1
00:00:10,322 --> 00:00:11,818
Roller derby is amazing.
2
00:00:11,938 --> 00:00:14,999
I can't believe they were giving
tickets at the Organic Juice store.
3
00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:16,231
I didn't even have to buy juice.
4
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:18,227
I did. They're good.
5
00:00:18,347 --> 00:00:22,553
One tastes just like apple juice except it's really
salty and has lots of scum on top?
6
00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:26,279
Did you see that trip?
7
00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:28,418
That's bullcrap. Somebody do something.
8
00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:30,218
Don't worry.
Here comes the cavalry.
9
00:00:33,147 --> 00:00:35,657
Whoa, that was awesome.
10
00:00:35,777 --> 00:00:37,662
These women are warriors.
11
00:00:37,782 --> 00:00:40,137
They live by the code
of the ancient Amazon.
12
00:00:40,257 --> 00:00:42,951
A sisterhood who have each other's backs.
13
00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,944
Wow, I wish I had that.
14
00:00:45,064 --> 00:00:47,825
You do!
Hello? Right here?
15
00:00:47,945 --> 00:00:50,655
You know I always got your back,
girlfriend.
16
00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:53,871
- Hey!
- Don't block the aisle, bitch!
17
00:00:54,996 --> 00:00:58,465
- Klaus!
- What? Did something just... Uh...
18
00:00:58,585 --> 00:01:01,046
I mean, I caught the
tail and the fat, but...
19
00:01:01,166 --> 00:01:04,734
I don't want to get involved in anything
if I didn't see the whole...
20
00:01:04,854 --> 00:01:07,313
the whole incident, because, you know...
21
00:01:07,433 --> 00:01:09,284
when I come, I come heavy.
22
00:01:09,566 --> 00:01:14,965
But it's just irresponsible
if I haven't seen the whole incident.
23
00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:18,434
You have any beefs going forward,
I got your back.
24
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:20,749
Assuming I see the whole incident.
25
00:01:24,198 --> 00:01:26,980
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
26
00:01:27,106 --> 00:01:30,342
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
27
00:01:30,376 --> 00:01:33,511
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
28
00:01:33,546 --> 00:01:37,716
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
29
00:01:39,652 --> 00:01:43,255
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
30
00:01:43,289 --> 00:01:45,557
♪ good -- ♪
♪ good morning, U.S.A. ♪
31
00:01:45,591 --> 00:01:52,934
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:54,799
Excuse me, miss.
33
00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:58,169
I-I got to say,
what you guys do is incredible.
34
00:01:58,204 --> 00:02:00,772
You're like
modern Amazon warriors.
35
00:02:00,806 --> 00:02:02,474
It's not "miss."
It's iris.
36
00:02:02,508 --> 00:02:04,676
I don't respond
to gender-specific titles.
37
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,177
Love it.
38
00:02:06,212 --> 00:02:07,412
If you're into it,
you should try out.
39
00:02:07,446 --> 00:02:09,247
Really?!
I'd love to!
40
00:02:09,282 --> 00:02:11,216
Oh, but can I play
if I'm straight?
41
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,351
Straight, huh?
Not getting that from you.
42
00:02:13,386 --> 00:02:16,321
But sexual orientation --
that's your own business.
43
00:02:16,355 --> 00:02:17,789
You're so open-minded.
44
00:02:21,227 --> 00:02:23,828
Hayley,
I'm sorry for earlier.
45
00:02:23,863 --> 00:02:26,364
I did see the whole incident.
46
00:02:26,399 --> 00:02:28,133
Geez, Klaus.
How much have you had to drink?
47
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:29,501
One beer.
48
00:02:29,535 --> 00:02:32,671
So, let's go find that bitch
and kick her ass!
49
00:02:32,705 --> 00:02:34,873
Oh, God.
There she is.
50
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,596
Stan, you said you'd
call the repairman to fix this.
51
00:02:46,630 --> 00:02:48,464
Sorry. I guess I got
a little busy...
52
00:02:48,499 --> 00:02:50,366
Going to work.
Remember?
53
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,001
The only thing I remember
54
00:02:52,035 --> 00:02:53,970
is that you never
do what you promise.
55
00:02:54,004 --> 00:02:55,638
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
56
00:02:55,672 --> 00:02:59,075
This was once
a house of love!
