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Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2016 - New Year, New Color ;-)
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My apartment is not a spa.
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Dennis and I are gonna take a soak.
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You and Dennis are going to bathe together?
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It's that Turkish bath thing.
What are you worried about?
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I'm not worried about anything...
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but my apartment is not
a Turkish bath, okay?
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Well, Dee, this is
Dennis's apartment now too.
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No. No, goddamn it, it's not, all right?
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Mac and Dennis do not live here.
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- What the hell is this?
- One more!
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Stop!
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- Hey!
- Good set, boys!
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What are you doing?
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Oh, Dee, this is Jojo...
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- Tiny, Charlie you know.
- I don't care.
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Together, we are Ass Kickers United.
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You guys, come on, please. I don't want you
doing your weird routines in here!
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It's not a routine, Dee,
and there is nothing weird about this, okay?
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Ass Kickers United is a way of life...
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based on the life-improvement
teachings of the Master.
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What kind of cult shit is that?
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No, no, it's not a cult, Frank.
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The Master is the only
human to ever achieve enlightenment...
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through the way of the warrior.
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Snap, two, three.
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One, two, seven, three, nine.
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Come on. Goddamn it!
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Frank, I can't get this Fight
Milk out of the goddamn couch!
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Oh! Shit!
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It burned a hole in the cushion!
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That's probably the crotein.
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Don't get that on your skin!
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Hey-oh! Frank! Frank,
sorry I'm late, man, but, uh, good news.
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I brought checkers. Oh, what's up, Dee?
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I got dominoes, and what the hell is going
on? Your place looks like shit.
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- What happened?
- Yeah, it does. I'll tell you what happened.
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Mac and his goddamn
Ass Blasters Incorporated...
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were in here jerking around all day.
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Mac, Charlie and a bunch
of goons started a queer club.
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- Hmm.
- They got a newsletter.
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Oh, shit. "Ass Kickers United."
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- Oh, my God.
- What?
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- Dee, Mac didn't start this club. I did.
- What are you talking about?
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Yeah. I, uh... I just made this shit up
about Ass Kickers United...
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to get Mac to stop eating my Thin Mints.
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- Huh?
- You know how Mac is all irritating and shit?
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- Of course.
- The worst!
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Right. He was doing all this irritating shit
and he was driving me crazy.
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Worst of all, he was eating
all my Thin Mint cookies...
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and, so, you know, playing
on Mac's physical insecurities...
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I decided I would get
in his head a little bit.
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So I created this Master character,
all right?
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I typed up this newsletter...
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which was mostly about fitness
and, like, just kicking ass...
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at life in general, just kind
of speaking Mac's language.
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But mostly, I was speaking of the dangers of
consuming too many Thin Mint cookies.
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And I'll tell you, it worked like a charm...
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'cause he stopped eating
Thin Mints almost immediately.
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- That... is extremely impressive.
- Oh.
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Dennis, I missed most of that last part.
Run it by me again.
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Frank, I just spoke for five straight
minutes. I'm not doing it again.
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- Dennis started a cult.
- No, I didn't start a cult.
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Sure sounds like a cult.
Hey, I got a great idea.
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Why don't you type up another newsletter...
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and tell Mac and his dum-dum friends...
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to go and fix up your apartment, right?
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That way, you guys can get out of my place.
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Or maybe get some broads involved.
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Cults are great for attracting new age tail.
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Guys, you can't go straight to fixing
apartments and getting young, new age tail.
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You can't do that.
That takes years of brainwashing.
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Here's the problem. If you don't do that
and write the newsletter...
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and fix up the apartment,
then I'm gonna rat you out.
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- Come on.
- I'm gonna have to. You know why?
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I'm up to here. I've had a very bad day!
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I'm at the end of my rope...
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- Okay, Dee, calm down.
- If I'm being honest.
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All right, look, I'll test
the waters a little bit, okay?
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See if we can get 'em there slowly.
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Maybe you can get 'em
to eat a shit sandwich. That would be fun.
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Why the hell would I... What?
No, this isn't about fun.
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This is about...
It's about Thin Mints, goddamn it! Right?
