1 00:00:00,635 --> 00:00:02,981 Jeez, LaRue, can you believe this? 2 00:00:02,994 --> 00:00:05,505 A mandatory meeting at 7:00 A.M.? 3 00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:07,823 Wonder what crawled up her butt. 4 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:10,576 Ugh, there's no telling. Our bodies are aswarm 5 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,578 with microscopic organisms, Pam. 6 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,446 Literally aswarm. 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,981 Wait. What? What have you heard? 8 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,884 About the staff meeting? Oh, right. Yes. Never mind. 9 00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,752 Then may I suggest we get up there, 10 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,856 so we don't have to find out what "grave consequences" means. 11 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:27,626 [Scoffs] It means-- In the context of her memo. 12 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,695 Jesus, what's up his butt? 13 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,530 I think the important thing now 14 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,523 is that we don't start any sort of panic. 15 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,502 Hurry up, ya ding-dongs! 16 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,570 Wait, wait, wait! I'm coming! Hurry up. 17 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:41,149 Come on, come on, come on. Oh, keep your panties on. 18 00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:44,268 One step ahead of you. Or am I? 19 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,318 Wait. Is Archer blowing this off? 20 00:00:47,438 --> 00:00:49,481 No. Hold the door. Hold the door! [Bell dings] 21 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:50,883 I am. It's not doing anything. 22 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,818 Damn it, Ray, hold the frickin' door! 23 00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,454 Oh, no! It's maximum overdrive all over-- 24 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,523 [grunting] 25 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,727 [Breathing heavily] Oh, good. You made it. 26 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,829 Look, Ray, one is red and one is green. 27 00:01:03,898 --> 00:01:05,597 What are you, color blind? 28 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,767 I am, actually. ♪♪ [Easy listening] 29 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,570 Typical. Of what? 30 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,840 So, does anybody have any idea what this meeting is about? 31 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:17,409 Well, if I know Ms. Archer, it's-- Butt bugs. 32 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,677 [Laughing] What? Not what I was-- 33 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,746 Ugh! That was a figure of speech. 34 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,482 They all are! Hey, will you quit yelling? 35 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,683 Will you? Yes! 36 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,108 Hey! Remain calm. Do not panic. 37 00:01:27,228 --> 00:01:28,720 No one's panicking, Krieger. 38 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,589 Only because they haven't hatched yet. 39 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,691 Who? What hasn't hatched? 40 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,526 What? Quit yelling! 41 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,595 Krieger, what hasn't hatched? I've said too much. 42 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,497 Krieger, I swear to-- [Thudding] 43 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,568 [All gasp, mutter] [Creaking] 44 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,702 [All gasp] Oh, my God. 45 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,871 Remain calm. Do not panic. 46 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,739 Krieger, shut up. See? It's broken. 47 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:48,874 Ray? Archer? 48 00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,013 Hang on. 49 00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:51,677 Ray, Cyril, give me a hand here. 50 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,089 [All straining] 51 00:01:54,209 --> 00:01:55,714 Lana... What? 52 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,749 You-- Should be doing this. 53 00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,452 You know... [All grunting] 54 00:02:02,134 --> 00:02:04,489 [Gasping] Oh, my God! We work in a coal mine? 55 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,791 Carol, shut up. 56 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,793 You're not my coal mine supervisor! 