1
00:00:05,013 --> 00:00:06,780
Chomsky, come here.
2
00:00:06,793 --> 00:00:08,320
Come here, Chomsky.
3
00:00:08,335 --> 00:00:11,210
- Abed, I'm really sorry.
- I told you cats don't like me.
4
00:00:11,217 --> 00:00:13,724
They consider me a competitor because
of my natural stealth and ambivalence.
5
00:00:13,742 --> 00:00:17,281
Oh-oh, did she get high again and
forget she doesn't wear contacts?
6
00:00:17,294 --> 00:00:19,270
Before Britta moved her
cats into our apartment,
7
00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:22,286
she wanted to introduce them
to us on neutral ground.
8
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,167
One of them scratched Abed
and ran under the couch.
9
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:27,307
Oh, I'll get it.
Cats love me.
10
00:00:27,313 --> 00:00:29,565
- What? Are you sure?
- Mm-hm.
11
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,126
Hello there.
12
00:00:33,635 --> 00:00:36,233
Well, she is.
Is it a he or a she?
13
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:37,326
- He.
- Well,
14
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:40,022
he's really got his teeth
in my flesh right now.
15
00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:42,923
Okay, he's touching bone.
16
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,919
I'm just waiting for
him to finish up.
17
00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:47,644
Not a lot I can
do at this point.
18
00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,863
This was a pretty
big mistake.
19
00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:53,516
Okay. This is done.
20
00:00:55,982 --> 00:00:57,266
Oh.
21
00:00:57,896 --> 00:01:00,555
See you tomorrow. I'm pretty
embarrassed about this.
22
00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:02,131
Chomsky.
23
00:01:02,144 --> 00:01:05,112
I didn't know Britta was
moving in with Annie and Abed.
24
00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:06,204
- That's--
- Expository?
25
00:01:06,211 --> 00:01:09,498
Yeah, Britta's fallen on hard times and our
apartment is the cheapest game in town.
26
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:13,473
Abed, it's a little embarrassing
when you put it that way.
27
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:16,018
Britta's a rich genius
with super powers
28
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,563
and she's gonna live on
our sofa for no reason.
29
00:01:18,582 --> 00:01:19,297
Oh, no.
30
00:01:19,310 --> 00:01:21,910
Dinosaurs. My
tax documents.
31
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,537
Facts about
Native Americans.
32
00:01:24,608 --> 00:01:25,515
Just kidding.
33
00:01:25,521 --> 00:01:28,953
Guess what I just purchased for
the school from a local manufacturer,
34
00:01:28,965 --> 00:01:32,964
Greendale's first virtual
reality operating system.
35
00:01:33,377 --> 00:01:36,504
Did Greendale need
a virtual reality system?
36
00:01:36,523 --> 00:01:39,263
Uh, like a hole
in the head.
37
00:01:40,297 --> 00:01:42,550
A hole in the head is something
that you don't need.
38
00:01:42,563 --> 00:01:45,197
She said through a huge
hole in her head.
39
00:01:45,645 --> 00:01:47,412
Didn't VR go out
in the 90s?
40
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:50,473
The last people I saw using it
were in the Honeycomb Hideout.
41
00:01:50,479 --> 00:01:51,979
We mock what we
don't understand.
42
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,964
- We also mock what's silly.
- Jeffrey.
43
00:01:53,971 --> 00:01:55,670
Abed, you're more
machine than man.
44
00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:57,750
You wanna give me a hand setting
up the equipment after lunch?
45
00:01:57,763 --> 00:02:00,129
We're all going to help Britta
move into our place today.
46
00:02:01,565 --> 00:02:03,612
- Jeffrey?
- Britta, something's come up.
47
00:02:03,631 --> 00:02:05,393
- I'd love to.
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
48
00:02:05,418 --> 00:02:07,708
at least you don't have to bust
out your usual excuse.
49
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,488
You don't know for sure
that I'm not a veteran,
50
00:02:09,513 --> 00:02:12,280
and nobody can say for sure
that today isn't Veteran's Day.
51
00:02:12,286 --> 00:02:14,138
Hi. I got bit by a cat.
52
00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:15,863
Chang, we know.
53
00:02:16,661 --> 00:02:20,026
Why are you guys and all these
books in the nurse's office?
54
00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:50,139
Corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for FiHTV WEB-DL by Rapunzel
55
00:02:51,164 --> 00:02:55,181
Dean, where did you get this, and for
how much of the school's money?
56
00:02:55,186 --> 00:02:57,566
Ah, relax, my little
bean countess.
57
00:02:57,579 --> 00:03:00,996
- Don't worry about it.
