1
00:00:01,586 --> 00:00:03,286
We think it's a
sinkhole! It's awesome!
2
00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:04,378
It's really not
that awesome.
3
00:00:04,618 --> 00:00:06,352
- It's blowing my mind!
- How is a hole in the ground
4
00:00:06,486 --> 00:00:08,120
- blowing your mind?
- Look, I was a little bit
5
00:00:08,255 --> 00:00:09,955
skeptical at first, too, but
we've been playing with this
6
00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,891
thing for three hours now,
and it's fantastic.
7
00:00:11,925 --> 00:00:13,792
I'm sorry, can I ask how do
you play with a goddamn hole?
8
00:00:13,927 --> 00:00:15,628
First, we just started, like,
throwing things down it and
9
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,296
then we never heard it land.
It would just kind of rattle
10
00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:19,390
- around down there.
- Then we got a flashlight to
11
00:00:19,432 --> 00:00:21,300
see if we could see the bottom.
We couldn't.
12
00:00:21,434 --> 00:00:23,302
Then I threw it down there, you
know, to prove a point.
13
00:00:23,436 --> 00:00:25,436
- What was the point?
- It was something to do with
14
00:00:25,438 --> 00:00:27,306
how metal travels faster than
light or...?
15
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,675
No, it was that light is
either on or off.
16
00:00:29,809 --> 00:00:32,177
There's no speed to light.
It's, it was an anti-science
17
00:00:32,312 --> 00:00:34,446
- thing.
- This hole, it's very
18
00:00:34,581 --> 00:00:36,482
exciting, Dennis.
I mean, it represents infinite
19
00:00:36,616 --> 00:00:39,051
- possibilities. It's endless.
- What if there's, like, a
20
00:00:39,185 --> 00:00:41,053
mutant living down there?
We can get him up and he can
21
00:00:41,187 --> 00:00:43,222
- live in the bar with us.
- We've already got one mutant
22
00:00:43,356 --> 00:00:45,224
hanging out with us in the bar
all the time.
23
00:00:45,358 --> 00:00:48,060
Hey, Frank, did you hear what I
24
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:50,129
said?
I turned a frustrating
25
00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:52,565
- conversation into a joke on you.
- The, uh... thing.
26
00:00:52,699 --> 00:00:54,833
- Huh? Oh, y-yeah.
- Frank, what do you think
27
00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:56,835
about this hole?
Pretty cool, huh?
28
00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:58,837
You want to do something
with it?
29
00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:01,340
No. I don't.
In fact, something just dawned
30
00:01:01,474 --> 00:01:04,176
on me.
I need to quit.
31
00:01:04,311 --> 00:01:06,745
Wha-What? What are, what are
you talking about?
32
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,914
I don't care anything about
this hole.
33
00:01:09,049 --> 00:01:12,818
- I-I'm passionless.
- What are you saying, Frank?
34
00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:16,622
I hereby officially retire
from Paddy's Pub.
35
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:45,575
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:51,292
All right, now, with Frank
retiring, I know we're all a
37
00:01:51,426 --> 00:01:53,866
little bit concerned about how
that affects everyone's shares.
38
00:01:53,973 --> 00:01:55,373
Frank owned 51% of Paddy's Pub
39
00:01:55,508 --> 00:01:57,108
and we own 46%.
40
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,843
Well, we did, not-not Dee.
41
00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:00,378
She-she doesn't own shit.
42
00:02:00,513 --> 00:02:01,713
Yeah, I know. Goddamn it.
43
00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:02,714
Yeah, yeah.
44
00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:03,648
And, Charlie, you actually gave
45
00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:04,616
up most of your shares for
46
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:05,617
various sandwiches and snacks
47
00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,152
and sundries and...
48
00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:09,321
What the hell is a Franquito?
It says Franquito owns three
49
00:02:09,455 --> 00:02:11,455
- percent of Paddy's Pub?
- Oh, yeah, I don't know.
50
00:02:11,457 --> 00:02:14,326
That's probably one of Frank's
weird shell corporations.
51
00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,328
It doesn't matter.
Who gives a shit?
52
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,330
It's only three percent.
Whoever gets Frank's 51% is the
53
00:02:18,464 --> 00:02:20,732
majority shareholder.
That is who controls the bar.
54
00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:24,169
- That is who gets the throne.
- Oh, there-there's a throne?
55
00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:26,338
Oh, sorry. No, I was just
referring to the desk chair as
56
00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:28,240
the throne 'cause that's where
the boss man sits.
57
00:02:28,374 --> 00:02:30,008
Ugh, gross. That chair smells
like Frank's butt.
58
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:32,811
It's not actually Frank's
Frank's butt; I think it's a
59
00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,825
combination of all of our butt
smells, you know?
60
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,581
- That's worse.
- Yeah.
61
00:02:36,716 --> 00:02:38,583
Why would anybody want
that chair?
