1 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,334 [TICKING] 2 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:05,596 [ANNIE HUMMING] 3 00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:20,742 [GASPS] 4 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:25,250 [BUZZING] 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,354 Frankie, are you awake? 6 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,860 I'm in bed, but I only rest half my brain. Go. 7 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,055 Greendale in jeopardy. 8 00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:34,962 Need to call emergency meeting ASAP. No time to explain. 9 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:39,037 I can be at the school in 30 minutes and I'll have the dean notify the others. 10 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,002 Could you notify the others? 11 00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,768 You don't think the dean can handle it? 12 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:46,241 Do what you think is best. 13 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,570 [CELL PHONE BUZZING] 14 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:51,911 Annie Edison requesting emergency meeting at school in 30. 15 00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,349 - Greendale in trouble. - I'll notify the others. 16 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:55,749 I can do that if you like. 17 00:00:55,922 --> 00:01:00,222 I think I can handle notifying others, thank you very much. 18 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,121 Annie, Jeffrey, emergency meeting at the school in 30 minutes. 19 00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:06,925 I already know. I'm the one calling the meeting. 20 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,533 TAKASHI [IN JEFF'S VOICE]: What up, yo? 21 00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:09,895 Who is this other number? 22 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,300 It's a group text. I'm texting you and Jeffrey. 23 00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:15,908 It's me. I am Jeffrey, best friend of Dean. 24 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,634 Hi, Jeffrey. Hmm. 25 00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,075 Dean, that number is not in my phone as Jeff's. 26 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:23,545 And it doesn't even look like an American phone number. 27 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:29,414 Oh, my God. How stupid can I get? 28 00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,553 You never told me you gave Annie a fake phone number. 29 00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:36,752 Yes, Dean. This is me, Jeffrey. You are best friend. 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,330 Hold on, I'll cover. 31 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,064 You're right, I had the wrong number. 32 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,634 See you at the school. 33 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,670 I am so sorry, Jeffrey. I hope I didn't get you in trouble. 34 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,276 No worries, Dean. I love you. 35 00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:54,911 You're always so sweet when we're texting, but then in real life, grr. 36 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:58,278 Bro, I just secret that way with love. You know my style. 37 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:02,148 We keep loving in text, but then secret forever. Meow. 38 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,789 [TAKASHI LAUGHING] 39 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,221 PELTON: Meow. - Meow. 40 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:07,984 [SIGHS] 41 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,355 [THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING] 42 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,963 ♪ Give me some rope Tie me to dream ♪ 43 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,568 ♪ Give me the hope To run out of steam ♪ 44 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:18,670 ♪ Somebody said It can be here ♪ 45 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:22,706 ♪ We could be roped up, tied up Dead in a year ♪ 46 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:27,813 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 47 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:32,816 ♪ One by one They all just fade away ♪♪ 48 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:43,000 Ripped By mstoll 49 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,356 Annie, if you're not dying, I'm gonna murder you. 50 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,992 I had to remove my night cream. It's $200 an ounce. 51 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,196 It's 3 a.m. In the freaking morning. 52 00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,432 What gives you the right to haul us in here? 53 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:58,577 Chang, how did you even find out about this? 54 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,343 I have a right to be here. 55 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,208 Hi. 56 00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,980 - Why are you so awake? - I have a theory. Britta may be twins. 57 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,910 - No, I was working. ANNIE: At the bar? 58 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:12,649 - Does that mean you're drunk? - Could a drunk person do this? 59 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,264 Hi, everybody. 60 00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:21,593 Jeffrey. 61 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,703 Okay, 41 minutes ago, I received this e-mail... 62 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,772 ...from a friend that interns at KZBC. - The TV station? 63 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:31,843 No, the unrelated, totally random combination of those four letters. 64 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,069 Mee-yow. 65 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,147 "Subject: Heads Up. Annie, still going to Greendale? 66 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,376 Thought you should know City College is running a negative ad... 67 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,919 ...about your school at 7 a.m. Heard it's pretty bad." 68 00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,517 Let me see that. 69 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:48,024 City College is running an attack ad? That's a first. 