57 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,729 Yeah. Hey, guys? 58 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,298 [Men grunting, straining] 59 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,535 Oh, damn it. 60 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,944 What? What is it? 61 00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:20,227 Well, thanks to Ray, who let's just all assume 62 00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:23,375 broke the elevator somehow, we're stuck at the top. 63 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,677 [Creaking] [All gasp, mutter] 64 00:02:27,433 --> 00:02:28,593 I hope. 65 00:02:53,288 --> 00:03:04,252 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 66 00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:09,059 Hello! Hello! 67 00:03:12,495 --> 00:03:14,629 Stop it. No one else can hear you, 68 00:03:14,698 --> 00:03:16,531 because no one else is here yet. 69 00:03:16,599 --> 00:03:19,367 [Beeping] Not that other people actually work here. 70 00:03:19,436 --> 00:03:20,568 What do you mean? Where'd they go? 71 00:03:20,637 --> 00:03:22,370 Remember when the office shut down, 72 00:03:22,439 --> 00:03:24,539 and we spent an entire year as coke dealers? 73 00:03:24,607 --> 00:03:27,342 What, so people just quit? And on the subject of things 74 00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:28,855 that don't work here anymore, 75 00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,912 my phone. Uh, got nothing. 76 00:03:30,981 --> 00:03:34,816 I am sans bars. Yeah, you're not gonna get a signal. 77 00:03:34,884 --> 00:03:36,784 I installed an R.F. jammer on the roof. 78 00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:39,721 Of the building? No, of the elevator. 79 00:03:39,789 --> 00:03:41,389 Why? You did what? 80 00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:42,390 [Clears throat] 81 00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:45,493 And for what possible reason? 82 00:03:45,562 --> 00:03:48,629 So people would quit staring at their phones and talk to each other. 83 00:03:48,698 --> 00:03:50,732 Okay, well, then let's open the-- 84 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,633 One, two, three, go! Trap door! 85 00:03:52,702 --> 00:03:54,469 Ray, open the trap door. 86 00:03:54,537 --> 00:03:55,703 He can't. Wha-- 87 00:03:55,772 --> 00:03:57,405 Oh, my God! Cyril, please. 88 00:03:57,474 --> 00:03:59,741 I am way stronger than you. 89 00:03:59,809 --> 00:04:02,510 [Straining] That being said, this thing's stuck. 90 00:04:02,579 --> 00:04:05,346 It's not stuck, it's locked from the outside. 91 00:04:05,415 --> 00:04:08,516 Wait. What? It's not for stranded passengers to get out, 92 00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,418 it's for rescue crews to get in. 93 00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,553 The last thing they want is people crawling around 94 00:04:12,622 --> 00:04:14,689 on top of a malfunctioning elevator car. 95 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,525 Who is "they"? Big elevator. 96 00:04:17,594 --> 00:04:18,793 Not a thing. 97 00:04:18,862 --> 00:04:20,762 And why do you know so much about elevators? 98 00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:22,663 I don't know. It's a hobby. 99 00:04:22,732 --> 00:04:25,556 I guess I've just always been fascinated by them. 100 00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:28,536 I honestly have no response to that. 101 00:04:28,605 --> 00:04:30,371 Anyway, I bet the top of the car smashed 102 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,672 right into the motor, so-- 103 00:04:31,741 --> 00:04:34,509 Yeesh. Hope the radio jammer's okay. 104 00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:36,511 Ow! Ow! Ow, ow! Ow! 105 00:04:36,579 --> 00:04:39,514 Thanks, Krieger. I think we all needed that. 106 00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:42,617 And besides, we don't need cell phones. We have a-- 107 00:04:42,685 --> 00:04:44,552 Elevator phone! Cyril, try that. 108 00:04:44,621 --> 00:04:46,687 I am, if you'd shut up. 109 00:04:46,756 --> 00:04:49,323 Oh, gross! This phone is all sticky. 110 00:04:49,392 --> 00:04:51,459 Yeah, mine at home gets bad sticky. 111 00:04:51,528 --> 00:04:52,727 Ew. Of course it does. 112 00:04:52,796 --> 00:04:55,596 And since when are you elevator boss? Birth? 113 00:04:55,665 --> 00:04:57,331 And... 114 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,467 It's dead. Typical. 115 00:04:59,536 --> 00:05:02,470 Okay, Ray. Interface. 116 00:05:02,539 --> 00:05:04,505 I'm sorry? With the controls. 117 00:05:04,574 --> 00:05:06,674 Beep, boop, boop, boop! Come on, cyborg. 118 00:05:06,743 --> 00:05:09,510 R2-D2 it. "R2-D2 it." 119 00:05:09,579 --> 00:05:11,646 Yeah, probe around in there and whatever. 120 00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:13,448 Shut down the tractor beam. 121 00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:15,316 With what, my dick? 122 00:05:15,385 --> 00:05:17,485 I-- however you normally do it. 123 00:05:17,554 --> 00:05:19,253 I don't normally do it! 124 00:05:19,322 --> 00:05:20,621 I know, but this is an emergency. 125 00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:22,490 Hey! Hey! 126 00:05:22,559 --> 00:05:23,691 Damn it, Carol. There's nobody-- 127 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,626 Shut up, stupid. It's Milton! 