57
00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:00,710
You know how you guys always say
I don't have a thing?
58
00:03:00,744 --> 00:03:03,546
I've found my thing --
roller derby.
59
00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:07,283
So much female power.
60
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:10,019
Chicks...crushin' each other,
61
00:03:10,053 --> 00:03:12,121
takin' back the night.
62
00:03:12,156 --> 00:03:13,389
That's why I'm trying out.
63
00:03:13,423 --> 00:03:15,291
I've never been part
of a team like that.
64
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:18,427
They are
modern-day Amazons.
65
00:03:18,462 --> 00:03:21,397
Hey, stop saying "Amazons"
like you made it up.
66
00:03:21,431 --> 00:03:23,166
I was the one in the bathroom
67
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,601
when the guy explained it
that way to his buddy.
68
00:03:25,636 --> 00:03:28,437
Me, not you! Me!
69
00:03:29,573 --> 00:03:31,407
Steve, you want to go
grab a beer?
70
00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:33,142
I'll put on coffee, Klaus.
71
00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:37,446
Stan, do something!
72
00:03:37,481 --> 00:03:40,449
I just walked in the door!
73
00:03:40,484 --> 00:03:42,618
Hmm.
"Fold here."
74
00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:48,691
Ooh! The dark arts!
75
00:03:48,725 --> 00:03:51,027
You're gonna try out
for roller derby?
76
00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,662
I'd love to see that.
77
00:03:52,696 --> 00:03:54,664
You don't even have
your own skates.
78
00:03:54,698 --> 00:03:57,500
Well, you can come watch
if you let me borrow a pair.
79
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:59,502
In-line, roller,
or sequined roller?
80
00:03:59,536 --> 00:04:01,304
That's a trick question.
81
00:04:01,338 --> 00:04:02,605
They're all sequined.
82
00:04:11,114 --> 00:04:13,216
I'm gonna win!
I'm gonna win!
83
00:04:14,518 --> 00:04:16,152
Wha?
84
00:04:16,186 --> 00:04:19,488
Oh, honey, you were so close
to winning an iPod nano.
85
00:04:19,523 --> 00:04:22,191
Go tell your caregiver
you need more money.
86
00:04:22,226 --> 00:04:23,226
Roger!
87
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:24,727
What?
If I let her win,
88
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:27,129
everybody will know there's
no iPod nanos in those boxes,
89
00:04:27,164 --> 00:04:28,698
just dried
dog doo-doos.
90
00:04:28,732 --> 00:04:30,433
Well, they should be dry by now.
91
00:04:30,467 --> 00:04:31,801
What are you doing here?
92
00:04:31,835 --> 00:04:34,537
Oh, I'm the day manager.
Bit of a rink rat.
93
00:04:34,571 --> 00:04:36,072
Hey!
94
00:04:36,106 --> 00:04:38,307
Hey, Steve!
Your crossover's looking great!
95
00:04:38,342 --> 00:04:39,408
Thanks, man!
96
00:04:39,443 --> 00:04:40,743
Kid's always here.
97
00:04:40,777 --> 00:04:42,712
I imagine he has
a pretty tough time at home.
98
00:04:42,746 --> 00:04:45,181
Skates like he's trying
to outrun something.
99
00:04:49,486 --> 00:04:50,653
I gave you a $5.
100
00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:53,356
And I gave you four quarters.
101
00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,365
Aah!
102
00:05:02,399 --> 00:05:03,633
Hey, sis!
103
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,334
Hope your friends
don't just eat shit
104
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:08,170
because I'm about
to shoot the duck!
105
00:05:09,773 --> 00:05:11,140
Aah!
106
00:05:11,174 --> 00:05:12,508
I promise I'll get better.
107
00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:14,110
I'll practice night and day
108
00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:15,624
if you'll just let me
be part of this.
109
00:05:15,646 --> 00:05:17,546
Fine. You're in.
I am?!
110
00:05:17,581 --> 00:05:19,181
Shakin' the bacon!
111
00:05:19,216 --> 00:05:21,717
But only if you can get
your sister to play, too.
112
00:05:21,752 --> 00:05:23,719
She's a natural jammer.
My sister?
113
00:05:23,754 --> 00:05:27,156
Crisscross applesauce!
