1 00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:04,592 Hey, guys. Come on. 2 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,642 (PANTING) 3 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,641 We need a doctor! 4 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,479 We need a doctor! 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,438 Stay with us, man. 6 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,270 Oh, dude, this would suck so bad if you died. 7 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:22,315 The Ders! He's unleashed the Ders! 8 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,363 (BEATBOXING) 9 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,448 (SINGING) I'm fresh 10 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,127 You gotta, you gotta You gotta, gotta 11 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,454 Gotta be fresh 12 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,796 ADAM: Any minute. 13 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,670 Man, I swear I saw three out here yesterday. 14 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,754 No way. 15 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,760 - Must have been a family. - Or a gang. 16 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:50,092 Squirrel gangs are a real thing. No, it's true. 17 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,724 I saw a squirrel get busted into a squirrel gang. 18 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,771 - Jumped in, sure. - Maybe he's getting jumped out. 19 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,186 - They do both. - That's true. 20 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,234 Hey, do your squirrel call. Let's get some action. 21 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,401 Oh, yeah. You got it. 22 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,109 (HIGH-PITCHED WHINING) 23 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:08,300 Ripped By mstoll 24 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,829 - Here you go. - Put it in the box. 25 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:14,745 Thank you, sir. I'll check it. 26 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,543 - Looks like we're getting full. - Oh, my God. 27 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:17,710 You see those mailman calves? 28 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,790 I hate that man. He comes over here, "Here, take the mail." 29 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:21,998 It's your job to put it in the box, man. 30 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,460 - Oh, hey. Big naturals. - Nice. 31 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,591 You like that. It's automo-bills. 32 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,422 Ders! Hey, check it out. 33 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,758 You've got mail from Crank Yankers. 34 00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:33,435 ADAM: I wonder if I'm still banned in all AOL chat rooms. 35 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,807 Chuck it, man. I don't need it. 36 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,854 What are you talking about? You didn't even open it yet, man. 37 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,524 Could be a signed set photo from Booty Call. 38 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,352 Jamie Foxx? Didn't you ask him for one? 39 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,857 Yes, I did, but that's not what it is. 40 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,404 Hey, man. Come on. Don't open that. 41 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:47,449 Ooh... Irvine Central High School Alumni Swim Meet. 42 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,868 See, I knew it'd be something you like. 43 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,570 I'm not going and I never will. 44 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,413 Whoa. Attitude. 45 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:56,662 Dude! Why aren't we going to a place? 46 00:01:56,742 --> 00:02:00,121 I'm not going because the guy who runs the event, Troy Torpey, 47 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,001 got me voted off the state relay team in high school. 48 00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,216 Okay, that doesn't seem right. How could he do that? 49 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,885 He told everyone on the team that I got a boner 50 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,758 in the showers, in the locker room, which isn't true. 51 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,009 So what? You got a boner in the shower. 52 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,682 - No, I didn't. - I get boners all the time. 53 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,385 I actually have one right now. 54 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,480 Peeping this hog. 55 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,057 This monster. 56 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,521 Peep this hog. 57 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,649 You actually can't see it right now because it's so small. 58 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,275 Anyways, dude, it's all good. 59 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:29,279 This is your chance to go back and show those pricks from high school 60 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,159 what an awesome dude you've become, man. 61 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,111 Jocks, they peak in high school, all right? 62 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,414 But nerds, they become Skrillex. 63 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,789 Hey, guys, I was kidding. I've got a huge one. 64 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,916 Like, I wasn't in either of those groups in high school. 65 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,042 Me neither. 66 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,169 - I, like, did my own thing. - Right. Exactly. 67 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,171 You just sit in a corner. You watch them. 68 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,298 You study them. You learn how to laugh on cue. 69 00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:50,800 (FORCED LAUGHTER) 70 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,176 - Yes. - Oh, my God. 71 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,347 We would have been best friends in high school. 72 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,515 Best friends, believe it! 73 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:57,848 (LAUGHING) 74 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,680 We would have been best friends in high school. 