1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:06,368
"Always scare, Daniel-san.
Miyagi hate fighting."
2
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:08,565
Miyagi hate fighting.
3
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:11,104
- Line?
- "Yeah, but you like karate."
4
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,768
Right, right.
Yeah, but you like karate though.
5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,513
"So?"
6
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,246
- Line?
- Chang, the audition's at 3.
7
00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:22,183
Well, maybe I shouldn't go.
Maybe I'm a bad actor.
8
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,118
Being good is a fraction of acting.
9
00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:26,918
It takes discipline and confidence.
10
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,958
Discipline. Confidence.
11
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,756
Okay, from the top.
12
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:34,093
"Always scare, Daniel-san.
Miyagi hate fighting."
13
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,632
Line.
14
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,064
I heard Karate Kid quotes?
15
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:41,037
Chang is auditioning for a stage
adaptation of Karate Kid downtown.
16
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,505
Yeah, and it's for the part
of Daniel LaRusso.
17
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:46,702
- You got a problem with that, racist?
- No. You're acting now?
18
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:49,408
Yeah. You got a problem with that?
19
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:50,879
I'm clear.
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,542
They took my snake
and they turned it into a plumber.
21
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,381
They made the eggs into barrels...
22
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,547
...the pine tree into a gorilla,
but I recognize my design.
23
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,693
"Donkey Kong," my ass.
24
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,259
That's "Construction Snake."
25
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,953
I don't practice law anymore.
26
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:07,497
- But we have a case, right?
- Isn't everyone you'd be suing dead?
27
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,725
That's not cool, man.
28
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,961
Why would a tree throw eggs
at a snake?
29
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:14,573
- Why would a plumber fight a monkey?
- I don't know. I don't know.
30
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,335
- The Wi-Fi is broken.
- What happened to "Good morning"?
31
00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:20,240
- It's a bad morning. No Wi-Fi.
- Yeah, we need Wi-Fi.
32
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,041
Okay, let's not get carried away.
We need oxygen.
33
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,844
We have oxygen. We need Wi-Fi.
34
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:28,081
Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi.
35
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,983
Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi!
36
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:34,257
Okay, enough. All right?
Look what I'm doing. Look.
37
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:38,022
"Fix Wi-Fi."
38
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,666
Okay? Boom and boom.
39
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:44,661
All right,
I am trying to find the IT lady.
40
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,534
My e-mails to her get bounced
back to me in Aramaic.
41
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,642
And when I call, I hear
an undulating high-pitched whistle...
42
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:54,143
...that makes my nose bleed.
- Well, sounds like a bad IT lady, right?
43
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:57,010
- Frankie, hire a new IT lady.
- I'm handy with technology.
44
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,777
I'm assuming it's the same.
Smaller holes, more bytes?
45
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,614
- What are we up to now, mega?
- Tera.
46
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:04,384
Tera.
47
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,523
They did it, those bastards.
They finally did it.
48
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:10,788
- Hire Elroy. Elroy, you're the IT lady.
- Can I be his assistant?
49
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,727
- Not for money.
- Can I be his friend?
50
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:16,528
Elroy, Abed is your friend.
Now the real reason I came by.
51
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:18,795
I'm dying.
52
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:23,635
Not really,
but imagine how bad you'd feel...
53
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,802
...for complaining about the Wi-Fi.
Here's the real reason.
54
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,144
Too short?
55
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,141
It is too short?
56
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,913
It's not too short?
Ugh, you people are no help.
57
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:07,000
Ripped By mstoll
58
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,583
- School board coming.
- Oh, God.
59
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,920
- School board, you're surrounded.
- If this is about the bonfire...
60
00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:17,028
...it'll go out when the weather breaks.
- We come in peace.
61
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:21,891
We've had our ups and downs,
but as of right now, we love the school.
62
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:26,004
- And love what you're doing with it.
- What? Why?
63
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,201
What would you think
about moving up?
64
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,672
- You know, joining us on the board.
- Me?
65
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,406
- I would love to.
