1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,587 With teamwork comes trust. 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,556 With trust comes success. 3 00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,600 These are all principles that I practi... 4 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,264 Well, well, well. 5 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,937 Look-ea what we got here. 6 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,938 Three young bucks. I like it. 7 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,475 More like frickin' hung bucks. 8 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,902 (LAUGHING) 'Cause our things are huge. 9 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,946 - Who are you? - I am Teddy, 10 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,857 and corporate has sent me here because tomorrow, 11 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:28,245 I will be running the TelAmeriCorp team building competition, 12 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,789 the winners of which get a weekend 13 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:35,665 at a beautiful timeshare in sunny Palm Springs, California. 14 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,121 - (TEDDY CLAPPING) Yeah. - Ooh. 15 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,672 So, like, what's the deal with the competition? 16 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,920 Well, I don't want to give too much away, 17 00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,923 but let's just say there'll be lots of activities 18 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:48,473 that include teamwork, cooperation, and trust... 19 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,884 Falls! Gil! 20 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,683 Boom! Boom! Yeah. 21 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,264 BLAKE: Good job, Gil. He's really strong. 22 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:58,692 Each team is gonna get a T-shirt. What color would you boys like to be? 23 00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,893 - Red. - We call blue. 24 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,691 - Yellow. - Red. 25 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,854 - Blue. - Yellow. 26 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:06,158 You fools are already starting on the wrong foot, huh? 27 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:09,661 Tez, shut up your gigantic mouth. 28 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,497 Because there's one thing about us that you did not count on. 29 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,833 - BOTH: Trust fall. - What? 30 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,078 What the heck, man. My cereal. 31 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:22,382 - Looking more like bust fall. - (BOTH LAUGHING) 32 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,836 Bust fall. You should tweet that. Yeah. 33 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,297 You boys owe me some cereal. 34 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,200 Ripped By mstoll 35 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,389 (SINGING) I'm fresh 36 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,147 You gotta, you gotta, You gotta, gotta 37 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,394 Gotta be fresh 38 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,895 - I'm fine. - BLAKE: Lloyd was pissed. Did you see him? 39 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,946 - Did you see how big his eyes get? - (ANDERS SIGHS) 40 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,524 (MONTEZ LAUGHING) 41 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,698 I got to tell you, I've seen some sad stuff around this office, 42 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,280 but that bust fall was straight bust y'all. 43 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,457 (LAUGHS) Hey, Tez. Still not funny. 44 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:59,787 Well, Twitter thought it was hilarious. Nine faves and a re-tweet. Thank you, Bill. 45 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,213 - Nine faves. - Mmm-hmm. 46 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,460 - Wow. - That's a lot. 47 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,883 Okay, I wouldn't make a big deal about it, okay? 48 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,882 We haven't even had our morning sugar-free Red Bulls. We're still waking up. 49 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,804 - We're getting the sleep out of our eyes. - That's true. 50 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,303 We know each other so well. We're, like, telepathic. 51 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,885 Like, for instance, what's my favorite movie of all time? 52 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,094 - Hocus Pocus. - Thank you. 53 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,521 What is my most viewed website? 54 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,519 GoddessPost at work, Pornhub at home. 55 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,645 - True. - What's my favorite thing... 56 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:21,691 Swimming. 57 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,984 - There it is. - Wow. 58 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,528 All this is just surface chatter. 59 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:28,733 You see, Bill and I have a complex, adult, mature relationship. 60 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,242 We get real. 61 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,118 Bill, what's my biggest regret? 62 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,533 Not forgiving your father for his destructive gambling 63 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,705 before he died. 64 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,248 BILL: What's my biggest fear? 65 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:38,624 That you'll die alone. 66 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,087 - Crazier things have happened. - What do y'all guys got? 67 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,582 You think you know each other? Adam, tell me, then. 68 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,250 What's Ders' biggest fear? 69 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,548 ADAM: Uh... 70 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,472 That his dick is smaller than mine, obviously. 71 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,015 (ALL LAUGHING) 72 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,185 - Ooh, I'm so scared. - Yeah, he's scared about it. 73 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,012 Yeah, I know. I bet he is. I've seen his dick before. It's weird-looking. 74 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,393 - Yeah. - Very weird color. 