75 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,515 - Sorry, Blake. - I don't care. 76 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,850 - Yeah, you do. - No, no, no. 77 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,028 No, it's not a problem. I mean, I hung out with a bevy of ladies at lunch. 78 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,197 - The lunch ladies, right? - Oh, well, you know. 79 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,194 We would just kind of hang out in the cafeteria. 80 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,240 'Cause they were lunch ladies. 81 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,989 We would just sling taco boats. 82 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,365 No, we know the story of the lunch ladies. 83 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,367 No, but they had the stories, okay. 84 00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,949 - These girls had jokes! - The lunch ladies. 85 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,831 Yes, I worked in the cafeteria. They were lunch friends to me. 86 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:26,252 Ders, we are going to that dumb, stupid, horrible-sounding swim thing. 87 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,254 And you are going to go up to Torpey, 88 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,711 and you're gonna say, "We're not in high school anymore." 89 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,137 And you're going to prove to him 90 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,217 that you are the freaking top dog of them all, besides me. 91 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,596 All right, okay. Let's do it. 92 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,724 - I'm gonna go pack my speedos. - All right. 93 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:40,804 BLAKE: Wait, wait, wait, whoa. 94 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,230 We were watching squirrels, though. 95 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,557 Yes, we were. I'm sorry. I just... 96 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,062 Back to the squirrels again. 97 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,564 (SINGING) Back to the squirrels again 98 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,941 Back to the squirrels again Back to the squirrels again 99 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,695 We're looking at squirrels in the front yard 100 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,945 This is about to be so cool. (GROANS) 101 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,747 I'm so pumped, dude. Ders is gonna kill it. 102 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,370 Yeah, I'm excited. 103 00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:05,580 Hey, do you remember how we used to always crank it to Ders' old yearbooks? 104 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:08,461 - Yeah, absolutely. Hottest high school ever. - The hottest! 105 00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,588 Yeah, I was always into Aurora Brown, 106 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,544 and then I got into Laura Rocca for a while. 107 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,049 But now I found this new chick. 108 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:17,724 This banging black chick on Ders' swim team that I've been peeping. 109 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:20,723 And I've really been building something very special with her. 110 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,602 It's like, more than masturbation. It's, like, deeper. 111 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,150 So, like, you don't even masturbate to her? 112 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,234 No, I do, but it's like deeper. 113 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,612 I get it, man. I mean, that whole swim team is stacked, dude. 114 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,817 They're a good-looking crew. 115 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,029 Yeah, there's like that Asa Akira-looking Asian chick? 116 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,283 - Mama! - Ooh! 117 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,911 - She's got my jeans steaming. - Oh, I freaking... 118 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,162 I love chicks. 119 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,085 All these chicks are about to be at this party today, man! 120 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,378 They're definitely gonna be there today. 121 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,172 That's why I'm so freaking psyched and pumped. 122 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,751 Guys, I'm gonna ship out so wish me luck. 123 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:56,338 Actually, we were gonna go with if that's cool. 124 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,631 All right. Cool! 125 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:58,840 - All right. - Yes! 126 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,050 All right. Cool. 127 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,056 I actually feel I need to change. 128 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,637 I feel like I'm a little underdressed. 129 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,472 Yeah, me too. You got to have the perfect outfit 130 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,478 for these type of occasions. 131 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,317 Ders, are you read to... 132 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:10,894 Hyah! 133 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,729 This Torpey dude, or what? 134 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,440 - You know it, man. - Sick, man. 135 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,783 Oh, wait up. Before we go in there... 136 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:20,112 Um, just keep an eye on me and Adam 'cause we're not the strongest swimmers. 137 00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,742 - I'm very drown-able. - Okay. 138 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,495 And, you know, the deep end. 139 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,076 It just will scare the churn out of me if you know what I mean. 140 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,160 Semen. 141 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,461 No, 'rhea. 142 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,006 Oh, when I get really scared, I secrete semen. 