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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:07,147
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,183 --> 00:00:10,717
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:13,720
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:25,141 --> 00:00:29,141
♪ Family Guy 13x14 ♪
JOLO
Original Air Date on April 12, 2015
11
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:34,142
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,143 --> 00:00:37,210
Say, you fellas know
if Jerome serves dessert here?
13
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:38,912
I got a real hankering
for pudding.
14
00:00:38,948 --> 00:00:40,347
That's so weird.
15
00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:42,816
I was just thinking about
pudding on the way over here.
16
00:00:42,851 --> 00:00:44,618
Okay, well,
you two are clearly in love,
17
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,186
but I could also go
for some pudding.
18
00:00:46,221 --> 00:00:47,654
Why we all got pudding
on the brain?
19
00:00:47,690 --> 00:00:48,922
It's got to be
that new billboard
20
00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:50,891
advertising pudding
on the highway.
21
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,492
We all drove past it
on the way here.
22
00:00:52,528 --> 00:00:53,994
Huh.
Well, that's no surprise.
23
00:00:54,029 --> 00:00:56,163
Everyone in my house
can get very excited
24
00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:58,098
by a good ad campaign.
25
00:01:08,344 --> 00:01:10,043
Lois! Lois, it's back!
26
00:01:10,079 --> 00:01:12,079
I heard, Peter!
I heard!
27
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,480
Kids, kids, it's happening!
28
00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:15,549
Get your coats!
This is what we practiced for!
29
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,419
I love you, Dad!
30
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:20,587
I love you, too, sweetheart!
31
00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,589
None of the past matters!
32
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:24,825
Oh, yeah, I seen
that pudding billboard.
33
00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:28,428
It's that one that says
"CBS Outdoor Advertising" on it.
34
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:31,698
Yeah, but right above that is,
like, a big guy eating pudding.
35
00:01:31,734 --> 00:01:33,000
I don't remember none of that.
36
00:01:33,035 --> 00:01:35,268
I just remember
"CBS Outdoor Advertising"
37
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,971
on the bottom and three pigeons
sitting on top.
38
00:01:38,007 --> 00:01:40,173
You're bad at looking
at billboards.
39
00:01:40,209 --> 00:01:41,708
Hey, we should go
check it out right now.
40
00:01:41,744 --> 00:01:44,444
Ordinarily I'd say no, but
that adult kickball league
41
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,947
is coming in for drinks,
so let's get out of here.
42
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,782
Guys, check it out.
43
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,451
I've got flip-up shades
on my flip-up shades.
44
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,420
Dude, you are the worst.
45
00:01:53,455 --> 00:01:56,590
Hey, we're all the worst.
46
00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:04,731
That's real
pudding in there.
47
00:02:04,767 --> 00:02:06,066
What? No, it isn't.
48
00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:09,036
They wouldn't put real pudding
on a billboard, Peter.
49
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,438
Do you have any idea how
crippled you sound right now?
50
00:02:11,473 --> 00:02:12,973
Peter, it's not real pudding.
51
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,242
God, sometimes I just want
to shake some sense into you.
52
00:02:15,277 --> 00:02:17,477
Big talk for a guy
who looks like a dad
53
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,079
at a Dave Matthews'
concert.
54
00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:21,048
Everybody hates how
you dress, right, Joe?
55
00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:23,450
Sorry, I stay out
of fashion debates.
56
00:02:23,485 --> 00:02:25,619
I've been burned
one too many times.
57
00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:27,988
Hey, guys,
notice anything different?
58
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,956
Yeah, Minetti's got
a hot new look.
59
00:02:29,992 --> 00:02:32,693
The whole thing,
it just works.
60
00:02:32,728 --> 00:02:34,728
Minetti.
61
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,496
Look, there's only one
way to settle this.
62
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:39,199
I am climbing that billboard
to prove it's real pudding.
63
00:02:43,038 --> 00:02:44,171
Moisturizer?
64
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,206
Sure.
Okay.
65
00:02:48,177 --> 00:02:51,311
We getting on
into the chappy season.
66
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:55,882
Peter, be careful
up there!
67
00:02:55,918 --> 00:02:58,185
Is this being
careful enough, Joe?
68
00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,053
Okay. All right.
69
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,559
Peter, are you okay?!
70
00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:08,195
All right, there's no pudding,
but there is a kid up here.
71
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,696
Don't hold him like that.
72
00:03:09,732 --> 00:03:10,864
Oh, my God!
73
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,733
Peter, that's the lost
Nicholson kid!
74
00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:14,501
He's been missing for a week!
75
00:03:14,536 --> 00:03:16,036
Oh, yeah.
76
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,605
They arrested a
custodian 'cause of you.
77
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,874
Peter, stay put.
I'll call this in,
78
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,443
and we'll get a crew
out here to help you both down.
79
00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:24,945
All right,
but can you hurry it up?
80
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:26,613
I got band practice later.
81
00:03:28,117 --> 00:03:29,616
I love playing the maracas.
82
00:03:29,651 --> 00:03:30,851
They're so fun.
83
00:03:30,886 --> 00:03:32,219
I wonder what's in them.
84
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:35,088
Sand or rice probably.
85
00:03:35,124 --> 00:03:36,723
Maybe it's little shells.
86
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:39,059
Oh, no, what if it's bones?
87
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,594
No, no, bones are too big.
88
00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:42,863
But baby bones aren't.
89
00:03:42,898 --> 00:03:45,799
No, no, no, nobody would kill
a bunch of babies for maracas.
90
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,901
How would you kill
all those babies anyway?
91
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,570
I'd probably put them in a tub.
92
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,773
You could kill, like,
eight at a time that way.
93
00:03:52,808 --> 00:03:54,407
Plus, it softens them up,
94
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,576
so you can get
the bones right out.
95
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,612
Joe just had a baby.
96
00:03:58,647 --> 00:04:00,447
And I got a baby at home.
97
00:04:00,482 --> 00:04:02,482
I got a tub.
98
00:04:03,485 --> 00:04:05,252
Peter, you seem off today.
99
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,047
Are you thinking
about killing infants again?
100
00:04:07,055 --> 00:04:08,121
No.
101
00:04:08,157 --> 00:04:10,924
Now you got to kill them, too.
102
00:04:16,532 --> 00:04:17,964
Mikey, you're safe!
103
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,534
Thank you so much
for finding my boy.
104
00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:22,335
Thank you for
finding her boy.
105
00:04:22,371 --> 00:04:24,504
I'm the stepfather.
106
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:31,144
Peter Griffin,
in recognition of your heroism
107
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:34,247
in helping to rescue
little Mikey Nicholson,
108
00:04:34,283 --> 00:04:38,752
I'd like to present you
with this key to the city.
109
00:04:38,787 --> 00:04:41,421
Now don't forget to water
the plants every other day
110
00:04:41,456 --> 00:04:43,023
and change the cat's litter.
111
00:04:43,058 --> 00:04:44,624
I'll see you in two weeks.
112
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,359
No parties.
113
00:04:47,396 --> 00:04:48,728
Thank you, Mayor West.
114
00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:51,431
You know, some of you
out there are calling me a hero.
115
00:04:51,466 --> 00:04:52,899
Others are calling me a hoagie.
116
00:04:52,935 --> 00:04:55,402
Those of you from Connecticut
are calling me a grinder.
117
00:04:55,437 --> 00:04:57,037
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
118
00:04:57,072 --> 00:05:00,040
I'm not just pieces of meat
between pieces of bread.
119
00:05:00,075 --> 00:05:03,476
I am a man
who unintentionally saves kids.
120
00:05:04,479 --> 00:05:06,079
Wow.
121
00:05:06,114 --> 00:05:07,280
20 years on the force,
122
00:05:07,316 --> 00:05:09,015
and no one's ever clapped
for me.
123
00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:11,384
Except for that one
sarcastic gay guy.
124
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:14,588
Great observation.
125
00:05:14,623 --> 00:05:17,557
I know you mean the opposite
of what you're saying.
126
00:05:17,593 --> 00:05:20,393
Fact is, when I saved that boy,
I wasn't thinking.
127
00:05:20,429 --> 00:05:22,562
I don't think. I just do.
128
00:05:22,598 --> 00:05:25,365
I wanted to see if a billboard
had real pudding in it,
129
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,534
so I climbed up there
and came out a hero.
130
00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:29,703
It's just like Gandhi
always said,
131
00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:31,972
eat as much as you want
and do whatever,
132
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:34,074
and don't be afraid
to hit each other.
133
00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:38,879
Way to go, Dad.
134
00:05:38,914 --> 00:05:41,648
Peter, that thing you
said about not thinking
135
00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:43,683
and just doing stuff,
did you mean that?
136
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:44,851
Sure I did, Joe.
137
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:46,119
I never stop to think.
138
00:05:46,154 --> 00:05:48,255
That's why I've had ringworm
11 times.
139
00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,156
I will roll in anything.
140
00:05:51,159 --> 00:05:53,093
You know what, you're right.
141
00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:55,362
And it's time I do
the same thing.
142
00:05:57,165 --> 00:05:58,231
Hey, Chief. It's Swanson.
143
00:05:58,267 --> 00:05:59,733
I quit.
144
00:05:59,768 --> 00:06:01,167
Joe Swanson.
145
00:06:01,203 --> 00:06:03,270
I don't know
if Ray Swanson's quitting.
146
00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:05,038
You'd have to ask him.
147
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,207
Okay, you just called me
Ray again.
148
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:10,877
I just want to confirm that
you understand that this is Joe.
149
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,513
No, not "see you tomorrow."
150
00:06:13,548 --> 00:06:16,149
Joe, what are you doing?
You can't quit your job.
151
00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:18,218
Well, that's
the other thing, Bonnie.
152
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,552
You and I are done, too.
153
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:20,687
What?!
154
00:06:20,722 --> 00:06:22,455
I'm leaving you.
155
00:06:22,491 --> 00:06:24,491
New Joe!
156
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:29,029
Wow. I can't remember the
last time Joe shot his gun.
157
00:06:29,064 --> 00:06:30,597
I know. That bullet's
been rolling around
158
00:06:30,632 --> 00:06:32,732
in his junk drawer for years.
159
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,434
Hey, Ma, guess where I am?
160
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,069
Yeah, can you hear it?
161
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,037
Flying through the air.
162
00:06:37,072 --> 00:06:38,939
I don't know what he shot at.
163
00:06:38,974 --> 00:06:41,041
I guess I'll just have
to find out when I land.
164
00:06:41,076 --> 00:06:42,742
No, don't put Terry on.
165
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,144
You-you can just tell him.
166
00:06:44,179 --> 00:06:46,479
H-Hey. Hi, Terry.
167
00:06:55,909 --> 00:06:57,709
Oh, God.
168
00:06:57,745 --> 00:06:58,777
What?
"What?"
169
00:06:58,812 --> 00:06:59,911
You know what.
170
00:06:59,947 --> 00:07:01,246
I think it looks good.
171
00:07:01,282 --> 00:07:03,515
You are, you are just
trying anything, aren't you?
172
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:05,450
Just searching for
an identity, man.
173
00:07:05,486 --> 00:07:07,586
And you think this
is gonna be it, huh?
174
00:07:07,621 --> 00:07:09,454
Oh, God, whatever.
175
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,156
Peter, I'm worried
about Joe.
176
00:07:11,191 --> 00:07:13,025
You know, not only
did he quit his job,
177
00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:15,193
he's moved out and gotten
his own apartment.
178
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:17,796
Oh, I feel terrible for
Bonnie and the kids.
179
00:07:17,831 --> 00:07:20,198
Ah, they'll be fine.
They'll bounce back.
180
00:07:20,234 --> 00:07:22,467
Just like Humpty Dumpty did
after his fall.
181
00:07:22,503 --> 00:07:24,670
My God, it's a miracle!
182
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:27,039
You were able to put me
back together again.
183
00:07:27,074 --> 00:07:29,141
Yeah, it was actually
a pretty simple procedure.
184
00:07:29,176 --> 00:07:31,343
Maybe next time go straight
to a medical professional
185
00:07:31,378 --> 00:07:33,912
and skip the horses
and illiterate servants.
186
00:07:33,947 --> 00:07:36,715
Well, that is the last time
I drink and masturbate
187
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,884
on top of a high wall.
188
00:07:42,690 --> 00:07:44,423
Wait, wait, Quagmire, hold up.
189
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,224
I got a great knock.
190
00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:50,462
Oh, I got to remember that.
191
00:07:50,497 --> 00:07:52,664
Oh, hey, guys.
How's it going?
192
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:53,999
Hey, buddy.
193
00:07:54,034 --> 00:07:55,267
How you doing?
194
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:56,468
You okay?
195
00:07:56,503 --> 00:07:58,070
Everything okay?
196
00:07:58,105 --> 00:08:00,839
I'm talking like this
because I'm being very careful
197
00:08:00,874 --> 00:08:02,808
not to upset you,
and for some reason
198
00:08:02,843 --> 00:08:05,143
this is the voice people use
to do that.
199
00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:06,611
I'm great.
Come on in.
200
00:08:06,647 --> 00:08:08,647
Check out the new pad.
201
00:08:08,682 --> 00:08:09,848
Whoa!
202
00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:11,316
You got an air hockey table?
203
00:08:11,352 --> 00:08:13,418
Yep. Wanted it, got it.
204
00:08:13,454 --> 00:08:14,986
That's the new Joe.
205
00:08:15,022 --> 00:08:16,321
And check this out.
206
00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:17,856
It's the gun
that no-leg sprinter used
207
00:08:17,891 --> 00:08:19,825
to kill his girlfriend.
208
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:21,293
Oh, my God!
209
00:08:21,328 --> 00:08:24,062
Eh, anyone who's kind of fast
gets a free pass from me.
210
00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:26,164
What kind of person
would want to buy that?
211
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:27,332
I'll tell you who.
212
00:08:27,368 --> 00:08:28,667
The kind of guy
who's always got
213
00:08:28,702 --> 00:08:31,603
butterscotch candies
for his friends.
214
00:08:31,638 --> 00:08:34,239
Okay, now that's pretty cool.
215
00:08:34,274 --> 00:08:36,341
I got to be honest,
Joe, we came over here
216
00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:37,943
because we were
worried about you,
217
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:39,878
but these candies tell
me you're doing great.
218
00:08:39,913 --> 00:08:41,012
I've never been better.
219
00:08:41,048 --> 00:08:42,848
I was living my life all wrong.
220
00:08:42,883 --> 00:08:43,883
But not anymore.
221
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,951
No more thinking, just living.
222
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:48,019
Well, it seems like you made
the right choice, Joe.
223
00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:49,788
I mean, I ain't seen
anyone this happy
224
00:08:49,823 --> 00:08:52,457
since the invention
of the penny-farthing bicycle.
225
00:08:52,493 --> 00:08:54,559
Eureka! Watch it go.
226
00:08:54,595 --> 00:08:56,228
Higher than you,
faster than you,
227
00:08:56,263 --> 00:08:57,362
better than you.
228
00:08:57,398 --> 00:08:59,698
Everyone just stop inventing
stuff now,
229
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:01,600
'cause no one
will ever top this.
230
00:09:01,635 --> 00:09:03,435
Oh, no!
231
00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:04,903
Keep rakes away.
232
00:09:04,938 --> 00:09:07,339
I expressly said no rakes
allowed on the street
233
00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:10,375
when I am riding my
futuristic machine.
234
00:09:12,746 --> 00:09:14,513
Children, this is progress!
235
00:09:14,548 --> 00:09:17,949
How can you turn a blind eye
to progress?!
236
00:09:19,787 --> 00:09:23,588
I expressly said "no rakes."
237
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:28,927
'Sup, ladies?
238
00:09:28,962 --> 00:09:30,662
Oh, we're not ladies, you.
239
00:09:30,697 --> 00:09:31,857
Hey, what's with
the suitcase?
240
00:09:31,865 --> 00:09:33,365
I got a surprise.
241
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,567
What would you guys think
of a road trip?
242
00:09:35,602 --> 00:09:36,802
Yeah!
All right, I'm in!
243
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,837
Awesome, road trip!
244
00:09:37,871 --> 00:09:40,205
I love being super pumped
for 15 minutes
245
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,040
and then bored out of my mind
for eight hours.
246
00:09:42,042 --> 00:09:43,074
Where we going?
247
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,976
Well, I was thinking
Niagara Falls.
248
00:09:45,012 --> 00:09:46,178
Niagara Falls?
249
00:09:46,213 --> 00:09:47,312
Ain't that just for lovers?
250
00:09:47,347 --> 00:09:48,447
Nah, it's for everybody.
251
00:09:48,482 --> 00:09:49,748
It's great to just stand there
252
00:09:49,783 --> 00:09:51,917
and let Mother Nature spray it
all over your face.
253
00:09:51,952 --> 00:09:55,654
Donna's big fat aunt is in town,
so I can definitely go.
254
00:09:59,693 --> 00:10:02,260
Man, I am filling
these Gatorade bottles
255
00:10:02,296 --> 00:10:03,628
as fast as I'm drinking them.
256
00:10:03,664 --> 00:10:04,896
Ah, sweet! Cows!
257
00:10:04,932 --> 00:10:06,031
Let's tip them over.
258
00:10:06,066 --> 00:10:07,933
What? You want
to tip over some cows?
259
00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:09,601
Hell yeah!
260
00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:14,306
This is gonna
be so boss.
261
00:10:14,341 --> 00:10:16,041
I can't wait.
262
00:10:16,076 --> 00:10:19,611
This is the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.
263
00:10:19,646 --> 00:10:20,812
All right, cow.
264
00:10:20,848 --> 00:10:24,182
This is what you get
for standing.
265
00:10:24,218 --> 00:10:25,784
That...
266
00:10:25,819 --> 00:10:27,219
was awesome.
267
00:10:27,254 --> 00:10:28,720
I want to kiss that cow,
268
00:10:28,755 --> 00:10:30,555
but I don't want it
to be my idea.
269
00:10:30,591 --> 00:10:33,024
Hey, Peter, you should
kiss that cow.
270
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,893
All right, Peter,
that was fortuitous.
271
00:10:34,928 --> 00:10:36,127
But play it cool.
272
00:10:36,163 --> 00:10:37,395
Oh, Cleveland, I couldn't.
273
00:10:37,431 --> 00:10:40,298
Okay. Quagmire,
you should kiss that cow.
274
00:10:40,334 --> 00:10:41,633
Sure, why not?
275
00:10:48,008 --> 00:10:49,908
Okay, they're sleeping.
276
00:10:49,943 --> 00:10:52,043
We're gonna have to party
in the bathroom.
277
00:10:52,079 --> 00:10:53,945
Be careful around
the really fat one.
278
00:10:53,981 --> 00:10:55,714
He's kind of like my boss.
279
00:10:55,749 --> 00:10:57,616
What? Who-who's there?
280
00:10:58,652 --> 00:11:00,252
Joe, what the hell
are you doing?
281
00:11:00,287 --> 00:11:01,920
I went to
a high school kegger party.
282
00:11:01,955 --> 00:11:03,121
Made a few new friends.
283
00:11:03,156 --> 00:11:05,457
This is Chrysalis,
Ichabod and Cancer.
284
00:11:05,492 --> 00:11:07,626
Oh, I see
three young men
285
00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:09,494
who could use the
tickle monster.
286
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:11,329
Uh, that's a bad read, Pete.
287
00:11:11,365 --> 00:11:12,697
Joe, it's 3:00
in the morning.
288
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:13,865
We're trying to
get some sleep.
289
00:11:13,901 --> 00:11:15,267
You guys are lame.
290
00:11:15,302 --> 00:11:17,168
We're gonna go smoke
something called "croak."
291
00:11:18,305 --> 00:11:20,138
God, what the hell
has gotten into Joe?
292
00:11:20,173 --> 00:11:21,406
I don't know, Quagmire.
293
00:11:21,441 --> 00:11:23,108
Maybe you could
ask the tickle monster!
294
00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:24,463
Stop it! Here he comes!
295
00:11:24,478 --> 00:11:25,944
No! Get away!
He's gonna get ya!
296
00:11:25,979 --> 00:11:27,045
Look out!
297
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,180
Great, now I'm fully up.
298
00:11:39,893 --> 00:11:42,594
Here we are, guys,
Niagara Falls.
299
00:11:42,629 --> 00:11:44,229
We showed them.
300
00:11:44,264 --> 00:11:45,964
We showed them all!
301
00:11:45,999 --> 00:11:47,999
Showed who? What the
hell's he talking about?
302
00:11:48,035 --> 00:11:49,301
I don't know.
303
00:11:49,336 --> 00:11:51,369
I stopped listening to him
back at the drive-thru
304
00:11:51,405 --> 00:11:54,239
when he leaned out the window
and ordered a "fur burger."
305
00:11:54,274 --> 00:11:56,708
That's not funny;
that's just nasty.
306
00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:59,911
Plus, there's people waiting
behind you!
307
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,617
Wow. You know, when
you see it up close,
308
00:12:05,652 --> 00:12:07,218
it really is
incredible.
309
00:12:07,254 --> 00:12:09,821
Yeah. Holy crap,
it's beautiful.
310
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:13,325
In the future, I believe
there will be water wars.
311
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,560
You know, Lois always dreamed
about coming here,
312
00:12:15,596 --> 00:12:17,162
and now I know why.
313
00:12:17,197 --> 00:12:19,965
She was even
saving money for it.
314
00:12:24,504 --> 00:12:25,971
You made it, Lois.
315
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,472
You made it.
316
00:12:27,507 --> 00:12:28,707
Didn't I tell you guys?
317
00:12:28,742 --> 00:12:30,809
It's the most magnificent place
in the world.
318
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:33,511
And the greatest place
to end it all.
319
00:12:33,547 --> 00:12:34,913
Good-bye, fellas.
320
00:12:41,212 --> 00:12:43,779
Oh, my God, Joe killed himself!
321
00:12:43,814 --> 00:12:45,214
It's so weird
that he argued
322
00:12:45,249 --> 00:12:47,249
over the price
of breakfast this morning.
323
00:12:47,284 --> 00:12:49,017
It makes no sense!
324
00:12:49,053 --> 00:12:50,185
Damn it!
325
00:12:50,221 --> 00:12:51,286
Joe?
326
00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:53,722
Joe, you're alive!
327
00:12:53,757 --> 00:12:55,157
Are you hurt?
328
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,792
I'm not sure.
329
00:12:56,827 --> 00:12:58,560
Well, hang in there, Joe,
we'll get some help.
330
00:12:58,596 --> 00:13:00,729
No! Just let me die!
331
00:13:00,764 --> 00:13:02,030
Oh, no, can't do that, Joe.
332
00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:03,066
We're friends.
333
00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:04,366
We look out for each other.
334
00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:05,681
I mean, you supported me
that day
335
00:13:05,703 --> 00:13:08,070
I accidentally wore
Lois's jeans.
336
00:13:09,073 --> 00:13:10,606
Peter, you know
you're wearing...
337
00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,708
I know. I think
there was a mix-up.
338
00:13:12,743 --> 00:13:16,311
Oh, thank you, Jazzercize.
339
00:13:18,349 --> 00:13:19,949
Don't worry, Joe.
They're coming for you.
340
00:13:19,984 --> 00:13:22,517
Yay! My backpack.
341
00:13:24,588 --> 00:13:25,821
Hang in there, Joe.
342
00:13:25,856 --> 00:13:27,689
After they get that lady's hat,
you're next.
343
00:13:27,725 --> 00:13:28,991
Thank you.
344
00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:30,659
It's windy up here.
345
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:39,101
Joe, what the hell
is wrong with you?
346
00:13:39,136 --> 00:13:40,669
Why would you try
to kill yourself?
347
00:13:40,704 --> 00:13:42,838
Why do you think? I'm worthless.
348
00:13:42,873 --> 00:13:45,307
But y-you've been so happy
these last few days.
349
00:13:45,342 --> 00:13:46,408
I've been manic.
350
00:13:46,443 --> 00:13:48,076
Do you think Andy Dick
is happy?
351
00:13:48,112 --> 00:13:49,511
I couldn't imagine, no.
352
00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,613
Look, when I saw Peter
become a hero,
353
00:13:51,649 --> 00:13:54,349
I guess it reminded me
of all the things I can't do.
354
00:13:54,385 --> 00:13:56,318
I'm a cop who can't save anyone.
355
00:13:56,353 --> 00:13:58,687
I'm a husband
in a legless marriage.
356
00:13:58,722 --> 00:14:00,289
My whole life is a joke.
357
00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:03,091
But somehow, as soon
as I decided to kill myself,
358
00:14:03,127 --> 00:14:04,626
I actually felt free.
359
00:14:04,662 --> 00:14:05,994
Almost giddy.
360
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:09,164
I can finally kiss
this worthless life good-bye.
361
00:14:09,199 --> 00:14:10,532
Let me get
this straight.
362
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:12,501
The whole point of bringing
us to Niagara Falls
363
00:14:12,536 --> 00:14:13,902
was just to
kill yourself?
364
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,971
I'm sorry I tricked
you guys into coming.
365
00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:18,907
I just wanted to spend
my last week with my best pals.
366
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,109
Well, not for nothing, but
you could've taken us all
367
00:14:21,145 --> 00:14:23,178
to Disney World and shot
yourself in the room.
368
00:14:23,213 --> 00:14:25,213
Come on, Joe, there's plenty
of reasons to live.
369
00:14:25,249 --> 00:14:26,948
Like, like, you're handsome.
370
00:14:26,984 --> 00:14:28,850
You have a handsome face.
371
00:14:28,886 --> 00:14:30,319
Well, he's got
a good chin.
372
00:14:30,354 --> 00:14:31,687
I don't know
about handsome.
373
00:14:31,722 --> 00:14:33,155
Yeah, he's not handsome,
but I will say this,
374
00:14:33,190 --> 00:14:34,589
he keeps a good lawn.
375
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,892
Yeah, some might say the second
best lawn in the neighborhood.
376
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:38,927
Hey, wait, where's Joe?
377
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,363
Joe, wait!
378
00:14:47,271 --> 00:14:49,071
I stink at this.
379
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,609
Anywhere is fine.
380
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,778
Guys, this is
unnecessary.
381
00:14:56,814 --> 00:14:58,313
Give me my chair back.
382
00:14:58,349 --> 00:15:00,449
No, we can't trust you
not to kill yourself.
383
00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:01,884
Yeah, then you'd be
the tenth friend
384
00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:03,785
who's killed himself
in front of me.
385
00:15:03,821 --> 00:15:04,821
Is that true?
386
00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:06,421
One, two, three,
four, five,
387
00:15:06,457 --> 00:15:07,723
six, seven...
388
00:15:07,758 --> 00:15:09,791
those two girls and...
389
00:15:09,827 --> 00:15:11,226
Yeah, yeah, ten.
390
00:15:11,261 --> 00:15:12,861
Look, you guys,
what we really need to do
391
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,963
is bring him back to Quahog
where we can get him some help.
392
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,164
That's a good idea.
393
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,466
We should just go home.
394
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:18,734
Yeah, I guess
you're right.
395
00:15:18,769 --> 00:15:20,569
It's too bad we already
bought those tickets
396
00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:22,070
for the Whirlpool
Aero Car.
397
00:15:22,106 --> 00:15:24,473
That's $16
we're not getting back.
398
00:15:24,508 --> 00:15:26,475
Yeah, what a waste of money.
399
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,443
It is only a ten-minute
ride, you know.
400
00:15:28,479 --> 00:15:30,178
Okay, we'll do
the Whirlpool Aero Car,
401
00:15:30,214 --> 00:15:31,847
and then take Joe
back to Quahog.
402
00:15:31,882 --> 00:15:34,049
What about
the White Water Walk?
403
00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:35,550
Okay, okay, Whirlpool Aero Car,
404
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:38,954
then White Water Walk,
then we bring Joe back.
405
00:15:38,989 --> 00:15:40,389
Well, you can't do
Niagara Falls
406
00:15:40,424 --> 00:15:41,824
without riding the
Maid of the Mist.
407
00:15:41,825 --> 00:15:43,325
Yeah, let's do everything.
Great!
408
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,228
And, guys, remember,
the pool towels go home with us.
409
00:15:46,263 --> 00:15:48,330
They got no way
of accounting for those.
410
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:03,478
Well, this has just been
one heck of a fun day.
411
00:16:03,514 --> 00:16:04,713
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
412
00:16:04,748 --> 00:16:06,515
seeing the natural beauty
of this place
413
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,417
is actually making me
feel much better.
414
00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:11,153
Hey, you mind opening that door?
415
00:16:11,188 --> 00:16:13,588
Get a little breeze in here?
416
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,357
Sure.
417
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:18,794
Peter, no!
418
00:16:22,299 --> 00:16:24,599
I don't regret it.
The breeze is nice.
419
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:37,345
Oh, crap, I'm losing my grip!
420
00:16:37,381 --> 00:16:40,048
You buy your jeans
at Wal-Mart?
421
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:43,051
No, somebody who lost theirs
at the church did.
422
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,020
You wear
lost-and-found jeans?
423
00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:47,355
I waited the mandatory week.
424
00:16:47,391 --> 00:16:48,957
Hang on, guys!
425
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,040
Don't worry, I'm coming!
426
00:17:18,722 --> 00:17:20,155
What's that thing he's on?
427
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:22,090
It's a chair with wheels!
428
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,593
He's an absolute dream.
429
00:17:43,981 --> 00:17:45,780
Guys, keep swallowing water.
430
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,816
We'll drink our way
out of this.
431
00:18:06,803 --> 00:18:09,938
Guys, grab on to my legs!
432
00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:13,742
Got it!
433
00:18:13,777 --> 00:18:15,810
Ew. You know, this is actually
the first time
434
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:17,379
I've ever touched Joe.
435
00:18:17,414 --> 00:18:19,314
Don't worry, I gotcha.
436
00:18:27,591 --> 00:18:29,057
Oh, thank God, Joe.
437
00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:30,392
I thought I was dead!
