1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,466
ADAM: Yeah, so it looks like I have herpes
'cause I nicked it a bunch.
2
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,922
Well, yeah, you got to use aftershave.
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,723
- On the nuts?
- Yeah.
4
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,766
So the suspense is killing me.
What's going on here?
5
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,187
Okay, well get ready
for the freaking main event
6
00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:17,268
because DeMamp family gatherings
are off the chain.
7
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,024
- Yeah.
- Like, we'll be moshing.
8
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,854
Like, freaking whoa.
9
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,032
My Aunt Holly will whip
out her giant breasts.
10
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,198
- Yes!
- And there's, like...
11
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,491
The nipple's, like, all hollows out,
12
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,285
and then, like, she'll hold it out like this,
13
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,287
and it'll catch some wind, and it'll whistle.
14
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,115
- It's kind of whistle tit.
- She has a whistle tit?
15
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,541
- She has a whistle tit.
- BOTH: Whistle tits!
16
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,869
- BOTH: Oh!
- This is gonna be so cool!
17
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,875
And swordplay for Blake.
18
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,423
Oh, yeah, because Blue Knight
is definitely gonna be there, right?
19
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,216
- Yes, he will.
- Yes, dude!
20
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,668
- I don't know what that is.
- Oh, dude.
21
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,254
His cousin, he's Blue Knight
at Medieval Times, Buena Park.
22
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,260
You think he'll knight me? He said he would.
23
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,682
He's definitely knighting you.
24
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,055
Should we have brought gifts?
It's like a family reunion or what?
25
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,807
- Oh, no...
- Frigging even better.
26
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,513
My dead grandpa's funeral.
27
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,813
(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. Dead!
28
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,609
(BEATBOXING)
29
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,355
(SINGING) I'm fresh
30
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,651
You gotta, you gotta
You gotta, gotta
31
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,326
Gotta be fresh
32
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:11,905
Who let these hounds in?
33
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:13,832
ALL: Hounds! Hounds, hounds, hounds!
34
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,284
Hounds. Oh.
35
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:16,869
Is this the right room?
36
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,252
This doesn't seem like a wake.
37
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:20,251
Seems more like a sleep.
I want to take a nap.
38
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,301
Body, body. (SHUDDERING)
39
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,170
This is definitely the right place.
40
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,757
They're probably punking us, dude.
41
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,096
Uncle Tuck.
42
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,515
His dick... It's like a corkscrew.
43
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,472
When it gets hard, it freaking unravels.
44
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,940
It's... Show him.
45
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,392
BLAKE: That's a bummer.
ANDERS: Okay.
46
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,021
Would like to see that.
47
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,148
Aunt Holly.
48
00:01:42,311 --> 00:01:44,814
Whip out them floppy dogs.
49
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,106
They actually emit sound.
50
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,362
- It's like she's a freak show.
- Whoa.
51
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,828
Okay. Well, you are being
a total psychopath right now.
52
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,081
Adam, there is a body in that casket.
53
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,533
I'm gonna black out. I can't handle...
54
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:59,086
Yo, Adam, what's good, cuz? (CHUCKLES)
55
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,129
You don't recognize me, do you?
56
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,708
The emotions of the day
have rattled the old noggin.
57
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,585
It's me, bro.
58
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,716
(BEATBOXING) Big fat
59
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,513
- Come on, it's me!
- Oh!
60
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,384
I lost 280 pounds, man.
61
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,892
Wow, dude. You look horrible.
62
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,481
Admittedly, you look sick,
like you're dying from something.
63
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,308
No, Annette's got me on this juice diet, man.
64
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,439
She's actually got
the whole family back on track,
65
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:26,655
working at Easy As Pie,
her and Gramps' pizza chain.
66
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:27,822
It's great.
67
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,366
- Oh, really?
- Mmm-hmm.
68
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:33,446
There she is, the gold digger
that stole Gramps' entire retirement fund.
69
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:36,661
She freaking blew it all
on a successful pizza chain
70
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,744
instead of blowing at Pechanga
Hotel Casino and Resort,
71
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,203
which is what a DeMamp would do.
72
00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,625
Body, body, body.
73
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,081
She started Easy As Pie?
