1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,677
I'm just saying that it's sexist
2
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:04,676
- that I can show my nipples...
- Right.
3
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:06,507
...but my little sister
can't show hers.
4
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:09,639
That's crazy. It's just, like,
let women free the nip.
5
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:10,685
Free the nipples.
6
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,855
- How young is your sister?
- It doesn't matter.
7
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,147
It's that you should just be able to do it.
8
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,941
- Yeah, okay.
- This is America last time I checked.
9
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,643
- Get off me!
- Okay, Bill...
10
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,354
- Bill, would you hold her down?
- She's strong.
11
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:23,611
- Oh, my gosh, she got mean strength.
- What's wrong with my brain?
12
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,283
I don't know. I don't know.
13
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,703
The devil is cursing me.
14
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,416
I'll have what she's having.
15
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:44,600
Ripped By mstoll
16
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,305
I'm fresh
17
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,383
You gotta, you gotta
You gotta, gotta
18
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,139
Gotta be fresh
19
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,644
Does this look familiar?
20
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,600
Yeah, that's a Samoa, right?
21
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:01,733
Oh, did she go sugar mad?
22
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,735
That's right. That's a real thing.
That happened to my aunt.
23
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,987
She drove her Corolla off one of
the bridges in Madison County,
24
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,990
and in the wreckage, they
found three Whatchamacallits.
25
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,240
Candy wrappers.
Like Milky Way candy wrappers.
26
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,996
Okay, this is a half-eaten,
giant weed cookie
27
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,669
that Tina found in your cubicle!
28
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:18,996
- It's... Which is stealing.
- Yes.
29
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,047
- So you want us to fire her? 'Cause we'll do it.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
30
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:25,253
We are not firing the traumatized woman
who is now in the hospital
31
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:28,088
because you three
brought drugs to work.
32
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,423
Okay, she's a traumatized
thief, though.
33
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:30,723
- Please, let me banish...
- Identity theft...
34
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,551
- I want to banish someone.
- That's the word. The thief part.
35
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,682
She is traumatized,
but she is a criminal.
36
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,355
You guys, I'm really sorry
to have to do this,
37
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,355
but you have gone
way too far this time.
38
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,061
You're all fired.
39
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,531
Well, it finally happened.
40
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:51,487
No, no. She can't fire us
because we dem boys.
41
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:56,538
A woman ran through a glass
door high on drugs, because of you three.
42
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,494
I have to fire you.
43
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,789
You know,
I didn't want to do this,
44
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,466
because it would, you know,
45
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,464
- feel a little icky to do.
Mmm-hmm.
46
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,137
But I'm going to have
to pull out our one time only,
47
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,556
"You can't fire us" card, Alice.
48
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,430
Okay, what the hell are you talking about?
49
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:18,898
Alice, need we remind you
how you got your job?
50
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,906
Yello.
51
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,244
Hey, uh, what's up, player?
I'm Ice Holmvik.
52
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,825
I'm here for an orientation.
53
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,831
Oh, that's a,
that's an unusual name.
54
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,834
What's the significance
to that, Ice?
55
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,632
I used to swim,
but then I started rhyming,
56
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,926
and my rhymes were so cold
that the water froze.
57
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,049
Hence, Ice Holmvik.
58
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,596
Oh, that's... I love... I love rap.
59
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,551
I love rap, too.
I'm also into hip-hop fashion.
60
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,634
- You know, like...
- Right.
61
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,641
This guy, Kanye, is like, starting to really
come up and change the game,
62
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,973
so I started a denim line.
Check that.
63
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,730
It's called, Rawegian.
I don't really have them
64
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,686
steady sagging right now,
but usually I do.
65
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,192
But since I'm at work,
I pull them up out of respect.
66
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,365
I appreciate that. I'll tell you what.
67
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,412
If you wear slacks tomorrow,
I'll cut you some slack today.
68
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,034
- That's what's up.
- All right, well,
69
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,616
orientation's in about ten
minutes, conference room.
70
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,076
- That's what's up.
- Thank you, buddy.
71
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,410
- That's what's up.
- All right, Ice.
72
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,790
This is gonna be fun, buddy.
73
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,001
What the hell are you guys doing here?
