1
00:00:02,486 --> 00:00:05,546
Kids, here's something
I wish my dad had told me.
2
00:00:05,656 --> 00:00:08,590
The longest pause you will
ever experience in your life
3
00:00:08,691 --> 00:00:10,784
is the one that follows
asking the question...
4
00:00:10,893 --> 00:00:12,827
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:16,728
Your brain goes into overdrive,
imagining every possible response.
6
00:00:17,599 --> 00:00:18,725
No.
7
00:00:19,401 --> 00:00:20,561
Oh, God, no.
8
00:00:23,972 --> 00:00:27,498
You want me to marry... No.
9
00:00:28,842 --> 00:00:30,434
I'm sorry, Ted. I can't.
10
00:00:30,544 --> 00:00:32,978
Mark Johnson, the quarterback
from your high-school football team,
11
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,478
already asked me.
12
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,811
- What's up, Turd?
- It's Ted!
13
00:00:39,118 --> 00:00:40,176
But if you're lucky,
14
00:00:40,286 --> 00:00:44,346
she may answer with the single
greatest word in the English language.
15
00:00:44,456 --> 00:00:45,616
Yes.
16
00:01:00,338 --> 00:01:03,704
Stella and I spent that summer
happily engaged.
17
00:01:03,807 --> 00:01:06,071
Marshall was still coping
with unemployment.
18
00:01:06,176 --> 00:01:08,007
What are you doing?
19
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,545
Lily threw herself into her painting.
20
00:01:11,647 --> 00:01:13,478
What are you doing?
21
00:01:14,249 --> 00:01:16,740
Barney was rehabilitating
from his bus accident.
22
00:01:16,852 --> 00:01:18,547
What are you doing?
23
00:01:19,587 --> 00:01:23,284
And, well, Marshall just kept
coping with unemployment.
24
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:27,925
What are you doing?
25
00:01:28,628 --> 00:01:30,255
And Robin continued to uphold
26
00:01:30,364 --> 00:01:32,855
the high journalistic standards
of Metro News 1.
27
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,662
Is your favorite brand of dental floss
poisoning your entire family?
28
00:01:38,771 --> 00:01:42,332
Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking tooth.
29
00:01:45,611 --> 00:01:47,976
Okay, I officially hate my job.
30
00:01:48,079 --> 00:01:52,140
I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone
who shows up at night and scares people.
31
00:01:52,250 --> 00:01:54,912
I'm the boogeyman with a teleprompter.
32
00:01:57,521 --> 00:01:59,512
"Boogeyman with a teleprompter. "
33
00:01:59,623 --> 00:02:02,524
That's hilarious!
Great joke, Robin, great joke.
34
00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:05,651
Barney, no offense to Robin,
but that wasn't that funny.
35
00:02:05,762 --> 00:02:08,287
Are you kidding? That was a great joke.
36
00:02:08,398 --> 00:02:10,730
It's smart, funny, beautiful,
it's the whole package.
37
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:13,960
It's everything
you're afraid to let yourself want.
38
00:02:14,069 --> 00:02:15,536
In a joke.
39
00:02:17,839 --> 00:02:22,138
"Boogeyman with a teleprompter. "
That's classic.
40
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,744
Okay, what is so urgent
41
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:30,078
that you called me and begged me
to come over at 7:22 in the morning?
44
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:38,150
I should tell you, but I can't!
I have to. I never will!
45
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:41,283
I'm going to. Let's just drop it.
What's up with you?
46
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:43,293
Barney, just say it.
47
00:02:46,131 --> 00:02:48,463
I think I'm in love with Robin.
48
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:51,735
Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas
for Stella's wedding shower.
49
00:02:51,836 --> 00:02:53,463
Does she like to cook?
50
00:02:54,906 --> 00:02:58,807
- Actually, I don't know.
- What's her favorite color?
51
00:02:59,509 --> 00:03:02,808
- Don't know that, either.
- Well, does she have any hobbies?
52
00:03:02,913 --> 00:03:06,474
Yes, she's exactly the kind of person
who would have hobbies.
53
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:10,382
And interests, too.
I am one lucky son of a bitch.
