1
00:00:01,851 --> 00:00:05,123
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,123 --> 00:00:08,391
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,426 --> 00:00:11,961
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,996 --> 00:00:14,964
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,999 --> 00:00:18,467
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,503 --> 00:00:21,771
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,806 --> 00:00:23,339
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,374 --> 00:00:24,707
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,742 --> 00:00:26,252
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:30,259
♪ Family Guy 13x11 ♪
Encyclopedia Griffin
Original Air Date on February 15, 2015
11
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:34,260
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
12
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:36,752
ANNOUNCER: We now return
to Hard Knocks CFL:
13
00:00:36,788 --> 00:00:39,322
Training Camp
with the Toronto Argonauts.
14
00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:41,657
I hope you make it.
You're real good.
15
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:44,028
No way, not as good as you.
I hope you make it.
16
00:00:44,053 --> 00:00:45,528
What're you gonna do
with all your money?
17
00:00:45,553 --> 00:00:46,963
Oh, probably
just save it.
18
00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:48,464
Yeah, that's
real smart.
19
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,366
Well, back
to my book.
20
00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:54,537
Peter, I was at the park with Stewie,
and someone stole his tricycle.
21
00:00:54,572 --> 00:00:58,307
And during, like, the one second I was
looking down at my phone and not at him.
22
00:00:58,343 --> 00:01:02,145
Stupid thief. It's got a vanity
plate that won't even apply to him.
23
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:05,555
Hey. You like your
reggae watered down
24
00:01:05,580 --> 00:01:08,151
and acceptable at a wedding?
Hop on.
25
00:01:08,186 --> 00:01:10,820
Ugh, can't believe somebody
stole Stewie's trike.
26
00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:13,123
I only had nine payments
left on that thing.
27
00:01:13,148 --> 00:01:14,447
How much do you make?
28
00:01:14,472 --> 00:01:16,647
Don't worry, Lois, I'm
gonna find that tricycle.
29
00:01:16,672 --> 00:01:21,214
I'll just have four to five beers to stop
the shaking, and then I'll go outside.
30
00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:28,104
Huh, never seen that kid
around the neighborhood.
31
00:01:28,139 --> 00:01:29,943
Maybe he's got something
to do with it.
32
00:01:29,968 --> 00:01:32,601
Hey, kid. You know
anything about a tricycle
33
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,220
that just got stolen
from the park?
34
00:01:34,245 --> 00:01:37,547
No, sir, I've been sitting here for the
last three hours selling lemonade.
35
00:01:37,582 --> 00:01:42,191
- Would you like an ice-cold glass?
- Why, sure.
36
00:01:42,216 --> 00:01:45,684
You couldn't have been here for three hours
on this, the hottest day of the year,
37
00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:47,660
or the ice cubes in your
pitcher would have melted.
38
00:01:47,685 --> 00:01:50,073
- Ow...
- You have the right to remain silent.
39
00:01:50,098 --> 00:01:51,469
- Anything you say...
- Peter, Peter!
40
00:01:51,493 --> 00:01:54,219
We can't arrest him.
If anything, they can arrest you.
41
00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,210
Hey, here's
the tricycle.
42
00:01:56,235 --> 00:01:58,734
You were right, Peter.
This kid's a thief.
43
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:00,903
- We did it!
- Wow, look at us.
44
00:02:00,939 --> 00:02:04,574
Hey, you know, we make a great team, guys.
Like Huey Lewis and the Jews.
45
00:02:04,609 --> 00:02:06,576
♪ We don't
need money... ♪
46
00:02:06,611 --> 00:02:08,277
Sorry, the band's
breaking up.
47
00:02:11,082 --> 00:02:15,418
Here you go, Stewie. Don't bother sniffing
the seat. It don't smell like nothing.
48
00:02:15,453 --> 00:02:18,087
Oh, yeah, my trike. Eh, I'm
kind of over that thing.
49
00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:22,091
Now I'm way into wooden
beads you move along wires.
50
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:23,426
Whoa...
51
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:25,594
Oh, yeah...
52
00:02:25,630 --> 00:02:29,765
Boy, when you find a baby's tricycle, it
feels like there's nothing you can't do.
53
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:33,769
Man, I wish we could quit our jobs and
solve children's crimes full-time.
54
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,771
I heard you guys are
good at solving cases.
