1
00:00:01,918 --> 00:00:03,186
Hey, guys, come on.
2
00:00:04,350 --> 00:00:07,023
[Panting]
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,846
We need a doctor!
4
00:00:11,059 --> 00:00:12,795
We need a doctor!
5
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:14,897
Stay with us, man.
6
00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:18,735
Oh, dude, this would suck
so bad if you died.
7
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,480
The Ders!
He's unleashed The Ders!
8
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,329
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
9
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,922
Any minute.
10
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:43,191
Man, I swear I saw
three out here yesterday.
11
00:00:43,259 --> 00:00:44,492
No way.
12
00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,839
- Must have been a family.
- Or a gang.
13
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,196
Squirrel gangs are a real thing.
14
00:00:48,264 --> 00:00:49,884
No, it's true.
15
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,767
I saw a squirrel get busted
into a squirrel gang.
16
00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:53,846
- Jumped in, sure.
- Maybe he's getting jumped out.
17
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,432
- They do both.
- That's true.
18
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,172
Hey, do your squirrel call.
Let's get some action.
19
00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,185
Oh yeah, here you go.
20
00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:02,756
[High-pitched whinnying]
21
00:01:07,082 --> 00:01:08,027
Here you go.
22
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,753
Put it in the box.
23
00:01:11,820 --> 00:01:13,365
Thank you, sir.
I'll check it.
24
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,289
- Looks like we're getting full.
- Oh, my God.
25
00:01:15,356 --> 00:01:17,691
- You see those mailman calves?
- I hate that man.
26
00:01:17,759 --> 00:01:19,326
He comes over here.
"Here, take the mail."
27
00:01:19,394 --> 00:01:20,761
It's your job
to put it in the box, man.
28
00:01:20,829 --> 00:01:23,125
- Oh, hey, big naturals.
- Nice.
29
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,266
You like that.
Automo-bills.
30
00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:27,101
Ders!
Hey, check it out.
31
00:01:27,169 --> 00:01:29,369
You've got mail from Crank Yankers.
32
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:32,138
I wonder if I'm still banned
in all AOL chatrooms.
33
00:01:32,206 --> 00:01:33,681
Chuck it, man.
I don't need it.
34
00:01:33,806 --> 00:01:36,276
What are you talking about?
You didn't even open it, man.
35
00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:38,378
Could be a signed set photo
from booty call.
36
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,314
Jamie Foxx?
Didn't you ask him for one?
37
00:01:40,381 --> 00:01:41,848
Yes, I did,
but that's not what it is.
38
00:01:41,916 --> 00:01:43,483
Hey, man, come on!
Don't open that!
39
00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:46,455
Ooh, Irvine Central
High School Alumni Swim Meet.
40
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:48,025
See, I knew
it'd be something you like.
41
00:01:48,555 --> 00:01:50,439
I'm not going, and I never will.
42
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,225
Whoa, attitude.
43
00:01:52,293 --> 00:01:55,295
Dude!
Why aren't we going to a place?
44
00:01:55,362 --> 00:01:58,764
I'm not going because the guy
who runs the event, Troy Torpey,
45
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,913
got me voted off the state
relay team in high school.
46
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,769
Okay, that doesn't seem right.
How could he do that?
47
00:02:03,837 --> 00:02:05,292
He told everyone on the team
that I got a boner
48
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,670
in the showers in the locker
room, which isn't true.
49
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:08,963
So what?
You got a boner in the shower.
50
00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:11,811
- No, I didn't!
- I get boners all the time.
51
00:02:11,878 --> 00:02:14,714
I actually have one right now.
52
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,015
Peeping this hog.
53
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:19,014
This monster.
54
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,516
Peep this hog.
55
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,322
You actually can't see it
right now because it's so small.
56
00:02:23,389 --> 00:02:24,957
Anyways, dude, it's all good.
57
00:02:25,024 --> 00:02:26,258
This is your chance to go back
58
00:02:26,326 --> 00:02:28,565
and show all those pricks
from high school
59
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,028
what an awesome dude
you've become, man.
60
00:02:30,096 --> 00:02:31,696
Jocks, they peak
in high school, all right?
61
00:02:31,764 --> 00:02:34,099
But nerds, they become Skrillex.
62
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:37,469
Hey, guys, I was kidding,
I've got a huge one.
63
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:40,372
Like, I wasn't in either
of those groups in high school.
64
00:02:40,439 --> 00:02:41,840
- I...
- me either.
65
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,041
- I, like, did my own thing.
- Right, exactly.
66
00:02:44,109 --> 00:02:46,010
You just sit in the corner.
You watch them.
67
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,346
You study them.