70 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:51,322 They're desperate. Our registration numbers are trending upward. 71 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:54,989 Because the population keeps growing and no one here ever graduates. 72 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:58,467 Actually, our numbers are up because of improvements Frankie's made. 73 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,937 Those improvements were only possible through your hard work, Annie. 74 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,702 - Get a boardroom. - Interesting. When were you gonna... 75 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:08,176 ...share the whole truth about this, not just the parts that suit you? 76 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,043 - What? - "P.S., I was glad... 77 00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:12,616 ...to hear Brenda's doing better"? 78 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:15,413 Huh? Huh? 79 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,120 [WHIMPERS] 80 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,921 Just because City College is scared doesn't mean they're not dangerous. 81 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,064 Is there anything in particular they could smear us with? 82 00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:26,858 JEFF: Nothing in particular... 83 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:30,434 ...just overlapping clouds of many thousands and thousands of things. 84 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,197 - Don't forget the Brenda factor. - There isn't a Brenda factor. 85 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,706 He says she's doing better. Better than what? 86 00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:39,106 Her thyroid condition. Can you focus? 87 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,839 - Can Brenda? - Probably more so now. 88 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,916 - We need to see this ad before it airs. - I'm getting a copy. 89 00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,575 I have friends in the AV Department at City College. 90 00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:50,314 The brotherhood of AV exists beyond your factionalism. 91 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,288 We serve only Video, the true queen, and her consort, Audio. 92 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,721 Could you be bigger nerds? 93 00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,987 No, we've achieved our maximum potential. 94 00:04:57,163 --> 00:04:59,495 Well, Annie's right. We do have a situation here. 95 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,067 So we will make this our situation room. 96 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,262 Yes. We need white boards, cork boards, laptops... 97 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,464 Clocks with different times, a red phone... 98 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,303 ...a big map with tiny Nazi tanks, and/or a Godzilla. 99 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:12,501 The ad airs at 7 a.m. 100 00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:16,137 That means we have four hours and 13 minutes to figure out... 101 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,682 ...what they're throwing at us and how to respond. 102 00:05:18,851 --> 00:05:20,512 You know, it's the darndest thing. 103 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,814 I think Britta somehow crapped in my pants too. 104 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,254 - Heh. I'd better head home. - You can't just leave a situation room. 105 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:29,054 It's only a situation room because she called it that. 106 00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:31,924 I mean, I could declare it a cookie room. 107 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,593 There are no cookies. There is a situation. 108 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:38,168 You guys, where's the Greendale spirit? 109 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,566 Where's the pride? 110 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:42,202 - I'm fine. - Found it. 111 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:46,277 She was wondering around campus without pants. 112 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,380 - What's going on here? - Situation room. 113 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,675 - What's the situation? - Brenda's thyroid. 114 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,648 Sorry to hear that. Keep the pants. I'm going back to bed. 115 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,617 - I'm going with him. - I'm gonna watch. 116 00:05:55,788 --> 00:05:57,722 Got it. Downloading it now. 117 00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,551 ANNOUNCER [OVER COMPUTER]: You work hard to earn your degree. 118 00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:02,524 And your school should work hard to make that degree valuable. 119 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,186 So why is Greendale Community College giving degrees to dogs? 120 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,799 In 2001, a Staffordshire terrier named Ruffles... 121 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,094 ...took up residence on Greendale's campus. 122 00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,067 By 2008, Ruffles had earned a bachelor's degree. 123 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:16,106 Not a two-year degree, a four-year degree. 124 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:17,799 Where will you get your degree? 125 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,946 If the answer is Greendale, prepare to get boned. 126 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,777 Paid for by City College. License 264392. 127 00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:31,245 Did we give a degree to a dog? 128 00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,219 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Ugh. 129 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,091 Okay. It's okay. It's all right. 130 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,255 [♪♪♪] 131 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:47,270 So this is Greendale, not City College? 