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And the reason I'm so good
at this is because I take it seriously.
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Now, just watch and learn.
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Listen up!
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According to the Master, guys...
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we're not getting enough vitamin D.
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So these stickers harness
the power of the sun...
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and deliver it directly to our bodies, okay?
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And, apparently, guys,
there's another exercise.
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Yes, sensei!
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All right, now, they're
called hammer jerks...
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and it's sort of like
a hammer, then you bend.
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- Then you snap, then you jerk.
- Ow.
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- Then a hammer.
- Hammer!
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- Now bend!
- Bend.
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- Snap.
- Damn it.
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- Jerk.
- Oh, yeah.
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Hammer, bend, snap...
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jerk.
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Hammer...
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I can't believe they went
for the sticker thing.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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Okay, time to dial it up a notch.
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Let's put 'em to work
and get 'em to your apartment.
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We can't just dive into that shit.
We talked about this.
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It's a slow burn.
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They're wearing stickers on their heads.
They're there.
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Look, look, look, stop.
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You guys are going crazy.
You're gonna blow the Thin Mint thing.
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Will you just trust me? I got this.
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I am the Master.
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I'm gonna get you what you want.
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You just got to let me do my thing.
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- That sounds... That sounds good.
- Mm, yeah, okay.
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- You gonna goddamn blow this for me?
- No.
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- You gonna blow the Thin Mint thing?
- No.
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- "The Master saith."
- Yeah.
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"Kicking ass in life is all about drywall."
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And pussy. Put "pussy."
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Goddamn, Frank, don't say "pussy."
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- It's disgusting. I'm not putting it.
- Mmm.
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"To be a total badass...
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- you must learn carpentry.
- Mmm.
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Fixing apartments is what you must do."
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And buy Wolf Cola.
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Let's make some coin.
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Okay.
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"And buy Wolf Cola, the only
cola for true refreshment."
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That's good.
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- "Splash into the beast."
- Mm-hmm, that's great.
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I know it is. Cool it with the jerky, will
you? You're driving me nuts.
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- Now, put-put "bring pussy."
- Goddamn it. All right, fine.
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- Just put it.
- Hey, listen! This is what I'll do.
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"Ladies are now mandatory.
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Each of you dick-bags must
recruit at least one woman."
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Should we put anything else?
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- Make 'em eat a shit sandwich.
- What is it with you?
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Do you really want to see
somebody take a roll...
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and stick doody in it
and put it in their mouth?
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- God! You are so gross.
- Nah.
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Okay, so, how much for the Wolf Colas?
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- Five bucks apiece.
- Okay, great. Ma, how many you want?
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I'll take three.
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Okay. And Mrs. Mac?
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- Sh-She'll have one.
- Huh?
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One. Any more caffeine
than that, and she will not stop talking.
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Really? Oh, kind of want to see that.
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Charlie, can I talk to you for a second?
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- Yeah. What's up?
- Um, does all this seem kind of strange to you?
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Huh? Uh... Oh! You mean the Wolf Cola thing?
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Yeah. I was wondering.
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Like, how does the Master
know about Wolf Cola?
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Oh, he's an aficionado of all beverages.
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He's gonna know the finest of colas.
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Oh, oh. You mean the carpentry thing. Yeah.
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No. Throughout history,
uh, Ass Kickers have always known carpentry.
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- Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford.
- Right, okay.
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- Then what are you talking about?
- The women. The women, dude.
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This is supposed to be a men's club, you
know? Who wants that around?
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Oh. Uh...
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I don't know. I'm kind of cool with it.
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Also, I don't ever remember
anything in the newsletters about no women.
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It could not have been more clear...
no women, no gays.
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I don't ever remember you
reading anything about that.
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It was implied, okay?
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Look, in these kind of texts,
you need to be able to in... infer what's be...
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Look, I'll explain it to you later.
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I think I'm just gonna...
I need some time off.
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Whoa. Hey, man, you can't take a day off
from kicking ass, okay?
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Look, an Ass Kicker
must be present every day.
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An Ass Kicker must do the exercises.
