1
00:00:17,437 --> 00:00:18,917
My apartment is not a spa.
2
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,655
Dennis and I are
gonna take a soak.
3
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:24,088
You and Dennis are going
to bathe together?
4
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:25,723
It's that Turkish
bath thing.
5
00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,472
- What are you worried about?
- I'm not worried about anything,
6
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,757
but my apartment is not
a Turkish bath, okay?
7
00:00:29,770 --> 00:00:32,573
Well, Dee, you know, this is
Dennis's apartment now, too.
8
00:00:32,579 --> 00:00:34,993
No. No, goddamn it,
it's not, all right?
9
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,827
Mac and Dennis do
not live here.
10
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,220
Just... So sick of you guys doing
your stupid shit in my place.
11
00:00:42,464 --> 00:00:44,272
What the hell is this?!
12
00:00:44,284 --> 00:00:45,907
One more! Wah!
13
00:00:45,911 --> 00:00:47,311
Stop!
14
00:00:47,324 --> 00:00:48,337
- Hey!
- Oh!
15
00:00:48,357 --> 00:00:50,886
- Good set, boys!
- What are you doing?
16
00:00:50,898 --> 00:00:53,509
Oh, Dee, this is Jojo,
Tiny, Charlie you know.
17
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,476
I don't care.
18
00:00:54,482 --> 00:00:56,642
Together, we are Ass
Kickers United.
19
00:00:56,648 --> 00:00:58,055
Oh, you guys,
come on, please,
20
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,240
I don't want you doing your
weird routines in here!
21
00:01:00,253 --> 00:01:03,451
It's not a routine, Dee, and there
is nothing weird about this, okay?
22
00:01:03,470 --> 00:01:06,043
Ass Kickers United
is a way of life,
23
00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:08,602
based on the life improvement
teachings of the Master.
24
00:01:08,614 --> 00:01:10,208
What kind of cult
shit is that?
25
00:01:10,221 --> 00:01:11,855
No, no, it's not
a cult, Frank.
26
00:01:11,868 --> 00:01:14,762
The Master is the only human
to ever achieve enlightenment
27
00:01:14,787 --> 00:01:16,527
through the way
of the warrior.
28
00:01:16,539 --> 00:01:17,720
Stop, two, three.
29
00:01:17,726 --> 00:01:20,067
One, two, three, four.
Stop.
30
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:42,175
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync f
31
00:01:44,215 --> 00:01:46,375
Come on! Goddamn it!
32
00:01:46,382 --> 00:01:49,609
Frank, I can't get this Fight
Milk out of the goddamn couch!
33
00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:51,582
Oh! Shit!
34
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,375
It burned a hole
in the cushion!
35
00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:56,648
That's probably the crotein.
Don't get that on your skin!
36
00:01:56,661 --> 00:02:00,146
Oh! Frank, Frank, sorry I'm
late, man, but, uh, good news.
37
00:02:00,159 --> 00:02:01,759
I brought checkers.
Oh, what's up, Dee?
38
00:02:01,771 --> 00:02:04,304
I got dominoes, and what
the hell is going on?
39
00:02:04,328 --> 00:02:05,664
Your place looks like shit.
What happened?
40
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:08,202
Yeah, yeah, it does. I'll tell you
what happened. Mac and his goddamn
41
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:11,327
Ass Blasters Incorporated were
in here jerking around all day.
42
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,834
Mac, Charlie and a bunch of
goons started a queer club.
43
00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,706
- Hmm.
- They got a newsletter.
44
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:18,687
Oh, shit.
45
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:21,360
Ass Kickers United.
Oh, my God.
46
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:24,294
- What?
- Dee, Mac didn't start this club.
47
00:02:24,313 --> 00:02:25,960
- I did.
- What are you talking about?
48
00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:29,318
Yeah. I, uh... I just made this
shit up about Ass Kickers United
49
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:31,605
to get Mac to stop
eating my Thin Mints.
50
00:02:31,611 --> 00:02:32,431
Huh?
51
00:02:32,445 --> 00:02:34,518
You know how Mac is all
irritating and shit?
52
00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:35,785
- Of course.
- The worst!
53
00:02:35,798 --> 00:02:37,478
Right, well, he was doing
all this irritating shit,
54
00:02:37,503 --> 00:02:38,605
and he was driving
me crazy.
55
00:02:38,611 --> 00:02:40,598
Worst of all, he was eating
all my Thin Mint cookies,
56
00:02:40,623 --> 00:02:43,574
and, so, you know, playing on
Mac's physical insecurities,
57
00:02:43,599 --> 00:02:45,132
I decided I would get in
his head a little bit,
58
00:02:45,157 --> 00:02:47,136
so I created this Master
character, all right?
59
00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:49,205
I typed up this
newsletter, which was,
60
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:52,624
you know, mostly about fitness and, like,
just kicking ass at life in general,
61
00:02:52,637 --> 00:02:54,167
- just kind of speaking
Mac's language. - Mm.
