1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,628
You know, the reason it's called "bullseye"
2
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,338
is because in early Spain,
3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,674
they'd throw darts in the bulls' eyes,
4
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,134
and that would make them run, and then
5
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:09,810
- running of the bulls, so...
- Wow.
6
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,679
- That makes sense.
- Crazy, huh?
7
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:13,184
Blake, you might be the best
8
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,810
at making facts up, and I mean that.
9
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,358
It's true, I saw it on History Channel.
10
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,769
- You're up.
- No, I can't. I threw out my back last night
11
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,320
fussing my Fleshlight.
12
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:21,776
- That shouldn't happen.
- Oh, that'll happen.
13
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,320
What sucks is I can't even
afford the back-upuncture to fix it.
14
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,577
- It's like ObamaCare, right?
- Tell me about it.
15
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,243
Unless...
16
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,744
All right. Hum it in.
17
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,872
Hum it in right here.
Dart me down, my brother.
18
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,582
I don't know if this is...
19
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,460
I could sever your spine or something, right?
20
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,548
No, there's too much meat around it.
21
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,468
Oh, yeah, and then
he could have a cool Professor X wheelchair.
22
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,804
You guys need to chill out.
Back-upuncture,
23
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,222
It's just needles, correct?
24
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,595
And what are darts but wing-ed needles?
25
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,936
Okay?
So just clip it in some beer and disinfect it
26
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,638
and then hum it in there!
27
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,649
Yep. Uh... On three.
28
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,981
- Whoo!
- One... Two...
29
00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,395
- Three!
- You know what, on second thought...
30
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,697
Oh! Ahhh! What the hell?
31
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,232
Did you just throw that dart?
32
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,238
Nah. Hell, no!
33
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,912
I got a dart hanging outta my face!
34
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,749
Yes, you do. But look at it this way,
35
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,168
we just saved you a trip
to Claire's, am I right?
36
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,080
- 'Cause...
- No?
37
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,581
That's it. You're dead!
38
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:24,700
Ripped By mstoll
39
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,674
I'm fresh
40
00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,473
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta
41
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:30,800
Gotta be fresh
42
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,303
- Whoa...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
43
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:36,263
- You guys gotta go.
- Get 'em outta here!
44
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,565
Hey, hey, easy, easy. Keith, they're with me.
45
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,772
Sorry about that, Hilary.
46
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:43,070
Just let me know if you need anything.
47
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,443
Uh, well, how about a round
of lemon drops for us?
48
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,116
And put all of dart face's drinks on my tab.
49
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,613
How 'bout some chicken fingers?
50
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,536
Yeah. Well, whatever you want.
51
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,114
Sick.
52
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,618
Okay.
53
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,541
Thank you for saving us with that guy.
54
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,619
- Yeah.
- Actually, you kinda saved him
55
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:00,796
from us, 'cause I would
have tae kwon do kicked him
56
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,464
right in the freakin' tummy,
57
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,291
probably made him dump out in his pants.
58
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,842
Yep. Just poop all over himself.
59
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,635
Yeah, like Hong Kong Pooey.
60
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,008
Very funny word play.
61
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,089
- Oh, that's very funny!
- Points, points.
62
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,299
- Thanks.
- That's awesome,
63
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,055
because normally women aren't funny,
64
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,307
- and that's a rule.
- Here you go, Miss Winthrop.
65
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:17,975
- Thanks.
- All right.
66
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,478
And we're working on those tenders
and those dipping sauces.
67
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,230
- Thanks, man.
- Cheers, guys.
68
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,194
- Cheers.
- Thank you.
69
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,737
- I finished first.
- I'm sorry.
70
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,235
Did he say Miss Winthrop, as in...
71
00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,321
Ted Winthrop?
72
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,152
Yeah, yeah, that's my dad.
73
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,660
- I'm Hilary. This is my friend Jackie.
- Hi. Yeah, no...
74
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:37,662
Your dad's the king of Rancho!
75
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:38,958
- Oh...
- Right? I mean...
76
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,162
Garbage trucks, gas stations,
Payless shoe stores.