132 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:50,969 I'm gonna get more pants. 133 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,237 [♪♪♪] 134 00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:57,746 [♪♪♪] 135 00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,884 They've been calling me in to do more stuff. It's exciting. 136 00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:04,045 We'll be lucky if we get in three words... 137 00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:08,023 The first step is to pool our facts. The most important one being: 138 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,788 Dean Pelton, did Greendale Community College... 139 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:12,988 ...give a degree to a dog? 140 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:17,227 Oh. I seem to recall... 141 00:07:17,403 --> 00:07:20,395 No. No way. There's absolutely no way. 142 00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:22,803 - Not that dog. - "That dog"? 143 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:26,467 You remember the dog. Was it enrolled in classes? 144 00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:29,680 - Mm... - How are these hard questions? 145 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,943 Why are these the questions you're asking? 146 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,485 You don't wanna know if a dog got a degree here? 147 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,146 It's not important. What I wanna know is... 148 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:42,192 ...did a dog get a degree here in any way that can be proven? 149 00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:45,990 - Oh, I like that, Jeffrey. - I don't like that. I like the truth. 150 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,792 Play lawyer on your own time. 151 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,663 This is my own time. You wanted me invested? 152 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:55,831 Well, this dump cuts my paychecks, and I've got three hours to defend it. 153 00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:58,568 So how many seconds of that should I waste on truth? 154 00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:01,736 Which is an artificial construct that rarely holds up in court... 155 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:05,543 ...and has never changed the outcome of a fight. 156 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:08,152 - Sorry you have to see him like this. - He's right. 157 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,688 If City College can't support their claim, it's libel. 158 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,793 We can have the station pull the ad. But that is precisely... 159 00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,588 ...why the truth does matter. 160 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,195 The Brenda Paradox. 161 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:21,356 I found the dog. I also found a lot of Social Security numbers. 162 00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:24,298 - This Internet has gone too far. - Yeah. 163 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:28,440 - She's registered as a border terrier. - They said Staffordshire. 164 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:29,666 JEFF: Isn't that something? 165 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:33,039 We've known this animal 30 seconds and she's already unreliable. 166 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,908 - Who is the real Ruffles? FRANKIE: I'm sorry. 167 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,209 Our strategy is to go after the dog? 168 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:42,445 Our strategy is denial, which includes discrediting the source. 169 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,146 Abed, can you make an attack ad? 170 00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,315 Jeff wants me to make an attack ad. So why is he a pedophile? 171 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:52,595 - Just demonstrating the formula. - Refine your technique as you go. 172 00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:55,666 I wanna know everything about this Ruffles. 173 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:58,235 She thinks she went to this school, fine... 174 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:01,100 ...but maybe she thinks cat turds are delicious. 175 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:05,040 And maybe she barks just a little bit more at black mailmen. 176 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:08,703 And she's spayed now, but how many puppies are out there? 177 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,145 You do this, we're no better than City College. 178 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:14,582 We've never been better than City College. We gave a degree to a dog. 179 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,586 Allegedly. This conversation is privileged. 180 00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,286 I could do a Banksy-style stencil of a dog... 181 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:24,759 ...and spray-paint it all over the school. - That sounds great. 182 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:28,059 First, why don't you go get a bunch of coffee, drink all of it... 183 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,794 ...then go get some more and bring it back here? 184 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,564 - I actually love that idea. ELROY: I'll go with her. 185 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,099 She's wearing my pants. 186 00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:39,643 I know this is crazy, but I'm gonna go check the school records to see if... 187 00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,303 ...you know, we gave a degree to a dog. 188 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:43,709 - We didn't. JEFF: That's good. 189 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:46,351 You guys go find that truth you love so much. 190 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,578 If it's the kind we can use, bring it back. 191 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,188 If not, you know, stuff gets lost. 192 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,115 No. No. Bad. 193 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:56,159 We are better than City College. We always have been. 194 00:09:56,329 --> 00:10:01,062 Which is why I know that we did not give a degree to a dog. 195 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:06,732 [ANNIE GROANS] 196 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,943 I say we fight fire with fire. 197 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,079 City College tries to embarrass us... 198 00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:16,737 ...we should embarrass them, right? - Right. 