1 00:00:06,324 --> 00:00:08,025 Oh, wonder who's gonna get it. 2 00:00:08,026 --> 00:00:09,860 The overworked assistant who's building your new chair, 3 00:00:09,861 --> 00:00:12,962 or the pretty princess boss who won't get off his lazy ass. 4 00:00:14,298 --> 00:00:15,933 Hey, guys. 5 00:00:15,934 --> 00:00:17,301 He can't hear you. 6 00:00:17,302 --> 00:00:18,736 There's something going on with his hearing. 7 00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:21,138 Isn't that right, Lazy Ass? 8 00:00:21,139 --> 00:00:23,574 Ooh, fun. Let me try. 9 00:00:23,575 --> 00:00:26,043 I haven't listened to your show in three weeks. 10 00:00:26,044 --> 00:00:27,811 Hey, Teddy. 11 00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:29,647 Did you listen to my show today? 12 00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:31,849 Yeah, yeah, of course. 13 00:00:31,850 --> 00:00:34,518 Yeah, wh-when you said that thing to that guy? 14 00:00:34,519 --> 00:00:37,721 That-that was classic. 15 00:00:37,722 --> 00:00:39,256 - I know. Right? - Yeah. 16 00:00:39,257 --> 00:00:40,958 Come on. Let's, uh... 17 00:00:40,959 --> 00:00:43,360 - Let's go over your schedule for next week. - Great. 18 00:00:43,361 --> 00:00:45,696 I'd love to. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 19 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:48,431 whoa, whoa, whoa... 20 00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:51,235 Oscar, are you okay? 21 00:00:51,236 --> 00:00:52,803 No, I just got a little dizzy. 22 00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:54,872 What's going on? First your hearing, and now this. 23 00:00:54,873 --> 00:00:56,407 It think it's just a cold. 24 00:00:56,408 --> 00:00:58,242 Whatever you do, don't tell Felix I'm sick. 25 00:00:58,243 --> 00:01:01,578 Oscar, you're sick? 26 00:01:01,579 --> 00:01:03,480 Wow, he just appears out of nowhere. Amazing. 27 00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:06,983 Yeah, it's not so nice when you're in the shower. 28 00:01:08,218 --> 00:01:10,387 Oscar, when was the last time you saw a doctor? 29 00:01:10,388 --> 00:01:12,189 Well, let's see. It's Thursday, right? 30 00:01:12,190 --> 00:01:14,658 So, uh, 1998. 31 00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:16,493 Look, Oscar, you have to take your health seriously. 32 00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:18,962 - What are your symptoms? - I'm not playing this game. 33 00:01:18,963 --> 00:01:21,465 He's having trouble with his hearing, and just now, 34 00:01:21,466 --> 00:01:22,900 - he got dizzy. - Hmm. Let's see. 35 00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:24,183 Could be an ear infection... 36 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,403 or a tear in the tympanic membrane, or Meniere's disease. 37 00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:27,905 That's just off the top of my head. 38 00:01:27,906 --> 00:01:29,573 Ooh, top of my head... could be a brain tumor. 39 00:01:29,574 --> 00:01:32,109 Would you please stop? 40 00:01:32,110 --> 00:01:34,178 - Felix, how do you know these things? - Oh, it's my hobby. 41 00:01:34,179 --> 00:01:36,679 Some people crochet, I read medical journals. 42 00:01:37,614 --> 00:01:38,981 I also crochet. 43 00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,251 Any other symptoms I should know about? 44 00:01:41,252 --> 00:01:43,787 Yes. I've got a huge pain in my ass. 45 00:01:43,788 --> 00:01:44,788 Chortle, chortle, chortle. 46 00:01:44,789 --> 00:01:46,223 Yes... 47 00:01:46,224 --> 00:01:48,759 laughter is the best medicine, they say. 48 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,761 Unless, of course, you have a brain tumor! 49 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,130 Would you stop? There's nothing wrong with me. 50 00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,531 Oscar, I need you healthy. 51 00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,366 You're 20% of my income. 52 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:59,069 And a dear, dear friend. 53 00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:00,471 You can see my doctor... Sharon McManus. 54 00:02:00,472 --> 00:02:01,839 She's the best in New York. 55 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,607 I am not going to a doctor. 56 00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:05,509 There's nothing wrong. I'll just take some vitamins. 57 00:02:05,510 --> 00:02:08,278 Dani, get me two Wilmas. 58 00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:10,280 What's wrong, Oscar? Are you afraid of doctors? 59 00:02:10,281 --> 00:02:12,349 Or are you afraid of what they'll find? 60 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,151 They're not gonna find anything. 61 00:02:14,152 --> 00:02:16,620 They're just gonna nag me about my diet and lack of exercise, 62 00:02:16,621 --> 00:02:18,021 and I already have you for that. 63 00:02:18,022 --> 00:02:20,390 Oscar, we care about you. 64 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,259 I'm going to text Dr. McManus and tell her 65 00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:24,727 that you will take my standing 2:30 Friday appointment. 