75 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,520 Yeah, the color of, like, a pomegranate tea. 76 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,272 - (LAUGHS) - Tell me about your friend. 77 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,194 What's Blake's biggest regret? 78 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,737 ANDERS: Oh, I know this one. 79 00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:11,033 It's uh... It's got to be those fish tacos he had for breakfast. 80 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,860 - (ALL LAUGH) - Heartburn city, right? 81 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,617 BLAKE: Eww, are you kidding me? Those were fish? I thought they were chicken. 82 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,490 Now I'm really regretting 'em. I hate fish. 83 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,577 - (ALL LAUGHING) - Guys, I'm serious. I'm allergic to fish. 84 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,662 We put fish in 'em. We put fish in 'em. 85 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:24,792 We should take him to a hospital. 86 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,340 - We just said, "Give us your fish." - Is that why my eyes itch? 87 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,630 - Oh, my god. - We just said, "Give us your fish." 88 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,927 He went to the bathroom, we're like, 89 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,299 "We'll order for you. Give us your fish." 90 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,302 Your new nickname is "Fish Taco." 91 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,473 (ALL LAUGHING) 92 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,643 MONTEZ: This is like Romper Room in here right now. 93 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,561 Y'all a bunch of children. 94 00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,101 That P. Springs? It's in the bag. 95 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,558 Why did you think they were chicken? 96 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,643 I don't know. They smelled like chicken. 97 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:50,072 BLAKE: Okay, so say Montez is right, which he's probably not. 98 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,071 What could you guys possibly want to know about me? 99 00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,243 If we're gonna win this, we need to connect at the core. 100 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,865 - Yes. - So, like, a Tez question. 101 00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,702 Blake, what is your biggest secret? Go. 102 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,081 Anders, my life is an open book. I'm not gonna read it to you, bud. 103 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,537 I'm not telling you my biggest secret. 104 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,083 HEY, you guys live here? 105 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,500 No, we just sit on a stranger's roof and drink beer. 106 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,584 (LAUGHS) 107 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,090 Is that true? It could be. I don't know you guys. 108 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,179 Yeah, we do live here, yeah. 109 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,934 Okay, well, I'm working valet for the pride party down the street. 110 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,685 Pride party, nice. 111 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,104 We're big MMA dudes, man. 112 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:25,023 Yeah, man, I like my martial arts like I like my women. 113 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,099 Mixed, baby! 114 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,652 Okay, well, look, we're running out of parking. 115 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,729 Can I use your driveway for the overflow? 116 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,485 Yeah, sure, sure. 117 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,862 Go ahead, but, like, one question. 118 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,443 How is there a party on our block, 119 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,278 and they didn't invite dem boys? 120 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,362 We dem boys. 121 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,447 How are we not invited? 122 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,454 Yeah, how are we not invited? 123 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,410 Yeah, yeah, yeah, how are we not invited? 124 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,996 (ALL CHANTING) Yeah, yeah, yeah, how are we not invited? 125 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,627 What? What? How are we not invited? 126 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,754 How are we not invited? Come on! Come on! 127 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,426 Okay, I'm gonna park the car here. 128 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:54,966 How are we not invited? 129 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,092 Oh, oh 130 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,263 How's he not invited? 131 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,266 Get them muscles out. It's a pride party. 132 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,390 Who wants to get put in a rear naked choke? 133 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,392 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 134 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,020 - Eh, we should get going, right? - Rainbows, rainbows. 135 00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,976 MAN: Hi, welcome to the party. 136 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,404 There's hors d'oeuvres and an open bar in back. 137 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,196 (SINGING) Hello 138 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,906 - Hello. - Hello. 139 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,328 Hello. Come on. 140 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,036 - Hello. - Hi. 141 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,912 - Who are they? - I don't... I don't know. 142 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,624 Dude, are you pretending to be gay? 143 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,046 What? Yeah, man. I don't want to give them a reason to kick us out. 144 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,839 - This party seems pretty sweet. - That's true. 145 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,380 Gay dudes are like hot chicks. They only party with each other. 146 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,460 - Exactly. - Right? 147 00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,796 Hi, I don't believe we've met. 148 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,255 I'm Joey, and this is Scott. 