62
00:02:54,180 --> 00:02:57,533
But mostly, I was speaking of the dangers
of consuming too many Thin Mint cookies.
63
00:02:57,546 --> 00:02:59,004
And I'll tell you, man,
it worked like a charm,
64
00:02:59,029 --> 00:03:00,909
'cause he stopped eating Thin
Mints almost immediately.
65
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,856
- That is extremely impressive.
- Oh.
66
00:03:03,863 --> 00:03:06,063
Dennis, I missed most
of that last part.
67
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:07,150
Run it by me again.
68
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:09,342
Frank, I just spoke for five straight
minutes. I'm not doing it again.
69
00:03:09,349 --> 00:03:11,672
- Dennis started a cult.
- No, I didn't start a cult.
70
00:03:11,679 --> 00:03:14,252
Yeah, sure sounds like a cult.
Hey, I got a great idea.
71
00:03:14,258 --> 00:03:16,210
Why don't you type up
another newsletter
72
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:19,865
and tell Mac and his dum-dum friends
to go and fix up your apartment, right?
73
00:03:19,877 --> 00:03:21,684
That way, you guys can get
the hell out of my place.
74
00:03:21,697 --> 00:03:23,437
Or maybe get some
broads involved.
75
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:26,159
Cults are great for
attracting New Age tail.
76
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:28,667
No, guys, you can't go straight
to fixing apartments and getting young,
77
00:03:28,692 --> 00:03:31,185
New Age tail. You can't do that.
That takes years of brainwashing.
78
00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:33,638
But here's the problem. If you don't
do that and write the newsletter
79
00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:35,831
and fix up the apartment, then
I'm just gonna rat you out.
80
00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:36,709
No. Come on, Dee.
81
00:03:36,715 --> 00:03:39,001
I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to.
You know why? 'Cause I'm up to here.
82
00:03:39,014 --> 00:03:40,433
All right, I've had a very
bad day, all right?!
83
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,967
- I'm at the end of my rope, if I'm being
honest. - Okay, okay, Dee, calm down.
84
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:45,318
All right, look, I'll test
the waters a little bit, okay,
85
00:03:45,343 --> 00:03:46,990
see if we can get
'em there slowly.
86
00:03:47,003 --> 00:03:49,403
Maybe you can get 'em
to eat a shit sandwich.
87
00:03:49,416 --> 00:03:50,756
That would be fun.
88
00:03:50,762 --> 00:03:52,716
Why the hell would I...?
What? No, this isn't about fun.
89
00:03:52,728 --> 00:03:55,595
This is about... it's about Thin
Mints, goddamn it! Right?
90
00:03:55,607 --> 00:03:58,401
And the reason I'm so good at this
is because I take it seriously.
91
00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:00,998
Now, just watch and learn.
92
00:04:04,935 --> 00:04:06,315
Listen up!
93
00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:08,101
According
to the Master, guys,
94
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,614
we're not getting
enough vitamin D,
95
00:04:09,639 --> 00:04:12,826
so these stickers harness
the power of the sun
96
00:04:12,851 --> 00:04:16,231
and deliver it directly
to our bodies, okay?
97
00:04:16,244 --> 00:04:18,938
And, apparently, guys,
there's another exercise.
98
00:04:18,957 --> 00:04:20,530
- Yes, sensei!
- Yeah!
99
00:04:20,543 --> 00:04:24,716
All right, now, they're called hammer
jerks, and it's sort of like a...
100
00:04:24,741 --> 00:04:27,233
- hammer, then you bend.
- Mm-hmm.
101
00:04:27,246 --> 00:04:30,005
- Then you snap, then you jerk.
- Ow.
102
00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:31,364
- Then a hammer.
- Hammer.
103
00:04:31,377 --> 00:04:33,295
- Ow! Bend.
- Bend, snap.
104
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,454
- Damn it.
- Jerk.
105
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:38,601
- Oh, yeah.
- Hammer, bend, snap, jerk.
106
00:04:38,621 --> 00:04:39,687
Hammer...
107
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,047
I can't believe they went
for the sticker thing.
108
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,100
Thank you. Thank you.
109
00:04:43,113 --> 00:04:45,267
Okay, so, time to dial
it up a notch.
110
00:04:45,273 --> 00:04:46,932
Let's put 'em to work and get
'em to your apartment.
111
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,276
Yeah, we can't just
dive into that shit.
112
00:04:48,282 --> 00:04:50,415
We talked about this.
It's a slow burn.
113
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,229
They're wearing sticks on
their heads. They're there.
114
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:55,371
Look, look, look, stop.
You guys are going crazy.
115
00:04:55,377 --> 00:04:58,993
You're gonna blow the Thin Mint thing.
Will you just trust me? I got this.
116
00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:02,540
I am the Master. I'm gonna
get you what you want.
117
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,664
You just got to let
me do my thing.
118
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,220
- That-that-that sounds good.
- Mm, yeah, okay.
119
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:08,947
- You gonna goddamn
blow this for me? - No.
120
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,404
- You gonna blow the Thin
Mint thing? - No.