74
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,418
So you're telling me she's got
access to a lot of pizza.
75
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:48,756
Yeah.
76
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:49,920
That's cool.
77
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:51,092
Blue Knight.
78
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,847
Dude, I hardly recognize you.
79
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,470
You cut your hair off.
80
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,768
Man, friends don't let friends
get haircuts, right?
81
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:58,436
I think you got the wrong guy.
82
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,268
Find another pew.
83
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,812
Blue Knight, it's me, Blake.
84
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,523
I came to your tournament
of champions with Adam.
85
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,024
You, like, kicked ass, man.
86
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,199
Afterwards we were just drinking
port wine in the parking lot.
87
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,192
We got so hammered. We sword fought, dude.
88
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,074
But not like that.
89
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,787
With our wieners.
90
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,539
I saw your nuts, dude.
91
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,787
Well, yeah. That was a long time ago.
92
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,327
I'm not the Blue Knight anymore.
93
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,044
My name's Tony DeMamp.
94
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,417
- Get lost.
- Okay.
95
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:25,835
Well, I don't know if you remember this,
96
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,417
but, um, you said you'd knight me.
97
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:29,717
I said I don't remember.
98
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,594
Now you either pay your respects,
99
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,343
or you get the hell out of here.
100
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:34,514
Hey, guys, I'd love to leave now.
101
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,216
I hate this, so if we
could leave right now...
102
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,347
- Thank you, yes.
- People are being weird.
103
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:39,553
They're acting like someone died.
104
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,683
- Yeah.
- You know.
105
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,639
But, like, in a not fun way.
106
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,646
- Yeah.
- You know what?
107
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,644
I should get the party started.
108
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,025
But with your help.
I'm gonna need both of you.
109
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,196
- Come. Come with.
- (SIGHS)
110
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,191
ADAM: Ahem!
111
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:56,200
Ripped By mstoll
112
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,491
What up?
113
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,701
Hey, it's me, Adam, your relative DeMamp.
114
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:05,166
I'm here to say a few words about Gramps...
115
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,252
Military, family,
116
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,096
beer, methamphetamines,
117
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:17,966
trailer park for a while, convict.
118
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,181
He was an American hero.
119
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,639
He's was an American a-hole,
and you all know it.
120
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:24,814
(LAUGHS)
121
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:25,891
Dad!
122
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,976
And he deserves a proper funeral.
123
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,944
Thanks for warming them up, Son.
124
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,613
I'll take it from here. Hey, now!
125
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:35,238
Well, the old man finally bit the farm.
126
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,285
I bet he's down in hell
looking up at us right now going,
127
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:41,536
"Hey, dumbasses, we're the
united DeMamps of America, remember?
128
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,206
"Let's light a butt-ton of fireworks
and crank some of the Offspring!"
129
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,286
- Yes!
- Hit it, Adam.
130
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,621
Oh, I'm supposed to hit it?
131
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,921
- Hit it!
- Okay.
132
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,797
- It's too late, bro.
- No, the Offspring!
133
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:54,844
Hit it!
134
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,799
(BAD HABIT PLAYING)
135
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,008
Pritchard!
136
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,433
I know that this isn't
the traditional DeMamp funeral,
137
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,355
but this is what George wanted.
138
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,141
He loved you all so much,
139
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:10,899
and he was so very proud
of how you've all improved.
140
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,817
You call this improvement?
141
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,614
Tuck, why isn't your pecker out?
142
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,316
Unleash the corkscrew!
143
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,652
- He's got a screw loose.
- Aunt Holly!
144
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,030
You're usually down to your G-string by now.
145
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,244
Ha-ha! Take them clothes off, trick.
146
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,576
What happened to this family? Oh, right.
147
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:29,125
You're all proud employees
of the Easy As Pie pizzeria
148
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,623
with your dental insurance.
149
00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,378
This isn't even a pizza family.
150
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:33,834
This is a cheeseburger family!
151
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,385
We love the burgs.
152
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,304
Bread, meat, cheese, bread, meat!
153
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,637
Cheese. You can't stop on meat.
154
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,683
George and I built Easy As Pie together,
155
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,136
and he loved that company.