62
00:02:38,718 --> 00:02:40,585
No, no, it's not about the
chair itself.
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00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,821
It's what the chair represents.
The chair represents power.
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00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,955
Okay, well, all right.
How do we divvy up Frank's
65
00:02:44,991 --> 00:02:47,892
- shares then?
- Uh... Okay, well, um...
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00:02:48,027 --> 00:02:51,062
- I'll-I'll take them.
- You? You?
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00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:53,064
You think we're gonna give the
shares to the man who wants to
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00:02:53,199 --> 00:02:55,066
pull a mutant from a mystery
hole in the bar and live
69
00:02:55,201 --> 00:02:57,068
- with him?
- All right, well, look, I'm
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00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:59,070
just trying to come up with a
system.
71
00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:01,072
- We got to have a system here...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
72
00:03:01,207 --> 00:03:03,074
We do have a system for this!
Paddy's Succession Plan,
73
00:03:03,209 --> 00:03:05,277
- remember?
- Oh, shit! Right.
74
00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:07,279
Yes, right!
Paddy's Succession Plan.
75
00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:10,181
It was like a will that we drew
up to help us determine who
76
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:13,084
would get each one of our shares
in the very likely event of
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00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:15,287
our untimely deaths, that's
right.
78
00:03:15,421 --> 00:03:17,289
We drank, like, three bottles
of tequila and then we started
79
00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:19,391
talking about our legacy and how
important that was to us.
80
00:03:19,525 --> 00:03:21,459
- Oh! Got to have a legacy.
- Oh, here we go.
81
00:03:21,594 --> 00:03:23,461
- Oh, oh! Yeah, okay.
- On a paper plate, huh?
82
00:03:23,596 --> 00:03:25,463
Read it! Read it! Read it!
Read it!
83
00:03:25,598 --> 00:03:27,465
"Paddy's succession plan.
Paddy's Pub shall secure our
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00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,235
legacy here, henceforth and
forevermore throughout the
85
00:03:30,369 --> 00:03:32,489
birthright of our firstborn kin.
Who had the pen here?
86
00:03:32,605 --> 00:03:34,472
It makes sense.
Don't be a bitch.
87
00:03:34,607 --> 00:03:36,967
What it means is every one of
our shares gets passed down to
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00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:40,045
- our firstborn.
- Right, right! Our firstborn!
89
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,447
The shares get passed down to
the firstborn kin?
90
00:03:42,581 --> 00:03:44,449
- Yeah.
- We are the firstborn kin of
91
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,451
- Frank.
- Well, now, hang on, that's
92
00:03:46,585 --> 00:03:48,486
- not, like, an official document.
- Uh, well, you signed it in
93
00:03:48,621 --> 00:03:50,488
- your blood.
- Oh, that, yeah, there it is--
94
00:03:50,623 --> 00:03:52,490
"Trundle," written in blood.
- Oh, yeah, I was going by
95
00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:54,492
- Trundle at the time, wasn't I?
- No, no, no. You were trying
96
00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:56,494
to write "Charlie" and you wrote
"Trundle."
97
00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:58,496
No, I was going by "Trundle
the Great."
98
00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:00,498
You came up with that after
you miswrote it.
99
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,567
Well, look, the point is you
can't just take the bar based on
100
00:04:02,702 --> 00:04:04,569
- a paper plate.
- Sorry, Charlie.
101
00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:08,139
I'm siding with Dennis and Dee.
I'm your humble servant.
102
00:04:08,274 --> 00:04:10,141
You're just gonna give it to
them?!
103
00:04:10,276 --> 00:04:12,143
That's a binding contract.
Okay? You wrote it in blood.
104
00:04:12,278 --> 00:04:14,179
That's gonna hold up in a court
of law and I know when to pick a
105
00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:16,181
side.
I'm siding with Dennis and Dee.
106
00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:18,183
Wait, hold on a second.
You guys aren't even actually
107
00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:20,952
Frank's kid.
Your Bruce Mathis' kid, all
108
00:04:21,087 --> 00:04:23,121
right?
And I technically might be
109
00:04:23,255 --> 00:04:26,524
- Frank's kid.
- Charlie, I pledge my
110
00:04:26,659 --> 00:04:28,760
- allegiance to you.
- No, no, no, no.
111
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,814
Wait a second, no.
But Frank is a Reynolds and we
112
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,764
- are Reynolds.
- Yup, we're Reynolds.
113
00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,966
Yeah, and it's the name that
carries on the line, not maybe
114
00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:38,103
- being someone's bastard kid.
- It was always you guys.
115
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,271
I tricked him, I tricked him.
It was always you.
116
00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,308
It is the blood that binds.
And his blood is pumping through
117
00:04:43,442 --> 00:04:46,544
my veins.
And I shall prove it.