66 00:02:27,431 --> 00:02:29,566 Thanks to you, I have to take care of myself. 67 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,735 You are getting on my last nerve. 68 00:02:31,736 --> 00:02:34,104 It's like working for a grumpy five-year-old. 69 00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:35,706 This is my good ear. 70 00:02:35,707 --> 00:02:38,207 I know. 71 00:02:57,464 --> 00:03:01,431 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 72 00:03:05,983 --> 00:03:09,119 Felix! 73 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,620 Hello, everyone. 74 00:03:10,621 --> 00:03:12,389 Frank, love the haircut. 75 00:03:12,390 --> 00:03:14,925 Annie, I tried that three-bean chili recipe of yours. 76 00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,460 Muy caliente. 77 00:03:19,263 --> 00:03:21,298 What? What did I do? 78 00:03:21,299 --> 00:03:22,866 You're sitting in my chair. 79 00:03:22,867 --> 00:03:24,634 Oh, sorry. I didn't see the plaque. 80 00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,970 Not your fault. It's back here. 81 00:03:26,971 --> 00:03:28,905 What are you even doing here? 82 00:03:28,906 --> 00:03:30,874 Well, if Dr. McManus sees 83 00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:33,043 that we're friends, she'll give you the best possible treatment. 84 00:03:33,044 --> 00:03:36,046 Now then, I took the liberty of starting your intake paperwork. 85 00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:37,514 But I was not comfortable 86 00:03:37,515 --> 00:03:39,282 filling out all of the sexual history. 87 00:03:39,283 --> 00:03:42,419 But you weren't afraid to sketch the mole on my back. 88 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,954 Not a sketch. 89 00:03:43,955 --> 00:03:46,156 More of a rubbing. 90 00:03:46,157 --> 00:03:47,891 You are a deep sleeper. 91 00:03:47,892 --> 00:03:50,494 Not anymore. 92 00:03:50,495 --> 00:03:52,229 Oscar Madison. 93 00:03:52,230 --> 00:03:54,331 Ah. Marilyn, take good care of him. 94 00:03:54,332 --> 00:03:55,699 Give him room C. 95 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,868 It's got a little bit of sports history. 96 00:03:57,869 --> 00:04:00,202 One of the Globetrotters died in there. 97 00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:04,941 How is it? Everything okay? 98 00:04:04,942 --> 00:04:06,776 - Oh, fine. - I knew it. 99 00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:09,112 My dumb roommate thinks I'm dying of a brain tumor, 100 00:04:09,113 --> 00:04:11,281 because I smoke cigars and don't exercise. 101 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:12,682 I'm sorry. I'm a little winded. 102 00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:14,416 That was a really long sentence. 103 00:04:15,685 --> 00:04:18,088 It's okay, sir. I'm sure there's nothing to be nervous about. 104 00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:19,956 I'm not nervous. You're the one who's nervous. 105 00:04:19,957 --> 00:04:22,092 Nervous Mervous. 106 00:04:22,093 --> 00:04:24,628 That's not a name. Oh, my God, I'm having a stroke. 107 00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:27,030 I'm going to be the second most-famous person 108 00:04:27,031 --> 00:04:28,465 who died in here. 109 00:04:28,466 --> 00:04:30,000 Look who I found. 110 00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,902 Dr. Sharon McManus, this is my good friend Oscar. 111 00:04:31,903 --> 00:04:34,471 - Hello. - Good to meet you. 112 00:04:34,472 --> 00:04:35,872 What brings you in today? 113 00:04:35,873 --> 00:04:37,274 Oscar Madison, 43, white male. 114 00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:38,642 Patient complains of vertigo, 115 00:04:38,643 --> 00:04:40,710 - auditory problems in the right ear. - Marilyn, 116 00:04:40,711 --> 00:04:43,113 has Felix seen the new blood pressure machine yet? 117 00:04:43,114 --> 00:04:44,714 - Hmm? - The T-200 is here? 118 00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:46,483 How did I not know about that? 119 00:04:46,484 --> 00:04:48,818 Marilyn, am I off the group e-mails? 120 00:04:48,819 --> 00:04:50,854 - Have a seat. - Okay. 121 00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:53,690 So, when did you start feeling dizzy? 122 00:04:53,691 --> 00:04:55,825 It started Tuesday during the Knicks game. 123 00:04:55,826 --> 00:04:57,827 Oh, I saw that game. Made me sick, too. 124 00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,496 I know. Carmelo's killing us, right? 125 00:04:59,497 --> 00:05:00,997 Seriously. 126 00:05:00,998 --> 00:05:03,567 Okay, let's take a look... okay? 127 00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:06,136 Oh, there we go. I think I see the problem. 128 00:05:06,137 --> 00:05:08,371 We're calling it a problem now? 129 00:05:08,372 --> 00:05:10,407 Okay, hold still. 130 00:05:10,408 --> 00:05:12,442 You'll feel a little pressure. 131 00:05:12,443 --> 00:05:14,277 Arr, arr. Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr. 132 00:05:16,047 --> 00:05:18,214 - Better? - Oh, so much better! 