1 00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,697 - Ooh, hey. - Hey. 2 00:00:01,822 --> 00:00:03,617 Hollywood's biggest night, huh? 3 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:04,602 - Mm-hmm. - What'd you put down 4 00:00:04,727 --> 00:00:06,503 - for best foreign? - You know me, man. 5 00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:08,251 Just put down the Danish one, trying to 6 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,093 - keep it Scandinavian, so. - Oh, man, I hope 7 00:00:10,259 --> 00:00:12,176 tonight tops last year because I really feel 8 00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:14,428 that it was just a bunch of people, like, I dunno, 9 00:00:14,463 --> 00:00:15,724 - sucking each other off, really. - Yeah. 10 00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,348 - On the red carpet. - It kinda was. 11 00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,433 Yeah, it was like one big circle jerk, right? 12 00:00:19,468 --> 00:00:20,851 - Yep. - Ooh, Adam, Adam, 13 00:00:20,936 --> 00:00:22,814 it's starting! It's starting! 14 00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:25,356 Who's hungry? 15 00:00:25,441 --> 00:00:27,486 All right, that looks great. 16 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,279 Tittay. 17 00:00:29,645 --> 00:00:31,645 Welcome to the AVN Award Show, where we honor the best 18 00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:34,898 - in adult entertainment. - Who do you guys got 19 00:00:34,984 --> 00:00:37,618 - for best MMF-DP-ATM? - Um... 20 00:00:37,653 --> 00:00:39,153 Who did I mark? 21 00:00:39,238 --> 00:00:41,655 - Gianna. - Yep, and I got Chloe. 22 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,340 ♪ I'm fresh ♪ 23 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,581 ♪ you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta ♪ 24 00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:53,637 ♪ gotta be fresh ♪ 25 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:56,253 Adam, I can't believe you got every category right. 26 00:00:56,338 --> 00:00:58,172 Dude, you even guessed best dong-umentary. 27 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:02,509 Yes, well, 12 Inches A Slave was a no-brainer, but 28 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:04,061 I'll admit it, having a pornographic memory 29 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,514 doesn't hurt. I cannot forget a dick. 30 00:01:07,566 --> 00:01:09,316 Which is crazy, 'cause you can't remember anything else, 31 00:01:09,351 --> 00:01:11,351 - right? - Yeah, no, I can't remember 32 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,020 what I ate for breakfast. I can't remember, like, 33 00:01:13,105 --> 00:01:16,240 my social security number, which is an issue sometimes, 34 00:01:16,325 --> 00:01:19,693 but I remember, like, every frame of the porno that 35 00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,528 I cranked down to in the mirror last night. 36 00:01:21,614 --> 00:01:24,415 Did you just say you crank down in the mirror? 37 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,585 You guys don't crank down in the mirror? 38 00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:27,701 Okay, I'll teach you something. 39 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:28,702 All right, so you are the mirror. 40 00:01:28,754 --> 00:01:30,007 - Uh-huh. - Okay? 41 00:01:30,372 --> 00:01:32,005 And this, right here, the screen, that's where 42 00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:34,374 all the porno's happening. So I put a little porno 43 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,376 back here and I look in the mirror, 44 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,712 and it's like I'm in the porno. It's like a pop porno. 45 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,347 And then I'm looking at myself at the same time, 46 00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:42,549 and going like, "you're having fun, this is fun. 47 00:01:42,601 --> 00:01:44,017 - Look at you." - Sure. 48 00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:45,605 Seems like a lot of work, but very cool. 49 00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,387 - It's not. - I like to just squeeze it 50 00:01:47,473 --> 00:01:49,440 till it pops. And move on, you know? 51 00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,058 - It's not, it's not a lot. - It's a little overwhelming 52 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:53,560 for me, so, if we could, if you wouldn't mind... 53 00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:54,393 - Absolutely. - I'd like to ask you 54 00:01:54,518 --> 00:01:55,716 about the giant bag you brought to work. 55 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:58,188 - What's up with that? - Hello, it's my costume bag 56 00:01:58,313 --> 00:01:59,817 - from my theater days. - Uh-oh. 57 00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,568 When we were watching The AVN Awards it kind of got 58 00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:04,750 the old actor juices a-flowin. 59 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:06,740 I had different juices flowing. 60 00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,242 - Semen. - Me too. 61 00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,160 Do you remember Sydney, 62 00:02:10,246 --> 00:02:11,662 the Australian tour guide? 