54
00:03:10,486 --> 00:03:14,013
Dude, you don't know anything
about the woman you're marrying.
55
00:03:14,123 --> 00:03:18,821
- What? You're crazy! I know plenty.
- What color are her eyes?
56
00:03:19,494 --> 00:03:23,487
- The color of the ocean after a storm.
- Which is?
57
00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:27,398
Beautiful.
58
00:03:28,769 --> 00:03:29,895
I don't believe it.
59
00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:33,097
I thought you called me over here
to uncuff you from your sex swing again,
60
00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:36,733
but you're in love? That is so sweet!
61
00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:40,210
It's not sweet. It's like a disease.
62
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:43,543
I slept with Robin one time
and I caught feelings.
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00:03:43,648 --> 00:03:47,982
I caught feelings bad.
I used protection and everything.
64
00:03:48,086 --> 00:03:52,784
Barney, you don't catch feelings,
you just have them. And they're good.
65
00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:56,917
They're terrible! I can't eat, I can't sleep.
66
00:03:57,027 --> 00:03:59,928
She's all I think about.
I close my eyes, I see Robin.
67
00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:03,055
- I... I hear a song, it reminds me of Robin.
- Morning.
68
00:04:03,166 --> 00:04:06,329
I sleep with that chick,
I'm thinking about Robin.
69
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:10,097
Okay, so I don't know every single detail
about Stella.
70
00:04:10,239 --> 00:04:12,264
What's this really about?
Do you not like her or something?
71
00:04:12,374 --> 00:04:14,274
No, Ted, I like Stella a lot.
72
00:04:14,376 --> 00:04:16,105
- She's a Mets fan.
- Really?
73
00:04:16,211 --> 00:04:18,702
It's just that everything with you guys
has moved so fast.
74
00:04:18,814 --> 00:04:20,747
You've only known each other
a few months.
75
00:04:20,848 --> 00:04:23,078
Don't you think maybe you should
slow things down a little bit?
76
00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:24,173
Get to know each other better?
77
00:04:24,285 --> 00:04:27,254
I'll have a whole lifetime
to get to know her better.
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00:04:27,355 --> 00:04:31,688
Right now, I know the one thing
that I have to, that I love her.
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00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:35,822
You love her?
Barney, how can you be in love
80
00:04:35,929 --> 00:04:39,364
and still be sleeping with
anything that moves?
81
00:04:39,465 --> 00:04:41,524
I'm sorry, I don't follow you.
82
00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:45,900
That's like saying, "How can an ant
carry 20 times its body weight,
83
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:49,770
"but root beer floats are still delicious?"
Are the two even related? Really?
84
00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:50,898
Ow!
85
00:04:51,009 --> 00:04:53,102
Barney, you're going to have
to stop screwing around
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00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:54,906
if you want to be Robin's boyfriend.
87
00:04:55,012 --> 00:05:01,076
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Boyfriend?
I don't want to be Robin's "boyfriend. "
88
00:05:01,185 --> 00:05:02,777
Well, what do you want, then?
89
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:07,083
I don't know. I just want to be with her.
All the time.
90
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:10,284
I want to hear about her day
and tell her about mine.
91
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,691
I want to hold her hand and smell her hair.
92
00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:17,462
But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend.
93
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:19,659
Barney, what you just described
94
00:05:19,768 --> 00:05:23,328
is a relationship
between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
95
00:05:23,437 --> 00:05:25,962
And a pretty clingy one at that.
96
00:05:26,073 --> 00:05:28,735
Look, Lily, are you going
to help me out with this or not?
97
00:05:28,842 --> 00:05:30,639
I'm a kindergarten teacher.
98
00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:34,577
I see a confused little kid in the corner
trying to eat the lefty scissors,
99
00:05:34,681 --> 00:05:40,050
I gotta help the poor little bastard.
But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal?
100
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:42,409
Deal.
101
00:05:42,754 --> 00:05:43,721
Coming up next,
102
00:05:43,822 --> 00:05:48,623
is your local ice-cream man actually
driving a roving meth lab on wheels?
103
00:05:48,727 --> 00:05:52,526
Stay tuned for the full scoop.