- You pay me to worry about that.
58
00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:02,949
Oh, and how much
do I pay you?
59
00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:03,736
That's you.
60
00:03:03,755 --> 00:03:06,537
It was only $5000.
61
00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:07,590
What?
62
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,889
Frankie, jack me up.
63
00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:14,341
I would like to see
this company's website.
64
00:03:14,354 --> 00:03:16,662
- Can I use your computer?
- Sure.
65
00:03:16,675 --> 00:03:23,339
Have fun in the Stone Age while
I step into the third dean-mension.
66
00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:24,846
Width?
67
00:03:24,865 --> 00:03:26,488
Read the instructions,
analog man.
68
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:27,896
When entering
virtual reality,
69
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:31,597
you should calibrate the system
by looking at your own hands,
70
00:03:31,604 --> 00:03:34,845
then turning them over
and looking at the backs of them
71
00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:37,771
- with a sense of wonder.
- Roger that.
72
00:03:40,058 --> 00:03:43,499
Welcome to the VirtuGood 6500.
73
00:03:44,385 --> 00:03:45,609
Oh.
74
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:49,004
Initiate calibration.
75
00:03:49,447 --> 00:03:51,781
It's-It's incredible.
76
00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:54,720
I can see all around.
77
00:03:56,057 --> 00:03:59,005
I gotta take a closer look
at these structures, they're...
78
00:04:01,144 --> 00:04:02,998
I'm walking!
79
00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:05,675
I am walking.
80
00:04:09,057 --> 00:04:10,091
My God.
81
00:04:17,747 --> 00:04:19,756
I know what this is.
82
00:04:26,037 --> 00:04:28,037
I set the time zone.
83
00:04:28,061 --> 00:04:30,682
I set the time zone.
84
00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:32,371
And my phone does
that automatically.
85
00:04:32,389 --> 00:04:34,708
I'm gonna see if I can
make the font bigger.
86
00:04:43,368 --> 00:04:45,690
The font is larger.
87
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:48,253
And Jesus wept,
88
00:04:48,264 --> 00:04:51,207
for there were no more
worlds to conquer.
89
00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,760
Thank you, guys,
again, so much.
90
00:04:58,773 --> 00:05:00,266
I know that I already
owe you you money
91
00:05:00,284 --> 00:05:03,262
but I want you to know that I got a new
bartending job with better hours
92
00:05:03,287 --> 00:05:06,914
and free corn nuts which I feel like have
a small but significant resale value.
93
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,346
I feel like everybody's talking about
that haircut I gave Vicki, so--
94
00:05:11,897 --> 00:05:13,545
Oh, Britta.
95
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:14,617
- Can I--
- It's okay.
96
00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:15,697
Do I do this too? Okay.
97
00:05:15,722 --> 00:05:17,619
This is going to be good
for all of us, right?
98
00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:19,565
It's like a fresh start.
99
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,922
Oh, did you guys
get a new couch?
100
00:05:21,935 --> 00:05:23,924
We got it for you.
It has a pull-out.
101
00:05:23,943 --> 00:05:26,307
You guys.
102
00:05:26,914 --> 00:05:28,277
I wanted a Murphy
bed for shenanigans
103
00:05:28,302 --> 00:05:30,450
but the cost to shenanigan
ratio was too high.
104
00:05:30,475 --> 00:05:32,005
How did you guys
afford this?
105
00:05:32,018 --> 00:05:33,551
Ah, don't worry.
106
00:05:33,557 --> 00:05:36,127
- We got a good deal.
- For pick up, Perry.
107
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:37,932
Why's my name on here?
108
00:05:38,936 --> 00:05:40,969
Because we got it for you.
109
00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:42,331
And we told
the sales guy that.
110
00:05:42,337 --> 00:05:43,023
So.
111
00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:46,001
So he put your friend's name
on the delivery slip?
112
00:05:46,014 --> 00:05:47,856
That seems weird, right?
113
00:05:52,343 --> 00:05:55,430
- Roommate movie night!
- Roommate movie night, yay!
114
00:05:57,687 --> 00:06:00,398
- Portuguese Gremlins.
- Portuguese Gremlins, ooh.
115
00:06:00,410 --> 00:06:02,372
It's Portugal's answer to Gremlins
if Gremlins' question was
116
00:06:02,397 --> 00:06:04,283
how can you totally rip us off
without spending any money
117
00:06:04,308 --> 00:06:05,530
and having watched
us maybe twice?
118
00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:08,615
That's what the Portuguese
Gremlins say, right?
119
00:06:08,628 --> 00:06:09,862
It's close enough.
