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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 13x08 ♪ Our Idiot Brian
Original Air Date on January 11, 2015
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man web dl sync snarry
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Hallmark Original Pictures presents
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an instant family classic:
Summers With My Slow Brother,
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starring a cast of people
who make you say "Oh,"
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because you didn't think
they were still acting.
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For example, Grant Show.
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00:00:46,111 --> 00:00:47,111
Oh.
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Rachael Leigh Cook.
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Oh.
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David Faustino.
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Oh.
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And Robin Tunney.
Huh?
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The bald-headed chick
from Empire Records.
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Oh.
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00:00:55,687 --> 00:00:56,887
Guys, could you turn that down?
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I'm trying to study for the SAT.
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00:00:58,690 --> 00:00:59,990
Hey, careful, Meg.
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Remember what happened
the last time I had to choose
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00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:03,060
between you and the TV.
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00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,529
Don't worry.
Meg's holding our stuff.
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Meg, don't drink that soda!
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I'm serious, you guys.
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00:01:09,735 --> 00:01:11,369
I haven't been doing well
on these practice tests,
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00:01:11,403 --> 00:01:13,704
and I need to improve my score
to get into a good college.
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00:01:13,739 --> 00:01:15,406
You're in high school, sweetie.
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00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,375
You should be much more
concerned about your weight
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00:01:17,409 --> 00:01:19,043
than your SAT scores.
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00:01:19,077 --> 00:01:20,211
Don't listen to her, Meg.
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Academics are extremely important.
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Are the SATs essential?
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Vital? Crucial?
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All of the above.
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I'll get the scissors
and cut that poop off your bum.
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00:01:30,021 --> 00:01:31,822
Meg, trust me, you ace these SATs,
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you could go on to do anything.
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00:01:33,458 --> 00:01:35,359
You could be a doctor, an architect.
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00:01:35,394 --> 00:01:37,695
Hell, you could even coach
the Mighty Ducks.
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00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,864
All right, the championship
is on the line.
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00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:42,066
It's time for a formation
they're not expecting.
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The Flying V?
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00:01:43,268 --> 00:01:46,203
No. The Stinky V.
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Wassup, my sistas?
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00:01:59,951 --> 00:02:02,887
Ooh, I ain't sat down in a hot minute!
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00:02:02,921 --> 00:02:04,822
What the hell? Why are
you talking like that?
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Sorry, I have family in town.
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You guys, I'm freaking out.
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The SATs are this weekend,
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00:02:10,195 --> 00:02:12,263
and there's no way
I'm gonna get a good score.
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00:02:12,297 --> 00:02:14,832
You know, Meg, maybe you should
get someone super smart
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to take it for you.
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Have someone take it for me?
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00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:18,803
But that's cheating.
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00:02:18,837 --> 00:02:20,905
No one cares about
cheating anymore, Meg.
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Not since Slick Willy Clinton
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lowered the nation's moral standards.
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God, give it up, Patty.
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I'm just saying, find
someone really smart
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to take the SAT for you
in exchange for money.
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Did someone say "Jewish"?
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00:02:34,586 --> 00:02:36,153
Oh, hey, Neil.
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Listen, is there any chance
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you'd be willing to take the
SAT for me this weekend?
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Sorry, Meg, I'm swamped.
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I'm taking my body into the shop.
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I don't know what you've been
doing to this thing, Neil,
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but you see this gunk?
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That ain't supposed to be there.
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Well, just do whatever you can.
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All right, I'm gonna go eat
a sandwich with one hand
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and fill out the invoice
with the other.
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Don't worry, Meg.
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There's got to be someone else
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who'd be willing to take
that test for you.
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Like who?
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00:03:01,913 --> 00:03:03,080
You guys are my only friends,
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and everyone in my family's a moron.
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00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:06,217
What about your hot mom, Meg?
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00:03:06,251 --> 00:03:08,385
What?
I said how about your dog? He's smart.
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That doesn't sound like what you said,
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but yeah, Brian is kind of smart.
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Maybe I'll get him to take it for me.
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Your mom's so hot.
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We now return to another Michael
Jordan underwear commercial
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on a plane for some reason.
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Does your underwear have tags?
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00:03:28,340 --> 00:03:29,707
Uh, what?