199 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:19,544 I say I go to City College with a camera... 200 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:23,086 ...shoot a really gross porno movie on their campus and put it online. 201 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,450 - Fine. - Cool. 202 00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,452 Wait, what? 203 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,595 [SIGHS] 204 00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,134 PELTON: It's very inspiring to watch you work. 205 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,830 You are inspiring too. 206 00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:43,070 In what way? 207 00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:45,767 I need olives. Can you bring me olives? 208 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:46,969 [LAUGHING] 209 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:49,546 Not again. You did this a month ago... 210 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:53,276 ...then I brought them to you and you acted like you hated them. 211 00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:55,317 It's only my style to be secret. 212 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,321 Please bring me five can of olives. 213 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,083 Five cans? 214 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:02,784 But don't believe me if I say I don't like. 215 00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,522 I'm just pretending I hate olives. 216 00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:18,168 Honestly, I couldn't care less if they gave a dog a degree. 217 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,743 Me neither. Ha-ha-ha. 218 00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:22,779 In fact, I kind of hope they did. 219 00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:24,313 - Why is that? - I don't know. 220 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:26,977 They all treat me like I'm a joke. 221 00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:31,345 But if a dog got a degree, that means we're all a joke. 222 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,687 - Mm. Ha-ha-ha. - Whoa. 223 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,226 Natalie is Freezing? 224 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,057 - You know them? - Yeah, I know them. 225 00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:40,391 But how do you? You're... 226 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:41,863 - Black? - No. Old. 227 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,129 Oh. Sorry, I just meant that... 228 00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:47,033 When I was into them, I was like 15. 229 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,767 And I was 40. I never really listened to music when I was growing up. 230 00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:52,843 I was in my own world. 231 00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:55,708 But one day at work, I heard this sound... 232 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,872 ...it was "Pillar of Garbage." 233 00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,213 Oh, that is their best song. Best song. 234 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,355 - I got it right here. - Would you play it? 235 00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,046 Yeah. 236 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:09,058 [SONG STARTS PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 237 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:14,488 ♪ Moonlight Bleeding glass and healing needles ♪ 238 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:19,468 ♪ Amputated hearts are never whole ♪ 239 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:24,701 ♪ Too bright Dreaming as the screaming seagulls ♪ 240 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:29,746 ♪ Feed on parts of me I keep below Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 241 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:35,182 ♪ Orion, take off your belt Let me go to where you've been ♪ 242 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:41,782 [OFF-KEY] ♪ I'm flying, overhead Buffalo are falling dead inside the... ♪ 243 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:42,985 [MUSIC STOPS] 244 00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:46,097 You know what? Those guys are gonna need coffee... 245 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,927 ...if they're gonna keep that dog from having a degree. 246 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,092 There are things at stake here. 247 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,795 I get that now. Mm. 248 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,500 I found the smell. 249 00:12:58,677 --> 00:13:01,305 - Someone filed a taco. - Wha...? 250 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,449 "Things That Will Otherwise Get Filed Straight To My Thighs." 251 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,982 Hmm. 252 00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:10,220 So I know you agree with me that we need to find the truth... 253 00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:13,324 ...but do you agree that the truth won't be horrible? 254 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:14,720 I'm not psychic, Annie. 255 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:17,294 That's an illusion caused by extreme preparedness. 256 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,363 But what do you hope is true? 257 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,296 Oh, God, no, I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. 258 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,800 Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister. 259 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,133 Hope is the deformed, attic-bound, incest monster offspring... 