1
00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:03,789
- Ooh, hey.
- Hey.
2
00:00:03,810 --> 00:00:05,804
- Hollywood's biggest night, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
3
00:00:05,829 --> 00:00:08,605
- What'd you put down for best foreign?
- You know me, man.
4
00:00:08,630 --> 00:00:11,623
Just put down the Danish one,
trying to keep it Scandinavian, so.
5
00:00:11,648 --> 00:00:13,701
Oh, man, I hope
tonight tops last year
6
00:00:13,726 --> 00:00:16,304
because I really feel that it was
just a bunch of people, like,
7
00:00:16,329 --> 00:00:17,688
I dunno, sucking each
other off, really.
8
00:00:17,711 --> 00:00:19,494
- Yeah. It kinda was.
- On the red carpet.
9
00:00:19,517 --> 00:00:21,783
Yeah, it was like one
big circle jerk, right?
10
00:00:21,806 --> 00:00:23,400
- Yep.
- Ooh, Adam, Adam,
11
00:00:23,416 --> 00:00:25,043
it's starting!
It's starting!
12
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,084
Who's hungry?
13
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,672
[Laughter]
14
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,781
All right, that
looks great.
15
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,781
Tittay.
16
00:00:31,803 --> 00:00:33,356
Welcome to the AVN Award Show,
17
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,490
where we honor the best
in adult entertainment.
18
00:00:36,505 --> 00:00:39,107
Who do you guys got
for best MMF-DP-ATM?
19
00:00:39,132 --> 00:00:39,976
Um...
20
00:00:39,984 --> 00:00:41,414
Who did I mark?
21
00:00:41,435 --> 00:00:43,687
- Gianna.
- Yep, and I got Chloe.
22
00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:47,766
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
23
00:00:47,791 --> 00:00:50,478
♪ I'm fresh ♪
24
00:00:50,503 --> 00:00:52,613
♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta, gotta ♪
25
00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:54,671
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
26
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:58,527
Adam, I can't believe you got
every category right.
27
00:00:58,552 --> 00:01:00,315
Dude, you even guessed
best dong-umentary.
28
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:04,722
Yes, well, 12 Inches A Slave
was a no-brainer, but
29
00:01:04,744 --> 00:01:09,814
I'll admit it, having a pornographic memory
doesn't hurt. I cannot forget a dick.
30
00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:12,275
Which is crazy, 'cause you can't
remember anything else, right?
31
00:01:12,290 --> 00:01:14,160
Yeah, no, I can't remember
what I ate for breakfast.
32
00:01:14,185 --> 00:01:18,256
I can't remember, like, my social security
number, which is an issue sometimes,
33
00:01:18,271 --> 00:01:20,982
but I remember,
like, every frame
34
00:01:21,007 --> 00:01:24,061
of the porno that I cranked down
to in the mirror last night.
35
00:01:24,086 --> 00:01:26,539
Did you just say you crank
down in the mirror?
36
00:01:26,546 --> 00:01:27,791
You guys don't crank
down in the mirror?
37
00:01:27,801 --> 00:01:29,815
Okay, I'll teach
you something.
38
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,272
All right, so you
are the mirror.
39
00:01:31,286 --> 00:01:32,272
- Uh-huh.
- Okay?
40
00:01:32,287 --> 00:01:35,037
And this, right here, the screen,
that's where all the porno's happening.
41
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:38,179
So I put a little porno back
here and I look in the mirror,
42
00:01:38,195 --> 00:01:40,882
and it's like I'm in the porno.
It's like a pop porno.
43
00:01:40,903 --> 00:01:42,927
And then I'm looking
at myself at the same time,
44
00:01:42,951 --> 00:01:45,967
- and going like, "You're having fun,
this is fun. Look at you." - Sure.
45
00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:48,240
Seems like a lot of work,
but very cool.
46
00:01:48,264 --> 00:01:50,323
- It's not.
- I like to just squeeze it till it pops.
47
00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:52,254
- And move on, you know?
- It's not, it's not a lot.
48
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:55,545
It's a little overwhelming for me, so,
if we could, if you wouldn't mind...
49
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,913
- Absolutely. - I'd like to ask you about
the giant bag you brought to work.
50
00:01:57,928 --> 00:02:01,139
- What's up with that? - Hello, it's my
costume bag from my theater days.
51
00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:03,206
- Uh-oh. - When we were
watching The AVN Awards
52
00:02:03,231 --> 00:02:06,872
it kind of got the old
actor juices a-flowin.
53
00:02:06,888 --> 00:02:08,966
I had different
juices flowing.
54
00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:10,193
- Semen.
- Me too.
55
00:02:10,218 --> 00:02:12,335
[Bad Australian accent]
Do you remember Sydney,
56
00:02:12,359 --> 00:02:13,775
the Australian tour guide?