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00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,809
Uh, Mr. Jordan, you're gonna
have to take your seat
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and stop asking people
about their underwear.
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Oh, hey, Brian.
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00:03:36,214 --> 00:03:38,382
I was just thinking about you.
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You know how I've always
loved your novel
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Faster Than the Speed of Love?
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Okay, what's this?
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00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:45,990
She's peanut buttering you up
for something.
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00:03:46,024 --> 00:03:48,058
No, I-I didn't even know
you'd read my novel.
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00:03:48,093 --> 00:03:50,294
Oh, yeah. I'm a huge
fan of "FATSPOL."
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00:03:50,328 --> 00:03:53,230
That's the acronym I use for
Faster Than the Speed of Love,
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because I mention it so much.
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God, that would've saved me years.
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00:03:56,568 --> 00:03:58,502
Anyway, I was just rereading
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00:03:58,537 --> 00:04:00,404
my favorite passage the other day.
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"The weight of the gun
in Jason's hand surprised him.
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00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:07,011
'How heavy, ' he wondered,
'is the human soul?'"
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That's page one.
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00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:09,513
She's quoting page one.
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00:04:09,548 --> 00:04:10,981
Your book is genius, Brian.
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00:04:11,016 --> 00:04:14,318
I can't believe Amazon
is dumping it for 99 cents.
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00:04:14,352 --> 00:04:15,753
What?! My book is on Amazon?!
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00:04:15,787 --> 00:04:18,989
Oh, yeah, Brian, there's something
for everyone on Amazon.
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00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:27,998
In fact, you're so smart,
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00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:30,834
I thought you'd be the perfect person
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to maybe take the SAT for me.
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00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:35,272
What? But that would be wrong.
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00:04:35,307 --> 00:04:37,575
Well, I suppose you may
look at it that way.
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00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:40,778
But a wise book once said,
"With the heart at stake,
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00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:43,881
right and wrong is
a stake through the heart."
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00:04:43,915 --> 00:04:45,049
That one's on the cover.
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00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:48,218
Wow, ensnared by my own verbal trap.
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Well played, me, through you.
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00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:52,890
All right, Meg,
I'll take that test for you.
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I guess what I'm saying is,
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"Ace Pilotson,
reporting for World War Love."
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00:04:57,729 --> 00:04:59,430
What?
She didn't read the book, Bri.
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That's your main character.
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00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:02,666
Don't worry, Meg...
I'm always here to help.
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00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:05,269
Like a 1960s British policeman.
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00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:07,204
Officer! Me child's
been kidnapped!
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00:05:07,238 --> 00:05:09,540
Calm down, ma'am, it's
all under control.
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I've got a whistle, a cloth helmet,
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00:05:11,343 --> 00:05:13,911
a key to a call box, a
soft rubber truncheon,
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00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:15,980
and a map of the city.
Please hurry!
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00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:17,615
I don't much like your tone.
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00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:21,385
That's a tiny pencil-and-pad
citation for you!
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00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:28,559
Okay, Bria you can do this.
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00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,864
Hey, Meg.
Hi, Meg.
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Hey, how's it going?
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My locker.
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00:05:40,739 --> 00:05:43,907
Meg, I thought we were
gonna try to work on that.
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00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:52,049
Hey, other teens, how about our
youth culture, am I right?
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00:05:52,083 --> 00:05:53,917
All the new hairs we're getting.
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Hey, hashtag SATs, huh?
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00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:57,655
Yeah, I guess.
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00:05:57,689 --> 00:05:59,423
Wow, I can't believe this worked.
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00:05:59,457 --> 00:06:01,692
I was afraid I'd stick out,
like the one guy
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00:06:01,726 --> 00:06:03,927
in Lincoln's cabinet
who didn't have a beard.
156
00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:07,364
I want to win this war,
and I want to do it fast. Ideas?
157
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:09,299
We should meet the rebels
head-on in Virginia.
158
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:11,869
Yes, and use our ships
to block their supply chains.
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00:06:11,903 --> 00:06:13,737
We could also use our troop advantage
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00:06:13,772 --> 00:06:15,472
to out-flank them
in the west.
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00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:17,941
Uh, what did that baby just say?