121
00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:18,524
"The Master sayeth."
122
00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:19,290
Mm-hmm.
123
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:24,975
"Kicking ass in life
is all about drywall."
124
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,090
And pussy. Put "pussy."
125
00:05:26,103 --> 00:05:29,557
Goddamn, Frank, don't say "pussy."
It's disgusting. I'm not putting it.
126
00:05:29,582 --> 00:05:36,082
- Hmm. - "To be a total badass,
you must learn carpentry."
127
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:36,815
Hmm.
128
00:05:36,828 --> 00:05:41,163
"Fixing apartments is
what you must do."
129
00:05:41,176 --> 00:05:43,210
And buy Wolf Cola.
130
00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:45,594
- Let's make some coin.
- Okay.
131
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:51,484
"And buy Wolf Cola, the only
cola for true refreshment."
132
00:05:51,503 --> 00:05:53,690
- That's good.
- "Splash into the beast."
133
00:05:53,702 --> 00:05:55,203
- Mm-hmm, that's great.
- I know it is.
134
00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:57,269
Cool it with the jerky, will you?
You're driving me nuts.
135
00:05:57,288 --> 00:05:58,857
Now, put-put "bring pussy."
136
00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:00,771
- Goddamn it. All right. Fine. Hey, listen.
- Just put it in.
137
00:06:00,796 --> 00:06:02,150
This is what I'll do.
138
00:06:02,957 --> 00:06:06,090
"Ladies are now mandatory.
139
00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:12,053
"Each of you dick bags must
recruit at least one woman."
140
00:06:12,066 --> 00:06:14,919
- Should we put anything else?
- Make 'em eat a shit sandwich.
141
00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,231
What is it with you
and the shit sandwich?
142
00:06:16,237 --> 00:06:18,836
Do you really want to see somebody
take a roll and stick doody in it,
143
00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:20,528
and then they put
it in their mouth?
144
00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:22,481
- God, you are so gross.
- Eh...
145
00:06:24,337 --> 00:06:26,177
Okay, so, how much
for the Wolf Colas?
146
00:06:26,197 --> 00:06:27,497
- Five bucks a piece.
- Okay, great.
147
00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:29,570
- Ma, how many you want?
- I'll take three.
148
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,115
Okay. And Mrs. Mac?
149
00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:33,170
She'll have one.
150
00:06:33,189 --> 00:06:36,609
- Huh? - One. Any more caffeine than
that, and she will not stop talking.
151
00:06:36,622 --> 00:06:39,063
Really? Oh, kind of
want to see that.
152
00:06:39,554 --> 00:06:41,782
- Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you
for a second? - Yeah. What's up?
153
00:06:41,788 --> 00:06:45,108
Um, does all this seem
kind of strange to you?
154
00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:47,712
Huh? Uh, oh, you mean
the Wolf Cola thing?
155
00:06:47,718 --> 00:06:51,690
Yeah. I was wondering. Like, how does
the Master know about Wolf Cola?
156
00:06:51,696 --> 00:06:53,492
Oh, he's an aficionado
of all beverages.
157
00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:54,940
He's gonna know
the finest of colas.
158
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:57,800
Oh, oh, you mean the
carpentry thing. Yeah.
159
00:06:57,812 --> 00:07:01,572
No. Throughout history, uh, Ass
Kickers have always known carpentry.
160
00:07:01,585 --> 00:07:03,838
- Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford.
- Right, okay.
161
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,990
- What are you talking about?
- The women.
162
00:07:06,015 --> 00:07:09,235
- Oh. - The women, dude. This is
supposed to be a men's club, you know?
163
00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:12,248
- Who wants that around?
- Oh. Uh...
164
00:07:12,261 --> 00:07:13,971
I don't know. I'm
kind of cool with it.
165
00:07:13,984 --> 00:07:17,124
Also, I don't ever remember anything
in the newsletters about no women.
166
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,338
It could not have been more
clear: No women, no gays.
167
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,726
I don't ever remember you
reading anything about that.
168
00:07:23,746 --> 00:07:24,986
It was implied, okay?
169
00:07:24,999 --> 00:07:29,989
Look, in these kind of texts, you need
to be able to in-infer what's be...
170
00:07:30,001 --> 00:07:33,042
Look, I'll explain it to you later.
I think I'm just gonna...
171
00:07:33,056 --> 00:07:34,335
I needed some time off.
172
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:37,709
Whoa. Hey, man, you can't take
a day off from kicking ass, okay?
173
00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:40,269
Look, an Ass Kicker must be
present every day.
174
00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:43,436
An Ass Kicker must do the exercises.
An Ass Kicker must avoid Thin Mints.
175
00:07:43,442 --> 00:07:45,869
I know the rules, okay?
I don't need to...
176
00:07:45,888 --> 00:07:47,688
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.
177
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,187
- I'm just gonna go.
- You're just gonna go?!
178
00:07:49,199 --> 00:07:50,497
I mean...
179
00:07:51,607 --> 00:07:52,320
I mean...