63 00:02:11,839 --> 00:02:13,800 - I do. - Good day, mate. 64 00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,720 Oh, and crikey, is that a didgeridoo? 65 00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,919 - What the hell are you doing? - Huh? 66 00:02:19,004 --> 00:02:21,433 Anders, I got a mission for you, stretch. 67 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,894 - Uh, ma'am, yes, ma'am. - I'm sending you 68 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,803 to the North Rancho college job fair to recruit 69 00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,773 - some new employees. - Wow, okay. 70 00:02:28,013 --> 00:02:29,396 Grab a couple of people to help you get contact info 71 00:02:29,431 --> 00:02:31,735 on 100 people interested in working here. 72 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,984 You got it, I will assemble my team right now. 73 00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:36,069 Great. 74 00:02:36,105 --> 00:02:39,907 We going back to college, we going back to college. 75 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,825 Yes, yes. 76 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,872 Not so fast, guys. Okay? 77 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,530 My career here at T.A.C. is clearly riding on this, 78 00:02:46,615 --> 00:02:50,117 and you two? On a college campus? 79 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:51,379 Not happening. 80 00:02:51,545 --> 00:02:53,170 Attention, Telamericans, 81 00:02:53,255 --> 00:02:57,040 tomorrow morning at 0900 hours, we will deploy onto the campus 82 00:02:57,126 --> 00:02:58,592 of north rancho college, 83 00:02:58,627 --> 00:03:01,011 trying to get 100 sigs of some fresh meat, 84 00:03:01,096 --> 00:03:02,307 who's with me? 85 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:03,475 Bill, Tez? 86 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,799 You boys up for an excellent adventure? 87 00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,685 And miss out on my commissions? Foo' please. 88 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,854 I'm trying to ball out at this hookah bar this weekend. 89 00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:15,195 - Ders... Come on. - Please take us. 90 00:03:15,444 --> 00:03:16,488 - Stop. - I'm not going to stop. 91 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:17,978 Stop him. Please stop him. 92 00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:19,730 I'm not going to stop until you take us. 93 00:03:19,815 --> 00:03:21,481 I know you guys, all right? You're gonna, like, 94 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,367 basically show up and then I'm going to do all the work 95 00:03:23,452 --> 00:03:24,952 and you're going to run off, and I'm going to be alone 96 00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:26,370 - doing all the work. - Honestly, I swear 97 00:03:26,455 --> 00:03:28,488 on my mother. And Blake's entire family 98 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,324 that we will not bail on you. 99 00:03:30,409 --> 00:03:31,575 Fine! 100 00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:33,076 - Yes. - Yes, all right. 101 00:03:33,162 --> 00:03:37,175 All right. Hey, guys, check this out. 102 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,916 - Whoa, nice. - Cool, right? 103 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,168 - Whoa, very cool. - Yeah, I figured we could do 104 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,753 a whole thing where it's, like, "come and join 105 00:03:42,838 --> 00:03:44,471 - the Telamerican army." - Mm-hmm. 106 00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:45,973 And got a little karaoke machine so we could 107 00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:47,758 sing some songs. I'm thinking 108 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:51,148 "proud to be a Telamerican" or "Telamerica the beautiful." 109 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,512 - Ooh, I got one, I got one. - Yeah? 110 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:53,647 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. 111 00:03:53,682 --> 00:03:54,693 Start it off. 112 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,433 Neither! 113 00:03:56,518 --> 00:03:58,488 That's good, here I'll do the second verse. 114 00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:02,739 Fug this shib. Very stupid, very dumb idea. 115 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,025 We're not going to do your stupid sign-up job, 116 00:04:05,110 --> 00:04:07,327 because you said that we'd blow you off. 117 00:04:07,363 --> 00:04:08,862 - That's right. - Mm-hmm. 118 00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:11,168 Right. And that's what you're doing right now. 119 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,033 - We are. - Yes, we are doing that, 120 00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:14,368 - but only because-- - exactly. 121 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,702 - You started it. - But you're-- 122 00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:17,204 no, but you started it. You were a jerk, 123 00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:18,872 and you blew us off, and you said we weren't 124 00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:20,424 going to help you, so now we're not going to. 125 00:04:20,509 --> 00:04:22,259 And we would've done really well, too. 126 00:04:22,344 --> 00:04:24,044 We would've, like, worked our balls off. 127 00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,129 This is exactly why I didn't want to bring you guys. 128 00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:27,431 Come on, dude, let's go throw the boomerang in the quad. 129 00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:28,882 Mm-kay. Hey, Blake? 