77
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,336
Yep.
78
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,834
Yeah, that's right!
The big three, huh?
79
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:47,794
I'm sure Obama picks up
his phone calls pretty quick.
80
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,720
If Obama would ever pick up the damn phone!
81
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,506
Keep the change!
82
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,550
I didn't vote.
83
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,932
Who votes?
Do you guys want to get some more drinks?
84
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,137
Then we'll party a little bit?
85
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,560
- Yes!
- Whoo!
86
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,186
- Yes!
- And some dipping sauces.
87
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:08,934
I think you're freaky
and I like you a lot
88
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,165
I think you're freaky
and I like you a lot
89
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,215
Whoa!
90
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,796
I think you're freaky
and I like you a lot
91
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,928
Oh, my God! I did that to a real girl!
92
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:39,056
- We shut it down.
- Tonight was really fun, guys.
93
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,558
I had so much fun with you!
94
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,014
Oh, God, you smell like puke.
95
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,064
- Do I?
- Yeah.
96
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:44,813
It's just my armpit.
97
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,858
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Stop, dude.
98
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,814
This might be a little crazy, but...
99
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,899
I'm going to my sister's
wedding this weekend,
100
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,826
and I was wondering
101
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,118
if maybe you'd want to be my date.
102
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:58,371
I do...
103
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,950
Want to go with you,
104
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:04,582
my sweet mistress or lady or...
105
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,629
My sweet lady!
106
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,629
Well, you guys, you guys
are totally invited too.
107
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,257
Oh, tight! Yes, I do.
108
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,087
- That's sick!
- Well, uh...
109
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,889
We'll see you there.
110
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,850
Okay, bye.
111
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,016
Hilary, wait.
112
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,851
- Hmm?
- I never caught your name.
113
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,949
Um, I think... I think you did,
'cause you, well, you just said it.
114
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,280
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- Okay!
115
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,952
No, I remember! All right.
116
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,621
- Okay, I'll see you there.
- All right, later. See you soon.
117
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:40,913
Yeah, later, Silary.
118
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,832
- Take care.
- This is 'bout to be dope.
119
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,785
Yeah, dude, are you kidding me?
120
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,872
A rich person's wedding, like, come on, man.
121
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,548
They probably serve, like,
tiger meat or something cool.
122
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:51,796
Ho ho ho ho!
123
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,627
Ho ho ho! Ooh!
124
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,303
Well, we'll never know, because...
125
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:56,721
We ain't goin'.
126
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,140
Adam!
127
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,139
- Yo.
- Hey, good morning.
128
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,390
Morning.
129
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,099
Now, I know you're sick of hearing it,
130
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,897
but if you'd just hear me out one more time
131
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,224
about why you should go to this wedding...
132
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,189
Yeah, check it out. All right, look.
133
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,112
Here's you, all right?
134
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,404
You go to the wedding.
135
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,323
You bring me and Ders.
136
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,991
- Me Ders!
- Here we are at the wedding!
137
00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,660
We kill it. We just destroy.
138
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,863
'Cause everybody loves us
'cause we're great guys.
139
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,914
The Winthrops, they're huge fans!
140
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,161
They're so much fans they're like,
141
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,869
"Dude, move in with us at our house.
142
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,000
"Have as much buffalo chicken pizza
143
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,377
"and videogames as you want.
You can retire early.
144
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,833
"We don't care. Live in our mansion.
145
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,418
"We're all one, big happy family now."
146
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,503
We win. Life rules forever.
147
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,930
That's the big picture, right?
But let's talk about the wedding.
148
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,552
- Weddings rule, dude.
- Let's talk about it.
149
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,100
They've got the best DJs,
you know I'll swing dance.
150
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,179
And then let's talk about garter belts, man.
151
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,014
You know what they can do for your life.
152
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,940
I'm sick of being out there
on the market, you know?
153
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,608
I got a dude-alogical clock that's tickin'!
154
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:53,274
I don't know, you guys.
That girl was, like...
155
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,650
Nasty!