You're supposed to be in class.
74
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,051
You get it, bro.
75
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,095
It's like a financial crisis
we're going through.
76
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,468
- Yeah.
- Recession, college loans,
77
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,141
- the bailouts...
- Bailouts, yep.
78
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,560
So you know, we bailed out.
Barack Obama!
79
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:42,560
- You dropped out of college?
- Yeah, as real bosses do.
80
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,858
Bill Gates, the child from Facebook.
81
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:49,860
Hey, guess what, guys.
It's Steve Jobs not Steve College.
82
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,280
That's funny.
83
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,233
'Cause I'm kind of gonna be the office
funny guy around here.
84
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,613
I feel like that's my vibe.
85
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,740
That's my calling. That's my truth.
86
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:57,446
Okay, so should we clock
in or something?
87
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,202
No, we definitely
shouldn't clock in, okay?
88
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,498
I should clock in,
because this is my job
89
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,621
and you don't belong here.
90
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,623
This is where I am going
to turn over a new leaf
91
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,751
and become the man I was
supposed to be, Ice Holmvik.
92
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,673
I will not call you that.
93
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,751
I will never, ever
call you Ice Holmvik.
94
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,303
- This is... Yes, you will.
- Oh, Ders, check it out.
95
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,255
- Ice is what I'm called.
- Yeah, but check it out.
96
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:17,056
Dude, is that...
Is that Lacey Jams?
97
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,009
- Yes, like, 100%. That's her.
- Don't look up. Don't look.
98
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,218
Be cool. Be cool.
99
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,680
Does that mean that
that dude right there is...
100
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,140
The dude with the mole?
The mole man?
101
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,350
If that's him, I bow to thee,
102
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,435
because he's got
a huge sausage, right?
103
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,145
And she derbs it all
the way up to this mole
104
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,230
that he's got on the base.
I'm telling you.
105
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,157
She's not thro' yet, but she's a prospect.
106
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,485
She's like the Derrick Rose
of deep throat, dude.
107
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,662
Oh, is that, like, an Internet thing?
108
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,660
Ugh, yuck.
109
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,792
Oh, Adam, you are still taking
a hard stance on the Internet.
110
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,210
Dude, it is 2008.
111
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,128
Don't be 2000-late, okay?
112
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,832
The Internet and computers
are for dweebs and nerds.
113
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:51,834
You got to get on there, dude.
114
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,301
It's, like, a lot
of amazing porno on there.
115
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:54,753
- Yeah.
- This Internet porno fade...
116
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,715
That's gonna... It's gonna fade
away because porno stars
117
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,893
are on the covers of DVDs
and the covers of VHS tapes.
118
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,935
Okay, cool dudes.
119
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,139
I want all new recruits in
the conference room right now.
120
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,849
Let's do this. Come on.
121
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,687
Okay, thank you, everybody.
122
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,144
Now, please, enjoy this fun,
123
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,900
little video that we put
together that tells you
124
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,026
absolutely everything
you need to know.
125
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,657
- I didn't see it.
- No, no...
126
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,033
- Didn't see it.
- Hog is hidden, hidden hog.
127
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:24,992
TelAmeriCorp is a pretty rad place
to work if you just stick to the rules.
128
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,874
- Rule number one, be on time.
- Okay, we got nothing.
129
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:29,580
I think his pants are too loose.
130
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,755
That's a good thing. That's a good thing.
131
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,675
- How is it a good thing?
- Because if he shakes his butt...
132
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,086
Then you know
his dick's wagging.
133
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,386
- Yes, yes.
- Okay, okay, I'm with you.
134
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,055
I got this. I got this. Yo, dude. Hey, hey.
135
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,177
Dude, there's like...
136
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,850
- There's a scorpion on your butt.
- What?
137
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,097
Yes, a little, baby
scorpion on your butt.
138
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,928
Yeah, on the other side.
You got to shake your butt.
139
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,434
- Yeah, careful. Yep.
- Shake your butt. Shake it off.
140
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,515
Mmm-mmm.
141
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,066
Harder? Shake it harder.
142
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,018
Oh, still clinging. It's really...
143
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:55,481
Hey, guys, let's please show
some respect to the business world.