130 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,434 - Mm-hmm? - Real quick, what's, like, 131 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,136 a cool Australian exit line that I could say? 132 00:04:33,222 --> 00:04:37,685 Oh, um... 133 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:38,976 Freakin' crikey. 134 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,444 Laughs] 135 00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,396 - That was really good. - All right, okay. 136 00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:44,564 - This is a big campus, huh? - Yeah. 137 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,067 Getting, like, weird vibes though, 138 00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:48,622 it's like full-body deja vu. 139 00:04:55,744 --> 00:04:57,923 Dorm Daze. 140 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,964 This is the college campus where they shot 24 of my 36 favorite 141 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,928 college pornos. This is it! 142 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,519 - Whoa. - That's the vibe. 143 00:05:05,554 --> 00:05:06,887 That's where I was getting that vibe. 144 00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,305 Oh. Okay, okay, that's awesome, man. 145 00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,224 Now, hey, go long, mate. 146 00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,937 I want to toss you the boomer, huh? 147 00:05:12,394 --> 00:05:13,944 I've got to find the dorm room where 148 00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:17,364 they shot the gang bang sequences, pay my respects. 149 00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:18,949 Come on, dude. Go long. 150 00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:21,201 I-I can't throw the boomerang to myself. 151 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,487 Pretty sure that's how they work, Blake. 152 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,956 Yeah, I know how boomerangs work, Adam. 153 00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:27,827 I just want somebody to watch me 154 00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:31,879 - while I throw the boomerang. - Sorry, Blake. 155 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:35,418 I've got to find porno! Whoo! 156 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,670 ♪ Telamericorp, Telamericorp ♪ 157 00:05:39,755 --> 00:05:43,969 ♪ come make phone calls with me ♪ 158 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:46,393 Come on and join the Telamerican army, 159 00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:48,598 where the front line is the landline. 160 00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:51,181 It's phones. You just make phone calls all day. 161 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:52,933 - Hey, army man. - Yeah? 162 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:55,647 Do you take requests? 163 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:59,985 'Cause I request you take that mic and shove it up your ass. 164 00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:02,153 Well, who are you guys? Oh, U.S. coast guard! 165 00:06:02,319 --> 00:06:03,613 Cool, I get it. 166 00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:05,779 'Cause you guys coast on the backs of the people 167 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,702 who really guard our country. 168 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,996 Oh, my God, did one of you guys just fart? 169 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,664 'Cause it smells like salty dick. 170 00:06:15,499 --> 00:06:17,457 Whoo. I'm downwind. 171 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,793 Uh, you guys want to see my impression of the Navy? 172 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:27,768 And here's my impression of the U.S. coast guard. 173 00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:29,303 Ah! 174 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,555 Brock! Brock, back. 175 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,023 Okay. Yeah, sign up, man. 176 00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:35,603 Just need your name, email, phone number, 177 00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:36,977 and a stool sample. Just kidding, 178 00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,148 I'm not the coast guard. 179 00:06:44,824 --> 00:06:49,355 {pub}To be or not to be, that is the question. 180 00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:51,036 Whether tis nobler... 181 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:54,944 Doth my eyes hear a fellow thespian? 182 00:06:55,122 --> 00:06:57,751 - Or to take pause-- - thank you. 183 00:06:58,032 --> 00:07:00,032 Do we have anyone else reading for Hamlet? 184 00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:01,379 One more! 185 00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:03,953 - Get on with it. - Thanks. 