57
00:02:13,787 --> 00:02:16,358
- I do.
- Good day, mate.
58
00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:19,266
Oh, and crikey, is
that a didgeridoo?
59
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:20,959
- What the hell are you doing?
- [Normal voice] Huh?
60
00:02:20,984 --> 00:02:23,828
Anders, I got a mission
for you, stretch.
61
00:02:23,850 --> 00:02:25,233
Uh, ma'am, yes, ma'am.
62
00:02:25,258 --> 00:02:27,238
I'm sending you to the North
Rancho college job fair
63
00:02:27,263 --> 00:02:29,731
- to recruit some new employees.
- Wow, okay.
64
00:02:29,747 --> 00:02:31,704
Grab a couple of people
to help you get contact info
65
00:02:31,727 --> 00:02:33,853
on 100 people interested
in working here.
66
00:02:33,875 --> 00:02:36,140
You got it, I will assemble
my team right now.
67
00:02:36,165 --> 00:02:37,222
Great.
68
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:42,101
We going back to college,
we going back to college.
69
00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:43,750
- [Grunts rhythmically]
- Yes, yes.
70
00:02:43,766 --> 00:02:45,899
Not so fast, guys. Okay?
71
00:02:45,914 --> 00:02:48,625
My career here at T.A.C.
is clearly riding on this,
72
00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:51,797
and you two?
On a college campus?
73
00:02:52,657 --> 00:02:53,470
Not happening.
74
00:02:53,493 --> 00:02:55,095
Attention, Telamericans,
75
00:02:55,110 --> 00:02:57,759
tomorrow morning
at 0900 hours,
76
00:02:57,784 --> 00:03:01,495
we will deploy onto the campus
of North Rancho College,
77
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,506
trying to get 100 sigs of some
fresh meat, who's with me?
78
00:03:04,523 --> 00:03:07,843
Bill, Tez? You boys up for
an excellent adventure?
79
00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:10,640
And miss out on my commissions?
Foo' please.
80
00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:12,718
I'm trying to ball out at this
hookah bar this weekend.
81
00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:14,326
[Laughs]
82
00:03:14,957 --> 00:03:17,285
- Ders... Come on.
- Please take us.
83
00:03:17,293 --> 00:03:18,611
- Stop. Stop him.
- I'm not going to stop.
84
00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:20,630
- Please stop him.
- I'm not going to stop until you take us.
85
00:03:20,653 --> 00:03:23,114
I know you guys, all right?
You're gonna, like,
86
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:25,177
basically show up and then
I'm going to do all the work
87
00:03:25,184 --> 00:03:27,480
and you're going to run off, and I'm
going to be alone doing all the work.
88
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,273
Honestly, I swear
on my mother.
89
00:03:29,297 --> 00:03:32,333
And Blake's entire family
that we will not bail on you.
90
00:03:32,358 --> 00:03:33,473
Fine!
91
00:03:33,498 --> 00:03:34,731
- Yes.
- Yes, all right.
92
00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,144
All right. Hey, guys,
check this out.
93
00:03:39,299 --> 00:03:40,290
- Whoa, nice.
- Cool, right?
94
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:43,836
- Whoa, very cool. - Yeah, I figured we
could do a whole thing where it's, like,
95
00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:46,080
- "Come and join the Telamerican army."
- Mm-hmm.
96
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:49,225
And got a little karaoke machine
so we could sing some songs.
97
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:53,210
I'm thinking "Proud to be a Telamerican"
or "Telamerica the Beautiful."
98
00:03:53,225 --> 00:03:54,343
- Ooh, I got one, I got one.
- Yeah?
99
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:55,518
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here we go.
100
00:03:55,533 --> 00:03:56,892
- Start it off.
- [Clears throat]
101
00:03:57,331 --> 00:03:58,401
Neither!
102
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,800
That's good, here I'll do
the second verse.
103
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:04,791
Fug this shib.
Very stupid, very dumb idea.
104
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:06,994
We're not going to do your
stupid sign-up job,
105
00:04:07,009 --> 00:04:09,541
because you said
that we'd blow you off.
106
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:10,812
- That's right.
- Mm-hmm.
107
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:13,250
Right. And that's what
you're doing right now.
108
00:04:13,265 --> 00:04:15,882
- We are. - Yes, we are doing
that, but only because--
109
00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,579
- Exactly. You started it.
- But you're doing it.
110
00:04:17,594 --> 00:04:19,203
No, but you started it.
You were a jerk,
111
00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:21,449
and you blew us off, and you said
we weren't going to help you,
112
00:04:21,474 --> 00:04:24,114
so now we're not going to. And we
would've done really well, too.
113
00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,303
We would've, like,
worked our balls off.
114
00:04:26,328 --> 00:04:27,943
This is exactly why I didn't
want to bring you guys.
115
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,064
Come on, dude, let's go throw
the boomerang in the quad.
