1
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,486
Barney is crazy if he thinks
this is gonna work.
2
00:00:05,646 --> 00:00:07,697
- I think it's gonna work.
- I hope it doesn't work.
3
00:00:08,186 --> 00:00:09,199
Here he comes.
4
00:00:13,248 --> 00:00:14,913
You there, what's your name?
5
00:00:15,177 --> 00:00:17,876
- Excuse me?
- Your name, woman, what's your name?
6
00:00:18,036 --> 00:00:18,972
Cindy.
7
00:00:19,092 --> 00:00:20,152
I knew it.
8
00:00:20,365 --> 00:00:21,617
You're the Cindy,
9
00:00:21,737 --> 00:00:24,011
the one who can change everything,
10
00:00:24,132 --> 00:00:26,427
or spell our inevitable doom.
11
00:00:26,831 --> 00:00:28,468
Now listen to me, Cindy.
12
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:31,984
I am Barney Stinson,
and I am on an urgent mission
13
00:00:32,306 --> 00:00:34,229
- from the future.
- The future?
14
00:00:34,389 --> 00:00:36,273
The future,
and I can prove it to you.
15
00:00:36,527 --> 00:00:39,160
In exactly four seconds,
the woman at that booth
16
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,987
is going to slap that man.
17
00:00:44,402 --> 00:00:45,451
What the hell?
18
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,916
In a few minutes,
the young me from your time
19
00:00:50,274 --> 00:00:52,371
is going to come through that door.
20
00:00:52,663 --> 00:00:53,669
Now, Cindy,
21
00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:55,570
I know this sounds insane,
22
00:00:55,954 --> 00:00:58,091
but in order to save the planet,
23
00:00:58,650 --> 00:01:01,763
you need to sleep with him tonight.
24
00:01:02,151 --> 00:01:05,411
- What? I...
- Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight,
25
00:01:05,645 --> 00:01:07,102
in whatever way he wants it,
26
00:01:07,851 --> 00:01:11,197
or he won't be able to find
the solution to global warming
27
00:01:11,318 --> 00:01:13,277
that saves the human race.
28
00:01:13,438 --> 00:01:16,188
- What are you talking about?
- I have no time to explain.
29
00:01:16,308 --> 00:01:19,994
I have to get back to the reality
accelerator before the vortex closes.
30
00:01:21,518 --> 00:01:23,747
Only you can save us, Cindy.
31
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:25,573
I must away!
32
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:29,590
Okay, guys,
the movers are coming in 14 hours.
33
00:01:30,155 --> 00:01:32,260
We gotta get back upstairs
and finish packing.
34
00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:35,568
You guys aren't finished packing?
How is this taking so long?
35
00:01:35,919 --> 00:01:38,641
All the great memories of our 20s
took place in that apartment.
36
00:01:39,127 --> 00:01:41,854
It's not like throwing stuff in a box.
You start to reminisce.
37
00:01:42,117 --> 00:01:44,859
Not me. The key?
Throw stuff out and never look back.
38
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,235
I'm moving to Japan.
It took me a half hour to pack.
39
00:01:47,395 --> 00:01:49,602
- A half hour?
- It would have taken me 20 minutes,
40
00:01:49,722 --> 00:01:51,199
but a friend called me in tears.
41
00:01:51,629 --> 00:01:53,360
Moving is really emotional.
42
00:01:54,154 --> 00:01:56,579
It is.
I mean, everything is changing.
43
00:01:56,802 --> 00:01:59,786
I'm gonna be living in New Jersey with
Stella, you will be in your new place.
44
00:01:59,906 --> 00:02:03,839
You're starting a new job in Tokyo.
It's the end of an era.
45
00:02:04,539 --> 00:02:07,238
I think we should have a toast,
but not our usual crap.
46
00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:10,347
Your most expensive bottle
of scotch.
47
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:14,561
That's 50-year-old Glen McKenna,
and it's $2,500.
48
00:02:14,721 --> 00:02:17,159
Excellent.
A bottle of that with beer chasers,
49
00:02:17,278 --> 00:02:19,369
and what do you think,
cancel the scotch?
50
00:02:22,621 --> 00:02:23,656
Vodka rocks.
51
00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:26,145
- It's not gonna work.
- Oh, my God,
52
00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:28,583
You're... Oh, my God!
53
00:02:29,513 --> 00:02:30,872
Can I buy you a drink?
