1
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:04,335
Chomsky, come here.
Come here, Chomsky.
2
00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:07,737
- Abed, I'm really sorry.
ABED: I told you cats don't like me.
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:11,138
They consider me a competitor because
of my stealth and ambivalence.
4
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,642
Uh-oh. Did she get high again
and forget she doesn't wear contacts?
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,940
ANNIE: Before Britta moved her cats
into our apartment...
6
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,607
...she wanted to introduce them to us
on neutral ground.
7
00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:22,413
One of them scratched Abed
and ran under the couch.
8
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:23,987
Oh. I'll get it. Cats love me.
9
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,090
- What? Are you sure?
CHANG: Mm-hm.
10
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:29,352
Hello there.
11
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,131
- Well, she is... Is it a he or a she?
BRITTA: He.
12
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:36,166
Well, he's really got his teeth
in my flesh right now.
13
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,666
Okay, he's touching bone.
14
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:44,969
I'm just waiting for him to finish up.
Not a lot I can do at this point.
15
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,169
This was a pretty big mistake.
16
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,645
Okay, I guess he's done.
17
00:00:52,685 --> 00:00:54,619
Oh!
18
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:55,845
See you tomorrow.
19
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,489
- I'm pretty embarrassed about this.
BRITTA: Chomsky...
20
00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:02,092
I didn't know Britta was moving in
with Annie and Abed. That's...
21
00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:06,197
Expository? Britta's fallen on hard times
and our apartment is the cheapest game.
22
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:10,665
Abed, it's a little embarrassing
when you put it that way.
23
00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:14,897
Britta's a rich genius with superpowers
and gonna live on our sofa for no reason.
24
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,870
Oh, no, dinosaurs.
25
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,304
My tax documents.
26
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:21,878
Facts about Native Americans.
Just kidding.
27
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:25,346
Guess what I just purchased
for the school from a local manufacturer.
28
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:29,511
Greendale's first virtual reality
operating system.
29
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:33,154
Did Greendale need
a virtual reality system?
30
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,759
Uh, like a hole in the head.
31
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,229
Hole in the head is something
that you don't need.
32
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,662
She said through a huge hole
in her head.
33
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,930
Didn't VR go out in the '90s?
34
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:47,071
The last people I saw using it
were in the Honeycomb Hideout.
35
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,673
- Mock what we don't understand.
- Also what's silly.
36
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,242
Jeffrey.
Abed, you're more machine than man.
37
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,208
You wanna give me a hand setting up
the equipment after lunch?
38
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:57,008
We're all gonna help Britta
move into our place today.
39
00:01:58,151 --> 00:01:59,948
PELTON: Jeffrey?
- Britta, something's come up.
40
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,244
I'd love to.
41
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,355
Yeah. At least you don't have to bust out
your usual excuse.
42
00:02:04,557 --> 00:02:06,047
You don't know for sure
that I'm not a veteran.
43
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,853
Nobody can say for sure
that today isn't Veterans Day.
44
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,757
Hi, I got bit by a cat.
45
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,192
Chang, we know.
46
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:17,294
Why are you guys and all these books
in the nurse's office?
47
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,598
♪ Give me some rope
Tie me to dream ♪
48
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,869
♪ Give me the hope
To run out of steam ♪
49
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:29,276
♪ Somebody said
It can be here ♪
50
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:33,248
♪ We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year ♪
51
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:37,549
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
52
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,884
♪ One by one
They all just fade away ♪♪
53
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:48,000
Ripped By mstoll
54
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:52,631
FRANKIE: Dean, where did you get this
and for how much of the school's money?
55
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,002
Oh, relax, my little bean countess.
Don't worry about it.
56
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,608
You pay me to worry about that.
57
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:01,006
Oh, and how much do I pay you?
That's you.
58
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:04,144
It was only $5000.
59
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:08,252
- What?
- Frankie, jack me up.
60
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:11,988
I would like to see
this company's website.
61
00:03:12,225 --> 00:03:14,352
- Can I use your computer?
- Sure.