144
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,949
Thank you. Come on, guys.
It's just getting to the good part.
145
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,527
Hello? Hold on. Hello?
146
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,862
Sorry, you need to hold on.
147
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:04,198
Man, I wish everybody
wouldn't show up late.
148
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,875
- I need a break.
- What?
149
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,748
He's good. That's good. That's funny.
150
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,548
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
151
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,718
You know, we... We showed this
at the board of directors meeting,
152
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:20,047
and the top brass was so
impressed that they promoted me.
153
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,178
You know what?
You should put this up on YouTube.
154
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,725
I bet it'd get mad hits.
155
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,144
I am not good enough for YouTube.
156
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,472
But thank you for saying that.
Maybe one day...
157
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,392
- Thank you, guys.
- Okay, cool.
158
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,691
- Hey. Montez, right?
- Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,115
I'm Adam DeMamp.
I am such a big fan after seeing that.
160
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,739
You're, like, the funniest human
being I've ever seen.
161
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,071
Well, listen, George
don't even let me be me.
162
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,577
He cut out this little funny look I do,
like a dramatic chipmunk.
163
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,580
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
164
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,161
That was, like... That was unique.
165
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,417
That was... I've never even
seen anything like that.
166
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:57,672
Well, you know, the thing is,
George, he cut my joke.
167
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,631
And it hurt.
168
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,930
It felt like he bit my finger.
169
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:05,726
George bit my finger...
170
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,926
And my joke.
171
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,763
Hey, do you think you could
be my funniness mentor?
172
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,190
I can definitely be
your funniness mentor.
173
00:07:13,475 --> 00:07:14,943
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
174
00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,651
With the striped shirt
and dumb soul patch
175
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,111
Ooh, slam.
176
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,662
Boy, you look like a mole rat
177
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:26,738
Mole rat, okay.
178
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,164
No, no, no, no. You didn't know.
179
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,866
Wow. We landed on mole rat.
180
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,372
Very cool, very funny.
181
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,625
- Oh, here we go.
- Limo.
182
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,128
- It's, like, the President.
- This is cool.
183
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,418
- Is that...
- Yo.
184
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,299
- Is that Mark McGrath?
- What's up, boys?
185
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,595
Sugar Ray just said, "What's up" to us.
186
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,969
- Does he work here?
- That is Sugar Ray.
187
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,846
- That is Sugar Ray.
- Who is she?
188
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:50,520
Oh, yummy, yummy. My pee-pee
is pointing at my tummy, tummy.
189
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,973
- Go on and get it, boy!
- Oh, my gosh.
190
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,935
Listen, listen, listen, last night was...
191
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,362
It was, like, physical, right?
But it was also spiritual.
192
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,235
Did you feel that?
193
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,112
Yeah, man. It was all right.
194
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:08,622
Excuse me, did you just kiss Sugar Ray?
195
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,165
I did a lot more than that.
196
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,743
Let's just say McGrath
likes to Mc-munch.
197
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,872
- Oh!
- Oh, she got snapped. She got snapped.
198
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,207
Oh, yeah!
199
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,257
I'll never forget you, Alice Murphy.
200
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,335
Not never, ever.
201
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,089
- She got him sprung.
- Wow. Okay.
202
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,342
So let me guess.
203
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,348
You three fresh meat just sat through
204
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,351
Montez and George's
corny-ass orientation video?
205
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:34,682
- Yeah.
- You right, you right.
206
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,732
I thought
it was funny, but...
207
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:40,608
Well, you don't seem like you
completely suck my pricksicle.
208
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,439
Follow me. I'll deprogram you.
209
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,277
Hey, uh, shouldn't we
get back to work?
210
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,738
Mr. Burkeman
said 15-minute breaks.
211
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,823
Yeah, like, somebody
might trick on us. I don't know.
212
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,159
Look, when you crush
the phones as hard as I do,
213
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,585
you make the schedule.
214
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,459
- Yo, Jillian!
- Hey.
215
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,587
Wait a minute. Hang on. Damn door.
216
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,754
Hey, A-Train,
you looking to smoke a J?
217
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:08,848
- Smoke a J.
- Oh, I got what you need.