104
00:05:53,064 --> 00:05:54,326
Really?
105
00:05:57,068 --> 00:05:58,898
- Uh-huh?
- Mmm.
106
00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:03,365
I know dudes think it's girlie
for a guy to cook, but us ladies?
107
00:06:03,473 --> 00:06:06,237
- We find it mighty sexy.
- Really?
108
00:06:06,343 --> 00:06:09,402
You know, my grandma taught me how.
109
00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:11,445
- Oh, yeah, she did.
- Yeah.
110
00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:13,674
Yeah, I had a lot of time after school
to watch her cook,
111
00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:19,117
- because I wasn't good at sports.
- I'm on fire right now.
112
00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:25,184
Delicious. What's in this pesto?
113
00:06:25,292 --> 00:06:30,753
You know, the usual. Basil, garlic, olive oil.
But can you guess my secret ingredient?
114
00:06:30,864 --> 00:06:33,662
- Peanuts.
- Yes. How did you know that?
115
00:06:40,606 --> 00:06:43,165
- Okay, let me think. What else?
- You know what, sweetie?
116
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:46,073
I woke up so early,
and I had a really long day at work.
117
00:06:46,177 --> 00:06:48,543
And then there was that whole thing
where you tried to kill me.
118
00:06:48,647 --> 00:06:50,080
Can we please just go to sleep?
119
00:06:50,181 --> 00:06:53,047
No, I clearly need to know more about you.
120
00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:57,519
- Let's do firsts. First kiss?
- Dale Harris, second grade.
121
00:06:57,621 --> 00:07:00,852
Wait, you're talking like peck on the cheek
or a full-on passionate making out?
122
00:07:00,957 --> 00:07:03,721
- Passionate making out.
- Okay, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade.
123
00:07:04,193 --> 00:07:05,592
First time you had sex.
124
00:07:05,695 --> 00:07:07,629
- Dale Harris, second...
- Stop it.
125
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:10,960
- Billy Devito, sophomore year of college.
- Prude.
126
00:07:11,066 --> 00:07:12,966
Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school.
127
00:07:13,068 --> 00:07:14,228
Slut.
128
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:17,470
Robin just needs
to see this new side of you.
129
00:07:17,572 --> 00:07:20,335
- So just call her up?
- Just call her up.
130
00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:23,505
It's...
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00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:33,683
- She wasn't there. I left a voice mail.
- You left a voice, but it wasn't male.
132
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,449
Barney, I don't get it. You've called
a million girls a million times.
133
00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:39,114
Yeah, but those were just booty calls.
134
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,590
On a booty call,
you barely even have to talk.
135
00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:43,819
Around 9:00 p. m., you say...
136
00:07:43,929 --> 00:07:46,192
Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight?
137
00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:48,857
Sweet. See you in half an hour?
Can't wait.
138
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:52,125
But the later it gets,
the fewer words you need.
139
00:07:52,236 --> 00:07:54,227
Barney. Busy? Sweet.
140
00:07:55,272 --> 00:07:56,569
And by 3:00 in the morning...
141
00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:03,907
Sweet.
142
00:08:04,914 --> 00:08:08,406
A question mark?
You got laid off a question mark?
143
00:08:09,585 --> 00:08:10,677
Ow!
144
00:08:10,786 --> 00:08:14,346
Hey! It's no worse than
your super-obvious code words.
145
00:08:15,957 --> 00:08:18,084
- Rhinoceros.
- We have to go.
146
00:08:19,494 --> 00:08:21,359
Great. Now we need a new code word.
147
00:08:23,564 --> 00:08:26,931
It's her, it's Robin. What do I do?
No, no, no, no...
148
00:08:27,034 --> 00:08:31,493
Robin, great to hear from you.
To what do I owe the pleasure?
149
00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:32,938
You called, went...
150
00:08:34,107 --> 00:08:35,369
and hung up. What do you want?
151
00:08:36,109 --> 00:08:37,371
Help me!
152
00:08:38,077 --> 00:08:40,010
Just ask her something.
153
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,980
- How are you feeling today?
- Fine.
154
00:08:44,449 --> 00:08:46,212
Something personal.