120
00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,471
I did it.
121
00:06:19,496 --> 00:06:20,856
It's 2:39.
122
00:06:20,863 --> 00:06:23,375
That was the time when you
started setting the time.
123
00:06:23,381 --> 00:06:26,388
- It's 20 minutes later now.
- The power.
124
00:06:26,394 --> 00:06:27,981
The facility.
125
00:06:27,994 --> 00:06:30,186
- Jesus wept.
- Stop saying Jesus wept.
126
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,238
Dean,
127
00:06:32,263 --> 00:06:34,643
here's something fun
you might want to try.
128
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:39,114
Let's see if we can find
the serial number to this system.
129
00:06:39,127 --> 00:06:43,213
- Oh, that could be fun.
- So go to Settings.
130
00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:45,589
Is that in the volcano
or the cobbler's workshop?
131
00:06:45,609 --> 00:06:46,910
It's a monastery.
132
00:06:49,863 --> 00:06:52,236
I feel the power.
133
00:06:52,249 --> 00:06:53,202
Hut.
134
00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,700
Hut.
135
00:06:55,725 --> 00:06:57,097
Hut.
136
00:06:57,672 --> 00:06:59,505
Welcome to Settings.
137
00:07:02,316 --> 00:07:03,429
Oh.
138
00:07:03,854 --> 00:07:07,364
Your majesty,
the filing cabinets.
139
00:07:08,552 --> 00:07:11,775
You're looking for one
called purchase info.
140
00:07:14,427 --> 00:07:17,308
Hit, yeah, ah-ha.
141
00:07:18,026 --> 00:07:20,285
These cabinets would never be
this easy to climb in real life.
142
00:07:20,294 --> 00:07:23,543
This is the future of scrolling.
My world is officially boundless.
143
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:24,614
Ha!
144
00:07:24,639 --> 00:07:25,632
I'm here.
145
00:07:25,638 --> 00:07:29,414
Inside that drawer should be
a file called serial number.
146
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:37,677
I've got it!
147
00:07:38,411 --> 00:07:41,011
All right. Now you just have
to print that file out.
148
00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:45,897
You can do that by dragging it
to the accessories and peripherals castle,
149
00:07:45,911 --> 00:07:48,268
and planting it in
the printer garden.
150
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,209
What's so funny?
151
00:07:51,215 --> 00:07:52,936
I mean, besides
everything?
152
00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:56,292
I have no intention of
returning this system.
153
00:07:56,312 --> 00:08:01,227
On the contrary,
I intend to keep it.
154
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:02,602
Dear God.
155
00:08:04,616 --> 00:08:05,703
Delete!
156
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,856
One file selected.
157
00:08:08,868 --> 00:08:10,663
Oh. Hold on.
158
00:08:14,504 --> 00:08:15,891
File sorted.
159
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:17,703
What? Oh, come on.
160
00:08:18,174 --> 00:08:20,157
Yeah. Come here
you little.
161
00:08:34,048 --> 00:08:36,397
File deleted.
162
00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,560
Jesus wept!
163
00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:41,242
He deleted the serial number,
Jeff, help me out here.
164
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:42,855
I don't get paid
enough for this.
165
00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:44,304
How much do you think
you're going to get paid
166
00:08:44,329 --> 00:08:46,329
if I have to find five
grand in the budget?
167
00:08:48,463 --> 00:08:49,919
You're not the new Annie.
168
00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:51,930
You're the new Abed.
169
00:08:51,943 --> 00:08:53,332
I don't know what
that means yet.
170
00:08:55,209 --> 00:08:58,684
So are the gremlins supposed to be
the good guys in this version?
171
00:08:58,704 --> 00:08:59,504
The blue ones are.
172
00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,986
The green ones are bad and the red
ones are kind of like isolationists.
173
00:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,194
- It's a metaphor for World War II.
- Ooh.
174
00:09:04,207 --> 00:09:07,147
Um, I will be right back,
I left something in my car.
175
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,933
Oh.
176
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,599
Hi, yes, I picked up a sofa
from your store, recently.
177
00:09:16,618 --> 00:09:18,796
The last name is Perry.
178
00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:20,794
Mm-hm.
179
00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:24,528
What?
180
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,515
- Are you strong or angry?
- My parents?
181
00:09:30,521 --> 00:09:33,254
My parents bought
that couch?
182
00:09:33,266 --> 00:09:34,854
Explain yourselves!
183
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,413
Well, are we, okay.
184
00:09:37,151 --> 00:09:40,960
They kind of reached
out to us on Facebook.
185
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,311
What? You know I don't
talk to them.