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An Ass Kicker must avoid Thin Mints.
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I know the rules, okay? I don't need to...
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I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go. I'm just gonna go.
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- You're just gonna go?
- I mean...
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I mean...
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Okay, I'm taking the men with me,
and Frank's got the women.
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Oh, cool. Are you an Ass Kicker now?
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- I'm an Ass Kicker now.
- Sweet. Who signed you up?
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- The dumb one.
- Oh, Tiny?
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No, no, no. The one eating
paint chips off the wall.
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These taste like paint.
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Uh, yeah, those are paint chips there, pal.
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- These are?
- Yeah.
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- Oh, they're delicious.
- Yeah, that's the good paint.
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Let's go.
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All right, let's go. Hey, we're gonna, uh,
go swing some hammers.
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Oh, you guys, it's so great
that you do construction.
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00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,830
I mean, this is just gonna be easy...
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just slap a couple coats of paint around,
maybe a couple of new doors.
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- You're gonna be in and out in a few hours.
- Yeah.
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Ha... Oh!
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Wow! Shit.
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- No wall! That's pretty awesome.
- Okay, boys, let's get to work.
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00:10:01,981 --> 00:10:04,211
- Yeah.
- Look, I do construction for a living.
198
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:07,811
I mean, I thought Ass Kickers was just some
sort of fun workout club, you know, like...
199
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,377
- CrossFit.
- CrossFit.
200
00:10:09,455 --> 00:10:11,980
Hey, man, you don't want to take
this seriously?
201
00:10:12,058 --> 00:10:14,891
Hey, that's fine. Why
don't you give me those stickers back then?
202
00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:17,452
Uh, no, I'm coming down
with a cold and I need mine.
203
00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:19,395
Did you do, like, your deer antler spray?
204
00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:21,057
Some. But I'm running lower.
205
00:10:21,134 --> 00:10:23,398
Have some of mine. Here.
206
00:10:23,469 --> 00:10:25,664
All right, you know what?
I overreacted, boys. I overreacted.
207
00:10:25,738 --> 00:10:27,968
I snapped at you,
and the Master wouldn't like that.
208
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:31,442
And I'm sorry. I think
maybe this is my mission and my calling.
209
00:10:31,511 --> 00:10:35,072
So why don't you guys find some other
mission and I'll handle this one, okay?
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00:10:35,148 --> 00:10:36,638
- Thanks, Charlie.
- All right, cool.
211
00:10:36,716 --> 00:10:38,206
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
212
00:10:38,284 --> 00:10:40,081
- Goddamn it, Charlie.
- It's fine.
213
00:10:40,153 --> 00:10:42,951
You know, the guys have been
working their asses off. I got this. Look.
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Dee, the Master says fix it?
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00:10:44,757 --> 00:10:46,816
I'm gonna fix it.
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Frank, is that you?
Missed you in there, pal.
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Still pretty steamy though
if you want to hop in and...
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00:10:57,337 --> 00:11:00,329
- What the hell's this?
- Just watching a little TV.
219
00:11:00,406 --> 00:11:03,933
- Are those Thin Mints?
- Oh, yeah, big-time, dude. I love these things.
220
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:07,138
I notice, uh, you're
looking a little out of shape there, bud.
221
00:11:07,213 --> 00:11:08,680
I am?
222
00:11:08,748 --> 00:11:10,477
Yeah. Yeah, and it's a shame too...
223
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:12,950
because you've been looking
so great lately. So sexy.
224
00:11:13,019 --> 00:11:16,853
- I was?
- Yeah, so to see this is just disappointing.
225
00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:18,550
To me, but, you know...
226
00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:20,524
- This disappoints you?
- Yeah.
227
00:11:20,593 --> 00:11:23,255
What are you doing? You taking a day off
or something? Is that okay?
228
00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:25,058
I'm sure the Master allows
for that though, right?
229
00:11:25,131 --> 00:11:27,565
- Well, I'm not really sure about that.
- Oh, you're not sure, yeah.
230
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:31,034
Did the Master not make that crystal goddamn
clear in all those newsletters?