You learn how to laugh on cue.
68
00:02:48,414 --> 00:02:50,128
[Forced laughter]
69
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,315
Yes!
70
00:02:51,384 --> 00:02:52,881
We would have been
best friends in high school.
71
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,342
Best friends!
Believe it!
72
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,677
[Laughter]
73
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,789
We would have been
best friends in high school.
74
00:02:58,857 --> 00:03:00,424
- Sorry, Blake.
- I don't care.
75
00:03:00,492 --> 00:03:01,807
- Yeah, you do.
- No. No, no.
76
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,361
No, it's not a problem.
77
00:03:03,428 --> 00:03:05,019
I mean, I hung out
with a bevy of ladies at lunch.
78
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,064
- The lunch ladies, right?
- Oh, well, you know.
79
00:03:07,132 --> 00:03:09,106
We would just kind
of hang out in the cafeteria...
80
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,367
'cause they were lunch ladies.
81
00:03:10,435 --> 00:03:11,802
We would just sling taco boats...
82
00:03:11,870 --> 00:03:13,537
no, we know the story
of the lunch ladies.
83
00:03:13,605 --> 00:03:15,205
No, but they had the stories, okay?
84
00:03:15,273 --> 00:03:17,307
- These girls had jokes!
- The lunch ladies.
85
00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:19,109
Yes, I worked in the cafeteria.
86
00:03:19,176 --> 00:03:20,909
They were lunch friends to me.
87
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:23,046
Ders, we are going
to that dumb, stupid,
88
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,115
horrible-sounding swim thing,
89
00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:27,050
and you are gonna go up to torpey,
90
00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:29,485
and you're gonna say, "we're not
in high school anymore,"
91
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:31,254
and you're gonna prove to him
92
00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:34,857
that you are the freaking
top dog of them all, besides me.
93
00:03:34,926 --> 00:03:36,426
All right, okay.
Let's do it.
94
00:03:36,493 --> 00:03:38,461
- I'm gonna go pack my speedos.
- All right!
95
00:03:38,529 --> 00:03:39,970
Wait, wait, wait, whoa!
96
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,264
We were watching squirrels, though.
97
00:03:41,332 --> 00:03:42,632
Yes, we were.
I'm sorry, I just...
98
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,166
back to the squirrels again.
99
00:03:44,234 --> 00:03:46,135
Both: ♪ Back to the squirrels again ♪
100
00:03:46,202 --> 00:03:48,438
♪ Back to the squirrels again,
back to the squirrels again ♪
101
00:03:48,505 --> 00:03:49,939
♪ We're looking at squirrels ♪
102
00:03:50,006 --> 00:03:51,741
♪ In the front yard ♪
103
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,445
This is about to be so cool.
104
00:03:55,512 --> 00:03:58,314
I'm so pumped, dude.
Ders is gonna kill it.
105
00:03:58,381 --> 00:04:00,049
Yeah, I'm excited.
106
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:02,084
Hey, do you remember
how we used to always
107
00:04:02,152 --> 00:04:04,320
crank it to Ders' old yearbooks?
108
00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:06,155
Yeah, absolutely.
Hottest high school ever.
109
00:04:06,222 --> 00:04:07,498
The hottest!
110
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,325
Yeah, I was always into Aurora Brown,
111
00:04:09,392 --> 00:04:11,293
and then I got into Laura Rocca
for a while,
112
00:04:11,361 --> 00:04:12,727
but now I found this new chick,
113
00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:15,163
this banging black chick
on Ders' swim team,
114
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:17,065
that I've been peeping,
115
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,601
and I've really been building
something very special with her.
116
00:04:19,669 --> 00:04:21,002
It's, like, more than masturbation.
117
00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,931
It's, like, deeper.
118
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,140
So, like, you don't even
masturbate to her?
119
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:30,345
No, I do, but it's, like, deeper.
120
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,013
I get it, man.
121
00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:33,781
I mean, that whole swim team
is stacked, dude.
122
00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:35,683
They're a good-looking crew.
123
00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:38,086
Yeah, there's, like, that
Asa Akira-looking Asian chick?
124
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,154
- Mama!
- Ooh!
125
00:04:39,754 --> 00:04:41,456
- She's got my jeans steaming.
- Oh, I freaking...
126
00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,291
I love chicks.
127
00:04:43,359 --> 00:04:45,559
All these chicks are about
to be at this party today, man!
128
00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:47,328
They're definitely
gonna be there today.
129
00:04:47,396 --> 00:04:49,096
That's why I'm so freaking
psyched and pumped.
130
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,959
Guys, I'm gonna ship out,
so wish me luck.
131
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,268
Actually, we were gonna
go with, if it's cool.