156
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:47,519
Can we please just bury him in peace?
157
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,391
I don't think so, ho.
158
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,692
(SCREAMS)
159
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,315
ADAM: Is that a bomb?
PRITCHARD: No, it's a smoke bomb.
160
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,568
Come on, let's go!
Let's wheel this sucker out of here!
161
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,615
No way, I'm not touching
that dead-ass dude box.
162
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,700
What are we gonna do?
163
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,278
Are we gonna take the body
to Aunt Patty's house
164
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,453
and feed him to her raccoons?
165
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,031
- That sounds badass.
- PRITCHARD: No way.
166
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,411
Oh, I bet you got a better idea.
167
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,242
Damn right, Gramps was a paratrooper,
168
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:09,123
so we're gonna crenate his body in a bonfire
169
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,796
and scatter his ashes from the sky,
just like he always wanted.
170
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,170
- I knew you'd have a good idea.
- I didn't.
171
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,592
Me either.
172
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:16,884
The casket!
173
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,212
It's gone!
174
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,421
Where did they go?
175
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,131
Here's the deal, I don't
know where they went,
176
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,300
but I can find out and I can give 'em to you.
177
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,968
Oh, God. Okay, thank you.
178
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,894
- Thank you so much.
- Hang on a second, toots.
179
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,519
Let's talk about what's
in it for me, all right?
180
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,441
'Cause I'll be honest.
181
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,310
I'm a little hungry for some of that...
182
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:36,692
Excuse me?
183
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,149
Pizza? What do you...
184
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,777
Yeah, this is the slice of pizza.
You own a pizza chain.
185
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,407
You should know the international sign for...
186
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,197
Anyway, what I'm telling you is that,
187
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:46,327
in return for my services,
188
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,080
I would like a lifetime
subscription to pizza.
189
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,502
Done. How do we do this?
190
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,996
I'm just gonna text 'em.
191
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,384
(SINGING) You gotta be fresh
192
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,386
(WHOOPING)
193
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,516
My dad freaking rules, dude.
194
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,642
Yeah, he's, uh...
195
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,891
How old was he when he had you, again?
196
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,934
I know he started
boning at 13, as DeMamps do.
197
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,360
- So 13, I think.
- Wow.
198
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,646
That guy freaking plows, too.
199
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:19,731
- PRITCHARD: We are on fire tonight!
- Yeah, a total party animal.
200
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,111
Uh, have you ever noticed, though,
201
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,864
that he's obsessed with one-upping you?
202
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,659
Here they come to snuff the rooster!
203
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,662
He lets me win at a ton of stuff,
unless it's, you know,
204
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,869
telling funny stories or banging chicks
205
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,456
or being a badass, or any other of his, like,
designated areas.
206
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,006
There's rules. There's rules to...
207
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,379
- (VOCALIZING)
- Yes, whatever, man.
208
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,338
All I'm saying is, okay,
you can't think that this is a good idea.
209
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,639
Going into the forest
and burning your grandfather
210
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,888
like a warlock in the middle
of the woods is a good idea,
211
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,938
'cause it's not, dude.
You have to have a better idea than this.
212
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,390
Hey, guys, let's make
the next right into the woods,
213
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,645
and let's crenate Gramps.
214
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,815
All right, what are we doing?
215
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,271
All right, here's the plan.
216
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,986
We're gonna break in
and crenate Gramps' body
217
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,659
in Annette's very own pizza ovens.
218
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,700
God damn it, Adam. That's...
219
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,657
The same plan, man,
220
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:12,288
except in, like, a stupider location, dude.
221
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,123
- It's a different idea.
- All right,
222
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,921
and it's cremate, not crenate.
223
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,461
Okay, does the body turn to cream?
224
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:20,671
No, it does not.
225
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,128
It does not turn to cream. It turns to ash.
226
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,134
- Crenate.
- It's crenate.
227
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,339
- It's crenate!
- All right, Adam.
228
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,518
I'm not gonna watch you burn
your dead grandpa's body
229
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,935
in an oven, man, all right?
230
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,684
That will haunt my dreams, okay?
231
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,106
And I've been having good dreams lately,
all right?