62
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:20,658
Have fun in the Stone Age
while I step into the third Dean-mension.
63
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:24,132
- Width?
- No. Read the instructions, Analog Man.
64
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,135
"When entering virtual reality,
calibrate the system...
65
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,103
...by looking at your own hands...
66
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,278
...then turning them over
and looking at the backs of them...
67
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:35,242
...with a sense of wonder."
- Roger that.
68
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,782
[BEEPING]
69
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:41,147
COMPUTER:
Welcome to the VirtuGood 6500.
70
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,513
[GASPS]
71
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:47,125
COMPUTER: Initiate calibration.
PELTON: My God.
72
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,989
It's incredible.
73
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,823
I can see all around.
74
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:56,567
Let me take a closer look
at these structures. I...
75
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,660
[PELTON LAUGHING]
76
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,668
I'm walking.
77
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:04,041
I am walking.
78
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:07,803
My God.
79
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,822
I know what this is.
80
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:22,885
[PELTON LAUGHS]
81
00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:25,493
I set the time zone.
82
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:29,998
- I set the time zone.
- And my phone does that automatically.
83
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,364
I'm gonna see
if I can make the font bigger.
84
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,040
The font is larger.
85
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:48,843
And Jesus wept,
for there were no more worlds to conquer.
86
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,685
[♪♪♪]
87
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:57,892
Thank you guys again so much.
I know that I already owe you money...
88
00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:01,897
...but I got a new bartending job
with better hours and free corn nuts...
89
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:04,535
...which have a small
but significant resale value.
90
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:08,468
I feel like everybody's talking
about that haircut I gave Vicki, so...
91
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:13,371
- Oh, Britta, it's okay.
- Can I...? Do I do this too? Okay.
92
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:17,743
This is gonna be good for all of us, right?
It's like a fresh start.
93
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:21,543
- Oh, did you guys get a new couch?
- We got it for you. It has a pull-out.
94
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:24,348
You guys.
95
00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:27,993
Wanted a Murphy bed for shenanigans,
but cost-to-shenanigan ratio was high.
96
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,660
How did you guys afford this?
97
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:30,954
Oh, don't worry.
98
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,597
We got a good deal.
99
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,097
"For pickup, Perry."
Why is my name on here?
100
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,469
Because we got it for you.
101
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,662
And we told the sales guy that, so...
102
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:43,603
So he put your friend's name
on the delivery slip?
103
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,402
That seems weird, right?
104
00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:51,974
- Roommate movie night.
- Roommate movie night! Yay!
105
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,881
- Portuguese Gremlins.
- Portuguese Gremlins. Ooh.
106
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,025
Portugal's answer
if Gremlins' question was:
107
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:03,285
"How can you rip us off without spending
money, having watched maybe twice?"
108
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,520
Chee-choo, chee-choo.
109
00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:06,994
- What the Portuguese gremlins say.
- Close enough.
110
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,692
ANNIE:
Chee-choo, chee-choo.
111
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,631
[GRUNTING]
112
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,102
I did it.
113
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,470
It's 2:39.
114
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:21,044
That was the time
when you started setting the time.
115
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,679
It's 20 minutes later now.
116
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:25,440
The power, the facility.
117
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,846
- Jesus wep...
- Stop saying, "Jesus wept."
118
00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:32,051
Dean, here's something fun
you might want to try.
119
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:36,523
Let's see if we can find the serial number
to this system.
120
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:38,697
Oh, that could be fun.
121
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:40,694
So go to Settings.
122
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:43,197
Is Settings the volcano
or the cobbler's workshop?
123
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:44,460
It's a monastery.
124
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:47,298
[CHUCKLING]
125
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:50,806
PELTON:
I feel the power!
126
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:57,440
COMPUTER:
Welcome to Settings.
127
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,877
[GASPS]
128
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:06,049
PELTON:
The majesty, the filing cabinets.
129
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,723
JEFF: You're looking for one
called Purchase Info.
130
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:13,725
[GRUNTING]
131
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,456
[LAUGHING]
132
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:19,536
PELTON: These wouldn't be this easy
to climb in real life. Future of scrolling.