149 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,343 Wow, it is very surprising to me that we haven't run into each other, 150 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,269 because we are just very involved in the scene. 151 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,475 The scene? 152 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:51,144 Yes. The having sex with other gay men scene. 153 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,560 Discos. 154 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,111 Yeah, we're three-way gay with each other. 155 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,693 It's just a shame we don't wear the same sized clothes, huh? 156 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,403 (LAUGHING) 157 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,451 So that you could wear each other's clothes. 158 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,949 - That is the reason. - Right, yeah. 159 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,575 Cool party. Later, bitches. 160 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,668 - Why are they pretending to be gay? - Are they? 161 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,876 Well, that little one looks like he could be a bottom. 162 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,464 (BEATBOXING) 163 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,342 (ALL CHATTING AT ONCE) 164 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,722 - To free booze. - Boom. 165 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,439 Okay, Ders' turn. What is something that makes you feel stuff? 166 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,059 - Hmm? - I'm still pretty uncomfortable 167 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,143 talking about this stuff. 168 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,853 So maybe we order a few more drinks, 169 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,984 - and then the feelings will just flop out. - Whoo! 170 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,857 (WOMAN SINGING) Calling all freaks 171 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,487 All freaks All freaks 172 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,735 (CHEERING) 173 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,741 BLAKE: Oh, you're turning me on, dude. 174 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:48,079 Here's a secret: if ejack tasted this good, I'd drink it by the frickin' gallon. 175 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,205 (LAUGHS) 176 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:53,664 ALL: We're here! We're queer! We want to drink beer! 177 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,591 - Why isn't there beer? - (BELCHES LOUDLY) 178 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,418 I'm gonna help myself. 179 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,004 BLAKE: I can shake it so fast. Look how fast I can shake it. 180 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,259 (ANDERS SINGING) Baby 181 00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,591 We're queer! 182 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,342 We're here! 183 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,261 We're here! 184 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,937 (ALL SCREAMING) 185 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,022 Bottle landed right on my head. 186 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,599 I dropped it right on my head. 187 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,980 I sucked this guy's dick before, I think. 188 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,983 BLAKE: Grr, I'm gonna butt ram you. (LAUGHS) 189 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,030 Happy Pride Day! 190 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,448 (YELLS) 191 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,196 - Dog pile! - (ALL LAUGHING) 192 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,489 - Oh, no! - What the fuck is wrong with you? 193 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,949 What, dude? It's actually still pretty good. 194 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,376 ADAM: Oh, we're so bonded right now. 195 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,045 (ANDERS ECHOING) We're three-way gay! 196 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,507 (BLAKE GROANING) 197 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,797 Blazer, shut up. 198 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,049 Close the curtains, dude. 199 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,506 Ow, ow, ow. Easy with the sheets, man. 200 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,674 Ah, my knees. 201 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,094 Whose bedroom is this? 202 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,304 Oh, my head. 203 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,516 Dude, you got frosting all over your chest. 204 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,067 Mmm. Yummy. 205 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,154 It's not frosting. 206 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,197 - What is it? - That's jizz. 207 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,277 There's jizz on my chest! 208 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,328 - Jizz! - Whoa! 209 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,406 It used to be frickin' wet, but now it's dry. 210 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,536 - It's dry jizz. - Eww. 211 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,616 Why's there jizz on me? 212 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,828 Um... I... 213 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,667 - What? - Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 214 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,717 (ALL SCREAMING) 215 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,596 Okay, this is bad. 216 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,423 This is really, really bad. 217 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:30,059 SCOTT: You guys, please stop yelling. You're gonna wake up the neighbors. 218 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,979 Guess what? We're awake, and I'm gonna freakin' call the police, 219 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,727 'cause I was ejacked on illegally. 220 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,649 - What? - We've been sexually assaulted, okay? 221 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,022 Perhaps roofied, all right? 222 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,728 Call a toxologist right now. 223 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,313 We were drugged and then fugged. 224 00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397 Drugged and fugged. 225 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,568 - No, you weren't. - You guys. 226 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,986 You fucked the crap out of each other. 