- Awesome.
66
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:36,242
- Awesome.
- One more thing.
67
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,510
You're, uh, gay, right?
68
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:42,780
I mean, like, openly gay?
69
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:48,890
Uh, I'm not openly anything,
and gay doesn't begin to cover it, no.
70
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,796
Oh, I get it. This is about the uproar
over you guys canceling...
71
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,231
...the pride parade
for a school-board parade.
72
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,235
- Those guys get to dress fancy all year.
- No, no, no.
73
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:02,238
- We have one day!
- No, this isn't about that.
74
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:05,502
This is about adding a new face
to the board.
75
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:08,146
But if that new face happened
to be openly gay...
76
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,782
...it would be
because we're so tolerant.
77
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:14,716
And always were.
But that's for us to deal with.
78
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,378
The question you have to ask is:
79
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,785
"Am I openly gay?"
80
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:22,121
Because if you are,
that gayness could be a rocket.
81
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:23,990
Thrusting you to new gay heights.
82
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:28,793
And if you're not, well,
there's a lot of gay guys out there.
83
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,904
I assume that's a selling point
of the lifestyle.
84
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:35,768
- I never thought about it that way.
- Well, I have.
85
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,139
Cutting women out of sex?
It's genius.
86
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,993
This should lead to the router.
87
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,732
- Back up, back up, back up.
- What...? What's going on?
88
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:12,036
A bird's nest, with babies.
It must be there because of the heat.
89
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:14,179
Reason my mom took
my half brother to Arizona.
90
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,838
That's why the Wi-Fi is down.
We'll have to move it.
91
00:05:17,016 --> 00:05:19,177
If you move them,
the mother won't come back.
92
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:21,820
Those birds aren't the new IT lady.
I am.
93
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,980
- I'll move it carefully.
- The mother won't come back.
94
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:30,061
Kid, animals have been murdering
each other for 3 billion years.
95
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:33,960
Birds have had their 15 million in
the spotlight, same as lizards and plants.
96
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:37,694
And they all just use it to murder,
eat, screw and not invent Wi-Fi.
97
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,934
We may end up saving this world,
or blowing it to hell...
98
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,199
...or making a new one.
99
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:45,242
But we can't do any of it
while scheduling our evolution...
100
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:48,175
...around the needs
of the least lucky birds.
101
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,942
Are you a demon?
Did Clive Barker write you?
102
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:55,144
Anyone who finds that nest
will come to the same decision.
103
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,721
And you don't have to get mean.
104
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,382
Mean? You just did
a baby-bird murder monologue.
105
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:05,258
Maybe they're close to leaving. Can you
stall by doing what real IT people do?
106
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,762
- What's that?
- Exactly.
107
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:12,262
I've got one year
to make it all work...
108
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:15,635
...and that's what I'm gonna do.
Make it work. All of it.
109
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:17,776
This place is intimidating.
110
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,343
You're gonna do great.
111
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:23,414
Next up, Ben Chang
for the role of Daniel LaRusso.
112
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,354
Ah. Thank you.
113
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,716
Daniel-san,
why you want learn karate?
114
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,914
Hang on a second.
115
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:34,082
- Sorry, I can do better.
- Zip it.
116
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:37,957
- Who are you?
- Oh, I'm Annie, a friend of Chang's.
117
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,759
You mind coming up here
and reading with your friend?
118
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,235
Okay. If it helps.
119
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,302
Um...
120
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:55,877
"Daniel-San, why you want...?"
121
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,481
Okay. No, sorry. No.
122
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,914
You read Daniel-San.
You read Miyagi.
123
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,451
Um...
124
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:05,182
We'll do scene seven, Miyagi's office.
125
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,423
Ahem.
126
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,665
- Are you the repairman?
- Aye.
127
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,306
- The faucet's really leaky there.
- Aye.
128
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,307
When you gonna fix it?
129
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,009
After.
130
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,079
Heh. After what?
131
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:29,708
"After" after.
132
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,875
Tell everyone else to go home.