132
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:56,470
All right, cool!
133
00:04:56,538 --> 00:04:57,605
- All right!
- Yes!
134
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:58,772
All right, cool.
135
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,808
I actually feel I need to change.
136
00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:02,275
I feel like
I'm a little underdressed.
137
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,611
Yeah, me, too.
138
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,911
You got to have the perfect outfit
139
00:05:04,979 --> 00:05:06,513
for these type of occasions.
140
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,882
Ders, are you ready to...
141
00:05:08,949 --> 00:05:10,250
hiyah!
142
00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,784
This torpey dude or what?
143
00:05:11,852 --> 00:05:13,453
- You know it, man.
- Sick, man.
144
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:16,089
Oh, wait up, before we go in there,
145
00:05:16,157 --> 00:05:17,491
just keep an eye on me and Adam,
146
00:05:17,558 --> 00:05:19,226
'cause we're not
the strongest swimmers.
147
00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:20,394
- I'm very drown-able.
- Okay.
148
00:05:20,461 --> 00:05:22,161
And, you know, the deep end,
149
00:05:22,229 --> 00:05:24,330
it just will scare
the chum out of me,
150
00:05:24,398 --> 00:05:25,993
- if you know what I mean.
- Semen.
151
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,266
No, 'rhea.
152
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:29,468
Oh, when I get really scared,
I secrete semen.
153
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,738
- It's true.
- You'll be fine, okay?
154
00:05:31,805 --> 00:05:33,606
If you fall in, just don't panic,
155
00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:36,676
and remember...
here, I'll just... quick lesson:
156
00:05:36,744 --> 00:05:40,090
"Hov," right,
to "hanging with Mr. Cooper,"
157
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,093
and then up
for an "Asian girl laughing."
158
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,216
Oh, yeah, I know about that.
159
00:05:44,284 --> 00:05:45,784
- Hov!
- Hov!
160
00:05:45,852 --> 00:05:47,786
Hanging with Mr. Cooper.
Asian girl laughing.
161
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,850
Hov.
Hanging with Mr. Cooper.
162
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,477
Asian girl laughing.
163
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:55,994
Oh, ay, chihuahua.
She-Hulk's got a ride.
164
00:05:57,864 --> 00:05:59,531
Oh, my God, you guys,
165
00:05:59,599 --> 00:06:01,199
it's my dream girl from high school.
166
00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,696
- What?
- Magda Marzuski!
167
00:06:03,335 --> 00:06:06,304
- Nice escalade.
- Oh, thanks.
168
00:06:06,372 --> 00:06:08,173
Actually, it's Magda Torpey now.
169
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,110
What?
170
00:06:12,178 --> 00:06:14,579
Anders Boner-vik.
171
00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,614
- Look at you.
- Oh.
172
00:06:16,682 --> 00:06:18,216
Troy Torpey-nis.
173
00:06:18,284 --> 00:06:19,184
- Tor-penis?
- Yeah.
174
00:06:19,251 --> 00:06:20,785
That's funny, dude.
175
00:06:20,852 --> 00:06:22,887
I'm just messing around.
You look good.
176
00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:25,177
Obviously you remember Magda.
177
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,224
Say hello to the little monsters
she bore for me,
178
00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:28,993
Declan and Caleb.
179
00:06:29,061 --> 00:06:31,028
You better believe I got them
in the pool too.
180
00:06:31,096 --> 00:06:32,930
Declan just took down
the last Chas Morton ten
181
00:06:32,998 --> 00:06:34,932
and under N.A.G. record in Orlando.
182
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,235
No kidding.
Orlando, fast pool.
183
00:06:38,303 --> 00:06:39,737
We should race if you're up for it.
184
00:06:39,805 --> 00:06:41,472
All right, Caleb, Declan,
hold your breath.
185
00:06:41,539 --> 00:06:43,540
Start now, exercises.
186
00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:46,543
Two, three, four.
187
00:06:46,611 --> 00:06:48,345
Oh, my God, you guys,
he's still the man.
188
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,013
I can't do this.
189
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,381
Ders, it's fine.
190
00:06:51,449 --> 00:06:53,083
He's just handsome and rich
191
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:56,052
and banging Magda,
The "Lady Rock" Johnson,
192
00:06:56,121 --> 00:07:01,124
and you have...
193
00:07:01,191 --> 00:07:02,839
Blake, what does Ders have?
194
00:07:03,393 --> 00:07:07,731
Ders, you have lips.
195
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,711
{pub}Anyway, just think
about that write-off.
196
00:07:17,779 --> 00:07:18,926
It's a write-off.