227 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,571 - What? - What? 228 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,531 - No. - They don't remember. 229 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,615 Really? 230 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,619 We heard all this grunting coming from in here, 231 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,170 so we came down the hall, 232 00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:58,955 and... 233 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,506 - What? - You boys were rockin' each other's worlds. 234 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,545 You kept saying how you wanted to get closer, 235 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,505 and then you were just inside each other. 236 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,968 - What? - It was a real three-ring bone circus. 237 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,142 (SCOTT HUMMING Entrance of the Gladiators) 238 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,472 (BOTH LAUGH) 239 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,107 (ALL SCREAMING) 240 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,692 No! No! 241 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,190 Wild. 242 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,400 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 243 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,284 Wow. You guys look like you had a little too much fun last night. 244 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,359 No we don't. You do. 245 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,699 You ready to get your butts handed to you? 246 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,905 No, all right? 247 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,326 'Cause our butts are our own. Nobody else handles them. So just shut up. 248 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,083 All right, TelAmericans! Yeah! 249 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,254 Whoo! 250 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,048 When I say "Tela," you say "mericans." 251 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,420 - Tela! - Mericans. 252 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,094 Yeah! Boom! That's what I'm talking about. 253 00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,762 I hope you people all brought your hard hats, 254 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,966 because today, we are gonna be building some teams. 255 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,676 - Oh. That's funny. - Boom! 256 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,979 - I'm Teddy. I will be your foreman. - ALICE: Ugh. 257 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,307 And that will be the end of the building metaphors. 258 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,483 All right, let's break some ground! 259 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,652 - Ugh. - Okay. That was the last one. 260 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,401 Here we go. Stage dive. Whoa! 261 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,027 Palm springs! Get some! 262 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,233 - Get it! - Okay, Jillian. 263 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,363 - Get it hard! - Chill out. 264 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,195 There is no way we're gonna win this stupid thing with Gary on our team. 265 00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,994 I was a spy in Hong Kong. 266 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,996 Team Yellow, where are we? Here we go. 267 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:20,246 Boom! The green team, here we go. Yeah, there you are. 268 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:24,049 And since you boys couldn't decide on one color, 269 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,173 I had these made up for you special. 270 00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,884 You're my rainbow warriors! 271 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,804 - Of course we are. - Yeah, let's do this! 272 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,850 - Okay. - Whichever team gets the most eggs 273 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:37,896 in their basket in a minute is gonna get a 20-second 274 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:42,643 head start for the final event, the obstacle race. 275 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:47,030 - All right, everybody. On your marks. - (AIRHORN BLOWS) 276 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,528 BLAKE: Adam, go. 277 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,154 - I'm going. - Back up. 278 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,201 I'm where I'm at. 279 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,075 TEDDY: Just like the shell of an egg, 280 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,498 a group is fragile and needs to be handled with care. 281 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,574 - Careful - Goddamn it. 282 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,786 Rainbow warriors, don't be afraid to touch, rainbow warriors. 283 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:04,089 That's it. Use each other's bodies to balance. Yes. 284 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,795 - Mm-hmm. - All right, quit looking at me. 285 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,920 I'm looking at the egg. I'm looking up into the sky. 286 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,839 Mmm. Okay? Was it that hard? 287 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,640 I wasn't looking at you. 288 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,176 - Come here. - (GRUNTS) 289 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,344 - Don't touch me. - What are you doing, man? 290 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,396 You just flinched. I'm not gonna hit you. 291 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,814 Dawg, back up off of me. 292 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,688 You're in my space, and I don't feel safe with that. 293 00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,813 - You didn't feel safe? - No. 294 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,361 You don't feel safe? You think I felt safe... 295 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:31,195 When you parked your car in my garage last night? You didn't even ask. 296 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,323 You probably wanted my sport wagon up in your garage, okay? 297 00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:37,121 - You probably begged for it. - You guys are both sickos, 298 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:42,912 'cause you guys frickin' smashed your cars into my very tender, very tight little garage, 299 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:47,215 and then one of you hosed me down right on the chest with freaking wiper fluid. 