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Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2016 - New Year, New Color ;-)
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- [Phone Ringing]
- [Charlie] Frank, pick up!
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Pick up, buddy.
Pick up, pick up, pick up!
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- [Frank] Hellol
- I got a Code Red here, pal.
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I got a Code Red. I got tipped off that
the health inspector's coming today.
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The guy's gonna be here in 15 minutes.
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They're pulling a fast one on us!
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Okay, I got the place looking
pretty good already...
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'cause I was anticipating
something like this, but do me a favor.
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Make sure no one is in the bar today, okay?
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I cannot have those guys
in here making a mess. You got it?
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[Clucking]
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Oh, shit.
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[Chickens Clucking]
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What the hell is this?
Why are there chickens everywhere?
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No time to explain it to you.
You wouldn't get it anyway.
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- What are you painting?
- It's a new sign, okay?
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Look. Carmine's: A Place for Steaks.
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What? No, I can't have you put that sign up.
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The health inspector's coming,
like, any minute!
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- So what?
- So what?
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We're not Carmine's.
I can't have them see the sign.
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Who gives a shit?
We always get a passing grade.
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Yeah, we get a passing grade...
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because I bust my ass to
make sure that happens, okay?
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And we don't pretend
that we're a restaurant!
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Look, this is...
[Bleeps] crazy! No sign!
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No, we're using the sign,
because the sign's a big part of the plan.
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What is the plan? What is happening?
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Charlie, we found a loophole in the system.
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Yeah, it's a closing loophole.
It involves airline miles and points.
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You're doing
a chicken-and-airline-miles scam today?
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It is a great plan. We do not have
a ton of time to explain it to you.
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- We're busy...
- Okay, fine, whatever.
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- I get it.
- No, you don't.
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- It's a good plan, Charlie.
- Frank, Jesus Christ, man.
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- Where are your shoes?
- I lost 'em in the bathroom.
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All right, goddamn it. I gotta think here.
Here's what we're gonna do.
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We gotta get all these chickens and coops
and feathers and everything in the back office.
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- Now! Go!
- Why the hell would we do that?
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I assume you don't want
a health inspector...
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seeing anything about a chicken "scam"
you're trying to pull off.
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- That's a good point.
- All right, yeah, fine.
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But don't pretend like you understand
the plan, 'cause that's gonna piss me off.
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Okay. Dee, get the joke stool in
the basement, all right? Can't have it out.
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What? No way. It's hilarious.
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It's not hilarious. It's just a stool
with a nail sticking out of it.
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[Dee] Yeah, when it pokes their butts,
they scream...
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'cause they got a nail right in the butt.
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You... [Giggles]
You don't understand comedy.
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You don't understand comedy.
That's not a joke, it's a lawsuit.
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- Just put it in the basement.
- Fine, all right, fine.
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- Can't have the guy sitting on that...
- Okay! Relax!
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All right, Frank, let's go. Bathroom!
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- Come on! I gotta find your shoes!
- All right.
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Let's go, let's go. Then help with
the chickens if you can, please.
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Move, move, move, move.
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How could you have possibly
lost your shoes in... Oh, my God.
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No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
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- What's wrong with the toilet?
- Looks clogged.
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What the hell? I just had these all in,
like, perfect working condition.
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- Must be my shoes.
- Your shoes? What are you talking about?
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Well, when I said I lost my shoes, I didn't
mean I didn't know where they were.
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It's just that they were gone.
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You flushed your shoes down the toilet?
Why would you do that?
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It's an anxiety thing, Charlie.
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Everybody's moving so fast all of a sudden,
it freaks me out.
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Flushing things gives me control.
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- It's a thing.
- That's not a thing.
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- It's a thing. - That's not a thing.
I've never heard of that thing.
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All right, I gotta dig 'em out.
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Want me to get a snake tool?
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No, I'm just gonna...
Look, go help with the chickens, okay?
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Help with the chickens, please? Get 'em in
the back office. Do whatever you can.
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Charlie, I need you for something.
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Goddamn, this thing's broken.
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Look, give me that fix bag right there.
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Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. Hey, listen, um...
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We've got a huge problem out there, dude.
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Earlier, when Dennis said...
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"We've got a really good idea
with this plan"...
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that wasn't entirely accurate
'cause it was actually my idea...
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and I think the usage of the word "we"
in there is really confusing...
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because how can a whole group of people
have the same idea at the same time?
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What, do they just say it all at once?
It's ludicrous.
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I don't understand why
you're angling for credit right now.
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We'll go through the normal
arbitration process at the end of this.
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Right. Well, I've just been screwed at
the last three arbitration processes...
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and I just want you
to be on my side, you know?
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- 'Cause I really need you.
- Whatever, dude. I don't care.
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Wait. What happened to the glory hole cover?
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I took it off. I... I thought you...
you put it on there by accident.