55
00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:38,607
I'll give you 50 cents to
find my lucky baseball card.
56
00:02:38,643 --> 00:02:40,776
Guys, we're
in business.
57
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,211
(celebrating)
58
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,940
Oh, wait a minute, I didn't
notice you have a pierced ear.
59
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,599
We can't help you. You go
home and tell your mother
60
00:02:47,624 --> 00:02:49,824
she's supposed to be
a parent, not a friend.
61
00:02:54,492 --> 00:02:58,110
All right, guys, this'll be the
headquarters for our new detective agency.
62
00:02:58,135 --> 00:03:02,237
This milk crate will be my chair, this
overturned rain barrel will be my desk,
63
00:03:02,262 --> 00:03:06,520
and this DNA evidence centrifuge and
fingerprint scanner will be my coatrack.
64
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,738
Piece of junk.
65
00:03:08,773 --> 00:03:11,741
I guess all our detective
agency needs now is a name.
66
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,410
Well, we're detectives
solving children's crimes.
67
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:16,078
There's only one name
that makes sense.
68
00:03:16,114 --> 00:03:17,747
"Dicks for Kids"?
"Dicks for Kids."
69
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:20,082
But wait, we want people
to know we're grown-ups.
70
00:03:20,118 --> 00:03:21,751
Okay, "Big Dicks
For Kids."
71
00:03:21,786 --> 00:03:23,419
But we don't want
to sound too old.
72
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,921
They're gonna think we're a
bunch of old, bald geezers.
73
00:03:25,957 --> 00:03:27,423
"Big Hairy Dicks
for Kids."
74
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,426
How are we gonna let them
know we're "veiny"?
75
00:03:32,897 --> 00:03:36,532
So, you say this gumball machine took
your dime and didn't give you a gumball?
76
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,868
- That's right.
- Well, I'll take care of that.
77
00:03:38,903 --> 00:03:40,870
Hand over the dime, buddy.
78
00:03:40,905 --> 00:03:43,372
Come on, hand it over. Don't
make this hard on yourself.
79
00:03:43,408 --> 00:03:46,842
Wait a minute. This gumball machine
takes quarters, not dimes.
80
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:47,954
(siren wails)
81
00:03:47,979 --> 00:03:51,046
Holy crap, it's a setup.
Time to make a quick getaway.
82
00:03:57,401 --> 00:04:00,202
- You were set up, too, huh?
- Yeah.
83
00:04:00,227 --> 00:04:04,363
You realize that kid is plowing
both our wives right now.
84
00:04:06,864 --> 00:04:08,197
So what do we got
today, boys?
85
00:04:08,232 --> 00:04:10,566
Well, it seems like we got
a bit of a crime spree.
86
00:04:10,601 --> 00:04:13,903
Just this morning, we've had
multiple reports of stolen items.
87
00:04:13,938 --> 00:04:17,573
Uh, couple marbles, ball
of yarn, two Wiffle ball bats.
88
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:21,977
Someday a rain'll come and wash
all this scum off the streets.
89
00:04:22,013 --> 00:04:24,480
Guys, I think I've got a
lead on all these thefts.
90
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:27,149
One of the kids had
a nanny-cam hidden in his room.
91
00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,988
Come on, let's do it
on your son's tiny bed.
92
00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,857
Hurry, he gets home
at 3:00.
93
00:04:34,892 --> 00:04:36,192
Okay, it's later than this.
94
00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,027
Y-Yeah,
f-fast-forward ahead.
95
00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:39,640
Forward. Forward.
Keep forwarding.
96
00:04:39,665 --> 00:04:41,374
Is that woman
gonna be okay?
97
00:04:41,399 --> 00:04:43,866
Yeah, yeah, she's fine. We're
having brunch after this.
98
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,202
God, I look huge
in that bed, don't I?
99
00:04:46,237 --> 00:04:50,873
You think other guys hang out and watch
their friend's naked gyrating butt?
100
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:53,876
It's been so long, I don't
know what other friends do.
101
00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:58,113
Forwarding, forwarding, forwarding...
And there we go. Our thief.
102
00:05:01,586 --> 00:05:02,718
(gasps)
103
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:06,889
Chris Gaines was Garth Brooks.
I just figured that out.
104
00:05:09,427 --> 00:05:12,094
Oh, my God, Chris stole
all that stuff.
105
00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:15,127
- No way, he wouldn't do that.
