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:29,510 If we hear the sound of two... Well, or one cylinder, 844 00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:32,670 ~ it's probably the 2CV. ~ Yeah. 845 00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:36,310 But any more than two, it must be the Porsche. 846 00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,350 What if he couldn't fix it because he's stupid and ended up...? 847 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,430 No, but he's an expert on electrics. 848 00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:43,280 Hang on that's an engine. 849 00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:49,110 What is it? 850 00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:51,590 It's the unhappiest man in the world, is what it is. 851 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:53,590 Oh, no! 852 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:57,910 Oh, no! I really... I honestly thought that would be... 853 00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,440 ~ Oh, hang on. That... It's stalking us. ~ There it is! 854 00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:07,990 He's going to be so pleased with himself. 855 00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:11,270 I have been doing manual labour. 856 00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,030 Good God. Really? 857 00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,150 I hardly like to admit it, but I was praying that the Porsche would turn up. 858 00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,630 I didn't want to see it die. That is absolutely fabulous. 859 00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:22,430 ~ I've actually got dirty hands from actual work. ~ Dirty hands. What was it? 860 00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:25,310 I had to fix the loom, fix the ECU, 861 00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:29,070 and then find some metal, bolt that to the inner wing 862 00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,790 and reattach the top of the shock absorber to that. 863 00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,230 ~ Oh, well done. ~ Have you got any food for me? 864 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,390 ~ Oh, has he?! ~ Ah! 865 00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:40,790 I'm not entire... I can't remember where it came from, 866 00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:42,150 I sort of lost track. 867 00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:45,910 There's a lot in a cow. That's... Um, that's a piece of it. 868 00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:48,630 Have we got any vegetables? 869 00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:51,270 ~ Is that a vegetable over here? ~ Yeah. Yeah, sausages. 870 00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,590 Welcome to our little camp, that's the main thing. 871 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:56,510 Right, where is the hotel where we're staying? 872 00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,670 Well, I just said - welcome to our little camp. 873 00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:01,000 What? 874 00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,710 Jeremy went to sleep that night quite cross. 875 00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:11,990 So, to cheer him up, May and I came up with a plan. 876 00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,990 (That one. Right, I'll do these bits.) 877 00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,950 (The thing is, it's not making any difference to him, ultimately.) 878 00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:20,990 (It's making a difference to our lives.) 879 00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,470 ~ (Oh!) ~ (That's quite good.) 880 00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:24,870 ("Quite good"?!) 881 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:27,150 (I'm turning that off. Right, what else have we got?) 882 00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,400 (Another one of those on the other side.) 883 00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,120 Every bone in their crotches. 884 00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:40,280 That's what I'm going to break. 885 00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,390 Why have you done this? 886 00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,590 It's all right, you get to look at an Esprit and a Mustang, 887 00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,990 we have to look at this all day, and it's dull. 888 00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:56,950 We've brightened it up. 889 00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,070 ~ Have you got a suit? ~ Yes, I have. ~ Did you have it made, did you buy it? 890 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:04,070 Did you say, "Could you put some gold epaulets on it and a Happy Mondays badge? 891 00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:06,710 "Can I have a Gay Pride lining?" Did you say that? No. 892 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:10,150 Yeah, but I wouldn't make you look at me in my boring suit day after day. 893 00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:12,750 We're obliged to look at you in your boring car. 894 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,790 Now we look at something with some interesting styling cues dashed about. 895 00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:18,470 No, it looks like a five-year-old wearing its mother's shoes. 896 00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:21,030 Well, that's more interesting than it was. It's better. 897 00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:23,110 Why don't you put the campfire out, 898 00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:24,360 and use your face. 899 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:27,440 And there's one more thing, as well. 900 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,910 That's my map. 901 00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,560 ~ You're relieved of command. ~ I'm with that. 902 00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,960 As we set off, the weather closed in. 903 00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:44,920 I don't like this. 904 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:51,080 And in the blizzard, I discovered another comedy jape from my colleagues. 905 00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:53,840 What in God's name...? 906 00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:59,430 Why have you fitted my car with a brake light on the dash board. 907 00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:02,510 Well, it'll be interesting to monitor your own braking. 908 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:03,760 Is it? Is it? 909 01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,790 James and Richard are the sort of people that would put 910 01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:10,720 a tortoise on its back, for fun. 911 01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:19,030 In truth, though, I did have some genuine problems. 912 01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:23,550 My speedo, my rev counter, oil pressure gauge, fuel gauge, 913 01:00:23,600 --> 01:00:27,440 temperature gauge, my trip computer, all dead. 914 01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:32,030 Hammond's car wasn't much better. 915 01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:34,600 Um, can anyone else smell burning? 916 01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:40,200 And we still had 900 miles to go. 917 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,830 It was a dried up lake bed. 918 01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:48,190 I see it now as a racetrack 919 01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,670 Oh, that was...! Argh! 920 01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:52,800 Can you remember where the road was? 921 01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:55,510 This was a mistake. 922 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:56,760 Just get on. 923 01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:03,000 It's bloody dangerous, this. Bloody dangerous. 924 01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:10,760 I claim this land for Norfolk and name it Lotus Beach. 925 01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,040 Please move, Porsche, please move. 926 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,790 There you go! Rally stage. 927 01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:24,190 I didn't tell him I had a bad back. Aya! 928 01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:28,470 Arrive Ushuaia, build stadium, play football, do diplomacy. 929 01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,710 What can possibly go wrong with that? 930 01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:34,950 Bikes behind the star cars, bikes behind the star cars. 931 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:36,920 They're looking for the Porsche.