118
00:04:46,679 --> 00:04:48,639
This is a little bit harder
119
00:04:48,681 --> 00:04:50,548
because he might win 'cause he
has some good points.
120
00:04:50,683 --> 00:04:52,550
- But you guys might win...
- We don't give a shit about
121
00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:54,686
- what you're talking about!
- It doesn't matter, it doesn't
122
00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:59,991
matter.
123
00:05:00,126 --> 00:05:03,561
Heyo! There's my guy!
124
00:05:03,696 --> 00:05:05,897
Hey, I got a piping hot Grilled
Frank for you, okay?
125
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,899
I got the sausage, the Spam, the
bacon.
126
00:05:08,033 --> 00:05:09,901
I got it wrapped in a jelly
pancake and cooked with a stick
127
00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:12,003
- of butter.
- I don't want that, Charlie.
128
00:05:12,138 --> 00:05:15,640
I'm trying to get in shape.
I read all about this phenomenon
129
00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:19,411
that guys' bodies immediately
turn to shit the second they
130
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:22,180
- retire.
- Oh, yeah?
131
00:05:22,314 --> 00:05:24,314
- I got to work on it.
- All right, well, you know,
132
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,384
just-just take a peek, see if
you like it.
133
00:05:26,519 --> 00:05:28,486
Uh, hey, listen, man, can I ask
you something?
134
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:33,425
- What?
- Are you, like, um... my dad?
135
00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,760
- What?
- Are, like... are you the-the
136
00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:37,829
- father of me and shit?
- We've-we've been over this.
137
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,831
- Yeah.
- Your mother's a giant whore.
138
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,485
- Right.
- I don't want to stress about
139
00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:44,202
this, Charlie.
I'm retired. Leave me alone.
140
00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:46,256
- I want to watch a little TV.
- Yeah. All right.
141
00:05:46,338 --> 00:05:48,298
Charlie, hey... Oh.
Hey, can I talk to you for a
142
00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:50,208
- sec?
- Yeah. Hey.
143
00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:53,545
Hey, um, I came up with a
really great idea, dude.
144
00:05:53,679 --> 00:05:56,781
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna play both sides.
145
00:05:56,916 --> 00:05:59,951
- Why would you tell me that?
- Should I not have?
146
00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:02,053
Probably shouldn't 'cause if
you're trying to keep a secret
147
00:06:02,188 --> 00:06:03,888
- from me, well, now I know.
- I should've... Should I tell
148
00:06:04,023 --> 00:06:05,523
- them?
- No, I don't think you should
149
00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,525
tell either side 'cause if you
try to play both sides and they
150
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,294
both know, you're not playing
anybody.
151
00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:11,196
- What should I do now?
- I don't... I don't give a
152
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,797
shit.
Why are you here?
153
00:06:12,932 --> 00:06:14,799
I'm here to prove my
allegiance to you.
154
00:06:14,934 --> 00:06:16,814
Because I believe that you're
the rightful heir.
155
00:06:16,936 --> 00:06:18,777
- Okay, whatever.
- All right, well, I see... I
156
00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:20,572
- see that you don't believe me.
- Why would I?
157
00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:22,640
So I am prepared to take a
blood oath with you.
158
00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:24,642
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
159
00:06:24,777 --> 00:06:26,777
Oh, my God, dude!
Oh, that was Frank's toe knife!
160
00:06:26,779 --> 00:06:28,413
Oh, it hurts so much.
All right, quick, shake on it.
161
00:06:28,547 --> 00:06:30,048
No, I'm not gonna touch your
blood.
162
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,716
Do you have something I
could... I got to close this
163
00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:33,151
- wound.
- Here, just plug it up.
164
00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,986
That was so not as cool as I
thought it was gonna be.
165
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,988
That sock's probably gonna
get it more infected, though.
166
00:06:37,122 --> 00:06:39,491
All right, look, look, look,
look.
167
00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,160
We got to prove that Frank is
your dad.
168
00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:44,229
Dude, he-he doesn't even want
to have that conversation with
169
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,003
me, okay?
And he's certainly not gonna get
170
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,899
tested, you know?
He's really resistant to the
171
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,501
- whole thing.
- All right, well, then
172
00:06:49,635 --> 00:06:51,169
we're gonna have to do some
testing of our own.
173
00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:53,104
- Yeah?
- I can choke a man out in four
174
00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:56,107
- seconds flat.
- Oh, yeah?
175
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:58,009
Yeah, I guess we could try that,
or, uh...
176
00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,811
- All right.
- You know, I could probably
177
00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,579
take his blood right now.
He's out.
178
00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:03,648
He's staring right at us.
179
00:07:03,782 --> 00:07:05,902
Yeah, he's been falling
asleep with his eyes open like
180
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:08,419
that, but he's way out.
I mean, we could prick him.
181
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,588
He won't feel a thing. Frank!