156
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:58,609
You know? With her disgusting,
gross, greasy-looking hair
157
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,365
and, like, her pizza face,
158
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,116
which just really creeped me out.
159
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,697
She was iggly putrid.
160
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,032
Uh, she was very hot,
161
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,833
and her hair game was on point.
162
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,831
I'm pretty sure she uses Wen by Chaz Dean.
163
00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:11,163
Adam, do not eff this up.
164
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,044
I'm telling you, in Steve Harvey's book,
165
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,042
Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man,
166
00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:17,253
he says nothing compares to a woman's love.
167
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,429
- He says it!
- Are you denying his genius?
168
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,886
I'm not denying his genius.
Steve Harvey is one.
169
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,592
- Thank you.
- I mean, he's the best host
170
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,268
Family Feud has ever had, I'll admit that.
171
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,812
Mmm... Google Ray Combs
and get back to me, actually.
172
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,932
Well, Richard Dawson, on the other hand,
173
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,858
was in Running Man
and fingered a bunch of those chicks.
174
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,607
A Louie Anderson's a boss.
They had a lot of great hosts.
175
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:35,812
- True.
- So true.
176
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,149
But... I guess I'm just like,
177
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,404
scared or whatever.
178
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,368
What are you scared of, the conga line?
179
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,243
Come on, it's a frigging wedding, you doofus!
180
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,916
No, I'm not scared of the conga line, Blake.
181
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,995
- Well, what?
- I'm scared that if I go to that wedding...
182
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,755
She's gonna, like, fall for me love-style,
183
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,582
and we're gonna be boyf-girlf.
184
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,635
And if we do that, good-bye, Single Adam!
185
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,007
And that means good-bye us.
186
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,801
Are you ready to say good-bye to us?
187
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,882
Is that what
you guys are ready for?
188
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,971
I mean...
189
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,479
No, let's get some of his chicken real quick.
190
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,480
Hey, buddy. So maybe the end of Single Adam
191
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,357
isn't such a bad thing.
192
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,690
I mean, he's made some pretty
bad decisions in his life, huh?
193
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,946
Yes, Single Adam has.
194
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:27,282
Remember, he did eat that
toilet donut, and got sick for a week.
195
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,365
Two weeks.
196
00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,456
Single Adam did all those whippets
at a 2 Chainz concert
197
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,207
and tried to put his pants
on a police horse, right?
198
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,334
- 2 Chainz?
- Yeah.
199
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,041
Hey, what if we send
Single Adam off in style?
200
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,047
Throw him like a bachelor
party or something?
201
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,094
- That's cool!
- When I was 12 years old,
202
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:44,548
my grandma helped me write
a bachelor party wish list.
203
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,342
If you guys help me get everything on my list
204
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,052
and I can have all of my druthers,
205
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,933
I will go to that wedding with you.
206
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,138
- Awesome.
- Yes! Yes!
207
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,474
- That's cool.
- Let's do it.
208
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,059
I have a list of my druthers in my vault.
209
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,395
Sixty-nine, 69, 420.
210
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,900
Just kidding. It's a drawer.
211
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,527
I keep it close by, 'cause you never know
212
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,449
- when you're gonna get married.
- Sick.
213
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,652
It's in cursive, so this is hard for me.
214
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,032
Okay. Take your time.
215
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,243
"For his bachelor party."
216
00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:11,620
Well, she talks like this.
217
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,286
"For his bachelor party,
218
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,792
"my grandson, Adam DeMamp, would like
219
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,999
"shoot shotguns at things,
220
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,504
"cut a wooden tree down,
221
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,090
"drink with airplane pilots,
222
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,263
"microwave a hamster..."
223
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,965
You know, I think I've
outgrown that last one.
224
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,391
- Thank God.
- Okay, right.
225
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:32,096
And finally, "Get a lap
dance on a Gravitron."
226
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,856
- Yeah.
- Okay!
227
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,184
- Cool! Ab... Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah.
228
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,519
If you guys could give me a few minutes,
229
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:40,899
I need to continue itching my leg.
230
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,027
'Cause my leg is super itchy.
231
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,528
- Sure.
- Bachelor party!