260 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,797 ...of entitlement and fear. 261 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:32,136 My life results tripled when I gave up hope... 262 00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,109 ...and every game on my phone that had to do with farming. 263 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:39,377 What's true will be true, Annie. Our job is to deal with that truth. 264 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,985 You sound a little like Jeff. 265 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,745 Jeff said I sound like Abed. 266 00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:45,186 I wonder if Britta thinks I sound like Chang. 267 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:49,350 I assume Chang thinks I sound like distant explosions and crying babies. 268 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:51,018 You know, he's unstable, right? 269 00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:53,062 - Yep. - Oh. 270 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,531 A transcript for Ruffles. 271 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,728 - You think that's our guy? - I do. 272 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,301 Oh, my God. 273 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,639 So many classes. 274 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,782 [♪♪♪] 275 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,884 See what hope does? 276 00:14:13,252 --> 00:14:15,777 Screw you, Frankie. 277 00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:19,550 I'm sorry, Annie, but I don't think you're seeing this for what it is. 278 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,920 It's a transcript for a dog. 279 00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:24,824 A really, really long one. 280 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:27,898 It's proof that Jeff was right. This school has no value. 281 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,535 Yeah. But this folder has no degree. 282 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,193 Look. 283 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:34,301 - What's that? - Heh-heh-heh. 284 00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,599 Victory. 285 00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:38,004 You know, within the context of Greendale. 286 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,040 - Would it be better if we...? - No. 287 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,408 Never know until you try. 288 00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,049 - Never know until I try. - What? 289 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:48,243 - I said we're quite a team. - Here's the coffee. 290 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,581 Let me know if there's anything else I can do. 291 00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:53,247 - We could use fresh eyes on this cut. - We could? 292 00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:56,826 - Has anyone told you you're difficult? - Everyone in your line of work. 293 00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,122 [MUSIC PLAYS OVER COMPUTER] 294 00:14:58,297 --> 00:14:59,389 ANNOUNCER: This is Ruffles. 295 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,965 She'd like you to believe she's a graduate and a good girl. 296 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,897 But Ruffles is anything but. 297 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,970 When Ruffles moved into her neighborhood in 2007... 298 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:09,266 ...dead squirrels went up by 17 percent. 299 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,568 Coincidence? Ask this bunny. 300 00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:16,005 Ruffles stole cookies from a Girl Scout, impersonated a lobster... 301 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,547 ...had 27 children with five different fathers... 302 00:15:18,717 --> 00:15:20,981 ...and according to one local doctor, has worms. 303 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:24,987 Ruffles might claim she doesn't. Ruffles claims a lot of things. 304 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:28,593 Maybe that's why Ruffles once spent time on death row. 305 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:32,857 Ruffles: Not a lobster, not a student, not a good dog. 306 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,125 Paid for by Humanity Versus Ruffles. 307 00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:38,562 I wanted the voice-over to be like James Earl Jones... 308 00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:41,638 ...but the James Spader impersonator turned out pretty good. 309 00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:43,302 I wish he'd leave, though. 310 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,810 - You really let that dog have it. - Yeah. 311 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,006 Which I realize is important now. 312 00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,514 Is it okay if I crash on...? 313 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,414 - Yes. - Yes. 314 00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:02,459 - What are you doing? - Nothing at all. 315 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,756 I wouldn't say that. You put five huge cans of olives next to me. 316 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,660 Just something I felt like doing. 317 00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,760 This isn't the first time you've done this. 318 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,706 I'm really confused by this. 319 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,836 - Is it code for something? - I don't know. 320 00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,776 And I don't care. 321 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,910 [PELTON CHUCKLES] 322 00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:27,075 Jackpot, relative to Greendale. 323 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:31,618 Oh, my God. Look at this course load. This dog was an animal. 324 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,385 - Most of them were attendance based. - How is this good news? 325 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:38,124 "Unpaid library fees, $15. 326 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:41,323 Diploma withheld until payment remitted." 