186 00:07:04,038 --> 00:07:05,050 Okay, before I start, 187 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,636 this boomerang has, like, knife edges. 188 00:07:08,802 --> 00:07:12,515 Back off, easy. 189 00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:19,773 Yah! Yah! Yah! 190 00:07:20,087 --> 00:07:23,777 Back up! All right, I'm not from here. 191 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,725 I'm from a goddamn prison colony! 192 00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:30,429 So unless you want a little bit of what he just got-- 193 00:07:30,481 --> 00:07:33,148 I'm sorry, what scene are you doing? 194 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:36,101 This is from Crocodile The New Class 195 00:07:36,153 --> 00:07:37,874 it's an original script. 196 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,459 And are you even a student here? 197 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,002 Not technically, sir, no. 198 00:07:41,168 --> 00:07:44,798 But I will do anything to be a star. 199 00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:48,113 You are a very bad actor. 200 00:07:48,165 --> 00:07:50,720 And we would never use you in a production. 201 00:07:51,335 --> 00:07:53,535 Hey. 202 00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:56,622 Hey, what you did up there was so brave. 203 00:07:56,674 --> 00:07:58,686 The director had no idea what he was talking about. 204 00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:01,961 Well, I mean, I just did what Dundee would've done-dood. 205 00:08:03,464 --> 00:08:05,214 Well, you know, my friends and I are making 206 00:08:05,299 --> 00:08:08,133 this really cool short film today, 207 00:08:08,219 --> 00:08:10,281 we could use a real actor like you. 208 00:08:10,638 --> 00:08:12,638 - Really? - Yeah. 209 00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:15,829 Do you think you could use an Aussie in the cast? 210 00:08:16,483 --> 00:08:18,444 - I do 13 unique characters-- - okay, come on. 211 00:08:18,479 --> 00:08:19,361 All right. 212 00:08:20,815 --> 00:08:21,668 18? No. 213 00:08:33,494 --> 00:08:36,495 I'm finally home. 214 00:08:47,008 --> 00:08:49,758 Something isn't right. 215 00:08:49,844 --> 00:08:51,698 This is the room... 216 00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:54,826 But it's not the room. 217 00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:57,016 Did they move the walls? 218 00:08:57,101 --> 00:09:00,769 Nope. That'd be physically impossible. 219 00:09:11,866 --> 00:09:12,677 Uh, no. 220 00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,250 Doesn't make sense. 221 00:09:15,336 --> 00:09:18,871 In order for semen spray to land here 222 00:09:18,923 --> 00:09:22,424 the Buster would have to shoot from here. 223 00:09:24,712 --> 00:09:26,845 But Eric was over there. 224 00:09:26,881 --> 00:09:29,798 And he didn't even bust. 225 00:09:32,386 --> 00:09:35,137 Was there a second semen sprayer? 226 00:09:36,474 --> 00:09:39,224 No. Nope. 227 00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,164 Start from the beginning, Adam. 228 00:09:44,031 --> 00:09:45,710 Who the fuck are you? 229 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,253 Is this where the porno was? 230 00:09:47,568 --> 00:09:49,172 I don't know what you're talking about, man. 231 00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:51,070 Just--just get out of here. 232 00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:52,955 You know what? 233 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,323 I believe you. 234 00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:56,825 I don't see porno in your eyes. 235 00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:59,545 Sorry, I'm going to have to look around first. 236 00:10:01,499 --> 00:10:04,299 Female sex. 237 00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:06,251 That's code word for porn. 238 00:10:06,337 --> 00:10:07,920 Hey, who wants to be the 100th contact 239 00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,401 given to Telamericorp? Hook a brother up. 240 00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:12,391 The coast guard, what's going on? 241 00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:13,809 Wait a second, if you guys are here, 242 00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:15,427 who's doing nothing on the boat? 243 00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:19,098 'Cause you guys, I don't know what you do, what do you guys 244 00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:20,537 even do, do you have boats? 245 00:10:20,768 --> 00:10:22,484 Yeah, we get it. Yeah, no, you're a regular 246 00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:24,436 - Gabriel Iglesias. - I wouldn't say that. 247 00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:25,750 Fluffy's very talented. 248 00:10:26,107 --> 00:10:27,573 You really shouldn't make jokes about 249 00:10:27,608 --> 00:10:29,658 - the military like that. - Okay. 250 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,278 What are you guys gonna do, give me a code red? 251 00:10:33,364 --> 00:10:34,696 Actually not a bad idea. 252 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,616 Come on, guys, please. Don't do this. 253 00:10:37,668 --> 00:10:39,334 Oh, no, man. 254 00:10:39,420 --> 00:10:40,752 Nothing like the taste of code red on a hot day, 255 00:10:40,788 --> 00:10:42,183 am I right? 