197
00:07:19,051 --> 00:07:21,215
Yeah, my life's pretty sweet
these days also.
198
00:07:21,282 --> 00:07:23,617
Chef Ders is cooking up
some tangy treats.
199
00:07:23,742 --> 00:07:25,566
What's that?
200
00:07:25,691 --> 00:07:27,531
You were talking about your life
out there, so I was just gonna...
201
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:28,895
Oh, right, right.
202
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:30,895
- So where was I?
- I was...
203
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,592
anyway, so I got sick
of running the hedge fund,
204
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,629
and I met Ryan Lochte
at Golden Goggles.
205
00:07:35,696 --> 00:07:37,230
He's on the board at USA swimming.
206
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,566
- No way.
- So now I'm Lochte's money guy.
207
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:41,167
- What?
- Making investments.
208
00:07:41,235 --> 00:07:42,935
Chasing sponsorships.
209
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:45,173
He's the one who came up
with the term "j'yeah!"
210
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:46,906
What?
211
00:07:46,974 --> 00:07:48,608
Oh, well, hey.
212
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:49,845
You ever hear "tight butthole"?
213
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,263
I came up with that.
214
00:07:51,879 --> 00:07:53,312
I'm not sure I get it,
215
00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:56,149
but you and buttholes make sense.
216
00:07:56,216 --> 00:07:57,383
[Both laugh]
217
00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:59,062
You are so funny.
218
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:00,753
Hey, would you mind
grabbing me that drink?
219
00:08:00,821 --> 00:08:02,399
Oh, of course.
220
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,190
God, I wish Magda'd let me do anal.
221
00:08:04,258 --> 00:08:05,791
She says it's unnatural.
222
00:08:05,858 --> 00:08:07,893
No offense to you and your buddies.
223
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:12,130
I prefer Snatch anyway,
and she can go all night.
224
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:13,899
"Snatch."
225
00:08:13,966 --> 00:08:15,734
I'm not ashamed to say
I got to pop a couple Viagra
226
00:08:15,802 --> 00:08:16,835
just to keep up.
227
00:08:16,903 --> 00:08:18,373
- Oh, yeah.
- Voila.
228
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,838
Thank you.
229
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:21,206
Anyway, it was really great
catching up with you, man.
230
00:08:21,274 --> 00:08:22,974
- Cheers.
- Yeah.
231
00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:24,242
All right, you kiddos
ready to go get stretched out?
232
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:25,672
You gonna win this one?
233
00:08:37,256 --> 00:08:40,090
Oh, there's my girl.
234
00:08:40,158 --> 00:08:44,358
Excuse me.
Miss Cruz?
235
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,443
- Yeah?
- Sorry for being so formal.
236
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:53,103
It's just an honor to meet you.
237
00:08:53,171 --> 00:08:56,440
I'm friends with one
of the alumni swimmers here,
238
00:08:56,507 --> 00:08:59,844
and I've been admiring
your photo in the yearbook
239
00:08:59,911 --> 00:09:01,778
for quite some time now.
240
00:09:01,847 --> 00:09:05,170
You mean, like,
pictures of me as a kid?
241
00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:10,888
Yeah, and may I say
you still look very young.
242
00:09:10,956 --> 00:09:12,969
In a good way.
You still look very young,
243
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,359
but cutting to the chase,
like a Ginsu,
244
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:19,062
I was just wondering if maybe
you would like to accompany me
245
00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:20,185
to a Sushi dinner.
246
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,771
I love eating sashimi,
247
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:27,036
but I would rather eat sashi-you.
248
00:09:27,104 --> 00:09:28,938
Ooh, not really into Sushi.
249
00:09:29,006 --> 00:09:31,807
Thanks, though, and I'm not Japanese,
250
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,676
if that's what you're doing.
251
00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:34,610
Yeah.
No, it was.
252
00:09:34,678 --> 00:09:35,811
Sorry, I blew that.
253
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,147
Oh, hey!
So, Adam, what's up?
254
00:09:38,215 --> 00:09:41,164
This is my girl, Sherry.
255
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,519
- This is my ninja, Adam.
- Your girl?
256
00:09:43,587 --> 00:09:44,887
But this is...
257
00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:47,462
[R&B music]
258
00:09:47,724 --> 00:09:49,256
♪ You're messing
with the same girl ♪
259
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,959
- ♪ Same girl
- ♪ Same girl
260
00:09:51,027 --> 00:09:52,995
♪ How could the love of my life ♪
261
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,011
♪ And my potential wife be the ♪
262
00:09:55,231 --> 00:09:56,999
- ♪ The same girl
- ♪ Same girl
263
00:09:57,066 --> 00:09:59,766
- ♪ Same girl
- ♪ Just I can't believe
264
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,636
Break the grip!