116
00:04:30,089 --> 00:04:31,745
- Mm-kay. Hey, Blake?
- Mm-hmm?
117
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:35,097
Real quick, what's, like, a cool
Australian exit line that I could say?
118
00:04:35,112 --> 00:04:36,706
Oh, um...
119
00:04:36,731 --> 00:04:38,340
[Whispers]
120
00:04:39,766 --> 00:04:41,048
[Bad Australian accent]
Freakin' crikey.
121
00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:42,375
[Laughs]
122
00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:44,102
- That was really good.
- All right, okay.
123
00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:46,470
- This is a big campus, huh?
- Yeah.
124
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:51,461
Getting, like, weird vibes though,
it's like full-body deja vu.
125
00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,084
[Gasps]
126
00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:00,187
Dorm Daze.
127
00:05:00,202 --> 00:05:04,081
This is the college campus where they
shot 24 of my 36 favorite college pornos.
128
00:05:04,106 --> 00:05:05,309
This is it!
129
00:05:05,729 --> 00:05:07,370
- Whoa.
- That's the vibe.
130
00:05:07,385 --> 00:05:10,365
- That's where I was getting that vibe.
- Oh. Okay, okay, that's awesome, man.
131
00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:12,219
[Bad Australian accent]
Now, hey, go long, mate.
132
00:05:12,226 --> 00:05:14,406
I want to toss you
the boomer, huh?
133
00:05:14,421 --> 00:05:15,708
I've got to find
the dorm room
134
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:19,357
where they shot the gang bang
sequences, pay my respects.
135
00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:20,633
[Normal voice]
Come on, dude. Go long.
136
00:05:20,648 --> 00:05:23,508
I-I can't throw
the boomerang to myself.
137
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,500
Pretty sure that's how
they work, Blake.
138
00:05:25,515 --> 00:05:27,958
Yeah, I know how
boomerangs work, Adam.
139
00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:31,732
I just want somebody to watch
me while I throw the boomerang.
140
00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:33,312
Sorry, Blake.
141
00:05:33,979 --> 00:05:36,213
I've got to find porno!
142
00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:37,532
Whoo!
143
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:41,937
♪ Telamericorp, Telamericorp ♪
144
00:05:41,962 --> 00:05:46,329
♪ Come make phone
calls with me ♪
145
00:05:46,352 --> 00:05:48,524
Come on and join
the Telamerican army,
146
00:05:48,541 --> 00:05:50,822
where the front line
is the landline.
147
00:05:50,845 --> 00:05:53,292
It's phones. You just make
phone calls all day.
148
00:05:53,307 --> 00:05:54,956
- Hey, army man.
- Yeah?
149
00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,706
Do you take requests?
150
00:05:57,714 --> 00:06:01,537
'Cause I request you take that
mic and shove it up your ass.
151
00:06:02,242 --> 00:06:05,859
Well, who are you guys? Oh, U.S.
Coast Guard! Cool, I get it.
152
00:06:05,871 --> 00:06:08,000
'Cause you guys coast
on the backs of the people
153
00:06:08,016 --> 00:06:09,227
who really guard
our country.
154
00:06:09,252 --> 00:06:10,744
[Laughs]
155
00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:13,113
Oh, my God, did one of
you guys just fart?
156
00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:15,051
'Cause it smells
like salty dick.
157
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,716
[Laughter]
158
00:06:16,731 --> 00:06:19,028
Whoo. I'm downwind.
159
00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:22,170
Uh, you guys want to see
my impression of the Navy?
160
00:06:23,023 --> 00:06:25,468
[Imitates sonar pings]
161
00:06:25,493 --> 00:06:28,874
And here's my impression
of the U.S. Coast Guard.
162
00:06:29,564 --> 00:06:31,306
- Ah!
- [Laughter]
163
00:06:31,321 --> 00:06:32,578
Brock! Brock, back.
164
00:06:32,603 --> 00:06:34,962
Okay. Yeah, sign up, man.
165
00:06:34,985 --> 00:06:37,658
Just need your name, email,
phone number,
166
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,251
and a stool sample. Just kidding,
I'm not the coast guard.
167
00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:52,969
{pub}To be or not to be,
that is the question.
168
00:06:52,976 --> 00:06:54,266
Whether tis nobler...
169
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:58,266
Doth my eyes hear
a fellow thespian?
170
00:06:58,273 --> 00:07:01,203
- Or to take pause--
- Thank you.
171
00:07:01,226 --> 00:07:03,510
Do we have anyone else
reading for Hamlet?
172
00:07:03,535 --> 00:07:04,692
One more!
173
00:07:04,709 --> 00:07:06,676
- Get on with it.
- Thanks.
174
00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:12,116
Okay, before I start, this
boomerang has, like, knife edges.
175
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,960
Back off, easy.