231
00:11:31,104 --> 00:11:33,902
- Was that not clear?
- I-I didn't read into it like that.
232
00:11:33,973 --> 00:11:36,533
Wow, wow. I mean, I haven't read
the things, but I've just...
233
00:11:36,609 --> 00:11:38,167
You guys have been telling me.
234
00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:40,678
Thin Mints, from what I understand...
that was a whole thing.
235
00:11:40,747 --> 00:11:43,079
- I think that was, like, rule number...
- Oh, shit.
236
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:44,639
I... Yeah. I-I...
237
00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:47,049
I-I may have... I messed up a little bit.
238
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:52,353
I hope he doesn't notice the fat that I'm
noticing sort of accumulated all over.
239
00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:54,723
But maybe he won't notice.
I noticed, but maybe he won't.
240
00:11:54,794 --> 00:11:57,092
- Y-You don't think he would, or...
- No, I think he will.
241
00:11:57,163 --> 00:11:59,427
Uh, do you mind if I use the computer?
242
00:11:59,499 --> 00:12:02,832
I'm just gonna grab this and take it over
here for a little bit, okay?
243
00:12:02,902 --> 00:12:03,891
Mmm.
244
00:12:08,174 --> 00:12:10,165
And snap it back!
245
00:12:10,243 --> 00:12:13,371
Bend and snap.
246
00:12:13,446 --> 00:12:14,936
How's that neck, Cindy? Everything good?
247
00:12:15,014 --> 00:12:16,606
How are the muscles? You feeling okay?
248
00:12:16,682 --> 00:12:19,515
- You may want to soak 'em a little bit.
- Actually, I feel great.
249
00:12:19,585 --> 00:12:23,248
- Oh, you feel great.
- Frank, I'm in tremendous pain.
250
00:12:23,322 --> 00:12:25,688
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to her.
251
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:27,225
I can't breathe.
252
00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:30,421
Oh, she needs a cigarette break.
Could we stop, please?
253
00:12:30,496 --> 00:12:32,464
I don't care what she needs.
254
00:12:32,532 --> 00:12:34,022
I'm not talking to you.
255
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,466
Do whatever you want.
I'm trying to hurt her.
256
00:12:36,536 --> 00:12:38,094
What?
257
00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:39,934
Uh, well, it's... it... I'm...
258
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:42,804
You have to tear the fascial tissues...
259
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:45,708
in order to tone the muscles properly.
260
00:12:45,778 --> 00:12:47,302
- Oh.
- According to the Master.
261
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:50,406
- Okay.
- So you bend and you snap.
262
00:12:50,483 --> 00:12:51,973
But snap your head back.
263
00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:53,712
Bend. You see it?
264
00:12:53,786 --> 00:12:55,413
- Frank?
- And snap!
265
00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:58,980
- Frank, Frank, Frank. We need to talk.
- Yo, Cindy, you keep working.
266
00:12:59,058 --> 00:13:00,787
- Go ahead. Snap it.
- Okay, you got it.
267
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,920
Hey, listen. We gotta make
a bit of an adjustment.
268
00:13:03,996 --> 00:13:06,328
Tiny and Jojo, they don't
want to do the construction...
269
00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:09,493
so I was looking into what cults do
to force people into labor...
270
00:13:09,569 --> 00:13:13,027
when the mind tricks don't work, and one of
them was a personality test, right?
271
00:13:13,106 --> 00:13:16,837
You basically just get a bunch of dirt on
people and you hold it over their heads.
272
00:13:16,909 --> 00:13:18,399
So, blackmail.
273
00:13:18,478 --> 00:13:19,775
Yeah.
274
00:13:24,183 --> 00:13:26,083
So this is a basic personality test.
275
00:13:26,152 --> 00:13:27,813
It's really simple.
276
00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:32,187
It just measures the amount
of... guilt stressors that you're feeling.
277
00:13:32,258 --> 00:13:35,250
You know, I took it,
and I just... It's changed my life.
278
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:36,818
What are guilt stressors?
279
00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:38,488
Yeah, Dee, what... what are guilt stressors?