128 00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:29,430 [Squeaks] Go get help, boy. 129 00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:32,567 [Beeping] There's no time! Go get help! 130 00:05:32,635 --> 00:05:34,185 [Beeps] 131 00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:38,639 Get help how? It's a toaster. 132 00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:42,443 Well! Well, at the very least, maybe he'll bring back toast. 133 00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:44,512 And speaking of toast, I don't know about you guys, 134 00:05:44,514 --> 00:05:47,248 but I didn't eat any... [Chomping loudly] 135 00:05:47,317 --> 00:05:49,283 Breakfast. Hey, hey, wait a second. 136 00:05:49,352 --> 00:05:51,285 Get your own goddamn bear claw! 137 00:05:51,354 --> 00:05:53,287 Cyril, what is that? Is that a bagel? 138 00:05:53,356 --> 00:05:55,356 No. Get off. Jeez, it's just napkins. 139 00:05:55,425 --> 00:05:57,458 Guys, get the napkins! Okay, let's just take it down a n-- 140 00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,327 Shut up! We're all gonna starve! 141 00:05:59,395 --> 00:06:00,661 Give me... Get away! 142 00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:03,397 Guys, come on. Knock it off, please. 143 00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,500 Easy! Hey! Hey! Pam, stop that. 144 00:06:05,568 --> 00:06:07,201 Everybody calm-- 145 00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:09,203 [loud ringing in ears] [Muted chatter] 146 00:06:11,374 --> 00:06:15,343 [Distorted, unintelligible chatter] 147 00:06:15,411 --> 00:06:17,678 Asshole! What the hell? 148 00:06:17,747 --> 00:06:20,314 I'm sorry. Seriously, I'm sorry. 149 00:06:20,383 --> 00:06:22,583 I sincerely apologize for doing that. 150 00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:24,285 Archer, if you do that again-- 151 00:06:24,354 --> 00:06:26,287 I swear to God I won't do it again. 152 00:06:26,356 --> 00:06:27,555 Please don't. You're listening for once. 153 00:06:27,624 --> 00:06:29,524 That being said, 154 00:06:29,592 --> 00:06:32,193 I swear to God I will do it again. 155 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:33,736 Asshole. 156 00:06:33,856 --> 00:06:34,821 Ray, shut up! 157 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,061 Cyril, let's get that sweater vest off, buddy. 158 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,131 I'm sorry? I know, but nobody makes you wear them. 159 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,066 I-- why do you want it? 160 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,034 As, like, a tablecloth or whatever. 161 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,036 We're all gonna put our food and drink in the middle, 162 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,105 and then I'll be in charge of rationing it out. 163 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,107 No. Why do you think you would be in charge? 164 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,009 Because I've been lost at sea. 165 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,630 [Laughs] What? 166 00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:57,223 I was lost at sea, Lana, and we had to ration the food and water. 167 00:06:57,522 --> 00:06:59,884 Well, we should have. I actually ate it all 168 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:01,685 while the other guy was asleep. 169 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,034 Why would you tell us that story? 170 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,822 If anything, that proves my point. 171 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,824 People like me are exactly why 172 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,792 we have to ration our food and water. 173 00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,094 People like you, who? 174 00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,997 The strong, like me and you and Pam, 175 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:15,699 who will naturally prey on the weak, 176 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,101 like the rest of them. 177 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:20,104 [Sighs] Maybe we should pool it together. 178 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,039 We don't know how long we're gonna be in here. 179 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,807 Yeah, give it up, weakie. 180 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,109 Pam, shut up. I'll start. 181 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,045 Here's...maybe six ounces of Bourbon. 182 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,714 [Grunting] If Cyril would hurry it up already! 183 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,049 For the love of God, will you just-- 184 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,193 Okay. Wait a minute. 185 00:07:33,313 --> 00:07:35,188 How exactly is this supposed to work? 186 00:07:35,308 --> 00:07:37,054 It puts the vest on the floor! 187 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,956 We put food and drink on the vest! 188 00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,352 Yeah, but where on the floor? 