180
00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:55,874
Okay, I'm taking the men with
me, and Frank's got the women.
181
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,301
Oh, cool. Are you
an Ass Kicker now?
182
00:07:57,307 --> 00:07:58,161
I'm an Ass Kicker now.
183
00:07:58,174 --> 00:07:59,550
Sweet. All right.
Who signed you up?
184
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,397
- The dumb one.
- Oh, Tiny?
185
00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:04,115
No, no, no. The one eating
paint chips off the wall.
186
00:08:04,686 --> 00:08:05,778
These taste like paint.
187
00:08:05,792 --> 00:08:07,726
Uh, yeah, those are paint
chips there, pal.
188
00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:08,712
- These are?
- Yeah.
189
00:08:08,718 --> 00:08:10,927
- Oh, they're delicious.
- Yeah, that's the good paint.
190
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:12,991
- Let's go.
- All right, let's go.
191
00:08:12,997 --> 00:08:15,364
Hey, we're gonna, uh,
go swing some hammers.
192
00:08:20,287 --> 00:08:22,654
Oh, you guys, it's so great
that you do construction.
193
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:26,453
I mean, this is just gonna be easy-- just
slap a couple coats of paint around,
194
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:29,098
maybe a couple of new doors. You're
gonna be in and out in a few hours.
195
00:08:29,111 --> 00:08:30,198
Yeah.
196
00:08:30,691 --> 00:08:31,857
Oh!
197
00:08:31,864 --> 00:08:33,903
Wow! Shit.
198
00:08:33,916 --> 00:08:36,189
No wall! That's...
199
00:08:36,214 --> 00:08:37,154
pretty awesome.
200
00:08:37,174 --> 00:08:39,099
- Okay, boys, let's get to work.
- Yeah.
201
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:41,039
Look, I do construction
for a living.
202
00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:43,829
I mean, I thought Ass Kickers was
just some sort of fun workout club--
203
00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:46,115
- you know, like... CrossFit.
- CrossFit.
204
00:08:46,128 --> 00:08:49,021
Hey, man, you don't want
to take this seriously?
205
00:08:49,027 --> 00:08:49,895
Hey, that's fine.
206
00:08:49,914 --> 00:08:51,607
Why don't you give me those
stickers back, then?
207
00:08:51,626 --> 00:08:54,671
Uh, no, I'm coming down with
a cold and I need mine.
208
00:08:54,678 --> 00:08:56,218
Did you do, like, your
deer antler spray?
209
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:59,770
- Some. But I'm running lower.
- Have some of mine. Here.
210
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,903
All right, you know what, I
overreacted, boys.
211
00:09:01,923 --> 00:09:04,723
I overreacted. I snapped at you,
and the Master wouldn't like that.
212
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:05,696
And I'm sorry.
213
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,495
I think maybe this
is my mission
214
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:09,859
and my calling, so why don't you
guys find some other mission
215
00:09:09,884 --> 00:09:11,897
and I'll handle
this one, okay?
216
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:13,549
- Thanks, Charlie.
- All right, cool.
217
00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:15,427
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
218
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:16,333
Goddamn it, Charlie.
219
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:19,219
It's fine. You know, the guys have been
working their asses off. I got this. Look.
220
00:09:19,232 --> 00:09:21,414
Dee, the Master
says fix it...
221
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:23,986
I'm gonna fix it.
222
00:09:24,011 --> 00:09:26,884
♪ ♪
223
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:28,985
Frank, is that you?
224
00:09:28,998 --> 00:09:30,651
Missed you in there, pal.
225
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:33,589
Still pretty steamy, though,
if you want to hop in and...
226
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:37,863
- What the hell's this?
- Just watching a little TV.
227
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:38,863
Are those Thin Mints?
228
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,926
Oh, yeah, big-time, dude.
I love these things.
229
00:09:40,932 --> 00:09:44,280
I notice, uh... you're looking
a little out of shape there, bud.
230
00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:45,931
- I am?
- Yeah.
231
00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,827
Yeah, and it's a shame, too, because
you've been looking so great lately.
232
00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:50,527
- So sexy.
- I was?
233
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:53,883
Yeah, so to see this
is just disappointing.
234
00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:55,461
To me, but, you know...
235
00:09:55,475 --> 00:09:56,368
This disappoints you?
236
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,321
Yeah. What-what
are you doing?
237
00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,030
You taking a day off or
something, is that okay?
238
00:10:00,043 --> 00:10:01,616
I'm sure the Master allows
for that, though, right?
239
00:10:01,630 --> 00:10:03,157
Well, I'm not really
sure about that.
240
00:10:03,162 --> 00:10:04,381
Oh, you're not sure, yeah.
241
00:10:04,394 --> 00:10:06,957
Did the Master not make that
crystal goddamn clear?
242
00:10:06,977 --> 00:10:08,699
In all those newsletters?
Was that not clear?
243
00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:11,550
- I didn't... I didn't read
into it like that. - Wow, wow.