256 00:10:42,349 --> 00:10:44,769 My butt hairs are all fizzy now. 257 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,793 I think Officer Pettytailwags is looking a little thirsty. 258 00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:49,941 - What? - Who's Officer Pettytailwags? 259 00:10:50,264 --> 00:10:52,464 That's not good. That's not good. That's not good. 260 00:10:52,516 --> 00:10:55,321 That's not bad. 261 00:10:55,886 --> 00:10:57,198 Okay. 262 00:10:57,471 --> 00:10:59,438 Normally we spend our shore leave [bleep]. 263 00:10:59,473 --> 00:11:02,870 Not teaching manners to phone jockeys. 264 00:11:03,036 --> 00:11:04,330 Come on, Lance. 265 00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:08,981 And so, at this point, the patriarchy is so deeply 266 00:11:09,066 --> 00:11:13,485 ingrained in modern society, females are portrayed 267 00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:15,300 almost exclusively as sex objects. 268 00:11:15,956 --> 00:11:16,926 Sex objects. 269 00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:18,595 She talking about dildos, or what? 270 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,221 Is there a problem, young man? 271 00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:23,045 No, I just saw this hot chick walk in with a book that said 272 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:26,548 "sex" and I figured she was leading me to the porno room, 273 00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:28,750 but... 274 00:11:28,836 --> 00:11:31,253 Young man, would you come down here to the front of the room 275 00:11:31,338 --> 00:11:33,318 and let us ask you some questions? 276 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,058 Oh, hell, yeah, bitch. Cool. 277 00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:37,947 All right, this is fun. 278 00:11:38,113 --> 00:11:40,783 Damn, girl, you got some sweater meats up there. 279 00:11:40,949 --> 00:11:42,201 Fascinating. 280 00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,483 Did you see how he wasn't able to take 281 00:11:44,518 --> 00:11:47,582 more than just a few steps without talking about sex? 282 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,823 It's really as if he has no control over his base desires. 283 00:11:51,859 --> 00:11:53,659 I didn't know I was going to be in a room full of freakin' 284 00:11:53,694 --> 00:11:57,029 hot, young Mileys, or else I probably would've worn my 285 00:11:57,114 --> 00:11:58,426 big dick jeans! 286 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:11,228 {pub}So this is our set. 287 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,813 It's, you know, pretty low-budget, 288 00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,365 but I think it's going to turn out really cool. 289 00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:16,736 Wow. Okay, pinch me, am I dreaming? 290 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,870 This is awesome. 291 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,823 So what's the scene, mate? 292 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,661 Well, we improvise most of it. 293 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:27,211 Oh, okay, all right, The League-ing it. 294 00:12:27,296 --> 00:12:28,746 Very smart. So do you guys work off 295 00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:30,664 of, like, an outline, or-- 296 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,083 well, this is Landon, the director. 297 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,885 Hey, how are you, Blake? Nice to meet you. 298 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:38,305 - You ready to make a movie today? - You betcha, sir. 299 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,509 So tell me, Adam, what is it you like about porn? 300 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,012 To begin with, um... 301 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,265 Everything. 302 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:49,683 Not to be, like, sentimental and cheesy, but... 303 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,769 I love how they just-- 304 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:54,688 their soft cupping of the balls, 305 00:12:54,774 --> 00:13:00,361 and the general way they just caress the shaft and... 306 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,414 All the gagging. 307 00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:05,326 It's just beautiful to me. 308 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,869 Well, Adam, I have some bad news for you. 309 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:13,340 Those women are being exploited. 310 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,669 - Nope. - No, it's true. 311 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,344 Many of them are confused, young actresses 312 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:22,051 - hoping to be in a movie. - Red leather, yellow leather. 313 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:23,550 Right, here we go, have some acting juice. 