182
00:07:15,053 --> 00:07:16,224
Anything?
183
00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:19,074
Nothing!
Not a single butt smell to that.
184
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,776
- How is that possible?
- I don't know.
185
00:07:20,911 --> 00:07:22,411
It's either this guy's butt or
this brand of chair.
186
00:07:22,546 --> 00:07:23,826
It's got to be the brand, right?
187
00:07:23,847 --> 00:07:25,581
All right, we got to get one
of these for our throne.
188
00:07:25,715 --> 00:07:27,249
- Yeah. Hey!
- Hey!
189
00:07:27,384 --> 00:07:29,652
Hey, what do you say, Doc?
So, what is the verdict?
190
00:07:29,786 --> 00:07:32,388
- Is Frank Charlie's dad or not?
- I don't know.
191
00:07:32,522 --> 00:07:34,924
I don't know who that is.
What I do know is I came to work
192
00:07:35,058 --> 00:07:37,259
this morning to find a very
large bucket of blood in my lab.
193
00:07:37,394 --> 00:07:40,296
Yeah, well, that's the
sample, obviously, and, uh, you
194
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,671
know, if it's too big, it's
because Frank sprung a little
195
00:07:42,732 --> 00:07:44,767
- bit of a leak there.
- Yeah, it was a mess, huh?
196
00:07:44,901 --> 00:07:46,502
- He was bleeding like crazy.
- There was blood everywhere,
197
00:07:46,636 --> 00:07:48,404
but we caught enough of it, I
think.
198
00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:50,239
Yeah, we must have cut a
deep vein or something.
199
00:07:50,373 --> 00:07:52,253
Wait a second.
Most of this came from one man?
200
00:07:52,309 --> 00:07:54,009
Did we take too much?
I-I didn't think that we took
201
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:56,412
- too much.
- Yes. You took too much.
202
00:07:56,546 --> 00:07:59,348
Also, there's traces of more
than four individuals in here
203
00:07:59,482 --> 00:08:02,785
and at least one animal.
Was there blood in the bucket
204
00:08:02,919 --> 00:08:05,354
- before?
- It is a blood bucket,
205
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,623
- so yeah, there was old blood.
- I didn't come here to get
206
00:08:07,757 --> 00:08:09,692
sassed, okay?
I came here to get an answer to
207
00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:11,927
my question.
So is Frank Charlie's dad or
208
00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:13,829
- not?
- The only thing that I can
209
00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:15,698
tell you is that, based off of
how much blood is in this
210
00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:19,068
bucket, your friend is in
desperate need of blood.
211
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,806
All right, Dee, the bar is
finally ours.
212
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,101
- Let's talk redecoration.
- Well, I'm thinking chrome,
213
00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:28,143
and I'm thinking chrome
everywhere.
214
00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:30,758
The other thing that's important
to me is a proper dance floor.
215
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,549
That way, any time I want to
just pop a boogie, I can do it
216
00:08:33,683 --> 00:08:36,003
wherever I am, and it won't be
weird, you know what I mean?
217
00:08:36,019 --> 00:08:38,220
- Okay.
- Oh, think of it,
218
00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:40,356
brother.
With them out of the way,
219
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:44,960
we can do as we please.
Two butts, one throne.
220
00:08:45,095 --> 00:08:47,796
All right, you know what,
you've been doing this all day.
221
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:49,865
- Why are you talking like that?
- I'm just being... I'm being
222
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,533
- arch.
- Why?
223
00:08:51,668 --> 00:08:53,535
Well, because we're being
devious and we're plotting, and
224
00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:55,504
I just wanted to make sure that
it was clear that we were
225
00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:57,473
- devious and plotting.
- You don't need to indicate to
226
00:08:57,607 --> 00:08:59,141
me that you're being devious
when you're actually
227
00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:00,909
- being devious.
- I guess I had some concerns
228
00:09:01,044 --> 00:09:02,911
that you wouldn't pick up on it
if I didn't make it super clear.
229
00:09:03,046 --> 00:09:04,513
Yeah, but the problem is if
you start doing that,
230
00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:06,382
everybody's gonna pick up on it.
And that defeats the purpose.
231
00:09:06,516 --> 00:09:08,484
- Yeah, got it.
- Dennis, Dee, quickly-- we
232
00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:11,053
don't have much time.
Charlie and I doctored a
233
00:09:11,187 --> 00:09:14,023
paternity test to make it look
like Frank is Charlie's dad.
234
00:09:14,157 --> 00:09:16,659
But the tests were actually
inconclusive; there was too much
235
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:19,328
blood in the bucket to tell.
The reason I'm telling you all
236
00:09:19,462 --> 00:09:21,822
this is because I'm playing
both sides so that I always come
237
00:09:21,898 --> 00:09:24,767
out on top.