186
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:46,131
Well, yeah. That's why
they talk to us.
187
00:09:46,144 --> 00:09:49,527
They knew you wouldn't let them
help you, at least not directly.
188
00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:51,520
Oh my god. Oh my god.
189
00:09:51,539 --> 00:09:54,203
You needed our help, but we
needed their help to help you.
190
00:09:54,216 --> 00:09:55,956
That's why we were able to get you
such a good deal on the rent.
191
00:09:55,969 --> 00:09:59,018
- They're supplementing
my rent too? - Mm-hm.
192
00:09:59,024 --> 00:10:02,820
You make them sound like monsters,
but they're actually really nice.
193
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,107
Well, they are!
194
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,037
My parents are
horrible people.
195
00:10:15,057 --> 00:10:16,858
- You're being dramatic.
- Oh yeah.
196
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:20,038
That's what people say
when they take your soul,
197
00:10:20,063 --> 00:10:24,975
and they rip it out of your chest
and then shove it in your mouth.
198
00:10:31,358 --> 00:10:32,859
I got bit by a cat.
199
00:10:36,648 --> 00:10:39,894
I will create more worlds.
200
00:10:39,912 --> 00:10:42,948
And those worlds
will have worlds.
201
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,799
They're file folders,
stop calling them worlds.
202
00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,325
I found an address.
203
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:51,608
Elroy Patashnik, founder of
Virtu Good technologies.
204
00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:54,586
All right. I'll go see if I can
get the school's money back.
205
00:10:54,598 --> 00:10:57,218
You keep White Morpheus
inside the Matrix.
206
00:10:59,891 --> 00:11:02,200
- Jeff.
- Britta. You look distraught.
207
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:04,945
You have ten seconds to tell me
it's not about stupid politics.
208
00:11:04,951 --> 00:11:08,464
I just found out that Annie and Abed have
been cheating on me with my parents.
209
00:11:08,477 --> 00:11:10,531
They've been sabotaging
my life from the shadows
210
00:11:10,556 --> 00:11:12,769
by paying off my debts
and buying me things.
211
00:11:12,775 --> 00:11:14,382
- Thank God.
- What are you?
212
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:16,895
- Thank God?
- The charade can finally end.
213
00:11:16,907 --> 00:11:18,963
Now you know everything
you thought you owed us,
214
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,764
you can actually just
owe to Deb and George.
215
00:11:20,777 --> 00:11:21,971
Deb and George?
216
00:11:21,984 --> 00:11:24,264
You know my parents too?
217
00:11:24,277 --> 00:11:25,164
Since when?
218
00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:27,721
I don't know, since
thousands of dollars ago?
219
00:11:27,727 --> 00:11:31,667
I'm bad with dates. I remember the New
Year's glasses having zeros for eyes.
220
00:11:31,673 --> 00:11:33,127
And when did Stella
get her groove back?
221
00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:35,445
You've all been lying
to me for years.
222
00:11:35,457 --> 00:11:37,852
- What kind of friends are you?
- Poor.
223
00:11:37,877 --> 00:11:39,231
We're poor friends.
224
00:11:39,247 --> 00:11:42,654
And you mooch off us because you're too
proud to use your own support system.
225
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,667
What kind of
friend are you?
226
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:47,659
And having met them, what
were you rebelling against?
227
00:11:47,672 --> 00:11:50,405
Was it generosity,
whimsical game nights,
228
00:11:50,430 --> 00:11:52,857
or delicious lobster
bacon mashed potatoes?
229
00:11:52,870 --> 00:11:54,437
You ate the potatoes?
230
00:11:54,449 --> 00:11:57,350
- You-You don't even eat carbs.
- I eat love, Britta.
231
00:11:57,364 --> 00:12:00,750
Hot, delicious love that you were
willing to wipe your ass with.
232
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:01,968
Oh, my God.
233
00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:04,781
I have no friends.
234
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,274
Can we not be so
dramatic about this?
235
00:12:06,281 --> 00:12:09,264
There are people in this
world with serious problems.
236
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,637
Chang, go see the nurse!
237
00:12:15,098 --> 00:12:16,388
I'm trying.
238
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,361
- Yeah?
- Elroy Patashnik?
239
00:12:30,381 --> 00:12:32,494
- Who's asking?
- Well, that's always a yes.
240
00:12:32,507 --> 00:12:34,303
Nobody ever says, who's asking,
to the wrong name.
241
00:12:34,323 --> 00:12:36,263
They just say,
that's not my name.
242
00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:39,119
When my phone rings and I say hello,
and they say, is Pablo there?