244
00:10:11,563 --> 00:10:13,132
I mean, I haven't read
the things, but I've just...
245
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:15,014
you guys have been
telling me and...
246
00:10:15,027 --> 00:10:17,407
Thin Mints, from what I understand,
that was a whole thing.
247
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:18,587
I think that was,
like, rule number...
248
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,804
- Oh, shit.
- I... yeah.
249
00:10:20,817 --> 00:10:23,972
I-I... I may have...
I messed up a little bit.
250
00:10:23,984 --> 00:10:25,728
I hope he doesn't notice
251
00:10:25,753 --> 00:10:29,380
the fat that I'm noticing
sort of accumulated all over.
252
00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:31,363
But hey, maybe he won't notice.
I noticed, but maybe he won't.
253
00:10:31,382 --> 00:10:33,868
- Y-You don't think he would, or...
- No, I think he will.
254
00:10:33,887 --> 00:10:35,822
Uh, do you mind if
I use the computer?
255
00:10:36,258 --> 00:10:39,154
I'm just gonna grab this and take it
over here for a little bit, okay?
256
00:10:39,791 --> 00:10:41,427
Mmm.
257
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,898
...and snap it back!
258
00:10:47,534 --> 00:10:50,137
Bend and snap.
259
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:51,935
How's that neck, Cindy?
Everything good?
260
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:53,313
How are the muscles?
You feeling okay?
261
00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:55,222
You may want to soak
'em a little bit.
262
00:10:55,235 --> 00:10:57,208
- Actually, I feel great.
- Oh, you feel great.
263
00:10:57,215 --> 00:11:00,015
Frank, I'm in
tremendous pain.
264
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,566
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to her.
265
00:11:02,591 --> 00:11:03,958
I can't breathe.
266
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:07,297
Oh, she needs a cigarette break.
Could we stop, please?
267
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:11,002
I don't care what she needs.
I'm not talking to you.
268
00:11:11,015 --> 00:11:13,649
Do whatever you want.
I'm trying to hurt her.
269
00:11:13,655 --> 00:11:14,915
What?
270
00:11:14,928 --> 00:11:19,796
Uh, well, it's... it... you have
to tear the fascial tissues
271
00:11:19,808 --> 00:11:22,903
in order to tone
the muscles properly.
272
00:11:22,909 --> 00:11:25,196
- According to the Master.
- Oh. Okay.
273
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:27,589
So you bend and you snap.
274
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:28,935
But snap your head back.
275
00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,715
Bend... you see it?
276
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:32,042
- Frank...
- And snap!
277
00:11:32,062 --> 00:11:33,460
Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank.
We need to talk.
278
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,136
Uh, yo, Cindy, you keep
working. Go ahead.
279
00:11:36,149 --> 00:11:39,001
- Yeah, okay, you got it.
- Hey, listen.
280
00:11:39,007 --> 00:11:40,814
We gotta make a bit
of an adjustment.
281
00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,967
Tiny and Jojo, they don't
want to do the construction,
282
00:11:42,992 --> 00:11:46,332
so I was looking into what cults
do to force people into labor
283
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:50,197
when the mind tricks don't work, and one
of them was a personality test, right?
284
00:11:50,204 --> 00:11:53,720
You basically just get a bunch of dirt on
people and you hold it over their heads.
285
00:11:54,228 --> 00:11:55,742
So, blackmail.
286
00:11:55,761 --> 00:11:56,718
Yeah.
287
00:11:56,743 --> 00:12:00,232
♪ ♪
288
00:12:01,152 --> 00:12:04,307
So this is a basic personality test.
It's really simple.
289
00:12:04,313 --> 00:12:09,023
It just measures the amount of guilt
stressors that you're feeling.
290
00:12:09,036 --> 00:12:12,114
You know, I took it, and I
just... it's changed my life.
291
00:12:12,927 --> 00:12:14,992
Yeah, Dee, what... what
are guilt stressors?
292
00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:16,627
Oh, great question,
great question.
293
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,903
Apparently, secrets and lies
lead to guilt stressors
294
00:12:19,928 --> 00:12:21,915
and that's not good, you guys.
You know why?
295
00:12:21,926 --> 00:12:23,739
It impedes muscle
development.
296
00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,476
- I have read that. - Oh, really?
- Yeah, yeah.
297
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:27,661
- Well, it's science. Yeah, it's just
basic science. - Oh, shit. Yeah.
298
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:28,694
It does sound like
good science.
299
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:32,174
So you guys just hang on to that machine
and talk about all your regrets.
300
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,120
And what are
regrets, again?
301
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,748
Y-You just talk about things
you feel really guilty about.
302
00:12:38,754 --> 00:12:40,975
- Oh.
- Oh, okay. Uh, okay.
303
00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:42,117
- Do you want to...
- Yeah, I'll go.
304
00:12:42,142 --> 00:12:44,217
- Uh, Dee, where do my feet go?
- Oh, it doesn't matter.
305
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:45,993
Okay, uh...
306
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,793
I ate a baby toad once.