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All right, cell phones away,
eyes on your own paper,
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00:06:20,679 --> 00:06:23,480
and before we start,
who's giving me a ride home?
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Not you, a girl.
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For luck, Meg.
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We're all rooting for ya.
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We now return to Malcolm XXY.
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We didn't land on Plymouth Rock!
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Yeah!
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Plymouth Rock gave us
both sets of genitals!
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- Yeah!
- What?
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Mail's here.
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I got my SAT scores.
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So, how'd we do?
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"We" scored a thousand.
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00:06:51,676 --> 00:06:54,678
Nice! One thousand,
on the nose.
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00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:56,847
Boop! You are welcome.
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00:06:56,881 --> 00:07:00,751
Brian, that's a thousand
out of a possible 2,400!
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00:07:00,785 --> 00:07:03,120
That's the worst score in my class!
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00:07:03,154 --> 00:07:04,354
What?!
Damn it,
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00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,423
why did I ever think you were smart?
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00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:09,059
That's... that's not possible.
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00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:10,794
Ha-ha! Brian's stupid!
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00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:13,030
I must alert the townsfolk!
185
00:07:14,199 --> 00:07:17,367
Hyah! Fly, Artemis, fly!
186
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Hark, townsfolk!
187
00:07:19,471 --> 00:07:21,205
Brian, uh...
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00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:23,907
he... oh, damn,
what was it?
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00:07:23,942 --> 00:07:25,042
Brian...
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00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:27,311
Brian goes to college?
No.
191
00:07:27,345 --> 00:07:29,379
Brian gets another book published?
192
00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:31,515
Y-Yeah. Yeah,
maybe that's it.
193
00:07:31,549 --> 00:07:35,652
Tell all that Brian's getting
another book published!
194
00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:36,920
Oh, thank God!
195
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:39,690
I thought it was gonna be
a Meg episode all throughout.
196
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:48,945
I got the lowest score in Meg's class?
197
00:07:48,979 --> 00:07:50,680
How could this happen?
198
00:07:50,714 --> 00:07:53,082
Face it, Brian,
this proves that you're stupid.
199
00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:55,518
Proves it empirically.
200
00:07:55,552 --> 00:07:57,720
That means it's verified.
I know!
201
00:07:57,754 --> 00:07:59,789
I just weirdly woke up
in the laundry room.
202
00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:02,058
Not now, Peter!
Geez, what's wrong with you?
203
00:08:02,092 --> 00:08:05,761
Brian took the SAT for Meg,
and it turns out he's an idiot.
204
00:08:05,796 --> 00:08:07,196
That's not true!
205
00:08:07,231 --> 00:08:09,031
Methinks the Hoff protest a month.
206
00:08:09,066 --> 00:08:11,200
Do you even know what
you're trying to say?
207
00:08:11,235 --> 00:08:13,636
Hey, look, don't feel bad,
Brian... it's fun being stupid.
208
00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:15,304
You don't got to worry about nothing,
209
00:08:15,339 --> 00:08:17,740
you don't got to read books,
and you never die.
210
00:08:17,774 --> 00:08:19,242
Peter, that...
that's not correct.
211
00:08:19,276 --> 00:08:20,676
How would you know, stupid?
212
00:08:22,379 --> 00:08:24,113
Thanks a lot, SAT.
213
00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:26,549
Man, this is the worst day of my life.
214
00:08:26,583 --> 00:08:28,618
Empirically.
Eh, careful.
215
00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,486
Brian, being a dumb guy's not so awful.
216
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,989
I'll show you. Come on, you're
spending the day with me.
217
00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:35,458
Here, you want a beer?
Peter, it's 11:00 a.m.
218
00:08:35,492 --> 00:08:37,827
If the clock ain't digital,
you don't know that.
219
00:08:37,861 --> 00:08:40,263
Well, actually, I could use a drink.
220
00:08:40,297 --> 00:08:41,931
There you go! You look
stupider already.
221
00:08:41,965 --> 00:08:43,532
Let's go.
Where are we going?
222
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,001
Who cares?
Now, come on,
223
00:08:45,035 --> 00:08:47,570
we're gonna party like
it's the Roaring Twenties.