218
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,722
Calling it "That Blue Magic,"
from that new show Breaking Bad.
219
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,848
- Have you guys seen it?
- Oh, sweet.
220
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,897
Oh, I watched the entire season
through a window at Circuit City.
221
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,565
That dude
from Malcolm in the Middle.
222
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,313
- I love that show.
- Yeah.
223
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,770
Oh, God, here comes
this fucking nerd.
224
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,072
What's up?
225
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,649
- Yeah.
- Here, Jillian, deal with this.
226
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:26,779
What's wrong with
George, though?
227
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,781
- I mean, he seems straight.
- Oh, I don't know.
228
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,989
Uh, I got braces
on the company's insurance,
229
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,791
and then that dick
canceled everybody's plans.
230
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:38,496
So now my teeth are fixed,
but I can't afford to get my braces off, so...
231
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,830
Oh, that sucks.
232
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,210
Jillian, what are you doing?
233
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,917
- I'm smoking it down. What?
- No, get rid of it. He is right there.
234
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,172
Oh, God, where do I put it?
235
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,470
Someone, hide it. Here, I got it.
236
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,297
Oh! Oh, oh, it burns!
237
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,597
- It burns, it burns, it burns!
- Shh.
238
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,391
Hey, guys, break's over.
239
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:55,266
So why don't we get in there
and attack the phones?
240
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,768
T.A.C.
241
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,350
All right, well,
I'll see you guys in the pit.
242
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,981
- All right. Argh!
- Whoo! Whoo!
243
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,404
Bye, George.
244
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,902
Ugh, I cannot take him anymore.
245
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,609
Why? He seems actually
like a really reasonable guy.
246
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,818
Well, he's not, okay?
247
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,075
He won't even hire me
'cause I'm a convicted felon.
248
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,703
I was pissing next to a school. Next to.
249
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,999
It doesn't matter.
250
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,624
I'm quitting next week to be
a waitress at Mimi's Cafe.
251
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:20,954
What?
252
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,256
Anyway, we should fuck
before I leave.
253
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,629
- Wait. What?
- Yeah, uh...
254
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,086
No doubt. Yeah, that'd be cool.
255
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,137
- Smooth, dude.
- Yes, that was smooth.
256
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,715
- It's the suit, man.
- Yeah, it's looking good.
257
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,799
Got them going, dude.
258
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,509
That suit will get a girl
about it, about it.
259
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,560
That's no doubt
about it, man. Whoo!
260
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,230
Sucks that she's quitting
'cause of George.
261
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,900
Well, what if, uh,
George didn't work here?
262
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,903
Hey, you want to hang out?
263
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,652
Uh, nah, we should probably
head inside.
264
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,232
- Sorry.
- I wasn't talking to you.
265
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,363
I was talking
to Larry the Cable Ferret.
266
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,415
Hey, yo, George. You in here, man?
267
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,117
You got a... You got a second?
268
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,202
Yeah, I'll be out
in about ten minutes, guys.
269
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,129
Uh, yo, uh...
270
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,332
How would you like
to get promoted again?
271
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,009
That's great. Listen, let's talk
when I get out of here, please.
272
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,927
Look, this is
what we were thinking.
273
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,007
We were thinking maybe you make
another hilarious video, okay?
274
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,183
But this time, we post it on YouTube.
275
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,681
Maybe make a channel
for the company.
276
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,603
It goes viral. The bosses see it.
277
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,431
And all of a sudden, now you're a big boss.
278
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,688
- Yep.
- That is a great idea, guys.
279
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,189
Thank you. Let's talk about...
280
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:29,022
So it's kind of like
a parody of viral videos,
281
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,698
but we set it in the office.
282
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,774
Okay, I'm interested.
283
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,075
Then good.
You should watch these videos.
284
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,745
- Yeah, I'll talk to you when I get out.
- No, no. Here's what it's gonna be.
285
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,073
Why don't you just watch some of
these videos we could mash up?
286
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,205
And let's see, we'll do, uh,
287
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,378
Mini Mall Man, okay?
288
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,921
It's pretty funny.
289
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,543
Living rooms, bedrooms
290
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:50,093
Dinettes
Oh, yeah, you can find 'em
291
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,795
Hey, Adam,
that guy has your suit on.