54
00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:35,840
I suppose I have time
for one drink and...
55
00:02:36,518 --> 00:02:38,925
45 minutes to an hour
of some other activity,
56
00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:40,802
but after that,
I have to get back to
57
00:02:41,066 --> 00:02:43,555
a top-secret research project
I'm working on.
58
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,473
Global warming?
59
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:46,866
My God,
60
00:02:47,723 --> 00:02:49,061
how did you know that?
61
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,824
Synchro: ShalimarFox, Arrow
62
00:03:03,695 --> 00:03:04,747
Look at this.
63
00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,543
A photo from the first day
we moved into this place.
64
00:03:09,671 --> 00:03:11,280
So many great memories.
65
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,426
See? That is exactly the type of crap
you should be trashing.
66
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,555
So you don't keep any photos?
67
00:03:17,715 --> 00:03:20,756
No, they're like love letters
or yearbooks or someone's ashes.
68
00:03:20,876 --> 00:03:22,103
They just take up space.
69
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:25,106
Besides, Stella's not gonna let you
keep half of this junk.
70
00:03:25,266 --> 00:03:26,605
Why wouldn't she?
71
00:03:28,896 --> 00:03:29,821
Oh, sweetie.
72
00:03:29,941 --> 00:03:33,617
Okay, here's the thing that guys only
learn after they move in with a woman.
73
00:03:34,132 --> 00:03:35,744
All of your stuff is stupid.
74
00:03:36,388 --> 00:03:37,623
Like what?
75
00:03:37,944 --> 00:03:40,916
Like anything you bought
at a Renaissance Faire.
76
00:03:41,926 --> 00:03:45,339
There's not enough mead in the world
to make me get rid of my flail.
77
00:03:45,745 --> 00:03:49,033
Oh, hey, Ted, since we're clearly
not getting our security deposit back,
78
00:03:49,154 --> 00:03:51,306
I thought maybe
you could reimburse me for my half.
79
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,641
Wait a second, why should I have
to pay more than you?
80
00:03:54,097 --> 00:03:55,898
Because
you treated this apartment the way
81
00:03:56,019 --> 00:03:58,314
John Bonham treated
his central nervous system.
82
00:03:58,473 --> 00:03:59,439
That's not true.
83
00:03:59,954 --> 00:04:01,114
Exhibit A.
84
00:04:05,575 --> 00:04:09,494
- What's that?
- A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia.
85
00:04:09,654 --> 00:04:11,330
It's exactly the one I grew up with.
86
00:04:11,490 --> 00:04:12,831
Encyclopaedia?
87
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:16,044
You think it should be pronounced
encyclo-pee-dia.
88
00:04:16,996 --> 00:04:20,054
It's a common mistake. But if you look
at that squished together "ae"
89
00:04:20,174 --> 00:04:21,885
symbol in this here encyclopaedia,
90
00:04:22,314 --> 00:04:24,330
you'll learn
that it's a ligature derived
91
00:04:24,450 --> 00:04:26,421
from the Anglo-Saxon rune ash...
92
00:04:33,026 --> 00:04:35,151
You know,
you're gonna have to paedia for that.
93
00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:37,862
But you never did.
94
00:04:38,370 --> 00:04:40,281
And then there's Exhibit B.
95
00:04:44,757 --> 00:04:46,749
Good morrow, fair gentles.
96
00:04:46,908 --> 00:04:49,210
Look what I won
at the Renaissance Faire.
97
00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:57,137
You're also responsible for any damage
Robin did when she was your girlfriend.
98
00:04:57,503 --> 00:04:59,097
What damage did I cause?
99
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,592
Do you remember that night when you
drank the 12'er of Molson, you got all
100
00:05:02,713 --> 00:05:04,053
super Canadian?
101
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:09,067
Stanley Cup, game six?
102
00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:11,686
The Rangers are about to be sorry
103
00:05:11,807 --> 00:05:13,614
they ever played shinny
with the Canucks.
104
00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:17,537
I'll give you 20$ if you
shoot it on this front door.
105
00:05:18,857 --> 00:05:21,624
You're nuttier than
a Tim Horton's maple log.
106
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:23,254
Timmy Ho!
107
00:05:25,087 --> 00:05:26,978
That's it. Give me the stick.
108
00:05:28,418 --> 00:05:30,042
I'll give you summer teeth.
109
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:32,054
Some are here, some are there.
110
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,473
Robin, give me the stick.