155
00:08:47,886 --> 00:08:50,854
At what age did you first get your period?
156
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:55,349
- Did you just ask me about my period?
- No, I did not.
157
00:08:56,527 --> 00:08:57,824
Look, Barney, I'm at work right now.
158
00:08:58,161 --> 00:08:59,822
Just ask her out.
159
00:09:01,631 --> 00:09:04,259
Robin, I was wondering if...
160
00:09:06,469 --> 00:09:08,402
Nothing. Gotta go. Bye.
161
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,335
Ha, ha, ha.
162
00:09:10,439 --> 00:09:14,068
That was just a practical joke.
I'm not really in love with Robin.
163
00:09:14,176 --> 00:09:16,336
You should've seen the look on your face.
164
00:09:16,444 --> 00:09:19,538
There's cameras right there
and there and there.
165
00:09:20,448 --> 00:09:24,475
What a legendary prank
that we're never going to speak of again.
166
00:09:30,157 --> 00:09:31,488
Gross.
167
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,795
- First movie you ever saw.
- Benji, 1981.
168
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:40,324
I watched it recently with Lucy
and I just thought,
169
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:42,957
"That dog is so dead right now. "
170
00:09:44,369 --> 00:09:45,358
What about you?
171
00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:48,904
My dad took me to an old drive-in
to see the original Star Wars.
172
00:09:49,007 --> 00:09:51,237
You know,
I've actually never seen Star Wars.
173
00:09:51,426 --> 00:09:53,916
She's never seen Star Wars?
174
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,427
Ted, the only people in the universe
who haven't seen Star Wars
175
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,465
are the characters in Star Wars,
and that's 'cause they lived them, Ted!
176
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,693
- That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars.
- You gotta calm down.
177
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,134
I told you. I told you
you didn't know this girl well enough.
178
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,832
What if you show it to her
and she doesn't like it?
179
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,237
Dude, it's just a movie.
180
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,969
Ted, Star Wars is your
all-time favorite movie,
181
00:10:12,077 --> 00:10:14,443
and whether or not Stella likes it
is actually important.
182
00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:17,014
It's a test
of how compatible you guys are.
183
00:10:17,115 --> 00:10:21,107
Marshall, it's just a movie.
It's just a movie.
184
00:10:26,123 --> 00:10:27,522
Okay, if Stella doesn't like this movie,
185
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,990
- I can't marry her.
- No, you can't.
186
00:10:30,093 --> 00:10:32,527
- Want to watch it again?
- Yes, I do.
187
00:10:39,635 --> 00:10:41,694
Wait, where are the boys?
I thought this was a group thing.
188
00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:44,829
Yeah, I lied.
They're not coming and I'm about to leave.
189
00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:45,997
Why?
190
00:10:46,107 --> 00:10:50,100
Because they're not in love with Robin,
and neither am I.
191
00:10:50,211 --> 00:10:52,372
I mean, she's great and sweet.
192
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,414
I'm not gonna pretend
that I haven't noticed her body,
193
00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:57,278
but this is off-topic. Good luck.
194
00:10:57,384 --> 00:11:00,251
Wait, wait, I can't do this.
She'll never take me seriously.
195
00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:02,321
She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot.
196
00:11:02,422 --> 00:11:05,117
Hey. We both know you're more than that.
197
00:11:05,224 --> 00:11:08,557
Okay, just show Robin
the Barney I met the other day.
198
00:11:08,661 --> 00:11:11,221
You mean the insecure,
touchy-feely she-male
199
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:16,096
- who sounded alarmingly close to Ted?
- Hey, Ted hit that for over a year.
200
00:11:17,168 --> 00:11:18,692
Wish me luck.
201
00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:21,368
I just thought it'd be fun
to watch a movie tonight,
202
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:26,101
and since you've never seen Star Wars,
I figured, why not? No big deal.
203
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,677
- It's pretty good.
- Sounds like a plan.
204
00:11:35,484 --> 00:11:37,384
Hey, I'm just gonna grab a beer.
You want one?
205
00:11:37,486 --> 00:11:39,579
The movie's already started, so...
206
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:41,417
Yeah, it's just some words
flying through space.