176
00:07:13,985 --> 00:07:15,985
[Grunting]
177
00:07:19,817 --> 00:07:23,148
Yah! Yah! Yah!
[Screams]
178
00:07:23,173 --> 00:07:27,040
Back up! All right,
I'm not from here.
179
00:07:27,063 --> 00:07:29,876
I'm from a goddamn
prison colony!
180
00:07:29,891 --> 00:07:33,634
So unless you want a little bit
of what he just got--
181
00:07:33,649 --> 00:07:36,329
I'm sorry, what scene
are you doing?
182
00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:39,399
This is from Crocodile
Dundee 4: The New Class
183
00:07:39,407 --> 00:07:41,149
it's an original script.
184
00:07:41,171 --> 00:07:44,181
- And are you even a student here?
- Not technically, sir, no.
185
00:07:44,188 --> 00:07:47,889
But I will do anything
to be a star.
186
00:07:48,354 --> 00:07:51,241
You are a very bad actor.
187
00:07:51,266 --> 00:07:53,821
And we would never use
you in a production.
188
00:07:54,913 --> 00:07:55,749
[Angry muttering]
189
00:07:55,774 --> 00:07:59,751
Hey. Hey, what you did
up there was so brave.
190
00:07:59,774 --> 00:08:02,235
The director had no idea
what he was talking about.
191
00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:05,758
Well, I mean, I just did what
Dundee would've done-dood.
192
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:06,586
[Laughs]
193
00:08:06,602 --> 00:08:11,141
Well, you know, my friends and I are
making this really cool short film today,
194
00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:13,782
we could use a real
actor like you.
195
00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:15,723
- Really?
- Yeah.
196
00:08:15,739 --> 00:08:19,636
Do you think you could use
an Aussie in the cast?
197
00:08:19,653 --> 00:08:22,091
- I do 13 unique characters--
- Okay, come on.
198
00:08:22,106 --> 00:08:23,150
All right.
199
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,443
18? No.
200
00:08:29,856 --> 00:08:32,669
[Inspirational music]
201
00:08:33,285 --> 00:08:36,640
♪ ♪
202
00:08:36,665 --> 00:08:38,463
I'm finally home.
203
00:08:46,030 --> 00:08:48,880
[Moaning]
204
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:52,109
Something isn't right.
205
00:08:53,016 --> 00:08:54,925
This is the room...
206
00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:57,380
But it's not the room.
207
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,240
Did they move the walls?
208
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:03,945
Nope. That'd be
physically impossible.
209
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,684
[Grunting]
210
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:12,875
[Screaming]
211
00:09:15,192 --> 00:09:17,262
Uh, no. Doesn't
make sense.
212
00:09:18,216 --> 00:09:21,228
In order for semen
spray to land here
213
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:24,224
the Buster would have
to shoot from here.
214
00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:31,476
But Eric was over there.
And he didn't even bust.
215
00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:37,796
Was there a second
semen sprayer?
216
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,347
No. Nope.
217
00:09:42,227 --> 00:09:44,299
Start from
the beginning, Adam.
218
00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:49,167
Who the fuck are you?
219
00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:50,675
Is this where
the porno was?
220
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,366
I don't know what
you're talking about, man.
221
00:09:52,373 --> 00:09:54,184
Just--just get
out of here.
222
00:09:54,205 --> 00:09:55,403
You know what?
223
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,424
I believe you.
224
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,939
I don't see porno
in your eyes.
225
00:09:59,962 --> 00:10:01,564
Sorry, I'm going to have
to look around first.
226
00:10:04,699 --> 00:10:06,163
Female sex.
227
00:10:07,483 --> 00:10:09,374
That's code word for porn.
228
00:10:09,389 --> 00:10:11,944
Hey, who wants to be the 100th
contact given to Telamericorp?
229
00:10:11,959 --> 00:10:13,649
Hook a brother up.
230
00:10:13,674 --> 00:10:17,017
The coast guard, what's going on?
Wait a second, if you guys are here,
231
00:10:17,032 --> 00:10:18,595
who's doing nothing
on the boat?
232
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,863
[Laughs]
233
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,264
'Cause you guys, I don't
know what you do,
234
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,788
what do you guys
even do, do you have boats?
235
00:10:23,803 --> 00:10:26,530
Yeah, we get it. Yeah, no, you're
a regular Gabriel Iglesias.
236
00:10:26,545 --> 00:10:29,149
I wouldn't say that.
Fluffy's very talented.
237
00:10:29,174 --> 00:10:32,749
- You really shouldn't make jokes
about the military like that. - Okay.
238
00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:35,113
What are you guys gonna do,
give me a code red?
239
00:10:36,455 --> 00:10:37,627
Actually not a bad idea.
240
00:10:37,650 --> 00:10:38,791
[Grunts]
241
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:42,502
Come on, guys, please. Don't do this.
Oh, no, man.