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No, I put it up there because I don't want
the health inspector seeing...
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that we have a place for a person to get
their dick sucked by a stranger.
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Dude, you are taking this whole inspection
thing way too seriously, okay?
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Back to the credit issue... you just don't
know what it's like to be overlooked.
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Oh, my God, that's exactly
what's happening to me right now.
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You know what?
Maybe I'll casually bring it up to him...
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and then he won't know
what we're talking about.
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Ha! I got a fix! I got a fix right here...
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All right, we'll just put this up
and boom... that's pretty good.
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- [Power Shutting Down]
- What was that?
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- Why did the lights go out?
- Uh, that could be the vacuum sealer.
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That thing probably pulls a lot of power.
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- Vacuum sealer? What the hell?
- Yeah.
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- All right, where's this packaging
machine thing? - Keg room.
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Keg room? Okay, good, they're back on.
Frank, Frank, don't go away!
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Keep moving chickens, yes, but I need you to
take the "Talk American" sign down.
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Are you sure? Maybe he's a racist too.
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The health inspector's not a racist, Frank.
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Take it down, please, okay?
And shoes... shoes, please? Find some shoes.
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- All right, guys. This...
- Oh, shit! This thing's tits!
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No, no, no, you can't use this machine,
okay? It blew the surge protector.
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We can't do the plan
without the packaging machine.
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How else are we supposed
to vacuum-seal the steaks?
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Steaks? This is a
chicken-and-air-mile-and-steak scam now?
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- Yeah.
- All right, fine.
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I can work with it. I can work with it.
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Just do me a favor.
Start packaging lemons and limes and things.
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- Make it seem like we package shit at the bar.
- Fun.
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I need you down in the basement.
I need your reach. Real quick. Come on.
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- Okay.
- Hey, Dennis.
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Could I talk to you for a second?
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Do me a favor. I got a battery here.
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Reach up in the carbon monoxide detector...
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- Pop it in real quick.
- Yeah, you got it.
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Hey, Charlie, while we're down here...
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I wanted to talk to you about ideas...
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and how funny it is that they can come from
all kinds of different places.
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- [Detector Chirping] - Somebody could say
something funny and might spark an idea...
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- Shh, shh. Dee, zip up the mouth.
- No, I know.
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- But before the arbitration, I need
you to understand... - Dee, shut up!
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That's G-sharp. I got it. I got it, yeah.
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Is it broken? It won't shut the hell up.
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No, it's doing exactly what
it's supposed to do and that's the problem.
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There's a ton of carbon monoxide down here,
so I don't want it doing that.
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What? Why?
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Actually, what I do is I block
the vents to the furnace...
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and that fills the basement
with dangerous gases.
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Drives the rodents away.
I always do it leading up to an inspection.
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- Is that safe?
- No, no. It's incredibly unsafe.
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We can't be down here too long.
So get the battery, and we gotta roll.
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- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, get it out.
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- Then just make it look like...
- Goddamn you, Charlie. Goddamn it, go.
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- All right, go, go, go. You getting light-headed?
- Yes!
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[Mac Squeals]
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Why'd I hear a squeal? Oh, no, dude.
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- Why are you bleeding?
- Dennis scratched me.
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Mac was doing that thing where he tries...
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to casually bring something up to me,
like I don't notice.
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Come to me like a man.
Talk about being tough all the time.
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- Can't even look me in the eyes.
- Okay.
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- How's this for shoes, Charlie?
- Aw, no, Frank. Come on, man!
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You're gonna get black paint everywhere!
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I've changed my mind about the stool.
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No, no stool.
Stool's out. No way!
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It's just that it was my idea, Dennis.
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It's sort of like
the jean shorts, where you...
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Look at me when you're talking to me!
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- [Truck Horn Honking]
- Oh, shit. I think the steaks are here.
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- Oh.
- Nice.
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[Hydraulics Hissing]
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Whoa. That's a big truck.
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Oh, shit. No, no, no.
I can't have this truck out here!
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Hey, uh, is this Carmine's Steak House?
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You're looking at the sign, pal.
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Oh. Hey, you guys mind
if I get a quick bite here before we begin?
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- You want to eat here?
- Uh, yeah.
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It's a long drive back to Ohio...
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and I figured I was gonna be here a while,
unloading all these steaks.
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Well, you won't be here that long, right?
I mean, it's only 400 steaks.
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400? You ordered 4,000.
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Excuse me, I gotta use the toilet.
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- Oh, gosh, you know what?
- Oh, shit.
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- The thing is, our kitchen's not open...
- Okay, you know what? Yeah.
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Go ahead, uh, leave the keys in it, maybe
pop the back, we'll help you get started.
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I'm gonna fire up the grill and...
all set.
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Okay.
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We got you covered.
[Laughing]
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- Oh, son of a bitch. Did you flush your shirt?
- Yep.