- Peter, Chris is on the tape.
106
00:05:15,152 --> 00:05:17,600
- We got to search his bedroom.
- Fine, go ahead.
107
00:05:17,635 --> 00:05:20,102
But I'm telling you, it's gonna
be a bigger waste of time
108
00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:22,238
than writing tough-guy dialogue
for a Jet Li movie.
109
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,942
(grunting)
110
00:05:27,979 --> 00:05:29,545
(grunting, bone cracking)
111
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:35,484
This is your last warning.
Give me back my wife.
112
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,152
What? Excuse me?
113
00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:39,494
Give me back my wife, or
you're in a lot of trouble.
114
00:05:39,519 --> 00:05:41,820
I'll kick all your faces.
You got me?
115
00:05:41,845 --> 00:05:44,940
You're kind of undoing everything you
just did when you kicked my ass.
116
00:05:44,965 --> 00:05:47,499
I know, but I have
to say for audience.
117
00:05:54,939 --> 00:05:59,033
Chris still has an Aaron Hernandez
poster up? That's not cool.
118
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:04,423
See, there's nothing here. Just
a weird life-sized lady doll
119
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:06,348
made out of all the stuff
that got stolen.
120
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:12,855
CHRIS: No! Don't hurt Heather.
Don't hurt my girlfriend.
121
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:15,524
- What the hell?!
- Chris made a sex doll?!
122
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,526
Your kid's got
a walk-in closet?
123
00:06:17,562 --> 00:06:19,628
Two of mine gotta sleep
in the car.
124
00:06:25,663 --> 00:06:29,132
Chris is still in his room with
that disgusting homemade sex doll.
125
00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:31,334
He actually thinks
it's his girlfriend.
126
00:06:31,369 --> 00:06:32,835
I know, it's weird.
127
00:06:32,871 --> 00:06:35,738
It's even weirder than that
secret level in Donkey Kong.
128
00:07:00,665 --> 00:07:02,665
♪ ♪
129
00:07:23,121 --> 00:07:25,154
♪ ♪
130
00:07:48,413 --> 00:07:51,045
Maybe it's our fault Chris
has such a screwed-up idea
131
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,059
about what a relationship is.
132
00:07:53,084 --> 00:07:56,385
I mean, let's be honest, we're not
exactly the model of a healthy marriage.
133
00:07:56,421 --> 00:07:58,967
Oh, boy, is this 'cause of
the time I pushed off of you
134
00:07:59,007 --> 00:08:00,733
after sex and bruised your boob?
135
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:04,147
No, I-I mean, when was the
last time you bought me flowers,
136
00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:06,703
or-or we had a date night?
- We do stuff.
137
00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:10,533
Just last week, I let you watch me
complain after eating too many hot wings.
138
00:08:10,568 --> 00:08:15,872
Ugh! Why did you let me
do this, Lois?! Why?!
139
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:19,008
Okay, Peter, I got to take
the kids to school now.
140
00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:26,816
Hey, Chris, your mother
wanted me to talk to you.
141
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:28,818
Um, she doesn't think
it's healthy for you
142
00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:31,515
to be spending all your time
with a homemade sex doll.
143
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:35,593
Sex doll? I wish. Heather hasn't
even let me get to second base.
144
00:08:35,618 --> 00:08:37,994
Wh... H-Hang on.
What's second base?
145
00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:40,011
Is that touching
one of the cabbages?
146
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:44,500
Yeah. (groans) But I'm such a
loser, she'll never let me do that.
147
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:46,669
Come on, Chris,
don't sell yourself short.
148
00:08:46,704 --> 00:08:49,105
You are every bit as good
as that bag of garbage.
149
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,607
- You really think so?
- Sure, I do.
150
00:08:51,643 --> 00:08:53,780
And look, if you really want
to learn how to bang that thing,
151
00:08:53,805 --> 00:08:56,112
there's no better teacher
than your old dad.
152
00:08:56,147 --> 00:08:59,615
After all, I'm the guy who taught old
Asian people how to get on the subway.
153
00:08:59,651 --> 00:09:01,951
(scream approaching)
154
00:09:01,986 --> 00:09:05,228
Out of the way!
Nobody else matters!
155
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:09,025
All right, you made it. Now twirl that
long hair sticking out of your face mole.
156
00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:11,527
And cough... cough like
you never coughed before.