224
00:08:49,273 --> 00:08:51,307
♪ No TV, movies suck ♪
225
00:08:51,341 --> 00:08:53,442
♪ I'm here with my gal ♪
226
00:08:53,477 --> 00:08:55,444
♪ Shake your hands,
kick around ♪
227
00:08:55,479 --> 00:08:57,513
♪ Wear a suit to breakfast ♪
228
00:08:57,547 --> 00:08:59,248
♪ Underwear that laces up ♪
229
00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:01,284
♪ All girls have
a guy's haircut ♪
230
00:09:01,318 --> 00:09:03,486
♪ Crank your car
to make it start ♪
231
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,323
♪ You will die of measles. ♪
232
00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:17,199
Oh, my God!
233
00:09:17,234 --> 00:09:19,602
Yeah, see, people go
to NASCAR hoping for a crash.
234
00:09:19,636 --> 00:09:21,103
Well, this is all crashes.
235
00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:23,139
But that guy could've been hurt!
Why are you laughing?
236
00:09:23,173 --> 00:09:25,374
'Cause it's funny! What, do you
think you're better than me?
237
00:09:25,409 --> 00:09:27,510
By the way, a huge part
of being an idiot
238
00:09:27,544 --> 00:09:28,611
is constantly accusing people
239
00:09:28,645 --> 00:09:29,979
of thinking they're better than you.
240
00:09:30,013 --> 00:09:32,248
That and forwarding
mildly funny e-mails
241
00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:34,350
way after everybody's
already seen them.
242
00:09:34,384 --> 00:09:36,218
Heh. You know this one's funny
243
00:09:36,253 --> 00:09:38,587
'cause there's
seven fonts in 12 colors.
244
00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:43,125
Ha-ha! Dad, I just got
this hilarious e-mail!
245
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,294
You got to see this!
246
00:09:45,329 --> 00:09:47,930
Ha-ha! Chris would love this.
247
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,767
Hey, it looks like
248
00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:53,836
they're shooting T-shirts
into the crowd.
249
00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:58,307
Oh, those aren't T-shirts.
Thems is hot dogs.
250
00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,477
Huh. That's
kind of cool.
251
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:02,778
I want a hot dog.
252
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:05,181
Well, then you better
move quick... he's reloading!
253
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:11,921
Yeah! Free
flying meat!
254
00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:13,956
Hey, you feel good
about yourself, jagoff?
255
00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:16,592
Yeah, that's right... I knocked
your kid over to get a hot dog.
256
00:10:16,626 --> 00:10:18,227
What, do you think
you're better than me?!
257
00:10:18,261 --> 00:10:19,628
What, you think you're better than me?!
258
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:20,896
You think you're better than me?!
259
00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:23,766
Ah, look at you, Brian,
right at home with us dumb guys.
260
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,836
You're blending in better than
a centipede among millipedes.
261
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,604
Well, what should we do today?
262
00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:30,272
Let's try on 1,000 shoes.
263
00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:32,375
Wait a minute.
264
00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:47,156
You're an imposter!
265
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:48,657
♪ If it hadn't been for
Cotton-Eye Joe ♪
266
00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:50,826
♪ I'd been married
long time ago ♪
267
00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,695
♪ Where did you come from,
where did you go? ♪
268
00:10:52,729 --> 00:10:54,330
♪ Where did you
come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? ♪
269
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:56,298
♪ If it hadn't been
for Cotton-Eye Joe ♪
270
00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:58,067
♪ I'd been married
long time ago ♪
271
00:10:58,101 --> 00:10:59,969
♪ Where did you come from,
where did you go? ♪
272
00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:01,904
♪ Where did you
come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?Î
273
00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:03,939
♪ ♪
274
00:11:15,519 --> 00:11:17,520
♪ ♪
275
00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:31,867
♪ If it hadn't been
for Cotton-Eye Joe ♪
276
00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:34,103
♪ I'd been married
long time ago ♪
277
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:35,938
♪ Where did you come from,
where did you go? ♪
278
00:11:35,972 --> 00:11:38,174
♪ Where did you
come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? ♪
279
00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,276
♪ If it hadn't been
for Cotton-Eye Joe ♪
280
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:41,777
♪ I'd been married
long time ago ♪
281
00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:43,546
♪ Where did you come from,
where did you go? ♪
282
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:45,781
♪ Where did you
come from, Cotton-Eye Joe? ♪
283
00:11:51,021 --> 00:11:52,955
Hey, yo, Stew.