114
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:31,894
Whoa.
115
00:05:34,164 --> 00:05:37,300
This is not
fixing the sink, Stan.
116
00:05:37,334 --> 00:05:38,567
You tore up the roof!
117
00:05:38,602 --> 00:05:41,170
I needed wood to fix the sink,
I thought!
118
00:05:41,204 --> 00:05:44,307
I swear, if our whole house
doesn't fall apart,
119
00:05:44,341 --> 00:05:46,742
i-it'll be a miracle!
120
00:05:46,777 --> 00:05:48,144
Maybe I can help.
121
00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:49,478
Who the hell are you?
122
00:05:49,513 --> 00:05:51,247
I'm a simple carpenter.
123
00:05:51,281 --> 00:05:52,448
Perfect.
You're hired.
124
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,649
Start with the roof.
125
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:55,284
Ah, the roof.
126
00:05:55,319 --> 00:05:57,286
The roof protects
the souls beneath
127
00:05:57,321 --> 00:05:58,821
from life's buffeting storm.
128
00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:00,356
Shh.
129
00:06:00,390 --> 00:06:03,526
I'm seeing this...
when I want to see this.
130
00:06:08,632 --> 00:06:10,499
Oh. My tools.
131
00:06:12,636 --> 00:06:14,470
Ugh.
132
00:06:15,939 --> 00:06:18,541
Come on.
I can only join if you play.
133
00:06:18,575 --> 00:06:20,476
They think I look like a girl?
134
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:23,145
That's crazy.
135
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:24,714
I know.
It's hard to believe.
136
00:06:24,748 --> 00:06:27,750
But you're an amazing skater,
and you'd get to show that off.
137
00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:29,285
Yeah...
138
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,620
And you'd get to hang out
with all those girls.
139
00:06:31,655 --> 00:06:33,389
Right, sure.
140
00:06:33,423 --> 00:06:35,257
Hold their hands sometimes
141
00:06:35,292 --> 00:06:38,160
when they fling you forward
into other girls.
142
00:06:38,195 --> 00:06:40,396
Well, that is
how the game works.
143
00:06:40,430 --> 00:06:42,832
And sometimes there
are these big pileups
144
00:06:42,866 --> 00:06:45,267
where you can't tell
where one girl begins
145
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:46,802
and another one ends.
146
00:06:46,837 --> 00:06:50,539
And in the middle
of that pileup...will be you.
147
00:06:50,574 --> 00:06:52,475
You've given me
a lot to consider.
148
00:06:53,977 --> 00:06:56,445
I'll do it.
I'll pretend I'm a girl.
149
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:57,880
Also, it might not be a lie
150
00:06:57,914 --> 00:07:00,316
'cause that split
just destroyed my balls.
151
00:07:03,314 --> 00:07:06,016
All right, ladies, I want
a good, clean match tonight,
152
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,719
straight derby -- no
hair-pullin', no clam-diggin'.
153
00:07:08,753 --> 00:07:10,854
Now, I got to go take care
of that rat problem.
154
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:16,727
I-I can't believe
I'm asking this,
155
00:07:16,761 --> 00:07:18,962
but are you taped down there?
156
00:07:18,997 --> 00:07:21,832
Yep. The beast
is in the cage.
157
00:07:21,866 --> 00:07:23,300
Hey, Iris.
158
00:07:23,334 --> 00:07:25,902
Listen, rookie, on game nights,
we go by our nicknames.
159
00:07:25,937 --> 00:07:27,804
I'm "Luck of the Iris."
160
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,308
"Stevie Wonderbra."
161
00:07:31,342 --> 00:07:33,644
I-I like it
'cause it's about tits.
162
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:39,216
"@8?47qq#"?
163
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,118
That's what we had left over.
164
00:07:41,152 --> 00:07:43,253
Well, I'm gonna pretend
you put thought into it.
165
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:44,988
Aww.
166
00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:47,024
Hey, Wonderbra, a little help?
167
00:07:47,058 --> 00:07:49,593
I taped my leg,
but it's still real tight.
168
00:07:49,627 --> 00:07:50,761
Help me stretch it?
169
00:07:50,795 --> 00:07:52,162
Uh, o-okay.
170
00:07:53,998 --> 00:07:56,099
Come on, girl, lean into it!