232
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,030
- Bachelor party, baby!
- All right!
233
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,612
- Okay.
- He was jacking off, right?
234
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,368
I'm not... I was not jacking off.
235
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,166
Actually, I just have a
rash on my inner thigh
236
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,458
that is questionable,
237
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,536
and I need to rub more cortisone on it.
238
00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,581
He's insane
239
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,673
Range is hot!
240
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,676
Pull the refrigerator open.
241
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,473
- Yep. All right.
- Whoo!
242
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,094
Whoo!
243
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,555
- Yes!
Yaw
244
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,763
That was awesome!
245
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,316
- All right.
- Yeah!
246
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,610
Mmm!
247
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:23,609
You guys rule, man. Hey, family secret.
248
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,487
My morn actually had an affair with a pilot
249
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,783
for two years.
250
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,032
He must have really plowed her hard, too,
251
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,489
because she was so happy
for those two years.
252
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,117
The family was actually pretty
pumped that it was happening.
253
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,544
My dad wasn't even pissed. Hey...
254
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,172
Could I fly one of your guys's planes?
255
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,001
No, I'm sorry, bud, we can't do it.
256
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:47,763
Well, what would you do for 100 bones?
257
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,635
- Yeah!
- I'm flying!
258
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,558
- Yeah, you are.
- I'm flying!
259
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,053
- Cool.
- Dude.
260
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,604
I'm having fun. This is a fun bachelor party.
261
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:57,646
- Yeah?
- Okay, only one more thing
262
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,850
on my list of druthers.
263
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,817
Riding a Gravitron while getting a lap job.
264
00:10:03,895 --> 00:10:05,568
- Yeah, yeah, and dude.
- It's my dream.
265
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,070
We seriously looked into getting a Gravitron,
266
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,446
- but it just...
- We didn't.
267
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,028
It's a Gravitron. We couldn't...
268
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:15,582
You know what happens if I don't get one
of my druthers, correct, brothers?
269
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,954
Yes, we do, we do.
270
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:21,129
But, dude, we got you
a filthy stripper that's like also hot
271
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,003
who's got these moves that make you
feel like you're on the Gravitron.
272
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,005
Totally, like she brings a fan out
273
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,337
and it, like, blows her
hair, and it's like, ahhh!
274
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,842
And then her boobs go like
at Mach 5 speeds!
275
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,174
Unfortunately, one of my druthers isn't met,
276
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,726
so we're not going to the wedding.
277
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,181
Those were the rules that I've laid.
278
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,513
That's the gauntlet that I laid,
279
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,222
and we can't spill the gauntlet.
280
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,767
I don't know if a gauntlet
is spillable or not.
281
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,477
I truly don't even know what a gauntlet is,
282
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,652
but we didn't meet the druthers,
283
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,070
so we're not going to the wedding.
284
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:47,901
- Mach 5.
- Take me home.
285
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,622
Oh, my God, you guys!
286
00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,501
You guys Jamie Kennedy
Experimented me, did you not?
287
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,204
I wish I could say we tried to X you,
288
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,334
but I can't, 'cause we did not.
289
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,086
- Yeah, right. It's you!
- I'm serious.
290
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,250
- For real?
- Yeah.
291
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,294
Oh, there's a note.
292
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,756
Okay, it's in cursive,
so this might take me a second.
293
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:14,882
"Dear Adam,
294
00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:18,846
"only six people have
ever died on this Gravitron.
295
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,555
"Just kidding only two."
296
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,182
- That's funny.
- Yeah.
297
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:24,393
"Hope you got all your
droothers..."
298
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:25,768
- Druthers.
- Druthers.
299
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,354
- Yeah.
- Okay, that makes sense.
300
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:28,939
"You deserve them. See you at the wedding.
301
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,365
- "Love, Hilary."
- That's the nicest thing
302
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,033
a chick's ever done for a dude in the
303
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,610
- history of the world, right?
- Yeah.
304
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,115
Almost, 'cause in seventh grade,
305
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:39,621
Melissa McDonald agreed to look at my penis
and my balls for 20 seconds straight.