300 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,917 Maybe it was both of you. It seemed to be a lot. 301 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,047 See, Adam I understand. 302 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,595 He'll park his little Mini in any old garage. 303 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,344 I have a very, very medium-sized sedan. 304 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,393 I left my garage door open, and you parked your car 305 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,015 and left me with a leaky tailpipe. 306 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,559 BLAKE: Leaky tail... That's disgusting. What does that even mean? 307 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,142 Was your butthole leaking today? That's gross. 308 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,062 ALICE: Hey, what the hell are you guys doing? 309 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,396 TEDDY: Alice, Alice, I got this. 310 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,198 - Guys, you're on the same team. Stop! - This team's over. 311 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,658 Come on, rainbow warriors. Bring it in. 312 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:15,993 Let's go talk this out. 313 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,113 - Bring it in, come on. - BLAKE: Yeah, stop, please. 314 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,786 All right. What's the problem? 315 00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,660 - You know what, Teddy? - What? 316 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:28,878 We have... Some friends, right? 317 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,426 And they live together, and they work together, 318 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,755 and they used to be best friends until last night... 319 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,431 What happened to these friends of yours last night? 320 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:38,721 Oh. 321 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,645 The three friends hooked up with each other hard. 322 00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:43,846 - Yeah. - Once. 323 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,024 Just one time, but a lot of butt stuff and mouth stuff. 324 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,352 Okay, well, I would tell, uh... 325 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,362 I would tell your friends to get tested. 326 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:55,071 I would also tell your friends to have an honest, mature, 327 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,744 adult conversation about what happened. 328 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,247 Hey, listen, if your friends want any more advice, 329 00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,541 just tell them to swing by my office. 330 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:04,872 ANDERS: Teddy... 331 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:06,703 We're talking about us. 332 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,664 (LAUGHING) 333 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:13,922 I'm tweeting that. 334 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,674 I am tweeting that. 335 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,092 Whatever, maybe he's right. 336 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,640 Maybe we should have an adult, mature conversation about it. 337 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,385 Guys, bad news, but that... 338 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,183 That tweet is gonna be too many characters, so, uh... 339 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,062 I'm just gonna throw it into drafts and then circle back to it later. 340 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,142 (AIRHORN BLOWS) 341 00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,647 (BEATBOXING) 342 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,064 (MAN RAPPING) What 343 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,656 As weird he is, maybe he's right. Maybe we should talk about it. 344 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,413 I know we don't like to, like, freaking talk about, like, 345 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,365 - real stuff, like secrets. - Yeah. 346 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,079 - We're dudes. - But now we have a huge secret. 347 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,378 Yeah, yeah. And, I mean, this is a secret that we'll never tell anybody else, right? 348 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,583 Nope, no. 349 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,668 I'm gonna freakin' take this one to my deathbed. 350 00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:56,844 Until we write our tell-alls. 351 00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,675 Yeah, or maybe it's just a tell-some. 352 00:13:58,755 --> 00:13:59,881 All right, I'm gonna tell a secret. 353 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,805 Okay, remember that night when we were watching Shallow Hal, 354 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,932 and, like, I just wouldn't stop crying? 355 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,854 ANDERS: Yeah. BLAKE: Okay, it's not because 356 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,978 - that movie is both hilarious and touching. - It is. 357 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:15,484 My uncle Howie died that night, and, you know, we were really close. 358 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,780 (SIGHS) 359 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,612 I really miss him, still. 360 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,536 I know you guys didn't know, but just having you there, 361 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,448 it really helped me get through it. 362 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,908 I think I might be the son of my parents' gardener. 363 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:31,288 I caught him and my morn together when I was super young, 364 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,961 and that means that 365 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,218 I'm not 100% Norwegian. 366 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,003 I'm, like, half 367 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,964 German-Irish or something. 368 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,225 - Irish. - Yeah, it's all right. 369 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,977 I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but 370 00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,811 I wasn't the coolest kid in school. 371 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:55,066 In fact, I got beat up all the time. I didn't have any friends. 