327 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,435 No degree. The commercial's a lie. 328 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:47,128 I'm gonna call the station and have them pull the ad. 329 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:49,240 Eat crap, Ruffles, and not just your own. 330 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,935 - Guys. Let it go. - What are you talking about? 331 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,580 The sad truth is that a dog can get a degree here. 332 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,875 Yeah, but the happy truth is none did. 333 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,348 There's a difference between truth and honesty. 334 00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:03,979 Library dues? Who cares? 335 00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:06,590 Ruffles put the work in, relative to Greendale. 336 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:10,024 That City College ad may be technically a lie... 337 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,722 ...but it's really dishonest to kill it on a technicality. 338 00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,834 And dragging this dog's name through the mud? 339 00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,732 That's worse than dishonest. That's evil. 340 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:21,770 Evil? I'll cop to silly. 341 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,000 Some things are silly and evil, like candy cigarettes. 342 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,645 And remember when Flavor Flav had that reality show? 343 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:30,179 I don't own a TV. 344 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,912 Honestly, I think the most honest thing we can do right now... 345 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:40,115 ...the only thing that will make us better than City College... 346 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,193 ...is to let that ad run and take our lumps. 347 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,855 Annie, this started with me sleeping and getting yelled at for not helping. 348 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,628 If it ends with you yelling at me for not sleeping, that's not a story... 349 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,034 ...that's a German art film. 350 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:55,998 What...? Let it go. 351 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:59,508 I am a female student being physically overpowered by a male teacher! 352 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,270 Damn it. Britta, get her. 353 00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:02,812 [SNORING] 354 00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:05,074 - Frankie, get her. - Annie, sweetie... 355 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,081 ...think about this practically. 356 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,585 If being better than City College means letting them destroy us... 357 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,018 ...what is the point? 358 00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:17,185 If surviving means being like them, what's the point? 359 00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:18,929 Why not let one school die... 360 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,760 ...and enroll at the one where my grades matter? 361 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,162 [♪♪♪] 362 00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:24,962 If those are your terms... 363 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:28,800 If the price of that transcript is you transferring... 364 00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:34,404 [SCOFFS] 365 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:35,774 ...we accept. 366 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,745 Personally, I hope you're bluffing. 367 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,909 Yeah? Well, here's what hope gets you. 368 00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,351 Hope and a dollar forty-nine will get you a candy bar. 369 00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:47,492 - A buck seventy-nine. - Are you serious? Jesus. 370 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:52,158 Have fun with your lying, cheating... 371 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:56,199 ...dog-smearing, truth-blurring... 372 00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:59,531 ...trouser-swapping school! 373 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,668 ELROY: I remember when candy bars were 50 cents. 374 00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:07,107 If someone says, "Hey, I just joined Mensa"... 375 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:10,214 ...or, "I consider myself a post-modern this or that." 376 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,579 You could say, "Yeah, that and 50 cents will get you a candy bar." 377 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,812 Or, "That and a quarter will get you a phone call." Heh. 378 00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,047 It was easier to be unimpressed back then. 379 00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:22,921 I mean, it was literally cheaper. 380 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,325 Elroy, we're kind of bummed out right now. 381 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,988 - Annie just left. ELROY: Oh. 382 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,059 Were you guys close? 383 00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,329 [♪♪♪] 384 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,005 [♪♪♪] 385 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:56,693 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 386 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,359 - Abed, I don't wanna talk right now. - Okay. 387 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:06,793 The Greendale ad is gonna go up any time now. You might wanna see it. 388 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:09,167 - I don't wanna be a part of that. - Trust me. 389 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:15,372 This is Ruffles. 390 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,209 Ruffles was a student in Greendale Community College. 391 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,578 She came really close to getting a degree. 392 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,014 Which means two things. 