243
00:12:39,131 --> 00:12:42,195
I don't say, who's asking,
I say, wrong number.
244
00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:43,662
You're a clever young man.
245
00:12:43,668 --> 00:12:45,749
- I'm 40.
- Come in.
246
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,021
So?
247
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:53,210
You sold a Virtu Good
6500 to Craig Pelton
248
00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:56,964
at Greendale Community College,
and we need to return it.
249
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,244
I'll need
the serial number.
250
00:12:58,263 --> 00:13:01,151
He deleted the serial number
because he loves the system.
251
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:02,606
So what's the problem?
252
00:13:02,618 --> 00:13:04,494
The problem is in
order to copy a file,
253
00:13:04,512 --> 00:13:05,913
you have to throw
a fireball at it,
254
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:09,553
then absorb the fire, then drop
the flaming file into a crystal lake,
255
00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:12,199
then take out both copies and throw
them into the side of a mountain.
256
00:13:12,212 --> 00:13:13,691
Worlds within worlds.
257
00:13:14,272 --> 00:13:15,485
That doesn't
mean anything.
258
00:13:15,499 --> 00:13:17,800
I can copy a file by holding
my finger down on a phone.
259
00:13:17,813 --> 00:13:19,276
Well, so can a monkey.
260
00:13:19,689 --> 00:13:21,709
Now, you're describing
a system for animals.
261
00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:25,490
Terrestrial slobs bound
to the earth by their meaty feet.
262
00:13:25,969 --> 00:13:27,742
I designed
a system for gods.
263
00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,336
Oh, come on.
264
00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:30,702
You know what you've done.
265
00:13:30,719 --> 00:13:32,932
You know how lame
virtual reality is.
266
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,650
You know the damage it
caused mid-90s cinema.
267
00:13:35,670 --> 00:13:37,970
I mean, Michael Douglas walking
around like a jackass,
268
00:13:37,977 --> 00:13:40,030
moving files with
a magic glove?
269
00:13:40,037 --> 00:13:42,444
Lawnmower Man?
Did you see Lawnmower Man?
270
00:13:42,457 --> 00:13:44,832
You bet your sweet ass
I saw Lawnmower Man.
271
00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:45,952
I consulted on it.
272
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:47,512
Took Brigitte Nielsen
to the premiere.
273
00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:49,193
We were building
worlds within worlds.
274
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,374
And now you're living in homes
within campers within parking lots,
275
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,486
and using an iPad to clearly design what
looks like a ripoff of Angry Birds.
276
00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:57,553
Get out.
277
00:13:58,496 --> 00:13:59,397
Get out of my Winnebago!
278
00:13:59,409 --> 00:14:02,378
You're not allowed to say
that like it's a punishment.
279
00:14:02,403 --> 00:14:05,575
I know what it's like
to lie for a living, Elroy!
280
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:08,074
And you should know, it
feels better to stop.
281
00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:11,777
And my feet aren't meaty!
282
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,935
- Britta, honey.
- An unexpected treat.
283
00:14:27,948 --> 00:14:31,202
This is a check for all the dirty
money you have used to control
284
00:14:31,215 --> 00:14:33,082
and monitor me
without my consent.
285
00:14:33,102 --> 00:14:35,035
- But we're not gonna cash this.
- Well you can't.
286
00:14:35,055 --> 00:14:36,395
I postdated it a year.
287
00:14:36,414 --> 00:14:38,757
And in that year, I'm
gonna get a new job,
288
00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:43,371
new friends, in a new city where you
and your spies can never find me.
289
00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:45,838
Oh, please.
Don't do this.
290
00:14:45,858 --> 00:14:47,585
What choice do
you leave me?
291
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:51,316
Who acts this dishonestly
towards their own daughter?
292
00:14:51,335 --> 00:14:53,758
What choice do
you leave us?
293
00:14:53,771 --> 00:14:56,520
I mean, every time we get
too close, you run off.
294
00:14:56,533 --> 00:14:58,895
We sent you a birthday card
to your apartment in New York,
295
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,406
and then next week you're setting
fire to a Jamba Juice in San Jose.
296
00:15:02,412 --> 00:15:04,035
How long is that
gonna stick with me?
297
00:15:04,048 --> 00:15:07,120
Until arson is legal, sweetie,
but your father's point is,
298
00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:10,323
we've arrived at the closest
relationship you can tolerate.
299
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,636
- Mm-hm.
- We've learned, after a decade,
300
00:15:13,661 --> 00:15:18,028
how to love and admire
and finance you from afar,
301
00:15:18,053 --> 00:15:20,406
through your friends,
and the social media.