157
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:14,263
(coughing violently)
158
00:09:17,769 --> 00:09:20,903
Okay, Chris, now, women really
dig those firemen calendars.
159
00:09:20,939 --> 00:09:25,274
So we're gonna go inside and get some
sexy shots of you doing fireman stuff.
160
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,944
♪ Well, I'm hot blooded ♪
161
00:09:27,979 --> 00:09:30,279
♪ Check it and see ♪
162
00:09:30,315 --> 00:09:34,283
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
163
00:09:34,319 --> 00:09:35,785
♪ Come on, baby ♪
164
00:09:35,820 --> 00:09:38,454
♪ Do you do more than dance? ♪
165
00:09:38,489 --> 00:09:41,490
♪ I'm hot blooded,
I'm hot blooded ♪
166
00:09:45,163 --> 00:09:47,630
♪ You don't have
to read my mind... ♪
167
00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:52,636
(sighs) Look, Heather.
The truth is,
168
00:09:52,661 --> 00:09:56,005
I don't care if we never take it
to the next level, physically.
169
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:59,420
I just really like
spending time with you.
170
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:06,415
(chuckles) Wow. I'm gonna have
to write to somebody about this.
171
00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:09,585
"Dear Penthouse, I used to
think these letters were fake
172
00:10:09,621 --> 00:10:12,560
"until my taped-together,
soccer-ball-headed girlfriend
173
00:10:12,585 --> 00:10:13,897
fell in my lap."
174
00:10:13,922 --> 00:10:16,425
Hey, do we still have
a magazine?
175
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:26,240
Good morning, everybody. I think
Heather will be eating breakfast
176
00:10:26,265 --> 00:10:29,538
standing up this morning,
if you know what I mean.
177
00:10:29,574 --> 00:10:32,252
Peter, I thought you were
gonna take care of this.
178
00:10:32,277 --> 00:10:34,619
You were supposed to make
Chris get rid of that doll.
179
00:10:34,644 --> 00:10:36,511
I did take care of it.
He slept with it,
180
00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:39,407
and now he'll slowly grow to
hate it over the next 20 years.
181
00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:42,735
This is all your fault. You
never listen to anything I say.
182
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,404
Look, you told me to talk to him. I talked
to him. And now you're nagging me about it?
183
00:10:46,429 --> 00:10:49,697
God, you're more annoying than
a creative voice mail message.
184
00:10:51,529 --> 00:10:55,464
JOE: ♪ Joe is on a vacation
far away ♪
185
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:59,368
♪ You called him up
to talk it over ♪
186
00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:03,305
♪ So many things
that you want to say ♪
187
00:11:03,341 --> 00:11:07,143
♪ Leave your message
when the beep is over ♪
188
00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:09,378
♪ I don't want
to miss your call ♪
189
00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:11,414
♪ Tonight ♪
190
00:11:14,189 --> 00:11:18,709
♪ I already missed
your call tonight. ♪
191
00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:19,889
(beeps)
192
00:11:19,924 --> 00:11:23,926
I... I can't remember
who I called.
193
00:11:27,565 --> 00:11:30,307
Oh, Lois, thank God!
Listen, I can't decide
194
00:11:30,332 --> 00:11:33,169
what I want for breakfast tomorrow.
Can you make me a sample tray?
195
00:11:33,204 --> 00:11:35,679
You know what, Peter? I'm not
talking to you right now.
196
00:11:35,704 --> 00:11:38,585
You screwed up bad with Chris.
And you still haven't apologized
197
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,147
for the way you
treated me earlier.
198
00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:42,313
Aw, come on, Lois.
I'll make it up to you.
199
00:11:42,338 --> 00:11:44,104
Maybe sooner than you know.
200
00:11:44,129 --> 00:11:45,395
(doorbell rings)
201
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:50,141
Oh, Peter!
They're beautiful!
202
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:52,088
You're such a sweetheart.
203
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:53,289
Read the card.
204
00:11:53,324 --> 00:11:56,236
"To Heather, from Chris"?
205
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,427
Oh, I thought it might
have a funny riddle on it.
206
00:11:58,463 --> 00:12:00,629
Oh, good, the flowers came!
207
00:12:00,665 --> 00:12:04,400
We're just cocooning today because
Heather said she's never seen TV.
208
00:12:04,435 --> 00:12:07,169
So, we're starting with
season six of Becker.