133 00:05:18,215 --> 00:05:19,783 - All right. - I'm not dizzy. 134 00:05:19,784 --> 00:05:22,118 And the sounds are so crisp, and the colors... 135 00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:24,487 No, the colors are pretty much the same. 136 00:05:24,488 --> 00:05:27,657 Oh, it's just a little blockage; nothing to worry about. 137 00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,326 Blood pressure's down seven points. 138 00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:32,362 Thanks, Norwegian fish oil! 139 00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:34,731 Can you plug up my ear again? 140 00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,700 You know, I shouldn't complain, 141 00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:39,736 because his visits paid for my bathroom remodel, 142 00:05:39,737 --> 00:05:42,505 but, yes, Felix can be a bit of a hypochondriac. 143 00:05:42,506 --> 00:05:44,240 I believe the technical term is "whack job." 144 00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:48,044 Must be tough being his roommate. 145 00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,380 Yeah, some days, but then, other days, like this, 146 00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:53,783 he introduces me to a beautiful, sophisticated lady doctor. 147 00:05:53,784 --> 00:05:54,985 Just doctor. 148 00:05:54,986 --> 00:05:57,320 The "lady" is silent. 149 00:05:57,321 --> 00:05:58,822 Sorry. I'm a little off my game. 150 00:05:58,823 --> 00:06:01,356 Can I try this again with my pants on? 151 00:06:02,659 --> 00:06:04,260 - Okay, Annie, you're a Pisces, right? - Mm-hmm. 152 00:06:04,261 --> 00:06:06,963 "The month ahead brings exciting opportunities. 153 00:06:06,964 --> 00:06:08,898 Don't be afraid to try new things." 154 00:06:08,899 --> 00:06:12,435 Like dinner for two on your birthday next Tuesday night! 155 00:06:12,436 --> 00:06:14,870 Felix, you remembered! 156 00:06:17,273 --> 00:06:18,642 Come on, you can tell me. 157 00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:20,310 Who died? Meadowlark? Curly? 158 00:06:20,311 --> 00:06:23,011 The guy who used to dunk with his feet? 159 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,582 Oscar. 160 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,717 There you are. Everything all right? 161 00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:29,119 Great. She's an angel of mercy. 162 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,754 I'll see you Tuesday at 7:00. 163 00:06:30,755 --> 00:06:32,489 Looking forward to it. 164 00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:34,824 7:00 p.m.? I'm confused. 165 00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,593 Have the office hours changed? 166 00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:38,928 I'm taking her to a Knicks game. 167 00:06:38,929 --> 00:06:42,098 You mean like a date? 168 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:45,435 Oscar, you cannot date my doctor! 169 00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:46,603 Why not? 170 00:06:46,604 --> 00:06:47,804 Because it will end disastrously. 171 00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:48,938 It always does with you. 172 00:06:48,939 --> 00:06:51,641 In my defense, I do a lot of volume. 173 00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:54,310 She'll be furious, she'll blame me, 174 00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,146 and I will lose the best doctor in New York. 175 00:06:56,147 --> 00:06:57,514 So, go to another doctor! 176 00:06:57,515 --> 00:06:59,082 No, I can't. 177 00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:02,919 Dr. McManus is the last top-tier doctor that will see me. 178 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,754 Apparently, I'm on some sort of list. 179 00:07:06,523 --> 00:07:09,559 Oh, Dani, you're still here. 180 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,695 It's taken me three days to put this damn chair together, 181 00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:13,129 but I think I got it. 182 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:15,732 - Looks a little bit low. - It's adjustable. 183 00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,902 Oh! 184 00:07:18,903 --> 00:07:21,870 Well, at least he won't fall off. 185 00:07:24,074 --> 00:07:25,842 You know what? He deserves it. 186 00:07:25,843 --> 00:07:29,212 - You're still mad that he's dating your doctor? - Yes. 187 00:07:29,213 --> 00:07:31,448 They're on date three, so it's only a matter of time 188 00:07:31,449 --> 00:07:33,316 before they break up, she'll be furious with me, 189 00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:35,785 - and just when I need her at the top of her game. - Why is that? 190 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:37,353 Oh, I think I'm coming down with something. 191 00:07:37,354 --> 00:07:39,155 I was scrubbing the kitchen sink all afternoon, 192 00:07:39,156 --> 00:07:40,957 and now my fingers are numb. 193 00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:44,360 Were you using that illegal Chinese cleaning powder again? 