306
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,417
- Pretty nice.
- Yeah, during a school trip.
307
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,493
- It was like...
- Very nice.
308
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:43,874
- At that point, now this is.
- Ahem.
309
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,000
This might have taken first place.
310
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,299
Hi. I'm Brooklyn,
311
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:49,967
your dancer.
312
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,720
- Yes, she is.
- Hello, Brooklyn. I'm Blake.
313
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,422
So, uh, some good news.
314
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,428
Your job should be pretty easy tonight
315
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,635
since there won't be any
gravity holding your clothes on.
316
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,558
It's a Gravitron!
317
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,891
We're lookin' at some booby
'cause of the Gravitron.
318
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:05,441
- Totally.
- Oh! This is gonna be
319
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:06,563
the best night of my life!
320
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,316
Yes!
321
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,779
Oh, my God!
322
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:14,234
I done came down
tip-toeing in my Jordans
323
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:19,948
Tip-toein' in my foreign
you motherfuckers borin'
324
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,749
You sleeping on me, snorin'
325
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,918
This is the best time of my life!
326
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,087
Tip-toeing in my Jordans
327
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,917
I down came down
Tip-toeing in my Jordans
328
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:34,004
Just copped a Porsche
Tip-toeing in my foreign
329
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,181
You motherfuckers borin'
330
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,758
This is awesome.
331
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,308
This has been a dream of mine
332
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,057
since I heard about it
in the Penthouse letters.
333
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,975
- Yeah?
- My grandma used to
334
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,352
read them to me so I could
fall asleep more easily.
335
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,351
You all right down there?
'Cause you're not hard.
336
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,277
That's very unlike my dick.
337
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,105
Normally it's just like...
338
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,815
Spitting
all over the place, you know?
339
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,070
Yeah, but it's not...
340
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,117
No. It's like an old taxidermied snake.
341
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,036
- But it isn't.
- It's scared.
342
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,238
Oh, wow, I don't...
343
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:03,074
Oh, my God. You know what it is?
344
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,745
I'm in love. Guys, I'm in love!
345
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,250
- Oh!
- That's what's happening.
346
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,252
That's why my hog isn't hard right now,
347
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,799
'cause I'm so in love with Hilary.
348
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,046
Of course I'm in love with her,
349
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,799
she gave me a freaking Gravitron, right?
350
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:17,300
- Yeah. That's beautiful!
- It's cool!
351
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,257
I don't even like this
super babe of a stripper!
352
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,259
No offense. Here.
353
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,889
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
354
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,141
Just for a minute.
355
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,267
- I need to spend some...
- Sure.
356
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:26,768
...alone time with my guys.
357
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,566
This might be the last time it's just us,
358
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,858
you know, since I'm gonna be a freakin'
359
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,732
- basically married dude.
- I'll just...
360
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,027
Thank you for doing your
stuff with your body. It's...
361
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,484
- Namaste.
- I normally love glittered women.
362
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,990
- It's no offense.
- Thank you.
363
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:42,997
- Uh-oh.
- And then there were three, right?
364
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,202
And if you're real quiet,
you can hear wedding bells!
365
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,208
- You sure can.
- I can't hear 'em.
366
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,336
Oh, man, I am so sad to see you go,
367
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,338
but then again, I'm happy,
'cause we're probably
368
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,670
gonna be living together
in a mansion with a butler,
369
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,347
playing video games, not working ever!
370
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,845
Well, thank you guys so much.
And thank you for, like,
371
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,926
doing all this stuff
and giving me all my druthers.
372
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,188
I really appreciate it!
373
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,392
Ho ho ho ho! Oh, that was awesome!
374
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,352
- You're out of your mind.
- That was awesome!
375
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,312
Hey, to Single Adam!
376
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,068
- Yay!
- Yeah!
377
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,783
- I’ll drink to that, dude.
- Signing off.
378
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,528
Forever.
379
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,297
Wake up!
380
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,880
You guys have been in
here for like six hours.
381
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,509
I need to be paid.
382
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,384
- Hey, what time is it?
- It's 10:00 am.