189 00:07:40,472 --> 00:07:42,760 There's no room. It'll get kicked over. 190 00:07:42,828 --> 00:07:45,629 Okay, so we tie the vest into, like, a pouch, and-- 191 00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,665 For God's sake, man, it has no sleeves. 192 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,633 Plus the food'll just fall out the neckhole. 193 00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,001 [Sighs] Well, then it's official. 194 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,438 The sweater vest is literally good for nothing. 195 00:07:53,558 --> 00:07:56,470 Hey, you know what? Besides how to dress like an adult? 196 00:07:56,590 --> 00:07:59,710 Well, that's the only thing you do like an adult. 197 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:00,811 [Snaps fingers] Burn! 198 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,470 Yeah. Total burn. 199 00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:04,191 I hope I don't start crying later 200 00:08:04,311 --> 00:08:07,718 when I'm driving an automobile to or from a bar! 201 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,702 After having sex with a prostitute. 202 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,382 Which is the most adult thing a person could possibly do! 203 00:08:14,223 --> 00:08:16,108 I like him in vests. Me too. 204 00:08:16,228 --> 00:08:17,318 Yeah. It works for him. 205 00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:19,160 Well, thanks, ladies. 206 00:08:19,228 --> 00:08:21,228 That's-- No. No. Shut up. 207 00:08:21,297 --> 00:08:23,230 I need to think. About what? 208 00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:24,565 Look, this isn't that hard, people. 209 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,301 We've got a bagel, four coffees, a quart of beer-- 210 00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:28,502 [chuckling] A quart? 211 00:08:28,571 --> 00:08:31,040 This a fawty, shawty! Thanks, Omar. 212 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,175 And on top of that, we've got, I'm guessing, two flasks of bourbon. 213 00:08:34,243 --> 00:08:36,277 I didn't know if I'd have time for lunch. 214 00:08:36,345 --> 00:08:38,212 And, Krieger? Coffee? 215 00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:39,613 Uh, no. 216 00:08:39,682 --> 00:08:41,448 Tea? No. 217 00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:43,651 What is it, soup? 218 00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,600 Define "soup." 219 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,221 [Scoffs] Oh, good lord! 220 00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:48,651 Would it be safe to say nobody here 221 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,357 wants to eat what's in your thermos? 222 00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:53,396 [Gasps] Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so! 223 00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:56,203 Okay, so how about we all agree to hold on 224 00:08:56,323 --> 00:08:58,265 to our food and drinks for now, if for no other reason than-- 225 00:08:58,334 --> 00:08:59,400 [gulping] 226 00:08:59,468 --> 00:09:00,401 Pam! Pam! 227 00:09:00,469 --> 00:09:03,404 Come on! Pam, stop it! 228 00:09:03,472 --> 00:09:05,105 [Belches] 229 00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,374 Oh, God! That wasn't just bear claw. 230 00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:08,542 What did you eat for breakfast? 231 00:09:08,611 --> 00:09:10,110 [Belches] 232 00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:11,412 Linguine and clam sauce. 233 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:15,082 Oh, God! What, did you wake up on the docks? 234 00:09:15,151 --> 00:09:18,152 [Belches] But I don't know about those clams, though. 235 00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:20,421 As I was saying, before you, Pam, 236 00:09:20,489 --> 00:09:23,190 drank a third of a gallon of malt liquor, 237 00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:26,327 maybe we shouldn't eat or drink too much, because-- 238 00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:28,229 Yes, Pam? I have to pee. 239 00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:30,431 Come on! Of course you do. You just drank a 40! 240 00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:32,099 That's what I was trying to say. 241 00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,408 I'm not a frickin' mind reader. 242 00:09:33,469 --> 00:09:35,135 Yeah. In her defense, you didn't finish. 243 00:09:35,204 --> 00:09:36,536 Yeah. Pam, shut up. 244 00:09:36,656 --> 00:09:38,172 [Gasps] I have an idea! 245 00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,374 Okay. Wait. Does it have anything to do 246 00:09:40,443 --> 00:09:42,509 with our current situation? 247 00:09:42,578 --> 00:09:43,693 Yes. 248 00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,346 Okay, what is it? 249 00:09:45,414 --> 00:09:47,281 We are stuck in an elevator. 250 00:09:47,350 --> 00:09:50,251 The idea, not our current situation. 