133
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,970
My world is officially boundless.
I'm here.
134
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,236
Inside that drawer should be a file
called Serial Number.
135
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,718
PELTON:
I've got it.
136
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,680
All right, now you just have
to print that file out.
137
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,756
You can do that by dragging it...
138
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,291
...to the Accessories
and Peripherals castle...
139
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,497
...and planting it in the printer garden.
140
00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,188
[CACKLING]
141
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,592
What's so funny?
I mean, besides everything?
142
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,772
I have no intention
of returning this system.
143
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:57,533
On the contrary, I intend...
144
00:07:57,743 --> 00:07:59,608
...to keep it.
- Dear God.
145
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,876
Delete.
146
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,947
COMPUTER:
One file selected.
147
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,613
Oh, hold on.
148
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,886
COMPUTER: File sorted.
- What? Oh, come on.
149
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:17,726
Come here, you little...
150
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:20,926
[PELTON GRUNTING]
151
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,134
PELTON:
Don't fight it.
152
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:27,897
Just let go.
153
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,678
COMPUTER:
File deleted.
154
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,310
Jesus wept!
155
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:37,846
He deleted the serial number.
156
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,575
- Help me out here.
- I don't get paid enough for this.
157
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:44,813
How much do you think you'll get paid
if I have to find 5 grand in the budget?
158
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,117
You're not the new Annie.
159
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:51,057
- You're the new Abed.
- Don't know what that means yet.
160
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,663
[MAN SPEAKING PORTUGUESE
ON TV]
161
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,959
So are the gremlins supposed
to be the good guys in this version?
162
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,600
Blue ones are. Green ones are bad
and red ones are like isolationists.
163
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:01,602
- It's a metaphor for World War II.
- Ooh.
164
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,575
I will be right back.
I left something in my car.
165
00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,267
Oh.
166
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,774
Hi, yes.
167
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:14,179
I picked up a sofa
from your store recently.
168
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,981
The last name is Perry.
169
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:18,520
Mm-hm.
170
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:22,589
What?
171
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:27,896
- Are you strong or angry?
- My parents?
172
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:30,694
My parents bought that couch?
173
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,029
Explain yourself.
174
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,530
Well, are we...? Okay.
175
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,471
They kind of reached out to us
on Facebook.
176
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,612
What? You know I don't talk to them.
177
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,540
Well, yeah.
That's why they talked to us.
178
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:46,513
They knew you wouldn't let them
help you. Not directly.
179
00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,153
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
180
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:52,051
You needed our help,
but we needed their help to help you.
181
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,887
- That's why we got you a good deal.
- They're supplementing my rent too?
182
00:09:56,662 --> 00:10:00,029
You make them sound like monsters
but they're actually really nice.
183
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,125
[GAGGING]
184
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,903
Well, they are.
185
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,735
My parents are horrible people.
186
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,503
- You're being dramatic.
- Oh, yeah.
187
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,512
That's what people say
when they take your soul...
188
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:23,155
...and they rip it out of your chest
and then shove it in your mouth!
189
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,358
I got bit by a cat.
190
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:31,530
[BOTH SCREAM]
191
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,361
PELTON:
Yes.
192
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:42,701
I will create more worlds here,
and those worlds will have worlds.
193
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:45,308
They're file folders.
Stop calling them "worlds."
194
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:46,637
I found an address.
195
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:51,642
Elroy Patashnik,
founder of VirtuGood Technologies.
196
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,149
I'll go see
if I can get the school's money back.
197
00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:57,481
You keep white Morpheus
inside the Matrix.
198
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,856
BRITTA: Jeff.
- Britta, you look distraught.
199
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,655
Ten seconds to tell me
it's not about stupid politics.
200
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,992
I found out Annie and Abed have
been cheating on me with my parents.
201
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:12,227
Sabotaging my life from the shadows by
paying off my debts, buying me things.
202
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:15,065
- Oh, thank God.
- What... "Thank God"?
203
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:16,673
The charade can finally end.