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Okay, I don't want to interrupt here, Charlie,
but we got a major problem on our hands.
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A: We are not a restaurant that serves food.
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And B: How are we gonna
package 4,000 steaks?
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- We can handle it, okay?
- Dee, we should've never done your stupid plan!
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00:09:01,221 --> 00:09:03,155
My plan? No way. This was Frank's idea.
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00:09:03,223 --> 00:09:05,248
Wasn't my idea. Dennis was all over it.
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00:09:05,325 --> 00:09:06,883
Me? No, this was Mac's stupid plan.
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- Then why'd you scratch me?
- 'Cause I was irritated with you.
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Look, we can handle all of this, all right?
190
00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:13,528
Excuse me, with all due respect, Charlie,
you don't even know what the goddamn plan is.
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00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,090
Okay, with all due respect to you...
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00:09:15,168 --> 00:09:16,658
I think I understand it fully, okay?
193
00:09:16,736 --> 00:09:18,226
You guys used Frank's credit card.
194
00:09:18,304 --> 00:09:19,794
You bought a bunch of airline miles.
195
00:09:19,873 --> 00:09:22,034
You used those airline miles
to purchase 400 steaks.
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Knowing that this delivery company delivered
all variety of animal products...
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your plan was to contaminate the steaks
with chicken feathers...
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00:09:27,247 --> 00:09:28,737
by rubbing live chickens all over them.
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00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:31,010
Then you were gonna repackage the steaks...
200
00:09:31,084 --> 00:09:33,780
at which point, you were gonna return
the contaminated steaks for actual cash...
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00:09:33,853 --> 00:09:36,879
taking advantage of a loophole in
the current airline miles system, correct?
202
00:09:36,956 --> 00:09:39,390
- Very good, Charlie.
- That is it. That is it.
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That was the plan, but I mean...
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00:09:41,127 --> 00:09:43,618
- We basically had already explained
it to you, so... - Right.
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00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:47,188
But what you didn't plan for was a hungry
delivery guy who'd driven all the way from Ohio.
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00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:49,758
Or that Dee's oversized fingers could've
accidentally pressed "zero" again...
207
00:09:49,836 --> 00:09:51,360
when she ordered the steaks online...
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00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,029
I'm assuming you did the typing, Dee, yes?
209
00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:55,074
- Goddamn it.
- Dee, you bitch.
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00:09:55,141 --> 00:09:57,803
But none of this matters to me, okay?
Because today is inspection day.
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00:09:57,877 --> 00:10:00,345
A day that I pride myself on.
A day that I've never failed on.
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00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:01,903
And I don't plan to begin failing now.
213
00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:03,915
Listen to me and listen close,
like you've never done before.
214
00:10:03,983 --> 00:10:08,716
We are going to pull this
thing off, so help me God.
215
00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:10,983
- [Power Shutting Down]
- Oh, son of a bitch.
216
00:10:15,962 --> 00:10:18,260
Okay, here we go.
Here's the plan: Dee, Frank, come with me.
217
00:10:18,331 --> 00:10:21,164
I want you guys to set up a table and chair
in the alleyway, all right?
218
00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:22,895
This guy's gonna be dining
in our "patio area."
219
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,994
Dee, take his order,
make him think it's a real restaurant.
220
00:10:25,071 --> 00:10:28,404
Frank, as soon as you're done, haul ass down
the alleyway, move the guy's truck, all right?
221
00:10:28,474 --> 00:10:30,533
All right, I need you guys
to take down that Carmine sign.
222
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:32,475
I can't have it up
when the inspector gets here.
223
00:10:32,545 --> 00:10:34,035
Get me a steak off the truck, okay?
224
00:10:34,113 --> 00:10:36,775
All right, I'm gonna
show this guy to his table. Here we go.
225
00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:38,749
Oh, hey, right on time!
Here's my guy. You know what?
226
00:10:38,818 --> 00:10:41,082
Don't even bother unloading, 'cause
I'm gonna have my guys handle it, okay?
227
00:10:41,154 --> 00:10:42,416
- You sure?
- Oh, absolutely.
228
00:10:42,488 --> 00:10:43,978
- Keys are in the truck, right?
- Yeah...
229
00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:45,718
- Come in. Let's have a bite to eat.
- Okay.
230
00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:47,282
I know you're a hungry guy.
231
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,419
- Oh, it's a nice spot.
- Yeah, it's a nice spot.
232
00:10:49,495 --> 00:10:51,156
We can't complain. We can't complain.
233
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,164
See all these booths over here?
They're nice.
234
00:10:53,232 --> 00:10:55,894
And we got a patio area.
I think you're gonna enjoy sitting there.
235
00:10:55,969 --> 00:10:57,459
You know what? A booth is fine.
236
00:10:57,537 --> 00:10:59,835
No, see, look,
we got these old stools and old booths...
237
00:10:59,906 --> 00:11:02,238
but the patio area is
really something special.