307
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:51,669
I'm not proud of it.
Uh, just kind of happened.
308
00:12:51,694 --> 00:12:54,774
It pains me to think about how scared
and confused it was and wondering,
309
00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:57,692
"Why am I not home, and why am
I in some sort of acid pond..."
310
00:12:57,705 --> 00:12:58,912
- Okay.
- "...that's burning my skin?"
311
00:12:58,919 --> 00:13:00,866
And what if it was looking for
its mother? It was just a baby.
312
00:13:00,885 --> 00:13:02,206
Oh, yeah, I got an idea.
313
00:13:02,217 --> 00:13:04,798
- How about we let one of these guys,
uh, give it a shot. - Are you sure?
314
00:13:04,811 --> 00:13:06,815
- 'Cause I don't really feel better,
but all right. - Oh, I'll go. Yeah.
315
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:08,215
- Where do my feet go, Dee?
- Dee, his feet?
316
00:13:08,234 --> 00:13:10,333
It doesn't make
a goddamn difference.
317
00:13:10,358 --> 00:13:13,356
- Okay. I ate a toad, too.
- Oh, God.
318
00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:14,337
- Really?
- I did.
319
00:13:14,362 --> 00:13:16,462
- Am I good, am I good? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah. Do it again.
320
00:13:16,475 --> 00:13:18,183
Go ahead.
321
00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:19,281
Oh, I feel the burn.
322
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:21,820
Yeah, how's-how's the neck
feeling? How's the neck?
323
00:13:21,827 --> 00:13:25,200
You know, it's not bad.
It's actually a little tight.
324
00:13:25,206 --> 00:13:26,307
It's a little tight.
325
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,927
Well, how about if we hop
in the healing pool...
326
00:13:28,947 --> 00:13:30,880
- Okay. - ...and I'll give
you some touch therapy,
327
00:13:30,905 --> 00:13:33,378
so you don't seem too
weak for the Master.
328
00:13:33,385 --> 00:13:34,299
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
329
00:13:34,305 --> 00:13:36,992
- I don't suppose that could hurt.
- No, that won't hurt.
330
00:13:39,973 --> 00:13:41,180
Oh, shit.
331
00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:43,113
Oh, hi.
332
00:13:43,132 --> 00:13:45,146
The water's wonderful.
333
00:13:45,165 --> 00:13:46,132
When did you get in here?
334
00:13:46,145 --> 00:13:48,600
Oh, you don't mind that we
came in first, do you?
335
00:13:48,612 --> 00:13:50,253
There's plenty of room.
336
00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:51,940
No, how long are
you gonna be?
337
00:13:51,951 --> 00:13:53,791
- Well...
- Oh, man...
338
00:13:53,803 --> 00:13:57,420
She thinks she has a tear
in her uterine wall,
339
00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:59,378
so it might be a while.
340
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,591
All right. Let's-let's go...
341
00:14:03,603 --> 00:14:05,843
I'm gonna go do a few more
sets of KettlePops while, uh,
342
00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:07,462
- running the block a few times.
- Yeah, nice.
343
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:09,189
- Don't want to disappoint
the Master. - Mm-hmm.
344
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:11,854
- You want to come? - Go, you go
get yourself good and banged up.
345
00:14:11,859 --> 00:14:13,572
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah...
346
00:14:14,399 --> 00:14:16,739
Guys, guys, guys, there's been
a mistake, a terrible mistake.
347
00:14:16,752 --> 00:14:18,959
I got a new newsletter
from the Master.
348
00:14:18,972 --> 00:14:20,245
There's gonna be no more women,
349
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:23,671
no more Wolf Cola and no more
carpentry in Ass Kickers United.
350
00:14:23,684 --> 00:14:25,872
This has all been a test
designed by the Master
351
00:14:25,897 --> 00:14:28,084
to figure out who
the true believers are.
352
00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:31,356
I passed, you failed and that's
why I'm going to level two.
353
00:14:32,932 --> 00:14:37,012
Oh, also, uh, Dennis will be level two
as well, but he'll be directly under me.
354
00:14:37,025 --> 00:14:38,725
Wh-What? Where'd you
get that from?
355
00:14:38,738 --> 00:14:41,085
- Uh, it was implied
in the newsletter. - No.
356
00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,690
Well, how is Dennis
in level two?
357
00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,203
Or an Ass Kicker,
for that matter?
358
00:14:44,222 --> 00:14:45,389
Oh, he bought in.
359
00:14:45,414 --> 00:14:47,881
- He... bought in? - Come on, Ass
Kickers, let's get out of here
360
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,100
before we're tainted by
these disgusting women.
361
00:14:50,112 --> 00:14:51,725
- All right. Crazy.
- Cool!
362
00:14:51,732 --> 00:14:53,275
Failed that test.
363
00:14:54,432 --> 00:14:56,652
Go kick some ass, huh?
Go kick some ass!
364
00:14:59,453 --> 00:15:01,673
Thought you could outmaster
the Master, idiots?
365
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,469
So you swayed 'em back.