171
00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:59,369
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's the sweet spot!
172
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,975
Do you have
any more of that tape?
173
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:07,811
I need to, um...re-tape.
174
00:08:18,056 --> 00:08:20,123
Now, qq#!
175
00:08:26,764 --> 00:08:29,366
Victory party at my place!
176
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:35,405
Good game!
177
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,973
Oh, oh!
That's my tush!
178
00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:38,942
You're one of the best players
I've ever seen!
179
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,010
I'm Devin.
180
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,712
"Seven Minutes in Devin."
181
00:08:41,746 --> 00:08:44,081
Good luck lasting that long.
182
00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:46,383
You are adorbs.
183
00:08:47,852 --> 00:08:49,853
That's two
on the same cheek, Dev!
184
00:08:49,887 --> 00:08:51,221
I'm gonna have to explain
the hand mark
185
00:08:51,255 --> 00:08:52,856
to my mom at bath time.
186
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:55,092
Uh...kiddin', yo!
187
00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:57,361
I shower now, solo --
188
00:08:57,395 --> 00:08:59,996
just me and the baby monitor.
189
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,136
Here, Stevie, try the chicken.
190
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,105
Val raised it,
humanely slaughtered it,
191
00:09:08,139 --> 00:09:09,940
and paired it
with an amazing spaetzle.
192
00:09:09,974 --> 00:09:12,008
Spaetzle --
Hitler's favorite side dish.
193
00:09:12,043 --> 00:09:13,710
That's a good fact.
I know a fact!
194
00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:15,812
This place is made
from salvaged train cars.
195
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:18,081
God! Why did I say that?
I'm blowing it.
196
00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:19,916
What?
You're blowing it?
197
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:21,685
I keep bringing it back
to Hitler.
198
00:09:21,719 --> 00:09:23,053
You're amazing.
199
00:09:25,289 --> 00:09:26,723
What are you doing?
200
00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:28,191
I'm crushing it.
201
00:09:28,226 --> 00:09:31,128
For some reason, as Stevie,
I can't make a wrong move.
202
00:09:31,162 --> 00:09:33,230
I've never felt this comfortable
talking to girls.
203
00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,298
I mean, Devin is all over me.
204
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,933
Uh, are you a stupid?
205
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,034
Excuse me?
206
00:09:38,069 --> 00:09:39,436
She's gonna find out
you're a guy,
207
00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:41,190
and you're gonna get us
kicked off the team.
208
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,307
This is the first group of women
I've ever hung out with
209
00:09:44,342 --> 00:09:46,276
who are as open-minded
as I am.
210
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:50,113
Fine.
Devin's off limits.
211
00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:51,481
You're damn right.
212
00:09:51,516 --> 00:09:54,050
Tomorrow, all of us gals
are gonna go pickling.
213
00:09:54,085 --> 00:09:57,053
That means maximum bonding.
214
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:02,392
♪ We love fun ♪
215
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:06,363
♪ we're going out
and having some ♪
216
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:09,065
♪ we love fun ♪
217
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,134
♪ you know we're gonna
have a ton ♪
218
00:10:12,937 --> 00:10:15,372
♪ put on your fun suit ♪
219
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,109
♪ ...Page news ♪
220
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,312
♪ Put on your party pants ♪
221
00:10:22,346 --> 00:10:26,850
♪ the time has come for us
to make a stance ♪
222
00:10:26,884 --> 00:10:29,019
♪ we love fun ♪
223
00:10:31,789 --> 00:10:33,423
Hey, can I talk to you
for a sec?
224
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,358
Sure. What's up?
Whoa!
225
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:36,827
Right?
226
00:10:36,861 --> 00:10:39,129
It's everybody's name
in Chinese characters.
227
00:10:39,163 --> 00:10:40,530
The whole team?
228
00:10:40,565 --> 00:10:43,133
Yeah.
I'm super into this.
229
00:10:43,167 --> 00:10:45,268
I haven't had
this many female friends
230
00:10:45,303 --> 00:10:47,237
since that bunch
of popular girls in high school
231
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,872
tried to trick me
into killing myself.
232
00:10:48,906 --> 00:10:50,140
Well, I'm just so happy
233
00:10:50,174 --> 00:10:51,975
that you and your sister
joined the team.