314 00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:24,968 Oh, oh, are you kidding me? 315 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,804 They're offered drugs and alcohol 316 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:30,140 to lower their inhibitions. They're victims, Adam. 317 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,059 So, nobody's told me, like, what the scene is. 318 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,228 I know we're 'prov-ing it, she told me. 319 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,612 - Well, I'll tell you what. - Uh-huh. 320 00:13:35,698 --> 00:13:38,065 The scene is sit down right about here. 321 00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,566 - Uh-huh. - And then crystal 322 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,780 is gonna gobble your knob. 323 00:13:43,205 --> 00:13:45,205 Shall we maybe do the scene before, though? 324 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,740 Like, when we, like meet each other, like-- 325 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,375 no, we're good. All right? 326 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,710 Okay. Yeah. 327 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:51,706 Sad victims of a dark industry that caters 328 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:55,084 to perverted misogynists. 329 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,917 Sorry, don't talk about porno like that. 330 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:57,918 It's, like, fun. And we're ever-- 331 00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,338 they're all having fun. 332 00:13:59,504 --> 00:14:02,306 We're not going to show the actual, um-- 333 00:14:02,391 --> 00:14:04,725 - my penis, are we? - They manipulate women 334 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,347 emotionally to make them think they have no choice. 335 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,765 What's the matter, you don't like sex? 336 00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:14,457 I do, I do, I do, I do, I do... 337 00:14:14,582 --> 00:14:15,396 It's just, umh... 338 00:14:15,562 --> 00:14:16,522 You know what? I should, uh... 339 00:14:17,036 --> 00:14:18,691 I hear my mom calling me, I gotta go. 340 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,277 - I'm so sorry. - Woah, what the hell, man? 341 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,034 You drink my booze, you you smoke my weed, 342 00:14:23,119 --> 00:14:24,369 and now you want to fucking leave? 343 00:14:24,454 --> 00:14:25,870 - I don't think so, man. - All right. 344 00:14:25,922 --> 00:14:27,705 Y, stop yelling at me! 345 00:14:27,791 --> 00:14:30,208 All right? I just want to act! 346 00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,043 I just want to act, okay? Don't be mad, all right? 347 00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:36,130 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh. 348 00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:39,045 They break these women down to get what they want, 349 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,918 That's how they get them. 350 00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:43,593 You're in a big time, now. You're gonna act. 351 00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,128 You don't wanna disappoint all these people, do you? 352 00:14:45,253 --> 00:14:48,714 Everybody's here working hard to make you look good. 353 00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:51,600 Why don't you take this and use that closet 354 00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:54,386 to grease up your hog and then you get your shit together, 355 00:14:54,472 --> 00:14:55,437 we'll make some movies. 356 00:14:55,523 --> 00:14:56,813 - Okay. - Okay. 357 00:14:57,475 --> 00:14:59,975 - Stop it, you're scaring me. - Good, you should be scared. 358 00:15:00,061 --> 00:15:03,946 What if your mother was in this situation? 359 00:15:04,031 --> 00:15:06,280 My mommy doesn't make porno, she makes ham sammiches. 360 00:15:06,617 --> 00:15:10,736 But porn stars are women, just like your mom. 361 00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:14,323 So some porn stars are... 362 00:15:14,408 --> 00:15:16,208 Done from a long day on set, and they go home 363 00:15:16,244 --> 00:15:18,160 and make a little boy ham sammiches? 364 00:15:18,246 --> 00:15:20,129 Yes, Adam. 365 00:15:20,214 --> 00:15:23,464 Porn stars make little boys ham sammiches too. 366 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,054 I'm gonna find that porno room, 367 00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:30,923 and I'm not going to be the one cranking down in the corner 368 00:15:30,975 --> 00:15:33,432 and potentially being a [bleep]. No! 369 00:15:33,894 --> 00:15:35,142 I'm gonna shut it down. 370 00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:38,764 'Cause no mommy should go home and make ham sammiches 371 00:15:38,816 --> 00:15:42,316 for little boys with ejaculate on their fingers. 372 00:15:42,903 --> 00:15:44,570 I'm doing it. 373 00:15:44,605 --> 00:15:46,028 For the mommies! 374 00:15:46,357 --> 00:15:48,274 Look, I just wanted to apologize to you guys. 375 00:15:48,326 --> 00:15:50,783 We got off on the wrong foot. I'm here to clear the air. 376 00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:53,112 With a Gabriel Iglesias-style joke. 377 00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:54,787 - Better be funny. - It's funny. 378 00:15:55,116 --> 00:15:57,508 There's an air force guy and a coast guard guy. 379 00:15:57,633 --> 00:15:59,271 They're walking down the street, right? 380 00:15:59,396 --> 00:16:03,044 And they see this kid playing with a pile of poop. 381 00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:06,107 So I go, "hey, kid. What do you make?" 382 00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,718 Kid goes, "uh, making a pilot." 