207
00:11:41,523 --> 00:11:44,219
- I mean, I'm not going to read that anyway.
- Oh, my God.
208
00:11:44,326 --> 00:11:48,319
- Off to a bad start.
- What are you doing down there?
209
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:50,954
I'm making sure my best friend
is marrying the right woman.
210
00:11:51,065 --> 00:11:52,032
That's what I'm doing.
211
00:11:52,132 --> 00:11:54,430
Dude, what the hell are you doing,
hiding behind the couch?
212
00:11:54,535 --> 00:11:56,503
You need to get a job.
213
00:11:57,905 --> 00:12:00,099
- I really do, don't I?
- Yeah.
214
00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:04,869
So, Robin, tell me about your day,
215
00:12:04,978 --> 00:12:08,936
and not just what happened,
how you felt about what happened.
216
00:12:09,481 --> 00:12:10,470
What?
217
00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:14,416
I'm not looking to problem-solve,
I'm just looking to listen.
218
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:17,885
- Why are you acting like this?
- Like what?
219
00:12:17,989 --> 00:12:21,686
You're being super-nice.
It's freaking me out.
220
00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:25,386
Be gross, be inappropriate. Be Barney.
221
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,622
I'm being Barney,
222
00:12:27,731 --> 00:12:32,464
and I think tonight's going
to be de... Wait for it... lightful.
223
00:12:33,803 --> 00:12:36,236
- Delightful.
- Right.
224
00:12:39,141 --> 00:12:42,542
Hey, so I went
to the chiropractor yesterday.
225
00:12:42,645 --> 00:12:46,603
That guy bent me over the table
and pounded me for a good hour.
226
00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:52,212
Is insurance gonna cover that?
Sometimes they don't.
227
00:12:52,319 --> 00:12:54,719
That's it? Okay.
228
00:12:56,523 --> 00:13:02,654
Well, today I was at the dentist.
That guy drilled me all day long.
229
00:13:03,996 --> 00:13:08,490
He drilled me hard.
He filled all of my cavities.
230
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:11,660
- Come on, man.
- Well, your teeth look fantastic.
231
00:13:11,770 --> 00:13:13,203
Who are you?
232
00:13:21,545 --> 00:13:22,671
What?
233
00:13:23,614 --> 00:13:24,911
Nothing.
234
00:13:25,749 --> 00:13:27,683
You were staring at me.
235
00:13:28,918 --> 00:13:31,409
You look really beautiful tonight.
236
00:13:32,522 --> 00:13:34,615
You don't look so bad yourself, mister.
237
00:13:34,724 --> 00:13:37,089
Yeah, great scene, great scene.
238
00:13:39,461 --> 00:13:41,292
Star Wars fun fact number seven,
239
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:45,696
George Lucas based the film's structure
on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress.
240
00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:48,598
He also owes a debt to Joseph Campbell's
work with comparative mythology.
241
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:52,366
Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here.
What's going on?
242
00:13:52,473 --> 00:13:53,735
Nothing.
243
00:13:54,941 --> 00:13:58,843
Wait, it's really important to you
that I like this movie, isn't it?
244
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,840
No.
245
00:14:01,948 --> 00:14:05,405
Well, I'm not gonna like it
with you staring at me the whole time.
246
00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:07,314
Go to your room
and I will come get you when it's over.
247
00:14:07,419 --> 00:14:08,943
- Stella...
- Go.
248
00:14:15,893 --> 00:14:16,882
Should I leave, too?
249
00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:20,862
What part? What part? What part?
250
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:29,499
Thanks.
251
00:14:30,407 --> 00:14:33,000
Nothing? Not even a glance?
252
00:14:33,109 --> 00:14:36,943
I mean, even I was thinking about
rocking a motorboat on those bad boys.
253
00:14:37,046 --> 00:14:39,571
What the hell is wrong with you, Barney?
254
00:14:39,682 --> 00:14:41,706
I don't always want to be that guy.
255
00:14:41,816 --> 00:14:45,809
Sometimes I want to be someone
you can have an actual conversation with.
256
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,753
Now, tell me something about you
that I don't know yet.