302
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,226
The Tinder and the like.
303
00:15:22,239 --> 00:15:25,639
- It's called Tumblr, dad.
- No, I mean Tinder.
304
00:15:25,644 --> 00:15:29,816
It's a matchmaking app, and by
the way, if you were on Tinder--
305
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,064
Your mom and I think
you'd be the prettiest.
306
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,549
Absolutely, the boys
would be swiping right.
307
00:15:35,556 --> 00:15:36,552
Or girls!
308
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,004
- Yes!
- Whatever makes you happy.
309
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:39,104
Totally.
310
00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:41,520
What has happened
to you two?
311
00:15:41,533 --> 00:15:45,329
Who are these doddering
open-minded geezers?
312
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:48,667
Where are the people who wouldn't let
me dress up like Prince for Halloween?
313
00:15:48,674 --> 00:15:52,677
Or told me that the cat ran
away because I tried alcohol?
314
00:15:52,697 --> 00:15:56,176
Or had me drug
tested when I was 11
315
00:15:56,201 --> 00:15:59,228
because they said I was
laughing too much?
316
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:03,031
We are definitely sorry
about all of that stuff.
317
00:16:03,044 --> 00:16:06,438
Quite frankly, we don't
remember that stuff.
318
00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:07,351
Oh, it's true.
319
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,182
- Woodstock, oh!
- Oh, my god.
320
00:16:10,207 --> 00:16:12,180
I remember Woodstock!
321
00:16:12,186 --> 00:16:17,884
Woodstock was amazing but-but
you have to realize, Britta,
322
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:22,315
that your Woodstock, which
was us being bad parents,
323
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:24,080
that has more
to do with you.
324
00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:26,469
So that's what you
remember, see?
325
00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:27,727
Mm-hm.
326
00:16:29,212 --> 00:16:30,540
Where are they?
327
00:16:31,009 --> 00:16:31,719
- Hm.
- I'm sorry.
328
00:16:31,738 --> 00:16:34,051
Get out here!
329
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,432
Britta, let me explain.
330
00:16:37,444 --> 00:16:40,479
We were worried
about you, so
331
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:45,088
- we just came over.
- You can explain to each other in hell.
332
00:16:45,101 --> 00:16:48,756
Friends don't visit
each other's parents.
333
00:16:48,762 --> 00:16:53,137
I hope you have
a wonderful life.
334
00:17:00,749 --> 00:17:01,845
Oh.
335
00:17:03,393 --> 00:17:04,546
George, George, yes.
336
00:17:04,552 --> 00:17:07,089
Britta, at least take some
money and fix your car!
337
00:17:07,102 --> 00:17:10,483
Or at least get a cab, or there are apps
we can call where strangers pick you up.
338
00:17:10,489 --> 00:17:12,249
I don't want your help.
339
00:17:12,263 --> 00:17:14,472
Stop infantilizing me!
340
00:17:14,477 --> 00:17:16,551
Hey, stop. Stop!
341
00:17:16,562 --> 00:17:19,083
- Get out of here.
- Hey!
342
00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:24,494
Green Machine, nice.
343
00:17:24,507 --> 00:17:26,837
Here, Greg, here,
take some cash.
344
00:17:27,343 --> 00:17:28,756
Holy crap!
345
00:17:29,322 --> 00:17:31,035
What's her problem?
346
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:33,387
She's growing up.
347
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:44,999
Oh my god.
348
00:17:45,024 --> 00:17:47,801
I put a tilde on this n!
349
00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:51,172
I can do anything.
350
00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:54,753
Any luck?
351
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:57,350
Ugh,
352
00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:58,748
I'm going home.
353
00:17:59,414 --> 00:18:03,605
Oh, and to warn you, he joked
about wanting a pee jar earlier
354
00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:06,345
and it's gradually
becoming less of a joke.
355
00:18:08,108 --> 00:18:09,528
Hey, Dean.
356
00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:11,715
I'm coming over and I'm
pulling you out of there.
357
00:18:11,721 --> 00:18:13,014
- I'll bite you.
- I'll beat you up.
358
00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:15,824
I'll like it and then I'll fire you
and then I'll get right back in it.
359
00:18:15,837 --> 00:18:18,735
- I'll still get to beat you up.
- Hold it. Hold it.
360
00:18:20,256 --> 00:18:21,070
Who is that?
361
00:18:21,095 --> 00:18:22,515
I recognize that
baritone voice
362
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,962
and the scent of Tic Tacs
with a tinge of Naugahyde.
363
00:18:24,975 --> 00:18:27,213
It's Elroy Patashnik.