209
00:12:07,205 --> 00:12:10,606
I'm just gonna be
easing her in.
210
00:12:10,641 --> 00:12:14,610
Lois, before you say anything.
I also got you a gift.
211
00:12:14,645 --> 00:12:17,495
It's a Katherine Heigl mask for
you to wear while we have sex.
212
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,787
She's perfect, because
she's only sort of hot,
213
00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:21,879
so there won't be this crazy
disconnect of her face
214
00:12:21,904 --> 00:12:24,186
on your body, which would
totally take me out of it.
215
00:12:24,222 --> 00:12:26,889
Also, it's designed so you
can wear it on your butt.
216
00:12:26,924 --> 00:12:29,086
Heather, I made
your favorite cookies.
217
00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:31,727
And now I want to hear
all about your day.
218
00:12:31,763 --> 00:12:35,464
Hey, Lois, I heard Katherine
Heigl likes to French kiss.
219
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:41,804
Oh, my God! Chris treats that pile
of junk better than Peter treats me!
220
00:12:41,839 --> 00:12:43,985
What's the matter, Lois?
Need to get in the mood?
221
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:47,042
How about a little
help from Kenny G?
222
00:12:47,078 --> 00:12:49,078
♪ ♪
223
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:04,941
I wonder if Cleveland's
gonna want his sax back.
224
00:13:11,128 --> 00:13:13,462
Oh, hi, Chris.
Where have you been?
225
00:13:13,497 --> 00:13:15,464
Heather and I went
for a tandem bike ride.
226
00:13:15,499 --> 00:13:17,919
And then had lunch
at a gastropube.
227
00:13:17,944 --> 00:13:20,545
- Nope.
- Huh. Sounds like fun.
228
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,181
What have you guys been up to?
229
00:13:22,206 --> 00:13:25,235
Your father got a DVD of black
people fighting in the street.
230
00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:28,510
It's not just in the street. Some
of them are in private residences.
231
00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:33,115
Oh. Well, tomorrow, Heather and I are going
to the park to picnic and fly kites.
232
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:36,977
And on Saturday, she's hosting her
book club, so I have to drop by,
233
00:13:37,002 --> 00:13:39,387
say something funny, and
then stay upstairs.
234
00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:42,484
Wow, your plans sound
very sweet and romantic, Chris.
235
00:13:42,509 --> 00:13:44,626
And how a man
should treat his woman.
236
00:13:44,661 --> 00:13:49,012
Oh, Lois, your breath smells like eggs.
Talk that way.
237
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,808
Chris, when you
go on your picnic tomorrow,
238
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,826
c-can your father
and I come with you?
239
00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:56,071
Let me just ask Heather.
240
00:13:56,106 --> 00:13:58,373
I know, but I think we better.
241
00:13:58,408 --> 00:14:00,675
Apparently the cancer's
already in his bones.
242
00:14:00,711 --> 00:14:03,178
What?
We'd love to, sounds great!
243
00:14:04,648 --> 00:14:07,449
What are you doing? You can't let him
keep thinking that doll is real.
244
00:14:07,484 --> 00:14:11,818
I know. But I just want Peter to see
what a thoughtful man looks like
245
00:14:11,843 --> 00:14:14,570
for one afternoon.
Maybe he'll learn something.
246
00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:17,266
Are you sure about this?
It seems pretty extreme.
247
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,469
Well, I got to try something.
Peter and I used to be so close.
248
00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:22,964
But now we're like
apples and oranges.
249
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,646
People say we're different, but
we're really not that different.
250
00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:27,483
Mm-hmm, yeah, we both
work in marketing.
251
00:14:27,508 --> 00:14:28,856
We've both lost children.
252
00:14:28,881 --> 00:14:30,906
We both own cars, but
we like to take the bus.
253
00:14:30,941 --> 00:14:32,892
And we both cheat
at Words With Friends.
254
00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:35,177
Oh, nice try!
I certainly do not!
255
00:14:35,212 --> 00:14:38,413
And we're both gonna have a
moderate time at the party tonight.
256
00:14:38,448 --> 00:14:40,148
And we're not gonna count
each other's drinks.
257
00:14:40,184 --> 00:14:43,585
We won't have to
because we won't be drinking.
258
00:14:47,624 --> 00:14:51,018
Wow, it sure is fun going
on a picnic, isn't it, Peter?