393 00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:24,121 She's an exceptional dog... 394 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:27,258 ...and Greendale really needs to get its **** together. 395 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,553 We're working on it. We're working hard. 396 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,390 And the good news is, when you work hard at Greendale... 397 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:38,093 ...no matter who or what you are, it pays off. Right, Ruffles? 398 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:39,294 [BARKS] 399 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,529 Jesus. 400 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,264 ANNOUNCER: Greendale Community College. 401 00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,875 You're already accepted. 402 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,480 You guys. I knew you wouldn't do that to Ruffles. 403 00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:52,947 - You hoped. - I hoped and it worked. 404 00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:55,450 - Hope points. - Hope points. 405 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:58,954 You do understand that what we did was the most prudent tactical move? 406 00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,922 Getting in front of the scandal, Letterman style. 407 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,562 Yes, Jeff, don't worry. 408 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:07,221 I promise I'll never mistake you for having a heart. 409 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,596 - Thank you. - Ahem. Kiss City College goodbye. 410 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,703 - I did it. - Did what? 411 00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,930 That stuff we talked about. 412 00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:17,972 CHANG 1: Who are you? CHANG 2: I'm the plumber. 413 00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,940 CHANG 1: Why? CHANG 2: Here's why. 414 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,875 - Oh. - Oh, my God. Oh, my... 415 00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:24,242 MEN: Oh! - Ugh. 416 00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,613 - Is this pornography? - Doy. 417 00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,819 - You're the only actor. - So? 418 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:33,924 - What kind of lens is this? - Who cares? 419 00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:38,556 You might be a genius. Why did you do this? 420 00:21:38,730 --> 00:21:42,131 What parent will let their kid go to this school if a porn got shot there? 421 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,929 You shot it in front of a wall that could be anywhere. 422 00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,094 And you're wearing your Greendale T-shirt. 423 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:52,539 Okay, genius, but the title is Chang Does Greendale... 424 00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:54,338 Oh, wait. 425 00:21:57,449 --> 00:21:58,814 [CHUCKLES] 426 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,552 Reshoot. 427 00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:10,424 [IN JAPANESE] Forty thousand yen in data charges?! 428 00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:13,393 I'm looking at my son, but all I see is the ghost of your uncle! 429 00:22:13,565 --> 00:22:15,897 [IN JAPANESE] I imagine many people look the same... 430 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,059 ...when you reduce them all to finance. 431 00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:22,502 In your eyes I am the enemy because I'm the edge of your world... 432 00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,869 ...but when your eyes move past me, they will weep. 433 00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:28,535 Tokyo is a machine, caked with blood, running on flesh. 434 00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:31,574 I reduce you? 435 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,446 You will learn true reduction. 436 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:41,048 You will be as small as me. 437 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,960 [DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES] 438 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,893 [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 439 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:58,669 [IN ENGLISH] The Dean? Hellos. 440 00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:00,869 Are you in trouble? Is everything okay? 441 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:04,243 Is life hard everywhere? Is everyone alone? 442 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:05,542 All the time. 443 00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:07,878 Are you at home, Jeffrey? Should I come over? 444 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:11,022 You cannot come to me. I must confession you. 445 00:23:11,189 --> 00:23:12,213 I am not Jeffrey. 446 00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:14,951 I understand. I rarely know who I am. 447 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,027 No, I mean, I am not Jeffrey. 448 00:23:17,195 --> 00:23:18,219 Let it out. 449 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,831 I am Takashi. I am teenage boy in Tokyo. 450 00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:23,763 I think we all are sometimes. 451 00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:27,632 I am sorry for making fun before, but now I need a friend. 452 00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:30,331 Why don't I bring you some olives tomorrow, Jeffrey? 453 00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,033 I am not Jeffrey. 454 00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:35,373 I am not the dean. 455 00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:39,114 [♪♪♪] 456 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:41,946 TAKASHI: I often think about that night. 457 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,849 Such a small event... 458 00:23:44,022 --> 00:23:47,287 ...but ultimately, the moment that would lead me... 459 00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:54,092 ...to becoming oyabun, highest leader of the Yakuza. 460 00:23:54,966 --> 00:23:56,957 [♪♪♪] 461 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:06,500 Ripped By mstoll