251 00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:52,253 Well, I'm not a frickin' mind reader! 252 00:09:52,321 --> 00:09:54,421 [Gasps] Oh, my God, what if I am? 253 00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,225 Then I guess you'd know what we're all thinking right this very minute. 254 00:09:58,294 --> 00:10:01,528 Okay. You want a drink, you want to lecture us, 255 00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:04,498 you want more bear claws, you want to smoke, you want to masturbate, 256 00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:07,567 and you're scared that we'll figure out you're actually just a Krieger clone. 257 00:10:07,603 --> 00:10:11,205 What? That's-- That's all just common sense. 258 00:10:11,274 --> 00:10:13,374 How is it common sense that she thinks I want to masturbate? 259 00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:15,376 Come on, Cyril. For most of us, 260 00:10:15,444 --> 00:10:17,444 she just rattled off our obvious addictions. 261 00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:20,034 I'm not addicted to lecturing people. 262 00:10:20,154 --> 00:10:22,116 [Laughter] 263 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,553 Oh, come on. That's... All right. 264 00:10:26,622 --> 00:10:28,933 And what are you laughing at, stroker ace? 265 00:10:29,053 --> 00:10:30,986 I'm not addicted to masturbating! 266 00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,656 Cyril, come on. Hand on the Bible, 267 00:10:33,725 --> 00:10:35,524 lie detector, gun to your head, 268 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,827 you don't want to masturbate right now? 269 00:10:37,895 --> 00:10:40,796 Well, not in this elevator. 270 00:10:40,865 --> 00:10:42,665 Well, I want to drink, so... 271 00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,667 And I want to smoke, so... 272 00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:46,176 So Cyril ought to be able to jack it. 273 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,798 Pam, shut up. Well, we tried. 274 00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:50,906 And just where, exactly, were you hoping to smoke that cigarette? 275 00:10:50,975 --> 00:10:52,369 Magnum P.I.'s house. 276 00:10:52,489 --> 00:10:54,744 But since I'm stuck in here with you people... 277 00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:57,680 Hey! What the shit, woman? 278 00:10:57,749 --> 00:10:59,149 The shit is that I am breastfeeding, 279 00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:01,422 so you will not smoke in this elevator! 280 00:11:01,542 --> 00:11:03,552 You want to bet? Do you? 281 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,621 [Grunting] They're both addicted to gambling. 282 00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,857 And you're just a regular Sylvia Browne. [Thudding] 283 00:11:07,925 --> 00:11:09,925 I also have extreme claustrophobia. 284 00:11:09,994 --> 00:11:12,628 Psst, Cyril. Try to rub one out. 285 00:11:12,697 --> 00:11:14,964 I do not want to masturbate! 286 00:11:15,032 --> 00:11:17,800 Oh, for-- Not even watching that? 287 00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:20,870 [Archer] Hey! Guys, come on! Hey! Get your hands o-- 288 00:11:20,938 --> 00:11:23,232 [clicks] Aah. 289 00:11:23,352 --> 00:11:25,875 I'm serious. I cannot stress this enough. 290 00:11:25,943 --> 00:11:28,041 You do not want tinnitus. 291 00:11:28,161 --> 00:11:29,678 How about cirrhosis? 292 00:11:29,747 --> 00:11:31,995 Probably not that either. 293 00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:34,550 Now, then. Carol, you had an idea? 294 00:11:34,619 --> 00:11:36,525 [Gasps] Are you a mind reader, too? 295 00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:38,954 No. You told us that you had one. 296 00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:41,076 What? Oh, right. Yes. 297 00:11:41,196 --> 00:11:43,592 We all jump up and down at the same time 298 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,188 to unjam this stupid thing, 299 00:11:45,308 --> 00:11:47,072 and then it plummets down into the basement, 300 00:11:47,192 --> 00:11:49,732 and we boing into that giant spring 301 00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:51,567 at the bottom of the elevator shaft, 302 00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:54,054 and then are safe. 303 00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:58,741 So, suicide pact. An oldie but a goodie. 304 00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:00,576 Should we vote? Who's in? 305 00:12:00,645 --> 00:12:01,877 Uh-uh. No. No. Not doing that. 306 00:12:01,946 --> 00:12:04,647 No. That works. I've heard about people doing that. 307 00:12:04,715 --> 00:12:06,749 You just want an excuse to wet your pants. 308 00:12:06,818 --> 00:12:08,651 I don't need an excuse. 309 00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:10,586 Yeah, what is this, Soviet Russia? 310 00:12:10,655 --> 00:12:12,922 It-- wait. Are you seriously asking? 311 00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,857 [Scoffs] I mean... 312 00:12:14,926 --> 00:12:16,892 Krieger, what's the deal? Would that really work? 313 00:12:16,961 --> 00:12:20,596 Wha-- you're asking the guy with a thermos full of human being soup? 314 00:12:20,665 --> 00:12:22,698 It's-- that's not even-- if-- 315 00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:24,533 What is this, Soviet Russia? 