280
00:13:38,564 --> 00:13:40,293
Oh, great question. Great question.
281
00:13:40,366 --> 00:13:42,766
Apparently,
secrets and lies lead to guilt stressors...
282
00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:44,325
and that's not good, you guys.
283
00:13:44,403 --> 00:13:46,871
You know why?
It impedes muscle development.
284
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:48,463
- I have read that.
- Oh, really?
285
00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:50,566
- Well, it's science. It's just basic science.
- Oh, shit.
286
00:13:50,643 --> 00:13:52,167
It does sound like good science.
287
00:13:52,245 --> 00:13:55,009
You guys just hang on to that machine and
talk about all your regrets.
288
00:13:55,081 --> 00:13:57,379
And what are regrets again?
289
00:13:58,985 --> 00:14:01,783
Y-You just talk about things you feel
really guilty about.
290
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:03,617
- Oh.
- Oh, okay. Uh, okay.
291
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:06,487
- Do you want to...
- I'll go. Dee, where do my feet go?
292
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,754
- Oh, it doesn't matter.
- Okay, uh...
293
00:14:09,929 --> 00:14:12,727
I ate a baby toad once. I'm not proud of it.
294
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:14,698
Uh, just kind of happened.
295
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:17,292
- It pains me to think about how scared
and confused it was... - Mm-hmm.
296
00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:18,860
And wondering, "Why am I not home...
297
00:14:18,938 --> 00:14:21,998
and why am I in some sort
of acid pond that's burning my skin?"
298
00:14:22,074 --> 00:14:24,338
What if it was looking for its mother?
It was a baby.
299
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:28,073
I got an idea. How about we let one of these
guys, uh, give it a shot.
300
00:14:28,147 --> 00:14:29,739
- I'll go.
- I don't feel better, but all right.
301
00:14:29,815 --> 00:14:31,339
- Where do my feet go?
- Dee, his feet?
302
00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:32,975
- It doesn't make a goddamn difference.
- Okay.
303
00:14:34,987 --> 00:14:36,716
- I ate a toad too.
- Oh, God.
304
00:14:36,789 --> 00:14:37,813
- Really?
- I did.
305
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,687
- Do it again, like that?
- Yeah, do it again.
306
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:41,249
- Go ahead.
- Whoo!
307
00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:42,817
Oh, I feel the burn.
308
00:14:42,895 --> 00:14:45,090
Yeah, how's...
how's the neck feeling? How's the neck?
309
00:14:45,164 --> 00:14:46,654
You know, it's not bad.
310
00:14:46,732 --> 00:14:49,428
- It's actually a little tight.
- It's a little tight.
311
00:14:49,502 --> 00:14:52,062
Well, how about
if we hop in the healing pool.
312
00:14:52,138 --> 00:14:54,038
- Okay.
- I'll give you some touch therapy...
313
00:14:54,106 --> 00:14:56,370
so you don't seem too weak for the Master.
314
00:14:56,442 --> 00:14:57,670
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
315
00:14:57,743 --> 00:14:59,904
- I don't suppose that could hurt.
- No, that won't hurt.
316
00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:04,172
Oh, shit.
317
00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:06,241
Oh, hi.
318
00:15:06,319 --> 00:15:08,549
The water's wonderful.
319
00:15:08,621 --> 00:15:11,886
- When did you get in here?
- You don't mind that we came in first, do you?
320
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:14,756
- There's plenty of room.
- No, how long are you gonna be?
321
00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:16,317
Well...
322
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:20,422
- Oh, God.
- She thinks she has a tear in her uterine wall...
323
00:15:20,499 --> 00:15:22,433
so it might be a while.
324
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:24,560
All right. L-Let's go.
325
00:15:25,071 --> 00:15:26,868
Oh, God.
326
00:15:26,939 --> 00:15:30,102
I'm gonna go do a few sets of kettle pops
while I run the block a few times.
327
00:15:30,176 --> 00:15:31,905
- Yeah.
- Don't want to disappoint the Master.
328
00:15:31,978 --> 00:15:35,209
- You want to come?
- Go... You go get yourself good and banged up.