364
00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:29,611
The architect.
365
00:18:29,617 --> 00:18:32,786
Listen, I've come to tell you something
very important about this system.
366
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,020
It's lame.
367
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,142
What?
368
00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:42,851
I wasted your time with it and 10
crucial years of America's time.
369
00:18:42,864 --> 00:18:45,768
- I'm giving Mr. Winger your refund.
- I don't want a refund.
370
00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:48,152
I wanna stay in
here forever
371
00:18:48,177 --> 00:18:51,550
and you can't stop me.
372
00:18:51,569 --> 00:18:53,210
Die.
373
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,350
How long has he
been in there?
374
00:18:59,356 --> 00:19:00,663
Four hours.
375
00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:02,536
Oh,
376
00:19:02,561 --> 00:19:03,914
I was thinking weeks.
377
00:19:03,927 --> 00:19:05,816
Ha. Yep!
378
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:09,805
This guy runs your school?
379
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:15,957
To use a phrase
I coined in the 90s,
380
00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:18,683
I'm going in.
381
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:22,559
- You coined that?
- Oh yeah, lock and load.
382
00:19:23,873 --> 00:19:25,315
That's mine too.
383
00:19:26,012 --> 00:19:27,352
All right.
384
00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:33,600
- I'm awake.
- Aah!
385
00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:36,966
- Oh my God!
- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
386
00:19:36,979 --> 00:19:38,667
What are you
doing in my car?
387
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,627
I didn't have
anywhere else to go.
388
00:19:41,215 --> 00:19:43,495
No where else but my car?
389
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,200
Do you know how big
the planet is?
390
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:53,366
What is going on, Britta?
391
00:19:54,048 --> 00:19:57,303
My friends, they all think
my parents are adorable,
392
00:19:57,316 --> 00:19:59,158
and they think that I'm
the bad guy for hating them,
393
00:19:59,183 --> 00:20:01,970
but I have a right to hate them, cuz
I had to be there when they sucked.
394
00:20:01,977 --> 00:20:03,103
Yeah.
395
00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:05,409
Jimmy Fallon syndrome.
I get it.
396
00:20:05,836 --> 00:20:07,483
I had that with
my parents, too.
397
00:20:07,502 --> 00:20:09,216
- You did?
- Yeah.
398
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:14,618
You know, one of the most unfair
lessons we're forced to learn
399
00:20:14,633 --> 00:20:17,192
is that our parents
are human beings.
400
00:20:17,206 --> 00:20:20,019
We wanna think of them
as gods or demons,
401
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,557
because then that
would make us heroes.
402
00:20:21,577 --> 00:20:23,873
But give me a break.
403
00:20:23,886 --> 00:20:25,379
We all suck.
404
00:20:26,679 --> 00:20:28,960
What can I do to help
you tonight, Britta?
405
00:20:31,657 --> 00:20:34,120
How many quarters were
in this cup holder?
406
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,493
The same amount.
407
00:20:37,355 --> 00:20:39,275
Oh, yeah.
408
00:20:39,295 --> 00:20:41,122
Calibrated. Welcome.
409
00:20:41,142 --> 00:20:43,013
No, go away!
410
00:20:43,356 --> 00:20:45,607
Preferences grow.
411
00:20:47,921 --> 00:20:51,974
What are you doing?
No, no, no.
412
00:20:51,987 --> 00:20:53,014
Let go of me.
413
00:20:53,021 --> 00:20:56,071
Do you really want
the power of a god?
414
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:58,133
Yes, more than anything.
415
00:20:58,153 --> 00:21:01,392
Should I order dinner, cuz a lot of
good delivery places are closing?
416
00:21:01,398 --> 00:21:02,565
I know how you feel.
417
00:21:02,585 --> 00:21:06,663
The sadder reality,
the less real we want it.
418
00:21:06,676 --> 00:21:08,732
I just wanna be
a good dean.
419
00:21:08,738 --> 00:21:11,935
I can give you a device
that will accomplish that.
420
00:21:11,948 --> 00:21:13,268
Oh!
421
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,709
You can use this
to manipulate worlds.
422
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:18,814
- Flick of a wrist.
- Ha!
423
00:21:21,289 --> 00:21:25,145
My god, it's incredible!
424
00:21:25,170 --> 00:21:26,427
Now!
425
00:21:28,685 --> 00:21:31,837
What's happening. No!
Ow. I wanna go back in.
426
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,604
I want to be
back in there.
427
00:21:33,616 --> 00:21:37,050
- I want to be--
- Here. Here. Here's your power.
428
00:21:37,553 --> 00:21:38,545
Yeah.