My boy Peter and I
284
00:11:52,989 --> 00:11:54,924
are watching the Sandler movie
That's My Boy.
285
00:11:54,958 --> 00:11:56,492
You gotta come check it out, man.
286
00:11:56,526 --> 00:11:57,760
It's amazeballs.
287
00:11:57,794 --> 00:11:59,728
This is just the DVD menu.
288
00:12:02,466 --> 00:12:03,632
No way.
289
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:07,269
Aw, man, I am buzzin' hardcore
off of that chaw, man.
290
00:12:07,304 --> 00:12:08,404
Brian, what the deuce?
291
00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,139
Deuce.
292
00:12:10,173 --> 00:12:11,874
Like poo.
Yes, yes, deuce like poo.
293
00:12:11,908 --> 00:12:13,342
But what the devil has happened to you?
294
00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:15,344
Uh, I woke up, Kemosabe?
295
00:12:15,378 --> 00:12:17,980
No, I mean it. How
could one bad test score
296
00:12:18,014 --> 00:12:20,015
transform you into a complete moron?
297
00:12:20,050 --> 00:12:22,351
Brian, I'm concerned something
is very wrong with you.
298
00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:24,620
Nah, man, I've never
felt better, Beef Stew.
299
00:12:24,654 --> 00:12:25,821
Bazinga!
300
00:12:25,856 --> 00:12:28,157
Like what the gay scientist says.
301
00:12:28,191 --> 00:12:30,292
Hey, Brian, say something else from TV.
302
00:12:30,327 --> 00:12:32,328
What you talkin' 'bout, Phyllis?!
303
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,501
Aw, gross,
he's getting his nose period.
304
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:40,436
Oh, my God! We've got
to get him to a hospital!
305
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:41,790
Don't worry, Brian, I'll save you.
306
00:12:41,805 --> 00:12:42,938
I'm good in a crisis.
307
00:12:42,973 --> 00:12:45,407
After all, I used to work
the suicide hotline.
308
00:12:45,442 --> 00:12:47,943
I-I just can't take it.
309
00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:51,447
I discovered my wife's
been cheating on me for a while.
310
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,249
And I just...
311
00:12:53,283 --> 00:12:56,952
I can't live like this.
312
00:12:56,987 --> 00:12:59,955
I have to kill myself.
313
00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:03,325
Doesn't it make more sense to kill her?
314
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,763
Brian, the good news is
we've stopped the bleeding.
315
00:13:08,765 --> 00:13:10,533
And we've removed the Matchbox car
316
00:13:10,567 --> 00:13:12,067
that was lodged in your rectum.
317
00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:13,736
I did that right after you passed out.
318
00:13:13,770 --> 00:13:16,939
Classic P-Dog.
319
00:13:16,973 --> 00:13:19,275
But, Dr. Hartman,
why did he lose consciousness?
320
00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:21,744
Well, keeping in mind the
recent behavioral changes
321
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:23,879
you've described, I did a CAT scan...
322
00:13:23,914 --> 00:13:25,080
On a dog.
323
00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:26,615
We laughed about that, too.
324
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:30,519
However, I'm sorry to inform you
that Brian has a brain tumor.
325
00:13:31,688 --> 00:13:33,122
Oh, my God.
326
00:13:33,156 --> 00:13:34,723
There's only one thing to do:
327
00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:37,927
shrink down to microscopic size,
enter Brian's brain,
328
00:13:37,961 --> 00:13:40,796
and destroy the tumor from within.
329
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,167
I was raped by a bug.
330
00:13:51,065 --> 00:13:53,533
Brain tumor. How
is that possible?
331
00:13:53,568 --> 00:13:55,869
As a father in a hospital
getting bad news,
332
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:59,373
I am gonna sadly slide down
the wall and take my hat off.
333
00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,444
I forgot the hat.
334
00:14:04,479 --> 00:14:07,714
So, Doc, w... um, how much
Jamba Juice do I have to drink
335
00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:09,249
to cure this?
Um...