133
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:34,212
We got the parts!
134
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,048
- Yeah.
- Hear, hear.
135
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,849
Parts, plural?
136
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,959
Well, yeah, Annie got my part,
and I got the Asian part.
137
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,719
Chang, stop.
138
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:46,092
We were cast as Mr. Miyagi
and the Karate Kid...
139
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:47,892
...because we're a good team.
140
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,365
We're a team
because one of us is so talented...
141
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,333
...she got cast outside her gender...
142
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,973
...and the other one got cast
because of eye shape.
143
00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:58,604
I am not letting you
sabotage yourself like this.
144
00:07:58,778 --> 00:07:59,972
Let's say you're right...
145
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,013
...and like Sidney Poitier
or Meg Ryan before you...
146
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,740
...you were cast for race.
147
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:10,144
It's what the actor does with the role
they get that matters. All right?
148
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,415
You're right.
149
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:15,060
All right, IT lady, how goes it?
150
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,991
- I found your problem.
- And?
151
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,664
I'll need a little time to fix it.
152
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,769
Wow, need time to fix it.
153
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,498
You sound just like you work in IT.
I've got some interesting news.
154
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:32,041
The school board offered me
a position.
155
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:33,940
- Great.
- Congratulations.
156
00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:37,549
Well, I got a part in a play,
and we were sort of talking about that...
157
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,514
...so read the room, Pelton.
158
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,550
Are you gonna take the job?
159
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:45,817
I don't know. There's a catch.
Heh, heh.
160
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,854
Jeffrey, Frankie,
could I see you in my office, please?
161
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,762
They want you to be
a token homosexual?
162
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:56,163
It's a form of progress.
Thirty years ago, the most power...
163
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,031
...the openly gay could achieve
was the center square.
164
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,400
But I'm not just gay.
165
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:02,632
What does that mean?
166
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:06,539
If coming out is a magic show,
and gayness is a rabbit out of a hat...
167
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:10,204
...I'm one of those
never-ending handkerchiefs.
168
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,544
The sad truth, Craig?
169
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:16,586
Anything other than straight
is plenty gay for a school board.
170
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,246
The most important point is...
171
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:20,892
...are you prepared
to make your sexuality...
172
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,085
Which is nobody's business.
173
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:26,698
- An aspect of your role in society?
174
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,424
I know I'm not, so I don't.
175
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,195
Oh?
176
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:31,996
When a person becomes symbolic...
177
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,832
...they gain symbolic power...
- Gay?
178
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:37,066
...at the price of independent power.
- Maybe?
179
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,733
Yep, that's an excellent point.
180
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,412
It could be good for Greendale...
181
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,674
...for one of our own
to be on the school board.
182
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:47,046
The fact you'd be leaving
a few items off your list of turn-ons...
183
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,546
I mean, the goal in politics
isn't transparency, it's winning.
184
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,487
That's why politicians always win.
185
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:56,492
They do always win, don't they?
Now I get a chance to win.
186
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:59,392
I could change the system
from the inside out.
187
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,730
And all I have to do
is pare down my sexuality...
188
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,962
...to simple gayness,
which is heavily in the mix.
189
00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:07,298
There you go.
190
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:09,840
Get ready, America.
191
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,704
Dean Pelton is coming out...
192
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:15,813
...as approximately two-sevenths
of what he is. Heh, heh.
193
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,743
Come on. Don't leave me hanging.
194
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:22,979
There we go.
195
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,154
- I am so curious.
- Oh!
196
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,816
- Intellectually.
- Oh, Jeffrey.
197
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:31,855
All right, this is a pretty basic scene.
198
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:34,465
No real subtext.
Let's just get it up on its feet.
199
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,593
There's no wrong answers.
Okay? Great. Go.
200
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:46,334
Hey, come fix faucet.
201
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:55,251
- Oh! Karate. Learn from book?
- Yeah.
202
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:59,152
And a few classes back at the Y
in Jersey, where I'm from.
203
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,624
- What happened eye?
- Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.
204
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,387
I guess there are wrong answers.
205
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,190
- Quick adjustment, Ben?
- Yeah?
206
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:09,493
Act better. Act better. Thanks.
207
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,897
Annie, you're doing great.
208
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,504
- Keep doing what you're doing.
- Can I ask about my moti...?
209
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,698
To keep me from puking
is your motivation.
210
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,867
Stop making me wanna quit theater
and kill myself. Go.
211
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,444
After "what happen eye?"
212
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,140
Oh. Okay.
213
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,880
Hey, I fell off my bike.
214
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,178
Mm.
215
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,480
- Lucky no hurt hand.
- Okay.
216
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:32,550
Can I see this toolbox?
217
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,392
Ah. Great. This is good. Got it.
218
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:37,991
Ah!
219
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:43,791
I got distracted because the tools
were doing a better job than you.
220
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,529
"What happen eye?" Say it!
221
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,765
- What happen eye?
- Liar.
222
00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,068
Stop lying to me. Say it.
223
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:53,871
- What happen eye?
- What happen actor?
224
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,908
Are you crying?
225
00:11:57,083 --> 00:12:01,110
You cry when I tell you to cry.
So reabsorb that disgusting droplet...
226
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,881
...of salt and bad choices
back into your doughy body.
227
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,718
Then call your mother to see
if you can be reabsorbed...
228
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,484
...back into her doughy body.
229
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:12,324
Or I will take that tear, I'll freeze it
and stab you in the eye with it...
230
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:14,989
...you waste of a soul-shaped hole
forgotten by God.
231
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:18,562
Okay.
232
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,400
- What should I...?
- Don't change a thing. You're perfect.
233
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,201
Unless you want to.
234
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,240
Okay.
235
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:33,416
All right. I'm Rich Countee.
This is my man, Carl.
236
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,952
- We work on the school board.
- Yeah, we do.
237
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:40,058
We have some exciting news for you.
Your own Dean Craig Pelton...
238
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:44,219
...has been selected to join the board
of Colorado Community Colleges.
239
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:47,627
- I'll just... Go... Go ahead, Dean. Talk.
- Yeah.
240
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,158
Hello, Greendale.
241
00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:55,139
As you know, this is something
I've wanted for a very long time.
242
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:59,038
I wanted to thank all the people
at Greendale that helped me achieve this.
243
00:12:59,211 --> 00:13:02,977
And my partner, Domingo.
244
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,515
- Very proud of my Craig.
- That's...
245
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,481
Oh! Ah, ha, ha, ha.
246
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,879
And now, let's open it up
to some questions.
247
00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:14,287
As a gay dean, what is your opinion
about the recent controversy...
248
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,451
...surrounding
the canceled pride parade?
249
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:19,097
Do you think you were selected
to join the board...
250
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,028
...because of your sexual preferences?
251
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,600
Whoa, I would just like to say
that we are very proud...
252
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:27,136
...to have Mr. Pelton on the board,
whatever his lifestyle may be.
253
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:32,300
Which happens to be gay.
Which is great, but irrelevant.
254
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,043
It gets better.
255
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,379
Oh, good.
256
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,850
We're so happy. Ha, ha, ha.
257
00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:43,955
- I feel like scum.
- Gay people are scum?
258
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:47,354
Don't play that card with me.
I make gayness look like Mormonism.
259
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,187
I don't like being this dishonest.
260
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,522
Dean, I wanna say thanks
for doing this.
261
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:54,928
I never knew. I mean, people talked,
but I wasn't sure.
262
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,227
It doesn't have anything
to do with my work...
263
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,234
Yeah, but it's helpful to me,
you know?
264
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:03,535
And to a lot of us. So thank you.
265
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,874
Hmm...
266
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:12,746
Confine yourself to your role,
Domingo.
267
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,647
And lose the attitude.
268
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,773
Oh, Daniel-San, you much humor.
269
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,578
Okay, let's stop there.
270
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:59,619
I'm not gonna hit you
and it's not because it's illegal.