292
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,223
I've never seen that video or any...
Really, hardly any video,
293
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,766
but I doubt it's the same.
294
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:58,969
Yeah. Oh, yeah, actually,
watch the "Charlie Bit Me" one.
295
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,224
That one's, like, my favorite.
296
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,055
Oh, it's right here, right here.
297
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,357
- Oh, yeah, this one's hilarious.
- Ha, ha, Charlie.
298
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:06,692
Charlie bit me.
299
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,525
That's funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
300
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:10,605
Classic.
301
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,862
Montez said, like, this exact
same thing to me earlier today.
302
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,535
Yeah, he probably said it
from the video.
303
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,113
He was saying like it was
his original stuff.
304
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,539
I mean, he has original stuff.
305
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,742
He does this, like, dramatic chipmunk.
306
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,497
It's like a chipmunk that's...
307
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,702
- He looks over his shoulder.
- Hold that thought.
308
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:25,912
It's like, that's funny.
309
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,839
'Cause when you put, like,
a personality on an animal...
310
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,503
Oh, my God.
311
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,842
- Yeah, that's got...
- Montez is a liar.
312
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,218
Thirty-nine million hits.
313
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,765
- He's a freakin' sham.
- Okay.
314
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,888
I'm the wow. See, that's funny.
315
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:42,767
- ShamWow, right?
- You guys are annoying.
316
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,768
But you showed me a lot
of initiative today.
317
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,474
And to be honest, I wouldn't
mind having another outlet
318
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:50,278
for some of my better impersonations,
like the Governator.
319
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,072
I'll be back,
as soon as I go to my budget meeting.
320
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,948
Get to the chopper
to make a budget meeting.
321
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,619
Wow. Save it for the screen,
though, man.
322
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,242
- Save it for the screen.
- Hey, real quick.
323
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,540
Can we fire Montez
real quick? Real quick?
324
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,713
Okay, and this crazy Monday
wake up and meet.
325
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:10,961
Does it have to be the early morning?
326
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,917
- Mmm...
- Can it just be morning?
327
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,093
Well, I mean, it can
just be morning, yeah.
328
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,886
Maybe on the day, yeah,
after I come...
329
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,635
Hey, Bill, my man?
330
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,175
I got some jeans for you.
Rawegian, that's my brand.
331
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:23,228
And put them on for the video.
Keep them if you like them.
332
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,480
Okay.
333
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,478
Rawegian is in the building.
334
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,150
And that was the skinny cut, right?
335
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:32,069
- That's what's up.
- Outline city, here we come.
336
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,273
Adam?
337
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,650
Um, hot comedy tip.
338
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,531
Try to do random stuff.
339
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,782
Do random things.
Like cutting me out of the script
340
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,330
when I'm the office funnyman.
341
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,749
Okay, well, the reason
we cut you out the script...
342
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,667
- Mmm-hmm.
- ...is because you are a bitch.
343
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,995
Oh, I'm a bitch, huh?
344
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,751
Yes. Who steals his comedy
from the Internet.
345
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,457
Isn't that what y'all are doing right now?
346
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,713
No, no, what we're doing,
it's a mash up.
347
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:58,422
Look, you need me in this video
if you want to get hits.
348
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,926
Do you want to get hits?
349
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,303
I want to hit you in the mouth.
350
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,510
Oh, I wish you
would hit me in the mouth.
351
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:05,266
Okay, Montez,
what's rule number one?
352
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,847
No yelling in the office!
353
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,977
Number two, do not scream, bitches!
354
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,401
And number three, no violence!
355
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,400
- George, this is our thing.
- This is their thing.
356
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:15,480
Yup.
357
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,406
And I got to sit you
on the bench for this one.
358
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,951
- I'm the funnyman.
- One time, okay?
359
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,861
- All right.
- I know it's scary.
360
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,196
- I know it's scary.
- You scary.
361
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,077
- I don't feel safe with him.
- Yeah, don't worry about it.
362
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:26,783
- Who cares? Come on.
- We... We should fire him.
363
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,368
- I don't feel safe.
- No, we can't fire him.
364
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,579
- And then who would work here?
- Your jeans are too tight.