336
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:12,085
I-I've also heard that,
like, crystals exist?
337
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,755
Dr. Hartman, do you think
the brain tumor might explain
338
00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:16,957
why Brian's been acting so odd lately?
339
00:14:16,991 --> 00:14:20,127
Hmm, well, I haven't heard of
brains being linked to behavior,
340
00:14:20,161 --> 00:14:21,795
but I suppose anything is possible.
341
00:14:21,829 --> 00:14:23,997
Mom, is Dad gonna die?
342
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,433
No, Chris, Brian is the one
with the brain tumor.
343
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:28,402
Dr. Hartman,
what's the prognosis?
344
00:14:28,436 --> 00:14:31,671
Well, it says here Brian's
tumor is for office use only.
345
00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:34,641
Benign. It says "benign."
346
00:14:34,675 --> 00:14:36,977
Oh, Brian, that's wonderful
news! You're going to be okay!
347
00:14:37,011 --> 00:14:38,612
Winning!
348
00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:40,580
Remember somebody said that?
349
00:14:40,615 --> 00:14:43,116
Well, since Brian's tumor poses
no immediate threat,
350
00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:44,985
we can schedule surgery to remove it,
351
00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:47,387
and he'll be back
to his old self in no time.
352
00:14:47,422 --> 00:14:49,422
Well, I say we get that tumor
out of him right away
353
00:14:49,424 --> 00:14:51,124
before he gets any dumber.
No way.
354
00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:52,793
I'm never going back to my old self.
355
00:14:52,827 --> 00:14:54,795
I rock like this.
I'm legit.
356
00:14:54,829 --> 00:14:56,997
I'm uber.
I'm awesome-sauce.
357
00:14:57,031 --> 00:14:59,466
Either take the tumor out of him
or put one in me!
358
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,667
I can't stand this!
359
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:02,602
So I-if Brian doesn't have
the surgery,
360
00:15:02,637 --> 00:15:04,137
will he be all right?
361
00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:06,306
I don't know. Is
Dax Shepard all right?
362
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,575
Eh, seems kind of gratuitous.
363
00:15:08,609 --> 00:15:11,511
My point is, Brian could have
the surgery and be smart again,
364
00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:14,047
or he could skip the surgery
and stay dumb like this.
365
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,716
Well, Brian,
if-if you're happy this way...
366
00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,585
Hells to the yeah, I am!
367
00:15:18,619 --> 00:15:20,587
Hey, um, I was told
there would be a lollipop
368
00:15:20,621 --> 00:15:22,122
at the end of this?
369
00:15:22,156 --> 00:15:23,990
Good, he doesn't know
about the stickers.
370
00:15:24,025 --> 00:15:25,325
I'll take two.
371
00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:26,993
Brian, you're not thinking
clearly, all right?
372
00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:28,829
You've got to agree to this surgery.
373
00:15:28,863 --> 00:15:31,264
Because right now, you're
as useless as Black Widow is
374
00:15:31,299 --> 00:15:32,632
to the Avengers.
375
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:34,668
So... what's
your superpower?
376
00:15:34,702 --> 00:15:36,002
Kicking.
377
00:15:36,037 --> 00:15:37,904
Oh, right, 'cause none of us can kick.
378
00:15:37,939 --> 00:15:41,007
Hey, which one of you guys can kick?
379
00:15:41,042 --> 00:15:43,043
Hulk, stop being nice.
380
00:15:43,077 --> 00:15:44,845
Sorry.
381
00:15:49,851 --> 00:15:53,687
Hey, this isn't the
Kenny Chesney concert.
382
00:15:53,721 --> 00:15:56,490
No, I'm afraid that was a white
lie to get you here, Brian.
383
00:15:56,524 --> 00:15:58,992
This is the opera.
I'm hoping that re-exposing you
384
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:02,662
to high culture will remind you
of the joys of a refined mind.
385
00:16:02,697 --> 00:16:05,332
Cool. I'm sitting on my
foot to hold in a dump.
386
00:16:05,366 --> 00:16:07,300
Please don't embarrass me here.
387
00:16:07,335 --> 00:16:10,337
Pepperoni pie,
extra cheese. G32.
388
00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:12,005
Oh, cool.
My friend Pete is here.
389
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,740
Pete Za.