383 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,393 Nice. 384 00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:13,472 - Get 'em. - Air force guy's like, what? 385 00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:15,465 And then the kid says... 386 00:16:15,590 --> 00:16:17,545 "Yeah, I would've made a coast guard, 387 00:16:17,670 --> 00:16:18,728 but I didn't have enough [bleep]." 388 00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,287 Frickin' see ya! 389 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,157 You guys chasing this guy? 390 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,366 Wanna help me get him off my ladder? 391 00:16:32,402 --> 00:16:33,951 - Yeah. - Hey, thanks. 392 00:16:34,037 --> 00:16:35,736 Thanks for that, I really-- no, no, guys, come on. 393 00:16:35,788 --> 00:16:37,330 - This is all set up? - Looks dynamite. 394 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,242 Great. All right, I'm excited. 395 00:16:41,327 --> 00:16:43,411 Whoa. Hey, there he is. Wow. 396 00:16:43,496 --> 00:16:45,046 Hey, do you still want to do that Australian voice? 397 00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:46,213 That could be fun. 398 00:16:46,749 --> 00:16:48,049 I don't care anymore. 399 00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:50,251 Well, let's roll, people. 400 00:16:50,303 --> 00:16:51,552 Time to get that dick out, homey. 401 00:16:51,588 --> 00:16:53,087 Yeah. 402 00:16:53,139 --> 00:16:54,889 Ah, stop, stop! 403 00:16:54,924 --> 00:16:56,841 Is this the porno? Cover up your bosoms. 404 00:16:56,926 --> 00:16:58,559 You could be my mommy. My mommy doesn't 405 00:16:58,595 --> 00:17:00,645 have her boobies flopped out, they're flopped in. 406 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,231 What the hell is this. Who are all these peop... 407 00:17:03,266 --> 00:17:05,766 Shhhh. 408 00:17:05,852 --> 00:17:08,936 The mirror. 409 00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:12,948 I always crank down while looking into a mirror. 410 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,609 - Really. - Yeah. 411 00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:16,327 So I could see myself enjoying it. 412 00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:18,112 It's not weird, a lot of dudes do it nowadays, 413 00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:19,697 it's like, a millennial thing. 414 00:17:19,996 --> 00:17:23,451 That doesn't matter. What matters is... 415 00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:26,370 The image is reversed. 416 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,624 That means the porno's not in room 18, 417 00:17:29,676 --> 00:17:32,627 it's in the reverse version of that. 418 00:17:32,679 --> 00:17:35,471 Room... Uh. 419 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,515 - 81? - Yep, that's it, s'go! 420 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:38,933 Stop it, I'm serious. 421 00:17:39,469 --> 00:17:41,135 Come on, man, you already made a dog toss my salad. 422 00:17:41,187 --> 00:17:43,220 Stop it! Guys, okay, that's it, 423 00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,473 that's it. Coming at cha. 424 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:49,393 He's hocking bombs. 425 00:17:55,451 --> 00:17:57,735 Oh, bye. 426 00:18:00,156 --> 00:18:01,497 Get that pecker out, buddy. 427 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,249 Working on it. 428 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:04,909 Time to get it out, though. Seriously. 429 00:18:04,994 --> 00:18:06,294 Okay, I can't. 430 00:18:06,329 --> 00:18:07,328 What? I'm sorry, it's, like, 431 00:18:07,413 --> 00:18:08,913 it's very small, all right? 432 00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:09,997 It's like the... You know the plastic thing 433 00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:11,666 at the end of a shoelace. 434 00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,718 Just take it out now, man! 435 00:18:13,803 --> 00:18:15,636 I need it now. 436 00:18:15,672 --> 00:18:18,055 I need that penis, Blake. 437 00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:28,521 {pub}Quit crying and let me see that donger, bro. 438 00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,156 Just do it, man. 439 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,658 - I am! - Take your dick out-- 440 00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,029 Party's over, porno boy! 441 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,778 Blake... 442 00:18:35,831 --> 00:18:38,331 You're the one who's doing the porno? 443 00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,416 New Adam is mad at you for doing this porno, 444 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,368 and old Adam is frickin' pissed you didn't invite him, 445 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:45,338 so now you have two mad Adams to answer to. 446 00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:46,756 - Man, I'm, like-- - two mad Adams! 447 00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:48,374 - I'm sorry, all right? - Madams! 