143 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,091 - It's true. - ANDERS: You'll be fine, okay? 144 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,839 If you fall in, just don't panic. 145 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:38,013 And remember... Here, I'll just... Quick lesson. 146 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:41,058 Hove, right, to hanging with Mr. Cooper 147 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,802 and then up for an Asian girl laughing. 148 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:44,932 Oh, yeah. I know about that. 149 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,137 - Hov! - Hov! 150 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,770 ALL: Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Asian girl laughing. 151 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,892 Hov. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. 152 00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,353 Asian girl laughing. 153 00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:55,188 Oh, ay Chihuahua. 154 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,115 She-Hulk's got a ride. 155 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,196 Oh, my God, you guys, it's my dream girl from high school. 156 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,577 - What? - Magda Marzuski! 157 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,954 - Nice Escalade. - Oh, thanks. 158 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:10,245 - Actually, it's Magda Torpey now. - What? 159 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:15,543 Anders Boner-vik. 160 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,627 - Look at you. - Oh. 161 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,554 Troy Torpey-nis. 162 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,630 - Tor-penis. - Yeah. 163 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,761 That's funny, dude. 164 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,389 I'm just messing around. You look good. 165 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,140 Obviously, you remember Magda. 166 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,729 Say hello to the little monsters she bore for me, 167 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,432 Declan and Caleb. 168 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,392 You better believe I got them in the pool too. 169 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:36,321 Declan just took down the last Chas Morton Ten and under NAG Record in Orlando. 170 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,114 No kidding. Orlando. Fast pool. 171 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,909 - We should race if you're up for it. - ANDERS: Yeah. 172 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,782 All right, Caleb, Declan, hold your breath. 173 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,955 Start now, exercises. 174 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,909 Two, three, four. 175 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:51,245 Oh, my God, you guys, he's still the man. I can't do this. 176 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,502 Ders, it's fine. He's just handsome and rich, 177 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,505 and banging Magda, the "Lady Rock" Johnson, 178 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,337 and you have... 179 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:03,965 Blake, what does Ders have? 180 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,472 Uh, Ders, you have... 181 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,686 Lips. 182 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,773 Anyway, I just think about that write-off. It's a write-off. 183 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,234 Yeah, my life's pretty sweet these days also. 184 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:25,366 - Chef Ders is cooking up some tangy treats. - What's that? 185 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,951 You were talking about your life out there, 186 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:31,035 - so I was just gonna catch up on stuff. - Oh, right, right. So, where was I? 187 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,334 - I was... - Anyway... 188 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,128 So, I got sick of running the hedge fund, 189 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,627 and I met Ryan Lochte at Golden Goggles. 190 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,174 He's on the board at USA Swimming. 191 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,461 - No way. - So, now I'm Lochte's money guy. 192 00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,090 - What? - Making investments. 193 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,547 Chasing sponsorships. 194 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,008 He's the one who came up with the term "j'yeah!" 195 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,058 What? 196 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,727 Oh, well, hey. 197 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,226 You ever hear "tight butthole"? I came up with that. 198 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,144 I'm not sure I get it. 199 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,977 But you and buttholes make sense. 200 00:07:58,687 --> 00:07:59,939 You are so funny. 201 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,693 Hey, would you mind grabbing me that drink? 202 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:02,899 Oh, of course. 203 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,326 God, I wish Magda would let me do anal. 204 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,281 She says it's unnatural. No offense to you and your buddies. 205 00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,408 - I prefer snatch anyway. - Mmm-hmm. 206 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,665 - I mean, and she can go all night. - "Snatch." 207 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,167 I'm not ashamed to say I got to pop a couple of Viagra just to keep up. 208 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:18,248 Oh, yeah. 209 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,423 - Voilà. - Thank you. 210 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,298 Anyway, it was really great catching up with you, man. Cheers. 211 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,344 Yeah. 212 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,172 All right, you kiddos ready to go get stretched out? 213 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,632 You gonna win this one? 214 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:39,690 Oh, there's my girl. 215 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,946 Excuse me. Miss Cruz? 216 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,161 - Yeah. - Sorry for being so formal. 217 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:52,742 It's just an honor to meet you. 218 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,421 I'm friends with one of the alumni swimmers here. 219 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,375 And I've been admiring your photo in the yearbook 220 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,335 for quite some time now. 221 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,967 You mean, like, pictures of me as a kid? 222 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,589 Yeah. 223 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:11,138 And may I say you still look very young. 224 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:13,845 - Ew... - In a good way, you still look very young. 225 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,181 But cutting to the chase like a Ginsu, 226 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:21,149 I was just wondering if maybe you would like to accompany me to a sushi dinner? 227 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,647 I love eating sashimi, 228 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:27,905 but I would rather eat sashi-you. 229 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,495 Ooh, not really into sushi. 230 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,666 Thanks, though, and I'm not Japanese if that's what you're doing. 231 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,789 Yeah, no, it was. Sorry, I blew that. 232 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:41,248 Oh, hey, so, Adam, what's up? This is my girl, Sherry. 233 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,714 - Uh, this is my ninja, Adam. - Your girl? 234 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,090 But this is... 235 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,263 (MUSIC PLAYING) 236 00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,933 You're messing with the same girl, same girl 237 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,888 How could the love of my life and my potential wife be the 238 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,768 The same girl Same girl 239 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:58,939 Same girl 240 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,608 Just I can't believe 241 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,526 Break the grip, break the grip. 242 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,603 Ah! 243 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,405 Okay... 244 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,323 Ow! Adam, you're hurting me. 245 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,275 Okay? Not in front of my girl. 246 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,743 - Your girl? - Yeah. 247 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,196 - More like my girl. - (CHUCKLES) 248 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,746 I'm the Macaulay Culkin of this situation. 249 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,995 - What are you talking about? - I'm talking about the movie My Girl! 250 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,667 With the little girl, loves Macaulay Culkin 251 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,790 so much she gets stinged by a ton of bees and dies. 252 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,462 - I thought he died. - I don't know. 253 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,664 I haven't seen the movie in a long time. 254 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,748 It's besides the point, man. 255 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,460 I thought you told me that your chick was a black girl, dude. 256 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:31,132 Yeah, and that girl is super black. She's a super black beauty. 257 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,216 And you said your girl was Asian. 258 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,472 - And that is not what she looks like. - She is... 259 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,475 - Hey, Sherry... - Sherry. 260 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,771 What are you? 261 00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,849 - Excuse me? - ADAM: Your ethnicity. 262 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,310 Yeah, your background, like, your genetic buildup. 263 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,646 Jesus... Filipino. 264 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,814 Ha, that's Asian! That is Asian. 265 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,524 On my dad's side. My mother is black. 266 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,069 Yes! Okay, yeah. 267 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,746 And half black equals full black. 268 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,911 And that's not my rule, that's society's rule. 269 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,833 That's why Drake can say the N-word a million times, 270 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,161 and everyone's like, "I love this song. I want to dance to this song. 271 00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,291 "I want to slow grind to it." 272 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,088 It's because he's Canadian that's why he can say it. 273 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,507 It means something different in their language. 274 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,925 I don't think that is the case. 275 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:12,006 Look, she's obviously valuing both of her Filipino and black heritage equally, 276 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:17,015 so if anything, she's a full-bodied Pinot Noir. 277 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,971 Okay, I'm offended 278 00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:23,354 because she's not a gross alcoholic wine drink for adults. 279 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:27,279 She is a chocolate-colored human being, you racist fuck. 280 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,859 - That was offensive. - No, I'm offended. 281 00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:31,191 - That was offensive. - How was that offensive? 282 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,491 Chocolate? 283 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,240 - It's a delicious treat. - That is true. 284 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,912 Okay, so that wasn't racist. 285 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,114 Sherry, let's go get some Roscoe's. 286 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,245 Okay. 287 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,372 Hey, everybody, I just want to say a few words real quick 288 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,420 before the meet gets started. 289 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,123 First of all, thank you all for showing up here today. 290 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,051 I really appreciate getting everybody back together, 291 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:53,505 and we've raised a lot of money for this high school team, so... 292 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,891 - You ready? - Now I am. That felt really good. 293 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,764 Good, get up there. 294 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:05,358 It's especially fun to see our once missing-in-action Anders Holmvik. 295 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:08,312 - He's back. He's here, ready to shine! - (CHEERING) 296 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,771 - Let's give it up for the Ders. - That's our guy! 297 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,822 Whoo! That's our friend. My friend. 298 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:14,572 Why don't you get up here and say a few words, Ders? 299 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,073 - Nah. - Get on up here. 300 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,574 Come on, we want to hear from you. 301 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,281 Our old pal, Ders. Let's give it up. 302 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,742 - Yeah, get 'em Ders! - Ders, doggy! 303 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:22,791 Nice. 304 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,619 Good to see you again. Tell us what's on your mind. 305 00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:29,959 Man, just like you said, good to see everyone, 306 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,794 and let's have some fun. Just like old times, huh? 307 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,096 - It will be just like old times. - Yeah. 308 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:37,640 'Cause you got a boner! 309 00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:40,013 - You got a boner! - No! No, stop it! 310 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,892 - Look at that! Look at that! - I don't have a boner! 311 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,815 - It's not bad, actually. - Why does this keep happening? 312 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,767 - He's got a decent one. - It's super hard. 313 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,773 I slipped you some Viagra in that drink earlier. 314 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,025 - No! - I did. I did. 315 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,945 You've been torpedoed. 316 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,327 - There he goes. - Yo! 317 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,075 Where are you going with all our booze, bud? 318 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,787 Maybe we ought to see if Ders needs some alone time, 319 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,539 'cause I'm gonna stick right around here. 320 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,541 Hey. Sherry. What's up? 321 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,123 About that Roscoe's, I was thinking maybe we'd get it to go, 322 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,628 take it to where you stay at. 323 00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,301 I don't even know you two. 324 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,128 So, why would I even consider going out to dinner 325 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,054 with either of you two idiots? 326 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,716 I already told you, we know you from the yearbook. 327 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,473 No, I don't. I swam for another school. 328 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:23,929 Wow, big deal, all right? 329 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,106 So what? He knows how to swim. So do I. Check it out. 330 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,727 Hov. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. 331 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,979 - Asian girl laughing. - Asian girl laughing. 332 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,685 - Hov. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. - Hov. Hanging with Mr. Cooper. 333 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,270 - That's not a thing. - No, it's a thing. 334 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:33,525 It's like a swim stroke. 335 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,572 Yeah, I mean Ders taught it to us, so it's got to be real. 336 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,902 (LAUGHS) Okay. You're friends of Anders. 337 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,826 - I'm not. - Stop lying to her, man. 338 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,828 Just tell her you know her from the yearbook, just like me, all right? 339 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,500 Oh, and while you're at it, why don't you tell her 340 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,954 about your little relationship with Aurora Brown? 341 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,506 I don't crank it to her anymore, and you know that. 342 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,798 Okay, since when? 343 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,127 Okay, 'cause I can't get serious with a sophomore. 344 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,552 That's social suicide. 345 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,380 (ANDERS SCREAMING) 346 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,010 - The Ders. - The Ders. 347 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,179 - I just said that. - Oh, did you? I didn't hear you. 348 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,139 The Ders... 349 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,366 Look at all these shotgun shells, man. 350 00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:21,320 He's been slamming them like no other human I've ever seen. 351 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,041 Well, except for me. But to your point, I'm not fully human. 352 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,875 My uncle, he was a Zookeeper. 353 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,624 (ANDERS SHOUTING) 354 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,793 - The Ders! - Where is he? 355 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,751 What the hell? 356 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,716 (BURPING LOUDLY) 357 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,216 It should be my name on that banner. 358 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:46,223 Whoa, hey, spiders, man. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 359 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,681 Why don't you swoop on down here, buddy? Very safely, though, please. 360 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,233 Yeah, why do you worry so much about banners, dude? 361 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,402 Drake's not rapping about banners. 362 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,605 - You're really into Drake, huh? - He's, like, a real talent. 363 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:58,906 I just found out about him and he raps about trophies. 364 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,699 (BURPING) 365 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,820 I could just put my name on it, right? 366 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,454 I'll just... I'll pull it down. 367 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,374 And cross off Torpey's name and make everything all right. 368 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,252 If you do that, you're gonna destroy yourself. 369 00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,333 And actually, that's be awesome to watch, so I vote yes. 370 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,920 No, Anders. Okay, if you can hear me, 371 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,097 if you're even in there anymore, just come down, dude. 372 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,264 We can fix this. 373 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,683 I am fixing this. 374 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:31,439 (SHOUTING) 375 00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,148 (ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 376 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,489 I got it! 377 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,694 (LAUGHS) 378 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,621 - Oh, my God! - Yes, the Ders! 379 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,282 Yeah! 380 00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,117 Yes! 381 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,623 That could have gone way worse. 382 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,831 - Uh, don't look down. - Huh? 383 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,793 'Cause you have an entire trophy sticking out of your flubber. 384 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,637 Oh, my God! What do I do? 385 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:04,760 Just relax, dude. 386 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,093 My uncle Bobby actually impaled himself with a fire poker one Christmas. 387 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,803 He had it in there until New Years. 388 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,810 - Okay, so leave it in. - Okay. 389 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,061 Yeah, and he's fine now. 390 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:17,235 No, no, he's dead. They found him dead New Year's day 391 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,402 'cause of the fire poker. 392 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,155 (PANTING) 393 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,407 We need a doctor! 394 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,242 We need a doctor! 395 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,245 Stay with us. 396 00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:28,829 The Ders is unleashed. 397 00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:30,452 Stay awake. Stay awake! 398 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,908 You are heavy, you fat fuck. 399 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,243 (GRUNTING) 400 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,461 Is there a doctor in the house? 401 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:37,379 Come on, Dersie, we're gonna take you to the hospital. 402 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:39,711 That's one way to get a trophy. 403 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,342 What are you doing? 404 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,180 What did you just say? 405 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,678 I said that's one way to get a trophy, and it is. 406 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,226 I'll kick your ass right now... 407 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,554 At swimming. I will kick your ass at swimming. 408 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:56,270 One on one. 50 free. 409 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,022 Oh, God. I hate these. 410 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,273 No, no, no, no, actually, I love it. 411 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,276 I needed a nap. I'm very tired. 412 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,364 Zinger! 413 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,660 I think you should definitely not race and go immediately to the hospital. 414 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,203 How convenient. 415 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:12,248 Right after I challenge you, you tell me to do that. 416 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,872 Not happening, honky, bitch. 417 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,627 Okay, let's do this. 418 00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,460 Let's do this right now. 419 00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,504 - Who's calling this? - I’ll call it, baby. 420 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,005 Put that hammer down. 421 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,882 (ALL CHEERING) 422 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,559 On your marks... 423 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,315 - Oh, God. - Ders! 424 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,022 Is somebody gonna go and save him? 425 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:44,231 Uh, yes, Adam, he's the swimmer, right? Go. Go save him, man. 426 00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,530 He's actually dying. 427 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,071 Would you just go and save your friend? 428 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,529 Fine, I'll be a hero. Save a man's life. What's new? 429 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,833 No, no, no, actually, I'm gonna be a hero too, even though it is in the deep end, so... 430 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,292 No! 431 00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,750 (BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 432 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,427 - Help! - It's not working! 433 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,503 Help! 434 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,390 It's not working! 435 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:16,846 (BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) 436 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,273 I'll save Holmvik! 437 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:21,809 (SHOUTING) 438 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,082 Oh, my God. 439 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,624 Come on, come on. 440 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,631 Are you guys kidding me? They're not even drowning! 441 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,136 (LAUGHING) 442 00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:54,216 Jerks! 443 00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,930 Ders, don't die. 444 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,098 (COUGHING) 445 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,061 Get off of me. Get off of me! 446 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,740 - Hey. - How are you doing? Are you all right? 447 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,819 What are you guys doing? You guys got to get him to a hospital. 448 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,745 Hey. Torpey. 449 00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:19,330 I did get a boner that day in the showers in high school. 450 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:20,534 I know. 451 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:23,997 But I want to know what's up with you kissing a dude here today 452 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,959 in front of all these people? Right, guys? You see him? 453 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,008 He was kissing Ders. 454 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,336 What's up with that, right? 455 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,715 - He's still got it! - Huh? 456 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,763 - Yeah. - He just saved your life, man. 457 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,967 - What? - Yes, he did. 458 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,051 Let's get you out of here. 459 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,135 I just don't remember. 460 00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,391 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 461 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,767 I thought he was kissing me. 462 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:42,393 Later, Tor-penis. 463 00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:44,316 (ALL JEERING) 464 00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:51,612 Oh, man. These pain pills are kicking in right about now. 465 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,160 You got to eat something before, bud. 466 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:55,703 Sherry Cruz. 467 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:58,281 (SIGHS) Yep, the one that got away. 468 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,207 She doesn't know what she's missing, man. 469 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,283 She really doesn't, man. 470 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,493 She missed out on some good guys. 471 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,294 - Yeah. - Well, whatever... 472 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,714 - Oh, look at Allison Fields. - Oh! 473 00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,666 - Oh, my gosh! - Holy moley. 474 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,377 - I'm into that. - I'm calling dibs right now. 475 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:15,552 You can't do that because I'm the one who actually pointed her out. 476 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,175 - Squirrel. Squirrel! - There's a squirrel! 477 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,226 - A squirrel. - Oh, no! 478 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,518 I want to see the squirrel! 479 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:21,595 There's a squirrel right there! 480 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,766 Okay. Well, all right. 481 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,814 What's he doing? I want to go see it. 482 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,894 Is he eating the hot dog off my trophy? 483 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,025 Uh... 484 00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,230 - Yeah. - Yeah. 485 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,405 Yeah. 486 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,358 Oh, it's a little baby girl squirrel. 487 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:37,070 Oh, look! It's eating it. 488 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,406 - Look at its big bushy tail. - Aw! 489 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,489 Oh, it's so cute! 490 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,163 It's, oh... Why is it looking at me like that? 491 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,494 - What is that look in its eyes? - Oh, Blake! 492 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,417 - (SCREAMING) It's chasing me, Blake! - No! 493 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:49,339 - It's chasing me. - Adam, drop the hot dog! 494 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,507 (SHOUTING) 495 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,800 The gangs are real! 496 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,253 Blake, save him. Help him! 497 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,962 Oh, they're wearing matching bandanas! 498 00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,922 Oh, my God! 499 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,222 J'yeah. 500 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:07,142 J'yeah! 501 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,226 There you go. 502 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:11,145 J'yeah! 503 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,111 Does anybody want to go to Roscoe's? 504 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,191 J'yeah! 505 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,909 Oh, she's really cooking. 506 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:27,500 Ripped By mstoll