271
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:02,198
And it's not because I'm afraid
you know karate...
272
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:05,701
...because there is nothing about
your performance that is believable.
273
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:09,568
See, we only hit things
that affect us.
274
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,142
I don't hit water or old mayonnaise...
275
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:14,939
...or the air
after a fart has dissipated...
276
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,981
...and I'm not hitting you.
277
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,311
You are the worst actor
I've ever directed...
278
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,319
...and I directed both Wahlbergs!
279
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,581
From the top!
280
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,658
Danny does a bit with the floor sanders,
Miyagi is amused...
281
00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:31,819
...and Kenny gets me another goddamn
cup of coffee with six Splendas in it.
282
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:41,834
He's so mean to Chang.
I don't know what to do.
283
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,271
You could just drop out of the play.
284
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,071
Well, you know, I could.
285
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:48,736
Or Chang could.
286
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:51,876
I mean, the director's
not being mean to me.
287
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:53,951
But you talked Chang
into auditioning...
288
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,849
...and then you got his part
and now he's suffering.
289
00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:00,652
- You're right. I should threaten to quit.
- Or just quit.
290
00:16:00,826 --> 00:16:02,316
Well, if I threaten to quit...
291
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:05,588
...maybe that will be enough for him
to stop abusing Chang.
292
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:09,132
I was kind of born to act, Britta.
293
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:13,431
When I do it,
I can feel it pleasing the universe.
294
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:16,867
That's dramatic.
295
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:18,867
See?
296
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:27,477
If they're sparrows,
they'll fly in less than 12 days.
297
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,746
If they're albatrosses,
we're in trouble.
298
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:35,490
Albatrosses have
a 270-day fledging period.
299
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,132
Thanks for guarding the nest with me.
300
00:16:46,238 --> 00:16:47,262
Uh-oh.
301
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,532
This is what you do
when you're working?
302
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,469
- Must be nice.
- All right, look.
303
00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:55,875
There's a bird's nest in the router.
If you wanna fire me, fire me.
304
00:16:56,048 --> 00:17:01,384
Either way, until those birds are gone,
nobody gets any closer.
305
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,119
Well, of course not. If you move them,
the mother won't come back.
306
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,315
Keep up the good work.
307
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,120
Hm.
308
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,567
Show me wax on.
309
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:19,067
This is the worst acting
I've ever seen in my life.
310
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,003
Show me wax off.
311
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:25,143
The ghost of your father just turned
his back on you.
312
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:28,211
Your ancestors are clawing their way...
313
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,541
...deeper into the earth
to get away from you.
314
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,581
You make me embarrassed
to have thumbs.
315
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,878
I can see air quotes around you.
316
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,955
Show me paint fence.
317
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,454
Knock, knock. Anybody home?
318
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,957
Oh, look, there's nobody here.
Oh, it's so dusty.
319
00:17:42,127 --> 00:17:45,096
It's almost like nobody's been here
in years. There's a note.
320
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,327
"Never let me act!"
321
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:52,163
Mr. Lundergard, I'm sorry,
but I cannot stand by while you do this.
322
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:53,861
That's fine. You can go.
323
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,405
I'm not bluffing.
324
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,442
You can't make an actor more talented
by yelling at them.
325
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:02,910
And if you don't stop,
your lead character is gonna walk.
326
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:05,406
Lead?
327
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,582
You play Danny LaRusso.
328
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,448
Well, I'm the Karate Kid.
329
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,221
The Karate Kid is about Kesuke Miyagi...
330
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:16,259
...an immigrant who fought
his own people in World War II...
331
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:19,795
...while his wife lost a child
in an internment camp.
332
00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:23,492
Noriyuki Morita was nominated for
an Academy Award for his performance.
333
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:26,604
Ralph Macchio showed up.
334
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,603
I cast you
because your measurements...
335
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,004
...allow me to use
the wardrobe from last year.
336
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:34,009
I cast Ben because he has
the sadness and talent...
337
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,976
...that could make this show great...