234
00:10:52,009 --> 00:10:54,144
This is the longest relationship
I've ever had.
235
00:10:54,178 --> 00:10:55,779
Excuse me?
236
00:10:55,813 --> 00:10:58,415
Stevie and I -- things have been
going pretty well.
237
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,969
We've already talked about
238
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:01,818
opening a butcher shop
in Park Slope.
239
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:03,353
What?!
240
00:11:03,387 --> 00:11:05,288
Well, there would also
be sandwiches, fresh ciabatta.
241
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:06,490
Will you excuse me?
242
00:11:06,524 --> 00:11:07,924
What were you thinking?!
243
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,793
Hayley, it's not what you think.
244
00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:12,295
There'll also be sandwiches,
fresh ciabatta.
245
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,830
Look, you can't do this
to Devin.
246
00:11:13,865 --> 00:11:15,866
You have to tell her the truth,
or I will.
247
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,268
I'm not gonna say anything
to her, and neither will you.
248
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,470
If I go down,
you go down with me.
249
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,105
Then all that ink
on your arm --
250
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,374
it'll just be a bunch
of nonsense no one can read,
251
00:11:24,408 --> 00:11:27,143
unless you move to China,
but who are we kidding?
252
00:11:27,178 --> 00:11:30,881
You're not moving to China.
You don't have the guts.
253
00:11:34,252 --> 00:11:36,887
I'm just saying,
as long as we've got him here,
254
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:38,288
have him put in a garden.
255
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:42,359
That which we plant together,
we reap together.
256
00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,931
Never in all my years
of hiring help
257
00:11:47,965 --> 00:11:49,299
has one tried to touch me.
258
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,902
Mister bird-poo roof-hands
over here.
259
00:11:51,936 --> 00:11:53,303
Forget my hands!
260
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:56,373
Look, just...
look behind you.
261
00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:58,842
Where are the carnations?
262
00:11:58,876 --> 00:12:01,211
Carnations are so...
263
00:12:01,245 --> 00:12:03,947
I see zinnias.
I see jonquils.
264
00:12:03,981 --> 00:12:05,282
Look, I'm gonna assume
265
00:12:05,316 --> 00:12:06,883
you don't get a ton of play
with the ladies,
266
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:09,853
but carnations are every woman's
favorite flower.
267
00:12:09,887 --> 00:12:11,288
I'm 1,000% sure
268
00:12:11,322 --> 00:12:13,523
carnations aren't anyone's
favorite flower.
269
00:12:13,558 --> 00:12:16,359
Tulips?! Where did you
find this asshole?!
270
00:12:16,394 --> 00:12:17,561
Get me carnations!
271
00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:20,030
Come on, honey.
272
00:12:20,064 --> 00:12:21,865
Noooo!!
273
00:12:21,899 --> 00:12:24,634
I hate this garden!!
274
00:12:32,076 --> 00:12:33,143
Carnations.
275
00:12:33,177 --> 00:12:35,912
So ugly!!
276
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:43,353
Oh, God, save
the nude photos of Merv Griffin!
277
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,122
Okay, ladies,
tomorrow's the championship,
278
00:12:46,157 --> 00:12:48,425
and together,
we're gonna win the whole thing.
279
00:12:48,459 --> 00:12:49,526
Now bring it in!
280
00:12:50,528 --> 00:12:51,895
Hayley, bring it in.
281
00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:53,263
I can't bring it in, coach.
282
00:12:53,297 --> 00:12:55,231
Whoa.
You got to bring it in.
283
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:56,946
Sorry, but it can't be brought,
284
00:12:57,066 --> 00:12:59,402
not when somebody
on this team is lying...
285
00:12:59,437 --> 00:13:01,538
because one of those hands...
286
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:03,607
is attached to a body...
287
00:13:03,641 --> 00:13:06,076
that's attached to a penis!
288
00:13:07,211 --> 00:13:09,312
Stevie is a Steve.
289
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,947
I-I can't believe this.
290
00:13:10,982 --> 00:13:13,016
Whoa, ladies,
I-I-I can explain.
291
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,584
Not you, her.
292
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:17,120
Me?!
But he's a boy!
293
00:13:17,154 --> 00:13:18,655
We know.
You do?
294
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:21,191
D-did you know?