238
00:11:02,308 --> 00:11:04,435
- You know, you're a top-shelf customer, right?
- Well, I...
239
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:07,445
You want to be having
a top-shelf experience. And here we go.
240
00:11:07,513 --> 00:11:08,844
Welcome!
241
00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:10,974
Please, make yourself comfortable.
242
00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:14,713
Yeah, have a seat and, uh, enjoy the patio.
243
00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:16,516
[Driver]
Uh, this is an alley.
244
00:11:16,589 --> 00:11:18,648
I think I'd rather just sit inside.
245
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:21,717
[Laughing] Spends all day in a truck
and he wants to eat indoors!
246
00:11:21,794 --> 00:11:23,318
Hey, the man needs fresh air!
247
00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:26,297
- Dee, take his order, okay?
- Yes, yes. Uh, what can I get you?
248
00:11:26,366 --> 00:11:28,493
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
249
00:11:31,004 --> 00:11:34,201
Okay. Here we go.
[Panting]
250
00:11:34,273 --> 00:11:36,605
Mac! Steak! Steak! All right, back on this!
251
00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:38,803
Dennis, I need you to be
the face in the bar, okay?
252
00:11:38,878 --> 00:11:40,368
I accept that responsibility.
253
00:11:40,446 --> 00:11:43,347
Frank, go, go, go!
Okay, here's my guy. Right on time.
254
00:11:43,416 --> 00:11:45,976
Come on now, buddy. Here we go.
255
00:11:46,052 --> 00:11:48,543
Wait. Wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who's this?
256
00:11:48,621 --> 00:11:51,249
No, no, no, ma'am.
Ma'am, I'm sorry. You can't park here.
257
00:11:51,324 --> 00:11:53,656
- Are you the owner?
- Uh, yeah, Charlie Kelly.
258
00:11:53,726 --> 00:11:56,024
- Who's asking?
- I'm, uh, Sandy Lawler.
259
00:11:56,095 --> 00:11:57,687
I'm with the City Board of Health.
260
00:11:57,764 --> 00:12:00,756
I'll be conducting an impromptu
inspection of your bar.
261
00:12:00,833 --> 00:12:02,494
Okay, yeah, uh, what happened to Alan?
262
00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:04,798
Alan was let go on account of his leniency.
263
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,361
- Shall we begin?
- Okay.
264
00:12:06,439 --> 00:12:08,839
Uh, sure. All right, let's get going.
265
00:12:08,908 --> 00:12:11,900
Right in here.
This is our, uh, bartender over here.
266
00:12:11,978 --> 00:12:14,208
- All right, all right, all right.
- Okay.
267
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,578
He's a bit of a character.
Where would you like to begin?
268
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:18,378
Let's, uh, begin with the bathrooms.
269
00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:21,386
Okay, that's fine. Come on in this way.
270
00:12:21,454 --> 00:12:23,786
I assume all the toilets
are in working order.
271
00:12:23,856 --> 00:12:26,689
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I wouldn't bother
checking if I were you.
272
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:28,624
I think I will.
273
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:31,128
You're standing awfully close to me.
274
00:12:31,197 --> 00:12:33,131
[Sighs]
Sorry about that. Yeah.
275
00:12:33,199 --> 00:12:34,826
Do I smell cheese?
276
00:12:34,901 --> 00:12:37,028
I'm gonna leave you to it.
You do your thing, okay?
277
00:12:38,504 --> 00:12:39,994
Dennis, heads up.
278
00:12:40,073 --> 00:12:42,200
- What are these?
- They're car keys, okay? Just picked her pocket.
279
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:44,300
- Go move her car, so Frank can
pull the truck up. - Okay.
280
00:12:44,377 --> 00:12:46,504
Hey, Dee, hold up.
Okay, put this on the furnace, all right?
281
00:12:46,579 --> 00:12:48,945
- Cook it up good.
- Oh, no, he wants a turkey burger.
282
00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:51,108
- What? Why?
- I don't know. I offered it to him.
283
00:12:51,184 --> 00:12:53,084
- Why would you do that?
- You said pretend we're a restaurant.
284
00:12:53,152 --> 00:12:54,676
He looked like a turkey burger kind of guy.
285
00:12:54,754 --> 00:12:57,314
He looked like a turkey burger kind of guy?
Just put it on the furnace.
286
00:12:57,390 --> 00:12:59,017
Cook it up.
Tell him you got the order wrong.
287
00:12:59,092 --> 00:13:01,788
Just tell him you got the thing wrong.
Oh, my God, what a stupid bitch.
288
00:13:01,861 --> 00:13:04,523
What a stupid bitch she is. Okay.
289
00:13:04,597 --> 00:13:06,861
[Grunting]
290
00:13:09,368 --> 00:13:10,858
Dude, what's the plan with the chickens?
291
00:13:10,937 --> 00:13:12,427
Okay, everything's
going in the vent, all right?
292
00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:14,097
Chickens, cages,
they're all going in the vent.
293
00:13:14,173 --> 00:13:16,505
But first, count to 30,
and then start moaning into it.
294
00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:18,305
- Why?
- Dude, just do it, okay? Don't ask questions.
295
00:13:18,377 --> 00:13:21,141
Just moan in the vent.
After a couple of moans say, "I'm sorry."
296
00:13:21,214 --> 00:13:22,841
- You got it?
- Okay, sure, yeah.
297
00:13:22,915 --> 00:13:26,407
- Twenty-eight, 27... Okay?
- Twenty-six, 25, 24...
298
00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:29,922
Twenty-three, 22, 21, 20...
[Grunts]
299
00:13:29,989 --> 00:13:35,154
- Nineteen, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14...
- [Chicken Clucking]
300
00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:38,857
Thirteen, 12, 11, 10, nine...
301
00:13:38,931 --> 00:13:42,332
And how are we looking in here?
302
00:13:42,401 --> 00:13:45,131
- It's acceptable so far.
- Okay.
303
00:13:45,204 --> 00:13:46,694
- [Mac Moaning]
- Oh, you hear that?
304
00:13:46,772 --> 00:13:48,330
Oh, I guess there's somebody in there.
305
00:13:48,407 --> 00:13:51,433
It sounds like there's somebody in there,
yeah. Let's take a little peek.
306
00:13:51,511 --> 00:13:54,503
Hey, buddy, how about a courtesy cough
or something next time?
307
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:56,445
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be sorry, you know?
308
00:13:56,516 --> 00:13:59,917
Just, uh, give us all a heads-up you're in here,
save us all the embarrassment, you know?
309
00:13:59,986 --> 00:14:03,149
Some people, they got, like, no sort of
social boundaries or anything like that.
310
00:14:03,222 --> 00:14:04,712
It's really kind of an awkward thing.
311
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:07,350
- Did you meet our bartender?
- Hey! All right, all right, all right.
312
00:14:07,426 --> 00:14:09,121
That's right. I think
I introduced you to him.
313
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:11,186
- You want to check out the women's bathroom?
- Yeah.
314
00:14:11,264 --> 00:14:13,323
Women's bathroom, I assure you, is spotless.
315
00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:14,889
[Chuckles]
Well, we'll see.
316
00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:16,901
No, we actually hardly ever
have women in here, so...
317
00:14:16,969 --> 00:14:19,199
But we're not being graded on that.
All right, in you go.
318
00:14:19,272 --> 00:14:21,433
Go ahead and tinkle.
Move your bowels if you have to.
319
00:14:21,507 --> 00:14:23,498
All right, back office, okay?
Chickens, vents...
320
00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:25,942
- Everything's going in the vents. Go, go, go!
- Okay, okay.
321
00:14:26,012 --> 00:14:27,946
The furnace cooked it way too fast.
It's charred to shit.
322
00:14:28,014 --> 00:14:30,312
- It doesn't matter. - It doesn't matter?
I'm gonna give him the wrong order...
323
00:14:30,383 --> 00:14:31,873
and just hand him a burned-up steak?
324
00:14:31,951 --> 00:14:33,942
- He's gonna be pissed.
- This guy's not grading our bar.
325
00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:37,319
I don't care if he has the worst dining experience
of his life. Give him the burned steak.
326
00:14:37,390 --> 00:14:39,688
- How's this? - How am I gonna get
all these steaks off the truck?
327
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:41,920
You don't have to get 'em all.
We're just gonna contaminate a couple.
328
00:14:41,994 --> 00:14:43,552
Then we're gonna
put the chickens onto the truck.
329
00:14:43,629 --> 00:14:45,790
- Why?
- Frank, we're gonna contaminate the truck.
330
00:14:45,865 --> 00:14:47,355
We're gonna contaminate
the whole truck, all right?
331
00:14:47,433 --> 00:14:50,061
That goes to the keg room.
And for the love of God, find a shirt!
332
00:14:50,136 --> 00:14:52,536
Find a shirt, Frank! All right. Okay, okay.
333
00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:54,163
[Grunts]
334
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,073
Ah, okay. Come on, come on, come on.
335
00:14:57,143 --> 00:14:58,269
Okay. Nice.
336
00:14:58,344 --> 00:15:00,335
- Done.
- Well done! Okay! Up top!
337
00:15:00,413 --> 00:15:03,211
All right, here's the plan: Got to go to
the third stall vents in the bathroom.
338
00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:05,648
Chickens are coming out there.
Everything goes to the keg room, right?
339
00:15:05,718 --> 00:15:07,709
Start rubbing chickens on steaks.
Seal them up good.
340
00:15:07,787 --> 00:15:10,153
Then put everything on the truck...
chickens, steaks, everything on the truck!
341
00:15:10,223 --> 00:15:12,555
- Got it, got it. - We're contaminating
the truck, guys. That's the plan!
342
00:15:12,625 --> 00:15:14,650
- What is this? What are you doing?
- I'm painting a shirt!
343
00:15:14,727 --> 00:15:17,821
No! All right, look. Just, uh, get out of
sight! Or go to the keg room, hide out.
344
00:15:17,897 --> 00:15:20,593
I'm gonna send Dee to you in a minute,
all right? In fact, keep painting.
345
00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:23,635
That's fine. But go to the keg room.
Oh, my God, what an idiot.
346
00:15:23,703 --> 00:15:25,068
[Arguing]
347
00:15:25,137 --> 00:15:27,901
Hi. Oh, hi, hello.
I'm sorry, is there a-a problem out here?
348
00:15:27,974 --> 00:15:29,464
He's making a big stink about the steak.
349
00:15:29,542 --> 00:15:31,339
The steak is burnt to shit.
It's not what I ordered.
350
00:15:31,410 --> 00:15:33,105
Would you look at that?
Man, I'll tell you what.
351
00:15:33,179 --> 00:15:34,976
I'm gonna give you a beer
on the house. Come inside.
352
00:15:35,047 --> 00:15:36,537
- How nice!
- No, I'll just take it here.
353
00:15:36,616 --> 00:15:38,140
Actually we don't have
our outdoor liquor license.
354
00:15:38,217 --> 00:15:40,014
I gotta have you drink it inside.
In you go!
355
00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:41,781
This is the worst restaurant
I've ever been to.
356
00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:43,651
So sorry. Terribly sorry, sir.
Terribly sorry.
357
00:15:43,723 --> 00:15:45,384
Aw, Charlie, that's not good!
358
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,688
What are you talking about?
It's great! Thinks we're a real restaurant.
359
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,751
Okay, Dee, table, chairs...
everything's going in the Dumpster.
360
00:15:49,829 --> 00:15:52,297
Then please push it, like, you know, another
couple inches from the door...
361
00:15:52,365 --> 00:15:54,731
- It doesn't look like six feet to me.
- What? Of course it does.
362
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,791
No, no, Dee. It looks like five and a half.
363
00:15:56,869 --> 00:15:58,860
You think she's gonna notice six inches?
364
00:15:58,938 --> 00:16:00,530
You move the goddamn Dumpster,
you bitch, okay?
365
00:16:00,606 --> 00:16:02,198
Then haul ass down the alleyway.
366
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:04,209
Okay. Hi!
367
00:16:04,277 --> 00:16:06,973
- Hi! How'd it go in there?
- Uh, fine, I suppose.
368
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:08,536
Everything checks out.
369
00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:09,842
- Hello.
- Hello.
370
00:16:09,915 --> 00:16:11,405
[Chuckles]
Yeah, lots of customers.
371
00:16:11,484 --> 00:16:13,975
We're a bustling business,
so why don't you head to the alleyway...
372
00:16:14,053 --> 00:16:16,681
and see if there's
anything there that needs, uh, inspecting.
373
00:16:16,756 --> 00:16:18,189
Ooh, sir... whoa, whoa! Sorry.
374
00:16:18,257 --> 00:16:20,691
- No, no! - I'm gonna need you to
drink that in our VIP lounge area.
375
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,352
- I just want to drink it here.
- Come on!
376
00:16:22,428 --> 00:16:25,659
A very important customer like yourself
sitting on a bar with the regulars?
377
00:16:25,731 --> 00:16:27,790
I think you're gonna enjoy
the exclusivity of the lounge area.
378
00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:29,357
- So enjoy that.
- It's not a lounge...
379
00:16:29,435 --> 00:16:30,925
Hey, all right, all right, all right!
380
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:32,766
- Why are you doing that to me?
- I don't know.
381
00:16:32,838 --> 00:16:34,362
I don't need you to do that to me.
382
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,930
- I gotta finish...
- Yeah, you gotta finish the job!
383
00:16:36,008 --> 00:16:37,942
- How'd it go with the Dumpster? You move it?
- Huh? Yes.
384
00:16:38,010 --> 00:16:40,672
Okay, here's the plan.
Give this to Frank. Tell him G-sharp.
385
00:16:40,746 --> 00:16:42,441
Then you gotta paint him
head to toe in black.
386
00:16:42,515 --> 00:16:44,506
- Why would I do any of that?
- Dee, just do it, okay?
387
00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:46,380
Just do it, you goddamn bitch.
Oh, you bitch!
388
00:16:46,452 --> 00:16:48,818
Stop questioning everything!
Oh, that goddamn bitch.
389
00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:50,719
Oh, that goddamn bitch!
390
00:16:50,790 --> 00:16:52,451
Oh, my God, she's gonna ruin it all.
391
00:16:52,525 --> 00:16:55,426
And how are we out here?
392
00:16:55,494 --> 00:16:58,361
- Everything will be in the report.
- Yeah, sure.
393
00:16:58,431 --> 00:17:00,661
- Mind if I head behind the bar?
- No! Sure!
394
00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:03,031
That's not an issue.
Yeah, come check out the bar.
395
00:17:03,102 --> 00:17:06,196
You know, the bar is sort of
the lifeblood of a bar.
396
00:17:06,272 --> 00:17:09,605
[Laughing] I said bar and bar, twice!
And, oh, you know what?
397
00:17:09,675 --> 00:17:11,836
There's drainage pipes down there that
I don't want you to check.
398
00:17:11,911 --> 00:17:15,108
"Drainage pipes"? I'm sorry, Mr. Kelly.
399
00:17:15,181 --> 00:17:17,741
- I have to check it out.
- If you gotta do it, you gotta do it.
400
00:17:17,817 --> 00:17:19,512
Now! You know, but...
401
00:17:19,585 --> 00:17:23,021
I mean, I know that they're a little wet,
they get damp and, uh...
402
00:17:23,089 --> 00:17:25,523
Actually, they look pretty good.
403
00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:28,458
Oh, all right.
Well, that's great. Uh, so one last thing.
404
00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:31,428
I suppose I want to show the blender here,
for our mixing up frozen drinks.
405
00:17:31,497 --> 00:17:32,987
- I don't really need to see that.
- [Whirring]
406
00:17:33,065 --> 00:17:35,033
- Turn it up higher?
- I don't really need to...
407
00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:38,730
No, that's not a good idea, but here we go...
See? Yeah, we blew the power.
408
00:17:38,804 --> 00:17:40,829
It's not really environmentally
safe to turn it up that high.
409
00:17:40,906 --> 00:17:42,396
That's why we never really do it.
410
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:44,466
I should dock you for that one.
I'm not gonna.
411
00:17:44,543 --> 00:17:46,408
[Laughing]
That's a joke.
412
00:17:46,479 --> 00:17:49,243
I'd love to show you our packaging machine
I keep in the keg room.
413
00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:50,873
Here, come take a peek here.
414
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:53,976
Look at all this. Look at all of this!
415
00:17:54,053 --> 00:17:55,350
Oh, my!
416
00:17:55,421 --> 00:17:57,218
- This is...
- A bit excessive? Yes, I know.
417
00:17:57,289 --> 00:17:59,621
But I'm a little anal
when it comes to securing the perishables.
418
00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:02,559
I just don't want anything to get rotten,
and that's about as good as it gets.
419
00:18:02,628 --> 00:18:04,619
You're not the only one
with standards around here.
420
00:18:04,697 --> 00:18:07,165
So come on down to the basement.
You can check this out.
421
00:18:07,233 --> 00:18:09,463
Okay, so, uh, watch your step
on the stairs here.
422
00:18:09,535 --> 00:18:12,402
Wouldn't want you to trip on
any old paint cans or anything like that...
423
00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:14,371
but hopefully everything
down here, you know...
424
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,931
has been properly painted
and put where it's supposed to be.
425
00:18:17,009 --> 00:18:19,239
- So you know what I'm saying?
- No, I don't.
426
00:18:19,311 --> 00:18:21,939
- Where's the carbon monoxide detector?
- Carbon monoxide detector!
427
00:18:22,014 --> 00:18:24,847
All right, so you reach up there and you
give that a poke and everything should...
428
00:18:24,917 --> 00:18:26,407
- ♪♪ [Note Beeps]
- Great! And, oh!
429
00:18:26,485 --> 00:18:28,419
- ♪♪ [Note Beeps]
- Twice, okay.
430
00:18:28,487 --> 00:18:30,478
- Excellent.
- All right, that was excellent.
431
00:18:30,556 --> 00:18:34,014
- Uh, I'm feeling a little light-headed.
- Yeah, it could be the stairs.
432
00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:36,027
Or, you know, maybe you're just
dizzy by the cleanliness.
433
00:18:36,095 --> 00:18:38,427
- Let's get you out of here. No
sense in lingering around. - What?
434
00:18:38,497 --> 00:18:41,864
You checked the carbon monoxide
and that's all you gotta do there.
435
00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:44,596
Okay, let's see.
Uh, I think we covered everything.
436
00:18:44,670 --> 00:18:47,764
- I mean, uh, doorknob? That works.
- Yeah.
437
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,774
Showed you all the packaged produce.
438
00:18:49,842 --> 00:18:52,606
- Hey, did you meet our bartender?
- All right, all right.
439
00:18:52,678 --> 00:18:54,270
We're not paying for contaminated steaks.
440
00:18:54,346 --> 00:18:56,314
Your entire truck is filled with chickens.
441
00:18:56,382 --> 00:18:58,077
You want me to return 4,000 steaks?