365
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,379
Do I have to wear them?
I can't even...
366
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:33,923
Hey, that's how Rawegian jeans fit.
367
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,716
I mean, they look good to me.
368
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:39,046
Yeah. Oh, hey,
actually, Ders, buddy... Ice.
369
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,381
Yes, could you help him
with the wardrobe?
370
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,886
I just want to make sure that...
371
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,388
Yeah, just got to...
372
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,391
God, I can't even walk.
373
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,268
You got that? Here, let me get the...
374
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,395
Where is that rewind button?
375
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,226
I'm looking for
the rewind button right now.
376
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,401
Okay,
you see the rewind right now?
377
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,525
You know, I thought I did
but it was just fabric.
378
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:57,730
Okay, well, maybe...
379
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,407
What the hell's going on
with you guys?
380
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,155
You want to see my junk? ls that it?
381
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,531
Whoa, whoa!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
382
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,736
You want to see it?
You want to see it?
383
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,868
You want to see it?
You want to...
384
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,666
Nah.
385
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:22,676
Crazy Monday, wake up
in the early morn'
386
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,099
Check on Ice
to see what he's doing
387
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,300
- Hello
- What up, Ice?
388
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,601
Yo, boss man, what's cracking?
389
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:28,769
You thinking what I'm thinking?
390
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,847
- Coffee time!
- Coffee time! Man, it's happening
391
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,436
Blake's on the phone
392
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,611
I'll bet that he's crushing
393
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:40,315
If he sticks to the script,
he'll make a lot of money
394
00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:42,150
Phones will ring
395
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,786
Would you like
to buy a microwave?
396
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,580
Phones will ring
397
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:51,205
Please, have a very nice day
398
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:58,007
It's a Monday. What?
At TelAmeriCorp
399
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,585
We love Mondays. What?
At TelAmeriCorp
400
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,887
'Cause Mondays rule
at TelAmeriCorp
401
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,803
- Adam?
- Adam?
402
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,477
Blenders,
vacuums, steak knives
403
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,479
We sell them at TelAmeriCorp
404
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:17,481
You can find them
at TelAmeriCorp
405
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,315
It's just like, it's just
like a mini mall
406
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,817
This is awesome, man.
Now, all we got to do is, like,
407
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,619
kind of tag it with buzzwords so people,
like, know where to find it.
408
00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,492
Tags. Those are the thing on the end?
409
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,996
- Little words...
- Yep, okay. Uh-huh. Boobs, butts, cats...
410
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,621
Yes, that will get plenty of eyes.
411
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,669
But I think maybe we should
let Montez do it.
412
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,168
- He's web savvy.
- Nope, he's a human walrus.
413
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,045
I will do it, okay?
I'm, like...
414
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,717
I'm becoming an Internet guy.
415
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,544
After watching all these videos,
I'm getting...
416
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,505
I'm getting in the, the Internet now.
417
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,558
- Okay.
- I'll up... You upload it or download it?
418
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,352
I'll put it in.
I'll inject it into the Internet.
419
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,974
All right, everybody,
before we get started,
420
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,853
I want to introduce a very special guest
who's joining us today.
421
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:59,482
Ms. Lydia Hunt,
our amazing regional manager.
422
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,987
Great to be here, guys.
423
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,111
Before we get started,
I got to give a shout-out
424
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:08,570
to the geniuses that put
this presentation together.
425
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,826
Get up and say something, please.
426
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,657
- Don't mind if I do.
- Thank you.
427
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,162
Hey, thank you.
What an introduction, huh?
428
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,710
Y'all know me as Ice.
429
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:19,665
I guess I'll start off by saying
when we even approached the idea
430
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,841
of doing a response video
to "Lazy Sunday,"
431
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:25,011
we knew we had to recognize
those who came before us.
432
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:28,340
- That's right.
- Lazy Monday, Lazy Mondsy.
433
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,550
- Mm-hmm, right.
- And that's about it, really.
434
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,101
- Yeah, that was it.
- We couldn't have done it
435
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,929
without you guys
or the help of Red Bull.
436
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,434
True that, true that.
437
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:40,439
Which got us laser-focused and kept us
awake our entire lunch break
438
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:41,940
- for once, right?