Of course I did.
295
00:13:21,225 --> 00:13:23,226
You've had a boner
for like two weeks.
296
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,662
But having a penis
doesn't make him a boy.
297
00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:27,530
It doesn't?
Are you positive?
298
00:13:27,565 --> 00:13:30,934
Obviously, Stevie is a girl
trapped in a boy's body.
299
00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:33,470
Uh, I'm not sure it's --
it's obvious.
300
00:13:33,504 --> 00:13:35,438
Sure. You're
a boy on the outside,
301
00:13:35,473 --> 00:13:37,674
but on the inside,
you're all girl.
302
00:13:37,708 --> 00:13:39,476
But th-th-that
can't be.
303
00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:41,277
I-I like girls.
304
00:13:41,312 --> 00:13:42,545
We all like girls, Stevie.
305
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:46,082
So, I'm a lesbian
inside a boy's body?
306
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,417
That's crazy.
307
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,085
Did you like pickling with us?
308
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,487
More than anything.
309
00:13:50,521 --> 00:13:52,522
Did you have fun
at the Doc Martens store?
310
00:13:52,556 --> 00:13:54,290
They had
a cut-in-half shoe!
311
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:56,126
Y-you could see
its workings!
312
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,194
And haven't you felt
more confident around women
313
00:13:58,229 --> 00:13:59,529
than you ever have before
314
00:13:59,563 --> 00:14:01,598
and, like,
comfortable in your own skin?
315
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,167
Oh, my God.
316
00:14:04,201 --> 00:14:06,169
I need time to process this.
317
00:14:08,172 --> 00:14:09,673
Wow.
318
00:14:09,707 --> 00:14:11,574
I thought we were both
gonna get kicked off the team.
319
00:14:11,609 --> 00:14:12,976
Nope.
320
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:14,144
Just you.
321
00:14:14,178 --> 00:14:15,612
What?! Why?!
322
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,980
You just pulled
someone's pants down
323
00:14:17,014 --> 00:14:18,281
to expose their genitals!
324
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,316
We live in
a post-genital society, Hayley!
325
00:14:20,351 --> 00:14:21,551
I agree!
326
00:14:21,585 --> 00:14:23,019
I mean, I-I've
never heard that phrase,
327
00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:24,254
but I'm one of you!
328
00:14:24,288 --> 00:14:25,522
No, you're not.
329
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,026
I thought you guys
were my friends!
330
00:14:32,063 --> 00:14:34,698
Get! Get! Get!
I said get!
331
00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:37,267
I'm going, okay?
332
00:14:37,301 --> 00:14:38,468
Hyah!
333
00:14:41,958 --> 00:14:43,025
Steve wait up!
334
00:14:43,059 --> 00:14:44,460
Ohh!
335
00:14:44,494 --> 00:14:46,962
Ugh! Can we talk about
what happened in there?
336
00:14:46,997 --> 00:14:49,565
Yes. Please.
My head is spinning.
337
00:14:49,599 --> 00:14:51,433
I know.
I'm -- I'm in shock.
338
00:14:51,468 --> 00:14:53,469
Am I really
closed-minded?
339
00:14:53,503 --> 00:14:55,337
What? Who cares?!
340
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:57,373
I'm a girl in a boy's body!