383
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,559
- Okay, no.
- What?
384
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,387
I gave you my credit card last night.
385
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,643
Yeah, you did, and it got declined.
386
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,065
You're maxed out.
387
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,484
- So somebody owes me.
- You know what?
388
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,648
I owe you.
389
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,729
You owe me a lot of money, actually, yeah.
390
00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,982
What is your real name?
391
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,487
Why do you want to know that?
392
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,443
Because I need to go to that church
393
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,120
and tell my future girlfriend
394
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,573
the name of the woman
I already cheated on her with.
395
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:09,000
What? No.
Why would you do that? Don't do that.
396
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,247
No, I have to.
397
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,078
I can't start this new chapter of my life
398
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,505
without being forgiven
for these past indiscretions.
399
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,505
Getting a lapper from her,
all those other lappers.
400
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,176
Like so many lappers.
401
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,595
We've gotten so many lappers!
402
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,172
What are you talking about?
Don't be weird, dude.
403
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,757
Promise me you won't ruin this for me.
404
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,433
I'm trying to retire early, man.
405
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,643
That's a little selfish, Blake.
406
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:30,596
But, yeah... I promise.
407
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,604
I promise that I won't
be late to the wedding.
408
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,276
- Come on, Ad...
- Adam!
409
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,648
- I can't...
- Don't push me!
410
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,150
- Will someone just pay me?
- Oh, oh!
411
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,322
Here it comes again!
412
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,321
- Ahhh!
- Ahhh!
413
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,402
It's not on anymore.
414
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:46,867
- Oh.
- Yeah.
415
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,664
Oh! Jesus!
416
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,215
Don't, don't you do it!
417
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,091
Or do do it, but just wait
till after the garter belt's been tossed.
418
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:03,467
When am I gonna get paid?
419
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,890
Jesus, Brooklyn, is stripping
just about money to you?
420
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,387
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, guys,
421
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,561
but you can't stop love!
422
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,645
My whole entire family fortune's in there!
423
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,893
- Adam, stop!
- Wait, wait!
424
00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,564
No!
425
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,195
You're being totally selfish.
426
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,817
You guys just don't want to see me happy!
427
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,194
And you don't even understand relationships!
428
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,570
Only me and Steve Harvey do!
429
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,198
You're causing a friendship
family feud, dude.
430
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:27,870
Steve Harvey would never do that!
431
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,618
Nope.
432
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,620
Adam! You get away from here.
433
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:33,246
Today's not about you, okay?
It's about two people.
434
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,954
The bride and the stud
who catches the garter belt!
435
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:39,086
Ow! Oh! You back-upunctured me!
436
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,917
And it didn't even hurt. In fact...
437
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,760
It helped my hip.
438
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,133
Come on!
439
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,769
Stop stopping my love!
440
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,016
What the hell are you doing?
441
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,563
Oh, you just said hell!
442
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,061
We're in church, dude. You're going to hell!
443
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,188
People say hell in churches
all the time, you just said it.
444
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,736
Hey! What's going on up there?
445
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,358
- Um...
- Ow!
446
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,111
- Hey, you okay, dude?
- Stop the wedding!
447
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,532
- Stop the wedding!
- Wait...
448
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:06,780
It is stopped!
449
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:07,951
Now, will someone please tell me
450
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,199
what the hell is going on up there?
451
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,489
Ah... He just said hell.
452
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,119
- Adam, you made it!
- Oh...
453
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,452
Mom, Dad, um, that's my date.
454
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:16,877
What it is.
455
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,045
You know this clown?
456
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,664
Mr. Winthrop,
457
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,882
I would like
458
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,301
to ask for your daughter's hand
459
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,628
in being my girlfriend.
460
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:26,470
But
461
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,514
before I do that, I have to come clean
462
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:31,718
about some very dastardly
deeds that I have done.
463
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,224
I've gotta be real, I've gotta be honest,
464
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,305
- and I've gotta be open...
- He doesn't.
465
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,232
- ...with everyone in the church!
- You don't, you don't.
466
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:41,402
- Stop!