259
00:14:51,043 --> 00:14:54,487
Yeah. Will you hold this beer bottle
while I try to kick the top off it?
260
00:14:54,512 --> 00:14:57,425
- Ow! Damn it!
- You moved it.
261
00:14:58,669 --> 00:15:01,670
♪ Raindrops are falling
on my head ♪
262
00:15:01,705 --> 00:15:04,472
♪ And just like
the guy whose feet ♪
263
00:15:04,508 --> 00:15:08,176
♪ Are too big for his bed ♪
264
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:10,178
♪ Nothing seems to fit ♪
265
00:15:10,214 --> 00:15:12,948
♪ Those raindrops are falling
on my head ♪
266
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:16,151
♪ They keep falling ♪
267
00:15:16,186 --> 00:15:19,754
♪ Because I'm free ♪
268
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:23,358
♪ Nothing's worrying ♪
269
00:15:23,393 --> 00:15:27,752
♪ Me. ♪
270
00:15:28,332 --> 00:15:31,466
Close your eyes, Heather.
I've got a surprise for you.
271
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:34,569
None of your business
how much it was.
272
00:15:34,605 --> 00:15:38,131
He bought her a scarf. And it
actually goes well with her colors.
273
00:15:38,156 --> 00:15:40,322
Peter, don't you see
what's going on here?!
274
00:15:40,347 --> 00:15:44,470
Your son's relationship with that
doll is better than our own marriage!
275
00:15:44,495 --> 00:15:49,184
- Peter? - Hey, can me and Ramon
go ride shirtless bikes?
276
00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:50,552
(sighs)
277
00:16:01,431 --> 00:16:03,198
(hinges creaking)
278
00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:14,276
(screams)
279
00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:15,977
My morning scream.
280
00:16:16,013 --> 00:16:17,245
(sighs)
281
00:16:17,281 --> 00:16:18,446
(screams)
282
00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:20,415
Heather's gone!
283
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:23,685
Mom! Heather's disappeared!
Have you seen her?!
284
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,900
No, I haven't, sweetheart.
B-But you know what?
285
00:16:26,925 --> 00:16:31,226
Sometimes relationships run their
course and come to a natural end.
286
00:16:31,261 --> 00:16:34,029
This could be a sign
that it's time to move on.
287
00:16:34,064 --> 00:16:36,564
Aw, and I just helped him
pick out that scarf.
288
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,552
- I miss her so much.
- I know, honey.
289
00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:43,004
But if you give it a little time,
I'm sure you'll get over her.
290
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,474
Just like you got over your
Hamster Dance Tourette Syndrome.
291
00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:48,660
Excuse me, Mom,
could you please pass the...
292
00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:50,646
♪ Dee dah Dee dah
Dee deh doh doh ♪
293
00:16:50,671 --> 00:16:52,785
♪ Dee dah Dee dah doh ♪
294
00:16:52,810 --> 00:16:54,488
♪ Doo doo doo doo doodle
loodle doo dah doo ♪
295
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,252
♪ Doo dah doodle doo
dah doodle doh doh. ♪
296
00:16:57,287 --> 00:17:00,121
His brain ain't right,
but it's fun.
297
00:17:04,027 --> 00:17:06,027
(crying)
298
00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:14,169
Hey, Chris. I-I see you're sad.
And also sitting on the remote.
299
00:17:14,204 --> 00:17:16,671
Why did Heather leave me?!
300
00:17:16,707 --> 00:17:19,341
I don't know, but sometimes
when life's got you down,
301
00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:22,944
you-you got to stand up for a second.
Like-like, just for a second.
302
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,547
I've never felt this sad!
303
00:17:25,582 --> 00:17:28,283
Aw, looks like somebody
could use a hug.
304
00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:30,318
(crying)
305
00:17:33,724 --> 00:17:36,291
Here we go.
Oh, no, I hit input!
306
00:17:36,326 --> 00:17:39,661
Oh, no! Oh, God! We may have
to throw away the television.
307
00:17:39,686 --> 00:17:41,864
What should I do, Dad?
308
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:44,899
I don't know. Hey, where's that
girlfriend of yours? She seems cool.
309
00:17:44,935 --> 00:17:47,446
(crying)
310
00:17:47,471 --> 00:17:48,837
(crying)
311
00:17:48,872 --> 00:17:52,607
This day has Haagen-Dazs
written all over it.