341
00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:06,382
♪ I thought
I was open-minded ♪
342
00:15:06,416 --> 00:15:09,551
♪ acceptance was my creed
343
00:15:09,586 --> 00:15:12,988
♪ but now I finded
344
00:15:13,023 --> 00:15:16,258
♪ I've been a fool, indeed ♪
345
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:19,128
♪ I thought I was a boy
346
00:15:19,162 --> 00:15:22,665
♪ I forgot that inside
we're identical ♪
347
00:15:22,699 --> 00:15:26,635
♪ even if we have
different genitals ♪
348
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:33,142
♪ I thought
I was open-minded ♪
349
00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:36,211
♪ acceptance was my creed
350
00:15:36,246 --> 00:15:39,415
♪ but I've been blinded
351
00:15:39,449 --> 00:15:42,951
♪ better watch
my downhill speed ♪
352
00:15:42,986 --> 00:15:45,387
♪ I thought I was a boy
353
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:49,358
♪ I'm having a crisis
354
00:15:49,392 --> 00:15:53,095
♪ 'bout what's between
my thighses ♪
355
00:15:53,129 --> 00:15:55,664
♪ I have to understand me
356
00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:59,234
♪ so I can know
to sit or stand ♪
357
00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:02,137
♪ when I pee-e-e-e
358
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:03,405
♪ I'm Devin
359
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,341
♪ who am I
between my legs? ♪
360
00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:07,643
♪ My sack's filled with sperm ♪
361
00:16:07,677 --> 00:16:09,478
♪ but is my heart filled
with eggs? ♪
362
00:16:09,512 --> 00:16:12,514
♪ I never knew
what I didn't know ♪
363
00:16:12,549 --> 00:16:17,286
♪ is that his bulge down there,
or is it camel to-o-o-e? ♪
364
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,155
♪ I thought I was
a bo-o-o-o-o-o-y ♪
365
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:24,093
♪ I thought I was
open-minde-e-e-e-e-d ♪
366
00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:30,165
♪ and I'm Devi-i-i-i-n
367
00:16:34,637 --> 00:16:36,171
It's beautiful.
368
00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,340
The whole house is beautiful.
369
00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:40,309
Everything's perfect.
370
00:16:40,343 --> 00:16:41,744
I love you, Stan.
371
00:16:41,778 --> 00:16:44,279
I love you, too.
How did this happen?
372
00:16:44,314 --> 00:16:47,483
A little help from a friend.
373
00:16:47,517 --> 00:16:49,318
I also mended your fence.
374
00:16:49,352 --> 00:16:51,353
What?!
What have you done?!
375
00:16:51,387 --> 00:16:52,755
It was broken.
376
00:16:52,789 --> 00:16:55,257
Yeah. Steve broke it
with his face when he was three.
377
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:56,992
It was hilarious.
378
00:16:57,026 --> 00:17:00,095
Seeing that broken board
always brought joy to my heart.
379
00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:01,764
You stole my husband's joy.
380
00:17:01,798 --> 00:17:03,265
Hilarious?
381
00:17:03,299 --> 00:17:05,701
Steve was running
from a rabid dog.
382
00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:09,371
He called for you,
but you were both hammered.
383
00:17:09,405 --> 00:17:12,274
Oh, we got a real
Steve historian over here.
384
00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:13,475
How does he know that?
385
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,277
He must be some kind of pervert.
386
00:17:15,311 --> 00:17:16,645
You're fired, pervert!
387
00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:19,615
Forgive them.
They know not what they do.
388
00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:22,217
Oh, we know what we're gonna do.
389
00:17:22,252 --> 00:17:26,388
We're gonna crucify you
on Angie's list.
390
00:17:27,824 --> 00:17:32,294
♪ I can take it
391
00:17:32,328 --> 00:17:33,796
Steve.
392
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:36,198
Hayley, I --
393
00:17:36,232 --> 00:17:38,767
Steve,
I-I have to apologize.
394
00:17:38,802 --> 00:17:40,335
After some soul-searching
395
00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,738
and a-a pretty painful fall
down a handicap ramp,
396
00:17:42,772 --> 00:17:46,675
I realized that whoever
you really are, I support you.
397
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:49,178
Is somebody sexually confused?
398
00:17:49,212 --> 00:17:50,579
I was above you.
399
00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:53,081
I was above you the whole time.
400
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:57,319
Okay, Steve, if you're looking
for gender clarification,
401
00:17:57,353 --> 00:17:58,833
there's a number of things
we can try.
402
00:17:58,855 --> 00:18:00,722
First we raise some cash to
get that dick off you.
403
00:18:00,757 --> 00:18:02,558
Whoa! Comin' in hot!
404
00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:05,360
Look, I'm just saying, let's
raise the money so we have it.
405
00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:07,462
Worst case --
we use it for a big Costco run.
406
00:18:07,497 --> 00:18:09,832
Now, you want to know
if you're a girl on the inside,
407
00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:12,401
so let's see how you feel
being a girl on the outside.
408
00:18:13,670 --> 00:18:15,771
What are you, a size 1?
I hate you.
409
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:17,739
I-I'm not --
I'm not feeling it.
410
00:18:17,774 --> 00:18:19,808
It's like the dress
is wearing me.