111
00:05:35,153 --> 00:05:36,154
Take off,
112
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:37,436
hoser.
113
00:05:37,596 --> 00:05:38,596
That's it!
114
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:41,399
- Get her, boys, get her!
- I'll scrap!
115
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,518
- Guys, come on!
- For America.
116
00:05:45,225 --> 00:05:46,780
Break it, break it up!
117
00:05:49,161 --> 00:05:51,582
You never break up a girl fight!
118
00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:52,792
Never!
119
00:05:56,187 --> 00:05:57,795
Entirely Barney's fault.
120
00:05:57,955 --> 00:06:00,935
As, by the way, is the big
scorch mark over the fireplace.
121
00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:06,262
Kids, to understand
the story of the scorch mark,
122
00:06:06,382 --> 00:06:09,857
I first need to tell you the story of
the intervention for our friend Stewart.
123
00:06:09,977 --> 00:06:10,936
What's going on?
124
00:06:13,101 --> 00:06:14,651
This is an intervention.
125
00:06:15,832 --> 00:06:17,762
The alcohol changes you.
126
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,346
It makes you a different person.
127
00:06:20,718 --> 00:06:23,255
And I'm in love
with the man that I married.
128
00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:25,328
Thank you.
129
00:06:26,712 --> 00:06:28,523
This is just the push I need.
130
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:31,269
I love you guys.
131
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,385
There's the birthday boy.
132
00:06:36,506 --> 00:06:40,013
Time to let the party monster
out of its cage, Stewie!
133
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,038
Come on, buddy.
134
00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:45,474
People don't want to see
Bruce Banner, dude.
135
00:06:45,595 --> 00:06:46,938
They want to see the Hulk.
136
00:06:47,242 --> 00:06:50,106
Hulk, Hulk, Hulk... What?
137
00:06:57,190 --> 00:06:59,327
That's what I get
for skimming the E-vite.
138
00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:04,668
Later that day, we celebrated
our first successful intervention.
139
00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:07,262
I am really proud of us
for helping Stewart.
140
00:07:07,999 --> 00:07:10,718
What an amazing honest,
human moment.
141
00:07:10,878 --> 00:07:12,245
I agree. Yay us.
142
00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:16,015
Marshall, are you really
gonna keep wearing that hat?
143
00:07:16,176 --> 00:07:17,601
It's been two weeks.
144
00:07:18,115 --> 00:07:19,596
Two awesome weeks...
145
00:07:20,229 --> 00:07:21,405
and heck, yeah,
146
00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:23,416
I'm gonna keep wearing it.
147
00:07:33,463 --> 00:07:34,915
This is an intervention.
148
00:07:36,326 --> 00:07:37,536
It's about the hat.
149
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,490
I have it under control, okay?
150
00:07:42,998 --> 00:07:45,183
I can take it off
whenever I want to.
151
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:47,657
"Dear Marshall,
152
00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:50,819
"I do not like that stupid hat.
153
00:07:51,299 --> 00:07:53,178
"I want to beat it with a bat.
154
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,959
"Or maybe stab it with a fork.
155
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,568
"It makes you look
like such a dork."
156
00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:01,568
After that, interventions became
157
00:08:01,688 --> 00:08:04,181
a pretty regular thing
around our apartment.
158
00:08:07,772 --> 00:08:08,790
Cor blimey.
159
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:12,377
This is a nice bloody surprise.
What's this about then?
160
00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:16,938
It's about the weird
fake English accent.
161
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,096
Bollocks.
162
00:08:25,892 --> 00:08:26,893
Spray tan?
163
00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:32,694
They reel you in with a coupon,
and then you just get hooked.
164
00:08:32,854 --> 00:08:34,738
We know, sweetie, we know.
165
00:08:36,011 --> 00:08:37,535
This is a new sweater.
166
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:41,391
What?
167
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:45,542
- The magic tricks.
- Specifically, those involving fire.
168
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:46,919
Magic tricks?
169
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:50,542
Guys, interventions
are supposed to help people,
170
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,386
not attack every little thing
you don't like about them.
171
00:08:54,435 --> 00:08:56,599
I'm sorry,
but that really steams me.
172
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,934
That really burns me up!
173
00:08:59,791 --> 00:09:01,239
I mean, I am filled
174
00:09:01,694 --> 00:09:04,347
with a white-hot rage!
175
00:09:10,186 --> 00:09:11,221
Thank you.