So, with this information, I'm
238
00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:27,002
gonna leverage you guys into
making me the head of security
239
00:09:27,137 --> 00:09:29,104
- at the new Paddy's Pub.
- Mm.
240
00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:31,340
O-Okay, okay, couple things
right off the bat, there, pal.
241
00:09:31,474 --> 00:09:33,676
Number one, um, never tell one
side that you're playing both
242
00:09:33,810 --> 00:09:35,678
- sides.
- Yeah.
243
00:09:35,812 --> 00:09:38,714
And number two, if you are gonna
play both sides, don't give away
244
00:09:38,848 --> 00:09:40,716
the information before you get
what you want.
245
00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:42,351
Oh, shit.
Right, don't give away the
246
00:09:42,485 --> 00:09:43,952
- in-information.
- Yes.
247
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:45,954
All right, well, if I am
gonna play both sides, what
248
00:09:46,089 --> 00:09:47,589
- should I do?
- Oops.
249
00:09:47,724 --> 00:09:49,625
You're still telling us that
you're playing both sides, so
250
00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,860
Uh... Okay, well, what if I
251
00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:52,895
make a blood oath...
252
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:53,896
uh, allegiance to you guys?
253
00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:54,897
Oh!
254
00:09:55,031 --> 00:09:55,531
Ooh.
255
00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:56,532
Gross.
256
00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:57,826
Yeah, I, uh, I sliced it with
257
00:09:57,867 --> 00:09:59,368
Frank's toe knife and, uh, it's
258
00:09:59,502 --> 00:10:00,402
not bleeding anymore, but maybe
259
00:10:00,537 --> 00:10:01,403
I could...
260
00:10:01,538 --> 00:10:02,404
Oh, yeah, here, I'll just get it
261
00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:03,039
again.
262
00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:04,039
Oh!
263
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,040
Oh, shit!
264
00:10:05,175 --> 00:10:05,675
Oh, God!
265
00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:06,775
Jesus, dude, that was the
266
00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:07,276
lime knife.
267
00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:08,277
Oh, I feel that-- it stings.
268
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:09,278
Oh, Dee, here, shake my hand.
269
00:10:09,412 --> 00:10:10,279
No, get away from me, gross.
270
00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:11,280
Aah. Dennis?
271
00:10:11,414 --> 00:10:12,281
No, your blood is disgusting.
272
00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:13,375
Aah. What should I do?
273
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:14,176
Go to the doctor.
274
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:15,205
Mac, why the hell'd you
275
00:10:15,218 --> 00:10:15,918
sprint ahead of me, man?
276
00:10:16,052 --> 00:10:16,952
Oh, 'cause I'm playing both
277
00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:17,953
sides.
278
00:10:18,088 --> 00:10:19,588
- Jesus Christ.
- Wow.
279
00:10:19,723 --> 00:10:21,403
It doesn't matter.
Okay, guys, I got some
280
00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:23,092
documentation here proving that
I am the rightful heir to
281
00:10:23,226 --> 00:10:24,727
- Frank's butt chair.
- Yeah.
282
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,381
All right, Charlie, save it,
save it.
283
00:10:26,463 --> 00:10:29,565
Mac already told us that that's
not a real paternity test.
284
00:10:29,699 --> 00:10:31,659
What the hell, dude?
You swore a blood oath to me.
285
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,569
Dude, you never touched my
blood, okay?
286
00:10:33,703 --> 00:10:36,143
All right, you know what, if
you really want to work here...
287
00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:38,807
- kick Charlie out here.
- Hmm.
288
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:41,076
- Really?
- No problem, dude.
289
00:10:41,211 --> 00:10:44,513
Charlie, let's go, bud, get...
All right, dude, I'm gonna carry
290
00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:46,515
you out.
291
00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:48,517
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, he is so heavy.
292
00:10:48,651 --> 00:10:50,519
He's, like, grounding himself
with something.
293
00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:52,521
Oh, now he's going limp.
No, come on, dude, that's not
294
00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:54,523
fair.
Help me out, here, Charlie.
295
00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:56,525
Help me out.
That's it, dude, that's it.
296
00:10:56,659 --> 00:10:58,327
- I'm choking you out.
- Okay.
297
00:10:58,461 --> 00:11:00,629
You're going out, dude,
you're going to sleep.
298
00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:05,467
Good night, dude, good night,
bitch.
299
00:11:05,602 --> 00:11:10,506
Your head of security just
300
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,441
choked himself out.
301
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,315
Hey, Frank, I know you're
trying to be healthy, so I got
302
00:11:20,450 --> 00:11:22,651
you a hoagie with extra pickles
in it-- I figured you could use
303
00:11:22,786 --> 00:11:25,320
the veggies and stuff...
Oh, shit!
304
00:11:25,455 --> 00:11:28,023
- Hi, Charlie.
- What... What's going on with
305
00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,325
- you, man?
- I forgot to dye my hair this
306
00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:32,728
- morning.