204
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:20,368
Everything you thought you owed us,
you can just owe to Deb and George.
205
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,603
Deb and George?
206
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,748
You know my parents too?
Since when?
207
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,179
I don't know,
since thousands of dollars ago?
208
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:28,512
I'm bad with dates.
209
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:31,383
I remember the New Year's glasses
having zeros for eyes.
210
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:35,117
- When did Stella get her groove back?
- You've all been lying to me for years?
211
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,352
- What kind of friends are you?
- Poor.
212
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:38,689
We're poor friends.
213
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:42,299
You mooch off us because you're too
proud to use your own support system.
214
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,797
What kind of friend are you?
215
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,134
And having met them,
what were you rebelling against?
216
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,898
Was it generosity,
whimsical game nights...
217
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,577
...or delicious lobster bacon
mashed potatoes?
218
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:53,938
You ate their potatoes?
219
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,636
You don't even eat carbs.
220
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:59,544
I eat love. Hot, delicious love that you
were willing to wipe your ass with.
221
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,214
Oh, my God.
222
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,752
- I have no friends.
- Can we not be so dramatic about this?
223
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,553
There are people in this world
with serious problems.
224
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:13,029
Chang, go see the nurse.
225
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,530
I'm trying.
226
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,402
[♪♪♪]
227
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,837
- Yeah?
- Elroy Patashnik?
228
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,982
- Who's asking?
- Well, that's always a yes.
229
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:35,745
Nobody says, "Who's asking?" to wrong
name. They say, "That's not my name."
230
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:38,924
When my phone rings, I say, "Hello,"
they say, "Is Pablo there?"
231
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:41,685
I don't say, "Who's asking?"
I say, "Wrong number."
232
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,155
You're a clever young man.
233
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,830
- I'm 40.
- Come in.
234
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,594
So?
235
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,862
You sold a VirtuGood 6500
to Craig Pelton...
236
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:56,370
...at Greendale Community College,
and we need to return it.
237
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,974
I'll need the serial number.
238
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,112
He deleted the serial number
because he loves the system.
239
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:04,146
- What's the problem?
- Problem is, in order to copy a file...
240
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,818
...you throw a fireball at it
then absorb the fire...
241
00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,214
...drop the flaming file
into a crystal lake...
242
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,855
...then throw them
into the side of a mountain.
243
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,581
Worlds within worlds.
244
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:17,622
Doesn't mean anything. I can copy a file
by holding my finger down on a phone.
245
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,161
Oh, so can a monkey.
246
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,663
Now, you're describing a system
for animals.
247
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,802
Terrestrial slobs bound to the earth
by their meaty feet.
248
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,396
I designed a system for gods.
249
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,200
Oh, come on.
You know what you've done.
250
00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:32,400
You know how lame virtual reality is.
251
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,170
You know the damage it caused
mid-'90s cinema.
252
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,645
Michael Douglas walking around
like a jackass...
253
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,715
...moving files with a magic glove?
254
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,114
And Lawnmower Man...
Did you see Lawnmower Man?
255
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,484
You bet your sweet ass I saw
Lawnmower Man. I consulted on it.
256
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:48,888
Took Brigitte Nielsen to the premiere.
Building worlds within worlds.
257
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:52,063
Now you're living in homes
within campers within parking lots...
258
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:56,166
...and using an iPad to clearly design
what looks like a rip-off of "Angry Birds."
259
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:59,030
Get out. Get out of my Winnebago.
260
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,832
You're not allowed to say that
like it's a punishment.
261
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:05,067
I know what it's like
to lie for a living, Elroy...
262
00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:08,440
...and you should know
it feels better to stop.
263
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:12,073
And my feet aren't meaty.
264
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,732
- Britta, honey.
- An unexpected treat.
265
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,901
This is a check
for all the dirty money...
266
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,866
...you've used to control and monitor me
without my consent.
267
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,905
- We're not gonna cash this.
- You can't. I postdated it a year.
268
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:38,975
And in that year,
I'm gonna get a new job, new friends...
269
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,113
...in a new city where you and your spies
can never find me.