338
00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:39,549
...if I have to physically drill
into his chest...
339
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:42,482
...and suck it out with a straw!
340
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:46,021
So you can take a flying kick
at a rolling doughnut.
341
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,749
You're fired.
342
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,024
But I'm talented too, right?
343
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,787
What? No. Really?
344
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,962
Really? Oh, my God.
345
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,829
You're, like, doing a terrible
Vinnie Barbarino up here.
346
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:59,562
I know you're not capable
of anything better...
347
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:03,105
...so that's why I've been
so nice to you. Take care, Annie.
348
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,773
Yikes, right? Whew!
349
00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:07,775
What a diva.
350
00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:12,174
Thanks for sticking up for me.
351
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,444
No problem?
352
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:18,512
From now on, she's dead to us.
353
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:22,823
Hey, Gay Dean, we got a problem here.
You reading the local papers?
354
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:27,830
You've shut down the campus Wi-Fi
until a nest of baby birds can grow?
355
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,798
- That's a little too gay.
- I didn't do it because I'm gay.
356
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:32,095
Wait, I'm not gay.
357
00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:34,171
Whoa, that did not just get said to us.
358
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,534
You're gay.
You're openly gay, and we love it.
359
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:40,075
We're dealing with more flak
from conservatives for appointing you...
360
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,839
...than we did from gays
for not having one of you.
361
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,279
Yeah, and the gays aren't coming
to your side.
362
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:48,749
Know why? Because the whole point
is to get a job by being gay...
363
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:52,584
...and then to do as good a job as
the normals. That's what the gays want.
364
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:56,194
They don't want a gay dean
who acts like a weird gay monster.
365
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,524
- I'm not a gay dean.
- Whoa, not cool, man.
366
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,792
- Don't bring us into your web of lies.
- Well...
367
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,937
- Now what do you want me to do?
- Figure it out, Gay Dean.
368
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:09,335
Figure it out.
369
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:13,678
- Hey, Domingo.
- Hey, what's up?
370
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:20,118
Guys, the school needs Wi-Fi,
and my job is to run the school.
371
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,549
The school doesn't need baby birds.
372
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,815
- The nest needs to be moved.
- You are not crossing this line.
373
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,050
I'm taping this. This is on video.
374
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,695
- Guys.
- This is two white security guards...
375
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:34,992
...versus one unarmed black man
and two baby birds.
376
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:36,694
Your move.
377
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,233
Stand down. Stand down.
378
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,395
No security, no weapons...
379
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:43,097
...just one unarmed black man...
380
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:48,406
...versus one unarmed
openly gay dean.
381
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,649
Now, move that nest, please.
382
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:59,416
Just a hair back, Domingo.
It's like you're breathing for me.
383
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:42,765
Thank you so much.
384
00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:45,297
You are an inspiration.
385
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,316
Ahem.
386
00:22:01,853 --> 00:22:03,616
I've called this press conference...
387
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:06,451
...because I have been
less than honest with the public.
388
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:10,359
You know me as the openly gay dean
of Greendale Community College...
389
00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:14,659
...but that doesn't even begin
to describe what I really am.
390
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,926
I belong to one
of the most marginalized...
391
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:21,539
...and least openly honest groups
in America.
392
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,233
I am...
393
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,936
...a politician.
394
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:29,375
Now, what does that mean?
395
00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:31,880
Are politicians like you?
Well, we look like you.
396
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:34,883
But we will say and do
whatever we have to...
397
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,385
...in order to acquire
and keep our jobs.
398
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,525
It means nothing I say...
399
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,651
...and very few of the things I think
can be trusted.
400
00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:49,860
I am tired of being
in this particular closet...
401
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,663
...so I am coming out now.
402
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,406
I only hope that you can accept...
403
00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:01,569
...an openly political person
on your board.
404
00:23:01,913 --> 00:23:03,574
If not...
405
00:23:04,249 --> 00:23:06,274
...I understand.
406
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:08,379
Thank you.