329
00:15:35,281 --> 00:15:36,976
- Okay!
- Oh, yeah.
330
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:39,313
Guys, guys, guys,
there's been a mistake, a terrible mistake.
331
00:15:39,385 --> 00:15:41,979
I got a new newsletter from the Master.
332
00:15:42,054 --> 00:15:44,454
There's gonna be no more women,
no more Wolf Cola...
333
00:15:44,523 --> 00:15:46,423
and no more carpentry in Ass Kickers United.
334
00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:47,982
This has all been a test...
335
00:15:48,060 --> 00:15:50,790
designed by the Master to figure out who
the true believers are.
336
00:15:50,863 --> 00:15:54,993
I passed, you failed,
and that's why I'm going to level two.
337
00:15:56,269 --> 00:15:58,737
Oh, also, uh, Dennis will
be level two as well...
338
00:15:58,804 --> 00:16:00,294
but he'll be directly under me.
339
00:16:00,373 --> 00:16:01,863
Wh-What? Where'd you get that from?
340
00:16:01,941 --> 00:16:04,409
- It was implied in the newsletter.
- No.
341
00:16:04,477 --> 00:16:07,469
How is Dennis in level two?
Or an Ass Kicker, for that matter?
342
00:16:07,546 --> 00:16:09,844
- Oh, he bought in.
- He... bought in?
343
00:16:09,915 --> 00:16:11,678
Come on, Ass Kickers,
let's get out of here...
344
00:16:11,751 --> 00:16:13,412
- before we're tainted by these
disgusting women. - Mm-hmm.
345
00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:17,013
All right. God, crazy. Failed that test.
346
00:16:17,089 --> 00:16:19,455
Go kick some ass, huh? Go kick some ass!
347
00:16:21,594 --> 00:16:24,927
- Hmm. - Thought you could
outmaster the Master, idiots?
348
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:27,488
So you swayed 'em back.
Uh, whatever. We can do that too.
349
00:16:27,566 --> 00:16:29,056
Dee, you think this is easy?
350
00:16:29,135 --> 00:16:32,764
You need years of practice
to even sniff my talent for manipulation.
351
00:16:32,838 --> 00:16:35,932
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a cult that
needs a charismatic leader.
352
00:16:38,844 --> 00:16:40,607
Yeah.
353
00:16:41,814 --> 00:16:43,543
Goddamn it, Frank. Goddamn it!
354
00:16:43,616 --> 00:16:46,176
No. No, we cannot let him
get away with this.
355
00:16:46,252 --> 00:16:49,517
No, this is about something different now,
something much more important.
356
00:16:49,588 --> 00:16:52,716
- Shit sandwich?
- What? Why? What is that? No!
357
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:55,317
God. No, this is about control now.
358
00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:58,056
This is about control,
and it's about beating Dennis.
359
00:16:58,130 --> 00:16:59,222
Mmm.
360
00:16:59,298 --> 00:17:01,698
I know exactly what we need to do.
361
00:17:08,107 --> 00:17:09,802
Hmm.
362
00:17:12,211 --> 00:17:13,974
Deandra, we're all set.
363
00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:15,070
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
364
00:17:15,147 --> 00:17:16,671
- He's out?
- He's lit.
365
00:17:16,749 --> 00:17:19,843
I have so much alcohol in here.
I gave him three bottles of Fight Milk.
366
00:17:19,919 --> 00:17:21,409
Whoa. That's a lot.
367
00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:23,318
Okay, you ready? Got your cards?
368
00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:24,879
- Okay.
- Okay.
369
00:17:24,957 --> 00:17:26,322
Here we go.
370
00:17:27,226 --> 00:17:29,751
Charlie.
371
00:17:29,829 --> 00:17:31,387
Charlie.
372
00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:33,694
- Say it louder.
- Charlie, wake up!
373
00:17:33,766 --> 00:17:36,394
Huh? What's... What's...
374
00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:39,160
What's happening?
375
00:17:39,238 --> 00:17:40,762
It is I...
376
00:17:41,774 --> 00:17:43,674
the Master!
377
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:46,712
- Am I dreaming?