176
00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:15,781
- Oh, shoot.
- I smell hair! I smell hair!
177
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:17,999
And that's the story
of the scorch mark.
178
00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:19,542
That's weird.
179
00:09:19,874 --> 00:09:23,130
When I was going through the closet,
I thought I saw the intervention banner.
180
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,383
So?
181
00:09:25,543 --> 00:09:27,927
The banner burned up.
Why is there a new one?
182
00:09:28,906 --> 00:09:31,997
And there are sealed letters here
from all of you that say "Ted."
183
00:09:33,244 --> 00:09:35,145
Were you guys planning
an intervention for me?
184
00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:37,575
Oh, that, that was stupid.
185
00:09:37,695 --> 00:09:39,237
Just forget about that.
186
00:09:39,602 --> 00:09:41,194
What was it for? The Crocs?
187
00:09:42,356 --> 00:09:44,111
- The hair product?
- Not Stella.
188
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,577
Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
189
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,905
I just said... "Not Stella."
190
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:54,086
So maybe it was about
your poor listening skills.
191
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,147
- What?
- It's out of control. See?
192
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,550
You guys don't think
I should marry Stella.
193
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,141
You guys don't think
I should marry Stella.
194
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:09,028
Ted, we do.
We're all really happy for you.
195
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:11,081
Yeah. Like I said, it was stupid.
196
00:10:11,433 --> 00:10:13,726
Obviously, it wasn't,
because we agreed not to have
197
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,278
any more stupid interventions
at our intervention intervention.
198
00:10:18,346 --> 00:10:20,425
We're having too many interventions.
199
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:24,748
So, what was your big serious problem
with me and Stella?
200
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:26,626
Yes!
201
00:10:26,905 --> 00:10:28,919
Yes! In everyone's face!
202
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,364
You all said the "future Barney" thing
wouldn't work.
203
00:10:31,484 --> 00:10:33,199
You told me I was crazy.
204
00:10:33,319 --> 00:10:35,954
My shrink told me I was crazy.
205
00:10:36,074 --> 00:10:40,476
Who's the narcissist with severe
attachment disorder now, Dr. Grossbard?
206
00:10:42,831 --> 00:10:44,437
Intervention banner?
What's that for?
207
00:10:48,986 --> 00:10:52,532
- "Ted, I cannot stand idly by..."
- You've just been carrying that around?
208
00:10:52,692 --> 00:10:53,576
Please, Ted?
209
00:10:54,778 --> 00:10:57,085
"I cannot stand idly by
while you make
210
00:10:57,205 --> 00:11:00,249
"the biggest mistake any man
can make... getting married.
211
00:11:00,974 --> 00:11:03,039
"Mark my words, this whole thing
212
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:05,131
"is gonna go up in...
213
00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:06,925
"flames!"
214
00:11:07,816 --> 00:11:08,826
Oh, damn!
215
00:11:09,108 --> 00:11:10,897
I put the flame cue too early.
216
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,142
I had so many more
important things to say, and...
217
00:11:13,262 --> 00:11:15,057
The point is, Ted,
218
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:18,198
marriage... is stupid.
219
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:24,007
Every year, there are
a million new hot 22-year-olds
220
00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:27,087
walking into bars,
and call me "glass half full,"
221
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:28,826
but I think they're getting dumber.
222
00:11:29,838 --> 00:11:33,790
Come on, even you aren't still gonna be
hitting on 22-year-olds when you're 80.
223
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,463
- I accept that challenge.
- What challenge?
224
00:11:37,745 --> 00:11:41,791
To prove to you
that I will be exactly this awesome
225
00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:45,704
when I'm 80, I will hook up
with a 22-year-old
226
00:11:45,986 --> 00:11:47,725
while in my old-man makeup.
227
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:50,756
I didn't remotely
challenge you to that.
228
00:11:51,265 --> 00:11:55,068
I mean, I definitely want to see it.
I didn't remotely challenge you to that.
229
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,167
- I want to hear the other letters.
- Ted, this is ridiculous.
230
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:02,076
- We changed our minds.
- And suppose you change them back?
231
00:12:02,713 --> 00:12:04,592
Lily, come on, let's hear yours.
232
00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:12,341
"Gilbert's reading skills have
improved drastically since..."
233
00:12:12,657 --> 00:12:16,603
Wait, this is a letter I meant to send
home with one of my kindergarteners.