Break the grip!
265
00:10:01,704 --> 00:10:02,561
[Shouts]
266
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,604
Okay.
267
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,408
Ow!
Adam, you're hurting me!
268
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,150
Okay?
Not in front of my girl.
269
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,146
Your girl?
More like my girl.
270
00:10:11,214 --> 00:10:13,048
I'm the macaulay culkin
of this situation.
271
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,449
What are you talking about?
272
00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:15,951
I'm talking about the movie My Girl!
273
00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:17,786
With the little girl,
loves Macaulay Culkin
274
00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:19,621
so much she gets stinged
by a ton of bees and dies.
275
00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:20,922
- I thought he died.
- I don't know!
276
00:10:20,989 --> 00:10:22,424
I haven't seen the movie
in a long time!
277
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,292
It's besides the point, man.
278
00:10:24,359 --> 00:10:26,594
I thought you told me that your
chick was a black girl, dude.
279
00:10:26,662 --> 00:10:28,837
Yeah, and that girl is super black.
280
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,164
She's a super black beauty.
281
00:10:30,232 --> 00:10:32,166
And you said your girl was Asian,
282
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:33,601
and that is now what she looks like.
283
00:10:33,669 --> 00:10:36,537
- She is... Hey, Sherry?
- Sherry?
284
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:37,905
What are you?
285
00:10:37,973 --> 00:10:39,807
- Excuse me?
- Your ethnicity.
286
00:10:39,874 --> 00:10:42,309
Yeah, your background.
Like, your genetic buildup.
287
00:10:42,577 --> 00:10:46,480
- Jesus, Filipino.
- Ha, that's Asian!
288
00:10:46,548 --> 00:10:47,856
- That is Asian.
- On my dad's side.
289
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:51,084
- My mother is black.
- Yes, okay, yeah.
290
00:10:51,152 --> 00:10:53,695
And half-black equals full black,
291
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,956
and that's not my rule;
That's society's rule.
292
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,074
That's why Drake can say
the n-word a million times,
293
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,793
and everyone's like,
"I love this song.
294
00:10:59,861 --> 00:11:01,895
I want to dance to this song.
I want to slow grind to it."
295
00:11:01,963 --> 00:11:03,464
It's because he's Canadian.
That's why he can say it.
296
00:11:03,531 --> 00:11:04,898
It means something different
in their language.
297
00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:06,124
I don't think that is the case.
298
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,375
Look, she's obviously
299
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:11,204
valuing both of her Filipino
and black heritage equally,
300
00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:16,676
so if anything,
she's a full-bodied Pinot noir.
301
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,345
Okay, I'm offended.
302
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:22,282
She's not a gross,
alcoholic wine drink for adults.
303
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:24,809
She is a chocolate-colored
human being,
304
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,519
you racist fuck.
305
00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:27,938
- That was offensive.
- No, I'm offended.
306
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,089
- That was offensive.
- How was that offensive?
307
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,557
Chocolate?
308
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,292
- It's a delicious treat.
- That is true.
309
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,945
Okay, so that wasn't racist.
310
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,280
Sherry, let's go get some Roscoe's!
311
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:38,907
Okay.
312
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,159
Hey, everybody, I just want
to say a few words real quick
313
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:43,539
before the meet gets started.
314
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,289
First of all, thank you all
for showing up here today.
315
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:49,008
I really appreciate
getting everybody back together,
316
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:52,587
and we've raised a lot of money
for this high school team, so...
317
00:11:52,753 --> 00:11:53,979
- You ready?
- Now I am.
318
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,814
Give yourselves a round of applause.
319
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,635
Thank you, yes.
So fun to see everybody.
320
00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:01,219
It's especially fun to see
321
00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:04,355
our once missing-in-action
Anders Holmvik!
322
00:12:04,423 --> 00:12:07,392
He's back!
He's here, ready to shine!
323
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:08,693
Let's give it up for The Ders!
324
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,862
- Thanks for coming, Ders.
- Thank you.
325
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,631
Why don't you get up here
and say a few words, Ders?
326
00:12:13,698 --> 00:12:14,965
- Nah.
- Get on up here.
327
00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:16,767
Come on, we want to hear from you.
328
00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:18,530
Our old pal, Ders.
Let's give it up.
329
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,072
- Yeah, get them, Ders!
- Ders, doggy!
330
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,473
- Woof!
- Good to see you again.
331
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,142
Tell us what's on your mind.
332
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:29,180
Man, just like you said,
good to see everyone,
333
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,247
and let's have some fun,
334
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:31,584
just like old times, huh?