- You're having a vision.
378
00:17:46,779 --> 00:17:48,838
- Am I peeing?
- Uh...
379
00:17:48,914 --> 00:17:51,246
- Is he peeing?
- Just read the card.
380
00:17:52,618 --> 00:17:56,054
You and the other Ass Kickers must con...
381
00:17:56,122 --> 00:17:57,612
con...
382
00:17:57,690 --> 00:17:59,282
What's that word?
383
00:17:59,358 --> 00:18:01,292
- Congregate.
- "Congregate"? What does that mean?
384
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,089
It doesn't matter. Just say it.
385
00:18:03,162 --> 00:18:04,857
Congregate.
386
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,194
- What does that mean?
- Oh, God. You know what? Just...
387
00:18:07,266 --> 00:18:08,927
Hey, Charlie, hey.
388
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:12,630
Get all the Ass Kickers together and meet at
Mac and Dennis's apartment, okay?
389
00:18:12,705 --> 00:18:15,105
Lord Zolo is gonna get you
on the mother ship.
390
00:18:15,174 --> 00:18:16,698
Lord Zolo?
391
00:18:16,776 --> 00:18:20,439
Charlie, you've graduated to the next level.
Congratulations.
392
00:18:20,513 --> 00:18:24,040
And your reward is to get
to know all the secrets of the universe.
393
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:29,913
Yeah, there's just
a few things you have to do.
394
00:18:29,989 --> 00:18:31,479
Okay. I'll do them.
395
00:18:33,292 --> 00:18:34,554
I'm peeing.
396
00:18:34,627 --> 00:18:36,322
- Uh-oh.
- Oh.
397
00:18:40,866 --> 00:18:42,424
Okay, you guys...
398
00:18:42,501 --> 00:18:43,991
Holy shit!
399
00:18:44,069 --> 00:18:46,003
Whoa! What the hell happened in here?
400
00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:48,232
You like it?
Yeah, well, before Master Rex said...
401
00:18:48,307 --> 00:18:49,865
that we weren't supposed to do carpentry...
402
00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:52,775
I talked to Tiny and Jojo and they got their
construction crew in here.
403
00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:55,643
- There's a wall.
- Oh, you're goddamn right there's a wall.
404
00:18:55,714 --> 00:18:57,409
I'm good. Dennis is gonna shit his pants.
405
00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,007
Why? What are you good at?
406
00:18:59,084 --> 00:19:00,574
Good at my...
407
00:19:00,653 --> 00:19:02,450
I'm a good person, and you know what?
408
00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:04,455
It's time to... to do the plan...
409
00:19:04,523 --> 00:19:06,013
that the Master laid out, right?
410
00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:08,992
I'm gonna take Tiny in the other room
and make the pods ready.
411
00:19:09,061 --> 00:19:10,926
- Come on, Tiny.
- We got pods?
412
00:19:10,996 --> 00:19:12,623
Of course we got pods.
413
00:19:12,698 --> 00:19:15,724
Lord Zolo's gonna take you guys
on that mother ship with him. You need pods.
414
00:19:15,801 --> 00:19:18,099
- Am I right, Master?
- Do... Do I get a pod?
415
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:20,695
Okay, guys, guys, guys, we got a...
416
00:19:20,773 --> 00:19:22,638
Uh, wow. Holy shit.
417
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:25,108
- That's a wall.
- Yeah. This place looks great.
418
00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,008
You're goddamn right this place looks great.
419
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:29,411
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty
impressive stuff, Dee, but, uh...
420
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,972
it doesn't seal the deal.
421
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:33,314
I've got an announcement.
I've got some big news here.
422
00:19:33,385 --> 00:19:35,853
The Master texted me while we were
on our way over here.
423
00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:37,513
Oh, interesting.
424
00:19:37,590 --> 00:19:40,354
Uh, I wonder how it's possible that the
Master could've texted you...
425
00:19:40,426 --> 00:19:42,553
when he's been here with us the whole time.
426
00:19:42,628 --> 00:19:44,528
Rex is the Master?
427
00:19:44,597 --> 00:19:46,394
- That makes so much sense.