242
00:10:42,527 --> 00:10:45,386
Nothing like the taste of code
red on a hot day, am I right?
243
00:10:45,402 --> 00:10:48,152
My butt hairs are
all fizzy now.
244
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:50,761
I think Officer Pettytailwags
is looking a little thirsty.
245
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,308
- What?
- Who's Officer Pettytailwags?
246
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:58,046
That's not good. That's not good.
That's not good. That's not bad.
247
00:10:58,071 --> 00:11:00,282
Okay.
248
00:11:00,289 --> 00:11:02,445
Normally we spend our
shore leave fucking.
249
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:05,615
Not teaching manners
to phone jockeys.
250
00:11:06,338 --> 00:11:07,624
Come on, Lance.
251
00:11:07,649 --> 00:11:12,095
And so, at this point,
the patriarchy is so deeply
252
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:14,541
ingrained in
modern society,
253
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:19,038
females are portrayed almost
exclusively as sex objects.
254
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,946
Sex objects. She talking
about dildos, or what?
255
00:11:21,969 --> 00:11:23,758
Is there a problem,
young man?
256
00:11:23,774 --> 00:11:26,087
No, I just saw this hot chick
walk in with a book that said
257
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:29,636
"sex" and I figured she was
leading me to the porno room,
258
00:11:29,652 --> 00:11:31,218
but...
[All gasping]
259
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,525
Young man, would you come down
here to the front of the room
260
00:11:34,548 --> 00:11:36,589
and let us ask you
some questions?
261
00:11:36,614 --> 00:11:39,052
Oh, hell, yeah, bitch.
Cool.
262
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,406
All right, this is fun.
263
00:11:41,431 --> 00:11:44,147
Damn, girl, you got some
sweater meats up there.
264
00:11:44,172 --> 00:11:45,683
Fascinating.
265
00:11:45,708 --> 00:11:47,731
Did you see how he
wasn't able to take
266
00:11:47,746 --> 00:11:51,174
more than just a few steps
without talking about sex?
267
00:11:51,199 --> 00:11:54,668
It's really as if he has no
control over his base desires.
268
00:11:54,682 --> 00:11:58,464
I didn't know I was going to be in a room
full of freakin' hot, young Mileys, or
269
00:11:58,473 --> 00:12:01,954
else I probably would've worn
my big dick jeans!
270
00:12:01,979 --> 00:12:03,274
[Laughs]
271
00:12:03,299 --> 00:12:04,955
[Roars]
272
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,422
{pub}So this is our set.
273
00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,460
It's, you know,
pretty low-budget,
274
00:12:16,468 --> 00:12:18,555
but I think it's going
to turn out really cool.
275
00:12:18,580 --> 00:12:20,682
Wow. Okay, pinch
me, am I dreaming?
276
00:12:20,697 --> 00:12:22,307
[Laughter]
277
00:12:22,332 --> 00:12:24,049
This is awesome.
278
00:12:24,074 --> 00:12:27,091
[Bad Australian accent]
So what's the scene, mate?
279
00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:28,960
Well, we improvise
most of it.
280
00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,467
[Normal voice] Oh, okay,
all right, The League-ing it.
281
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:34,730
Very smart. So do you guys work
off of, like, an outline, or--
282
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,258
well, this is Landon,
the director.
283
00:12:37,283 --> 00:12:39,763
Hey, how are you, Blake?
Nice to meet you.
284
00:12:39,788 --> 00:12:42,446
- You ready to make a movie today?
- You betcha, sir.
285
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:45,957
So tell me, Adam, what is it
you like about porn?
286
00:12:47,026 --> 00:12:49,332
To begin with, um...
287
00:12:49,347 --> 00:12:50,780
everything.
288
00:12:50,805 --> 00:12:54,108
Not to be, like, sentimental
and cheesy, but...
289
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:56,133
I love how they just--
290
00:12:56,148 --> 00:13:00,263
their soft cupping
of the balls, and
291
00:13:00,288 --> 00:13:03,926
the general way they just
caress the shaft and...
292
00:13:04,896 --> 00:13:06,977
[Gagging] All the gagging.
293
00:13:07,723 --> 00:13:09,827
It's just beautiful to me.
294
00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:12,396
Well, Adam, I have
some bad news for you.
295
00:13:13,107 --> 00:13:16,218
Those women are
being exploited.
296
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:19,256
- Nope.
- No, it's true.
297
00:13:19,270 --> 00:13:23,583
Many of them are confused, young
actresses hoping to be in a movie.
298
00:13:23,605 --> 00:13:26,622
Red leather, yellow leather.
299
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,980
- Right, here we go, have some acting
juice. - Oh, oh, are you kidding me?
300
00:13:29,003 --> 00:13:33,089
They're offered drugs and alcohol
to lower their inhibitions.
301
00:13:33,106 --> 00:13:34,252
They're victims, Adam.