234
00:12:19,713 --> 00:12:22,810
Are things moving too fast
between you and a girl named Stella?
235
00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:24,743
I wish.
236
00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,236
Robin, could I hear yours?
237
00:12:36,377 --> 00:12:39,872
"Dear Ted, it's "encyclo-pee-dia",
not encyclo-pay-dia".
238
00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:43,433
"Why do you always say things
in the most pretentious way possible?
239
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:47,456
"It makes you sound douchey,
and that's "douchey", not "douch-ay"."
240
00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:50,885
Yeah, you already read that one
at my pronunciation intervention.
241
00:12:51,759 --> 00:12:54,495
- Where's the letter about Stella?
- I didn't write one.
242
00:12:54,615 --> 00:12:57,937
I'm your ex{\-girlfriend}. I figured anything
I said on the subject would sound catty.
243
00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:01,311
Plus, I'm hotter than her,
so who cares?
244
00:13:04,878 --> 00:13:06,990
- Dude, it's water under the bridge...
- Please.
245
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:15,765
"Dear Ted,
246
00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:18,462
"Stella seems
like a wonderful person.
247
00:13:20,815 --> 00:13:23,009
"But you don't know her
well enough to get married.
248
00:13:24,201 --> 00:13:25,996
"You certainly don't know her
well enough
249
00:13:26,116 --> 00:13:28,265
"to commit to raising
a seven-year-old with her.
250
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:32,456
"You're not doing her, her child
251
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:35,441
"or yourself any favors
by rushing into this.
252
00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:38,653
"Just give it some more time."
253
00:13:40,284 --> 00:13:42,501
Dude, that was months ago,
all right?
254
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:44,423
That was before we got
to know Stella
255
00:13:44,544 --> 00:13:47,747
and see how awesome she is
and what a great couple you guys are.
256
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,376
That's why we decided not
to even have that intervention.
257
00:13:51,135 --> 00:13:53,880
Thank you. Because I really need
you guys to be on board with this.
258
00:13:54,235 --> 00:13:56,717
- And we are.
- And we hope you're not mad at us.
259
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:57,878
Course not.
260
00:13:58,618 --> 00:14:00,719
It's not like
what you said was crazy.
261
00:14:01,589 --> 00:14:03,683
You had a lot of valid concerns.
262
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,354
But concerns we have
completely moved on from.
263
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:11,029
But you had a point. I mean,
this whole thing has moved pretty fast.
264
00:14:11,312 --> 00:14:13,353
You know what?
Maybe that's because...
265
00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:15,156
when it's right, you just know.
266
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:17,266
Yeah, I guess, but we are still,
267
00:14:17,758 --> 00:14:19,580
you know,
getting to know each other.
268
00:14:19,874 --> 00:14:23,751
And, Lily, maybe you're right.
Maybe Stella won't like any of my stuff.
269
00:14:24,777 --> 00:14:26,712
Like the robot cookie jar.
270
00:14:27,729 --> 00:14:30,216
This was, like, the first thing
we bought for this place, remember?
271
00:14:30,514 --> 00:14:31,699
Of course I do.
272
00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:36,047
My sensors indicate
that your pecan sandy levels
273
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,916
are dangerously low.
274
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,677
My collection of James Bond movies.
275
00:14:42,797 --> 00:14:45,034
Remember? We watched them
all in order, an then...
276
00:14:45,154 --> 00:14:48,114
Lily spoke in that weird English accent
for, like, the next month?
277
00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:49,699
It was sophisticated.
278
00:14:51,987 --> 00:14:54,582
My signed Bernie Kosar cleats.
279
00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:56,514
My elephant lamp.
280
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:58,209
The English phone booth.
281
00:14:58,689 --> 00:14:59,794
My sombrero!
282
00:15:02,798 --> 00:15:05,050
- What are you doing?
- Unpacking.
283
00:15:05,331 --> 00:15:08,055
I am never leaving this apartment!
284
00:15:15,143 --> 00:15:18,109
No, Ted, stop unpacking.
You're just freaking out.
285
00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:21,164
I'm not ready for{\ all the} responsibility.
And I'm certainly not ready to be
286
00:15:21,284 --> 00:15:23,836
a step-dad to a seven-year-old.
287
00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:26,577
I mean, if I get married
and move to the suburbs,
288
00:15:26,738 --> 00:15:28,914
in the blink of an eye,
I've become an old man!