270
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:45,545
Oh, please, don't do this.
271
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,082
What choice do you leave me?
272
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:51,052
Who acts this dishonestly
towards their own daughter?
273
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,986
- What choice do you leave us?
- Yeah.
274
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,223
Every time we get too close,
you run off.
275
00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:58,692
We sent you a birthday card
to your apartment...
276
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,061
...the next week, you're setting fire
to a Jamba Juice in San Jose.
277
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:05,260
- How long is that gonna stick with me?
- Until arson is legal.
278
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:10,101
But your father's point is we've arrived at
the closest relationship you can tolerate.
279
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:13,101
We've learned after a decade...
280
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:17,646
...how to love and admire
and finance you from afar...
281
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,148
...through your friends
and the social media.
282
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:21,717
Tinder and the like.
283
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,479
It's called Tumblr, Dad.
284
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:25,349
No, I mean Tinder.
285
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,616
It's a matchmaking app.
And by the way...
286
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:31,523
...if you were on Tinder, your mom and I
think you would be the prettiest.
287
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,927
Absolutely.
The boys would be swiping right.
288
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,598
GEORGE: Or girls.
- Yeah.
289
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,531
- Whatever makes you happy.
- Totally.
290
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,966
What has happened to you two?
291
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:44,802
Who are these doddering,
open-minded geezers?
292
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:48,241
Where are the people who wouldn't
let me dress up like Prince...
293
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:52,178
...or told me that the cat ran away
because I tried alcohol...
294
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:55,649
...or had me drug tested
when I was 11...
295
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,755
...because they said
I was laughing too much?
296
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:02,519
We are definitely sorry
about all of that stuff.
297
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:05,628
Quite frankly,
we don't remember that stuff.
298
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,996
DEB:
Well, it's true.
299
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,694
- Woodstock.
- Oh, my God.
300
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,665
I remember Woodstock!
301
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,065
- Woodstock was amazing.
- We had the...
302
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,366
- But you have to realize, Britta...
- Yep.
303
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,134
...that your Woodstock...
- Yeah.
304
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,336
...which was us being bad parents...
305
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,538
...that has more to do with you.
306
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:27,343
- So that's what you remember, see?
- Yeah. Mm-hm.
307
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:29,979
Where are they?
308
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,054
- I'm sorry.
- Get out here now!
309
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,988
Britta, let me explain.
310
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,688
We were worried about you,
so we just came over...
311
00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:44,699
You can explain to each other in hell.
312
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:48,202
Friends don't visit
each other's parents.
313
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:53,504
I hope you have a wonderful life.
314
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,844
[CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING]
315
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:04,317
George, George, yes.
316
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,014
Britta, at least take some money
and fix your car.
317
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:10,354
Get a cab or there are apps we can call
where strangers pick you up.
318
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:11,620
I don't want your help!
319
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,729
Stop infantilizing me.
320
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:15,962
Hey, stop. Stop!
321
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,532
Get out of here.
322
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:19,431
Hey!
323
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,140
Green Machine. Nice.
324
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,844
Here, Greg. Here, take some cash.
325
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,980
Holy crap.
326
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:30,442
What's her problem?
327
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:32,913
She's growing up.
328
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,580
[♪♪♪]
329
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,789
[GRUNTING]
330
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,586
Oh, my God.
331
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,426
I put a tilde on this N.
332
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,762
I can do anything!
333
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,131
[LAUGHING]
334
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:56,102
Any luck?
335
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:57,800
[GROANS]
336
00:17:58,043 --> 00:17:59,067
I'm going home.
337
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:04,409
Oh, and to warn you,
he joked about wanting a pee jar earlier.
338
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,584
And it's gradually becoming
less of a joke.
339
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,546
Hey, Dean, I'm coming over,
and I'm pulling you out of there.
340
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,884
- I'll bite you.
- I'll beat you up.
341
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,721
I'll like it, I'll fire you,
I'll get right back in it.
342
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,261
- Well, still get to beat you up.
- Hold it. Hold it.