302
00:13:34,277 --> 00:13:36,249
So, nobody's told me, like,
what the scene is.
303
00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:38,611
I know we're 'prov-ing it,
she told me.
304
00:13:38,636 --> 00:13:39,787
- Well, I'll tell you what.
- Uh-huh.
305
00:13:39,812 --> 00:13:42,179
The scene is sit down
right about here.
306
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,940
- Uh-huh. - And then crystal
is gonna gobble your knob.
307
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,324
Shall we maybe do
the scene before, though?
308
00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:51,183
Like, when we, like
meet each other, like--
309
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,284
- No, we're good. All right?
- Okay. Yeah.
310
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:59,315
Sad victims of a dark industry that
caters to perverted misogynists.
311
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:01,482
Sorry, don't talk about
porno like that.
312
00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:03,645
It's, like, fun. And we're
ever-- they're all having fun.
313
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:07,309
We're not going to show the actual,
um-- my penis, are we?
314
00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:12,626
They manipulate women emotionally
to make them think they have no choice.
315
00:14:12,648 --> 00:14:15,688
What's the matter,
you don't like sex?
316
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:19,761
I do, I do, I do, I do, I do...
It's just, umh...
317
00:14:19,786 --> 00:14:21,086
You know what?
I should, uh...
318
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,766
I hear my mom calling
me, I gotta go.
319
00:14:22,783 --> 00:14:25,486
- I'm so sorry.
- Woah, what the hell, man?
320
00:14:25,509 --> 00:14:27,363
You drink my booze,
you you smoke my weed,
321
00:14:27,386 --> 00:14:29,839
- and now you want to fucking leave?
I don't think so, man. - All right.
322
00:14:29,854 --> 00:14:34,209
Hey, stop yelling at me! All right?
I just want to act!
323
00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:35,951
I just want to act, okay?
324
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:39,314
- Don't be mad, all right? - Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh.
325
00:14:40,072 --> 00:14:43,292
They break these women down
to get what they want,
326
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,136
That's how they get them.
327
00:14:45,148 --> 00:14:47,465
You're in a big time, now.
You're gonna act.
328
00:14:47,479 --> 00:14:49,182
You don't wanna disappoint
all these people, do you?
329
00:14:49,198 --> 00:14:52,003
Everybody's here working
hard to make you look good.
330
00:14:52,671 --> 00:14:54,835
Why don't you take this
331
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,400
and use that closet to grease up your hog
and then you get your shit together,
332
00:14:58,423 --> 00:14:59,962
we'll make some movies.
333
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,283
- Okay.
- Okay.
334
00:15:01,308 --> 00:15:03,996
- Stop it, you're scaring me.
- Good, you should be scared.
335
00:15:04,019 --> 00:15:06,819
What if your mother
was in this situation?
336
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:10,534
My mommy doesn't make porno,
she makes ham sammiches.
337
00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:14,121
But porn stars are women,
just like your mom.
338
00:15:14,779 --> 00:15:17,179
So some porn stars are...
339
00:15:18,303 --> 00:15:22,178
Done from a long day on set, and they go
home and make a little boy ham sammiches?
340
00:15:22,193 --> 00:15:23,488
Yes, Adam.
341
00:15:24,102 --> 00:15:27,652
Porn stars make little boys
ham sammiches too.
342
00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:32,886
I'm gonna find
that porno room,
343
00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:34,858
and I'm not going to be the one
cranking down in the corner
344
00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:37,788
and potentially being a cock.
No!
345
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:39,569
I'm gonna shut it down.
346
00:15:39,593 --> 00:15:41,148
'Cause no mommy
347
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:44,486
should go home and make ham
sammiches for little boys
348
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:46,804
with ejaculate on
their fingers.
349
00:15:46,829 --> 00:15:48,595
I'm doing it.
350
00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:50,345
For the mommies!
351
00:15:50,370 --> 00:15:52,322
Look, I just wanted
to apologize to you guys.
352
00:15:52,347 --> 00:15:55,132
We got off on the wrong foot.
I'm here to clear the air.
353
00:15:55,157 --> 00:15:57,128
With a Gabriel
Iglesias-style joke.
354
00:15:57,153 --> 00:15:59,071
- Better be funny.
- It's funny.
355
00:15:59,086 --> 00:16:01,653
There's an air force guy
and a coast guard guy.
356
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,501
They're walking down
the street, right?
357
00:16:03,526 --> 00:16:07,174
And they see this kid playing
with a pile of poop.
358
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,615
So I go, "Hey, kid.
What do you make?"
359
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,828
Kid goes, "Uh, making a pilot."
360
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:14,625
[Laughs]
361
00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:16,103
- Nice.
- Get 'em.
362
00:16:16,118 --> 00:16:17,743
Air force guy's like, what?
363
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,710
And then the kid says...