372 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,270 Probably 'cause of the way you run. 373 00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:57,480 No, not because of my run. 374 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,610 - It's a weird run. - No. 375 00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,034 And I think that's why I'm so addicted to freaking having these gigantic muscles 376 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:05,364 and being this freaking mountain of beef you see before you today. 377 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,448 I've never told anyone that. 378 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,037 Wow. Uh... 379 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,664 Okay, that felt pretty good. 380 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,165 I felt something, yeah. 381 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,254 Shake it out, shake it out. 382 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,331 - Gross. - Okay, whatever. 383 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,591 Last night happened. That's in the past, but I just know that I need you guys in my life 384 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,673 for the rest of my life, because you're my, like, rock, man. 385 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,851 Hey. What do you guys say we go get Palm Sprung! 386 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,803 - Yeah, baby. - Whoo! 387 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,604 Okay, all right. We don't even need to do that. 388 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,102 - All right, race you guys. - Yeah. 389 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,729 Oh, check it out, the run. The run. 390 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,522 Wow. 391 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:36,899 Race you! 392 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,903 - Any questions? - All right, we are ready to rock and jock. 393 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,279 So how's this work? 394 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,486 Just went through the whole thing. I'm not gonna do that again. 395 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,072 It's, uh... It's an obstacle course. What do you want? 396 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,782 All right, everybody line up. 397 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,618 Whoo! It's go time. Hoo-ra! 398 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,294 God, who gives a shit? 399 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,543 You want to lay down and quit, go ahead. 400 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,875 But I'm gonna finish this thing through to the end. 401 00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,465 You're gonna wish you have never did that. 402 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,549 TEDDY: Here we go. 403 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,218 - Green team. - (AIR HORN BLOWS) 404 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,896 You got this. Go, go, go, go. 405 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,190 - Yellow team air horn. - (AIR HORN BLOWS) 406 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,564 Everybody else, air horn! 407 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,020 (AIR HORN BLOWS) 408 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,240 - ANDERS: Great form, Adam. - Thanks, man. 409 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,783 Learned it from watching you, dude. 410 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,075 Oh, oh. 411 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,074 I got you, big boy. I got you, big boy. 412 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,493 Wait, Adam, wait. My knees, they're too tender. I can't do it. 413 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,041 - Here, use me as a human cushion. - Okay, thank you. 414 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,580 (BOTH GRUNTING) 415 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,170 ANDERS: Looking good, guys. Looking real good. 416 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,082 They gaining on us. Go! Come on, Bill. 417 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,923 - Come on. - Yes! 418 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,593 - Ow. - That's it, rainbow warriors. That's it. 419 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:47,757 Okay. 420 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,683 God damn, Bill, why you so fast? 421 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,099 Oh, that's high as shit. How we gonna get that? 422 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,179 Wait. 423 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,723 Ah, man! 424 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:58,526 Why don't you try shouldering the burden of your teammates. 425 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:01,480 I got it, human totem pole. Let me up on your shoulders. 426 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,361 Hell to the no, you're not putting your stanky-ass balls in my face. 427 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,693 - You don't wear underwear, Bill. - It's not good for them. 428 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,952 Remember teamwork builds trust, and trust builds success. 429 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,285 Adam. Your balls, my face, right now. 430 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:16,710 That'd be a dream come true! 431 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,083 - Come on. - Yes! 432 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,086 - Get it, get it. - Great, great, great. 433 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,917 (ANDERS STRUGGLING) I got it. 434 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,844 Oh! I'm all about that bass. (CHUCKLES) 435 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,298 Okay, I'm gonna come up now. All right, here I go. 436 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,095 Get in there, rainbow warriors. 437 00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,221 - Here we go. - Here we go. 438 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,643 ANDERS: We're using some upper strength here. 439 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:33,935 (ANDERS YELLING) 440 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,059 BLAKE: Okay, going up the next tier. 441 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,979 ADAM: Oh, god. BLAKE: Just right there, bud. 442 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,105 ADAM: Oh, god! 443 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,232 BLAKE: We're just gonna... Whoo, you're tickling me. 444 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,949 I need to go higher. Grab my butt. It's okay. 445 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,195 (ADAM SCREAMS) 446 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,572 Oh, god. Oh, god. 447 00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,870 - I got it! - No! 448 00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,492 BLAKE: I got it! I got it! 449 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,245 - (LAUGHING) - He got it. 450 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,451 - Whoo-hoo-hoo! - (AIR HORN BLOWS) 451 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,829 BLAKE: We're going to Palm Springs. Suck it, Tez. Don't really suck it, though. 