343
00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:24,229
Who is that? I recognize that baritone
voice and scent of Tic Tacs...
344
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,462
...with a tinge of Naugahyde.
- It's Elroy Patashnik.
345
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,065
The Architect.
346
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,900
Listen, I've come to tell you something
very important about this system.
347
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,042
- It's lame.
- What?
348
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:43,251
I wasted your time with it
and 10 crucial years of America's time.
349
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,180
I'm giving Mr. Winger your refund.
350
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:46,686
I don't want a refund.
351
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:51,828
I wanna stay in here forever,
and you can't stop me.
352
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,992
Die!
353
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,668
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
354
00:18:58,203 --> 00:18:59,932
How long has he been in there?
355
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,006
- Four hours?
- Oh.
356
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,811
- I was thinking weeks.
PELTON: Yup.
357
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,077
This guy runs your school?
358
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:19,188
To use a phrase I coined in the '90s,
"I'm going in."
359
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,493
- You coined that?
ELROY: Oh, yeah.
360
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,153
Lock and load.
361
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,598
- That's mine too.
- All right.
362
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,196
- I'm awake.
- Aah!
363
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,373
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my god. I'm so sorry.
364
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:37,836
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
365
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:41,911
- What are you doing in my car?
- I didn't have anywhere else to go.
366
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,809
Nowhere else but my car?
367
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,744
Do you know how big the planet is?
368
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:53,654
What is going on, Britta?
369
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,886
My friends, they all think
my parents are adorable.
370
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,064
They think I'm the bad guy
for hating them.
371
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:02,859
But I have a right.
I had to be there when they sucked.
372
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:06,401
Yeah, Jimmy Fallon Syndrome.
I get it.
373
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,071
I had that with my parents too.
374
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:10,173
- You did?
- Yeah.
375
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:15,204
You know, one of the most unfair lessons
we're forced to learn...
376
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,678
...is that our parents
are human beings.
377
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,780
We wanna think of them
as gods or demons...
378
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:22,919
...because then
that would make us heroes.
379
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,922
Give me a break. We all suck.
380
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:27,284
[♪♪♪]
381
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:30,290
What can I do to help you tonight,
Britta?
382
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:35,399
How many quarters
were in this cup holder?
383
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,933
The same amount.
384
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,035
ELROY:
Oh, yeah.
385
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,866
COMPUTER:
Calibrated. Welcome.
386
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,905
No. Go away.
387
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,907
COMPUTER:
Preferences. Grow.
388
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,546
[ELROY CACKLING]
389
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:53,878
No! No. No. Let go of me.
390
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,782
ELROY:
Do you really want the power of a god?
391
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,581
Yes, more than anything.
392
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:02,282
Should I order dinner? Because a lot
of good delivery places are closing.
393
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:07,989
I know how you feel. The sadder reality,
the less real we want it.
394
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:09,564
PELTON:
I just wanna be a good Dean.
395
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,328
ELROY: I can give you a device
that will accomplish that.
396
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:19,142
You can use this to manipulate worlds
with the flick of a wrist.
397
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:27,074
PELTON: My God, it's incredible.
ELROY: Now!
398
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:29,844
[SCREAMS]
399
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:32,522
What's happening?
No, I wanna go back in!
400
00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:37,218
- I wanna be back in. Oh, I wanna be...
- Here, here, here. Here's your power.
401
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:43,230
Here. Now, manipulate worlds.
402
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,432
Yeah.
403
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:49,466
- He'll be back to his old self in an hour.
- Great.
404
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:52,166
Do you have a way to fix that?
405
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:53,435
[BOTH LAUGH]
406
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,943
♪ It's in the way that you use it ♪♪
407
00:21:57,883 --> 00:21:59,350
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
408
00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:01,878
Seriously, thank you.
409
00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:04,451
And...
410
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:06,121
[DOOR OPENS]
411
00:22:08,026 --> 00:22:09,493
Britta, we were so worried.
412
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:13,023
- What happened to the Green Machine?
- I don't know. I ditched it.
413
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,701
Where and how long ago? Okay,
I assume that's not what's important here.