289
00:15:31,377 --> 00:15:32,668
Hello, young lady.
290
00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:36,045
You want a butterscotch candy?
291
00:15:37,334 --> 00:15:39,344
What do you mean,
"nothing in common"?
292
00:15:39,613 --> 00:15:41,095
We're both seniors.
293
00:15:45,176 --> 00:15:46,228
You're cute.
294
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,118
- How old are you?
- 83.
295
00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:51,900
- How old are you?
- 31.
296
00:15:56,357 --> 00:15:57,816
Ted has officially snapped.
297
00:15:57,936 --> 00:16:00,117
There are moving men
coming in ten hours.
298
00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:04,040
His fiancée is waiting for him
in New Jersey. We have to do something.
299
00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:05,295
I got this.
300
00:16:09,255 --> 00:16:10,770
- Hey, bud?
- Hey.
301
00:16:11,564 --> 00:16:13,972
- Why don't you come here for a minute.
- What?
302
00:16:15,691 --> 00:16:17,766
I want you to know
this is all totally normal.
303
00:16:18,286 --> 00:16:21,128
Big transitions can be scary,
and cold feet...
304
00:16:21,929 --> 00:16:24,149
they're just part of the deal.
So...
305
00:16:25,774 --> 00:16:28,737
How about you give me the knife?
Give me the knife.
306
00:16:29,773 --> 00:16:30,740
Come on.
307
00:16:33,751 --> 00:16:37,248
I can start unpacking, too. I'm staying
here right by your side forever, buddy!
308
00:16:40,251 --> 00:16:42,087
Our lives have been good here.
309
00:16:42,537 --> 00:16:45,614
That's why we've been putting off
packing. Because subconsciously,
310
00:16:45,734 --> 00:16:49,504
we both know that it would be stupid
to leave. It's safe and warm here.
311
00:16:49,624 --> 00:16:52,599
There's a bar downstairs,
and a cookie robot in the kitchen.
312
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,726
This is my home,
and I'm never leaving!
313
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:55,855
Listen to you!
314
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:58,425
You sound like that
fat dweeby kid at camp.
315
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:00,454
"Mom, Dad, I want to come home.
316
00:17:00,574 --> 00:17:03,238
"The cool kids are playing
keep-away with my inhaler."
317
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,071
I can't believe my dad read that letter
at our wedding.
318
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,774
You can't do this to Lily.
319
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,872
I know your new place
has had some problems,
320
00:17:10,032 --> 00:17:13,263
with the slanted floors
and the nearby sewage treatment plant,
321
00:17:13,383 --> 00:17:15,338
but you're gonna turn it
into a great home.
322
00:17:15,929 --> 00:17:17,047
Tell him, Lily.
323
00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,584
It's a black hole
where dreams go to die.
324
00:17:19,704 --> 00:17:21,762
- I'm not moving, either.
- Come on.
325
00:17:23,297 --> 00:17:25,968
You guys finish unpacking.
I'm gonna go bake some cookies
326
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,665
to fill R2-Sweet Tooth.
327
00:17:28,388 --> 00:17:30,647
Oh, my God, look at you cowards!
328
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:32,982
So afraid of any kind of change.
329
00:17:33,143 --> 00:17:35,355
So terrified of anything new.
330
00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:38,883
So desperate to cling
to anything comfortable and familiar.
331
00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:40,597
I can't move to Japan.
332
00:17:42,357 --> 00:17:45,248
What was I thinking?
It's so far away.
333
00:17:45,407 --> 00:17:46,818
I don't speak the language.
334
00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:48,521
I didn't even have any good pictures
335
00:17:48,641 --> 00:17:50,625
- of you guys.
- Oh, sweetie.
336
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,822
Everybody says
change is so great, right?
337
00:17:53,943 --> 00:17:56,957
- But what's so great about change?
- Who wants to walk down
338
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,316
to our same old bar,
sit in our regular booth
339
00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:00,684
and order the usual?
340
00:18:01,756 --> 00:18:04,057
The usual! My favorite!
341
00:18:06,641 --> 00:18:08,226
Oh, my God.
342
00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:19,625
I believe someone owes me $200.
343
00:18:19,784 --> 00:18:22,211
Barney, this was never a bet.
Nobody...
344
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:25,813
This proves that I will be
this awesome when I'm 80.
345
00:18:25,932 --> 00:18:27,518
Arthritis five.