232
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,934
It's me, Jessica Alba,
you know, we're dry humping.
233
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,361
I have walrus tusks.
234
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,859
Okay, well it was your idea
to me to have an idea, so...
235
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,191
Yeah, Adam I got to say,
this plan's stupid as hell.
236
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,572
Give me the keys,
I'm gonna do this thing the right way.
237
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,779
I'm not gonna give you the keys
238
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:50,530
'cause we're gonna do it the right way,
239
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,283
which is my way, for one way.
240
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,044
BLAKE: No, you give me the keys!
No, what are you doing?
241
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,621
Stop jingling on... I know what you're doing.
242
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,048
That's the same thing you
do when you eat shrimp.
243
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,295
(GROANS) No!
244
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,218
BLAKE: Dude, you don't have
to swallow the key!
245
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,511
Yeah, he did.
246
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:06,713
Taught him that move myself.
247
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,264
Classic DeMamp maneuv.
248
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,340
Say that three times fast.
249
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,301
BOTH: DeMamp maneuv.
DeMamp maneuv. DeMamp maneuv.
250
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,556
Stop!
251
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,636
You couldn't.
252
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,937
That was tough. I have key in my throat.
253
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,060
All right, all right. All right.
254
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,437
I'm calling, I'm calling Ders.
I'm going home.
255
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,189
I'm... I try to be a supportive friend.
256
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,736
I can't do it anymore.
257
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,984
Blake, yeah. I'd love to come pick you up.
258
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,407
Where are you?
259
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,950
Where is he?
260
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,072
Uh-huh. Yeah, okay.
261
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,654
We can be there in about 15 minutes.
262
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,661
Okay, bye. Let's talk pizza.
263
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,912
I want a card with my face on it
264
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,585
that I can take to any one of your locations
265
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,458
and get free pizza for the rest of my life.
266
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:40,963
Just tell me where they are.
267
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,382
535 West Washington Avenue.
268
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,551
But first... I just fucked that up, didn't I?
269
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,054
Well, this definitely isn't working.
270
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,927
There's just a bunch of crispy chunks.
271
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,475
"You shall never be a knight!"
272
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,928
Screw you, you evil wizard!
273
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,137
(GRUNTING)
274
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,347
I'm gonna be a knight!
275
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,933
I'm gonna be a... Guys!
276
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,518
We got company!
277
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,399
Specifically, the owner of this company.
278
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,479
Annette is here.
279
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,322
Gramps isn't even close to being done.
280
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,944
Grab something to stuff his ashes into.
281
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,617
Uh, what about this big old pizza bag?
282
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,365
No, grab that big old pizza bag.
283
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,822
Looks like the same pizza bag...
284
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,241
Ew, that's gross.
285
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,202
Now, now, just one second.
You promised me free pizza.
286
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,458
Are, are you squelching?
Is this a pizza squelch?
287
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,339
- Stop talking about the pizza!
- You know what?
288
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,291
I'm gonna run in there right now
and I'm gonna blow this raid.
289
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,252
You guys, you guys!
290
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,049
You guys better wait outside.
291
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:30,843
You guys! They're here!
292
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,174
You got to run!
293
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,554
(SHOUTS)
294
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,560
- Hey, get back here.
- Oh, oh!
295
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,636
DeMamps! DeMamps!
296
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,142
Help! We got company, guys!
297
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:40,974
Adam, Adam, Adam! Help! Help!
298
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,104
All right, all right.
299
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,309
There's nowhere to go.
300
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,815
Just tell me where Gramps' casket is.
301
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,896
Okay, yes, I will tell you where the body is.
302
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:47,981
Right after you knight me.
303
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,283
Dude, I'm not gonna knight you.
I don't even work there any...
304
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,156
- Get your ass in there!
- Hey, whoa!
305
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,163
- What gives?
- Sorry, Blake.
306
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,660
My dad told me you're a liability,
307
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,161
and then he explained to me
what that word meant,
308
00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,834
and that's exactly what you are, man.
309
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,377
You led him right to us.
310
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,499
Let's get to the park.
311
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,252
- Hey, guys.
- Ders!
312
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,212
I came with Annette,
but she squelched on a deal,
313
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,170
so I'm willing do a double-cross
and strike a deal with you guys.