390
00:16:13,774 --> 00:16:16,476
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That's
gonna be me in, like, a minute.
391
00:16:16,511 --> 00:16:17,644
Over here, bro!
392
00:16:17,678 --> 00:16:20,347
Aw, I moved my foot.
393
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:24,451
Hey, this isn't
the Kenny Chesney concert.
394
00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:26,786
No, Brian, this is called yoga.
395
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:29,322
Lots of smart people do it
instead of going to church.
396
00:16:29,357 --> 00:16:31,858
And after we get done with this,
you're going to talk a lot
397
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,860
about being present and grounded.
398
00:16:33,895 --> 00:16:35,662
You're going to be
impossible to be around.
399
00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:37,697
Let's get started.
400
00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:40,634
Whoa! Schwing!
401
00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:44,771
Schwing! Schwing!
Schwing! Schwing!
402
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,140
That was from Wayne's World.
403
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,543
That's the sound of Wayne's boner.
404
00:16:53,748 --> 00:16:55,215
Okay, before you say anything, no,
405
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,083
this is not the Kenny Chesney concert.
406
00:16:57,118 --> 00:16:59,886
We're here to have a nice
civilized dinner and to show you
407
00:16:59,921 --> 00:17:02,055
that you don't have to eat
all your meals in your car.
408
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,557
Now, we're going to start
by hearing the waiter
409
00:17:03,591 --> 00:17:05,058
give us the specials.
410
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:08,128
Good evening. Our first special
is an almond-crusted salmon...
411
00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:09,996
Hey, cram it, skinny.
Give me free food
412
00:17:10,031 --> 00:17:12,999
or I'm gonna tell people on Yelp
there was a pube in my salad.
413
00:17:13,034 --> 00:17:14,401
Free food, right away.
414
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:15,569
Okay. All right.
415
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,571
I forgot that Yelp
is a weapon for dumb people.
416
00:17:17,605 --> 00:17:19,239
You taught me something today, Bri.
417
00:17:19,273 --> 00:17:21,575
That I can throw a frog a hundred feet?
418
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:23,410
I can't change you back.
419
00:17:23,444 --> 00:17:25,745
This whole endeavor was doomed to fail.
420
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,214
Like an Asian guy going to a salon.
421
00:17:28,249 --> 00:17:31,518
Hi. I want to have
my anus breached.
422
00:17:35,022 --> 00:17:36,523
He's gone, Rupert.
423
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,858
It appears I've lost
Brian to the dumb side.
424
00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:41,394
So now I need you to be Brian.
425
00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:43,463
Here's your collar.
And here's a laptop.
426
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:45,532
Write something bad.
427
00:17:47,535 --> 00:17:49,436
"It was the last day of summer
428
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,972
and the first day of
the rest of her life."
429
00:17:52,006 --> 00:17:54,441
Wow! You did that
with your face!
430
00:17:54,475 --> 00:17:57,110
Hey, what's this?
Gaylord practice?
431
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:59,479
That's the eighth time
you've asked me that today.
432
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,381
Listen, Brian, I've been trying
to change you.
433
00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:03,883
But I realize that if you're happy,
434
00:18:03,918 --> 00:18:06,620
I need to accept the you
that you want to be.
435
00:18:06,654 --> 00:18:08,355
No matter how painful that is.
436
00:18:08,389 --> 00:18:09,856
What are you doing?
437
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:12,726
Oh, my friend Terry told me you
can get high from licking paint.
438
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:13,760
Who's Terry?
439
00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:14,761
He's friends with Gus.
440
00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:15,762
Who's Gus?
441
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:17,163
Um, Gus is Terry's friend.
442
00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:18,798
It... You kind of
had to be there.
443
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:21,134
For what?
No story has been told!
444
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,137
Okay, well, I'm gonna go put on
my python and walk to the park.
445
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,739
Brian, wait. I'm...
446
00:18:25,773 --> 00:18:29,376
I'm trying to say that I accept
your choice to forego surgery.
447
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:32,579
I release you into
the thick mire of stupidity.
448
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:34,581
Hey, Brian, I started
the car in the garage
449
00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:35,915
and it's all foggy in there.
450
00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:37,350
Want to go pretend we're in London?