194 00:07:44,361 --> 00:07:46,830 It's not illegal in China. 195 00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:50,233 And it didn't kill those children who made it. 196 00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:52,502 Still no feeling. I'm starting to get concerned. 197 00:07:52,503 --> 00:07:53,837 Well, I'm off the clock. 198 00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:56,705 I'll be interested again on Monday. 199 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,309 - Dani, this is Sharon. - Hi. 200 00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,977 - Hi. - I see you finished the chair. 201 00:08:00,978 --> 00:08:02,645 - Took you long enough. - Yeah, you should try it out. 202 00:08:02,646 --> 00:08:04,980 It's adjustable. Just push that lever. 203 00:08:07,684 --> 00:08:09,886 So, what are you two up to? 204 00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:12,255 Oh, Sharon's taking me to a nice place for dinner, 205 00:08:12,256 --> 00:08:14,124 so I figured I'd get my fancy jacket. 206 00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:17,127 Ooh. The one without the mustard stain. 207 00:08:17,128 --> 00:08:18,760 Bingo. 208 00:08:21,197 --> 00:08:22,398 So, Felix, how are you? 209 00:08:22,399 --> 00:08:24,266 I'm fine. 210 00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:26,536 Actually, that was a pleasantry. 211 00:08:26,537 --> 00:08:28,671 I may not be fine at all. 212 00:08:28,672 --> 00:08:30,240 How much do you know about a cleaning product 213 00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:34,177 called "Happy Rainbow Best Cleantime Dirt Remover". 214 00:08:34,178 --> 00:08:35,678 - Felix, I'm on a date. - Uh-huh. 215 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,180 - Can this please wait until Friday? - You tell me. 216 00:08:37,181 --> 00:08:38,815 I've got a numbness in my finger, and then, 217 00:08:38,816 --> 00:08:40,150 I've been hearing this annoying sound all day, 218 00:08:40,151 --> 00:08:41,618 - like a high-pitched whining. - Yeah. 219 00:08:41,619 --> 00:08:44,654 Funny, we hear it, too. 220 00:08:44,655 --> 00:08:46,089 Sharon, why don't you come outside 221 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,390 and see the view from the terrace? 222 00:08:47,391 --> 00:08:49,157 - I would love to. - Okay. 223 00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:53,930 Wow. It's so beautiful. 224 00:08:53,931 --> 00:08:56,766 I was just thinking the same thing. 225 00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:59,469 You know, I still can't believe you're going out with me. 226 00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:01,504 I mean, you could have your pick of any guy, 227 00:09:01,505 --> 00:09:03,139 and I'm a little bit older, 228 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:05,074 and you're probably a lot smarter, 229 00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:07,544 and feel free to stop me at any point. 230 00:09:07,545 --> 00:09:10,879 Well, maybe this will make you feel more secure. 231 00:09:13,483 --> 00:09:15,685 Sorry to interrupt, but... 232 00:09:15,686 --> 00:09:17,587 the numbness has traveled to my knuckle, 233 00:09:17,588 --> 00:09:20,690 and at this rate, it will reach my heart in 36 hours, so... 234 00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:22,859 Ironically, you figured that out, when you're actually 235 00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:25,094 gonna die by being thrown off a terrace. 236 00:09:25,095 --> 00:09:26,763 I know you don't care that I'm sick, 237 00:09:26,764 --> 00:09:28,631 but Dr. McManus swore an oath, and I'm sure 238 00:09:28,632 --> 00:09:30,266 - she won't mind a quick exam. - Okay, Felix, 239 00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:31,734 I think you're overreacting, 240 00:09:31,735 --> 00:09:33,403 and I don't have my instruments, so... 241 00:09:33,404 --> 00:09:35,338 - I've got my own. - Of course you do. 242 00:09:35,339 --> 00:09:37,006 Be right back. 243 00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:40,009 Come on, let's make a run for it. 244 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,411 I can't take it anymore. 245 00:09:41,412 --> 00:09:43,246 It's bad enough when we're at the office, 246 00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:45,715 but now that we're dating, I'll never be away from him. 247 00:09:45,716 --> 00:09:47,851 I think I have to drop him as a patient. 248 00:09:47,852 --> 00:09:49,819 Oh, no, you can't. It'll break his heart. 249 00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:53,289 I'm sure he's got a cardiologist on speed-dial. 250 00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,325 Oh, come on. He's not really that bad. 251 00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:57,760 Do you have a preferred brand of tongue depressor? 252 00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,162 I've got three options. 253 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:00,663 Let's get out of here. 254 00:10:00,664 --> 00:10:01,664 Oh, please. 