364
00:16:19,735 --> 00:16:22,913
"Yeah, I would've made a coast guard,
but I didn't have enough shit."
365
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,189
Frickin' see ya!
366
00:16:24,214 --> 00:16:27,265
[Punk music]
367
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:32,392
♪ ♪
368
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,451
You guys chasing this guy?
369
00:16:35,476 --> 00:16:36,921
Wanna help me get
him off my ladder?
370
00:16:36,936 --> 00:16:37,804
- Yeah.
- Hey, thanks.
371
00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:40,148
Thanks for that, I really--
no, no, guys, come on.
372
00:16:40,163 --> 00:16:41,851
- This is all set up?
- Looks dynamite.
373
00:16:41,859 --> 00:16:44,603
Great. All right,
I'm excited.
374
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,709
Whoa. Hey, there he is.
Wow.
375
00:16:47,734 --> 00:16:50,993
Hey, do you still want to do that
Australian voice? That could be fun.
376
00:16:51,018 --> 00:16:52,318
I don't care anymore.
377
00:16:52,338 --> 00:16:54,539
Well, let's roll, people.
378
00:16:54,564 --> 00:16:56,257
- Time to get that dick out, homey.
- Yeah.
379
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,619
[Door opens]
380
00:16:57,644 --> 00:16:59,128
Ah, stop, stop!
381
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:01,011
Is this the porno?
Cover up your bosoms.
382
00:17:01,034 --> 00:17:03,873
You could be my mommy. My mommy
doesn't have her boobies flopped out,
383
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,165
they're flopped in.
384
00:17:05,182 --> 00:17:08,111
- What the hell is this. Who
are all these peop... - Shhhh.
385
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:11,326
The mirror.
386
00:17:13,220 --> 00:17:15,843
I always crank down while
looking into a mirror.
387
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:18,902
- Really.
- Yeah.
388
00:17:18,917 --> 00:17:20,510
So I could see
myself enjoying it.
389
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:23,963
It's not weird, a lot of dudes do it
nowadays, it's like, a millennial thing.
390
00:17:23,986 --> 00:17:26,690
That doesn't matter.
What matters is...
391
00:17:27,749 --> 00:17:29,825
The image is reversed.
392
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:33,912
That means the porno's not
in room 18,
393
00:17:33,937 --> 00:17:36,492
it's in the reverse
version of that.
394
00:17:37,018 --> 00:17:39,420
Room... Uh.
395
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,921
- 81?
- Yep, that's it, s'go!
396
00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,093
Stop it, I'm serious.
397
00:17:43,109 --> 00:17:45,318
Come on, man, you already
made a dog toss my salad.
398
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:48,929
Stop it! Guys, okay, that's it, that's it.
Comin' at cha.
399
00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:50,767
[Spits]
400
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,075
[Laughs]
401
00:17:52,088 --> 00:17:53,369
He's hocking bombs.
402
00:17:53,394 --> 00:17:57,607
[Grunting and screaming]
403
00:17:58,459 --> 00:17:59,545
[Laughs]
404
00:17:59,564 --> 00:18:01,903
Oh, bye.
405
00:18:04,456 --> 00:18:05,758
Get that pecker
out, buddy.
406
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,736
[Laughs] Working on it.
407
00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:09,207
Time to get it out, though.
Seriously.
408
00:18:09,215 --> 00:18:10,254
Okay, I can't.
409
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:12,628
- What? - I'm sorry, it's, like,
it's very small, all right?
410
00:18:12,642 --> 00:18:15,884
It's like the... You know the plastic
thing at the end of a shoelace.
411
00:18:15,899 --> 00:18:17,837
Just take it out now, man!
412
00:18:17,852 --> 00:18:19,509
- I need it now.
- [Groaning]
413
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,456
I need that penis, Blake.
414
00:18:31,092 --> 00:18:33,420
{pub}Quit crying and let me see
that donger, bro.
415
00:18:33,443 --> 00:18:34,139
[Crying]
416
00:18:34,164 --> 00:18:35,115
Just do it, man.
417
00:18:35,122 --> 00:18:36,576
- I am!
- Take your dick out--
418
00:18:36,591 --> 00:18:38,197
[Door slams open]
Party's over, porno boy!
419
00:18:38,222 --> 00:18:39,042
[Shrieks]
420
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,168
Blake...
421
00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:42,906
You're the one
who's doing the porno?
422
00:18:43,512 --> 00:18:45,622
New Adam is mad at you
for doing this porno,
423
00:18:45,636 --> 00:18:47,606
and old Adam is frickin' pissed
you didn't invite him,
424
00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:50,589
so now you have two mad
Adams to answer to.
425
00:18:50,614 --> 00:18:51,884
- Man, I'm, like--
- Two mad Adams!
426
00:18:51,899 --> 00:18:53,416
- I'm sorry, all right?
- Madams!