- For real.
439
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,488
Maybe we should just
get it started. I'm excited.
440
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,733
- Okay. Awesome.
- Okay, cool.
441
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,037
Ready, and roll 'em.
442
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,410
How do my boobs look today?
Do they look saggy?
443
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,162
That's Lacey Jams.
444
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,914
You look fine, baby.
445
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,791
That's the mole man.
446
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,837
Now we're gonna play
my favorite game.
447
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,293
Suck-a-mole.
448
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,845
Whoa! No, no!
Okay, that's the wrong...
449
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,342
That's the wrong video.
450
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,639
You're the mole man.
451
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,343
You're fucking my wife?
I'm gonna kill you!
452
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,596
Bill, sit down. George, outside, now.
453
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,602
Okay, I'd like to say
goodbye to...
454
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,683
Okay. All right, goodbye.
455
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,193
- Go.
- Goodbye.
456
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,606
Goodbye, George.
This is for you, my man.
457
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,612
Okay, everybody.
458
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,035
George is no longer
with the company. Yes, Bill?
459
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,613
My penis mole
is just as big as his.
460
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,574
Why don't you take the rest
of the day off, Bill, okay?
461
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,955
It's a tough one.
462
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,297
Now, where is Alice Murphy?
463
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,375
- Yo, what's up?
- Ooh...
464
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,587
Ha! There you are.
465
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,467
As you know, we like to
promote from within,
466
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:55,268
and we've been tracking your progress
and love your sales numbers.
467
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,430
We'd like to make you
the new branch manager.
468
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,890
I don't know. That sounds
like a lot of bullshit.
469
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,523
Okay. Well, it is 72k a year,
plus full health and dental.
470
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,571
Did you say dental?
471
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:14,661
This is just fun.
472
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,410
Like, having a job
is just fun, you know?
473
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,866
We have these spinny chairs.
474
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:20,497
I get to put up these photos of me
flexing all over the place.
475
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,702
It's like no one's gonna stop me.
476
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,333
- Right.
- You know?
477
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,665
Uh-oh, here she is.
478
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,842
How 'bout me and you
go find a dark corner
479
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,636
to have some of that sex
that you won't shut up about?
480
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:35,638
Yeah, that's not gonna happen,
'cause you are the help,
481
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,470
and I'm middle management now.
482
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:40,680
I am done screwing around.
483
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:44,438
And if you three jacknards
don't start dressing the part,
484
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,815
you're out of here.
Do you hear that, do'rag?
485
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,818
Okay. No, no, no, I get it.
486
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:53,071
First day as the boss, you know.
Tensions are a little high.
487
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,074
Speaking of high, why don't we
go outside, smoke a joint?
488
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,703
Anyone caught doing drugs
in the office will be fired.
489
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:03,127
And starting immediately,
there'll be random drug tests.
490
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,045
I'm excited. What kind
of drugs are we testing?
491
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:08,091
Oh! Oh-ho-ho.
492
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:09,883
Oh, dude, I give you my blessing
493
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,303
to continue saying that
as the office funny guy.
494
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,882
And I give you my blessing
to get the fuck back on the phones.
495
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,184
Yo, A-Train, I couldn't
find any Kashi GoLeans,
496
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,351
so I made you a bagel.
497
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:22,727
Yeah, my name is Alice,
and this is not what I wanted.
498
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,478
I wanted Kashi GoLean.
499
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:38,405
Well, that was a fun stroll
down memory lane, guys.
500
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,534
- It really was.
- Yeah.
501
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,957
But I'm sorry. You're still fired.
502
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,662
Do you remember when you
had sex with Ders on this desk?
503
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,835
I do.
504
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:56,597
I'll see you guys
at work tomorrow.
505
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,263
Yeah, yeah!
It's on the other side.
506
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,268
You got to shake...
You got to shake your butt.
507
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,566
- Keep shaking. Keep shaking.
- Yeah.
508
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,860
Nope. Mmm-mmm. Nope.
He must be wearing the tighty whities.
509
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:13,030
- Shake harder.
- Maybe he taped it to his leg.
510
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,699
- His pants are too messed up.
- You got to shake it.
511
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:26,500
Ripped By mstoll