312
00:17:53,476 --> 00:17:56,544
(crying)
313
00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:58,025
Boy, he's really upset.
314
00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:01,311
(groans) I can't deal with anything
until I've had my after-nap coffee.
315
00:18:01,337 --> 00:18:03,518
(slurping)
316
00:18:03,553 --> 00:18:06,890
I don't think guys should have
two hands on a coffee mug ever.
317
00:18:06,915 --> 00:18:08,323
What?
318
00:18:08,358 --> 00:18:10,475
Mmm, oh, yummy.
319
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,495
Don't do that, either.
J-Just-just don't do anything.
320
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:19,575
(sighs)
321
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:24,596
Hey, Chris. I see you turned your hat
around so you can really get in there.
322
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:27,942
Oh, what do you care?
What does anybody care?
323
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:31,212
Why don't you come with me?
I-I've got something to show you.
324
00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:33,308
If it's the shot from
Psycho where you can see
325
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:36,028
Anne Heche's bunghole,
I've already seen it.
326
00:18:36,053 --> 00:18:40,588
No, Chris, it's something else.
Come on.
327
00:18:54,404 --> 00:18:57,172
Heather? Oh, my God!
328
00:18:57,207 --> 00:18:58,715
I'm sorry, Chris.
329
00:18:58,740 --> 00:19:01,174
You-you did this?
330
00:19:01,199 --> 00:19:04,927
I did. I took your doll
because it's not a natural
331
00:19:04,952 --> 00:19:07,869
or healthy thing for a boy
your age to have.
332
00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:12,020
It looks like you stabbed her.
Like, 50 times.
333
00:19:12,055 --> 00:19:15,759
I was kind of jealous of it, so
I guess I went a little crazy.
334
00:19:15,784 --> 00:19:18,080
Also, her lipstick
is all smeared.
335
00:19:18,105 --> 00:19:20,428
I was having a lot
of strange feelings!
336
00:19:20,464 --> 00:19:23,465
Look, Chris, I'm sorry.
You can have Heather back.
337
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:26,624
But I just want you to know,
if you ever treat a real woman
338
00:19:26,649 --> 00:19:30,872
the way you treat that doll,
you're gonna make her very happy.
339
00:19:30,907 --> 00:19:33,374
- Really?
- Absolutely.
340
00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:36,578
And I know she'll make you
very happy, too.
341
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:41,382
You know... I don't think
I need Heather anymore.
342
00:19:41,418 --> 00:19:43,137
- You don't?
- No.
343
00:19:43,162 --> 00:19:45,124
I'm glad to hear that, Chris.
344
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:47,463
Seems like maybe
you're growing up.
345
00:19:47,488 --> 00:19:51,036
Maybe. I guess there's
just one thing left to do.
346
00:19:51,061 --> 00:19:52,677
- What's that?
- Give me that knife.
347
00:19:52,702 --> 00:19:55,168
- I got to cut out the baby.
- Oh, my God!
348
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,698
It's made of Skittles.
349
00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:59,434
You want to eat the baby
together on the way home?
350
00:19:59,469 --> 00:20:02,971
Yeah, I'd like that, Chris.
351
00:20:19,523 --> 00:20:21,874
You know, Lois, I've been
thinking about what you said.
352
00:20:21,899 --> 00:20:25,527
And I did learn a little something
from watching Chris and Heather.
353
00:20:25,562 --> 00:20:28,234
- You did?
- Yeah. From now on,
354
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:31,466
I am gonna be treating
you like garbage.
355
00:20:31,501 --> 00:20:34,249
Oh, Peter. Thank you.
356
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,980
I love you, Lois.
357
00:20:36,005 --> 00:20:40,041
CHRIS: Mom? Dad? I want you
to meet my new girlfriend!
358
00:20:40,076 --> 00:20:43,311
This is Mistress Vita.
We met on Craigslist.
359
00:20:43,346 --> 00:20:45,980
No talking unless I say!
360
00:20:46,016 --> 00:20:48,566
Hi, Peter.
361
00:20:48,591 --> 00:20:51,128
How'd she know your name?
362
00:20:51,153 --> 00:20:54,344
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
363
00:20:54,345 --> 00:20:59,524
Peter, are-are you just trying to take
a knee until the end of the show?
364
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:02,719
Peter, that's not gonna work.
You can't just...