255 00:10:01,665 --> 00:10:02,699 Oh, God. 256 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,067 Oh, wait. My coat. 257 00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:06,501 I'll buy you a new one. 258 00:10:11,997 --> 00:10:14,333 - Done. Who wants to test it? - Oh, why don't you? 259 00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:15,801 Because I haven't had children yet. 260 00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:18,859 But you know what? It's a chair. 261 00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:20,268 It looks like the picture on the box. 262 00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:21,736 I'm just gonna put it in Oscar's room 263 00:10:21,737 --> 00:10:23,338 and get on with my life. 264 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:27,240 - Oh, I think a piece fell. - You shut your mouth. 265 00:10:28,343 --> 00:10:30,222 Why are you guys still here? 266 00:10:30,223 --> 00:10:32,357 I promised Sharon we'd have the place to ourselves, 267 00:10:32,358 --> 00:10:34,393 and I think tonight's gonna be the night. 268 00:10:34,394 --> 00:10:36,395 Didn't you see the sock on my doorknob? 269 00:10:36,396 --> 00:10:38,931 Oh, great, everybody's here. 270 00:10:38,932 --> 00:10:41,533 I can fix that. 271 00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:44,369 And we're going to a movie, but it doesn't start for an hour, 272 00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:48,307 which gave somebody time to surf the Web for medical advice. 273 00:10:48,308 --> 00:10:52,311 Why can't you be addicted to porn like everybody else? 274 00:10:52,312 --> 00:10:54,580 Well, if it's any consolation, 275 00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:56,214 I may not be bothering you much longer. 276 00:10:56,215 --> 00:10:57,316 Why, are you moving? 277 00:10:57,317 --> 00:10:58,483 Perhaps. To Heaven. 278 00:10:58,484 --> 00:11:00,319 When I die. 279 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,254 Felix, you're being ridiculous. 280 00:11:02,255 --> 00:11:04,456 Oh, really? Does this sound ridiculous? 281 00:11:04,457 --> 00:11:07,092 I am riddled with SNeRD. 282 00:11:08,328 --> 00:11:09,695 It's a real thing. Slovakian 283 00:11:09,696 --> 00:11:12,064 Neuro-Respiratory Disorder... or SNeRD. 284 00:11:12,065 --> 00:11:13,231 SNeRD. 285 00:11:13,232 --> 00:11:14,733 I love that you find it so funny. 286 00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,034 Perhaps you would like to share a chuckle 287 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:18,770 with patient zero, aka Alojz Prochazka. 288 00:11:18,771 --> 00:11:21,306 Oh, why are you showing me that? 289 00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:22,741 That's a horrible way to die, isn't it? 290 00:11:22,742 --> 00:11:23,909 But how could you have caught it? 291 00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:25,410 Have you ever been to Slovakia? 292 00:11:25,411 --> 00:11:28,981 No, but I had a very suspicious pierogi for lunch. 293 00:11:28,982 --> 00:11:30,382 It says right there... your chances 294 00:11:30,383 --> 00:11:32,284 of getting it are one in a million. 295 00:11:32,285 --> 00:11:34,419 Okay. Well, your chances of winning the lottery are 296 00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:37,055 one in 100 million, and yet you buy a ticket every week. 297 00:11:37,056 --> 00:11:39,391 Well, that's because I have a gambling problem. 298 00:11:39,392 --> 00:11:41,526 Here's another person 299 00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:43,395 who gambled and lost... Viktor Ciernik. 300 00:11:43,396 --> 00:11:44,496 - Ew! - Ugh! 301 00:11:44,497 --> 00:11:45,664 Don't show me that! 302 00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:46,965 I don't want that picture in my head. 303 00:11:46,966 --> 00:11:48,233 You cannot ignore this. This is real. 304 00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:50,002 I ignore plenty of stuff that's real. 305 00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:53,305 Taxes, people who have fallen in the street. 306 00:11:53,306 --> 00:11:55,107 When Dr. McManus gets here, I'm gonna tell her my symptoms. 307 00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:57,309 I've got a headache, erratic pulse, and now look at this. 308 00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:59,011 Look at that rash. 309 00:11:59,012 --> 00:12:01,747 No, do not mention the rash. Don't even show her the rash. 310 00:12:01,748 --> 00:12:03,515 - Why not? - Because if she thinks 311 00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:05,951 you're an insane hypochondriac, she'll dump you as a patient. 312 00:12:05,952 --> 00:12:08,153 How do you know that? 313 00:12:08,154 --> 00:12:09,554 She told me last night. 314 00:12:09,555 --> 00:12:11,757 Damn it! 315 00:12:11,758 --> 00:12:13,158 I knew if you started dating my doctor, 316 00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:14,359 something terrible would happen. 