335
00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:33,383
It will be just like old times,
336
00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:35,880
yeah, 'cause you got a boner!
337
00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:38,956
- You got a boner!
- No, stop it!
338
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:40,490
Look at that!
Look at that!
339
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,679
I don't have a boner!
340
00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:45,128
- It's not bad, actually.
- Why does this keep happening?
341
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,729
- He's got a decent one.
- It's super hard.
342
00:12:46,797 --> 00:12:48,798
I slipped you some Viagra
in that drink earlier.
343
00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:51,187
I did.
I did.
344
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:54,357
You've been Torpedoed.
345
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,306
- There he goes.
- Yo!
346
00:12:56,374 --> 00:12:59,676
Where you going
with all our booze, bud?
347
00:12:59,743 --> 00:13:02,946
Maybe we ought to see
if Ders needs some alone time,
348
00:13:03,013 --> 00:13:04,714
'cause I'm gonna stick
right around here.
349
00:13:04,782 --> 00:13:06,616
Hey!
Sherry, what's up?
350
00:13:06,684 --> 00:13:08,585
About that Roscoe's,
I was thinking maybe we'd get
351
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,587
it to go, take it
to where you stay at.
352
00:13:10,654 --> 00:13:12,421
I don't even know you two,
353
00:13:12,489 --> 00:13:14,223
so why would I even consider
going out to dinner
354
00:13:14,291 --> 00:13:16,171
with either of you two idiots?
355
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,995
I already told you.
We know you from the yearbook.
356
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,363
No, I don't.
I swam for another school.
357
00:13:21,431 --> 00:13:22,965
Wow, big deal, all right?
358
00:13:23,032 --> 00:13:24,133
So what?
He knows how to swim.
359
00:13:24,201 --> 00:13:25,234
So do I.
Check it out.
360
00:13:25,302 --> 00:13:26,556
Hov.
Hanging with Mr. Cooper.
361
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,137
Both: Asian girl laughing.
362
00:13:28,205 --> 00:13:29,100
Hov.
Hanging with Mr. Cooper.
363
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,073
That's not a thing.
364
00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:33,041
No, it's a thing.
It's, like, a swim stroke.
365
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:35,211
Yeah, I mean, Ders taught it
to us, so it's got to be real.
366
00:13:35,278 --> 00:13:37,567
Oh, okay, you're friends of Anders.
367
00:13:38,114 --> 00:13:39,047
I'm not.
368
00:13:39,115 --> 00:13:40,749
Stop lying to her, man.
369
00:13:40,817 --> 00:13:42,417
Just tell her you know her
from the yearbook,
370
00:13:42,485 --> 00:13:44,352
just like me, all right?
371
00:13:44,420 --> 00:13:46,187
Oh, and while you're at it,
why don't you tell her
372
00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:48,370
about your little relationship
with Aurora Brown?
373
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:50,525
I don't crank it to her
anymore, and you know that.
374
00:13:50,593 --> 00:13:52,427
Okay, since when?
375
00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:54,462
Okay, 'cause I can't get
serious with a sophomore.
376
00:13:54,530 --> 00:13:55,530
That's social suicide.
377
00:13:55,598 --> 00:13:58,766
[Screaming]
378
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:02,737
- The Ders.
- The Ders.
379
00:14:02,804 --> 00:14:04,339
- I just said that.
- Oh, did you?
380
00:14:04,406 --> 00:14:07,642
I didn't hear you.
The Ders.
381
00:14:15,795 --> 00:14:17,796
{pub}Look at all these
shotgun shells, man.
382
00:14:17,864 --> 00:14:21,165
He's been slamming them like
no other human I've ever seen.
383
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:22,967
Except for me,
384
00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:25,031
but to your point,
I'm not fully human.
385
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,837
My Uncle, he was a zookeeper.
386
00:14:26,906 --> 00:14:29,607
[Shouting]
387
00:14:29,674 --> 00:14:31,175
The Ders!
388
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,838
[Burping]
389
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,153
It should be my name on that banner!
390
00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:45,155
Whoa, hey.
Spiders, man.
391
00:14:45,223 --> 00:14:47,124
Why don't you swoop on
down here, buddy?
392
00:14:47,191 --> 00:14:48,793
Very safely, though, please.
393
00:14:48,860 --> 00:14:51,161
Yeah, why do you worry so much
about banners, dude?
394
00:14:51,229 --> 00:14:52,976
Drake's not rapping about banners.
395
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,466
- You're really into Drake, huh?
- He's, like, a real talent.
396
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:58,106
I just found out about him,
and he raps about trophies.
397
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,170
[Burping]
398
00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:04,674
I could just put my name
on it, right?