407
00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:17,153
It's faster if I get to my office this way.
We don't need pictures of this.
408
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,923
I can't believe he got kicked off
the school board...
409
00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:21,725
...for admitting he's political.
410
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,892
Yeah, some groups take longer
than others to gain acceptance.
411
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,631
We like our politicians in the closet
because we're afraid, deep down...
412
00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:32,106
...we're all a little political.
- Any of you smell a bird murderer?
413
00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:33,505
I came here to apologize.
414
00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:36,238
I hope your apology comes
with a beak, hollow bones...
415
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:39,009
...and a special magnet in its head
it uses to migrate.
416
00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:41,084
- You skipped wings.
- Insects have wings!
417
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,084
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, Abed.
418
00:23:43,488 --> 00:23:46,116
I lost myself in a role.
It won't happen again.
419
00:23:46,291 --> 00:23:48,885
Two of them died. There's one left.
He's hanging on...
420
00:23:49,060 --> 00:23:51,722
...but I'm worried he's turning
into a symbol of my own innocence.
421
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:53,592
Oh...
422
00:23:54,466 --> 00:23:58,493
- Isn't Chang's play tonight?
- Lf you go, you're supporting abuse.
423
00:23:58,670 --> 00:24:00,069
- Oh, dial it back, Annie.
- Oh!
424
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:03,571
I'm definitely in. It'll be interesting
to see how his fake crying...
425
00:24:03,742 --> 00:24:07,439
...is different from his real crying.
- I'm a big fan of the performing arts.
426
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,512
But I'll go to Chang's play anyway.
427
00:24:09,681 --> 00:24:11,376
Karate Kid adaptation?
Karate Kid adaptation?
428
00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:14,849
Karate Kid adaptation? Karate Kid
adaptation? Karate Kid adaptation?
429
00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:28,756
Ahem.
430
00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:32,267
Karate Kid adaptation?
Okay. Ah! I might.
431
00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:33,927
I'm catching up.
432
00:24:38,443 --> 00:24:40,308
Directors have a saying.
433
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:45,340
Actors are worthless,
empty-headed homunculi.
434
00:24:45,517 --> 00:24:49,613
But the right one in the right role...
435
00:24:49,788 --> 00:24:51,949
...can change the world. Hm.
436
00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:56,221
I have found the right one.
He's found the right role.
437
00:24:56,394 --> 00:24:59,659
And tonight, your world changes.
438
00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,128
You're welcome.
439
00:25:17,215 --> 00:25:19,615
- He replaced me with Annie Kim?
- Shh.
440
00:25:19,784 --> 00:25:21,081
- Hyaa!
- Ow!
441
00:25:21,386 --> 00:25:22,853
Sorry. You okay?
442
00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:27,189
You must be the new people
in Apartment 20.
443
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:28,917
What was that, karate?
444
00:25:29,094 --> 00:25:30,652
- Yeah, you know.
- Yeah, you know.
445
00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,662
Hey, me and my friends are gonna
have a party at the beach.
446
00:25:33,832 --> 00:25:34,856
You should come.
447
00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:38,401
- Hey, are you the repairman?
- Aye.
448
00:25:38,570 --> 00:25:40,037
Faucet's really leaking there.
449
00:25:40,839 --> 00:25:43,501
- Aye.
- When are you gonna fix it?
450
00:25:43,909 --> 00:25:45,206
After.
451
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:47,368
After what?
452
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:48,877
"After" after.
453
00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:54,077
Come ask leave boy alone to train.
454
00:25:54,252 --> 00:25:58,382
You got a lot of nerve, old man.
But I like that. I like that.
455
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,286
Name a place.
456
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:01,550
Tournament.
457
00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:07,561
Sergeant Miyagi. Yes, sir.
458
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:11,395
Regret to inform wife, sir.
459
00:26:14,372 --> 00:26:18,069
Complication at birth, sir.
460
00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:23,914
No doctor in camp.
461
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,745
Why she d...?
462
00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:29,614
Why she d...?