317 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,627 Don't blame me. And listen, 318 00:12:15,628 --> 00:12:18,096 when Sharon gets here, just act normal. 319 00:12:18,097 --> 00:12:20,432 Don't grill her about your imaginary ailments. 320 00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,501 Oh, so now it's imaginary? Well, you know who else 321 00:12:22,502 --> 00:12:24,369 must have a fanciful imagination? 322 00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:26,138 Imbriska Nedved. 323 00:12:26,139 --> 00:12:28,540 - Oh, that's disgusting. - Mm-hmm. 324 00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:30,475 Which reminds me, I better go clean my room 325 00:12:30,476 --> 00:12:33,545 before Sharon gets here. 326 00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:35,414 He's right, you know. 327 00:12:35,415 --> 00:12:38,550 You do build things up in your head. 328 00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:40,385 I have been known to make a mountain 329 00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:41,687 out of an irregular mole hill. 330 00:12:41,688 --> 00:12:44,589 You know, Felix, when I was a kid, 331 00:12:44,590 --> 00:12:46,425 my grandmother told me about polio, 332 00:12:46,426 --> 00:12:49,094 and as soon as she did, I was convinced that I had it. 333 00:12:49,095 --> 00:12:50,762 But polio's been gone since the '50s. 334 00:12:50,763 --> 00:12:51,997 I was a kid, I didn't know any better. 335 00:12:51,998 --> 00:12:53,832 I actually had nightmares about it. 336 00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,301 - Well, that's terrible. - Yeah, I wasted a whole summer worrying. 337 00:12:56,302 --> 00:12:59,104 I will never get that summer back. 338 00:12:59,105 --> 00:13:00,305 So you're saying... 339 00:13:00,306 --> 00:13:03,807 You are wasting your summer. 340 00:13:04,976 --> 00:13:06,678 How did you stop worrying about polio? 341 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:10,781 I learned about dinosaurs and started worrying about them. 342 00:13:12,317 --> 00:13:13,385 But dinosaurs have been gone since... 343 00:13:13,386 --> 00:13:16,054 I was a kid. 344 00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:17,689 No... 345 00:13:17,690 --> 00:13:19,491 no, you're right, I-I wish I could stop this obsession. 346 00:13:19,492 --> 00:13:21,560 You know, we're all gonna die at some point, right? 347 00:13:21,561 --> 00:13:22,961 It's like the poet says, 348 00:13:22,962 --> 00:13:25,363 "Do not send to know for whom the bell tolls. 349 00:13:25,364 --> 00:13:27,432 It tolls for thee." 350 00:13:35,073 --> 00:13:36,808 Dr. McManus. 351 00:13:36,809 --> 00:13:38,943 Acting casual. 352 00:13:40,579 --> 00:13:42,214 Oh, hi, Felix. 353 00:13:42,215 --> 00:13:44,581 Hey... Sharon... 354 00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:50,188 What it is. 355 00:13:50,189 --> 00:13:51,656 This is Emily. 356 00:13:51,657 --> 00:13:53,358 - Hi. - Hello. 357 00:13:53,359 --> 00:13:56,694 We are just about to blow this Popsicle stand, so... 358 00:13:57,929 --> 00:14:01,199 - Oscar will be out in a minute. - Mm-hmm. Oh, great. 359 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,768 So, how are you? 360 00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:03,735 Oh, fine. 361 00:14:03,736 --> 00:14:05,504 - Good. - Fit as a fiddle. 362 00:14:05,505 --> 00:14:08,573 - In the pink and in the prime. - Good. 363 00:14:08,574 --> 00:14:10,408 Although I-I did have one question for you. 364 00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,978 Yes? 365 00:14:12,979 --> 00:14:15,480 Does this shirt overpower the tie? 366 00:14:15,481 --> 00:14:17,249 Um... 367 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,151 Hey, Sharon, I didn't hear you come in. Everything okay? 368 00:14:19,152 --> 00:14:20,585 - Yeah. - Course. 369 00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,921 Normal people having a normal conversation. 370 00:14:22,922 --> 00:14:24,489 Okay, well we should go. 371 00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,558 If we miss beginning of the movie, we won't know 372 00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:29,528 how Adam Sandler got in the body of that Saint Bernard. 373 00:14:29,529 --> 00:14:31,962 - Bye. - Bye. 374 00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:34,733 Can I get you a drink? 375 00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:35,934 - Sure. - Great. 376 00:14:35,935 --> 00:14:39,337 Wow, Oscar, I'm impressed. 377 00:14:39,338 --> 00:14:41,473 Felix didn't ask me a single medical question. 378 00:14:41,474 --> 00:14:43,375 - Did you talk to him? - Well, I just 379 00:14:43,376 --> 00:14:45,343 told him to not get all worked up about things, you know? 380 00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,812 I mean, what are you gonna do? 381 00:14:46,813 --> 00:14:48,480 When your time's up, it's up, you know? 382 00:14:48,481 --> 00:14:52,150 Not what they taught us in lady doctor school. 383 00:14:52,151 --> 00:14:55,687 But I have to say, your attitude is so refreshing. 384 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:58,456 I spend my whole life surrounded by hypochondriacs like Felix. 