Uh, whatever.
366
00:15:03,475 --> 00:15:05,866
- We can do that, too.
- Dee, you think this is easy?
367
00:15:05,886 --> 00:15:09,699
You need years of practice to even
sniff my talent for manipulation.
368
00:15:09,712 --> 00:15:13,178
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cult
that needs a charismatic leader.
369
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:18,004
Yeah.
370
00:15:18,361 --> 00:15:21,048
Goddamn it, Frank.
Goddamn it! No.
371
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,141
No, we cannot let him
get away with this.
372
00:15:23,153 --> 00:15:26,327
No, this is about something different
now, something much more important.
373
00:15:26,334 --> 00:15:27,421
Shit sandwich?
374
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:29,046
What? Why? What is that?
375
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,306
No. God.
376
00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:32,213
No, this is about
control now.
377
00:15:32,225 --> 00:15:35,340
This is about control and it's
about beating Dennis.
378
00:15:35,985 --> 00:15:38,117
I know exactly what
we need to do.
379
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:51,077
Deandra, we're all set.
380
00:15:51,102 --> 00:15:51,949
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
381
00:15:51,962 --> 00:15:53,262
- He's out?
- He's lit.
382
00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:56,729
I have so much alcohol, and I gave
him three bottles of Fight Milk.
383
00:15:56,749 --> 00:15:58,385
Whoa. That's a lot.
384
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,183
Okay, you ready?
Got your cards?
385
00:16:00,196 --> 00:16:02,559
- Okay.
- Okay. Here we go.
386
00:16:04,288 --> 00:16:06,157
Charlie.
387
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,361
Charlie.
388
00:16:08,373 --> 00:16:09,454
Say it louder.
389
00:16:09,474 --> 00:16:11,781
- Charlie, wake up!
- Huh?
390
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:13,499
What's... what's...
391
00:16:14,651 --> 00:16:15,831
What's happening?
392
00:16:15,837 --> 00:16:17,780
It is I...
393
00:16:18,502 --> 00:16:20,455
the Master!
394
00:16:20,461 --> 00:16:23,656
- Am I dreaming?
- You're having a vision.
395
00:16:23,665 --> 00:16:25,608
- Am I peeing?
- Uh...
396
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,140
Is he peeing?
397
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,518
Just read the card.
398
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:33,020
You and the other Ass
Kickers must con...
399
00:16:33,551 --> 00:16:35,245
con...
400
00:16:35,258 --> 00:16:37,018
- What's that word?
- Congregate.
401
00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:38,091
Congregate?
What does that mean?
402
00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:39,864
It doesn't matter.
Just say it.
403
00:16:39,884 --> 00:16:41,592
Congregate.
404
00:16:41,598 --> 00:16:44,511
- What does that mean?
- Oh, God. You know what? Just...
405
00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:45,878
Hey, Charlie, hey.
406
00:16:45,898 --> 00:16:49,511
Get all the Ass Kickers together and meet
at Mac and Dennis's apartment, okay?
407
00:16:49,524 --> 00:16:52,058
Lord Zolo is gonna get
you on the mother ship.
408
00:16:52,065 --> 00:16:53,394
Lord Zolo?
409
00:16:53,408 --> 00:16:57,229
Charlie... you've graduated
to the next level. Congratulations.
410
00:16:57,248 --> 00:17:00,930
And your reward is to get to know
all the secrets of the universe.
411
00:17:03,558 --> 00:17:06,918
Yeah, there's just a few
things you have to do.
412
00:17:06,924 --> 00:17:08,767
Okay. I'll do them.
413
00:17:09,953 --> 00:17:11,955
- I'm peeing.
- Uh-oh.
414
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:13,370
Oh...
415
00:17:17,563 --> 00:17:19,245
Okay, you guys, ready...
416
00:17:19,259 --> 00:17:20,986
Holy shit!
417
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,838
Whoa! What the hell
happened in here?
418
00:17:22,850 --> 00:17:24,930
Hey, do you like it?
Yeah, well, before Master Rex
419
00:17:24,949 --> 00:17:26,462
said that we weren't
supposed to do carpentry,
420
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:29,627
I talked to Tiny and Jojo and they
got their construction crew in here.
421
00:17:29,646 --> 00:17:32,540
- There's a wall. - Oh, you're
goddamn right there's a wall.
422
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:34,440
I'm good. Dennis is
gonna shit his pants.
423
00:17:34,459 --> 00:17:35,960
Yeah... why?
What are you good at?
424
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,060
Good at my... I'm a good
person, and you know what?
425
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,600
It's time to... to do the plan
that the Master laid out, right?
426
00:17:42,612 --> 00:17:46,569
I'm gonna take Tiny in the other room
and make the pods ready. Come on, Tiny.
427
00:17:46,576 --> 00:17:48,025
- Oh, we got pods?
- You're so lucky.
428
00:17:48,031 --> 00:17:49,345
- Yeah.
- Of course we got pods.