463
00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:33,386
- Please forgive me.
- Shh.
464
00:26:36,161 --> 00:26:39,187
No need fight anymore.
You proved point.
465
00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:41,764
What, that I could take a beating?
466
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:46,897
Every time I see those guys,
they'll know they got the best of me.
467
00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:49,900
Close eye.
468
00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:08,282
Get up, Daniel.
469
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,188
Get up.
470
00:27:18,937 --> 00:27:20,768
Yeah!
471
00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:22,429
Yeah, woot, woot!
Ha, ha!
472
00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:24,468
You're all right, LaRusso.
473
00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:27,376
We did it, Mr. Miyagi.
474
00:27:27,545 --> 00:27:29,342
We did it.
475
00:27:34,352 --> 00:27:37,287
- I'm speechless.
- I forgot Chang was up there.
476
00:27:37,455 --> 00:27:39,184
Me too. It's such a relief...
477
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:42,349
...to be able to support him
out of something other than fear.
478
00:27:42,527 --> 00:27:44,188
Guess all that suffering paid off.
479
00:27:44,362 --> 00:27:46,853
You have to wonder
if it wouldn't have been better...
480
00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:49,193
...for Daniel to get beat up even more.
481
00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:52,495
I am at a total loss about
what lesson to learn from any of this.
482
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:53,899
Maybe that's the lesson.
483
00:27:54,072 --> 00:27:55,471
Mmm...
484
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,041
- I lost a button.
- Maybe we all lost a button.
485
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,210
Hey. Hey, guys.
486
00:28:03,782 --> 00:28:05,977
Thank you so much.
487
00:28:06,484 --> 00:28:10,750
- Hey. Thank you for making me do this.
- You're welcome. Congratulations.
488
00:28:12,057 --> 00:28:14,184
- I'm jealous.
- Oh, no, no. Don't be.
489
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,724
I sit in my dressing room...
490
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:19,057
...and all I dream about
is a white picket fence and the dog.
491
00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:21,198
I don't have those either.
492
00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:23,861
Chang, let's go.
493
00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:27,300
I guess all the actors go to some sort
of actor bar together, heh, heh!
494
00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:29,337
I'll see you guys in school. Bye.
495
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,171
What are you talking to them for?
496
00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:41,846
Hey, I know this great bar for people
that don't hate themselves.
497
00:28:42,187 --> 00:28:43,882
What do you say?
498
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:46,184
Milady.
499
00:28:47,492 --> 00:28:49,483
Milord. Ha!
500
00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:55,396
We're gathered here today...
501
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,331
...to celebrate the release
of this bird into these skies.
502
00:28:58,503 --> 00:29:02,132
That its now fully-formed wings may
find purchase upon the four winds.
503
00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:05,276
If anyone would like to say something,
now is the time.
504
00:29:06,811 --> 00:29:08,176
Oh! Uh...
505
00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:11,804
I'll always remember how you kept me
from getting e-mail for a week.
506
00:29:11,983 --> 00:29:13,610
And that chirp you do
when you want more bread.
507
00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:16,110
Yeah, that one.
508
00:29:16,287 --> 00:29:19,620
Now, everyone, please put on
your cat masks and finger wings.
509
00:29:23,962 --> 00:29:27,830
With these cat masks, we remind you
that this place can no longer be home.
510
00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:30,058
But with the fluttering
of these wings...
511
00:29:30,235 --> 00:29:34,035
...we symbolically join your flight
into the natural world. Wings, everyone.
512
00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:41,344
Okay, you can go now.
513
00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:42,707
Off you go.
514
00:29:42,881 --> 00:29:45,941
Time to go, little bird.
That's just the way it is.
515
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:54,121
- It's done.
- You did the right thing.
516
00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:56,988
Thanks to you, that bird has
his whole life ahead of him.
517
00:29:57,162 --> 00:30:01,428
To fly, meet lady birds, even start
a bird family. You made a difference.
518
00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:03,693
Oh, Abed.
519
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:26,500
Ripped By mstoll