385 00:14:58,457 --> 00:15:00,725 - Oh, I love the guy, but he's a nut. - Yeah. 386 00:15:00,726 --> 00:15:04,396 He's convinced he's dying of an imaginary disease called SNeRD. 387 00:15:04,397 --> 00:15:06,263 Oh, actually, that's real. 388 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,635 It is? 389 00:15:10,636 --> 00:15:13,138 Yeah, it's a horrible disease. In fact, I saw a patient today 390 00:15:13,139 --> 00:15:14,973 who's terrified she might have it. 391 00:15:14,974 --> 00:15:17,042 But she doesn't, right? 392 00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:20,679 I highly doubt it, but since she just returned from Slovakia, 393 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,147 we're running tests to be sure. 394 00:15:22,148 --> 00:15:24,816 Um, but still, I mean, it's 1,000 to one. 395 00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:26,551 Isn't it a million? 396 00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:29,219 I-I thought it was a million to one. 397 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,861 When you say this disease is horrible... 398 00:15:39,331 --> 00:15:41,032 ...what do you mean, exactly? 399 00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:43,201 Seriously? You really want to know? 400 00:15:43,202 --> 00:15:45,036 Well, since you brought it up. 401 00:15:45,037 --> 00:15:47,606 It starts out like a cold. 402 00:15:47,607 --> 00:15:49,074 Fever, respiratory symptoms. 403 00:15:49,075 --> 00:15:50,775 And then your organs shut down, 404 00:15:50,776 --> 00:15:52,344 you start to bleed out your nose 405 00:15:52,345 --> 00:15:54,179 - and then you... - Okay, I get the gist. 406 00:15:54,180 --> 00:15:55,580 Great. 407 00:15:55,581 --> 00:15:58,583 So we can stop talking about it. 408 00:16:00,786 --> 00:16:03,587 Oh. 409 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:06,424 Peek-a-boo. 410 00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:08,460 Well, I loved that movie. 411 00:16:08,461 --> 00:16:12,097 And I loved watching you eat your first Sour Patch Kid. 412 00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:16,001 It was like watching a baby eat a pickle. 413 00:16:16,002 --> 00:16:19,170 I like Fun Felix. He's a lot better than 414 00:16:19,171 --> 00:16:22,007 Does This Bump On My Ear Mean I'm Dying Felix. 415 00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:24,142 I know you're kidding, but do I really have a bump on my ear? 416 00:16:24,143 --> 00:16:26,278 'Cause a bump can turn into a lump and a lump can kill you. 417 00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:27,812 Felix... 418 00:16:27,813 --> 00:16:29,547 No, okay, I know. You're right. 419 00:16:29,548 --> 00:16:31,982 It's just hard to flip that switch. 420 00:16:34,252 --> 00:16:35,921 You know... 421 00:16:35,922 --> 00:16:39,624 I am going to really try to be more like my friend Oscar. 422 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,959 That guy never worries about anything. 423 00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:56,541 Is something wrong? 424 00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:58,877 No, no, I'm just a little wound up. 425 00:16:58,878 --> 00:17:01,546 Well, then maybe we should unwind. 426 00:17:01,547 --> 00:17:03,548 Okay... 427 00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,584 Um... Oscar? 428 00:17:06,585 --> 00:17:08,887 No, no, no, I'm just, uh, playing hard to get. 429 00:17:08,888 --> 00:17:10,789 Until when? 430 00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,058 I'm in your bed. 431 00:17:13,059 --> 00:17:15,293 Yes, you're a beautiful woman in my bed. 432 00:17:15,294 --> 00:17:17,828 Here's an idea. I'm gonna join you. 433 00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:21,967 Oh, I'm hot. 434 00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:24,602 I like your confidence. 435 00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:27,205 No, I just... I mean I feel really warm. 436 00:17:27,206 --> 00:17:30,608 Well, I'll go crank the AC. 437 00:17:30,609 --> 00:17:31,743 Make yourself at home. 438 00:17:31,744 --> 00:17:32,978 Feel free to take a shower. 439 00:17:32,979 --> 00:17:34,312 A sexy... 440 00:17:34,313 --> 00:17:37,080 sanitizing shower. 441 00:17:38,249 --> 00:17:40,552 Hey, guys. How was the movie? Did you have fun? 442 00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:42,454 Is there a cure for SNeRD? 443 00:17:42,455 --> 00:17:44,456 Oh, come on, Oscar. Not you too? 444 00:17:44,457 --> 00:17:46,124 Sharon has a patient who might have it. 445 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,525 Which means she might have it, 446 00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:48,827 which means I might have it. 447 00:17:48,828 --> 00:17:51,096 Where's your sanitizer? 448 00:17:51,097 --> 00:17:53,631 Oscar, you're overreacting. 449 00:17:53,632 --> 00:17:55,633 Yes, I am. And it's all his fault. 450 00:17:55,634 --> 00:17:57,969 - How is this my fault? - You freaked me out about being sick. 451 00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,504 You dragged me to the doctor. 