- Yep.
428
00:19:46,465 --> 00:19:48,558
Yes. Of course I know that Rex...
429
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:52,832
is the Master, and of course I would never
question the word of someone so... wise.
430
00:19:52,905 --> 00:19:56,306
But I actually got
a text from the Supreme Overlord Master.
431
00:19:56,375 --> 00:19:58,002
And that's Rex's master.
432
00:19:58,077 --> 00:20:01,672
- Oh, shit. - "Oh, shit" is right, you
guys. That's... He's the big guy.
433
00:20:01,747 --> 00:20:05,945
He sits right at the tippy-tippy-top, and he
made it very, very clear to me...
434
00:20:06,018 --> 00:20:09,385
that all of you are going to need to...
435
00:20:09,455 --> 00:20:10,979
commit suicide.
436
00:20:11,056 --> 00:20:13,422
Tits! I knew it! The final circle.
437
00:20:13,492 --> 00:20:15,892
Yeah, okay, sure, but hang on a second.
438
00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:18,054
- Can I please talk to you for
just a quick second? - Sure.
439
00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:20,155
Why don't you guys get yourselves lathered
up in lighter fluid...
440
00:20:20,232 --> 00:20:22,700
and, uh, you're gonna get ready
to light yourselves ablaze.
441
00:20:22,768 --> 00:20:24,599
- Thanks for trusting me.
- Yeah, of course.
442
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:28,936
I did it. I won.
I am the most charismatic leader.
443
00:20:29,008 --> 00:20:31,067
I got Tiny to eat a shit sandwich.
444
00:20:31,143 --> 00:20:32,667
- Ugh!
- Oh!
445
00:20:32,745 --> 00:20:34,269
Goddamn it!
446
00:20:34,346 --> 00:20:35,904
I got him to eat a poopy.
447
00:20:35,981 --> 00:20:37,414
You idiot!
448
00:20:37,483 --> 00:20:39,917
I got these guys to think
they were going to another dimension.
449
00:20:39,985 --> 00:20:41,646
- I'm the winner.
- Are you kidding me?
450
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,188
They were gonna light
themselves on fire for me. I'm the winner.
451
00:20:44,256 --> 00:20:47,054
- Oh. - Guys, guys, hang on a
second. The winner of what?
452
00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:49,526
The... The Ass Kickers, okay?
453
00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:52,462
The winner of the Ass Kickers.
It's mine. It's not theirs.
454
00:20:52,531 --> 00:20:55,898
- What? - It's mine. The whole
thing's made up. I made it up.
455
00:20:56,936 --> 00:20:58,597
Master Rex, is this true?
456
00:20:58,671 --> 00:21:00,229
Oh, don't ask Rex. What...
457
00:21:00,306 --> 00:21:02,797
The fire is started.
Thank you so much for trusting me with this.
458
00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:04,035
This is good-bye!
459
00:21:04,109 --> 00:21:05,599
- Goddamn it! No, not again!
- Don't do it!
460
00:21:05,678 --> 00:21:08,203
- Whoa!
- Run!
461
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,009
Hey! We'll get you some help, okay?
462
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,879
- We'll call the fire department.
- Oh, God.
463
00:21:11,951 --> 00:21:13,578
- Yeah.
- And then we'll go to Dee's.
464
00:21:13,652 --> 00:21:16,450
- No, no, no. Can't we go anywhere else?
- No, Dee.
465
00:21:16,522 --> 00:21:18,285
What if the Supreme Overlord
tries to contact us?
466
00:21:18,357 --> 00:21:20,655
- He has to know where we are.
- Yeah, exactly.
467
00:21:20,726 --> 00:21:22,626
All right, well, at least
he's on the mother ship now.
468
00:21:22,695 --> 00:21:24,185
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God! Unbelievable!
469
00:21:24,263 --> 00:21:25,753
Come on, let's go. Get help. Let's go.
470
00:21:25,831 --> 00:21:27,355
Good luck, Jojo!
471
00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:29,367
Thank you! Aah!
472
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:40,500
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2016 - New Year, New Color ;-)