442
00:18:58,150 --> 00:18:59,640
This restaurant is insane.
443
00:18:59,718 --> 00:19:02,312
- "Restaurant"? - Yeah, if you
count a bowl of peanuts, you know?
444
00:19:02,388 --> 00:19:04,515
We get the drunks in here,
they get all ornery and confused.
445
00:19:04,590 --> 00:19:06,319
What are you gonna do?
It comes with the territory.
446
00:19:06,392 --> 00:19:09,327
- I'd love to spend a little bit more time in here...
- Ah, that's about it, Mr. Kelly.
447
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:10,885
- That's it?
- Yeah.
448
00:19:10,963 --> 00:19:12,521
- Oh...
- [Frank] Hey!
449
00:19:13,499 --> 00:19:15,262
Yes? Are you talking to me?
450
00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:17,928
[Groaning]
451
00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,265
Yeah.
452
00:19:20,039 --> 00:19:21,700
What is it?
453
00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,839
All right, all right, all right.
454
00:19:29,648 --> 00:19:31,047
Yes. Okay.
455
00:19:31,116 --> 00:19:33,414
You know, all right, all right, all right...
kind of says it all.
456
00:19:33,486 --> 00:19:34,976
So, here we go.
457
00:19:35,054 --> 00:19:37,614
Uh, last thing, Sandy.
Is this concrete regulation?
458
00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:40,659
- You know, I know there's some cracks and...
- It looks fine.
459
00:19:40,726 --> 00:19:44,093
But I'll tell you what's not fine, Mr. Kelly,
and that's the Dumpster.
460
00:19:44,163 --> 00:19:46,757
The regulation is exactly six feet...
461
00:19:46,832 --> 00:19:48,629
and you were at five and a half.
462
00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:50,191
Oh, that goddamn bitch.
463
00:19:50,269 --> 00:19:53,966
I know Alan would let this slide,
but I'm not Alan.
464
00:19:54,039 --> 00:19:55,563
I'll have to dock you for that.
465
00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:57,165
Okay, well, I understand.
466
00:19:57,243 --> 00:19:59,768
I assure you that those responsible,
they'll be dealt with.
467
00:19:59,845 --> 00:20:03,212
However, you do have
an amazingly clean bar...
468
00:20:03,282 --> 00:20:07,514
and therefore I'm giving
Paddy's Pub the highest possible grade.
469
00:20:07,586 --> 00:20:09,451
- You are?
- Congratulations.
470
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:12,616
Oh, my... You got me
with the whole Dumpster thing! [Laughing]
471
00:20:12,691 --> 00:20:15,353
- Oh, man, that's really, really exciting stuff!
- Oh, well...
472
00:20:15,427 --> 00:20:17,418
- It's just really fantastic.
- That was nice.
473
00:20:17,496 --> 00:20:19,987
- Have a wonderful day.
- Okay.
474
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:23,531
[Sighs]
Okay.
475
00:20:24,837 --> 00:20:28,432
- [Arguing]
- Guys, we got the highest grade!
476
00:20:28,507 --> 00:20:31,601
I didn't think we were gonna do it 'cause of
the Dumpster, but she got us the highest grade!
477
00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:33,338
- The highest grade of...
- The health inspection!
478
00:20:33,412 --> 00:20:34,902
We passed the health inspection!
479
00:20:35,481 --> 00:20:36,709
Boo!
480
00:20:36,782 --> 00:20:39,410
Oh, yeah, we don't...
we don't give a shit about that.
481
00:20:39,485 --> 00:20:41,214
Yeah, we were excited
about the airline miles thing.
482
00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:43,517
Yeah, that's cool too, but the health
inspection was the whole thing!
483
00:20:43,589 --> 00:20:46,387
I pulled it off! It was like, "It goes here,
goes there!" I did the whole thing.
484
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:47,948
Charlie, come on. We always pass, okay?
485
00:20:48,027 --> 00:20:49,688
We never have a hard time passing.
486
00:20:49,762 --> 00:20:51,423
It's not a big deal. Nobody gives a shit.
487
00:20:51,497 --> 00:20:54,295
You didn't do anything that special.
[Screams]
488
00:20:54,366 --> 00:20:56,197
[Laughing]
489
00:20:56,268 --> 00:20:58,099
That's how you make
a joke stool right there!
490
00:20:58,170 --> 00:20:59,432
Ow, Charlie!
491
00:20:59,505 --> 00:21:01,598
- Did you do that?
- Yeah, you know what? I think I did.
492
00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:03,335
[Mac]
You did it? Oh, that's so funny!
493
00:21:03,409 --> 00:21:04,967
- Are you kidding me?
- I thought I saw you!
494
00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:06,534
Are you kidding? Unbelievable.
495
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:17,500
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2016 - New Year, New Color ;-)
496
00:21:44,883 --> 00:21:47,818
[Voice Speaking Backwards]