316 00:12:24,602 --> 00:12:25,701 Right? Oh, my God. 317 00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:27,139 Cyril, shut up. You shut up! 318 00:12:27,259 --> 00:12:28,873 Krieger, would that work? 319 00:12:28,993 --> 00:12:31,507 Huh. Maybe? 320 00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,642 Maybe? What do you mean, maybe? 321 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,845 Look, first of all, there's no giant spring at the bottom. 322 00:12:35,913 --> 00:12:37,913 It's a hydraulic buffer, but you don't want to be in the elevator 323 00:12:37,982 --> 00:12:39,715 when it slams into it. 324 00:12:39,784 --> 00:12:42,115 No, but at the last second, you just jump up in the air. 325 00:12:42,235 --> 00:12:43,786 How would you know when to jump? 326 00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:45,554 Because you'd give me a lecture on it. 327 00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,623 Burn! 328 00:12:47,692 --> 00:12:48,820 Ray! She burned her. 329 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:51,660 I know, but-- No. Shut up, because here's the thing-- 330 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:52,895 safety brakes. 331 00:12:52,964 --> 00:12:54,763 That's actually what Elisha Otis invented. 332 00:12:54,832 --> 00:12:55,831 Not the elevator itself, 333 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,800 but the safety brakes to stop it. 334 00:12:57,869 --> 00:12:59,869 It was too bad they couldn't stop diphtheria. 335 00:12:59,937 --> 00:13:01,604 So wait. Would the brakes stop us? 336 00:13:01,672 --> 00:13:02,805 Maybe? 337 00:13:02,874 --> 00:13:05,374 Ugh! Oh, my God! Come on! 338 00:13:05,443 --> 00:13:07,409 Look, I don't know if they were damaged in the crash. 339 00:13:07,478 --> 00:13:08,940 Okay, but what's the worst case? 340 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:12,120 Worst case is we die. Impaled on your boner. 341 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,550 I do not have an erection! 342 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,619 Well, maybe not now, but say you get 343 00:13:16,687 --> 00:13:18,049 a severe head injury on impact. 344 00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:19,788 Boom! Priapism! 345 00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:21,490 [Sighs] Meanwhile, your bodies 346 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,459 are smashing around in here like crash dummies, 347 00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:26,875 until, one at a time, you are each impaled on my priapic erection. 348 00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:30,566 Yeah. Like meat at a Brazilian steakhouse! 349 00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:32,042 Ugh, please don't talk about food. 350 00:13:32,162 --> 00:13:33,836 Yeah, I am figuratively starving. 351 00:13:33,905 --> 00:13:36,849 For meat or Cyril's priapism? Both. 352 00:13:36,969 --> 00:13:39,057 I can't take it! I am smoking! Ray! 353 00:13:39,177 --> 00:13:41,161 Ow! Get your foot off my lighter! 354 00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:43,381 Ray, I am serious. God damn it! 355 00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:46,384 I'll put my mouth right up next to the hole and blow into it. 356 00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:48,253 Err! Fine, but-- 357 00:13:48,322 --> 00:13:50,155 Wait a minute. Well, then I'm peeing. 358 00:13:50,224 --> 00:13:52,424 Where? I think I can get it all back in here. 359 00:13:52,493 --> 00:13:55,805 No, you can't! Wait a minute. Everybody stop now. 360 00:13:55,925 --> 00:13:57,526 What? Two things. 361 00:13:57,646 --> 00:14:00,280 One, I really think we need to have a serious talk 362 00:14:00,349 --> 00:14:01,648 about getting phrasing back in the mix. 363 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,550 [All talking at once] Let it go. 364 00:14:03,619 --> 00:14:06,386 Fine. Whatever. No more phrasing. 365 00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:09,189 What was thing two? Oh, nothing. 366 00:14:09,258 --> 00:14:11,491 [Sniffing] I'm just having a stroke. 367 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:15,328 [Gasps] No, you're not. It's Milton! He came back! 368 00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,581 [Beeps] [All cheering] 369 00:14:17,666 --> 00:14:20,383 Milton! There you are! 370 00:14:20,469 --> 00:14:23,670 [Peeing into bottle] What the-- God damn it, Pam! 371 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,572 Oh, no, no, no! [Pee splashing on ground] 372 00:14:25,641 --> 00:14:27,607 For the love of God, woman! 373 00:14:27,676 --> 00:14:30,343 [Pam] I thought the hole was bigger. [Bottle clatters] 374 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,247 [Sighs] I mean... 375 00:14:34,316 --> 00:14:36,407 [Milton beeping] 376 00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:39,762 Ugh, it's soaking wet down here... 377 00:14:40,481 --> 00:14:42,414 Get it, get it, get it before it gets on me! 378 00:14:42,483 --> 00:14:44,550 With what? There's nothing to wipe it up with. 379 00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,286 A-ha! Maybe it is good for something. [Pee sloshes] 380 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,521 Are you crazy? That's cashmere! 