346
00:18:31,094 --> 00:18:33,227
- I'm moving to New Jersey.
- What?
347
00:18:33,522 --> 00:18:35,416
You and Marshall should move
to your new place,
348
00:18:35,535 --> 00:18:37,981
- and Robin should go to Japan.
- Why?
349
00:18:38,141 --> 00:18:40,567
Because we're gonna get older
whether we like it or not,
350
00:18:40,727 --> 00:18:42,136
so the only question is
351
00:18:42,312 --> 00:18:44,472
whether we want
to get on with our lives
352
00:18:44,592 --> 00:18:47,908
or desperately cling to the past
and end up like that.
353
00:18:48,372 --> 00:18:49,703
You mean awesome?
354
00:18:50,345 --> 00:18:52,159
I'm 80, dude,
355
00:18:52,279 --> 00:18:54,792
and I'm making out
with a 22-year-old.
356
00:18:56,078 --> 00:18:57,953
Take me to your place, chéri.
357
00:18:58,282 --> 00:19:00,548
I want to see
your World War II medals.
358
00:19:01,251 --> 00:19:03,101
In a minute, mon petite.
359
00:19:03,701 --> 00:19:05,431
All right, so that doesn't count.
360
00:19:05,856 --> 00:19:06,933
What? Why?
361
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:09,560
She's French that's like
playing tennis with the net down.
362
00:19:10,597 --> 00:19:11,727
You know what?
363
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:13,607
I'll cover the security deposit.
364
00:19:13,926 --> 00:19:15,193
I'm glad to, because...
365
00:19:15,630 --> 00:19:19,114
every dent in that place represents
a memory that I'll cherish forever.
366
00:19:19,397 --> 00:19:20,574
But on one condition:
367
00:19:20,804 --> 00:19:24,119
we all put aside ten bucks
every week for the next year,
368
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,499
and we come back here and we
buy that 50-year-old scotch,
369
00:19:27,659 --> 00:19:29,392
and we toast the incredible
370
00:19:29,512 --> 00:19:33,125
life-changing year we've all had.
Get out of our booth.
371
00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:37,720
Me with my new family,
372
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,557
Marshall and Lily,
in their new apartment, and Robin
373
00:19:40,716 --> 00:19:44,103
as the number one English-speaking
journalist in the Pacific Rim,
374
00:19:44,787 --> 00:19:47,942
visiting us here in New York
to celebrate this day...
375
00:19:48,225 --> 00:19:51,102
The day we closed
an incredible chapter in our lives,
376
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,989
only to open up a new one.
377
00:19:54,668 --> 00:19:56,743
- I think I left my cell...
- Get out of here.
378
00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:02,387
And one year later,
that's exactly what we did.
379
00:20:02,508 --> 00:20:04,170
And so let's raise a glass
380
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:07,172
of $2,500 scotch
to one hell of a year.
381
00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:12,552
Amazing.
382
00:20:12,885 --> 00:20:14,181
That's unbelievable.
383
00:20:14,342 --> 00:20:17,464
It's kind of smoky,
with a hint of aged cedar and...
384
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,688
Do you guys taste the difference
and ten-dollar scotch?
385
00:20:19,849 --> 00:20:21,984
- No difference.
- I want to cut mine with Red Bull.
386
00:20:22,328 --> 00:20:24,325
Oh, Wendy, can you take a picture?
387
00:20:25,651 --> 00:20:27,574
A lot of things
did change that year,
388
00:20:28,171 --> 00:20:30,286
but some things stayed the same.
389
00:20:30,595 --> 00:20:34,164
So... what do you say we move
this party upstairs to the apartment?
390
00:20:34,324 --> 00:20:35,797
- Yeah.
- Great idea.
391
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,251
I got the scotch.
392
00:20:44,496 --> 00:20:45,345
What the...?
393
00:20:47,383 --> 00:20:49,641
Barney, this is an intervention.
394
00:20:50,545 --> 00:20:52,789
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
395
00:20:53,223 --> 00:20:55,358
Enough with the "old man" bit.
396
00:20:56,094 --> 00:20:57,820
What about the old sand pit?
397
00:20:58,313 --> 00:20:59,739
Let it go.
398
00:20:59,899 --> 00:21:01,204
"Let It Snow"?
399
00:21:01,324 --> 00:21:03,200
I love that old ditty!
400
00:21:05,204 --> 00:21:06,637
I'm getting my flail.
401
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,892
You're setting sail?