399
00:15:04,742 --> 00:15:06,876
I'll just pull it down
400
00:15:06,945 --> 00:15:11,315
and cross off torpey's name
and make everything all right.
401
00:15:11,382 --> 00:15:14,414
If you do that,
you're gonna destroy yourself,
402
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,708
and actually, that'd be
awesome to watch, so I vote yes.
403
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,055
No, Anders, okay, if you can hear me,
404
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:22,024
if you're even in there anymore,
just come down, dude.
405
00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,225
We can fix this.
406
00:15:23,293 --> 00:15:27,260
I am fixing this.
407
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,263
[Shouting]
408
00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:39,442
[All shouting indistinctly]
409
00:15:39,509 --> 00:15:42,111
I got it!
410
00:15:42,179 --> 00:15:43,985
[Laughs]
411
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,905
- Oh, my God!
- Yes, The Ders!
412
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,817
Yeah.
413
00:15:48,885 --> 00:15:50,158
Yes!
414
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:53,077
That could have gone way worse.
415
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:54,857
Don't look down.
416
00:15:54,924 --> 00:15:57,325
'Cause you have an entire trophy
417
00:15:57,393 --> 00:15:59,661
sticking out of your flubber.
418
00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:01,597
Oh, my God!
419
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:03,463
- What do I do?
- Just relax, dude.
420
00:16:03,766 --> 00:16:05,333
My Uncle Bobby
actually impaled himself
421
00:16:05,401 --> 00:16:07,035
with a fire poker one Christmas.
422
00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:08,503
He had it in there until new year's.
423
00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:11,679
Okay, so leave it in.
424
00:16:11,974 --> 00:16:14,675
- Yeah, he's fine now.
- No, no, he's dead.
425
00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:16,311
They found him dead new year's day,
426
00:16:16,379 --> 00:16:20,115
'cause of the fire poker.
427
00:16:20,182 --> 00:16:22,850
We need a doctor!
428
00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:24,619
We need a doctor.
429
00:16:24,686 --> 00:16:26,444
Stay with us.
430
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,955
The Ders is unleashed!
431
00:16:28,023 --> 00:16:29,390
Stay awake.
Stay awake!
432
00:16:29,457 --> 00:16:32,408
You are heavy, you fat fuck!
433
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,495
Is there a doctor in the house?
434
00:16:34,563 --> 00:16:37,031
Come on, Dersie, we're gonna
take you to the hospital.
435
00:16:37,098 --> 00:16:40,134
That's one way to get a trophy.
436
00:16:40,201 --> 00:16:43,711
What are you doing?
437
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,372
What did you just say?
438
00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,741
I said that's one way
to get a trophy, and it is.
439
00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:49,176
I'll kick your ass right now.
440
00:16:49,244 --> 00:16:52,612
At swimming. I will kick
your ass at swimming.
441
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,349
One on one, 50 free.
442
00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:57,751
Oh, God.
I hate these.
443
00:16:57,818 --> 00:16:59,085
No, no, no, no, actually, I love it.
444
00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,386
I needed a nap.
445
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,105
I'm very tired.
446
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,823
Zinger.
447
00:17:03,891 --> 00:17:05,425
I think you should
definitely not race
448
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,726
and go immediately to the hospital.
449
00:17:06,794 --> 00:17:08,461
How convenient!
450
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:11,164
Right after I challenge you,
you tell me to do that.
451
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,067
Not happening, honky.
Bitch.
452
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,735
Okay, let's do this.
453
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:19,372
Let's do this right now.
454
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,407
- Who's calling this?
- I'll call it, baby.
455
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:25,945
Put that hammer down.
456
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,547
[Cheers and applause]
457
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,883
On your marks...
458
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,849
- Oh, God.
- Ders?
459
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,693
Is somebody gonna go and save him?
460
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,327
Yes, Adam, he's the swimmer, right?
461
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,271
Go.
Go save him, man.
462
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,772
He's actually dying!
463
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,774
Would you just go
and save your friend?
464
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,601
Fine, I'll be a hero,
save a man's life.
465
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,136
What's new?
466
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,971
No, no, no, actually,
I'm gonna be a hero too,
467
00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:55,283
even though it is the deep end, so...
468
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,450
no!
469
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,745
[Both shouting indistinctly]
470
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,732
- Help!
- It's not working!
471
00:18:05,857 --> 00:18:06,567
Help!
472
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,522
{pub}I'll save Holmvik!
473
00:18:20,590 --> 00:18:22,858
[Both shouting]
474
00:18:35,438 --> 00:18:36,282
Oh, my God.
475
00:18:39,341 --> 00:18:41,245
Come on, come on!