314
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,674
I do want to make a deal.
315
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,381
Come here, I'm gonna whisper in your ear.
Weird naked choke!
316
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:14,716
- No!
- No naked!
317
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:15,846
You're beating up all my friends.
318
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,472
It's like childhood all over again.
319
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,769
Do not shoot.
320
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,851
We are unarmed.
321
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,648
We don't have guns, Adam.
322
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,021
What is going on?
323
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,770
We made burgers in your pizza kitchen.
324
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,404
- Deal with it.
- Adam.
325
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,524
Annette, I'm sorry.
326
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,451
We know how much Gramps loved
Easy As Pie pizza and...
327
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,368
We just wanted to share one last pie
with him before saying adiós.
328
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:41,118
Now you have to just leave him for us
or I'm gonna have to call the police,
329
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,545
and I don't want to do that
because I know you're on parole.
330
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:44,787
Appreciate you.
331
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:47,215
Bye, Gramps.
332
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,418
Release.
333
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,186
(WHISPERING) That was so cool.
334
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,813
I can't wait to go find Ders
and tell him about it.
335
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,975
He's in the casket, Adam.
336
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,647
Yeah, that's right.
337
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,228
That's why it was so cool.
338
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,234
Okay, I still want to tell Ders, though.
339
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,236
I'm gonna need you to yak up them keys now.
340
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,409
- Come on, buddy.
- Okay, all right.
341
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,327
Coming right up, Pops.
342
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,620
There it is.
343
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,165
He's insane
344
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,326
Kick it
345
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,206
Ah, you piece of shit!
346
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,667
- You piece of shit!
- Relax, all right?
347
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,252
Somebody'll let us out in the morning.
348
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,178
The morning? Knight me real quick.
349
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,506
Let's do a sweet double-team move.
350
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,386
Legion of Doom, bro. Just boom!
351
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,342
I'm a maintenance man at a pizzeria.
352
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,395
Besides, I haven't seen
you commit an act of valor,
353
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,230
which is a knighthood pre-req.
354
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,266
- Duh.
- Hey, okay.
355
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,693
I have done a lot of valiant stuff, okay?
356
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:49,985
Okay, for instance.
357
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,861
I helped a dude in a wheelchair
wipe his butt in a movie theater bathroom.
358
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:57,369
And it was messy. He had a hairy butt crack.
359
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,279
You know what, fine. You suck, dude.
360
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,330
I'll get us out of here in a stupid way.
361
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,829
Would've been a lot cooler if we, you know,
362
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,125
knighted our way out of here.
363
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,703
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
364
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,042
(GROANS) Huh?
365
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,123
(SCREAMS)
366
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,174
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
367
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,340
Blake, dude! I'm in a casket!
368
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,046
I'm trapped in here! I don't know where I am!
369
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,801
You got to help me! Oh, my God!
370
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,424
- Oh, thank God!
- (SCREAMS)
371
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,140
Pritchard! Where is my husband?
372
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,937
I don't... They said something about a park.
373
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,647
Oh, Van Buren Park.
374
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,226
That's where George and I used
to go and make love in public.
375
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,902
- Never mind, I got to go.
- Wait, hang on a second.
376
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,650
You still owe me a lifetime of pizza, ho.
377
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,731
- Your lifetime's over, bitch.
- Wait, no, no, sir!
378
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,236
Sir, sir! Please!
379
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,819
Blake, Blake, they're going to the park,
but they trapped me in here.
380
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,323
I'm locked in here. I'm at the funeral home.
381
00:13:40,403 --> 00:13:41,950
- You have to come get me, please.
- Okay, yeah, um...
382
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,119
I'll come and save you. I'm gonna save you.
383
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,536
What's the deal?
You're just gonna sit here the whole time?
384
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:53,879
Hey, stop!
385
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,427
- Lay on, peasant.
- Don't.
386
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,262
Oh, yeah!
387
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,056
That's it. Right there, huh?
388
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,386
The intensity.
389
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:05,812
That's unlike any intensity I've ever seen
in any dinner theater performance,
390
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,389
and I've seen a lot of dinner theater, man.