- Last night, I got a lap job,
467
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,946
which is sort of like
a lap dance but more sexual,
468
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,443
by a girl named Brooklyn.
469
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,400
Oh, that's me!
470
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,827
I'm Brooklyn. I'm the stripper.
471
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,571
- But we did not have sex.
- We didn't.
472
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,156
- He couldn't get it hard.
- Okay, that's not...
473
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,082
Evidently, I'm having a
hard time getting hard
474
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,831
as of late, but I hope
your daughter changes that.
475
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,594
You wanna tell me
what the hell you're doing here?
476
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,888
Sir, I need to let you know
477
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,432
that I did not get hard during that lap dance
478
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:15,892
because the love for
your daughter killed my boner.
479
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,314
Also, I once killed a turtle with...
480
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,767
- Stop talking.
- No, Daddy, Daddy.
481
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,602
That's my boyfriend Adam.
482
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,858
- Boyfriend?
- Isn't he the best? Yeah.
483
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,065
What is this about?
484
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,116
Daddy, I'm just trying to make you proud.
485
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,444
I mean, you were the one
that said I was confused
486
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,824
when I said that I was a lesbian
487
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,281
and in love with Jackie,
and you wanted me to date guys,
488
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,617
and so I picked a guy, and this is my guy.
489
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:40,078
- She picked me!
- Get over here.
490
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,789
- Get over here.
- Stop, stop, stop it!
491
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,874
Stop it! Okay, okay, you've made your point.
492
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,377
- Huh?
- If you like Jackie that much,
493
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,963
then... Be with Jackie.
494
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,969
Oh, God, thank you. Thank you.
495
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,300
Please get off of me.
496
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,392
Jesus, that was gross.
497
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,478
Oh, she's being funny again.
498
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,351
That's why we love Hilary, she's so funny,
499
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,228
and for a woman, too.
500
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,433
Oh, my God.
501
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,359
Not a comedy routine, dude.
502
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,062
You're a horrible person.
503
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,402
- I love you.
- I love you.
504
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,824
I love you. I love you.
505
00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,947
They can be as miserable as the rest of us.
506
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,778
Stop it. Don't hit me with the bouquet.
507
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,080
I'm sorry, can we get back to my wedding?
508
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,699
Oh, it's all about you, isn't it?
509
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:20,126
Okay, okay, you guys are outta here.
510
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,329
Great call. Love where your head's at.
511
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,505
I'm wondering if,
before we get the wheels really turning,
512
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,174
you could throw out the... Garter belt?
513
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,001
No! Get out!
514
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,632
Totally. I just... Need it!
515
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,964
- No!
- Hey, hey, hey!
516
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,550
Daddy!
517
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,976
Get off! Get off!
518
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,598
- Get off!
- Define lesbian!
519
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,851
You know what?
I think it worked out for the best.
520
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:44,275
I'm 25.
I'm too young to have my first girlfriend.
521
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:45,852
True, man you dodged a bullet, dude.
522
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,403
- Hello.
- What?
523
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:52,484
Still here. Still need money
for all the lappers that we did.
524
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,034
- Yes, uh...
- All the lappers.
525
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,488
And I still don't have any money.
526
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,615
Well, my friend is getting
married next weekend.
527
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,997
So maybe...
528
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:05,834
Oh! You...
You want me to go as your date as payment.
529
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,210
Yeah, of course!
530
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,836
- Yeah, that's smart.
- Sick!
531
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,294
Uh, not exactly.
532
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,134
Hello, everyone, and welcome.
533
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,808
We are gathered here today to celebrate...
534
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,851
Ugh! Ughhh!
535
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,727
Oh! Oh!
536
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,734
Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
537
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:33,111
Come on! Oh! Oh! Oh!
538
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,535
I'm really bad. I know I'm going to hell.
539
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,580
But I been told my dick's so good
it gotta be goin' to heaven!
540
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,754
Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it!
541
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:55,134
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus, did I shit myself?
542
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:57,260
Did I shit... Oh, it was you three.
543
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,468
Oh, my God, I thought I shit my pants!
544
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:11,500
Ripped By mstoll