257
00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:51,256
Seriously.
258
00:14:52,526 --> 00:14:53,891
Okay.
259
00:14:55,796 --> 00:15:00,630
There's a job opening at a new cable
network that would be perfect for me.
260
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,829
Completely legit world news,
interviews with people who matter...
261
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,971
But I decided I'm not going to apply.
262
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,132
- Why not?
- Because I'm a joke.
263
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,541
I'm just the scary news lady
from some stupid local news channel.
264
00:15:13,645 --> 00:15:16,477
Hey, we both know you're more than that.
265
00:15:17,648 --> 00:15:19,639
Promise me you'll apply.
266
00:15:20,217 --> 00:15:23,675
- Barney, it's not as easy...
- Promise me you'll apply.
267
00:15:25,555 --> 00:15:27,853
Okay. I promise.
268
00:15:29,926 --> 00:15:31,484
Okay, she's up to the scene
269
00:15:31,594 --> 00:15:34,585
where Luke, Leia, Han and Chewie escape
from the Death Star's trash compactor.
270
00:15:34,696 --> 00:15:37,631
- Great scene.
- Great scene.
271
00:15:40,335 --> 00:15:42,860
Okay, we should have just heard...
272
00:15:46,941 --> 00:15:48,670
But Stella didn't make a peep.
273
00:15:48,776 --> 00:15:51,267
- I'm gonna take a look.
- All right.
274
00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:01,344
She's not even watching. She's texting.
275
00:16:01,454 --> 00:16:04,981
- I'll tell her you still want to be friends.
- I don't believe this. I believe...
276
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,058
She knows this is important to me.
She's blatantly...
277
00:16:11,062 --> 00:16:13,428
"Stop watching me, jackasses. "
278
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:17,529
- To taking chances.
- To taking chances.
279
00:16:20,571 --> 00:16:22,061
You know, Robin,
there's actually something
280
00:16:22,172 --> 00:16:24,003
I do want to talk to you about.
281
00:16:24,107 --> 00:16:26,701
- Last call.
- Of course it is.
282
00:16:26,810 --> 00:16:30,438
- One more for the road?
- Yeah, why not? Hold that thought?
283
00:16:33,115 --> 00:16:34,377
I will.
284
00:16:42,991 --> 00:16:44,754
- I loved it.
- Yes!
285
00:16:44,860 --> 00:16:49,523
Yes, I am marrying a woman
who is not only hot but loves Star Wars.
286
00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:51,530
That's the dream. Yes!
287
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:53,555
What was that?
288
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:56,897
I was high-fiving 15-year-old me
through the space-time continuum.
289
00:16:57,003 --> 00:17:00,495
We did it.
We did it, you masturbating little bastard.
290
00:17:01,174 --> 00:17:03,165
Champagne for everybody.
291
00:17:05,911 --> 00:17:07,037
It was so good.
292
00:17:07,145 --> 00:17:09,136
- You hated it, didn't you?
- It's so stupid.
293
00:17:09,248 --> 00:17:11,944
I mean, first of all,
how do they understand that walking bear
294
00:17:12,050 --> 00:17:13,073
they hang around with all the time?
295
00:17:13,184 --> 00:17:14,879
- Wookiee.
- Yeah, he goes...
296
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,221
And they're all like,
"That's a good point, Bear, let's try that. "
297
00:17:19,323 --> 00:17:24,316
Okay, he's a Wookiee, and his kind is
actually more intelligent than they appear.
298
00:17:24,427 --> 00:17:28,386
Look, Stella, that is Ted's favorite movie
of all time.
299
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:30,897
He watches it when he's home,
sick with the flu.
300
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,594
He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons
in the fall.
301
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,033
He watches it on Christmas Eve.
302
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,538
Ted watches Star Wars
303
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:42,007
in sickness and in health,
in good times and in bad.
304
00:17:43,177 --> 00:17:46,305
Do you really think that you can pretend
to like a movie that you actually hate
305
00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:48,507
for the rest of your life?
306
00:17:53,186 --> 00:17:54,278
I do.
307
00:17:55,989 --> 00:17:58,286
Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy.
308
00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:03,854
Bear.