427
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:54,862
- I'm mad at myself too.
- [Knocks at window] Hey.
428
00:18:54,869 --> 00:18:55,758
Ders?
429
00:18:55,783 --> 00:18:57,819
- Help, somebody please let me in.
- Ders?
430
00:19:00,908 --> 00:19:03,486
Oh, jeez, you are feeling fat
as hell. Oh, my God.
431
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:04,775
What is going on
in here, though?
432
00:19:04,798 --> 00:19:07,016
He gave me a bunch of beer and,
like, she gave me some weed,
433
00:19:07,031 --> 00:19:08,830
and then they're, like, telling
me to show my little Henderson,
434
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:10,694
- I'm like, "Dude, I don't want to."
- That's what they do.
435
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:11,707
That's what they do.
436
00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:13,425
Shh, cover your bosoms,
cover your bosoms.
437
00:19:13,450 --> 00:19:17,604
Because I'm about to save you and this
poor, sweet, innocent girl, Crystal,
438
00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:21,572
from her evil oppressor, Landon, who
I actually appreciate his films!
439
00:19:21,597 --> 00:19:22,956
No, no, no, no, no, no.
440
00:19:22,979 --> 00:19:24,933
- Don't do that. Don't.
- Come at me, bro!
441
00:19:24,948 --> 00:19:26,822
You don't even know-- you don't
even know what you're doing,
442
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:30,745
- because he washed your brain.
- Look, I'm-- I'm not brainwashed.
443
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,285
You know I'm
a producer on this.
444
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:33,825
I own 40% of the company.
445
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:36,988
Plus, I love to squirt on film.
It's kinda my thing.
446
00:19:37,013 --> 00:19:41,667
So, you're telling me that
some girls do like doing pornog.
447
00:19:41,692 --> 00:19:44,142
- Oh, yeah.
- That's right, Adam.
448
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:47,449
No man has a right to tell a woman
what to do with her body.
449
00:19:47,464 --> 00:19:50,039
Even if she's being
sexually exploited.
450
00:19:50,611 --> 00:19:52,940
I knew you were an idiot.
Hell yeah!
451
00:19:52,955 --> 00:19:54,986
Cool. I'm a big fan.
452
00:19:55,705 --> 00:19:57,641
Give me that paper back,
or you're a dead man.
453
00:19:57,666 --> 00:19:59,150
You got me running
all over campus.
454
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,345
I should be chasing
chicks, not dudes!
455
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:02,682
Wait, hold up!
456
00:20:02,689 --> 00:20:04,153
You wanna be chasing
chicks, what?
457
00:20:04,175 --> 00:20:06,951
Are you guys trying to get
your boner on or something?
458
00:20:06,976 --> 00:20:07,909
- Oh, yeah.
- Cool.
459
00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:09,843
Well, what if, uh...
460
00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:12,664
What if these bros get
in your little movie?
461
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:16,205
That's a good idea, maybe do kind of
a coast guard gangbang kinda thing.
462
00:20:16,228 --> 00:20:18,580
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you guys
want to, like, get crazy, get weird,
463
00:20:18,602 --> 00:20:21,580
they've got this little French bulldog
that you know can toss a salad.
464
00:20:21,602 --> 00:20:24,351
- Uh-huh, sure.
- Like, it's crazy good.
465
00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:26,443
How do you know that?
466
00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:30,895
Could. It could toss a salad, you
know it could. You know it could.
467
00:20:30,911 --> 00:20:34,669
- Guys, this is great, I think we're going
to get, like, all 100 contacts. - Nice.
468
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:35,520
Thanks for the help.
469
00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:38,215
Probably should've just asked
you right from the jump, huh?
470
00:20:38,231 --> 00:20:39,520
- No.
- We would've ditched you.
471
00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:41,071
Immediately. That was
our whole game plan.
472
00:20:41,094 --> 00:20:42,456
Okay, good.
473
00:20:42,481 --> 00:20:45,606
But hey, what do you say we go
back to being best friends, huh?
474
00:20:45,629 --> 00:20:48,574
Let's do it, man.
Let's do it, this is awesome.
475
00:20:48,597 --> 00:20:52,743
Go ahead? Also, oh, I was
thinking we should, um...
476
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:54,906
We should definitely get
a dog for the house.
477
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:58,074
For, like, security and stuff.
Like, not to play with.
478
00:20:59,656 --> 00:21:01,538
That dog licked your
butthole, didn't it?
479
00:21:01,558 --> 00:21:06,658
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
480
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:09,504
- Just do it! What is your problem?
- Wait.
481
00:21:10,928 --> 00:21:13,045
Oh Jesus, how hard--
482
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,148
[Crying]
483
00:21:17,173 --> 00:21:19,345
You're not taking a shit,
you're taking off your pants!
484
00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:21,557
- Let's see that dick, man!
- [blubbers]