391
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,190
I saw Hall and Oates actually
in this intimate little...
392
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,485
It was that intensity that got me fired
from Medieval Times.
393
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,987
One night, I got too revved up,
394
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,283
and I speared Yellow Knight's
horse right through the leg.
395
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,031
They had to shoot him,
396
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,955
right there in front
of some kid's birthday party.
397
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:25,706
They had to shoot Yellow Knight?
398
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,159
- The horse!
- Yeah.
399
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,787
And then I met Annette, and I cut my hair.
400
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,173
She gave me a job,
401
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,297
and she made me realize that I
had to leave the arena forever.
402
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:43,558
Unfortunately, you're in
my arena now, biatch!
403
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,517
(LAUGHS)
404
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,057
(GRUNTING)
405
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,349
Yeah, you see that?
406
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,400
You're not even that good
at sword fighting anymore!
407
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,399
You're not a Blue Knight,
you're a biatch knight.
408
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,105
- Oh, yeah?
- Yep, that's...
409
00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:58,940
All right.
410
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,321
- (SCREAMING)
- No, no, no, no.
411
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:02,531
No.
412
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,995
(GROANING)
413
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,831
Blue Knight is back.
414
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:08,916
That felt so good.
415
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,117
Hello?
416
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,828
(POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES)
417
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:13,917
Hello, I'm in here!
418
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:19,756
You got that winched?
419
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,509
- Is it winched tight?
- Fully winched.
420
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,679
Okay, I'm gonna walk back there.
421
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,052
I'm gonna strap into the chute.
422
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,351
- When I give you the signal...
- No!
423
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,185
Aw, here comes the damn cavalry.
424
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,853
Stop it!
425
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,024
Welcome to the party, Annette.
This is happening.
426
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,271
Wait! Stop!
427
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,693
Get off my father!
428
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,771
Ders! Where you at, dragon?
429
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,233
(POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES)
430
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,985
- Hello?
- Blake,
431
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,617
I need you get here right now,
because something's going on.
432
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:49,040
I don't know what it is,
but it's getting really hot in here.
433
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,622
- It's hot?
- I'm still in the casket.
434
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,868
It's heating up.
435
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,580
I know where you are! I'm coming!
436
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:57,794
- Oh, no!
- You got to help me!
437
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,046
Oh, my God!
438
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,219
- Stop, stop, stop, stop!
- Dude, bro!
439
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,303
- What are you doing!
- Oh, no!
440
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,548
- We're too late.
- That's not Ders.
441
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,181
Yep, sorry.
442
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,017
- Ders!
- Blake! Blake!
443
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,143
Oh, man.
444
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,690
You guys are lifesavers.
445
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,062
Hey, bud. How you doing?
446
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,268
- Not good.
- Okay.
447
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,820
- I was just frying in there.
- Okay.
448
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,739
I shouldn't have worn
this blazer, is the problem.
449
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:26,111
Bestow this upon your brow
and kneel before me.
450
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,783
Ders, film this.
451
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:35,245
Congratulations on your act of valor.
452
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:39,165
I knight thee, Nate knight.
453
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,168
Blake knight.
454
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,426
Because of your bravery,
you can have my sword.
455
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:46,882
Yes. Thank you.
456
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,849
Hey, I hate to interrupt, but where's Adam?
457
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,599
Get off of him! What are we doing?
458
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,095
We're DeMamps!
459
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,562
We don't mourn, okay?
460
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:57,808
We mosh!
461
00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:59,360
We don't cry.
462
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,604
We crush!
463
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,406
When you're in the mosh pit and you're crying
464
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,529
'cause you're having so much fun,
that's what we do!
465
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,531
It's DeMamps!
466
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,283
All of a sudden, we get
a little money in our pockets,
467
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,034
and we're divided?
468
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:14,459
We shouldn't even have pockets!
469
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,291
We are a sweatpants family!
470
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:22,209
So, please, let my dad
471
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:27,093
dump my grandfather's ash chunks
from on high like he would've wanted.
472
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,223
You're the one.
473
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,185
This family needs you to fly, son.
474
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,304
So fly.
475
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,148
Yes!
476
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,522
Yes!
477
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,065
- Yes!