309
00:18:06,766 --> 00:18:07,754
- Hey.
- Hey.
310
00:18:07,866 --> 00:18:12,303
- So, here's the deal...
- April, have you met Barney?
311
00:18:12,404 --> 00:18:14,804
- Hi, Barney.
- Hello.
312
00:18:14,906 --> 00:18:18,864
April just finished her shift,
and she's looking to blow off some steam.
313
00:18:20,277 --> 00:18:22,677
Would you excuse us for one sec?
314
00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:25,743
- What are you doing?
- Well, you were so nice to me tonight,
315
00:18:25,848 --> 00:18:28,874
I wanted to return the favor,
wingwoman style.
316
00:18:29,719 --> 00:18:33,382
So, as I was saying, April, Barney
is the Yankees' new second-baseman.
317
00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:35,786
And Barney, April asked if tomorrow,
318
00:18:35,891 --> 00:18:39,691
you could hit a goal for her
during the baseball match.
319
00:18:39,795 --> 00:18:42,059
You can't make this stuff up.
320
00:18:42,698 --> 00:18:44,790
So, you two kids have fun.
321
00:18:47,268 --> 00:18:49,498
So, are you nervous about the game?
322
00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:54,438
Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team,
'cause when I step up to that plate...
323
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,904
Look, April, I am not a New York Yankee.
324
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,981
Any other night, I would probably try
to convince you that I am, but I'm not.
325
00:19:03,082 --> 00:19:06,984
I'm just some guy
who's in love with the girl that just left,
326
00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:10,054
and she's never gonna feel the same way.
327
00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,880
So I'm just gonna go.
328
00:19:14,626 --> 00:19:17,993
- And that was it.
- I'm so sorry, Barney.
329
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:21,360
But you can't give up.
330
00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:24,866
You know, it may take some time,
but once Robin really sees the new you...
331
00:19:24,968 --> 00:19:27,801
Barney, when my family
gets to Yankee Stadium,
332
00:19:27,903 --> 00:19:29,564
are the tickets under your name or mine?
333
00:19:29,705 --> 00:19:32,139
My name, and tell your nephews
to bring their mitts.
334
00:19:32,241 --> 00:19:35,608
- They're going to be in foul-ball country.
- Okay.
335
00:19:36,646 --> 00:19:39,910
Come on. Okay, well,
the Robin stuff was completely true.
336
00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:41,004
Ow!
337
00:19:41,116 --> 00:19:42,344
Damn it, Barney.
338
00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:47,887
I mean, for the last time, you can't,
you can't be in love with Robin
339
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:51,082
and still be sleeping with
every bimbo on the planet.
340
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,489
You have to choose right now.
341
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,460
- I choose bimbos.
- What?
342
00:19:56,562 --> 00:20:01,465
Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy.
Bimbos make me feel alive.
343
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:05,764
Bimbos make me want to pretend
to be a better man.
344
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,634
This whole thing with Robin
was just a fling,
345
00:20:07,739 --> 00:20:11,231
but at the end of the day,
my heart belongs to bimbos.
346
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,836
No, no, this is just a defense mechanism
because you're afraid of getting hurt.
347
00:20:15,946 --> 00:20:17,914
You're just confused.
348
00:20:18,015 --> 00:20:22,348
I'm not confused, Lily.
You know who is confused?
349
00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:24,852
Bimbos. They're easily confused.
350
00:20:24,954 --> 00:20:28,287
It's one of the thousand little things
I love about them.
351
00:20:28,391 --> 00:20:31,791
I love their vacant, trusting stares,
352
00:20:31,894 --> 00:20:37,355
their sluggish, unencumbered minds,
their unresolved daddy issues.
353
00:20:37,466 --> 00:20:40,457
I love them, Lily, and they love me.
354
00:20:40,568 --> 00:20:44,834
Bimbos have always been there for me,
through thick and thin.
355
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:48,238
Mostly thin. B-man don't do thick crust.
What up?
356
00:20:48,342 --> 00:20:50,002
See you, Barney.
357
00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:51,501
Oh.
358
00:21:20,370 --> 00:21:22,497
- Chimichanga.
- We have to go.