381 00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:51,356 Wh-- oh, my God. Sorry. 382 00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:52,591 What, so it's non-absorbent? 383 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:55,461 Lana, it's cashmere. There are rules. 384 00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,496 I'm sorry, Cyril. I didn't know. 385 00:14:57,565 --> 00:15:00,987 [Ray] Aw, son of a bitch! What's wrong? 386 00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,402 Guess we can go ahead and use my suit pants. 387 00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:05,437 You can just say "pants." [Laughing] 388 00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:07,061 Pam wet your pants. 389 00:15:07,191 --> 00:15:08,891 It's still basically everywhere! 390 00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,092 And if it gets on my suede boots-- 391 00:15:10,161 --> 00:15:12,928 Okay! Jeez! 392 00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:14,196 [All groan] 393 00:15:14,265 --> 00:15:16,298 Why aren't you wearing underwear? 394 00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,033 What? Serious shit, 395 00:15:18,102 --> 00:15:20,035 did red dawn happen and nobody told me about it? 396 00:15:20,104 --> 00:15:21,236 Ne tak li? 397 00:15:21,305 --> 00:15:24,273 [Pee sloshing] 398 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,874 There! Happy? 399 00:15:25,943 --> 00:15:26,875 No. No. 400 00:15:26,944 --> 00:15:27,910 Yes. 401 00:15:27,978 --> 00:15:29,144 Yeah. Hey, and over here, too, 402 00:15:29,213 --> 00:15:30,312 because if it gets on these boots, 403 00:15:30,381 --> 00:15:32,281 I will not be responsible for my actions. 404 00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,883 Right? Isn't it just so liberating? 405 00:15:34,952 --> 00:15:36,251 Hey, what's Milton doing? What do you-- 406 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,054 He's making toast! I want to see! 407 00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:41,023 Well, too bad, I'm in the hole! 408 00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,325 Stop torturing me! Stop torturing me! 409 00:15:43,394 --> 00:15:45,160 Oh, for-- Ray, take a picture of him! 410 00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:47,996 [Groans] Where's my stupid phone? 411 00:15:48,065 --> 00:15:49,231 [Russian accent] In Soviet Russia-- 412 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,232 Pam? 413 00:15:50,301 --> 00:15:52,167 --Toaster take picture of you. 414 00:15:52,236 --> 00:15:54,069 Doesn't even make sense. 415 00:15:54,138 --> 00:15:55,804 It makes perfect sense. You don't make sense. 416 00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:57,172 It totally does. 417 00:15:57,241 --> 00:15:59,842 The K.G.B. bugs your apartment. They put a camera in-- 418 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,076 All right! Jesus Christ! 419 00:16:01,145 --> 00:16:02,277 Holy shit! 420 00:16:02,346 --> 00:16:04,012 [All] What? I've got a signal! 421 00:16:04,081 --> 00:16:06,215 [All celebrating] 422 00:16:06,283 --> 00:16:08,016 Yeah, I got, like, half a bar! 423 00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:09,218 Call 911! Call 911! 424 00:16:09,286 --> 00:16:10,953 [Russian accent] In Soviet Russia-- 425 00:16:11,021 --> 00:16:12,154 [Archer] Pam, stop it! 426 00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:14,223 Ser'yezno. Yeah, seriously. 427 00:16:14,291 --> 00:16:16,859 [Woman] 911 operator. What is your emergency? 428 00:16:16,927 --> 00:16:18,126 Hello! Can you hear me? 429 00:16:18,195 --> 00:16:20,195 Hello? I can barely hear you. 430 00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:22,264 I'm trapped in an elevator! 431 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:25,033 I'm sorry? You said you are trapped in an elevator? 432 00:16:25,102 --> 00:16:26,034 Wh-- yes! 433 00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:27,970 Ma'am, you have no call 434 00:16:28,038 --> 00:16:29,037 to get snippy with me! 435 00:16:29,106 --> 00:16:30,939 [Chuckling] "Ma'am." 436 00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:33,242 And for the record, being stuck in an elevator 437 00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,077 is not an emergency. 438 00:16:35,145 --> 00:16:37,212 [All yelling angrily] 439 00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,882 So I suggest you call your super. 440 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,084 No, no, no, no! [Hangs up] 441 00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:45,188 Oh, call her back and tell her 442 00:16:45,189 --> 00:16:47,122 Carol's got crippling claustrophobia. 443 00:16:47,191 --> 00:16:49,224 Wait. What? [Screams] 444 00:16:49,293 --> 00:16:51,193 [All groaning] Oh, Jesus! 