- What's up with your teeth?
307
00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:35,297
I was eating some of
Deandra's pyramid scheme
308
00:11:35,431 --> 00:11:37,666
berries.
I was trying to get healthy.
309
00:11:37,801 --> 00:11:40,669
- Right.
- I feel a little light-headed.
310
00:11:40,804 --> 00:11:42,971
All right, well, I'm sure
it's nothing, you know.
311
00:11:43,106 --> 00:11:44,973
Probably just, like, tired from
working hard and then...
312
00:11:45,108 --> 00:11:46,742
You know, the body crashes
when...
313
00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:48,677
O-Oh, shit, did you fall asleep
again?
314
00:11:48,812 --> 00:11:50,312
Frank?
315
00:11:50,446 --> 00:11:51,914
- Is he dead?
- Oh, shit.
316
00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:53,549
- He looks bad.
- What are you sneaking up on
317
00:11:53,683 --> 00:11:55,244
- me for?
- Oh, listen, Dennis is acting
318
00:11:55,318 --> 00:11:57,052
weird and I don't like it.
Now, I know he's got something
319
00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,887
planned, but he's not
indicating, so I don't know what
320
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,522
- it is.
- Right.
321
00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:02,157
No, I get that, I guess, so,
yeah.
322
00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:06,161
Yes, yes, exactly,
Charlie, so here's the plan: we
323
00:12:06,296 --> 00:12:08,897
need to outsmart him before he
can have us murdered...
324
00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,766
- Are you okay?
- ...and throw us in... Hmm?
325
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,701
Do you need a glass of water
or something?
326
00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:14,736
- No, I'm good.
- What are... W-What's
327
00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:16,371
- happening?
- I'm... I'm being arch.
328
00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,107
- Oh. Oh.
- We're doing a thing together,
329
00:12:18,141 --> 00:12:19,675
- so you know...
- Yeah, no, I know, just 'cause
330
00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:21,376
- you're telling me what's up.
- Okay, okay, fine.
331
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,378
The point is we got to prove
that you're the rightful heir
332
00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:25,013
- to the throne.
- Yes, of course, that's why I
333
00:12:25,148 --> 00:12:27,015
got this plastic bag, 'cause my
blood bucket was inconclusive.
334
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,951
- You just need a couple drops.
- Right, yeah.
335
00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:30,719
- So let's open him up.
- Yeah, all right, but you
336
00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,621
know, we got to be careful, you
know, 'cause I think I took too
337
00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,356
- much blood last time.
- Is that what's going on?
338
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:35,958
- Yeah.
- Okay, well, you just need a
339
00:12:36,092 --> 00:12:37,693
- couple drops.
- Yeah, all right, just a
340
00:12:37,727 --> 00:12:39,228
- prick.
- Just a prick.
341
00:12:39,362 --> 00:12:40,863
- Okay.
- Oh, my God, so much blood!
342
00:12:40,997 --> 00:12:42,698
Oh, so much blood, I think we
hit an artery, Dee, look at
343
00:12:42,832 --> 00:12:44,299
- this.
- Yeah.
344
00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:45,934
- Oh, shit.
- Is he okay?
345
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,029
No, he's okay, you know, the
duct tape'll stop it.
346
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,938
Okay, let's just get...
Wait, oh, shit, this is leaking.
347
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,573
Oh, no.
Oh, shit, I'm holding it...
348
00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:53,809
Wait, wait, stop, stop!
Oh, damn it.
349
00:12:53,943 --> 00:12:55,978
Shoot, Charlie, I'm sorry, I
was trying to help.
350
00:12:56,112 --> 00:12:57,980
Can't imagine it was gonna be a
very good sample anyway-- there
351
00:12:58,114 --> 00:12:59,648
are quite a few pickles floating
around in that bag.
352
00:12:59,782 --> 00:13:01,283
- Yeah, what I was thinking.
- Shit.
353
00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:04,286
Wait a second-- which one of
you and Dennis was firstborn?
354
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,088
- We're twins.
- No, I know, I know, but,
355
00:13:06,222 --> 00:13:08,290
like, who did Barbara actually,
like, pop out first?
356
00:13:08,424 --> 00:13:11,126
Oh, shit.
Oh, Charlie.
357
00:13:11,261 --> 00:13:13,128
- "Worst is first!"
- What is that?
358
00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:14,796
"Worst is first."
My mom used to say that to me
359
00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,798
all the time because I was first
and she thought I was the worst.
360
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:18,933
Holy shit, that's terrible,
but that's good for us.
361
00:13:18,935 --> 00:13:20,435
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Okay, so that means you're
362
00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:22,070
the rightful heir to the butt
chair.
363
00:13:22,205 --> 00:13:23,672
So, all right, we can work with
that.