476
00:18:47,516 --> 00:18:49,045
Are you guys kidding me?
477
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,818
They're not even drowning!
478
00:18:50,886 --> 00:18:52,381
[Both laugh]
479
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:53,654
Jerks!
480
00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:59,138
Ders, don't die.
481
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,896
[Coughing]
482
00:19:01,964 --> 00:19:03,163
Get off of me!
483
00:19:03,231 --> 00:19:06,867
Get off of me!
484
00:19:06,935 --> 00:19:08,368
- Hey.
- How are you doing?
485
00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:10,737
- Are you all right?
- What are you guys doing?
486
00:19:10,805 --> 00:19:12,072
You guys got to get him
to a hospital!
487
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:15,075
Hey, torpey.
488
00:19:15,143 --> 00:19:17,911
I did get a boner that day
in the showers.
489
00:19:17,979 --> 00:19:19,784
- In high school.
- I know.
490
00:19:20,047 --> 00:19:22,916
But I want to know what's up
with you kissing a dude
491
00:19:22,984 --> 00:19:24,884
here today
in front of all these people?
492
00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:25,885
Right, guys?
You see him?
493
00:19:25,953 --> 00:19:27,186
He was kissing Ders.
494
00:19:27,254 --> 00:19:28,488
What's up with that, right?
495
00:19:28,555 --> 00:19:30,156
- He's still got it!
- Huh?
496
00:19:30,224 --> 00:19:34,160
- Yeah.
- He just saved your life, man.
497
00:19:34,228 --> 00:19:35,862
- What?
- Yes, he did.
498
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:37,731
- Let's get you out of here.
- I just don't remember.
499
00:19:37,798 --> 00:19:39,132
[Both talking at once]
500
00:19:39,199 --> 00:19:40,266
I thought he was kissing me.
501
00:19:40,334 --> 00:19:41,800
Later, Tor-penis.
502
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:44,670
[All jeering and shouting]
503
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,876
Oh, man, these pain pills
are kicking in right about now.
504
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,379
You got to eat something before, bud.
505
00:19:53,447 --> 00:19:55,781
Sherry Cruz.
506
00:19:55,849 --> 00:19:57,738
Yeah, the one that got away.
507
00:19:57,904 --> 00:19:59,451
She doesn't know
what she's missing, man.
508
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:00,753
She really doesn't, man.
509
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:01,951
She missed out on some good guys.
510
00:20:02,117 --> 00:20:03,455
- Yeah!
- Well, whatever.
511
00:20:03,523 --> 00:20:05,958
- Oh, look at Allison fields.
- Oh!
512
00:20:06,026 --> 00:20:07,559
- Oh, my gosh.
- Holy Moley.
513
00:20:07,627 --> 00:20:11,030
- I'm into that.
- I'm calling dibs right now.
514
00:20:11,097 --> 00:20:12,965
You can't do that,
because I'm the one
515
00:20:13,033 --> 00:20:14,964
who actually pointed her out.
516
00:20:15,201 --> 00:20:17,258
- Squirrel, squirrel!
- There's a squirrel!
517
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:18,603
- A squirrel!
- Oh, no!
518
00:20:18,671 --> 00:20:19,971
I want to see the squirrel!
519
00:20:20,039 --> 00:20:22,674
There's a squirrel right there!
520
00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:24,140
Oh, all right.
521
00:20:24,410 --> 00:20:26,100
What's he doing?
I want to go see it.
522
00:20:26,345 --> 00:20:29,514
Is he eating the hot dog
off my trophy?
523
00:20:29,582 --> 00:20:31,105
- Both: Yeah.
- Yeah!
524
00:20:31,383 --> 00:20:33,651
Oh, it's a little baby girl squirrel!
525
00:20:33,719 --> 00:20:36,527
Oh, look, it's eating it!
526
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,422
Look at its big, bushy tail.
527
00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,072
Oh, it's so cute.
528
00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:42,533
It's... Oh, why is it
looking at me like that?
529
00:20:42,761 --> 00:20:44,361
- What is that look in its eyes?
- Oh, Blake.
530
00:20:44,429 --> 00:20:45,963
- It's chasing me, Blake!
- No!
531
00:20:46,031 --> 00:20:48,706
- It's chasing me!
- Adam, drop the hot dog!
532
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:49,900
[Both shouting]
533
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,042
The gangs are real!
534
00:20:51,269 --> 00:20:52,585
Blake, save him!
Help him!
535
00:20:52,804 --> 00:20:54,211
Oh, they're wearing
matching bandanas!
536
00:20:54,377 --> 00:20:56,213
Oh, my God!
537
00:20:56,432 --> 00:20:58,215
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com