414
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:17,994
Britta, we...
415
00:22:18,203 --> 00:22:20,501
It's okay, Dad.
I have something that I wanna say.
416
00:22:20,706 --> 00:22:23,675
I ran away from home at 17
to become an adult...
417
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:28,169
...but maybe all that did
was leave a part of me stuck at 17...
418
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:32,043
...the part that tends to run away
when I'm confronted with the truth.
419
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:33,342
The truth is good.
420
00:22:33,552 --> 00:22:36,077
Mom, shut up.
Frankie taught me something important.
421
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:40,488
It doesn't matter how mature we are
or what resentments we carry.
422
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,822
All that matters
is that we're all going to die.
423
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:50,559
You have a lovely home.
424
00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:53,799
- Thank you.
- We're really getting our daughter back?
425
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:56,940
It's not gonna be that big of a deal.
You missed the good years.
426
00:22:57,175 --> 00:22:59,109
It's gonna be margaritas,
Pottery Barn...
427
00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:02,836
...fighting our family's tendency
toward obesity as we slide into oblivion.
428
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:05,380
First you guys,
and then me quickly thereafter.
429
00:23:05,584 --> 00:23:08,553
- Well, I'll drink to that.
- Oh, Britta.
430
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:09,846
Hi, Mom.
431
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,120
- Abed.
- Benjamin.
432
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,354
I got bit by a cat, Deb.
433
00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:18,859
[ALL GASP]
434
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,895
I'll get the antibiotics.
435
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:25,028
Thank you for the refund, Elroy.
436
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,432
No, thank you...
437
00:23:27,739 --> 00:23:31,197
...for one last taste of what it was like
when my work was valuable.
438
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,071
Oh, it's still valuable.
439
00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:39,444
Here, $500 for the taste I got
of being powerful.
440
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:46,284
- Dean, the school can't afford 500...
PELTON: Wait for it.
441
00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:50,618
I have no idea what to do
with the rest of my life now.
442
00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:52,921
We offer a wide variety of classes.
443
00:23:56,768 --> 00:24:00,636
And that, my friend,
is the Greendale Effect.
444
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,500
I'll never get out of here, will I?
445
00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:07,439
I haven't met many that do. Heh.
446
00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:10,411
Let's walk arm in arm.
447
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:14,813
PELTON: There are times
when change needs to be different.
448
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:18,751
And there's changes
that are more the same.
449
00:24:18,957 --> 00:24:21,323
But the same changes
don't tend to be different...
450
00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:24,086
...than the changes that came before.
451
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:27,591
If you change everything that's different,
sometimes you find out...
452
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:28,925
You're back, Troy.
453
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,897
...everything's still the same.
454
00:24:31,102 --> 00:24:35,630
As for me, I'm just changing...
455
00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:39,175
...everything that's different.
456
00:24:40,545 --> 00:24:42,342
Change.
457
00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:44,146
[♪♪♪]
458
00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:51,380
[♪♪♪]
459
00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:53,723
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
460
00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,937
Chee-choo, chee-choo.
461
00:25:09,140 --> 00:25:10,198
[IN PORTUGUESE]
462
00:25:11,910 --> 00:25:13,844
[IN PORTUGUESE]
463
00:25:29,728 --> 00:25:30,922
[IN PORTUGUESE]
464
00:25:31,129 --> 00:25:32,721
[GREMLIN CACKLING]
465
00:25:34,599 --> 00:25:35,861
[SCREAMING]
466
00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:38,035
SHOP OWNER:
467
00:25:39,104 --> 00:25:40,469
...and hate Christmas.
468
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:42,864
[IN PORTUGUESE]
469
00:25:43,108 --> 00:25:45,440
SHOP OWNER:
470
00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:54,181
[SCREAMS]
471
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:56,780
[GROWLS]
472
00:25:57,689 --> 00:25:59,452
NARRATOR:
473
00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:09,796
[♪♪♪]
474
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,295
[NARRATOR SPEAKING
IN PORTUGUESE]
475
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:24,500
Ripped By mstoll