364
00:13:23,806 --> 00:13:25,674
All right, let's get out of
here, come on, we can't tell
365
00:13:25,808 --> 00:13:27,309
- anybody about this, all right?
- Okay, okay.
366
00:13:27,443 --> 00:13:30,279
Let's... All right, let's
just go.
367
00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:37,519
Always hated these.
So that's gonna change.
368
00:13:37,654 --> 00:13:40,088
Worst is first, dude, worst
is first.
369
00:13:40,223 --> 00:13:42,090
What are you talking about, man?
370
00:13:42,225 --> 00:13:44,326
Dee is conspiring against you.
371
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,663
Charlie figured it out.
"Worst is first."
372
00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:50,365
Charlie and Dee were getting
blood from Frank when Charlie
373
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:54,603
realized Dee was born first.
Therefore, she's the rightful
374
00:13:54,737 --> 00:13:56,605
heir.
Then I got a little bit more
375
00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:58,640
blood from Frank, 'cause I feel
like we're probably gonna use it
376
00:13:58,775 --> 00:14:00,776
in the future and he was already
opened up, so who gives a shit?
377
00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:02,611
Okay, all right.
How'd you get all this
378
00:14:02,745 --> 00:14:04,446
- information?
- I was hiding in Frank's
379
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:07,020
apartment, and then they went
out into the hallway and I heard
380
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,551
them through the door.
Dude, the best part is I'm gonna
381
00:14:09,686 --> 00:14:12,554
use this information to leverage
you into giving me a better
382
00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:15,157
- position under your reign.
- You just told me the infor...
383
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:16,959
You know what?
Forget it.
384
00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:18,894
Good job.
Um, how about the position of my
385
00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:20,862
- pawn, how's that sound?
- Pawn.
386
00:14:20,997 --> 00:14:22,531
- Yeah.
- Pawns are cool, there's a lot
387
00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:23,999
of them, you know.
They move diagonally.
388
00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:25,901
I've always thought that I move
a little bit too much forward
389
00:14:26,035 --> 00:14:28,170
and back and I should be more
like... like...
390
00:14:28,304 --> 00:14:30,339
'Cause then, you can't see me,
if I'm coming at you like this.
391
00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,307
Like, sideways.
Well, watch.
392
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:33,842
Well, don't move your head,
dude.
393
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,577
All right, what if you keep your
head there but close your
394
00:14:35,712 --> 00:14:37,079
- eyes...
- It doesn't matter.
395
00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:39,745
I need you to do something for
me.
396
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,419
Oh... oh, my God.
That is crazy.
397
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,388
It's the smell of a thousand
butts.
398
00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,723
Hey! Dennis!
Dennis, I did your bidding.
399
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,625
- Good.
- Yeah.
400
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,962
Frank is on his way.
But dude, whatever it is you got
401
00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,398
planned, you better do it fast,
because if Dee and Charlie get
402
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,233
that birth certificate, you're
screwed.
403
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:04,035
Look, Mac, I told you, I've
got it under control.
404
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,437
Everything is going according to
my plan.
405
00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:09,273
Right.
406
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,109
Oh, brother, looks
as though you've underest...
407
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,944
Stop doing that.
It doesn't work.
408
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,613
- No?
- Look, we found the birth
409
00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:17,267
certificate proving Dee was born
first.
410
00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:18,416
- Mm-hmm.
- Worst is first.
411
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,117
Worst is first, yeah, and
then Charlie and I, we made a
412
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,692
blood oath, so now we are in
cahoots.
413
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,240
- Yeah!
- Hey, Trundle, can I get in on
414
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,388
- that?
- Ugh!
415
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,790
- I'm on their side.
- Nasty.
416
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,258
You idiots.
Did you not think that I had
417
00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:28,959
anticipated this?
While you were running around
418
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,295
town like lunatics, chopping
your hands to bits, I did a
419
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:34,799
little bit of research.
Turns out Franquito isn't a
420
00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:38,002
shell corporation after all.
He's a person.
421
00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:41,172
Dee, you remember Josefina, our
maid from the early '80s?
422
00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:42,940
- Yeah.
- Well, it turns out Frank had
423
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:46,110
been banging her for years, and
just before we were born, he
424
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,746
was.
Franquito!
425
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,350
- Ven acá!
- Holy shit!
426
00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,352
- Whoa!
- What?
427
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,588
Yeah, look upon him.
Yeah, he doesn't speak any
428
00:15:57,722 --> 00:15:59,457
English, by the way, so don't
try talking to him.
429
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:02,026
But we worked something out.
Yeah, Frank's shares go to him,
430
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,663
'cause he's the firstborn... and
then Franquito signs to me.
431
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:10,868
It's game, set and match.
432
00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:15,339
- Holy shit.
- What is happening right now?
433
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,709
I'm not... I'm not feeling so
well.
434
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:23,047
Retirement is difficult.
435
00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:26,217
Anyway... hey, Frank!