452 00:17:59,505 --> 00:18:01,740 You made me look at disgusting SNeRD pictures. 453 00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:04,075 You're in my head, Felix Unger. 454 00:18:04,076 --> 00:18:06,845 I did, and I'm sorry. I have a problem, but Emily and I 455 00:18:06,846 --> 00:18:08,646 are discussing it and trying to work through it. 456 00:18:08,647 --> 00:18:11,114 This is empty. Where's your emergency stash? 457 00:18:23,294 --> 00:18:24,729 Oh! 458 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:28,066 Uh... Ow! 459 00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,634 Here's a drink, Oscar. 460 00:18:29,635 --> 00:18:31,503 I can't believe you infected me 461 00:18:31,504 --> 00:18:33,870 with your hypochondria. 462 00:18:37,142 --> 00:18:39,042 Ugh... agh! 463 00:18:40,512 --> 00:18:42,380 Face it, Oscar, we're both hypochondriacs, 464 00:18:42,381 --> 00:18:43,815 just different breeds. 465 00:18:43,816 --> 00:18:45,650 I run to the doctor every two seconds 466 00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:47,719 in the vain hope that I can control my fate; 467 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,422 and you never go to the doctor so that you can live in denial. 468 00:18:50,423 --> 00:18:54,424 But in the end, aren't we both afraid of the same thing? 469 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:58,396 Death. 470 00:18:58,397 --> 00:19:00,764 I was pausing for effect. 471 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,969 Death. 472 00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:06,805 But Oscar, you see, we can help each other through this, 473 00:19:06,806 --> 00:19:10,175 because we can face our fears together. 474 00:19:10,176 --> 00:19:12,477 Hey, Oscar, do you have a tissue? 475 00:19:12,478 --> 00:19:14,512 Nosebleed. Her organs are melting. She's got SNeRD! 476 00:19:14,513 --> 00:19:16,848 - What? - Wait, are you 477 00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:19,284 - protecting me or using me as a shield? - Protecting you. 478 00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:21,086 - Well then shouldn't I be behind you? - Right. 479 00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:24,254 All right, for God's sakes, what is going on? 480 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,992 Oscar? 481 00:19:30,895 --> 00:19:33,098 - No, no, no! - Aah! 482 00:19:33,099 --> 00:19:34,799 Oh, are you kidding me? 483 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,335 Well, you're hot and you're sneezing and you're bleeding! 484 00:19:37,336 --> 00:19:39,204 Yeah, because you have the heat cranked, 485 00:19:39,205 --> 00:19:40,638 I'm allergic to dust, 486 00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:43,074 and your basketball hit me in the face. 487 00:19:43,075 --> 00:19:44,976 You know, if you have allergies, I have a specialist... 488 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,611 Okay, you know what? 489 00:19:46,612 --> 00:19:48,313 You're a lunatic. 490 00:19:48,314 --> 00:19:49,881 You're both lunatics. 491 00:19:49,882 --> 00:19:52,517 Felix, you can find a new doctor. 492 00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:55,052 And Oscar, you can find a new girlfriend. 493 00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,991 Four dates and she thinks she's my girlfriend. 494 00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:04,795 Who's the lunatic now? 495 00:20:12,538 --> 00:20:15,005 Felix. 496 00:20:15,854 --> 00:20:17,523 Tell me it's not true. 497 00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:19,058 I'm afraid it is, Annie. 498 00:20:19,059 --> 00:20:21,592 Dr. McManus and I are no longer seeing each other. 499 00:20:22,594 --> 00:20:24,363 But you were so good together. 500 00:20:24,364 --> 00:20:26,365 Annie, these things happen. 501 00:20:26,366 --> 00:20:27,966 You're a brave little girl. 502 00:20:27,967 --> 00:20:30,167 I do not want you to blame yourself. 503 00:20:32,304 --> 00:20:35,908 I'm just here to collect my things and get on with my life. 504 00:20:35,909 --> 00:20:37,443 - Of course. - Mm-hmm. 505 00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:38,844 We've got your records for you. 506 00:20:38,845 --> 00:20:40,244 Okay. 507 00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:44,583 Well... 508 00:20:44,584 --> 00:20:46,685 I guess this is good-bye. 509 00:20:46,686 --> 00:20:49,121 Take care of yourselves. 510 00:20:49,122 --> 00:20:52,458 Annie, I'll see you for dinner on Tuesday. 511 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:55,227 Good-bye. Take care. 512 00:20:55,228 --> 00:20:56,829 Keiko, keep smiling. 513 00:20:56,830 --> 00:21:00,264 Or... whatever you're doing under there. 514 00:21:01,633 --> 00:21:04,403 Frank, think of me when you pass that stone. 515 00:21:04,404 --> 00:21:06,205 I will. 516 00:21:06,206 --> 00:21:07,940 I want you people to know that you are more 517 00:21:07,941 --> 00:21:10,876 than just a medical practice to me. 518 00:21:10,877 --> 00:21:12,610 You are family. 519 00:21:16,064 --> 00:21:23,635 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.