429
00:21:38,558 --> 00:21:41,794
Now, manipulate worlds.
430
00:21:42,729 --> 00:21:44,140
Yeah.
431
00:21:45,357 --> 00:21:47,637
He'll be back to his
old self in an hour.
432
00:21:47,657 --> 00:21:50,658
Great, do you have
a way to fix that?
433
00:21:59,899 --> 00:22:01,812
- Seriously, though, thank you.
- Mm hm.
434
00:22:07,216 --> 00:22:09,083
Britta, we were
so worried.
435
00:22:09,096 --> 00:22:10,990
- What happened to the kid's
Green Machine? - What?
436
00:22:11,010 --> 00:22:13,802
- I, I don't know. I ditched it.
- Where and how long ago?
437
00:22:13,815 --> 00:22:15,769
Okay, assume that's not
what's important here.
438
00:22:15,775 --> 00:22:17,637
- Britta, we--
- It's okay, Dad.
439
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:19,646
I have something
that I wanna say.
440
00:22:19,666 --> 00:22:23,372
I ran away from home at 17
to become an adult,
441
00:22:23,397 --> 00:22:27,553
but maybe all that did was leave
a part of me stuck at 17,
442
00:22:27,565 --> 00:22:31,330
the part that tends to run away when
I am confronted with the truth.
443
00:22:31,335 --> 00:22:33,992
- The truth is good, Britta.
- Mom, shut up!
444
00:22:33,998 --> 00:22:35,868
Frankie taught me
something important.
445
00:22:35,881 --> 00:22:39,831
It doesn't matter how mature we
are or what resentments we carry.
446
00:22:39,843 --> 00:22:43,596
All that matters is that
we're all going to die.
447
00:22:46,205 --> 00:22:50,446
- You have a lovely home.
- Thank you.
448
00:22:50,459 --> 00:22:53,268
So, we're really getting
our daughter back?
449
00:22:53,274 --> 00:22:54,891
Yeah, but it's not gonna
be that big of a deal.
450
00:22:54,896 --> 00:22:56,158
I mean, you guys
missed the good years.
451
00:22:56,177 --> 00:22:58,300
Now, it's just gonna be
margaritas, Pottery Barn,
452
00:22:58,313 --> 00:23:02,045
fighting our family's tendency toward
obesity as we slide into oblivion.
453
00:23:02,059 --> 00:23:04,606
First you guys, and then
me quickly thereafter.
454
00:23:04,618 --> 00:23:06,572
Well, I'll drink to that.
455
00:23:08,598 --> 00:23:11,310
Oh, Abed.
456
00:23:12,398 --> 00:23:14,038
Benjamin.
457
00:23:14,057 --> 00:23:15,931
I got bit by a cat, Deb.
458
00:23:15,950 --> 00:23:17,475
No!
459
00:23:18,279 --> 00:23:20,441
I'll get the antibiotics.
460
00:23:22,054 --> 00:23:24,408
Thank you for
the refund, Elroy.
461
00:23:24,420 --> 00:23:26,560
No, thank you
462
00:23:26,953 --> 00:23:30,360
for one last taste of what it was
like when my work was valuable.
463
00:23:30,366 --> 00:23:32,439
Oh, it's still valuable.
464
00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:37,891
Here, $500 for the taste
I got of being powerful.
465
00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:45,008
- Dean, the school can't afford 500--
- Wait for it.
466
00:23:47,265 --> 00:23:49,888
I have no idea what to do
with the rest of my life now.
467
00:23:49,901 --> 00:23:52,757
We offer a wide
variety of classes.
468
00:23:56,052 --> 00:23:59,073
And that, my friend, is
the Greendale effect.
469
00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:03,917
I'll never get out
of here, will I?
470
00:24:03,937 --> 00:24:05,724
I haven't met
many that do.
471
00:24:07,773 --> 00:24:09,820
Let's walk arm in arm.
472
00:24:09,838 --> 00:24:14,238
There are times when change
needs to be different,
473
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:17,639
then there's changes
that are more the same.
474
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:20,468
But the same changes don't
tend to be different
475
00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:22,671
than the changes
that came before.
476
00:24:23,447 --> 00:24:25,527
If you change everything
that's different,
477
00:24:25,534 --> 00:24:29,678
sometimes you find out
everything's still the same.
478
00:24:30,274 --> 00:24:34,322
As for me, I'm
just changing
479
00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:37,672
everything
that's different.
480
00:24:39,768 --> 00:24:41,279
Change.
481
00:26:17,050 --> 00:26:27,050
Corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for FiHTV WEB-DL by Rapunzel