Guess who this is?
436
00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:28,352
Haven't seen him in a while,
have you?
437
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:32,990
♪
♪Come closer.
438
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:37,962
It's your son.
Franquito.
439
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:43,834
Yes.
Of course it is.
440
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:48,706
Look how beautiful he is.
Oh!
441
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,142
My one true child.
Come closer.
442
00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:54,178
Oh!
443
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,815
You give me so much joy right
now.
444
00:16:57,949 --> 00:17:00,217
And, so, Frank, the bar shall
go to him.
445
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,586
- Oh!
- Just need you to sign here
446
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:05,222
- and here.
- When a man is no longer
447
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:09,093
needed in the tribe, his body
betrays him.
448
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,896
- Yeah.
- When he has no purpose, the
449
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:17,368
blood seems to drain from his
body, leaving him a shell of the
450
00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,770
- man he once was.
- I don't know where you're
451
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:22,206
going with this, but can you
just sign?
452
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,575
- I'm unretiring.
- Wh-What?!
453
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:29,079
I have a plan.
I will retain all, and Franquito
454
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,749
will help me run the bar as my
number two.
455
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:34,185
Speaking of number two...
456
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,554
- Oh!
- Dude.
457
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,923
Oh!
458
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,292
Damn it! Come on.
I just cleaned that.
459
00:17:41,426 --> 00:17:43,786
That's Frank's butt smell.
That is it. I told you. Oh, no!
460
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,896
That is the exact smell of
the chair.
461
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,098
Everything is better than it
was before.
462
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,467
- No, it isn't.
- No, it isn't.
463
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:52,703
- No.
- I have my son to rule with
464
00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,905
- me.
- No, you don't.
465
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,000
- What do you mean?
- Because Franquito's not your
466
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,276
son.
I made it all up.
467
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,478
- What?! How?!
- All right, look, guys, it's
468
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,714
very simple.
Seven years ago, I walked into a
469
00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:06,009
Wahwah, and I saw this guy, and
I thought, "Holy, shit!
470
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:08,252
That guy looks just like Frank,
but, you know, Mexican."
471
00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:10,921
And then I came up with a plan
where I could make Frank believe
472
00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,290
that he had a son with our maid
Josefina all those years ago,
473
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,726
and I could bilk him out of a
shitload of money under the
474
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,562
guise that the money was all
going to his firstborn son,
475
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,965
Franquito, when, in fact, the
money was going to me.
476
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:23,334
And it worked, too.
It was a good plan.
477
00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:25,769
Yeah, but that's, like...
incredibly devious, dude.
478
00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:28,172
I mean, you've been screwing
Frank for years?
479
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:30,706
Yeah. I mean, you guys would
have done that, too, right, if
480
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,977
- you'd thought of it?
- Uh, I don't... I don't know.
481
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,979
- I don't know, man. I mean...
- Yeah, I think you guys would
482
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:37,114
have, but, either way, it
doesn't matter, you know, 'cause
483
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,983
everything is, uh, as it should
be, so let's grab some drinks.
484
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,985
- Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
- No, no, everything is not as
485
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,987
it should be.
You tried to screw us out of the
486
00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:46,190
- bar.
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you tried
487
00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:48,284
- to steal the bar.
- No, no, no, no, I was trying
488
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,027
to get things to go back to the
way they were-- get him back on
489
00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:51,929
the throne, and, you know, so we
could get back to doing all the
490
00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,664
things that we love to do at
Paddy's, you know, like, um,
491
00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:55,666
finding out what's at the bottom
of a hole. Right? Did we ever?
492
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,868
- Shit.
- Did you guys ever find out
493
00:18:58,003 --> 00:18:59,870
- what was at the bottom of that?
- No, we dropped it completely.
494
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,106
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit, dude.
495
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,941
There could be a Goonies
situation down there, right?
496
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,143
That. Yeah, that's what I was
thinking, yeah.
497
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,012
Yeah, we were discussing it.
You feeling better?
498
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,680
You know, the hole...
The hole in the bathroom? Yeah,
499
00:19:09,814 --> 00:19:11,482
- I feel pretty good about this.
- Want to pee in that hole?
500
00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:13,484
All right, come on, let's go
check it out.
501
00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:15,352
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Let's get in the bathroom.
502
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,447
You want to try to flush that
thing one more time?
503
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,356
- Ah, the hole.
- Oh, I'm so excited things are
504
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,695
back to the way they were. Yes.
Go play in your little hole, you
505
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:27,665
- fools.
- You still need me to stick
506
00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:29,733
around, or can I...?
507
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:32,546
No, Franquito.
We're done here.
508
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,603
- Can I get my five bucks?
- Yes, you can get your five bucks.
509
00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:37,362
Goddamn, you're a greedy
bastard.
510
00:19:38,063 --> 00:19:47,961
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com