429
00:17:49,358 --> 00:17:52,538
Lord Zolo's gonna take you guys on that
mother ship with him, you need pods.
430
00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:54,025
Am I right, Master?
431
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,669
- Do-Do I get a pod?
- Okay, guys, guys, guys...
432
00:17:56,682 --> 00:17:59,431
We got a... wow.
Holy shit.
433
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:00,364
That's a wall.
434
00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:01,971
Yeah. This place
looks great.
435
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:03,726
You're goddamn right
this place looks great.
436
00:18:03,739 --> 00:18:05,939
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty
impressive stuff, Dee, but,
437
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,739
uh... it doesn't
seal the deal.
438
00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:09,148
Guys, I've got
an announcement to make.
439
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:10,281
Yeah, we've got
some big news here.
440
00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:12,621
The Master texted me while we
were on our way over here.
441
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,274
Oh, interesting.
442
00:18:14,287 --> 00:18:17,000
Uh, I wonder how it's possible that
the Master could've texted you
443
00:18:17,006 --> 00:18:19,333
when he's been here
with us the whole time.
444
00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:20,926
Rex is the Master?
445
00:18:21,345 --> 00:18:23,223
- That makes so much sense.
- Yep. Yes.
446
00:18:23,242 --> 00:18:25,893
- Oh, my... - Of course I
know that Rex is the Master,
447
00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:29,606
and of course I would never question
the word of someone so... wise.
448
00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:33,532
But I actually got a text from
the Supreme Overlord Master.
449
00:18:33,539 --> 00:18:36,092
- And that's Rex's master.
- Oh, shit.
450
00:18:36,104 --> 00:18:38,411
"Oh, shit," is right, you guys.
That's the... he's the big guy.
451
00:18:38,424 --> 00:18:41,751
He sits right at the tippy-tippy-top,
and he made it very,
452
00:18:41,776 --> 00:18:45,649
very clear to me that all
of you are going to need to...
453
00:18:46,236 --> 00:18:47,689
commit suicide.
454
00:18:47,695 --> 00:18:50,129
Tits! I knew it!
The final circle.
455
00:18:50,148 --> 00:18:52,409
Yeah, okay, sure, but
hang on a second.
456
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:54,576
- Can I please talk to you for just
a quick second? - Sure, sure, sure.
457
00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:57,041
Now, why don't you guys get yourselves
all lathered up in lighter fluid
458
00:18:57,066 --> 00:18:59,337
- and, uh, you're gonna get ready to light
yourselves ablaze. - Thank you, thank you!
459
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:01,365
- Thanks for trusting me.
- Yeah, of course.
460
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:02,837
I did it. I won.
461
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,401
I am the most
charismatic leader.
462
00:19:05,902 --> 00:19:08,335
I got Tiny to eat
a shit sandwich.
463
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,447
- Ugh!
- Oh! Goddamn it!
464
00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:13,843
- I got him to eat a poopy.
- You idiot!
465
00:19:13,857 --> 00:19:16,346
I got these guys to think they
were going to another dimension.
466
00:19:16,371 --> 00:19:18,264
- I'm the winner.
- Are you kidding me?
467
00:19:18,270 --> 00:19:20,193
They were gonna light
themselves on fire for me.
468
00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:21,257
- I'm the winner.
- Oh...
469
00:19:21,270 --> 00:19:24,013
Guys, guys, hang on a second.
The winner of what?
470
00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:26,315
The... the Ass Kickers, okay?
471
00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:29,305
The winner of the Ass Kickers.
It-it's mine, it's not theirs.
472
00:19:29,325 --> 00:19:33,092
- What? - It's mine, it's... the whole
thing's made up, I made it up.
473
00:19:33,626 --> 00:19:35,366
Master Rex, is this true?
474
00:19:35,379 --> 00:19:37,953
- Oh, don't ask Rex. What...?
- The fire is started.
475
00:19:37,972 --> 00:19:39,933
Thank you so much for
trusting me with this.
476
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,688
- This is good-bye!
- No... goddamn it, no!
477
00:19:41,695 --> 00:19:43,042
- No, man, don't do it!
- Oh!
478
00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:45,166
Run!
479
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:46,824
Hey! We'll get you
some help, okay?
480
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:48,278
- We'll call the fire department.
- Yeah.
481
00:19:48,303 --> 00:19:49,306
- Oh, God.
- Yeah.
482
00:19:49,331 --> 00:19:50,691
- And then we'll go to Dee's.
- Yeah, right?
483
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,893
- No, no, can't we go anywhere else?
- No, Dee.
484
00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:55,085
What if the Supreme Overlord
tries to contact us?
485
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:57,563
- He has to know where we are.
- Yeah, exact-exactly.
486
00:19:57,576 --> 00:19:59,389
All right, well, at least he's
on the mother ship now.
487
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:00,827
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God! Unbelievable!
488
00:20:00,841 --> 00:20:02,788
Come on, let's go.
489
00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:05,157
- Good luck, Jojo!
- Thank you!
490
00:20:19,044 --> 00:20:26,044
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync f