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00:00:01,757 --> 00:00:05,054
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,079 --> 00:00:08,347
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,917
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,953 --> 00:00:14,920
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:26,341 --> 00:00:30,341
♪ Family Guy 13x14 ♪
JOLO
Original Air Date on April 12, 2015
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00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:35,342
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
12
00:00:35,343 --> 00:00:38,410
Say, you fellas know
if Jerome serves dessert here?
13
00:00:38,446 --> 00:00:40,112
I got a real hankering
for pudding.
14
00:00:40,148 --> 00:00:43,673
That's so weird. I was just thinking
about pudding on the way over here.
15
00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:45,465
Okay, well,
you two are clearly in love,
16
00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:47,023
but I could also go
for some pudding.
17
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,854
Why we all got pudding
on the brain?
18
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:51,816
It's got to be that new billboard
advertising pudding on the highway.
19
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,407
We all drove past it
on the way here.
20
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:55,204
Huh.
Well, that's no surprise.
21
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:59,298
Everyone in my house can get very
excited by a good ad campaign.
22
00:01:09,215 --> 00:01:10,914
Lois! Lois, it's back!
23
00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:12,939
I heard, Peter!
I heard!
24
00:01:12,964 --> 00:01:16,749
Kids, kids, it's happening! Get your coats!
This is what we practiced for!
25
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,787
I love you, Dad!
I love you, too, sweetheart!
26
00:01:21,823 --> 00:01:23,789
None of the past matters!
27
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,025
Oh, yeah, I seen
that pudding billboard.
28
00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:29,356
It's that one that says
"CBS Outdoor Advertising" on it.
29
00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:32,615
Yeah, but right above that is,
like, a big guy eating pudding.
30
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,468
I don't remember none of that. I just
remember "CBS Outdoor Advertising"
31
00:01:36,504 --> 00:01:39,171
on the bottom and three pigeons
sitting on top.
32
00:01:39,196 --> 00:01:41,150
You're bad at looking
at billboards.
33
00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:42,738
Hey, we should go
check it out right now.
34
00:01:42,763 --> 00:01:45,644
Ordinarily I'd say no, but
that adult kickball league
35
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,147
is coming in for drinks,
so let's get out of here.
36
00:01:48,182 --> 00:01:49,862
Guys, check it out.
37
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:52,651
I've got flip-up shades
on my flip-up shades.
38
00:01:52,687 --> 00:01:54,620
Dude, you are the worst.
39
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:57,790
Hey, we're all the worst.
40
00:02:04,432 --> 00:02:05,931
That's real
pudding in there.
41
00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:07,080
What? No, it isn't.
42
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:10,246
They wouldn't put real pudding
on a billboard, Peter.
43
00:02:10,271 --> 00:02:12,638
Do you have any idea how
crippled you sound right now?
44
00:02:12,673 --> 00:02:14,173
Peter, it's not real pudding.
45
00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:16,442
God, sometimes I just want
to shake some sense into you.
46
00:02:16,477 --> 00:02:18,677
Big talk for a guy
who looks like a dad
47
00:02:18,713 --> 00:02:20,279
at a Dave Matthews'
concert.
48
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,248
Everybody hates how
you dress, right, Joe?
49
00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:24,536
Sorry, I stay out
of fashion debates.
50
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,819
I've been burned
one too many times.
51
00:02:26,854 --> 00:02:29,188
Hey, guys,
notice anything different?
52
00:02:29,223 --> 00:02:31,156
Yeah, Minetti's got
a hot new look.
53
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,893
The whole thing,
it just works.
54
00:02:33,928 --> 00:02:35,928
Minetti.
55
00:02:35,963 --> 00:02:37,521
Look, there's only one
way to settle this.
56
00:02:37,546 --> 00:02:40,213
I am climbing that billboard
to prove it's real pudding.
57
00:02:44,238 --> 00:02:47,406
Moisturizer? Sure. Okay.
58
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:52,511
We getting on
into the chappy season.
59
00:02:55,283 --> 00:02:57,082
Peter, be careful
up there!
60
00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:59,385
Is this being
careful enough, Joe?
61
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:01,253
Okay. All right.
62
00:03:05,259 --> 00:03:06,759
Peter, are you okay?!
63
00:03:06,794 --> 00:03:09,395
All right, there's no pudding,
but there is a kid up here.
64
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:10,896
Don't hold him like that.
65
00:03:10,932 --> 00:03:13,933
Oh, my God! Peter, that's
the lost Nicholson kid!
66
00:03:13,968 --> 00:03:15,701
He's been missing for a week!
67
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,236
Oh, yeah.
68
00:03:17,271 --> 00:03:19,805
They arrested a
custodian 'cause of you.
69
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,074
Peter, stay put.
I'll call this in,
70
00:03:22,109 --> 00:03:24,643
and we'll get a crew
out here to help you both down.
71
00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:27,813
All right, but can you hurry it up?
I got band practice later.
72
00:03:29,317 --> 00:03:32,051
I love playing the maracas.
They're so fun.
73
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:36,288
I wonder what's in them.
Sand or rice probably.
74
00:03:36,324 --> 00:03:37,923
Maybe it's little shells.
75
00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:40,259
Oh, no, what if it's bones?
76
00:03:40,294 --> 00:03:44,063
No, no, bones are too big.
But baby bones aren't.
77
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,999
No, no, no, nobody would kill
a bunch of babies for maracas.
78
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:49,101
How would you kill
all those babies anyway?
79
00:03:49,136 --> 00:03:51,770
I'd probably put them in a tub.
80
00:03:51,806 --> 00:03:53,973
You could kill, like,
eight at a time that way.
81
00:03:54,008 --> 00:03:57,776
Plus, it softens them up, so you
can get the bones right out.
82
00:03:57,812 --> 00:03:59,812
Joe just had a baby.
83
00:03:59,847 --> 00:04:01,647
And I got a baby at home.
84
00:04:01,682 --> 00:04:03,682
I got a tub.
85
00:04:04,685 --> 00:04:06,452
Peter, you seem off today.
86
00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:08,347
Are you thinking
about killing infants again?
87
00:04:08,372 --> 00:04:09,321
No.
88
00:04:09,357 --> 00:04:12,124
Now you got to kill them, too.
89
00:04:17,732 --> 00:04:19,164
Mikey, you're safe!
90
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,734
Thank you so much
for finding my boy.
91
00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:23,535
Thank you for
finding her boy.
92
00:04:23,571 --> 00:04:25,704
I'm the stepfather.
93
00:04:29,210 --> 00:04:32,344
Peter Griffin,
in recognition of your heroism
94
00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:35,447
in helping to rescue
little Mikey Nicholson,
95
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:39,952
I'd like to present you
with this key to the city.
96
00:04:39,987 --> 00:04:44,223
Now don't forget to water the plants every
other day and change the cat's litter.
97
00:04:44,258 --> 00:04:47,559
I'll see you in two weeks.
No parties.
98
00:04:48,361 --> 00:04:49,693
Thank you, Mayor West.
99
00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:52,385
You know, some of you
out there are calling me a hero.
100
00:04:52,410 --> 00:04:54,110
Others are calling me a hoagie.
101
00:04:54,135 --> 00:04:56,602
Those of you from Connecticut
are calling me a grinder.
102
00:04:56,637 --> 00:04:58,237
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
103
00:04:58,272 --> 00:05:01,240
I'm not just pieces of meat
between pieces of bread.
104
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:04,676
I am a man
who unintentionally saves kids.
105
00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:10,215
Wow. 20 years on the force, and
no one's ever clapped for me.
106
00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:12,584
Except for that one
sarcastic gay guy.
107
00:05:13,887 --> 00:05:15,554
Great observation.
108
00:05:15,579 --> 00:05:18,758
I know you mean the opposite
of what you're saying.
109
00:05:18,793 --> 00:05:21,593
Fact is, when I saved that boy,
I wasn't thinking.
110
00:05:21,629 --> 00:05:23,762
I don't think. I just do.
111
00:05:23,798 --> 00:05:26,565
I wanted to see if a billboard
had real pudding in it,
112
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,734
so I climbed up there
and came out a hero.
113
00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:30,903
It's just like Gandhi
always said,
114
00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:33,172
eat as much as you want
and do whatever,
115
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,274
and don't be afraid
to hit each other.
116
00:05:38,424 --> 00:05:39,891
Way to go, Dad.
117
00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:42,696
Peter, that thing you
said about not thinking
118
00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:44,883
and just doing stuff,
did you mean that?
119
00:05:44,919 --> 00:05:47,319
Sure I did, Joe.
I never stop to think.
120
00:05:47,354 --> 00:05:51,356
That's why I've had ringworm 11 times.
I will roll in anything.
121
00:05:52,359 --> 00:05:54,293
You know what, you're right.
122
00:05:54,328 --> 00:05:56,562
And it's time I do
the same thing.
123
00:05:58,099 --> 00:06:00,943
Hey, Chief. It's Swanson.
I quit.
124
00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,367
Joe Swanson.
125
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:06,238
I don't know if Ray Swanson's quitting.
You'd have to ask him.
126
00:06:06,273 --> 00:06:08,407
Okay, you just called me
Ray again.
127
00:06:08,442 --> 00:06:12,077
I just want to confirm that
you understand that this is Joe.
128
00:06:12,113 --> 00:06:14,713
No, not "see you tomorrow."
129
00:06:14,748 --> 00:06:17,349
Joe, what are you doing?
You can't quit your job.
130
00:06:17,384 --> 00:06:19,418
Well, that's
the other thing, Bonnie.
131
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:20,752
You and I are done, too.
132
00:06:20,788 --> 00:06:23,655
What?!
I'm leaving you.
133
00:06:23,691 --> 00:06:25,691
New Joe!
134
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:30,229
Wow. I can't remember the
last time Joe shot his gun.
135
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:33,932
I know. That bullet's been rolling
around in his junk drawer for years.
136
00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:35,634
Hey, Ma, guess where I am?
137
00:06:35,669 --> 00:06:38,237
Yeah, can you hear it?
Flying through the air.
138
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,139
I don't know what he shot at.
139
00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:42,241
I guess I'll just have
to find out when I land.
140
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:45,344
No, don't put Terry on.
You-you can just tell him.
141
00:06:45,379 --> 00:06:47,679
H-Hey. Hi, Terry.
142
00:06:58,109 --> 00:07:00,508
Oh, God.
What?
143
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:03,446
"What?" You know what.
I think it looks good.
144
00:07:03,482 --> 00:07:05,715
You are, you are just
trying anything, aren't you?
145
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,650
Just searching for
an identity, man.
146
00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:09,786
And you think this
is gonna be it, huh?
147
00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:11,765
Oh, God, whatever.
148
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,456
Peter, I'm worried
about Joe.
149
00:07:13,491 --> 00:07:15,325
You know, not only
did he quit his job,
150
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,493
he's moved out and gotten
his own apartment.
151
00:07:17,529 --> 00:07:20,096
Oh, I feel terrible for
Bonnie and the kids.
152
00:07:20,131 --> 00:07:22,303
Ah, they'll be fine.
They'll bounce back.
153
00:07:22,328 --> 00:07:24,561
Just like Humpty Dumpty did
after his fall.
154
00:07:24,586 --> 00:07:26,753
My God, it's a miracle!
155
00:07:26,778 --> 00:07:29,349
You were able to put me
back together again.
156
00:07:29,374 --> 00:07:31,441
Yeah, it was actually
a pretty simple procedure.
157
00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:33,643
Maybe next time go straight
to a medical professional
158
00:07:33,678 --> 00:07:36,212
and skip the horses
and illiterate servants.
159
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:41,184
Well, that is the last time I drink
and masturbate on top of a high wall.
160
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:48,524
Wait, wait, Quagmire, hold up.
I got a great knock.
161
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,762
Oh, I got to remember that.
162
00:07:52,797 --> 00:07:54,964
Oh, hey, guys.
How's it going?
163
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,567
: Hey, buddy.
How you doing?
164
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,370
You okay?
Everything okay?
165
00:08:00,405 --> 00:08:03,139
I'm talking like this
because I'm being very careful
166
00:08:03,174 --> 00:08:05,108
not to upset you,
and for some reason
167
00:08:05,143 --> 00:08:07,443
this is the voice people use
to do that.
168
00:08:07,479 --> 00:08:10,947
I'm great. Come on in.
Check out the new pad.
169
00:08:10,982 --> 00:08:13,616
Whoa!
You got an air hockey table?
170
00:08:13,652 --> 00:08:17,286
Yep. Wanted it, got it.
That's the new Joe.
171
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:20,493
And check this out. It's the
gun that no-leg sprinter used
172
00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:21,993
to kill his girlfriend.
173
00:08:22,018 --> 00:08:23,451
Oh, my God!
174
00:08:23,476 --> 00:08:26,210
Eh, anyone who's kind of fast
gets a free pass from me.
175
00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:28,475
What kind of person
would want to buy that?
176
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,967
I'll tell you who. The kind
of guy who's always got
177
00:08:31,002 --> 00:08:33,903
butterscotch candies
for his friends.
178
00:08:33,938 --> 00:08:36,752
Okay, now that's pretty cool.
179
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:38,634
I got to be honest, Joe,
we came over here
180
00:08:38,659 --> 00:08:39,899
because we were
worried about you,
181
00:08:39,924 --> 00:08:42,178
but these candies tell
me you're doing great.
182
00:08:42,213 --> 00:08:45,148
I've never been better.
I was living my life all wrong.
183
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:48,251
But not anymore.
No more thinking, just living.
184
00:08:48,286 --> 00:08:50,319
Well, it seems like you made
the right choice, Joe.
185
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,088
I mean, I ain't seen
anyone this happy
186
00:08:52,123 --> 00:08:54,757
since the invention
of the penny-farthing bicycle.
187
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,859
Eureka! Watch it go.
188
00:08:56,895 --> 00:08:59,662
Higher than you, faster
than you, better than you.
189
00:08:59,698 --> 00:09:03,900
Everyone just stop inventing stuff
now, 'cause no one will ever top this.
190
00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:06,888
Oh, no!
Keep rakes away.
191
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,639
I expressly said no rakes
allowed on the street
192
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,675
when I am riding my
futuristic machine.
193
00:09:15,046 --> 00:09:16,813
Children, this is progress!
194
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:20,249
How can you turn a blind eye
to progress?!
195
00:09:22,087 --> 00:09:25,888
I expressly said "no rakes."
196
00:09:29,928 --> 00:09:31,227
'Sup, ladies?
197
00:09:31,262 --> 00:09:32,962
Oh, we're not ladies, you.
198
00:09:32,997 --> 00:09:34,067
Hey, what's with the suitcase?
199
00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:35,665
I got a surprise.
200
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,867
What would you guys think
of a road trip?
201
00:09:37,902 --> 00:09:40,137
Yeah! All right, I'm in!
Awesome, road trip!
202
00:09:40,171 --> 00:09:42,505
I love being super pumped
for 15 minutes
203
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,340
and then bored out of my mind
for eight hours.
204
00:09:44,342 --> 00:09:45,374
Where we going?
205
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:47,276
Well, I was thinking
Niagara Falls.
206
00:09:47,312 --> 00:09:49,612
Niagara Falls?
Ain't that just for lovers?
207
00:09:49,647 --> 00:09:52,048
Nah, it's for everybody.
It's great to just stand there
208
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,217
and let Mother Nature spray it
all over your face.
209
00:09:54,252 --> 00:09:57,954
Donna's big fat aunt is in town,
so I can definitely go.
210
00:10:01,993 --> 00:10:05,928
Man, I am filling these Gatorade
bottles as fast as I'm drinking them.
211
00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:08,331
Ah, sweet! Cows!
Let's tip them over.
212
00:10:08,366 --> 00:10:10,233
What? You want
to tip over some cows?
213
00:10:10,268 --> 00:10:11,901
Hell yeah!
214
00:10:14,939 --> 00:10:16,606
This is gonna
be so boss.
215
00:10:16,641 --> 00:10:18,341
I can't wait.
216
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:21,911
This is the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.
217
00:10:21,946 --> 00:10:26,482
All right, cow. This is
what you get for standing.
218
00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:29,519
That...
was awesome.
219
00:10:29,554 --> 00:10:32,855
I want to kiss that cow, but
I don't want it to be my idea.
220
00:10:32,891 --> 00:10:35,324
Hey, Peter, you should
kiss that cow.
221
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,427
All right, Peter, that was fortuitous.
But play it cool.
222
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,695
Oh, Cleveland, I couldn't.
223
00:10:39,731 --> 00:10:42,598
Okay. Quagmire,
you should kiss that cow.
224
00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:43,933
Sure, why not?
225
00:10:50,308 --> 00:10:52,208
Okay, they're sleeping.
226
00:10:52,243 --> 00:10:54,343
We're gonna have to party
in the bathroom.
227
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:56,245
Be careful around
the really fat one.
228
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,014
He's kind of like my boss.
229
00:10:58,049 --> 00:10:59,916
What? Who-who's there?
230
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,427
Joe, what the hell
are you doing?
231
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:04,220
I went to
a high school kegger party.
232
00:11:04,255 --> 00:11:07,757
Made a few new friends. This is
Chrysalis, Ichabod and Cancer.
233
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:11,794
Oh, I see three young men who
could use the tickle monster.
234
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:13,629
Uh, that's a bad read, Pete.
235
00:11:13,665 --> 00:11:16,165
Joe, it's 3:00 in the morning.
We're trying to get some sleep.
236
00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:17,305
You guys are lame.
237
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,196
We're gonna go smoke
something called "croak."
238
00:11:20,605 --> 00:11:22,438
God, what the hell
has gotten into Joe?
239
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,706
I don't know, Quagmire.
240
00:11:23,741 --> 00:11:25,408
Maybe you could
ask the tickle monster!
241
00:11:25,443 --> 00:11:26,763
Stop it! Here he comes!
242
00:11:26,778 --> 00:11:28,121
No! Get away!
He's gonna get ya!
243
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,127
Look out!
244
00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:31,252
Great, now I'm fully up.
245
00:11:42,193 --> 00:11:44,894
Here we are, guys,
Niagara Falls.
246
00:11:44,929 --> 00:11:48,264
We showed them.
We showed them all!
247
00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:50,481
Showed who? What the
hell's he talking about?
248
00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:53,669
I don't know. I stopped listening
to him back at the drive-thru
249
00:11:53,705 --> 00:11:56,539
when he leaned out the window
and ordered a "fur burger."
250
00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:59,008
That's not funny;
that's just nasty.
251
00:11:59,043 --> 00:12:02,211
Plus, there's people waiting
behind you!
252
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:09,518
Wow. You know, when you see it up
close, it really is incredible.
253
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:12,121
Yeah. Holy crap,
it's beautiful.
254
00:12:12,156 --> 00:12:15,625
In the future, I believe
there will be water wars.
255
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:19,462
You know, Lois always dreamed about
coming here, and now I know why.
256
00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:22,265
She was even
saving money for it.
257
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:29,772
You made it, Lois.
You made it.
258
00:12:29,807 --> 00:12:33,109
Didn't I tell you guys? It's the
most magnificent place in the world.
259
00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:35,811
And the greatest place
to end it all.
260
00:12:35,847 --> 00:12:37,213
Good-bye, fellas.
261
00:12:45,012 --> 00:12:47,579
Oh, my God, Joe killed himself!
262
00:12:47,614 --> 00:12:51,049
It's so weird that he argued over the
price of breakfast this morning.
263
00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:53,223
It makes no sense!
264
00:12:53,248 --> 00:12:55,086
Damn it!
Joe?
265
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,522
Joe, you're alive!
266
00:12:57,557 --> 00:12:58,957
Are you hurt?
267
00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:00,592
I'm not sure.
268
00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:02,360
Well, hang in there, Joe,
we'll get some help.
269
00:13:02,396 --> 00:13:04,529
No! Just let me die!
270
00:13:04,564 --> 00:13:07,991
Oh, no, can't do that, Joe. We're friends.
We look out for each other.
271
00:13:08,016 --> 00:13:11,870
I mean, you supported me that day
I accidentally wore Lois's jeans.
272
00:13:12,873 --> 00:13:14,406
Peter, you know
you're wearing...
273
00:13:14,441 --> 00:13:16,508
I know. I think
there was a mix-up.
274
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:20,111
Oh, thank you, Jazzercize.
275
00:13:22,157 --> 00:13:24,430
Don't worry, Joe.
They're coming for you.
276
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,988
Yay! My backpack.
277
00:13:28,388 --> 00:13:31,489
Hang in there, Joe. After they get
that lady's hat, you're next.
278
00:13:31,525 --> 00:13:34,459
Thank you.
It's windy up here.
279
00:13:41,301 --> 00:13:42,901
Joe, what the hell
is wrong with you?
280
00:13:42,936 --> 00:13:44,469
Why would you try
to kill yourself?
281
00:13:44,504 --> 00:13:46,638
Why do you think? I'm worthless.
282
00:13:46,673 --> 00:13:49,107
But y-you've been so happy
these last few days.
283
00:13:49,142 --> 00:13:51,876
I've been manic. Do you
think Andy Dick is happy?
284
00:13:51,912 --> 00:13:53,311
I couldn't imagine, no.
285
00:13:53,346 --> 00:13:55,413
Look, when I saw Peter
become a hero,
286
00:13:55,449 --> 00:13:58,149
I guess it reminded me
of all the things I can't do.
287
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,118
I'm a cop who can't save anyone.
288
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:02,487
I'm a husband
in a legless marriage.
289
00:14:02,522 --> 00:14:04,089
My whole life is a joke.
290
00:14:04,124 --> 00:14:06,919
But somehow, as soon
as I decided to kill myself,
291
00:14:06,944 --> 00:14:09,637
I actually felt free.
Almost giddy.
292
00:14:09,662 --> 00:14:12,796
I can finally kiss
this worthless life good-bye.
293
00:14:12,821 --> 00:14:14,154
Let me get
this straight.
294
00:14:14,179 --> 00:14:16,311
The whole point of bringing
us to Niagara Falls
295
00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:17,702
was just to
kill yourself?
296
00:14:17,737 --> 00:14:19,771
I'm sorry I tricked
you guys into coming.
297
00:14:19,806 --> 00:14:22,834
I just wanted to spend
my last week with my best pals.
298
00:14:22,859 --> 00:14:24,959
Well, not for nothing, but
you could've taken us all
299
00:14:24,984 --> 00:14:26,978
to Disney World and shot
yourself in the room.
300
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:29,013
Come on, Joe, there's plenty
of reasons to live.
301
00:14:29,049 --> 00:14:30,748
Like, like, you're handsome.
302
00:14:30,784 --> 00:14:32,650
You have a handsome face.
303
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:35,487
Well, he's got a good chin.
I don't know about handsome.
304
00:14:35,522 --> 00:14:38,162
Yeah, he's not handsome, but I will
say this, he keeps a good lawn.
305
00:14:38,187 --> 00:14:40,692
Yeah, some might say the second
best lawn in the neighborhood.
306
00:14:40,727 --> 00:14:42,727
Hey, wait, where's Joe?
307
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:45,163
Joe, wait!
308
00:14:50,766 --> 00:14:52,566
I stink at this.
309
00:14:56,943 --> 00:14:58,409
Anywhere is fine.
310
00:14:58,445 --> 00:15:02,113
Guys, this is unnecessary.
Give me my chair back.
311
00:15:02,149 --> 00:15:04,249
No, we can't trust you
not to kill yourself.
312
00:15:04,284 --> 00:15:07,585
Yeah, then you'd be the tenth friend
who's killed himself in front of me.
313
00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:08,621
Is that true?
314
00:15:08,655 --> 00:15:11,523
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
315
00:15:11,558 --> 00:15:13,591
those two girls and...
316
00:15:13,627 --> 00:15:15,026
Yeah, yeah, ten.
317
00:15:15,061 --> 00:15:16,661
Look, you guys,
what we really need to do
318
00:15:16,696 --> 00:15:18,763
is bring him back to Quahog
where we can get him some help.
319
00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:21,266
That's a good idea.
We should just go home.
320
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:22,534
Yeah, I guess
you're right.
321
00:15:22,569 --> 00:15:25,870
It's too bad we already bought those
tickets for the Whirlpool Aero Car.
322
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:28,273
That's $16
we're not getting back.
323
00:15:28,308 --> 00:15:30,275
Yeah, what a waste of money.
324
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:32,243
It is only a ten-minute
ride, you know.
325
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:35,647
Okay, we'll do the Whirlpool Aero Car,
and then take Joe back to Quahog.
326
00:15:35,682 --> 00:15:37,849
What about
the White Water Walk?
327
00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:42,754
Okay, okay, Whirlpool Aero Car, then White
Water Walk, then we bring Joe back.
328
00:15:42,789 --> 00:15:45,624
Well, you can't do Niagara Falls
without riding the Maid of the Mist.
329
00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,125
Yeah, let's do everything.
Great!
330
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,028
And, guys, remember,
the pool towels go home with us.
331
00:15:50,063 --> 00:15:52,130
They got no way
of accounting for those.
332
00:16:03,977 --> 00:16:07,278
Well, this has just been
one heck of a fun day.
333
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:10,508
Yeah. Yeah, you know, seeing the
natural beauty of this place
334
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,531
is actually making me
feel much better.
335
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:15,579
Hey, you mind opening that door?
336
00:16:15,604 --> 00:16:17,388
Get a little breeze in here?
337
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:19,157
Sure.
338
00:16:21,027 --> 00:16:22,594
Peter, no!
339
00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:28,399
I don't regret it.
The breeze is nice.
340
00:16:39,179 --> 00:16:41,145
Oh, crap, I'm losing my grip!
341
00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:43,848
You buy your jeans
at Wal-Mart?
342
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:46,851
No, somebody who lost theirs
at the church did.
343
00:16:46,886 --> 00:16:48,820
You wear
lost-and-found jeans?
344
00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:51,155
I waited the mandatory week.
345
00:16:51,191 --> 00:16:52,757
Hang on, guys!
346
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,840
Don't worry, I'm coming!
347
00:17:22,522 --> 00:17:23,955
What's that thing he's on?
348
00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:25,890
It's a chair with wheels!
349
00:17:25,925 --> 00:17:28,393
He's an absolute dream.
350
00:17:47,781 --> 00:17:51,616
Guys, keep swallowing water.
We'll drink our way out of this.
351
00:18:10,603 --> 00:18:13,738
Guys, grab on to my legs!
352
00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:17,542
Got it!
353
00:18:17,577 --> 00:18:19,610
Ew. You know, this is actually
the first time
354
00:18:19,646 --> 00:18:21,179
I've ever touched Joe.
355
00:18:21,214 --> 00:18:23,114
Don't worry, I gotcha.
356
00:18:31,391 --> 00:18:34,192
Oh, thank God, Joe.
I thought I was dead!
357
00:18:34,227 --> 00:18:36,227
I even pictured
my own funeral.
358
00:18:37,306 --> 00:18:41,876
♪ Grandma got run over
by a reindeer ♪
359
00:18:41,901 --> 00:18:46,471
♪ Walking home from our house
Christmas Eve... ♪
360
00:18:46,506 --> 00:18:49,607
I don't know, Chris. I don't
know why he wanted this,
361
00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:52,076
but we're honoring
your father's wishes.