452 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,091 We did that. That's 'cause of you. That's 'cause of you. 453 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,462 Proud to be your friend. 454 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,928 ANDERS: I don't want this friendship to end. ADAM: It never will. 455 00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:10,758 But, you know, you guys didn't have to go face to crotch, face to crotch, face to crotch. 456 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,683 You could've just done it from behind. 457 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,140 - Been there. - Shut up. 458 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,930 (MAN BEATBOXING) 459 00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,647 - Hello. - Oh, hello. 460 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,653 Scott, the party toads are back. 461 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:32,445 Hey, guys, we just wanted to bring over a little, uh, 462 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,201 peace offering for the way we acted at the party. 463 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,001 - We made it ourselves. You get that? - Of course. 464 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:44,041 So the butt sex we had at your party the other night, we'd never done that before. 465 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,047 We're not really three-way gay or even gay at all. 466 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,674 - Not even the short one? - No. 467 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,968 Yeah, you know, we're not gonna ever do it again, 468 00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:56,519 but it did really bring us closer together as friends, so... 469 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,143 - Thanks. - Oh, my god, we have to tell them. 470 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,644 - No. No. - Yeah, we have to tell them. 471 00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:05,069 - Tell us what? - Nothing. Thank you for the cake. Bye. 472 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,441 You didn't fuck each other. 473 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,115 - We... No. - (LAUGHING) No, we definitely did. 474 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,988 We did. We did, in a real way. 475 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,865 - Changed me forever. - Dropped into each other. 476 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,536 - That happened. - No, you didn't. 477 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:19,163 We staged the whole thing because you were acting like drunken jerks. 478 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,417 - But I had a condom. - We put that in your butt with a toothbrush. 479 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,838 But my knees were all... And my jaw was really sore. 480 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,339 I figured I had, like, three to four. 481 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,716 You choked our bodybuilder friend Rog. 482 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:34,473 He punched you in the face and dragged you by the hair into that room. 483 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,807 Rog? I thought we were friends. 484 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,807 So the sticky stuff on my chest was just glue. 485 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,684 - No, that was semen. - Hmm? 486 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,937 You were running around our house, masturbating, saying, 487 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,775 "I am the gayest of them all." (MUMBLES AGGRESSIVELY) 488 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:50,656 And then you finished on yourself, and you passed out. 489 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,367 Yep, you know what? I remember that. I did do that. 490 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,319 - Yeah. - Okay, wait, hold on. 491 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,165 What you're saying is, that we did not have sex with each other? 492 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,916 - No. - (EXHALES) 493 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,493 - Okay. - Oh, my god. 494 00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,704 - Okay, wow. - ANDERS: That's a relief. 495 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,540 We're gonna head out then. We're going to Palm Springs for the weekend. 496 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,125 - Yeah. - Us too. 497 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,086 - We have a house down there. - Yeah, we're having a big party on Saturday... 498 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,967 - Oh, yeah? - Huh. 499 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,552 Yeah. 500 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,559 You definitely shouldn't come by. 501 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,770 - Joey. - Yeah. 502 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,146 ADAM: Wow, they're having a party. How are we not invited? 503 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,977 ANDERS: Right? BLAKE: How are we not invited? 504 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,362 How are we not invited? (SNAPPING) 505 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,315 (CHANTING) How are we not invited? Okay 506 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,366 How are we not invited? All right 507 00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:37,571 How are we not invited? 508 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,655 How are we not invited? 509 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,828 How are we not invited? 510 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,784 How are we not invited? 511 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,661 How are we not invited? 512 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:46,996 How are we not... 513 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,589 Don't be scrambling around. 514 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,262 I'm yoke-ing. I'm yoke-ing. 515 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,510 Oh, egg-sellent. Egg-sellent. 516 00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,517 Egg joke. Boom. Yeah, there we go. 517 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,437 Oh, yeah, oh. Oh, look at the sunny side of this situation. 518 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,607 You're winning. Yeah, egg joke. Boom! Boom! 519 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:17,500 Ripped By mstoll