448 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,375 - I'm mad at myself too. - Hey. 449 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,212 Ders? 450 00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:53,346 Help, somebody please let me in. 451 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,262 Oh, jeez, you are feeling fat as hell. Oh, my God. 452 00:18:58,428 --> 00:18:59,636 What is going on in here, though? 453 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,387 He gave me a bunch of beer and, like, 454 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,805 she gave me some weed, and then they're, like, telling me 455 00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:04,557 to show my little Henderson, I'm like, 456 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,142 - "dude, I don't want to." - That's what they do. 457 00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:07,810 That's what they do. Shh, cover your bosoms, 458 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,479 cover your bosoms. Because I'm about to save you 459 00:19:09,564 --> 00:19:12,532 and this poor, sweet, innocent girl, crystal, 460 00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:14,284 from her evil oppressor, Landon, who I actually 461 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,487 - appreciate his films! - No, no, no, no, no, no. 462 00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:19,539 - Don't do that. Don't. - Come at me, bro! 463 00:19:19,624 --> 00:19:21,207 You don't even know-- you don't even know 464 00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:23,159 what you're doing, because he washed your brain. 465 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,578 Look, I'm-- I'm not brainwashed. 466 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,874 You know I'm a producer on this. 467 00:19:27,048 --> 00:19:29,001 I own 40% of the company. 468 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,711 Plus, I love to squirt on film. 469 00:19:30,877 --> 00:19:32,552 It's kinda my thing. 470 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:36,217 So, you're telling me that some girls do like doing pornog. 471 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,803 - Oh, yeah. - That's right, Adam. 472 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,310 No man has a right to tell a woman 473 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,806 what to do with her body. 474 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,351 Even if she's being sexually exploited. 475 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,850 I knew you were an idiot. Hell yeah! 476 00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,936 Cool. I'm a big fan. 477 00:19:50,313 --> 00:19:52,272 Give me that paper back, or you're a dead man. 478 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,073 You got me running all over campus. 479 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,159 I should be chasing chicks, not dudes! 480 00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:57,194 Wait, hold up! 481 00:19:57,593 --> 00:19:59,086 You wanna be chasing chicks, what? 482 00:19:59,211 --> 00:20:01,283 Are you guys trying to get your boner on or something? 483 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,409 - Oh, yeah. - Cool. 484 00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:04,061 Well, what if, uh... 485 00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:07,248 What if these bros get in your little movie? 486 00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:09,124 That's a good idea, maybe do 487 00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,076 kind of a coast guard gangbang kinda thing. 488 00:20:11,162 --> 00:20:12,661 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you guys want to, like, 489 00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:14,129 get crazy, get weird, they've got this little 490 00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:16,340 French bulldog that you know can toss a salad. 491 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,718 - Uh-huh, sure. - Like, it's crazy good. 492 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,087 How do you know that? 493 00:20:22,173 --> 00:20:24,223 Could. It could toss a salad, you know it could. 494 00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:25,683 You know it could. 495 00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:27,476 Guys, this is great, I think we're going to get, like, 496 00:20:27,511 --> 00:20:29,178 - all 100 contacts. - Nice. 497 00:20:29,263 --> 00:20:31,180 Thanks for the help. 498 00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:33,015 Probably should've just asked you right from the jump, huh? 499 00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:34,483 No. We would've ditched you. 500 00:20:34,518 --> 00:20:35,901 Immediately. That was our whole game plan. 501 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,187 - Okay, good. - But hey, what do you say 502 00:20:38,239 --> 00:20:40,689 we go back to being best friends, huh? 503 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:43,442 - Do it, man. - Let's do it, this is awesome. 504 00:20:43,527 --> 00:20:46,328 - Go ahead? - Also, oh, I was thinking 505 00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:48,363 we should, um... 506 00:20:48,488 --> 00:20:49,698 We should definitely get a dog for the house. 507 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:50,893 For, like, security and stuff. 508 00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,376 Like, not for ****. 509 00:20:54,308 --> 00:20:56,380 That dog licked your butthole, didn't it?