445 00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:53,435 [Screams] God damn it! 446 00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:54,796 [Dialing, ringing] 447 00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:56,999 911 operator. What is your emergency? 448 00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:58,834 I'm stuck in an elevator-- 449 00:16:58,903 --> 00:17:01,169 Ma'am, pranking 911 is a felony! 450 00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:03,772 I-- I am blocking this number! 451 00:17:03,841 --> 00:17:05,007 No, no, no, no! [Hangs up] 452 00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:06,875 [Sighs] 453 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:07,943 [Phone beeps] 454 00:17:08,012 --> 00:17:11,013 [Laughing] "Ma'am"! 455 00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:13,916 Oh, my God. We need this, too. 456 00:17:13,984 --> 00:17:15,951 [Laughing] We do kind of. 457 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:18,987 [All laughing] 458 00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:21,156 911 burn! 459 00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:22,858 "Ma'am." 460 00:17:22,927 --> 00:17:25,894 Plus... plus, you're covered in piss. 461 00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:28,263 [Gasps] Ray! Ray, call Malory! 462 00:17:28,332 --> 00:17:29,998 Yes, call that person. Yes, do that. 463 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:31,099 Wait. Call who? 464 00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:32,901 Malory! I bet she's downstairs! 465 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:34,770 She can call an elevator repair guy! 466 00:17:34,838 --> 00:17:35,904 [Ray] Oh, yeah. Shit. Hang on. 467 00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:37,272 Yeah, hang on! Ray? 468 00:17:37,341 --> 00:17:39,141 Hang on! I'm saying hang on! 469 00:17:39,209 --> 00:17:40,943 Hang on! What are you, deaf? 470 00:17:41,011 --> 00:17:42,110 What are you, color blind? 471 00:17:42,179 --> 00:17:43,812 [All] Whoa! 472 00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:46,148 Too soon. Yeah, inappropes! 473 00:17:46,216 --> 00:17:49,117 She said, flapping her wildly unkempt vagina 474 00:17:49,186 --> 00:17:50,752 at her coworkers! 475 00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:52,187 Oh, please. You've all seen it! 476 00:17:52,256 --> 00:17:54,790 Wait. Oh, my God, we actually have. 477 00:17:54,858 --> 00:17:57,092 And yours. What? Krieger hasn't! 478 00:17:57,161 --> 00:17:59,995 Well, maybe not in person-- Bu-bu-bu-bu-bup! 479 00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:01,863 Stop...talking. 480 00:18:01,932 --> 00:18:04,933 Everybody stop talking! Trying to make a phone call! 481 00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:06,835 [Archer] No, no, no, no! [Line ringing] 482 00:18:06,904 --> 00:18:09,805 [Phone rings] 483 00:18:09,873 --> 00:18:11,940 [Ringing continues] 484 00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,078 I'm not here. 485 00:18:16,146 --> 00:18:18,180 [Metal squeaks] ♪♪ [Music] 486 00:18:18,248 --> 00:18:19,968 [Archer's voice] Are you tired of constantly 487 00:18:19,984 --> 00:18:21,850 getting stuck in elevators? 488 00:18:21,919 --> 00:18:24,086 Do you wish there was a way to not keep constantly 489 00:18:24,154 --> 00:18:26,188 getting stuck in elevators? 490 00:18:26,256 --> 00:18:28,991 Well, friend, wish and be tired no longer-- 491 00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:30,192 [all scream] 492 00:18:30,260 --> 00:18:34,997 [Muffled screams] 493 00:18:35,065 --> 00:18:37,766 [Whistling] 494 00:18:37,835 --> 00:18:38,767 [Whirring] 495 00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:40,969 [Sighs] Oh, come on. 496 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:43,905 Typical. 497 00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:53,048 [Muffled screams] 498 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:55,851 Hmm. 499 00:19:02,192 --> 00:19:03,125 [Elevator dings] 500 00:19:03,193 --> 00:19:04,126 [Screams] 501 00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:06,862 What, in the name of God, 502 00:19:06,930 --> 00:19:08,930 do you people think you're doing? 503 00:19:08,999 --> 00:19:12,192 [Clears throat] Was there not a staff meeting? 504 00:19:12,312 --> 00:19:13,389 Well, there was... 505 00:19:13,509 --> 00:19:18,342 I blocked out the entire morning for us all to do a team building exercise together. 506 00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:20,132 Team building? Again? 507 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,216 You got the elevator stuck on purpose! 508 00:19:24,336 --> 00:19:25,230 Wait, what? 509 00:19:25,522 --> 00:19:27,666 What? What are you talking about? 510 00:19:27,786 --> 00:19:30,337 Trapping us in here like...like... 511 00:19:30,457 --> 00:19:32,773 Like piss-covered animals? 512 00:19:32,893 --> 00:19:35,560 This was the team building exercise. 513 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,347 What are you... No, it wasn't! 514 00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:41,368 We were going to watch Vision Quest. 515 00:19:43,301 --> 00:19:44,814 Huh! 516 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:49,301 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com