362
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,861
Ah, I'm gonna miss my daddy!
363
00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:06,090
Joe, that was amazing.
You saved us.
364
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:08,659
Yeah, I guess I did.
365
00:19:08,695 --> 00:19:12,319
You know, I spent the whole time
trying to kill myself,
366
00:19:12,344 --> 00:19:14,732
but it took seeing
you guys almost die
367
00:19:14,768 --> 00:19:17,635
to realize that life
really is worth living.
368
00:19:17,670 --> 00:19:19,804
See, Joe, you're
a hero, too.
369
00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:22,690
And we wouldn't trade you
for any friend in the world.
370
00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:26,277
Thanks, Peter. I'm lucky to
have you guys in my life.
371
00:19:26,312 --> 00:19:28,112
♪ We're four friends ♪
372
00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:29,647
♪ Having an adventure ♪
373
00:19:29,682 --> 00:19:32,207
♪ Four friends... ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. What's that song?
374
00:19:32,232 --> 00:19:35,119
Nothing. I made it up.
Well, stop it. It's terrible.
375
00:19:35,155 --> 00:19:36,826
I don't think so.
It's catchy.
376
00:19:36,851 --> 00:19:38,790
♪ We're four friends ♪
377
00:19:38,825 --> 00:19:40,191
♪ Having an adventure ♪
378
00:19:40,226 --> 00:19:41,559
♪ Four friends ♪
379
00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:43,027
♪ Having an adventure ♪
380
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,429
♪ Four friends ♪
381
00:19:44,464 --> 00:19:45,963
Ah, what the hell.
♪ Having an adventure ♪
382
00:19:45,999 --> 00:19:47,298
♪ Four friends ♪
383
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:48,699
♪ Having an adventure ♪
384
00:19:48,735 --> 00:19:51,536
♪ At Niagara Falls. ♪
385
00:19:53,673 --> 00:19:55,206
Wow, that was awesome.
386
00:19:55,241 --> 00:19:56,574
Yeah, definitely.
387
00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:58,526
All right, okay,
don't anyone sing anything else
388
00:19:58,551 --> 00:20:00,111
until we get home.
We got to record this.
389
00:20:00,146 --> 00:20:02,013
Yeah, that'll be great.
390
00:20:02,048 --> 00:20:05,216
♪ I'm a Barbie girl
in a Barbie world ♪
391
00:20:05,251 --> 00:20:06,884
♪ Come on, Barbie,
let's go party! ♪
392
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:07,952
Peter, damn it, no!
393
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:10,822
Wait, wait, we got to remember
the other one. What was it, Joe?
394
00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:13,591
It's gone.
395
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:20,398
Well, that was kind of a weird
trip, but I'm glad we went.
396
00:20:20,433 --> 00:20:21,999
Yeah, I love
Niagara Falls.
397
00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:24,602
I was the only black man
ever to go there.
398
00:20:24,637 --> 00:20:26,604
The tourists were
taking pictures of me.
399
00:20:26,639 --> 00:20:28,539
One of them thought
I was a bear.
400
00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:31,476
Hey, guys.
Wow, Joe, you got your job back?
401
00:20:31,511 --> 00:20:33,644
Sure did.
How'd you pull that off?
402
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,513
Ah, they always need more cops.
403
00:20:35,548 --> 00:20:40,318
Turns out not many people want to
probably get shot for $24,000 a year.
404
00:20:40,353 --> 00:20:42,987
And what about Bonnie?
How you getting her back?
405
00:20:43,022 --> 00:20:44,255
Well, I got a plan for that.
406
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:46,157
I hired some guys
to come to the house
407
00:20:46,192 --> 00:20:49,112
on Tuesday and assault her,
and I'll come in and save her,
408
00:20:49,137 --> 00:20:51,966
and she'll be so grateful,
she'll have to take me back.
409
00:20:51,991 --> 00:20:54,767
Joe, today's Tuesday.
410
00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:56,597
Well, poop.
411
00:20:56,622 --> 00:21:02,184
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606