411
00:18:19,843 --> 00:18:21,577
Pair it with some kitten heels.
412
00:18:23,847 --> 00:18:27,149
Well, I can't argue
with the lines this creates.
413
00:18:27,183 --> 00:18:29,251
It's dick-off time!
414
00:18:29,285 --> 00:18:30,786
What?! No!
415
00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:32,588
I-it's just
a nice dress!
416
00:18:32,622 --> 00:18:34,489
Still confused, huh?
417
00:18:34,524 --> 00:18:37,626
The bath is a woman's secret sanctuary,
418
00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:41,330
a time for her to have
a conversation with herself.
419
00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:43,732
Ahh, she time.
420
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:53,742
You just left me down there!
421
00:18:55,278 --> 00:18:56,478
Now it's your turn, Steve.
422
00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,447
You're gonna lie back
in the water,
423
00:18:58,481 --> 00:19:01,550
feel it wash over your body,
and ask yourself,
424
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:04,586
"Is this the skin
I'm comfortable in?"
425
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:09,558
Are -- are we, um...
gonna give him some privacy?
426
00:19:09,592 --> 00:19:11,793
I feel like I bought the ticket,
I want to see the show.
427
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:15,364
I'm so nervous.
428
00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:17,165
Don't know if we're gonna have
a boy or a girl.
429
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,201
Either way, we're gonna love it.
430
00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:21,270
Yeeeeah.
431
00:19:21,304 --> 00:19:23,205
I know what I am!
432
00:19:23,239 --> 00:19:24,673
I'm a boy!
433
00:19:24,707 --> 00:19:26,575
Are you sure?
Positive.
434
00:19:26,609 --> 00:19:28,744
I was lying in the bath,
thinking about stuff,
435
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:31,613
and then I saw the sexy lady
on this shampoo bottle,
436
00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:34,783
and I realized it felt right
to have this penis.
437
00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:37,352
It felt right five times.
438
00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:38,627
You gonna break it to the team?
439
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,188
Guess I have to.
440
00:19:40,223 --> 00:19:42,157
It's gonna be tough
right before the big game.
441
00:19:42,191 --> 00:19:43,659
Better go take the edge off.
442
00:19:43,693 --> 00:19:45,861
After you, milady.
443
00:19:55,405 --> 00:19:59,608
Gals, I got to say, my time with
you has been amazing.
444
00:19:59,642 --> 00:20:03,412
But I can tell you
I'm not a girl in a boy's body.
445
00:20:03,446 --> 00:20:05,747
I'm a boy in a boy's body.
446
00:20:05,782 --> 00:20:08,250
So...you're not
a lesbian?
447
00:20:08,284 --> 00:20:10,852
Don't judge him!
You should be proud of him!
448
00:20:10,887 --> 00:20:13,522
It's not every day
that someone realizes
449
00:20:13,556 --> 00:20:15,557
that they were the person
they always were,
450
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:17,292
and that takes courage.
451
00:20:17,327 --> 00:20:19,407
And, you know, maybe
you don't want him on your team,
452
00:20:19,429 --> 00:20:21,363
but I'll always want him
on mine.
453
00:20:21,397 --> 00:20:24,266
Shame!
Shame on all ya houses!
454
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,968
I was just gonna say
that I'm happy for him.
455
00:20:26,002 --> 00:20:27,202
Damn it.
456
00:20:27,236 --> 00:20:28,637
You're so brave, Steve,
457
00:20:28,671 --> 00:20:29,905
and you, too, Hayley,
458
00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,440
for standing beside him
through all of this.
459
00:20:31,474 --> 00:20:33,308
Steve, remember --
with us,
460
00:20:33,343 --> 00:20:35,577
you never have to pretend
you're someone you're not.
461
00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,713
Now, strap on your skates
and pretend to be a girl.
462
00:20:37,747 --> 00:20:38,947
Really?
463
00:20:38,982 --> 00:20:40,849
What do you say,
Stevie Wonderbra?
464
00:20:40,883 --> 00:20:42,818
Tape it down one last time?
465
00:20:42,852 --> 00:20:44,453
Can I get a little help?
466
00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:46,421
You're gonna get a lot of help.
467
00:20:51,761 --> 00:20:54,647
Aaaaah!!
468
00:20:55,159 --> 00:21:00,011
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com