- Yeah!
478
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,521
BOTH: Yeah!
479
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,160
Okay, I'm turning on the
hero in this situation.
480
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,329
Go down in family history, as a hero.
481
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:55,333
DeMamps!
482
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,368
DeMamps rule!
483
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,122
- You ready to do this, Son?
- I'm a hero!
484
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,087
- (ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
- I'm a hero!
485
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,133
Let's do this!
486
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,060
(SCREAMING)
487
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,055
Come on, little birdy.
488
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,810
Take flight!
489
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,106
Ouch, yikes.
490
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,448
ALL: Yeah!
491
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,821
Gramps DeMamp!
492
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,364
(LAUGHS)
493
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,538
DeMamps rise again!
494
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,959
I'm the hero. I'm the hero of the fam.
495
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,702
(ALL CHEERING)
496
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,262
Yeah, man, two tits up!
497
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,263
(BEATBOXING)
498
00:18:57,345 --> 00:19:00,394
- Hey, 40s!
- Oh, yeah.
499
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,057
Whoo!
500
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,567
You know, Gramps would've been proud.
501
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,024
You saved this fine family.
502
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:07,731
Thanks for letting me be the hero,
503
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,235
and for not one-upping me, Dad.
504
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,409
Yeah, you know, there's one other tiny thing
505
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,078
I should tell you before I get drunker
than you ever could.
506
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,370
Hmm?
507
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,575
I'm not actually your father.
508
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:20,951
What?
509
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,088
Son, I'm your brother, bro.
510
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,545
Dad took off,
511
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,877
me and mom figured
the most logical thing to do
512
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,677
would be to lie to your face forever.
513
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,512
That's cool.
514
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:33,760
Yeah?
515
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:36,263
'Cause you were a horrible dad.
516
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,343
Yeah.
517
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,178
You'd probably make an awesome brother.
518
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,059
You lied to me my whole life!
519
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,516
- That's hilarious.
- Yeah!
520
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,351
BOTH; Yeah!
521
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,811
Adam, what's up, dude?
522
00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:48,354
I'm a knight.
523
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,189
How's, uh... How's this all going?
524
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,866
I could've killed myself.
It was really dangerous.
525
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:53,989
So it was awesome.
526
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:57,242
Hey, I'd like to introduce my brother, Dad.
527
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:01,208
- What?
- I believe this makes us even.
528
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,876
Uh, I believe I asked you
529
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:05,000
for a lifetime subscription to pizza, so...
530
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:08,003
Well, then I will just go ahead
and take this to somebody else.
531
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:09,425
No, no, we're cool. We're good.
532
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,797
- We're okay?
- We're even.
533
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,720
Hey, guys.
I just wanted to let you know that I get it.
534
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,723
I totally get it about the DeMamps.
535
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,392
They do everything just a little
different and so did Gramps.
536
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,845
I'm sure you know... The sculptures.
537
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,555
You haven't seen...
Have you seen the sculptures?
538
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,807
Yeah, because I had them destroyed.
(CHUCKLES)
539
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,143
It's very dark stuff, extremely disturbing.
540
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,645
Anyhoo, I guess it's about time to, you know,
541
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,731
get this bitch-ass party started!
542
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,066
- ADAM: Oh, yes.
- Whoa.
543
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,067
That did not seem natural.
544
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:39,156
But, I mean, you steal a dead husband
and ladies go wild, right?
545
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,157
You think she'd be into me?
546
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,535
Only one way to find out.
547
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,503
Party time!
548
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,671
Hey! It's a party time!
549
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,249
Yeah, come on, Blue Knight!
550
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:51,424
Yeah!
551
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,341
I love funerals!
552
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,642
Sometimes, like, I want, you know,
553
00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:05,940
you won't have sex,
but you'll definitely see stuff.
554
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,268
- Oh, like watching?
- Like watching.
555
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,977
Dude, sometimes I like watching more,
556
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,186
'cause they're, like... It, like...
557
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,272
You don't have to, like, live up
to anybody's expectations.
558
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:14,607
Yeah, it's like, are you worried your dick
559
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,909
might work, not work? And I always am.
560
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:27,500
Ripped By mstoll