438
00:18:30,427 --> 00:18:32,427
I even pictured
my own funeral.
439
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:38,066
♪ Grandma got run over
by a reindeer ♪
440
00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:42,671
♪ Walking home from our house
Christmas Eve... ♪
441
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:43,939
I don't know, Chris.
442
00:18:43,974 --> 00:18:45,807
I don't know why
he wanted this,
443
00:18:45,842 --> 00:18:48,276
but we're honoring
your father's wishes.
444
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,181
Ah, I'm gonna miss my daddy!
445
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,889
Joe, that was amazing.
446
00:19:00,924 --> 00:19:02,290
You saved us.
447
00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:04,859
Yeah, I guess I did.
448
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:08,330
You know, I spent the whole time
trying to kill myself,
449
00:19:08,365 --> 00:19:10,932
but it took seeing
you guys almost die
450
00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:13,835
to realize that life
really is worth living.
451
00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:16,004
See, Joe, you're
a hero, too.
452
00:19:16,039 --> 00:19:19,040
And we wouldn't trade you
for any friend in the world.
453
00:19:20,277 --> 00:19:22,477
I'm lucky to have you guys
in my life.
454
00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:24,312
♪ We're four friends ♪
455
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:25,847
♪ Having an adventure ♪
456
00:19:25,882 --> 00:19:27,716
♪ Four friends... ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
457
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:28,917
What's that song?
Nothing.
458
00:19:28,952 --> 00:19:30,085
I made it up.
459
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,319
Well, stop it.
It's terrible.
460
00:19:31,355 --> 00:19:33,254
I don't think so.
It's catchy.
461
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:34,990
♪ We're four friends ♪
462
00:19:35,025 --> 00:19:36,391
♪ Having an adventure ♪
463
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:37,759
♪ Four friends ♪
464
00:19:37,794 --> 00:19:39,227
♪ Having an adventure ♪
465
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:40,629
♪ Four friends ♪
466
00:19:40,664 --> 00:19:42,163
Ah, what the hell.
♪ Having an adventure ♪
467
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:43,498
♪ Four friends ♪
468
00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:44,899
♪ Having an adventure ♪
469
00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,736
♪ At Niagara Falls. ♪
470
00:19:49,873 --> 00:19:51,406
Wow, that was awesome.
471
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,774
Yeah, definitely.
472
00:19:52,809 --> 00:19:54,442
All right, okay,
don't anyone sing anything else
473
00:19:54,478 --> 00:19:56,311
until we get home.
We got to record this.
474
00:19:56,346 --> 00:19:58,213
Yeah, that'll be great.
475
00:19:58,248 --> 00:20:01,416
♪ I'm a Barbie girl
in a Barbie world ♪
476
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,084
♪ Come on, Barbie,
let's go party! ♪
477
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,152
Peter, damn it, no!
478
00:20:04,187 --> 00:20:05,620
Wait, wait, we got to remember
the other one.
479
00:20:05,656 --> 00:20:07,022
What was it, Joe?
480
00:20:07,057 --> 00:20:09,791
It's gone.
481
00:20:13,830 --> 00:20:16,598
Well, that was kind of a weird
trip, but I'm glad we went.
482
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,199
Yeah, I love
Niagara Falls.
483
00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:20,802
I was the only black man
ever to go there.
484
00:20:20,837 --> 00:20:22,804
The tourists were
taking pictures of me.
485
00:20:22,839 --> 00:20:24,739
One of them thought
I was a bear.
486
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:25,940
Hey, guys.
487
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,676
Wow, Joe, you got your job back?
488
00:20:27,711 --> 00:20:28,743
Sure did.
489
00:20:28,779 --> 00:20:29,844
How'd you pull that off?
490
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,713
Ah, they always need more cops.
491
00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,314
Turns out not many people
492
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:36,518
want to probably get shot
for $24,000 a year.
493
00:20:36,553 --> 00:20:37,585
And what about Bonnie?
494
00:20:37,621 --> 00:20:39,187
How you getting her back?
495
00:20:39,222 --> 00:20:40,455
Well, I got a plan for that.
496
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,357
I hired some guys
to come to the house
497
00:20:42,392 --> 00:20:45,181
on Tuesday and assault her,
and I'll come in and save her,
498
00:20:45,182 --> 00:20:48,011
and she'll be so grateful,
she'll have to take me back.
499
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:49,390
Joe, today's Tuesday.
500
00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:50,991
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
501
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:52,797
Well, poop.