451
00:18:37,385 --> 00:18:39,819
Oh, totally!
Shrimp on the barbie, huh?
452
00:18:39,854 --> 00:18:42,589
Yes!
453
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,457
Good Lord, if I don't do something,
454
00:18:44,492 --> 00:18:45,925
his stupidity will kill him.
455
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,861
And then I'd lose Brian forever.
456
00:18:47,895 --> 00:18:50,764
Like that dog
the Russians shot into space.
457
00:18:55,603 --> 00:18:57,570
He made it! Your
dog is in orbit!
458
00:18:57,605 --> 00:19:00,573
Is wonderful.
How do we get him back now?
459
00:19:00,608 --> 00:19:02,575
Oh... about that.
460
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:03,910
We do not.
461
00:19:03,944 --> 00:19:07,280
Oh, my poor dog.
He will die up there.
462
00:19:14,288 --> 00:19:16,923
Joke on them!
I find happy dog planet.
463
00:19:16,957 --> 00:19:20,193
In 50 years, we all go back
to Earth and bite everybody.
464
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,528
But now we dance!
465
00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:28,134
I've got to convince him
to get that tumor removed
466
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:29,836
before it's too late.
467
00:19:31,706 --> 00:19:35,108
Now, remember, it's England,
so take long deep breaths.
468
00:19:35,142 --> 00:19:36,443
Wait a second.
469
00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:38,511
I've been approaching this
far too intelligently.
470
00:19:38,546 --> 00:19:41,014
He's an idiot,
so this won't be hard at all.
471
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:43,349
Hey, Brian, you want
to go see Dr. Hartman
472
00:19:43,384 --> 00:19:45,685
and get that procedure
where you get two wieners?
473
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,487
Whoa! Hell yeah!
474
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:49,823
That way, when I watch
Black Swan, I can aim one
475
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:51,958
at Natalie Portman
and aim the other at...
476
00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:54,828
Yes, yes, yes, we all know
who the other one was. Let's go.
477
00:19:57,665 --> 00:20:00,633
Well, good news, Griffins:
Brian is gonna be just fine.
478
00:20:00,668 --> 00:20:02,635
I was able to remove his tumor.
479
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:05,505
And if anyone wants to keep it,
it's here in this Tupperware.
480
00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,774
This-this is half
of a chicken cutlet.
481
00:20:07,808 --> 00:20:10,610
Oh, boy.
What did I have for lunch?
482
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:13,046
Oh, Brian, I'm so glad
you're all right.
483
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,049
Thanks. But this is
all kind of surreal.
484
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,218
I mean, being in this hospital bed,
485
00:20:18,252 --> 00:20:21,221
I-I feel like the main character
of As I Lay Dying
486
00:20:21,255 --> 00:20:22,889
as he or she lay dying.
487
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:25,892
Oh, that's just the amount of
superficial quasi-knowledge
488
00:20:25,926 --> 00:20:27,327
the old Brian had.
489
00:20:27,361 --> 00:20:28,661
I missed you, buddy.
490
00:20:28,696 --> 00:20:30,330
Welcome back.
491
00:20:30,364 --> 00:20:31,364
Thanks, Stewie.
492
00:20:31,365 --> 00:20:32,832
You never gave up on me.
493
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:34,734
You knew that wasn't really me.
494
00:20:34,769 --> 00:20:35,869
Yeah, well, it's no big...
495
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:38,037
I mean, I was having fun,
making new friends,
496
00:20:38,072 --> 00:20:40,306
getting laid all the time,
sleeping like a rock,
497
00:20:40,341 --> 00:20:41,775
but you made the call.
498
00:20:41,809 --> 00:20:44,110
You unilaterally decided
I was better off
499
00:20:44,145 --> 00:20:47,781
a bitter alcoholic failure who
can only hang out with a baby.
500
00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:49,783
Hey. We have fun.
501
00:20:50,218 --> 00:20:51,208
Hey, Lois, guess what.
502
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,311
I had them do
that two-wiener operation on me.
503
00:20:53,312 --> 00:20:57,068
- You what?!
- Double trouble.
504
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:59,484
Uh-oh. That was the original.
505
00:20:59,485 --> 00:21:01,965
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man web dl sync snarry